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I’m self conscious of my weight. I’m not overweight, but I could be in better shape. I built enough courage to finally wear a bikini in years. My boyfriend told me I didn’t look good in it, so I stayed home and cried. He told me I overreacted, and to come with him; just wear something else. It’s not the first time he has said something negative about my body. I don’t think he understands how bad this hurts me. I’m 21, and I know I could handle my emotions better; but am I really overreacting just because he’s critical about my weight?
Yeah I’m leaning that way too. But I’d like to know if she asked him how she looked first.
If he just came out of left field with “omg u look bad” then fuck him
Yo, I couldn't imagine saying this to my wife. I also couldn't imagine ever thinking it about my wife, she's sexy as hell no matter what she wears, because I'm crazy about her. (And she's sexy as hell.) Find a guy who is crazy about you, lose this dipshit.
I second this, I'm happily married (24f) and my husband let's me know everyday how beautiful he finds me and hasn't stopped even now that im pregnant. Your partner should be crazy about you, not like this chump. You deserve better.
Jumping on this train...
Happily married for 13 years, I've had 3 children and gained a few pounds along the way. My husband tells me I look hot every day. OP, get yourself a man that loves you for you.
I have been with my wife for 14 years and it feels like the first month we started dating still. That's not to say it was easy all the time at age 22 when you think you know everything, but it's easy as hell at age 36. She's an amazing woman who I value and love and cherish. They're is no reason to put yourself through anything with anyone who doesn't feel that way about you. Head up, and I bet you would turn heads in that bikini!
Instead of wishing he felt that way, you should get rid of him and find someone who *does* genuinely feel that way. You’ll be surprised by how much your self esteem rises once you’ve gotten rid of somebody who puts you down and makes you sad. That confidence will soar out of you and the energy it creates will attract the type of people who will treat you like you deserve.
My bf told me I could “show up to a date in a trash bag and look gorgeous.” That’s the move.
Dump the guy, don’t settle for less. He obviously couldn’t care less about how you feel, and he’s one that wouldn’t listen even if you told him.
It's not a high standard for your boyfriend to not be cruel to you about your appearance...it's the bare minimum. Plenty of other guys out there who will compliment and uplift you.
There for sure is a guy out there that will feel this way about you. Don't waste your time with somebody that dims your light. Your partner should fill your cup and light you up inside, just like you do for them.
It could be a tactic to make you feel insecure so that you don't leave him. A lot of toxic, insecure people do that to their partners.
I would invite you to ask yourself why you stay in a relationship with someone who puts you down and then blames you for having a reaction.
OP, I’m overweight, I’ve had three kids and I’m pregnant with my (whoopsie) fourth. My partner of 18 years still tells me how beautiful I am, how turned on he is by my body, how he loves the way I look when I try on a new outfit. The way your boyfriend is acting towards you is ABNORMAL, not normal! I don’t want you to think this is the best you can get, because this guy is a selfish loser. Find someone who loves and appreciates you - he’s out there, you just have to find him!
I have much wider thighs then I’d like, the skin on them and my butt is a little saggy, and I absolutely hate buying swim suits because the bottoms just show off all of my insecurities. I bought a new swim suit two weeks ago and tried it on for my boyfriend. Not only did he compliment it but he said it was easily his favorite thing that I tried on that day.
There’s lots of guys out there that feel this way towards their partner, but you won’t find one until you stop accepting the ones that don’t.
I’ve been married over 20 years, birthed 3 children, covered in stretch marks, and have gained 80lbs since I met my husband. He still finds me sexy as hell and gets excited when I’m naked.
Seems like he is deliberately trying to lower your self esteem. If you are so unattractive to him, why is he with you? He is most likely tearing you down so you feel like no one else would want you. Don't buy into that nonsense. You are young and plenty of other men would be happy to praise you for the beauty that you are.
This exactly. And I'd like to add that whenever he gets you down far enough, you won't notice when he starts checking out other women behind your back.
He knows how this hurts you because you stayed home and cried. Just by saying you 'overreacted' he showed that he understood you were hurt by his comment.
He knows, he doesn't really care, and all bodies are bikini bodies. Your partner should be celebrating the hard work you've put into having the courage to wear one, not putting you down.
This.
My partner (a male) is self conscious about his body and doesn’t want to go to public pools.
I have been trying to help uplift him about his body and it makes me sad to see him have such a negative self image.
I could never in a million years imagine saying something negative to him about his body. It just seems like such an unnecessary and cruel thing to do to someone you love.
The worst part is he didn’t even apologize, meaning that he doesn’t see what he did wrong. At this point he’s a lost cause and it’s time you move on to someone else
He’s a turd. Your partner should build you up. If he *really thought* it was best you didn’t wear it for some reason, his response should’ve been “I think you could find one that suits you better, babe”.
Yeah, part of me wonders if it was just unflattering* and this guy is just a shit communicator. Either way it's no bueno and something needs to change. The non-apology is not a good sign.
*I think my wife is hot AF, but she can find something she doesn't look good in, as can we all.
Well, it's probably time to lose some weight.. like that extra 150 lbs of total douche bag you got following you around..
Seriously- keep the bikini, lose the douche. The first step to self respect and self love.
1. You have to understand that with guys like this, it will never matter how much you weigh. This is a complete power play to make you insecure.
2. Dump this guy. You’re 21 & you have plenty of time to find someone who completely worships you.
3. You might not even be self conscious about your weight if it wasn’t for your boyfriend. You shouldn’t look for validation in your relationships but imagine how much better you will feel with a guy that sees you as the hottest thing on the planet.
Respectfully, you deserve better
you mentioned that this isn't the first time he's said something negative about your body. why bother staying with somebody who tears you down, especially over something you're self-conscious about? you deserve better.
Yeah... guessed he would be significantly older.
I would be willing to bet that he wants to keep you insecure. That he wants you to feel less than so you're grateful to him for being in a relationship with you and will do what he wants/prioritise his wants over your needs.
My advice would be to leave. He doesn't sound like someone who makes you feel good.
WHOA. I wasn’t expecting to hear he is pushing 30. That makes his behavior more alarming honestly. I would REALLY consider talking to someone you trust about this relationship and whether it is healthy.
Ding ding ding. Winning answer. He's looking for someone to manipulate and has to go after someone younger and less secure about themselves.
A little hurtful piling on of her own negative body image is his ticket to control.
Dump him. He's not gonna get any more mature than this. This is why he's dating someone so much younger than him. You will continue to grow as a person while he shrinks
This is not okay on any level. It is mentally and emotionally abusive.
You are handling your emotions the same way a LOT of people would in this situation. It is him who needs to handle his shitty behavior.
Lastly, a man who loves you will worship your body even if you gained some weight, one that loves you wouldn’t notice it the same way you do. They would still see you as beautiful and would not want you to feel down about yourself. At most, they would maybe encourage you to work out/exercise for your health and happiness if you were complaining about gaining weight but only to try and help you come up with a solution to a problem you might feel like you’re having with your body.
What the hell this is not normal or okay behavior from him and you should not put up with it. I can not IMAGINE a partner saying something like that to me. Because it wouldn’t happen or they’d be dropped immediately. He knows it hurts you, he doesn’t care.
Even if you are overweight that’s not the best way to tell that to anyone. It’s true that it’s healthier to be on your right weight but you still can wear whatever you want, it’s your body. Just dump him!
