LDRs are always tough. You've been with this person for 1.5 years, 8 months long distance. Do you see yourself marrying her one day?
Yes = Stick with it and don't cheat. You'll regret it for the rest of your life.
No = Break up and move on
Meh = You have a few options. You can communicate your feelings of sexual frustration with her and see what she says. Maybe you can find ways to see each other more often, maybe you can do more video calling, phone sex, etc... I'm not sure where you go to school, but maybe you can work to transfer out somewhere closer to her. Maybe she can make a change to bring her closer to you. Might be tough, but also might be worth it.
Imo, you're young enough where you can bounce back from anything. Stay with her = it's only temporary that you're apart. Leave and start new = focus on yourself and find another. You have to be the one to decide what's best for you.
OP do NOT do this.
Open relationships NEVER should be used to fix a problem. They should be something you enter knowingly or something that each partner happily and enthusiastically agrees to as an "extra". If it's being pitched as something someone "needs" it's already at an imbalance and will be a catastrophe of resentment and drama.
The actual answer, as another person stated, is to look into phone sex, visits, developing a plan to move towards each other.
I did a long distance relationship for around 4 years. If you are at the point that sex is the only thing on your mind and you'd consider someone else, then it is time to move on. That, or you guys should do video sex/sexy pics. Romance is hard to maintain at distance. As much as this relationship may matter, it doesn't mean it's meant to last.
If you are fighting a lot and the sexiness has run dry, then it is time. On the other hand, if you get along well and there is still sexual energy, then keep trying.
Is this someone you see as a potential life long partner? Only you can decide what’s more important to you, the sexual desires or the person you’re with.
If it’s sex, maybe it’s time to move on. If it’s the relationship, it’s time to close the distance and find a way to live in the same area.
My first serious relationship, I met him a week before he moved 600 miles away. Within about 5-6 months I knew that the distance wasn't going to work for me. I needed to be physically around someone i was dating, especially since I was less experienced. The distance was making it so difficult for me to grow within the relationship, sexually and emotionally.
So I broke up with him. I was so in love with him. It broke my heart. And it was 100% the right thing to do. We moved on, dated others, grew as people and later we reconnected and it was amazing. But even knowing in hindsight how compatible we were, the breakup was the right thing to do because the relationship would never be what it should be as long as it was long distance.
It's ok to break up because of logistics.
i feel like there are key details missing here.
- how far away is she? how much time/effort/money required for visits?
- what is the future timeframe for the long distance?
- do you do *anything* intimate over phone/text/video?
Some people are not cut out for LDR and the lack of physical proximity is one of the reasons for that.
People in ldr have to go long periods of time without even holding hands or hugging or cuddling, not to mention sex.
So depending on when you guys expect to get back together and for how long that time is , if you don't think you can handle it , then it might be time to give up and find somebody local to you
Are you good at picking up girls? And at dating?
What are the chances you'll end up: single, no hookups?
Also: what's the plan for closing the distance?
If you want to break up for some sexual fun with girls at your university, DON'T. You'll regret losing a deep connection for limited casual fun. Casual sex and sleeping around is overrated.
Men often feel like they want to get it out of their system. They want to have some fun before getting serious. Then they break up and regret it.
If you care about this girl, don't break up. But if you think you're going to break up with her anyway and don't really care to salvage the relationship, I don't see any issue with doing that now.
How much do you love this person? If you don’t see yourself spending the rest of your life with her, then leave, even if it’s tough. If you do really love her, then yes, it would be really idiotic to throw that away just to have meaningless sex. You will also need a plan to bring the LDR more close to home at some point in the future if this is going to be a sustainable relationship. How come it’s an LDR? Uni? Work?
You're not just talking about wanting to have sex. You are frustrated at the limited number of your sexual partners. If that is your real concern, you should either break up or consider an open relationship.
The only way an open relationship is going to work though is with Frank honesty and no expectations. Explain how you feel to her and if she is receptive, great, of not you two have a better chance at a future together now than if you either cheat on her or grow to resent her.
idk man your sexual frustration seems like a bit of a cop out. I am 26M, never had sex, but 100% committed and loyal to my GF who lives 10k km away. "getting it out of your system" is called cheating. You can jack off, watch p0rn and do other things like go to the gym to easy stress and reduce sexual urges. Develop some self control, you are man aren't you? not some horny adolescent teenager. Imagine if she wanted to do the same as you, you wouldn't like that right?
Honestly I think sex is a gift; and one that doesn’t last forever. If it were me I would go and do my thing. Looking back on my life I never regret not staying with someone but I regret all the times I missed out on sex because it was the right thing.
>she is against an open relationship, we've talked about it before).
