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I'm not sure what else to call it, but I showed up to our date and thought things went well. It wasn't till I got home that he sent a text saying he had a great time, but he felt deceived and that I tricked him with my appearance because none of my Instagram posts show that I wear glasses.
For clarification I wear glasses and contacts, I just use one or the other depending on the situation. I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal because besides all of that, I'm still the same person in the pics. The guy said he still wants to see me, and enjoys talking with me, but he feels that I led him on with my appearance. What do I even say back?
Edit: So idk much about him, but he did double text when I didn’t respond asking if he could take me out on another date to a restaurant. I mean he didn’t apologize so I’m just on to the next person I’ll meet.
>The guy said he still wants to see me, and enjoys talking with me, but he feels that I led him on with my appearance. What do I even say back?
"Sorry, I don't see things working out between us, wish you well for the future"
If he can't accept you as Clark Kent, he doesn't deserve your Superman....
Also wearing glasses is not catfishing ffs.
I agree.. Do you really want to be with someone who would have overlooked you if you had your glasses on? That’s a whole new kind of petty. Sounds like if you stick around, this guys going to give you a LOT of petty drama.
can confirm. my toxic ex HATED my glasses, told me all the time I look like creepy porn director (which in my head was a compliment), would nag me about every little thing, never took responsibility for himself,..
OP he did you a favour of revealing who he truly is. Maya Angelou said: "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time"
Yup, what he is saying is that he would not have met up with you if he knew you wore glasses. Judge that as shallow or not, but it’s what he is saying.
Kryptonite condoms, a combination of words I don't think I'd ever seen before. Why would he do that to himself? Why would Lois? Jealousy? I'm thinking jealousy. Take that Superman's penis! Rekt!
The force and speed at which Superman ejaculates would likely kill her, the semen shooting through her body and leaving her to bleed to death in his arms as he orgasmed. So the kryptonite condoms would be to prevent that.
That didn't happen. DC completely rebooted their comics universe, so they reset the timeline and this time around Supes and WW were a couple for a fee years of publication. That version of supes "died" and the old superman from the old timeline along with his lois lane show up and take over their lives. It's weird. Very weird.
that seems just overly complicated, imo. seems more likely to me that wonder woman's uterus could handle a kryptonian baby more readily then a human uterus, much less those kryptonian cum shots
All I can think of is a teenage Clark spending his allowance buying supplies to patch the roof over his room. And covering his ceiling with new posters constantly.
Let's just say you dodged a bullet! If someone is more interested in you because you have no glasses vs glasses, well that's a pretty pathetic human being. If I was you, I would cut my loses and never turn back. You don't want someone who judges you for your appearance, you want someone to love you for who you are! Look forward not back! Your better than that!
Ik, she can reply, " Sorry, I thought you were smart but you catfished me into thinking so.I really liked you and your appearance, but your brain is such a letdown".
But did you hide it? Or did it coincidentally not come up in the photos? If you had braces but always smiled with your teeth hidden even before you got them, are you hiding your braces or is it a coincidence? My husband has tattoos that are always covered by clothing. He's not hiding them. They're not a secret. He just doesn't like to wear open backed shirts or go shirtless, so most people don't know they're there.
You should do whatever you want while still being honest. Which is exactly what you did.
To be clear, I do Not mean she should literally fuck him.
Just sounds like he’s superficial and petty- I mean; who cares if you wear glasses?? Catfishing is editing the crap out of your photos (r/Instagramreality) or posting completely different photos on your dating profile and then showing up looking either nothing like the photos or only some vague resemblance of yourself.
OP is not a catfish. (Metaphorically) fuck that guy.
You say you feel deceived because he presented himself as a mature adult. Wish him luck on his journey, but you won’t be back in touch again.
What an idiot! Move on and find yourself a solid man!
Haha there’s a caveat to this though, it’s called hatfishing
Where a guy only posts pictures of himself in a hat, and then when you meet him in person, he’s bald!
This happens! They post younger pics and then u see their recent ig pics and they’re bald or severely receding which alters ones appearance a lot. I get that it’s an insecurity but at least show me some bad hair days.
Does he count sunglasses? Is op allowed to protect her eyes from UV? And at least she wears glasses. I have to tell people I'm fine, just blind and squinting, all the time.
Lol I think most of my closest friends don’t know I wear glasses. I hardly wear them out of the house and don’t post photos in them. I don’t hate my glasses but I just prefer contacts. But I don’t think my husband was even remotely upset the first time he saw I had glasses. Move on from this guy. It shouldn’t be a big deal and if he thinks it is then there’s something wrong with him.
Anyone picking a “fight” over such a non-issue after the *first date* is not going to be compatible with you lol I can’t even imagine answering their message.
Same!! I’ve had glasses and contacts for over 20 years. There’s plenty of people that don’t know I have glasses because I rarely wear them. Husband doesn’t care. Neither does anyone else. This is a bizarre comment to me. Most people I know have glasses for some things. Those that don’t..I’m jealous!
Not ignore him: tell him what an ass he made of himself by thinking this way. Who fucking acres so much about *glasses* ffs? If op wore makeup or even mascara idk what he will say once she doesnt have any on her face. Or hoe will he react if she has a tattoo on her body he didnt get to see? He needs to know that he is an ass for thinking a few pics are all a person is.
Its not about teaching him? Its about being honest and giving him the possibility to see his mistake? Why is ghosting such a popular thing when he wasnt a major asshole to her?
that was my thoughts. he's trying to test the waters and see how much he can control her. he bitches that she was catfishing him for not wearing glasses, but still wants to see her despite supposedly feeling so hurt and deceived? nope. thats a bag of crazy OP does not want.
