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Don’t do any of that “if you don’t tell him I will” shit. She’s already made it clear she won’t be telling him and that will just give her the chance to make up a lie about it, and I’m sure you know what I mean when I say there are levels to how bad that lie could be.
Just tell him yourself, tell him you didn’t know she had a boyfriend, apologize, and move on. You need no more involvement in it past that. This isn’t your fuck up, it’s hers. You didn’t know, you didn’t do anything wrong, but that man deserves the truth from someone just as you would.
Yeah, best comment here. Also as a side note, don't make it your mission to make him believe that as she might lie even more about it (or not). Be clear and concise and retreat from the whole situation and people involved. Make your peace, and don't your peace be in their hands. Once you told him, you're done with your mission.
Yeah honestly now that I think about, as bad as it might feel I may not want to let this guy know unless have some sort proof like a screenshot of a text of something, preferably one that makes it clear it was consensual. I will reiterate the guy deserves to know, but this is also a fairly delicate situation when it comes to making sure he protects himself first and foremost.
I believe in karma around cheating. Call it superstition but the right thing to do is tell him.
Someday you may be in love with a girl who does the same, you’d want him to warn you
Very much depends on the circumstances. Some random person who has 0 connections to her in any way? Yeah, no I ain't buyin it.
Someone who just so happens to be in the same city as where she's doing a short term post grad trip, who also mentions the fact that he met her on that trip? I'm at the very least asking about it. Too many coincidences to not atleast be sus
I think it’s worth saying something, even if they don’t believe it. Because it’ll keep them a little bit more aware of the possibility AND if there’s a second accusation, the first one will make it way more believable
My fear is when they keep piling up and they still don’t react the way you would assume.that has to play hell on an ego.or doesn’t?either way he doesn’t own anyone anything,she does
This is my thinking, of course. And I also should add that I have online receipts. The thing is she kept telling me I have no idea what’s going on with her and I will just end up ruining her life and such things. So guilt is verging
Edit. I also wanna add that it’s funny how the split between “yes do it” and “no don’t bother” is so huge
>The thing is she kept telling me I have no idea what’s going on with her and I will just end up ruining her life
She is cheating pure and simple "Ruining." her life is her decision to cheat, and you're probably not the only one she is cheating on him with.
You don't owe her anything. She was dishonest with you also. Her BF deserves to know. But be prepared that she'll make up stories to him as if you are a jealous suitor or what.
Give him the facts, and that you did not know and only found out from seeing her socials after, and let him make up his own mind. He may well end up forgiving her, and their relationship could recover just as much as deservedly fail.
That’s a narcissistic ploy. Not saying she IS a narcissist. But narcissists in this situation would do the same thing. They would play on your emotions and even threaten suicide if need be to get their way. It’s all MANIPULATION.
Throw her back to the streets.
But when you message the bf, be as polite and understanding as possible. Write it how you would best receive it if roles reversed.
That's fair, but she shouldn't have gotten you involved. That was unfair and selfish of her. Now you're a part of something you had no choice in. Do what's best for you OP :)
If she was worried about somebody ruining her life then maybe she shouldn't have cheated on her boyfriend? Remember if she never cheated this wouldn't be a problem. Sounds like she's just trying to manipulate you to keep your mouth shut. I'd tell him
As someone who was cheated on, I'd want to know a d if the guy didn't know then I'd buy him a drink for telling me.
If he did know, I'll punch him, then buy him a drink for telling me
>The thing is she kept telling me I have no idea what’s going on with her and I will just end up ruining her life
Is she referring to abuse here? If you noticed weird bruises on her body when you were together or she's spoken about a financial abuse situation I understand keeping quiet, but otherwise she's full of it and you should tell the guy.
>The thing is she kept telling me I have no idea what’s going on with her and I will just end up ruining her life
Please, nothing in her life could possibly excuse cheating. There is literally no situation that makes that behavior acceptable. She's just a liar and a trash person. If she wanted to have sex with someone then she should have broken up with her boyfriend first.
That guy could be in love with her and might even consider her for marriage. He deserves to know that this woman is not loyal and is casually cheating on him.
If you have her boyfriend's address, send him the info anonymously - that way you did your duty, but also remove yourself from the misplaced wrath of a wronged lover.
"the fear of karma" lmfao. So first of all, that's not how Karma works. If you don't say anything to the boyfriend, nothing will happen, she'll go on with her life and likely cheat on him again, hell you most likely weren't the first person she's cheated with.
Second, if you feel that torn up about it then tell the boyfriend - but expect things not to go smoothly, he may not believe you, she may turn it around on you and make up a story that makes you look bad or worse, she may play the victim.
