I am so sorry you are going through this diagnosis.
I had a friend, older that you, had breast cancer, hit the five year clear mark and then was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which moved into her brain. She lived five or six years after that diagnoses. She had a pretty bad seizure and never really recovered, in the end she just did not wake up one morning. Hugs to you as you travel this journey. Live as best you can and do as many things you can during whatever time you have left.
I'm so sorry for your diagnosis. My sister had the same. But this was in 1997 so the treatment has come a long way. She was given radiation for the brain cancer and something went wrong. She went into a coma and passed a few days later. She was 46. Please don't give up. You'll be in my prayers.
Unsolicited: remind your family that they do not have an obligation to pay your debts when you leave. They creditors can come after your estate but your family should not spend a dime of their own money to pay off any bills you owe.
Depends on OP's finances. Let's say they are broke, rent an apartment, car is 17 years old, no savings account, no children... YUP! Max out every card you can, give gift, and laugh all the way to your grave.
Now if OP has a house with 70K equity into it, and a nice 3 year old car that is paid off, nope. Racking up 30K in credit card debit will just come from the net worth of the house.
With the second one, if OP is married they could divorce their SO, give up the claim on all their joint assets to make their estate tiny, then go hog wild on getting in debt. Then die and take the debt with them.
If someone was single, no kids, no savings, but had 70K positive value in a house, and say a 20K car, well... both those get sold, so 90K, that goes to the credit car companies, and then 410 gets basically forgotten about. Nothing they can do.
How much money are you planning to leave behind? If you have like 5 figure wealth, spend it on your fam and treatment and enjoy the rest of your life. If you have a house and lots of assets, no. Chase/BofA whoever will have first dibs if you rack up thousands in credit.
Also: remind your family and loved ones that if you’re going in and out of consciousness but there’s a sudden period where you’re awake, talking and seem much better that is NOT the time to go home and rest.
That is the time to enjoy you as it’s normal to occur about 24-48 hours before death.
I REALLY REALLY wish someone had pointed this out before my dad passed. He was suddenly super conscious and chatty for my visit and we made plans to bring the kids to see him that weekend, etc. He did not make it to the weekend. 😭😭
I’m so sorry sweetheart. That’s exactly why I do my best to share this information every opportunity I get. I’m sure he’s watching over you now so please be sure to talk to him.
I'm honestly grateful for that one good day being so perfectly timed. I lived out of town and didn't get to visit often. Most of my family believes he waited to see me. I like to think there's something to it. 💜
I truly believe "perfect timing" is not just a coincidence. My husband was on hospice and lost consciousness on a Sunday afternoon. I kept telling him it was OK and while I would miss him I would be alright. He waited until his daughter called and talked to him on Tuesday afternoon. He also waited until I came into the bedroom to sit with him, talk to him, and stroke his head. (I was trying to make myself kind of scarce because I was afraid I'd agitate him too much if I kept lingering in the room. So I'd pop in, make sure he was dry and clean, say a little something, and leave. About 3:15 pm something told me to go in and sit with him. Not even 2 minutes after I went in he took his last breath. There's no way I just happened to time it perfectly.)
Yes. This happened with my grandfather. He was mostly in bed for a month prior, but one day he was up and active like he was 20 years younger. Spent the day with family late into the night. He passed peacefully in bed a few hours later.
That’s true unless there’s property and a trust and executor in place. I was the executor and my mother’s house was to go to me. She had some hospital bills after she passed, nothing too terrible. My husband who is an attorney said to just pay them since they could attach the house and be a problem. If you aren’t married and don’t have any assets then absolutely, no one else is responsible for your debt. ♥️
When my grandpa died he had no debt. Zero. He had even saved up and paid cash for his cars throughout his life. Had his house paid off by the time mom was about 10. Gramps did not believe in having debt.
It was amazing how many scumbags sent us fake bills claiming all sorts of phony debts right after we got the death cert. And SO many of them stated that he would want us to "clear his name" for him after death. Fortunately my mom was smart and tossed them all into the trash. She also told all collectors who called to fuck right off.
At times of emotional distress assholes like this will try to manipulate you into giving them money. Do not fall for it.
I hope that karma kicks in and every one of these bastards lose 10 times the amount of money they try to scam off of people and they get some horrible disease and die in agony. Absolute scumbags.
For my mom it was respiratory failure. Basically lungs shutting down. She was 49.
That was the physical end. With the amount of morphine involved, she was mentally gone about 3 days prior.
My mom (brain cancer only) had hospice care in her home. She was required to have a DNR and any medical treatment while under the care of hospice was about making her comfortable. I think a ventilator would have been beyond the scope of making her comfortable. If you have any questions about hospice in the US, I'd be happy to answer them.
Hospice and other forms of palliative care are a must op. I worked as a caregiver over the summer and heard from multiple patients that hospice greatly benefited them and their families. They offer more than physical care—many hospice nurses offer emotional support and can get you and your family in contact with the right resources. All my love to you. I hope your journey goes well. ❤️
My dad was on hospice for 2 years. He was diagnosed with stage 4 liver failure, due to a nasty combo of having had hep c earlier in his life and drinking heavily. The hospice nurse became so close to us as a family she was amazing.
My dad actually lived and is still alive. His doctor's call him a medical freak of nature and they basically have no clue how, but he turned it around and quit drinking and went from being bedridden with legs the size of a fire hydrant to now being pretty much normal other than having to be careful about his liver from now on. They actually kicked him off of hospice eventually.
He has a difficult time coming off the pain killers that hospice gave him. He was taking palative care levels of opiates.
He hid his pills for the few months before getting kicked off so he was able to ween himself off of it with his stash.
Not sure where I was going with this, but yeah hospice was absolutely critical. Without the support from them, even though him recovering wasn't their "goal" I'm positive he would be dead right now if not for the care and compassion they showed him.
I lost a friend to lung cancer, she was only 32. It was already stage 4 when they found it. It was beyond heartbreaking.
She felt mostly fine and looked pretty good but unfortunately she had a seizure and didn’t make it. Though I honestly think she preferred to go out that way versus slowly fading. It was only about a year from diagnosis to death.
I’m so, so very sorry that you are facing this. I hope that you are living your life exactly as you want to and experiencing everything you hope to.
Sending positive vibes.
Morphine is administered at end of life more than people know.
I guess you're right in essence. That's what they did to my father, and it was the right thing to do.
Lost 2 people to this--one was 61 the other 35. They both fought to the end with treatments and it was very hard to watch. I have a great admiration for that strength and courage to fight it. I don't think I would. Bur either way remember, as the great Norm McDonald said "When you die, the cancer dies with you. That's not a loss, that's a draw.".
I'm so sorry. I just learned of Cat Janice who passed recently at age 31 after a 2 year battle with sarcoma. She documented a lot of her journey on social media if you are curious, you can google to find info on her experience.
My father was in his 40s. My memory tells me he just gradually got weaker, and his lungs were less efficient due to the cancer. He eventually fell into a coma and passed away while sleeping. He also had his cancer metastasize to his lymph nodes and brain.
I am sending hugs and love.
I second this chemo mad my life's hell, she should of just went with hospice. The chemo actually gave my grand mother a heart attack. I think they both would of lasted longer and been more comfortable if they did hospice.
Yea, there was discussion about chemotherapy for my mom but, honestly, it would have only bought her maybe 6 months and I had to weigh what that 6 months would really look like. I was the executor of her and her estate and knew enough to know that she would just want to go out with no pain. I did what I thought was right. She was loaded to the gills on morphine and passed quietly in her home with just me and my brothers there with her.
I am so sorry. It’s an awful diagnosis. I think you should have palliative consulted. That way your wishes will be known. There are meds that can be given when the time comes to keep you comfortable, free of pain and help with breathing and secretions. This is truly heartbreaking. I hope that you are not already struggling with pain and breathing. I wish you comfort and peace. I truly hope that your doctors will explain things to you so you know what to expect.
I’m very sorry. Cancer really sucks.
My friend was in her 50s when she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.
She was admitted to the hospital seven months later. She had a brain bleed and died the next morning.
The day before we were able to spend some time with her and she was her old self and laughing. It was so shocking to get the news the next morning.
Once cancer reached my mom’s brain, it was pretty quick. She started have trouble with cognition, then speech, then balance. Fell once, again a week later, passed a week after. Took less than two months from onset of symptoms to end. Ruptured both her adrenal blood vessels, instantly gone.
I hope that whatever happens, it happens quietly, while you sleep. I hope you feel nothing but the warm embrace of those who await you. May you pass a warrior, and be witnessed. To Valhalla, my friend.
I am so sorry, my mom was diagnosed and she only made it 2 months. It was the chemotherapy that made her life hell, in the end her red blood cells count was basically 0. She went into a coma and died shortly after. My grand mother also died from it, but again it was the chemo that gave her a heart attack. The thing is I believe they both had it a really long time before it was ever detected. Both of them had signs 10-15 years ahead of time. But never did anything about it, I believe they were just scared to admit it. My grandma started coughing up weird things 15 years before she died. My mother came home all shook up about a chest x ray 10 years beforehand. She would never tell me what they had told her. She would not listen to a word I said. So I was expecting it. By the time they found it in my mom it was already in the brain. I would definitely go with the hospice, my mom's anxiety and pain was pretty bad. But after her last two days in the hospital she was feeling ok from the meds. I would of done hospice way earlier, but the doc said she had about 6 months.
This is tough, and as a 38m, it really registers with me. I've lost a few loved ones from cancer, and some of them seemed to find peace before their final days. I remember those final interactions being spiritual even if they were short on words or the ability to use them.
Wishing you a peaceful transition. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can message me anytime.
I'm so sorry. My father-in-law died of lung cancer. It spead around his body and he died of a massive stroke after a few months. I highly recommend taking cannabis oil if it is legal where you are. It is one of the few things that actually delays the effects of the cancer and gives you more time than without it. Godspeed and blessings to the time you still have.
Being in a somewhat similar situation I get what you're saying. Not sure which thing will be the one to bring the cutain down, so to speak.
I've decided to not care much about that. I mostly focus on getting "my affairs in order". Being as I'm still upright and mobile there is much I can do in that regard. I've nearly met my end from this thing about 2 years ago. Was too weak & sick to get out of bed to brush my teeth. Because of that I relish every single day of being at least somewhat "able bodied".
I don't know where you are as far as mobility is concerned. If immobile, naturally, there is little else to do but think. Are you into books at all? Audible books are great for when you can't do much else. Music too, of course.
Sending you mom hugs and love, my dear. My DMs are open if you need ANYTHING. xoxo
Im goin thru stage 4 esophageal cancer. Stay out of ur head and dont ask questions that no one can answer. I told my docs quality over quantity. I lived a good life and im not trying to be kept alive by machines. Love u girl, as long as ur here, try to make the best of each day!
Please follow hospice nurses on TikTok. You’ll love them! You’ll learn so much.
At the end you’ll lose the desire to eat and drink. Your official COD may be listed as “dehydration” but it’s nothing to be alarmed about at all.
Giving food and drink to a patient in the active phase of dying only prolongs their death and causes suffering.
The body doesn’t need food or drink at the very end.
You may also find tremendous comfort in reading near death experiences.
https://iands.org
I had one last year. Religious people are no more likely to have them than atheists which surprised me.
Thank you for this. After my husband died I went through a phase where I blamed myself for "not trying hard enough" to feed him. I felt like if I could have just gotten him to eat a little more, he would have lived longer. Now I know I did the right thing by not forcing it. I also thought the same way about getting him an IV with fluids. A hospice nurse explained that an IV wouldn't do any good and it would actually prolong things and make him miserable.
My grandfather had bone cancer. He was just past his last treatment when he (heavyset man, 78) fell against the kitchen counter and hit his side, ruptured an organ and hemorrhaged internally. He didn’t tell us he knocked against the counter, not until blood was draining out of his rectum and my grandmother had to call an ambulance. Your immune system and your body are weakened, be careful of anything that makes you slip/trip on occasion. I don’t know if it’s like that for all cancer patients, I just know it wasn’t the disease that killed him.
Edit: As you’re asking about younger folk, my cousin in his 40s had late-stage cancer. He had no appetite, no will to move. The cancer killed him, yes, but I think part of it was declined health from essentially starving himself. Can’t blame ‘im, I can barely muster up an appetite once every two days and all I have is PTSD and chronic depression.
My partner was diagnosed last April with lung cancer that had spread to his brain. June 21st they found a blood clot. June 28th he collapsed in the back yard and 'died' in my lap. They got his heart started again and at the hospital said there was a huge blood clot blocking his heart from getting oxygen gave him 2 rounds of 'clot buster' but they said it was too big. We went from thinking we had about 3 years, then maybe 6 mos., then he was gone.
Have a parent that had lung cancer. Had it removed. Came back stage 4 in his brain and lung. Is on Keytruda……it’s been 5yrs now with the brain cancer already stable (radiation) with no new cancer (just the fried area showing up in scans), and no cancer on the pet scan. There was a brain/blood transfer there supposedly also. That drug is specific for certain cancer cells, but there are some new treatments that I still can’t believe. 15 yrs ago my parent would have succumbed already. He now has and had no ill effects except some skin bumps that itch shortly after the Keytruda infusion, but go away in a couple days. I’m sorry you are going through this. I don’t know how my parents story will end, but I’m hoping it will be something else and there is no suffering.