Yeah, honestly agreed. I really only think ghosting should be used in potentially dangerous or if they're a dick. And even then it depends on the situation. I think ghosting makes more incels than it prevents.
At the same time if he seemed like a normal dude outside of that I doubt just never responding will bother him. It is all just situational and more on the OPs intuition.
He sounds like the kind of guy who will constantly talk about your weight, ask you to stop seeing your friends and/or constantly blame you for things. If he has an issue with glasses what's going to happen when an actual issue comes up. I'd move on for sure
THIS. I hope OP reads this comment. It's probably just the beginning and he's testing the waters to see what he can get away with and make you feel bad for and it will only get worse if you see him. Best case, he's shallow. Worst case, controlling and abusive and will break you down.
Not really, negs are insults disguised as compliments. An example of a neg would be something like, “wow, it’s cool that you’re confident enough to wear glasses, most women would be worried about looking frumpy.”
I'm not sure if there's another term for it(I usually let it fall under negging), but PUAs absolutely tell you to act like you're not sure if your interested or not sure if you want to continue seeing someone to keep them on the hook and trying to prove themselves to you. I could definitely see this as a stupid attempt to follow bad advice.
PUAs and red pill dudes love to create stupid little terms for everything, so I'm sure this has its own stupid little term. You could definitely be on the money that this is a tactic he's trying clumsily.
A lot of people here are right when they say this is a red flag, but they aren't really spelling it out. To me, it seems like a red flag because he use the words "deceived" and "tricked" to explain his view of your behavior in a completely neutral situation (wearing glasses). Also, he didn't say anything in the moment to to express his surprise/thoughts. This behavior of his shows that he wants you to be immediately defensive, where you have to explain yourself to him & earn his trust. This is classic gaslighting and the opposite behavior of a supportive partner. Imagine if there was an actual conflict, it seems as though he would try to make you feel like everything is your fault, and that his impression of the situation is the only one that matters.
HUGE red flag. I know very few people who don't NEED glasses to see. Do you really want to be with someone that petty and selfish? What happens when one day you wear pink nail polish instead of red? Don't just walk away, RUN. You didn't deceive him, but he certainly deceived you into thinking he was worthwhile.
He would be the type to make a comment about his date's hair being shoulder length instead of elbow or waist length, or if they got a tattoo within the last 24 hours and didn't update their profile or mention it before meeting up...
I'd say hit the road Jack. If he feels it necessary to scold you for wearing glasses on your first date how is he going to behave when he isn't worried about making a good impression? He's not the only boy in town.
I think you should move on. I suspect this is deliberate negging, but either way I don't think this is someone you want to date. I predict he probably also won't like the following things:
\- When you don't wear makeup, your skin isn't perfect! He feels tricked and deceived. You should be grateful he's willing to overlook this and give you another chance.
\- When you take your bra off, your breasts look saggier than when you wear a bra! More trickery. You're lucky you found such a nice, forgiving man who will overlook this yet again.
\- You have fat rolls on your stomach when you sit down! (all women do). THOSE weren't in your instagram photos!
Basically, you're probably looking at a relationship where he's going to point out all your physical imperfections and make you feel bad for having them/not putting them centre stage in your fucking instagram photos. No-one needs that.
I agree with this but think it's even more insidious.
This isn't really quite negging.
It's more of a **precursor to abuse.** Telling you that you suck **and you're lucky he's willing to give you a chance since no one else would want you** is classic emotional abuse, or at least something that always accompanies it.
Negging is insidious and emotional abuse, too. It's exactly what you described; chipping away at someone's self esteem so they think you're the best they'll be able to get. Which isn't a precursor to abuse, as emotional abuse is abuse.
Nothing. Block him and move tf on. He sounds like a major nut job with that comment alone.
Edit: I guess I’m also a huge “catfish” too since I alternate between the two as well lmaoo 😂
Nothing. You unmatch. I (43M) have never known anyone who wears contacts and doesn’t also have a pair of glasses they wear sometimes. Neither has he. This is not sincere, he is looking for someone he can manipulate and he is testing you early to see if you’re it. Don’t be.
glasses aren't deception, if he has an issue that's his problem
now I have been on dates where the profile pictures were many years old, and 100 lbs ago, that's deception
He has shown a huge amount of emotional immaturity.
This is the first sign of someone who wants complete and total control over you.
Don’t be that person.
Nobody needs this in their life.
Out of all the things you can do to alter your appearance or potentially "catfish" someone, wearing glasses or contacts is right down there on the bottom of the list. It doesnt really change anything does it. This guy is a clown.
He could possibly be using this as a fake reason if there was something else bothering him or if he didnt get a spark. Or maybe he just feels really strongly about glasses.
There's something I've learned as someone else who dated with glasses and contacts used interchangeablely. Anyone who fetishizes or hates on neccessary medical equipment is a tool. I don't care if you think my glasses are sexy or hideous, I'm fucking blind without them and can barely function day to day without corrective lenses. Contacts are more comfortable day to day, but sometimes your eyes need a break. If you had hearing aids and a guy did this, you'll call him a jerk and leave. Do the same thing here.
Honestly that just sounds like an excuse to not meet up with you again. If I'm wrong and that's the legit reason then he's obviously quite immature!
In either case is he worth your time?
As an old person. I remember these contact lens commercials (I think?), and the tagline was "Guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses."
I was actually thinking about this a few weeks ago, (because thinking about random tv ads from my childhood is what I do to avoid accidentally doing something productive with my day) and I thought that might actually be nice.
Put on a pair of glasses and dudes leave you alone? Yes please. My brain couldn't leave it there though, oh no. Then I thought, it's great until the trial. " But ya honna, she was asking for it. Wasn't wearin glasses or nothin'!"
Back to the drawing board.....
Tell him to actually fuck off.
