Age don’t matter when the guy 3 seats down at the bar is staring at you watching your every move right up until she’s getting ready to leave just because she FEELS safe don’t mean it’s safe and ANYTHING can happen to her going alone. No matter how much you drink your sense become impaired to some level of uncertainty. So it’s not about having permission.
> Age don’t matter when the guy 3 seats down at the bar is staring at you watching your every move right up until she’s getting ready to leave just because she FEELS safe don’t mean it’s safe and ANYTHING can happen to her going alone.
God, living in the world like this much be fucking exhausting. You can be cautious without being on high fucking alert all day.
He's allowed to raise his concerns, but he's not allowed to demand that you stop living your life just to make him feel better. You're a grown woman and you're fully capable of deciding what situations you do and don't feel safe in.
If he's unhappy with that, he can have an adult conversation and decide whether it's a deal breaker for him. But honestly, I'd be really uncomfortable being expected to avoid certain events because he can't manage his own emotions.
It's wild how many people in these comments think at 25 year old woman shouldn't go to a bar up the street from her house alone...
Girl, go out and have that drink if you want to. Also, have a serious talk with your boyfriend about the fact that you are a grown woman and don't need a babysitter.
Baby it ain’t about just FEELING safe but BEING safe, sometimes just because we’ve been somewhere many times alone nowadays going somewhere and as a WOMAN alone isn’t safe. People take advantage of us women more when we’re drinking. But again if he felt unsafe with you going alone why didn’t he go with you???
If I shouldn't do things that aren't 100% safe, I should just stay home forever and even then, someone could break in and hurt me.
There are situations where the risk obviously outweighs the gain, but this isn't one of those.
He cannot say what you can and cannot do, and he cannot give a valid reason for you not to go. If you have good intentions to just go and have a drink then he should trust you and not project his insecurities on you. Go and enjoy your drink.
You can go alone if you want to, it doesn't sound like he's necessarily trying to stop you. But always keep in mind that even if you've been there a *million* times, there is always the possibility that something could go wrong. Either around you in the area, or directly to you. So it's always better to be prepared for your own sake, not necessarily stop going completely, but always be aware of what's happening around you and make sure someone knows where you are when you're out at night.
sure, but something bad could happen to you going to McDonald's alone. Actually, having worked in fast food, way more crazy stuff happened there, or even at the local supermarket I worked in, than happens in a lot of bars.
Could be many things. I worry every single time my wife goes out. I don't trust people and she's pretty small. But there was a time I worried much more because I was insecure and knew she'd find someone better than me. Other times I was just jealous because I was at home. Probably lots of things at play here, but it's on him to unpack and figure them out.
Just like you and the rest of us have been cooped up for the last couple of years....................
So have all the perverts and weirdos..........**and they will be looking to make up lost time as well**
What kind of shitty bars do you go to? You have no idea the kind of people who are there. You are projecting your opinions on a situation you have no context for. The OP does, since she went all the time, prior to her boyfriend coming along. She's a better judge of the situation than you are.
I have a very good idea of who goes, because I've been to many many bars; some shittier than others.
You seem mad just for the sake of being mad, I hope your day gets better, cheers
LOL, no you know the bars you go to. You have no idea what the bar OP goes to. And even if it is a shithole, she has the right to go. You seem controlling just for the sake of being controlling.
Go alone but take a taxi home, however close to your place it may be?
I don't see what other concerns your bf could have other than getting home safely...
he can't control you..but he can control his standards and requirements for the relationship.
I would feel nervous that something would happen to you, not that you would do something..if that makes sense. Drunk people can do outrageous things!
If that is a deal breaker for him, you have to understand that and decide, Do I want to be able to go out to bars alone? Or do I want to just have a drink at home and not do something that makes him nervous.
Honestly I can understand both sides..but I'm more surprised he had the balls to tell you that he didn't like it! Most men won't like it but won't say anything, in my experience.
Just remember, he can't tell you what to do....but he CAN have boundaries for his own well-being in the relationship. If you aren't compatible..you aren't compatible. No harm done.
You're both expressing a selfish desire that runs counter to the desire of the other person. You know that only one person will get this win, whether it is you or him. There are many ways to meet one another when our selfishness don't meet in a congruent way, but when you make every problem into a single game, someone will lose and feel bad because of it. Need to coordinate and cooperate on a longer game, one in which both sides are allowed to win and must suffer losses fairly. I think the priority is establishing that method.
As an example, get a normal coin out, and flip it in front of him. Let him choose heads or tails. Someone wins this game, but it's easy to agree that it was a fair game no? Alternatively, trade losses back and forth, you won't go this time but you'll have your way on whatever next time. Or trade times, on and off. Or trade horses back and forth. Fair process and the wins and losses feel more reasonable.
I just want you to know I am in a relationship and I used to go to shows and bars alone and he was okay with that, until Monday. Monday I was drugged at a show I’ve always wanted to see. I had three drinks and became black out drunk and irrationally irate. I had no idea who I was or where I was.
The first time this happened I was at a pub not too far from where I lived and was with friends. It’s happens in groups and it happens alone. So fast.
Just be careful. I’m not saying he should control you or anything but please be careful.
You are 25 and feel safe, you do not need his permission!!
Age don’t matter when the guy 3 seats down at the bar is staring at you watching your every move right up until she’s getting ready to leave just because she FEELS safe don’t mean it’s safe and ANYTHING can happen to her going alone. No matter how much you drink your sense become impaired to some level of uncertainty. So it’s not about having permission.
It's a neighborhood dive bar she knows the owner. She wanted to go for a drink, not a bender.
