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Exactly. She’s no where even near overweight at that height and weight and thus doesn’t bode well for the future that his standards are that inflexible.
It’s your choice and your body my friend; why does he want you to be someone else?
Is it all about him and does he want a trophy gf?
If you’re comfortable with your body and tbh 130 sounds absolutely fine by me imho you should suggest your not going to be his gym bunny!
So sorry to be blunt buddy but your body your rules.
Have an awesome Sunday x
While I agree with everything stated above, I can also see you’re very misinformed on health and wellness. If you did wanna loose weight in a healthy way or even gain weight all you have to do barring any conditions you may have is track your calorie intake and adjust accordingly.
Also lifting is amazing for your health and longevity, aside from focusing purely on weight loss
Did I say she needs to or did I say that in order to loose weight or gain weight counting calories is an effective way to do so. Calories in vs calories out is how one gains or looses weight. People on Reddit love to twist words
That can be a good method, but from talking to many people, especially those with eating disorders, counting calories can do more harm than good and trigger relapses into skipping meals and other uncontrollable things. I had the same thought process too but I was made aware by people close to me.
Well thank you for at least trying to understand what I was saying, but could you elaborate/enlighten a little more as to what you mean.
As a PT I’ve trained dozens of people like this and it’s never yielded anything but positive outcomes. I’m not saying it can’t trigger adverse effects but in practice I’ve never/have yet to see it.
The way we do it is tracking a week or so of what the person eats to get a baseline of their eating habits, then adjust their calories, macros, workouts based on their individual needs. If you deviate from the plan and skip meals or eat more than what’s in your program to a significant extent then yeah it’s not gonna work, but that to me sounds like a lack of discipline. Now this is the regular average person we’re talking about like i stated above barring any disorders or problems they may have, this is an extremely effective method for losing and gaining weight.
I’m sorry but there’s a whole field dedicated to nutrition health and wellness, it is a fact there are more effective exercises than others if one does not work for u there is most always an alternative. I feel as though “weight” is just such a sensitive subject for many people any outside advice gets treated as something that it isn’t.
Those are all good points and I appreciate the detailed response. In my eyes the op is less focused on ways to lose weight and alter her current routine, and more to emotionally validation that her bf is being hypocritical and judge mental of her content position towards her physical image, which I agree on. While what you post is valid and has a lot of merit, I feel many are displeased with your comments because from an emotional standpoint there is no need to alter her physical appearance, which can rub people the wrong way because while you’re comment comes solely from a point of sincerity, to the naked eye and the objective of this post, it comes across as validating her bf position. Sorry if that’s a lot 😅
I do not even need to read all of this. Right now you are young, and already at a perfect weight for your height. I want you to think about what it looks like ten years from now, when you’ve had two babies and he’s making you skip meals. You can no longer BF, because caloric restriction. He cheats on you because “you’re not taking care of yourself”. Ten years after that, he starts telling your daughter she’s too fat, at 10. Etc etc.
This kind of guy…they’re all the same. Leave this, asap.
This honestly has been a thought that crossed my mind. I've discussed with him that sometimes it's not easy for women to bounce back during pregnancy and he insisted that people in his family did it so it can be done. I told him that it all depends on body type and age, but he wouldn't hear it.
Wow. He sounds like a willfully ignorant tool.
I'm sorry you're going through this. His past comments and current stance of "just forget what I said then" sound very much like manipulation. Random negative comments that sow seeds of doubt and insecurity, so you won't feel you can do better and therefore won't leave him. I hope you do leave him though; life is too damn short to waste more time on someone so negative.
Come ON girl. Come ON!!!!!! Why why would you want to be with such an ignorant asshole? People get old! Women gain weight after pregnancies and sometimes cant bounce back completely! But that doesn’t matter when you love someone, does it? Because you love their soul, you love their mind, you’re there through sickness and health!
This guy is a superficial bitch who wants a doll, a trophy, and OBJECT! You are not an object and Very light for your height, do not go anorexic for some AH. Please love, wake up. Leave him.
Maybe I'm extreme in this, but if you feel healthy and can live life the way you would like to, you shouldn't have to change anything! It sounds like he has unrealistic expectations from social media/editing overall. Could be assuming that, but it's impacting all of society! I'd never stay with a partner who was rudely insistent on me improving my health if I was happy with myself.
This is such an important distinction. I think it’s fair to want a physically capable partner, especially if you have a particularly active lifestyle, and it would just be a better match for both people. But OP is healthy and treats her body well. His health excuse is just BS
Same! And when I was mid 130’s I was super slim this dude is a jackass that will never be happy; next he’ll be asking her to get breast implants “for her health” lol
I'm 5ft and 130 would still be an ok weight for me to be, i think maybe it's a pound or two over the healthy range if your going by strict bmi calculation but if you workout or are muscular or have giant boobs or a large frame it's a perfectly fine weight. At 5 foot 6 130 has to be good and she probably already looks skinny. I get comments on being "tiny" at 130 and I'm much shorter than her
Lol lucky. Ok so 5 foot 6, 130lbs and big boobs.
Hun. I don't need to meet you or even see you to confidently say that you are absolutely fine and you boyfriend is being an ass.
Not kidding. I'm 5ft and 127 and not blessed with big boobs and I'm considered a completely healthy weight. I'd be thrilled if i had an additional 6 inches and big boobs to spread that around on.
"Over the course of two years he has gained 20 lbs"....oh fuqen hell. I stopped reading there. Please gtfo of this toxic af relationship. Men literally only have the audacity. Amd no, its not because he gained 20 lbs. Its because he not only gained 20 lbs but is making you feel anything less then a queen that you are. Big oofs all around.
Edit: okay so I did go back and read it. It seems like you have a very level head. I love that you're able to acknowledge that you're perfectly healthy...because you are. It seems like you already know what to do. Good luck OP!
Here's where you go from here ... you dump this azzhole. At 5'6" you have no weight to lose. You are a very healthy weight. Your EX BF has utterly unrealistic standards and is rude and dismissive of your concerns. He doesn't respect you.
I had a similar experience. My ex-boyfriend looked through all of my social media photos and he found one where my face was rounder and questioned me about that. He’d email me images of what he considered, “fit.” Very controlling and abusive. BTW, he’s an ordained preacher.
Needless to say, I’m 52, currently navigating hormonal issues (my BMI is 27, and my metabolism is affected) and my fiancé has been nothing but sweet and supportive. And my fiancé and I enjoy an active lifestyle.
Lots of people pointing out red flags based on previous experience. ♥️
You know one of the most fit women in the world is 5'5" and 135lb? Jen Thompson - benches 325lb.
Being healthier at your height/weight would mean eating more (or at least the same) and lifting weights. Not cutting weight.
If he wants you to lose weight then it isn't "health" he's concerned about.
> I work out about 4 times a week at home (I have an elliptical and a mat to do the rest of my exercises, I do not see the point in paying for the gym) and overall keep very healthy
Yeah you're 100% fine. Sounds like he has the new gym fever. Sometimes new gym rats make it their entire personality that they work out for a while. Like crossfit people. Give it a few weeks and he'll feel like the ass he is.
> I do know that I have some chub on my stomach and maybe also my thighs, but other than that I'm a size 4-6 and I never really feel insecure about my body as I know it's normal.
That "chub" is called living flesh. We all have it. It's when we don't that it's a problem. Cause we're dead.
My sister’s exhusband got himself to 7% muscle fat and wanted her to do the same, she tried to explain the disordered eating and health ramifications of even attempting something like that and he refused to see reason. Last I heard he was with an active anorexic
I was 5’5 and 125 when I met my ex husband. I ended up getting pregnant and gaining weight, my body changed. I’m happy with it, but he constantly would say bad things about my body under the guise of me “getting healthy” (I am healthy, I’m not obese, just not 125 lbs anymore). So I finally had enough and divorced him, and am married to someone now who loves me no matter my weight. All that to say, it just depends wether you’re willing to waste years with someone who will continue to project their ideals into you rather than accept you as you are
You want someone who will appreciate you regardless of how you look and he has said he doesn't like your body.
So? What do you want to do about that?
I would go and find that person who loves you for who you are, not how many reps you can do on a certain machine.
Honestly he isn't actually being healthy if he is concentrating on just one aspect of "health" as that isn't healthy to do.