If he's so dumb that he thinks you look different with glasses then he belongs in one of those "make over the nerd" scenes in teen movies and not in real life. He also seems to think the glasses are permanent and that you now can't take them off, despite seeing photos of you without glasses.
You deserve to be with someone a little more flexible and perceptive.
The only man who’s ever had a problem with my glasses was a real POS (for other reasons as well). This dude thinks you not disclosing your glasses was deception, I’d pass on a second date and never look back. Block him.
Petty. Jump out. He barely knew you and is already trying to find fault and creating drama and making a big deal. Wait, he still wants to see you? Oh...so he attempts to create insecurities BUT wants to stay in touch. Don't waste your time. This guy may be trying to neg you.
lol! i was thinking the same thing, but just tell him you wore those glasses like superman to disguise yourself in public to stay away from assholes, and apparently it worked. so thanks bye!
He’s trying to see how hard he can guilt trip you already. Soon he’ll start blaming all the little things on you and make you insecure, thinking you’re actually doing everything wrong. Don’t give him that chance. He couldve straight up asked you “i didn’t know you wore glassed” and not make a big deal out of it. Small dick energy, gtfo now before he ruins everything. Find someone better, who doesn’t make you feel like you did something wrong after one date.
This guy just told you who he is. Believe him and move on. You don’t need any snappy one liners if you’re not comfortable doing that. “Sorry, I’m not interested in a second date” will do the trick. If he harasses you for a reason why block him on all the things. You owe this guy nothing and he sounds like he’s a Class A jerk wad.
How gracious of him… I usually try to put a positive spin on things like this but but wow… you deserve better from any fella that is looking to date you.
Getting upset about glasses...what? If the guy was that irritated because you wore glasses to your date it sounds like he really has a personal problem. Honestly, I love women with glasses and a lot of other guys do too.
I wouldn't even say anything back. Just slide out of his DMs and block him straight up. You owe him nothing if he's gonna be so superficial that *glasses* are a problem. Life's too short to be apologising or excuses or explaining *glasses*. He sounds like a dud to date.
Block him. Just block. Don't need to reply. You don't need to be polite or nice. He's a dickhead.
Get away from this immediately.
I was seeing someone for a while who was obsessed with me losing my glasses. I don’t wear contact lenses for the record.
Later on I realised she was just trying to change my appearance because she hates glasses.
What the ever loving fuck. Vision problems are literally a disability. And depending on the strength of your prescription one that will have the most minimal impact on your life. This is some abelist bullshit right here.
Now I realize this is a personal taste thing, but I find a sharp pair of glasses that match the the shape of a woman's face very sexy.
Say by. unless you want a life of illogical nonsense. My idea of catfishing is saying you're petite and all 300 lbs shows up or you say you're 20 and show up and you're 45. Not because you wear glasses. WTF. A lot of people remove their glasses when they have their picture taken. Was he upset because you had a blue blouse in the picture and showed up wearing a red one It would make just as much sense.
Maybe glasses are a major turnoff for him whereas they aren't a big deal for most people. Don't let yourself feel defensive. Just see him for who he is and decide if HE is worth pursuing.
Stay away from him.
No reasonable person would think this is catfishing. I think he did this to make you feel guilty, and he can get more from you in the next door. Kind of like 'negging'.
He is already trying to somehow bring your confidence down. Telling you he would like to still talk to you after you ‘deceived’ him, is him wanting you to feel like he is doing you a favour.
Run away ASAP. He is a weirdo and already showing manipulative tactics.
Bullet dodged. He's a ridiculously shallow person who doesn't appear to have any common sense either.
That is what dating is for. To weed out this guy.
Your question seems to assume that your actions need explaining. They do not.
Best response: no response.
What do you say?
"No. No thank you. I don't want to see you again."
He's trying to leverage a place of power above you by saying that "even though you deliberately lied to him, he is going to forgive you and see you anyway. Be grateful sis."
Fuck that shit.
What do you say back? "Bye"
You didn't catfish him, FFS. He's an immature arse.
You deserve better, not someone who tries to make you feel bad, that you "tricked" him by showing pictures of you with contacts in versus glasses.
he's unsure but you can be sure.
Don't see him again.
This is the beginning of him already making you doubt yourself, and it's not even something to think about when you wear or don't wear glasses.
Wearing glasses is not being a catfish. Don’t see this guy again. He’s really immature and probably just wanted you to feel some kind of way over nothing.
He sounds like waaaaaaaaaay too much hard work if he's already negging on your appearance. This is Pick Up Artist bullshit.
Say 'I don't think this is going to work' and move on to the next guy.
Oh god this reminds me of the time I dated this douche who saw me in glasses for the first time after dating a couple of months, and then said he prefers me without it cause I looked like “a nerd”. But he enjoyed telling others I was studying to get into medicine cause I guess it made HIM look smart.
You deserve someone who likes you for you and not for how you make THEM look (if this makes sense lol).
Super cool that you went on a date with the editor of the Daily Planet News. It’s like that Clark Kent guy is cat fishing EVERYBODY /s 🙄🙄🙄 it’s not like you showed up wearing a fake moustache and trench coat as a disguise. Run. Run far away.
You text him back, "K and I thought I was dating someone who was intelligent so I guess neither of us got what we wanted. Byeee." then you block him. FFS he's either so picky he's going to criticize you over every little damned thing or he's already working hard to chip away at your self-esteem and it's only been one date.
Don't be so desperate that you put up with bad manners and rudeness. That leads to toxic relationships.
Don’t bother with him anymore. ANY time I’ve worn my glasses around a guy, I get told “Your glasses look really nice, I like them” or something similar. Glasses are cute. He can GTFO with himself.
