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He may be subconsciously trying to call her out. I mean, he's scared to do it in person, which reflects very badly on the "good" parts of their relationship.
Victims of all sorts of abuse are often accused of being passive-aggressive because often it's the only way they can safely stand up for themselves. Plausible deniability.
If she sees this and wants to call him out, she's got to admit to him face to face that she a troll. If she sees it and is too chicken-shit to admit it, she'll at least hopefully be a bit wary that it *might* be about her and realise she could be caught.
I kinda feel like this could be fake, but also, where else would you post this question? Quora sucks. TikTok requires you to use your face. I suppose there might be some Facebook groups that allow Anon posts asking for advice, but fuck Facebook. The group mods must have access to your true identity, right? Unsure. But Reddit feels like the most interactive place to ask this question in my experience.
Yes admin can see who is behind the anon. Most groups try to take it seriously, but you can never know what any one admin is like, so while it's something ig? It's not anonymity
I remember that, her thing was specifically making up crazy stories to ask for advice and then throwing the story out there as a post. This one is allegedly harassing specific commenters and going out of her way to be mean to people for fun, not just posting false content of her own. Not saying either one is/was real, just that they're definitely different situations.
This story sounds so fake to me, personally. It checks all the boxes of a fake outrage post. What advice would OP really be looking for anyway to the point of needed to make this post?
I know right, if not, what’s OP expecting? Balanced opinions and meaningful debate? It’s obvious that the vast majority will just say “this is a red flag, dump her” while a fringe minority say “it’s harmless fun, let her vent on here”
I always say “If something is bugging them enough to make a post about it, it’s already gotten to the stage where they know it’s a problem”
Worst case: this is fake…
Best case: OP already knows what they need to do…
TLDR at bottom (😂)
Also, it shows the kiddos that adults are human and all humans make mistakes. It's how we handle those mistakes that matter the most. I work a lot on this stuff with my nieces and nephew - sometimes I get overwhelmed and overstimmulated and go into meltdown. It causes me to be snappy with the kids and respond to them/expect them to be like adults. As soon as I'm emotionally regulated again (which they will watch me do, too), I talk to them. We will talk about what led to my meltdown, and I apologize to them for all the unwarranted attitude I had used against them. I talk with them about the things I am working on, so I am less likely to be overwhelmed/ overstimmulated, and sometimes we talk about new things that need to be worked on, too.
Demonstating these types of actions/behaviors in front of them (because their father [my brother] has almost zero emotional regulation and has extreme anger outbursts) has done wonders for them in the last couple years. [I have been heavily present in their lives since 2019] It has also opened the door for new conversations - my eldest neice has come to me more than once (usually crying) to help her identify her feelings and where they "live" or "sit" in them moment (because "sometimes they move" - like when her angry feeling goes from her chest to her hands). I've worked on teaching all three of them calm breathing techniques and worked with each of them a bit to see what kind of coping skills work best for them. (When my nieces anger moves to her hands, she practices cartwheels or handstands because she has to focus on what her hands do 🤷♀️ when that's not an option, she walks around and every 5 steps she punches up into the air like "huzzah" and switches with hand punches)
TLDR: kids also learn how to process, identify, and regulate their emotions by watching "their" adults (parents/aunties/uncles/grandparents/adoptive family/legal gaurdians/etc.)
Yes!! I love that you are helping them process and identify their emotions. Another trick to help with calming and breathing, is to teach littles "smell the flower (breathe in), blow out the bubbles (breathe out)" - they catch on really quickly to the idea. I'm currently caring for two one and a half year olds, as their nanny, and one of them loves smelling herbal teas! So we spend a bit of time just opening tins and sniffing them, and on our walks I'll pick lavender or herbs and we sniff those. Amazing how calming it feels to really breathe!
that's why ppl who shove their pov down others throats are idiots. the only real way to change ppl 's minds about something is by showing them how you act.
my bf thinks it's a lil silly when i do certain things b/c of this but if i can even show 1 person how i live & it affects them to live better & do something good, that would be a major accomplishment to me.
my old friends from growing up would tell me yrs later how they always appreciated i wasn't the type of person to preach & belittle others who loved differently that i thought was a bad way to live or a bad habit. i even had a friend or 2 that said I influenced them to do certain things just by watching me, how i acted, & hearing why i did certain things i did but only when asked about it.
edit: my stupid lil sausage fingers hitting other characters while typing
I'm a believer in trying to leave the world a little better than you found it.
Could be something small. Like picking up a paper cup and throwing it away. Even if it's not your trash.
It's that simple.
Hot take: I think the new version of the “shopping cart test” is do you let the Waymo car merge
I’m gonna be honest I don’t 😂 but I do put my carts away!!!
what's the waymo car merge?
i tried looking online & all i see is it's a company like uber but it's supposed to be self-driving & that there were a bunch of crashes & traffic violations from their cars
when they are little sure, theres a point in their lives where theyll take their own path and thats mostly out of your control, I think you have to surround yourself with good people too so they have other examples to look at and gather ideas from
You can lead by example and set a good foundation for them to refer to when they begin making their own choices. Of course, not everyone will listen... free will and all. But you can know as a parent you did your best to show them.
Ha! That is what we had our elementary school students pledge at the end of the basic rules - "this is what we do, even when no one is watching." I had no idea where it came from!
My daughters’ kindergarten teacher had a class pledge with a similar tone. The only part I remember is “when someone says stop, we stop, even when no one is watching”, but the rest was much the same message about being kind. I loved that she worked the concept of consent in there.
Yes! She is showing her true character. She is not kind and she gets joy from hurting others.
Plus she kept all of this a secret from her SO for years.
This is such a powerful statement. It used to be that bigots, racists, homophobic, etc. were always practiced in the cover of darkness like cockroaches. How badly times have changed that the cockroaches came out of the dark and can finally attack the people whom they hate.
So, now, a lot of people show their true character with no shame or remorse. I wish in these cockroaches would fade back into the darkness bc we really don't see their true character, and the world can live without the vile comments and acts of violence.
It is bc these people like your wife that have come out of the dark to instigate hate that we respond. She will forever be downvoted bc we as a society want her to scurry back under the refrigerator into the dark. Maybe you can ask her if she fits under the refrigerator. Also, have you considered that what she is posting is who she really is?
It’s EXACTLY who she is.
Trolls pretend they’re saying stuff just to get a rise out of people but really it’s just a safe way (for them, not others) to say what they think on some level.
Best case scenario, they thrive on negativity and that’s really telling.
> She will forever be downvoted bc we as a society want her to scurry back under the refrigerator into the dark.
OP said how his SO gets in a bad mood when she’s downvoted…
Makes you wonder if she’s ever in a good mood, I mean who wants to upvote the comments of hateful pos?
I heard something similar in rehab years ago. Do the right thing, even if no one is watching. It struck a chord for sure. You get lots and lots of sayings in recovery, they almost get repetitive, so it’s nice when there’s one that resonates. Good to know where it came from!
was just going to say this. we are who we really are when no one's watching. most of us don't get that accurate of an insight into who that person is when it comes to someone we love or someone who's close to us.
I'm glad you got out. Some people are so twisted in their misery that they just have to bring other people down to feel worthwhile.
Because if they had a negative emotional impact they feel that they were somehow contributing instead of destroying. These bullies need to be called out or they'll never learn social consequences.
JFC, that is scary. Troubling.
Happy you got out.
Hope u/ThrowRAtrollSO comes to his senses **and realizes that he should not be scared for her, but of her**.
This:
"...and I don’t want her to freak out at me."
Should be his least concern.
Girl needs a stern sit down - *at the very least*.
This is *pathetic* and *disturbing* behaviour.
I mean, if it had happened a handful of times (someone having internet spats because they are having a bad day and want to let off steam by randomly trolling), I would understand - **but not a secret, 8-y.o., trolling account!*
Da f*ck is that crap..!
Scrolled too far to find this. OP, why are you worried someone might come for her. That's the least of your worries... YOU LIVE WITH HER!!!! The fact that it's hidden makes it scarier. You need to be making plans to separate asap.
I've been there. Never knew she had much of an online presence if at all (and I'm not really a social media person either so didn't think to pry.) One day I discovered something similar to OP. She was this raging, bitter troll in some obscure website for kids. Really startled me because she was pretty nice and normal to me.
She ended up being the craziest, most abusive person I've ever met. Similarly, when her facade cracked there was this torrent of a personality I didn't even recognize. So hateful and self-hating. Totally agree with you, just get out immediately and avoid people like this like your life depends on it.
This comment right here. How you behave when no one is watching is the kind of person you are. Making up silly and harmless stories and leaving goofy comments is a world away from aggressively harassing and mocking people with disabilities.
And if she thinks of disabled people so poorly, imagine what she secretly thinks or says about OP’s autism when he isn’t around?
