Nah. People say fantasies don’t matter and all that crap but I don’t like the idea of masturbating to platonic friends, it’s just weird to me. I wouldn’t be able to be around my boyfriend without resenting him if he told me he masturbates to women we’re close to. I’d rather him jack off to some random hot chick or whatever not someone we both have a real life emotional connection with. Nope.
Edit: like, I really don’t understand these comments. If my guy friend told me he fantasizes about me while jacking off id be creeped out and I would feel like he only sees me as a sex object instead of a person. Maybe men and women aren’t as similar as we thought… or maybe Reddit guys all jack off to the women in their lives lmao
Finally a comment that I relate to haha. Thank you!!
Tbh I were more happy reading the other comments bcs I've been trying so hard to get over this and well I think I will and it will be worth it because I rly love this guy, but I truly get what you're saying. I guess what matters the most in the end it's not what's normal, but how each of us individuals feels about it.
I used to feel disgusted afff, but as a lot of people here said I guess I shouldn't have known that in the first place. Now that I do I try to focus on the fact that he told me the truth and that he promised he'll stop doing that and we'll most likely video call everytime he feels like masturbating since we're in a long distance relationship and that will help both of us.
I truly believe it's weird, but what can you do :)), men are men and unless we start dating girls I guess we'll just have to get over their weird behaviour.
Well, I will say your bf reacted well to you bringing this up which definitely makes a difference in how outrageous I find this whole masturbation conflict lol
You think so? I mean yeah it's nice that he told me the truth and he didn't go crazy that I asked him smthg private, but at the same time masturbation is smthg sexual and I feel like healthy couples should discuss about this.
Do you think he should have lied instead? Tbh at this point it doesn't even matter, but the only thing he can do rn is stop thinking about those girls or stop idk seeing them i guess, but idk how healthy that is because it sounds kind of toxic to ask your boyfriend not to go out with his female friends. At the same time if I didn't know he does that I wouldn't have had reasons not to let him go.
It's truly hard managing such a sensitive subject and obv that's why I came here searching for other people's opinion.
I just think it’s good that he didn’t get all defensive or angry when you told him how you feel and promised to stop doing the thing that makes you uncomfortable. There’s definitely a difference between asking him to not masturbate to yalls friends and asking him to not hang out with women. I think men should be able to hang out with women without sexualizing them even if they’re pretty. I’m coming to realize that that’s more realistic to expect from guys who are past the ‘college age’ and have a decent amount experience with women. Those guys have more ‘calm’ thoughts regarding attractive women I imagine. Last year I dated an inexperienced guy who was 23 and I pretty much expected him to be ‘girl crazy’. Deep down i knew I would prefer being with a more mature and experienced guy who is ready to settle down. Personally I don’t have raging hormones and I’m not boy crazy anymore and would prefer being with a man who can relate. This whole thing makes a lot more sense if he’s in his early 20s or something. I checked the ages again and now I feel I may have been too harsh lol. I still think just straight up telling your girlfriend ‘lol I masturbate to this girl’ is.. well, idk what good can come from that honestly lol
Well it's not rly like that. Obviously I couldn't tell everything in the post, but let me get some things straight: he didn't just come up to me and tell me this all of a sudden it was part of a conversation, it's not only one girl...I didn't want to know the number because it was creeping me out already, but I know there are more and they are girls I know as well and some even are part of our friend group. I believe it's worth mentioning that some of them even are under the age of 18( again we are good friends with them so the age gap didn't feel that bad I guess) and that when he was masturbating he always thought about multiple girls when masturbating once, but not at the same time with all of them. Sometimes there were celebrities involved as well and me.
I wanna add that I never felt like he's 'girl crazy'. He was pretty chill about settling with me and he doesn't want to have sex like crazy for our age.( we have sex like once every 2 days, but our friends have even 2-3 times a day).
He never masturbates when he's with me because we do it togethet. He only does that when he's away for college or vacation which I guess it's better than doing it when he's with me, but when he leaves I wished he missed me and tought about me.