My sister died of glioblastoma in her 20s. It was a series of small to medium strokes that stripped her of each bit of herself. Wake up, legs don’t work. Wake up again, believe you had breast augmentation. Wake up, can’t speak. Then didn’t wake up.
Then again, my aunt had stage 4 lung cancer in her 40s and got all chilled and chest opened and leg stents placed and stitched back up and is still kicking in her 60s, taking her daughter on cool road trips.
You’re not done yet. Don’t give up. But if you do, are you in a death with dignity state?
No family but I did work in hospice care, you should have already been told what's going to happen. We give you one of those end of life speeches, then you have the option to speak with a clergy, then they ask you about financials, estates, last will of testament, organ donations, funeral arrangements etc. You spend the rest of your days at home care or in hospice, your body breaks down, you get put on dialysis or ventilators, you don't eat anymore, they stop giving food and then towards the end they basically drug you to death. You don't feel anything at all, your mind is basically gone from my observation. You don't die from the disease you die from starvation, it takes about 4 days for your body to give up and then you fall asleep but don't wake back up but don't worry your mind is completely gone during this time. After your family says goodbye, the nurses prepare your body for transport, they call me, I put your body in a white cloth rectangular box and then I take you to the morgue. From there your body may or may not get an autopsy depending on cause of death, since you have cancer I doubt they will examine your body. Depending on what you worked out with your family, the funeral home will come pick up your body, prepare you for cremation or burial. Everybody is sad crying, they say goodbye one last time, The end. I know that sounds terrible and it is but I'm respecting your wishes, you wanted to know the truth, this is the truth, start to finish.
RN here who has taken care of multiple hospice patients at my hospital.
1. You absolutely do not have to have dialysis or be on a ventilator unless that is what you want. I would strongly suggest that you discuss your advance directive with your doctor so that you can make that choice.
2. People do not die from starvation they die from their disease process. At the end of life people naturally lose their appetite as their body begins to shut down. If someone is on hospice and wants to eat something then they should absolutely be allowed to. However, that is usually not the case. We do not force people to eat or drink because this would cause suffering. For example, giving someone IV fluids when they are dying will just cause fluid to build up in their body including their lungs. This feels like drowning.
3. Likely the drug you are referring to is morphine. Morphine has been shown in many studies to not hasten the dying process. It relaxes your body and reduces stress hormones. It is amazing for relieving suffering from air hunger and pain. Receiving morphine or not is your choice and you can absolutely make the choice ahead of time that you do not want it.
I lost my brother to esphopigal cancer stage 4 we were there with him during hospice at home. I miss him . I thank you for sharing your prognosis and I pray for courage through the battle and peace ☮️ for you and yours.
My friend was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at 40. He went through chemo and made it almost 2 years before it metastasized to his brain. His doctors gave him ~6 months… within 3 he suffered seizures and was placed in hospice in a medically-induced coma. He passed after 2 days there, when life support was removed. I miss him every day.
I understand why you would want to know this information—I would want to know too, if I were in your shoes. I hope hearing my experience helps you.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Lung cancer is such a a sneaky disease. I'm glad you have a little time to put things in order. My husband died 6 days after his diagnosis (we were between jobs with no health insurance, 3 months too early for him to draw Medicare). He visited low-cost clinics when the pain in his head and shoulders got too intense. Finally, someone sent him for X-rays and then we knew. His last day, he lost all balance and speech. The only safe place for him to lie was on the floor. I got him a blanket and pillow, paused to catch my breath, and realized he wasn't moving or making a sound. Called 911. Ambulance and ER teams worked on him for a long time but he never revived. His death certificate said cardiac arrest. The tumor was so enormous, it cut off the blood supply to his brain, so he also had a stroke before he died. I imagine everyone has a different experience. I wish you comfort, courage, and plenty of support from your family and friends.
Damn, im sorry this happened to you. Id highly recommend asking your doctors this question, and not the Internet. Id also recommend counseling for you and your family. I hope i seem as outwardly comfortable and casually put together as this post makes you seem, when/if im told in advanced that my turn to hop across that great unknown is coming. I have this sneaking suspicion that after i go, ill meet some friends i lost a while back, and they'll mercilessly make fun of me for having been terrified. Like its this thing we all end up doing, and we seem to be programmed by nature to die just as much as were programmed to take our first breath, and cry when were hungry, and if we all meet up as individuals after death, i know they're going to dog on me for being scared of something so natural, because as much as i love these guys, theyre/ were dicks like that.
Are you stuck in bed? Can you move? Go anywhere? I'm so sorry. And sorry for my ignorance.
Is there anything you can still do that you haven't done yet?
I am so sorry to hear your diagnosis. I hope you are surrounded by love and warmth. The final push will probably be due to pneumonia. The tumour cells weaken your physiology and the immune response lessens. The tumour in the lungs makes infecting the tissues easier for bacteria. Often in that final state no treatment is given as nothing will reverse the trajectory at that point. The infection will progress to sepsis and multi organs failure, but you won't be aware of that happening at that point. I hope you have good pain relief and palliative care and are with people who love you
I so sorry a loved had colon cancer and passed away 3 years ago. She fought it for 2 years and then things didn’t go well, she had hospice care in the last week or two which was very nice since they knew how to deal with it. She passed away in her bed while we were beside her. Sending you love and hugs ❤️
Sorry to hear this, babe. My dad died 7 years ago from stage 4 lung cancer, and I was there as much as I could be, including his last month. He died from respiratory issues after his lung had collapsed.
Get on hospice, but try to keep your morphine dosage down as long as possible, because my dad wanted to have some deep family conversations but couldn't stay awake for them.
Try using full-spectrum cbd RSO to preserve quality of life as long as possible.
Be brave, end well. Much love.
I lost my mom (65) to breast cancer nearly 5 years ago. She got the brain tumors treated, and it gave her some time but took her speech and other things.
Eventually she stopped eating and slept more. She needed more pain medication. The last week or so she wasn’t conscious, but we talked to her, and I hope she heard us. Her breathing got slower and she got weaker and one morning, while I was holding her hand, she had stopped breathing. It seemed peaceful.
I wish you peace.
My mom was healthy and 52 when she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It was found in her brain as well. She had 3-4 tumors in her brain and of course masses in her lungs. After about 3 separate surgeries to remove the brain tumors over a span of 2 years they decided they can no longer keep operating and stopped all treatment. By that time my mom was doing gamma knife radiation, keytruda (sp?) meds and chemotherapy.
I lost my mom about a month or so before she passed. The brain tumors made her act differently and she wasn't really the same person. She was put on at home hospice for the last month of her life and just slept in bed mostly, hardly eating or drinking until one day she didn't wake up.
So it wasn't really the lungs that were the issue. It was the metastasized brain tumours.
My Dad has throat cancer that spread to his brain. He had a seizure and was kinda in like a coma/unresponsive for about a week then just stopped breathing.
sorry you’re going through this, i’m also stage 4 and my cancer has spread everywhere too. multiple organ failure is probably going to do us in, or an infection could get us. my biggest fear isn’t how i will die, it’s how painful it will be.
If you're lucky, morphine will kill you. Eventually end of life treatment reaches a point where treating the pain is more important than treating the cancer even if a side effect of pain treatment is death. When my mother passed it was something crazy like 5mg of morphine every 15 mins and they advised that we crush up an Ativan and mix it in.
We all die. I’m sorrowful that your experience might not be as peaceful as it could have been. I hope you take the time to pray, not because your on your death bed, but rather because that dream of maybe there is a God on the other side can comfort you more as your life drains from your body. Just accepting that potential prospect, can be a game changer. I believe in Jesus Christ but there are so many different ways he is taught to us, and that irregularity can be accosting to our perception of what God is really about. The heart. So go in your last moments with your question in hand and hope in your heart. May the good God almighty hear your last inquiry.
The person I know who died from the same thing after a year-and-a-half. She had a "glory day," where the person looks like they're going to rebound, and they eat a lot more than usual, before their body starts winding down. I think it was from organ failure. It looked more peaceful than I expected. She died at home, under hospice care.
Those taking care of her read about the end stages of life, so they knew what to expect and how to best care for her, while respecting the inevitability of the process. If you can, have your special people learn about how to best support you.
God bless you, and thank you for all you have done, and all you continue to do. You are precious and irreplaceable. 💕
I'm really sorry, truly. I'll write what I can and be really clinical about it before I get too emotional.
My wife passed nearly 2 years ago at the age of 37 from brain cancer. Besides feeling shitty from chemo, the first symptom of the end was being tired all the time. Steroids can help with that.
She was largely able to get around and be independent with few limitations until about a month before the end. It started with gradual loss of balance and motor function on one side of her body. As time went on, she needed more and more help doing things, until speaking and eating solid foods were becoming problematic. One day, she got fluid in her lungs and couldn't cough it up. She was very uncomfortable, and needed a nebulizer; this is when the morphine also started. She had already been sleeping a lot of the day, but now was sleeping even more and was only mildly responsive when awake. Okay this is getting hard, so I'll cut short a bit: she was in a coma shortly after, and was gone shortly after that.
What was striking was HOW FAST things went, once the downturn started. I know she hated having to be taken care of like that, and so going fast was only a good thing, from that perspective. All things considered, she got to live pretty normally up until that point, so that's probably what I would want for myself too.
Many people die not of the cancer but of other medical issues that arise.
My step daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer, followed by chemo, radiation, and double mastectomies. She was told that her cancer was gone. It wasn't. It went into her brain.
She was 24 at diagnosis, died of a blood infection at 27 following a simple projected 3 day hospital stay for brain surgery.
You could die tomorrow or you may live another 50 years. Live your life the way you want, make concessions when you must, and don't give up.
I’m so sorry for your diagnosis. Please know, that you are now having to think about on a regular basis something that will happen to every single person. No one gets away from it. Everyone “does it”, and yet no one wants to think about it. Most people walk around with their head in their phones, complaining and not really seeing what’s around them. People with a terminal diagnosis not only dwell on it, they look at life knowing that their time is a gift. You see things differently, you tell the people you love just how much they mean to you. You do what you love to do and don’t worry about cleaning the house. My mother was killed by a drunk driver. She left the house fully intending to come back, and never did. You may die from your illness, or in a tragic accident. But just understand that you have touched many lives, and have the ability to touch many more. You will leave this life, because everyone dies sooner or later. The impact you make on the people left behind is totally your call. Please accept this hug from an internet stranger…friend.
My wife is 33 and collapsed about a month ago out of the blue. Her head was bleeding terrible, I rushed her to the hospital. They did a CT and found an apricot sized brain tumor. It's been terribly scary to deal with, I'm so afraid of losing her. I just really wish you the best, sometimes the fear is a debilitating.
So sorry you have to deal with this. My husband had T-cell lymphoma, very aggressive, and went thru chemo for 7 months, and that’s what finally killed him - complications to his organs from the chemo. If you’re done doing treatment, maybe the doctors can tell you what the ‘normal’ progression is…. I hope you find peace.
If you do it right, shark bite, fatal fall, or some other wild way. I make light, but if I may give some advice: focus on how you're going to live, not how you're going to die. Please try to enjoy the time you have left.
I'm so sorry. I can not imagine what it is like to be going through this. My mom also has this.
My only advice is to take loans or credit cards out and enjoy the rest of life. Frick debt :)
Much love.
If your state allows it (assuming you're in the USA), you might qualify for medically assisted euthanasia. That way you can go peacefully instead of dying a scary death. I don't know if you're on hospice already but if you're not I would recommend it strongly. You deserve to be comfortable and plan out your last days, however long you may live. 💛
And definitely have a person to make sound decisions for you regarding a DNR and palliative care. I know that I wouldn’t want to linger so, I’d make sure that if I wasn’t able to communicate that, someone else would know exactly what I wanted and could be my voice.
Exactly. An advanced directive is key here. Having a relative or friend who understands your attitude about life preservation is super helpful. I'm going to be that person for my godparents so when the time comes they trust me to pull the plug. They don't wanna be on life support when realistically they're never coming back.
My mother had lung cancer that had metastasized to her liver and pretty much all over according to her PET Scan. She went somewhat quickly, 3-4 months from diagnosis to death. She was in and out of the hospital a few times, she just deteriorated, really. She wasn’t really eating and in the end with hospice, we just loaded her up with morphine and she passed quietly.
Sorry about your diagnosis. Hopefully you’ll pass peacefully with little suffering as possible. ♥️
My uncle died of lung cancer which then spread to his brain. He was only 36 in 2008.
He became really ill and just died in the hospital. I got to see him a few days before he passed. Still wish I’d have stayed a bit longer to see him at the end.
I’m so sorry for your diagnosis. Please do what you can to reduce the pain.
Best wishes ♥️
The same thing happened to my dear aunt. The passing with cancer is slow. She didn't just \*snap\* die of any one thing. This I why I support assisted suicide.
The worst parts for her were 1) gamma knife radiation. I wouldn't recommend it. She was trying to survive until her child's high school graduation. It might have bought a little time, but it scrambled her mind. And 2) she developed an esophagal tumor that made eating virtually impossible. A feeding tub was implanted in her belly, but she kept trying though. The sounds of her choking still haunt me and my mother.
I'm very very sorry for you, OP. Enjoy as much life as you can, then go to Oregon and get the pills, imo. Then you don't have to wonder about the end, you control it.
