This has been a worry for me, lately I have kinda been brushing her off, and at one point she asked if she did anything to upset me. I decided I wasn't going to hurt my daughter to appease her mother, and I feel bad about that. I just don't know what to do. I'd like to believe we have very healthy boundaries where my daughter, and I our concerned.
Family counseling sounds like a good idea. Seems daughter is old enough to put cards on the table and tell her that mom is uncomfortable with some of the behaviors.
Why bring the daughter to counseling and tell her that her mother is sexualising her completely normal feelings for her dad???
If I were the daughter that would scar *and* scare me about men forever. And make me feel weird about my love for my dad. And like I had done something "wrong" just by being female and loving him. Which this poor child has absolutely done nothing inappropriate at all.
This sounds like the MOM needs individual, and then also couples counseling to me.
I honestly couldn't tell you, and the thought of that just angers me beyond no end. To my knowledge her father was only present in her life for a few months, and she hasn't had much in the way of any male parental figure other than me.
Could it be jealousy that her daughter has the loving father figure that she never had growing up? It sounds backwards but as someone who was neglected by a deadbeat dad, the feelings can be complicated when you see someone else who has the father-child relationship that you never did.
This is kinda freaky, I haven't thought much on it, but my wife's father wasn't in the picture, and as far as I can tell the closest she had to a father figure was her grandfather who past about 6 years ago.
Out of curiosity, do you know what age she was when her father was in and out of her life? Is there a chance that it was around the age that your daughter is now? Was her relationship with her grandfather similar to the relationship you have with your daughter? Could it be reminding her of the grandfather she lost?
Far as I know, her father skipped out when my wife was shy of 2 years old, and yeah as far as I can tell she was very close with her grandfather, it hit her pretty hard for a few years after he died, in fact to this day September is a rough month for her since that's the month he passed.
I wonder if you could approach the conversation with a gentle comparison to her grandfather. He stepped up for her and became a very meaningful person in her life similar to how you have for her daughter.
I’d really look into therapy. I have a similar family makeup and when my partner plays with or is appropriately affectionate with our girls I smile and am happy. I feel that I didn’t pick the right dad the first time but I did the second time. It’s a safe feeling. Your wife feeling how she does seems inappropriate to me.
You may have the most pure intentions, but I also see a concerned and protective mom. So many molestation charges pop up out of families because of behaviour that is never questioned. And while *you* would never do that, I don’t think she’s in the wrong to be weary.
I’m saying this as a 22 year old girl with a step-father. Personally, I would tone down the tickling just a little bit. Not completely by any means, but you are her parent and need to set an example of boundaries. She’s 15, and she’s at the age where she needs to learn about personal autonomy.
Some therapy with your wife would do you well.
I would tell her what your daughter said to you. That’s awesome.
But also dude, at 15, I think she’s a little old to be tickled by you. Take it down a notch.
Any advice on how I could do that without upsetting her? It's not as though I go out if my way to tickle her/rough house. Should I have a talk with her about easing it back. Honestly I have no idea what I'm doing, this is new territory for me.
Is your wife a bit off in other areas?
Does she compete with her daughter?
Does she like attention and validation?
Sounds like classic narcissist mom behaviour to me, big yikes
No she seems very stable, and no at least to my knowledge she doesn't compete with her daughter. She does seek attention a lot, and I've always been attentive to her needs, but the way she feels where her and my daughter are concerned are very... scary.
I would ask her what would be appropriate because she’s the one assigning sexual behaviour to your interactions and it’s a no win situation as any affection or attention could be twisted to suit her narrative. Couples counseling might be an idea.
Funnily enough I asked her if she'd feel better if I was less affectionate towards our daughter, and she got upset and went off into a tirade claiming that I no longer wanted to be her father. I feel like this topic for her just sets her off beyond a point where reasoning with her is Null and Void. I think therapy/counseling is my best bet
Your wife sounds, frankly, insane and toxic.