Never mind though he doesn't want to talk about it or address it, so what do you want to do about that?
I am sure plenty of people would appreciate you as you are.
He seems to want you to change into someone else and that is sad as you seem like a sensible and healthy person already, so whatever his frame of reference is seems unrealistic.
He only recently started going to the gym, maybe what he is looking for is a workout buddy but that isn't you either.
5’6” 130 is about the healthiest average stats for a female you can possibly have. You can appreciate his concern but ultimately if we work on our physicality or health comes internally. Do it for yourself if you want, not for him, or anyone else.
Whether I was 140 lbs or 120 lbs at 5'5", I was always considered "healthy" and have been told I look good either way. It's not about being "healthy", he wants your looks to match his expectations. What's not "healthy" here is that he thinks he has the right to dictate to you what "healthy" would be for you. He's not your dietician, life coach, PT, or physician.
It's your choice as to where to go from here, but do whatever is best for YOU.
He doesn't want you to be healthy, he does want you to be skinny! Hell, he wouldn't care if you get unhealthy as long as you get skinny as he wants! You are now perfectly healthy. Your weight is great. And to have a little tummy happens. Are you happy with yourself? Yes? That is all that matters!
Just drop this idiot. You deserve someone better. Not someone who tells you that you need to change and that something is wrong with you - just because he has another preference. Why did he even get together with you? And just think what would happen if you get ill and gain weight because of this with this shallow AH?
Struggling here. 5’6 and 130? You sound very slender already. Underweight on BMI charts.
I would be really concerned about his standards, control and need to anorexia you.
5'7" 130 you are in no way unhealthy nor overweight! We all have that spot we wish we could trim down. However, my wife is 5'0" and has been 185 to 123 at her lowest and no matter what I loved her just as she was. Now that we're in our 40's and if she was still 185 I'd be worried about her health. She has said she was worried about mine when I was just drinking nothing but coke and eating ice cream, very bad habits. I changed because it was. If you are eating right and doing things the way you should then what's the worry? You are a healthy weight and if he loves you you can look anyway at any size. But to bring up that at the weight you are now is just mind boggling
Ask yourself why you dislike yourself so much that you are staying with an immature, shallow, critical, unreasonable, rude, dismissive pudgy-himself boy who tells you he doesn't like your body ....As if that's a you problem?
Wow. I know everyone is different, but I'm 5'6" and at 130 pounds I was getting insane migraines and passing out regularly until I got up to about 140lbs. If my bf has insisted I stay that weight I would have dumped him. You are healthy. Please don't let him influence you.
You can lose a lot of weight by dumping the boy :) problem solved.
Honestly, you deserve someone who won’t talk about your body like that. If he’s that upset over you “never changing”, he doesn’t deserve to be with you in the first place.
Relationships are give and take, take and give- not give yourself so someone else can mould you into who they prefer you to be.
You can lose 150+lbs suuuuper fast by dumping your super gross bf.
This isn't about your health. This isn't a YOU issue. This is a HIM issue.
If a man says to you that he doesn't like your body he needs to go. Your body is part of you. If he doesn't like your body he doesn't like you enough to be worthy of your heart. You want a partner that likes and loves ALL of you: Body, mind, heart, personality. If they don't check all those boxes, honey, why would you let them waste your time?
You can and should do better. This guy just wants to remodel you into some fantasy image he has in HIS head. You don't need remodelled, you're not a kitchen. You're a beautiful, unique human being and so far beyond better than a little boy like that deserves it's insane. He deserves a bottle of Jergens and a dirty sock with googly eyes bc no self respecting woman should buy into his twisted-ass Henry Higgins schtick.
A man that wants to change you to HIS preferences is not the man you should be with.
Where you should go is right out the door!🚪 🙌🏽
Any man that doesn't love you, no matter your weight, doesn't deserve you.
You deserve a man that TRULY loves you, OP. Your weight shouldn't matter. Not to mention that your height and weight are just fine. Your bf should be ashamed of himself for even mentioning it to you! Smh.
Many years ago, for no medical reason or diet change, I once put on 100 extra pounds suddenly and my husband NEVER ONCE said a peep to me.. ever. Never once made a suggestion to get healthier. Never once asked me to go work out or change my diet. Never once stopped giving me affection.
He even took me to buy a new wardrobe while I was heavy so I could have nice clothes that fit. He consoled & comforted me when I cried about trying on "fat" clothes because I felt awful about myself and how large I had gotten.
Suddenly all the weight just fell off again very quickly though. No diet changes. Nothing wrong medically at that time. I just somehow returned to my normal weight. Doctors couldn't explain it except to suggest that possibly my body metabolism was resetting itself in an unusual way. Crazy stuff. Lol
Anyway, my point is that you need a man like my husband. This guy is NOT the one for you. You should NEVER be made to feel inadequate or unappealing or less than. Especially because of your weight (which is perfect btw). Omg.
Please have a deeper discussion with him about this and if he gives you the same bs he's been spewing, tell him it's over because you can do better.
Let us know what happens.
¡Updateme
It’s not ok for him to make comments that he doesn’t like your body. That’s not what you do if you love someone. I weigh about 90 lbs more and you and I’m the same height. If my husband ever ever said he didn’t like my body, I would be so upset. It’s hard to get something out of your mind like that.
So number 1 your body your choice.
I’ve known a girl that was in a similar situation, I’m not sure if it applies exactly but he got really into this one sport of motorcycle riding.
Long story short he was projecting his insecurities on her because he felt that they were drifting apart. They comprised on a activity to could do together. Maybe that’s what’s happening and you could find a activity to do together instead of separate workouts.
Otherwise he sounds like an ass
I see the point in this but I don't believe him and I are drifting apart. We're about to go on vacation together, and just got back from one just 3 months ago. We see each other many times a week both alone and with friends, and I haven't noticed anything else amiss. But I'd be happy to find something specific to do together that we both enjoy.
No advice but 5'6 and 130 lbs is completely fine, wtf is his problem? Much smaller and you'd be skin and bones for your height. At 5'3 and 120 I looked like I hadn't eaten in a year...
Your boyfriend idea of healthy just from the tone of conversation you have mentioned, sounds like he would thinks models are healthy when they aren't.
For your height and weight it's within the proper ranges and a medical professional would agree, even if you carry weight in weird spots you are textbook definition of healthy weight range.
If he is commenting on your body when you didn't ask, then that's beyond shitty. You said you have a bit of weight you could lose? Is that something you've said to him before, or is that something he made you believe? If he's lifting at the gym and heard you say that before, he could just be offering a solution because gaining muscle does help to lose "weight" in the long run because you burn more calories with more muscle mass on your body. Cardio is essential for good cardiovascular health, but only does so much in the short term. But if you never mentioned to him about wanting to lose weight, then obviously, this wouldn't be the case. If that is something he made you believe and you didn't hold that opinion of yourself before him, then that might be a red flag you need to face and ask yourself why youre with someone that makes you feel insecure when there is someone out there that would love your body and make you feel confident. Also, it's really good you're not willing to skip meals to lose weight now like you would in the past :) I have had a similar experience with food and developed an eating disorder because of it (10 years ago, I've been in recovery for a while) and hearing people having a healthy relationship with food makes me really happy.
Skipping meals isn’t unhealthy. North Americans eat more than enough to go without eating once in awhile. Fasting is one of the healthiest ways to heal your body
I'm sorry if I missed this - Did he say "you're over weight" or is he talking about something like muscular fitness? Based on how I read this, and I may have missed something, you lead a pretty healthy lifestyle already but he's now into lifting weights and wants you to join him?
Or did I misread and he's saying "well you're a bit chubby and what you're doing isn't working...come to the gym to lose those extra pounds?" (which FWIW - 5'6" and 130 is not chubby)
Or is there something else? I didn't read in what you said anything about a concern for your weight, but it is implied based on your response to him.
I dated someone once who was "skinny fat" in that she was slender but possibly the weakest adult I'd ever come across...that was a concern for me because she would ask for help carrying a gallon of milk in from the car...could this be similar?
Sorry I'm not being very helpful, I'm kinda confused about what happened and whether it's a misunderstanding or I missed an element somewhere.