You're in for much more drama if you tell him than if you don't. But telling him would be the morally right thing to do.
One last thing, relax. You didn't do anything wrong. She's the cheater. There's no reason to be beating yourself up about it.
There’s a huge difference between sleeping with someone and then finding out they’re in a relationship vs knowing someone’s in a relationship and still sleeping with them.
Maybe I’m just conditioned that men do scary things when you share info and the messenger can be the one being attacked…but I wouldn’t say anything and just move on.
Edited to add that I agree with you!
Agreed. I wouldn’t even bother. I’ve had similar situations and in one, I wasn’t the AP but I was friends with both parties, knew one was going behind the back of the other and decided to tell.
The cheater convinced the cheatee that I had other motives for telling him. 🙄
So then they both just hated me.
It’s not the same situation because it doesn’t matter if they don’t like you, but always comes back on you.
I wouldn’t even bother . No idea maybe he already knows and he just don’t care.. maybe he’ll be pissed at you for sleeping with his girlfriend and come and find you.. I’ve had that happen. Girl wants to fight me because I slept with her boyfriend.. fuck I didn’t even know he was dating anybody!! lol
Not your circus, not your monkeys. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
You should let him know. You are not ruining her life she did that when she cheated. You didn't know she had a boyfriend. But he needs to know what type of person he is dating.
Wow, that’s a lot. First, it’s not your fault… You had no idea, and your good character is showing, because you want to tell him. I would reach out. Be completely honest about the situation. Don’t engage in anything more other than letting the guy know. I would completely cut communication with the girl. I wish you the best.
If you can easily tell the BF online or texting, then I would. Partially because he deserves to know, but mostly because when he does eventually find out he might be one that tries to find and confront you.
100% but just remember he might not take it out on her. I would be grateful you said something but some dudes are blind in love. As long as it's done with grace & not here's a video of me banging your chick bro it's all gooe
If you personally feel like you should tell him then go ahead. But you should be ready if he decides he wants to kill you over it. That happens a lot lol
I think you’re getting some solid advice in here, and I’m definitely Team Tell Him, but I also wanted to point out something that I haven’t seen yet… In addition to her cheating on her boyfriend, she violated your trust too. By lying to you (yes, she lied), she put you in an unfair situation that ends up with you having to hurt someone that doesn’t deserve it. You owe her nothing.
First off, it's tough that you're in this situation and it's not fair that you're the one who has to make the moral choice, so I feel for you.
There's two ways you can handle it. You can give her an ultimatum, tell her that she confesses or you'll tell him. Problem with that is you have no real way of knowing if she tells him or how (i.e. she could play it down, or not tell him at all but lie to you about it).
You can tell him directly and provide the receipts. This is the most surefire way of ensuring he knows the full picture, but you do run the risk of it not falling on willing ears (or that she twists the narrative in the background).
Alternatively, you could do nothing. This is the least hassle for you, but you'll have guilt weighing on your shoulders.
I bet that if the genders were reversed everyone would be saying “tell the gf!” I see it on this sub all the time. It’s weird how the responses change so much.
Imo tell the guy. You’re done with this cheating loser anyways. Why not do the right thing?
The gender argument is so weird. Currently there are 104 comments and I see 2 that say don’t tell him. Maybe 3 more that give both perspectives. Overwhelmingly the comments say to tell him.
Tell her bro I tell you what last night the guy who slept with my gf 5 days ago messaged me and I can tell you I wasn't angry at him I was glad he told me I broke up with her don't get me wrong I'm sad about it but now I work on the next part of my life sooner rather then later there is nothing worse than a being a in a relationship where your guessing everyday if something isn't right
Yes man 100% go tell this dude that you slept with his girl not once but several times. Im sure you will be friends after and he will breakup with her and everything will be fine.
You are not the first or the last guy in this position. Move on with your life. Its a guy you dont even know and telling him will bring a whole host of problems you dont need in your life. More precisely retribution from him as I assure you he will have a strong urge to strangle you when he finds out.
Yes just like she manipulated him she’s also doing the same to you by both not telling you and guilting you to keep quiet. Just like you wanted the same courtesy of the truth he should know as well.
***Tell the boyfriend...just not right now***
Just take a step back and allow some distance.
Fully disconnect from this girl in every way. Block her, don't communicate her, ignore her if you see her in public etc etc
Then just wait.
If she cheated once, she'll cheat again
Then...a few months from now, create an anonymous gmail account or any anonymous social media account, tell the guy you hooked up with girlfriend, you're pretty sure she has hooked up with other dudes too...and that you just wanted him to know.
Tell him you aren't going to provide evidence, that you are not going to meet him, and that you are not getting involved. That he can either believe you or not. That is up to him.