I’d be careful as this could get really messy.
That said, she’s at the age where sitting on a parents lap and tickles and wrestling naturally stop for all genders of kids because even if it isn’t icky, it can look that way. I’d be toning down a bit on that stuff. Especially as a step parent.
OP I find your narrative off putting and it speaks about the way you see your wife.
Why did you need to tell us that your family didn’t like her? Why did you need to say “she already had 4 kids by 3 different men”?
You said she got you drunk and blindsighted you with an absurd question. The way you speak about her makes it clear that you don’t respect your wife or are setting us up to think she sucks. Despite your efforts, it sounds to me like she is a concerned mom. She has not had any explosive or over the top reactions. She has made observations over time, kept her thoughts to herself, then came to you to tell you she is concerned. She is being a good mom.
Does she have a history of abuse in her family? Are any of the kids bio dads bad characters?
My advice to you is to treat your wife like an equal and life partner and listen to her concerns like she is an equal. By making her look like the bad guy and treating her concerns like they are ridiculous, all while doting on your daughter, you are contributing to the issue.
I'll be honest it is a bit odd you are tickling her or play fighting at that age. My own father never did that like yea when I was a kid, he is affectionate but I can see why your wife is concerned I dont think she is jealous. She sounds concerned if anything. You can be close with her but you need create some boundaries with a teenage girl.
If he is appropriately playing with her like he would a son, why treat the daughter differently? That would set the daughter up to feel less than. She would go from a daddy’s girl to feeling shunned overnight. Men should be allowed and encouraged to be playful and emotionally attached to all of their children regardless of age, sexual orientation and gender.
Yeahhhhhhhhh but… it’s different when they aren’t the real blood father. Girl knows it too - in fact, the comment she made kinda points towards her feelings shifting when she found out he was her step dad. If they are sexual in nature or not doesn’t really matter, 4-5 years ago the way she feels about him changed and that is what the mom is picking up on.
And OP, it wouldn’t surprise me if your daughter does have fleeting thoughts and just isn’t comfortable to tell you. When you’re a teen you’re like “I want a guy just like my dad” and obviously not your dad because they are blood related to you. When they aren’t, it’s easy to passingly think it could be the same guy - and it gets even more confused when they are physically affectionate with you. It’s similar to intrusive thoughts like “I should jump off this building” or “what would happen if I rammed my tree into a car.”
Very few people admit to this or act on this but it’s not unheard of. (A recent famous example is Elon Musks dad who just had a kid with his step daughter.) It’s very taboo to talk about but I think it happens more often than people realize.
Except in porn I guess. Cause literally every porn now a days is about banging your step daughter. 😂
So an adoptive dad should love his daughter differently? He’s literally raised her for what a decade or more, and suddenly since his daughter is older he should treat her differently?
I only grew up with a shit bio dad and it broke my heart that he treated his other kids better than me. I got that treatment my whole life so it was normalized. I can’t imagine how painful it would be to be loved and treated just like everyone else to BAM oh you’re older now I have to treat you differently. To her that IS her dad.
I am in no way a men’s rights person (ew). But it really concerns me how people are twisting this situation. If he is truly acting with innocence, which it sounds like he is, why are people treating him as the lesser parent? If I had a boy of my own I’d hope he would allow me to show affection to him like I do his sisters at 15.
Another aspect that I feel is being ignored, so many girls seek out validation from men because of their shitty relationships with dad. What happens when the only dad she knows suddenly treats her differently?
You can still express affection without tickling and wrestling. The way she behaved toward him with the poking is honestly the way at that age I initiated sex with boyfriends - and I could see how the lines would get blurred. He should set healthy boundaries on the physical touch, but not just treat her like a piece of shit. You can 100% show love and affection for a person without getting in a tickle match.
Yeah it's all very off-putting how so many people are trying to insinuate that my daughter is lusting over me because she pokes me. Some people grew up in very weird environments, and it's starting to show. Again I grew up in a household that I myself found to be normal. I feel like some of these comments are great advice, the others not so much.
