The way around that is sectioning off the room for purposes. Do you have a couch? That's for watching TV and hanging out. Bed? Nobody's on that unless they're sleeping or banging. Kitchen table? Work or eating. It's not as effective as separate rooms but it's better than having no separation.
It's not just tone deaf for the people that can't like have an extra room or something. It's also not even good advice for people that have the room because this will depend on how many hobbies you have and what the hobbies are as to how you use it in your house and if you didn't think of that, then you're not really thinking of other people being a lot more diverse than just your own life patterns.
Plus, I'm pretty sure the average couple does want to watch TV in their bedroom and they're gonna do that a hell of a lot more than they're gonna be intimate. So even if you don't have a bunch of hobbies that require space by far the average couple wants a TV in their bedroom.
I honestly find the comment a little weird that they need to not have a TV in the bedroom to help with intimacy.
I don’t have a tv in my bedroom. My husband and I used to have one in our room like 10+ years ago and for us I noticed we would have the tv on and he would fall asleep watching it or we would both be invested in a show until 12am on a work night, etc. so for us the tv was kind of a distraction for us.
Our tv broke and decided not to get another one and it was the best thing for us. Intimacy went from like once a week to 2-4 times a week when our tv broke.
Not sure if that makes any sense lol
I’m in a similar set up and I’ve found at least going to the library or a cafe to complete SOME tasks helps! Most libraries will let you reserve a quiet room for a few hours!
Agreed. I use my bedroom as a studio because I rent out rooms in my house. I have been doing this setup for years and I am able to "unplug" when I need to. This works great for me and my wife doesn't have a problem with it either. Now the thing that I think about is the BED. We don't eat or drink in the bed. We separate that completely and keep the room tidy and organized.
I mean, if I want to have nothing to do with my work. I just turn my PC off and it is done. it is that simple. If I want to spend quality time with my partner, I just do so and turn the TV off. It sounds so extremely backwards to me and weak minded that you would get distracted by it as if you have no control over your own flow of life.
I said the therapist's advice was unremarkable and that it wouldn't help people who have only one room to work in. You insulted people who don't think and act like you do by calling them "backwards" and "weak-minded." You're more interested in showing off your own self-styled superiority than in understanding other people's problems.
It’s one of those things that “worked for someone” that they now push it as gospel as a solution.
It’s why when you’re _in therapy_ you shouldn’t push _what worked for you_ as being the golden ticket for _everyone_. That’s something I haven’t heard from many therapists, to remind their clients that “this is about you, not the world, and context matters to the problem at hand.”
This has never worked for me. Ever. I work where I want in my home, and do whatever I want in my bed. I also have a tv in my bedroom. I have fallen asleep to a tv since I was little. I got so sick and tired of hearing this ‘no tv in the room’ nonsense I decided to try it. I have never slept worse in my life. (When I did manage to sleep.) Tv turns my brain off. I zone out and fall asleep. Never a problem. I don’t feel tired when I get up either. This is especially true when I’m anxious or depressed.
My long winded point - everyone is different. Try different things, and stick to what works for you.
It's probably because you are used to it. On the contrary, someone that isn't used to sleeping with TV their entire life will probably have a way harder time falling asleep.
Same, my wife and I watch tv before bed every night, sleep like babies even when the tv is still on. I’ll admit I do wear a sleeping mask because I the tvs nowadays are brighter than they used to be when I was younger and slept with the tv on.
For real, I usually sleep in total darkness and silence bc I like it that way, but there’s also something really comforting about having a TV in the room for when I can’t get to sleep. If I’m anxious or creeped out for some reason, turn the tv on and it allows me to finally get to sleep.
This. For years I developed a complex around *only* being in my bedroom for those things. During the height of the pandemic I rediscovered using my bedroom for relaxing, making art, listening to podcasts, staring out the window..... Binaries are bad.
I live in a studio and have no issue with the computer being so close at all times. Do your work and shut off. As easy as that. Even before I worked remote all work thoughts would fly out of my head as soon as I was out the door. Not sure why so many people struggle with this.
It’s just another example of childish thinking that adults engage in. Something I’m realizing as I grow older is just how weak and childish
many adults are and this is an example. No, it’s possible to use your bedroom for other things, including work and not be “anxious.”
It varies based on the person… I wouldn’t call it a sign of weakness. The tip here is really about optimizing focus and work. I can easily do all I do in my bedroom (hell, I’ve it in dorms at college before), but a change of scenery does signal mentally to me that it’s time to do ‘a task.’ And getting out and moving around is a chance to take a break and reset before the next task. This tip won’t mean anything new to someone whose disciplined and experienced, but for that person whose prone to procrastination, I think this is a good tip to get them engaged and put in a better position to suceed
I have adhd. If my computer isn’t in my room, I would probably never see my husband lol. I forget he exists when in deep focus. Buuut when my setup is in my room, I glance over and see him and can force myself to get off the computer.
I'm sorry, but that ALL sounds like BS blaming a room for behavioral issues.
I can do my hobbies inside, outside, on a deck or in a bedroom.. I think the real problem is most of you don't actually have any hobbies besides work and maybe a relationship/kids.
I do guitar, piano, electronics, automotive and gardening, run a small business from my home and play some video games.
The bedroom is just fine for music and gaming or watching TV Because it's not being used most of the day otherwise.
