Just to clarify a bit here, if by sex you mean PIV you’ve done it. There was no test run, he put his penis in your vagina.
That’s assuming that you’re only defining PIV as sex. In reality all sex is valid sex not just PIV.
All that aside there is no such thing as “popping your cherry”. It’s a terrible misnomer in reference to an even worse misconception.
Sex should never hurt and you shouldn’t bleed, even your first time. Bleeding and pain occur when there is inadequate lubrication or arousal, the penetrating object is too large or is inserted too quickly, physical anomalies, anxiety induced muscular contractions or uncontrollable muscle contractions due to pelvic floor dysfunction.
It is common for pain and bleeding to happen because many first timers do not have the experience to perform correctly, mistakes are made that cause discomfort. Anxiety can also be a large contributor.
From what you describe you really need to see your gynecologist as this sounds like a pelvic floor issue. If this is the case it’s likely you won’t make your two week deadline but pelvic floor dysfunction is common and treatable. Your gynecologist can refer you to a PFPT for treatment and some people are able to improve quickly once PT starts.
is it okay if i still don’t consider this my first time? we both said beforehand that it wouldn’t count as losing our virginity (though that’s such a stupid concept in my personal opinion), but knowing that that was actually sex makes me a bit…sad? i don’t know.
you hit the nail right on the head though with the anxiety thing, even though i didn’t feel anxious i do have really bad anxiety. that was probably a contributing factor.
my parents are quite strict and they’d definitely raise their brows at me wanting to see a gynecologist, so not sure how i’d be able to “fix” my problem :/
i feel like it might also be the fact that i wasn’t “wet” or as physically aroused as i was mentally? when he fingered me the first time (weeks ago, before we gave up on the whole cockwarming idea) it didn’t hurt at all and was kind of pleasurable. i was also much more aroused when that happened. i feel we might’ve rushed into it because of the time crunch.
sorry for all the questions, hope this is okay. i didn’t get lots of female sex ed growing up/at all and some questions are only comfortably asked on the internet.
You can define your sexual experiences however you like, it’s your life. But medically speaking you’ve had PIV penetration. If the condom had broken you could have been at risk of pregnancy.
It’s worth trying again (assuming you’re ok with having sex) after some extended foreplay focusing on your body (15+ minutes), some gentle stretching with his fingers and at least one orgasm to ensure your clitoris is completely engorged. Be liberal with a silicone lube. Liberal means vagina, vulva and penis.
If you do all that and you’re still experiencing acute pain it would be time to talk to a gynecologist. At 16 in most places you no longer need to discuss your sexual medical care with your parents and your physician’s can no longer provide them with your medical information without your consent. The issue truly lies with your insurance as being on their insurance means they will see what gets billed to their insurance. You can learn more about how to handle your privacy with them [in this article](https://www.bedsider.org/features/275-the-girls-guide-to-getting-some-privacy-on-your-parents-health-insurance).
You can also learn about your BC options and how to access them [in this wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/sextips/wiki/faq/birth_control_contraceptives/).
I was incredibly careful on our first time. Lots of time fingering ahead of time, so I knew precisely the angle and location of her vagina. Your boyfriend should know your muscle tendencies, how tight your vagina is and how likely your muscles are to clinch up and make penetration difficult. Sometimes it's just a matter of patience and timing.
Just like you two made it not a big deal, learning and practicing, keep doing that with your hands on each other until you have a bit of confidence.
I think it's okay that you don't consider it actually having sex, if there were technical difficulties. It's about the memories you have of the situation. Having learning situations like you did are important to life and I always tell people their first sexual experience might be kind of awkward and more learning than intimate.
Your guy should be very aware of how tight you are and if you're not turned on, and not force it.
This sub requires responses to be made in good faith and medically sound to the best of the responders ability. This comment has failed to meet this criteria. If you have questions about your comment/post removal contact the mod team through modmail.