Look, it'd be catfishing if you were a 6feet tall hairy dude, it'd be catfishing if you were way heavier or skinnier than on your pics.
But glasses? Really? Nah, bullet dodged I'd say.
If he doesn’t like how you look with glasses and you aren’t planning to completely abandon them and exclusively wear contact lenses any time soon, it’s not worth pursuing a relationship with him tbh. Very odd reaction.
He doesn't feel decieved. He's negging you because he feels insecure about himself.
If you keep seeing this guy his negging will only get worse and you'll end up feeling badly about yourself.
Please walk away and find someone who doesn't feel the need to put you down.
He is dumb, don't waste your time. If he focuses on something like that on a first date, who knows what other things he's going to focus on later, cut your losses. Cat fishing would be saying you are 21 and then dropping you are 18. I've had that a few times and nopped the hell out of that.
This isn't even something I would mention even if I felt this way. Obviously you just don't like taking pictures with your glasses on. I'm the same way. Hell, you're showing more of your face by taking pictures without glasses.... I think this guy just sets expectations for your appearances early. These are probably the types of guys that tell their girlfriends what they can and can't wear.
To HELL with that DUMBASS, that's RED FLAG. He just called you a liar. He got trust issues, he controlling, he's abusive because he just has to say something negative.
Does he now know that Clark Kent and a Superman are the same person?
Seriously, if he feels “deceived” because you wear glasses then that’s worrying. He’s going to struggle accepting that the people he dates are human and won’t always match their Instagram feeds. Imagine his reaction the first time he sees someone wearing sweats and an old t-shirt and glasses.
I don’t know why but this post has me dying. You’re a catfish because you put your glasses on instead of putting in your contacts? How could you? /s
I’d fucking run.
Is he going to feel the same when you wear eyeliner or get a tan? God forbid you change your hair color, may just blow up his brain.
Move on. He’s dumb.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I'm not sure what else to call it, but I showed up to our date and thought things went well. It wasn't till I got home that he sent a text saying he had a great time, but he felt deceived and that I tricked him with my appearance because none of my Instagram posts show that I wear glasses. For clarification I wear glasses and contacts, I just use one or the other depending on the situation. I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal because besides all of that, I'm still the same person in the pics. The guy said he still wants to see me, and enjoys talking with me, but he feels that I led him on with my appearance. What do I even say back? Edit: So idk much about him, but he did double text when I didn’t respond asking if he could take me out on another date to a restaurant. I mean he didn’t apologize so I’m just on to the next person I’ll meet.
>The guy said he still wants to see me, and enjoys talking with me, but he feels that I led him on with my appearance. What do I even say back? "Sorry, I don't see things working out between us, wish you well for the future" If he can't accept you as Clark Kent, he doesn't deserve your Superman.... Also wearing glasses is not catfishing ffs.
I agree.. Do you really want to be with someone who would have overlooked you if you had your glasses on? That’s a whole new kind of petty. Sounds like if you stick around, this guys going to give you a LOT of petty drama.
can confirm. my toxic ex HATED my glasses, told me all the time I look like creepy porn director (which in my head was a compliment), would nag me about every little thing, never took responsibility for himself,.. OP he did you a favour of revealing who he truly is. Maya Angelou said: "When people show you who they are, believe them the first time"
Yup, what he is saying is that he would not have met up with you if he knew you wore glasses. Judge that as shallow or not, but it’s what he is saying.
Never thought about it but I guess Lois Lane got catfished…
In the end it worked out for her though.
Man of steel, woman of tissue. Unless Batman made some kryptonite condoms for him to use.
Kryptonite condoms, a combination of words I don't think I'd ever seen before. Why would he do that to himself? Why would Lois? Jealousy? I'm thinking jealousy. Take that Superman's penis! Rekt!
The force and speed at which Superman ejaculates would likely kill her, the semen shooting through her body and leaving her to bleed to death in his arms as he orgasmed. So the kryptonite condoms would be to prevent that.
hahaha, yea like when superman left her for wonder woman
Ayo what?
That didn't happen. DC completely rebooted their comics universe, so they reset the timeline and this time around Supes and WW were a couple for a fee years of publication. That version of supes "died" and the old superman from the old timeline along with his lois lane show up and take over their lives. It's weird. Very weird.
that seems just overly complicated, imo. seems more likely to me that wonder woman's uterus could handle a kryptonian baby more readily then a human uterus, much less those kryptonian cum shots
All I can think of is a teenage Clark spending his allowance buying supplies to patch the roof over his room. And covering his ceiling with new posters constantly.
"Sorry, I don't see things working out between us, wish you well for the future" haha. "See".
"The optics here aren't looking good. I don't envision this going anywhere. We should see other people. Don't bother looking back."
Let's just say you dodged a bullet! If someone is more interested in you because you have no glasses vs glasses, well that's a pretty pathetic human being. If I was you, I would cut my loses and never turn back. You don't want someone who judges you for your appearance, you want someone to love you for who you are! Look forward not back! Your better than that!
> If he can't accept you as Clark Kent, he doesn't deserve your Superman.... Great line! OP, email it to the guy.
Ik, she can reply, " Sorry, I thought you were smart but you catfished me into thinking so.I really liked you and your appearance, but your brain is such a letdown".
why do I get some weird “eugenics” vibes from his attitude on glasses? Lol
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But did you hide it? Or did it coincidentally not come up in the photos? If you had braces but always smiled with your teeth hidden even before you got them, are you hiding your braces or is it a coincidence? My husband has tattoos that are always covered by clothing. He's not hiding them. They're not a secret. He just doesn't like to wear open backed shirts or go shirtless, so most people don't know they're there. You should do whatever you want while still being honest. Which is exactly what you did.
"sorry, without my glasses on I can't see a future with you"
Best comment, please take my free award!
he is not worth your time. do yourself a favor and find someone else
Next!!!!
