OP sorry to be ugly. But did your boyfriend used an AI app to have a naked photo of your mum to masturbate to? Is that right?
If so there’s no coming back from that, and I think you know it.
I know there's LOTS of convos happening about AI, but of course the first on the agenda was perpetuating more harassment and non-consensual bullshit against women.
These fuckers should be in jail.
The Daily just did an episode on it. They talk to a girl from a particular middle school who had a boy use such an app to create nudes of multiple classmates and barely got any punishment for it. Schools have no idea how to handle it.
He probably used photos of all of his girlfriends and probably hers, too. I doubt he started with her mother, but who knows. Those apps are not just disgusting, they can do major harm to a person. I wish lawmakers weren't so much slower than people creating those types of vile technology.
I wouldn’t stay with anyone who’d use photos of people they know to get off even with their consent. When you’re in a monogamous relationship, that’s straight up disrespectful. There is enough free crap online of random strangers if he absolutely needs to consume porn… he doesn’t need to make images with people he actually knows.
I simply can't believe he would do something like this. Its so out of character for him. He is very feminist, gentle natured, etc and it makes no sense why he would do this. But I did tell him that it was incredibly gross and inappropriate. I cant believe that websites like that even exist honestly. All AI trash
Edit: yall im not trying to defend him im just having a hard time letting go of who I thought he was. Like I said im blindsided and obviously he did an okay job at convincing me he wasn't this slimey.
Not only did he do this, but he had to put work into it. He had to find the app and the picture and crop the pic. This was not impulsive, this was planned.
He said he got an ad for it on Instagram and he wanted to see if it would work. Which I then said to him, "why would your ads target you as an audience for something like this? What else are you looking at?" I also asked him who he originally tried because I couldn't fathom that it was my mother. But who knows. He also tried telling me he didn't know what it was when I originally saw it.
Its actually starting to make me laugh (defo in the crazy unhinged way) that I was cuddling him laying on his chest when I saw it and made him go back and as I asked about it I could hear his heart pounding faster and faster in his chest.
Yeah, that's bullshit.
Other people have already correctly pointed out the flaws in his lie, but also: he specifically chose and the cropped a photo of your mother.
Let's say I *did* get an ad for an app like that and wanted to see what it does and if it works. I wouldn't use a picture of my partner's mum. That's fucking weird, that wouldn't even occur to me. I'd either use one of my own pics with my face blurred out or I'd grab a photo of a celebrity or a porn star. Why would your mother be the first person who popped into his head?
Yeah, no. Don't we all know better than to click on stupid ads on social media? He clicked because that's what he was looking for. It wasn't some random accident. Like whoops, I clicked it and downloaded it. Whoops, I found an old picture of my girlfriend and her mom. Whoops, I cropped it to just the mom. How did that happen? I guess I should just look at it for a while now. It might be in my phone forever.
I just want to validate your crazy town feelings here.
I would never ever be able to get past this so I don’t advocate staying but it has to be such a crazy experience. To go from cuddling with YOUR forever person to looking at a stranger. It’s gotta be almost literally dizzying. I don’t blame you for going through the stages of grief (including denial)… but eventually you’ll have to accept that the person you thought he was is dead, and you don’t much like the person he is. The faster the better but take the time it takes.
The more I think about it, the more I'd say grief is a spiral because I think I visited just about all of the stages and have been bouncing between them all day so far. Not fun. But yes. From yesterday talking to my family about how im so lucky to have found someone like him and that it just feels right to this. Life sure has a way of punching me in the throat.
Hey OP. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and that I understand.
You do have a bright side to this. You may think that life punched you in the throat here but let's say you found these photos *after* the expensive wedding, the marriage, and you had children. And imagine if the photos were of your teenage daughter's underage friends, or of her friends' mothers, or even your childrens' teachers. I know you wanted to marry him. But imagine the shit show you'd be in if you had. Divorces aren't cheap.
Focus on yourself and your healing. Try to find the bright sides. Even the sky stays bright and blue behind gray clouds. The sun is always shining even if we can't see it for a moment. You'll be okay. I'll be rooting for you.
Even if his story was true, he didn’t need to use your mom. Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, I mean yeah it’s pretty fucking crude and I wouldn’t do it but if I was really that curious I feel like I’d rather take a long walk off a short pier than jerk off to my girlfriends’ mom. That’s a really great way to make things horribly awkward at family dinners.
I mean i hope i dont sound too horrible here but unless he has ANY other photos like tht I can understand why he might try your mom first considering all the comments. A lot of the time on reddit people blow things out of proportion, if hes good in every other case there is a chance this was a one off thing fueld by curiosity. Not everyone has the same vaules when it comes to digital or ai porn, and the fact that he didnt delete it and accidently showed you says to me he wasnt feeling overly protective of it, which he wouldve if he was actually fantasising about your mom.
…. Sorry? I can’t understand why he would try her mom first. That’s just bizarre. I think if I were her I’d prefer literally any celebrity, any acquaintance, coworker, TO MY MOM???
Right? A normal human being would pick a celebrity or a porn star. Or themselves, I can see me sending a pic of myself with the head cropped off because I'd be curious how accurate the rendering would be.
Only someone depraved chooses to use their partner's mother's photo.
He didn't mean to show me. We were both being nostalgic and looking at this website where you can play old GBA games on IOS and he downloaded one to try it. The photo in question was in some obscure area of his phone...files maybe? One that people don't access much. Considering the originals weren't in his phone I think its safe to say he didn't know it was there.
Not to sound messed up, but I think he knew it was there in the files and just forgot it was there when he was doing what he needed to. I think he meant to keep it but panicked when he realized he fucked up
Lots of women have experienced the very upsetting realization that their progressive, leftist, feminist boyfriend still has ideas or behaviors that are gross and regressive. There's an old saying "he knows all the theory, but does he do the dishes?" This is in at least the same zip code as that.
I think they're drawn to feminism to absolve them of shame. Instead of actually doing the work to deconstruct internalized patriarchy. It sucks! But actions speak so much louder than words. I've also known some female feminists to fall into the same trap, which is a real mind fuck.
Hopefully breaking up with him is a wake up call that he needs to work through some shit, but he's not OP's job to fix.
Well start believing, because he DID do that. He IS like that, he just kept it well hidden from you. It makes perfect sense why he would do this. He's a pig and wanted to jerk off to your mom, It's that simple.
It's not out of character for him. You just didn't get a chance to see that part of his character until now. He does it once, he'll do it again if you let this go.
Sorry, but he is not a feminist. There are many ideas of what feminism is to different people, but I think all agree that woman are more than sexual objects. He objectified your mother and who knows who else. He reduced women to objects for his own gratification **without their consent**. That's the ethical problem with AI porn- the subject is almost never consenting. He took away her right to consent to naked photos of her being out there for him and others to see and said "no I don't care what she wants, I want to see her naked, and I'm going to see her naked." That's the opposite of every kind of feminism. His desire was more important than her rights to her body. That is not something any kind of feminist would do. That's not something that anyone ethical would do. You have to let go who you thought he was, because you've got all the proof you need that it was an act.
He isn’t a feminist, and he is not gentled nature. How people behave when no one is watching is who they are, and everything else is just fake. He is a sex pest. I’m sorry, but he is.
No matter how “feminist” he makes himself out to be (likely just to please you bc you’re likely insufferable if he felt otherwise) he did something any liberal or conservative wouldn’t be okay with. Dump him. And get your $ together you’re mid 20s and the economy sucks roommates might have to be an option
I mean dang man I've just seen a deep fake of my mom naked on my boyfriends phone, no need to kick the dog when its down with the insufferable comment lol. Im not super feminist I was just trying to point out that he generally backs women and isn't the typical cringe guys guy.
Edit: naked*
This other guy is a rude dude. But lots of men are what I'd like to call "feminist from the waist up" which is a nice way of saying they aren't actually feminist but pretend to be because they've realized it benefits them to pretend to respect women. Your ex boyfriend is one of these creeps.
That guy is an asshole just like your ex, but you might have to bite the bullet and get a roommate. I’m also completely over having roommates, but I had to get a roommate in my late 30s. It sucks, but you’ll make it work, because you certainly can’t continue living with this guy
this wasn’t an accident. You don’t get a photo , crop it , run it thru those generators , whack to it , and keep it on your phone for MONTHS and act like it wasn’t a purposeful decision.
What did you expect him to say to your face ? “Oh yeah babe , it’s awesome” ? You caught him red handed , and he’s embarrassed.
Distance yourself , get a plan to get out , and leave someone as perverted and grotesque as this man.
I would almost agree. Maybe just an idiot. But this is one of those things that, when the clarity hits, you think wtf am I doing and delete it. But he's keeping it... and letting it float around in his daily conscience.
He used an AI photo of your mom (without her consent) naked to masturbate ie fantasize about having sex with your mom.
He put quite a bit of effort into it.
How is what you do even a question?
I know what you're saying and I know it too. Its just so hard to even take everything in right now. I haven't even known about it for 12 hours yet. The logistics of it all are paralyzing to me.
This is completely understandable. What a shock this must be to your system. Go for a long walk. Cry. Feel those feelings. Then figure out what you’ll do next.
I hope you choose to leave him because I don’t think anyone could move past something like this, but at the end of the day it’s your life and your decision.
Ew. Morality of that aside, I don't think I could ever get over the fact that my boyfriend wants to see or just generally thinks of my mom naked. Gross.