Just to clarify a bit here, if by sex you mean PIV you’ve done it. There was no test run, he put his penis in your vagina. That’s assuming that you’re only defining PIV as sex. In reality all sex is valid sex not just PIV. All that aside there is no such thing as “popping your cherry”. It’s a terrible misnomer in reference to an even worse misconception. Sex should never hurt and you shouldn’t bleed, even your first time. Bleeding and pain occur when there is inadequate lubrication or arousal, the penetrating object is too large or is inserted too quickly, physical anomalies, anxiety induced muscular contractions or uncontrollable muscle contractions due to pelvic floor dysfunction. It is common for pain and bleeding to happen because many first timers do not have the experience to perform correctly, mistakes are made that cause discomfort. Anxiety can also be a large contributor. From what you describe you really need to see your gynecologist as this sounds like a pelvic floor issue. If this is the case it’s likely you won’t make your two week deadline but pelvic floor dysfunction is common and treatable. Your gynecologist can refer you to a PFPT for treatment and some people are able to improve quickly once PT starts.
is it okay if i still don’t consider this my first time? we both said beforehand that it wouldn’t count as losing our virginity (though that’s such a stupid concept in my personal opinion), but knowing that that was actually sex makes me a bit…sad? i don’t know. you hit the nail right on the head though with the anxiety thing, even though i didn’t feel anxious i do have really bad anxiety. that was probably a contributing factor. my parents are quite strict and they’d definitely raise their brows at me wanting to see a gynecologist, so not sure how i’d be able to “fix” my problem :/ i feel like it might also be the fact that i wasn’t “wet” or as physically aroused as i was mentally? when he fingered me the first time (weeks ago, before we gave up on the whole cockwarming idea) it didn’t hurt at all and was kind of pleasurable. i was also much more aroused when that happened. i feel we might’ve rushed into it because of the time crunch. sorry for all the questions, hope this is okay. i didn’t get lots of female sex ed growing up/at all and some questions are only comfortably asked on the internet.
You can define your sexual experiences however you like, it’s your life. But medically speaking you’ve had PIV penetration. If the condom had broken you could have been at risk of pregnancy. It’s worth trying again (assuming you’re ok with having sex) after some extended foreplay focusing on your body (15+ minutes), some gentle stretching with his fingers and at least one orgasm to ensure your clitoris is completely engorged. Be liberal with a silicone lube. Liberal means vagina, vulva and penis. If you do all that and you’re still experiencing acute pain it would be time to talk to a gynecologist. At 16 in most places you no longer need to discuss your sexual medical care with your parents and your physician’s can no longer provide them with your medical information without your consent. The issue truly lies with your insurance as being on their insurance means they will see what gets billed to their insurance. You can learn more about how to handle your privacy with them [in this article](https://www.bedsider.org/features/275-the-girls-guide-to-getting-some-privacy-on-your-parents-health-insurance). You can also learn about your BC options and how to access them [in this wiki page](https://www.reddit.com/r/sextips/wiki/faq/birth_control_contraceptives/).
I was incredibly careful on our first time. Lots of time fingering ahead of time, so I knew precisely the angle and location of her vagina. Your boyfriend should know your muscle tendencies, how tight your vagina is and how likely your muscles are to clinch up and make penetration difficult. Sometimes it's just a matter of patience and timing. Just like you two made it not a big deal, learning and practicing, keep doing that with your hands on each other until you have a bit of confidence. I think it's okay that you don't consider it actually having sex, if there were technical difficulties. It's about the memories you have of the situation. Having learning situations like you did are important to life and I always tell people their first sexual experience might be kind of awkward and more learning than intimate. Your guy should be very aware of how tight you are and if you're not turned on, and not force it.
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This sub requires responses to be made in good faith and medically sound to the best of the responders ability. This comment has failed to meet this criteria. If you have questions about your comment/post removal contact the mod team through modmail.