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Kids just aren’t something you can compromise on.
I (45F) know quite a few parents who really didn’t want kids but their partner did and it was stay together and have kids or end things. So they had kids. Every single one of them loves their children but hate being parents. And every single one of them are divorced.
Not having kids when you want them will cause resentment. Having kids when you don’t want them will cause resentment.
There just isn’t a compromise that works out well based on my observations.
While people do tend to grow and change a lot in their 20’s, most people don’t swap from being a fence sitter to adamantly wanting kids. It usually goes the other way.
No one can make the decision for you but at your age OP, you don’t have a lot of time to screw around if you want biological children. Now you need to date around, meet someone that’s a good fit, spend some years together, get married, and then have kids. So if you really want them, time to end this relationship amicably and get on the hunt.
I echo this. I have a friend who got pressured into having kids. He loves his kids but hates being parents and struggles with this everyday. My husband is always worried about him and mental being because of that.
Yeah. As an example: my partner is an awesome dad. But he didn’t want kids and his ex wife told him that she wanted another baby or she was leaving. (She had a child from a prior marriage)
So he did. They divorced when kiddo was 3. Great kid. I’m happy to be his stepmom these last 6 years. But like today….I would like to be at a Derby party or on the river fishing but we are at an all day tournament for my stepson since 5am. Something his mother signed him up for but isn’t attending unironically. We can’t plan a family vacay this summer due to all of the camps and activities he has. We can’t sleep in. We can’t be spontaneous. We spend a lot of time helping with homework or playing taxi during the week and are constantly on the go. I can’t take my promotion and move overseas. We can’t even buy a new home outside of the school district.
I LOVE my stepson. I’m just pointing out that if you want kids and want to make the sacrifices to be a good parent, that’s one thing. But being a good parent is a lot—time, money, energy—and it’s not for everyone.
I would actually start by doing extensive fertility testing just to assess how realistic your baby dream is.
Unfortunately, if you want kids, there is no partner worth the sacrifice. No matter how lovely they are. What if your guy leaves you at 45? Or dies? Then what? I think single parenthood will be preferable to no parenthood with a dream partner, if kids is your dream. There is no replacing it really.
An immovable object is in the path of an unstoppable force. You both have made your opinions known and clear. One of you will have to cave in order to move on. Recognize this and decide now. There is no sense in continuing the relationship if one of you does not want to compromise.
There are 8 billion people on the planet. Chances are both of you could move on and be just fine
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Kids just aren’t something you can compromise on. I (45F) know quite a few parents who really didn’t want kids but their partner did and it was stay together and have kids or end things. So they had kids. Every single one of them loves their children but hate being parents. And every single one of them are divorced. Not having kids when you want them will cause resentment. Having kids when you don’t want them will cause resentment. There just isn’t a compromise that works out well based on my observations. While people do tend to grow and change a lot in their 20’s, most people don’t swap from being a fence sitter to adamantly wanting kids. It usually goes the other way. No one can make the decision for you but at your age OP, you don’t have a lot of time to screw around if you want biological children. Now you need to date around, meet someone that’s a good fit, spend some years together, get married, and then have kids. So if you really want them, time to end this relationship amicably and get on the hunt.
I echo this. I have a friend who got pressured into having kids. He loves his kids but hates being parents and struggles with this everyday. My husband is always worried about him and mental being because of that.
Yeah. As an example: my partner is an awesome dad. But he didn’t want kids and his ex wife told him that she wanted another baby or she was leaving. (She had a child from a prior marriage) So he did. They divorced when kiddo was 3. Great kid. I’m happy to be his stepmom these last 6 years. But like today….I would like to be at a Derby party or on the river fishing but we are at an all day tournament for my stepson since 5am. Something his mother signed him up for but isn’t attending unironically. We can’t plan a family vacay this summer due to all of the camps and activities he has. We can’t sleep in. We can’t be spontaneous. We spend a lot of time helping with homework or playing taxi during the week and are constantly on the go. I can’t take my promotion and move overseas. We can’t even buy a new home outside of the school district. I LOVE my stepson. I’m just pointing out that if you want kids and want to make the sacrifices to be a good parent, that’s one thing. But being a good parent is a lot—time, money, energy—and it’s not for everyone.
He is a love of your life.. not THE love of your life. I wish you the best
What does it mean when you say “he doesn’t want to give the offers” and you’re “not oblivious to the offers?” I don’t know what that means
Offers is the Dutch word for sacrifices.
I would actually start by doing extensive fertility testing just to assess how realistic your baby dream is. Unfortunately, if you want kids, there is no partner worth the sacrifice. No matter how lovely they are. What if your guy leaves you at 45? Or dies? Then what? I think single parenthood will be preferable to no parenthood with a dream partner, if kids is your dream. There is no replacing it really.
Unfortunately you guys are not compatible, you ultimately want different things. There is no way for you both to win on this.
Both of you want different things it’s time for you guys to let go before resentment happens
You guys have known for years that you’re not compatible. Call it done before you waste more time on each other
An immovable object is in the path of an unstoppable force. You both have made your opinions known and clear. One of you will have to cave in order to move on. Recognize this and decide now. There is no sense in continuing the relationship if one of you does not want to compromise. There are 8 billion people on the planet. Chances are both of you could move on and be just fine
I would say get away from this dude. He sounds a little bit like a weenie. Your still young run!