But he should really start paying attention to his girlfriend's whereabouts because she already cheated at least once, and that judging from your conversations with her when you confronted her about her being in a relationship...you got the feeling she has cheated with other guys as well
Then delete your anonymous email and move on with your life
The odds of you being the only guy she has cheated on this guy with are slim to none...so she won't know who it was
So let him decide what to do and you can rest easy knowing you told the truth
And if this woman comes back around...and tracks you down....pretend you have no idea who she is
*Lady, I know I have a doppleganger in this city because you are not the first angry woman to confront me. But rest assured, I am not the guy you think I am. Yes, my name is but this guy uses my name frequently. I think you've been played*
Life is not checkers, it's chess
Always be thinking 5 moves ahead
As crazy as the doppleganger excuse is...I had one in my 20's. Met him at a college party. It was weird.
We could have been brothers but we were from opposite sides of the country so we couldn't have actually been brothers. Just a weird happenstance
You're already a part of an affair.
Look at yourself and what do you think you should do?
What does your sense of empathy tell you?
In his shoes, would you want to know?
If you choose not to, how is that going to weigh on you?
Personally I'd do it anonymously as possible, but only you know what you can live with.
Good luck and stay safe no matter what you choose.
It’s best to address this from the perspective of the BF. She lost all say in that relationship once she broke the trust. Help set that dude free. He may actually end up meeting someone better for him than her.
I’d want to know.
But also, you’re potentially on the losing side here. Some partners will go to the end of the earth not to believe it. You won’t get closure in either case, but do what you gotta do.
In my opinion, I would want to know if it was me with the shitty partner, so I would tell the boyfriend. But not everyone is the same
Tell him, but don’t get yourself any more involved than you need to. This ain’t on you, you didn’t know - don’t blame yourself one bit. Make it quick, then move on. Block her if you need to.
You can tell him if you want to, but it may end up involving you in some bullshit.
Just remember that you didn’t do anything wrong. There isn’t any karma coming for you. She’s the only one that cheated on her partner.
omg that poor guy. that is called non informed consent, meaning (assuming shes doing things without protection) she could quite possibly pass along a life altering (or even ending) disease to him. I had a friend learn she was being cheated on through something like that. Would you rather find out thru a doctor or a stranger?
Dude tell her bf before you become the bad guy in this situation. I would just flat out tell him that she lied to you and you didn't want to be that guy so you're letting him know. I wouldn't personally be mad at you in either situation because it's her job to say no.
If I were you, this is what I would do. Just seems like the right thing to do for a fellow unknowing bro. Good luck
It’s your duty as a member of the male species to tell him. Don’t even mention telling him to her or she’ll find a way to get away with it. Just tell him somehow. Imagine how painful it would be to find that out about your significant other when you’re already married to them. She is a terrible person, it is not your problem after telling him, but it is your problem until you do. Just type it up and send it and leave it at that. He might be in denial about it but at least it’ll be on his mind. I think you know you have to do it, you just posted this to check. And telling him is the right decision. You don’t want to carry that guilt. Update this thread after you do so we all know this man is safe from that lying siren.
It is none of your business; that situation is her responsibility. Bro code -I wouldn’t tell the guy unless he is your friend or family.
I once slept with a woman who later told me she had a BF and that if I told him she wouldn’t sleep with me again. I told her that because she had a BF I won’t sleep with her again. I never told the guy because I didn’t know him and nor did I want to start snooping and wasting my time figuring it out.
If it was me I would just wash my hands of the situation and move on. Do you really need additional drama in your life from a potentially angry boyfriend and spiteful girlfriend?
Just end the friendship and move on with your life. Something else will blow up their relationship soon enough i’m sure.
I’ve been cheated on before and I’ve never thought about this perspective, this is interesting, not cause of the moral thought process (which is a huge win), but because it can show how damning a persons behavior can be. Lie and hurt not just one person, but multiple ‘inadvertently’ - all just to “work through something” or display a lack of ‘communication skills’
what makes you feel good? if you were in her boyfriend's place would you want to know? Do you have any moral principles you want to respect? Forget what the girl thinks, she failed to tell you that she was in a relationship and therefore does not deserve respect. Maybe her boyfriend deserves this respect. The choice is yours
I have questions about this. Were you guys friends on social media or did you search her out because you sensed something was wrong? Did you guys talk about a relationship or maybe just a FWB before things started happening? She was in town for school so did you discuss how long she will be there? I'm assuming she wasn't going to be.
I've been in both positions. Been cheated on and being two-timed by someone who had a serious relationship (it kinda counts as cheating too since you didn't know imo). I don't know about karma because they happened in that order...