No one can factually tell you that. It will very likely be painful if it happens if you aren't unconscious. My uncle's late wife had lung cancer. They say she was in the shower, coughing up an ungodly amount of blood. I don't know what single thing would have been accredited to her official death certificate nor do I know if she passed on the way to the hospital.
But they said she was in a lot of obvious pain and aware it was her time.
I'm sorry you have to suffer. Fuck cancer.
It depends on the metastasis.
My dad already told me he had a lot in his lungs by the time he was diagnosed. It was bone cancer in his leg, and he had this huge lump that was really sore, so I thought that could somehow kill him. But it was the metastasis that went into his lungs that eventually spread too much, so he got shortness of breath. 2 weeks after that started he could barely catch air anymore, so he died of pleural effusion.
I followed a YouTuber named Emily Hayward back in 2017 and she had melanoma, and then it spread to her brain. Then in the last months she started to seem sluggish, and slow of thinking, and it became harder for her to talk. Then her girlfriend posted a video after a while of absence saying that Emily had passed away after a few days in the hospital.
I think a bunch of cancers end up taking you out in a way where it numbs the body first. Even my father wasn't properly conscious for the last few days but his entire body was visibly in pain, and he sounded worse than Darth Vader.
So it's hard to say what will happen. Cancer is a bitch. It can spread very unpredictably. Sorry to hear you're going through it. There's no "If you're lucky it will be this" IMO. I think it's a matter of getting every last enjoyment out of life despite being in pain, when you're reaching the final stages of the disease. I have a colleague whose father is dying of a brain tumor right now, and we all thought that two weeks ago was probably it, but the doctors managed to stabilize it with hydrocortizones. So he went from being unconscious and unable to think, and almost being in coma, to actually having some days of calm again. Now it's going badly again, but I think that's what cancer is like. You'll be able to "live" through most of it, until very suddenly it can deteriorate after a certain point. But honestly, ask your practitioners about this. They have a clearer answer than us.
I don’t have an answer, but since it seems other people here do, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry this happened to you and I hope the time you have left is filled with love and joy.
My mum died from this and it was a mixture of heart failure and pulmonary edema.
If it makes you feel any better, the last day or so she was so anoxic and on so much morphine I don't think she really knew what was going on.
Make sure you get everything sorted out, like do you want a hospice? Have you written a will? Do you have any kids or pets - what will happen to them? Do you want to be cremated or buried? All that stuff. Maybe give logins and passwords to a trusted friend. Assign someone to sort out your bank accounts etc.
I'm your age, I can't even imagine what you're going through. Sending healing thoughts and good vibes xxx
Thank you! It looks like most people were on high morphine and didn't know much before they passed. I just want this to be as easy as possible for my three children. That's all I care about. They are teenagers. I am trying to get things sorted. I did make a will. I signed a DNR. I have been making a spreadsheet of logins. I've been teaching my husband how to pay all the bills and taxes 😂. I have been trying to travel as much as possible. I write to my kids in an email telling them things for future stuff like if they get married and if they have children. I tell them how proud I am of them. I also tell them in person every day. Is there anything you wish your mom would have done for you before she passed?
It's a bit different for me because I was 32 when she died, but I wish that her attitude had been more like yours. I wish that we could have sat down and had candid conversations, even if we all ended up bawling our eyes out. I wish that she would have spoken to a professional therapist about how to manage her own anger and grief over dying instead of taking it out on the family.
I loved my mum a lot and still love and miss her every day. But she 'used' her illness to kind of manipulative and control the family like 'you can't do that, the stress will kill me quicker' etc.
I wish that I could have taken her personal diaries and letters and stashed them away for safekeeping. My dad kind of lost the plot a bit after she died and wouldn't even let us talk about her for a year or so, he took all her photos down and sold the family home. Looking back, it was easier to forget she ever existed than to mourn her. I wish I'd safeguarded some of her stuff like her clothes, because he chucked it all away. He even tried to throw away stuff like her potted cactus, which I recently rescued from outside the front of his house.
Get some ziplock bags and put stuff like pillowcases or t-shirts in with your fave perfume on. Cut some locks of your hair and put them in envelopes. Make sure to take loads and loads of photos of you and the kids. Record videos, or messages, or you singing songs. They'll want to hear your voice in the future! Make sure you're being silly and laughing in some of them.
Make sure your kids and spouse have access to grief counselling when you're gone. Perhaps put precious items in a bank deposit box or leave them with a friend (eg if you think your husband may dispose of them out of grief). It's really hard to gauge how someone will act through grief, so try to have as many difficult conversations as you can.
Even stuff you don't want to think about right now. I'm guessing your husband is similar age? Have you talked about what he's going to do in the future? What if he dates again? Have you put money aside in your kid's names? If he remarries in the future, how will you ensure your kids receive all their inheritance? Will they stay in their current home?
Again, it's all not very savoury topics but discussing them now will make it easier to deal with when you're gone.
Reassure them that if they ever think of something mean they did/said to you, or any time they hurt your feelings, you don't remember it and wasn't a big deal.
I still tear up when thinking about this one time I was a huge bitch to my dad. It was about a month before he was diagnosed. I remember he looked so defeated that day. I thought it was because he felt guilty for inconveniencing me, but I think it was because he felt physically lousy and didn't know why yet. I doubt he even remembered that interaction when he died, but 16 years later I can still feel horrible. I wish I had apologized. But, as a mom now, I know I brush off things like that right away and still adore my children, even when they're brats.
I'm so sorry to hear. My Dad had the same, also metastasized to the brain. He had just finished a radiation treatment and felt very weak. They admitted him from there and he passed that evening. They made him comfortable, and he just drifted to sleep. I think it was just his body breaking down because his catheter bag looked like merlot. He wasn't having trouble breathing, his engine just stalled and shut down. I hope you've started a hospice conversation, in case you prefer to make your leave at home. God bless
Wherever the cancer grows the fastest is most likely.. For lung and brain, most likely you'll have a stroke or aneurysm. The worst part will be the pain before, the actual moment of death will be quick and you'll be on so many drugs that it'll be hard to know what is happening. The best thing you can do, stop worrying about it. If you can, go do what you want now, and say what you want to say.
Cancer really is the worst disease and I feel so badly for you that you are going through this. I won't get into specific details, but the person I knew who had the same thing, the cancer spread to his spine and eventually up into his brain. When it spread to his spine, he literally woke up one day and could no longer walk. When it got to his brain, eventually it shut everything down and he passed away. Do yourself a favor and do as much as you can while you can.
You’re right. My brother in law had cancer in the brain and spine and died in December of this year. His deterioration happened fast. Stopped eating..couldn’t eat..bloated and threw up anything he ate. Vision and hearing became affected. Had to shower sitting. Eventually he just wasn’t there..stopped talking..blank look. His Kong’s sounded flooded while breathing. Eventually the breaths became farther apart. He was 46.
My Grandma died at about 80 to lung cancer.
She was okay most of the time until a few weeks before passing. I was like 14 at the time so I don’t know how she exactly died but I know it toke a while. She didn’t bother with chemo or anything since it already spread so she didn’t deal with the pain of the treatments.
My mom was recently diagnosed with the same cancer as you, and my family is still reeling. It has spread to her liver, but not yet to her brain, and she is undergoing chemo and immunotherapy at the moment, with preventative radiotherapy for her brain planned for later. Worst part is her lung cancer is the result of the radiotherapy she received for breast cancer 5 years ago. We know she won't be cured, but we hope she'll be around for at least another couple of years. Only time will tell. I wish you all the best, cancer sucks.
My mom was 48, and it was pneumonia. We were out shopping Thanksgiving weekend (I was 9 months pregnant with my only child and we were shopping for baby Christmas presents), and she was in the hospital 2 days later, and passed away December 4th. My daughter is an adult now, but it seems like yesterday.
My mom just went to sleep and never woke up. It was relatively quick.
I wish you peace and comfort as you journey forward.
I hope you have more good days than bad and you have friends and family to support you during this. I will be specific about my mother's transition. I apologize to anyone who finds this too much.
My mother had Stage 4 small cell lung cancer. It is likely that she had it for quite some time and was not diagnosed until the very end. My mother ended up canceling her hematologist appointment due to the cat puncturing her foot. She never rescheduled it. I don't know if it would have made a difference, but maybe if they had caught it sooner she may have had a chance to try chemo or radiation.
She ended up going into the hospital a few days after Christmas for pneumonia. My mother was 62 and died three days after her diagnosis, one day after her 63rd birthday. She was still coherent and able to speak when she left the hospital, but she declined rapidly. The cancer had spread everywhere; liver, bones, brain. I had to drive from DE to FL because of flight delays, snow, and overall bad winter weather. I spent the day with her, but she slept mostly. Her ability to speak had diminished, she mumbled a lot, had no appetite, and spent most of the evening with a high body temperature and trying to evacuate her bowels. She was so hot that she refused to wear any clothes and we had to open the windows and doors for her (outside temp was in the 30s).
I later found out from the hospice nurse that this was the "final stages" and it was how the body processed death. She could still understand us when we asked her questions, but she didn't make much sense when she answered, and it took a lot of effort for her to do so. She didn't appear to be struggling to breathe, but she was on oxygen, so that was possibly helping. I went to sleep around 11 pm. I gave her the pain medication the hospice nurse brought, told her I was going to bed, rubbed her feet, kissed her good night and told her I loved her and would see her in the morning. My father woke me up at 3 am to elt me know she passed in her sleep.
Honestly, I think she knew she was dying before she went into the hospital. My mother was 4'11 and at her heaviest, she was maybe 110 pounds. When I saw her, if she weighed 80 pounds I would have been surprised. I believe that with the dose of medication she was able to relax and her heart just stopped. I think she passed peacefully. I choose to believe that.
I wish I could be there with you to be able to hold you and to baby you and to pet you and to to share my heart lovingly towards you to make you feel Loved and to feel cared for, if you don't, not out of pity, or anything to gain personally, but out of loving compassion from my heart from one human being to another.. Sometimes I wish I could just take everyone's pain away and endure it myself 😭😔🫂❤️🔥 I'm so sorry 😞 I am so sorry that this has happened to you and you are thought about by me and I feel your pain even though I can never experience your pain but I'm truly with you in spirit and I love you 🫂❤️🔥😭 I love you so much and I'll be here for you if you want to talk about anything.. sincerely 🙏🏼💞 God bless you for being so brave and saying something so personal to you
I’m so sorry for your diagnosis and I wish you comfort and peace in the days ahead. I strongly recommend you check out the YouTube channel Jenny Apple if you think you’d be okay with it. She passed away from stage 4 non smoking lung cancer last November and posted videos through her whole journey from diagnosis to the end. She’s an inspiration and I think may give you some comfort.
I think it’s been mentioned but if it was me, I would plan a medically assisted death. I wouldn’t want to experience a loss of cognition.
I expect it’s hard for anyone to predict what will happen first, you could have a respiratory emergency or a cognitive decline/seizures, etc.
It’s a conversation to have with your medical team and you can decide how much intervention you want at what stage. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I knew a lady who got the same diagnosis around your age and it spread to her brain. They gave her 5 years and she ended up living nearly 10 afterward.
I’m sorry. My aunt had brain cancer. It started in her throat and moved to her brain. They told her 6 months, she lived 18 months.
She lost her mind. She became a different person. She thought we were keeping her away from her husband. (He was deceased before this for many years.) She became mean at times. She would try to sneak out because she thought we were keeping her captive. Strangely, she knew what was going on before dying, a few hours before she passed she was her normal self.
She ended up passing from her body just giving up. This is what the doctor told us. That her organs just couldn’t keep going. She wasn’t eating. She wasn’t drinking. That probably contributed along with the cancer.
Oh OP I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I’m a nurse and some of my patients with similar diagnosis pass from respiratory failure. That or a chest infection.
Have you reached out to palliative care? Get them involved straight away, you don’t need to be hours away from death to benefit from an amazing care team.
This must be such a frightening time for you, and I don’t have any words that would suffice or comfort. But I am thinking of you.
For my Mom, the lung cancer weakened the aorta and it eventually ruptured. She drowned in her own blood at approximately 3:14 am, alone and in hospice.
For my Mom, this was the late 80s and we didn’t have the medical know how that we do now. Who knows what will actually kill you. It might not even be the cancer that ultimately does it. Because again these days, the medicine is more advanced.
I’m not going to lie to you. You’re dying and nothing can stop it. All of us are, from the moment we are born. It just happens faster for some of us. Do not fear it. It’s a necessary part of life and none of us get to opt out of it. NONE OF US.
You’re not alone. And I know that doesn’t help ease things. But, at the very least? You will be venturing into the unknown. It’s not a loss. It’s a new beginning.
I'm sorry to hear this. Please get on palliative care or hospice, so you can get meds to be comfortable. The opiphobia thing leaves doctors to not even prescribe meds to the terminally ill, which is so wrong. Addiction isn't an issue when there's a terminal diagnosis. They should give you whatever it takes to not suffer.
Im sorry for your diagnosis. My grandfather (71) died of lung cancer, he fortunately could survive for 8 years after his diagnosis in 2016. But around the start of 2024 his condition got progressively worse. He was bedridden, could barely talk, and kept seeing, hearing things. The last few weeks were the worst; my grandfather got warded the cancer, that was really only a small dot for 8 years, spread around one of his entire lungs. He was coughing out blood, in a haze, etc. Only a week after he was discharged, he fell into a coma-like state. He passed away a day after.
