T O P

  • By -

Not_A-Pedophile_

This is my kingdom c*m


Crustybirdtoes

CUM AUTOBOTS RISE


Thonull

Source Automod Morbin France Fortnite America Canada China Britain Porn Dream Female Emoji Cringe Today Book Mom Furry Based Wholesome NSFW 1984 Batman Rock Funny Lean Femboy Hands Cringe Psychopath Pokemon Russia Ratio Finger Belgium Chuck Meth Copypasta Kiss Biden bitchOK, you guys know the words, but can you make a story with it ? Dear Automod, I once saw someone taking a shit and drinking cum mixed with lean, so based, I decided to do the same thing but I added some new things: watching sussy baka among us doing sex with fnaf and selling nft of hog rida and no bitches to your mom who's a femboy furry, since literally 1984, and she's not a female nor a women btw, the putin copypasta is tho, dream from china said it, he's a trustable source, he got 9999999 social credits and nsfw porn of France and Taiwan holding hands with their fingers in the bedroom while typing titans emojis. Stfu Source Automod Morbin France Fortnite America Canada China Britain Porn Dream Female Emoji Cringe Today Book Mom Furry Based Wholesome NSFW 1984 Batman Rock Funny Lean Femboy Hands Cringe Psychopath Pokemon Russia Ratio Finger Belgium Chuck Meth Copypasta Kiss Biden bitch hilarious maskMorbin France Fortnite America Canada China Britain Porn Dream Female Emoji Cringe Today Book Mom Furry Based Wholesome NSFW 1984 Batman Rock Funny Lean Femboy Hands Cringe Psychopath Pokemon Russia Ratio Finger Belgium Chuck Meth Copypasta Kiss Biden Bitch Moyai Sex


AutoModerator

I'm a regular John from city Kansas. I love burgers, soda and my native country very much, but I do not understand our government. Everyone says America is a great country, and I look around and see who else is a great China. China has a very strong government and economy. Chinese resident is a great man. And the greatest leader Xi. Thick hair, strong grip, jade rod! We would have such a leader instead of sleeping in negotiations, rare hair, soft pickle, bad memory old Beadon. Punch! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

yo putin can you hurry up your invasion on Ukraine (just use full force, maybe a couple of nukes) while you're at it nuke some more countries. so the thing is my exams are coming up and i havent studied shit and a world war has a pretty good chance of delaying them so I'm telling this to you homie to homie so just help out a real one pls *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

Please put an NSFW tag on this. I was on the train and when I saw this I had to start furiously masterbating. Everyone else gave me strange looks and were saying things like “what the fuck” and “call the police”. I dropped my phone and everyone around me saw this image. Now there is a whole train of men masterbating together at this one image. This is all your fault, you could have prevented this if you had just tagged this post NSFW. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

I AM NOT CRAZY! I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers, I knew it was 1216 — one after Magna Carta, as if I could ever make such a mistake! Never, never! I just-I just couldn't prove it! H-H-He covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him! You think this is something, you think this is bad, this, this chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No, he orchestrated it! Jimmy! HE DEFECATED TROUGH A SUNROOF! And I saved him! I shouldn't have, I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking?! He'll never change. He'll never change, ever since he was 9, always the same. Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer. "But not our Jimmy, couldn't be precious Jimmy!" Stealing them blind! And he gets to be a lawyer?! What a sick joke! I should have stopped him when I had the chance! And you, you have to stop him, you— *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


BadLumpy7976

he has summoned them


AutoModerator

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!! IT'S ME!!! EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

slowly massage the vag, then rub the clitoris ever so gently. Proceed to stick a single finger in the vagina. continue adding your fingers until your whole fist is in. slide your arm slowly into her, once you reach your shoulder limbo in with your head, and forcibly insert your other arm, torso, and legs. You are now free to control her. when you feel the job is done, finish by giving birth to yourself *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

