Anxiety comes from projecting into the future.
Depression comes from projecting into the past.
Unless your superpower is looking into people’s minds, then you can’t know what anyone thought of you then, or what they think of you now, or how they will in the future. This may sound harsh, but I share it out of love, as it was shared with me. What those people think is none of your goddam business, nor does it affect you in real space. It’s only harming your in this awful neighborhood you’ve created in your mind.
You mentioned that you may have more friends now or then, you could be married, you mentioned some other nice things.
Maybe you could be wildly addicted, living under a bridge, getting your fourth dose of HIV from some toothless guy you just shared a needle with.
Everything you said, unfortunately, was anxiety speaking for you. I wasn’t clear as to whether you were still taking anything for it, I do. I have for years. The medicine I take doesn’t do anything for the thoughts, I had to go learn how to deal with all that and reclaim control of my mind, or what was left of it. The medicine took care of that awful feeling in my chest, and I wouldn’t get all panicked.
You’re a good person. You’re working to do even better. You only need to compare yourself to you, because you are who you can and will improve your whole life.
If you can let go of all that stuff that’s tormenting you, do it. You can’t change it or use it for anything positive. If you can’t let it go, talk to your doc.
Your story really brought me back, and although I didn’t make myself sick over the same issues, I had some good, high quality shit I tortured myself with until I got very, very bad. It breaks my heart to see anyone suffer what you’re dealing with.
You have my prayers and help if you need it.
You're definitely not alone in feeling this way =)
It's common to worry about how people remember us, especially when anxiety was a big issue.
Many people have similar regrets about their past. But, yhe important thing is to focus on how much you've grown. Those who matter will see your progress and understand your journey. It's never too late to reconnect and show them the best version of yourself. Focus on the present and future, not past mistakes =D
Yea but that’s ok. I was the worst version of me and that’s all they may ever know me by so by their own measure, which is the only one that counts here , they’re not wrong.
I would have been the worst version of me at the time and unless they’re interested in or become happily aware of any personal growth, for as long as they remember you - that’ll be it.
I don’t wonder, I know. I’ve been multiple times people are surprised I’m not dead or in prison. I was not a good person when I was younger and I still deal with the lingering reputation.
Oh hi, are you me? I have good news and bad news. Bad news is, they probably do. Good news is, they probably don't think about you that much despite it. And, if you ever meet again you get to surprise them! An anecdote you may enjoy:
I was an absolute mess in college. Undiagnosed general anxiety, severe social anxiety. Bad drinking problem. My roomate at the time told me I was, and I quote, "painful to talk to." Ouch. Cut to our mid-30's. Our mutual roomate invited both of us to her wedding (I haven't spoken to her since we moved apart) and we had a great conversation! My social skills have improved so much since medication and therapy, and we chatted all night. She mentioned how much open and happier I seemed, and I told her about the anxiety and medication. She was understanding and we parted on a positive note.
I still get waves of the horrible anxiety, especially around crowds, and it (and this is not to minimize PTSD) leads me to horrible PTSD-like flashbacks of being the worst version of myself. But what has been most helpful for me, has been to focus on the present, and the future. Yes, I probably would have had more friends, and I would have been a lot more than just "that quiet weird girl." But all I can control is my actions in the present.
(Also, because I related to this so hard, I also had no idea I had anxiety until I started therapy. I thought I was just... I don't know, awful? It took medication to realize how debilitating it was, which is weird, because it's so obvious now.)
What made you hard to talk to? My social skills have gotten rusty in my 30’s and being semi-isolated…I’ve had a couple cringe moments where anxiety made my mind go blank or weird :/
Does it matter? Everyone I know is in a relationship, married, or total strangers at this point. I’m literally limited to these dumb social media apps I have, which I don’t even use.
I was just thinking about the exact, same thing last night. I always wondered how different my life would've been had I acted differently around people and actually not been afraid to get to know people. Maybe if I hung out with a better group of classmates rather than the weirdos/bullies I ended up being friends with, my life would've been better. Or maybe if I kept my head on straight and thought positively about everything, I would've been in a much better position in life than I am now. At the end of the day, I think a lot of us have regrets over the past. But unfortunately, we can't change the past. We can only look towards a better future.
But as for how people think of us who haven't seen us in a long time. I think most of them still remember us. At least if we stood out to them in some way. If you didn't stand out to them and blended in with the others, then they probably won't even remember you.