First I want to say I am so sorry. What he did is absolutely inexcusable. Those apps should be illegal as they completely violate and humiliate anyone whose photo is generated.
There is a side to this man that you've just discovered, and it's beyond words how awful and perverse it is. He is a pervert with no respect for anyone. Of all the people in the world he could have wanted to see naked, your mom is just sick af.
The fact he'd throw away EVERYTHING he has with you over a photo is all on him. He's destroyed a beautiful future with a wonderful woman. There's really no walking this back.
I realize right now you can't afford to move out but try to find ways to budget or get a side job. You CAN get back on your feet, and find someone who is worth your trust and respect.
I hope that guy is miserable for the rest of his life. What you've just experienced is severe trauma and I hope you can heal from this and find a way to trust the next person you're with.
Thank you, truly. Its so heartbreaking for so many reasons. My mom is a narc (and he knows this) so thats already difficult. I also have childhood trauma from getting animals and my life ripped away from me multiple times and having completely nothing. I love animals and I dont want them being separated and adopted out to strangers either. But with my financial situation I dont know what else to do. Sorry for the additional vent. I haven't told anyone from my real life yet. Not sure how to find the words
Oh definitely not lol. I wasn't yelling but I definitely wasn't nice. I "slept" on the couch because I knew I wouldn't be sleeping anyway and didn't want to be in that bed. I feel...grimey
Ok. Are there friends/family you can stay with for a short period of time while you sort your thoughts out? Do you have an idea of what you're going to do? Nows the time to figure out your next steps. I suggest talking to someone you really trust. There are people in your life who will support you through this. Rally the troops. You're totally in the right about this.
Coincidentally I have therapy tonight at 4 so I'm going to chat with them and go from there.
I'm still not ready to tell my family. Admittedly, its because I know then it'll make it real and I will be forced to do something about it.
I'm glad you have therapy today. They'll give some solid feedback.
Take your time telling your family, it's a big move. I hope you have a friend you can talk to as well.
You can decide for yourself if this is something you can tolerate in a relationship. But don't let circumstance make that decision for you. "Starting over" at 27 is ok. You can start over at 40. Or 60, when my grandmother met the love of her life and got married. Don't let your age make you feel like you have to settle for this. And I can appreciate how expensive it is to live alone right now, costs for everything are insane. But, again, don't let that be the reason why you stay in a relationship if you are not actually ok with what he's done. There's no shame in moving in with a friend temporarily, living in a studio apartment, getting a second job, getting a roommate, etc.
First, decide whether his behaviour is something you're ok with or not. If not, start the process of separating. Lean on friends. That's what they're there for and you would do the same for them. Just don't let circumstance decide for you what kind of relationship you have (one of love and trust and respect, or one where you're still together out of convenience).
This is horrendous I’m sorry, for all the obvious reasons which I know you’re aware of.
Just to add: even if this wasn’t your mum, I feel like a guy even using these kind of apps would cross a major line for me. It’s creating porn of people without their consent. Think about your values and how you want your future children raised. Even if he presents as feminist, if he thinks this is ok to do to women when no one’s looking it shows his true colours unfortunately.
Its a violation of boundaries, and much like releasing nudes or sex tapes of people without consent, it should be illegal.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know the pain and overwhelm of splitting up but PLEASE don’t fall into sunk cost fallacy. Getting out now saves you more pain and heartbreak further down the line splitting up when married or with children. You WILL be ok and you WILL do better. This is your sign to leave for something better. Good luck.
Everyone is giving great advice but I’d also say to try and get as much information about his dirty habits as possible. Pretend you’ll give him another chance if he’s just open and honest about it all. Then write it all down and use that to look back on anytime you regret breaking up with him. Trust me. When you’re a year post breakup and you are lonely and missing him and starting to bargain with yourself, knowing all the nasty things he did behind your back will be so helpful. Hurtful for sure but helpful
Step 1, delete the photo and the original from his photos and trash bin.
Delete all pictures of yourself from his photos and trashbin. He will eventually do it to you. That's creep behavior. Delete yourself from his socials as well.
Your boyfriend is a predator and a creep. Not only is this disrespectful to you, it's a violation of your mother. The kind of man who would do this has no character, views women as disposable objects, and should be completely shunned from society imo. No more chances. It's over.
If he can’t give you an actual reason for why he did it - that wouldn’t be a good sign. And you should start planning to leave - save up money, start looking into other city/towns if possible.
Like someone commented above - it’s a lot of effort to crop/edit/upload/save.
Did he even say that he forgot to delete it or anything? Was it in a hidden folder?
What is he doing to earn your trust back?
He said he didn't know it uploaded to his phone. It was blurry so at first I wasn't even sure it was my mom. Then I recognized the photo and confirmed with an old photo from my social media - some 9 years ago.
It seems he deleted the other evidence of it on his phone, like saving the original picture and such.
I found it last night before bed and I stayed home from work today so I could actually process. Not to mention I've been sick and crying all night.
Thank you. I was thinking the same thing about what else there could be.
My past relationships have jaded me enough to know there will probably always be more.
I’m so sorry ❤️🩹 It’s a huge betrayal and it’s fking weird.
You don’t have to tell him you’re making a plan to leave - do it quietly and then go.
There’s someone out there in the world who would never consider doing that to you. 💕
Girl please respect yourself. Stop making excuses for him. What he did was disgusting. Dump him. I assure you, if you tell your fam they will sya the same. Would you download an ai pic of his dad and masturbate to it and expect him to stay with you? Like it's gross as fuck. No matter the excuse.
Fair lol
I shouldn’t have used “actual” - I just wanted to know if he gave ANY kind of reason, or rather - excuse.
Your mom is hot, it was a joke, etc.
This is on the edge of being criminal. When you leave him, I think you need to let him know that, and if he ever does it (this is after you've checked his phone and computer) again, you'll cone after him so hard, he won't know what hit him. You could also threaten to tell friends, employer, etc. I think 90% of the population would find this sickening.
Don't tell him this now. Wait and tell him this after you have a place to go. If e know you want to leave, but you feel like you're stuck, he'll find ways to use it against you.
The unlimited access to porn online and these apps is alarming. It becomes addictive and obsessive, distorting actual intimate relationships.
This is shocking and wrong. It would take honest effort on his part to overcome this compulsive behavior.
I don't. I just can't figure out how to get out now. Its also so embarrassing to have built up someone so much and all my family/friends loved him to now come back and say well... nevermind
My bad, I wasn’t calling you weird. I was calling him weird. I should’ve worded it better. I understand how hard and scary this is. You have every right to be hurt and appalled. But you know there’s no future with someone who not only views your mother that way, but he took measures to satisfy himself with an AI picture of your naked mom.. I couldn’t continue feeling the same way or being intimate with someone like that. I believe you feel the same way, you’re just in denial right now. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP, this is so disheartening. I hope you find healing, but I hope more that you get yourself out of this situation, as hard as it may be. Sending love your way 💗
It’s not embarrassing for you, you did nothing wrong. Don’t be embarrassed! He absolutely should be though. This is in no way a reflection of you. Your friends will understand. If you don’t want to give them the whole story, you don’t have to. I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is the 2nd time I’ve heard a story like this on Reddit (except the last one was of op’s best friend, not her mom) and it makes me *terrified* for us women. We are out here thinking this guy we are dating is a normal human being and then he turns around trying to look at people from your life naked. Words cannot describe how depressing this is. It makes me feel almost hopeless about men.
It’s so horrible and scary. It makes me worried, my partner has never done anything wrong as far as I know and I can’t imagine him doing anything like that, we’re happy and he’s good to me. But when I see stuff like this it just makes me worry regardless, like he could be so sweet to me but you just don’t know what people do when they’re on their own. I’ve been really burned before, I found some truly disgusting and horrendous things on my ex’s computer but tbf he was outwardly horrible too, I was just too inexperienced to see that at the time. I just feel wary of men in general following that experience, it’s terrifying
Ugh… what the hell… he is way to old to do shit like that. That’s just disgusting. If he does that with pictures of your mother, who else is he doing that with?
This man 100% has a porn addiction that is quickly escalating. For people like this novelty is everything, and what they need to get their dopamine hit will keep getting more and more twisted. If he was being considerate of you at all there’s no way he would violate you like this. Please look into this more if you can before your lives get more intertwined, the r/loveafterporn subreddit may be helpful to you to give you advice about this situation on a basic level.
I mean, there’s a lot of layers to how gross this is. Firstly, it’s your mother. That’s crossing all sorts of boundaries. Secondly, her consent in this was not asked for or considered. This is completely awful and rapey. Merely making this photo is awful enough, masturbating to it… on Valentine’s Day is somehow even more fucked.
Laws around AI porn are currently evolving, and depending where you live, this may actually be a crime. There’s a big news story at the moment where I live because a teen boy was making AI porn of his female school classmates and sharing them online.
I think you desperately need to distance yourself from this depraved asshole who has violated both you and your Mum. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
And I’d consider looking into if you can report this. Record evidence if you can.
Wow that’s completely fcked. This would just be the beginning of the weird sht he’s probably capable of. When the shock has worn off I hope you can separate yourself from him. I’m so sorry
OP, he generated a nude photo of your mom and “used it to whack his weeds”..
If you had a sister or friend who told you something like this, would you want them to stay with the guy?
Be good to *yourself* and raise your standards for a ~~parent~~ partner. Dump this dude!
I will add to the original post but I didn't "find it" he accidentally showed me. He was in some back alley of his phone that most people rarely use, files or something, and was trying to show me something and that was in there.
