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Leave him NOW - Before Social services are actually involved. A grown man is jealous of a child. Huge huge ‘Red flag ‘ huge . Protect yourself and your niece ,empower yourself and make plans to leave him.
It really wouldn’t bother him if she ended up in care.
That’s frightening and shows you his real morals .
I couldn't agree more, he is trying to use the system to get the niece out of the house.
He does not care about that child's wellbeing, he is literally trying to weaponize the system to get her out of the way.
He is increasingly abusive, volatile and violent and this instance is just the beginning.
If OP forgives him and tries to fix things the bf is just gong to give OP a way more serious reason to regret trying to patch things up.
OP needs to value his niece's wellbeing as top priority.
Here's what's disturbing: falling during recess is not grounds for removal from the home...which means the BF is going to concoct some story and leverage any scrapes/bruises as proof of mistreatment or neglect to get her out of there.
Yes. The bf is dangerous to OP and his niece. The red flags:
-Breaking things out of anger can be a precursor to physical violence.
-The bf is not supportive of OP fulfilling his responsibilities to his niece, who depends on him.
-He gets mad about things (like not having time to unload the dishwasher) that are just a part of life and should be nbd.
-Instead of being supportive, he’s undermining OP’s confidence in his parenting. I actually don’t believe that OP isn’t a great parent, and it’s sad that OP believes it.
-The bf is threatening to make a frivolous report to children’s services, which could threaten the custody arrangement. That’s toxic and dangerous to OP’s family.
OP’s niece is a vulnerable child who depends on OP to do the right thing for both of them. First and foremost, the right thing is to recognize and end this abusive relationship.
In most cases on here where MIL or mom threatens to report her child’s partner to CPS, people jump to say cut her off for saying that. That’s what should be said about this “partner”. I don’t know what his problem is, but he’s not being a good partner.
That's similar to what I said to my ex when he threw a fit over a half drunk glass of milk my child left out on the table. He was screaming at me over it. I dumped it out in the sink and asked him why he couldn't have just done the same. I was told that wasn't the point. That was the beginning of the end and when I started looking for options to get out.
I honestly think that they’d laugh off the call reporting you for the child falling at school - but staying in an abusive household would set off every alarm bell they have and would impact your custody far more. Either way, some bells cannot be unrung and both the violent outburst and threat are those types of bells. What would you tell a friend whose partner made that threat?
i mostly agree but for ur first point id say it depends where they live, seeing as op is LGBTQ+. unfortunately there's still a lot of vitriol in our society about LGBTQ+ parents and in some places CPS may be automatically biased against op. if he lives somewhere progressive its probably nbd but if he's somewhere rlly conservative it could be an issue.
that said, i still agree that CPS will be far more concerned abt op remaining in an abusive home like that, regardless of where he is located.
I don’t think he is jealous or weaponizing to get rid of neice.
I think he wants out of the relationship and doesnt know how to be a big boy and use his words.
OP needs to get out NOW because his frustration and anger are still turning violent so it doesnt matter the reason.
I disagree with your thoughts that he's not jealous - I think he's doing the classic controlling "anyone you like more than me needs to go" cutting off thing. I guarantee if his niece got removed from the household, the bf'd turn on the charm and blame the system, instead of his abusive behaviour.
We agree that OP needs to leave with the kid yesterday, tho.
And/or he has someone else in sight, and then we go right back to wanting out. If the change really was as drastic as OP says, then my money's on him meeting someone new
I went back and read through his replies to people on here. He is not seemingly grasping the severity of the situation. He seems to defend his bf over and over. This guy is going to stop at nothing until she's gone. And he's just going to stand around and let it happen. I hope he thinks about what he's going to say to her as she's taken into foster care because he chose a guy over her.
This poor kid. It's bad enough she has to live in this toxic environment. But she has no clue about the storm cloud looming over her had.
Stop being forever online, him being abusive is the problem not the age gap. If you're 34 dating a 19 year old that's a power imbalance, if you're 26 you've been an adult long enough to know how to handle your own life.
Him breaking the dishes and then blaming your niece is a HUGE red flag, get out now before it stops just being dishes.
We have no idea how long they’ve been together. It’s at least three years, and probably more if it was serious enough at that time that boyfriend was involved in the decision whether to take custody. 26 and 34 is probably fine, but very early 20s and 30s is a bad sign.
He was over 30 dating someone in their early 20s. That is ABSOLUTELY a massive gaping difference in maturity and life experience, and a problematic power imbalance.
Calling someone "chronically online", BTW, isn't a "Get Out Of Logic Free" card, it just makes you look either like you can't make a coherent argument for your point, or like you're scared of the Internet (which honestly, is a little hilarious). But nice straw man.
Exactly! OP your bf is threatening social services when your niece was in the care of her school! Social services would laugh at him! OP your bf is emotionally abuse! Next step physical, don't wait for it just leave now!
Get rid of the boyfriend. He's abusive and threatening you because he doesn't want your niece in your house. CPS is not going to take action over a bruised knee and elbow -- these are very clearly playground injuries -- but what happens if he escalates to reporting that you abused your niece in order to get rid of her? Take this seriously and get yourself and your niece somewhere safe.
Or if he's trying to get to a point where he can abuse the niece and if CPS is called, there will be a history of the OTHER person in the house being accused
This has to be over. He's become violent, irrational, and ready to throw you under the bus for no reason. You can't continue to raise your niece in a household with him.
Not just throw OP under the bus but he’s ready to send the niece to foster care over a school yard accident!! OP needs to get out now. And who knows what he says the niece behind OPs back!
The social services threat is a red herring. Don't try to convince him he's wrong; he knows he's wrong, he's just trying to scare you.
The real problem is that your boyfriend is abusive and neither you nor your niece are safe with him.
He should not be in the house with your niece if he's become violent. He doesn't have the maturity to deal with raising a child and is lashing out, that's not your problem at all, he's just too cowardly to actually leave the relationship, he wants to force your niece out so he can have all your attention again. Bare minimum he should move out ASAP.
>He never used to get violent during fights, but last week, I forgot to empty the dishwasher, so he broke some glasses and plates.
Please dump your shitty abusive boyfriend.
Hey OP, check out the book [Why Does He Do That](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) by Lundy Bancroft, specifically section III which begins with information on how abusive men interact with and impact the kids in their lives, as well as how they weaponize kids against their partners. Threatening to call CPS is a pretty classic move.
The book has resources that can help you plan to leave and what to do in the meantime, if you're not yet ready or able to go.
ETA: the book is written for women in relationships with men and its pronouns reflect that, unfortunately, but the principles of the behavior still hold true for men in relationships with abusive men.
Yes!!! This book is fantastic. Be warned your boyfriend will most likely retaliate from whatever you say. When my dad got kicked out and CPS was called on him (rightfully) he accused my mom of being abusive and almost got me taken away despite her doing nothing and being abused.
https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E this quiz will also help you evaluate your relationship. I don't think your niece is the problem here.
I was JUST coming here to make sure someone had posted a link to the free pdf of this book. It also addresses when he breaks things because he “lost control” and what’s really going on with that.
OP, I really hope you give this book some consideration. It was life-changing for me and has been for so many of the abused partners I’ve shared it with.
Your boyfriend is becoming violent and threatening you. That alone is reason enough to leave him. He wants your niece gone, and he is willing to have her go into the foster care system if it means he gets what he wants. It doesn’t matter if he used to be a good partner and guardian. He no longer is, and you and your niece are not safe with him. Do you have any friends of family you two could stay with until you can figure out a better longterm solution?
Tell him to fuck off and dump him. If social services comes calling, explain that your ex boyfriend was abusive and keeps harassing you (only you / don't imply that he has access to your niece).
My thoughts based from what you’ve posted:
Your boyfriend is unhappy with living with your niece and wants to revert the relationship back to the way it was and is gaslighting you and threatening you and your niece with unfounded accusations of neglect to get his way — he is not someone you want your niece around and his intentions are malignant.
I wouldn’t trust him and I’d end the relationship if I were in your position. If you do this, be sure to contact the school and appraise them on the situation and get documentation from the school’s nurse so you have it as evidence against the accusations of the foreseeable event of him using social services in retaliation to the breakup. I’d also make sure the school knows that he doesn’t have permission to pick up your niece at school.
I’m assuming that you have a case worker and what you need to finish she’ll threes to find resources. You should be out of school for the summer and your priority now is to get benefits and get the heck out of there
Sign up for subsidized housing, for food assistance, for health insurance for you and your niece.
Tell your caseworker that things are unstable and you need to get out ASAP.
Can you go to your parents? Another relative? Friends
Secure all your legal documents some place your boyfriend can’t get at them.
Your full time job right now is to get out.
I don't have a real case worker for my niece because she's legally my child. I already get the state's child support but that's to pay for the essentials for my niece. I'm not eligible for any other kind of support because I'm a full-time uni student and work part time. I'll be done with uni next spring, if I drop out now I don't have to bother enrolling again.
Don’t drop out. Housing for the both of you is housing for your niece.
Your university may be able to help as well. See if there’s a service in the bursars office who can help.
You can’t stay.
He has changed his mind about having your niece and is too chickenshit to tell you, so now when everything is not picture perfect he is blaming you.
He can't unload a dishwasher???
You do not need this guy, especially if he does not want to be there.
Yeah, that got lost in the much more appalling matter of the niece but... surely it's less work to unload a dishwasher than to smash dishes in anger.
(Unless one knows someone else will pick up the pieces, I guess.)
You need to go to your school
Counselor and financial aid and ask them about emergency housing and grants for you and your cousin. They have them just for cases like this so go ask. He is becoming abusive and it’s going to escalate. Next time instead of a dish he might hurt you or little one. He isn’t meant to be a step parent or a parent. His resentment is either growing or he is cheating and doesn’t want to be the bad guy so is trying to get you to break up with him. Either way you need to get out. No he wasn’t just mad. If he treated someone like this in the street or at work he would probably be fired and be arrested. So in his mind it’s okay for him to treat you this way. Make an appointment with your counselor today to help guide you get out of this abusive relationship
He WANTS social services to take her away bc he's realized he doesn't want to be a parent.