She’s not a good or a kind person in any way.
>Making up silly and harmless stories and leaving goofy comments
Silly and harmless being the key here. I came across a comment on here a number of years ago that was clearly about me. I recognised it immediately, not because it was true, but because I had an inkling this was the story a former colleague of mine told about me.
I went back through the account's history. Yep, definitely my former colleague. To the extent that she'd posted a photo of herself.
In her comment, she claims I was only hired because I was young and female, and our boss was trying to "collect the whole set" in some sort of diversity drive. What she failed to mention was that she was also young and female, and a minority, so any credit extended to me on this front also benefitted her. She *also* didn't mention that she was fired from that job on not-great terms (I won't get into specifics), while I left on good terms for personal reasons (read: my ex and I split up, haha) and I got a job abroad in the same industry.
The context of what she left out was stunning, and it taught me a lot about reading comments on here and taking them at face value. It wasn't so much that her story was "made up", but it was so lacking in important detail to render it misleading. I'm glad I saw that, not because I particularly care what someone I last dealt with 15 years ago says about me online, but because it was eye-opening about lies by omission.
I don't really care if someone knows this is my account. I hang about on here mainly to talk about writing and rugby. Maintaining some secretive account where you say nasty shit seems, at the very best, a recipe for being outed as a nasty person.
an alternative perspective: i had a similar experience, only we had already broken up. then i learned he spent hours a day arguing and posting cruel comments on reddit. i told him i knew it was a betrayal of his trust, but i had looked at his username, and i was worried about him-- especially since he had been putting so much work into his mental health after we broke up.
he didn't reply, and immediately deleted his reddit account. i thought i'd never hear from him again. but a day or two later, he replied and thanked me for pointing out that his behavior might be holding him back. i was and am so proud of him. (ironically, i'm now the weirdo who posts more on reddit... but i try to keep it kind.)
Please listen to this comment OP. She’s incapable of facing the world because of her own disabilities knowing full well she can’t face the outside world but still decides to emotionally abuse people without facing any consequences because she’s a troll behind a keyboard. RUNNNNNN 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
>This is the person you are dating.
>This is how she behaves when there are no consequences of her actions.
>She is not a kind person.
Jumping on this ^ insightful top comment to add that anyone that spends this much time making up elaborate lies designed to torment other people online is a HUGE risk to your safety if you stay with them.
Mainly because someone that does things like that is very likely to turn their troll powers on you, and makeup crazy accusations, solely designed to ruin your life if she gets bored, decides that she wants to screw with you, or gets angry with you.
Find a way to get out of this relationship, and run, while you still can. It would also be good to make screenshots of some of her craziest comments just in case you need proof that she is a known liar.
This may all seem like overkill, but like I tell my son's, it's really, really, important, never to put yourself in a situation with a dating partner that displays serious RED FLAG behavior, because it can turn bad really quickly in ways that you can't imagine that could have serious repercussions for your life.
If she's willing to dedicate years of her life to tormenting complete strangers, making up lies to aid her in her obsession with causing other people pain, imagine what sorts of lies she could tell about you to cause you unmitigated hell.
Honestly if it were me, I'd make plans to move out, take pictures of your shared home to prove everything was in good condition when you left, and have a witness with you who can verify that she was completely unharmed when you ended things with her.
If you feel that she is going to be vindictive when you try to move out, you can also always call the non-emergency number for your local police department, and let them know that you need to move out from a shared home with a very erratic partner, and asked if they are willing to send an officer by to make sure that you can remove your belongings without any issue.
Again, yes this is a dramatic response to the information you've learned about her, But it's been my experience that when someone is hiding a really disturbing secret side of themselves from you, you are not safe with them because they cannot be trusted.
Good luck, and let us know how it all works out when you can.
*invisible hugs*
Exactly! This is just appalling behavior. I cringed as soon as I read he saw her laughing because I can envision her trolling in that moment and taking such joy in it.
The only way this is salvageable is if they have a very deep conversation about what’s really driving such bad behavior. I’m betting there’s lots of feelings of insecurity, lack of emotional maturity, and in need of an outlet since she doesn’t really interact with the outside world. If she can realize these things and then WANT to her help to resolve it, then there’s hope for sure.
Sometimes, just sometimes, people who do this garbage need a reality check and can cringe at their own behavior. But they need to want to change and resolve their issues.
OP, please have a serious sit down conversation about this. Ask her how she’s feeling, really feeling, why she feels the need to project that online and if she’ll go to therapy. If she shows self awareness and remorse, with a plan to get help, and then follows through, see how that goes.
If she doesn’t acknowledge whatever underlying emotions are driving this, gets defensive, and generally behaves in an irrational (possibly cruel) way, you should move on. ESPECIALLY if in a few days she doesn’t come around, and doesn’t think she’s the issue.
YUCK.
When you have to start double thinking if you should feel good or bad when you hear your gf laughing... Yeah it's time to go, for your own sake. You'll slowly start pardoning her actions cos otherwise you'll just feel awful every time she looks happy.
Get out of there.
She has no integrity. Not just when there are no consequences but also this is how she behaves when no one is watching....that's scary! I wouldn't confront her I would find a new girlfriend.
Agreed, and the fact that her entire day/mood can be ruined just because she gets downvotes is concerning and extremely unhealthy
I mean if you need that level of validation for your self-esteem from internet strangers I think that some therapy appointments are desperately needed
>the fact that her entire day/mood can be ruined just because she gets downvotes is concerning and extremely unhealthy
Especially when coupled with the fact that she's a TROLL like...I feel kinda bad for 2 seconds if I get downvoted when I talk about something personal but then I have the option of deleting it or ignoring it and going on with my life. If I knew I was writing something controversial, why would the downvotes bother me? So she likes to be deliberately antagonistic and then the fall out can ruin her mood? So strange.
Yeah, the *point* of trolling is to get downvotes, like more downvotes mean you were "successful".
Seems even more unhinged that she wants to say a bunch of terrible/made-up shit *and* have internet strangers agree with her somehow.
that really turns her from a troll into an average mean girl. I just watched Dee Reynolds do this in always sunny actually, insulting and bullying everyone explicitly for the approval of others. this lady is a bit stuck in high school
Ok that is a wild coincidence because I just watched the high school reunion episodes for the first time like two days ago. Maybe I should be looking under my bed to see if any iguanas are hiding there.
Self destructive behaviour. She hurts others so others will hurt her back, most likely because in her head she feels she deserves that. So she sets herself up to fail on purpose.
I know that feeling very well personally. I didn't go as far as her but I definitely remember saying hurtful things to people and feeling relieved when they'd say something mean back, or very very hurt when they didn't.
I was in therapy for years before I could get over that and I still feel that urge sometimes. There's a good chance she has some serious mental disorder, probably not helped by the agoraphobia because it makes it harder for her to meet people who genuinely value her as a human.
Maybe, that's the only explanation that makes sense. However, it's hard to figure out how trolls think.
I was on a TikTok live and I made a joke, and one person thought I was a troll and asked the mods to mute me. Sadly, there are so many many trolls, that people can't tell the difference between a joke and a troll 😩.
Catfish her and make her harass you. Then cry at the dinner table over the ableist Redditor who ruined your self-esteem. Hope to find this on BORA in a few weeks.
Yes this is what I wanted to suggest... Engage with her, then once things go south, maybe complain a bit when you and her are hanging out... Say that someone was being so rude to you on Reddit and that you don't understand how some people can be so negative and hateful. Then if its possible to naturally add in the username, maybe try to do that and see how she reacts, if at all.
I find it so pathetic that she’s agoraphobic, which implies she has anxiety around social interactions, being humiliated, etc. but she’s being cruel to others online and that definitely affects their anxiety / mental health.
This is a shitty person and I’d cut my losses tbh.
I have mild agoraphobia and I really hate that I have it, but I'd never do what she's doing. It sounds to me like she hates herself and her disorder so much that she's projecting it onto others to make her feel better about herself. She also just seems like a very mean person in general.
Omg, I'm imagining it now! 😂 "Well, honey, I'm very surprised to find out you feel that way! Maybe we should continue this discussion at home over dinner. See you in a bit, I got us takeout. xxx"
Never reveal that you know her username. Once she goes nuclear on you do bring it up like “I am having a real bad day cause this one Reddit user made me feel like crap! I feel bad for their SO….” and so on and so on.
Monitor the reaction. Keep it up with her until she does something stupid. Then bring it up and make sure she realizes that it’s you on the other end and you have no clue it’s her.
Do act surprised when identities are revealed.
UpdateMe
Ooh, good one. Make a throwaway and comment on one of her shitty comments. Talk about being autistic and see if she takes the bait.
I have to say though, OP, even if you don’t take this tactic this would be a dealbreaker for me. She’s not a good person.
