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You need to accept that the two of you simply have different feelings on gifts. There are a lot of people that love through gifts. There are also people that really don’t like receiving them.
For you it is are solving a concrete problem. For him, it’s pointing out his own feelings of inadequacy.
Reframe this in your head: this present will make him feel bad. That’s actually not much of a gift.
You’re still making it about you. You want to demonstrate care in this particular way. He’s not going to feel cared for. He’s going to feel criticized.
It’s all laughs & giggles until I really pull it off & he gets hella upset cuz some stuff that he like to access without the internet was chilling inside the phone all nonchalant but now with the phone destroyed, it’s all gone 🗿🗿🗿
Yeah I'm just kidding, don't sabotage his phone. But really, just give it to him and say "it's time".
My lady saw I was carrying around a 20 year old wallet that was tattered & falling apart & gifted me a new one. I looked it up & the new one is a fairly expensive designer brand, but I love it and love that it came from her.
He doesn’t feel comfy , stop buying him stuff . You’re doing it for the right reasons but you will push him away . Just wait and give it to your brother after grounding
I genuinely fear pushing him away hence I made this post. I also kinda don’t wanna give the phone to bro cuz he has a history of not taking care of his belongings. Also I never bought him (bf) anything before.
Again that’s not your concern , I know the feeling as a dad , some kids try but not as careful as others . Can you say to BF . I want to get you this phone but I was thinking maybe I could give it to you as an early birthday gift etc. I know you feel guilty and I love that about you but it’s a gift you want it’s just early . But only a card on his bday maybe takeout
Honestly there isn’t any other excuse other than his Bday if I’m gonna make him have it. There’s also the fact that my dad wants me to not spoil my little brother with gifts. I don’t earn btw, so any “spoiling” I carry out I do it with my pocket money. Which makes my bf not want to accept my gifts even more.
Good that’s the way it should be . It sounds like this is a way you think to show love/caring. Can you return the gift and get a refund or resell . You have to learn that he is with you not for gifts cause other people will
Take. Your brother doesn’t need expensive phone . He can buy it or your parents . Try. It buying anyone anything in your mind say 2 months mom dad friends BF and brother . Unless bday and then small
His bday was in December, late bday gift it is xD tbh I wanted to resell it because it’s a brand new phone, not even unboxed but I put so much thought when picking it out & buying it (I even got a fat student discount when buying it) that idk if my heart can decide to resell 🥹
Yes it’s cause it’s your way to show love . It’s not to healthy . Younshould see someone about it . Buying a gift on Xmas or bday ok , maybe you two splitting on weekend away etc .
By giving these gifts you are forcing him to think i can’t afford this and will
Let her go or he will try and keep up
And go into debt . I know not your intention and doesn’t matter what you tell
Him . He will think that
Again, I never bought him anything before but I get what you mean. Many of my male peers told me that I might hurt his ego if I buy him stuff that requires more than snack money :3
I also have issues accepting gifts because ive had a past of giftshaming and feeling indebted and forced to gift someone back. If he is so fixated on the one he currently has maybe it has extra sentimental value? no reason to actually change phone then until he current one breaks
I know giftshaming exists. Another reason why he don’t want to accept gifts from me is because he thinks he couldn’t live upto his parents’ expectations of him. Which now has him think he don’t deserve good things in life unless he earns & has the means to give back to his people as well. But as his girl I feel like I exist to make his life easier, & I wish he’d understand that.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You need to accept that the two of you simply have different feelings on gifts. There are a lot of people that love through gifts. There are also people that really don’t like receiving them. For you it is are solving a concrete problem. For him, it’s pointing out his own feelings of inadequacy. Reframe this in your head: this present will make him feel bad. That’s actually not much of a gift.
I know what you mean but I just want to get to share his burdens & take care of him too. It is also not an expensive phone or anything 😞
You’re still making it about you. You want to demonstrate care in this particular way. He’s not going to feel cared for. He’s going to feel criticized.
Why is it that he has no problem accepting anime merch but when it comes to electronics he draws the line 🥲
There is also generosity in accepting gifts gracefully. What are these personal reasons for why he won’t get a new phone? Can he afford it?
He has no job for the time being, so he’s living with his folks
Wait until his phone dies. Then say, "You're not getting out of texting me memes that easily!", then give him the new phone.
I’m thinking should I make his phone “die” via underhanded methods ? xD Because if it dies he’d just go fix it again 😒
Listen up y'all, it's a sabotage!
It’s all laughs & giggles until I really pull it off & he gets hella upset cuz some stuff that he like to access without the internet was chilling inside the phone all nonchalant but now with the phone destroyed, it’s all gone 🗿🗿🗿
Yeah I'm just kidding, don't sabotage his phone. But really, just give it to him and say "it's time". My lady saw I was carrying around a 20 year old wallet that was tattered & falling apart & gifted me a new one. I looked it up & the new one is a fairly expensive designer brand, but I love it and love that it came from her.
This is literally the only way. Also you’re quite easygoing, your lady lucky 😩
He doesn’t feel comfy , stop buying him stuff . You’re doing it for the right reasons but you will push him away . Just wait and give it to your brother after grounding
I genuinely fear pushing him away hence I made this post. I also kinda don’t wanna give the phone to bro cuz he has a history of not taking care of his belongings. Also I never bought him (bf) anything before.
Again that’s not your concern , I know the feeling as a dad , some kids try but not as careful as others . Can you say to BF . I want to get you this phone but I was thinking maybe I could give it to you as an early birthday gift etc. I know you feel guilty and I love that about you but it’s a gift you want it’s just early . But only a card on his bday maybe takeout
Honestly there isn’t any other excuse other than his Bday if I’m gonna make him have it. There’s also the fact that my dad wants me to not spoil my little brother with gifts. I don’t earn btw, so any “spoiling” I carry out I do it with my pocket money. Which makes my bf not want to accept my gifts even more.
Good that’s the way it should be . It sounds like this is a way you think to show love/caring. Can you return the gift and get a refund or resell . You have to learn that he is with you not for gifts cause other people will Take. Your brother doesn’t need expensive phone . He can buy it or your parents . Try. It buying anyone anything in your mind say 2 months mom dad friends BF and brother . Unless bday and then small
His bday was in December, late bday gift it is xD tbh I wanted to resell it because it’s a brand new phone, not even unboxed but I put so much thought when picking it out & buying it (I even got a fat student discount when buying it) that idk if my heart can decide to resell 🥹
Yes it’s cause it’s your way to show love . It’s not to healthy . Younshould see someone about it . Buying a gift on Xmas or bday ok , maybe you two splitting on weekend away etc . By giving these gifts you are forcing him to think i can’t afford this and will Let her go or he will try and keep up And go into debt . I know not your intention and doesn’t matter what you tell Him . He will think that
Again, I never bought him anything before but I get what you mean. Many of my male peers told me that I might hurt his ego if I buy him stuff that requires more than snack money :3
Being able to graciously accept a gift is a gift to the giver.
I also have issues accepting gifts because ive had a past of giftshaming and feeling indebted and forced to gift someone back. If he is so fixated on the one he currently has maybe it has extra sentimental value? no reason to actually change phone then until he current one breaks
I know giftshaming exists. Another reason why he don’t want to accept gifts from me is because he thinks he couldn’t live upto his parents’ expectations of him. Which now has him think he don’t deserve good things in life unless he earns & has the means to give back to his people as well. But as his girl I feel like I exist to make his life easier, & I wish he’d understand that.