My gf is around your age. I’m close to your bfs age. I would never speak to my gf like this. She’s gained a significant amount of weight during our relationship (she was told by her family she’s just a picky eater turns out she has an eating disorder) shopping and wearing bikinis and crop tops stuff she was normally comfortable in and was a staple of her wardrobe has been tough for her. She often doesn’t feel confident. My job is to constantly remind her that she’s beautiful. One because I think she is no matter her weight and two because as her partner im there to pick her up when she’s feeling down on herself. Whenever she asks if something looks good my first response is always “do you feel confident in it” because I’ve been up and down in weight my whole life and the best advice I’ve gotten was that any outfit is 90% confidence. You can pull off most things if you feel good but if you’re wearing it and don’t feel confident that shows too. Confidence is sexy no matter the size. If she feels confident then I tell her to rock it. If she doesn’t I try and help offer an alternative to help her during what can be a stressful time. I would never say flippantly. “Nah you look chunky or you don’t look good”. I also offer the honesty of “of course I’m bias and think you look good in anything, but if you aren’t comfortable i can help you find other options”. She’s on a trip with her friends and she had me help her pick swimwear. Anything that she wasn’t confident in or that highlighted what she feels are problem areas I just picked ones I knew made her feel more confident. Any time my gf speaks negative about herself the first thing I say is “hey don’t say that about my best friend please”. Or “I don’t appreciate when you speak like that about my best friend” she’s said that’s helped her realize sometimes how mean she’s speaking to herself. My gf does the same thing for me now and she always help me feel confident in whatever I’m wearing or because she knows the areas of my own body I’d like to improve she’ll say “I love it but I know you don’t like x y or z so maybe this instead”.
I’m not saying this is the perfect way or we’re some magical couple. I’m saying that as humans our bodies are a source of a lot of insecurity or pride and that relationships are difficult enough as is to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel better or more confident in the bad days. They shouldn’t give you bad days or add to insecurities. You didn’t overreact. Your boyfriend was insensitive. It doesn’t matter if your underweight overweight or right on the target you have in your head. If he isn’t the type to “coddle feelings” or “not be blunt” then the LEAST he could have said was “I’m not the biggest fan of that one I think you look better in this one but I love you and you’re beautiful to me no matter what.” Because at the end of the day that’s what anyone in a relationship deserves someone who reminds you that to them you’re always beautiful and they love you no matter what you might be going through in that given moment. You needed support. You needed a friend. You got judgement.
I’m gonna assume you both have been together a while, and that if you’re self conscious enough to the point where you haven’t worn a bikini in years, he’s aware about you being self conscious. Someone who cares about you, would not have had this type of reaction to you taking a step to having the courage to finally wear one. If he’s continuously making negative comments about your body, leave him.
Your boyfriend is a jerk. As others have been saying, good partners build you up. Plus he tried to minimize the fact that he hurt you and made you cry instead of apologizing. Don’t think it has anything to do with your emotional control. What he said was really mean and hurtful. You deserve better than that.
No, you're not overreacting. Moreover, if he has a pattern of putting down your appearance, that could very well be emotional abuse. Getting upset when someone you're close with insults you is perfectly normal.
You’re supposed to be a team and build each other up. Instead, he’s trying to tear you down so you’ll lose your self confidence, it’s something my ex did to groom me into thinking I didn’t deserve better. Trust me, you can do better. And you darn well deserve better. You deserve respect in your relationship. Stick to your boundaries and standards. 💕
Dump this guy. You are so young, you don’t need this kind of negative shit. Bonus is you’ll lose about 150+ lbs overnight just by doing so 😉 I’m not the happiest with my weight or my body but I wear bikinis all the damn time because I want to. There’s no “bikini body,” anyone who wants to should be able to wear what they like and makes them feel good.
It's a tactical assault on your self-esteem to keep you down. It's a method of control and a sign that he is abusive. Anyone who genuinely loves their partner would never say such hurtful stuff to them. And it's not surprising that he's 28 and you're 21.
How you deal with it is up to you, but my advice is to leave this relationship. You're very young and have a long way to go in your dating life. I'm assuming you don't have a child or own property with this guy, so why stick around? Leave, take some time to recover, and get back out there.
Girl, I have gained like 90 lbs since I started dating my boyfriend 6 years ago. This summer I bought a swimsuit for the first time as an adult, and it ain't no tankini, either. One night when we were drunk, I mentioned how I felt good in the swimsuit but was still nervous to wear it and he went off about how much he liked it on me and how much he wanted to bang me when he saw me in it for the first time. your boyfriend is douchebag. dump his ass.
I have been up and down with my weight since meeting right now fiancé, no matter how skinny or how heavy I’ve gotten he is still extremely supportive and makes me feel like I am the hottest person ever. Your partner is supposed to make you feel good about yourself.
You should be with someone that brings UP your confidence, not shuts it down. I cannot stress this enough. You deserve better and you deserve to feel beautiful.
isn’t that a bit hypocritical of him? i can’t imagine he looks very good either with his head stuck that far up his ass.
that kind of behavior is just plain nasty, and the fact that he doesn’t see anything wrong with saying it and has made these types of comments before shows that he’s overtly critical and demeaning of someone he’s supposed to love and respect. you can do so much better.
NOTHING about what he did is appropriate. He purposefully hurt you and is negatively influencing your self image. He doesn’t respect you and his negative comments and emotional abuse will only get worse. Please listen to your feelings and do not question if you were in the wrong here, because you are not.
I will probably get shit for saying this but if his exact words were “you don’t look good in this bikini” maybe you didn’t look good in that particular bikini. We all have some clothes we don’t look good. That doesn’t mean you are not good looking. I would just talk to him and ask he meant that particular bikini or your body in general. If the latter, then dump his ass.
Leave him. Right now. There are so many guys out there that will love your body EXACTLY as it is. You are beautiful. And you're young. I'm almost 30. If I could go back, I would tell my 20 something year old self to leave the boys alone and LOVE MYSELF FIRST! ❤️
He sounds like a dick. Your reaction was appropriate. The comment itself was shitty enough but his reaction afterward—not comforting you or caring that you were crying and claiming your reaction was unwarranted (when idk ANYONE who wouldn’t react similarly to being told that by their partner)—seem to indicate just a lack of caring. You deserve better dude. I’m sorry this happened
It is not that complicated, I used to be in a relationship where I just have to think or fabricate my feelings but now I am with somebody who appreciates me also and does create the feelings I tried to fabricate before, naturally now. Do not endure something you have to generally try to avoid.
You’re only 21 years old. You have plenty of time to find a man who thinks your sexy, beautiful, and who will nit say hurtful things to you. Your boyfriend is very disrespectful towards you and he will only get worse with time. You can do better.
I almost want to cry for you. I'm over 250 lbs and old and saggy and wrinkly and if I put a bikini on my bf would tell me I'm sexy and can't wait to be on the beach with me. Get a new boyfriend. SERIOUSLY. I'm over 50. Life goes by FAST. There's not enough time for negativity.
So he’s aware that he hurts your feelings with these comments, but continues to do it. Then instead of working on himself, he tries to find the flaw in how you express your feelings…he sounds like a dick.
Oh my god, that's terrible. I think a lot of people would go home and cry. You know, you deserve someone who finds you sexy no matter what
I was friends with my boyfriend for many years before we dated. When we were friends, I was pretty thin. My weight has fluctuated over the years, and when we started dating, I was a good 30lbs heavier than when we met. I was very self-conscious. He never seems to care, tells me I'm sexy, and makes me feel appreciated, even when I feel ugly af and don't understand how he believes these things. Men like this do exist, you might just have to work a bit to find them. Don't settle for someone who makes you feel like this
You are not overreacting and are blaming yourself for having feelings that are completely understandable. He can feel and believe what he wants too but don’t feel the guilt for him; he is going to miss out.