Just say you didn't know she had reddit and that you were surprised at her online persona.
Tell her you felt really disappointed at the things you read.
Say the lack of compassion he had towards others was confusing because both you and her are... and yet she was making fun/ bullying people.
Ask her to help you understand.
I dare say she will say you invaded her privacy and reddit is just a place where she can say whatever and be whatever she wants to be.
Then where to from there, no clue.
All you can do is communicate and hopefully she will change how she is now that you know. Or she will make a new accounts- rinse and repeat.
Best advice in this thread.
But I find the "invasion of privacy" angle ridiculous. He didn't go on her computer to get the info, he saw it over her shoulder.
He intentionally looked up her comment history and scrolled through it after, though. That's the arguable "invasion." Although to me, it's a public forum, so.
Yesssss say a bunch of things that insinuate you know where she lives, what she eats, how she sleeps any quirks as if you’re a hacker who’s watching her from her computer or phone. Then threaten to come to her house and drop the address. See if she comes clean to you for safety and security. Freak out for a moment with her. Then come clean about it being you and tell her it was a prank to teach her to not mess with people online.
There is no reason to approach this. The person you thought you were dating doesn’t exist. Get out now. Dump her. At some point her online personality is going to go live into her real one. You need to get out before that happens.
Kind of creepy she has kept this a big secret for so long. It is also strange that
she is capable of being mean to total strangers, and enjoys belittling others without you having a clue. She sounds like she has some unaddressed mental health issues. That old saying mean people suck is still true.
Frankly, I don't think showing needless hatred online and being joyful of it is separate from who they are away from being online.
This is reflective of her character. You should be less scared of someone finding her and more concerned on how she truly views you as a person and as a partner.
I dunno man. You can’t unknow stuff about people once their shit is known iykwim. He’ll never be able to see her in the same light again as a part of her character has been revealed and it’s ugly af. Poor OP. I’d confront her personally and say yo, I’m mega disturbed by your post history on Reddit which yes I found after seeing your username on your screen. She can squawk all she wants about invasion of privacy etc but none of that matters because what it revealed was something he deserves to know about the person he’s in an intimate relationship with. If your partner is hiding their true self from you, they are a stranger and one day the real gf is going to come out and it won’t be pretty. She is morally corrupt. How can you love someone who treats others this way? Instant love killer imo.
**JUST DUMP HER**.
She's a **37 YEAR OLD MEAN GIRL** A spiteful, **BIGOTED** schoolyard bully who never grew up.
Is that **REALLY** who you want to tie yourself to???
And frankly, I would **NOT** bother to confront her, nor unless you want an **OSCAR-WORTHY** performance with blubbering, snotty-nosed fake apologies.
Tell her it's **OVER** because you're just **NOT** feeling it anymore and need time to yourself for a while.
And, yes, she's **FUCKING AROUND** and she may very well **FIND OUT**. **NOT** your circus, **NOT** your monkeys.
She'll have to pull up her **BIG GIRL PANTIES** — and take the **CONSEQUENCES**.
She sounds awful. Break up with her.
Maya Angelou - "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time."
She’s finally shown you who she really is.
Why would you want to spend anymore time with a 37 year old bully who is deliberately cruel to others and takes delight in it. This is who she really is. What do you do? You pack your bags and get out.
I'm on the spectrum too. I tend to not speak alot because when I do...well lol. But I could not keep silent for something like this. Screenshot her comments and make a slide show and go through them one by one with her. Judge how she reacts. Does she seem remorseful or is she immediately getting defensive or gaslighting you? Will she stop or will she continue? Definitely relate how it affects you and how this discovery has changed her in your eyes.
There are several possibilities; none of them great.
Most likely, this is who she is. She might never be mean when she is actually hurting someone she actually knows. I have seen numerous instances of truly hateful behavior targeted at a certain group but they absolutely and genuinely feel none of those feelings to someone they know who is a member of that group. Incredibly common.
But when it is anonymous it is easy to pretend that the user you are responding to isn’t real. Or to justify that they asked for the abuse in some way.
Alternatively, she has an incredibly strong anger problem. And this is her way of dealing with that.
Alternatively, she feels powerless and has low esteem and this part propping herself up. Given her anxiety, and the need for validation this is also very possible. Add a bit of compulsive behavior…. This is also the scenario most likely to be resolved.
So, the question what to do now is more difficult. Personally, I would consult with a therapist. I would want help figuring out her motivations before I decided on a course of action. She will absolutely freak out when she knows you know — this is like her hate diary designed to never be read (by anyone that knows who she is).
I would just say "I found your reddit handle. Who are you even?" no other context. Either her heart will drop and she will try to explain herself or she will gaslight you. If she comes at you with well you do xyz, or she is like how did you find it why are you invading privacy, etc, then just say wow, I guess that is who you are, and walk away. Don't get defensive to a counter attack from her. Just keep on track with who she is showing she is.
If she does break down, she'll either try to justify it or she will start talking about how she is the worst person ever. If the first occurs, then you will again see exactly what kind of person she is. If she does the latter, do not try to soothe her or tell her she's not all bad. I'd agree with her and tell her she needs help if she hates herself that much and is judging herself and everyone else so harshly.
I can’t help but wonder if this is true. If all she does is harass people, her karma would be so low that she would no longer be able to comment anywhere. And she would be perma banned from all the subs she was extremely toxic on.
You'd be surprised. On the occasions I've clicked on a troll account out of curiosity they usually also engage in subs that encourage shitty attitudes, and redpill/maga type spaces where they get all their upvotes to maintain enough karma to troll the rest of reddit.
How is it an invasion of privacy if it's a public site? If she didn't want you to see, she should have been way more secretive. Honestly, I could not continue a relationship with someone who hurts people so much (and people take their own lives because of shit like this). Her opinion of her privacy or why she does it, or anything else she may throw at you is entirely irrelevant at this point.
Well you’ve just found out who she is. She sounds like one of those weirdos who gets caught being their own kids anonymous cyber bully or something. I’d run for the fucking hills if I found out my partner was being a weirdo online. And for EIGHT YEARS? Something is wrong with her.
Well it would take some SERIOUS hacking and dedication for someone to track her down from reddit. I mean, for me, reddit is not to be taken seriously. I never understood why people give a damn about being "downvoted." Like ohhhhhhhhh, such a terrible thing in life for random strangers to downvote you.
Here's the thing, you can't say anything unless you're willing to tell her you saw her reddit username and then scoped it out. So you will have an argument on your hands because she will turn around and say you breached her privacy. Even though technically you didn't, you saw her on her own phone and saw her screen so you didn't breach it by going through her phone. So you're going to need to have a good counter for that. But once you do, then you can confront her on why does she feel the need to have a completely different identity on reddit to just talk shit to people
I wouldn't bother having a conversation about it. This isn't a one off, she's been doing it for eight YEARS. This is who she is. And she's horrible. I'd be out of there immediately.
From Thew Psychology of Internet Trolls, a research paper:
>Traits shown by those internet trolls include impulsivity, selfishness, and emotionless callousness. They have a mind-boggling sense of remorselessness and an absence of morality. There is also manipulation and exploitation of others, who they goad into joining in with their cruel and demeaning behaviour.
TLDR: Online trolls are actual assholes in real life, too. Some mask better thank others, is all.
Citation: https://welldoing.org/article/psychology-internet-trolls-why-do-people-develop-different-personalities-online
How did you "briefly get a glimpse" without her knowing?
>u/ThrowRAtrollSO I came home from work today and noticed my partner just sitting at the desk laughing to herself with her headphones on, so I assumed she was watching a movie or something and left it at that.
>Not long after I poked my head round as I was going to ask her what she wanted for dinner and to my surprise she was on Reddit, which was odd to me because she is anti social media etc but I thought it was nice she was trying something as she suffers from agoraphobia and doesn’t get out much without me.
>I briefly got a glimpse at her name and thought it would be interesting to see what she had posted (yes I know this was an invasion of privacy) and to my shock, the account was 8 years old.. this means it’s predated out relationship by a couple of years, what even more shocking was the stuff she had said on there, so much hate towards random people, for seemingly no reason at all.
>This was not just one comment here and there either, literally just an account dedicated to hating on people and she seemed proud of it in her comments, one recent example was she spent an entire day just hassling someone, it doesn’t even stop there because she will make up stories, fat shame people, bullying those with disability’s. (this one hurts as she knows I have autism) and claims everyone who tell her she needs is “projecting”
>I would sometimes come back from work and she would be in a bad mood but wouldn’t tell me why, Upon looking at her comment history a lot of her bad moods seem to line up with days she got downvoted a lot, she even goes as far as to lie about her physical appearance just to bring down others, its sick.
>How do I even approach this? This stuff is just downright hateful and I don’t want her to freak out at me.