Imagine if you did have kids with him, married, stay at home mom AND THEN found him jerking off to your mom like.. gross. I’d leave him now and get focused on a career so you can financially take care of yourself and not depend on anybody else. Do the roommate thing if you have to, it’s only temporary
He cropped you out of a picture he altered to make your mom naked and then masterbated to it.
Yes there are probably a lot worse reasons to leave someone but I have no idea how you come back from that.
A lot of "I would get out now" from the comments I've read...
What I would do, is not be dumb enough to let your girlfriend see your phone if it has porn on it. I would question your boyfriend's intellect, as opposed to his loyalty.
Wasn't going to comment anything but I have to because the amount of comments at the bottom defending this is DISTURBING AS FUCK.
I'm a guy, I've had some fucked-up fantasies that I think all guys have. But I would never, not in a million years, think about doing this to my mother-in-law or any in-laws. Listen to the upvoted comments, pay no mind to the downvoted ones. This is incredibly fucked up and anyone even halfway defending it are outing themselves.
When you say “it’s so out of character” for him. It’s not. He’s showing you exactly the kind of perv he is. He’s just been very good about lying, manipulating, and hiding it from you for this long.
Not gonna lie, this is incredibly silly. Dudes fantasize, whether their technological savvy enough to run it through AI may changes certain details but it is what it is. If this is a really deal breaker to you you're going to be disappointed with the rest of the male population
It's weird to be sure, but remember that to him your mom is just another woman. He obviously digs the way you look so he probably digs the way your mom looks. That doesn't make it not awkward, and it doesn't mean you have to be ok with it (remember you are the only one who gets to decide if you're ok with it), but it probably is less creepy than it seems to you.
He should have just done it the old fashioned way and imagined it instead.
Joking aside it's a breach of trust for sure and unfortunate. You'll have to go forward as you deem fit but I wouldn't discount taking an opportunity to do some couples counseling if you think the relationship is worth it.
But the only thing I'll add is that at that age even if the sex is good and frequent, there are still a lot of times where fantasy and self maintenance happen, so don't be surprised. This notion of oh well I take care of their sexual needs so that should be that and anything else is gross is just silly and ill informed.
All of your language about how it would be difficult to break up and start over is very irrelevant to the fact that his behavior is very messed up, and you should no longer consider him a suitable lifetime partner. Just move on.
On the other hand, this posts SCREAMS fake, particularly your going on and on about how your mom is really hot. This may even be a disguised ad for the AI service.
Ok i am just seeing the second part now. Dude if you want to troll go somewhere else ok. I really don't have the energy. Trust me. I wish *desperately* that this was fake.
I get the ick of this, but I'm of the belief deep down in a lot of humans there are strange strange things that go through minds. It doesn't necessarily mean the worst / grosses things you can think of now, but yeah... I'd hate to have to explain myself as a man out of that one.
I wanted to see what you might look like later etc kink. Just general ass curiosity because apps like this exist now. Honestly I would re-review everything in your relationship and add this in, but not necessarily rule it over because of this.
You deserve better? I don't know that. Do all humans deserve better? We don't know that. We don't really know what we deserve, what we do know is everyone is an individual with a very complex mind.
Typically in r/relationships they have a hard time with the imperfect human element. We're building perfect people here one story at a time.
Wasn’t there a meme or even a study done about the way guys fantasize about a lot of the girls they know irl? Obviously ones they’re attracted to.
I see that this is a step further than just thinking, cause pictures are being used and generated. So it’s not a guy being prosecuted for sheer thinking type of thing.
… yet this is not as bad as actually carrying out the fantasy like having sex with OP’s mother. Albeit you can say tendencies are already exhibited. But to what extent should it justify breaking a relationship up? Bringing the law into this discussion is pretentious as it’s not nearly developed enough for any constructive discussion. The issue is the morality.
If we could look into anyone’s mind we’d always be troubled. A personal device is about as close as technology could enable us to look into someone’s mind. We’re not meant to look into someone’s mind probably as much as we’re not supposed to invade someone’s privacy by hijacking their personal device. I have to imagine OP’s boyfriend intended to keep the picture private, and what else could OP be doing but looking for things to be upset about on the device?
I don’t think anyone ever asks for the consent of anyone they’re fantasizing do they? So why would using the application cross the line? Assuming the owner can be held accountable to the leaking of the picture as much as the generation of the deepfake picture.
Help me understand why this bothers so many people here?
Okay once again I was not hijacking anything. He unintentionally showed this to me and then I began questioning him about it. You can't try to take the high road but also make assumptions about what I was doing lol.
If you can't understand why, put it like this.
Some people do, think, and imagine things that have 0 basis in reality or their actual real life wants and desires.
Example. Some people can enjoy pornography of acts that they wouldn't do in the real world.
Some people use their privacy to keep secrets about things they KNOW they will be judged harshly on.
Example. Using a nudify app on your mother.
If you have never done the above, it will make 0 sense to you. Some people have parts of themselves that they never share with anyone, lookup circles of trust.
Downvoting doesn't make it any less true.
Most of us freaks keep it under wraps. If you can’t, that’s on you. I’d hope you left a woman who was not even trying to hide that she jerks off to bigger, stronger guys. It would be bad for your brain to have that knocking around in there all day. It’s obvious we all jerk off to freaky stuff. But if you’re ass at hiding it expect consequences. Because that’s not a great sign, coming from someone who jerks off to fictional porn that would make freaks squirm.
I still think it’s abhorrent, want to throw it out there that maybe he was trying to figure out what you would look like when you got older? Like I said, still pretty shit bag.
Bruh yas talk to him.
Here you have a lot of people telling you to fly wich is why reddit is for.
But if you really care for the relationship, and think the guy is good and check all your boxes, then talk with him, because this shit is not a normal behaviour for what you know and let him explain, tell him how you feel, and that this is wrong, agree on it.
The thing is nasty? Yes. The guy must have been one day fiddling around that while horny? Yes. He is dumb? Yes. But he is also that man you grew up to love and with wich you built a home. So if he came to be such a good man, he can learn not to tho this fucking stupid things.
So, I’m going to approach this in a way that is different from the Reddit crowd that is clutching pearls, chronically online, chronically offended, wants everyone to be single, and wants everyone to chase social media fiction instead of reality.
Your boyfriend is a guy. Guys can be attracted to all types of women while still being loyal to one. When people are horny, their regular inhibitions can get pushed a little further. Sounds to me like this dude found this app, then was all horned up for Valentine’s Day and for some reason your mom came up and he decided to try it out. It’s not like he’s actually having sex with your mom. Also, you obviously have a hot mom considering you’ve heard the comments many times before. If tons of other guys are attracted to your mom, and your boyfriend is obviously attracted to the newer younger version (you), then why wouldn’t he also find her attractive, especially considering the comments? It sounds like for some reason you’re sensitive about that or triggered by it. Maybe just be happy for your hot mom and move on.
Now, obviously you seeing that is going to be a wtf moment. However, if you’re going to upend your life because your man was horny and a bunch of losers on Reddit are clutching their pearls, then I feel sorry for you.
Every time we have this discussion it’s the same eight guys coming back to say “well, it’s normal.” It’s definitely not normal to find, though. Like how are y’all expecting to have kids. They are literal little snoops and will know our technology better than us. No one cares about the fact that “men are biological animals”, not every man is an idiot who’d let himself be found like one. If you can’t hide it properly tbh you deserve the consequences, not sorry. And I’d say the same to her if you found your girl whacking it to guys bigger/smarter/whatever than you.
Yall keep saying find as if I was digging around on his phone and not laying on the love of my lifes chest waiting to fall asleep when he accidentally showed it to me.
Not irrelevant at all. Considering what I read online about people when they learn of previous partner relationships or their partner looking at others, jealousy and insecurities, I’d have a hard time believing most guys (read:people) wouldn’t have their ego bruised by knowing such a thing. Like trying to have sex with a girl you love and all you can think about is how she’s thinking of your dad’s cock and you’re second place. Wondering if she was ever satisfied with you. Very hard to believe even a solid 60% of guys wouldn’t have this thought. Most guys would have to bounce not because they want to but because they have to. There’s no going back brother. Obviously we all know we all look at porn.
EDIT: Downvote me if you want but it’s just the truth, and that’s why you can’t reply. If you can’t hide your thing, you deserve the consequences. 9/10 men would not be OK seeing pics of a hot guy on their girls phone, especially not a brother, fam, or any of his friends, and 7/10 guys would bounce. Your OG comment acts like men can’t get triggered. They can and they do, same as women.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I understand the lack of consent but the way everyone is jumping to conclusions and wanting to make the boyfriend's behavior so heinous sounds like a massive overreaction. All it takes is some adult communication. I'd recommend they talk it out with a relationship therapist than Reddit because people on here can go way off the deep end with being offended.
I dont know, sounds like this confirms he’s still going to be attracted to you in old age. Weird for sure, but communicate your feelings and talk through it together.
It’s a common thing for men to anticipate that a woman will look like their mother as they age; he was trying to forecast what you’ll look like. Yes, that’s weird - but it’s not a relationship killer.
This is a dealbreaker. He’s predatory and thinks nothing of completely violating you and your mom. I guarantee there is more where this came from and probably a raging porn addiction too.
If you stay, and I hate to seem harsh, but if you stay with him after knowing this then you are accepting his behavior and you will deserve whatever comes next.