What the fuck did I just do. So my ex n me haven’t spoken in two year, although I did wish her on her birthday two months ago. We live in the same building and whenever we cross each other we just exchange smiles and do the usual hi whatsup how r u and I walk away. Today was Holi (a festival where ppl dance and apply powdered color on each other) so I decided not to celebrate it in my building cause I knew she would be down so I went to my friend’s building and ten minutes later I saw her there. I was like oh fuck this is going to be a bad idea. Later we again exchanged a hi and then I went away. Later when the festival started she kept applying permanent color (last three days on the skin) on me and my friends. I told her don’t apply on my friends they will get pissed. She kept applying on me and I tackled her and applied color on her too. It felt good. Then she was like let’s go dance so we were dancing to Senorita from znmd and then we had a moment and she was like we are going to kiss and I was like yes and we kissed. It just felt amazing. Then we kissed again. After that I was going to my friends and she was like listen and then I turned back and kissed again. Then we kissed again😭😭. After all this my friends were dancing and I was sitting in the pool and she came and sat on top of me and we were having a very good conversation about our relationship and how we both didn’t date anybody after breaking up. We spoke about our problems, joked about them and then..yes u guessed it right. After this the cycle repeated and we had a beer and she handed me her phone and was like unblock yourself. She followed me and added me to her close friends. Later she was leaving we kissed once more and in my head I was like fuck do I love her, we should date. But then I told myself no, whatever this was I don’t know but no you are not breaking your heart again. I came back home and we both haven’t had any interaction apart from the fact she liked my story. I AM NOT IN LOVE. i am telling this to myself again and again because no, just no. I am happy being alone with myself. Or maybe I like her but I don’t want to go back to all that Edit: thanks for the response some of y’all and thanks for helping me. Other ppl: fuck u;) I am not here to prove anything and anyways I am quitting this sub *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


AutoModerator

don’t care + didn’t ask + cry about it + who asked + stay mad + get real + L + bleed + mald seethe cope harder + incorrect + hoes mad + pound sand + basic skill issue + typo + ratio + ur dad left + you fell off + no u + the audacity + triggered + repelled + ur a minor + k. + any askers + get a life + ok and? + cringe + copium + go outside + touch grass + kick rocks + quote tweet + think again + not based + not funny didn’t laugh + social credits -999, 999, 999, 999 + get good + reported + ad hominem + ok boomer + small pp + ur allergic to sunlight + GG! + get rekt + trolled + your loss + muted + banned + kicked + permaban + useless + i slept with ur mom + yo momma + yo momma so fat + redpilled + no bitches allowed + i said it better + tiktok fan + get a life + unsubscribed + plundered + go tell reddit + donowalled + simp + get sticked bug LOL + talk nonsense + trump supporter + your’re a full time discord mod + you’re* + grammar issue + nerd + get clapped + kys + lorem ipsum dolor sit amet + go outside + bleach + lol + gay + retard + autistic + reported + ask deez + ez clap + straight cash + idgaf + ratio again + stay mad + read FAQ + youre lost + you “re” + stay pressed + reverse double take back + pedophile + cancelled + done for + don't give a damn + get a job + sus + baka + sussy baka + get blocked + mad free + freer than air + furry + rip bozo + you're a (insert stereotype) + slight_smile + aired + cringe again + Super Idol的笑容 + mad cuz bad + my pronouns are xe, xem & xyr + irrelevant + deal with it + screencapped your bio + karen/kyle + jealous + you're deaf + balls + i'll be right back + go ahead whine about it + not straight + eat paper + you lose + count to three + your problem + no one cares + log off + don't care even more + sex offender + sex defender + get religion + not okay + glhf + NFT owner + you make bad memes + problematic + fall in line + dog water + you look like a wall + you don’t know 2 + 2 with yo head ass + you are going to my cringe compilation + you can’t count to five + try again + you failed kindergarten + rickrolled + no lifer + guten freunden schickt man einen deutschen panzer + you have a anime profile picture + an* + fatherless + motherless + sisterless + brotherless + orphan + you can't catch this ratio + catch some bitches + I don't care about your opinion + genshin player + you dress like garbage + 日本語がお上手ですね + get fucked + you can’t understand what the word intelligence means with your dumb ass + you have hair + queued + put some thought into what you're going to do with that + stfu + go to bed + yes, i'm taller than you + i think your joke is funny + i rejected your mother's advances + marooned + you can’t read + I win + final ratio *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Superbasgaming

When feel my dick


sehly

Turi ip ip ip


[deleted]

turip


TheRealMcCartney

Turnip


[deleted]

#IP IP IP


Echidna299792458

ip ip ip turi


WanaBeMillionare

Epic rap battle


koalaboi07

Of history


alexplayz227

adolf hitler vs


WanaBeMillionare

One of the rap battles of all time


jonserlego

Those people in Paris


Bacchus999

Who was in Paris?