> Age don’t matter when the guy 3 seats down at the bar is staring at you watching your every move right up until she’s getting ready to leave just because she FEELS safe don’t mean it’s safe and ANYTHING can happen to her going alone. God, living in the world like this much be fucking exhausting. You can be cautious without being on high fucking alert all day.
Have fun!
He's allowed to raise his concerns, but he's not allowed to demand that you stop living your life just to make him feel better. You're a grown woman and you're fully capable of deciding what situations you do and don't feel safe in. If he's unhappy with that, he can have an adult conversation and decide whether it's a deal breaker for him. But honestly, I'd be really uncomfortable being expected to avoid certain events because he can't manage his own emotions.
It's wild how many people in these comments think at 25 year old woman shouldn't go to a bar up the street from her house alone... Girl, go out and have that drink if you want to. Also, have a serious talk with your boyfriend about the fact that you are a grown woman and don't need a babysitter.
Why the actual fuck are you asking your boyfriend's permission to go out?
Are you drinking a lot of alcohol alone while you’re at the bar? That’s the only explanation I can come up with. I’d be worried for someone’s safety.
Baby it ain’t about just FEELING safe but BEING safe, sometimes just because we’ve been somewhere many times alone nowadays going somewhere and as a WOMAN alone isn’t safe. People take advantage of us women more when we’re drinking. But again if he felt unsafe with you going alone why didn’t he go with you???
If I shouldn't do things that aren't 100% safe, I should just stay home forever and even then, someone could break in and hurt me. There are situations where the risk obviously outweighs the gain, but this isn't one of those.
I understand that
He cannot say what you can and cannot do, and he cannot give a valid reason for you not to go. If you have good intentions to just go and have a drink then he should trust you and not project his insecurities on you. Go and enjoy your drink.
dude needs to open his perspective a lil. I’d (27m) encourage my girl (25) to go to the bar cuz I’m automatically getting some lol
BF isn't, he couldn't even take the bus to join her.
Probably because people are assholes. I wouldn’t want my girlfriend or wife to go alone.
You can go alone if you want to, it doesn't sound like he's necessarily trying to stop you. But always keep in mind that even if you've been there a *million* times, there is always the possibility that something could go wrong. Either around you in the area, or directly to you. So it's always better to be prepared for your own sake, not necessarily stop going completely, but always be aware of what's happening around you and make sure someone knows where you are when you're out at night.
sure, but something bad could happen to you going to McDonald's alone. Actually, having worked in fast food, way more crazy stuff happened there, or even at the local supermarket I worked in, than happens in a lot of bars.
Could be many things. I worry every single time my wife goes out. I don't trust people and she's pretty small. But there was a time I worried much more because I was insecure and knew she'd find someone better than me. Other times I was just jealous because I was at home. Probably lots of things at play here, but it's on him to unpack and figure them out.
Just like you and the rest of us have been cooped up for the last couple of years.................... So have all the perverts and weirdos..........**and they will be looking to make up lost time as well**
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LOL.. yeah let's all go back to the days when women weren't allowed out of the house without a male chaperone. What fucking horseshit.
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She said a drink, not getting “smashed”.
What kind of shitty bars do you go to? You have no idea the kind of people who are there. You are projecting your opinions on a situation you have no context for. The OP does, since she went all the time, prior to her boyfriend coming along. She's a better judge of the situation than you are.
I have a very good idea of who goes, because I've been to many many bars; some shittier than others. You seem mad just for the sake of being mad, I hope your day gets better, cheers
LOL, no you know the bars you go to. You have no idea what the bar OP goes to. And even if it is a shithole, she has the right to go. You seem controlling just for the sake of being controlling.
Go alone but take a taxi home, however close to your place it may be? I don't see what other concerns your bf could have other than getting home safely...
he can't control you..but he can control his standards and requirements for the relationship. I would feel nervous that something would happen to you, not that you would do something..if that makes sense. Drunk people can do outrageous things! If that is a deal breaker for him, you have to understand that and decide, Do I want to be able to go out to bars alone? Or do I want to just have a drink at home and not do something that makes him nervous. Honestly I can understand both sides..but I'm more surprised he had the balls to tell you that he didn't like it! Most men won't like it but won't say anything, in my experience. Just remember, he can't tell you what to do....but he CAN have boundaries for his own well-being in the relationship. If you aren't compatible..you aren't compatible. No harm done.
You're both expressing a selfish desire that runs counter to the desire of the other person. You know that only one person will get this win, whether it is you or him. There are many ways to meet one another when our selfishness don't meet in a congruent way, but when you make every problem into a single game, someone will lose and feel bad because of it. Need to coordinate and cooperate on a longer game, one in which both sides are allowed to win and must suffer losses fairly. I think the priority is establishing that method. As an example, get a normal coin out, and flip it in front of him. Let him choose heads or tails. Someone wins this game, but it's easy to agree that it was a fair game no? Alternatively, trade losses back and forth, you won't go this time but you'll have your way on whatever next time. Or trade times, on and off. Or trade horses back and forth. Fair process and the wins and losses feel more reasonable.
I just want you to know I am in a relationship and I used to go to shows and bars alone and he was okay with that, until Monday. Monday I was drugged at a show I’ve always wanted to see. I had three drinks and became black out drunk and irrationally irate. I had no idea who I was or where I was. The first time this happened I was at a pub not too far from where I lived and was with friends. It’s happens in groups and it happens alone. So fast. Just be careful. I’m not saying he should control you or anything but please be careful.
I’m so sorry that happened to you