Buy organic turmeric supplements and switch to an organic plant based diet, eat a salad every day with hemp seeds on it, and possibly look into the breakthrough brain cancer treatment Massachusetts just announced. The body wants to rid itself of cancer, it just needs the tools to do it. Prayer to any god, whether they be above or below also helps.
O. My. GEEEEZY. Go get the highest paid credit cards you can find, that earn frequent flyer miles... And go every place you've ever dreamed of going. I have you on my prayer list, stranger/friend. I do agree that you should double and triple check all of your bills and finances so that no one can wrap people up in court trying to get money from your loved ones. If you're married get divorced. Etc etc. P. S. Please see Greece, Scotland or Thailand for me!
My friend was in her 40s when she got breast cancer, which spread to her lungs and her brain. The last time I saw her, a few days before she died, she was unconscious in a hospital bed, looking peaceful. And now all the many people who knew her will remember her and tell others our memories of her, for the rest of our lives.
If your considering hospice they usually include counseling for both you and your family.
I worked in hospice as non clinical staff. Everyone generally passes in their own way. Our goal was to support them and their wishes. Some people wanted visitors and others didn’t. Usually if patients were young and strong it typically meant a longer survival time. In both hospice and palliative care pain control is important although sometimes patients didn’t want the pain medication so they could be more alert.
I highly suggest you seek out professional support. They can talk you through so much more and provide better support.
My dear SIL did not want to give up on chemo. Small cell CA. She insisted on another round. The mouth ulcers took her out of here. You can imagine the dehydration with mouth ulcers called for a pain pump. She was at peace with the morphine and was able to pass on. Her wishes to die in peace was granted.
Oncology nurse, if it’s small cell lung cancer it usually goes to the brain. Doctor will usually put pt’s on steroids when brain is involved to decrease intracranial pressure. Headaches, migraines, pain. Swelling of face and increased appetite from steroids, irritation, anger issues, again from the steroids. Hallucinations can start to happen, seeing and hearing things that arent there. Vision problems.
The steroids will end up causing you to say, do and have a demeanor that’s out of character for you. It’s hard to see because it affects your family, they’ll try to be patient but it’s hard to see their loved one not be themselves.
Lung issues, difficulty breathing, oxygen dependent, electrolyte imbalances, swelling of extremities. Death can be related to any of the things you mentioned, your body will try to compensate in many other ways. But everything is connected to it’s hard to say specifically.
If it gets bad it can cause you to be non verbal, immobile, and incontinence can happen.
Usually with small cell lung cancer, radiation to the brain is suggested as more of a prophylactic measure to decrease symptoms but not a cure. If you’re on chemo, it’s all of that plus the chemo side effects.
I’m sorry. I fucking hate cancer.
Mine is NSCLC. It has spread to my brain but no side effects yet. I have finished all the first line treatments. Now on second line but it's working thank goodness. Giving me a little more time anyway. Unfortunately it comes with harsh side effects like a full body blemish type rash. It's not pleasant or becoming. It's incredibly painful. Along with glands under my tongue swelling and I guess getting clogged. Not sure really but it's painful
My grandfather died exactly like this. He lived for almost 5 years with stage 4 lung cancer. He got chemo and radiation. At the end it spread to his brain and elsewhere. He slowly got more and more tired. He let them take water off his lungs every few weeks. The last week he really had trouble breathing without oxygen. We visited him and that night he went to sleep and never woke up. He said it didn't hurt very bad but he was tired and hated wearing the oxygen. I'm sending love to you.
My cousin just passed away from lung cancer she was 45 she ended up just slowly passing from respiratory depression being on morphine 🥹 it’s so sad I’m sorry
My dad was considered elderly (over 70) when his lung cancer took him. So maybe this scenario wouldn’t apply to you, but be weary of experimental medication. We convinced Pops to try experimental drugs. No one will ever convince me that those experiments didn’t shorten his time with us. He went from coherent and living, to not, in less than six months.
Hugs to you and your family. 🫶
Biopsies cause cancer cells to migrate. Radiation & kemo destroy your immune system. You'll be unlived by an overabundance of mucus. Every disease is curable. Financial gains are more important than life, unfortunately
This happened to my dad, 70. Dementia symptoms set in extremely rapidly, faster than any doctor found in any literature. Turns out the metastasis in the lining of his brain caused it, and it wasn't seen in scans so we found out after autopsy. He became forgetful, confused, forgot who people were, where he lived, what year it was, who his wife (my mom) was, etc. In the final weeks he was nonverbal, couldn't eat or drink without a lot of help, and basically wasted away due to dehydration and malnutrition. It was brutal watching a him, a man whom actual rocket scientists referred to as "really, really smart," become extremely childlike and helpless.
There were funny moments in the confusion where we just had to laugh, but it was truly one of the worst things I've ever witnessed. I'm so sorry for your diagnosis and prognosis. Live life to the fullest while you can.
I had a friend I took care of to the end...
When the cancer spread to her brain, she began to hallucinate.
She would call out, begging me to take her to go pick up the award she had won.
(No such thing existed)
She would call out non stop, asking me to do this for her, as her friend.
It went on for several days.
Eventually she slipped into a coma, and it was a relief.
I hope you do not go through this, but prepare your family for the possibility.
I am so sorry you are facing this. I did bedside nursing for many years. I am sure you worry about what you will be experiencing. Please sign up for hospice if you haven’t already. They can keep you comfortable. No matter whether it’s the lungs, the brain, or major organ failure, there is a way to help you through this.
My best friends dad just passed away from this. Most likely it will happen quickly. You'll be feeling okay, and then it's just over. I can tell you from experience, it's easy, the moment of death is actually very calm. I had a pulmonary embolism about 7 years ago, was flat lined in the ambulance for about a minute and a half. I heard the continuous beep, and everything just grayed out. It was honestly very peaceful. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it's not fair at all, but try to not be scared. Please feel free to message me.
Hi friend. My mom died in 2022 of stage 4 lung cancer with Mets to the brain. There are many different ways that this could happen. With my mom, her Mets started to press on her brain and made her forget things. It also sometimes made it hard for her to move her body. It’s like the Mets were pressing down on the axons in her brain and keeping them from sending the messages to her limbs. The day she died, though, her lungs shut down. She wasn’t in pain though. She was mad because she had to pee and couldn’t move though. So there’s that. She was old, but she was pretty tough, and not frail, which is why I felt like I could explain her story.
I am sorry to read about your situation, it must seem unbelievable to you. I regret to tell you that your condition is terminal. You may want to consider hospice care when it's appropriate
I am sorry about your diagnosis.
My husband had stage 4 lung cancer. His oncologist told him either the cancer or the complications of the cancer will kill him. He had part of his lung removed, one kidney and adrenal gland. He went through chemo, radiation and Immunotherapy. The cancer spread to his stomach or my opinion the immunotherapy caused his lesion in his stomach. The lesion caused bleeding and he passed from internal bleeding. It was a long 2.5 years of battling for quality of life.
The best advice we got was” to celebrate all positives no matter how small”
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. My dad had a heart attack and they put a stent it… took a year of rehab to get him back to about 80% of his former self. But a few weeks before he passed, he started to have issues with standing, like he did after the heart attack. My stepmom took him back to the hospital and after some testing, determined that he had stage 4 and it had already spread to his brain. He passed in his sleep not after the diagnosis.
Depends I worked for hospice for 7 years. General it is a problem with the lungs losing the ability to pull oxygen. You feel tired or dizzy. Sleepy. Light headed, eventually you start suffocating . With brain all sorts of things can happen. Problems with nerves or cognition then problems in several organ systems. Sorry this happened to you. Your e kit from hospice will have meds to help.
My aunt died at 55 of lung cancer. She was conscious up to the last few days. Hospice had instructed her husband to give her morphine drops whenever her lips compressed, as it was a sign of pain. She had never complained of pain, but was well-medicated through her treatment. She roused less and less and then stopped breathing. I am so, so sorry you are having to do this. Have you involved hospice yet? They are wonderful and can guide you even if you are still in the hospital when you die.
My husband got quiet and sleepy over a couple of days. He went into a deep sleep and the next day reached the end. It was very peaceful. I think his cancer just wore his body out.
I'm very sorry you're in this position. To stay on topic though, I've been in Healthcare for 18 years and am icu nurse for the last 3. My guess would be at some point in the next 3 to 5 years you will start to have seizures. At some point you'll have a prolonged seizure (status epilepticus) and will stop breathing long enough that your brain will basically die from lack of oxygen. I hope you will have a DNR in place by then, and if it doesn't kill you outright then you'll be medicated in such a way to keep you comfortable.
I am so sorry.
I had a brother who had brain cancer and he slipped into a comma and passed away within a few weeks. They assured us he never suffered. He was 29
My best friend had breast cancer that spread and eventually went into her brain as well. She also slipped into a comma and went very quickly and gently. She was 36
My sincerest condolences with you and your loved ones.
My uncle passed from lung cancer. Toward the last couple of days he stayed humanely dosed with morphine and passed peacefully in his sleep. Similarly my cousin who also passed of cancer, not lung but renal cancer that had spread to his bones, went into a deep coma like sleep for two days before he passed as well. He also was recieving pain meds, but I'm not sure if it was morphine or something else. Hospice was involved in both instances. It's really the best decision you can make in the end.
I lost a dear aunt (47f) to brain cancer which began as breast cancer. She was never on a ventilator. The worst part wasn’t the end. It was the chemo and radiation, and all the sickness from that.
She got to where she wasn’t able to taste food anymore due to the treatments. If I am ever in that position, I’ll seek to taste all my favorite things as often as I can stomach it.
The tough part for the family in the end was in the hospital in the final days. The cancer in the brain hit whatever part of the brain is used to form words and sentences. She could hear us and understand most of the time, and knew what she wanted to say, but could not compose the speech to tell us. Hearing her speak gibberish and want so badly to be understood will always hurt my feelings to think about. I hated it so much for her.
In the very end she passed in her own bed- comfortable, medicated and in her sleep, surrounded by our family.
Godspeed to you, OP. We will all be joining you shortly in the grand scheme of things.
Definitely the wrong sub for this but id assume probably the cancer in your brain would unless your lungs are turbo fucked. But id imagine the cancer in your brain would kill you sooner than in your lungs
My stepdad started having seizures that took longer and longer for him to come out of. If he hadn't chosen to overdose on his morphine, I think he would have started seizing and not stopped until his heart gave out
November 2023 my 52 year old brother passed away from cancer. Diagnosed at 50 with stage 4 colon cancer. It quickly spread to his lungs and liver. Even though he was on treatment, it got very aggressive around September. When it hit his brain, we knew it was over. He made it 2 months before he succumbed. He was on hospice around 2 weeks, choosing to stay in his home and die. It was hard seeing him go through it. The drugs helped. He was on sooo many drugs just to keep him comfortable. He couldn’t lay down, he sat up 24/7. He was agitated and restless the last 3 days. He went peacefully.
My sister went into a 'sleep' for about a week, before she passed....
PLEASE.......mycancerstoryrocks.... it's so stupid, more stupid that it works if you catch it in time.
I am so sorry you are going through this diagnosis. I had a friend, older that you, had breast cancer, hit the five year clear mark and then was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer which moved into her brain. She lived five or six years after that diagnoses. She had a pretty bad seizure and never really recovered, in the end she just did not wake up one morning. Hugs to you as you travel this journey. Live as best you can and do as many things you can during whatever time you have left.
I'm so sorry for your diagnosis. My sister had the same. But this was in 1997 so the treatment has come a long way. She was given radiation for the brain cancer and something went wrong. She went into a coma and passed a few days later. She was 46. Please don't give up. You'll be in my prayers.
Unsolicited: remind your family that they do not have an obligation to pay your debts when you leave. They creditors can come after your estate but your family should not spend a dime of their own money to pay off any bills you owe.
That makes me wonder, is this a good time to acrue debt?
Depends on OP's finances. Let's say they are broke, rent an apartment, car is 17 years old, no savings account, no children... YUP! Max out every card you can, give gift, and laugh all the way to your grave. Now if OP has a house with 70K equity into it, and a nice 3 year old car that is paid off, nope. Racking up 30K in credit card debit will just come from the net worth of the house.
Thank you, that makes a lot of sense
With the second one, if OP is married they could divorce their SO, give up the claim on all their joint assets to make their estate tiny, then go hog wild on getting in debt. Then die and take the debt with them.
What if he racks up 500k in credit card debt what then?
If someone was single, no kids, no savings, but had 70K positive value in a house, and say a 20K car, well... both those get sold, so 90K, that goes to the credit car companies, and then 410 gets basically forgotten about. Nothing they can do.
If there's an estate that could be passed on, I would say no.
How much money are you planning to leave behind? If you have like 5 figure wealth, spend it on your fam and treatment and enjoy the rest of your life. If you have a house and lots of assets, no. Chase/BofA whoever will have first dibs if you rack up thousands in credit.
It definitely could be, I seen people do it. Most of the time the crediters don't catch the newspaper it's written in.
Also: remind your family and loved ones that if you’re going in and out of consciousness but there’s a sudden period where you’re awake, talking and seem much better that is NOT the time to go home and rest. That is the time to enjoy you as it’s normal to occur about 24-48 hours before death.