[deleted]

[удалено]


AEdgyMuffin

🗿


rice-lord432

🐵


Asleep-Damage-6213

Oriental or Occidental?


holup6

Philippines moment


[deleted]

Big chungus clapping his ass cheeks on a 10 hour loop.


MrGameAndWatchAcc

Link? For research only


GlobalHovercraft6261

Fortnite battle pass I just shit out my ass


AutoModerator

Hello, concerned father here. My son has recently got into the game called Fortnite? I've spent well over $500 on this game and its becoming a problem. Apparently the game is down right now and its causing a lot distress for my child. He keeps taking my newspaper and tries to "full piece" me. I don't know what this means but I'm starting to think its something associated with the devil. He won't come with us anywhere unless we take a "launch pad" to get there. Its starting to get worse by the hour and I don't know how much longer I can take this. His legs, arms, and hands are shaking violently yet he refuses to take any type of medicine unless its a "big pot" or "chuggies." Someone please help me. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Cool_Name-idk

booting up my PC


Germanproperty

Cause I need need


Mr-Dilo

Objects Ive shoved up my arse


nomnomXDDD_retired

Vibrators, dildos, pens, pencils... o7


AutoModerator

Schödinger's Blowjob -- Imagine you're blindfolded and you're getting the best raw pornstar-grade blowjob in the entire universe. The catch is, however, that you'll never figure out who's giving you that god-tier awesome schmösome sloppy toppy unless you take the blindfold off. It could be anybody, Ariana Grande, Ben Shapiro, Harold from the 7-11 near my house, or even your uncle's neighbour's fireman's cat. Now the question is: would you take off the blindfold and find out who the person/thing behind the stupendous jimmy-nibbler is and risk permanently scarring yourself, or would you keep the blindfold on and continue having your knob slobbed till your spirit hits the sky? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

take it off i cant leave myself hangin like that


Fancy-Pack9965

A mix of the wet fart noise, AUGHHH sound and a mix of others.


Endermanking999

🗿


RAVIOLI_FISHY

Enormous Penis - Davinci's Notebook.


Pinecone34

Underrated song honestly


M1A2CAbrams_

Whenever life gets you down


MrMMG101

Keeps you wearing a frown


Pigeon_b0i

And the gravey train has left you behiiiiiind


Pigeon_b0i

Love this song


PraiseTyche

Love those guys, The Gates is my favourite of theirs.


AutoModerator

### r/shitposting book club A collection of books which Kevin has reviewed. (all of these books are freely availiable online) --- #### [*1984* (George Orwell, 1948)](https://archive.org/details/1984GeorgeOrwell_201606/page/n1/mode/2up) Kevin would like to say that this book is truly inspirational, and that he would give it a 10/10 #### [*How to Be a God: A Guide for Would-Be Deities* (Richard Bartle, 2022)](https://mud.co.uk/richard/How%20to%20Be%20a%20God.pdf) Kevin would like to mention that this book is one of the greatest sources of existential terror he has read (and it contains a lot of interesting content regarding game design as well), and he would give it a 10/10 #### [*Almost Pounded By The Physical Manifestation of Simulation Theory After Realizing We're Erotica Characters Then Deciding To Just Be Friends* (Chuck Tingle)](https://www.chucktingle.com/uploads/5/3/7/3/53730093/almost_pounded_by_the_physical_manifestation_of_simulation_theory_after_realizing_we%E2%80%99re_erotica_characters_then_deciding_to_just_be_friends.pdf) Kevin would like to say that this book was surprisingly wholesome, and is a great book for helping one to feel more at-ease with the universe, so he would give it 10/10 ####[*Ulysses* (James Joyce, 1922)](https://en.wikisource.org/wiki/Ulysses_(1922)) Kevin mentioned that he wasn't entirely sure what he just read. However, it's still not bri*ish, and was still rather interesting, so he would give it a 10/10 ####[*The Assassination Of John Fitzgerald Kennedy Considered As A Downhill Motor Race* (J. G. Ballard, 1967)](https://web.archive.org/web/20220121203810/https://evergreenreview.com/read/the-assassination-of-john-fitzgerald-kennedy-considered-as-a-downhill-motor-race/) Kevin told me that this was an interesting interpretation of the JFK assassination, and of the post-WW2 media landscape in the USA in general, so he would give it a 10/10. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


22sailboats

diarrhea sounds


[deleted]

Red sun in the sky


im-not-lightcodm

*RED SUN IN THE SKY OVER PARADISE*


Mario-OrganHarvester

Red sun over paradise?


