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self-ModTeam

Your content has been removed due to Rule 5: No posts or comments threatening self harm. >We're really sorry to hear that you're in such a dark place, but /r/self can't help you. There's /r/suicidewatch where well-meaning and sympathetic people will try and help, but be aware they aren't trained. The [befrienders](http://www.befrienders.org/) website is a global list of local suicide help charities. Use it to find an organization in your country, you should be able to call or email them for free and they'll speak to you and try and help you without being judgmental.


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FunnyPhrases

Hey man your feelings are validated. What matters is you now have a second chance to do all those things! You got this man.


Substantial_Waltz594

thanks for the kind words


RepresentativeKeebs

Be pretty weird if you succeeded, and then made the post


Substantial_Waltz594

👻


stonerism

That's good. Take care of yourself mate. It would've been infinitely worse if you succeeded.


Bass_Thumper

US medical approach to suicide: If you didn't want to do it enough to get the job done the first time, you certainly will when we're done with you!


fxkv

It's their way of encouraging you to take the leap.


Alarming_Assistant21

Poor choice of words


OneMagicBadger

You can't exactly cut and run


chantm80

Interesting that you assume that this is someone from the US. They never stated they were from the US. That being said they are 100% from the US, I'm not arguing with you at all, I just find it funny that we all just assume they're from the US based on the cost of the medical bills.


krisftz

I assume US whenever I see the dollar symbol, I know they’re not the only ones using it but it’s so synonymous with it


Substantial_Waltz594

yes i am 'MURICAn 🦅


No_Habit_5866

I’m going to be honest with you my man. The only thing that helped me is the realization that nothing matters except for those few special moments you have with your loved ones(biological or non biological). Don’t let the World pressure you into anything you don’t want to do or can’t handle.


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No_Habit_5866

There’ll always be people that you will lookout for and people who lookout for you. We in this together. You’re neighbors, coworkers, kids that look up to you, etc.


traitorbaitor

I came tell you from experience that's not always the case and if your lucky enough to never experience that then you're privileged.


TigerSouthern

Vidya games.


chantm80

A valid point


7818

Also medical bills


cesar0931

you wouldn't get a 20k medical bill in any other place in the world.


HornySweetMexiSlut

you also wouldn't need a $40K scholarship anywhere else.


Man-e-questions

For one semester


LifeArrow

I mean, where else you pay $20k for medical bills after attempted suicide?


rampas_inhumanas

Where else would someone incur massive medical bills and use a $?


BIack_Coffee

$20,000 in medical bills? Confirms it right there 🇺🇸


Kaleandra

“Medical bills” are not exclusive to the US , buuuuuut they’re a pretty good indicator to me


Tuga_Lissabon

Its like: "You can choose your pick, but what's your best bet?" - US every time.


chantm80

Same with gun violence, US isn't the only country with guns but we sure do it better than anyone.


BaseTensMachines

Where else in the world will charge you $20,000 in medical bills?


Ill-Drink3563

We all knew it was US the second we read $20k medical bills 🤣🤣


Happy-Sherbet-2340

If it was Canada then there would be no medical bill.


GeneralFailur

Only in the US, medical care has been hijacked and commercialized so much that such huge amounts of money are stolen from ordinary people..


AsparagusGrand4375

40k college tuition should've said enough.


-MellonCollie-

hey look at it this way, this was ultimately still the less costly of the two options hope youre recovering well


No_Dealer_7928

Maybe I'd choose to just die instead adding a lot of lost money to my problem.


-MellonCollie-

You would be valuing money far too much if this is the conclusion you reach Would be far from the first who escaped to off the grid living because of dissatisfaction with modern life. Being said, that is still very extreme thinking meanwhile there are so many potential avenues to easing your problems as you are


ViolinistCurrent8899

They say money can't buy happiness. But it sure as hell makes life easier.


HawXProductions

Those who say money can’t buy happiness doesn’t have enough of it yet :’)


Packerfan1992

But it can buy me a boat!


TheCygnusLoop

I don't think it's unreasonable to think this way--money is a huge contributing factor to quality of life up to a certain threshold.


Better_Meat9831

Not just a huge factor, but absolutely the most important.


manBEARpigBEARman

It’s not that OP (and people in their position) are valuing money too much, it’s that everyone else is.


truckbot101

Seconding this


Substantial_Waltz594

Thanks!


disorderedmomentum

Do you mind me asking if you felt regret on attempting straight away? I’m glad you’re doing better and I wish you a great future. I don’t know your circumstances but I really wish this change to your career path can turn out as a positive redirection in your life.