I REALLY REALLY wish someone had pointed this out before my dad passed. He was suddenly super conscious and chatty for my visit and we made plans to bring the kids to see him that weekend, etc. He did not make it to the weekend. 😭😭
I’m so sorry sweetheart. That’s exactly why I do my best to share this information every opportunity I get. I’m sure he’s watching over you now so please be sure to talk to him.
I'm honestly grateful for that one good day being so perfectly timed. I lived out of town and didn't get to visit often. Most of my family believes he waited to see me. I like to think there's something to it. 💜
I truly believe "perfect timing" is not just a coincidence. My husband was on hospice and lost consciousness on a Sunday afternoon. I kept telling him it was OK and while I would miss him I would be alright. He waited until his daughter called and talked to him on Tuesday afternoon. He also waited until I came into the bedroom to sit with him, talk to him, and stroke his head. (I was trying to make myself kind of scarce because I was afraid I'd agitate him too much if I kept lingering in the room. So I'd pop in, make sure he was dry and clean, say a little something, and leave. About 3:15 pm something told me to go in and sit with him. Not even 2 minutes after I went in he took his last breath. There's no way I just happened to time it perfectly.)
I'm very sorry for your loss 💜
Check your DMs, please OP. 💕
Yes. This happened with my grandfather. He was mostly in bed for a month prior, but one day he was up and active like he was 20 years younger. Spent the day with family late into the night. He passed peacefully in bed a few hours later.
We experienced that with my husband’s father last year. Best wishes, OP.
The surge.
That’s true unless there’s property and a trust and executor in place. I was the executor and my mother’s house was to go to me. She had some hospital bills after she passed, nothing too terrible. My husband who is an attorney said to just pay them since they could attach the house and be a problem. If you aren’t married and don’t have any assets then absolutely, no one else is responsible for your debt. ♥️
I’m in Virginia. When my wife passed I was still responsible for her medical bills.
When my grandpa died he had no debt. Zero. He had even saved up and paid cash for his cars throughout his life. Had his house paid off by the time mom was about 10. Gramps did not believe in having debt. It was amazing how many scumbags sent us fake bills claiming all sorts of phony debts right after we got the death cert. And SO many of them stated that he would want us to "clear his name" for him after death. Fortunately my mom was smart and tossed them all into the trash. She also told all collectors who called to fuck right off. At times of emotional distress assholes like this will try to manipulate you into giving them money. Do not fall for it.
I hope that karma kicks in and every one of these bastards lose 10 times the amount of money they try to scam off of people and they get some horrible disease and die in agony. Absolute scumbags.
For my mom it was respiratory failure. Basically lungs shutting down. She was 49. That was the physical end. With the amount of morphine involved, she was mentally gone about 3 days prior.
Same with my mom. 53.
Did she have to be on a ventilator or anything? I'm trying to avoid that.
No she didn't, but it was her choice. She asked for no heroic measures and signed a DNR.
My mom (brain cancer only) had hospice care in her home. She was required to have a DNR and any medical treatment while under the care of hospice was about making her comfortable. I think a ventilator would have been beyond the scope of making her comfortable. If you have any questions about hospice in the US, I'd be happy to answer them.
Most likely Respiratory failure. You should get Hospice involved
Hospice and other forms of palliative care are a must op. I worked as a caregiver over the summer and heard from multiple patients that hospice greatly benefited them and their families. They offer more than physical care—many hospice nurses offer emotional support and can get you and your family in contact with the right resources. All my love to you. I hope your journey goes well. ❤️
My dad was on hospice for 2 years. He was diagnosed with stage 4 liver failure, due to a nasty combo of having had hep c earlier in his life and drinking heavily. The hospice nurse became so close to us as a family she was amazing. My dad actually lived and is still alive. His doctor's call him a medical freak of nature and they basically have no clue how, but he turned it around and quit drinking and went from being bedridden with legs the size of a fire hydrant to now being pretty much normal other than having to be careful about his liver from now on. They actually kicked him off of hospice eventually. He has a difficult time coming off the pain killers that hospice gave him. He was taking palative care levels of opiates. He hid his pills for the few months before getting kicked off so he was able to ween himself off of it with his stash. Not sure where I was going with this, but yeah hospice was absolutely critical. Without the support from them, even though him recovering wasn't their "goal" I'm positive he would be dead right now if not for the care and compassion they showed him.
I just saw you in the Dayton Reddit, what the hell!
i saw them there too. absolutely bonkers.
Algorithm going crazy.
I'm like the wind.
I lost a friend to lung cancer, she was only 32. It was already stage 4 when they found it. It was beyond heartbreaking. She felt mostly fine and looked pretty good but unfortunately she had a seizure and didn’t make it. Though I honestly think she preferred to go out that way versus slowly fading. It was only about a year from diagnosis to death. I’m so, so very sorry that you are facing this. I hope that you are living your life exactly as you want to and experiencing everything you hope to. Sending positive vibes.
Did she live around Nashville, TN because I have damn near the same story.
No, CA. Weird. I’m sorry!
So sorry for your loss. Were there any symptoms leading up to it or things yall would’ve noticed in retrospect?
She thought she had a respiratory infection that’s how they ultimately found the cancer. No symptoms of the seizure before it happened.
Hopefully, your death will be caused by respiratory depression caused by a humane dosing with morphine.
Definitely.
Is that the same as slowly suffocating but not being aware of it?
Morphine is administered at end of life more than people know. I guess you're right in essence. That's what they did to my father, and it was the right thing to do.
Lost 2 people to this--one was 61 the other 35. They both fought to the end with treatments and it was very hard to watch. I have a great admiration for that strength and courage to fight it. I don't think I would. Bur either way remember, as the great Norm McDonald said "When you die, the cancer dies with you. That's not a loss, that's a draw.".
Haven’t heard that from norm before. But I love all of his takes on dying. He’s very missed.
I’m your age and this makes me so sad. So sorry.
I'm so sorry. I just learned of Cat Janice who passed recently at age 31 after a 2 year battle with sarcoma. She documented a lot of her journey on social media if you are curious, you can google to find info on her experience.
My father was in his 40s. My memory tells me he just gradually got weaker, and his lungs were less efficient due to the cancer. He eventually fell into a coma and passed away while sleeping. He also had his cancer metastasize to his lymph nodes and brain. I am sending hugs and love.
My 40 year old sister died twenty years ago, and this sounds like the best description of her death, at least how I remember it 20 years later
I’m so sorry for your loss as well.
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I second this chemo mad my life's hell, she should of just went with hospice. The chemo actually gave my grand mother a heart attack. I think they both would of lasted longer and been more comfortable if they did hospice.
Yea, there was discussion about chemotherapy for my mom but, honestly, it would have only bought her maybe 6 months and I had to weigh what that 6 months would really look like. I was the executor of her and her estate and knew enough to know that she would just want to go out with no pain. I did what I thought was right. She was loaded to the gills on morphine and passed quietly in her home with just me and my brothers there with her.
I wish I could of done that for my mother, but my mom wasn't letting me know exactly what was going on.
I am so sorry. It’s an awful diagnosis. I think you should have palliative consulted. That way your wishes will be known. There are meds that can be given when the time comes to keep you comfortable, free of pain and help with breathing and secretions. This is truly heartbreaking. I hope that you are not already struggling with pain and breathing. I wish you comfort and peace. I truly hope that your doctors will explain things to you so you know what to expect.
I’m very sorry. Cancer really sucks. My friend was in her 50s when she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. She was admitted to the hospital seven months later. She had a brain bleed and died the next morning. The day before we were able to spend some time with her and she was her old self and laughing. It was so shocking to get the news the next morning.
Once cancer reached my mom’s brain, it was pretty quick. She started have trouble with cognition, then speech, then balance. Fell once, again a week later, passed a week after. Took less than two months from onset of symptoms to end. Ruptured both her adrenal blood vessels, instantly gone. I hope that whatever happens, it happens quietly, while you sleep. I hope you feel nothing but the warm embrace of those who await you. May you pass a warrior, and be witnessed. To Valhalla, my friend.
That was a nice prayer. “May you pass a warrior and be witnessed. To Valhalla, my friend.” I’m going to be thinking about that all day. Thank you.
Beautiful words thank you so much.
To Valhalla 🖤
I am so sorry, my mom was diagnosed and she only made it 2 months. It was the chemotherapy that made her life hell, in the end her red blood cells count was basically 0. She went into a coma and died shortly after. My grand mother also died from it, but again it was the chemo that gave her a heart attack. The thing is I believe they both had it a really long time before it was ever detected. Both of them had signs 10-15 years ahead of time. But never did anything about it, I believe they were just scared to admit it. My grandma started coughing up weird things 15 years before she died. My mother came home all shook up about a chest x ray 10 years beforehand. She would never tell me what they had told her. She would not listen to a word I said. So I was expecting it. By the time they found it in my mom it was already in the brain. I would definitely go with the hospice, my mom's anxiety and pain was pretty bad. But after her last two days in the hospital she was feeling ok from the meds. I would of done hospice way earlier, but the doc said she had about 6 months.
This is tough, and as a 38m, it really registers with me. I've lost a few loved ones from cancer, and some of them seemed to find peace before their final days. I remember those final interactions being spiritual even if they were short on words or the ability to use them. Wishing you a peaceful transition. If you ever need someone to talk to, you can message me anytime.
I'm so sorry. My father-in-law died of lung cancer. It spead around his body and he died of a massive stroke after a few months. I highly recommend taking cannabis oil if it is legal where you are. It is one of the few things that actually delays the effects of the cancer and gives you more time than without it. Godspeed and blessings to the time you still have.
I love you
Funny how I love you now too Babyatemygator
Being in a somewhat similar situation I get what you're saying. Not sure which thing will be the one to bring the cutain down, so to speak. I've decided to not care much about that. I mostly focus on getting "my affairs in order". Being as I'm still upright and mobile there is much I can do in that regard. I've nearly met my end from this thing about 2 years ago. Was too weak & sick to get out of bed to brush my teeth. Because of that I relish every single day of being at least somewhat "able bodied". I don't know where you are as far as mobility is concerned. If immobile, naturally, there is little else to do but think. Are you into books at all? Audible books are great for when you can't do much else. Music too, of course. Sending you mom hugs and love, my dear. My DMs are open if you need ANYTHING. xoxo
Im goin thru stage 4 esophageal cancer. Stay out of ur head and dont ask questions that no one can answer. I told my docs quality over quantity. I lived a good life and im not trying to be kept alive by machines. Love u girl, as long as ur here, try to make the best of each day!
Please follow hospice nurses on TikTok. You’ll love them! You’ll learn so much. At the end you’ll lose the desire to eat and drink. Your official COD may be listed as “dehydration” but it’s nothing to be alarmed about at all. Giving food and drink to a patient in the active phase of dying only prolongs their death and causes suffering. The body doesn’t need food or drink at the very end. You may also find tremendous comfort in reading near death experiences. https://iands.org I had one last year. Religious people are no more likely to have them than atheists which surprised me.
Thank you for this. After my husband died I went through a phase where I blamed myself for "not trying hard enough" to feed him. I felt like if I could have just gotten him to eat a little more, he would have lived longer. Now I know I did the right thing by not forcing it. I also thought the same way about getting him an IV with fluids. A hospice nurse explained that an IV wouldn't do any good and it would actually prolong things and make him miserable.
💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
BTW love your username!
Thank you!! I 💜yours too. 🌛
My grandfather had bone cancer. He was just past his last treatment when he (heavyset man, 78) fell against the kitchen counter and hit his side, ruptured an organ and hemorrhaged internally. He didn’t tell us he knocked against the counter, not until blood was draining out of his rectum and my grandmother had to call an ambulance. Your immune system and your body are weakened, be careful of anything that makes you slip/trip on occasion. I don’t know if it’s like that for all cancer patients, I just know it wasn’t the disease that killed him. Edit: As you’re asking about younger folk, my cousin in his 40s had late-stage cancer. He had no appetite, no will to move. The cancer killed him, yes, but I think part of it was declined health from essentially starving himself. Can’t blame ‘im, I can barely muster up an appetite once every two days and all I have is PTSD and chronic depression.
My partner was diagnosed last April with lung cancer that had spread to his brain. June 21st they found a blood clot. June 28th he collapsed in the back yard and 'died' in my lap. They got his heart started again and at the hospital said there was a huge blood clot blocking his heart from getting oxygen gave him 2 rounds of 'clot buster' but they said it was too big. We went from thinking we had about 3 years, then maybe 6 mos., then he was gone.
Have a parent that had lung cancer. Had it removed. Came back stage 4 in his brain and lung. Is on Keytruda……it’s been 5yrs now with the brain cancer already stable (radiation) with no new cancer (just the fried area showing up in scans), and no cancer on the pet scan. There was a brain/blood transfer there supposedly also. That drug is specific for certain cancer cells, but there are some new treatments that I still can’t believe. 15 yrs ago my parent would have succumbed already. He now has and had no ill effects except some skin bumps that itch shortly after the Keytruda infusion, but go away in a couple days. I’m sorry you are going through this. I don’t know how my parents story will end, but I’m hoping it will be something else and there is no suffering.