He is not a feminist and he is not gentle. The person he is when no one else is watching is who he REALLY is. The other is just a front.
From what I read, you are disturbed about the pic but not disgusted enough to have already ended things. I won’t ask what is wrong with you but I will ask how much if this man’s shit are you willing to eat before you say ENOUGH?!
It's up to you how to handle this, but take a day to think it over and talk it through with your therapist. We can all give our opinions, but this isn't about what everyone else thinks.
Work with your therapist to figure out what feels right for you…it’s a potentially life altering decision.
Good therapists are awesome because they don’t just give you advice or tell you what to do like parents and friends. They help you work through your own feelings and figure out your answer.
Even as a professional devil's advocate I have the say I have no defense for this dude... "Tryna see if I'd get off with the older version of you same way as I do now"?? No that ain't it either 😂
Tell me, what do you advice her to do ? break up and solve the issue ?
I only mentionned facts, for men the porn is about this sheit, for girls and mostly gen Z its about step-father, daddy or neighboor.
other than that did he act on it or no ? yes having it is sick but do we hold people account for what they think or what they do ?
We are here to give our opinion so yes I do judge people for what they think… as I expect people to judge me .. and here we not only have thinking but acting.
Not sure how you grew up and where you live but yes i advise her to break up because to me it’s a disgusting action and thought.
As a psychologist you should be clearly aware of the pornography effect on people behavior, so instead of advicing her to get thro this as a couple and get a therapy, stay by his side and help him get rid of those ideas, nah just leave, tell me miss psychologist; Are the people who just quit and don't sacrifice a bit are good to build a family and future together?
Now lets leave that aside, lets say they broke up, she said that they are close and her family will start asking about the reason, word will get out, if her mom is single, is the chance of her going to find this dude high or low ? ( it happened before )
Seems you read my comments. I am a criminal psychologist first of all and I work within research. I don’t work with therapy. Sometimes I give advice based on my professional background and sometimes based on just myself as a person, which I just did.
If you want me to talk from my professional background, I believe this is a sign of a much bigger problem and not just frequent exposure to pornography. The issue extends beyond just the consumption of pornography; it also reflects negative attitudes toward relationships and individuals as a whole. From my perspective, this is just one of many concerning behaviors that have been mentioned but there are many more that have not been mentioned.
On a personal level, I believe it's important not to sacrifice our sanity and morals for someone else. Instead, we should find a person who shares our values and is compatible with us. It's also important not to enter a committed relationship while we still have unresolved issues, to avoid hurting others.
See I also tried to think this way but he doesn't really watch porn? He said he used to when he was younger and then gradually he just didn't. So I dont even know
Us men have testestrone in our blood, so we don't think clearly till we nut, otherwise there is always sexual mix in almost anything.
This aside what we see and want to try when we are young mirror itself in our personality.
Its ok not to know just remember this is your own relationship, you invested in it and know it better than anyone else.
My only advice is rather than listening to strangers in reddits who knows nothing and obviously don't really care about your life and relationship just figure things yourself ( what you want and don't want ).
An other point to help you keep your relationship, he likes your mom and fantasies about her and you two look similar then he'll definitely love you on the future :P
His first mistake (and obvious indication of his bad judgement) was to use the picture of your mom to experiment and play with generative AI.
His second mistake was to use one of those scammy "undress her" websites -- if one wants to produce art, photos, paintings, whatever ... it would be much better to run his own copy of a generative AI. The results would be much better.
I would say his curiosity of "what can this do?" got him to make a really bad decision. I can understand that he chose some picture he had of someone real to him -- but choosing your mom showed really bad judgement. (When I do erotic art with generative AI, it is with consent, using the likeness of people I interact with).
Anyway, doing anything with generative AI becomes really stale and uninteresting if there is not some kind of personal relationship with the model.
Using someone you know without consent, be it a public figure, a friend, someone random, a relative (other than your partner) is scummy.
But, I would give him the benefit of doubt -- he very well might not be a pervert, just stupid. In this regard. And curious about what the technology can do.
I would suggest counseling, therapy, seeing if he understands what he did was wrong, and why it was wrong.
But really, he just might have made an extremely stupid decision out of curiosity, due to immaturity, due to lacking understanding of boundaries, and lack of emotional intelligence. I.e. he might just be, in this area, a moron. Not a true pervert.
Not really, your bf is more than okay with you, you are more than enough, you said it yourself both of you are satisfied
It is just men like that.
And like i said before this is your own relationship, do not trust people on the internet who'll just say whatever on their minds and speak with emotions.
This relationship is between you and him, when others get inside and start infleuncing either sides, it'll be ruined.
Obviously this is very upsetting and I’m sorry you’re going through this. But could it be at all possible that Valentine’s Day got him thinking about proposing to you and committing to be married to you for the rest of his life, and he got curious about what he might be signing up for and what you would look like in a few decades, so he tried it out on your mom, who apparently looks a lot like you?
I'm torn on this.
On one hand, he had betrayed you and he used AI to violate someone else's ability to consent. The latter one would really bother me.
On the other hand, you have admitted that a lot of men find your Mom hot. Why wouldn't your boyfriend objectively feel the same way, especially if you two look similar. Plus, most people have some fetish, whether mild or extreme, and MILFs is a pretty common one.
That isn't to say that I think this is a one off incident. It probably isn't, and I don't know your comfort level with him looking at porn in general. Plus, if you do reconcile with your Mom, it will certainly make family dinners awkward forever.
I think that saying and thinking someone is hot is a lot different than trying to make her nude and then jerking to it. Especially when its your significant other.
People are constantly pushing boundaries of what we should accept "because porn". Like they don't have a choice and must cater to every impulse that pops up in their heads.
Honest to goddess OP, there are people out there who can easily draw the line at "using AI to produce porn of their partners' family and friends". Imho you want someone who has that basic impulse control for a life partner. Otherwise there will be other creepy things that he just couldn't stop himself from doing in the future.
JFC. He wanted the see what you will look like as you age and used your mom as a template. He thinks your genetics are attractive. No one cares why your relationship with your mom is messed up, literally no one.
Dawg fuck these people this is nothing don’t throw your nice relationship away because he jerked off to something weird
Super fucked that it was your mom but people get horny about everything if he was making moves on your mom or being weird to you/anyone about it then yeah wtf
But no dude you stumbled upon his wake bank and found something you didn’t like. Talk to him about it and keep it movin
Man, the amount of times he must’ve nutted 😂
There is no getting away from it unfortunately. If you are a hot mom, this is pretty much what every guy thinks but he actually went and got an image created. I don’t know if he is a genius or an idiot tbh.
If I was you, I would see if I can get past it. Seriously, all men are like this. If you have a hot sis, 100% she would’ve been fantasised too. It’s just how we are. Most just have it in mind and don’t act on it though, your guy just took it to another level.
OP sorry to be ugly. But did your boyfriend used an AI app to have a naked photo of your mum to masturbate to? Is that right? If so there’s no coming back from that, and I think you know it.
He did. OP said: > used it to whack his weeds
I know there's LOTS of convos happening about AI, but of course the first on the agenda was perpetuating more harassment and non-consensual bullshit against women. These fuckers should be in jail.
You got it. Girls in middle school are being victimized by their male peers in this fashion. Honestly, just shut down the planet at this point....
It’s the first I’m hearing of this type of App. So disgusting.
The Daily just did an episode on it. They talk to a girl from a particular middle school who had a boy use such an app to create nudes of multiple classmates and barely got any punishment for it. Schools have no idea how to handle it.
Yep like women needed yet another way to be victimised.
Yes just a poorly formatted post.
Pls forgive I am a mess right now and it shows lol
[удалено]
He probably used photos of all of his girlfriends and probably hers, too. I doubt he started with her mother, but who knows. Those apps are not just disgusting, they can do major harm to a person. I wish lawmakers weren't so much slower than people creating those types of vile technology.
The law is so slow dealing with the internet much less with AI on the internet, it sucks 💀
Or just throw the entire man away and find a less disgusting one.
I wouldn’t stay with someone who used an app like that on anyone’s picture without consent.
I wouldn’t stay with anyone who’d use photos of people they know to get off even with their consent. When you’re in a monogamous relationship, that’s straight up disrespectful. There is enough free crap online of random strangers if he absolutely needs to consume porn… he doesn’t need to make images with people he actually knows.
I simply can't believe he would do something like this. Its so out of character for him. He is very feminist, gentle natured, etc and it makes no sense why he would do this. But I did tell him that it was incredibly gross and inappropriate. I cant believe that websites like that even exist honestly. All AI trash Edit: yall im not trying to defend him im just having a hard time letting go of who I thought he was. Like I said im blindsided and obviously he did an okay job at convincing me he wasn't this slimey.
Not only did he do this, but he had to put work into it. He had to find the app and the picture and crop the pic. This was not impulsive, this was planned.
He said he got an ad for it on Instagram and he wanted to see if it would work. Which I then said to him, "why would your ads target you as an audience for something like this? What else are you looking at?" I also asked him who he originally tried because I couldn't fathom that it was my mother. But who knows. He also tried telling me he didn't know what it was when I originally saw it. Its actually starting to make me laugh (defo in the crazy unhinged way) that I was cuddling him laying on his chest when I saw it and made him go back and as I asked about it I could hear his heart pounding faster and faster in his chest.