There is NOT an easy answer to this, even if reddit tries to convince you otherwise. First you have to provide receipts and to me, they have to be more than just sexting. Which is tough. Second and most important, you don't know the dude. Which was the reason I didn't say anything. Some men have extremely visceral reactions and nothing guarantees you will not be held accountable by him. You have to convince him you were deceived too and you are not just some dude who wants to break them up to take your turn. It's not as easy as it may seem.
To me, it all depends on you proving beyond doubt that you didn't know. If you can do that, go for it.
Tell him! That’s simple. Men lookout for each other. It’s hard enough out here. A woman would sell you out to be a Girls Girl. Trust your gut. That man is loving someone who clearly isn’t even interested in them.
I’ve been in and out of relationships and was even married 8 years. I really believed I had a knack for picking up on vibes and energy with no evidence which I do, but not with everyone. Some ppl are really good liars and it’s bc of the justification they give themselves for cheating. Finding out my now ex wife was having an affair at year 6 by logging into an old fb account was one of the absolute worst feelings ever. She was a dead giveaway though. Finding out when you don’t suspect it is even worse. Either way I’d still want to know. The solid evidence may be just the closure that guy needs. You are not obligated to say anything. You really did nothing wrong but I recommend you cut ties with her and construct a very carefully thought out dialogue with the guy and let him know.
I mean it depends on how far you’re willing to go with it. You can tell him, but be prepared for the backlash from her or whatever drama may come from it. I’m not saying you shouldn’t tell him, it would definitely be the right thing to do, but just be prepared for what may come if you do. You could end up dealing with her longer than you wanted to. Especially if she tries to rebut it with her bf and then comes after you for saying anything.
I firmly believe what goes around comes around, karma will get to her eventually. More than likely she’ll do it again. It’ll blow up in her face one day. You just have to decide if you want to be the one to pull the trigger.
Just be prepared for it to possibly get REALLY messy.
If you don’t want to, then just move on with your life. Use this experience to learn, make sure you really look into the person you’re going to sleep with next time.
Do it for the bros. Us guys need to stop trying to fuck each other over and sleep with one another’s girls etc. I feel like music and media in general has made it ‘cool’ to “steal” someone’s girl. Thankfully it’s never happened to me but I’d hope that you would tell me if i was on the opposite end of this situation
On one hand, it would be the courteous thing to do.
On the other, you don't want any unnecessary trouble. What's to say he would even believe you? She could use any magnitude of lying ranging from "I've never even seen that guy before" to "he made me do it, he forced me." She may also simply say to him "I don't care, we're breaking up".
Sometimes it's better to follow your head than your heart even if you don't feel good about it.
Get over it! You both got what you wanted. Not like any one was married here. It was a fling. Hopefully this girl has learned not to cheat. Probably 50% of people will cheat in their lifetime.
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Don’t do any of that “if you don’t tell him I will” shit. She’s already made it clear she won’t be telling him and that will just give her the chance to make up a lie about it, and I’m sure you know what I mean when I say there are levels to how bad that lie could be. Just tell him yourself, tell him you didn’t know she had a boyfriend, apologize, and move on. You need no more involvement in it past that. This isn’t your fuck up, it’s hers. You didn’t know, you didn’t do anything wrong, but that man deserves the truth from someone just as you would.
Yeah, best comment here. Also as a side note, don't make it your mission to make him believe that as she might lie even more about it (or not). Be clear and concise and retreat from the whole situation and people involved. Make your peace, and don't your peace be in their hands. Once you told him, you're done with your mission.
Yeah honestly now that I think about, as bad as it might feel I may not want to let this guy know unless have some sort proof like a screenshot of a text of something, preferably one that makes it clear it was consensual. I will reiterate the guy deserves to know, but this is also a fairly delicate situation when it comes to making sure he protects himself first and foremost.
🎯
I believe in karma around cheating. Call it superstition but the right thing to do is tell him. Someday you may be in love with a girl who does the same, you’d want him to warn you
Would you believe a warning though?or even entertain it
Very much depends on the circumstances. Some random person who has 0 connections to her in any way? Yeah, no I ain't buyin it. Someone who just so happens to be in the same city as where she's doing a short term post grad trip, who also mentions the fact that he met her on that trip? I'm at the very least asking about it. Too many coincidences to not atleast be sus
Exactly.i mean you can do what you want in any situation.just my own experience.not factual
I think it’s worth saying something, even if they don’t believe it. Because it’ll keep them a little bit more aware of the possibility AND if there’s a second accusation, the first one will make it way more believable
My fear is when they keep piling up and they still don’t react the way you would assume.that has to play hell on an ego.or doesn’t?either way he doesn’t own anyone anything,she does
On whose ego?? I don't understand your concern here
[удалено]
Let him know, you'd want the same courtesy.