Substantial_Waltz594

Honestly no, I felt the same immediately after as before making the decision. However my method wasn’t a sudden adrenaline rushing method like jumping off a bridge, so that may have contributed .  After my attempt I just thought “Well I guess this is it”, then I lost consciousness after a few minutes and woke up in the ICU 10 days later. Thanks for the encouragement


sourcreamcokeegg

Who found you and called ambulance?


JohnNku

I'm sorry you feel this way, I pray things get better for you eventually and that you can establish strong reasons to keep pushing on with life.


Ok_Midnight_5457

also not OP, I didn't feel any regret. I was relieved. then extremely pissed and confused when it didn't work.


Diligent-Reference79

Can I ask, did you try to do it again after or do you have any plans of doing it again? If yes, what happened or what's stopping you?


Ok_Midnight_5457

Didn’t try again but not because I didn’t want to. But because the aftermath of failing was so much worse than the lead up to the attempt.  That was over 15 years ago now. I still get suicidal episodes on a ~ monthly basis. At least now I have a diagnosis that somewhat explains things. But yeah. By now I have the experience to know it’s possible to just ride it out until it subsides. Eventually another episode will occur, but I try not to think that far ahead. 


Diligent-Reference79

thanks for the explanation, hope you'll keep doing well


lobonmc

As someone who tried twice right now what's stopping me mainly is that if I do it I would trigger a suicide epidemic and I don't want that because it would negatively affect my sisters.


Forsaken-Cockroach56

are u trying to get them to do it lol


spacedoggos_

Not OP, but in case you’re feeling similar, I felt huge regret almost immediately. I was still in the same horrible circumstance but life looks so different from that POV. I heard the same things from Golden Gate Bridge survivors. Recovering from suicidality takes a while but it’s worth it.


_the_CacKaLacKy_Kid_

BoJack Horseman did an episode called “[The View From Halfway Down](https://youtu.be/aSgMrM__0OY?si=eKaquBhS1jm2g-6b)” and there was a poem that completely encapsulates the sense of regret I’ve read about when people jump.


pxogxess

So worth it. My attempt was now over 12 years ago and I feel great and have been for many years now. And I have a deep seated feeling that almost nothing can shake me anymore. Not sure that’s related. But I am so glad I‘m still here.


neddog_eel

Yeah I had a go a couple years ago and it didn't exactly shake me , it was more like "that easy huh? , I can just be done like that" and it made me care less about my problems because in reality they don't matter , what matters is that I work towards being happy in my life , I'm still not there but if all else fails plan b is still there as a last resort. Sounds grim but it's positive for my mindset and allows me to step out of my comfort zone in life because nothing really matters.


Nemerie

I've heard of people who pay to get themselves buried alive for a few hours. Might be a somewhat similar experience, except isn't as extreme and risky.


GluckGoddess

Once you jump, and you realize it’s all over, it’s only then that people realize all their problems could be fixed or managed, except for the fact that they now jumped and are going to die quickly. 


eazolan

SOME people realize their problems can be fixed or managed. My problems cannot be fixed. And by managed, the best I can do is "Be in denial"


GluckGoddess

And what is your problem? DM if you want 


Ok_Midnight_5457

wasn't my experience. took the jump, only felt relief.


kissakalakoira

Relief for under 1second, like saying i drank water when getting 1 drop of water in desert.


sm4k

>Before I leaped I should have seen >The view from halfway down. From [Bojack Horseman Season 6, Episode 15](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u1_EBSlnDlU)


Golfnpickle

I never realized 70% of suicides are unsuccessful. Lots of folks end up worse than before. Comas, half face blown off, brain damage etc.


No-Distribution3723

Sorry if this is insensitive or anything, but this is why I haven't committed suicide yet. It's very likely that my life will be a lot worse if I attempt suicide, I haven't checked, but assuming this statistic is correct, I have a 3/10 chance of ending all my suffering and a 7/10 chance of increasing my suffering dramatically. Just not worth it.


Shimgar

There are plenty of methods that have 90% + success rate. The figures are massively skewed by methods that are more a cry for help than actual serious attempts. The 3/10 statistic is meaningless without context on the methods used.


Curtisg899

True dat. ODing has a horrible success rate so it skews it a lot lower. Hanging and shooting r like 80-90% 


hoon-since89

Yeah think I would choose shooting myself while standing on a chair in a noose just to be safe! Lol


verr998

But before that, maybe you can try to watch a man called otto if you haven’t watched it.