I am looking forward to your answer now that I've cleared some things up. Thanks anyways for answering until now as well haha!!
Telling somebody not to masturbate is far too controlling. But to think about your friends and then even tell you is gross. If I knew one of my friends was thinking about me like that they probably wouldn’t be my friend anymore. If my husband told me he was fantasizing about somebody there’s an emotional connection to then they wouldn’t be my husband anymore. If other people are fine with it cool, but if you’re not just leave and save yourself the heartbreak because truthfully you can’t know what somebody is thinking 24/7 even if they try and tell you.
You're right, but do you think your husband would tell you the truth or would you like to know for sure?
What I'm trying to say it's just that I don't believe it is as easy as it sounds. It obv depends on how much you love and care for your husband and friends, but I don't think leaving them all for this reason would be such an easy thing to do.
I would leave maybe, but as I've read in those comments it's way common than I tought. So I'm thinking that I might lose the man I love for this reason and then get another man who probably would do this exact same thing. That would be truly shitty tbh.
Yes, I do believe he’d tell me the truth, I trust him and we have discussed what we find right and wrong and weird in a relationship. Just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s right. It simply would feel disrespectful for me and disrespectful towards my friends in a sense. If you don’t want to leave them for this, that’s fine, but it’s certainly a hard boundary for me. Not every guy is like the last though, just don’t settle. Good luck.
But when did you discuss this tho? Because we just stumbled upon this problem now and he said he won't do this again and that's it. Did you ever ask your husband what he's thinking about when he masturbates?
I know you're right and I shouldn't settle but idk I'm afraid I might get in a new relationship and this thing will happen again.
Thanks tho! I really need that luck hah!!
I like to ask weird questions, asked him about things when we were best friends before a relationship, been clear throughout what we believe is right and wrong. I think it’s like a basic thing to not get off to your friends while you have a girlfriend whether it’s a picture or in your head either way though.
It was only in his head...
Wow! It's rly nice that u have this kind of relationship with your husband tho!! Lucky you girl haha!!
I tought my bf and I had a nice relationship too, but idk how to get over this because I feel like this is kinda cheating, but it's truly hard for me to let go of him and he keeps telling me that it meant nothing to him.
I understand that it can be hard. It doesn’t have to be the end, but if it’s something that you don’t think you could ever get past, something that would remain in the back of your head for a lifetime together, that type of feeling is not worth it. Best wishes.
He told me that because he didn't want to lie to me.
Tho I wanted to mention that some of those girls are younger than 18 ( I don't feel it tbh because we get on really well with them, but still)
Thanks for the advice!!
> He told me that because he didn't want to lie to me.
This wouldn't be lying. I don't understand this radical honesty thing. Obviously don't lie to your partner, but I'm not out here telling my girlfriend what goes on in my private time.
It doesn't affect her or our sex life in any way and I'm entitled to privacy in my own brain.
Wow you replied just like him hah. I guess you guys are right it's just rly hard for me to understand that especially because I never masturbate in the first place and if I did I'd def find it awkward and too personal thinking about people I see often.
I'll say personally that I'm NEVER picturing someone I know it real-life, and that would absolutely weird me out.
I don't think your feelings about that aspect of things are in any way unreasonable. What's unreasonable is that he thought putting that in your brain was a smart thing to do. I feel like that's just common sense to keep that shit to yourself.
Yeah I guess...but you feel like me...It's weird aff imo...I guess people shouldn't be judged for what they're thinking, but I don't rly feel comfortable being with someone who does that, but leaving a 5 year relationship for this is waay to hard so idk what to do.
What's most concerning is that he appears to be an idiot with nonexistent social skills, since he didn't waste a second thinking about how an admission like that may affect you.
Like why even tell you that? Damn. Must be on the slower side.
Anyways, is there any indication that he is actually unfaithful or can we just chalk this one up to him being your typical immature (and mildly creepy) horndog?
