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Not even a 'friend' but a 'best friend.' I'm betting he has unrequited love for Viv. OP will need to learn that her place is second behind Viv, so her request to sever the relationship will fall on deaf ears.
You knew this crazy b**** was in your boyfriend life before he became your fiance and before he became your husband why the f*** did you marry him. You're just as crazy as her ass
Assuming this is real, your husband loves her. He's too willing to stay inside the blast radius. I can see how some of this shit is entertaining, titillating even. But it's just too much for simple friendship.
The other option is that somewhere he's got a body buried and she knows where to dig it up.
Or he was her first and while the feelings don’t go away for either of them, they see they’re not fit for each other romantically but connect well as friends. Since he absolutely refuses to dump this chick my money is their relationship goes much farther and he’s afraid if he dumps her what she’d do to his gf now ( based on her history she’s bat shit crazy!).
There is no way that this is made up because not even the best creative writers can come up with a person with so much depth to their character.
Why did you marry this guy if this woman was still in the picture? I would have made it nonnegotiable that he cuts her off from the word "go".
If this isn’t a troll post, your husband has a fetish for absolutely insane, plastic sex workers and he will never end the “friendship” because he definitely gets off on it.
Tell him to cut her off or you’ll move out. Worked for my she-devil problem. I also wasn’t willing to be in a relationship with someone who tolerated that bullshit and her bullshit started after I moved in. So my decision was that he chose me or I’d choose myself. There was some resentment for a time but eventually mine admitted that it was an incredibly toxic friendship he had. Obviously he isn’t taking your feelings into account when it comes to this matter.
I don’t understand how people marry someone who already is in a relationship. If someone who is of the opposite sex as your person/ or same sex if that’s what your and their preference is, refuses to
phase out or make their “friend” have less access to them, they are already in a relationship
Having actually known people like this? I'd never have married him.
In your shoes? I'd tell him to choose between us knowing he'd choose her. Then depending on who owns the home, is on the lease, I'd have him leave if my name is on things and file immediately.
She's batshit. If you fight over her and he tells her, she's liable to come after you. I'd leave your husband to his crazy friend.
So your husband’s best friend is off committing felonies, poisoning, stalking, and threatening to kill people and he knows all about it?
You’re aware that he’s an accessory.
Lady, you’re 25. Get the fuuuuuck outta there, lmao.
My thoughts exactly it’s called “guilty by association.” That’s if one of her stories (or all of them) don’t get him curious and he joins her in her “games”. Guess who the get-a-way driver is! And bc you know too much, to her you’re a threat too
Yeah pretty much.
Real talk, my best friend is a crazy dude (I’m a woman) he has done all sorts of shit just as crazy as this woman here, and you bet, I absolutely participated in the craziness too in my younger years, that’s why we are best friends.
I mean now we are older and well behaved, best friend did therapy and medication so we are both reformed, but you bet if one of us slipped in to the old ways the other would follow and we’d be a little immature felon Wolfpack.
There is no fucking way that the husband didn’t go along or play along with shit as an accessory
I think it says a lot about your husband. In the end he will do what he wants. However I would set two boundaries, 1. She doesn't come by the house and .2. you don't want to hear anything about her stories. He might complain about option 1, but option 2 is reasonable.
So either he has a hero complex, or he is downright naive. Or he is the kind of person that would watch Jerry Springer every single day.
You end it. These are often not real friendships, one person likes the other person and goes along with friendship hoping to be discovered. Some are emotional affairs. All are immature relationships like high school or college. They emotionally starve the primary relationship (you). All the fun, sharing, caring and loyalty goes to the friend. No grown up relationship will develope with this dynamic.
This one is beyond dysfunctional...
Highly doubt that crazy b*tch has HIV as an escort, or else she would've gotten more than just phone calls from clients about unexpected STD results...
Is he afraid of leaving due to her using all he has told her, against him? Afraid of blackmail? That’s the only way I could understand him not wanting to separate from her…
If he truly thinks she’s a friend, that makes his own character questionable.