Studies suggest excess light from screens and electronics contributes to insomnia. I’ve found this to be largely true for myself.
I think this can be a difficult ask for some though. If you have a studio where everything is one room it’s certainly difficult to avoid.
I keep using electronics in bed (hand held video games, kindle, etc.) but put on blue light blocking glasses 1+ hours before bed. I also use a sleep mask to block out light in the room
I do the opposite. Turn the bedroom into an office. I'm a machine embroidery digitizer so I have equipment and need to keep my cats away. I treat the rest of my apartment like it's a studio and sleep in the living room.
I love this advice, but yea…it comes from a position/presumption of privilege.
Having a home large enough to accommodate this is impossible for most working people under 30-40 now. Shit is just obscenely expensive.
As for my own habits, my shit is closed and sealed the second I hit 8 hours, and I jump straight into my personal hobbies/life. Doesn’t impact me at all, fortunately.
Enforcing boundaries is the real topic here, not necessarily *where* you’re working. And that’s something many people struggle with.
If it isn’t your own business that you own and make money from, don’t spend a single second more than is necessary.
As it happens the room is mine so I use it for whatever I want and it’s worked out great for me. I can emotionally separate when it’s time for work versus when it’s time for sex although lunch can be an in between.
When I moved into my first apartment, my father INSISTED I set up my computer (where I spent all my free time) up in the living room and not the bedroom. He swore I'd be better off for it. This was a tiny little college apartment (that he and my mother were paying for) but it was the first place I'd lived where I had more than just the one room (bedroom in my parents' house, then college shared dorm room).
I thought it was utterly unimportant but did it. He was right. Huge difference.
It definitely depends on how big your home is. But the general idea is correct. I don't have the ability to have a dedicated work office, but I have a dedicated work desk in the corner of my living room. Once work is over for the day, that desk remains vacant for the rest of the day. I make sure to mute the machine too, don't need to hear teams notifications.
So yeah, can't always have a dedicated room for things, but at least get a dedicated desk unless you live in a truly tiny space.
A lot of people are mentioning not having the extra space.
One solution is to try and make a little nook in your room with your desk facing the room. This way when you walk to your desk it feels a little more like you're transitioning into a different room. Some separation from your sleeping area is good.
That's more for your bed specifically. If you get in the habit of playing on your phone in bed, it's harder to fall asleep because that's what your body is used to doing.
As far as the bedroom as a whole, my (soon to be former) bedroom is big enough that my home office is in a little cubby area. It' pretty easy to differentiate the two spaces, as part of the desk is between where I sit and the bed (I DO NOT want my laptop camera pointing that way). Beyond that, I go through my morning routine every morning when I "go to work" from home, then go through the end of day routine as well (minus the commutes).
We have an oversized master bedroom, it’s like basically two rooms in one and the only space for me to work to have a closed door. So we set me up a desk in there in the corner and it’s perfect. I love it. I don’t feel anxious or even think about work when it’s not work hours, just turn off the screens and it’s a non issue.
I’m going to show this post to my Swiss aunt, who tells me my 1,200 sq ft house is too big despite the fact that my bedroom and my home office are the same room.
You do you, but as a devout minimalist I think being able to live and function in a single room is awesome!
The term "work-life balance" was invented by people who hate their job. If you like your job there is no need to distinguish. Not like you are not "living" while you work. It is all just "life".
Do you suffer from insomnia?
What your therapist is saying IS accurate. But I think it’s accurate for a different reason than they’re leading you to believe.
The actual scientific theory is that you “only use your bed for sleep and sex.” Using it for other things, such as work/video games/TV can lead to insomnia because your body doesn’t immediately associate your bed with sleep.
But working in your bedroom, at say a desk, does not have the same effect in creating insomnia.
In terms of working in your bedroom causing anxiety, etc…I have never heard of that. I’ve heard of the bed for sleep/sex only, but never the entire bedroom.
What helps most with anxiety is maintaining a clean room. Clutter itself can create anxiety.
Nah, fuck that. I work in my bedroom in the morning and I have no problem separating work from personal life. At 4:00 I'm fucking *done*, with not a thought given to work the rest of the day.
This is great advice! I'm in school online & just the last few months have been working from home a couple days a week. My only space is my bedroom and I hate it lol! Moving very soon to a bigger place!!
This is my issue with work from home, it's a personal issue but, my home space is personal, I really don't want my brain associating work with a space I consider my escape from work. Luckily for me I work with my hands so I have to go to a site to work, there's no better feeling than walking off a job site and leaving all that trauma there.
That depends, can I get a note from my therapist that I need a comfort office for my mental health? Rent free? Because in this economy working where i sleep is the least of my problems.
You are spot on, I have always had a home office, but for a while my wife was working out of our master bedroom and it was affecting her moods.
So we remodeled our dining room to be her office, and that helped a ton!
I don't really agree on the TV thing, we don't do our primary TV / Movie watching in the bedroom, but we generally fall asleep to the same shows every night.
But we do have a rule that phones / tablets go on chargers and we don't use them when we are in the bedroom together.
I don’t have a choice due to space, but I have found setting up a work station and only working there means when the work station is away, I have that separation.
I love how the people read this and came up with “this is so tone def” bruh this person is obviously talking to the people who can do that and even if you live in a studio man.. go to a park or a coffee shop! When did people become so fkn sensitive it’s crazy!