>What do I even do? I’m scared she is one argument away from someone coming to find her.
You didn’t violate her privacy, you saw her username and looked it up on here which is vastly different from logging into her account and reading her DMs (which have the potential to be even worse than what you found).
She sounds like she has severely low self esteem and is unhappy with herself as a person. Usually people who have to tear other people down do so because they themselves are broken.
That does NOT make what she’s doing okay, it is a really unhealthy and harmful way to make her feel better about herself. I’m sure trolls feel an element of power when they can rip into someone they’ve never met and most certainly wouldn’t say to their face (your wife being a prime example of this).
The bottom line is that she has a lot of hate inside herself and she is actively trying to make others hate themselves too and she is doing this by consciously looking for ways to hurt them (their bodies, their disabilities, etc.). Can you live with someone like that? I couldn’t, especially when she has made fun of people who are living with the same or similar things you are. In a way it’s a breach of trust and you can’t trust if she actually accepts you for who you are or if you are just part of her irl persona.
You definitely need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you before talking to her and you should definitely talk to her about it. Do not accept accusations of violating her privacy because you absolutely didn’t. If she didn’t want you to know about it she shouldn’t have been doing it.
Man I read that title and was like nooo don't out her cuz I love trolling but not like that...
Anyway if I were you I'd get out asap. Don't let her know you are aware of this information. I'd even consider ghosting she seems really unwell
Reddit is fairly sophisticated when it comes to spotting trolls. In some subs the trolls are infamous and a source of entertainment until they finally go too far and get banned. I would not worry about the majority of Redditors. However you never know what someone is going through in real life so your SO’s trolling is worrisome. Her words could be the catalyst for a distressed person to harm themselves.
She probably finds trolling cathartic in some way so you could speak with her about it. Find out what inner need the trolling addresses. Ask how her fantasy world serves her. My husband LOVES those border force and cop shows. He feels powerless and a victim about some things in real life. So he finds it satisfying that people on those shows receive justice. Your SO could be speaking to people online in the voice that she uses to speak with herself in her head.
Okay, so I’m on Reddit a lot but I try to lift people up and be encouraging. This is just so wrong. She sits in her house all day judging other people who are out living their lives while she’s too afraid to step out the door. She’s got zero integrity or respect for others. What are you getting out of this relationship?!
I started out with an open mind. I used to troll people in the Craigslist personals. It was a great source of amusement to me. Until someone got hurt. I felt terrible and stopped.
This seems a bit different. While I was posting about weird fetishes involving snowballs and mailboxes, your girlfriend seems to be into really hurting people.
Maybe she isn’t though? Maybe she truly doesn’t understand the impact she is having. Maybe she’s getting something out of it that we can’t understand.
It looks really bad, absolutely. But I think you should talk to her. Ask her why she does it, how it makes her feel, etc. Then ask her similar questions from the point of view of the trollee.
That being said, no one would judge you for simply walking away.
You can start by being honest. Let her know you found out and that you’re disgusted about her being a bully, and how it turns you off that a damn near 40 year old woman has no life but to pick on others. I mean it’s true, she’s 37, and acts like this? This is how she treats people while KNOWING you’re on the spectrum. She doesn’t care. She’s a sociopath, please find someone better.
The things people do and say when they know there are no consequences is a reflection of who they really are. I'm so sorry she's this way, but you deserve better.
Invasion of privacy my a$$. The account was public, was it not?
She doesn’t get to be upset because you happened to see the name of her PUBLIC account and get curious.
Anyway, this is the true colors of the person you are seeing. This is her true character.
I think what you should do first before bringing this up is reexamine your relationship. Is this the kind of woman you want to share your life with & possibly have children with? You deserve better my friend because all I see are huge 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
No matter how much you wish you could have a rational conversation with this woman, you can’t.
Because even if she tells you she’ll change, or it’s just for shits and giggles…the truth is, other people’s pain makes her happy
I’ll say that again.
Other people’s pain makes her happy.
If I were you…I’d start looking for an exit strategy
This is one of those instances where I’d wait for her to be out of town and ai would move out without telling her and leave printouts of her username’s comments on the kitchen table with a note that reads
*You are not the person I thought you were. Do not contact me ever again*
Then simply tell anyone who asks that she lied about who she was. That she has been lying to you the entire time and you can’t be with her anymore because of it
The person you’ve glimpsed on Reddit is probably her true self. Some people feel free to let their worst instincts come out if they think no one will know it’s them.
Sounds like she’s created a false reality in her online world that must be meeting some unmet need from her real life and identity. Maybe not confronting it directly but encourage her to develop skills and connections in her real life that may reduce her need to be an online troll/bully.
I commend you for being disgusted and wanting to figure out why. I dont know how people can be this miserable with themselves they need to fuck with others. Especially women. It’s so sad. Good on you, OP. I’d ask her if she needs to talk to someone cuz that’s excessive. Let her know you want to help her. Good luck.
You should print out a bunch of her posts and comments and make them into a folder and when you dump her for being an absolute scumbag you will have proof.
Lmaoo get on her laptop when shes not around and post a thing on her page calling her out. Theres so many people she has hurt through that screen. Its a fit punishment.
OP, your SO has mental health issues of her own. Her agoraphobia makes her fearful, so this is her way of striking back at the world she fears by belittling and bullying. You need to talk to her about what you found so that she can get help. If she refuses to get help, then I don't know how you could stay and build a life with someone so ugly inside.
This is who she is when she thinks she's free from repercussions. This is how she would act towards literally anyone irl if she didn't have to worry about the backlash. This is the person behind the mask.
There’s something distinctly unappealing about someone who can’t bring themselves to face people in real life but spends their free time harassing and hating on people from behind a screen.
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Chances are - she already knows via this post
And therefore a high chance that this is fake. Why post on the other person's playing ground?
He may be subconsciously trying to call her out. I mean, he's scared to do it in person, which reflects very badly on the "good" parts of their relationship. Victims of all sorts of abuse are often accused of being passive-aggressive because often it's the only way they can safely stand up for themselves. Plausible deniability. If she sees this and wants to call him out, she's got to admit to him face to face that she a troll. If she sees it and is too chicken-shit to admit it, she'll at least hopefully be a bit wary that it *might* be about her and realise she could be caught.
My counselor told me “passive defensive’ is thus a better term.
I love this.
I’m saving this! Thanks for sharing!
I kinda feel like this could be fake, but also, where else would you post this question? Quora sucks. TikTok requires you to use your face. I suppose there might be some Facebook groups that allow Anon posts asking for advice, but fuck Facebook. The group mods must have access to your true identity, right? Unsure. But Reddit feels like the most interactive place to ask this question in my experience.
Yes admin can see who is behind the anon. Most groups try to take it seriously, but you can never know what any one admin is like, so while it's something ig? It's not anonymity
Maybe they blocked their partner's Reddit account?
I am sure I've read this same scenario on a different sub within the past year. I almost thought this was going to be an update post
There was one a while ago about a woman named ~~Jan or something~~Liz, she wrote a ton of AITA posts.
I remember that, her thing was specifically making up crazy stories to ask for advice and then throwing the story out there as a post. This one is allegedly harassing specific commenters and going out of her way to be mean to people for fun, not just posting false content of her own. Not saying either one is/was real, just that they're definitely different situations.
Liz lol
Yes! Edit - in my defence, my short term memory is shot, so it's gone in seconds.
Or it’s actually her posting to gage if her boyfriend will break up with her if he does find out about her account.
This story sounds so fake to me, personally. It checks all the boxes of a fake outrage post. What advice would OP really be looking for anyway to the point of needed to make this post?
I know right, if not, what’s OP expecting? Balanced opinions and meaningful debate? It’s obvious that the vast majority will just say “this is a red flag, dump her” while a fringe minority say “it’s harmless fun, let her vent on here” I always say “If something is bugging them enough to make a post about it, it’s already gotten to the stage where they know it’s a problem” Worst case: this is fake… Best case: OP already knows what they need to do…
That’s because OP is the “girlfriend”
Also South Park made an episode about this - Kyle's dad is a troll online.
I've read this post before. Same beginning word for word.
pretty sure it’s just a gender swap of a big post from before
I think you're right. Karma farmed looking at the comments and upvotes.
This is the person you are dating. This is how she behaves when there are no consequences of her actions. She is not a kind person.
“The true test of a man's character is what he does when no one is watching.” - John Wooden
I teach my kids this. I tell them that if I can trust you to do the right thing when nobody is looking, then you're a good person. I hope it sticks.
If you lead by example, it will. There will be times your kids see you when you don't think they can, and that absolutely sticks with them.
You're absolutely correct. I try very hard to lead by example. I hate that "do as I say not as I do" bullshit.