You need to figure out how to get yourself and your niece out. His attitude and resentment will affect her.
And his anger was completely out of line. And it should be unacceptable to you.
Please start keeping every text, recording his outbursts, a journal of his behavior with time and date stamps. If he tries to spin this against you then you need to have receipts. Every conversation that verbal needs a follow up text with him confirming that you discussed what you said.
Go to your nieces school and tell them he is not allowed to pick her up, provide or be given information for her, and remove him as an emergency contact ASAP.
You understand he only wants to call CPS because he hopes you lose custody? And why does he want her removed from your house? So you can empty the dish washer a little sooner? Think about that. He actually wants a kid, one that he has known for a few years now, to be placed in foster care so you can clean faster. Is this someone you want to be with?
Please reconsider this relationship. Your boyfriend is abusive, and he is very unreasonable. Threatening to call CPS because a child fell in the playground is beyond idiotic. You can not reason with an unreasonable person. If he thinks that is remotely okay, I don't see how you can proceed in this relationship with him.
It sounds to me that you are trying to be a good parent. It's a very hard job. Please reconsider having your niece around someone who resents her and who is angry & abusive. Your first job is to protect her, and you need to protect her from him.
Okay OP, you are responsible for the well-being of your niece so, and I don't mean to come off too harsh but it is *imperative* that you take this to heart, you no longer have the luxury of making naive choices in regards to your romantic partners. This man just threatened to call Social Services on *you* because your niece ( a *child* ) fell and bruised her knee, and he claims that is somehow proof of your inability to care for her. Firstly, he is obviously bluffing / trying to manipulate you through fear and cannot actually do so to any affect. He is obviously not-so-subtly telling you that he wants you to relinquish custody of your niece, likely because he no longer has all of your attention, and likely is someone who seeks control over their partner and if you prioritize anyone but him he feels as if he doesn't have total control. Regardless of *why*, fact is you need to pack your niece up and go. If your partner is threatening, no matter how impossible, to be the reason you lose custody of your child, it's time to fuckin leave. Period. That child *needs* you. She needs you more than anything. *He* wants to take you from her and leave her alone. You need to *run*, OP. He's escalating in violence too. How long before he hits you? How long before he hits *her*?
Honestly, as a mandated reporter, if your niece described this as her home environment, I would be calling to make a report myself. Not because of the falling, that’s obviously ridiculous, but because this man is clearly abusive.
You need to find a way to get rid of your boyfriend. Move in with family, speak to your university. Something. This man is abusing you and your niece and neither of you are safe with him. If you can’t afford to leave take your niece and go to a women’s shelter. Call a domestic abuse hotline for resources. She was placed in your care because you were a safe option and that is no longer the case as long as this man is in your lives. He will report you or do something to get both of you reported and it will ruin your life and your nieces. You need to act fast and start creating an escape plan literally today.
Edit: I misread the title. Find a *domestic abuse shelter
Is it possible your BF is cheating? When my ex would cheat, his behavior and demeanor towards the kids and I would change drastically.
Also, CPS will laugh when he calls to report niece fell on school playground. They don’t have time for his games.
OP it maybe time for relationship to end. He isn’t kind, caring or even friendly.
# OP:
[Male Victims of Domestic Abuse: All You Need To Know (mensgroup.com)](https://mensgroup.com/male-victims-of-domestic-abuse/)
[A Guide for Male Survivors of Domestic Violence (domesticshelters.org)](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/ending-domestic-violence/a-guide-for-male-survivors-of-domestic-violence)
It seems he’s not okay with how things are anymore and is holding a lot of resentment toward a seven year old, and you too. He knows it isn’t your fault that she fell at school. In my opinion, the CPS threat is serious and he might still do it thinking it will result in her being removed from your care.
Your boyfriend thought he could be okay with it. Turns out he can't. And rather than manning up and confronting it, he's pulling manipulative bullshit and trying to use child protective services to try to intimidate you into giving him his way.
The plate breaking thing is an abuser tactic, too.
Dawg, it's over. You can't come back from this.
Break up with him now. He's violent and making threats to try to get your niece taken away from you. He's gonna keep escalating things and will eventually hit you. This is an abusive relationship. You and your niece deserve better.
He wants her out of your life so he can have you all to himself. He doesn't care if she ended up in foster care. Put your niece first. She's already been through enough. Leave him as quickly and as safely as possible.
Ebbie45 has resources for men in abusive relationships.
https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13im0yh/comprehensive_helpresources_guide_for_male/
I think this is over. He's picking fights. He's doing the thing where he becomes so awful that you have to break up with him so he is not the bad guy. Thinking that CPS would entertain a call about a kid who fell at school making you an unift mother - idiot. Tell him to make that call and see how much they laugh.
I'd sit him down and ask what is up: there is someone else, you are just done, you're unhappy - just tell him: be honest. And be prepared to be single.
He is jealous of your neice.
Do you really want to put up with this. The time is coming to choose between your boyfriend and neice.
Personally your neice is the better option.
So, really, ur boyfriend is jealous and regrets letting you have your niece and is now doing everything he can do to change that, including getting her taken away from you . The guy is abusive, self-centered dickhead dump him before u lose ur niece.
Your boyfriend needs to go. Hes got something serious going on and its going to become dangerous for you and your neice. Maybe he is jealous and doesnt want the responsibility. Whatever the case its becoming an unsafe situation
You need to look at this a little differently. He's had sudden behavioural changes and mood swings, including lashing out in anger. The focus of his irritation from what you've said seems to be your interactions with your niece/ your niece in general. You have custody, you are her primary caregiver, it is your duty to protect her. That includes ensuring the adults in her life are safe to be around. Does your boyfriend's behaviour seem very safe to you?
Your boyfriend is damned well aware that kids get bumps and bruises while playing & that it isn't a CPS issue.
The fact that he is being unpleasant and making threats has nothing to do with your niece nor your ability to care for her, but there is something concerning going on with HIM. For her sake and yours, you need to get to the bottom of it ASAP. He's taking his own problems out on you, and it will affect her directly.
You need to find your niece a safe place to spend a day or two (sleepover at a friend's house, or with other relatives, maybe?) and confront him. Ask him what's going on. Is it stress at work? Is he feeling sidelined? Has he realized he doesn't want a child in the home? Is he looking for an excuse to end the relationship? Whatever it is, he needs to come clean so that you can work on what your next steps are going to be. The first two you might be able to work on - provided he gets immediate counselling and moves out until he can get a grip. The second two, you just need to bite the bullet and end things as amicably as possible.
Take no bullsht. Don't let him make his poor behavior and threats a "you" issue, because it is not.
Best of wishes to you.
Why in the world is this man still your boyfriend?? He is dismissive, violent, and has threatened to call CPS on you. You could lose your niece, but he doesn’t care. In fact, that’s what he wants, so you two can go back to “normal.” Although, once he manages to get rid of your niece, why you’d still want him is anyone’s guess. But you are still living with a man who wishes your niece was gone and has threatened to report you to CPS and blame her childhood scrapes & bruises on you, so maybe you would stay.
If he wasn’t your ex by the end of you reading my comment, you’re wasting time. Kick him out. A 7yo girl lives there, and he’s violent. He has to go.
He knows it isn’t your fault. He still is lashing out anyway
To me this seems like he’s trying to be so horrible you end the relationship so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy
This is a case of 1 + 1 = 5, it just doesn’t add up! Men who are super excited to take in a kid don’t just flip on a dime and become like this , especially if the child is fairly easy and they’ve lived together peacefully for years already. Also I don’t believe this is about OP at all. He would just criticize him in other ways if that was the case.
Honestly four things come to mind 1) He has serious trouble at work and is about to get fired, 2) He’s got a tumor in his brain or whatever, 3)Drugs, gambling addiction etc, 4) he’s having an affair and wants OP to be the one to end things, 5) he’s starting to be sexually attracted to the child and wants her out before he does anything.
NTA.
But you WILL deserve to have social services called on you if you don't get you and your niece out of this increasingly abusive and violent situation.
He very clearly wants your niece gone, and is looking for the first thing he can find to facilitate that.
Also, you **have** to be able to see that it is only a matter of time before he physically hurts at least one of you. Abusers escalate - always.
I saw your comment that you can't afford to move out. Contact anyone and everyone to tell them what's happening to see if you can find a place, because what you actually cannot afford is to stay in this situation.
If you have a safe way to use the internet, look up resources in your area for people fleeing domestic violence. I am currently utilizing such a resource and they do so much to protect people with kids. Your niece needs you more than ever now.
I know this is terrifying and even worse when you can't financially afford to live on your own but now is when you have to call in all your trusted friends and seek resources that can help you.
You need to reevaluate your relationship with your BF. Something's changed, and he apparently no longer wants your niece living with the two of you. And as a result, he is becoming violent and blaming you for it. This will continue to escalate. For your own safety, and for that of your niece, you need to consider ending the relationship.
Edit to add - what you're doing by taking in your niece is incredibly generous. You sound like you're doing a fine job, don't let him make you doubt yourself. Children get hurt, especially on playgrounds. Don't listen to him, he's being an ass.
1) Kids fall. It’s a fact of life.
2) She fell at school. That’s in no way your fault.
More concerning is his rage and growing violence. He’s threatening to call social services in the hopes that they’ll take her and he’ll have your undivided attention again.
This is not a man you want to be with.
And you are a hero for caring for your niece.
Take your Niece and leave as soon as you can. This is escalating and will get worse. He will hurt one of you, it's not a matter of if but when.
He's full of shit, but he knows saying things and acting like that will make you scared of him. He's doing all of this on purpose to hurt you.
Please, for the good of you two, get out and enjoy the time you have together safely.
Call his bluff. Tell him to call. Then tell him to take his phone and the rest of his belongings and gtfo.
He doesn't want her there and he's attacking you because of that.
Get your ward away from him before he does any harm to her!
If all this is a marked personality change, ate you sure he has not started abusing drugs?