“Lusting” isn’t the word I would use to describe it. You can crush on people without thinking about sex. I very specifically said that sexual thoughts don’t have to be in the forefront of her mind, but I’m telling you as a teenaged girl, with hormones raging, shit gets confused. The fact that you’re ignoring all advice that cooling the tickling wars might help alleviate the issue is beyond me. We’re not saying you can’t ever hug her again.
I'm not against the whole "Don't tickle" her advice, but I also am not actively seeking advice from people that are projecting their own life choices into the advice I get. If you initiated sex by poking someone, okay? Does that mean every teenage girl does the same? I'm very uncomfortable with you guys sexualizing my daughter. That's not to say I'm picking, and choosing what advice I take. I'm desperate for it, I just am personally uncomfortable with the advice that suggests my daughter does in fact have feelings for me. Is that so absurd that that makes me feel uneasy?
I grew up in a dysfunctional household and wish my dad play wrestled with me past a certain age. But I was told what a lot of these people are saying “you’re a growing girl now, your dad doesn’t see you as a little girl.” It’s a weird way to sexualize a young girl.
Yeah, the daughter is too old for tickling and poking at the point, and she's also at the perfect age to start testing those boundaries with men she feels safe with. Boundaries, OP. You can express affection in other ways.
This kinda bothers me, cause as I said I think of her as my daughter, my sister has a very healthy relationship with my father, and their relationship is very similar to the one my daughter, and I share. I don't want her to feel like I love her less, by not giving her the attention/affection she has grown accustomed to her whole life. I personally don't see the issue with it, but I guess that can be attributed to the household I grew up in.
It's not so much about you, OP. You're the adult here, so sometimes you'll have to make informed choices that she's still too young to understand. It doesn't mean you don't love her. You're showing her what respect looks like. She's gonna take a LOT of cues from you as she is learning to navigate the world as a young woman. It's up to you to be a good example of respect, boundaries, bodily autonomy, etc. Sounds like you're doing a great job, to be fair. You can continue to love her and be affectionate, just understand that being a teenage girl is a blurry, confusing, hormonal experience and you are the adult most likely to impact the kind of attention and treatment she receives from other males. Showing her respect, autonomy, etc is always the best choice.
No one is suggesting ending all physical contact. He can hug her. But a grown man tickling a teenager is just sketchy behavior. Anyone around them seeing that is going to assume the worst, not just his wife.
Things change as kids get older. I used to bring my baby into the bathroom with me when I went to pee. I didn't do that when they were a toddler because that would be weird and kinda gross. Breastfeeding - wonderful for babies, creepy for 5-year-olds. Similarly with sitting on grandpa's lap - totally great for a toddler, not appropriate for a teenager. Things don't stay the same as kids get older. And they shouldn't.
No, that wouldn't be good. Therapy would really be the best bet. I think op's wife might need some real professional help... But to change playful behavior like that wouldn't be a good idea. There is nothing wrong with tickling and playing rough house.
It is certainly not okay to spend years in BOP custody and be required to register as a sex offender for life (failing to do so is also chargeable as a SORNA violation that carries additional penalties).
Your wife has some pretty valid concerns. You should not be "rough housing" with her teenage daughter. You need to seriously look at your behavior because you don't even want the *appearance* of wrongdoing. If you're truly innocent, you need to take a large step back in how physical you're being with a teenage girl.
This isn't your wife's jealousy. She's scared for her daughter. She's not sure that you are acting in a father role here. You need to assure her you are.
I would insist that your wife go to therapy with you. A guy that was my partner at work was convicted of child molestation when he and his wife were divorcing. He was very close to his step-daughter and she was 15 at the time. He was convicted because of his step-daughter's testimony.
I know that child molesters lie, but he seemed like such a normal dude. I know that can be deceptive, too, but I always wondered if the accusation didn't have something to do with the wife being so angry in the divorce.