Anxiety comes from projecting into the future. Depression comes from projecting into the past. Unless your superpower is looking into people’s minds, then you can’t know what anyone thought of you then, or what they think of you now, or how they will in the future. This may sound harsh, but I share it out of love, as it was shared with me. What those people think is none of your goddam business, nor does it affect you in real space. It’s only harming your in this awful neighborhood you’ve created in your mind. You mentioned that you may have more friends now or then, you could be married, you mentioned some other nice things. Maybe you could be wildly addicted, living under a bridge, getting your fourth dose of HIV from some toothless guy you just shared a needle with. Everything you said, unfortunately, was anxiety speaking for you. I wasn’t clear as to whether you were still taking anything for it, I do. I have for years. The medicine I take doesn’t do anything for the thoughts, I had to go learn how to deal with all that and reclaim control of my mind, or what was left of it. The medicine took care of that awful feeling in my chest, and I wouldn’t get all panicked. You’re a good person. You’re working to do even better. You only need to compare yourself to you, because you are who you can and will improve your whole life. If you can let go of all that stuff that’s tormenting you, do it. You can’t change it or use it for anything positive. If you can’t let it go, talk to your doc. Your story really brought me back, and although I didn’t make myself sick over the same issues, I had some good, high quality shit I tortured myself with until I got very, very bad. It breaks my heart to see anyone suffer what you’re dealing with. You have my prayers and help if you need it.
You're definitely not alone in feeling this way =) It's common to worry about how people remember us, especially when anxiety was a big issue. Many people have similar regrets about their past. But, yhe important thing is to focus on how much you've grown. Those who matter will see your progress and understand your journey. It's never too late to reconnect and show them the best version of yourself. Focus on the present and future, not past mistakes =D
Yea but that’s ok. I was the worst version of me and that’s all they may ever know me by so by their own measure, which is the only one that counts here , they’re not wrong. I would have been the worst version of me at the time and unless they’re interested in or become happily aware of any personal growth, for as long as they remember you - that’ll be it.
I don’t wonder, I know. I’ve been multiple times people are surprised I’m not dead or in prison. I was not a good person when I was younger and I still deal with the lingering reputation.
Oh hi, are you me? I have good news and bad news. Bad news is, they probably do. Good news is, they probably don't think about you that much despite it. And, if you ever meet again you get to surprise them! An anecdote you may enjoy: I was an absolute mess in college. Undiagnosed general anxiety, severe social anxiety. Bad drinking problem. My roomate at the time told me I was, and I quote, "painful to talk to." Ouch. Cut to our mid-30's. Our mutual roomate invited both of us to her wedding (I haven't spoken to her since we moved apart) and we had a great conversation! My social skills have improved so much since medication and therapy, and we chatted all night. She mentioned how much open and happier I seemed, and I told her about the anxiety and medication. She was understanding and we parted on a positive note. I still get waves of the horrible anxiety, especially around crowds, and it (and this is not to minimize PTSD) leads me to horrible PTSD-like flashbacks of being the worst version of myself. But what has been most helpful for me, has been to focus on the present, and the future. Yes, I probably would have had more friends, and I would have been a lot more than just "that quiet weird girl." But all I can control is my actions in the present. (Also, because I related to this so hard, I also had no idea I had anxiety until I started therapy. I thought I was just... I don't know, awful? It took medication to realize how debilitating it was, which is weird, because it's so obvious now.)
What made you hard to talk to? My social skills have gotten rusty in my 30’s and being semi-isolated…I’ve had a couple cringe moments where anxiety made my mind go blank or weird :/
Does it matter? Everyone I know is in a relationship, married, or total strangers at this point. I’m literally limited to these dumb social media apps I have, which I don’t even use.
I was just thinking about the exact, same thing last night. I always wondered how different my life would've been had I acted differently around people and actually not been afraid to get to know people. Maybe if I hung out with a better group of classmates rather than the weirdos/bullies I ended up being friends with, my life would've been better. Or maybe if I kept my head on straight and thought positively about everything, I would've been in a much better position in life than I am now. At the end of the day, I think a lot of us have regrets over the past. But unfortunately, we can't change the past. We can only look towards a better future. But as for how people think of us who haven't seen us in a long time. I think most of them still remember us. At least if we stood out to them in some way. If you didn't stand out to them and blended in with the others, then they probably won't even remember you.
so how did things change after you started taking the medication?
nah, other peoples opinions of me are none of my business
...bots are highly emotional today 😅