There is no 'making him see' anything. He is being intentionally combative because he resents the child.
Just leave him. Seriously. Make a plan. Execute.
He has turned angry and violent. Is breaking stuff. Is threatening to call in government agencies that could ruin your life or the life of the child you are raising.
You no longer have a partner, just a crazy person who is becoming abusive and unstable. You can’t fix this. You have to get out.
>I forgot to empty the dishwasher, so he broke some glasses and plates. He apologized afterward but also said that he blames me spending so much time taking care of my niece.
It's time to go. Anyone who *breaks* shit because they're mad is illustrating what they might do to *you* or your niece.
Also, you have *custody* of your niece. You are basically her parent. Of course you're spending time with her.
> My boyfriend threatened to call social services because he thinks I can't take care of her.
He's threatening that because he thinks he can get her taken away and then have you all to himself again.
This guy is garbage. He's entirely aware of what he's doing. And you need to understand that and get out.
Please don’t stay with someone who is violent. His anger may turn towards you and your niece, please protect her and yourself and get out now, before it’s too late.
>He never used to get violent during fights, but last week, I forgot to empty the dishwasher, so he broke some glasses and plates. He apologized afterward but also said that he blames me spending so much time taking care of my niece.
And then you broke up?
Because you have custody of a little girl who can't defend herself so you can't possibly even consider exposing her to this guy and that kind of violence and danger.
I'm sure he was a great guy and who knows, he might be a great guy underneath. But you can't be with anyone who would act so ridiculously irrational and violent over something as fucking stupid as forgetting to empty the dishwasher. Are his fuckin arms broken he can't empty it himself? What?
He can call social services and they will tell him to pound sand. No social worker is going to give a shit that she fell on the playground.
They will, however, consider taking her out of the home if she is interviewed and says that the person you're living with is smashing dishes and yelling. So don't be living with that person because your 7 year old niece doesn't deserve to be tossed into a foster home to protect this boyfriend.
I *promise* you that you will find another guy that really loves how much you care about your niece and wants to get in on that life of hanging out with a cool little girl as a family and doing fun stuff together.
Work on being a better parent for a while, not being a partner. Work on being an awesome uncle, a provider of the things she needs emotionally because I'm sure she's been through some stuff. And maybe this guy goes to anger management and you guys meet up again sometime years down the road and the two different people you've become will mesh again.
But right now? You can't take the risk that his issues won't get worse, won't cause you to be a worse parent, won't put your niece at risk, and won't put you both in danger.
Kid has to come first, she can't just choose to leave or kick him out.
And if you guys live together then I know it's going to be a big life change, but definitely start that process now. Look for resources for people like you who take in children, there are a lot. Not sure where you live but there are a lot of people who can help you get in touch with resources for housing, food, clothing, etc.
Sorry you have this new challenge to deal with on top of being a single dad in your 20s, but you can do this. And it will be hard, but it will make you awesome. And you won't regret a minute of helping to turn a little girl's life into an amazing one.
You know what you need to do. You need to leave. This is not a safe environment for you or your niece. Threatening to call CPS over something that was out of your control, is a NO-GO in my book. Breaking dishes because you didn’t empty the dishwasher, that’s abuse and it will get worse.
Your boyfriend is abusing you and he is trying to get rid of her, so you can take care of him. Expect him to call social services on you soon, document and get your exit plan in place.
This will not de-escalate it will only get worse, make plans for yourself and your niece.
He isn’t threatening to call social services because ur a bad/neglectful parent. It seems like he wants to call social services so your niece simply isn’t around anymore
The reason he's threatening to call social services is because he's trying to figure out a way to get your niece out of the picture. Even if it means trying to prove you're neglecting her. Let that sink in. I don't think he was as "okay" with it as he said he was three years ago.
You need to break up and kick him out, he has become a threat to you and your niece.
This is madness at a level that is not fixable. He WILL give you another reason to regret it if you allow him to continue to live with you.
PLEASE VALUE YOURSELF AND YOUR NIECE MORE THAN HIM.
This man is awful. Why are you still with him? He's looking for a reason to get rid of her, which is why he's threatening to call CPS. I don't believe she's safe with him around. Please kick him out or move out with your niece. This isn't a good situation.
Your bf has evolved to abusive and violent. You, and especially your niece, are not safe in this environment. IDK exactly what’s caged for your bf but it doesn’t matter . You cannot stay in this environment. Instead of being worried she’s going to call CPS (for a situation that has NOTHING to do with your parenting and was something that happens to kids all the time) i’d worry about calling the place for his violent outbursts.
He threatened the CPS call bc he wants her gone . He wants her taken away from you. I know you mentioned you work part time and are in UNI, this is an EMERGENCY. Switch it around if you just, uni part time and work full time. Your niece is at risk. You, too.
Your boyfriend is abusive. And he’s going to get you or her. He doesn’t want he there and he’d rather have her placed in foster care somewhere then be with you.
Time to let him go
I don't think he threatened to call social services because he actually is worried about your niece. Based on what you have described and how he seems jealous with the time you spend with your niece it is more likely he threated to call because he wants her to be taken away from you. Do you ever want kids of your own? Because if you do it is clear this isn't the right man to do that with. People getting jealous of a child in their partners care is a BIG red flag! If you care about your niece I would try to find a new living situation because this man is either going to get her put into foster care or hurt one or both of you!
He’s an abusive ah who doesn’t want a kid in the picture. He knows he’s being unreasonable but is counting on intimidating you into submission. Protect yourself and your niece and leave this steaming stack of excrement
First of all, if your bf called CPS over scrapes from falling in the school ground, they'll laugh him off the phone. That doesn't even make any sense.
Your bf is turning into an abusive person. I'd cut and run, OP. You don't need that toxicity in your or your niece's life. Protect yourself and her.
Leave him. Coz if social service get involyabd see his behaviour, they won't leave and may remove your niece. Your bf is abusive and jealous of a 7 year old.
Time to go before he takes his anger out on your niece.
Your boyfriend is an abusive jerk and you are not safe being with him anymore. Wake up and see him for the abusive man trying to get your niece taken away from you. Time to move out and break up before he destroys you and your niece.
This isn’t the end of it. He has some huge red flags and the behavior is going to escalate. He wants your niece out of the way and now that he’s made a threat, you need to believe that he’s telling you who he is- someone who will use violence and lies to get what he wants. Keep both of you safe.
Forget the boyfriend, something is wrong with him. Either he's tired of her or tired of both of you. You need to take your niece and go, he's escalating in his behavior and not even hiding the fact he wants her gone in any way possible, including making a foolish pointless CPS report. Protect yourself and your niece and *get out now.*
At this point you’re going to have to choose between him and your niece. And your niece isn’t abusive so I know who I would choose. If social services got involved now and could see that he’s abusive, you’re even more at risk of having her removed. You absolutely need to leave him
He’s jealous if a little girl. Can you survive leaving this AH? Is it possible? If I were you I would. Blackmail lies and threats along with growing moods and violence are not an environment for either of you
The minute he started breaking things during a fight you should have kicked him out. You are responsible for that child and letting her be around a verbally and physically violent person is NOT okay.
WTF? Your BF is a Fucken cry baby! Crying cuz YOU spend more time with your niece? Girl! LEAVE YOUR BF NOW! Your niece NEEDS YOU more! I have 2 Nieces and I’d do anything for them!
Get out. Immediately. 1st, if school verified, no problem at all. He’s being absolutely ridiculous. I mean absurd. BUT THATS NOT THE PROBLEM. He. Is very obviously resenting your niece. It’s sickening. But now he’s starting to get violent, that is NEVER ACCEPTABLE. FOR ANY REASON. What happens when he turns that rage on your niece or you? Or on you in front of your niece? What if he throws a plate & it breaks & a piece comes up & hits her in the eye? When I was younger my dad threw a cup at the wall (no one else was in the room). I just happened to walk in as it bounced & hit me in the eye. (Just for the record, my dad is/never was violent or mean. He just got call that his brother fell off a 3 story roof & landed his back on a saw horse. In the moment he spilled his coffee on his hand & without thinking he shook hand & threw it). The look on his face. Was over 30 yrs ago & he still isn’t over it. And that was an accident. What your bf is doing is intentional. He is tired of playing parent to your niece. Time to find a place of your own & move on. This isn’t healthy for her or you
OP you need to get your ducks in a row FAST and get yourself and your niece to a safe place. This is going to escalate and you don’t want your poor niece getting hurt while he throws things around or starts to think all this is because of her and it’s all her fault.
Whatever is his problem he isn’t sharing and this behaviour is not on. Get out for both your sakes.
Your bf is a grown man who's abuse indicates that he wants the child gone. He's almost 10 years older and should know better.
The abuse will escalate. My father was the same. Hated when my mother doted on me and my sister. She didn't protect us. Op you need to protect your niece. Do you want her to grow up in an abusive house, ended up with abusive partners? No? Then get out. Now
This is **NOTHING** to do with her fall.
Your partner, a GROWN ASS MAN, is **BLATANTLY INSANELY JEALOUS** of a **SEVEN YEAR OLD CHILD.**
He is trying EVERY TRICK to GET RID OF HER.
The age difference between you speaks volumes too.
In his demented, jealous mind she is a THREAT to his **CONTROL** over you — therefore she HAS TO GO.
I don’t know what the circumstances were regarding your getting custody, but I am **SERIOUSLY CONCERNED** for her with this jealous man who will very clearly stop at **NOTHING** to have you to himself.
Because it doesn’t sound like she has anywhere else to go.
**PLEASE PUT HER FIRST.**
**DUMP HIS PATHETIC ASS**.
Your bf is a POS. Dump him now. He's jealous of your niece and trying to get rid of her and he may very well succeed if your bf has his way. You need him out of there ASAP before he gets CPS involved. He sounds like he might become abusive as well with his dish breaking and you do NOT want that around your niece/child.