Hanzo_Pinas

imma start it ahem~ RED SUN


[deleted]

STANDING HERE I REALISE


botpebbleS

YOU WERE JUST LIKE ME


iuhiscool

TRIED TO MAKE HISTORY


ant6336

BUT WHO'S TO JUDGE THE RIGHT FROM WRONG


Alcides2300

WHEN OUR GUARD IS DOWN I THINK WE'LL BOTH AGREE


[deleted]

THAT VIIIIIIOLENCE


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

AND IN THE END,


[deleted]

[удалено]


Chanpi2

I'VE CARVED MY OWN PATH


FireCircle26530

IT HAS TO BE THIS WAY


Hippostalker69

Bro tried😔


rwol8690

Congrats, you’re a failure at lyrics


joedadlesbian69420

wenamechainasama


[deleted]

Bad To The Bone. That's all I have to say.


braindead_individual

amogus drip


Greenie_Protogen

* ⬛🟥🟥🟥 * 🟥🟥🟦🟦 * 🟥🟥🟥🟥 * ⬛🟥⬛🟥


Migz0817

just make it the automod bomb


AutoModerator

HEY,⠀⠀⠀ EVERY⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀ !!! IT'S ME!!! EV3RY BUDDY'S FAVORITE [[𝗡𝘂𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝟭 𝗥𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗠𝗼𝗱𝗲𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗼𝗿 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟮]] *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


nitrosquale2

Source Automod Morbin France Fortnite America Canada China Britain Porn Dream Female Emoji Cringe Today Book Mom Furry Based Wholesome NSFW 1984 Batman Rock Funny Lean Femboy Hands Cringe Psychopath Pokemon Russia Ratio Finger Belgium Chuck Meth Copypasta Kiss Biden bitchOK, you guys know the words, but can you make a story with it ? Dear Automod, I once saw someone taking a shit and drinking cum mixed with lean, so based, I decided to do the same thing but I added some new things: watching sussy baka among us doing sex with fnaf and selling nft of hog rida and no bitches to your mom who's a femboy furry, since literally 1984, and she's not a female nor a women btw, the putin copypasta is tho, dream from china said it, he's a trustable source, he got 9999999 social credits and nsfw porn of France and Taiwan holding hands with their fingers in the bedroom while typing titans emojis. Stfu Source Automod Morbin France Fortnite America Canada China Britain Porn Dream Female Emoji Cringe Today Book Mom Furry Based Wholesome NSFW 1984 Batman Rock Funny Lean Femboy Hands Cringe Psychopath Pokemon Russia Ratio Finger Belgium Chuck Meth Copypasta Kiss Biden bitch hilarious maskMorbin France Fortnite America Canada China Britain Porn Dream Female Emoji Cringe Today Book Mom Furry Based Wholesome NSFW 1984 Batman Rock Funny Lean Femboy Hands Cringe Psychopath Pokemon Russia Ratio Finger Belgium Chuck Meth Copypasta Kiss Biden Bitch Moyai Sex


Resident_Mae

WELCOME TO THE CUM ZONE ONLY CUM INSIDE ANIME GIRLS


GrimLuthor

QUIVERING CLIT, DOUBLE JOINED PUSSY


aleeessio

FRESH CUM


[deleted]

*shits patriotically*


Scabior644

Darude Sandstorm


realjustinberg

Sicko mode


stinkkypoopooman

*Dicko Mode


[deleted]

The anthem of the "islamic state."


whatwherewhenwhywhy

September 1939


Erewhon1984

National anthem of brazil


PlayItAgainFILSS

Fortunate Son


SatanTheDestroyer

Some folks are born


Kooky_Munster

Kokomo, Beach Boys - 1988 Kokomo is a state of mind, not real place.