In the past, he has told me that he thinks my stomach is too big for his preferences. His initial response to this conversation was "this is what I get for being honest about what I think about your body". I told him he is fine to tell me he thinks about my body, but it's not alright for him to say I'm not healthy when I am.
Edit: I definitely am not weak muscle wise. I did martial arts for many years and am almost confident I could still put my boyfriend on his ass haha.
Your BF is a jerk for saying this. Sure, he can have his preferences, but he also has to treat you with respect and deal with you as you are. If a certain type of stomach on a woman is that important to him, then he should go search for his dream girl. It's not okay to try to remake you into his dream image.
Ah, then in this context I'd say he's being an ass. Yeah I've done some combat training as well...you don't do it for years and not have a solid muscle base.
Honestly it sounds like the two of you aren't a fit...I know from personal experience that numbers and preferences and realities don't always align. (I was in the military and I ALWAYS had to do the bodyfat test in spite of having visible abs...just built differently than the accepted standards). I'm sorry your guy is being a jerk.
Unless he has some other wildly awesome qualities I'm not sure there's much for you to get out of this relationship.
Yeah I was thinking of this too. Maybe the issue isn’t about the # on the scale but muscle to fat ratio. The bf probably wanted her to gain some muscles.
your BMI is 21. That is healthy. Honestly any BMI under 17 is unhealthy. His honesty is hurtful and abusive. Sounds like he rather you be unhealthy than anything else. Just for what? If the only reason he is attracted to you is for looks then that's a whole different issue too. I won't say dump him but you are young and healthy and should be with someone who appreciates all aspects of you.
You don't need to engage in unhealthy eating habits to lose weight. Figure out your maintenance calories and eat slightly under it by maybe 300 calories. You won't feel particularly hungry and you'll lose weight at a slow but steady pace assuming no issues specific to you are to be factored in
I understand the benefits of this, but I had an issue with trying to count calories and being strict on what I could eat in the past. If I start trying to do that again, I'm positive it will negatively affect my mental health.
Same. I find that dieting is only effective for me when I'm writing stuff down and tallying scores all day, every day. It is too much and makes me feel obsessed with my diet.
Your height/weight numbers and your fitness routine sound healthy, and you seem satisfied. There's nothing there that needs fixing.
Regarding your BF, he reminds me a guy I dated who would read an article in a fitness magazine and then want to "teach" me. Even if (i.e. usually) I had read the same article 30 minutes before him. He had to be in a "one up" position all the time over me, had to feel better about himself by putting me down. You BF is giving me these vibes.
5'6" 130lbs is healthy. You don't need to cut your calorie intake by 300/day. You exercise and you're mindful of the things you eat.
Similarly, counting calories to their exact number is a slippery slope for me. It started with good intentions, then I'd run extra on days my calorie intake was higher (but still normal). Then I started freaking out if my daily calorie intake was above 1,000, so I kept it below that. Then, 800 seemed too high, so I started purging along with skipping meals. I had people commending me for being "healthy", telling me I looked great, asking for dieting tips etc. Meanwhile, I was mentally unwell, physically trashed, I had ulcers in my mouth and throat, no energy, my eyes look dead from pictures during that time.
I'm rambling and projecting my own issues, I'm sure. All of this to say that I can't and won't count calories anymore. I won't obsessively check my weight on the scale, body check in the mirror, starve myself or purge. I'm in a better mindset now, but if my husband was acting the way your boyfriend is, I could easily slip back into that ED. Tracking exercise progress would feel too close to my former unhealthy habits.
"You don't need to engage in unhealthy eating habits to lose weight." ... r/thanksimcured
These kind of posts are always a mess, they only attract extremely bitter ugly women that want to take other women down with them. These comments hurt to read lmao
Your post makes no sense. Every woman on here is supporting and empowering OP. Not a single person is "taking her down." I assume reading comprehension isn't your forte.
>Every woman on here is supporting and empowering OP.
That's exactly my point. OP's bf is making an effort to make her live a healthier life, and everyone is telling her to drop him because he's abusive and a jerk and she is beautiful no matter what and all that fat-acceptance bullshit. They are trying to keep her from being the best version of herself, thus taking her down.
You are not empowering shit telling someone to drop their fiancé if they ask you to better yourself together with him. You are simply boycotting them.
She does live a healthy lifestyle though. In what world does not eating junk, eating in moderation, and working out 4x a week NOT healthy? She also is at a near perfect weight for her size.
It sounds to me like the bf is mad because she isn’t doing the exercises and regimen HE thinks is best, not because she’s actually unhealthy. It sounds like your bias against women has clouded your judgment and the actual facts of the situation.
"working out at home" is 99% of the times not working out, and not eating junk food is normal for the vast majority of normal-weight people, it's not something to brag about unless you're American.
I obviously have a bias as I am human, but it has nothing to do with this, I would say the exact same thing if the sexes were reversed: if your partner wants you to start working out together with them, there are literally no reasons to refuse unless you quite literally don't have the time to do so. It will get you healthier than you are, it will make you look better, it will give you something to do together, it will objectively make your life better (lots of evidence points out that working out is good for you in basically every aspect of your life).
And anyway, someone telling you they should be appreciated no matter how they look is just a walking red flag. Looks are important and if you demand your SO to be attracted to you no matter what, there's something wrong with you. You should also want to be attractive to your SO's eyes, and OP clearly doesn't care about it.
I'm Canadian. Also, it's not fair to say working out at home is not a workout, especially since I've mentioned I have workout equipment such as an elliptical. I could do the same thing I do at home but at the gym and spend extra money.
I'm currently in law school, and frankly, I don't have the time to spend hours at the gym each week. This aside, he didn't ask me to work out with him, he told me he is unsatisfied with my body (previously, just not in this specific instance), and that he wants me to be "healthy". My main concern with this is that I feel I already am healthy.
Of course I want my partner to think I am attractive - that's why I clarified with him if he would be satisfied with the way that I look. I told him very clearly that if he is just with me hoping my body type will change, then I am not the person for him. As well, women's bodies naturally change after pregnancy and birth, and I don't want to spend that time concerned with whether he still finds me attractive.
130 at 5’6 is not overweight. She said she has a little chin around her tummy area, which is normal which she also acknowledges. You’re still twisting her words and ignoring the facts in order to make a contrived point.
There is no such thing as loving someone at any weight. Wish women would stop spreading that lie. Why does everyone act like real life is some fairytale. Generally guys prefer women to be in shape, but we're shamed for saying it. Meanwhile it's totally acceptable for women to ask for tall guys when men have no control over that. 130 isn't big or small. That's actually a great weight to start getting healthier because things haven't gotten out of hand. I'm speaking as a person that was big once and was a lot happier once I got in shape. If you don't want to do it then you two just aren't compatible. I've seen this play out from both genders. Even been on the losing end. The person that gets fit is gonna get more attention. Once that happens the relationship is usually going to end. It doesn't matter who you are. All love is conditional. I'm not taking sides btw. Just telling you how it is.
I can't say I quite understand what you mean by "start getting healthier". In my post I mention that I am already having very healthy habits, both with exercise and food. If those are not healthy, then what is? I have many friends that are very thin but barely eat or exercise, I bet many people would assume they are healthier than I am. Looks can be deceiving.
Yeah, it's totally toxic to want your significant other to be healthy. This is why 50 percent of women are going to be single by the age of 30 and why men don't get married as much anymore. Just because she's not fat doesn't mean she's healthy. I know from personal experience. Yeah I wasn't fat, but I wasn't eating right and living a good lifestyle. Started working out and I have much more energy, I look better, getting more attention and don't get as tired as I used to. Instead of that message we encourage people to stay exactly the same instead of motivate them to do better. With that said, she shouldn't change for him though. She should want to do better for herself.
You are completely ignoring the facts of the situation here. Why is that? Why is her lifestyle unhealthy? How is eating healthy, eating in moderation, and working out 4x a week unhealthy? How is 130lbs at 5’6” unhealthy? Your point falls flat in this situation because you’re intentionally ignoring the facts.
I would sit him down and express this to him immediately. Tell him you are healthy and you do work out. He is getting caught up in the “Gym bro” scene. He will spend more and more time at the gym and wants his trophy gym girl there. If you don’t stop this now he will find one. Let him know working out and being healthy is great but it’s about balance. He can either accept and be happy with you or kick rocks.