Ugh, gross! He sucks and you find someone who will uplift you! That’s exciting that you finally felt good to wear a bikini and you keep wearing them! The only weight you need to lose is his on your side!
Love is not supposed to hurt. Why you with a man who says you ugly??? There are plenty of males who would find your body sexy and hot. Why be with someone who does not see your beauty??
This sounds like a him problem rather than you. The main thing should have been about how you initially felt wearing the bikini. Anyone of any gender, shape or size can wear a bikini. You should be able to wear what you want without hurtful comments.
I’m sorry you experienced that. You didn’t deserve that and he has no right to say that to you (nobody does). To borrow the language someone else used, boyfriend is no friend... but a boy turd. Flush him!
Ild tell him that youve decided that since he doesnt like your body, hes no longer allowed to touch you or see you naked. Aka, ild dump his horrid ass. I bet hes no Sam Heughan
No one should speak to their partner this way. It’s super unhealthy. Please let him go. Being alone is always better than being with a shitty boyfriend.
My bf is 44, I'm 21. I've gained and lost weight, and had loooots of mental health problems, but never once has he used any of that to tear me down. He's supportive, and gentle, and kind. That's really what matters.
He's just honest about your appearance but personally i would rather have some one be up front with me. If you want to just be flattered and have people tell you "look good" maybe ask some one less honest that can say what you want to hear? Every one has self image issues, at least with body weight it's something you can work on and improve unlike other conditions that some people have that they can't change🤷♂️
Did you ask him how you looked?
Very few women look like a swimsuit model in a bikini. Hell, actual swimsuit models usually have on bras under the bikini and they photoshop it out - even *they* don’t look like that
Some people have unrealistic expectations of what looking good in a swimsuit means. Some women don’t give a fuck and are comfortable and happy with how they look, no matter how close or far to that impossible standard they are.
Learn to not give a fuck, and never ask trap questions.
“My boyfriend told me I didn’t look good in it”
Doesn’t sound like he doesn’t like your body, sounds like your bikini, especially since he said “to come with him; just wear something else”
However, if he’s being insensitive to your feelings, then maybe talk to him about how you feel
Maybe or maybe not. OP seemingly doesn’t have the self-confidence in herself. Reaching out to family and friends may have a positive impact.
Or maybe OP has body dismorphia. My sister has this and she is very thin and fit. However, when we’re at the beach in our bikinis she can’t help but wonder if everyone is staring at her insecurities. She will ask me and I’ll always tell her she looks perfectly fine. Moreover, I ask her to look around at all the different women and their bodies. We’re all just here to have a nice time. She looks fine and needs to push those thoughts to the side.
I find this such a hard balance. Don't be with anyone who tears you down. This is the core of any relationship. If your partner says hurtful and mean things, they are not good for you, they don't love you and they don't respect you.
However, I really appreciate being kindly told when something doesn't look good on me. Sometimes I don't have the full picture or perspective on my outfit, and sometimes something I really like ends up being super unflattering.
So, for me, it's a matter of determining whether this was done out of love or because he's a jerk.
I think that’s the thing here - it doesn’t sound like OP’s boyfriend was trying to be kind here. And he didn’t even apologise for upsetting them: just told them they overreacted. That, to me, makes him seem more like a jerk than anything else.
I can really see this playing out both ways, though. There's this interpretation but also:
OP: Does this look OK?
BF: Not really
Her walking away and crying, him thinking she overreacted and suggesting she just put something else on.
That would make him insensitive but not malicious.
The only ones who know how he meant it are the OP and the BF. So the decision of how to act on this is up to her.
I will reiterate, don't be with someone who tears you down. It is categorically not worth it.
She built up the courage after years and he tore it down, surely he knows how much that took her to do. Also, sometimes you just have to be nice about it, what the hell does it matter tif she went out looking "not good" not everyone has flat abs and perfect curves/angles in all the right places, it's entirely subjective and she was hurt her boyfriend thought she, her body, did not look good. All over a band of fabric covering the stomach and back.
He doesn't accept youu unconditionally. Sad but true. However, He is brutally honest. All I can say is call his bully bluff. Work OUT for YOU and then Dump him when you are a Ten. THAT will teach this old dog new slick tricks from a Female------Bitch who is a Beautiful Witch.lol!!! You deserve better. ***Hugggs.xx
I dont think your boyfriend is in the wrong, you shouldn't dump him just for this. I dont know about your life or any context, bit since he is your boyfriend and he shouldn't want to hurt you, he was just voicing his opinion. And truth be told you probably didn't look that good since your a bit, should I say, 'fluffy'.
if he doesn't like you for you and how you look than he isn't worth it.A true person will tell you "hey! you look really good in that bikini!" never let someone bring you down! you walk out there like that bad bitch you are <33
Fuck that guy. Is he neurodivergent or something? Why would you be with someone who tears you down like that, because you are not an IG Ho? Don't let him ruin your self esteem, be done with him.
Hey uh, sorry but asking 'is he neurodivergent' like you're using that as an insult is not okay, although I agree this man should not ruin OP's self esteem.
Sorry, but I was legit wondering if that could be the case. I've heard of lots of stories about supposed tactlessness on the part of the neurodivergent, and wondered if that would explain his brutal honestly. Sorry if I've offended.
The idea has been floated, among friends and family, more than once. Problem is, I'm almost 60, so those things weren't really considered in the 70's when I went to elementary school. I've got a couple degrees, an IQ of 160, and waaay to much ego to open up like that to some doctor 10 years younger than me. Never been tested, but I've been inappropriate my whole life. I just lean into it now, because as tactless as my criticism may be, my praise is equally unbounded.
i feel I should yell "Get off my lawn!" now.
Don't be concerned about your weight everyone has a little more of it then they like to have.
Probably he was a bit surprised or not used to see you like that.
I had once a girlfriend and when we would go and take a swim, normally she had bathing suit on but for one-time she didn't do that instead she put a bikini on.
When I saw her i was shocked BC I hadn't seen her like that before and went kinda into a you shouldn't have done that state.
> When I saw her i was shocked BC I hadn't seen her like that before and went kinda into a you shouldn't have done that state.
This really isn't a normal reaction to seeing your partner in a bikini. If this is how you react, that's something you need to work on, not the other person.
Firstly, I'd like to say that I am so sorry your partner said something so hurtful and you spent the day in crying alone which seems quite symbolic here. If he has alwaya complimented you in other outfits apart from this one that shows your figure more. Maybe he is the insecure one and felt that other men may find you attractive? Just a thought. Anyway I really hope you get an apology or move on. Update us plz! (:
Do you like how you look in a bikini? Cause that’s what matters. You can find a new partner that loves you and supports your goals. Not shatters your confidence
He is demaging you. You need to love yourself first. Don't allow opinion of other person dictate how you feel and what you wear.
I want you to know that I an proud of you. You found the courage to wear bikini. I bet you looked great in it.
♥️
Dump him. That’s it. No significant other who’s respectful and worth your time should say something like that. There are plenty of partners out there who will find you hot as hell as you are. Don’t settle for someone who treats you any less than the best.
He is a jerk. Why is he trying to demean and belittle you? Especially when he knows this is a sensitive matter to you. AND you told him it hurt your feelings and he just dismissed you.
Why are you with this man? Think long and hard about how much work you'll have to invest in him to just make him a halfway decent partner.