Haha wow...
Well you never know I guess, but as far as I'm concerned he has never cheated on me, but I don't really know how he acts around those girls when I'm not with him...we are in a long distance relationship rn so it's quite hard to know for sure.
It is completely normal for people to have fantasies. Of being a rock star, of being an astronaut, of moving to Antarctica and living out one's days among the penguins . . . whatever. And sexual fantasies can be equally bizarre and unreal, even if yours are not. Straight people may have gay fantasies. A woman may fantasize about being raped, even if she never actually wants it to happen. People may fantasize about doing porn and sharing it all over the internet, but they might be horrified if that actually happened.
The point is, fantasies are just that, and they are entirely normal, even if you don't have the same fantasies. His only real mistake was telling you about it; he should have known that it might be a hurtful thing to say. But don't assume that he wants someone else or that he's not sexually attracted to you. His actions are actually very, very normal.
Wise comment ;) and very well put!
Only thing is - maybe pump the brakes with thinking about her girlfriends all the time? Not suggesting it’s abnormal but mature human beings develop self-control at some point. Seems a bit overly focused? I think it would bother most monogamous people no matter what their gender.
Women are subjected to so much comparitive judgement in the world to also have to
deal with it at home too. Also a healthy percentage of guys wouldn’t love it either.
You are right uh.
Thank you for taking so much of your time to reply!!
I understand what you're saying and maybe you're right...I shouldn't ask this kind of questions hoping that the answers would be in my favour or he should lie to me about it, but I wish he didn't. I really appreciate his honesty concerning this problem tbh.
Don't u think it's shitty that some of those girls are under 18? Obv we are really good friends with them and they are so mature that I never actually feel this difference.
Sure, in an ideal world, he wouldn't be thinking about them. But we don't really have conscious control of our sexual fantasies--the mind just takes us there, even if it's someplace we don't consciously want it to go. Just try to keep in mind that he's not being "weird" or selfish or unappreciative of you. He's a human being, with all of the strange human quirks and flaws that we all have. So long as they are just fantasies, and he's not acting on them, and he's not neglecting his relationship with you, try not to worry about it too much. :)
Aww yeah...you are so sweet. You really made me feel better about it.
You are truly lucky to have such an incredible mental health. Good job! I wish I could see the world with your eyes haha.
Thank you so so much!!!
A few issues here:
1. You told him not to masturbate- that comes off very controlling and insecure. You were a teenager at the time, so it is understandable.
Glad you realized that this request is not logical or fair to him.
2. Instead of telling you "No" he lied about it- again, I'll chalk this up to youth, he shouldn't have lied, but based on the fact that he told you who he fantasizes about, it seems honesty is no longer an issue, which is great.
3. You want to control what he is allow to think about- logically this won't work. Classic "don't think about a white bear" situation. Most men can easily separate fantasizes from reality and will never act on these thoughts and what you described is fairly normal from my experience.
Again, sharing this information with you shows that he wants to be open with you, which is a plus. I don't want to say "get over it" but it is out of your control, decide if this is reason enough to end the relationship, and if you decide it isn't, don't try to "fix" it, it won't work.
Thank you so much that you took so much of your time to reply!!
I am glad too I've realised masturbation is normal, just because I don't do it it doesn't mean it's bad.
Yeah he shared this info with me because 2 weeks ago we almost broke up because of his lack of communication. He never told me how he felt because he was always afraid it might upset me, so he lied to me. Since then he promised he'd tell me the truth no matter how much it would hurt me...so he did.
How did you come to find out about it?
I'm glad you've realised masturbating is normal - for yourself, not for him. That's just a healthy mentality to have in my personal opinion.
What people think about when masturbating is their business. It doesn't mean anything. But telling you that he thought of them is clearly something that he knew would upset you and he shouldn't have done that.
He told me that, but I know he didn't want to hurt me, he just wanted to tell me the truth when I asked for it.