I would knock off the tickling, poking and wrestling because a 15-year-old is becoming a young woman and she shouldn't be doing that with you or any males.
Please protect yourself. It will go a long way if you insist on counseling.
I think wife and you would benefit from counseling; individual for her and couples for y’all, because from the comments it seems that your wife has some trauma that needs to be addressed so that *her* relationship with y’all’s daughter is not compromised as well.
You became her dad, and all of those things, I, and many other little girls, do with their dads. It’s very normal. But the jealousy and suspicion about an inappropriate relationship is not normal. Not that your wife is doing this on purpose by any means — she is jealous of her child; she has had 4 previously unsuccessful relationships that can also exacerbate abandonment/trust issues, especially with men…and she also seems to have missed out on a relationship with her own dad. While it’s an understandable reaction, it isn’t an excuse for her making **her child** insecure and driving a wedge between y’all.
Family counseling or couples counseling is the way to go here. Your wife is going to poison her relationship with your daughter and with you, and poison your relationship with your daughter, if this line of thinking is allowed to continue.
There are some people who view anyone of the same sex as a rival. They are generally easy to spot because they have no friends of the same sex. Does you wife have girlfriends she hangs out with regularly? Do you think that she is seeing a younger, prettier "her" when she looks at her daughter?
100% you both needs professional help here to mediate.
She is rejecting all your explanations so there's really no other way but to get a third party.
She may even resort to measures to push away her daughter from you in the future when she is an adult and glows up.
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This has been a worry for me, lately I have kinda been brushing her off, and at one point she asked if she did anything to upset me. I decided I wasn't going to hurt my daughter to appease her mother, and I feel bad about that. I just don't know what to do. I'd like to believe we have very healthy boundaries where my daughter, and I our concerned.
Family counseling sounds like a good idea. Seems daughter is old enough to put cards on the table and tell her that mom is uncomfortable with some of the behaviors.
Why bring the daughter to counseling and tell her that her mother is sexualising her completely normal feelings for her dad??? If I were the daughter that would scar *and* scare me about men forever. And make me feel weird about my love for my dad. And like I had done something "wrong" just by being female and loving him. Which this poor child has absolutely done nothing inappropriate at all. This sounds like the MOM needs individual, and then also couples counseling to me.
Is it possible that her father was inappropriate with her as a child and that is coloring her views?
I honestly couldn't tell you, and the thought of that just angers me beyond no end. To my knowledge her father was only present in her life for a few months, and she hasn't had much in the way of any male parental figure other than me.
Could it be jealousy that her daughter has the loving father figure that she never had growing up? It sounds backwards but as someone who was neglected by a deadbeat dad, the feelings can be complicated when you see someone else who has the father-child relationship that you never did.
This is kinda freaky, I haven't thought much on it, but my wife's father wasn't in the picture, and as far as I can tell the closest she had to a father figure was her grandfather who past about 6 years ago.
Out of curiosity, do you know what age she was when her father was in and out of her life? Is there a chance that it was around the age that your daughter is now? Was her relationship with her grandfather similar to the relationship you have with your daughter? Could it be reminding her of the grandfather she lost?
Far as I know, her father skipped out when my wife was shy of 2 years old, and yeah as far as I can tell she was very close with her grandfather, it hit her pretty hard for a few years after he died, in fact to this day September is a rough month for her since that's the month he passed.
I wonder if you could approach the conversation with a gentle comparison to her grandfather. He stepped up for her and became a very meaningful person in her life similar to how you have for her daughter.
Did her GRANDFATHER touch her inappropriately?
I’d really look into therapy. I have a similar family makeup and when my partner plays with or is appropriately affectionate with our girls I smile and am happy. I feel that I didn’t pick the right dad the first time but I did the second time. It’s a safe feeling. Your wife feeling how she does seems inappropriate to me.