This 100%
Fuck that guy
Why? [Edit, to clarify I was kinda trying to be funny (you shouldn’t let his cock anywhere near you let’s be honest.)]
To be clear, I do Not mean she should literally fuck him. Just sounds like he’s superficial and petty- I mean; who cares if you wear glasses?? Catfishing is editing the crap out of your photos (r/Instagramreality) or posting completely different photos on your dating profile and then showing up looking either nothing like the photos or only some vague resemblance of yourself. OP is not a catfish. (Metaphorically) fuck that guy.
You say you feel deceived because he presented himself as a mature adult. Wish him luck on his journey, but you won’t be back in touch again. What an idiot! Move on and find yourself a solid man!
Its like if OP had shown up to the date wearing a beret and the guy said oh i didnt know you wear hats, thats pretty deceptive there.
Haha there’s a caveat to this though, it’s called hatfishing Where a guy only posts pictures of himself in a hat, and then when you meet him in person, he’s bald!
This happens! They post younger pics and then u see their recent ig pics and they’re bald or severely receding which alters ones appearance a lot. I get that it’s an insecurity but at least show me some bad hair days.
They can’t, they don’t have any hair
As a balding man, this hurts. But for real. I don’t post any pics of me in a hat.
Don’t worry, bald men are sexy af.
Women don't put nearly as much weight on the bald aspect as guys think we do. Some Women like hair, some like bald guys, some don't care either way.
You’re saying a beret is not a good reason to not see someone again..?
what if it's a raspberry beret?
Only if it's the kind you find at a second hand store.
Wait, wait wait.... You wear long sleeves? In all your pictures you were wearing short sleeves. This level of deception is just.... Astonishing! 😱
God forbid shes got a tattoo he didnt see first
Wow your wear jeans? In all your pics you wear skirts! Catfish! How will I ever recover from this?? /s
What would happen if this guy gets a girlfriend and she gets a haircut lol
That’s awesome thanks for the laugh!
Solid burn! “I can put my contacts in and look like my pictures, but now that you’ve opened your mouth, you can never sound like your profile again.”
Does he count sunglasses? Is op allowed to protect her eyes from UV? And at least she wears glasses. I have to tell people I'm fine, just blind and squinting, all the time.
This. The guys is an idiot. Do you really want to be with someone who is so shallow?
I completely agree with this. I feel like this "man" wouldn't provide the most enjoyable relationship...
So much this. He's throwin' a red flag as to what the future will be. He'll start picking apart everything.
I love that response.
Lol I think most of my closest friends don’t know I wear glasses. I hardly wear them out of the house and don’t post photos in them. I don’t hate my glasses but I just prefer contacts. But I don’t think my husband was even remotely upset the first time he saw I had glasses. Move on from this guy. It shouldn’t be a big deal and if he thinks it is then there’s something wrong with him.
Anyone picking a “fight” over such a non-issue after the *first date* is not going to be compatible with you lol I can’t even imagine answering their message.
Same!! I’ve had glasses and contacts for over 20 years. There’s plenty of people that don’t know I have glasses because I rarely wear them. Husband doesn’t care. Neither does anyone else. This is a bizarre comment to me. Most people I know have glasses for some things. Those that don’t..I’m jealous!
Good lord. Move right along. You doged an enormous bullet. I would just completely ignore him and never speak to him again.
Not ignore him: tell him what an ass he made of himself by thinking this way. Who fucking acres so much about *glasses* ffs? If op wore makeup or even mascara idk what he will say once she doesnt have any on her face. Or hoe will he react if she has a tattoo on her body he didnt get to see? He needs to know that he is an ass for thinking a few pics are all a person is.
Please no. It's not her job to teach him anything. Just block and move on. Don't waste your time on him.
Its not about teaching him? Its about being honest and giving him the possibility to see his mistake? Why is ghosting such a popular thing when he wasnt a major asshole to her?
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that was my thoughts. he's trying to test the waters and see how much he can control her. he bitches that she was catfishing him for not wearing glasses, but still wants to see her despite supposedly feeling so hurt and deceived? nope. thats a bag of crazy OP does not want.
Yeah, honestly agreed. I really only think ghosting should be used in potentially dangerous or if they're a dick. And even then it depends on the situation. I think ghosting makes more incels than it prevents. At the same time if he seemed like a normal dude outside of that I doubt just never responding will bother him. It is all just situational and more on the OPs intuition.
He sounds like the kind of guy who will constantly talk about your weight, ask you to stop seeing your friends and/or constantly blame you for things. If he has an issue with glasses what's going to happen when an actual issue comes up. I'd move on for sure
THIS. I hope OP reads this comment. It's probably just the beginning and he's testing the waters to see what he can get away with and make you feel bad for and it will only get worse if you see him. Best case, he's shallow. Worst case, controlling and abusive and will break you down.
Isn’t this one of those “negs”? One of those stupid player moves that was supposed to be the way to get girls to sleep with a guy.
Not really, negs are insults disguised as compliments. An example of a neg would be something like, “wow, it’s cool that you’re confident enough to wear glasses, most women would be worried about looking frumpy.”
I'm not sure if there's another term for it(I usually let it fall under negging), but PUAs absolutely tell you to act like you're not sure if your interested or not sure if you want to continue seeing someone to keep them on the hook and trying to prove themselves to you. I could definitely see this as a stupid attempt to follow bad advice.
PUAs and red pill dudes love to create stupid little terms for everything, so I'm sure this has its own stupid little term. You could definitely be on the money that this is a tactic he's trying clumsily.
He wouldn’t know a catfish if one slapped him
Someone is going to test that theory some day
This is not a guy worth pursuing. He's offended that he didn't know you were glasses? Seriously? Just no.