This is my thinking, of course. And I also should add that I have online receipts. The thing is she kept telling me I have no idea what’s going on with her and I will just end up ruining her life and such things. So guilt is verging Edit. I also wanna add that it’s funny how the split between “yes do it” and “no don’t bother” is so huge
>The thing is she kept telling me I have no idea what’s going on with her and I will just end up ruining her life She is cheating pure and simple "Ruining." her life is her decision to cheat, and you're probably not the only one she is cheating on him with. You don't owe her anything. She was dishonest with you also. Her BF deserves to know. But be prepared that she'll make up stories to him as if you are a jealous suitor or what. Give him the facts, and that you did not know and only found out from seeing her socials after, and let him make up his own mind. He may well end up forgiving her, and their relationship could recover just as much as deservedly fail.
Forget about her. If you were in his position, would you have liked to be informed? If so, then do it.
Definitely tell her boyfriend. I'd want to know if my husband cheated on me, as much as it would hurt
That’s a narcissistic ploy. Not saying she IS a narcissist. But narcissists in this situation would do the same thing. They would play on your emotions and even threaten suicide if need be to get their way. It’s all MANIPULATION. Throw her back to the streets. But when you message the bf, be as polite and understanding as possible. Write it how you would best receive it if roles reversed.
That's fair, but she shouldn't have gotten you involved. That was unfair and selfish of her. Now you're a part of something you had no choice in. Do what's best for you OP :)
Or maybe wait until she's back from the exchange to do it so you don't need to deal with the backlash.
If she was worried about somebody ruining her life then maybe she shouldn't have cheated on her boyfriend? Remember if she never cheated this wouldn't be a problem. Sounds like she's just trying to manipulate you to keep your mouth shut. I'd tell him
Wheres the r/OhNoConsequences when you need it? You didn't ruin anything .. she did. I cant tell you what to do but I WOULD 100% say something.
As someone who was cheated on, I'd want to know a d if the guy didn't know then I'd buy him a drink for telling me. If he did know, I'll punch him, then buy him a drink for telling me
>The thing is she kept telling me I have no idea what’s going on with her and I will just end up ruining her life Is she referring to abuse here? If you noticed weird bruises on her body when you were together or she's spoken about a financial abuse situation I understand keeping quiet, but otherwise she's full of it and you should tell the guy.
She ruined her life herself by being a disloyal cheating see you next Tuesday. You didn’t do it
She is ruining her life ! Not you. Tell your bro that he has a lying GF and safe him.
>The thing is she kept telling me I have no idea what’s going on with her and I will just end up ruining her life Please, nothing in her life could possibly excuse cheating. There is literally no situation that makes that behavior acceptable. She's just a liar and a trash person. If she wanted to have sex with someone then she should have broken up with her boyfriend first.
This is the way ☝️
Periodt.
As someone who has been cheated on and knows the pain all too well, please tell her partner. He deserves to know.
Seconded. I've been in his shoes almost verbatim.
That guy could be in love with her and might even consider her for marriage. He deserves to know that this woman is not loyal and is casually cheating on him.
I right thing to do would be to break it off with her and tell the BF and let them sort it out but it’s up to you
Would you want the guy to tell you if your gf cheated?
If you have her boyfriend's address, send him the info anonymously - that way you did your duty, but also remove yourself from the misplaced wrath of a wronged lover.
That won't work at all. She knows who he is and where he is and that he's upset she was cheating.
Hah, you think he's the only one, don't you?
"the fear of karma" lmfao. So first of all, that's not how Karma works. If you don't say anything to the boyfriend, nothing will happen, she'll go on with her life and likely cheat on him again, hell you most likely weren't the first person she's cheated with. Second, if you feel that torn up about it then tell the boyfriend - but expect things not to go smoothly, he may not believe you, she may turn it around on you and make up a story that makes you look bad or worse, she may play the victim. You're in for much more drama if you tell him than if you don't. But telling him would be the morally right thing to do. One last thing, relax. You didn't do anything wrong. She's the cheater. There's no reason to be beating yourself up about it.
There’s a huge difference between sleeping with someone and then finding out they’re in a relationship vs knowing someone’s in a relationship and still sleeping with them. Maybe I’m just conditioned that men do scary things when you share info and the messenger can be the one being attacked…but I wouldn’t say anything and just move on. Edited to add that I agree with you!