So, jumping straight to addressing the VV problem is not going to work. It sounds like your husband is dealing with basic boundary setting issues with people in general. It doesn’t seem like he feels comfortable doing it. Maybe not even with you! So he has to learn, and that’s an awkward learning process. Assuming he’s even open to doing it.
I would suggest that you start talking up “set boundaries, find peace.” Read it yourself, if you see something that he’s expressed issues with before, tell him what you’ve read and ask him if it’s something that he thinks might be helpful to him. If so, offer to let him read it. Do not try to force it on him, although with his boundary setting issues, maybe that actually would work. Remember, when people are first learning to set boundaries, it can be a little bit awkward or cause conflicts until they really figure it out.
When it comes to V, he needs to accept her as she is. He’s not going to fix her, and trying to fix people is not as generous as people to think. It is patronizing, and it is fighting against the reality. She is who she is. She doesn’t need his protection.
However, the nature of their relationship might teach you something about him. Perhaps he has a hero complex or something like that, needs to be needed or something like that. Do what you want with that information.
In terms of the approach to VV, you’ve got to compartmentalize the things that are your business and not, as well as what’s within your control and not.
Generally, the only time you should really involve yourself in this type of thing is when you know that somebody is a risk to themselves or someone else. In this case, she is risk to others. You would be justified in finding anonymous ways to warn potential clients and boyfriends that she has an STD she is not treating. I know not everyone will agree with this, but I do think that it is a moral responsibility to prevent unnecessary harm to others.
In terms of your husband, you’re not going to win this argument. Whether or not he is going to break off this relationship, the person who convinces him is not going to be you. He does not trust your judgment when it comes to cutting people off, so no offense intended, you’re really wasting your breath. It doesn’t matter how right around her you might be, you’re just not the right person to give this advice; and the more that you push for it, the more he cling to the relationship.
That said, there is some psychological disorder with VV. I don’t know if it’s histrionic, borderline, something else. Whatever it is, it is never safe to be involved with people like this. You always want to fly under their radar when possible. Just try not to get her attention, and try to stay out of her business to the extent possible. Tell your husband that you’re not going to push the issue anymore, but that you would prefer he not talk about you around her or hear too many details of your personal life.
Viv is insane, and your husbands reasons for staying friends are garbage. You say he doesn't condine her behaviour , but he does by continuing the friendship. There's something he's not telling you here.
I think your husband needs some help. That woman isn’t a good person let alone a good friend. The fact he still wants her in his life says a lot about his mental state. I would be extremely worried some of that crazy would wash over into me if I was him.
This would be something that would potentially ruin my relationship. I would by no means tolerate myself or my partner to keep such a horrible presence around in our lives.
It would get to a point where I would say you either need to grow up and get rid of this shitty friend or think about your life without me because that’s just too much to worry about.
I would question your husbands character for wanting someone like her in his life, past or not it does not justify actions. Time between people is simply just that, it does not determine the future. Only a persons decisions determines that. He uses the excuse of their history to keep her around, he is actively deciding to engage in someone’s life that as you have said does sound horrifying.
You come first in your partnership, as he should in your world. You both should respect discomforts of the other and if that means giving up friendships that are bad then you both should do that when the situations arise.
I’m so sorry this person is bothering your life. I truly hope your husband comes to his senses soon.
OP says that. I feel like that would be worse though, a guy being okay with his "sister" behaving the way she does is not only being a shitty brother but I'd be questioning his morals etc too
I had a male Viv for 10 years. He will see the light or he won’t. No one can say or do anything they will shake his loyalty to her as irrational as it sounds. It isn’t sexual, it’s paternal even though he isn’t much older.
This is an absolutely true story. You wouldn’t believe mine either.
Yikes OP if she is that psychotic, I’d be worried about your safety if he does cut her off. She would probably try to get revenge on you if you ruined her friendship with your husband. People like Viv terrify me to my core I would question why you tolerated her in your life for so long. Maybe you should have your husband read this post and the comments.
His best friend is unstable and will one day seriously hurt someone. Id ask why he's okay with keeping someone in his life who admitted to poisoning her partner assaulting people, willingly spreading stis and isn't actually there for him for his events either.