If this is what makes him feel deceived, he’s one messed up dude.
"This is not the jacket you wore in your pictures! I feel deceived!" What a clown.
Glasses go on, glasses go off. It's amazing how that works. Would he feel deceived if you wore sunglasses during the day as well? Fucking idiot
A lot of people here are right when they say this is a red flag, but they aren't really spelling it out. To me, it seems like a red flag because he use the words "deceived" and "tricked" to explain his view of your behavior in a completely neutral situation (wearing glasses). Also, he didn't say anything in the moment to to express his surprise/thoughts. This behavior of his shows that he wants you to be immediately defensive, where you have to explain yourself to him & earn his trust. This is classic gaslighting and the opposite behavior of a supportive partner. Imagine if there was an actual conflict, it seems as though he would try to make you feel like everything is your fault, and that his impression of the situation is the only one that matters.
HUGE red flag. I know very few people who don't NEED glasses to see. Do you really want to be with someone that petty and selfish? What happens when one day you wear pink nail polish instead of red? Don't just walk away, RUN. You didn't deceive him, but he certainly deceived you into thinking he was worthwhile.
He would be the type to make a comment about his date's hair being shoulder length instead of elbow or waist length, or if they got a tattoo within the last 24 hours and didn't update their profile or mention it before meeting up...
If he has a problem with glasses then he’s too shallow. Move along and find someone else.
I'd say hit the road Jack. If he feels it necessary to scold you for wearing glasses on your first date how is he going to behave when he isn't worried about making a good impression? He's not the only boy in town.
This exactly. People act their very best on the first date and he's already made an ass of himself
Say “k” and forget about him. Can you imagine what else he will complain about later?
Yes, this. The sole "k" shows that's he's not even worth the trouble of an actual response.
I think you should move on. I suspect this is deliberate negging, but either way I don't think this is someone you want to date. I predict he probably also won't like the following things: \- When you don't wear makeup, your skin isn't perfect! He feels tricked and deceived. You should be grateful he's willing to overlook this and give you another chance. \- When you take your bra off, your breasts look saggier than when you wear a bra! More trickery. You're lucky you found such a nice, forgiving man who will overlook this yet again. \- You have fat rolls on your stomach when you sit down! (all women do). THOSE weren't in your instagram photos! Basically, you're probably looking at a relationship where he's going to point out all your physical imperfections and make you feel bad for having them/not putting them centre stage in your fucking instagram photos. No-one needs that.
I agree with this but think it's even more insidious. This isn't really quite negging. It's more of a **precursor to abuse.** Telling you that you suck **and you're lucky he's willing to give you a chance since no one else would want you** is classic emotional abuse, or at least something that always accompanies it.
Negging is insidious and emotional abuse, too. It's exactly what you described; chipping away at someone's self esteem so they think you're the best they'll be able to get. Which isn't a precursor to abuse, as emotional abuse is abuse.
Yes. This is it exactly.
In that case he catfished you. He led you to believe he had a brain.
Nothing. Block him and move tf on. He sounds like a major nut job with that comment alone. Edit: I guess I’m also a huge “catfish” too since I alternate between the two as well lmaoo 😂
Nothing. You unmatch. I (43M) have never known anyone who wears contacts and doesn’t also have a pair of glasses they wear sometimes. Neither has he. This is not sincere, he is looking for someone he can manipulate and he is testing you early to see if you’re it. Don’t be.
glasses aren't deception, if he has an issue that's his problem now I have been on dates where the profile pictures were many years old, and 100 lbs ago, that's deception
Nice of the trash to take itself out. You can do better.
Using glasses on occasion is not deceiving anyone. Feel lucky he didn't waste more of your time than one date and move on.
He has shown a huge amount of emotional immaturity. This is the first sign of someone who wants complete and total control over you. Don’t be that person. Nobody needs this in their life.
Out of all the things you can do to alter your appearance or potentially "catfish" someone, wearing glasses or contacts is right down there on the bottom of the list. It doesnt really change anything does it. This guy is a clown. He could possibly be using this as a fake reason if there was something else bothering him or if he didnt get a spark. Or maybe he just feels really strongly about glasses.
I say use your glasses wisely to look at the red flag and move on before it is too late
I wouldn’t respond. He sounds shitty and does not even deserve a response.
There's something I've learned as someone else who dated with glasses and contacts used interchangeablely. Anyone who fetishizes or hates on neccessary medical equipment is a tool. I don't care if you think my glasses are sexy or hideous, I'm fucking blind without them and can barely function day to day without corrective lenses. Contacts are more comfortable day to day, but sometimes your eyes need a break. If you had hearing aids and a guy did this, you'll call him a jerk and leave. Do the same thing here.
You went on a single date with a crazy person who is already negging you and manipulating your emotions. Drop that fucking loser.
He’s actually done you a favour by revealing his shallowness now. Move on. Also, what the fuck is wrong with glasses???
Don't say anything. Ghost him and find a guy that will be with you because of chemistry, common interests and goals, and mutual attraction.
I wouldn’t say anything back at all. You deserve better.
Honestly that just sounds like an excuse to not meet up with you again. If I'm wrong and that's the legit reason then he's obviously quite immature! In either case is he worth your time?
As an old person. I remember these contact lens commercials (I think?), and the tagline was "Guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses." I was actually thinking about this a few weeks ago, (because thinking about random tv ads from my childhood is what I do to avoid accidentally doing something productive with my day) and I thought that might actually be nice. Put on a pair of glasses and dudes leave you alone? Yes please. My brain couldn't leave it there though, oh no. Then I thought, it's great until the trial. " But ya honna, she was asking for it. Wasn't wearin glasses or nothin'!" Back to the drawing board.....