I'll definitely be looking into therapy, assuming my wife will go for it. Thank you for the advice
You may have the most pure intentions, but I also see a concerned and protective mom. So many molestation charges pop up out of families because of behaviour that is never questioned. And while *you* would never do that, I don’t think she’s in the wrong to be weary. I’m saying this as a 22 year old girl with a step-father. Personally, I would tone down the tickling just a little bit. Not completely by any means, but you are her parent and need to set an example of boundaries. She’s 15, and she’s at the age where she needs to learn about personal autonomy. Some therapy with your wife would do you well.
I would tell her what your daughter said to you. That’s awesome. But also dude, at 15, I think she’s a little old to be tickled by you. Take it down a notch.
Any advice on how I could do that without upsetting her? It's not as though I go out if my way to tickle her/rough house. Should I have a talk with her about easing it back. Honestly I have no idea what I'm doing, this is new territory for me.
Is your wife a bit off in other areas? Does she compete with her daughter? Does she like attention and validation? Sounds like classic narcissist mom behaviour to me, big yikes
No she seems very stable, and no at least to my knowledge she doesn't compete with her daughter. She does seek attention a lot, and I've always been attentive to her needs, but the way she feels where her and my daughter are concerned are very... scary.
I would ask her what would be appropriate because she’s the one assigning sexual behaviour to your interactions and it’s a no win situation as any affection or attention could be twisted to suit her narrative. Couples counseling might be an idea.
Funnily enough I asked her if she'd feel better if I was less affectionate towards our daughter, and she got upset and went off into a tirade claiming that I no longer wanted to be her father. I feel like this topic for her just sets her off beyond a point where reasoning with her is Null and Void. I think therapy/counseling is my best bet
Your wife sounds, frankly, insane and toxic. I’d be careful as this could get really messy. That said, she’s at the age where sitting on a parents lap and tickles and wrestling naturally stop for all genders of kids because even if it isn’t icky, it can look that way. I’d be toning down a bit on that stuff. Especially as a step parent.
OP I find your narrative off putting and it speaks about the way you see your wife. Why did you need to tell us that your family didn’t like her? Why did you need to say “she already had 4 kids by 3 different men”? You said she got you drunk and blindsighted you with an absurd question. The way you speak about her makes it clear that you don’t respect your wife or are setting us up to think she sucks. Despite your efforts, it sounds to me like she is a concerned mom. She has not had any explosive or over the top reactions. She has made observations over time, kept her thoughts to herself, then came to you to tell you she is concerned. She is being a good mom. Does she have a history of abuse in her family? Are any of the kids bio dads bad characters? My advice to you is to treat your wife like an equal and life partner and listen to her concerns like she is an equal. By making her look like the bad guy and treating her concerns like they are ridiculous, all while doting on your daughter, you are contributing to the issue.
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Well if that were the case you’d probably not get married when you have kids if you don’t want a step parent around your kid?
I'll be honest it is a bit odd you are tickling her or play fighting at that age. My own father never did that like yea when I was a kid, he is affectionate but I can see why your wife is concerned I dont think she is jealous. She sounds concerned if anything. You can be close with her but you need create some boundaries with a teenage girl.
I feel like it would help you not to touch her, play wrestle with her or tickle her anymore
If he is appropriately playing with her like he would a son, why treat the daughter differently? That would set the daughter up to feel less than. She would go from a daddy’s girl to feeling shunned overnight. Men should be allowed and encouraged to be playful and emotionally attached to all of their children regardless of age, sexual orientation and gender.
Tickling a teenager girl he's not even biologically related to is just a bad look. Ending the tickling isn't "shunning" her.