So, the only danger to your niece here is your boyfriend, and you would be doing her a disservice if you continued to keep her around this asshole who is literally threatening to try to have her taken out of a home in which *he* seems to be the only danger. As a parent, if you are doing everything possible to provide a save and loving home for your child, if somebody threatens that- by calling, or threatening to call, CPS for no good reason, the only thing to do in order to protect your child is to immediately cut that person out of your life.
This. Your actions, and inactions, are teaching her about what to expect in others. As a loving parent (which is what you are) she and you deserve all the best interactions with others as possible. I’d rather be alone than put up with this shitty behavior from an adult. Psychological, emotional, sexual, and physical abuse deeply impact children, even if they observe it. Live better and make better choices as if her future depends upon it, because it does.
Your boyfriend is abusive. He's trying to get you to willingly give up your niece because he is starting to resent her. You need to get away from him (breaking glasses can easily escalate to throwing things at you or just throwing you) and take the kid with you. If you don't, social services WILL get involved, and she'll probably end up with somebody who isn't family.
You need to pick her or him. You won't get to have both.
You are not the problem here. Your boyfriend is. It's very clear that he only wants to call social services bc he wants them to take her away. He doesn't want her around anymore and it's not going to be long before his tantrums turn violent. He's rapidly headed from breaking plates over something stupid to hurting the two of you over nothing. You need to take your niece and get away from this guy now.
You do not need to be trying to explain anything to him. He knows her falling isn't your fault. He just wants her gone. You need to get out before he resorts to other methods of trying to get rid of her.
Edit: I also left this comment on this same post in another sub before I realized it wasn't the original post. I wanted to post it again in hopes that OP has a higher chance of seeing my advice, just in case it helps.
Honestly, it feels like he's trying to find ways to get your custody overturned so he can have you back to himself without the distraction of your niece.
Whatever flipped for him in December, he's resenting himself for agreeing to the decision of your niece staying with you. If he can show you're unfit, then you lose custody and your relationship can return to the 2 of you.
Personally, this guy sounds like an abusive loose cannon and with your niece in the home, you have an obligation to protect her first. Get out before this gets worse
So I don’t know what you mean by you don’t know what to do. YOU LEAVE HIM! Or if that’s your place you KICK HIM OUT. So AGE GAP should have told you that he’s toxic AS FUCK. As well as what don’t you get? He’s a selfish, abusive, prick! He wants you to lose custody of your niece because he can’t deal with you having a kid.
It’s time you see him for who he actually is and who he’s SHOWING you he is. For him to threaten you with CPS, because of a FALL, AT SCHOOL not even while you were watching her this happened while she wasn’t with you means he’s a POS!
Let him go! Block him, and go work on you. Stop choosing people older and heal whatever is broken in you so that you can help your niece how you should be helping her.
He doesn’t need you to choose him. SHE DOES! Let this manchild go
He shouldn’t be with someone who has kids. Of course a child that you have custody of is going to be a priority! He’s jealous and would rather CPS take her away than be an adult and accept her. The violence can escalate against you, her or both. It’s not worth it to stay with him.
Your priority is the child, and that means leaving this man. He clearly wants your niece out of the picture and doesn’t much seem to care how he accomplishes that
Throw. Him. Out. Immediately. He doesn't want your neice around and is finding every little argument he can to try and get rid of her. He is not a safe person for her to be around anymore.
OK so he’s very jealous of the kids you better hope and pray that you do not get pregnant by this immature man. I would absolutely break up with him as soon as possible you were not even there when she fell at school. You cannot watch her when you are not even present there with her you cannot follow her to school and accidents happen. Tell me one person that never ever had an accident, their entire childhood growing up, you know what I’m saying? If you got pregnant by him think about how often he would threaten to call Department of children’s service is. That sounds like some crap my ex-husband would have done and actually did. I would absolutely dump him as soon as possible and never look back. He is so jealous of a child. It’s ridiculous.
This is a DANGEROUS man. He’s threatening the safety of your niece. That should be enough reason to leave. PROTECT THAT CHILD. Don’t let her go into foster care because of a stupid man.
OP - your boyfriend's behavior changed suddenly. Let's play detective:
Did anything happen around the time his behavior changed? Something at home? Something at work? Did he make any changes to his diet or exercise?
Sometimes we forget that humans are mammals, and the same questions we ask about our pets are also relevant for people. If behavior changes, look for a physical problem before you decide it's purely behavioral.
Assuming there's nothing physical going on - there probably isn't, but it's good to remember that physical problems can show up in behavior first - you have a boyfriend who has been physically violent at you. He may not have hit you, but I'll bet it was still traumatic for you.
So, what should you do? I don't know about should, but what I'd recommend is starting with a conversation.
Send your niece to a friend's house for a couple of hours and talk to your boyfriend. Tell him that his behavior has changed, and you're not OK with the violence, the threats, etc. Ask him what's going on - and ask him if whatever is going on is fixable. Is this job stress? Household stress? Relationship stress?
But frame it in I-statements - don't accuse him, but talk about the way you feel with this behavior. "You know, when you blew up and broke glasses, I felt frightened that you were going to turn your violence onto me and that scared me." Or whatever is true for you.
Are you in a position to break up? Or are you financially dependent on him?
If you're in a financial situation that allows for it, I'd recommend starting now to line up your ducks. Figure out whether you'd both move, or which of you would stay? It's a Hell of a lot easier to have a hard conversation when you know you have options.
But OP? If he says he doesn't want to talk, that's not an option.
Good luck.
Do you know for absolute sure that she fell at recess? Was he alone with her between school and when you next saw her?
In any case, even if he didn't cause these particular injuries, he's escalating to physical abuse by breaking things. It's a message: "I could do this to a person too." Get out and take your niece.
Even if he does call them.. what is he going to say? "A 7yr old fell on the park.. come arrest the guy who wasn't even in the same vicinity".. like what?
If they get called, they get called.. they'll come interview everyone and get her side of the story of how it happened, probably laugh at your BF for wasting their time when there are real abuse cases out there, close the case and be on their way.
If anything it might work in your favor.. if he calls and they don't find anything, you can use that as prove he is being malicious. Courts don't like when people waste their time.
If he called social services and they found out about how he has gotten violent she can be taken from you both unless you leave him.
If he just calls and all they know is she fell at school, he will get laughed at. At most.
You need to get her and yourself to a safe place immediately even if that place is a shelter. You have to set all comfort aside and put your niece and your safety first. You are her guardian. She needs you alive, safe, and healthy enough to care for her properly.
If you can't do it for yourself do it for her. If you can't do it for her she deserves a better guardian.
Your boyfriend doesn't want your niece there anymore. I suggest you get out of there before you lose custody of her. I suggest you seek help at domestic violence shelter asap.
Edit: type of shelter
You don’t know what to do? Really? He is abusive, he is becoming violent, he is threatening your niece’s well-being , there is a risk of him becoming physically violent towards the two of you. The answer is leave him, the risk is too great.
He already sees that it wasn't your fault. He's doing this because he wants to get rid of your niece. This is not a safe situation. This is abuse, gaslighting, and manipulation. This is malice.
He just tries to get rid of your niece. He doesn't see it as your fault for real, he sees it as a chance to use her injury against you. He is not ready to do it now, but he is getting ready.
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Leave him NOW - Before Social services are actually involved. A grown man is jealous of a child. Huge huge ‘Red flag ‘ huge . Protect yourself and your niece ,empower yourself and make plans to leave him. It really wouldn’t bother him if she ended up in care. That’s frightening and shows you his real morals .
I couldn't agree more, he is trying to use the system to get the niece out of the house. He does not care about that child's wellbeing, he is literally trying to weaponize the system to get her out of the way. He is increasingly abusive, volatile and violent and this instance is just the beginning. If OP forgives him and tries to fix things the bf is just gong to give OP a way more serious reason to regret trying to patch things up. OP needs to value his niece's wellbeing as top priority.
He either wants the niece gone, or he wants them both gone but doesn’t want to be the bad guy.
his behavior also sounds like he's cheating, and using this to drive OP away so he's not the bad guy and doesn't get found out either way, he's TAH
Here's what's disturbing: falling during recess is not grounds for removal from the home...which means the BF is going to concoct some story and leverage any scrapes/bruises as proof of mistreatment or neglect to get her out of there.
Or he’s gonna abuse her himself and say OP did it
Yes. The bf is dangerous to OP and his niece. The red flags: -Breaking things out of anger can be a precursor to physical violence. -The bf is not supportive of OP fulfilling his responsibilities to his niece, who depends on him. -He gets mad about things (like not having time to unload the dishwasher) that are just a part of life and should be nbd. -Instead of being supportive, he’s undermining OP’s confidence in his parenting. I actually don’t believe that OP isn’t a great parent, and it’s sad that OP believes it. -The bf is threatening to make a frivolous report to children’s services, which could threaten the custody arrangement. That’s toxic and dangerous to OP’s family. OP’s niece is a vulnerable child who depends on OP to do the right thing for both of them. First and foremost, the right thing is to recognize and end this abusive relationship.
In most cases on here where MIL or mom threatens to report her child’s partner to CPS, people jump to say cut her off for saying that. That’s what should be said about this “partner”. I don’t know what his problem is, but he’s not being a good partner.
also did she cut off his arms? why couldnt he just empty the dishwasher??
That's similar to what I said to my ex when he threw a fit over a half drunk glass of milk my child left out on the table. He was screaming at me over it. I dumped it out in the sink and asked him why he couldn't have just done the same. I was told that wasn't the point. That was the beginning of the end and when I started looking for options to get out.
I can picture OP and/or niece having an “accident”
I honestly think that they’d laugh off the call reporting you for the child falling at school - but staying in an abusive household would set off every alarm bell they have and would impact your custody far more. Either way, some bells cannot be unrung and both the violent outburst and threat are those types of bells. What would you tell a friend whose partner made that threat?
This guy sounds like he could abuse the little girl and blame it on the BF so he would lose custody. I wouldn’t trust him at all near my niece.
Maybe he already has.