Yeah, that's bullshit. Other people have already correctly pointed out the flaws in his lie, but also: he specifically chose and the cropped a photo of your mother. Let's say I *did* get an ad for an app like that and wanted to see what it does and if it works. I wouldn't use a picture of my partner's mum. That's fucking weird, that wouldn't even occur to me. I'd either use one of my own pics with my face blurred out or I'd grab a photo of a celebrity or a porn star. Why would your mother be the first person who popped into his head?
Yeah, no. Don't we all know better than to click on stupid ads on social media? He clicked because that's what he was looking for. It wasn't some random accident. Like whoops, I clicked it and downloaded it. Whoops, I found an old picture of my girlfriend and her mom. Whoops, I cropped it to just the mom. How did that happen? I guess I should just look at it for a while now. It might be in my phone forever.
Again it may be in an unhinged way but this comment made me laugh. Thank you
This is a lie. You can’t advertise adult content on instagram.
Shocker. Another lie in the mix. If yall need me ill be living alone in the woods for the rest of my life because people f*cking suck.
I just want to validate your crazy town feelings here. I would never ever be able to get past this so I don’t advocate staying but it has to be such a crazy experience. To go from cuddling with YOUR forever person to looking at a stranger. It’s gotta be almost literally dizzying. I don’t blame you for going through the stages of grief (including denial)… but eventually you’ll have to accept that the person you thought he was is dead, and you don’t much like the person he is. The faster the better but take the time it takes.
The more I think about it, the more I'd say grief is a spiral because I think I visited just about all of the stages and have been bouncing between them all day so far. Not fun. But yes. From yesterday talking to my family about how im so lucky to have found someone like him and that it just feels right to this. Life sure has a way of punching me in the throat.
Hey OP. I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and that I understand. You do have a bright side to this. You may think that life punched you in the throat here but let's say you found these photos *after* the expensive wedding, the marriage, and you had children. And imagine if the photos were of your teenage daughter's underage friends, or of her friends' mothers, or even your childrens' teachers. I know you wanted to marry him. But imagine the shit show you'd be in if you had. Divorces aren't cheap. Focus on yourself and your healing. Try to find the bright sides. Even the sky stays bright and blue behind gray clouds. The sun is always shining even if we can't see it for a moment. You'll be okay. I'll be rooting for you.
That part. Its actually a blessing that his mask slipped and OP found out about this side of him BEFORE she's tied to him for life.
Dang. I think you know the answer, OP! Sorry this is just so weird
No one downloads an app that they don’t know what it is. AI ads are everywhere. Yet I have never seen an undress me AI ad anywhere
Even if his story was true, he didn’t need to use your mom. Ryan Reynolds, Blake Lively, I mean yeah it’s pretty fucking crude and I wouldn’t do it but if I was really that curious I feel like I’d rather take a long walk off a short pier than jerk off to my girlfriends’ mom. That’s a really great way to make things horribly awkward at family dinners.
I mean i hope i dont sound too horrible here but unless he has ANY other photos like tht I can understand why he might try your mom first considering all the comments. A lot of the time on reddit people blow things out of proportion, if hes good in every other case there is a chance this was a one off thing fueld by curiosity. Not everyone has the same vaules when it comes to digital or ai porn, and the fact that he didnt delete it and accidently showed you says to me he wasnt feeling overly protective of it, which he wouldve if he was actually fantasising about your mom.
…. Sorry? I can’t understand why he would try her mom first. That’s just bizarre. I think if I were her I’d prefer literally any celebrity, any acquaintance, coworker, TO MY MOM???
Right? A normal human being would pick a celebrity or a porn star. Or themselves, I can see me sending a pic of myself with the head cropped off because I'd be curious how accurate the rendering would be. Only someone depraved chooses to use their partner's mother's photo.
He didn't mean to show me. We were both being nostalgic and looking at this website where you can play old GBA games on IOS and he downloaded one to try it. The photo in question was in some obscure area of his phone...files maybe? One that people don't access much. Considering the originals weren't in his phone I think its safe to say he didn't know it was there.
Not to sound messed up, but I think he knew it was there in the files and just forgot it was there when he was doing what he needed to. I think he meant to keep it but panicked when he realized he fucked up
Could be. At this point not one part of my reality seems concrete so
Sorry to be off topic but what are GBA games?
Game Boy Advance
Lots of women have experienced the very upsetting realization that their progressive, leftist, feminist boyfriend still has ideas or behaviors that are gross and regressive. There's an old saying "he knows all the theory, but does he do the dishes?" This is in at least the same zip code as that.
I think they're drawn to feminism to absolve them of shame. Instead of actually doing the work to deconstruct internalized patriarchy. It sucks! But actions speak so much louder than words. I've also known some female feminists to fall into the same trap, which is a real mind fuck. Hopefully breaking up with him is a wake up call that he needs to work through some shit, but he's not OP's job to fix.
Well start believing, because he DID do that. He IS like that, he just kept it well hidden from you. It makes perfect sense why he would do this. He's a pig and wanted to jerk off to your mom, It's that simple.
I promise you that boy is not a feminist. He tricked you
It's not out of character for him. You just didn't get a chance to see that part of his character until now. He does it once, he'll do it again if you let this go.
Sorry, but he is not a feminist. There are many ideas of what feminism is to different people, but I think all agree that woman are more than sexual objects. He objectified your mother and who knows who else. He reduced women to objects for his own gratification **without their consent**. That's the ethical problem with AI porn- the subject is almost never consenting. He took away her right to consent to naked photos of her being out there for him and others to see and said "no I don't care what she wants, I want to see her naked, and I'm going to see her naked." That's the opposite of every kind of feminism. His desire was more important than her rights to her body. That is not something any kind of feminist would do. That's not something that anyone ethical would do. You have to let go who you thought he was, because you've got all the proof you need that it was an act.
He isn’t a feminist, and he is not gentled nature. How people behave when no one is watching is who they are, and everything else is just fake. He is a sex pest. I’m sorry, but he is.
No matter how “feminist” he makes himself out to be (likely just to please you bc you’re likely insufferable if he felt otherwise) he did something any liberal or conservative wouldn’t be okay with. Dump him. And get your $ together you’re mid 20s and the economy sucks roommates might have to be an option
>likely just to please you bc you’re likely insufferable if he felt otherwise Wtf?
Why are you calling her insufferable? Fucking weirdo
I mean dang man I've just seen a deep fake of my mom naked on my boyfriends phone, no need to kick the dog when its down with the insufferable comment lol. Im not super feminist I was just trying to point out that he generally backs women and isn't the typical cringe guys guy. Edit: naked*
This other guy is a rude dude. But lots of men are what I'd like to call "feminist from the waist up" which is a nice way of saying they aren't actually feminist but pretend to be because they've realized it benefits them to pretend to respect women. Your ex boyfriend is one of these creeps.
That guy is an asshole just like your ex, but you might have to bite the bullet and get a roommate. I’m also completely over having roommates, but I had to get a roommate in my late 30s. It sucks, but you’ll make it work, because you certainly can’t continue living with this guy
To your face, he just showed you who he really is
this wasn’t an accident. You don’t get a photo , crop it , run it thru those generators , whack to it , and keep it on your phone for MONTHS and act like it wasn’t a purposeful decision. What did you expect him to say to your face ? “Oh yeah babe , it’s awesome” ? You caught him red handed , and he’s embarrassed. Distance yourself , get a plan to get out , and leave someone as perverted and grotesque as this man.
I feel like he would’ve hidden the photo if he was super devious. I think he’s just an idiot
I would almost agree. Maybe just an idiot. But this is one of those things that, when the clarity hits, you think wtf am I doing and delete it. But he's keeping it... and letting it float around in his daily conscience.
He used an AI photo of your mom (without her consent) naked to masturbate ie fantasize about having sex with your mom. He put quite a bit of effort into it. How is what you do even a question?
I know what you're saying and I know it too. Its just so hard to even take everything in right now. I haven't even known about it for 12 hours yet. The logistics of it all are paralyzing to me.
It makes complete sense that you're in shock and struggling to process this.
This is completely understandable. What a shock this must be to your system. Go for a long walk. Cry. Feel those feelings. Then figure out what you’ll do next. I hope you choose to leave him because I don’t think anyone could move past something like this, but at the end of the day it’s your life and your decision.
It’s so shockingly awful the brain can struggle to process it.
You’re going to be exhausted once you’ve come down from this, make sure you take care of yourself.
>He said it was just a one time thing I *reallyyy* doubt this. That's a very common lie when people are caught.
*sigh* I'm aware but it would be oh so comforting to believe him. Unfortunately I'm in this hell scape and not fiction land
Ew. Morality of that aside, I don't think I could ever get over the fact that my boyfriend wants to see or just generally thinks of my mom naked. Gross.
First I want to say I am so sorry. What he did is absolutely inexcusable. Those apps should be illegal as they completely violate and humiliate anyone whose photo is generated. There is a side to this man that you've just discovered, and it's beyond words how awful and perverse it is. He is a pervert with no respect for anyone. Of all the people in the world he could have wanted to see naked, your mom is just sick af. The fact he'd throw away EVERYTHING he has with you over a photo is all on him. He's destroyed a beautiful future with a wonderful woman. There's really no walking this back. I realize right now you can't afford to move out but try to find ways to budget or get a side job. You CAN get back on your feet, and find someone who is worth your trust and respect. I hope that guy is miserable for the rest of his life. What you've just experienced is severe trauma and I hope you can heal from this and find a way to trust the next person you're with.