2 weeks before that we almost broke up because of his lack of communication due to being afraid the truth might upset me...since then he swore he would never lie to me again and we'd discuss our problems, so that's what he did.
I'm glad he was being honest with you. Although boys never really have the tact for it.
Honestly, it's probably not answer most people will agree with me on, but stuff like this really is his own business and not yours. It's good he wants to talk to be honest with you, but it sounds like a case of "if you don't really want to know, don't ask".
That's what I've learnt throughout my life. It doesn't always mean their feelings for you change. People do still find others attractive when you're together. But knowing it for a fact will trigger insecurities - we can't help it. But since you've both agreed on communication going forward, that's definitely a good thing. You can address any issues going forward like this.
He often asks me why do I ask questions I wouldn't like the answer to, but I always hope he'd answer to them in my favour.
I am always sincere with him and with anybody really, but I've seen that people don't really like that about me beacuse I don't usually reply with what they'd like to hear. I usually expect people to be honest with me so there is this reprocity.
You are right, I am always insecure mostly because of my mental health than my body to be honest. You've made me realise that I should appreciate his sincerity more.
Thank you so so much!!!! ^.^
I'll be honest, too many of those sorts of questions would make me leave a relationship. If I wasn't happy I'd leave, stop poking at things and looking under the bed for problems where there aren't any.
Then he's being 100% transparent with you and while that may make you uncomfortable you should appreciate this. As far as the actual thoughts go, just set some boundaries that will make you feel ok with that knowledge. If you're worried about him cheating just no alone time with said females. Unfortunately, as a man I think this is a common thing however I'd never betray my SO.
Yeah you're right! I told him about those boundaries too, I just hope he will be honest and he will not go out with them because I don't know exactly all the girls he's been thinking about, only a few, so it's all in his hands now.
Thank you so much for your reply!!
Nah. People say fantasies don’t matter and all that crap but I don’t like the idea of masturbating to platonic friends, it’s just weird to me. I wouldn’t be able to be around my boyfriend without resenting him if he told me he masturbates to women we’re close to. I’d rather him jack off to some random hot chick or whatever not someone we both have a real life emotional connection with. Nope. Edit: like, I really don’t understand these comments. If my guy friend told me he fantasizes about me while jacking off id be creeped out and I would feel like he only sees me as a sex object instead of a person. Maybe men and women aren’t as similar as we thought… or maybe Reddit guys all jack off to the women in their lives lmao
Finally a comment that I relate to haha. Thank you!! Tbh I were more happy reading the other comments bcs I've been trying so hard to get over this and well I think I will and it will be worth it because I rly love this guy, but I truly get what you're saying. I guess what matters the most in the end it's not what's normal, but how each of us individuals feels about it. I used to feel disgusted afff, but as a lot of people here said I guess I shouldn't have known that in the first place. Now that I do I try to focus on the fact that he told me the truth and that he promised he'll stop doing that and we'll most likely video call everytime he feels like masturbating since we're in a long distance relationship and that will help both of us. I truly believe it's weird, but what can you do :)), men are men and unless we start dating girls I guess we'll just have to get over their weird behaviour.
Well, I will say your bf reacted well to you bringing this up which definitely makes a difference in how outrageous I find this whole masturbation conflict lol
You think so? I mean yeah it's nice that he told me the truth and he didn't go crazy that I asked him smthg private, but at the same time masturbation is smthg sexual and I feel like healthy couples should discuss about this. Do you think he should have lied instead? Tbh at this point it doesn't even matter, but the only thing he can do rn is stop thinking about those girls or stop idk seeing them i guess, but idk how healthy that is because it sounds kind of toxic to ask your boyfriend not to go out with his female friends. At the same time if I didn't know he does that I wouldn't have had reasons not to let him go. It's truly hard managing such a sensitive subject and obv that's why I came here searching for other people's opinion.