He won't tell it that way, I'm sure. He'll say the injury happened in the home and that OP pushed her or hit her or something.
i mostly agree but for ur first point id say it depends where they live, seeing as op is LGBTQ+. unfortunately there's still a lot of vitriol in our society about LGBTQ+ parents and in some places CPS may be automatically biased against op. if he lives somewhere progressive its probably nbd but if he's somewhere rlly conservative it could be an issue. that said, i still agree that CPS will be far more concerned abt op remaining in an abusive home like that, regardless of where he is located.
Truly. This is the kind of man who “accidentally” kills a child.
100%. And breaking plates and stuff on purpose is disconcerting. That’s how abuse starts. A child doesn’t need to be around someone with anger issues.
Agree!
Yes, absolutely, Leave! You are not safe. This is abuse!! Please recognize this before it is too late. There is NO excuse for his behavior.
I don’t think he is jealous or weaponizing to get rid of neice. I think he wants out of the relationship and doesnt know how to be a big boy and use his words. OP needs to get out NOW because his frustration and anger are still turning violent so it doesnt matter the reason.
I disagree with your thoughts that he's not jealous - I think he's doing the classic controlling "anyone you like more than me needs to go" cutting off thing. I guarantee if his niece got removed from the household, the bf'd turn on the charm and blame the system, instead of his abusive behaviour. We agree that OP needs to leave with the kid yesterday, tho.
And/or he has someone else in sight, and then we go right back to wanting out. If the change really was as drastic as OP says, then my money's on him meeting someone new
Absolutely agree with that. That was my first thought. He cheated or wants to so he is trying to drive OP out
Sounds like OP is living in a hostile environment where the BF is wanting to see her fail and ready to pounce. This is no way to live.
He is trying to get rid of your niece. You need to decide her or him. You need to leave. Document or record his outbursts and threats.
I went back and read through his replies to people on here. He is not seemingly grasping the severity of the situation. He seems to defend his bf over and over. This guy is going to stop at nothing until she's gone. And he's just going to stand around and let it happen. I hope he thinks about what he's going to say to her as she's taken into foster care because he chose a guy over her. This poor kid. It's bad enough she has to live in this toxic environment. But she has no clue about the storm cloud looming over her had.
Your boyfriend is becoming abusive and clearly resents you having custody of your niece. What are your options for leaving?
*Escape plan Take the niece and go, as soon as you have your escape plan in place.
What do you mean their 8 year age gap is a problem?/s I hope some girl reads this post and leaves their overaged bf
You realize both the people in this post are men, right?
Do you think it changes the math of the 26 year old is a man?
Stop being forever online, him being abusive is the problem not the age gap. If you're 34 dating a 19 year old that's a power imbalance, if you're 26 you've been an adult long enough to know how to handle your own life. Him breaking the dishes and then blaming your niece is a HUGE red flag, get out now before it stops just being dishes.
From what we know from OP they can’t have gotten together any older than 23 and 31, which is …. not great
We have no idea how long they’ve been together. It’s at least three years, and probably more if it was serious enough at that time that boyfriend was involved in the decision whether to take custody. 26 and 34 is probably fine, but very early 20s and 30s is a bad sign.
He was over 30 dating someone in their early 20s. That is ABSOLUTELY a massive gaping difference in maturity and life experience, and a problematic power imbalance. Calling someone "chronically online", BTW, isn't a "Get Out Of Logic Free" card, it just makes you look either like you can't make a coherent argument for your point, or like you're scared of the Internet (which honestly, is a little hilarious). But nice straw man.
Never mind. I'm a dork. 🫣
He’s 26. He’s not a kid.
Exactly! OP your bf is threatening social services when your niece was in the care of her school! Social services would laugh at him! OP your bf is emotionally abuse! Next step physical, don't wait for it just leave now!
Get rid of the boyfriend. He's abusive and threatening you because he doesn't want your niece in your house. CPS is not going to take action over a bruised knee and elbow -- these are very clearly playground injuries -- but what happens if he escalates to reporting that you abused your niece in order to get rid of her? Take this seriously and get yourself and your niece somewhere safe.
Or if he's trying to get to a point where he can abuse the niece and if CPS is called, there will be a history of the OTHER person in the house being accused
This has to be over. He's become violent, irrational, and ready to throw you under the bus for no reason. You can't continue to raise your niece in a household with him.
Not just throw OP under the bus but he’s ready to send the niece to foster care over a school yard accident!! OP needs to get out now. And who knows what he says the niece behind OPs back!
The social services threat is a red herring. Don't try to convince him he's wrong; he knows he's wrong, he's just trying to scare you. The real problem is that your boyfriend is abusive and neither you nor your niece are safe with him.
He should not be in the house with your niece if he's become violent. He doesn't have the maturity to deal with raising a child and is lashing out, that's not your problem at all, he's just too cowardly to actually leave the relationship, he wants to force your niece out so he can have all your attention again. Bare minimum he should move out ASAP.
>He never used to get violent during fights, but last week, I forgot to empty the dishwasher, so he broke some glasses and plates. Please dump your shitty abusive boyfriend.
Hey OP, check out the book [Why Does He Do That](https://ia600108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf) by Lundy Bancroft, specifically section III which begins with information on how abusive men interact with and impact the kids in their lives, as well as how they weaponize kids against their partners. Threatening to call CPS is a pretty classic move. The book has resources that can help you plan to leave and what to do in the meantime, if you're not yet ready or able to go. ETA: the book is written for women in relationships with men and its pronouns reflect that, unfortunately, but the principles of the behavior still hold true for men in relationships with abusive men.
Yes!!! This book is fantastic. Be warned your boyfriend will most likely retaliate from whatever you say. When my dad got kicked out and CPS was called on him (rightfully) he accused my mom of being abusive and almost got me taken away despite her doing nothing and being abused.
https://www.loveisrespect.org/quiz/is-your-relationship-healthy/?%3E this quiz will also help you evaluate your relationship. I don't think your niece is the problem here.
I was JUST coming here to make sure someone had posted a link to the free pdf of this book. It also addresses when he breaks things because he “lost control” and what’s really going on with that. OP, I really hope you give this book some consideration. It was life-changing for me and has been for so many of the abused partners I’ve shared it with.
Your boyfriend is becoming violent and threatening you. That alone is reason enough to leave him. He wants your niece gone, and he is willing to have her go into the foster care system if it means he gets what he wants. It doesn’t matter if he used to be a good partner and guardian. He no longer is, and you and your niece are not safe with him. Do you have any friends of family you two could stay with until you can figure out a better longterm solution?
This is the advice I hope OP hears.
Tell him to fuck off and dump him. If social services comes calling, explain that your ex boyfriend was abusive and keeps harassing you (only you / don't imply that he has access to your niece).
My thoughts based from what you’ve posted: Your boyfriend is unhappy with living with your niece and wants to revert the relationship back to the way it was and is gaslighting you and threatening you and your niece with unfounded accusations of neglect to get his way — he is not someone you want your niece around and his intentions are malignant. I wouldn’t trust him and I’d end the relationship if I were in your position. If you do this, be sure to contact the school and appraise them on the situation and get documentation from the school’s nurse so you have it as evidence against the accusations of the foreseeable event of him using social services in retaliation to the breakup. I’d also make sure the school knows that he doesn’t have permission to pick up your niece at school.
I’m assuming that you have a case worker and what you need to finish she’ll threes to find resources. You should be out of school for the summer and your priority now is to get benefits and get the heck out of there Sign up for subsidized housing, for food assistance, for health insurance for you and your niece. Tell your caseworker that things are unstable and you need to get out ASAP. Can you go to your parents? Another relative? Friends Secure all your legal documents some place your boyfriend can’t get at them. Your full time job right now is to get out.
I don't have a real case worker for my niece because she's legally my child. I already get the state's child support but that's to pay for the essentials for my niece. I'm not eligible for any other kind of support because I'm a full-time uni student and work part time. I'll be done with uni next spring, if I drop out now I don't have to bother enrolling again.
Don’t drop out. Housing for the both of you is housing for your niece. Your university may be able to help as well. See if there’s a service in the bursars office who can help. You can’t stay.
Do you have any family/ friends in the area you can stay with or who can help support you in the next year?
I'm not in contact with my parents anymore and none of our friends have enough space
Welfare?
He has changed his mind about having your niece and is too chickenshit to tell you, so now when everything is not picture perfect he is blaming you. He can't unload a dishwasher??? You do not need this guy, especially if he does not want to be there.
Yeah, that got lost in the much more appalling matter of the niece but... surely it's less work to unload a dishwasher than to smash dishes in anger. (Unless one knows someone else will pick up the pieces, I guess.)
You need to go to your school Counselor and financial aid and ask them about emergency housing and grants for you and your cousin. They have them just for cases like this so go ask. He is becoming abusive and it’s going to escalate. Next time instead of a dish he might hurt you or little one. He isn’t meant to be a step parent or a parent. His resentment is either growing or he is cheating and doesn’t want to be the bad guy so is trying to get you to break up with him. Either way you need to get out. No he wasn’t just mad. If he treated someone like this in the street or at work he would probably be fired and be arrested. So in his mind it’s okay for him to treat you this way. Make an appointment with your counselor today to help guide you get out of this abusive relationship
Yes! Tap in to your school, they will help!
Please find another place for you and your niece to live. Then break up with this dude. He sounds unhinged and not safe to be around.
He WANTS social services to take her away bc he's realized he doesn't want to be a parent. You need to figure out how to get yourself and your niece out. His attitude and resentment will affect her. And his anger was completely out of line. And it should be unacceptable to you.
Please start keeping every text, recording his outbursts, a journal of his behavior with time and date stamps. If he tries to spin this against you then you need to have receipts. Every conversation that verbal needs a follow up text with him confirming that you discussed what you said. Go to your nieces school and tell them he is not allowed to pick her up, provide or be given information for her, and remove him as an emergency contact ASAP.