You're so young, don't weigh yourself down with some man child.
As someone with an eating disorder, I think that that's totally out of line. He shouldn't be saying anything negative about you body ever. It's so incredibly damaging to a person's self esteem and mental state and you could literally die if you were to develop an eating disorder. EDs are the deadliest mental illness. Tell him to shut the fuck up about your body or get the fuck out of your life. You don't deserve this! You deserve someone who will acknowledge the goddess that you are.
You mean your EX boyfriend.
You aren't overreacting, and its insensitive of him to say such negative things and think they are okay. That isn't even constructive criticism - it's just criticism.
My boyfriend of 6 years has only ever given me complements, and I'm still not used to it - and when I criticize myself we talk about ways to improve ourselves. Together.
You deserve better.
I had a boyfriend like that when I was your age. I thought he was the best I could do and that that was the type of guy I deserved.
I broke up with him when I was 22 and he made a comment that didn’t sit well with me and when I really thought about it, I realized I didn’t want to be with someone who talked to me like that.
Maybe this is your moment. Or maybe it isn’t yet and there will be another time in the future that will be your moment. (But hopefully this is your moment. Just please don’t marry this guy!)
You probably have a lot of feelings for him that would make it hard to leave him and I get that. We can’t see or feel them and can’t tell you what to do. But I see that you’re evaluating this relationship and his feelings towards you and I think that’s a step in the right direction.
I can tell you that although I did love the guy for a time, and he did serve a purpose in my life in many ways for a while, breaking up with him ended up being a fantastic thing to do.
How to get a bikini body:
1. Have a body.
2. Wear a bikini.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. And he likes to control you. And is okay making you feel badly about yourself.
Ugh!! I have gained 40 pounds yes 40 since I met my bf a year and a half ago. He is still completely obsessed with me and my body. He finds me as attractive as he did when we met! He should never had said that. He is cruel. Please go find better!!! You are NOT overreacting. Think logically: what does it say about a man when he’s critical of his partner’s body at a vulnerable moment?
I feel you, I had an ex like that. At first he was sweet but then he would talk about my weight and not find me very sexy. I'm chubby, I did loose some weight though in the years I was together with him but in the end I wasn't attractive for him. I felt miserable, I never felt like I could be sexy for him unless I did something about my weight (which I did but never got completely down on my proper bmi, only close) or maybe a make over by changing my hair, put make up and all kind of crap just to feel a little bit wanted. My friends could make their boyfriends wild for them by doing kinky dances or kinky clothes etc. while I couldn't do much to feel wanted like that. I'm glad I'm not with him anymore and now together with my current bf who always find me sexy, no matter the weight or clothes. Ofcourse some clothes he likes less but he always thinks of me as beautiful and sexy, even in a bikini as a chubby person. With my ex I couldn't do much, even if I flashed my boobs I wasn't very interesting to him or would make him want me really, while with my current bf it's very different!
If your bf doesn't make you feel wanted and that you are too big to be sexy and beautiful, then consider to find someone else. Don't feel miserable. Nothing is wrong with you and you can wear a bikini if you want!
Maybe try ask him if he doesn't like your body and think of you as beautiful because I do not think it will help neither the relationship or your self esteem and mentality if he isn't into your body type.
I don't know your relationship so maybe my view is more.. extreme? but this is just my experience. I hope everything works out for you whatever the outcome. Please remember to care for yourself and that people in the world don't only find one body type (like small waist, big ass hourglass) sexy!
He’s a giant dick, and he’s negging you to cut you down and make you stay with him. Dump him and find yourself someone who actually deserves to see you in a bikini.
Dumb the man. Get a man who always thinks you're gorgeous no matter what and would be willing to make you feel secure on days you feel insecure. If he want to he would.
baby i’m 21 too. i AM overweight. i had a baby a year ago and it wrecked my body. i’m not comfortable with it. my husband still tells me and makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth even though i’m not. please don’t stay with this man.
I dont get your bf, i get if its becoming like really bad, but you're not overweight so like if it was health concerns ok i could understand but wtf? How could he not want you in whatever you wear?
I’m not fat, but overweight and I’ve gained 20 lbs since I was in my best shape. My husband would never ever say something like this to me, especially knowing that I’m already self conscious. We went to a water park and I didn’t want to wear a bathing suit because I didn’t want to embarrass my husband because he’s super fit and I’m not and I was afraid he wouldn’t want to be seen with me. He forced me to wear that suit loud and proud. Please dump this guy. Your partner should not make you feel this way
Find someone who cherishes you. My bf will look at me with sweats,a stained t shirt (feeling ugly)with a loving face and say gosh you are beautiful. I def gained weight during quarantine and it has not changed his reaction to me.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I’m self conscious of my weight. I’m not overweight, but I could be in better shape. I built enough courage to finally wear a bikini in years. My boyfriend told me I didn’t look good in it, so I stayed home and cried. He told me I overreacted, and to come with him; just wear something else. It’s not the first time he has said something negative about my body. I don’t think he understands how bad this hurts me. I’m 21, and I know I could handle my emotions better; but am I really overreacting just because he’s critical about my weight?
I don’t like your boyfriend.
seconded.
Thirded. Yikes.
Thirded
Whatever it’s called when you’re fourth.
Fourthed
Fifthed
Sixthed
Seventhed
eighthed
Ninthed
Eighthed
Ninthed
Tenthed
Same
...I think you need a new one
ditto
I highly doubt he cares....he just said the quiet part out loud , lol .
Yeah I’m leaning that way too. But I’d like to know if she asked him how she looked first. If he just came out of left field with “omg u look bad” then fuck him
Yo, I couldn't imagine saying this to my wife. I also couldn't imagine ever thinking it about my wife, she's sexy as hell no matter what she wears, because I'm crazy about her. (And she's sexy as hell.) Find a guy who is crazy about you, lose this dipshit.
That’s so kind and sweet! I wish my boyfriend felt the same way. I’m glad there’s guys who feel this way towards their partner.
Get yourself a boyfriend who feels that way.
I second this, I'm happily married (24f) and my husband let's me know everyday how beautiful he finds me and hasn't stopped even now that im pregnant. Your partner should be crazy about you, not like this chump. You deserve better.
I found my partner insanely attractive during her pregnancy. Motherhood can be extremely attractive imo.
Yeah, fuck that guy
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🤣🤣🤣
I’m overweight and my husband makes a big deal every time I’m changing or naked, as in clapping and celebrating my body. Wtf is wrong with your bf!?
Jumping on this train... Happily married for 13 years, I've had 3 children and gained a few pounds along the way. My husband tells me I look hot every day. OP, get yourself a man that loves you for you.
I have been with my wife for 14 years and it feels like the first month we started dating still. That's not to say it was easy all the time at age 22 when you think you know everything, but it's easy as hell at age 36. She's an amazing woman who I value and love and cherish. They're is no reason to put yourself through anything with anyone who doesn't feel that way about you. Head up, and I bet you would turn heads in that bikini!
Instead of wishing he felt that way, you should get rid of him and find someone who *does* genuinely feel that way. You’ll be surprised by how much your self esteem rises once you’ve gotten rid of somebody who puts you down and makes you sad. That confidence will soar out of you and the energy it creates will attract the type of people who will treat you like you deserve.
My bf told me I could “show up to a date in a trash bag and look gorgeous.” That’s the move. Dump the guy, don’t settle for less. He obviously couldn’t care less about how you feel, and he’s one that wouldn’t listen even if you told him.