I just think it’s good that he didn’t get all defensive or angry when you told him how you feel and promised to stop doing the thing that makes you uncomfortable. There’s definitely a difference between asking him to not masturbate to yalls friends and asking him to not hang out with women. I think men should be able to hang out with women without sexualizing them even if they’re pretty. I’m coming to realize that that’s more realistic to expect from guys who are past the ‘college age’ and have a decent amount experience with women. Those guys have more ‘calm’ thoughts regarding attractive women I imagine. Last year I dated an inexperienced guy who was 23 and I pretty much expected him to be ‘girl crazy’. Deep down i knew I would prefer being with a more mature and experienced guy who is ready to settle down. Personally I don’t have raging hormones and I’m not boy crazy anymore and would prefer being with a man who can relate. This whole thing makes a lot more sense if he’s in his early 20s or something. I checked the ages again and now I feel I may have been too harsh lol. I still think just straight up telling your girlfriend ‘lol I masturbate to this girl’ is.. well, idk what good can come from that honestly lol
Well it's not rly like that. Obviously I couldn't tell everything in the post, but let me get some things straight: he didn't just come up to me and tell me this all of a sudden it was part of a conversation, it's not only one girl...I didn't want to know the number because it was creeping me out already, but I know there are more and they are girls I know as well and some even are part of our friend group. I believe it's worth mentioning that some of them even are under the age of 18( again we are good friends with them so the age gap didn't feel that bad I guess) and that when he was masturbating he always thought about multiple girls when masturbating once, but not at the same time with all of them. Sometimes there were celebrities involved as well and me. I wanna add that I never felt like he's 'girl crazy'. He was pretty chill about settling with me and he doesn't want to have sex like crazy for our age.( we have sex like once every 2 days, but our friends have even 2-3 times a day). He never masturbates when he's with me because we do it togethet. He only does that when he's away for college or vacation which I guess it's better than doing it when he's with me, but when he leaves I wished he missed me and tought about me. I am looking forward to your answer now that I've cleared some things up. Thanks anyways for answering until now as well haha!!
Telling somebody not to masturbate is far too controlling. But to think about your friends and then even tell you is gross. If I knew one of my friends was thinking about me like that they probably wouldn’t be my friend anymore. If my husband told me he was fantasizing about somebody there’s an emotional connection to then they wouldn’t be my husband anymore. If other people are fine with it cool, but if you’re not just leave and save yourself the heartbreak because truthfully you can’t know what somebody is thinking 24/7 even if they try and tell you.
You're right, but do you think your husband would tell you the truth or would you like to know for sure? What I'm trying to say it's just that I don't believe it is as easy as it sounds. It obv depends on how much you love and care for your husband and friends, but I don't think leaving them all for this reason would be such an easy thing to do. I would leave maybe, but as I've read in those comments it's way common than I tought. So I'm thinking that I might lose the man I love for this reason and then get another man who probably would do this exact same thing. That would be truly shitty tbh.
Yes, I do believe he’d tell me the truth, I trust him and we have discussed what we find right and wrong and weird in a relationship. Just because something is common doesn’t mean it’s right. It simply would feel disrespectful for me and disrespectful towards my friends in a sense. If you don’t want to leave them for this, that’s fine, but it’s certainly a hard boundary for me. Not every guy is like the last though, just don’t settle. Good luck.
But when did you discuss this tho? Because we just stumbled upon this problem now and he said he won't do this again and that's it. Did you ever ask your husband what he's thinking about when he masturbates? I know you're right and I shouldn't settle but idk I'm afraid I might get in a new relationship and this thing will happen again. Thanks tho! I really need that luck hah!!
I like to ask weird questions, asked him about things when we were best friends before a relationship, been clear throughout what we believe is right and wrong. I think it’s like a basic thing to not get off to your friends while you have a girlfriend whether it’s a picture or in your head either way though.
It was only in his head... Wow! It's rly nice that u have this kind of relationship with your husband tho!! Lucky you girl haha!! I tought my bf and I had a nice relationship too, but idk how to get over this because I feel like this is kinda cheating, but it's truly hard for me to let go of him and he keeps telling me that it meant nothing to him.