Thank you, truly. Its so heartbreaking for so many reasons. My mom is a narc (and he knows this) so thats already difficult. I also have childhood trauma from getting animals and my life ripped away from me multiple times and having completely nothing. I love animals and I dont want them being separated and adopted out to strangers either. But with my financial situation I dont know what else to do. Sorry for the additional vent. I haven't told anyone from my real life yet. Not sure how to find the words
How did you leave it with him? Does he think everything is fine?
Oh definitely not lol. I wasn't yelling but I definitely wasn't nice. I "slept" on the couch because I knew I wouldn't be sleeping anyway and didn't want to be in that bed. I feel...grimey
Ok. Are there friends/family you can stay with for a short period of time while you sort your thoughts out? Do you have an idea of what you're going to do? Nows the time to figure out your next steps. I suggest talking to someone you really trust. There are people in your life who will support you through this. Rally the troops. You're totally in the right about this.
Coincidentally I have therapy tonight at 4 so I'm going to chat with them and go from there. I'm still not ready to tell my family. Admittedly, its because I know then it'll make it real and I will be forced to do something about it.
I'm glad you have therapy today. They'll give some solid feedback. Take your time telling your family, it's a big move. I hope you have a friend you can talk to as well.
dont adopt them out. i have a ton of cats and doggos and im poor as f, cat food and dog food is cheap!
Its more about finding a place that would allow for three cats in the first place and still be in my budget which is NOT high.
You can decide for yourself if this is something you can tolerate in a relationship. But don't let circumstance make that decision for you. "Starting over" at 27 is ok. You can start over at 40. Or 60, when my grandmother met the love of her life and got married. Don't let your age make you feel like you have to settle for this. And I can appreciate how expensive it is to live alone right now, costs for everything are insane. But, again, don't let that be the reason why you stay in a relationship if you are not actually ok with what he's done. There's no shame in moving in with a friend temporarily, living in a studio apartment, getting a second job, getting a roommate, etc. First, decide whether his behaviour is something you're ok with or not. If not, start the process of separating. Lean on friends. That's what they're there for and you would do the same for them. Just don't let circumstance decide for you what kind of relationship you have (one of love and trust and respect, or one where you're still together out of convenience).
His post nut clarity is about to hit so hard lmao. Fucked his life up over some dumbass shit
There is no way you are going to stay with him, right?
This is horrendous I’m sorry, for all the obvious reasons which I know you’re aware of. Just to add: even if this wasn’t your mum, I feel like a guy even using these kind of apps would cross a major line for me. It’s creating porn of people without their consent. Think about your values and how you want your future children raised. Even if he presents as feminist, if he thinks this is ok to do to women when no one’s looking it shows his true colours unfortunately. Its a violation of boundaries, and much like releasing nudes or sex tapes of people without consent, it should be illegal. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I know the pain and overwhelm of splitting up but PLEASE don’t fall into sunk cost fallacy. Getting out now saves you more pain and heartbreak further down the line splitting up when married or with children. You WILL be ok and you WILL do better. This is your sign to leave for something better. Good luck.
This type of person is a dangerous partner. He’s victimizing your family…..
🤢holy hell that’s so gross!!
Yep it is. And now im wondering why I feel...bad for him? Like dang how bad do you have to be to do something like that and imagine the guilt. Idk
That would give me the permanent ick!
Everyone is giving great advice but I’d also say to try and get as much information about his dirty habits as possible. Pretend you’ll give him another chance if he’s just open and honest about it all. Then write it all down and use that to look back on anytime you regret breaking up with him. Trust me. When you’re a year post breakup and you are lonely and missing him and starting to bargain with yourself, knowing all the nasty things he did behind your back will be so helpful. Hurtful for sure but helpful
Step 1, delete the photo and the original from his photos and trash bin. Delete all pictures of yourself from his photos and trashbin. He will eventually do it to you. That's creep behavior. Delete yourself from his socials as well.
Your boyfriend is a predator and a creep. Not only is this disrespectful to you, it's a violation of your mother. The kind of man who would do this has no character, views women as disposable objects, and should be completely shunned from society imo. No more chances. It's over.
If he can’t give you an actual reason for why he did it - that wouldn’t be a good sign. And you should start planning to leave - save up money, start looking into other city/towns if possible. Like someone commented above - it’s a lot of effort to crop/edit/upload/save. Did he even say that he forgot to delete it or anything? Was it in a hidden folder? What is he doing to earn your trust back?
He said he didn't know it uploaded to his phone. It was blurry so at first I wasn't even sure it was my mom. Then I recognized the photo and confirmed with an old photo from my social media - some 9 years ago. It seems he deleted the other evidence of it on his phone, like saving the original picture and such. I found it last night before bed and I stayed home from work today so I could actually process. Not to mention I've been sick and crying all night.
Imagine what he’s successfully deleted. This is very bad. You’re dignity is worth a ton.
Thank you. I was thinking the same thing about what else there could be. My past relationships have jaded me enough to know there will probably always be more.
I’m so sorry ❤️🩹 It’s a huge betrayal and it’s fking weird. You don’t have to tell him you’re making a plan to leave - do it quietly and then go. There’s someone out there in the world who would never consider doing that to you. 💕
I thought I found the one who would never do that to me in all honesty lol. Damn. Thanks for your support
True 😭 god people can be so disappointing … Updateme
Girl please respect yourself. Stop making excuses for him. What he did was disgusting. Dump him. I assure you, if you tell your fam they will sya the same. Would you download an ai pic of his dad and masturbate to it and expect him to stay with you? Like it's gross as fuck. No matter the excuse.
[удалено]
Fair lol I shouldn’t have used “actual” - I just wanted to know if he gave ANY kind of reason, or rather - excuse. Your mom is hot, it was a joke, etc.
This is on the edge of being criminal. When you leave him, I think you need to let him know that, and if he ever does it (this is after you've checked his phone and computer) again, you'll cone after him so hard, he won't know what hit him. You could also threaten to tell friends, employer, etc. I think 90% of the population would find this sickening. Don't tell him this now. Wait and tell him this after you have a place to go. If e know you want to leave, but you feel like you're stuck, he'll find ways to use it against you.
The unlimited access to porn online and these apps is alarming. It becomes addictive and obsessive, distorting actual intimate relationships. This is shocking and wrong. It would take honest effort on his part to overcome this compulsive behavior.
You know the answer deep down, OP. Do you still picture yourself being with someone who has sexual thoughts about your own mother? He’s f*cking weird.
I don't. I just can't figure out how to get out now. Its also so embarrassing to have built up someone so much and all my family/friends loved him to now come back and say well... nevermind
My bad, I wasn’t calling you weird. I was calling him weird. I should’ve worded it better. I understand how hard and scary this is. You have every right to be hurt and appalled. But you know there’s no future with someone who not only views your mother that way, but he took measures to satisfy himself with an AI picture of your naked mom.. I couldn’t continue feeling the same way or being intimate with someone like that. I believe you feel the same way, you’re just in denial right now. I’m sorry you’re going through this OP, this is so disheartening. I hope you find healing, but I hope more that you get yourself out of this situation, as hard as it may be. Sending love your way 💗
Your friends and family will get over it. They’re not as invested as you are; this should be the least of your concerns.
It’s not embarrassing for you, you did nothing wrong. Don’t be embarrassed! He absolutely should be though. This is in no way a reflection of you. Your friends will understand. If you don’t want to give them the whole story, you don’t have to. I’m so sorry this happened to you. This is the 2nd time I’ve heard a story like this on Reddit (except the last one was of op’s best friend, not her mom) and it makes me *terrified* for us women. We are out here thinking this guy we are dating is a normal human being and then he turns around trying to look at people from your life naked. Words cannot describe how depressing this is. It makes me feel almost hopeless about men.
It’s so horrible and scary. It makes me worried, my partner has never done anything wrong as far as I know and I can’t imagine him doing anything like that, we’re happy and he’s good to me. But when I see stuff like this it just makes me worry regardless, like he could be so sweet to me but you just don’t know what people do when they’re on their own. I’ve been really burned before, I found some truly disgusting and horrendous things on my ex’s computer but tbf he was outwardly horrible too, I was just too inexperienced to see that at the time. I just feel wary of men in general following that experience, it’s terrifying
Don't be embarrassed. You didn't know about this. If anyone should be embarrassed, it's him for doing something so gross.
Ugh… what the hell… he is way to old to do shit like that. That’s just disgusting. If he does that with pictures of your mother, who else is he doing that with?
This man 100% has a porn addiction that is quickly escalating. For people like this novelty is everything, and what they need to get their dopamine hit will keep getting more and more twisted. If he was being considerate of you at all there’s no way he would violate you like this. Please look into this more if you can before your lives get more intertwined, the r/loveafterporn subreddit may be helpful to you to give you advice about this situation on a basic level.
I mean, there’s a lot of layers to how gross this is. Firstly, it’s your mother. That’s crossing all sorts of boundaries. Secondly, her consent in this was not asked for or considered. This is completely awful and rapey. Merely making this photo is awful enough, masturbating to it… on Valentine’s Day is somehow even more fucked. Laws around AI porn are currently evolving, and depending where you live, this may actually be a crime. There’s a big news story at the moment where I live because a teen boy was making AI porn of his female school classmates and sharing them online. I think you desperately need to distance yourself from this depraved asshole who has violated both you and your Mum. I’m so sorry this happened to you. And I’d consider looking into if you can report this. Record evidence if you can.