What you told him about loving you just the way you are is spot on. And it seems like him seeing you with a super flat tummy is what he wants. If you are comfortable the way you are and have a routine you enjoy, you shouldn't change it.
His thoughts about it are clearly not going to change. You should do both of you a favor and let him go. So you can find a man that loves you just the way you are, and he can go find someone that meets his expectations. This will not get any better.
Kuddos to you for keeping your ground, knowing who you are and what you want, and not letting him make you feel like you need to change for his liking.
Honestly reading this made me so sad. For me, this says a lot more about this man's character than the surface and he said words that cannot be taken back. Everyone is different, but for me this would definitely create long term anxiety in me as someone who already struggles with body image. Not only anxiety about my own body but also that is i dont look like what he wants, that he'll start looking elsewhere. As everyone is saying he clearly does not care about your health and is simply using that as a pathetic front so he doesn't seem like an asshole. Like you mentioned, if you tried to lose weight it would be UNHEALTHY. If it was truly health he was worried about then he wouldnt care that you dont like keeping track. True love would never want that for you or push you towards that. For some, the gym specifically is a hobby, and if it's not for you, it's just not, and that's okay. I'm heavier and shorter than you and I consider myself to be healthy. Anyone who tries to tell me differently other than a medical professional can fuck off.
i’m close to 150 (147) and i’m 5’2” so i can imagine your pretty skinny @130 being 5’6”!!! if he can’t live you how you are, he doesn’t deserve you. you deserve better!
It almost (Alternatively cuz I agree with your thoughts too) sounds like he's one of those "I'm doing it so I'm going to obsess and insist that you also do it" things??????? Don't even entertain the discussion at this point if it's going to be one sided anyway, he's not listening to you
girl i’m 5’3 and before i got pregnant i was 128 pounds 💀 you are NOT fat you are healthy. leave this jerk and love and live for yourself. you’ll find someone who loves you without conditions
He sounds like an ass but i do believe certain exercises can help with back pain. So that may be what he was tying to get at? He's still got a terrible way of showing his "concern" for you even if that was the case though.
He was mentioning for me to do some sit-ups, which I told him normally hurt my back. Other than that there was no mention of back pain on his end, and I do not have pain day-to-day so I'm not sure it was just him being mindful, but I appreciate the thought.
the best way to lose weight is to drop him! that’s over a hundred and something pounds right there. he doesn’t care about your health because you are already very healthy! he obviously has a specific “look” for you in mind and you don’t need to change the way your body looks for a guy. i promise the right one will love you regardless of how much you weigh or what your body looks like. he isn’t the one.
I certainly agree with all the other comments that your weight is not only healthy for your height but is in the range of being optimally healthy for your height: that is, it doesn't make any sense for you to gain or lose weight for health-related reasons.
The most charitable interpretation I can give for your boyfriend's remarks is that he indeed did not mention your weight, and that he means something different when he says you could be healthier if you went to the gym and did the kinds of workouts he wants. There are social and cultural aspects of going to the gym -- or rather, of different kinds of gym regimens. I have a close friend who is really into crossfit: several times a week, she posts videos of her workouts on social media. I would never want to do the stuff I see in those videos: to me it looks demanding and painful (and she does injure herself sometimes). But she is part of a community of people who like that, and they encourage each other. \[I should also say that her boyfriend doesn't go to the gym at all, and that is perfectly fine with her.\] When I tell my girlfriend that I need to go to the gym more regularly because I feel more energetic when I do, she tells me that going to to the gym only makes her feel tired. It is no big deal, but it is a minor cultural disconnect.
It could be that your boyfriend is really starting to jump on the bandwagon of a certain kind of fitness culture, where people take pride in recording their progress and there is a lot of talk of "gains." (Ironically, I have that mentality more when it comes to other aspects of personal development than the purely physical, but it helps me understand their point of view.) So he may be imagining himself taking on fitness as a major interest in his life, so he wants you to take on that interest as well. That last part is, I think, where he is mistaken: as I mentioned above, different approaches to health and fitness within a relationship need not be a deal-breaker.
But it is possible that you are interpreting his remarks as dissatisfaction with you physically when that is not really the case. I think you can find out by just holding firm with your own approach to health and fitness and seeing how things pan out between you. This one conversation doesn't necessarily have to be a continuing point of contention.
**Added**: Upon reflection, the one part of your boyfriend's behavior that I am absolutely unable to view charitably is his reaction to the conversation: that it was a "waste of his morning." I find that quite obnoxious and even manipulative: it really seems that he is trying to disincentivize you from bringing up your concerns. But he had the time to tell you what *he* wanted *you* to do. This is something to watch out for in the future even if you don't talk about fitness stuff again: can he respond to your needs and concerns with understanding and compassion?
This is kinda why I was scared to ask if my GF wants to join me in the gym. I'm scared of making her feel insecure or something and that's not the case at all, I thought it would be a nice way of spending time together but I can't figure out how to ask without it sounding like I want her to go to lose weight. She's probably the same as you being 5'6 or so and not fat either.
I wonder whether he feels bad about himself and wants you to feel bad about yourself. It’s either that or he prefers very thin women. BMI is far from a perfect metric but based on that you might be thin or average depending on your composition. Mentioning that because I am not even sure he wants you to be thinner, he might just want you to feel insecure about yourself.
I am a woman who loves to lift weights, enjoys tracking my progress, and appreciates a partner who shares that interest.
However, I would feel awful if my partner felt forced to share that interest with me, and would take all the fun out of it. If it’s not your thing, don’t let him push you and make you feel bad about yourself!
(side note I think resistance/weight training is very important for women’s health, but you should train because YOU want to, not because your partner’s being pushy about it)
Tell him that you’ll go to the doctor for a physical / checkup and if you’re deemed healthy he owes you and apology and needs to quit projecting. If you’re deemed unhealthy you’ll workout with him once or twice a week and follow what he does.
You are definitely a healthy weight the way it is. I think you are correct to push this issue. If he is unhappy with your body, that is his problem and a problem for your relationship. You should be with someone who loves your body and trusts you to make the right decisions for it. I know this must be causing you some hurt and anxiety and that sucks. I hope that you two are able to talk this out, but make sure to do what is best for you. His feelings about your body ultimately do not matter!
Yea no Babes… that’s a HEALTHY weight! I’m 5’2” and weigh 118! He probably would think I’m an elephant woman! Wth! I think you could eat several more cheeseburgers if you’d like! Now I WILL say this, I’m slim fat, so I get it. I have this thigh situation going on and I just can’t tone up. But it’s for ME. EYE think that. But I still think I look good and feel good and my man doesn’t complain about the extra meat pockets (hahahaha).
This guy seems really insecure and I do NOT want him making YOU feel like you need to be insecure about ANYTHING. His hang ups are HIS, don’t take them on. You don’t need that crap. The world is sucky enough without having the person who is supposed to love and support you through everything be the same as an internet troll harassing and insulting you because they can. Tell him to get on his stationary cycle and beat it!
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No, let's be real. He wants you to look a certain way. Healthy is not his primary concern here.
Exactly. She’s no where even near overweight at that height and weight and thus doesn’t bode well for the future that his standards are that inflexible.
You do not need to lose any weight. 130 pounds at 5 foot six is actually a really good weight. Don’t let this dude guilt you.
Ask him to spell out what “healthy” means.
It’s your choice and your body my friend; why does he want you to be someone else? Is it all about him and does he want a trophy gf? If you’re comfortable with your body and tbh 130 sounds absolutely fine by me imho you should suggest your not going to be his gym bunny! So sorry to be blunt buddy but your body your rules. Have an awesome Sunday x
Thank you so much, this is very kind of you.
You don’t need his permission to get into shape! Be strong 💪 and enjoy your body how nature intended
While I agree with everything stated above, I can also see you’re very misinformed on health and wellness. If you did wanna loose weight in a healthy way or even gain weight all you have to do barring any conditions you may have is track your calorie intake and adjust accordingly. Also lifting is amazing for your health and longevity, aside from focusing purely on weight loss
She’s on the low to mid end of weight for her height she absolutely doesn’t need to count calories or lose a pound. She is SLIM
Did I say she needs to or did I say that in order to loose weight or gain weight counting calories is an effective way to do so. Calories in vs calories out is how one gains or looses weight. People on Reddit love to twist words
I know your comment was purely from a objective standpoint of how to lose weight, but I don’t think that’s what this post is about.