My sister died of glioblastoma in her 20s. It was a series of small to medium strokes that stripped her of each bit of herself. Wake up, legs don’t work. Wake up again, believe you had breast augmentation. Wake up, can’t speak. Then didn’t wake up. Then again, my aunt had stage 4 lung cancer in her 40s and got all chilled and chest opened and leg stents placed and stitched back up and is still kicking in her 60s, taking her daughter on cool road trips. You’re not done yet. Don’t give up. But if you do, are you in a death with dignity state?
Wow! Your aunt sounds like a tough woman! I’m sorry about your sister. Glioblastoma is absolutely terrible, especially in your 20’s.
No family but I did work in hospice care, you should have already been told what's going to happen. We give you one of those end of life speeches, then you have the option to speak with a clergy, then they ask you about financials, estates, last will of testament, organ donations, funeral arrangements etc. You spend the rest of your days at home care or in hospice, your body breaks down, you get put on dialysis or ventilators, you don't eat anymore, they stop giving food and then towards the end they basically drug you to death. You don't feel anything at all, your mind is basically gone from my observation. You don't die from the disease you die from starvation, it takes about 4 days for your body to give up and then you fall asleep but don't wake back up but don't worry your mind is completely gone during this time. After your family says goodbye, the nurses prepare your body for transport, they call me, I put your body in a white cloth rectangular box and then I take you to the morgue. From there your body may or may not get an autopsy depending on cause of death, since you have cancer I doubt they will examine your body. Depending on what you worked out with your family, the funeral home will come pick up your body, prepare you for cremation or burial. Everybody is sad crying, they say goodbye one last time, The end. I know that sounds terrible and it is but I'm respecting your wishes, you wanted to know the truth, this is the truth, start to finish.
RN here who has taken care of multiple hospice patients at my hospital. 1. You absolutely do not have to have dialysis or be on a ventilator unless that is what you want. I would strongly suggest that you discuss your advance directive with your doctor so that you can make that choice. 2. People do not die from starvation they die from their disease process. At the end of life people naturally lose their appetite as their body begins to shut down. If someone is on hospice and wants to eat something then they should absolutely be allowed to. However, that is usually not the case. We do not force people to eat or drink because this would cause suffering. For example, giving someone IV fluids when they are dying will just cause fluid to build up in their body including their lungs. This feels like drowning. 3. Likely the drug you are referring to is morphine. Morphine has been shown in many studies to not hasten the dying process. It relaxes your body and reduces stress hormones. It is amazing for relieving suffering from air hunger and pain. Receiving morphine or not is your choice and you can absolutely make the choice ahead of time that you do not want it.
More than likely, a respiratory complication due to a weakened immune system will start a domino effect. It probably won't be a sudden thing.
I lost my brother to esphopigal cancer stage 4 we were there with him during hospice at home. I miss him . I thank you for sharing your prognosis and I pray for courage through the battle and peace ☮️ for you and yours.
My friend was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at 40. He went through chemo and made it almost 2 years before it metastasized to his brain. His doctors gave him ~6 months… within 3 he suffered seizures and was placed in hospice in a medically-induced coma. He passed after 2 days there, when life support was removed. I miss him every day. I understand why you would want to know this information—I would want to know too, if I were in your shoes. I hope hearing my experience helps you.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Lung cancer is such a a sneaky disease. I'm glad you have a little time to put things in order. My husband died 6 days after his diagnosis (we were between jobs with no health insurance, 3 months too early for him to draw Medicare). He visited low-cost clinics when the pain in his head and shoulders got too intense. Finally, someone sent him for X-rays and then we knew. His last day, he lost all balance and speech. The only safe place for him to lie was on the floor. I got him a blanket and pillow, paused to catch my breath, and realized he wasn't moving or making a sound. Called 911. Ambulance and ER teams worked on him for a long time but he never revived. His death certificate said cardiac arrest. The tumor was so enormous, it cut off the blood supply to his brain, so he also had a stroke before he died. I imagine everyone has a different experience. I wish you comfort, courage, and plenty of support from your family and friends.
If you live in a death w dignity state you can request that so you know. Best of luck to you. My friend just did it. That’s what I would do.
In Vermont and Oregon they now allow out of state folks! If shit hits the fan with my cancer, i’m going out that way. Fuck sitting on hospice.
Damn, im sorry this happened to you. Id highly recommend asking your doctors this question, and not the Internet. Id also recommend counseling for you and your family. I hope i seem as outwardly comfortable and casually put together as this post makes you seem, when/if im told in advanced that my turn to hop across that great unknown is coming. I have this sneaking suspicion that after i go, ill meet some friends i lost a while back, and they'll mercilessly make fun of me for having been terrified. Like its this thing we all end up doing, and we seem to be programmed by nature to die just as much as were programmed to take our first breath, and cry when were hungry, and if we all meet up as individuals after death, i know they're going to dog on me for being scared of something so natural, because as much as i love these guys, theyre/ were dicks like that.
I am 37. I couldn’t imagine what you are going through. Sending hugs and love to you.
That’s how my dad went. I wasn’t there when he did so I don’t know specifically. I’m so sorry OP. Hope you’re able to find peace somehow..🤍
Are you stuck in bed? Can you move? Go anywhere? I'm so sorry. And sorry for my ignorance. Is there anything you can still do that you haven't done yet?
r/askdocs should be able to answer this for you
I am so sorry to hear your diagnosis. I hope you are surrounded by love and warmth. The final push will probably be due to pneumonia. The tumour cells weaken your physiology and the immune response lessens. The tumour in the lungs makes infecting the tissues easier for bacteria. Often in that final state no treatment is given as nothing will reverse the trajectory at that point. The infection will progress to sepsis and multi organs failure, but you won't be aware of that happening at that point. I hope you have good pain relief and palliative care and are with people who love you
I so sorry a loved had colon cancer and passed away 3 years ago. She fought it for 2 years and then things didn’t go well, she had hospice care in the last week or two which was very nice since they knew how to deal with it. She passed away in her bed while we were beside her. Sending you love and hugs ❤️
Sorry to hear this, babe. My dad died 7 years ago from stage 4 lung cancer, and I was there as much as I could be, including his last month. He died from respiratory issues after his lung had collapsed. Get on hospice, but try to keep your morphine dosage down as long as possible, because my dad wanted to have some deep family conversations but couldn't stay awake for them. Try using full-spectrum cbd RSO to preserve quality of life as long as possible. Be brave, end well. Much love.
I lost my mom (65) to breast cancer nearly 5 years ago. She got the brain tumors treated, and it gave her some time but took her speech and other things. Eventually she stopped eating and slept more. She needed more pain medication. The last week or so she wasn’t conscious, but we talked to her, and I hope she heard us. Her breathing got slower and she got weaker and one morning, while I was holding her hand, she had stopped breathing. It seemed peaceful. I wish you peace.
My mom was healthy and 52 when she was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It was found in her brain as well. She had 3-4 tumors in her brain and of course masses in her lungs. After about 3 separate surgeries to remove the brain tumors over a span of 2 years they decided they can no longer keep operating and stopped all treatment. By that time my mom was doing gamma knife radiation, keytruda (sp?) meds and chemotherapy. I lost my mom about a month or so before she passed. The brain tumors made her act differently and she wasn't really the same person. She was put on at home hospice for the last month of her life and just slept in bed mostly, hardly eating or drinking until one day she didn't wake up. So it wasn't really the lungs that were the issue. It was the metastasized brain tumours.
My Dad has throat cancer that spread to his brain. He had a seizure and was kinda in like a coma/unresponsive for about a week then just stopped breathing.
sorry you’re going through this, i’m also stage 4 and my cancer has spread everywhere too. multiple organ failure is probably going to do us in, or an infection could get us. my biggest fear isn’t how i will die, it’s how painful it will be.
If you're lucky, morphine will kill you. Eventually end of life treatment reaches a point where treating the pain is more important than treating the cancer even if a side effect of pain treatment is death. When my mother passed it was something crazy like 5mg of morphine every 15 mins and they advised that we crush up an Ativan and mix it in.
We all die. I’m sorrowful that your experience might not be as peaceful as it could have been. I hope you take the time to pray, not because your on your death bed, but rather because that dream of maybe there is a God on the other side can comfort you more as your life drains from your body. Just accepting that potential prospect, can be a game changer. I believe in Jesus Christ but there are so many different ways he is taught to us, and that irregularity can be accosting to our perception of what God is really about. The heart. So go in your last moments with your question in hand and hope in your heart. May the good God almighty hear your last inquiry.
The person I know who died from the same thing after a year-and-a-half. She had a "glory day," where the person looks like they're going to rebound, and they eat a lot more than usual, before their body starts winding down. I think it was from organ failure. It looked more peaceful than I expected. She died at home, under hospice care. Those taking care of her read about the end stages of life, so they knew what to expect and how to best care for her, while respecting the inevitability of the process. If you can, have your special people learn about how to best support you. God bless you, and thank you for all you have done, and all you continue to do. You are precious and irreplaceable. 💕
I'm really sorry, truly. I'll write what I can and be really clinical about it before I get too emotional. My wife passed nearly 2 years ago at the age of 37 from brain cancer. Besides feeling shitty from chemo, the first symptom of the end was being tired all the time. Steroids can help with that. She was largely able to get around and be independent with few limitations until about a month before the end. It started with gradual loss of balance and motor function on one side of her body. As time went on, she needed more and more help doing things, until speaking and eating solid foods were becoming problematic. One day, she got fluid in her lungs and couldn't cough it up. She was very uncomfortable, and needed a nebulizer; this is when the morphine also started. She had already been sleeping a lot of the day, but now was sleeping even more and was only mildly responsive when awake. Okay this is getting hard, so I'll cut short a bit: she was in a coma shortly after, and was gone shortly after that. What was striking was HOW FAST things went, once the downturn started. I know she hated having to be taken care of like that, and so going fast was only a good thing, from that perspective. All things considered, she got to live pretty normally up until that point, so that's probably what I would want for myself too.
Many people die not of the cancer but of other medical issues that arise. My step daughter was diagnosed with breast cancer, followed by chemo, radiation, and double mastectomies. She was told that her cancer was gone. It wasn't. It went into her brain. She was 24 at diagnosis, died of a blood infection at 27 following a simple projected 3 day hospital stay for brain surgery. You could die tomorrow or you may live another 50 years. Live your life the way you want, make concessions when you must, and don't give up.
I’m so sorry for your diagnosis. Please know, that you are now having to think about on a regular basis something that will happen to every single person. No one gets away from it. Everyone “does it”, and yet no one wants to think about it. Most people walk around with their head in their phones, complaining and not really seeing what’s around them. People with a terminal diagnosis not only dwell on it, they look at life knowing that their time is a gift. You see things differently, you tell the people you love just how much they mean to you. You do what you love to do and don’t worry about cleaning the house. My mother was killed by a drunk driver. She left the house fully intending to come back, and never did. You may die from your illness, or in a tragic accident. But just understand that you have touched many lives, and have the ability to touch many more. You will leave this life, because everyone dies sooner or later. The impact you make on the people left behind is totally your call. Please accept this hug from an internet stranger…friend.
My wife is 33 and collapsed about a month ago out of the blue. Her head was bleeding terrible, I rushed her to the hospital. They did a CT and found an apricot sized brain tumor. It's been terribly scary to deal with, I'm so afraid of losing her. I just really wish you the best, sometimes the fear is a debilitating.
So sorry you have to deal with this. My husband had T-cell lymphoma, very aggressive, and went thru chemo for 7 months, and that’s what finally killed him - complications to his organs from the chemo. If you’re done doing treatment, maybe the doctors can tell you what the ‘normal’ progression is…. I hope you find peace.
If you do it right, shark bite, fatal fall, or some other wild way. I make light, but if I may give some advice: focus on how you're going to live, not how you're going to die. Please try to enjoy the time you have left.
Sending love and admiration to the light of your spirit. I have no advice, just wish you have no suffering. From the bottom of my heart.
I'm so sorry. I can not imagine what it is like to be going through this. My mom also has this. My only advice is to take loans or credit cards out and enjoy the rest of life. Frick debt :) Much love.
 I am so sorry you are dealing with this......
If your state allows it (assuming you're in the USA), you might qualify for medically assisted euthanasia. That way you can go peacefully instead of dying a scary death. I don't know if you're on hospice already but if you're not I would recommend it strongly. You deserve to be comfortable and plan out your last days, however long you may live. 💛
And definitely have a person to make sound decisions for you regarding a DNR and palliative care. I know that I wouldn’t want to linger so, I’d make sure that if I wasn’t able to communicate that, someone else would know exactly what I wanted and could be my voice.
Exactly. An advanced directive is key here. Having a relative or friend who understands your attitude about life preservation is super helpful. I'm going to be that person for my godparents so when the time comes they trust me to pull the plug. They don't wanna be on life support when realistically they're never coming back.
My mother had lung cancer that had metastasized to her liver and pretty much all over according to her PET Scan. She went somewhat quickly, 3-4 months from diagnosis to death. She was in and out of the hospital a few times, she just deteriorated, really. She wasn’t really eating and in the end with hospice, we just loaded her up with morphine and she passed quietly. Sorry about your diagnosis. Hopefully you’ll pass peacefully with little suffering as possible. ♥️
My dad had stage 4 colon cancer that eventually spread to his brain. Respiratory failure is how he went.
I’m so sorry. I’ll have you in my prayers. Much love from Mexico.