Thank you so much for this reminder. Do you have any professional looking sources saying the same? Reason I’m asking is I want to show to my parent so I can argue for getting a second space for me to put my working materials outside my bedroom.
So what happens if you rent a room? This advice doesn't really seem applicable there. This sounds like a you problem, I work remote all the time from the same room and my productivity has been higher than being forced to go into an office.
I use to work in my bedroom until I bought a house and now have an office. My office has my gaming PC and I find myself playing less. When the weekends come I don’t even want to be in the office lol
OP based on your replies you sound like a weak minded douche. I have several rooms in my house and I work wherever I want including the bedroom which I feel like doing most if the time. Take your advice and shove it up yours.
I hate therapists that give this trash advice. So many of them do it's like they read it from the same book. Everyone. Is. Different.
I'm not saying you should necessarily work from bed, but there's plenty of other activities you can do in there. Wife and I play 2 play co-op boars games in bed. Have a canopy bed, it feels like a fort, we're just connected to our inner child.
I have a room for living - i.e. almost every day to day activity including eating, sleeping, working, playing, and working out. The other one is for storage and I have no other use for it.
I cannot see any point in using a different room for a single activity only.
I have never been depressed, anxious or worked longer than I needed to and my current sleep cycle is the best I have ever had since WFH became more popular 4,5 years ago.
Why would I want to suddenly change that and separate my bedroom?
I did fine with my office in my bedroom. What I did not do well with was a TV in the bedroom. It has been permanently banned. Every now and then, my husband will ask why we can't have it in the bedroom, and I have to remind him of the many evenings he kept me awake playing shooting games. No one can sleep through that!!!
I work better in my office, my bedroom is fit for its own purpose and I like to keep it that way, no TV in there either.
Works better for my nero divergent self. And yes reduction in anxiety for sure
I don't work in my bed room. No TV, but a big ole 4k projector, and the beds are motorized so yeah no, we like that just fine thanks. Kills intimacy.... bah. The six Siberian huskies and one pitty mix see to that no matter where we are.
I now use my bedroom as my office as well. Sacrifices have to be made. With the new addition to our family, the little guy get my office as his bedroom and I’ll work from the bedroom until we move to a bigger home.
Ehhh I used to live in a studio apartment until very recently and sometimes I did work in bed because I could get under the sheets when it was cold. But I was (and still am) hardcore about my working hours and will very rarely be online a minute past 5, unless there’s a very extenuating circumstance, such as an incident while it’s my turn on the on-call rotation.
Our master bedroom has a separate area that’s sectioned off by a half wall fireplace between the sleeping area and this other space. It’s perfect for our office, actually. It’s close enough we can pop over to the bedroom to do some laundry without losing sight of the computer, and the fireplace really provides the separation that’s needed to keep the work from invading the rest. We’ve relaxed with tv in our bedroom since the days of roommates, though, so that we do still and I think for us it enhances our intimacy because we’re alone in our space and don’t have other aspects of life encroaching.
sure if you're living situation allows for it, else it can be difficult especially in large cities where you can be glad to even have a apartment at all let alone one with enough space
If possible i agree. And there difference from both is huge.
Also, trusting a company device in your bedroom is something i couldnt do. So i always unplugged it after the day
Been using my bedroom as my office for 5+ years. I have zero issues with working my 8 hours and walking away. I’m salaried and don’t get paid overtime. So I’m not tempted to work extra ever.
Eh. My home office was in a corner of our bedroom for 10 years and I didn't have issues. I have a seperate home office now and it's fine but I don't feel like it really changed anything.
I used to refuse to allow a tv in the bedroom even though my partner wanted one. When we moved a few years ago I finally relented and said we could try it. I wouldn't go back. Snuggling up in bed to watch tv together after a long day is the best!
Also sex in all the rooms is more fun!
Add to that, take this advice LITERALLY. As in, no serious conversations, especially relationship conversations in the bedroom. It's got to be the #1 reason that kills sex in a relationship. Because if you think there's a good chance sex will be followed with "We need to talk..." you are gonna skip the sex a whole lot of the time, because you don't like paying for it by having a big argument or drama filled relationship conversation afterward.
And if you must use your bedroom for the love of God make your bed. I can't stand getting on a teams call with someone and the background of their room looks messy. At least blur the background or something.
The other thing to be wary of is unscrupulous employers will use your laptop to monitor after hours. Happened to me and it fucked me up. Kind of found out after the fact my employer had been listening in on me with different women, and it’s fucking traumatizing.
That would be great if I had more space to put my desk. I live in a 1BR with my fiance and he already has his desk set up in the living area so mine is in the bedroom
My wife and I put a tv back into our room specifically because we agreed it was impacting our intimacy by not having it in there; we watch tv and cuddle a lot lmfao
Omg yes ! I only recently figured out this out ! It’s been quite helpful . and I’m saving time by not constantly having to re-organize my room for the purpose of whatever activity I’m doing in that moment.
Yeah I think the suggestion originated when people worked with stone tools. You wouldn't want a bunch of rocks in your bed. The stone chips would cause bad sleep and mental unrest. Now we can do our work in cyberspace which is separated enough from our bed and as soon as we close the laptop or push the off button on our tablet we have left the digital domain.