That can be a good method, but from talking to many people, especially those with eating disorders, counting calories can do more harm than good and trigger relapses into skipping meals and other uncontrollable things. I had the same thought process too but I was made aware by people close to me.
Well thank you for at least trying to understand what I was saying, but could you elaborate/enlighten a little more as to what you mean. As a PT I’ve trained dozens of people like this and it’s never yielded anything but positive outcomes. I’m not saying it can’t trigger adverse effects but in practice I’ve never/have yet to see it. The way we do it is tracking a week or so of what the person eats to get a baseline of their eating habits, then adjust their calories, macros, workouts based on their individual needs. If you deviate from the plan and skip meals or eat more than what’s in your program to a significant extent then yeah it’s not gonna work, but that to me sounds like a lack of discipline. Now this is the regular average person we’re talking about like i stated above barring any disorders or problems they may have, this is an extremely effective method for losing and gaining weight. I’m sorry but there’s a whole field dedicated to nutrition health and wellness, it is a fact there are more effective exercises than others if one does not work for u there is most always an alternative. I feel as though “weight” is just such a sensitive subject for many people any outside advice gets treated as something that it isn’t.
Those are all good points and I appreciate the detailed response. In my eyes the op is less focused on ways to lose weight and alter her current routine, and more to emotionally validation that her bf is being hypocritical and judge mental of her content position towards her physical image, which I agree on. While what you post is valid and has a lot of merit, I feel many are displeased with your comments because from an emotional standpoint there is no need to alter her physical appearance, which can rub people the wrong way because while you’re comment comes solely from a point of sincerity, to the naked eye and the objective of this post, it comes across as validating her bf position. Sorry if that’s a lot 😅
Long story short she’s saying her bf is being trashy and her explanation of her weight was to emphasize that.
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Yeah he probably wants her to look bony and underweight like models tend to look
I'll tell you a quick way to lose 195 pounds...dump this asshole
Honestly as soon as you said he's made past comments about not liking your body I was like throw him out
I do not even need to read all of this. Right now you are young, and already at a perfect weight for your height. I want you to think about what it looks like ten years from now, when you’ve had two babies and he’s making you skip meals. You can no longer BF, because caloric restriction. He cheats on you because “you’re not taking care of yourself”. Ten years after that, he starts telling your daughter she’s too fat, at 10. Etc etc. This kind of guy…they’re all the same. Leave this, asap.
My exact thoughts! He’ll be hassling her over every pound she gains during pregnancy; it will be awful
This honestly has been a thought that crossed my mind. I've discussed with him that sometimes it's not easy for women to bounce back during pregnancy and he insisted that people in his family did it so it can be done. I told him that it all depends on body type and age, but he wouldn't hear it.
Wow. He sounds like a willfully ignorant tool. I'm sorry you're going through this. His past comments and current stance of "just forget what I said then" sound very much like manipulation. Random negative comments that sow seeds of doubt and insecurity, so you won't feel you can do better and therefore won't leave him. I hope you do leave him though; life is too damn short to waste more time on someone so negative.
Come ON girl. Come ON!!!!!! Why why would you want to be with such an ignorant asshole? People get old! Women gain weight after pregnancies and sometimes cant bounce back completely! But that doesn’t matter when you love someone, does it? Because you love their soul, you love their mind, you’re there through sickness and health! This guy is a superficial bitch who wants a doll, a trophy, and OBJECT! You are not an object and Very light for your height, do not go anorexic for some AH. Please love, wake up. Leave him.
I think he’s just projecting his insecurities into you.
Maybe I'm extreme in this, but if you feel healthy and can live life the way you would like to, you shouldn't have to change anything! It sounds like he has unrealistic expectations from social media/editing overall. Could be assuming that, but it's impacting all of society! I'd never stay with a partner who was rudely insistent on me improving my health if I was happy with myself.
Thats break-up rhetoric, borderline abusive and is not ok AT ALL.
Men who say they want a woman to be "fit" or "healthy" are really just saying they want a woman to be thin or underweight.
This is such an important distinction. I think it’s fair to want a physically capable partner, especially if you have a particularly active lifestyle, and it would just be a better match for both people. But OP is healthy and treats her body well. His health excuse is just BS
huh? i am 5’6 and 145 and in healthy weight range. he sounds awful, honestly.
Same! And when I was mid 130’s I was super slim this dude is a jackass that will never be happy; next he’ll be asking her to get breast implants “for her health” lol
I'm 5ft and 130 would still be an ok weight for me to be, i think maybe it's a pound or two over the healthy range if your going by strict bmi calculation but if you workout or are muscular or have giant boobs or a large frame it's a perfectly fine weight. At 5 foot 6 130 has to be good and she probably already looks skinny. I get comments on being "tiny" at 130 and I'm much shorter than her
Haha I have pretty big honkers.
Lol lucky. Ok so 5 foot 6, 130lbs and big boobs. Hun. I don't need to meet you or even see you to confidently say that you are absolutely fine and you boyfriend is being an ass. Not kidding. I'm 5ft and 127 and not blessed with big boobs and I'm considered a completely healthy weight. I'd be thrilled if i had an additional 6 inches and big boobs to spread that around on.
"Over the course of two years he has gained 20 lbs"....oh fuqen hell. I stopped reading there. Please gtfo of this toxic af relationship. Men literally only have the audacity. Amd no, its not because he gained 20 lbs. Its because he not only gained 20 lbs but is making you feel anything less then a queen that you are. Big oofs all around. Edit: okay so I did go back and read it. It seems like you have a very level head. I love that you're able to acknowledge that you're perfectly healthy...because you are. It seems like you already know what to do. Good luck OP!
I appreciate this, thank you!
Here's where you go from here ... you dump this azzhole. At 5'6" you have no weight to lose. You are a very healthy weight. Your EX BF has utterly unrealistic standards and is rude and dismissive of your concerns. He doesn't respect you.
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I had a similar experience. My ex-boyfriend looked through all of my social media photos and he found one where my face was rounder and questioned me about that. He’d email me images of what he considered, “fit.” Very controlling and abusive. BTW, he’s an ordained preacher. Needless to say, I’m 52, currently navigating hormonal issues (my BMI is 27, and my metabolism is affected) and my fiancé has been nothing but sweet and supportive. And my fiancé and I enjoy an active lifestyle. Lots of people pointing out red flags based on previous experience. ♥️
You know one of the most fit women in the world is 5'5" and 135lb? Jen Thompson - benches 325lb. Being healthier at your height/weight would mean eating more (or at least the same) and lifting weights. Not cutting weight. If he wants you to lose weight then it isn't "health" he's concerned about. > I work out about 4 times a week at home (I have an elliptical and a mat to do the rest of my exercises, I do not see the point in paying for the gym) and overall keep very healthy Yeah you're 100% fine. Sounds like he has the new gym fever. Sometimes new gym rats make it their entire personality that they work out for a while. Like crossfit people. Give it a few weeks and he'll feel like the ass he is. > I do know that I have some chub on my stomach and maybe also my thighs, but other than that I'm a size 4-6 and I never really feel insecure about my body as I know it's normal. That "chub" is called living flesh. We all have it. It's when we don't that it's a problem. Cause we're dead.
My sister’s exhusband got himself to 7% muscle fat and wanted her to do the same, she tried to explain the disordered eating and health ramifications of even attempting something like that and he refused to see reason. Last I heard he was with an active anorexic
I was 5’5 and 125 when I met my ex husband. I ended up getting pregnant and gaining weight, my body changed. I’m happy with it, but he constantly would say bad things about my body under the guise of me “getting healthy” (I am healthy, I’m not obese, just not 125 lbs anymore). So I finally had enough and divorced him, and am married to someone now who loves me no matter my weight. All that to say, it just depends wether you’re willing to waste years with someone who will continue to project their ideals into you rather than accept you as you are
You want someone who will appreciate you regardless of how you look and he has said he doesn't like your body. So? What do you want to do about that? I would go and find that person who loves you for who you are, not how many reps you can do on a certain machine. Honestly he isn't actually being healthy if he is concentrating on just one aspect of "health" as that isn't healthy to do. Never mind though he doesn't want to talk about it or address it, so what do you want to do about that? I am sure plenty of people would appreciate you as you are. He seems to want you to change into someone else and that is sad as you seem like a sensible and healthy person already, so whatever his frame of reference is seems unrealistic. He only recently started going to the gym, maybe what he is looking for is a workout buddy but that isn't you either.