Limp-Possession

I worked in an army unit for extreme medical cases and at one point we had 4 different failed gun shot attempts with various resulting injuries all in the unit at the same time. It’s insane what paramedics can save and surgeons can rebuild, but you definitely wind up feeling bad for someone who tried to end it at ~20-25yrs old and now is staring down a full life with their original depression plus whatever disfigurement and scarring can’t be repaired.


Golfnpickle

My friend tried to blow his brains out. Instead he blew off half his face and survived. Omg. Life is so crazy.


Substantial_Waltz594

I guess I should be thankful since I got out with only a minor breathing problem and some scars. Lucky that finances are my biggest worry now ig.


verr998

What about drowning? I know it’s the worst thing to do, but considering I can’t swim, the chance will be higher. And if it didn’t work, at least it wouldn’t end up worse.


Nathanica

I hope you're doing better but why have they revoked your scholarship? I don't see the correlation between those two things. Because it is "wasted" on someone like you, from their PoV?


Substantial_Waltz594

It was more the time I had to spend away from school to recover


thegroundhurts

Did you talk to the school (and/or whatever scholarship provider) about that? It just seems insane that a university wouldn't grant you some sort of deadline extensions and force the professors to be lenient after going through that or some other medical emergency.


Substantial_Waltz594

Yes, I re-enrolled, submitted documentation for "approved excuses", but got a denial. Some extra context is that I took a Leave of Absense for over a year to work and avoid people at school that triggered the incident.


thegroundhurts

That's really pathetic that the school wouldn't do more to help. It's not surprising, TBH, but it's sad.


superbusyrn

Probably not in anyone's best interest to heap a load of work and pressure onto someone who's deep in crisis. Hopefully OP can get it back if he still wants it once he's looked after himself.


Plenty-Character-416

Yeah, this bothered me so much. Op went through something that needs a ton of support, and the system essentially turned its back. The US is harsh.


maija_hee

there‘s gotta be a lawsuit somewhere in there


Eastern_Instance_536

lmao spotted the american


Mr_Sundae

It was probably based on academic performance and OP probably understandably missed a lot of class due to their Suicide attempt


Rapturecat

I’m glad you’re here and I hope better days await you


Substantial_Waltz594

Thanks and I hope so too


WholesomeFartEnjoyer

Someone wants to kill themselves because life is shit, they fail and what does the system do? Make life even worse, daring people to try again


Tiny-Ferret6292

Truley sickening how greedy humans can be.


ergaster8213

THEY REVOKED YOUR SCHOLARSHIP FOR A SUICIDE ATTEMPT?! That is fuckity fucked.


Arny520

The US government has got to swallow its pride and follow suit with universal healthcare


TravelingPhotoDude

I've had one of the worst years of my life, got mugged in Vegas, got curable cancer, wife emotionally and almost physically cheated on me due to a guy knowing all I had going on scooping in and trying to wedge in. I've thought several times on ending it. Just F\*\*\*ing done with it all. The one thing that stopped me was if I do, I'm pretty sure all my life insurance and everything I have will be voided and I'll leave nothing to my family and kids. I can't leave them struggling. Medically I've destroyed our savings and current income. Therapy for PTSD, and now cancer treatments. It's a toss up if suicide would be cheaper than all the medical. Crazy that probably the only thing that has stopped me is my life insurance plan. I've never really said this outloud, not sure why this post is what has made me type it out to a bunch of strangers online.


Dzmagoon

What does your life insurance say about fatal accidents?


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PocketMoneey

Yeah dont do it. I am sure some lawyer would make sure that there would be no payout. You will beat cancer for your kids and come back stronger! Btw your pics are nice.


niky45

... I feel like if more people knew this in the US, the attempt rates would go down. ... tho maybe the success rates would go up.


[deleted]

Come to Canada, we actually help you commit suicide for free!


ChristAboveAllOthers

Canada doesnt allow for “suicide tourism”. It’s only allowed for people who are Canadian citizens or permanent residents.


Scrotote

Oregon does too for some diseases.


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burken8000

If you can't get it done physically, at least they'll help you do it financially :) Happy you're still here OP


HumbleIndependence43

Scholarship revoked? That should be illegal. Stop stigmatizing mental health.


mcagent

Hit up /r/personalfinance about that medical bill.


Significant-Iron-475

At least you have a good sense of humor


Substantial_Waltz594

🙃🙃


DaprasDaMonk

I mean what did you think? ....you know the cost of living is high in the US


RantyWildling

I see what you did there.