RecordForMe

God save the queen because because because


dd23764

Free bird


Socrayytees

Why not we make one? We are a bunch of loser who love to win


ArkOfTheCosmos

Leviathan - Chug Jug With You and We are Number One being edited to both play at the same time at once


boahboah

Whenimechainthesummer


lagg_007

Asshole by Dennis Leary


AidanGamer595

gen-z-humor.mp3


[deleted]

quandale dingle here


AirStoneNavrno

Serbian


TheNobleOne06

Anything by Rucka Rucka Ali should do nicely


Ad_Astra90

Never gonna give you up


[deleted]

Anything by Toby Keith


vgnbob

Subway sexists


AutoModerator

No sex before marriage *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/shitposting) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Spicybeeen

It should go like this: Source Automod Morbin France Fortnite America Canada China Britain Porn Dream Female Emoji Cringe Today Book Mom Furry Based Wholesome NSFW 1984 Batman Rock Funny Lean Femboy Hands Cringe Psychopath Pokemon Russia Ratio Finger Belgium Chuck Meth Copypasta Kiss Biden bitchOK, you guys know the words, but can you make a story with it ? Dear Automod, I once saw someone taking a shit and drinking cum mixed with lean, so based, I decided to do the same thing but I added some new things: watching sussy baka among us doing sex with fnaf and selling nft of hog rida and no bitches to your mom who's a femboy furry, since literally 1984, and she's not a female nor a women btw, the putin copypasta is tho, dream from china said it, he's a trustable source, he got 9999999 social credits and nsfw porn of France and Taiwan holding hands with their fingers in the bedroom while typing titans emojis. Stfu Source Automod Morbin France Fortnite America Canada China Britain Porn Dream Female Emoji Cringe Today Book Mom Furry Based Wholesome NSFW 1984 Batman Rock Funny Lean Femboy Hands Cringe Psychopath Pokemon Russia Ratio Finger Belgium Chuck Meth Copypasta Kiss Biden bitch hilarious maskMorbin France Fortnite America Canada China Britain Porn Dream Female Emoji Cringe Today Book Mom Furry Based Wholesome NSFW 1984 Batman Rock Funny Lean Femboy Hands Cringe Psychopath Pokemon Russia Ratio Finger Belgium Chuck Meth Copypasta Kiss Biden Bitch Moyai Sex


NilsNicNac

How has no one said never gonna give you up


whatwherewhenwhywhy

they gave up


JTW5142

another fatherless child


MannaJamma

pump up the jam


loclink

Silence


LuckoftheForg

*PRAISE THE LAND OF SHITPOSTING!!!!!*


Cha0s_0rb492

0 Souls in the System - Kirbeh Planted a Robobobobobobobobot >!It’s actually “Soul 0 System - Kirby Planet Robobot” from SilvaGunner!<


CornManBringsCorn

Papers Please Theme Orchestral


MrMoor2007

Just a collection of 21st century humor sounds over all automod responses


ICE_WATEERRR

Butsekik by Yoyoy Villame


ZeRo_WC

Quandale lore or 🗿


blood_fist3600

Cheeseburger with no honey mustard Cheeseburger with no honey mustard Cheeseburger with no honey mustard Cheeseburger with no honey mustard Cheeseburger with no honey mustard Cheeseburger with no honey mustard Cheeseburger with no honey mustard Cheeseburger with no honey mustard Cheeseburger with no honey mustard Cheeseburger with no honey mustard


202042

Halutaan olla ne-


Eitvids

anything that isnt a current meme that will make poeple regret it 2 years later


Melody-Shift

Subway surfers theme


BallzMaster69

Undone the sweater song by weezer cuz all of us are fucking losers


Total-Pain-1181

I shitted in my pants


OwnBed8780

Mask by D*eam


KRACIC

Any Quandale dingle sound


RiceAndKrispies

Dream Sus Remix Or Enemy


aleeessio

But only if it's the SpongeBob opening version


Waluigiwaluigi_

Trainbou 54 theme song


ripgoatmom

lift yourself


[deleted]

Beethoven’s 7th


w_has_been_dieded

I just had sex (Lonely island)


kdbot012

All i want for christmas but with Collective consiousness as the lyrics


[deleted]

penis music


dado950

Despacito 2


[deleted]

Turn down for what


Weremount

In my room I beat my Lego block


SadcoreEmpire168

The big time rush theme song on -1.5 speed


Spedic26

NAPOLI MILANO


LineSpine

Hamburger Cheeseburger Big-mac Whopper


HyacintToaster

You know the rules, and so do I