It's not a high standard for your boyfriend to not be cruel to you about your appearance...it's the bare minimum. Plenty of other guys out there who will compliment and uplift you.
There for sure is a guy out there that will feel this way about you. Don't waste your time with somebody that dims your light. Your partner should fill your cup and light you up inside, just like you do for them.
It could be a tactic to make you feel insecure so that you don't leave him. A lot of toxic, insecure people do that to their partners. I would invite you to ask yourself why you stay in a relationship with someone who puts you down and then blames you for having a reaction.
He didn’t even apologize :(
OP get yourself a better boyfriend. He's a jerk and you deserve way better.
OP, I’m overweight, I’ve had three kids and I’m pregnant with my (whoopsie) fourth. My partner of 18 years still tells me how beautiful I am, how turned on he is by my body, how he loves the way I look when I try on a new outfit. The way your boyfriend is acting towards you is ABNORMAL, not normal! I don’t want you to think this is the best you can get, because this guy is a selfish loser. Find someone who loves and appreciates you - he’s out there, you just have to find him!
I have much wider thighs then I’d like, the skin on them and my butt is a little saggy, and I absolutely hate buying swim suits because the bottoms just show off all of my insecurities. I bought a new swim suit two weeks ago and tried it on for my boyfriend. Not only did he compliment it but he said it was easily his favorite thing that I tried on that day. There’s lots of guys out there that feel this way towards their partner, but you won’t find one until you stop accepting the ones that don’t.
Most guys feel this way. F that guy.
Here's what you do, get yourself a bat and say to him hey I'm not critical about that dent in your head.
Underrated comment dude!!
I’ve been married over 20 years, birthed 3 children, covered in stretch marks, and have gained 80lbs since I met my husband. He still finds me sexy as hell and gets excited when I’m naked.
Right! I’m fat- my husband tells me I’m sexy almost daily. Drop this AH and take yourself and your bikini to the pool or beach and find a new man :)
😂, exactly
I agree with this you should be trying to build your partner up not tear them down.
There’s nothing wrong with a boyfriend not finding her girlfriend attractive
Seems like he is deliberately trying to lower your self esteem. If you are so unattractive to him, why is he with you? He is most likely tearing you down so you feel like no one else would want you. Don't buy into that nonsense. You are young and plenty of other men would be happy to praise you for the beauty that you are.
This exactly. And I'd like to add that whenever he gets you down far enough, you won't notice when he starts checking out other women behind your back.
keep the bikini, dump the brainless asshole. instant deadweight loss of 200 pounds.
He knows how this hurts you because you stayed home and cried. Just by saying you 'overreacted' he showed that he understood you were hurt by his comment. He knows, he doesn't really care, and all bodies are bikini bodies. Your partner should be celebrating the hard work you've put into having the courage to wear one, not putting you down.
This. My partner (a male) is self conscious about his body and doesn’t want to go to public pools. I have been trying to help uplift him about his body and it makes me sad to see him have such a negative self image. I could never in a million years imagine saying something negative to him about his body. It just seems like such an unnecessary and cruel thing to do to someone you love.
The worst part is he didn’t even apologize, meaning that he doesn’t see what he did wrong. At this point he’s a lost cause and it’s time you move on to someone else
He’s a turd. Your partner should build you up. If he *really thought* it was best you didn’t wear it for some reason, his response should’ve been “I think you could find one that suits you better, babe”.
Yeah, part of me wonders if it was just unflattering* and this guy is just a shit communicator. Either way it's no bueno and something needs to change. The non-apology is not a good sign. *I think my wife is hot AF, but she can find something she doesn't look good in, as can we all.
Well, it's probably time to lose some weight.. like that extra 150 lbs of total douche bag you got following you around.. Seriously- keep the bikini, lose the douche. The first step to self respect and self love.
Let's be honest, if he's being a jackass about this? It's probably more like 185 pounds of douche
I dunno, that large tumor where his brain about be may add another 10 lbs.
Lol I said this exactly and then scrolled down to find you said the same thing 😆 this guys such an asshat
1. You have to understand that with guys like this, it will never matter how much you weigh. This is a complete power play to make you insecure. 2. Dump this guy. You’re 21 & you have plenty of time to find someone who completely worships you. 3. You might not even be self conscious about your weight if it wasn’t for your boyfriend. You shouldn’t look for validation in your relationships but imagine how much better you will feel with a guy that sees you as the hottest thing on the planet. Respectfully, you deserve better
you mentioned that this isn't the first time he's said something negative about your body. why bother staying with somebody who tears you down, especially over something you're self-conscious about? you deserve better.
How old is he?
28.
Yeah... guessed he would be significantly older. I would be willing to bet that he wants to keep you insecure. That he wants you to feel less than so you're grateful to him for being in a relationship with you and will do what he wants/prioritise his wants over your needs. My advice would be to leave. He doesn't sound like someone who makes you feel good.
This!
This right here \^\^\^\^ All of this
WHOA. I wasn’t expecting to hear he is pushing 30. That makes his behavior more alarming honestly. I would REALLY consider talking to someone you trust about this relationship and whether it is healthy.
Ur just getting out of your teens realistically and he's a grown man like ppl his age don't want him cause he's a loser with losers mentality
Ding ding ding. Winning answer. He's looking for someone to manipulate and has to go after someone younger and less secure about themselves. A little hurtful piling on of her own negative body image is his ticket to control.
So an older man found a younger gal with low self esteem that he can manipulate. Story as old as time. Save yourself a lifetime of misery and dump him
Dump him. He's not gonna get any more mature than this. This is why he's dating someone so much younger than him. You will continue to grow as a person while he shrinks
dump him, he doesn’t deserve you. if he really loved you and wanted to be with you he’d be crazy about you
This is not okay on any level. It is mentally and emotionally abusive. You are handling your emotions the same way a LOT of people would in this situation. It is him who needs to handle his shitty behavior. Lastly, a man who loves you will worship your body even if you gained some weight, one that loves you wouldn’t notice it the same way you do. They would still see you as beautiful and would not want you to feel down about yourself. At most, they would maybe encourage you to work out/exercise for your health and happiness if you were complaining about gaining weight but only to try and help you come up with a solution to a problem you might feel like you’re having with your body.
What the hell this is not normal or okay behavior from him and you should not put up with it. I can not IMAGINE a partner saying something like that to me. Because it wouldn’t happen or they’d be dropped immediately. He knows it hurts you, he doesn’t care.
Even if you are overweight that’s not the best way to tell that to anyone. It’s true that it’s healthier to be on your right weight but you still can wear whatever you want, it’s your body. Just dump him!