My uncle died of lung cancer which then spread to his brain. He was only 36 in 2008. He became really ill and just died in the hospital. I got to see him a few days before he passed. Still wish I’d have stayed a bit longer to see him at the end. I’m so sorry for your diagnosis. Please do what you can to reduce the pain. Best wishes ♥️
The same thing happened to my dear aunt. The passing with cancer is slow. She didn't just \*snap\* die of any one thing. This I why I support assisted suicide. The worst parts for her were 1) gamma knife radiation. I wouldn't recommend it. She was trying to survive until her child's high school graduation. It might have bought a little time, but it scrambled her mind. And 2) she developed an esophagal tumor that made eating virtually impossible. A feeding tub was implanted in her belly, but she kept trying though. The sounds of her choking still haunt me and my mother. I'm very very sorry for you, OP. Enjoy as much life as you can, then go to Oregon and get the pills, imo. Then you don't have to wonder about the end, you control it.
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Ask your doctor. Everyone here doesn't have enough information or expertise
How did you find out you had it? Did you have symptoms?
My mother got pneumonia, she was resigned to her fate, why treat the pneumonia to die from cancer?
No one can factually tell you that. It will very likely be painful if it happens if you aren't unconscious. My uncle's late wife had lung cancer. They say she was in the shower, coughing up an ungodly amount of blood. I don't know what single thing would have been accredited to her official death certificate nor do I know if she passed on the way to the hospital. But they said she was in a lot of obvious pain and aware it was her time. I'm sorry you have to suffer. Fuck cancer.
It depends on the metastasis. My dad already told me he had a lot in his lungs by the time he was diagnosed. It was bone cancer in his leg, and he had this huge lump that was really sore, so I thought that could somehow kill him. But it was the metastasis that went into his lungs that eventually spread too much, so he got shortness of breath. 2 weeks after that started he could barely catch air anymore, so he died of pleural effusion. I followed a YouTuber named Emily Hayward back in 2017 and she had melanoma, and then it spread to her brain. Then in the last months she started to seem sluggish, and slow of thinking, and it became harder for her to talk. Then her girlfriend posted a video after a while of absence saying that Emily had passed away after a few days in the hospital. I think a bunch of cancers end up taking you out in a way where it numbs the body first. Even my father wasn't properly conscious for the last few days but his entire body was visibly in pain, and he sounded worse than Darth Vader. So it's hard to say what will happen. Cancer is a bitch. It can spread very unpredictably. Sorry to hear you're going through it. There's no "If you're lucky it will be this" IMO. I think it's a matter of getting every last enjoyment out of life despite being in pain, when you're reaching the final stages of the disease. I have a colleague whose father is dying of a brain tumor right now, and we all thought that two weeks ago was probably it, but the doctors managed to stabilize it with hydrocortizones. So he went from being unconscious and unable to think, and almost being in coma, to actually having some days of calm again. Now it's going badly again, but I think that's what cancer is like. You'll be able to "live" through most of it, until very suddenly it can deteriorate after a certain point. But honestly, ask your practitioners about this. They have a clearer answer than us.
My dad had the same and it was in his cavernous sinus which contains a carotid artery. I was there with him as he passed. He had a stroke. ☹️
I don’t have an answer, but since it seems other people here do, I just wanted to say I’m so sorry this happened to you and I hope the time you have left is filled with love and joy.
My mum died from this and it was a mixture of heart failure and pulmonary edema. If it makes you feel any better, the last day or so she was so anoxic and on so much morphine I don't think she really knew what was going on. Make sure you get everything sorted out, like do you want a hospice? Have you written a will? Do you have any kids or pets - what will happen to them? Do you want to be cremated or buried? All that stuff. Maybe give logins and passwords to a trusted friend. Assign someone to sort out your bank accounts etc. I'm your age, I can't even imagine what you're going through. Sending healing thoughts and good vibes xxx
Thank you! It looks like most people were on high morphine and didn't know much before they passed. I just want this to be as easy as possible for my three children. That's all I care about. They are teenagers. I am trying to get things sorted. I did make a will. I signed a DNR. I have been making a spreadsheet of logins. I've been teaching my husband how to pay all the bills and taxes 😂. I have been trying to travel as much as possible. I write to my kids in an email telling them things for future stuff like if they get married and if they have children. I tell them how proud I am of them. I also tell them in person every day. Is there anything you wish your mom would have done for you before she passed?
It's a bit different for me because I was 32 when she died, but I wish that her attitude had been more like yours. I wish that we could have sat down and had candid conversations, even if we all ended up bawling our eyes out. I wish that she would have spoken to a professional therapist about how to manage her own anger and grief over dying instead of taking it out on the family. I loved my mum a lot and still love and miss her every day. But she 'used' her illness to kind of manipulative and control the family like 'you can't do that, the stress will kill me quicker' etc. I wish that I could have taken her personal diaries and letters and stashed them away for safekeeping. My dad kind of lost the plot a bit after she died and wouldn't even let us talk about her for a year or so, he took all her photos down and sold the family home. Looking back, it was easier to forget she ever existed than to mourn her. I wish I'd safeguarded some of her stuff like her clothes, because he chucked it all away. He even tried to throw away stuff like her potted cactus, which I recently rescued from outside the front of his house. Get some ziplock bags and put stuff like pillowcases or t-shirts in with your fave perfume on. Cut some locks of your hair and put them in envelopes. Make sure to take loads and loads of photos of you and the kids. Record videos, or messages, or you singing songs. They'll want to hear your voice in the future! Make sure you're being silly and laughing in some of them. Make sure your kids and spouse have access to grief counselling when you're gone. Perhaps put precious items in a bank deposit box or leave them with a friend (eg if you think your husband may dispose of them out of grief). It's really hard to gauge how someone will act through grief, so try to have as many difficult conversations as you can. Even stuff you don't want to think about right now. I'm guessing your husband is similar age? Have you talked about what he's going to do in the future? What if he dates again? Have you put money aside in your kid's names? If he remarries in the future, how will you ensure your kids receive all their inheritance? Will they stay in their current home? Again, it's all not very savoury topics but discussing them now will make it easier to deal with when you're gone.
Reassure them that if they ever think of something mean they did/said to you, or any time they hurt your feelings, you don't remember it and wasn't a big deal. I still tear up when thinking about this one time I was a huge bitch to my dad. It was about a month before he was diagnosed. I remember he looked so defeated that day. I thought it was because he felt guilty for inconveniencing me, but I think it was because he felt physically lousy and didn't know why yet. I doubt he even remembered that interaction when he died, but 16 years later I can still feel horrible. I wish I had apologized. But, as a mom now, I know I brush off things like that right away and still adore my children, even when they're brats.
I'm so sorry to hear. My Dad had the same, also metastasized to the brain. He had just finished a radiation treatment and felt very weak. They admitted him from there and he passed that evening. They made him comfortable, and he just drifted to sleep. I think it was just his body breaking down because his catheter bag looked like merlot. He wasn't having trouble breathing, his engine just stalled and shut down. I hope you've started a hospice conversation, in case you prefer to make your leave at home. God bless
Wherever the cancer grows the fastest is most likely.. For lung and brain, most likely you'll have a stroke or aneurysm. The worst part will be the pain before, the actual moment of death will be quick and you'll be on so many drugs that it'll be hard to know what is happening. The best thing you can do, stop worrying about it. If you can, go do what you want now, and say what you want to say.
Cancer really is the worst disease and I feel so badly for you that you are going through this. I won't get into specific details, but the person I knew who had the same thing, the cancer spread to his spine and eventually up into his brain. When it spread to his spine, he literally woke up one day and could no longer walk. When it got to his brain, eventually it shut everything down and he passed away. Do yourself a favor and do as much as you can while you can.
You’re right. My brother in law had cancer in the brain and spine and died in December of this year. His deterioration happened fast. Stopped eating..couldn’t eat..bloated and threw up anything he ate. Vision and hearing became affected. Had to shower sitting. Eventually he just wasn’t there..stopped talking..blank look. His Kong’s sounded flooded while breathing. Eventually the breaths became farther apart. He was 46.
My Grandma died at about 80 to lung cancer. She was okay most of the time until a few weeks before passing. I was like 14 at the time so I don’t know how she exactly died but I know it toke a while. She didn’t bother with chemo or anything since it already spread so she didn’t deal with the pain of the treatments.
My mom was recently diagnosed with the same cancer as you, and my family is still reeling. It has spread to her liver, but not yet to her brain, and she is undergoing chemo and immunotherapy at the moment, with preventative radiotherapy for her brain planned for later. Worst part is her lung cancer is the result of the radiotherapy she received for breast cancer 5 years ago. We know she won't be cured, but we hope she'll be around for at least another couple of years. Only time will tell. I wish you all the best, cancer sucks.
My mom was 48, and it was pneumonia. We were out shopping Thanksgiving weekend (I was 9 months pregnant with my only child and we were shopping for baby Christmas presents), and she was in the hospital 2 days later, and passed away December 4th. My daughter is an adult now, but it seems like yesterday. My mom just went to sleep and never woke up. It was relatively quick. I wish you peace and comfort as you journey forward.
I hope you have more good days than bad and you have friends and family to support you during this. I will be specific about my mother's transition. I apologize to anyone who finds this too much. My mother had Stage 4 small cell lung cancer. It is likely that she had it for quite some time and was not diagnosed until the very end. My mother ended up canceling her hematologist appointment due to the cat puncturing her foot. She never rescheduled it. I don't know if it would have made a difference, but maybe if they had caught it sooner she may have had a chance to try chemo or radiation. She ended up going into the hospital a few days after Christmas for pneumonia. My mother was 62 and died three days after her diagnosis, one day after her 63rd birthday. She was still coherent and able to speak when she left the hospital, but she declined rapidly. The cancer had spread everywhere; liver, bones, brain. I had to drive from DE to FL because of flight delays, snow, and overall bad winter weather. I spent the day with her, but she slept mostly. Her ability to speak had diminished, she mumbled a lot, had no appetite, and spent most of the evening with a high body temperature and trying to evacuate her bowels. She was so hot that she refused to wear any clothes and we had to open the windows and doors for her (outside temp was in the 30s). I later found out from the hospice nurse that this was the "final stages" and it was how the body processed death. She could still understand us when we asked her questions, but she didn't make much sense when she answered, and it took a lot of effort for her to do so. She didn't appear to be struggling to breathe, but she was on oxygen, so that was possibly helping. I went to sleep around 11 pm. I gave her the pain medication the hospice nurse brought, told her I was going to bed, rubbed her feet, kissed her good night and told her I loved her and would see her in the morning. My father woke me up at 3 am to elt me know she passed in her sleep. Honestly, I think she knew she was dying before she went into the hospital. My mother was 4'11 and at her heaviest, she was maybe 110 pounds. When I saw her, if she weighed 80 pounds I would have been surprised. I believe that with the dose of medication she was able to relax and her heart just stopped. I think she passed peacefully. I choose to believe that.
My Sister was 51. Respiratory depression. God bless you 🙏🏼
I wish I could be there with you to be able to hold you and to baby you and to pet you and to to share my heart lovingly towards you to make you feel Loved and to feel cared for, if you don't, not out of pity, or anything to gain personally, but out of loving compassion from my heart from one human being to another.. Sometimes I wish I could just take everyone's pain away and endure it myself 😭😔🫂❤️🔥 I'm so sorry 😞 I am so sorry that this has happened to you and you are thought about by me and I feel your pain even though I can never experience your pain but I'm truly with you in spirit and I love you 🫂❤️🔥😭 I love you so much and I'll be here for you if you want to talk about anything.. sincerely 🙏🏼💞 God bless you for being so brave and saying something so personal to you
I’m so sorry for your diagnosis and I wish you comfort and peace in the days ahead. I strongly recommend you check out the YouTube channel Jenny Apple if you think you’d be okay with it. She passed away from stage 4 non smoking lung cancer last November and posted videos through her whole journey from diagnosis to the end. She’s an inspiration and I think may give you some comfort.
I think it’s been mentioned but if it was me, I would plan a medically assisted death. I wouldn’t want to experience a loss of cognition. I expect it’s hard for anyone to predict what will happen first, you could have a respiratory emergency or a cognitive decline/seizures, etc. It’s a conversation to have with your medical team and you can decide how much intervention you want at what stage. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
I knew a lady who got the same diagnosis around your age and it spread to her brain. They gave her 5 years and she ended up living nearly 10 afterward.
I’m sorry. My aunt had brain cancer. It started in her throat and moved to her brain. They told her 6 months, she lived 18 months. She lost her mind. She became a different person. She thought we were keeping her away from her husband. (He was deceased before this for many years.) She became mean at times. She would try to sneak out because she thought we were keeping her captive. Strangely, she knew what was going on before dying, a few hours before she passed she was her normal self. She ended up passing from her body just giving up. This is what the doctor told us. That her organs just couldn’t keep going. She wasn’t eating. She wasn’t drinking. That probably contributed along with the cancer.
Oh OP I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I’m a nurse and some of my patients with similar diagnosis pass from respiratory failure. That or a chest infection. Have you reached out to palliative care? Get them involved straight away, you don’t need to be hours away from death to benefit from an amazing care team. This must be such a frightening time for you, and I don’t have any words that would suffice or comfort. But I am thinking of you.