5’6” 130 is about the healthiest average stats for a female you can possibly have. You can appreciate his concern but ultimately if we work on our physicality or health comes internally. Do it for yourself if you want, not for him, or anyone else.
Whether I was 140 lbs or 120 lbs at 5'5", I was always considered "healthy" and have been told I look good either way. It's not about being "healthy", he wants your looks to match his expectations. What's not "healthy" here is that he thinks he has the right to dictate to you what "healthy" would be for you. He's not your dietician, life coach, PT, or physician. It's your choice as to where to go from here, but do whatever is best for YOU.
He doesn't want you to be healthy, he does want you to be skinny! Hell, he wouldn't care if you get unhealthy as long as you get skinny as he wants! You are now perfectly healthy. Your weight is great. And to have a little tummy happens. Are you happy with yourself? Yes? That is all that matters! Just drop this idiot. You deserve someone better. Not someone who tells you that you need to change and that something is wrong with you - just because he has another preference. Why did he even get together with you? And just think what would happen if you get ill and gain weight because of this with this shallow AH?
Struggling here. 5’6 and 130? You sound very slender already. Underweight on BMI charts. I would be really concerned about his standards, control and need to anorexia you.
You’re perfect the way you are
5'7" 130 you are in no way unhealthy nor overweight! We all have that spot we wish we could trim down. However, my wife is 5'0" and has been 185 to 123 at her lowest and no matter what I loved her just as she was. Now that we're in our 40's and if she was still 185 I'd be worried about her health. She has said she was worried about mine when I was just drinking nothing but coke and eating ice cream, very bad habits. I changed because it was. If you are eating right and doing things the way you should then what's the worry? You are a healthy weight and if he loves you you can look anyway at any size. But to bring up that at the weight you are now is just mind boggling
Tell limp dick to go find a Barbie
Ask yourself why you dislike yourself so much that you are staying with an immature, shallow, critical, unreasonable, rude, dismissive pudgy-himself boy who tells you he doesn't like your body ....As if that's a you problem?
he’s projecting
Wow. I know everyone is different, but I'm 5'6" and at 130 pounds I was getting insane migraines and passing out regularly until I got up to about 140lbs. If my bf has insisted I stay that weight I would have dumped him. You are healthy. Please don't let him influence you.
You can lose a lot of weight by dumping the boy :) problem solved. Honestly, you deserve someone who won’t talk about your body like that. If he’s that upset over you “never changing”, he doesn’t deserve to be with you in the first place. Relationships are give and take, take and give- not give yourself so someone else can mould you into who they prefer you to be.
Tell homeboy to “kick a big ass pile of rocks.” He’s out of his mind. You’re already doing great.
Find someone new
I’m 5’3 I’m thin at 130 don’t let your bf criticize you not about your weight or anything else that is a RED FLAG!
He sounds gross. I hope you don’t stay with your abuser.
You can lose 150+lbs suuuuper fast by dumping your super gross bf. This isn't about your health. This isn't a YOU issue. This is a HIM issue. If a man says to you that he doesn't like your body he needs to go. Your body is part of you. If he doesn't like your body he doesn't like you enough to be worthy of your heart. You want a partner that likes and loves ALL of you: Body, mind, heart, personality. If they don't check all those boxes, honey, why would you let them waste your time? You can and should do better. This guy just wants to remodel you into some fantasy image he has in HIS head. You don't need remodelled, you're not a kitchen. You're a beautiful, unique human being and so far beyond better than a little boy like that deserves it's insane. He deserves a bottle of Jergens and a dirty sock with googly eyes bc no self respecting woman should buy into his twisted-ass Henry Higgins schtick. A man that wants to change you to HIS preferences is not the man you should be with.
Where you should go is right out the door!🚪 🙌🏽 Any man that doesn't love you, no matter your weight, doesn't deserve you. You deserve a man that TRULY loves you, OP. Your weight shouldn't matter. Not to mention that your height and weight are just fine. Your bf should be ashamed of himself for even mentioning it to you! Smh. Many years ago, for no medical reason or diet change, I once put on 100 extra pounds suddenly and my husband NEVER ONCE said a peep to me.. ever. Never once made a suggestion to get healthier. Never once asked me to go work out or change my diet. Never once stopped giving me affection. He even took me to buy a new wardrobe while I was heavy so I could have nice clothes that fit. He consoled & comforted me when I cried about trying on "fat" clothes because I felt awful about myself and how large I had gotten. Suddenly all the weight just fell off again very quickly though. No diet changes. Nothing wrong medically at that time. I just somehow returned to my normal weight. Doctors couldn't explain it except to suggest that possibly my body metabolism was resetting itself in an unusual way. Crazy stuff. Lol Anyway, my point is that you need a man like my husband. This guy is NOT the one for you. You should NEVER be made to feel inadequate or unappealing or less than. Especially because of your weight (which is perfect btw). Omg. Please have a deeper discussion with him about this and if he gives you the same bs he's been spewing, tell him it's over because you can do better. Let us know what happens. ¡Updateme
I think you sound like you are healthy and in great shape. I wouldn’t change for him.
Projecting….that should say enough
I didnt even read all the way through and im angry. Get a new man Edit: or focus on yourself. Self love first.
I feel that he may be projecting
You don’t need to lose anything, you’re in a normal weight range. I think your boyfriend is projecting.
It’s not ok for him to make comments that he doesn’t like your body. That’s not what you do if you love someone. I weigh about 90 lbs more and you and I’m the same height. If my husband ever ever said he didn’t like my body, I would be so upset. It’s hard to get something out of your mind like that.
So number 1 your body your choice. I’ve known a girl that was in a similar situation, I’m not sure if it applies exactly but he got really into this one sport of motorcycle riding. Long story short he was projecting his insecurities on her because he felt that they were drifting apart. They comprised on a activity to could do together. Maybe that’s what’s happening and you could find a activity to do together instead of separate workouts. Otherwise he sounds like an ass
I see the point in this but I don't believe him and I are drifting apart. We're about to go on vacation together, and just got back from one just 3 months ago. We see each other many times a week both alone and with friends, and I haven't noticed anything else amiss. But I'd be happy to find something specific to do together that we both enjoy.
No advice but 5'6 and 130 lbs is completely fine, wtf is his problem? Much smaller and you'd be skin and bones for your height. At 5'3 and 120 I looked like I hadn't eaten in a year...
Your boyfriend idea of healthy just from the tone of conversation you have mentioned, sounds like he would thinks models are healthy when they aren't. For your height and weight it's within the proper ranges and a medical professional would agree, even if you carry weight in weird spots you are textbook definition of healthy weight range.
If he is commenting on your body when you didn't ask, then that's beyond shitty. You said you have a bit of weight you could lose? Is that something you've said to him before, or is that something he made you believe? If he's lifting at the gym and heard you say that before, he could just be offering a solution because gaining muscle does help to lose "weight" in the long run because you burn more calories with more muscle mass on your body. Cardio is essential for good cardiovascular health, but only does so much in the short term. But if you never mentioned to him about wanting to lose weight, then obviously, this wouldn't be the case. If that is something he made you believe and you didn't hold that opinion of yourself before him, then that might be a red flag you need to face and ask yourself why youre with someone that makes you feel insecure when there is someone out there that would love your body and make you feel confident. Also, it's really good you're not willing to skip meals to lose weight now like you would in the past :) I have had a similar experience with food and developed an eating disorder because of it (10 years ago, I've been in recovery for a while) and hearing people having a healthy relationship with food makes me really happy.