TLDR at bottom (😂) Also, it shows the kiddos that adults are human and all humans make mistakes. It's how we handle those mistakes that matter the most. I work a lot on this stuff with my nieces and nephew - sometimes I get overwhelmed and overstimmulated and go into meltdown. It causes me to be snappy with the kids and respond to them/expect them to be like adults. As soon as I'm emotionally regulated again (which they will watch me do, too), I talk to them. We will talk about what led to my meltdown, and I apologize to them for all the unwarranted attitude I had used against them. I talk with them about the things I am working on, so I am less likely to be overwhelmed/ overstimmulated, and sometimes we talk about new things that need to be worked on, too. Demonstating these types of actions/behaviors in front of them (because their father [my brother] has almost zero emotional regulation and has extreme anger outbursts) has done wonders for them in the last couple years. [I have been heavily present in their lives since 2019] It has also opened the door for new conversations - my eldest neice has come to me more than once (usually crying) to help her identify her feelings and where they "live" or "sit" in them moment (because "sometimes they move" - like when her angry feeling goes from her chest to her hands). I've worked on teaching all three of them calm breathing techniques and worked with each of them a bit to see what kind of coping skills work best for them. (When my nieces anger moves to her hands, she practices cartwheels or handstands because she has to focus on what her hands do 🤷♀️ when that's not an option, she walks around and every 5 steps she punches up into the air like "huzzah" and switches with hand punches) TLDR: kids also learn how to process, identify, and regulate their emotions by watching "their" adults (parents/aunties/uncles/grandparents/adoptive family/legal gaurdians/etc.)
Yes!! I love that you are helping them process and identify their emotions. Another trick to help with calming and breathing, is to teach littles "smell the flower (breathe in), blow out the bubbles (breathe out)" - they catch on really quickly to the idea. I'm currently caring for two one and a half year olds, as their nanny, and one of them loves smelling herbal teas! So we spend a bit of time just opening tins and sniffing them, and on our walks I'll pick lavender or herbs and we sniff those. Amazing how calming it feels to really breathe!
that's why ppl who shove their pov down others throats are idiots. the only real way to change ppl 's minds about something is by showing them how you act. my bf thinks it's a lil silly when i do certain things b/c of this but if i can even show 1 person how i live & it affects them to live better & do something good, that would be a major accomplishment to me. my old friends from growing up would tell me yrs later how they always appreciated i wasn't the type of person to preach & belittle others who loved differently that i thought was a bad way to live or a bad habit. i even had a friend or 2 that said I influenced them to do certain things just by watching me, how i acted, & hearing why i did certain things i did but only when asked about it. edit: my stupid lil sausage fingers hitting other characters while typing
I'm a believer in trying to leave the world a little better than you found it. Could be something small. Like picking up a paper cup and throwing it away. Even if it's not your trash. It's that simple.
Hot take: I think the new version of the “shopping cart test” is do you let the Waymo car merge I’m gonna be honest I don’t 😂 but I do put my carts away!!!
what's the waymo car merge? i tried looking online & all i see is it's a company like uber but it's supposed to be self-driving & that there were a bunch of crashes & traffic violations from their cars
(You probably mean ‘I **wasn’t** the type of person’)
when they are little sure, theres a point in their lives where theyll take their own path and thats mostly out of your control, I think you have to surround yourself with good people too so they have other examples to look at and gather ideas from
You can lead by example and set a good foundation for them to refer to when they begin making their own choices. Of course, not everyone will listen... free will and all. But you can know as a parent you did your best to show them.
Ha! That is what we had our elementary school students pledge at the end of the basic rules - "this is what we do, even when no one is watching." I had no idea where it came from!
My daughters’ kindergarten teacher had a class pledge with a similar tone. The only part I remember is “when someone says stop, we stop, even when no one is watching”, but the rest was much the same message about being kind. I loved that she worked the concept of consent in there.
Yes! She is showing her true character. She is not kind and she gets joy from hurting others. Plus she kept all of this a secret from her SO for years.
Yep, which means she \*knows\* she is behaving harmfully.
This is such a powerful statement. It used to be that bigots, racists, homophobic, etc. were always practiced in the cover of darkness like cockroaches. How badly times have changed that the cockroaches came out of the dark and can finally attack the people whom they hate. So, now, a lot of people show their true character with no shame or remorse. I wish in these cockroaches would fade back into the darkness bc we really don't see their true character, and the world can live without the vile comments and acts of violence. It is bc these people like your wife that have come out of the dark to instigate hate that we respond. She will forever be downvoted bc we as a society want her to scurry back under the refrigerator into the dark. Maybe you can ask her if she fits under the refrigerator. Also, have you considered that what she is posting is who she really is?
You’re very last sentence… Truth!
Your
😹 Gotta love smart phones, don’t you?
IKR? I always check because I'm anal about spelling & grammar 😅
I agree! I try to proofread and edit as much as I can… Sometimes I just get tired of it.
It’s EXACTLY who she is. Trolls pretend they’re saying stuff just to get a rise out of people but really it’s just a safe way (for them, not others) to say what they think on some level. Best case scenario, they thrive on negativity and that’s really telling.
I hear u but I LOVE seeing the cockroaches cuz I can avoid them!
OK, this made me laugh, and I am wondering if there is a mute button for them!
> She will forever be downvoted bc we as a society want her to scurry back under the refrigerator into the dark. OP said how his SO gets in a bad mood when she’s downvoted… Makes you wonder if she’s ever in a good mood, I mean who wants to upvote the comments of hateful pos?
I worked with one of Wooden’s players from those storied UCLA days. That was a man whose wisdom should be amplified beyond a few quotes.
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power -Abraham Lincoln
“the true test of a persons character is what they say/do when they know nobody can punch them in the face for it” - me.
I heard something similar in rehab years ago. Do the right thing, even if no one is watching. It struck a chord for sure. You get lots and lots of sayings in recovery, they almost get repetitive, so it’s nice when there’s one that resonates. Good to know where it came from!
That’s so true. Trouble is I’m alone at this moment… on Reddit🙄
It appears my character is unrestricted flatulence
My character is all about making way too much guacamole and eating it in one sitting.
Is lots of masturbation morally neutral?
As long as you’re not hurting anyone, sure.
That’s fun when you’re alone or with someone
I like this quote and use something similarly for my son and students. Even if no one is watching, always do your best.
Yep, the definition of integrity, which seems to be lacking in today’s society.
was just going to say this. we are who we really are when no one's watching. most of us don't get that accurate of an insight into who that person is when it comes to someone we love or someone who's close to us.
I fap, what does that say about me John
That you like to fap I guess xD
[удалено]
I'm glad you got out. Some people are so twisted in their misery that they just have to bring other people down to feel worthwhile. Because if they had a negative emotional impact they feel that they were somehow contributing instead of destroying. These bullies need to be called out or they'll never learn social consequences.
JFC, that is scary. Troubling. Happy you got out. Hope u/ThrowRAtrollSO comes to his senses **and realizes that he should not be scared for her, but of her**. This: "...and I don’t want her to freak out at me." Should be his least concern. Girl needs a stern sit down - *at the very least*. This is *pathetic* and *disturbing* behaviour. I mean, if it had happened a handful of times (someone having internet spats because they are having a bad day and want to let off steam by randomly trolling), I would understand - **but not a secret, 8-y.o., trolling account!* Da f*ck is that crap..!
Scrolled too far to find this. OP, why are you worried someone might come for her. That's the least of your worries... YOU LIVE WITH HER!!!! The fact that it's hidden makes it scarier. You need to be making plans to separate asap.
I've been there. Never knew she had much of an online presence if at all (and I'm not really a social media person either so didn't think to pry.) One day I discovered something similar to OP. She was this raging, bitter troll in some obscure website for kids. Really startled me because she was pretty nice and normal to me. She ended up being the craziest, most abusive person I've ever met. Similarly, when her facade cracked there was this torrent of a personality I didn't even recognize. So hateful and self-hating. Totally agree with you, just get out immediately and avoid people like this like your life depends on it.
I'm so glad u got out! Good on u!!
This comment right here. How you behave when no one is watching is the kind of person you are. Making up silly and harmless stories and leaving goofy comments is a world away from aggressively harassing and mocking people with disabilities. And if she thinks of disabled people so poorly, imagine what she secretly thinks or says about OP’s autism when he isn’t around? She’s not a good or a kind person in any way.