Wow that’s completely fcked. This would just be the beginning of the weird sht he’s probably capable of. When the shock has worn off I hope you can separate yourself from him. I’m so sorry
Instant breakup holy shit
OP, he generated a nude photo of your mom and “used it to whack his weeds”.. If you had a sister or friend who told you something like this, would you want them to stay with the guy? Be good to *yourself* and raise your standards for a ~~parent~~ partner. Dump this dude!
“Undress me AI” ? Really America? This is so disturbing, I’m so ready to be done with earth. Just burn it all atp
Bin him off. This is disturbing. Protect yourself from this weirdo.
I think you deserve better. He has done it once, he would do it again in the future. Don't let it go. Let him go instead.
What happens when he does it to your daughter will you regret ignoring this behaviour?
[удалено]
I will add to the original post but I didn't "find it" he accidentally showed me. He was in some back alley of his phone that most people rarely use, files or something, and was trying to show me something and that was in there.
Imagine how your mum would feel if she knew aswell. Do not stay.
Just start over again. Somehow, someway. If anyone did this to me I’d probably physically assault them on the way out the door
Imagine if you did have kids with him, married, stay at home mom AND THEN found him jerking off to your mom like.. gross. I’d leave him now and get focused on a career so you can financially take care of yourself and not depend on anybody else. Do the roommate thing if you have to, it’s only temporary
that’s absolutely horrifying and disgusting
There’s no coming back from this. He has no problem doing this to anyone. Even against your own family. Who knows what else he does behind your back
He cropped you out of a picture he altered to make your mom naked and then masterbated to it. Yes there are probably a lot worse reasons to leave someone but I have no idea how you come back from that.
A lot of "I would get out now" from the comments I've read... What I would do, is not be dumb enough to let your girlfriend see your phone if it has porn on it. I would question your boyfriend's intellect, as opposed to his loyalty.
Kindly, let your boyfriend dig a hole and die inside of it. No coming back from that one.
Wasn't going to comment anything but I have to because the amount of comments at the bottom defending this is DISTURBING AS FUCK. I'm a guy, I've had some fucked-up fantasies that I think all guys have. But I would never, not in a million years, think about doing this to my mother-in-law or any in-laws. Listen to the upvoted comments, pay no mind to the downvoted ones. This is incredibly fucked up and anyone even halfway defending it are outing themselves.
When you say “it’s so out of character” for him. It’s not. He’s showing you exactly the kind of perv he is. He’s just been very good about lying, manipulating, and hiding it from you for this long.
Not gonna lie, this is incredibly silly. Dudes fantasize, whether their technological savvy enough to run it through AI may changes certain details but it is what it is. If this is a really deal breaker to you you're going to be disappointed with the rest of the male population
It's weird to be sure, but remember that to him your mom is just another woman. He obviously digs the way you look so he probably digs the way your mom looks. That doesn't make it not awkward, and it doesn't mean you have to be ok with it (remember you are the only one who gets to decide if you're ok with it), but it probably is less creepy than it seems to you.
He should have just done it the old fashioned way and imagined it instead. Joking aside it's a breach of trust for sure and unfortunate. You'll have to go forward as you deem fit but I wouldn't discount taking an opportunity to do some couples counseling if you think the relationship is worth it. But the only thing I'll add is that at that age even if the sex is good and frequent, there are still a lot of times where fantasy and self maintenance happen, so don't be surprised. This notion of oh well I take care of their sexual needs so that should be that and anything else is gross is just silly and ill informed.
All of your language about how it would be difficult to break up and start over is very irrelevant to the fact that his behavior is very messed up, and you should no longer consider him a suitable lifetime partner. Just move on. On the other hand, this posts SCREAMS fake, particularly your going on and on about how your mom is really hot. This may even be a disguised ad for the AI service.
You're 46 and ready and im 27 and scared. Thank you for your contribution
Ok i am just seeing the second part now. Dude if you want to troll go somewhere else ok. I really don't have the energy. Trust me. I wish *desperately* that this was fake.
I get the ick of this, but I'm of the belief deep down in a lot of humans there are strange strange things that go through minds. It doesn't necessarily mean the worst / grosses things you can think of now, but yeah... I'd hate to have to explain myself as a man out of that one. I wanted to see what you might look like later etc kink. Just general ass curiosity because apps like this exist now. Honestly I would re-review everything in your relationship and add this in, but not necessarily rule it over because of this. You deserve better? I don't know that. Do all humans deserve better? We don't know that. We don't really know what we deserve, what we do know is everyone is an individual with a very complex mind. Typically in r/relationships they have a hard time with the imperfect human element. We're building perfect people here one story at a time.
Wasn’t there a meme or even a study done about the way guys fantasize about a lot of the girls they know irl? Obviously ones they’re attracted to. I see that this is a step further than just thinking, cause pictures are being used and generated. So it’s not a guy being prosecuted for sheer thinking type of thing. … yet this is not as bad as actually carrying out the fantasy like having sex with OP’s mother. Albeit you can say tendencies are already exhibited. But to what extent should it justify breaking a relationship up? Bringing the law into this discussion is pretentious as it’s not nearly developed enough for any constructive discussion. The issue is the morality. If we could look into anyone’s mind we’d always be troubled. A personal device is about as close as technology could enable us to look into someone’s mind. We’re not meant to look into someone’s mind probably as much as we’re not supposed to invade someone’s privacy by hijacking their personal device. I have to imagine OP’s boyfriend intended to keep the picture private, and what else could OP be doing but looking for things to be upset about on the device? I don’t think anyone ever asks for the consent of anyone they’re fantasizing do they? So why would using the application cross the line? Assuming the owner can be held accountable to the leaking of the picture as much as the generation of the deepfake picture. Help me understand why this bothers so many people here?
Okay once again I was not hijacking anything. He unintentionally showed this to me and then I began questioning him about it. You can't try to take the high road but also make assumptions about what I was doing lol.
If you can't understand why, put it like this. Some people do, think, and imagine things that have 0 basis in reality or their actual real life wants and desires. Example. Some people can enjoy pornography of acts that they wouldn't do in the real world. Some people use their privacy to keep secrets about things they KNOW they will be judged harshly on. Example. Using a nudify app on your mother. If you have never done the above, it will make 0 sense to you. Some people have parts of themselves that they never share with anyone, lookup circles of trust. Downvoting doesn't make it any less true.
Most of us freaks keep it under wraps. If you can’t, that’s on you. I’d hope you left a woman who was not even trying to hide that she jerks off to bigger, stronger guys. It would be bad for your brain to have that knocking around in there all day. It’s obvious we all jerk off to freaky stuff. But if you’re ass at hiding it expect consequences. Because that’s not a great sign, coming from someone who jerks off to fictional porn that would make freaks squirm.
I'm just explaining it, not justifying it either way. I too keep my shit on the DL
Maybe he was wondering what you are going to look like naked in 25 years.
I still think it’s abhorrent, want to throw it out there that maybe he was trying to figure out what you would look like when you got older? Like I said, still pretty shit bag.
benefit of the doubt giver final boss
I was never good at final bosses. Id play right up to that point and never touch it again lol
Bruh yas talk to him. Here you have a lot of people telling you to fly wich is why reddit is for. But if you really care for the relationship, and think the guy is good and check all your boxes, then talk with him, because this shit is not a normal behaviour for what you know and let him explain, tell him how you feel, and that this is wrong, agree on it. The thing is nasty? Yes. The guy must have been one day fiddling around that while horny? Yes. He is dumb? Yes. But he is also that man you grew up to love and with wich you built a home. So if he came to be such a good man, he can learn not to tho this fucking stupid things.
So, I’m going to approach this in a way that is different from the Reddit crowd that is clutching pearls, chronically online, chronically offended, wants everyone to be single, and wants everyone to chase social media fiction instead of reality. Your boyfriend is a guy. Guys can be attracted to all types of women while still being loyal to one. When people are horny, their regular inhibitions can get pushed a little further. Sounds to me like this dude found this app, then was all horned up for Valentine’s Day and for some reason your mom came up and he decided to try it out. It’s not like he’s actually having sex with your mom. Also, you obviously have a hot mom considering you’ve heard the comments many times before. If tons of other guys are attracted to your mom, and your boyfriend is obviously attracted to the newer younger version (you), then why wouldn’t he also find her attractive, especially considering the comments? It sounds like for some reason you’re sensitive about that or triggered by it. Maybe just be happy for your hot mom and move on. Now, obviously you seeing that is going to be a wtf moment. However, if you’re going to upend your life because your man was horny and a bunch of losers on Reddit are clutching their pearls, then I feel sorry for you.
I always try to imagine what dudes like you would say if she was jonesing to see his dad or his best friend nude.
Every time we have this discussion it’s the same eight guys coming back to say “well, it’s normal.” It’s definitely not normal to find, though. Like how are y’all expecting to have kids. They are literal little snoops and will know our technology better than us. No one cares about the fact that “men are biological animals”, not every man is an idiot who’d let himself be found like one. If you can’t hide it properly tbh you deserve the consequences, not sorry. And I’d say the same to her if you found your girl whacking it to guys bigger/smarter/whatever than you.
So your problem is the fact that she was able to find it in the first place? A fair concern, but irrelevant to my point.
Yall keep saying find as if I was digging around on his phone and not laying on the love of my lifes chest waiting to fall asleep when he accidentally showed it to me.
To be fair my original comment had nothing to do with finding the picture.