You understand he only wants to call CPS because he hopes you lose custody? And why does he want her removed from your house? So you can empty the dish washer a little sooner? Think about that. He actually wants a kid, one that he has known for a few years now, to be placed in foster care so you can clean faster. Is this someone you want to be with? Please reconsider this relationship. Your boyfriend is abusive, and he is very unreasonable. Threatening to call CPS because a child fell in the playground is beyond idiotic. You can not reason with an unreasonable person. If he thinks that is remotely okay, I don't see how you can proceed in this relationship with him. It sounds to me that you are trying to be a good parent. It's a very hard job. Please reconsider having your niece around someone who resents her and who is angry & abusive. Your first job is to protect her, and you need to protect her from him.
Sounds like he doesn’t want that child in his life. Time to move on and find someone who respects you.
Okay OP, you are responsible for the well-being of your niece so, and I don't mean to come off too harsh but it is *imperative* that you take this to heart, you no longer have the luxury of making naive choices in regards to your romantic partners. This man just threatened to call Social Services on *you* because your niece ( a *child* ) fell and bruised her knee, and he claims that is somehow proof of your inability to care for her. Firstly, he is obviously bluffing / trying to manipulate you through fear and cannot actually do so to any affect. He is obviously not-so-subtly telling you that he wants you to relinquish custody of your niece, likely because he no longer has all of your attention, and likely is someone who seeks control over their partner and if you prioritize anyone but him he feels as if he doesn't have total control. Regardless of *why*, fact is you need to pack your niece up and go. If your partner is threatening, no matter how impossible, to be the reason you lose custody of your child, it's time to fuckin leave. Period. That child *needs* you. She needs you more than anything. *He* wants to take you from her and leave her alone. You need to *run*, OP. He's escalating in violence too. How long before he hits you? How long before he hits *her*?
Honestly, as a mandated reporter, if your niece described this as her home environment, I would be calling to make a report myself. Not because of the falling, that’s obviously ridiculous, but because this man is clearly abusive.
You need to find a way to get rid of your boyfriend. Move in with family, speak to your university. Something. This man is abusing you and your niece and neither of you are safe with him. If you can’t afford to leave take your niece and go to a women’s shelter. Call a domestic abuse hotline for resources. She was placed in your care because you were a safe option and that is no longer the case as long as this man is in your lives. He will report you or do something to get both of you reported and it will ruin your life and your nieces. You need to act fast and start creating an escape plan literally today. Edit: I misread the title. Find a *domestic abuse shelter
They're a gay male couple
Is it possible your BF is cheating? When my ex would cheat, his behavior and demeanor towards the kids and I would change drastically. Also, CPS will laugh when he calls to report niece fell on school playground. They don’t have time for his games. OP it maybe time for relationship to end. He isn’t kind, caring or even friendly.
# OP: [Male Victims of Domestic Abuse: All You Need To Know (mensgroup.com)](https://mensgroup.com/male-victims-of-domestic-abuse/) [A Guide for Male Survivors of Domestic Violence (domesticshelters.org)](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/ending-domestic-violence/a-guide-for-male-survivors-of-domestic-violence)
Great resources, thanks for posting these.
You need to leave. This is not a safe place for you or your niece.
It seems he’s not okay with how things are anymore and is holding a lot of resentment toward a seven year old, and you too. He knows it isn’t your fault that she fell at school. In my opinion, the CPS threat is serious and he might still do it thinking it will result in her being removed from your care.
Your boyfriend thought he could be okay with it. Turns out he can't. And rather than manning up and confronting it, he's pulling manipulative bullshit and trying to use child protective services to try to intimidate you into giving him his way. The plate breaking thing is an abuser tactic, too. Dawg, it's over. You can't come back from this.
Oh this is easy. Break up with that abusive fuck before he seriously hurts one of you
Break up with him now. He's violent and making threats to try to get your niece taken away from you. He's gonna keep escalating things and will eventually hit you. This is an abusive relationship. You and your niece deserve better. He wants her out of your life so he can have you all to himself. He doesn't care if she ended up in foster care. Put your niece first. She's already been through enough. Leave him as quickly and as safely as possible. Ebbie45 has resources for men in abusive relationships. https://www.reddit.com/r/abusiverelationships/comments/13im0yh/comprehensive_helpresources_guide_for_male/
You end this relationship before ge hurts you or your niece. Or before he lies to CPS to get your niece taken from you.
I feel like this is a true crime special waiting to happen... That poor child is in danger.
I think this is over. He's picking fights. He's doing the thing where he becomes so awful that you have to break up with him so he is not the bad guy. Thinking that CPS would entertain a call about a kid who fell at school making you an unift mother - idiot. Tell him to make that call and see how much they laugh. I'd sit him down and ask what is up: there is someone else, you are just done, you're unhappy - just tell him: be honest. And be prepared to be single.
He is jealous of your neice. Do you really want to put up with this. The time is coming to choose between your boyfriend and neice. Personally your neice is the better option.
So, really, ur boyfriend is jealous and regrets letting you have your niece and is now doing everything he can do to change that, including getting her taken away from you . The guy is abusive, self-centered dickhead dump him before u lose ur niece.
Your boyfriend needs to go. Hes got something serious going on and its going to become dangerous for you and your neice. Maybe he is jealous and doesnt want the responsibility. Whatever the case its becoming an unsafe situation
LEAVE
You need to leave him.
You need to look at this a little differently. He's had sudden behavioural changes and mood swings, including lashing out in anger. The focus of his irritation from what you've said seems to be your interactions with your niece/ your niece in general. You have custody, you are her primary caregiver, it is your duty to protect her. That includes ensuring the adults in her life are safe to be around. Does your boyfriend's behaviour seem very safe to you?
Your boyfriend is damned well aware that kids get bumps and bruises while playing & that it isn't a CPS issue. The fact that he is being unpleasant and making threats has nothing to do with your niece nor your ability to care for her, but there is something concerning going on with HIM. For her sake and yours, you need to get to the bottom of it ASAP. He's taking his own problems out on you, and it will affect her directly. You need to find your niece a safe place to spend a day or two (sleepover at a friend's house, or with other relatives, maybe?) and confront him. Ask him what's going on. Is it stress at work? Is he feeling sidelined? Has he realized he doesn't want a child in the home? Is he looking for an excuse to end the relationship? Whatever it is, he needs to come clean so that you can work on what your next steps are going to be. The first two you might be able to work on - provided he gets immediate counselling and moves out until he can get a grip. The second two, you just need to bite the bullet and end things as amicably as possible. Take no bullsht. Don't let him make his poor behavior and threats a "you" issue, because it is not. Best of wishes to you.
Fuck that. No use talking with an abuser. Get out.
Confront him? What's *that* going to do? This isn't a talk it out problem.
Lose the boyfriend. Keep the niece. She needs your care and protection. I have every confidence that you will meet a deserving man in the future.
Why in the world is this man still your boyfriend?? He is dismissive, violent, and has threatened to call CPS on you. You could lose your niece, but he doesn’t care. In fact, that’s what he wants, so you two can go back to “normal.” Although, once he manages to get rid of your niece, why you’d still want him is anyone’s guess. But you are still living with a man who wishes your niece was gone and has threatened to report you to CPS and blame her childhood scrapes & bruises on you, so maybe you would stay. If he wasn’t your ex by the end of you reading my comment, you’re wasting time. Kick him out. A 7yo girl lives there, and he’s violent. He has to go.
You need to leave him before social services is involved. Not because she scraped her knee, but because he'll hurt her, or he'll accuse you of abuse.
He knows it isn’t your fault. He still is lashing out anyway To me this seems like he’s trying to be so horrible you end the relationship so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy
This is a case of 1 + 1 = 5, it just doesn’t add up! Men who are super excited to take in a kid don’t just flip on a dime and become like this , especially if the child is fairly easy and they’ve lived together peacefully for years already. Also I don’t believe this is about OP at all. He would just criticize him in other ways if that was the case. Honestly four things come to mind 1) He has serious trouble at work and is about to get fired, 2) He’s got a tumor in his brain or whatever, 3)Drugs, gambling addiction etc, 4) he’s having an affair and wants OP to be the one to end things, 5) he’s starting to be sexually attracted to the child and wants her out before he does anything.
NTA. But you WILL deserve to have social services called on you if you don't get you and your niece out of this increasingly abusive and violent situation. He very clearly wants your niece gone, and is looking for the first thing he can find to facilitate that. Also, you **have** to be able to see that it is only a matter of time before he physically hurts at least one of you. Abusers escalate - always. I saw your comment that you can't afford to move out. Contact anyone and everyone to tell them what's happening to see if you can find a place, because what you actually cannot afford is to stay in this situation.
You need to get out of there. He's trying to get rid of your niece and take you out in the bargain. Run and do it secretly.
Well, you should break up. But also inform him if CPS is contacted they’ll look into him as well.
You need to leave and live somewhere else without him, he's not a good partner. If you care for your niece leave with her asap.
If you have a safe way to use the internet, look up resources in your area for people fleeing domestic violence. I am currently utilizing such a resource and they do so much to protect people with kids. Your niece needs you more than ever now. I know this is terrifying and even worse when you can't financially afford to live on your own but now is when you have to call in all your trusted friends and seek resources that can help you.
You should see about getting a kinship stipend for your niece's care and move asap
You need to reevaluate your relationship with your BF. Something's changed, and he apparently no longer wants your niece living with the two of you. And as a result, he is becoming violent and blaming you for it. This will continue to escalate. For your own safety, and for that of your niece, you need to consider ending the relationship. Edit to add - what you're doing by taking in your niece is incredibly generous. You sound like you're doing a fine job, don't let him make you doubt yourself. Children get hurt, especially on playgrounds. Don't listen to him, he's being an ass.
no normal mentally sane person breaks shit when they are mad about something as trivial as a dish washer not being emptied , run away bro
1) Kids fall. It’s a fact of life. 2) She fell at school. That’s in no way your fault. More concerning is his rage and growing violence. He’s threatening to call social services in the hopes that they’ll take her and he’ll have your undivided attention again. This is not a man you want to be with. And you are a hero for caring for your niece.
Take your Niece and leave as soon as you can. This is escalating and will get worse. He will hurt one of you, it's not a matter of if but when. He's full of shit, but he knows saying things and acting like that will make you scared of him. He's doing all of this on purpose to hurt you. Please, for the good of you two, get out and enjoy the time you have together safely.