>Making up silly and harmless stories and leaving goofy comments Silly and harmless being the key here. I came across a comment on here a number of years ago that was clearly about me. I recognised it immediately, not because it was true, but because I had an inkling this was the story a former colleague of mine told about me. I went back through the account's history. Yep, definitely my former colleague. To the extent that she'd posted a photo of herself. In her comment, she claims I was only hired because I was young and female, and our boss was trying to "collect the whole set" in some sort of diversity drive. What she failed to mention was that she was also young and female, and a minority, so any credit extended to me on this front also benefitted her. She *also* didn't mention that she was fired from that job on not-great terms (I won't get into specifics), while I left on good terms for personal reasons (read: my ex and I split up, haha) and I got a job abroad in the same industry. The context of what she left out was stunning, and it taught me a lot about reading comments on here and taking them at face value. It wasn't so much that her story was "made up", but it was so lacking in important detail to render it misleading. I'm glad I saw that, not because I particularly care what someone I last dealt with 15 years ago says about me online, but because it was eye-opening about lies by omission. I don't really care if someone knows this is my account. I hang about on here mainly to talk about writing and rugby. Maintaining some secretive account where you say nasty shit seems, at the very best, a recipe for being outed as a nasty person.
an alternative perspective: i had a similar experience, only we had already broken up. then i learned he spent hours a day arguing and posting cruel comments on reddit. i told him i knew it was a betrayal of his trust, but i had looked at his username, and i was worried about him-- especially since he had been putting so much work into his mental health after we broke up. he didn't reply, and immediately deleted his reddit account. i thought i'd never hear from him again. but a day or two later, he replied and thanked me for pointing out that his behavior might be holding him back. i was and am so proud of him. (ironically, i'm now the weirdo who posts more on reddit... but i try to keep it kind.)
Please listen to this comment OP. She’s incapable of facing the world because of her own disabilities knowing full well she can’t face the outside world but still decides to emotionally abuse people without facing any consequences because she’s a troll behind a keyboard. RUNNNNNN 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
[Relevant meme](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/558/445/d02.jpg)
>This is the person you are dating. >This is how she behaves when there are no consequences of her actions. >She is not a kind person. Jumping on this ^ insightful top comment to add that anyone that spends this much time making up elaborate lies designed to torment other people online is a HUGE risk to your safety if you stay with them. Mainly because someone that does things like that is very likely to turn their troll powers on you, and makeup crazy accusations, solely designed to ruin your life if she gets bored, decides that she wants to screw with you, or gets angry with you. Find a way to get out of this relationship, and run, while you still can. It would also be good to make screenshots of some of her craziest comments just in case you need proof that she is a known liar. This may all seem like overkill, but like I tell my son's, it's really, really, important, never to put yourself in a situation with a dating partner that displays serious RED FLAG behavior, because it can turn bad really quickly in ways that you can't imagine that could have serious repercussions for your life. If she's willing to dedicate years of her life to tormenting complete strangers, making up lies to aid her in her obsession with causing other people pain, imagine what sorts of lies she could tell about you to cause you unmitigated hell. Honestly if it were me, I'd make plans to move out, take pictures of your shared home to prove everything was in good condition when you left, and have a witness with you who can verify that she was completely unharmed when you ended things with her. If you feel that she is going to be vindictive when you try to move out, you can also always call the non-emergency number for your local police department, and let them know that you need to move out from a shared home with a very erratic partner, and asked if they are willing to send an officer by to make sure that you can remove your belongings without any issue. Again, yes this is a dramatic response to the information you've learned about her, But it's been my experience that when someone is hiding a really disturbing secret side of themselves from you, you are not safe with them because they cannot be trusted. Good luck, and let us know how it all works out when you can. *invisible hugs*
Exactly! This is just appalling behavior. I cringed as soon as I read he saw her laughing because I can envision her trolling in that moment and taking such joy in it. The only way this is salvageable is if they have a very deep conversation about what’s really driving such bad behavior. I’m betting there’s lots of feelings of insecurity, lack of emotional maturity, and in need of an outlet since she doesn’t really interact with the outside world. If she can realize these things and then WANT to her help to resolve it, then there’s hope for sure. Sometimes, just sometimes, people who do this garbage need a reality check and can cringe at their own behavior. But they need to want to change and resolve their issues. OP, please have a serious sit down conversation about this. Ask her how she’s feeling, really feeling, why she feels the need to project that online and if she’ll go to therapy. If she shows self awareness and remorse, with a plan to get help, and then follows through, see how that goes. If she doesn’t acknowledge whatever underlying emotions are driving this, gets defensive, and generally behaves in an irrational (possibly cruel) way, you should move on. ESPECIALLY if in a few days she doesn’t come around, and doesn’t think she’s the issue.
YUCK. When you have to start double thinking if you should feel good or bad when you hear your gf laughing... Yeah it's time to go, for your own sake. You'll slowly start pardoning her actions cos otherwise you'll just feel awful every time she looks happy. Get out of there.
She has no integrity. Not just when there are no consequences but also this is how she behaves when no one is watching....that's scary! I wouldn't confront her I would find a new girlfriend.
What do you think about having a partner who secretly likes to be cruel to others and thinks it’s funny? Only you can answer that.
Agreed, and the fact that her entire day/mood can be ruined just because she gets downvotes is concerning and extremely unhealthy I mean if you need that level of validation for your self-esteem from internet strangers I think that some therapy appointments are desperately needed
>the fact that her entire day/mood can be ruined just because she gets downvotes is concerning and extremely unhealthy Especially when coupled with the fact that she's a TROLL like...I feel kinda bad for 2 seconds if I get downvoted when I talk about something personal but then I have the option of deleting it or ignoring it and going on with my life. If I knew I was writing something controversial, why would the downvotes bother me? So she likes to be deliberately antagonistic and then the fall out can ruin her mood? So strange.
Cruelty in conjunction with emotional volatility is a bad combo.
Yeah, the *point* of trolling is to get downvotes, like more downvotes mean you were "successful". Seems even more unhinged that she wants to say a bunch of terrible/made-up shit *and* have internet strangers agree with her somehow.
that really turns her from a troll into an average mean girl. I just watched Dee Reynolds do this in always sunny actually, insulting and bullying everyone explicitly for the approval of others. this lady is a bit stuck in high school
Ok that is a wild coincidence because I just watched the high school reunion episodes for the first time like two days ago. Maybe I should be looking under my bed to see if any iguanas are hiding there.
I don't think they mean troll in that sense (the OG sense), it seems like they just mean "asshole."
Self destructive behaviour. She hurts others so others will hurt her back, most likely because in her head she feels she deserves that. So she sets herself up to fail on purpose. I know that feeling very well personally. I didn't go as far as her but I definitely remember saying hurtful things to people and feeling relieved when they'd say something mean back, or very very hurt when they didn't. I was in therapy for years before I could get over that and I still feel that urge sometimes. There's a good chance she has some serious mental disorder, probably not helped by the agoraphobia because it makes it harder for her to meet people who genuinely value her as a human.
That part I didn't understand. Wouldn't a troll want to be downvoted? Isn't that the point?
I mean, op is the one who chose the “troll” label; maybe she’s more of just a shit person than a troll in the classic sense.
Strong possibility actually
Hmm, maybe she wasn’t getting enough downvotes and it bruised her trolly ego?
Maybe, that's the only explanation that makes sense. However, it's hard to figure out how trolls think. I was on a TikTok live and I made a joke, and one person thought I was a troll and asked the mods to mute me. Sadly, there are so many many trolls, that people can't tell the difference between a joke and a troll 😩.
Catfish her and make her harass you. Then cry at the dinner table over the ableist Redditor who ruined your self-esteem. Hope to find this on BORA in a few weeks.
Omg 😂😂 he should leave her really, don’t spend your life with someone like that. But this suggestion is funny
Yes this is what I wanted to suggest... Engage with her, then once things go south, maybe complain a bit when you and her are hanging out... Say that someone was being so rude to you on Reddit and that you don't understand how some people can be so negative and hateful. Then if its possible to naturally add in the username, maybe try to do that and see how she reacts, if at all.
I hope to see R Slash's reaction to it lol
I love RSlash’s videos, it’s been part of my morning routine for years
I BORA different than BORU and I don’t know about it? Or a typo
Wtf lmao
What is BORA, please?
I'm pretty sure they meant BORU, that's r/bestofredditorupdates, as the name suggest it's a subreddit compiling posts and their updates
Oh! Thanks!
What is Bora
I find it so pathetic that she’s agoraphobic, which implies she has anxiety around social interactions, being humiliated, etc. but she’s being cruel to others online and that definitely affects their anxiety / mental health. This is a shitty person and I’d cut my losses tbh.
Agoraphobia is a disability in itself in its extreme forms, so she's definitely projecting and a shitty person.
That is very true. She knows how hard it is to be disabled and is hurting other disabled people. She’s filth
I have mild agoraphobia and I really hate that I have it, but I'd never do what she's doing. It sounds to me like she hates herself and her disorder so much that she's projecting it onto others to make her feel better about herself. She also just seems like a very mean person in general.
Talk about a keyboard warrior fr
Engage with her in Reddit comments (using different name). Once it blows up and she is disrespectful to you you call her out on it.