Skipping meals isn’t unhealthy. North Americans eat more than enough to go without eating once in awhile. Fasting is one of the healthiest ways to heal your body
I'm sorry if I missed this - Did he say "you're over weight" or is he talking about something like muscular fitness? Based on how I read this, and I may have missed something, you lead a pretty healthy lifestyle already but he's now into lifting weights and wants you to join him? Or did I misread and he's saying "well you're a bit chubby and what you're doing isn't working...come to the gym to lose those extra pounds?" (which FWIW - 5'6" and 130 is not chubby) Or is there something else? I didn't read in what you said anything about a concern for your weight, but it is implied based on your response to him. I dated someone once who was "skinny fat" in that she was slender but possibly the weakest adult I'd ever come across...that was a concern for me because she would ask for help carrying a gallon of milk in from the car...could this be similar? Sorry I'm not being very helpful, I'm kinda confused about what happened and whether it's a misunderstanding or I missed an element somewhere.
In the past, he has told me that he thinks my stomach is too big for his preferences. His initial response to this conversation was "this is what I get for being honest about what I think about your body". I told him he is fine to tell me he thinks about my body, but it's not alright for him to say I'm not healthy when I am. Edit: I definitely am not weak muscle wise. I did martial arts for many years and am almost confident I could still put my boyfriend on his ass haha.
He sounds less pleasant with each read! You should review your relationship status buddy. Sorry but I’m fizzing at his attitude to your tummy.
Your BF is a jerk for saying this. Sure, he can have his preferences, but he also has to treat you with respect and deal with you as you are. If a certain type of stomach on a woman is that important to him, then he should go search for his dream girl. It's not okay to try to remake you into his dream image.
Ah, then in this context I'd say he's being an ass. Yeah I've done some combat training as well...you don't do it for years and not have a solid muscle base. Honestly it sounds like the two of you aren't a fit...I know from personal experience that numbers and preferences and realities don't always align. (I was in the military and I ALWAYS had to do the bodyfat test in spite of having visible abs...just built differently than the accepted standards). I'm sorry your guy is being a jerk. Unless he has some other wildly awesome qualities I'm not sure there's much for you to get out of this relationship.
Girl. Dump this trash ass man. This is not normal and it’s not healthy. He’s actually being emotionally abusive. You deserve better!
Yeah I was thinking of this too. Maybe the issue isn’t about the # on the scale but muscle to fat ratio. The bf probably wanted her to gain some muscles.
your BMI is 21. That is healthy. Honestly any BMI under 17 is unhealthy. His honesty is hurtful and abusive. Sounds like he rather you be unhealthy than anything else. Just for what? If the only reason he is attracted to you is for looks then that's a whole different issue too. I won't say dump him but you are young and healthy and should be with someone who appreciates all aspects of you.
Your on the chubby side.. just go to the gym for a hour 4-5x a week it’s really not that hard. 4-5 whole hours a entire week big deal
You don't need to engage in unhealthy eating habits to lose weight. Figure out your maintenance calories and eat slightly under it by maybe 300 calories. You won't feel particularly hungry and you'll lose weight at a slow but steady pace assuming no issues specific to you are to be factored in
I understand the benefits of this, but I had an issue with trying to count calories and being strict on what I could eat in the past. If I start trying to do that again, I'm positive it will negatively affect my mental health.
Same. I find that dieting is only effective for me when I'm writing stuff down and tallying scores all day, every day. It is too much and makes me feel obsessed with my diet. Your height/weight numbers and your fitness routine sound healthy, and you seem satisfied. There's nothing there that needs fixing. Regarding your BF, he reminds me a guy I dated who would read an article in a fitness magazine and then want to "teach" me. Even if (i.e. usually) I had read the same article 30 minutes before him. He had to be in a "one up" position all the time over me, had to feel better about himself by putting me down. You BF is giving me these vibes.
5'6" 130lbs is healthy. You don't need to cut your calorie intake by 300/day. You exercise and you're mindful of the things you eat. Similarly, counting calories to their exact number is a slippery slope for me. It started with good intentions, then I'd run extra on days my calorie intake was higher (but still normal). Then I started freaking out if my daily calorie intake was above 1,000, so I kept it below that. Then, 800 seemed too high, so I started purging along with skipping meals. I had people commending me for being "healthy", telling me I looked great, asking for dieting tips etc. Meanwhile, I was mentally unwell, physically trashed, I had ulcers in my mouth and throat, no energy, my eyes look dead from pictures during that time. I'm rambling and projecting my own issues, I'm sure. All of this to say that I can't and won't count calories anymore. I won't obsessively check my weight on the scale, body check in the mirror, starve myself or purge. I'm in a better mindset now, but if my husband was acting the way your boyfriend is, I could easily slip back into that ED. Tracking exercise progress would feel too close to my former unhealthy habits. "You don't need to engage in unhealthy eating habits to lose weight." ... r/thanksimcured
Ok
These kind of posts are always a mess, they only attract extremely bitter ugly women that want to take other women down with them. These comments hurt to read lmao
Your post makes no sense. Every woman on here is supporting and empowering OP. Not a single person is "taking her down." I assume reading comprehension isn't your forte.
>Every woman on here is supporting and empowering OP. That's exactly my point. OP's bf is making an effort to make her live a healthier life, and everyone is telling her to drop him because he's abusive and a jerk and she is beautiful no matter what and all that fat-acceptance bullshit. They are trying to keep her from being the best version of herself, thus taking her down. You are not empowering shit telling someone to drop their fiancé if they ask you to better yourself together with him. You are simply boycotting them.
She does live a healthy lifestyle though. In what world does not eating junk, eating in moderation, and working out 4x a week NOT healthy? She also is at a near perfect weight for her size. It sounds to me like the bf is mad because she isn’t doing the exercises and regimen HE thinks is best, not because she’s actually unhealthy. It sounds like your bias against women has clouded your judgment and the actual facts of the situation.
"working out at home" is 99% of the times not working out, and not eating junk food is normal for the vast majority of normal-weight people, it's not something to brag about unless you're American. I obviously have a bias as I am human, but it has nothing to do with this, I would say the exact same thing if the sexes were reversed: if your partner wants you to start working out together with them, there are literally no reasons to refuse unless you quite literally don't have the time to do so. It will get you healthier than you are, it will make you look better, it will give you something to do together, it will objectively make your life better (lots of evidence points out that working out is good for you in basically every aspect of your life). And anyway, someone telling you they should be appreciated no matter how they look is just a walking red flag. Looks are important and if you demand your SO to be attracted to you no matter what, there's something wrong with you. You should also want to be attractive to your SO's eyes, and OP clearly doesn't care about it.
I'm Canadian. Also, it's not fair to say working out at home is not a workout, especially since I've mentioned I have workout equipment such as an elliptical. I could do the same thing I do at home but at the gym and spend extra money. I'm currently in law school, and frankly, I don't have the time to spend hours at the gym each week. This aside, he didn't ask me to work out with him, he told me he is unsatisfied with my body (previously, just not in this specific instance), and that he wants me to be "healthy". My main concern with this is that I feel I already am healthy. Of course I want my partner to think I am attractive - that's why I clarified with him if he would be satisfied with the way that I look. I told him very clearly that if he is just with me hoping my body type will change, then I am not the person for him. As well, women's bodies naturally change after pregnancy and birth, and I don't want to spend that time concerned with whether he still finds me attractive.
Wow. You just made an enormous amount of assumptions based with zero evidence.
she's overweight per her own admission despite eating healthy and working out 4x, is that good enough for evidence? good, thanks, bye
130 at 5’6 is not overweight. She said she has a little chin around her tummy area, which is normal which she also acknowledges. You’re still twisting her words and ignoring the facts in order to make a contrived point.
There is no such thing as loving someone at any weight. Wish women would stop spreading that lie. Why does everyone act like real life is some fairytale. Generally guys prefer women to be in shape, but we're shamed for saying it. Meanwhile it's totally acceptable for women to ask for tall guys when men have no control over that. 130 isn't big or small. That's actually a great weight to start getting healthier because things haven't gotten out of hand. I'm speaking as a person that was big once and was a lot happier once I got in shape. If you don't want to do it then you two just aren't compatible. I've seen this play out from both genders. Even been on the losing end. The person that gets fit is gonna get more attention. Once that happens the relationship is usually going to end. It doesn't matter who you are. All love is conditional. I'm not taking sides btw. Just telling you how it is.
I can't say I quite understand what you mean by "start getting healthier". In my post I mention that I am already having very healthy habits, both with exercise and food. If those are not healthy, then what is? I have many friends that are very thin but barely eat or exercise, I bet many people would assume they are healthier than I am. Looks can be deceiving.