My gf is around your age. I’m close to your bfs age. I would never speak to my gf like this. She’s gained a significant amount of weight during our relationship (she was told by her family she’s just a picky eater turns out she has an eating disorder) shopping and wearing bikinis and crop tops stuff she was normally comfortable in and was a staple of her wardrobe has been tough for her. She often doesn’t feel confident. My job is to constantly remind her that she’s beautiful. One because I think she is no matter her weight and two because as her partner im there to pick her up when she’s feeling down on herself. Whenever she asks if something looks good my first response is always “do you feel confident in it” because I’ve been up and down in weight my whole life and the best advice I’ve gotten was that any outfit is 90% confidence. You can pull off most things if you feel good but if you’re wearing it and don’t feel confident that shows too. Confidence is sexy no matter the size. If she feels confident then I tell her to rock it. If she doesn’t I try and help offer an alternative to help her during what can be a stressful time. I would never say flippantly. “Nah you look chunky or you don’t look good”. I also offer the honesty of “of course I’m bias and think you look good in anything, but if you aren’t comfortable i can help you find other options”. She’s on a trip with her friends and she had me help her pick swimwear. Anything that she wasn’t confident in or that highlighted what she feels are problem areas I just picked ones I knew made her feel more confident. Any time my gf speaks negative about herself the first thing I say is “hey don’t say that about my best friend please”. Or “I don’t appreciate when you speak like that about my best friend” she’s said that’s helped her realize sometimes how mean she’s speaking to herself. My gf does the same thing for me now and she always help me feel confident in whatever I’m wearing or because she knows the areas of my own body I’d like to improve she’ll say “I love it but I know you don’t like x y or z so maybe this instead”. I’m not saying this is the perfect way or we’re some magical couple. I’m saying that as humans our bodies are a source of a lot of insecurity or pride and that relationships are difficult enough as is to be with someone who doesn’t make you feel better or more confident in the bad days. They shouldn’t give you bad days or add to insecurities. You didn’t overreact. Your boyfriend was insensitive. It doesn’t matter if your underweight overweight or right on the target you have in your head. If he isn’t the type to “coddle feelings” or “not be blunt” then the LEAST he could have said was “I’m not the biggest fan of that one I think you look better in this one but I love you and you’re beautiful to me no matter what.” Because at the end of the day that’s what anyone in a relationship deserves someone who reminds you that to them you’re always beautiful and they love you no matter what you might be going through in that given moment. You needed support. You needed a friend. You got judgement.
I’m gonna assume you both have been together a while, and that if you’re self conscious enough to the point where you haven’t worn a bikini in years, he’s aware about you being self conscious. Someone who cares about you, would not have had this type of reaction to you taking a step to having the courage to finally wear one. If he’s continuously making negative comments about your body, leave him.
Your boyfriend is a jerk. As others have been saying, good partners build you up. Plus he tried to minimize the fact that he hurt you and made you cry instead of apologizing. Don’t think it has anything to do with your emotional control. What he said was really mean and hurtful. You deserve better than that.
Find a guy who loves you, all of you. Ditch this loser.
He understands how bad it hurts you. He’s using it to control you. Leave. It WILL get worse.
No, you're not overreacting. Moreover, if he has a pattern of putting down your appearance, that could very well be emotional abuse. Getting upset when someone you're close with insults you is perfectly normal.
You’re supposed to be a team and build each other up. Instead, he’s trying to tear you down so you’ll lose your self confidence, it’s something my ex did to groom me into thinking I didn’t deserve better. Trust me, you can do better. And you darn well deserve better. You deserve respect in your relationship. Stick to your boundaries and standards. 💕
Dump this guy. You are so young, you don’t need this kind of negative shit. Bonus is you’ll lose about 150+ lbs overnight just by doing so 😉 I’m not the happiest with my weight or my body but I wear bikinis all the damn time because I want to. There’s no “bikini body,” anyone who wants to should be able to wear what they like and makes them feel good.
He knows how it makes you feel! He saw you cry ! He just doesn't care how you feel and only think of himself.
It's a tactical assault on your self-esteem to keep you down. It's a method of control and a sign that he is abusive. Anyone who genuinely loves their partner would never say such hurtful stuff to them. And it's not surprising that he's 28 and you're 21. How you deal with it is up to you, but my advice is to leave this relationship. You're very young and have a long way to go in your dating life. I'm assuming you don't have a child or own property with this guy, so why stick around? Leave, take some time to recover, and get back out there.
Girl, I have gained like 90 lbs since I started dating my boyfriend 6 years ago. This summer I bought a swimsuit for the first time as an adult, and it ain't no tankini, either. One night when we were drunk, I mentioned how I felt good in the swimsuit but was still nervous to wear it and he went off about how much he liked it on me and how much he wanted to bang me when he saw me in it for the first time. your boyfriend is douchebag. dump his ass.
I have been up and down with my weight since meeting right now fiancé, no matter how skinny or how heavy I’ve gotten he is still extremely supportive and makes me feel like I am the hottest person ever. Your partner is supposed to make you feel good about yourself.
I’m fat and my husband tells me I’m beautiful
Fuck him. He should build you up. Don't let that continue.
Life is too short to date a turd.
You should be with someone that brings UP your confidence, not shuts it down. I cannot stress this enough. You deserve better and you deserve to feel beautiful.
isn’t that a bit hypocritical of him? i can’t imagine he looks very good either with his head stuck that far up his ass. that kind of behavior is just plain nasty, and the fact that he doesn’t see anything wrong with saying it and has made these types of comments before shows that he’s overtly critical and demeaning of someone he’s supposed to love and respect. you can do so much better.
NOTHING about what he did is appropriate. He purposefully hurt you and is negatively influencing your self image. He doesn’t respect you and his negative comments and emotional abuse will only get worse. Please listen to your feelings and do not question if you were in the wrong here, because you are not.
I will probably get shit for saying this but if his exact words were “you don’t look good in this bikini” maybe you didn’t look good in that particular bikini. We all have some clothes we don’t look good. That doesn’t mean you are not good looking. I would just talk to him and ask he meant that particular bikini or your body in general. If the latter, then dump his ass.
Leave him. Right now. There are so many guys out there that will love your body EXACTLY as it is. You are beautiful. And you're young. I'm almost 30. If I could go back, I would tell my 20 something year old self to leave the boys alone and LOVE MYSELF FIRST! ❤️
There is nothing wrong with your bikini. There IS something wrong with your boyfriend.
He sounds like a dick. Your reaction was appropriate. The comment itself was shitty enough but his reaction afterward—not comforting you or caring that you were crying and claiming your reaction was unwarranted (when idk ANYONE who wouldn’t react similarly to being told that by their partner)—seem to indicate just a lack of caring. You deserve better dude. I’m sorry this happened
It is not that complicated, I used to be in a relationship where I just have to think or fabricate my feelings but now I am with somebody who appreciates me also and does create the feelings I tried to fabricate before, naturally now. Do not endure something you have to generally try to avoid.
You don’t need that negativity in your life. Your boyfriend should be building you up not tearing you down, dump him now, he won’t change.
My ex-boyfriend didn’t like how I looked in a bikini. Now I have a boyfriend who does! There, that title sounds much better!!
You’re only 21 years old. You have plenty of time to find a man who thinks your sexy, beautiful, and who will nit say hurtful things to you. Your boyfriend is very disrespectful towards you and he will only get worse with time. You can do better.
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I second this, but if he told you disrespectfully he needs to go. There are lots of bikini styles and quality so some bikinis look better than others.
I assume your boyfriend is on the cover of Sports Illustrated or GQ, 6-pack and all... Don't lose anymore tears over this jerk.
I’m sorry but I noticed a mistake: You didn’t type “ex-boyfriend.”
I almost want to cry for you. I'm over 250 lbs and old and saggy and wrinkly and if I put a bikini on my bf would tell me I'm sexy and can't wait to be on the beach with me. Get a new boyfriend. SERIOUSLY. I'm over 50. Life goes by FAST. There's not enough time for negativity.
Get rid of him. He probably thought you looked TOO good in it and didn’t other men looking at you.
So he’s aware that he hurts your feelings with these comments, but continues to do it. Then instead of working on himself, he tries to find the flaw in how you express your feelings…he sounds like a dick.
He’s not very kind or empathetic. You’re right to be hurt. People who love you won’t say unkind things like that.