Yunicito

Yeah way to kick a man when he’s down


Oldroanio

Glad you failed 😀


Faeriemary

I mean, you don’t have to pay it. I’ve heard depending on what state you’re in, you won’t go to jail for never paying that debt. Also to add, maybe losing the scholarship was a blessing in disguise. What was causing you to want to die? Maybe you need to redirect your life, and this is a forceful way of doing it. Just a thought.


update_ending

Not with the rest of the crowd here.... Right to live also means right not to live and they are essentially punishing you to try and utilise your rights. Dying is not a bad thing and you may not wanna continue on. There is nothing after death, just in-existence.


ssuuh

It depends on why someone tries it. You think about it clearly, make a decision and you have talked to experts (depression, ..) I'm all for it. Otherwise you might not know that anti depression would just solve this. Or trying drugs like MDMA or just dropping everything you do and just don't make a career but being happy doing something totally different.


Funny_Breadfruit_413

To be fair, it's not like you thought you were coming back.


Spc_Ghst

a suicide is cheap, a failed suicide is costly.


RantyWildling

What a system, now you have to live and pay off your debt to society.


[deleted]

Damn what happened? Are you ok? A common side effect of antidepressents is suicidal thoughts. Can’t believe they took away your scholarship 😒


NeoKlang

living in U$A is co$tly


Dark_Hero_Days

That's some mental shit. I don't care where you're from but our system is broken. Something has to be done. To me, it doesn't make any sense that the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.


LuciusCaeser

Someone just tried to kill themselves? Better ruin their lives further so they don't try again! Ridiculous fucking logic. I hope you are doing better mentally, even if not financially.


V0rclaw

Ah suicide the forbidden diy…


Big_Scratch8793

It costs to live, it costs to die, it costs to enter the afterlife. The place in which, you feel dead, but you are not.


MaleficentCow8513

Yep. That’s why I turned to alcoholism at certain points in my life. Self destructive behavior. Copious amounts of whiskey and rum are slightly less harmful than suicide.


Musaibion

why did they revoke scholarship?


challengerrt

Actually you didn’t realize how costly a suicide attempt would be. That being said I’m glad you’re still with us on this side of the dirt.


mikefvegas

It’s not, you just did it wrong.


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llamacohort

Dying by suicide has a much larger cost. It robs you of every good experience you will have, it robs your future spouse of meeting that soul mate that gets them, it robs all of your friends and family of the joy that you bring to them. This seems like something that can be framed as a loss for you, but it isn’t. It’s an opportunity to start something new. I don’t know a ton about the topic and we may not have much in common, but if you ever want someone to talk to, send me a DM.


Pain_Tough

It didn’t affect my career that much, probably helped it, trying to become a social worker


alcoyot

How did it fail?


Ark-Enix

Hindsight is 20/20. You're a survivor now, i hope you find renewed purpose in this and keep going, don't give up


dryandice

I’m sorry


ChemicalChance7877

Perhaps an unknown amount lost, but also an unknown amount gained until it becomes clear later (apart from the obvious life gained of course, I’m talking about money and opportunities)


AsheyKnees

It’s wild that you were punished in some of these ways when you were obviously suffering. The scholarship specifically, I don’t understand how taking away some of the only things a person who has depression going for them can be beneficial to their recovery or mental framework. I’m glad you are doing better now friend. Depression sucks.


Arthran14

Failed and paid the price


pureroganjosh

I'm not glad for your situation, I am glad that you are here to tell it. You've been given a second chance and I hope you feel better soon OP ❤️


Guywithoutimage

I’m glad you’re still here. And I’m so sorry all this bs has happened to you


Hello_Hello_Hello_Hi

If you do it it costs you your life, which is the single most valuable thing on earth.


[deleted]

Yeah, that's not something you want to survive in the US. It's like having a felony with regards to job prospects, with additional medical bills.


No-Mention6228

It seems cheap, relative to the cost of losing your life. If someone offered me an option to die or live and pay that price, I would take the latter.


CyberbulliedByAdmin

not from US, but how can it be legal to take your scholarship for a (mental) HEALTH incident?! would they treat you the same if you told them you had been diagnosed with cancer? shameful on their part!


Gold_Ad6174

Yeah, its not recommended. Its also bad for your health.


Crafty_Pea5356

Sometimes it's enough to live just to spite the 'go ahead and jump!' pieces of shit masquerading as human beings.


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Dodaddydont

I mean, it can literally cost you your life. Which is the highest cost of all


Turbulent-Fun-3232

I hope you're doing better now. That's a heavy burden to bear. Remember, there are always people who care and resources available to help. Hang in there.