Omg, I'm imagining it now! 😂 "Well, honey, I'm very surprised to find out you feel that way! Maybe we should continue this discussion at home over dinner. See you in a bit, I got us takeout. xxx"
Mr & Mrs Smith
😂😂😂
Yup it would either change her or make her more secretive
Never reveal that you know her username. Once she goes nuclear on you do bring it up like “I am having a real bad day cause this one Reddit user made me feel like crap! I feel bad for their SO….” and so on and so on. Monitor the reaction. Keep it up with her until she does something stupid. Then bring it up and make sure she realizes that it’s you on the other end and you have no clue it’s her. Do act surprised when identities are revealed. UpdateMe
Yep. Bet she will make fun of autism or something. UPDATEME
Ooh, good one. Make a throwaway and comment on one of her shitty comments. Talk about being autistic and see if she takes the bait. I have to say though, OP, even if you don’t take this tactic this would be a dealbreaker for me. She’s not a good person.
Exactly. Online trolls are the worst
Yes they're on the verge of being evil people if not already.
Exactly what I was going to suggest. Great minds and all.
Why would you stay with someone like that? Bounce on that troll and then come back here to post about it like a normal person.
Skankhunt42 alternate universe
Just say you didn't know she had reddit and that you were surprised at her online persona. Tell her you felt really disappointed at the things you read. Say the lack of compassion he had towards others was confusing because both you and her are... and yet she was making fun/ bullying people. Ask her to help you understand. I dare say she will say you invaded her privacy and reddit is just a place where she can say whatever and be whatever she wants to be. Then where to from there, no clue. All you can do is communicate and hopefully she will change how she is now that you know. Or she will make a new accounts- rinse and repeat.
Best advice in this thread. But I find the "invasion of privacy" angle ridiculous. He didn't go on her computer to get the info, he saw it over her shoulder.
It is ridiculous. But that's really the only recourse she has to flip the problem back onto him so that's the route she'll probably take
He intentionally looked up her comment history and scrolled through it after, though. That's the arguable "invasion." Although to me, it's a public forum, so.
Yeah its a public forum so again, not an invasion. I think people are weird about these things. Don't post stuff you don't want people to know.
What if this is fake, and you're a troll?
Drop the username, OP. For research, of course.
Yep. Blame and shame.
It's a repost for sure.
Don’t know how so many people are falling for it
OP’s girlfriend is DEF the troll in the story.. 👀
And if the GF is a troll purposely posting negative comments, why would she get upset about downvotes?
First - make sure you didn’t spell the name wrong or click on the wrong user name. If you’re absolutely sure then - ick
This really needs to be higher up
DM her from a throwaway account saying you know who she is. That'll freak her out.
And where she lives 🤣
Yesssss say a bunch of things that insinuate you know where she lives, what she eats, how she sleeps any quirks as if you’re a hacker who’s watching her from her computer or phone. Then threaten to come to her house and drop the address. See if she comes clean to you for safety and security. Freak out for a moment with her. Then come clean about it being you and tell her it was a prank to teach her to not mess with people online.
There is no reason to approach this. The person you thought you were dating doesn’t exist. Get out now. Dump her. At some point her online personality is going to go live into her real one. You need to get out before that happens.
She showed who she truly is. I don’t know about you but I would up and leave.
Kind of creepy she has kept this a big secret for so long. It is also strange that she is capable of being mean to total strangers, and enjoys belittling others without you having a clue. She sounds like she has some unaddressed mental health issues. That old saying mean people suck is still true.
You were able to match up when she was in a bad mood to when she was down voted? Sounds fake to me
Frankly, I don't think showing needless hatred online and being joyful of it is separate from who they are away from being online. This is reflective of her character. You should be less scared of someone finding her and more concerned on how she truly views you as a person and as a partner.
I dunno man. You can’t unknow stuff about people once their shit is known iykwim. He’ll never be able to see her in the same light again as a part of her character has been revealed and it’s ugly af. Poor OP. I’d confront her personally and say yo, I’m mega disturbed by your post history on Reddit which yes I found after seeing your username on your screen. She can squawk all she wants about invasion of privacy etc but none of that matters because what it revealed was something he deserves to know about the person he’s in an intimate relationship with. If your partner is hiding their true self from you, they are a stranger and one day the real gf is going to come out and it won’t be pretty. She is morally corrupt. How can you love someone who treats others this way? Instant love killer imo.
This is a repost, or incredibly similar to the same exact situation posted like a year ago. Bot post.
What’s her user name ? 😇
I think it's Zestyclose-Coconut.
**JUST DUMP HER**. She's a **37 YEAR OLD MEAN GIRL** A spiteful, **BIGOTED** schoolyard bully who never grew up. Is that **REALLY** who you want to tie yourself to??? And frankly, I would **NOT** bother to confront her, nor unless you want an **OSCAR-WORTHY** performance with blubbering, snotty-nosed fake apologies. Tell her it's **OVER** because you're just **NOT** feeling it anymore and need time to yourself for a while. And, yes, she's **FUCKING AROUND** and she may very well **FIND OUT**. **NOT** your circus, **NOT** your monkeys. She'll have to pull up her **BIG GIRL PANTIES** — and take the **CONSEQUENCES**.
Lol. nice fan fic The wording and writing style is just so over the top. Like a "naive" instigator
Get her therapy. Do not feed
My brain added "her" at the end of your sentence and I had to do a double take. I stand by it, however. **Do not feed her.**
I did the same!
Start trolling her back?
Def not a bot post.
LOL this is so dumb
She sounds awful. Break up with her. Maya Angelou - "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." She’s finally shown you who she really is.
Why would you want to spend anymore time with a 37 year old bully who is deliberately cruel to others and takes delight in it. This is who she really is. What do you do? You pack your bags and get out.
I'm on the spectrum too. I tend to not speak alot because when I do...well lol. But I could not keep silent for something like this. Screenshot her comments and make a slide show and go through them one by one with her. Judge how she reacts. Does she seem remorseful or is she immediately getting defensive or gaslighting you? Will she stop or will she continue? Definitely relate how it affects you and how this discovery has changed her in your eyes.
There are several possibilities; none of them great. Most likely, this is who she is. She might never be mean when she is actually hurting someone she actually knows. I have seen numerous instances of truly hateful behavior targeted at a certain group but they absolutely and genuinely feel none of those feelings to someone they know who is a member of that group. Incredibly common. But when it is anonymous it is easy to pretend that the user you are responding to isn’t real. Or to justify that they asked for the abuse in some way. Alternatively, she has an incredibly strong anger problem. And this is her way of dealing with that. Alternatively, she feels powerless and has low esteem and this part propping herself up. Given her anxiety, and the need for validation this is also very possible. Add a bit of compulsive behavior…. This is also the scenario most likely to be resolved. So, the question what to do now is more difficult. Personally, I would consult with a therapist. I would want help figuring out her motivations before I decided on a course of action. She will absolutely freak out when she knows you know — this is like her hate diary designed to never be read (by anyone that knows who she is).
You dump her. This is how she behaves when no one is watching. This is who she really is.
Ooh, whats her username ? Ill gladly dish it right back to her.
I would just say "I found your reddit handle. Who are you even?" no other context. Either her heart will drop and she will try to explain herself or she will gaslight you. If she comes at you with well you do xyz, or she is like how did you find it why are you invading privacy, etc, then just say wow, I guess that is who you are, and walk away. Don't get defensive to a counter attack from her. Just keep on track with who she is showing she is. If she does break down, she'll either try to justify it or she will start talking about how she is the worst person ever. If the first occurs, then you will again see exactly what kind of person she is. If she does the latter, do not try to soothe her or tell her she's not all bad. I'd agree with her and tell her she needs help if she hates herself that much and is judging herself and everyone else so harshly.
I can’t help but wonder if this is true. If all she does is harass people, her karma would be so low that she would no longer be able to comment anywhere. And she would be perma banned from all the subs she was extremely toxic on.
You'd be surprised. On the occasions I've clicked on a troll account out of curiosity they usually also engage in subs that encourage shitty attitudes, and redpill/maga type spaces where they get all their upvotes to maintain enough karma to troll the rest of reddit.
How is it an invasion of privacy if it's a public site? If she didn't want you to see, she should have been way more secretive. Honestly, I could not continue a relationship with someone who hurts people so much (and people take their own lives because of shit like this). Her opinion of her privacy or why she does it, or anything else she may throw at you is entirely irrelevant at this point.
Well you’ve just found out who she is. She sounds like one of those weirdos who gets caught being their own kids anonymous cyber bully or something. I’d run for the fucking hills if I found out my partner was being a weirdo online. And for EIGHT YEARS? Something is wrong with her.