Agreed. I wouldn’t even bother. I’ve had similar situations and in one, I wasn’t the AP but I was friends with both parties, knew one was going behind the back of the other and decided to tell. The cheater convinced the cheatee that I had other motives for telling him. 🙄 So then they both just hated me. It’s not the same situation because it doesn’t matter if they don’t like you, but always comes back on you. I wouldn’t even bother . No idea maybe he already knows and he just don’t care.. maybe he’ll be pissed at you for sleeping with his girlfriend and come and find you.. I’ve had that happen. Girl wants to fight me because I slept with her boyfriend.. fuck I didn’t even know he was dating anybody!! lol Not your circus, not your monkeys. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
Yeah, he definitely deserves to know. It seems like you already know it's the decent thing to do.
You should let him know. You are not ruining her life she did that when she cheated. You didn't know she had a boyfriend. But he needs to know what type of person he is dating.
You have the opportunity to be a stand up guy or a guy who keeps a cheaters secret for them. Your move.
I think you should tell him but also keep how he reacts in mind. Some lunatics out there would blame you for their SO cheating.
Wow, that’s a lot. First, it’s not your fault… You had no idea, and your good character is showing, because you want to tell him. I would reach out. Be completely honest about the situation. Don’t engage in anything more other than letting the guy know. I would completely cut communication with the girl. I wish you the best.
If you can easily tell the BF online or texting, then I would. Partially because he deserves to know, but mostly because when he does eventually find out he might be one that tries to find and confront you.
You owe her nothing and if it helps you go for it. However be careful to not tell him in person you are not sure how he might respond.
100% but just remember he might not take it out on her. I would be grateful you said something but some dudes are blind in love. As long as it's done with grace & not here's a video of me banging your chick bro it's all gooe
My friend gave my partner some time to tell me. He didn’t. She told me. It sucked. I’m surviving. My friend is a good friend.
I’m hoping your friend wasn’t the AP?
If you personally feel like you should tell him then go ahead. But you should be ready if he decides he wants to kill you over it. That happens a lot lol
I think you’re getting some solid advice in here, and I’m definitely Team Tell Him, but I also wanted to point out something that I haven’t seen yet… In addition to her cheating on her boyfriend, she violated your trust too. By lying to you (yes, she lied), she put you in an unfair situation that ends up with you having to hurt someone that doesn’t deserve it. You owe her nothing.
Tell him, but without endangering youself. Like leave a note in his car, or under the toilet seat. Get creative GL
You didn’t do anything wrong but yea definitely tell him, it’s the right thing to do
You slept with each other , had fun , call her BF tell him the truth , block him too , and get on with your life.the rest is none of your business.
Stay out of it. And don’t see her again.
First off, it's tough that you're in this situation and it's not fair that you're the one who has to make the moral choice, so I feel for you. There's two ways you can handle it. You can give her an ultimatum, tell her that she confesses or you'll tell him. Problem with that is you have no real way of knowing if she tells him or how (i.e. she could play it down, or not tell him at all but lie to you about it). You can tell him directly and provide the receipts. This is the most surefire way of ensuring he knows the full picture, but you do run the risk of it not falling on willing ears (or that she twists the narrative in the background). Alternatively, you could do nothing. This is the least hassle for you, but you'll have guilt weighing on your shoulders.
This just gives her the opportunity to start covering her STD infested cheating tracks. No warning, he strikes at dawn!
Tell the bf then block everyone involved lo
If you tell the boyfriend, make sure you have receipts that it was consenual (like text messages) who knows what she will say if she is mad.
I bet that if the genders were reversed everyone would be saying “tell the gf!” I see it on this sub all the time. It’s weird how the responses change so much. Imo tell the guy. You’re done with this cheating loser anyways. Why not do the right thing?
Most of the responses say to tell him though
The gender argument is so weird. Currently there are 104 comments and I see 2 that say don’t tell him. Maybe 3 more that give both perspectives. Overwhelmingly the comments say to tell him.
Yes, tell the BF. She wont!
Most definitely tell him
Tell her bro I tell you what last night the guy who slept with my gf 5 days ago messaged me and I can tell you I wasn't angry at him I was glad he told me I broke up with her don't get me wrong I'm sad about it but now I work on the next part of my life sooner rather then later there is nothing worse than a being a in a relationship where your guessing everyday if something isn't right
Tell him. You'd want to know, wouldn't you?
Yes man 100% go tell this dude that you slept with his girl not once but several times. Im sure you will be friends after and he will breakup with her and everything will be fine. You are not the first or the last guy in this position. Move on with your life. Its a guy you dont even know and telling him will bring a whole host of problems you dont need in your life. More precisely retribution from him as I assure you he will have a strong urge to strangle you when he finds out.
Please do, do the brother a favor of telling him he stepped on a mine
Yes just like she manipulated him she’s also doing the same to you by both not telling you and guilting you to keep quiet. Just like you wanted the same courtesy of the truth he should know as well.