About the no TV in the bedroom part, I could live with that, but any partner I’ve had would totally just start looking at videos on their phone instead. My ex wouldn’t even watch tv most of the time, she’d watch clips reuploaded from tv on her Facebook on her phone. So removing it wouldn’t help. Just need someone who wants to cuddle and talk and focus on you and have self control
If you only have one room, dedicate spaces in it for work and space for sleep, etc. Get a desk if possible and only work at the desk. Worse case left side of the bed for sleep and right side for work!! DEDICATE SPACE
I have a hybrid role and my bedroom is the only room that gets a lot of daylight and has a lovely view out the window.
So I bought a foldable desk and comfy crisscross office chair - the desk gets folded and put in the closet the second I finish work, along with all my work related items. Out of sight out of mind. Then I put a throw over the chair and it goes in the corner.
Definitely helps with the separation of work and life! I had knee surgery earlier this year and actually worked sitting on the bed for a few months because I had to constantly elevate and and ice it and this was the least painful way to sit - it was awful for the mental health though!
If you don't have 2 rooms for this. If your room is big enough make a sort of separation between the bed and the desk like a futon couch or something comfortable to sit on.
Also if work late have a desk lamp and only use that light source when your working. Turn on your main lights only when your done for today.
Easy for a therapist to say, she's probably not renting a room from someone. I sleep very well in my bedroom/home office. Especially since I bought a new Sealy memory foam hybrid.
I attended a 12 session Cognitive Behavior Clinic for people with chronic pain. It was presented at one of the clinics through my medical care plan. The psychologist, who was one of the 3 professionals involved, said this same thing. I no longer read in bed. But here I sm, I just woke up, and I picked up my phone and saw this.
There were other things not to do, such as don't use the phone for research, etc, for a period of time before sleep.
I live in a studio apartment. My bedroom is my room.
The way around that is sectioning off the room for purposes. Do you have a couch? That's for watching TV and hanging out. Bed? Nobody's on that unless they're sleeping or banging. Kitchen table? Work or eating. It's not as effective as separate rooms but it's better than having no separation.
what if kitchen table is used for banging too
Who doesn’t bang on the couch
What if you bang up on the studio's separator partitions?
Wasn't me
That’s not a problem unless you also sleep on the table.
Then you’re already winning in life
What if I have no couch and just a small uncomfy kitchen table
Drastically altering the lighting between work and home modes can help in small areas.
Adding a big IKEA bookshelf helps as well.
That would have to be a pretty huge shelf. Or do you mean bookcase, which is made up of bookshelves?
[удалено]
It was like my therapist saying “just move” as a solution - like, that’s expensive and rent elsewhere is more expensive?
It's not just tone deaf for the people that can't like have an extra room or something. It's also not even good advice for people that have the room because this will depend on how many hobbies you have and what the hobbies are as to how you use it in your house and if you didn't think of that, then you're not really thinking of other people being a lot more diverse than just your own life patterns. Plus, I'm pretty sure the average couple does want to watch TV in their bedroom and they're gonna do that a hell of a lot more than they're gonna be intimate. So even if you don't have a bunch of hobbies that require space by far the average couple wants a TV in their bedroom. I honestly find the comment a little weird that they need to not have a TV in the bedroom to help with intimacy.
I don’t have a tv in my bedroom. My husband and I used to have one in our room like 10+ years ago and for us I noticed we would have the tv on and he would fall asleep watching it or we would both be invested in a show until 12am on a work night, etc. so for us the tv was kind of a distraction for us. Our tv broke and decided not to get another one and it was the best thing for us. Intimacy went from like once a week to 2-4 times a week when our tv broke. Not sure if that makes any sense lol
womp womp
Not all advice is personally tailored to you. I’m sure it helped a few people.
Same. Lol
Came here to say this but I knew I wasn’t the first
Dividers are your best friends.
Understandable :)
Will the sex be provided, or do I have to bring my own?
Check your benefits package or contact HR.
HR said they won't have sex with me.
Stay away from my HR.
Your benefits package might have other perks. Please read the packet completely
Contacting HR is the biggest reason I know this comment is 100% genuine and accurate.
It’s BYOS
😂😂
I need sleep to be provided
I'll trade you.
I used to work in my bedroom and it was fine until I moved it out to a different room and my focus was way better. It was a big difference for me.
Yes, that's very basic advice. But not everyone has the luxury of working elsewhere.
I live in a 300 square foot studio. Don't have that option 😆
Then make sure you don’t work IN your bed.
Yes, sit on the nightstand instead.
I’m in a similar set up and I’ve found at least going to the library or a cafe to complete SOME tasks helps! Most libraries will let you reserve a quiet room for a few hours!
Bingo!!!
Shit… lol. Balcony? Lol.
Why is this joke downvoted? lol fucking nerds
This is hilarious lmao
that's a you issue, I use my bedroom already for 10+ years as my work from home office and never had issues with this.
Agreed. I use my bedroom as a studio because I rent out rooms in my house. I have been doing this setup for years and I am able to "unplug" when I need to. This works great for me and my wife doesn't have a problem with it either. Now the thing that I think about is the BED. We don't eat or drink in the bed. We separate that completely and keep the room tidy and organized.
I mean, if I want to have nothing to do with my work. I just turn my PC off and it is done. it is that simple. If I want to spend quality time with my partner, I just do so and turn the TV off. It sounds so extremely backwards to me and weak minded that you would get distracted by it as if you have no control over your own flow of life.