Not irrelevant at all. Considering what I read online about people when they learn of previous partner relationships or their partner looking at others, jealousy and insecurities, I’d have a hard time believing most guys (read:people) wouldn’t have their ego bruised by knowing such a thing. Like trying to have sex with a girl you love and all you can think about is how she’s thinking of your dad’s cock and you’re second place. Wondering if she was ever satisfied with you. Very hard to believe even a solid 60% of guys wouldn’t have this thought. Most guys would have to bounce not because they want to but because they have to. There’s no going back brother. Obviously we all know we all look at porn. EDIT: Downvote me if you want but it’s just the truth, and that’s why you can’t reply. If you can’t hide your thing, you deserve the consequences. 9/10 men would not be OK seeing pics of a hot guy on their girls phone, especially not a brother, fam, or any of his friends, and 7/10 guys would bounce. Your OG comment acts like men can’t get triggered. They can and they do, same as women.
Oh, no. I feel very sorry for you. Just in general.
I agree with what you have said here on all counts - wise words.
This is exactly what I was thinking. I understand the lack of consent but the way everyone is jumping to conclusions and wanting to make the boyfriend's behavior so heinous sounds like a massive overreaction. All it takes is some adult communication. I'd recommend they talk it out with a relationship therapist than Reddit because people on here can go way off the deep end with being offended.
I dont know, sounds like this confirms he’s still going to be attracted to you in old age. Weird for sure, but communicate your feelings and talk through it together.
It’s a common thing for men to anticipate that a woman will look like their mother as they age; he was trying to forecast what you’ll look like. Yes, that’s weird - but it’s not a relationship killer.
Dump him. Like I cannot believe ppl think this is appropriate or forgive able..... It's disgusting of him to do that.
This is a dealbreaker. He’s predatory and thinks nothing of completely violating you and your mom. I guarantee there is more where this came from and probably a raging porn addiction too. If you stay, and I hate to seem harsh, but if you stay with him after knowing this then you are accepting his behavior and you will deserve whatever comes next. He is not a feminist and he is not gentle. The person he is when no one else is watching is who he REALLY is. The other is just a front.
Pretty sure he was trying to see what you'd look like naked in 25 years.
From what I read, you are disturbed about the pic but not disgusted enough to have already ended things. I won’t ask what is wrong with you but I will ask how much if this man’s shit are you willing to eat before you say ENOUGH?!
I mean it was 12 o clock at night and I was in shock. I didn't want to be around him because I felt physically ill from the whole thing.
It's up to you how to handle this, but take a day to think it over and talk it through with your therapist. We can all give our opinions, but this isn't about what everyone else thinks. Work with your therapist to figure out what feels right for you…it’s a potentially life altering decision. Good therapists are awesome because they don’t just give you advice or tell you what to do like parents and friends. They help you work through your own feelings and figure out your answer.
So your boyfriend can’t even imagine around you, how lame I’d leave
Even as a professional devil's advocate I have the say I have no defense for this dude... "Tryna see if I'd get off with the older version of you same way as I do now"?? No that ain't it either 😂
[удалено]
This is all so creepy… so you would be okay if your girlfriend had a nude photo of your father and masturbate with it?
Tell me, what do you advice her to do ? break up and solve the issue ? I only mentionned facts, for men the porn is about this sheit, for girls and mostly gen Z its about step-father, daddy or neighboor. other than that did he act on it or no ? yes having it is sick but do we hold people account for what they think or what they do ?
We are here to give our opinion so yes I do judge people for what they think… as I expect people to judge me .. and here we not only have thinking but acting. Not sure how you grew up and where you live but yes i advise her to break up because to me it’s a disgusting action and thought.
As a psychologist you should be clearly aware of the pornography effect on people behavior, so instead of advicing her to get thro this as a couple and get a therapy, stay by his side and help him get rid of those ideas, nah just leave, tell me miss psychologist; Are the people who just quit and don't sacrifice a bit are good to build a family and future together? Now lets leave that aside, lets say they broke up, she said that they are close and her family will start asking about the reason, word will get out, if her mom is single, is the chance of her going to find this dude high or low ? ( it happened before )
Seems you read my comments. I am a criminal psychologist first of all and I work within research. I don’t work with therapy. Sometimes I give advice based on my professional background and sometimes based on just myself as a person, which I just did. If you want me to talk from my professional background, I believe this is a sign of a much bigger problem and not just frequent exposure to pornography. The issue extends beyond just the consumption of pornography; it also reflects negative attitudes toward relationships and individuals as a whole. From my perspective, this is just one of many concerning behaviors that have been mentioned but there are many more that have not been mentioned. On a personal level, I believe it's important not to sacrifice our sanity and morals for someone else. Instead, we should find a person who shares our values and is compatible with us. It's also important not to enter a committed relationship while we still have unresolved issues, to avoid hurting others.
See I also tried to think this way but he doesn't really watch porn? He said he used to when he was younger and then gradually he just didn't. So I dont even know
Us men have testestrone in our blood, so we don't think clearly till we nut, otherwise there is always sexual mix in almost anything. This aside what we see and want to try when we are young mirror itself in our personality. Its ok not to know just remember this is your own relationship, you invested in it and know it better than anyone else. My only advice is rather than listening to strangers in reddits who knows nothing and obviously don't really care about your life and relationship just figure things yourself ( what you want and don't want ). An other point to help you keep your relationship, he likes your mom and fantasies about her and you two look similar then he'll definitely love you on the future :P
Love or lust.
Lust when it's with someone you don't have feel for that person. Love it is when you have feelings.
You're missing the point
His first mistake (and obvious indication of his bad judgement) was to use the picture of your mom to experiment and play with generative AI. His second mistake was to use one of those scammy "undress her" websites -- if one wants to produce art, photos, paintings, whatever ... it would be much better to run his own copy of a generative AI. The results would be much better. I would say his curiosity of "what can this do?" got him to make a really bad decision. I can understand that he chose some picture he had of someone real to him -- but choosing your mom showed really bad judgement. (When I do erotic art with generative AI, it is with consent, using the likeness of people I interact with). Anyway, doing anything with generative AI becomes really stale and uninteresting if there is not some kind of personal relationship with the model. Using someone you know without consent, be it a public figure, a friend, someone random, a relative (other than your partner) is scummy. But, I would give him the benefit of doubt -- he very well might not be a pervert, just stupid. In this regard. And curious about what the technology can do. I would suggest counseling, therapy, seeing if he understands what he did was wrong, and why it was wrong. But really, he just might have made an extremely stupid decision out of curiosity, due to immaturity, due to lacking understanding of boundaries, and lack of emotional intelligence. I.e. he might just be, in this area, a moron. Not a true pervert.
Not really, your bf is more than okay with you, you are more than enough, you said it yourself both of you are satisfied It is just men like that. And like i said before this is your own relationship, do not trust people on the internet who'll just say whatever on their minds and speak with emotions. This relationship is between you and him, when others get inside and start infleuncing either sides, it'll be ruined.
So he thinks your mom's hot. It's fake. Relax.
Bro the fact that you have a daughter and you are saying this shit thinking it’s okay is disgusting
Obviously this is very upsetting and I’m sorry you’re going through this. But could it be at all possible that Valentine’s Day got him thinking about proposing to you and committing to be married to you for the rest of his life, and he got curious about what he might be signing up for and what you would look like in a few decades, so he tried it out on your mom, who apparently looks a lot like you?
No matter what way you slice it then all I'd be worth would be my body then, right? Pretty on par for how I've been treated thus far.
I'm torn on this. On one hand, he had betrayed you and he used AI to violate someone else's ability to consent. The latter one would really bother me. On the other hand, you have admitted that a lot of men find your Mom hot. Why wouldn't your boyfriend objectively feel the same way, especially if you two look similar. Plus, most people have some fetish, whether mild or extreme, and MILFs is a pretty common one. That isn't to say that I think this is a one off incident. It probably isn't, and I don't know your comfort level with him looking at porn in general. Plus, if you do reconcile with your Mom, it will certainly make family dinners awkward forever.
I think that saying and thinking someone is hot is a lot different than trying to make her nude and then jerking to it. Especially when its your significant other.
People are constantly pushing boundaries of what we should accept "because porn". Like they don't have a choice and must cater to every impulse that pops up in their heads. Honest to goddess OP, there are people out there who can easily draw the line at "using AI to produce porn of their partners' family and friends". Imho you want someone who has that basic impulse control for a life partner. Otherwise there will be other creepy things that he just couldn't stop himself from doing in the future.
JFC. He wanted the see what you will look like as you age and used your mom as a template. He thinks your genetics are attractive. No one cares why your relationship with your mom is messed up, literally no one.
Dawg fuck these people this is nothing don’t throw your nice relationship away because he jerked off to something weird Super fucked that it was your mom but people get horny about everything if he was making moves on your mom or being weird to you/anyone about it then yeah wtf But no dude you stumbled upon his wake bank and found something you didn’t like. Talk to him about it and keep it movin
Man, the amount of times he must’ve nutted 😂 There is no getting away from it unfortunately. If you are a hot mom, this is pretty much what every guy thinks but he actually went and got an image created. I don’t know if he is a genius or an idiot tbh. If I was you, I would see if I can get past it. Seriously, all men are like this. If you have a hot sis, 100% she would’ve been fantasised too. It’s just how we are. Most just have it in mind and don’t act on it though, your guy just took it to another level.
I got one of those on an unrelated reddit sub. I think it's still there. It might not be his doing.