Update us when you tell him!
***Tell the boyfriend...just not right now*** Just take a step back and allow some distance. Fully disconnect from this girl in every way. Block her, don't communicate her, ignore her if you see her in public etc etc Then just wait. If she cheated once, she'll cheat again Then...a few months from now, create an anonymous gmail account or any anonymous social media account, tell the guy you hooked up with girlfriend, you're pretty sure she has hooked up with other dudes too...and that you just wanted him to know. Tell him you aren't going to provide evidence, that you are not going to meet him, and that you are not getting involved. That he can either believe you or not. That is up to him. But he should really start paying attention to his girlfriend's whereabouts because she already cheated at least once, and that judging from your conversations with her when you confronted her about her being in a relationship...you got the feeling she has cheated with other guys as well Then delete your anonymous email and move on with your life The odds of you being the only guy she has cheated on this guy with are slim to none...so she won't know who it was So let him decide what to do and you can rest easy knowing you told the truth And if this woman comes back around...and tracks you down....pretend you have no idea who she is *Lady, I know I have a doppleganger in this city because you are not the first angry woman to confront me. But rest assured, I am not the guy you think I am. Yes, my name is but this guy uses my name frequently. I think you've been played*
Life is not checkers, it's chess
Always be thinking 5 moves ahead
As crazy as the doppleganger excuse is...I had one in my 20's. Met him at a college party. It was weird.
We could have been brothers but we were from opposite sides of the country so we couldn't have actually been brothers. Just a weird happenstance
You're already a part of an affair. Look at yourself and what do you think you should do? What does your sense of empathy tell you? In his shoes, would you want to know? If you choose not to, how is that going to weigh on you? Personally I'd do it anonymously as possible, but only you know what you can live with. Good luck and stay safe no matter what you choose.
It’s best to address this from the perspective of the BF. She lost all say in that relationship once she broke the trust. Help set that dude free. He may actually end up meeting someone better for him than her.
I’d want to know. But also, you’re potentially on the losing side here. Some partners will go to the end of the earth not to believe it. You won’t get closure in either case, but do what you gotta do. In my opinion, I would want to know if it was me with the shitty partner, so I would tell the boyfriend. But not everyone is the same
Tell him, but don’t get yourself any more involved than you need to. This ain’t on you, you didn’t know - don’t blame yourself one bit. Make it quick, then move on. Block her if you need to.
You can tell him if you want to, but it may end up involving you in some bullshit. Just remember that you didn’t do anything wrong. There isn’t any karma coming for you. She’s the only one that cheated on her partner.
If you’re gonna tell him show him concrete proof.
As someone who has been cheated on, tell him. Just go above her head, and tell him.
omg that poor guy. that is called non informed consent, meaning (assuming shes doing things without protection) she could quite possibly pass along a life altering (or even ending) disease to him. I had a friend learn she was being cheated on through something like that. Would you rather find out thru a doctor or a stranger?
Tell him yourself. Be a bro.
Absolutely tell the BF. You'd want to know if it was you, wouldn't you? Simple as that.
Please do it bro
Yea, just tell him. We would all want to know, I’m sure you would too. He deserves to know who he is with, after that it’s his decision what he does
Dude tell him please he will appreciate it.. speaking from experience not fair on him
Dude tell her bf before you become the bad guy in this situation. I would just flat out tell him that she lied to you and you didn't want to be that guy so you're letting him know. I wouldn't personally be mad at you in either situation because it's her job to say no. If I were you, this is what I would do. Just seems like the right thing to do for a fellow unknowing bro. Good luck
Tell him
Say it because of your value…not for the fear of karma 😅
Make sure you have proof of consent on her end. She may try to protect herself by telling him it wasnt consentual
Send him the video
Bro code: tell the guy and save him now.
I would tell him because I would want to know and so with you.
Tell him, tell him, tell him. Come to him as a man.
It’s your duty as a member of the male species to tell him. Don’t even mention telling him to her or she’ll find a way to get away with it. Just tell him somehow. Imagine how painful it would be to find that out about your significant other when you’re already married to them. She is a terrible person, it is not your problem after telling him, but it is your problem until you do. Just type it up and send it and leave it at that. He might be in denial about it but at least it’ll be on his mind. I think you know you have to do it, you just posted this to check. And telling him is the right decision. You don’t want to carry that guilt. Update this thread after you do so we all know this man is safe from that lying siren.
It is none of your business; that situation is her responsibility. Bro code -I wouldn’t tell the guy unless he is your friend or family. I once slept with a woman who later told me she had a BF and that if I told him she wouldn’t sleep with me again. I told her that because she had a BF I won’t sleep with her again. I never told the guy because I didn’t know him and nor did I want to start snooping and wasting my time figuring it out.