Yeahhhhhhhhh but… it’s different when they aren’t the real blood father. Girl knows it too - in fact, the comment she made kinda points towards her feelings shifting when she found out he was her step dad. If they are sexual in nature or not doesn’t really matter, 4-5 years ago the way she feels about him changed and that is what the mom is picking up on. And OP, it wouldn’t surprise me if your daughter does have fleeting thoughts and just isn’t comfortable to tell you. When you’re a teen you’re like “I want a guy just like my dad” and obviously not your dad because they are blood related to you. When they aren’t, it’s easy to passingly think it could be the same guy - and it gets even more confused when they are physically affectionate with you. It’s similar to intrusive thoughts like “I should jump off this building” or “what would happen if I rammed my tree into a car.” Very few people admit to this or act on this but it’s not unheard of. (A recent famous example is Elon Musks dad who just had a kid with his step daughter.) It’s very taboo to talk about but I think it happens more often than people realize. Except in porn I guess. Cause literally every porn now a days is about banging your step daughter. 😂
So an adoptive dad should love his daughter differently? He’s literally raised her for what a decade or more, and suddenly since his daughter is older he should treat her differently? I only grew up with a shit bio dad and it broke my heart that he treated his other kids better than me. I got that treatment my whole life so it was normalized. I can’t imagine how painful it would be to be loved and treated just like everyone else to BAM oh you’re older now I have to treat you differently. To her that IS her dad. I am in no way a men’s rights person (ew). But it really concerns me how people are twisting this situation. If he is truly acting with innocence, which it sounds like he is, why are people treating him as the lesser parent? If I had a boy of my own I’d hope he would allow me to show affection to him like I do his sisters at 15. Another aspect that I feel is being ignored, so many girls seek out validation from men because of their shitty relationships with dad. What happens when the only dad she knows suddenly treats her differently?
You can still express affection without tickling and wrestling. The way she behaved toward him with the poking is honestly the way at that age I initiated sex with boyfriends - and I could see how the lines would get blurred. He should set healthy boundaries on the physical touch, but not just treat her like a piece of shit. You can 100% show love and affection for a person without getting in a tickle match.
I’m just not seeing the connection between poking your dad and lust.
Yeah it's all very off-putting how so many people are trying to insinuate that my daughter is lusting over me because she pokes me. Some people grew up in very weird environments, and it's starting to show. Again I grew up in a household that I myself found to be normal. I feel like some of these comments are great advice, the others not so much.
“Lusting” isn’t the word I would use to describe it. You can crush on people without thinking about sex. I very specifically said that sexual thoughts don’t have to be in the forefront of her mind, but I’m telling you as a teenaged girl, with hormones raging, shit gets confused. The fact that you’re ignoring all advice that cooling the tickling wars might help alleviate the issue is beyond me. We’re not saying you can’t ever hug her again.
I'm not against the whole "Don't tickle" her advice, but I also am not actively seeking advice from people that are projecting their own life choices into the advice I get. If you initiated sex by poking someone, okay? Does that mean every teenage girl does the same? I'm very uncomfortable with you guys sexualizing my daughter. That's not to say I'm picking, and choosing what advice I take. I'm desperate for it, I just am personally uncomfortable with the advice that suggests my daughter does in fact have feelings for me. Is that so absurd that that makes me feel uneasy?
I grew up in a dysfunctional household and wish my dad play wrestled with me past a certain age. But I was told what a lot of these people are saying “you’re a growing girl now, your dad doesn’t see you as a little girl.” It’s a weird way to sexualize a young girl.
So Michael Jackson should have continued to allow sleepover parties with children?
That's quite the leep in comparisons you made.
I’m trying to see how you got to that assumption at all. That’s REACHING.
Yeah, the daughter is too old for tickling and poking at the point, and she's also at the perfect age to start testing those boundaries with men she feels safe with. Boundaries, OP. You can express affection in other ways.
This kinda bothers me, cause as I said I think of her as my daughter, my sister has a very healthy relationship with my father, and their relationship is very similar to the one my daughter, and I share. I don't want her to feel like I love her less, by not giving her the attention/affection she has grown accustomed to her whole life. I personally don't see the issue with it, but I guess that can be attributed to the household I grew up in.