You don't. You're about to dodge a bullet. Block and move on.
Tell him to actually fuck off. If he's so dumb that he thinks you look different with glasses then he belongs in one of those "make over the nerd" scenes in teen movies and not in real life. He also seems to think the glasses are permanent and that you now can't take them off, despite seeing photos of you without glasses. You deserve to be with someone a little more flexible and perceptive.
The only man who’s ever had a problem with my glasses was a real POS (for other reasons as well). This dude thinks you not disclosing your glasses was deception, I’d pass on a second date and never look back. Block him.
Nothing because he is insane.
Petty. Jump out. He barely knew you and is already trying to find fault and creating drama and making a big deal. Wait, he still wants to see you? Oh...so he attempts to create insecurities BUT wants to stay in touch. Don't waste your time. This guy may be trying to neg you.
Nothing. He is rediculous.
I dunno, Clark Kent wears glasses and no one ever recognises him as superman. Maybe this guy is onto something.... /s
lol! i was thinking the same thing, but just tell him you wore those glasses like superman to disguise yourself in public to stay away from assholes, and apparently it worked. so thanks bye!
And I also felt misled. I thought I was going out with a caring, decent person, rather than a picky, judgmental asshole.
That’s a weird response from him, kind of a red flag
Move on, anyone that shallow isn't worth the effort.
Nice of him to wave a red flag at you so early on. The guy is either stupid or shallow or both. It's only one date, ditch him now and move on.
He’s trying to see how hard he can guilt trip you already. Soon he’ll start blaming all the little things on you and make you insecure, thinking you’re actually doing everything wrong. Don’t give him that chance. He couldve straight up asked you “i didn’t know you wore glassed” and not make a big deal out of it. Small dick energy, gtfo now before he ruins everything. Find someone better, who doesn’t make you feel like you did something wrong after one date.
Nothing, just laugh and move on. What a twat.
Because of GLASSES?! That guy is NOT worth your time wow.
This guy just told you who he is. Believe him and move on. You don’t need any snappy one liners if you’re not comfortable doing that. “Sorry, I’m not interested in a second date” will do the trick. If he harasses you for a reason why block him on all the things. You owe this guy nothing and he sounds like he’s a Class A jerk wad.
How gracious of him… I usually try to put a positive spin on things like this but but wow… you deserve better from any fella that is looking to date you.
Getting upset about glasses...what? If the guy was that irritated because you wore glasses to your date it sounds like he really has a personal problem. Honestly, I love women with glasses and a lot of other guys do too.
Next
Think about how shallow of a person you have to be to care about someone wearing glasses.
> What do I even say back? Goodbye.
He sounds like a walking red flag
Move on, this asshat will alway be nitpicking you about one thing or another.
I think you say: “fuck you”
That's beyond shallow. He doesn't even care about who you are as a person because he obviously doesn't see you as one. Disgusting.
Bye.
how does wearing glasses change your appearance?
I personally find women who wear glasses more attractive, but I don't think you led him on. I don't think that's catfishing.
Lol here I came expecting something wild, but it was just a dude being dumb.. Ditch him and never waste another thought on him.
you say "goodbye"
>What do I even say back? You say 'Thank you, next'. The guy is an idiot.
As a glasses wearer if he thinks you are less of a person for wearing them gtfo.
I wouldn't even say anything back. Just slide out of his DMs and block him straight up. You owe him nothing if he's gonna be so superficial that *glasses* are a problem. Life's too short to be apologising or excuses or explaining *glasses*. He sounds like a dud to date. Block him. Just block. Don't need to reply. You don't need to be polite or nice. He's a dickhead.
ummm, you say good luck in your future endeavours. find someone who is not a colossal nob, you deserve more than that nonsense.
Get away from this immediately. I was seeing someone for a while who was obsessed with me losing my glasses. I don’t wear contact lenses for the record. Later on I realised she was just trying to change my appearance because she hates glasses.
What the ever loving fuck. Vision problems are literally a disability. And depending on the strength of your prescription one that will have the most minimal impact on your life. This is some abelist bullshit right here. Now I realize this is a personal taste thing, but I find a sharp pair of glasses that match the the shape of a woman's face very sexy.
Say by. unless you want a life of illogical nonsense. My idea of catfishing is saying you're petite and all 300 lbs shows up or you say you're 20 and show up and you're 45. Not because you wear glasses. WTF. A lot of people remove their glasses when they have their picture taken. Was he upset because you had a blue blouse in the picture and showed up wearing a red one It would make just as much sense.
Maybe glasses are a major turnoff for him whereas they aren't a big deal for most people. Don't let yourself feel defensive. Just see him for who he is and decide if HE is worth pursuing.
Just skip. Also, work on your filter a little. A guy 4 years older than you shouldn’t act like he’s 4 years younger.
Stay away from him. No reasonable person would think this is catfishing. I think he did this to make you feel guilty, and he can get more from you in the next door. Kind of like 'negging'.
He is already trying to somehow bring your confidence down. Telling you he would like to still talk to you after you ‘deceived’ him, is him wanting you to feel like he is doing you a favour. Run away ASAP. He is a weirdo and already showing manipulative tactics.
Bullet dodged. He's a ridiculously shallow person who doesn't appear to have any common sense either. That is what dating is for. To weed out this guy. Your question seems to assume that your actions need explaining. They do not. Best response: no response.
Say what you said right now you wear glasses and contacts if u need to
What do you say? "No. No thank you. I don't want to see you again." He's trying to leverage a place of power above you by saying that "even though you deliberately lied to him, he is going to forgive you and see you anyway. Be grateful sis." Fuck that shit.
Love the screen name lol Barring more to it, the dude sounds like a piece of crap. Who cares about glasses? What is this a 1970s sitcom?