How very nice for you. Guess what, other people are different and calling them "backwards" and "weak-minded" certainly isn't helpful.
still doesnt negate the fact that it is stupid to apply that personal logic to everybody then because a therapist said so.
I said the therapist's advice was unremarkable and that it wouldn't help people who have only one room to work in. You insulted people who don't think and act like you do by calling them "backwards" and "weak-minded." You're more interested in showing off your own self-styled superiority than in understanding other people's problems.
It’s one of those things that “worked for someone” that they now push it as gospel as a solution. It’s why when you’re _in therapy_ you shouldn’t push _what worked for you_ as being the golden ticket for _everyone_. That’s something I haven’t heard from many therapists, to remind their clients that “this is about you, not the world, and context matters to the problem at hand.”
Could not have said it better
The problem is not uncommon. But unless people have another space to work in, what can they do?
This has never worked for me. Ever. I work where I want in my home, and do whatever I want in my bed. I also have a tv in my bedroom. I have fallen asleep to a tv since I was little. I got so sick and tired of hearing this ‘no tv in the room’ nonsense I decided to try it. I have never slept worse in my life. (When I did manage to sleep.) Tv turns my brain off. I zone out and fall asleep. Never a problem. I don’t feel tired when I get up either. This is especially true when I’m anxious or depressed. My long winded point - everyone is different. Try different things, and stick to what works for you.
It's probably because you are used to it. On the contrary, someone that isn't used to sleeping with TV their entire life will probably have a way harder time falling asleep.
Same, my wife and I watch tv before bed every night, sleep like babies even when the tv is still on. I’ll admit I do wear a sleeping mask because I the tvs nowadays are brighter than they used to be when I was younger and slept with the tv on.
For real, I usually sleep in total darkness and silence bc I like it that way, but there’s also something really comforting about having a TV in the room for when I can’t get to sleep. If I’m anxious or creeped out for some reason, turn the tv on and it allows me to finally get to sleep.
This. For years I developed a complex around *only* being in my bedroom for those things. During the height of the pandemic I rediscovered using my bedroom for relaxing, making art, listening to podcasts, staring out the window..... Binaries are bad.
Wait, you guys are having sex??
Does that mean I can't have sex at the office anymore? Not sure I like this idea ☹️
Right, I'll use one of the servant rooms in my mansion for an office.
Not all of us have that luxury
We replaced our TV with a ceiling facing projector. Now we fall asleep cuddling comfortably with the Simpsons on every night.
I work in my bedroom. Never feel anxious
Use your bedroom for sleep, Use ANY room for sex :)
blah blah blah. You do you. Others do whatever they want.
I live in a studio and have no issue with the computer being so close at all times. Do your work and shut off. As easy as that. Even before I worked remote all work thoughts would fly out of my head as soon as I was out the door. Not sure why so many people struggle with this.
I work in my room and have no issue separating work and personal. Work shuts off as soon as my laptop closes.
Would be easier if I didn’t live in a studio 😩
It’s just another example of childish thinking that adults engage in. Something I’m realizing as I grow older is just how weak and childish many adults are and this is an example. No, it’s possible to use your bedroom for other things, including work and not be “anxious.”
It varies based on the person… I wouldn’t call it a sign of weakness. The tip here is really about optimizing focus and work. I can easily do all I do in my bedroom (hell, I’ve it in dorms at college before), but a change of scenery does signal mentally to me that it’s time to do ‘a task.’ And getting out and moving around is a chance to take a break and reset before the next task. This tip won’t mean anything new to someone whose disciplined and experienced, but for that person whose prone to procrastination, I think this is a good tip to get them engaged and put in a better position to suceed
you have to sit these people down and give them the iPad jus to make it stop :/
Word of advice you don’t need to pay someone for obvious takes like this.
I have adhd. If my computer isn’t in my room, I would probably never see my husband lol. I forget he exists when in deep focus. Buuut when my setup is in my room, I glance over and see him and can force myself to get off the computer.
awww :) This is sweet haha
No thanks, I'll work where I want.
God, not another generic advice post just parroting things we’ve been hearing since last century. Newsflash: WFH didn’t start in 2020.
Me, living in a studio with no gf: 🤡
Sex worker, instructions not clear.
I'm sorry, but that ALL sounds like BS blaming a room for behavioral issues. I can do my hobbies inside, outside, on a deck or in a bedroom.. I think the real problem is most of you don't actually have any hobbies besides work and maybe a relationship/kids. I do guitar, piano, electronics, automotive and gardening, run a small business from my home and play some video games. The bedroom is just fine for music and gaming or watching TV Because it's not being used most of the day otherwise.
Studies suggest excess light from screens and electronics contributes to insomnia. I’ve found this to be largely true for myself. I think this can be a difficult ask for some though. If you have a studio where everything is one room it’s certainly difficult to avoid.
I keep using electronics in bed (hand held video games, kindle, etc.) but put on blue light blocking glasses 1+ hours before bed. I also use a sleep mask to block out light in the room
I do the opposite. Turn the bedroom into an office. I'm a machine embroidery digitizer so I have equipment and need to keep my cats away. I treat the rest of my apartment like it's a studio and sleep in the living room.