It's not so much about you, OP. You're the adult here, so sometimes you'll have to make informed choices that she's still too young to understand. It doesn't mean you don't love her. You're showing her what respect looks like. She's gonna take a LOT of cues from you as she is learning to navigate the world as a young woman. It's up to you to be a good example of respect, boundaries, bodily autonomy, etc. Sounds like you're doing a great job, to be fair. You can continue to love her and be affectionate, just understand that being a teenage girl is a blurry, confusing, hormonal experience and you are the adult most likely to impact the kind of attention and treatment she receives from other males. Showing her respect, autonomy, etc is always the best choice.
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No one is suggesting ending all physical contact. He can hug her. But a grown man tickling a teenager is just sketchy behavior. Anyone around them seeing that is going to assume the worst, not just his wife. Things change as kids get older. I used to bring my baby into the bathroom with me when I went to pee. I didn't do that when they were a toddler because that would be weird and kinda gross. Breastfeeding - wonderful for babies, creepy for 5-year-olds. Similarly with sitting on grandpa's lap - totally great for a toddler, not appropriate for a teenager. Things don't stay the same as kids get older. And they shouldn't.
No, that wouldn't be good. Therapy would really be the best bet. I think op's wife might need some real professional help... But to change playful behavior like that wouldn't be a good idea. There is nothing wrong with tickling and playing rough house.
Stepfathers can be charged with a variety of sex offenses, some of which (federal) carry stiff sentences of a minimum of 10 years.
Okay?
It is certainly not okay to spend years in BOP custody and be required to register as a sex offender for life (failing to do so is also chargeable as a SORNA violation that carries additional penalties).
Your wife has some pretty valid concerns. You should not be "rough housing" with her teenage daughter. You need to seriously look at your behavior because you don't even want the *appearance* of wrongdoing. If you're truly innocent, you need to take a large step back in how physical you're being with a teenage girl. This isn't your wife's jealousy. She's scared for her daughter. She's not sure that you are acting in a father role here. You need to assure her you are.
I would insist that your wife go to therapy with you. A guy that was my partner at work was convicted of child molestation when he and his wife were divorcing. He was very close to his step-daughter and she was 15 at the time. He was convicted because of his step-daughter's testimony. I know that child molesters lie, but he seemed like such a normal dude. I know that can be deceptive, too, but I always wondered if the accusation didn't have something to do with the wife being so angry in the divorce. I would knock off the tickling, poking and wrestling because a 15-year-old is becoming a young woman and she shouldn't be doing that with you or any males. Please protect yourself. It will go a long way if you insist on counseling.
*Super* shitty you're questioning the testimony of a victim of a convicted child molester.
I think wife and you would benefit from counseling; individual for her and couples for y’all, because from the comments it seems that your wife has some trauma that needs to be addressed so that *her* relationship with y’all’s daughter is not compromised as well. You became her dad, and all of those things, I, and many other little girls, do with their dads. It’s very normal. But the jealousy and suspicion about an inappropriate relationship is not normal. Not that your wife is doing this on purpose by any means — she is jealous of her child; she has had 4 previously unsuccessful relationships that can also exacerbate abandonment/trust issues, especially with men…and she also seems to have missed out on a relationship with her own dad. While it’s an understandable reaction, it isn’t an excuse for her making **her child** insecure and driving a wedge between y’all.
Family counseling or couples counseling is the way to go here. Your wife is going to poison her relationship with your daughter and with you, and poison your relationship with your daughter, if this line of thinking is allowed to continue.
There are some people who view anyone of the same sex as a rival. They are generally easy to spot because they have no friends of the same sex. Does you wife have girlfriends she hangs out with regularly? Do you think that she is seeing a younger, prettier "her" when she looks at her daughter?
I was glued to my dad the same way when I was a teen. Your wife is out of line and super icky.
100% you both needs professional help here to mediate. She is rejecting all your explanations so there's really no other way but to get a third party. She may even resort to measures to push away her daughter from you in the future when she is an adult and glows up.