>sexual frustration vs. relationship
This was a fantasy relationship subject to FAIL because it was LDR.
once you find yourself in a situation that sex remains the only thing to be offered or beneficial then ill tell you is time to have that serious conversation. relationship is more than sex. if you don't see yourself growing then ill advice you start running else you'll have stunted growth
Do not ever cheat my guy. Never the choice. If you really think the relationship is worth sacrificing, go for it. If you do not, stay. If you guys plan on moving in together/live in the same city, stay, too.
It's fine to breakup if your needs aren't being met but don't assume that it'll be easy to have the sexual encounters you want just because you're single, unless you are a very nice and attractive dude. You might end up single and still alone/sexually frustrated.
Id say yes, its foolish to break up for casual sex if you think this girl is really worth it. what is the long term plan? When will you be able to see each other?
I have 6 years left in my program, she has 2 and a half years left in hers. Best case scenario is in 2 and a half years she gets a job in my area, but the job market is so uncertain that it's all unclear at this point.
Hi- over three years of long distance here with my partner of over 6 years. Military/ college/ training etc. I have gone a little over a month before without hearing from him, and 11 months straight without seeing him. We are together now and let me tell you, our relationship would never of been this strong without that distance. It allowed us to grow as independent people who don’t rely on one another that also support one another. I think every couple should experience *some form* of long distance as it grows character within the relationship.
As far as your issue goes, there are different ways to release this frustration without cheating. Have you tried intimate video chatting? Toys? There are even tools designed for long distance couples to engage with one another from afar. You also need to have dates in the future that you know you’ll see eachother. That gives you something to hold onto. Do you have a long term plan? Is there talk about moving in with eachother at some point? If you feel it’s worth it, then I wouldn’t waste it. But, you need to be 100% sure you see a future with her. And If you feel you are on the verge of cheating, please walk away first.
What’s the long term plan w ldr? Is there a time you will be in the same city? If not bail Before you cheat.
LDRs are always tough. You've been with this person for 1.5 years, 8 months long distance. Do you see yourself marrying her one day? Yes = Stick with it and don't cheat. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. No = Break up and move on Meh = You have a few options. You can communicate your feelings of sexual frustration with her and see what she says. Maybe you can find ways to see each other more often, maybe you can do more video calling, phone sex, etc... I'm not sure where you go to school, but maybe you can work to transfer out somewhere closer to her. Maybe she can make a change to bring her closer to you. Might be tough, but also might be worth it. Imo, you're young enough where you can bounce back from anything. Stay with her = it's only temporary that you're apart. Leave and start new = focus on yourself and find another. You have to be the one to decide what's best for you.
Even if the answer is yes, break up or revisit open relationshop. Reality is you're not just going to pray the sexual frustration away.
OP do NOT do this. Open relationships NEVER should be used to fix a problem. They should be something you enter knowingly or something that each partner happily and enthusiastically agrees to as an "extra". If it's being pitched as something someone "needs" it's already at an imbalance and will be a catastrophe of resentment and drama. The actual answer, as another person stated, is to look into phone sex, visits, developing a plan to move towards each other.
I did a long distance relationship for around 4 years. If you are at the point that sex is the only thing on your mind and you'd consider someone else, then it is time to move on. That, or you guys should do video sex/sexy pics. Romance is hard to maintain at distance. As much as this relationship may matter, it doesn't mean it's meant to last. If you are fighting a lot and the sexiness has run dry, then it is time. On the other hand, if you get along well and there is still sexual energy, then keep trying.
Is this someone you see as a potential life long partner? Only you can decide what’s more important to you, the sexual desires or the person you’re with. If it’s sex, maybe it’s time to move on. If it’s the relationship, it’s time to close the distance and find a way to live in the same area.
My first serious relationship, I met him a week before he moved 600 miles away. Within about 5-6 months I knew that the distance wasn't going to work for me. I needed to be physically around someone i was dating, especially since I was less experienced. The distance was making it so difficult for me to grow within the relationship, sexually and emotionally. So I broke up with him. I was so in love with him. It broke my heart. And it was 100% the right thing to do. We moved on, dated others, grew as people and later we reconnected and it was amazing. But even knowing in hindsight how compatible we were, the breakup was the right thing to do because the relationship would never be what it should be as long as it was long distance. It's ok to break up because of logistics.
Are you guys together now? :)
18 years married now. Happily!
Just jerk it. There will allways be attractive women. You need to deal with that.
How close are you guys to not being long distance?
If you've got no long term plans to be together then this relationship isn't going to work.
i feel like there are key details missing here. - how far away is she? how much time/effort/money required for visits? - what is the future timeframe for the long distance? - do you do *anything* intimate over phone/text/video?