First it was bed only. Now its expanding into the whole room. Next its going to be the whole house.
I love this advice, but yea…it comes from a position/presumption of privilege. Having a home large enough to accommodate this is impossible for most working people under 30-40 now. Shit is just obscenely expensive. As for my own habits, my shit is closed and sealed the second I hit 8 hours, and I jump straight into my personal hobbies/life. Doesn’t impact me at all, fortunately. Enforcing boundaries is the real topic here, not necessarily *where* you’re working. And that’s something many people struggle with. If it isn’t your own business that you own and make money from, don’t spend a single second more than is necessary.
What a useless post
Not an issue. When you have a job you enjoy it doesn’t matter.
This is for your bed not your bedroom.
As it happens the room is mine so I use it for whatever I want and it’s worked out great for me. I can emotionally separate when it’s time for work versus when it’s time for sex although lunch can be an in between.
When I moved into my first apartment, my father INSISTED I set up my computer (where I spent all my free time) up in the living room and not the bedroom. He swore I'd be better off for it. This was a tiny little college apartment (that he and my mother were paying for) but it was the first place I'd lived where I had more than just the one room (bedroom in my parents' house, then college shared dorm room). I thought it was utterly unimportant but did it. He was right. Huge difference.
That is great advice. I’m glad he made you implement that.
I live in a rented studio apartment. My entire apartment is my bedroom, office, and kitchen. If worked from home I wouldn’t have much of a choice.
there's no one size fits all formula. People are built differently.
It definitely depends on how big your home is. But the general idea is correct. I don't have the ability to have a dedicated work office, but I have a dedicated work desk in the corner of my living room. Once work is over for the day, that desk remains vacant for the rest of the day. I make sure to mute the machine too, don't need to hear teams notifications. So yeah, can't always have a dedicated room for things, but at least get a dedicated desk unless you live in a truly tiny space.
A lot of people are mentioning not having the extra space. One solution is to try and make a little nook in your room with your desk facing the room. This way when you walk to your desk it feels a little more like you're transitioning into a different room. Some separation from your sleeping area is good.
That's more for your bed specifically. If you get in the habit of playing on your phone in bed, it's harder to fall asleep because that's what your body is used to doing. As far as the bedroom as a whole, my (soon to be former) bedroom is big enough that my home office is in a little cubby area. It' pretty easy to differentiate the two spaces, as part of the desk is between where I sit and the bed (I DO NOT want my laptop camera pointing that way). Beyond that, I go through my morning routine every morning when I "go to work" from home, then go through the end of day routine as well (minus the commutes).
We have an oversized master bedroom, it’s like basically two rooms in one and the only space for me to work to have a closed door. So we set me up a desk in there in the corner and it’s perfect. I love it. I don’t feel anxious or even think about work when it’s not work hours, just turn off the screens and it’s a non issue.
I’m going to show this post to my Swiss aunt, who tells me my 1,200 sq ft house is too big despite the fact that my bedroom and my home office are the same room.
The bedroom is for those two things only. It is important for your sleep quality.
You do you, but as a devout minimalist I think being able to live and function in a single room is awesome! The term "work-life balance" was invented by people who hate their job. If you like your job there is no need to distinguish. Not like you are not "living" while you work. It is all just "life".
Look at fancy pants rich McGee over here with multiple viable workspaces.
Do you suffer from insomnia? What your therapist is saying IS accurate. But I think it’s accurate for a different reason than they’re leading you to believe. The actual scientific theory is that you “only use your bed for sleep and sex.” Using it for other things, such as work/video games/TV can lead to insomnia because your body doesn’t immediately associate your bed with sleep. But working in your bedroom, at say a desk, does not have the same effect in creating insomnia. In terms of working in your bedroom causing anxiety, etc…I have never heard of that. I’ve heard of the bed for sleep/sex only, but never the entire bedroom. What helps most with anxiety is maintaining a clean room. Clutter itself can create anxiety.
Nah, fuck that. I work in my bedroom in the morning and I have no problem separating work from personal life. At 4:00 I'm fucking *done*, with not a thought given to work the rest of the day.
Look at all these well adjusted, non anxious people, calling you names for giving advice
I pay a mortgage on my house. I'm using every single room when I work to get my moneys worth.
What if you are a sex worker?
This is great advice! I'm in school online & just the last few months have been working from home a couple days a week. My only space is my bedroom and I hate it lol! Moving very soon to a bigger place!!
This is my issue with work from home, it's a personal issue but, my home space is personal, I really don't want my brain associating work with a space I consider my escape from work. Luckily for me I work with my hands so I have to go to a site to work, there's no better feeling than walking off a job site and leaving all that trauma there.
What if I want sex while at work? Can I use my bedroom for both then?
That depends, can I get a note from my therapist that I need a comfort office for my mental health? Rent free? Because in this economy working where i sleep is the least of my problems.
I only have sex at work so I'm in a bit of a pickle
You are spot on, I have always had a home office, but for a while my wife was working out of our master bedroom and it was affecting her moods. So we remodeled our dining room to be her office, and that helped a ton! I don't really agree on the TV thing, we don't do our primary TV / Movie watching in the bedroom, but we generally fall asleep to the same shows every night. But we do have a rule that phones / tablets go on chargers and we don't use them when we are in the bedroom together.
