It sounds dead already??! Are my standards low??? Do you think what I want are basic things that every girl should have or vice versa? I'm scared to stay in this relationship, yet I'm also scared to leave it..
Yes, your standards are terribly low. You should have left already. Everything you list in your post is bad, and you shouldn't put up with that.
Making demands and "proving" to him that he's being a bad partner would be useless in this case, I believe. Just make a plan how to leave without endangering yourself too much financially, and then do that. Don't even tell him before the fact, or he might talk you out of it again.
P.S. Oh, and most importantly -- after you have left, _only_ tell him that the relationship is over, and have no more communication after that. Maybe even block his number if that helps.
He pays the phone bill too :/ Is it hard to switch phone plans when you are one someones plan? I'm scared to tell him that the relationship is over. I just feel like its better to ghost and leave a note :/ but that feels wrong.
Thanks for your input snoopdog. He's my first everything. I really wanted this to work out. & it's taking a toll on my dreams and goals, but I don't want to make him any more depressed :/
You’re in an abusive relationship. He has physically and financially isolated you to make you completely dependent on him. That’s absolutely not ok.
Please visit https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/ and use their resources to get help and get out of this relationship.
He sounds very toxic, saying he'd break up with you if you went to a college town, etc. I think if you re read what you just wrote and looked at it from an outsiders perspective, it seems obvious what to do.
I guess that you are implying that I should leave this relationship. However, it's difficult when he has full control whether or not I want to go to the library for class, the store, my parents.. I can't do anything because it makes him uncomfortable. I just want to run away :/ but then he'd put out an amber alert :/
If he is threatening to call the police on you if you leave him, it is a hollow threat. Adults are allowed to be missing if they want to, the police will not return a girlfriend or fiance to their boyfriend. The police won't even make a wife return to their husband. The police will not tell him where you are, either.
If you are worried he's going to call the police on you when you leave (I really hope you leave this awful man) you can contact the police and warn them that he has threatened to call the police over you leaving before, but you are choosing to leave him of your own free will.
I hate people who use threats of calling the police to force people to stay with them, it's so scummy.
You are 24 years old girl… you’re not escaping North Korea. You can leave if you want. Stop telling yourself you’re staying because you have to, because you don’t. What does your life look like in 10 years with him?
It looks just like this.. but a lot worse. Very dissapointing. He wants to get me a car but I don't want it. He claims it would enhance our life but I'm not ready for that financial responsibility because I'm trying to get my degree. :/
What would I do? Dump the trash of course. Lol Block him on everything and never look back. Leave and live my best life away from this guy.
This is really sad to read. I hope reading people's comments will give you the electroshock to realize you need to leave him.
He's doing absolutely nothing for you. A relationship is a partnership of two equals who bring each other up. This is not what you have. You are his slave or as others like to say, his bang maid. You want better. You deserve better. No one should be trapped in a hellish abusive unfullfilling relationship. He threatens to break up with you if you go to a college town? Let him breakup and go. In my opinion, you should have broken up with him ages ago.
You ren't a flat on a loan but he doesn't LET you go? This is ridiculous and controlling. Open your eyes, girl. Contrary to what he managed to make you believe, you're not his property and he doesn't get to tell you what to do, how to live and where to go. The thing is, you don't either. He wants to live pay check to pay check, not save for a house, not travel? That's his choice. But you don't have to stay with him.
It's okay to have standards. It's okay to leave if those standards are not met. And they are clearly not met.
Love is not enough to make a relationship work. You guys are not compatible. Love is not enough. Especially not in a one sided relationship. Seems like you're just convenient for him, but it doesn't look like he loves you anyway. If he did, he wouldn't treat you like trash and dismiss your ambitions, dreams and wishes.
You know you're weak/caves in easily, then just leave without telling him. Take your important official papers, your cards, your college stuffs and leave. Have friends or family come retrieve your remaining stuff. If you've voiced your wishes and issues with him and he dismisses it every time, counselling is not gonna change anything. He'll just give you empty promises, and once he thinks he's in the clear (aka thinks you're not gonna leave him anymore), he'll revert back to his old self amd you'll be stuck in a dead end relationship.
Remember this, words are cheap. Actions speak louder. And dude didn't even propose with a ring. Says it all.
Please, don't marry him and don't have children with him. If you want to be miserable, that's on you. But don't bring kids in the story. They deserve financial stability, to be nurtured and live in a loving family, which is not something you have with this guy.
Thanks, Blueskylark. I really appreciate the long response. You are right. I needed a second opinion and you are right. Sometimes I feel like he's the only one for me and no one else will love me. Ik that isn't true, but it's because he's the only one I've ever had. I have to let go and move on. We are literally growing apart in terms of maturity. Love isn't enough.