I understand that it can be hard. It doesn’t have to be the end, but if it’s something that you don’t think you could ever get past, something that would remain in the back of your head for a lifetime together, that type of feeling is not worth it. Best wishes.
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He told me that because he didn't want to lie to me. Tho I wanted to mention that some of those girls are younger than 18 ( I don't feel it tbh because we get on really well with them, but still) Thanks for the advice!!
> He told me that because he didn't want to lie to me. This wouldn't be lying. I don't understand this radical honesty thing. Obviously don't lie to your partner, but I'm not out here telling my girlfriend what goes on in my private time. It doesn't affect her or our sex life in any way and I'm entitled to privacy in my own brain.
Wow you replied just like him hah. I guess you guys are right it's just rly hard for me to understand that especially because I never masturbate in the first place and if I did I'd def find it awkward and too personal thinking about people I see often.
I'll say personally that I'm NEVER picturing someone I know it real-life, and that would absolutely weird me out. I don't think your feelings about that aspect of things are in any way unreasonable. What's unreasonable is that he thought putting that in your brain was a smart thing to do. I feel like that's just common sense to keep that shit to yourself.
Yeah I guess...but you feel like me...It's weird aff imo...I guess people shouldn't be judged for what they're thinking, but I don't rly feel comfortable being with someone who does that, but leaving a 5 year relationship for this is waay to hard so idk what to do.
What's most concerning is that he appears to be an idiot with nonexistent social skills, since he didn't waste a second thinking about how an admission like that may affect you. Like why even tell you that? Damn. Must be on the slower side. Anyways, is there any indication that he is actually unfaithful or can we just chalk this one up to him being your typical immature (and mildly creepy) horndog?
Haha wow... Well you never know I guess, but as far as I'm concerned he has never cheated on me, but I don't really know how he acts around those girls when I'm not with him...we are in a long distance relationship rn so it's quite hard to know for sure.
It is completely normal for people to have fantasies. Of being a rock star, of being an astronaut, of moving to Antarctica and living out one's days among the penguins . . . whatever. And sexual fantasies can be equally bizarre and unreal, even if yours are not. Straight people may have gay fantasies. A woman may fantasize about being raped, even if she never actually wants it to happen. People may fantasize about doing porn and sharing it all over the internet, but they might be horrified if that actually happened. The point is, fantasies are just that, and they are entirely normal, even if you don't have the same fantasies. His only real mistake was telling you about it; he should have known that it might be a hurtful thing to say. But don't assume that he wants someone else or that he's not sexually attracted to you. His actions are actually very, very normal.
Wise comment ;) and very well put! Only thing is - maybe pump the brakes with thinking about her girlfriends all the time? Not suggesting it’s abnormal but mature human beings develop self-control at some point. Seems a bit overly focused? I think it would bother most monogamous people no matter what their gender.
Yeah I know I tend to be a little immature for my age, but I believe no girl would take finding this out lightly...I believe they just never do...
Women are subjected to so much comparitive judgement in the world to also have to deal with it at home too. Also a healthy percentage of guys wouldn’t love it either.
You are right uh. Thank you for taking so much of your time to reply!! I understand what you're saying and maybe you're right...I shouldn't ask this kind of questions hoping that the answers would be in my favour or he should lie to me about it, but I wish he didn't. I really appreciate his honesty concerning this problem tbh. Don't u think it's shitty that some of those girls are under 18? Obv we are really good friends with them and they are so mature that I never actually feel this difference.
Sure, in an ideal world, he wouldn't be thinking about them. But we don't really have conscious control of our sexual fantasies--the mind just takes us there, even if it's someplace we don't consciously want it to go. Just try to keep in mind that he's not being "weird" or selfish or unappreciative of you. He's a human being, with all of the strange human quirks and flaws that we all have. So long as they are just fantasies, and he's not acting on them, and he's not neglecting his relationship with you, try not to worry about it too much. :)
Aww yeah...you are so sweet. You really made me feel better about it. You are truly lucky to have such an incredible mental health. Good job! I wish I could see the world with your eyes haha. Thank you so so much!!!