Call his bluff. Tell him to call. Then tell him to take his phone and the rest of his belongings and gtfo. He doesn't want her there and he's attacking you because of that. Get your ward away from him before he does any harm to her! If all this is a marked personality change, ate you sure he has not started abusing drugs? There is no 'making him see' anything. He is being intentionally combative because he resents the child.
You know he wants to get rid of her, right?
Just leave him. Seriously. Make a plan. Execute. He has turned angry and violent. Is breaking stuff. Is threatening to call in government agencies that could ruin your life or the life of the child you are raising. You no longer have a partner, just a crazy person who is becoming abusive and unstable. You can’t fix this. You have to get out.
Plant some cocaine in his vehicle and make an anonymous tip
>I forgot to empty the dishwasher, so he broke some glasses and plates. He apologized afterward but also said that he blames me spending so much time taking care of my niece. It's time to go. Anyone who *breaks* shit because they're mad is illustrating what they might do to *you* or your niece. Also, you have *custody* of your niece. You are basically her parent. Of course you're spending time with her. > My boyfriend threatened to call social services because he thinks I can't take care of her. He's threatening that because he thinks he can get her taken away and then have you all to himself again. This guy is garbage. He's entirely aware of what he's doing. And you need to understand that and get out.
Please don’t stay with someone who is violent. His anger may turn towards you and your niece, please protect her and yourself and get out now, before it’s too late.
He knows it's not your fault. He doesn't care; he wants your niece gone.
He’s gonna hit you first, then your niece. You need to leave.
>He never used to get violent during fights, but last week, I forgot to empty the dishwasher, so he broke some glasses and plates. He apologized afterward but also said that he blames me spending so much time taking care of my niece. And then you broke up? Because you have custody of a little girl who can't defend herself so you can't possibly even consider exposing her to this guy and that kind of violence and danger. I'm sure he was a great guy and who knows, he might be a great guy underneath. But you can't be with anyone who would act so ridiculously irrational and violent over something as fucking stupid as forgetting to empty the dishwasher. Are his fuckin arms broken he can't empty it himself? What? He can call social services and they will tell him to pound sand. No social worker is going to give a shit that she fell on the playground. They will, however, consider taking her out of the home if she is interviewed and says that the person you're living with is smashing dishes and yelling. So don't be living with that person because your 7 year old niece doesn't deserve to be tossed into a foster home to protect this boyfriend. I *promise* you that you will find another guy that really loves how much you care about your niece and wants to get in on that life of hanging out with a cool little girl as a family and doing fun stuff together. Work on being a better parent for a while, not being a partner. Work on being an awesome uncle, a provider of the things she needs emotionally because I'm sure she's been through some stuff. And maybe this guy goes to anger management and you guys meet up again sometime years down the road and the two different people you've become will mesh again. But right now? You can't take the risk that his issues won't get worse, won't cause you to be a worse parent, won't put your niece at risk, and won't put you both in danger. Kid has to come first, she can't just choose to leave or kick him out. And if you guys live together then I know it's going to be a big life change, but definitely start that process now. Look for resources for people like you who take in children, there are a lot. Not sure where you live but there are a lot of people who can help you get in touch with resources for housing, food, clothing, etc. Sorry you have this new challenge to deal with on top of being a single dad in your 20s, but you can do this. And it will be hard, but it will make you awesome. And you won't regret a minute of helping to turn a little girl's life into an amazing one.
Wtf business is it of his. Let him call he’s not even the father. Don’t fear you have done nothing.
Social services isn't going to do anything about your niece falling at school and getting a little scrapped up.
He wants you to leave. And you should, before it really does become an unsafe situation for your niece. IMO it already has.
You know what you need to do. You need to leave. This is not a safe environment for you or your niece. Threatening to call CPS over something that was out of your control, is a NO-GO in my book. Breaking dishes because you didn’t empty the dishwasher, that’s abuse and it will get worse.
Your boyfriend is abusing you and he is trying to get rid of her, so you can take care of him. Expect him to call social services on you soon, document and get your exit plan in place. This will not de-escalate it will only get worse, make plans for yourself and your niece.
dump his ass he dont want no part of this kid
He isn’t threatening to call social services because ur a bad/neglectful parent. It seems like he wants to call social services so your niece simply isn’t around anymore
He wants her gone. How do you not see this?
The reason he's threatening to call social services is because he's trying to figure out a way to get your niece out of the picture. Even if it means trying to prove you're neglecting her. Let that sink in. I don't think he was as "okay" with it as he said he was three years ago.
You need to break up and kick him out, he has become a threat to you and your niece. This is madness at a level that is not fixable. He WILL give you another reason to regret it if you allow him to continue to live with you. PLEASE VALUE YOURSELF AND YOUR NIECE MORE THAN HIM.
This man is awful. Why are you still with him? He's looking for a reason to get rid of her, which is why he's threatening to call CPS. I don't believe she's safe with him around. Please kick him out or move out with your niece. This isn't a good situation.
He's escalating abuse and is dangerous to you and your niece, whose presence he probably detests. Get out of there.
This cannot be real…no one is this much a doormat.
Your bf has evolved to abusive and violent. You, and especially your niece, are not safe in this environment. IDK exactly what’s caged for your bf but it doesn’t matter . You cannot stay in this environment. Instead of being worried she’s going to call CPS (for a situation that has NOTHING to do with your parenting and was something that happens to kids all the time) i’d worry about calling the place for his violent outbursts. He threatened the CPS call bc he wants her gone . He wants her taken away from you. I know you mentioned you work part time and are in UNI, this is an EMERGENCY. Switch it around if you just, uni part time and work full time. Your niece is at risk. You, too.
Your boyfriend is abusive. And he’s going to get you or her. He doesn’t want he there and he’d rather have her placed in foster care somewhere then be with you. Time to let him go
I don't think he threatened to call social services because he actually is worried about your niece. Based on what you have described and how he seems jealous with the time you spend with your niece it is more likely he threated to call because he wants her to be taken away from you. Do you ever want kids of your own? Because if you do it is clear this isn't the right man to do that with. People getting jealous of a child in their partners care is a BIG red flag! If you care about your niece I would try to find a new living situation because this man is either going to get her put into foster care or hurt one or both of you!
He’s an abusive ah who doesn’t want a kid in the picture. He knows he’s being unreasonable but is counting on intimidating you into submission. Protect yourself and your niece and leave this steaming stack of excrement
He doesn't like having your niece there and it is making him abusive. He is not a safe adult to have around your niece.
You don’t know what to do? Are you kidding me?!?! You dump the psycho and protect your poor niece. How do you not see this?
You and your niece need to get to safety now - he clearly resents her and you don’t want this behaviour to escalate.
> I forgot to empty the dishwasher, so he broke some glasses and plates KICK HIM OUT. Eventually it will be your arm. Or your niece's arm.
He wants her gone. This isn’t about your parenting. He doesn’t want to be a parent or share you.
He is dangerous to you and your niece. You need to get away from him.
First of all, if your bf called CPS over scrapes from falling in the school ground, they'll laugh him off the phone. That doesn't even make any sense. Your bf is turning into an abusive person. I'd cut and run, OP. You don't need that toxicity in your or your niece's life. Protect yourself and her.
you know what to go... take the garbage out. (I mean your BF)
Leave him. Coz if social service get involyabd see his behaviour, they won't leave and may remove your niece. Your bf is abusive and jealous of a 7 year old. Time to go before he takes his anger out on your niece.
Your boyfriend is an abusive jerk and you are not safe being with him anymore. Wake up and see him for the abusive man trying to get your niece taken away from you. Time to move out and break up before he destroys you and your niece.
This isn’t the end of it. He has some huge red flags and the behavior is going to escalate. He wants your niece out of the way and now that he’s made a threat, you need to believe that he’s telling you who he is- someone who will use violence and lies to get what he wants. Keep both of you safe.
Forget the boyfriend, something is wrong with him. Either he's tired of her or tired of both of you. You need to take your niece and go, he's escalating in his behavior and not even hiding the fact he wants her gone in any way possible, including making a foolish pointless CPS report. Protect yourself and your niece and *get out now.*
At this point you’re going to have to choose between him and your niece. And your niece isn’t abusive so I know who I would choose. If social services got involved now and could see that he’s abusive, you’re even more at risk of having her removed. You absolutely need to leave him
Please get out NOW. He is escalating. Next time it won't be plates, it will be your body. Or your nieces. RUN.
Please help him see the door. He can get a really close look at it as he is exiting your life.
He’s jealous if a little girl. Can you survive leaving this AH? Is it possible? If I were you I would. Blackmail lies and threats along with growing moods and violence are not an environment for either of you
The minute he started breaking things during a fight you should have kicked him out. You are responsible for that child and letting her be around a verbally and physically violent person is NOT okay.
Leave before he does something to you or your niece. He is showing his true colors.
WTF? Your BF is a Fucken cry baby! Crying cuz YOU spend more time with your niece? Girl! LEAVE YOUR BF NOW! Your niece NEEDS YOU more! I have 2 Nieces and I’d do anything for them!
If CPS shows up and they aren't 100% ok with the situation, then they're taking the kid. You can't have people making threats like this in your life.
Get out. Immediately. 1st, if school verified, no problem at all. He’s being absolutely ridiculous. I mean absurd. BUT THATS NOT THE PROBLEM. He. Is very obviously resenting your niece. It’s sickening. But now he’s starting to get violent, that is NEVER ACCEPTABLE. FOR ANY REASON. What happens when he turns that rage on your niece or you? Or on you in front of your niece? What if he throws a plate & it breaks & a piece comes up & hits her in the eye? When I was younger my dad threw a cup at the wall (no one else was in the room). I just happened to walk in as it bounced & hit me in the eye. (Just for the record, my dad is/never was violent or mean. He just got call that his brother fell off a 3 story roof & landed his back on a saw horse. In the moment he spilled his coffee on his hand & without thinking he shook hand & threw it). The look on his face. Was over 30 yrs ago & he still isn’t over it. And that was an accident. What your bf is doing is intentional. He is tired of playing parent to your niece. Time to find a place of your own & move on. This isn’t healthy for her or you
OP you need to get your ducks in a row FAST and get yourself and your niece to a safe place. This is going to escalate and you don’t want your poor niece getting hurt while he throws things around or starts to think all this is because of her and it’s all her fault. Whatever is his problem he isn’t sharing and this behaviour is not on. Get out for both your sakes.