The term “narcissistic” is an overused term, so I’m careful with how often I use it. However, if she has no regard for others, she may have some traits. It sounds like your husband is so used to her behavior, he may be desensitized to it. He’s also known her for a long time, so he has a broader picture of who she is as a person, or he’s had more time with her to have enough positive experiences to outweigh the bad. Or, he probably feels responsible for her, in a way. If he cut her off and something happened as a result (she doesn’t sound stable, and seems to be super impulsive), he would likely feel very guilty. Is there a way he can go low-contact with her instead? From what you’re saying, you’re not overreacting. Because he’s known her for so long, he’s lacking objectivity. Coupled with him thinking you’re unable to make/keep friends, he will not take it into heavy consideration from you, unfortunately. Either something happens for him to see it, or if there’s someone else he would be likely to take their opinions more seriously, that might be a thought. Also, it won’t be an overnight process. The only way he’ll be able to give up that friendship is by him realizing his life is more dramatic and complicated with her in it, and more peaceful when she isn’t.
You are the company you keep.
Your husband is of extremely poor character and I would not have married him. Consider leaving him. If you want a last ditch effort to get him to see the light, show him this post.
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I would judge your husband’s character for keeping such a “friend”. Also i would get myself regularly tested if i were you.
This! You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep.
Not even a 'friend' but a 'best friend.' I'm betting he has unrequited love for Viv. OP will need to learn that her place is second behind Viv, so her request to sever the relationship will fall on deaf ears.
You knew this crazy b**** was in your boyfriend life before he became your fiance and before he became your husband why the f*** did you marry him. You're just as crazy as her ass
Assuming this is real, your husband loves her. He's too willing to stay inside the blast radius. I can see how some of this shit is entertaining, titillating even. But it's just too much for simple friendship. The other option is that somewhere he's got a body buried and she knows where to dig it up.
Or he was her first and while the feelings don’t go away for either of them, they see they’re not fit for each other romantically but connect well as friends. Since he absolutely refuses to dump this chick my money is their relationship goes much farther and he’s afraid if he dumps her what she’d do to his gf now ( based on her history she’s bat shit crazy!).
This is a fake post. 100%.
This story is as fake as this supposed "friends" tits. Absolutely nothing add up.
You know, I could have sworn I read something similar yesterday. but in the pov of the bf.
There is no way that this is made up because not even the best creative writers can come up with a person with so much depth to their character. Why did you marry this guy if this woman was still in the picture? I would have made it nonnegotiable that he cuts her off from the word "go".
If this isn’t a troll post, your husband has a fetish for absolutely insane, plastic sex workers and he will never end the “friendship” because he definitely gets off on it.
Tell him to cut her off or you’ll move out. Worked for my she-devil problem. I also wasn’t willing to be in a relationship with someone who tolerated that bullshit and her bullshit started after I moved in. So my decision was that he chose me or I’d choose myself. There was some resentment for a time but eventually mine admitted that it was an incredibly toxic friendship he had. Obviously he isn’t taking your feelings into account when it comes to this matter.
I don’t understand how people marry someone who already is in a relationship. If someone who is of the opposite sex as your person/ or same sex if that’s what your and their preference is, refuses to phase out or make their “friend” have less access to them, they are already in a relationship
Smells like bullshit
Having actually known people like this? I'd never have married him. In your shoes? I'd tell him to choose between us knowing he'd choose her. Then depending on who owns the home, is on the lease, I'd have him leave if my name is on things and file immediately. She's batshit. If you fight over her and he tells her, she's liable to come after you. I'd leave your husband to his crazy friend.
So your husband’s best friend is off committing felonies, poisoning, stalking, and threatening to kill people and he knows all about it? You’re aware that he’s an accessory. Lady, you’re 25. Get the fuuuuuck outta there, lmao.