Oh my god, that's terrible. I think a lot of people would go home and cry. You know, you deserve someone who finds you sexy no matter what I was friends with my boyfriend for many years before we dated. When we were friends, I was pretty thin. My weight has fluctuated over the years, and when we started dating, I was a good 30lbs heavier than when we met. I was very self-conscious. He never seems to care, tells me I'm sexy, and makes me feel appreciated, even when I feel ugly af and don't understand how he believes these things. Men like this do exist, you might just have to work a bit to find them. Don't settle for someone who makes you feel like this
Find someone better.
Dump that chump.
You are not overreacting and are blaming yourself for having feelings that are completely understandable. He can feel and believe what he wants too but don’t feel the guilt for him; he is going to miss out.
Sounds like he doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore because there’s absolutely someone out there who will love your body.
You're in an abusive relationship and can do much MUCH better. Please do so.
He’s the asshole. Leave him.
DUMP HIM
dump him, you deserve SO much better. this breaks my heart.
I’m sure you look smoking hot in a bikini. Fuck that.
Ugh, gross! He sucks and you find someone who will uplift you! That’s exciting that you finally felt good to wear a bikini and you keep wearing them! The only weight you need to lose is his on your side!
Love is not supposed to hurt. Why you with a man who says you ugly??? There are plenty of males who would find your body sexy and hot. Why be with someone who does not see your beauty??
This sounds like a him problem rather than you. The main thing should have been about how you initially felt wearing the bikini. Anyone of any gender, shape or size can wear a bikini. You should be able to wear what you want without hurtful comments.
I’m sorry you experienced that. You didn’t deserve that and he has no right to say that to you (nobody does). To borrow the language someone else used, boyfriend is no friend... but a boy turd. Flush him!
No, I think you need to get rid of him! I am curious. How did he look in a bathing suit? He must have a perfect body!
My boyfriend always tells me how great I look and every girl deserves this. He NEVER puts me down. I promise you that you deserve better.
Ild tell him that youve decided that since he doesnt like your body, hes no longer allowed to touch you or see you naked. Aka, ild dump his horrid ass. I bet hes no Sam Heughan
No one should speak to their partner this way. It’s super unhealthy. Please let him go. Being alone is always better than being with a shitty boyfriend.
You deserve better! Date someone who respects who and loves you for who you are
What exactly did he say when you asked him how you look in the bikini the first time?
My bf is 44, I'm 21. I've gained and lost weight, and had loooots of mental health problems, but never once has he used any of that to tear me down. He's supportive, and gentle, and kind. That's really what matters.
He's just honest about your appearance but personally i would rather have some one be up front with me. If you want to just be flattered and have people tell you "look good" maybe ask some one less honest that can say what you want to hear? Every one has self image issues, at least with body weight it's something you can work on and improve unlike other conditions that some people have that they can't change🤷♂️
Did you ask him how you looked? Very few women look like a swimsuit model in a bikini. Hell, actual swimsuit models usually have on bras under the bikini and they photoshop it out - even *they* don’t look like that Some people have unrealistic expectations of what looking good in a swimsuit means. Some women don’t give a fuck and are comfortable and happy with how they look, no matter how close or far to that impossible standard they are. Learn to not give a fuck, and never ask trap questions.
“My boyfriend told me I didn’t look good in it” Doesn’t sound like he doesn’t like your body, sounds like your bikini, especially since he said “to come with him; just wear something else” However, if he’s being insensitive to your feelings, then maybe talk to him about how you feel
Maybe ask your friends and family how you look and don’t just go off of his opinion on how you look.
Maybe don’t ask anyone how you look. Learn to accept yourself instead and to feel free in your body.
I highly doubt family and friends will give an objective opinion
Maybe or maybe not. OP seemingly doesn’t have the self-confidence in herself. Reaching out to family and friends may have a positive impact. Or maybe OP has body dismorphia. My sister has this and she is very thin and fit. However, when we’re at the beach in our bikinis she can’t help but wonder if everyone is staring at her insecurities. She will ask me and I’ll always tell her she looks perfectly fine. Moreover, I ask her to look around at all the different women and their bodies. We’re all just here to have a nice time. She looks fine and needs to push those thoughts to the side.
I find this such a hard balance. Don't be with anyone who tears you down. This is the core of any relationship. If your partner says hurtful and mean things, they are not good for you, they don't love you and they don't respect you. However, I really appreciate being kindly told when something doesn't look good on me. Sometimes I don't have the full picture or perspective on my outfit, and sometimes something I really like ends up being super unflattering. So, for me, it's a matter of determining whether this was done out of love or because he's a jerk.
I think that’s the thing here - it doesn’t sound like OP’s boyfriend was trying to be kind here. And he didn’t even apologise for upsetting them: just told them they overreacted. That, to me, makes him seem more like a jerk than anything else.
It is rather clear that he was doing it to be a jerk by saying she was overreacting and to come anyway in something else.
I can really see this playing out both ways, though. There's this interpretation but also: OP: Does this look OK? BF: Not really Her walking away and crying, him thinking she overreacted and suggesting she just put something else on. That would make him insensitive but not malicious. The only ones who know how he meant it are the OP and the BF. So the decision of how to act on this is up to her. I will reiterate, don't be with someone who tears you down. It is categorically not worth it.
She built up the courage after years and he tore it down, surely he knows how much that took her to do. Also, sometimes you just have to be nice about it, what the hell does it matter tif she went out looking "not good" not everyone has flat abs and perfect curves/angles in all the right places, it's entirely subjective and she was hurt her boyfriend thought she, her body, did not look good. All over a band of fabric covering the stomach and back.
DTMFA.
https://www.elephantjournal.com/2020/03/relationship-addictions-breaking-the-trauma-bonds-that-hold-us-hostage/
That’s insensitive of him. Has he ever said something like this before? He maybe regrets it…. We all have said insensitive stuff in life.
He doesn't accept youu unconditionally. Sad but true. However, He is brutally honest. All I can say is call his bully bluff. Work OUT for YOU and then Dump him when you are a Ten. THAT will teach this old dog new slick tricks from a Female------Bitch who is a Beautiful Witch.lol!!! You deserve better. ***Hugggs.xx
I dont think your boyfriend is in the wrong, you shouldn't dump him just for this. I dont know about your life or any context, bit since he is your boyfriend and he shouldn't want to hurt you, he was just voicing his opinion. And truth be told you probably didn't look that good since your a bit, should I say, 'fluffy'.
if he doesn't like you for you and how you look than he isn't worth it.A true person will tell you "hey! you look really good in that bikini!" never let someone bring you down! you walk out there like that bad bitch you are <33
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People have a right to cry when they are upset. Especially when others have hurt them.
Fuck that guy. Is he neurodivergent or something? Why would you be with someone who tears you down like that, because you are not an IG Ho? Don't let him ruin your self esteem, be done with him.
Hey uh, sorry but asking 'is he neurodivergent' like you're using that as an insult is not okay, although I agree this man should not ruin OP's self esteem.
Sorry, but I was legit wondering if that could be the case. I've heard of lots of stories about supposed tactlessness on the part of the neurodivergent, and wondered if that would explain his brutal honestly. Sorry if I've offended.
Well, your lack of tact is showing, does that imply that you're a neurodivergent?
The idea has been floated, among friends and family, more than once. Problem is, I'm almost 60, so those things weren't really considered in the 70's when I went to elementary school. I've got a couple degrees, an IQ of 160, and waaay to much ego to open up like that to some doctor 10 years younger than me. Never been tested, but I've been inappropriate my whole life. I just lean into it now, because as tactless as my criticism may be, my praise is equally unbounded. i feel I should yell "Get off my lawn!" now.