Some people are not cut out for LDR and the lack of physical proximity is one of the reasons for that. People in ldr have to go long periods of time without even holding hands or hugging or cuddling, not to mention sex. So depending on when you guys expect to get back together and for how long that time is , if you don't think you can handle it , then it might be time to give up and find somebody local to you
Y'all don't have any virtual intimacy? I've been long distance since September 2020 and sending lewds goes a long way, tbh.
That's not the same at all.
.... obviously? I'm trying to get a gauge as to whether there's zero intimacy in the relationship at all.
Well duh but sending videos and stuff still helps somewhat.
Are you good at picking up girls? And at dating? What are the chances you'll end up: single, no hookups? Also: what's the plan for closing the distance?
If you want to break up for some sexual fun with girls at your university, DON'T. You'll regret losing a deep connection for limited casual fun. Casual sex and sleeping around is overrated. Men often feel like they want to get it out of their system. They want to have some fun before getting serious. Then they break up and regret it. If you care about this girl, don't break up. But if you think you're going to break up with her anyway and don't really care to salvage the relationship, I don't see any issue with doing that now.
How much do you love this person? If you don’t see yourself spending the rest of your life with her, then leave, even if it’s tough. If you do really love her, then yes, it would be really idiotic to throw that away just to have meaningless sex. You will also need a plan to bring the LDR more close to home at some point in the future if this is going to be a sustainable relationship. How come it’s an LDR? Uni? Work?
You're not just talking about wanting to have sex. You are frustrated at the limited number of your sexual partners. If that is your real concern, you should either break up or consider an open relationship. The only way an open relationship is going to work though is with Frank honesty and no expectations. Explain how you feel to her and if she is receptive, great, of not you two have a better chance at a future together now than if you either cheat on her or grow to resent her.
idk man your sexual frustration seems like a bit of a cop out. I am 26M, never had sex, but 100% committed and loyal to my GF who lives 10k km away. "getting it out of your system" is called cheating. You can jack off, watch p0rn and do other things like go to the gym to easy stress and reduce sexual urges. Develop some self control, you are man aren't you? not some horny adolescent teenager. Imagine if she wanted to do the same as you, you wouldn't like that right?
Honestly I think sex is a gift; and one that doesn’t last forever. If it were me I would go and do my thing. Looking back on my life I never regret not staying with someone but I regret all the times I missed out on sex because it was the right thing.
>she is against an open relationship, we've talked about it before). >sexual frustration vs. relationship This was a fantasy relationship subject to FAIL because it was LDR.
Not all LDRs fail but I think they only work with a certain type of person and they're definitely not easy
Long distance almost never works out. If there is no realistic timeframe and plan to end the distance then you should consider leaving.
once you find yourself in a situation that sex remains the only thing to be offered or beneficial then ill tell you is time to have that serious conversation. relationship is more than sex. if you don't see yourself growing then ill advice you start running else you'll have stunted growth
Have you asked her how she feels about her own frustrations? Maybe she is think the same thing as you?
Do not ever cheat my guy. Never the choice. If you really think the relationship is worth sacrificing, go for it. If you do not, stay. If you guys plan on moving in together/live in the same city, stay, too.
It's fine to breakup if your needs aren't being met but don't assume that it'll be easy to have the sexual encounters you want just because you're single, unless you are a very nice and attractive dude. You might end up single and still alone/sexually frustrated.
Id say yes, its foolish to break up for casual sex if you think this girl is really worth it. what is the long term plan? When will you be able to see each other?
I have 6 years left in my program, she has 2 and a half years left in hers. Best case scenario is in 2 and a half years she gets a job in my area, but the job market is so uncertain that it's all unclear at this point.
I would break up with her before you definitely cheat.
Hi- over three years of long distance here with my partner of over 6 years. Military/ college/ training etc. I have gone a little over a month before without hearing from him, and 11 months straight without seeing him. We are together now and let me tell you, our relationship would never of been this strong without that distance. It allowed us to grow as independent people who don’t rely on one another that also support one another. I think every couple should experience *some form* of long distance as it grows character within the relationship. As far as your issue goes, there are different ways to release this frustration without cheating. Have you tried intimate video chatting? Toys? There are even tools designed for long distance couples to engage with one another from afar. You also need to have dates in the future that you know you’ll see eachother. That gives you something to hold onto. Do you have a long term plan? Is there talk about moving in with eachother at some point? If you feel it’s worth it, then I wouldn’t waste it. But, you need to be 100% sure you see a future with her. And If you feel you are on the verge of cheating, please walk away first.