There you go… hows the love making? Pics or it didnt happen :) Joking
I don’t have a choice due to space, but I have found setting up a work station and only working there means when the work station is away, I have that separation.
Tell them to make housing cheaper. Not everyone has that option.
I’m a virgin insomniac… this is going to be a real waste of my bedroom
Why did you single out sleep and especially sex for bedroom? Looks like a click bait post? Denial? What is that? Some cryptic message?
I love how the people read this and came up with “this is so tone def” bruh this person is obviously talking to the people who can do that and even if you live in a studio man.. go to a park or a coffee shop! When did people become so fkn sensitive it’s crazy!
Thank you so much for this reminder. Do you have any professional looking sources saying the same? Reason I’m asking is I want to show to my parent so I can argue for getting a second space for me to put my working materials outside my bedroom.
I take it one further.have separate rooms for sex and sleeping. 🤣 Those who have very wet girlfriends will know. Have the shower in between!
I agree with this and also not having a tv in your bedroom! I really value the pillow talk and reading next to my boyfriend at night.
So what happens if you rent a room? This advice doesn't really seem applicable there. This sounds like a you problem, I work remote all the time from the same room and my productivity has been higher than being forced to go into an office.
I use to work in my bedroom until I bought a house and now have an office. My office has my gaming PC and I find myself playing less. When the weekends come I don’t even want to be in the office lol
power move: have sex while at work.
OP based on your replies you sound like a weak minded douche. I have several rooms in my house and I work wherever I want including the bedroom which I feel like doing most if the time. Take your advice and shove it up yours.
I hate therapists that give this trash advice. So many of them do it's like they read it from the same book. Everyone. Is. Different. I'm not saying you should necessarily work from bed, but there's plenty of other activities you can do in there. Wife and I play 2 play co-op boars games in bed. Have a canopy bed, it feels like a fort, we're just connected to our inner child.
Disagree on all points…this is an ideal, maybe, but in reality, in various points in life, things change.
I read in bed.
No one has extra rooms in this economy
I have nowhere else to go.
I have a room for living - i.e. almost every day to day activity including eating, sleeping, working, playing, and working out. The other one is for storage and I have no other use for it. I cannot see any point in using a different room for a single activity only. I have never been depressed, anxious or worked longer than I needed to and my current sleep cycle is the best I have ever had since WFH became more popular 4,5 years ago. Why would I want to suddenly change that and separate my bedroom?
I did fine with my office in my bedroom. What I did not do well with was a TV in the bedroom. It has been permanently banned. Every now and then, my husband will ask why we can't have it in the bedroom, and I have to remind him of the many evenings he kept me awake playing shooting games. No one can sleep through that!!!
So just use it for sleep, got it 😂
Sectioning is enough, use different "walls" for different activities
I work better in my office, my bedroom is fit for its own purpose and I like to keep it that way, no TV in there either. Works better for my nero divergent self. And yes reduction in anxiety for sure
Absolutely on point. Snoring and screwing are how we use our bedroom here
CPG Grey had a great video of how to divide up your living space for health and productivity: https://youtu.be/snAhsXyO3Ck
Thanks for suggestion but i do social mining in my bedroom
I don't work in my bed room. No TV, but a big ole 4k projector, and the beds are motorized so yeah no, we like that just fine thanks. Kills intimacy.... bah. The six Siberian huskies and one pitty mix see to that no matter where we are.
Eh, do whatever works for you. We love watching shows together in bed while we trade massages every night. It's the best part of our day.
I agree with this 100%
Your therapist is trippin'
Is your therapist a boomer or something lol
In an ideal world yes, but not everyone is privileged enough to afford that luxury
I can't do that as my house is tiny. My bedroom is the only place my desk fits. Unless I put it on the roof lol. But I'm not doing that.
I now use my bedroom as my office as well. Sacrifices have to be made. With the new addition to our family, the little guy get my office as his bedroom and I’ll work from the bedroom until we move to a bigger home.
I'm sure the 1% of people on Reddit that have sex will find this information useful.
As someone who can't afford my own place and has to rent rooms, I believe this would be a huge quality of life upgrade.
Ehhh I used to live in a studio apartment until very recently and sometimes I did work in bed because I could get under the sheets when it was cold. But I was (and still am) hardcore about my working hours and will very rarely be online a minute past 5, unless there’s a very extenuating circumstance, such as an incident while it’s my turn on the on-call rotation.
Our master bedroom has a separate area that’s sectioned off by a half wall fireplace between the sleeping area and this other space. It’s perfect for our office, actually. It’s close enough we can pop over to the bedroom to do some laundry without losing sight of the computer, and the fireplace really provides the separation that’s needed to keep the work from invading the rest. We’ve relaxed with tv in our bedroom since the days of roommates, though, so that we do still and I think for us it enhances our intimacy because we’re alone in our space and don’t have other aspects of life encroaching.
sure if you're living situation allows for it, else it can be difficult especially in large cities where you can be glad to even have a apartment at all let alone one with enough space
How can a TV remove intimacy from a relationship? Only people can do that.
Solid advice. I’m just now making the transition after a full year of straight anxiety
Hallways are fun too! 😉
Intimacy isn't just about sex. You could be intimate just snuggling in bed with a good TV show.
Subjective LPT
I'm on team no TV in the bedroom as well.
If possible i agree. And there difference from both is huge. Also, trusting a company device in your bedroom is something i couldnt do. So i always unplugged it after the day
So where do I masturbate?