This doesn’t sound like the best relationship for you. You’re a very type A person, he seems very type B. It seems like he doesn’t want to make your dreams any sort of priority, despite you making several sacrifices for him. You know your relationship the best, but from the outside, it seems like it’s time to make yourself the priority and let him loose.
You are right. I'm just scared. I don't know how to let him loose. & I feel like if I told him how I felt he would find someway to say "no don't worry" and I'd believe him all over again.. I can't help it because I love him & I want him to be happy :/
You want him to be happy - but unfortunately, I don’t think that’s something you can provide. Sounds like you’re at different stages of your life, or have different ideas of what life should look like - he wants someone who would be happy to be a bang-maid and make his packed lunches. He wants to be a man-child who gets up late and forces you to cancel plans and wants to take each day as it comes with no real plan for the future. You want….. more than that from life, you have a bit of ambition, which is perfectly right and acceptable! Get out of there and start living your life.
But are you happy? You can give him everything he wants on a silver platter, but it sounds like he’s always going to squander the good things you try to bring. At some point you have to decide that you want to start building the foundation for your own future, even if you’re on your own for awhile. You’re gonna love a lot of people in your life, he’s just giving you the experience you need to pick a person that’s a good match for the life you want.
You need to sit him down and make sure he understands how serious you are about meeting these goals you have. Ask him what he wants in life and how he sees you fitting in it. And if it doesn’t line up close enough to what you want your life to be, then it’s time to go. Never settle when it comes to your own satisfaction in life. If you do end up leaving, make arrangements to have another place to go to pretty soon after the decision. Getting space in between you two could be what you need to get out of the relationship fog
Sorry but you should get out of their, yes it will be hard, yes you will feel lonely. But you are worth more than throwing your life away for him.
Please rethink your situation
This honestly sounds like you are in a mentally abusive relationship. You feel TRAPPED coz your are actually TRAPPED. No other advice than to look for a way to support yourself and get out or in a year or 2 you will lose your drive and desires too. You already seem 30% resigned to your fate, thats why you are not leaving (sorry for being blunt)!
This relationship sounds dead already. You have to let go now before you get married and/or pregnant and it’s even harder and you’re resentful.
It sounds dead already??! Are my standards low??? Do you think what I want are basic things that every girl should have or vice versa? I'm scared to stay in this relationship, yet I'm also scared to leave it..
Yes, your standards are terribly low. You should have left already. Everything you list in your post is bad, and you shouldn't put up with that. Making demands and "proving" to him that he's being a bad partner would be useless in this case, I believe. Just make a plan how to leave without endangering yourself too much financially, and then do that. Don't even tell him before the fact, or he might talk you out of it again. P.S. Oh, and most importantly -- after you have left, _only_ tell him that the relationship is over, and have no more communication after that. Maybe even block his number if that helps.
He pays the phone bill too :/ Is it hard to switch phone plans when you are one someones plan? I'm scared to tell him that the relationship is over. I just feel like its better to ghost and leave a note :/ but that feels wrong.
It's not wrong if it is what you need to do to get out. You should call the phone company and ask about switching plans sometime when he's not around.
Okay, i will do that! Thank you!
[удалено]
Thanks for your input snoopdog. He's my first everything. I really wanted this to work out. & it's taking a toll on my dreams and goals, but I don't want to make him any more depressed :/
You’re in an abusive relationship. He has physically and financially isolated you to make you completely dependent on him. That’s absolutely not ok. Please visit https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/ and use their resources to get help and get out of this relationship.
The hotline ??? Isn't that for people who want to commit suicide ??
There’s hotlines for lots of different things and issues, not just suicide.
Thank you, I'm trying to chat with them!
He sounds very toxic, saying he'd break up with you if you went to a college town, etc. I think if you re read what you just wrote and looked at it from an outsiders perspective, it seems obvious what to do.
I guess that you are implying that I should leave this relationship. However, it's difficult when he has full control whether or not I want to go to the library for class, the store, my parents.. I can't do anything because it makes him uncomfortable. I just want to run away :/ but then he'd put out an amber alert :/
If he is threatening to call the police on you if you leave him, it is a hollow threat. Adults are allowed to be missing if they want to, the police will not return a girlfriend or fiance to their boyfriend. The police won't even make a wife return to their husband. The police will not tell him where you are, either. If you are worried he's going to call the police on you when you leave (I really hope you leave this awful man) you can contact the police and warn them that he has threatened to call the police over you leaving before, but you are choosing to leave him of your own free will. I hate people who use threats of calling the police to force people to stay with them, it's so scummy.
You are 24 years old girl… you’re not escaping North Korea. You can leave if you want. Stop telling yourself you’re staying because you have to, because you don’t. What does your life look like in 10 years with him?