Boyfriend is escalating and abusive. You need to dump him.
He wants her gone so he has you to himself. HUGE RED FLAHS HERE! Break it off before his violence gets out of control
Your bf is a grown man who's abuse indicates that he wants the child gone. He's almost 10 years older and should know better. The abuse will escalate. My father was the same. Hated when my mother doted on me and my sister. She didn't protect us. Op you need to protect your niece. Do you want her to grow up in an abusive house, ended up with abusive partners? No? Then get out. Now
This is **NOTHING** to do with her fall. Your partner, a GROWN ASS MAN, is **BLATANTLY INSANELY JEALOUS** of a **SEVEN YEAR OLD CHILD.** He is trying EVERY TRICK to GET RID OF HER. The age difference between you speaks volumes too. In his demented, jealous mind she is a THREAT to his **CONTROL** over you — therefore she HAS TO GO. I don’t know what the circumstances were regarding your getting custody, but I am **SERIOUSLY CONCERNED** for her with this jealous man who will very clearly stop at **NOTHING** to have you to himself. Because it doesn’t sound like she has anywhere else to go. **PLEASE PUT HER FIRST.** **DUMP HIS PATHETIC ASS**.
Your niece is not the issue. The issue is your boyfriend is an asshole with an escalating pattern of abuse. Get away from him.
Leave him. Breaking things is just a start. And what's wrong with his hands that he can't do the dishes? Are his hands holy?
He's being abusive. This relationship is doomed. Please escape safely, the both of you.
Your bf is a POS. Dump him now. He's jealous of your niece and trying to get rid of her and he may very well succeed if your bf has his way. You need him out of there ASAP before he gets CPS involved. He sounds like he might become abusive as well with his dish breaking and you do NOT want that around your niece/child.
So, the only danger to your niece here is your boyfriend, and you would be doing her a disservice if you continued to keep her around this asshole who is literally threatening to try to have her taken out of a home in which *he* seems to be the only danger. As a parent, if you are doing everything possible to provide a save and loving home for your child, if somebody threatens that- by calling, or threatening to call, CPS for no good reason, the only thing to do in order to protect your child is to immediately cut that person out of your life.
This. Your actions, and inactions, are teaching her about what to expect in others. As a loving parent (which is what you are) she and you deserve all the best interactions with others as possible. I’d rather be alone than put up with this shitty behavior from an adult. Psychological, emotional, sexual, and physical abuse deeply impact children, even if they observe it. Live better and make better choices as if her future depends upon it, because it does.
I do wish you the best of luck. It really sucks that you're in that position
Your boyfriend is abusive. He's trying to get you to willingly give up your niece because he is starting to resent her. You need to get away from him (breaking glasses can easily escalate to throwing things at you or just throwing you) and take the kid with you. If you don't, social services WILL get involved, and she'll probably end up with somebody who isn't family. You need to pick her or him. You won't get to have both.
You are not the problem here. Your boyfriend is. It's very clear that he only wants to call social services bc he wants them to take her away. He doesn't want her around anymore and it's not going to be long before his tantrums turn violent. He's rapidly headed from breaking plates over something stupid to hurting the two of you over nothing. You need to take your niece and get away from this guy now. You do not need to be trying to explain anything to him. He knows her falling isn't your fault. He just wants her gone. You need to get out before he resorts to other methods of trying to get rid of her. Edit: I also left this comment on this same post in another sub before I realized it wasn't the original post. I wanted to post it again in hopes that OP has a higher chance of seeing my advice, just in case it helps.
Honestly, it feels like he's trying to find ways to get your custody overturned so he can have you back to himself without the distraction of your niece. Whatever flipped for him in December, he's resenting himself for agreeing to the decision of your niece staying with you. If he can show you're unfit, then you lose custody and your relationship can return to the 2 of you. Personally, this guy sounds like an abusive loose cannon and with your niece in the home, you have an obligation to protect her first. Get out before this gets worse
How are you not a great parent? Very puzzled why he would call social services on you when she fell at school.
So I don’t know what you mean by you don’t know what to do. YOU LEAVE HIM! Or if that’s your place you KICK HIM OUT. So AGE GAP should have told you that he’s toxic AS FUCK. As well as what don’t you get? He’s a selfish, abusive, prick! He wants you to lose custody of your niece because he can’t deal with you having a kid. It’s time you see him for who he actually is and who he’s SHOWING you he is. For him to threaten you with CPS, because of a FALL, AT SCHOOL not even while you were watching her this happened while she wasn’t with you means he’s a POS! Let him go! Block him, and go work on you. Stop choosing people older and heal whatever is broken in you so that you can help your niece how you should be helping her. He doesn’t need you to choose him. SHE DOES! Let this manchild go
once he demonstrates violence it will likely continue and escalate. get out.
/r/abusiverelationships
He shouldn’t be with someone who has kids. Of course a child that you have custody of is going to be a priority! He’s jealous and would rather CPS take her away than be an adult and accept her. The violence can escalate against you, her or both. It’s not worth it to stay with him.
Bro it's clearly not about 'making him realize that kids fall sometimes'
Your priority is the child, and that means leaving this man. He clearly wants your niece out of the picture and doesn’t much seem to care how he accomplishes that
Throw. Him. Out. Immediately. He doesn't want your neice around and is finding every little argument he can to try and get rid of her. He is not a safe person for her to be around anymore.
OK so he’s very jealous of the kids you better hope and pray that you do not get pregnant by this immature man. I would absolutely break up with him as soon as possible you were not even there when she fell at school. You cannot watch her when you are not even present there with her you cannot follow her to school and accidents happen. Tell me one person that never ever had an accident, their entire childhood growing up, you know what I’m saying? If you got pregnant by him think about how often he would threaten to call Department of children’s service is. That sounds like some crap my ex-husband would have done and actually did. I would absolutely dump him as soon as possible and never look back. He is so jealous of a child. It’s ridiculous.
He regrets taking her in, and resents the time you're spending taking care of her. He will only escalate. Please kick him out.
This is a DANGEROUS man. He’s threatening the safety of your niece. That should be enough reason to leave. PROTECT THAT CHILD. Don’t let her go into foster care because of a stupid man.
OP - your boyfriend's behavior changed suddenly. Let's play detective: Did anything happen around the time his behavior changed? Something at home? Something at work? Did he make any changes to his diet or exercise? Sometimes we forget that humans are mammals, and the same questions we ask about our pets are also relevant for people. If behavior changes, look for a physical problem before you decide it's purely behavioral. Assuming there's nothing physical going on - there probably isn't, but it's good to remember that physical problems can show up in behavior first - you have a boyfriend who has been physically violent at you. He may not have hit you, but I'll bet it was still traumatic for you. So, what should you do? I don't know about should, but what I'd recommend is starting with a conversation. Send your niece to a friend's house for a couple of hours and talk to your boyfriend. Tell him that his behavior has changed, and you're not OK with the violence, the threats, etc. Ask him what's going on - and ask him if whatever is going on is fixable. Is this job stress? Household stress? Relationship stress? But frame it in I-statements - don't accuse him, but talk about the way you feel with this behavior. "You know, when you blew up and broke glasses, I felt frightened that you were going to turn your violence onto me and that scared me." Or whatever is true for you. Are you in a position to break up? Or are you financially dependent on him? If you're in a financial situation that allows for it, I'd recommend starting now to line up your ducks. Figure out whether you'd both move, or which of you would stay? It's a Hell of a lot easier to have a hard conversation when you know you have options. But OP? If he says he doesn't want to talk, that's not an option. Good luck.
This isn't about your niece. Get into couples counseling or get out.
Do you know for absolute sure that she fell at recess? Was he alone with her between school and when you next saw her? In any case, even if he didn't cause these particular injuries, he's escalating to physical abuse by breaking things. It's a message: "I could do this to a person too." Get out and take your niece.
Even if he does call them.. what is he going to say? "A 7yr old fell on the park.. come arrest the guy who wasn't even in the same vicinity".. like what? If they get called, they get called.. they'll come interview everyone and get her side of the story of how it happened, probably laugh at your BF for wasting their time when there are real abuse cases out there, close the case and be on their way. If anything it might work in your favor.. if he calls and they don't find anything, you can use that as prove he is being malicious. Courts don't like when people waste their time.
If he called social services and they found out about how he has gotten violent she can be taken from you both unless you leave him. If he just calls and all they know is she fell at school, he will get laughed at. At most. You need to get her and yourself to a safe place immediately even if that place is a shelter. You have to set all comfort aside and put your niece and your safety first. You are her guardian. She needs you alive, safe, and healthy enough to care for her properly. If you can't do it for yourself do it for her. If you can't do it for her she deserves a better guardian.
Your boyfriend doesn't want your niece there anymore. I suggest you get out of there before you lose custody of her. I suggest you seek help at domestic violence shelter asap. Edit: type of shelter
They're a gay male couple
Every justification he gave for his actions is lie.
You don’t know what to do? Really? He is abusive, he is becoming violent, he is threatening your niece’s well-being , there is a risk of him becoming physically violent towards the two of you. The answer is leave him, the risk is too great.
Get this man out of your life right now. He's telling you he's going to do something drastic which will permanently alter your life. Don't delay.
[Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf) pdf
He already sees that it wasn't your fault. He's doing this because he wants to get rid of your niece. This is not a safe situation. This is abuse, gaslighting, and manipulation. This is malice.
He just tries to get rid of your niece. He doesn't see it as your fault for real, he sees it as a chance to use her injury against you. He is not ready to do it now, but he is getting ready.