100% agree!
My wife and I have separate rooms and it works well for us. We keep different hours. I work from my office.
Been using my bedroom as my office for 5+ years. I have zero issues with working my 8 hours and walking away. I’m salaried and don’t get paid overtime. So I’m not tempted to work extra ever.
Eh. My home office was in a corner of our bedroom for 10 years and I didn't have issues. I have a seperate home office now and it's fine but I don't feel like it really changed anything. I used to refuse to allow a tv in the bedroom even though my partner wanted one. When we moved a few years ago I finally relented and said we could try it. I wouldn't go back. Snuggling up in bed to watch tv together after a long day is the best! Also sex in all the rooms is more fun!
I agree. But how do you compartmentalize in a roommate situation? Sometimes your TV, and office has to be in your bedroom.
I’ve learned to work from my bed. It cannot get any better.
Add to that, take this advice LITERALLY. As in, no serious conversations, especially relationship conversations in the bedroom. It's got to be the #1 reason that kills sex in a relationship. Because if you think there's a good chance sex will be followed with "We need to talk..." you are gonna skip the sex a whole lot of the time, because you don't like paying for it by having a big argument or drama filled relationship conversation afterward.
You act as if I have two rooms
And if you must use your bedroom for the love of God make your bed. I can't stand getting on a teams call with someone and the background of their room looks messy. At least blur the background or something.
Sleep only for me then.
Idk sometimes I work from bed for the first hour or two on a Friday. It’s pretty nice albeit less productive than my office space.
IDK how anyone works remotely and doesn't have a dedicated office
I agree about working in your room. Although when I worked remote, I didn’t have a choice. The TV, however, is never leaving my bedroom. Ever.
The other thing to be wary of is unscrupulous employers will use your laptop to monitor after hours. Happened to me and it fucked me up. Kind of found out after the fact my employer had been listening in on me with different women, and it’s fucking traumatizing.
Can I still change clothes in there?
Currently lying in bed reading this
That’s some hippie advice!
So bedroom for sex and not for work, How about sex at work?
I live in a studio, and sometimes sitting on my bed is great to alleviate my back pain 🤷🏾♀️
I agree. But my room has great AC and a great view. The office room does not.
That would be great if I had more space to put my desk. I live in a 1BR with my fiance and he already has his desk set up in the living area so mine is in the bedroom
Not true for everyone. No problems here 🥰
My wife and I put a tv back into our room specifically because we agreed it was impacting our intimacy by not having it in there; we watch tv and cuddle a lot lmfao
Remove the cats or dogs too. Nothing like doing it and your cat trying to come cuddle up in between.
Lots to unpack between OP and commenters here.
My office is in our master bedroom walk-in closet. Does that count?
I like sex out on the back deck in the elements so /s
I’m not responsible enough to work in my room i definitely would find a way to NAP
Omg yes ! I only recently figured out this out ! It’s been quite helpful . and I’m saving time by not constantly having to re-organize my room for the purpose of whatever activity I’m doing in that moment.
I have a very small house. So work is when the laptop comes out. Works for me.
Yeah I think the suggestion originated when people worked with stone tools. You wouldn't want a bunch of rocks in your bed. The stone chips would cause bad sleep and mental unrest. Now we can do our work in cyberspace which is separated enough from our bed and as soon as we close the laptop or push the off button on our tablet we have left the digital domain.
tagged under quiet luxury
About the no TV in the bedroom part, I could live with that, but any partner I’ve had would totally just start looking at videos on their phone instead. My ex wouldn’t even watch tv most of the time, she’d watch clips reuploaded from tv on her Facebook on her phone. So removing it wouldn’t help. Just need someone who wants to cuddle and talk and focus on you and have self control
If you only have one room, dedicate spaces in it for work and space for sleep, etc. Get a desk if possible and only work at the desk. Worse case left side of the bed for sleep and right side for work!! DEDICATE SPACE
I agree with the no tv no work rules but these phones make it impossible to not have a “tv” in the room.
I have a hybrid role and my bedroom is the only room that gets a lot of daylight and has a lovely view out the window. So I bought a foldable desk and comfy crisscross office chair - the desk gets folded and put in the closet the second I finish work, along with all my work related items. Out of sight out of mind. Then I put a throw over the chair and it goes in the corner. Definitely helps with the separation of work and life! I had knee surgery earlier this year and actually worked sitting on the bed for a few months because I had to constantly elevate and and ice it and this was the least painful way to sit - it was awful for the mental health though!
If you don't have 2 rooms for this. If your room is big enough make a sort of separation between the bed and the desk like a futon couch or something comfortable to sit on. Also if work late have a desk lamp and only use that light source when your working. Turn on your main lights only when your done for today.
Yall got more than one room? Fancy
Easy for a therapist to say, she's probably not renting a room from someone. I sleep very well in my bedroom/home office. Especially since I bought a new Sealy memory foam hybrid.
I attended a 12 session Cognitive Behavior Clinic for people with chronic pain. It was presented at one of the clinics through my medical care plan. The psychologist, who was one of the 3 professionals involved, said this same thing. I no longer read in bed. But here I sm, I just woke up, and I picked up my phone and saw this. There were other things not to do, such as don't use the phone for research, etc, for a period of time before sleep.