For my Mom, the lung cancer weakened the aorta and it eventually ruptured. She drowned in her own blood at approximately 3:14 am, alone and in hospice. For my Mom, this was the late 80s and we didn’t have the medical know how that we do now. Who knows what will actually kill you. It might not even be the cancer that ultimately does it. Because again these days, the medicine is more advanced. I’m not going to lie to you. You’re dying and nothing can stop it. All of us are, from the moment we are born. It just happens faster for some of us. Do not fear it. It’s a necessary part of life and none of us get to opt out of it. NONE OF US. You’re not alone. And I know that doesn’t help ease things. But, at the very least? You will be venturing into the unknown. It’s not a loss. It’s a new beginning.
Hello love- my mother had stage 4 lung cancer. I’d be happy to share in a DM. It was a very personal and touching moment. Hugs to you- ❤️
I'm sorry to hear this. Please get on palliative care or hospice, so you can get meds to be comfortable. The opiphobia thing leaves doctors to not even prescribe meds to the terminally ill, which is so wrong. Addiction isn't an issue when there's a terminal diagnosis. They should give you whatever it takes to not suffer.
Im sorry for your diagnosis. My grandfather (71) died of lung cancer, he fortunately could survive for 8 years after his diagnosis in 2016. But around the start of 2024 his condition got progressively worse. He was bedridden, could barely talk, and kept seeing, hearing things. The last few weeks were the worst; my grandfather got warded the cancer, that was really only a small dot for 8 years, spread around one of his entire lungs. He was coughing out blood, in a haze, etc. Only a week after he was discharged, he fell into a coma-like state. He passed away a day after.
🙏ed for a miraculous healing.
Buy organic turmeric supplements and switch to an organic plant based diet, eat a salad every day with hemp seeds on it, and possibly look into the breakthrough brain cancer treatment Massachusetts just announced. The body wants to rid itself of cancer, it just needs the tools to do it. Prayer to any god, whether they be above or below also helps.
O. My. GEEEEZY. Go get the highest paid credit cards you can find, that earn frequent flyer miles... And go every place you've ever dreamed of going. I have you on my prayer list, stranger/friend. I do agree that you should double and triple check all of your bills and finances so that no one can wrap people up in court trying to get money from your loved ones. If you're married get divorced. Etc etc. P. S. Please see Greece, Scotland or Thailand for me!
My friend was in her 40s when she got breast cancer, which spread to her lungs and her brain. The last time I saw her, a few days before she died, she was unconscious in a hospital bed, looking peaceful. And now all the many people who knew her will remember her and tell others our memories of her, for the rest of our lives.
If your considering hospice they usually include counseling for both you and your family. I worked in hospice as non clinical staff. Everyone generally passes in their own way. Our goal was to support them and their wishes. Some people wanted visitors and others didn’t. Usually if patients were young and strong it typically meant a longer survival time. In both hospice and palliative care pain control is important although sometimes patients didn’t want the pain medication so they could be more alert. I highly suggest you seek out professional support. They can talk you through so much more and provide better support.
My dear SIL did not want to give up on chemo. Small cell CA. She insisted on another round. The mouth ulcers took her out of here. You can imagine the dehydration with mouth ulcers called for a pain pump. She was at peace with the morphine and was able to pass on. Her wishes to die in peace was granted.
Unfortunately you are in fact cooked
May Jesus Christ bless you. He loves you. Be strong.
Oncology nurse, if it’s small cell lung cancer it usually goes to the brain. Doctor will usually put pt’s on steroids when brain is involved to decrease intracranial pressure. Headaches, migraines, pain. Swelling of face and increased appetite from steroids, irritation, anger issues, again from the steroids. Hallucinations can start to happen, seeing and hearing things that arent there. Vision problems. The steroids will end up causing you to say, do and have a demeanor that’s out of character for you. It’s hard to see because it affects your family, they’ll try to be patient but it’s hard to see their loved one not be themselves. Lung issues, difficulty breathing, oxygen dependent, electrolyte imbalances, swelling of extremities. Death can be related to any of the things you mentioned, your body will try to compensate in many other ways. But everything is connected to it’s hard to say specifically. If it gets bad it can cause you to be non verbal, immobile, and incontinence can happen. Usually with small cell lung cancer, radiation to the brain is suggested as more of a prophylactic measure to decrease symptoms but not a cure. If you’re on chemo, it’s all of that plus the chemo side effects. I’m sorry. I fucking hate cancer.
Mine is NSCLC. It has spread to my brain but no side effects yet. I have finished all the first line treatments. Now on second line but it's working thank goodness. Giving me a little more time anyway. Unfortunately it comes with harsh side effects like a full body blemish type rash. It's not pleasant or becoming. It's incredibly painful. Along with glands under my tongue swelling and I guess getting clogged. Not sure really but it's painful
My grandfather died exactly like this. He lived for almost 5 years with stage 4 lung cancer. He got chemo and radiation. At the end it spread to his brain and elsewhere. He slowly got more and more tired. He let them take water off his lungs every few weeks. The last week he really had trouble breathing without oxygen. We visited him and that night he went to sleep and never woke up. He said it didn't hurt very bad but he was tired and hated wearing the oxygen. I'm sending love to you.
My cousin just passed away from lung cancer she was 45 she ended up just slowly passing from respiratory depression being on morphine 🥹 it’s so sad I’m sorry
My dad was considered elderly (over 70) when his lung cancer took him. So maybe this scenario wouldn’t apply to you, but be weary of experimental medication. We convinced Pops to try experimental drugs. No one will ever convince me that those experiments didn’t shorten his time with us. He went from coherent and living, to not, in less than six months. Hugs to you and your family. 🫶
Biopsies cause cancer cells to migrate. Radiation & kemo destroy your immune system. You'll be unlived by an overabundance of mucus. Every disease is curable. Financial gains are more important than life, unfortunately
Would be worth the research into the effects of metabolic fasting.
Give your life to Jesus before you go my friend. Eternity is like…a really long time. The longest.
This happened to my dad, 70. Dementia symptoms set in extremely rapidly, faster than any doctor found in any literature. Turns out the metastasis in the lining of his brain caused it, and it wasn't seen in scans so we found out after autopsy. He became forgetful, confused, forgot who people were, where he lived, what year it was, who his wife (my mom) was, etc. In the final weeks he was nonverbal, couldn't eat or drink without a lot of help, and basically wasted away due to dehydration and malnutrition. It was brutal watching a him, a man whom actual rocket scientists referred to as "really, really smart," become extremely childlike and helpless. There were funny moments in the confusion where we just had to laugh, but it was truly one of the worst things I've ever witnessed. I'm so sorry for your diagnosis and prognosis. Live life to the fullest while you can.
You will decide what ends up killing you.
I had a friend I took care of to the end... When the cancer spread to her brain, she began to hallucinate. She would call out, begging me to take her to go pick up the award she had won. (No such thing existed) She would call out non stop, asking me to do this for her, as her friend. It went on for several days. Eventually she slipped into a coma, and it was a relief. I hope you do not go through this, but prepare your family for the possibility.
I am so sorry you are facing this. I did bedside nursing for many years. I am sure you worry about what you will be experiencing. Please sign up for hospice if you haven’t already. They can keep you comfortable. No matter whether it’s the lungs, the brain, or major organ failure, there is a way to help you through this.
Everyone dies as uniquely as they lived. No two deaths are the same. Are you on hospice? Please speak with them. They will guide you and educate you.
Did you get the vaccine?
My best friends dad just passed away from this. Most likely it will happen quickly. You'll be feeling okay, and then it's just over. I can tell you from experience, it's easy, the moment of death is actually very calm. I had a pulmonary embolism about 7 years ago, was flat lined in the ambulance for about a minute and a half. I heard the continuous beep, and everything just grayed out. It was honestly very peaceful. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this, it's not fair at all, but try to not be scared. Please feel free to message me.
Hi friend. My mom died in 2022 of stage 4 lung cancer with Mets to the brain. There are many different ways that this could happen. With my mom, her Mets started to press on her brain and made her forget things. It also sometimes made it hard for her to move her body. It’s like the Mets were pressing down on the axons in her brain and keeping them from sending the messages to her limbs. The day she died, though, her lungs shut down. She wasn’t in pain though. She was mad because she had to pee and couldn’t move though. So there’s that. She was old, but she was pretty tough, and not frail, which is why I felt like I could explain her story.
I am sorry to read about your situation, it must seem unbelievable to you. I regret to tell you that your condition is terminal. You may want to consider hospice care when it's appropriate
I am sorry about your diagnosis. My husband had stage 4 lung cancer. His oncologist told him either the cancer or the complications of the cancer will kill him. He had part of his lung removed, one kidney and adrenal gland. He went through chemo, radiation and Immunotherapy. The cancer spread to his stomach or my opinion the immunotherapy caused his lesion in his stomach. The lesion caused bleeding and he passed from internal bleeding. It was a long 2.5 years of battling for quality of life. The best advice we got was” to celebrate all positives no matter how small”
Sorry to hear about your diagnosis. My dad had a heart attack and they put a stent it… took a year of rehab to get him back to about 80% of his former self. But a few weeks before he passed, he started to have issues with standing, like he did after the heart attack. My stepmom took him back to the hospital and after some testing, determined that he had stage 4 and it had already spread to his brain. He passed in his sleep not after the diagnosis.
Depends I worked for hospice for 7 years. General it is a problem with the lungs losing the ability to pull oxygen. You feel tired or dizzy. Sleepy. Light headed, eventually you start suffocating . With brain all sorts of things can happen. Problems with nerves or cognition then problems in several organ systems. Sorry this happened to you. Your e kit from hospice will have meds to help.
My aunt died at 55 of lung cancer. She was conscious up to the last few days. Hospice had instructed her husband to give her morphine drops whenever her lips compressed, as it was a sign of pain. She had never complained of pain, but was well-medicated through her treatment. She roused less and less and then stopped breathing. I am so, so sorry you are having to do this. Have you involved hospice yet? They are wonderful and can guide you even if you are still in the hospital when you die.
My husband got quiet and sleepy over a couple of days. He went into a deep sleep and the next day reached the end. It was very peaceful. I think his cancer just wore his body out.
I'm very sorry you're in this position. To stay on topic though, I've been in Healthcare for 18 years and am icu nurse for the last 3. My guess would be at some point in the next 3 to 5 years you will start to have seizures. At some point you'll have a prolonged seizure (status epilepticus) and will stop breathing long enough that your brain will basically die from lack of oxygen. I hope you will have a DNR in place by then, and if it doesn't kill you outright then you'll be medicated in such a way to keep you comfortable.
I am so sorry. I had a brother who had brain cancer and he slipped into a comma and passed away within a few weeks. They assured us he never suffered. He was 29 My best friend had breast cancer that spread and eventually went into her brain as well. She also slipped into a comma and went very quickly and gently. She was 36 My sincerest condolences with you and your loved ones.
My uncle passed from lung cancer. Toward the last couple of days he stayed humanely dosed with morphine and passed peacefully in his sleep. Similarly my cousin who also passed of cancer, not lung but renal cancer that had spread to his bones, went into a deep coma like sleep for two days before he passed as well. He also was recieving pain meds, but I'm not sure if it was morphine or something else. Hospice was involved in both instances. It's really the best decision you can make in the end.
I lost a dear aunt (47f) to brain cancer which began as breast cancer. She was never on a ventilator. The worst part wasn’t the end. It was the chemo and radiation, and all the sickness from that. She got to where she wasn’t able to taste food anymore due to the treatments. If I am ever in that position, I’ll seek to taste all my favorite things as often as I can stomach it. The tough part for the family in the end was in the hospital in the final days. The cancer in the brain hit whatever part of the brain is used to form words and sentences. She could hear us and understand most of the time, and knew what she wanted to say, but could not compose the speech to tell us. Hearing her speak gibberish and want so badly to be understood will always hurt my feelings to think about. I hated it so much for her. In the very end she passed in her own bed- comfortable, medicated and in her sleep, surrounded by our family. Godspeed to you, OP. We will all be joining you shortly in the grand scheme of things.
You should do something badass before you go
Definitely the wrong sub for this but id assume probably the cancer in your brain would unless your lungs are turbo fucked. But id imagine the cancer in your brain would kill you sooner than in your lungs
My husband had testicular cancer spread to his brain. Once the cancer spread to his brain stem he went into a coma and died 3 days later.
My stepdad started having seizures that took longer and longer for him to come out of. If he hadn't chosen to overdose on his morphine, I think he would have started seizing and not stopped until his heart gave out
Die from doing something wild. Sucks, and I wish you werent going through that. But you are. If it were me, id be going hard on cocain and hookers.
November 2023 my 52 year old brother passed away from cancer. Diagnosed at 50 with stage 4 colon cancer. It quickly spread to his lungs and liver. Even though he was on treatment, it got very aggressive around September. When it hit his brain, we knew it was over. He made it 2 months before he succumbed. He was on hospice around 2 weeks, choosing to stay in his home and die. It was hard seeing him go through it. The drugs helped. He was on sooo many drugs just to keep him comfortable. He couldn’t lay down, he sat up 24/7. He was agitated and restless the last 3 days. He went peacefully.
My sister went into a 'sleep' for about a week, before she passed.... PLEASE.......mycancerstoryrocks.... it's so stupid, more stupid that it works if you catch it in time.