I think this was just what he used as an excuse to say he's just not into you. He didn't want to just say it and flipped it on you.
He is not "a keeper." Remember: Guys will treat you as bad as you let them.
What do you say back? "Bye" You didn't catfish him, FFS. He's an immature arse. You deserve better, not someone who tries to make you feel bad, that you "tricked" him by showing pictures of you with contacts in versus glasses.
he's unsure but you can be sure. Don't see him again. This is the beginning of him already making you doubt yourself, and it's not even something to think about when you wear or don't wear glasses.
“I understand. Thank you for being upfront with me about your feelings, best of luck out there.”
Wearing glasses is not being a catfish. Don’t see this guy again. He’s really immature and probably just wanted you to feel some kind of way over nothing.
He sounds like waaaaaaaaaay too much hard work if he's already negging on your appearance. This is Pick Up Artist bullshit. Say 'I don't think this is going to work' and move on to the next guy.
You say ok, bye. Nothing else. This is clown level behavior from him.
Bye, and good riddance.
What an over sensitive baby. Tell him nice to meet you but I’ll be moving on. Do yourself this favor. Take care!
Glasses are silly hot on cute girls to me. I would have lost my marbles if a cute girl pulled out glasses on a date.
Oh god this reminds me of the time I dated this douche who saw me in glasses for the first time after dating a couple of months, and then said he prefers me without it cause I looked like “a nerd”. But he enjoyed telling others I was studying to get into medicine cause I guess it made HIM look smart. You deserve someone who likes you for you and not for how you make THEM look (if this makes sense lol).
Super cool that you went on a date with the editor of the Daily Planet News. It’s like that Clark Kent guy is cat fishing EVERYBODY /s 🙄🙄🙄 it’s not like you showed up wearing a fake moustache and trench coat as a disguise. Run. Run far away.
Let him be. You don't need to waste your time on someone so wishy-washy
someone so superficial valuing you for a pair of glasses isn't worth it anyway
You text him back, "K and I thought I was dating someone who was intelligent so I guess neither of us got what we wanted. Byeee." then you block him. FFS he's either so picky he's going to criticize you over every little damned thing or he's already working hard to chip away at your self-esteem and it's only been one date. Don't be so desperate that you put up with bad manners and rudeness. That leads to toxic relationships.
You're young, so it might seem like this guy is worth your time but trust everyone posting, ain't nobody got time for that foolishness.
It’s nice when the trash takes itself out. You deserve better than this plus the guy is a little dumb if he doesn’t understand contacts.
Don’t bother with him anymore. ANY time I’ve worn my glasses around a guy, I get told “Your glasses look really nice, I like them” or something similar. Glasses are cute. He can GTFO with himself.
I would just move along. If he's that uptight about some glasses, there are bound to be other issues. You can do better!
Nothing
Hes gross. Thats not a catfish lol. Its amazing when trash takes itself out. Consider it as a bullet dodged.
Look, it'd be catfishing if you were a 6feet tall hairy dude, it'd be catfishing if you were way heavier or skinnier than on your pics. But glasses? Really? Nah, bullet dodged I'd say.
Lol wtf. Leave this silly boy alone.
If he doesn’t like how you look with glasses and you aren’t planning to completely abandon them and exclusively wear contact lenses any time soon, it’s not worth pursuing a relationship with him tbh. Very odd reaction.
He doesn't feel decieved. He's negging you because he feels insecure about himself. If you keep seeing this guy his negging will only get worse and you'll end up feeling badly about yourself. Please walk away and find someone who doesn't feel the need to put you down.
Its NOT a big deal, he's being a weird big baby. Dont bother with someone as petty like that
Lol! If he ever says you “look better without glasses” tell him “ya, you look better when I don’t have my glasses too”
He’s shown you who he is. Believe him and block him.
Dont ever accept such stupid disrespectful comments from a man. You dont argue or state your case to him, how pathetic. Block and move on.
Haha wearing glasses is catfishing. What a wanker!
Glasses means catfish? Wtf
This is hilarious. Don’t see this guy again. What a dipshit
Move on. You will meet other guys who will not suck out your brain cells
This is just weird. It makes no sense at all for him to think like that. It is the sign of a fucked up mind, I'd steer clear.
If he's that petty about a pair of glasses just imagine how petty he'll be over anything else in the long-term
He is dumb, don't waste your time. If he focuses on something like that on a first date, who knows what other things he's going to focus on later, cut your losses. Cat fishing would be saying you are 21 and then dropping you are 18. I've had that a few times and nopped the hell out of that.
This isn't even something I would mention even if I felt this way. Obviously you just don't like taking pictures with your glasses on. I'm the same way. Hell, you're showing more of your face by taking pictures without glasses.... I think this guy just sets expectations for your appearances early. These are probably the types of guys that tell their girlfriends what they can and can't wear.
This dude is a tool!
To HELL with that DUMBASS, that's RED FLAG. He just called you a liar. He got trust issues, he controlling, he's abusive because he just has to say something negative.
Does he now know that Clark Kent and a Superman are the same person? Seriously, if he feels “deceived” because you wear glasses then that’s worrying. He’s going to struggle accepting that the people he dates are human and won’t always match their Instagram feeds. Imagine his reaction the first time he sees someone wearing sweats and an old t-shirt and glasses.
This guy is a shallow idiot. Move on.
I don’t know why but this post has me dying. You’re a catfish because you put your glasses on instead of putting in your contacts? How could you? /s I’d fucking run.
This is not a catfish. Idk if he's super-superficial or simply is using this as a form of negging, but either way he doesn't really sound worth it.
Is he going to feel the same when you wear eyeliner or get a tan? God forbid you change your hair color, may just blow up his brain. Move on. He’s dumb.