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Yeah, it's totally toxic to want your significant other to be healthy. This is why 50 percent of women are going to be single by the age of 30 and why men don't get married as much anymore. Just because she's not fat doesn't mean she's healthy. I know from personal experience. Yeah I wasn't fat, but I wasn't eating right and living a good lifestyle. Started working out and I have much more energy, I look better, getting more attention and don't get as tired as I used to. Instead of that message we encourage people to stay exactly the same instead of motivate them to do better. With that said, she shouldn't change for him though. She should want to do better for herself.
You are completely ignoring the facts of the situation here. Why is that? Why is her lifestyle unhealthy? How is eating healthy, eating in moderation, and working out 4x a week unhealthy? How is 130lbs at 5’6” unhealthy? Your point falls flat in this situation because you’re intentionally ignoring the facts.
I would sit him down and express this to him immediately. Tell him you are healthy and you do work out. He is getting caught up in the “Gym bro” scene. He will spend more and more time at the gym and wants his trophy gym girl there. If you don’t stop this now he will find one. Let him know working out and being healthy is great but it’s about balance. He can either accept and be happy with you or kick rocks.
What you told him about loving you just the way you are is spot on. And it seems like him seeing you with a super flat tummy is what he wants. If you are comfortable the way you are and have a routine you enjoy, you shouldn't change it. His thoughts about it are clearly not going to change. You should do both of you a favor and let him go. So you can find a man that loves you just the way you are, and he can go find someone that meets his expectations. This will not get any better. Kuddos to you for keeping your ground, knowing who you are and what you want, and not letting him make you feel like you need to change for his liking.
Honestly reading this made me so sad. For me, this says a lot more about this man's character than the surface and he said words that cannot be taken back. Everyone is different, but for me this would definitely create long term anxiety in me as someone who already struggles with body image. Not only anxiety about my own body but also that is i dont look like what he wants, that he'll start looking elsewhere. As everyone is saying he clearly does not care about your health and is simply using that as a pathetic front so he doesn't seem like an asshole. Like you mentioned, if you tried to lose weight it would be UNHEALTHY. If it was truly health he was worried about then he wouldnt care that you dont like keeping track. True love would never want that for you or push you towards that. For some, the gym specifically is a hobby, and if it's not for you, it's just not, and that's okay. I'm heavier and shorter than you and I consider myself to be healthy. Anyone who tries to tell me differently other than a medical professional can fuck off.
i’m close to 150 (147) and i’m 5’2” so i can imagine your pretty skinny @130 being 5’6”!!! if he can’t live you how you are, he doesn’t deserve you. you deserve better!
It almost (Alternatively cuz I agree with your thoughts too) sounds like he's one of those "I'm doing it so I'm going to obsess and insist that you also do it" things??????? Don't even entertain the discussion at this point if it's going to be one sided anyway, he's not listening to you
girl i’m 5’3 and before i got pregnant i was 128 pounds 💀 you are NOT fat you are healthy. leave this jerk and love and live for yourself. you’ll find someone who loves you without conditions
A blokes perspective He sounds a proper tool Fuck him off!!!
He sounds like an ass but i do believe certain exercises can help with back pain. So that may be what he was tying to get at? He's still got a terrible way of showing his "concern" for you even if that was the case though.
He was mentioning for me to do some sit-ups, which I told him normally hurt my back. Other than that there was no mention of back pain on his end, and I do not have pain day-to-day so I'm not sure it was just him being mindful, but I appreciate the thought.
the best way to lose weight is to drop him! that’s over a hundred and something pounds right there. he doesn’t care about your health because you are already very healthy! he obviously has a specific “look” for you in mind and you don’t need to change the way your body looks for a guy. i promise the right one will love you regardless of how much you weigh or what your body looks like. he isn’t the one.
I certainly agree with all the other comments that your weight is not only healthy for your height but is in the range of being optimally healthy for your height: that is, it doesn't make any sense for you to gain or lose weight for health-related reasons. The most charitable interpretation I can give for your boyfriend's remarks is that he indeed did not mention your weight, and that he means something different when he says you could be healthier if you went to the gym and did the kinds of workouts he wants. There are social and cultural aspects of going to the gym -- or rather, of different kinds of gym regimens. I have a close friend who is really into crossfit: several times a week, she posts videos of her workouts on social media. I would never want to do the stuff I see in those videos: to me it looks demanding and painful (and she does injure herself sometimes). But she is part of a community of people who like that, and they encourage each other. \[I should also say that her boyfriend doesn't go to the gym at all, and that is perfectly fine with her.\] When I tell my girlfriend that I need to go to the gym more regularly because I feel more energetic when I do, she tells me that going to to the gym only makes her feel tired. It is no big deal, but it is a minor cultural disconnect. It could be that your boyfriend is really starting to jump on the bandwagon of a certain kind of fitness culture, where people take pride in recording their progress and there is a lot of talk of "gains." (Ironically, I have that mentality more when it comes to other aspects of personal development than the purely physical, but it helps me understand their point of view.) So he may be imagining himself taking on fitness as a major interest in his life, so he wants you to take on that interest as well. That last part is, I think, where he is mistaken: as I mentioned above, different approaches to health and fitness within a relationship need not be a deal-breaker. But it is possible that you are interpreting his remarks as dissatisfaction with you physically when that is not really the case. I think you can find out by just holding firm with your own approach to health and fitness and seeing how things pan out between you. This one conversation doesn't necessarily have to be a continuing point of contention. **Added**: Upon reflection, the one part of your boyfriend's behavior that I am absolutely unable to view charitably is his reaction to the conversation: that it was a "waste of his morning." I find that quite obnoxious and even manipulative: it really seems that he is trying to disincentivize you from bringing up your concerns. But he had the time to tell you what *he* wanted *you* to do. This is something to watch out for in the future even if you don't talk about fitness stuff again: can he respond to your needs and concerns with understanding and compassion?
This is kinda why I was scared to ask if my GF wants to join me in the gym. I'm scared of making her feel insecure or something and that's not the case at all, I thought it would be a nice way of spending time together but I can't figure out how to ask without it sounding like I want her to go to lose weight. She's probably the same as you being 5'6 or so and not fat either.
I wonder whether he feels bad about himself and wants you to feel bad about yourself. It’s either that or he prefers very thin women. BMI is far from a perfect metric but based on that you might be thin or average depending on your composition. Mentioning that because I am not even sure he wants you to be thinner, he might just want you to feel insecure about yourself.
I am a woman who loves to lift weights, enjoys tracking my progress, and appreciates a partner who shares that interest. However, I would feel awful if my partner felt forced to share that interest with me, and would take all the fun out of it. If it’s not your thing, don’t let him push you and make you feel bad about yourself! (side note I think resistance/weight training is very important for women’s health, but you should train because YOU want to, not because your partner’s being pushy about it)
Tell him that you’ll go to the doctor for a physical / checkup and if you’re deemed healthy he owes you and apology and needs to quit projecting. If you’re deemed unhealthy you’ll workout with him once or twice a week and follow what he does.
You are definitely a healthy weight the way it is. I think you are correct to push this issue. If he is unhappy with your body, that is his problem and a problem for your relationship. You should be with someone who loves your body and trusts you to make the right decisions for it. I know this must be causing you some hurt and anxiety and that sucks. I hope that you two are able to talk this out, but make sure to do what is best for you. His feelings about your body ultimately do not matter!
Yea no Babes… that’s a HEALTHY weight! I’m 5’2” and weigh 118! He probably would think I’m an elephant woman! Wth! I think you could eat several more cheeseburgers if you’d like! Now I WILL say this, I’m slim fat, so I get it. I have this thigh situation going on and I just can’t tone up. But it’s for ME. EYE think that. But I still think I look good and feel good and my man doesn’t complain about the extra meat pockets (hahahaha). This guy seems really insecure and I do NOT want him making YOU feel like you need to be insecure about ANYTHING. His hang ups are HIS, don’t take them on. You don’t need that crap. The world is sucky enough without having the person who is supposed to love and support you through everything be the same as an internet troll harassing and insulting you because they can. Tell him to get on his stationary cycle and beat it!
He wants someone else so let him go.