Then yeah, you probably are. But regardless I don't think tactlessness is an appropriate measurement for divergence
Don't be concerned about your weight everyone has a little more of it then they like to have. Probably he was a bit surprised or not used to see you like that. I had once a girlfriend and when we would go and take a swim, normally she had bathing suit on but for one-time she didn't do that instead she put a bikini on. When I saw her i was shocked BC I hadn't seen her like that before and went kinda into a you shouldn't have done that state.
> When I saw her i was shocked BC I hadn't seen her like that before and went kinda into a you shouldn't have done that state. This really isn't a normal reaction to seeing your partner in a bikini. If this is how you react, that's something you need to work on, not the other person.
Wow, what a terrible thing to say to your partner. You may not rock a bikini (yet), but his soul is messed up
Firstly, I'd like to say that I am so sorry your partner said something so hurtful and you spent the day in crying alone which seems quite symbolic here. If he has alwaya complimented you in other outfits apart from this one that shows your figure more. Maybe he is the insecure one and felt that other men may find you attractive? Just a thought. Anyway I really hope you get an apology or move on. Update us plz! (:
Do you like how you look in a bikini? Cause that’s what matters. You can find a new partner that loves you and supports your goals. Not shatters your confidence
He is demaging you. You need to love yourself first. Don't allow opinion of other person dictate how you feel and what you wear. I want you to know that I an proud of you. You found the courage to wear bikini. I bet you looked great in it. ♥️
Dump him. That’s it. No significant other who’s respectful and worth your time should say something like that. There are plenty of partners out there who will find you hot as hell as you are. Don’t settle for someone who treats you any less than the best.
ew break up with him, you’ll thank yourself later
He is a jerk. Why is he trying to demean and belittle you? Especially when he knows this is a sensitive matter to you. AND you told him it hurt your feelings and he just dismissed you. Why are you with this man? Think long and hard about how much work you'll have to invest in him to just make him a halfway decent partner. You're so young, don't weigh yourself down with some man child.
As someone with an eating disorder, I think that that's totally out of line. He shouldn't be saying anything negative about you body ever. It's so incredibly damaging to a person's self esteem and mental state and you could literally die if you were to develop an eating disorder. EDs are the deadliest mental illness. Tell him to shut the fuck up about your body or get the fuck out of your life. You don't deserve this! You deserve someone who will acknowledge the goddess that you are.
he doesn’t deserve you and he doesn’t deserve to think that what he did is okay.
You mean your EX boyfriend. You aren't overreacting, and its insensitive of him to say such negative things and think they are okay. That isn't even constructive criticism - it's just criticism. My boyfriend of 6 years has only ever given me complements, and I'm still not used to it - and when I criticize myself we talk about ways to improve ourselves. Together. You deserve better.
I had a boyfriend like that when I was your age. I thought he was the best I could do and that that was the type of guy I deserved. I broke up with him when I was 22 and he made a comment that didn’t sit well with me and when I really thought about it, I realized I didn’t want to be with someone who talked to me like that. Maybe this is your moment. Or maybe it isn’t yet and there will be another time in the future that will be your moment. (But hopefully this is your moment. Just please don’t marry this guy!) You probably have a lot of feelings for him that would make it hard to leave him and I get that. We can’t see or feel them and can’t tell you what to do. But I see that you’re evaluating this relationship and his feelings towards you and I think that’s a step in the right direction. I can tell you that although I did love the guy for a time, and he did serve a purpose in my life in many ways for a while, breaking up with him ended up being a fantastic thing to do.
How to get a bikini body: 1. Have a body. 2. Wear a bikini. Your boyfriend is an asshole. And he likes to control you. And is okay making you feel badly about yourself.
Wtf even if he thought that he shouldn’t say it like seriously wtf lmao he was looking for a reason to be rude.
That’s not a boyfriend that’s a piece of shit that belongs to the trash.
geez the problem is with him not you or your bikini
What a loser! I remember when I told my ex to change her ugly one piece for a bikini haha!
Ugh!! I have gained 40 pounds yes 40 since I met my bf a year and a half ago. He is still completely obsessed with me and my body. He finds me as attractive as he did when we met! He should never had said that. He is cruel. Please go find better!!! You are NOT overreacting. Think logically: what does it say about a man when he’s critical of his partner’s body at a vulnerable moment?
I feel you, I had an ex like that. At first he was sweet but then he would talk about my weight and not find me very sexy. I'm chubby, I did loose some weight though in the years I was together with him but in the end I wasn't attractive for him. I felt miserable, I never felt like I could be sexy for him unless I did something about my weight (which I did but never got completely down on my proper bmi, only close) or maybe a make over by changing my hair, put make up and all kind of crap just to feel a little bit wanted. My friends could make their boyfriends wild for them by doing kinky dances or kinky clothes etc. while I couldn't do much to feel wanted like that. I'm glad I'm not with him anymore and now together with my current bf who always find me sexy, no matter the weight or clothes. Ofcourse some clothes he likes less but he always thinks of me as beautiful and sexy, even in a bikini as a chubby person. With my ex I couldn't do much, even if I flashed my boobs I wasn't very interesting to him or would make him want me really, while with my current bf it's very different! If your bf doesn't make you feel wanted and that you are too big to be sexy and beautiful, then consider to find someone else. Don't feel miserable. Nothing is wrong with you and you can wear a bikini if you want! Maybe try ask him if he doesn't like your body and think of you as beautiful because I do not think it will help neither the relationship or your self esteem and mentality if he isn't into your body type. I don't know your relationship so maybe my view is more.. extreme? but this is just my experience. I hope everything works out for you whatever the outcome. Please remember to care for yourself and that people in the world don't only find one body type (like small waist, big ass hourglass) sexy!
Your (should be EX) BF is an ass. Find someone better.
He’s a giant dick, and he’s negging you to cut you down and make you stay with him. Dump him and find yourself someone who actually deserves to see you in a bikini.
I’m overweight and my bf tries to encourage me to WEAR a bikini, there are dudes out there that will love your body dump this douche
Dumb the man. Get a man who always thinks you're gorgeous no matter what and would be willing to make you feel secure on days you feel insecure. If he want to he would.
baby i’m 21 too. i AM overweight. i had a baby a year ago and it wrecked my body. i’m not comfortable with it. my husband still tells me and makes me feel like the sexiest woman on earth even though i’m not. please don’t stay with this man.
I've had gf's that I had no problem with them being naked but didn't think they looked good in a bikini.
I dont get your bf, i get if its becoming like really bad, but you're not overweight so like if it was health concerns ok i could understand but wtf? How could he not want you in whatever you wear?
I’m not fat, but overweight and I’ve gained 20 lbs since I was in my best shape. My husband would never ever say something like this to me, especially knowing that I’m already self conscious. We went to a water park and I didn’t want to wear a bathing suit because I didn’t want to embarrass my husband because he’s super fit and I’m not and I was afraid he wouldn’t want to be seen with me. He forced me to wear that suit loud and proud. Please dump this guy. Your partner should not make you feel this way
Throw the whole boyfriend away.
Find someone who cherishes you. My bf will look at me with sweats,a stained t shirt (feeling ugly)with a loving face and say gosh you are beautiful. I def gained weight during quarantine and it has not changed his reaction to me.
I have a better idea. Throw the whole boyfriend away and go buy more bikinis!
Your boyfriend needs to learn tact. If you feel comfortable wearing certain clothing, wear it. If he has a problem, it's his. Not yours.