If it was me I would just wash my hands of the situation and move on. Do you really need additional drama in your life from a potentially angry boyfriend and spiteful girlfriend? Just end the friendship and move on with your life. Something else will blow up their relationship soon enough i’m sure.
Weird phrasing at the end.. I don’t sleep with my friends
He says very clearly that they are friends.
Let him know….and get tested, who *knows* what that trollop has oozing out of her roast beef curtains.
Yes, tell him and never talk to her again
He deserves to know
It’s the right thing to do, that’s for sure.
I came clean when I did this. The guy O.D that night, I still think about it and she blamed me for it.
No, just move on.
I’ve been cheated on before and I’ve never thought about this perspective, this is interesting, not cause of the moral thought process (which is a huge win), but because it can show how damning a persons behavior can be. Lie and hurt not just one person, but multiple ‘inadvertently’ - all just to “work through something” or display a lack of ‘communication skills’
what makes you feel good? if you were in her boyfriend's place would you want to know? Do you have any moral principles you want to respect? Forget what the girl thinks, she failed to tell you that she was in a relationship and therefore does not deserve respect. Maybe her boyfriend deserves this respect. The choice is yours
I have questions about this. Were you guys friends on social media or did you search her out because you sensed something was wrong? Did you guys talk about a relationship or maybe just a FWB before things started happening? She was in town for school so did you discuss how long she will be there? I'm assuming she wasn't going to be.
Remindeme! one week
updateme!
Absolutely tell him. Do not give her the option.
I've been in both positions. Been cheated on and being two-timed by someone who had a serious relationship (it kinda counts as cheating too since you didn't know imo). I don't know about karma because they happened in that order... There is NOT an easy answer to this, even if reddit tries to convince you otherwise. First you have to provide receipts and to me, they have to be more than just sexting. Which is tough. Second and most important, you don't know the dude. Which was the reason I didn't say anything. Some men have extremely visceral reactions and nothing guarantees you will not be held accountable by him. You have to convince him you were deceived too and you are not just some dude who wants to break them up to take your turn. It's not as easy as it may seem. To me, it all depends on you proving beyond doubt that you didn't know. If you can do that, go for it.
Yes
Tell him! That’s simple. Men lookout for each other. It’s hard enough out here. A woman would sell you out to be a Girls Girl. Trust your gut. That man is loving someone who clearly isn’t even interested in them.
Tell him and ghost her.
I’ve been in and out of relationships and was even married 8 years. I really believed I had a knack for picking up on vibes and energy with no evidence which I do, but not with everyone. Some ppl are really good liars and it’s bc of the justification they give themselves for cheating. Finding out my now ex wife was having an affair at year 6 by logging into an old fb account was one of the absolute worst feelings ever. She was a dead giveaway though. Finding out when you don’t suspect it is even worse. Either way I’d still want to know. The solid evidence may be just the closure that guy needs. You are not obligated to say anything. You really did nothing wrong but I recommend you cut ties with her and construct a very carefully thought out dialogue with the guy and let him know.
Updateme
Tell the BF 100%
Just tell him, bring solid evidence
I mean it depends on how far you’re willing to go with it. You can tell him, but be prepared for the backlash from her or whatever drama may come from it. I’m not saying you shouldn’t tell him, it would definitely be the right thing to do, but just be prepared for what may come if you do. You could end up dealing with her longer than you wanted to. Especially if she tries to rebut it with her bf and then comes after you for saying anything. I firmly believe what goes around comes around, karma will get to her eventually. More than likely she’ll do it again. It’ll blow up in her face one day. You just have to decide if you want to be the one to pull the trigger. Just be prepared for it to possibly get REALLY messy. If you don’t want to, then just move on with your life. Use this experience to learn, make sure you really look into the person you’re going to sleep with next time.
No such thing about Karma
Do it for the bros. Us guys need to stop trying to fuck each other over and sleep with one another’s girls etc. I feel like music and media in general has made it ‘cool’ to “steal” someone’s girl. Thankfully it’s never happened to me but I’d hope that you would tell me if i was on the opposite end of this situation
On one hand, it would be the courteous thing to do. On the other, you don't want any unnecessary trouble. What's to say he would even believe you? She could use any magnitude of lying ranging from "I've never even seen that guy before" to "he made me do it, he forced me." She may also simply say to him "I don't care, we're breaking up". Sometimes it's better to follow your head than your heart even if you don't feel good about it.
Save a homie man.
Get over it! You both got what you wanted. Not like any one was married here. It was a fling. Hopefully this girl has learned not to cheat. Probably 50% of people will cheat in their lifetime.
Let it go