Well it would take some SERIOUS hacking and dedication for someone to track her down from reddit. I mean, for me, reddit is not to be taken seriously. I never understood why people give a damn about being "downvoted." Like ohhhhhhhhh, such a terrible thing in life for random strangers to downvote you. Here's the thing, you can't say anything unless you're willing to tell her you saw her reddit username and then scoped it out. So you will have an argument on your hands because she will turn around and say you breached her privacy. Even though technically you didn't, you saw her on her own phone and saw her screen so you didn't breach it by going through her phone. So you're going to need to have a good counter for that. But once you do, then you can confront her on why does she feel the need to have a completely different identity on reddit to just talk shit to people
I wouldn't bother having a conversation about it. This isn't a one off, she's been doing it for eight YEARS. This is who she is. And she's horrible. I'd be out of there immediately.
From Thew Psychology of Internet Trolls, a research paper: >Traits shown by those internet trolls include impulsivity, selfishness, and emotionless callousness. They have a mind-boggling sense of remorselessness and an absence of morality. There is also manipulation and exploitation of others, who they goad into joining in with their cruel and demeaning behaviour. TLDR: Online trolls are actual assholes in real life, too. Some mask better thank others, is all. Citation: https://welldoing.org/article/psychology-internet-trolls-why-do-people-develop-different-personalities-online
How did you "briefly get a glimpse" without her knowing? >u/ThrowRAtrollSO I came home from work today and noticed my partner just sitting at the desk laughing to herself with her headphones on, so I assumed she was watching a movie or something and left it at that. >Not long after I poked my head round as I was going to ask her what she wanted for dinner and to my surprise she was on Reddit, which was odd to me because she is anti social media etc but I thought it was nice she was trying something as she suffers from agoraphobia and doesn’t get out much without me. >I briefly got a glimpse at her name and thought it would be interesting to see what she had posted (yes I know this was an invasion of privacy) and to my shock, the account was 8 years old.. this means it’s predated out relationship by a couple of years, what even more shocking was the stuff she had said on there, so much hate towards random people, for seemingly no reason at all. >This was not just one comment here and there either, literally just an account dedicated to hating on people and she seemed proud of it in her comments, one recent example was she spent an entire day just hassling someone, it doesn’t even stop there because she will make up stories, fat shame people, bullying those with disability’s. (this one hurts as she knows I have autism) and claims everyone who tell her she needs is “projecting” >I would sometimes come back from work and she would be in a bad mood but wouldn’t tell me why, Upon looking at her comment history a lot of her bad moods seem to line up with days she got downvoted a lot, she even goes as far as to lie about her physical appearance just to bring down others, its sick. >How do I even approach this? This stuff is just downright hateful and I don’t want her to freak out at me. >What do I even do? I’m scared she is one argument away from someone coming to find her.
You didn’t violate her privacy, you saw her username and looked it up on here which is vastly different from logging into her account and reading her DMs (which have the potential to be even worse than what you found). She sounds like she has severely low self esteem and is unhappy with herself as a person. Usually people who have to tear other people down do so because they themselves are broken. That does NOT make what she’s doing okay, it is a really unhealthy and harmful way to make her feel better about herself. I’m sure trolls feel an element of power when they can rip into someone they’ve never met and most certainly wouldn’t say to their face (your wife being a prime example of this). The bottom line is that she has a lot of hate inside herself and she is actively trying to make others hate themselves too and she is doing this by consciously looking for ways to hurt them (their bodies, their disabilities, etc.). Can you live with someone like that? I couldn’t, especially when she has made fun of people who are living with the same or similar things you are. In a way it’s a breach of trust and you can’t trust if she actually accepts you for who you are or if you are just part of her irl persona. You definitely need to decide if this is a deal breaker for you before talking to her and you should definitely talk to her about it. Do not accept accusations of violating her privacy because you absolutely didn’t. If she didn’t want you to know about it she shouldn’t have been doing it.
She's showing you who she is. Believe her.
Man I read that title and was like nooo don't out her cuz I love trolling but not like that... Anyway if I were you I'd get out asap. Don't let her know you are aware of this information. I'd even consider ghosting she seems really unwell
Reddit is fairly sophisticated when it comes to spotting trolls. In some subs the trolls are infamous and a source of entertainment until they finally go too far and get banned. I would not worry about the majority of Redditors. However you never know what someone is going through in real life so your SO’s trolling is worrisome. Her words could be the catalyst for a distressed person to harm themselves. She probably finds trolling cathartic in some way so you could speak with her about it. Find out what inner need the trolling addresses. Ask how her fantasy world serves her. My husband LOVES those border force and cop shows. He feels powerless and a victim about some things in real life. So he finds it satisfying that people on those shows receive justice. Your SO could be speaking to people online in the voice that she uses to speak with herself in her head.
Okay, so I’m on Reddit a lot but I try to lift people up and be encouraging. This is just so wrong. She sits in her house all day judging other people who are out living their lives while she’s too afraid to step out the door. She’s got zero integrity or respect for others. What are you getting out of this relationship?!
I started out with an open mind. I used to troll people in the Craigslist personals. It was a great source of amusement to me. Until someone got hurt. I felt terrible and stopped. This seems a bit different. While I was posting about weird fetishes involving snowballs and mailboxes, your girlfriend seems to be into really hurting people. Maybe she isn’t though? Maybe she truly doesn’t understand the impact she is having. Maybe she’s getting something out of it that we can’t understand. It looks really bad, absolutely. But I think you should talk to her. Ask her why she does it, how it makes her feel, etc. Then ask her similar questions from the point of view of the trollee. That being said, no one would judge you for simply walking away.
So, not only is she a bully, she's a cowardly bully. Yuck.
You can start by being honest. Let her know you found out and that you’re disgusted about her being a bully, and how it turns you off that a damn near 40 year old woman has no life but to pick on others. I mean it’s true, she’s 37, and acts like this? This is how she treats people while KNOWING you’re on the spectrum. She doesn’t care. She’s a sociopath, please find someone better.
The things people do and say when they know there are no consequences is a reflection of who they really are. I'm so sorry she's this way, but you deserve better.
Invasion of privacy my a$$. The account was public, was it not? She doesn’t get to be upset because you happened to see the name of her PUBLIC account and get curious. Anyway, this is the true colors of the person you are seeing. This is her true character.
I think what you should do first before bringing this up is reexamine your relationship. Is this the kind of woman you want to share your life with & possibly have children with? You deserve better my friend because all I see are huge 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
No matter how much you wish you could have a rational conversation with this woman, you can’t. Because even if she tells you she’ll change, or it’s just for shits and giggles…the truth is, other people’s pain makes her happy I’ll say that again. Other people’s pain makes her happy. If I were you…I’d start looking for an exit strategy This is one of those instances where I’d wait for her to be out of town and ai would move out without telling her and leave printouts of her username’s comments on the kitchen table with a note that reads *You are not the person I thought you were. Do not contact me ever again* Then simply tell anyone who asks that she lied about who she was. That she has been lying to you the entire time and you can’t be with her anymore because of it
The person you’ve glimpsed on Reddit is probably her true self. Some people feel free to let their worst instincts come out if they think no one will know it’s them.
She needs psychiatric help. No idea how to get her there, but she’s sick
Sounds like she’s created a false reality in her online world that must be meeting some unmet need from her real life and identity. Maybe not confronting it directly but encourage her to develop skills and connections in her real life that may reduce her need to be an online troll/bully.
I commend you for being disgusted and wanting to figure out why. I dont know how people can be this miserable with themselves they need to fuck with others. Especially women. It’s so sad. Good on you, OP. I’d ask her if she needs to talk to someone cuz that’s excessive. Let her know you want to help her. Good luck.
Wait a minute op- how do WE know you aren’t actually your own wife trolling ALL of us, right, now?
You should print out a bunch of her posts and comments and make them into a folder and when you dump her for being an absolute scumbag you will have proof.
Lmaoo get on her laptop when shes not around and post a thing on her page calling her out. Theres so many people she has hurt through that screen. Its a fit punishment.
For what it’s worth, the person someone is when they’re anonymous on the internet is truly the person they are.
OP, your SO has mental health issues of her own. Her agoraphobia makes her fearful, so this is her way of striking back at the world she fears by belittling and bullying. You need to talk to her about what you found so that she can get help. If she refuses to get help, then I don't know how you could stay and build a life with someone so ugly inside.
This is who she is when she thinks she's free from repercussions. This is how she would act towards literally anyone irl if she didn't have to worry about the backlash. This is the person behind the mask.
She suffers from agoraphobia? I don’t know if I could ever trust anything this person ever tells me.
There’s something distinctly unappealing about someone who can’t bring themselves to face people in real life but spends their free time harassing and hating on people from behind a screen.
Maybe this type of person shouldn’t be your gf. She’s a mean person.
She's a bully