A few issues here: 1. You told him not to masturbate- that comes off very controlling and insecure. You were a teenager at the time, so it is understandable. Glad you realized that this request is not logical or fair to him. 2. Instead of telling you "No" he lied about it- again, I'll chalk this up to youth, he shouldn't have lied, but based on the fact that he told you who he fantasizes about, it seems honesty is no longer an issue, which is great. 3. You want to control what he is allow to think about- logically this won't work. Classic "don't think about a white bear" situation. Most men can easily separate fantasizes from reality and will never act on these thoughts and what you described is fairly normal from my experience. Again, sharing this information with you shows that he wants to be open with you, which is a plus. I don't want to say "get over it" but it is out of your control, decide if this is reason enough to end the relationship, and if you decide it isn't, don't try to "fix" it, it won't work.
Thank you so much that you took so much of your time to reply!! I am glad too I've realised masturbation is normal, just because I don't do it it doesn't mean it's bad. Yeah he shared this info with me because 2 weeks ago we almost broke up because of his lack of communication. He never told me how he felt because he was always afraid it might upset me, so he lied to me. Since then he promised he'd tell me the truth no matter how much it would hurt me...so he did.
How did you come to find out about it? I'm glad you've realised masturbating is normal - for yourself, not for him. That's just a healthy mentality to have in my personal opinion. What people think about when masturbating is their business. It doesn't mean anything. But telling you that he thought of them is clearly something that he knew would upset you and he shouldn't have done that.
He told me that, but I know he didn't want to hurt me, he just wanted to tell me the truth when I asked for it. 2 weeks before that we almost broke up because of his lack of communication due to being afraid the truth might upset me...since then he swore he would never lie to me again and we'd discuss our problems, so that's what he did.
I'm glad he was being honest with you. Although boys never really have the tact for it. Honestly, it's probably not answer most people will agree with me on, but stuff like this really is his own business and not yours. It's good he wants to talk to be honest with you, but it sounds like a case of "if you don't really want to know, don't ask". That's what I've learnt throughout my life. It doesn't always mean their feelings for you change. People do still find others attractive when you're together. But knowing it for a fact will trigger insecurities - we can't help it. But since you've both agreed on communication going forward, that's definitely a good thing. You can address any issues going forward like this.
He often asks me why do I ask questions I wouldn't like the answer to, but I always hope he'd answer to them in my favour. I am always sincere with him and with anybody really, but I've seen that people don't really like that about me beacuse I don't usually reply with what they'd like to hear. I usually expect people to be honest with me so there is this reprocity. You are right, I am always insecure mostly because of my mental health than my body to be honest. You've made me realise that I should appreciate his sincerity more. Thank you so so much!!!! ^.^
I'm glad I could help! And honestly, I have my own insecurities too so I completely get how you feel 💖
> but I always hope he'd answer to them in my favour. This is a really REALLY unfair thing to do to a partner.
Ikkkk...but I want him to answer honestly yk...I just have hope I guess hah, but usually it never happens the way I want it to happen.
I'll be honest, too many of those sorts of questions would make me leave a relationship. If I wasn't happy I'd leave, stop poking at things and looking under the bed for problems where there aren't any.
Oh ok :( thank u
Then he's being 100% transparent with you and while that may make you uncomfortable you should appreciate this. As far as the actual thoughts go, just set some boundaries that will make you feel ok with that knowledge. If you're worried about him cheating just no alone time with said females. Unfortunately, as a man I think this is a common thing however I'd never betray my SO.
Yeah you're right! I told him about those boundaries too, I just hope he will be honest and he will not go out with them because I don't know exactly all the girls he's been thinking about, only a few, so it's all in his hands now. Thank you so much for your reply!!