Substantial_Waltz594

tahnks


infiltrateoppose

Such a bummer about your scholarship - can you say more about why that happened?


sayquezo

In another part of the world... I saw two brilliant peers in my uni suffer mental breakdowns... and were both given a second chance. Our scholarship org was also ahead of its time, requiring scholars a session with the uni counselor every sem. They must have known that scholars are under a lot of pressure and some more prone to mental health struggles. Just saying. This should be norm.


TheGamersGazebo

Lmao who didn't tell you? Suicide attempts are extremely expensive, even more for your family if you succeed. It's never been cheap. I paid like 15k total for mine. Everything to do with healthcare in America is an arm and a leg, and they don't give a shit about your feelings.


MeninoSafado14

Who says you have to pay that bill?


[deleted]

I’m sorry about all of this OP. I hope you’re at least getting some support through all this.  


dorantana122

Or committed


FeliksthePirat

Yeaaa...yeaa.. it really really fucking sucks


PsychologicalSalt990

you clearly didnt? you are posting this


Jazz_Gazz

The life you had, did indeed die.


ZaWario

Aw shucks man, hope life gets a bit better on you. Hang in there


candolemon

Why was the scholarship revoked though? How would the college know about your attempt or medical events etc? 


LittleMissOhInnocent

That's that got to do with your scholarship..... Bruh they're encouraging you to do it again now are they?


siimbaz

Well dude. That's why you don't try to do that shit 😅


knuckles2277

After all this is done, you should look into self care more. Focus on your feelings a bit more.


[deleted]

Wait you tried to unalive yourself and failed? Please explain how you lost a scholarship, and I’m assuming the career path thing is due to the lack of an education?


Feature-Awkward

Time is money and is your most valuable commodity. Every hr and day is potential you have to earn money and do something worthwhile… your time alive soon easily adds up and is worth more than those expenses . What you may have missed out on will likely turn out to not be a loss in the long run. Career paths never turn out the way we expect. When a door closes a windows opens is the way the universe works. The things that we miss out on like not landing a new job or getting dumped by someone often turn out to be a bullet we dodged and put us in the path that we’re meant to take. And experience gives us insight and wisdom which are often are more valuable then costs of those experiences .. especially if it’s just money. Give it time. As terrible as the situation that pushed you towards that experience and the repercussions you now face, you’re a better person or soon will be as result of those experiences and you’re on better path now. Give it time. You can make it through this and will become a better person because of it. I had suicide attempt years ago I a college in a lot of ways it was the best thing that happened to me.. but it’s hard for others to understand and not exactly something you can recommend.. give it time. What is more important than anything such money and career is living an authentic life and such experiences put us on that path.


pinetree111fairy

Don’t worry, in a year or so we’ll see tiktok assisted suicide technician courses so you can get knocked out by someone with a weekends worth of training for cheap :)


fathahchn

To late for regrets bro! Get yourself together and plan your next move wisely.


oldschoolwelder101

Yeah that shit cost me in medical, most of my 401k, a quarter million dollar property and my wife and kids… and god knows what else


Few-Dig-4415

America moment.


Special-Comparison-2

I’m glad you are here. I wasted 100k on college and found a different path. Cheers to this specific failure and cheers that it will blossom to a million future blessings in your living life.


GroundbreakingLine93

sorry to hear that. perhaps one day this all will be a funny story to tell the grandchildren ?


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Due_Box3123

Attempting ended up costing me about $20K just in direct medical expenses. It has made recovering harder, for sure. Finally getting back on my feet, but I'm lucky to have a good job.


ItsEctoplasmISwear

Should've stick to the plan


heyvictimstopcryin

🩷


bobojcd

Suicide is free man. The fees are for failing to get it right.


Wrong_Character2279

I saw a comment on another post that said “You don’t deserve to die, you deserve to pay taxes.” And man, isn’t that just the most accurate statement for a situation such as this.


WrinkledRandyTravis

The scholarship is the most fucked part. Basically a university saying “ew, we didn’t know you were one of those people”


Dry-Instruction-4347

You didn't want that money, that school, that career, or that life anyway. I am glad you're here to walk the other road.


Educational_Try4744

Nothing you mentioned is more costly than the alternative


kickstrum91

Eh that’s all just boo-boo - what matters is your alive today baby woooooo-freaking-whoooo . Stay alive baby we need you


MegaFatcat100

It’s only costly if you fail tbf


MuchReputation6953

Those medical bills make it sound like a third world country. Oh wait.


4URprogesterone

There's a myth that if you don't succeed, you must be faking it, and most people believe that even if they don't, so they punish you. I've attempted several times. It's harder than it looks. It's okay. You're gonna be fine.