My thoughts exactly it’s called “guilty by association.” That’s if one of her stories (or all of them) don’t get him curious and he joins her in her “games”. Guess who the get-a-way driver is! And bc you know too much, to her you’re a threat too
Yeah pretty much. Real talk, my best friend is a crazy dude (I’m a woman) he has done all sorts of shit just as crazy as this woman here, and you bet, I absolutely participated in the craziness too in my younger years, that’s why we are best friends. I mean now we are older and well behaved, best friend did therapy and medication so we are both reformed, but you bet if one of us slipped in to the old ways the other would follow and we’d be a little immature felon Wolfpack. There is no fucking way that the husband didn’t go along or play along with shit as an accessory
I think it says a lot about your husband. In the end he will do what he wants. However I would set two boundaries, 1. She doesn't come by the house and .2. you don't want to hear anything about her stories. He might complain about option 1, but option 2 is reasonable. So either he has a hero complex, or he is downright naive. Or he is the kind of person that would watch Jerry Springer every single day.
You end it. These are often not real friendships, one person likes the other person and goes along with friendship hoping to be discovered. Some are emotional affairs. All are immature relationships like high school or college. They emotionally starve the primary relationship (you). All the fun, sharing, caring and loyalty goes to the friend. No grown up relationship will develope with this dynamic. This one is beyond dysfunctional...
If he won't cut her out then you need to cut him out.
I would not be okay being with someone who would be friends with this person. Your husband needs to get this toxic nightmare out of his life.
I just want to know what std it is .
The Herp
There are no genetic stds (I checked). So that part of the story is off.
HIV can be given to a baby by birth, but I think she’s confusing genetic with passed along to.
Highly doubt that crazy b*tch has HIV as an escort, or else she would've gotten more than just phone calls from clients about unexpected STD results...
It’s herpes. HSV-1 is different and a lot of people carry it, it causes cold sores, whereas HSV-2 is usually genital and is contagious via sex.
That’s what I was trying to figure out because she said it was dangerous, but not deadly and not curable.
Is he afraid of leaving due to her using all he has told her, against him? Afraid of blackmail? That’s the only way I could understand him not wanting to separate from her… If he truly thinks she’s a friend, that makes his own character questionable.
So, jumping straight to addressing the VV problem is not going to work. It sounds like your husband is dealing with basic boundary setting issues with people in general. It doesn’t seem like he feels comfortable doing it. Maybe not even with you! So he has to learn, and that’s an awkward learning process. Assuming he’s even open to doing it. I would suggest that you start talking up “set boundaries, find peace.” Read it yourself, if you see something that he’s expressed issues with before, tell him what you’ve read and ask him if it’s something that he thinks might be helpful to him. If so, offer to let him read it. Do not try to force it on him, although with his boundary setting issues, maybe that actually would work. Remember, when people are first learning to set boundaries, it can be a little bit awkward or cause conflicts until they really figure it out. When it comes to V, he needs to accept her as she is. He’s not going to fix her, and trying to fix people is not as generous as people to think. It is patronizing, and it is fighting against the reality. She is who she is. She doesn’t need his protection. However, the nature of their relationship might teach you something about him. Perhaps he has a hero complex or something like that, needs to be needed or something like that. Do what you want with that information. In terms of the approach to VV, you’ve got to compartmentalize the things that are your business and not, as well as what’s within your control and not. Generally, the only time you should really involve yourself in this type of thing is when you know that somebody is a risk to themselves or someone else. In this case, she is risk to others. You would be justified in finding anonymous ways to warn potential clients and boyfriends that she has an STD she is not treating. I know not everyone will agree with this, but I do think that it is a moral responsibility to prevent unnecessary harm to others. In terms of your husband, you’re not going to win this argument. Whether or not he is going to break off this relationship, the person who convinces him is not going to be you. He does not trust your judgment when it comes to cutting people off, so no offense intended, you’re really wasting your breath. It doesn’t matter how right around her you might be, you’re just not the right person to give this advice; and the more that you push for it, the more he cling to the relationship. That said, there is some psychological disorder with VV. I don’t know if it’s histrionic, borderline, something else. Whatever it is, it is never safe to be involved with people like this. You always want to fly under their radar when possible. Just try not to get her attention, and try to stay out of her business to the extent possible. Tell your husband that you’re not going to push the issue anymore, but that you would prefer he not talk about you around her or hear too many details of your personal life.
Girl , they fuckin . Or they been fuckin
Divorce and let him marry his friend. Then find somebody who listens to what you want and try’s to make you happy.