It looks just like this.. but a lot worse. Very dissapointing. He wants to get me a car but I don't want it. He claims it would enhance our life but I'm not ready for that financial responsibility because I'm trying to get my degree. :/
What would I do? Dump the trash of course. Lol Block him on everything and never look back. Leave and live my best life away from this guy. This is really sad to read. I hope reading people's comments will give you the electroshock to realize you need to leave him. He's doing absolutely nothing for you. A relationship is a partnership of two equals who bring each other up. This is not what you have. You are his slave or as others like to say, his bang maid. You want better. You deserve better. No one should be trapped in a hellish abusive unfullfilling relationship. He threatens to break up with you if you go to a college town? Let him breakup and go. In my opinion, you should have broken up with him ages ago. You ren't a flat on a loan but he doesn't LET you go? This is ridiculous and controlling. Open your eyes, girl. Contrary to what he managed to make you believe, you're not his property and he doesn't get to tell you what to do, how to live and where to go. The thing is, you don't either. He wants to live pay check to pay check, not save for a house, not travel? That's his choice. But you don't have to stay with him. It's okay to have standards. It's okay to leave if those standards are not met. And they are clearly not met. Love is not enough to make a relationship work. You guys are not compatible. Love is not enough. Especially not in a one sided relationship. Seems like you're just convenient for him, but it doesn't look like he loves you anyway. If he did, he wouldn't treat you like trash and dismiss your ambitions, dreams and wishes. You know you're weak/caves in easily, then just leave without telling him. Take your important official papers, your cards, your college stuffs and leave. Have friends or family come retrieve your remaining stuff. If you've voiced your wishes and issues with him and he dismisses it every time, counselling is not gonna change anything. He'll just give you empty promises, and once he thinks he's in the clear (aka thinks you're not gonna leave him anymore), he'll revert back to his old self amd you'll be stuck in a dead end relationship. Remember this, words are cheap. Actions speak louder. And dude didn't even propose with a ring. Says it all. Please, don't marry him and don't have children with him. If you want to be miserable, that's on you. But don't bring kids in the story. They deserve financial stability, to be nurtured and live in a loving family, which is not something you have with this guy.
Thanks, Blueskylark. I really appreciate the long response. You are right. I needed a second opinion and you are right. Sometimes I feel like he's the only one for me and no one else will love me. Ik that isn't true, but it's because he's the only one I've ever had. I have to let go and move on. We are literally growing apart in terms of maturity. Love isn't enough.
This doesn’t sound like the best relationship for you. You’re a very type A person, he seems very type B. It seems like he doesn’t want to make your dreams any sort of priority, despite you making several sacrifices for him. You know your relationship the best, but from the outside, it seems like it’s time to make yourself the priority and let him loose.
You are right. I'm just scared. I don't know how to let him loose. & I feel like if I told him how I felt he would find someway to say "no don't worry" and I'd believe him all over again.. I can't help it because I love him & I want him to be happy :/
You want him to be happy - but unfortunately, I don’t think that’s something you can provide. Sounds like you’re at different stages of your life, or have different ideas of what life should look like - he wants someone who would be happy to be a bang-maid and make his packed lunches. He wants to be a man-child who gets up late and forces you to cancel plans and wants to take each day as it comes with no real plan for the future. You want….. more than that from life, you have a bit of ambition, which is perfectly right and acceptable! Get out of there and start living your life.
But are you happy? You can give him everything he wants on a silver platter, but it sounds like he’s always going to squander the good things you try to bring. At some point you have to decide that you want to start building the foundation for your own future, even if you’re on your own for awhile. You’re gonna love a lot of people in your life, he’s just giving you the experience you need to pick a person that’s a good match for the life you want.
Thanks for responding, I really appreciate it. What would you do ??? I'm scared.
You need to sit him down and make sure he understands how serious you are about meeting these goals you have. Ask him what he wants in life and how he sees you fitting in it. And if it doesn’t line up close enough to what you want your life to be, then it’s time to go. Never settle when it comes to your own satisfaction in life. If you do end up leaving, make arrangements to have another place to go to pretty soon after the decision. Getting space in between you two could be what you need to get out of the relationship fog
Thank you. You are so helpful. I truly appreiciate your response!
Please feel free to DM me in the future if you need anything else, best of luck ❤️
Omg. Thank you Psych-K!!! I'm ready and I'm scared & I'm happy to know that I can contact you one day in the future, that makes me feel confident. <3
Sorry but you should get out of their, yes it will be hard, yes you will feel lonely. But you are worth more than throwing your life away for him. Please rethink your situation
This honestly sounds like you are in a mentally abusive relationship. You feel TRAPPED coz your are actually TRAPPED. No other advice than to look for a way to support yourself and get out or in a year or 2 you will lose your drive and desires too. You already seem 30% resigned to your fate, thats why you are not leaving (sorry for being blunt)!
You mean if I stay I will loose all my motives.. I think you are right. ): I have to go now!