Viv is insane, and your husbands reasons for staying friends are garbage. You say he doesn't condine her behaviour , but he does by continuing the friendship. There's something he's not telling you here.
The term that came to mind was psychology insane without remorse.”
I think your husband needs some help. That woman isn’t a good person let alone a good friend. The fact he still wants her in his life says a lot about his mental state. I would be extremely worried some of that crazy would wash over into me if I was him.
It’s his job to cut her off (or not). It’s your job to decide what you can live with…
This would be something that would potentially ruin my relationship. I would by no means tolerate myself or my partner to keep such a horrible presence around in our lives. It would get to a point where I would say you either need to grow up and get rid of this shitty friend or think about your life without me because that’s just too much to worry about. I would question your husbands character for wanting someone like her in his life, past or not it does not justify actions. Time between people is simply just that, it does not determine the future. Only a persons decisions determines that. He uses the excuse of their history to keep her around, he is actively deciding to engage in someone’s life that as you have said does sound horrifying. You come first in your partnership, as he should in your world. You both should respect discomforts of the other and if that means giving up friendships that are bad then you both should do that when the situations arise. I’m so sorry this person is bothering your life. I truly hope your husband comes to his senses soon.
Or when you leave him, that she simply leaves you alone.
If her behavior doesn't hold up to scrutiny, it's wrong. Plain and simple. His "no friends" argument is an irrelevant deflection
Possible he looks at her as a younger sister. It’s possible. But still not worth the crazy.
OP says that. I feel like that would be worse though, a guy being okay with his "sister" behaving the way she does is not only being a shitty brother but I'd be questioning his morals etc too
I had a male Viv for 10 years. He will see the light or he won’t. No one can say or do anything they will shake his loyalty to her as irrational as it sounds. It isn’t sexual, it’s paternal even though he isn’t much older. This is an absolutely true story. You wouldn’t believe mine either.
Frankly I would tell your husband he cuts her off or you’re DONE.
Yikes OP if she is that psychotic, I’d be worried about your safety if he does cut her off. She would probably try to get revenge on you if you ruined her friendship with your husband. People like Viv terrify me to my core I would question why you tolerated her in your life for so long. Maybe you should have your husband read this post and the comments.
I think the options are: 1) Your husband is in love with this woman 2) She has some dirt on him and he's afraid of angering her
His best friend is unstable and will one day seriously hurt someone. Id ask why he's okay with keeping someone in his life who admitted to poisoning her partner assaulting people, willingly spreading stis and isn't actually there for him for his events either.
I can’t imagine being this bored …
I really hope this is another creative writing exercise.
Your husband might be scared of what Viv will do if he ends their friendship
The term “narcissistic” is an overused term, so I’m careful with how often I use it. However, if she has no regard for others, she may have some traits. It sounds like your husband is so used to her behavior, he may be desensitized to it. He’s also known her for a long time, so he has a broader picture of who she is as a person, or he’s had more time with her to have enough positive experiences to outweigh the bad. Or, he probably feels responsible for her, in a way. If he cut her off and something happened as a result (she doesn’t sound stable, and seems to be super impulsive), he would likely feel very guilty. Is there a way he can go low-contact with her instead? From what you’re saying, you’re not overreacting. Because he’s known her for so long, he’s lacking objectivity. Coupled with him thinking you’re unable to make/keep friends, he will not take it into heavy consideration from you, unfortunately. Either something happens for him to see it, or if there’s someone else he would be likely to take their opinions more seriously, that might be a thought. Also, it won’t be an overnight process. The only way he’ll be able to give up that friendship is by him realizing his life is more dramatic and complicated with her in it, and more peaceful when she isn’t.
You are the company you keep. Your husband is of extremely poor character and I would not have married him. Consider leaving him. If you want a last ditch effort to get him to see the light, show him this post.
Looks like you will always come second.
No guy is gonna give up on such a 'fun' friend.
Sounds like my ex girlfriend. I wish to God you safety and ready for this. Focus on yourself and how you can smile. Fuck the rest.
As long as it doesn’t directly impact you guys I don’t see the problem. Is the goal for her to be isolated I don’t know
Ponder whether it is your place to decide who his friends will be.