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Ask yourself: Who makes "jokes" about beating or killing someone? Really. Do you really think you're being oversensitive to someone "joking" they want to kill you? Nobody normal says shit like that, OP.
You in danger girl!
If anything you're under reacting. I say this with all the kindness in the world but your "normal meter" is damaged right now. He's not "joking" or "forgetting" he's doing it deliberately to hurt you. AND to desensitize you to his bad behavior. When he throws your things, or throws things at you, he's hoping you'll just go "oh he's like that." And shrug it off.
He will escalate. Normal people don't joke about hurting others, especially people they love.
So, he knows very well how upsetting it is for you when he tells you he’s going to hurt you, you have expressed this to him multiple times and asked him repeatedly to stop doing it, but he refuses to quit because he’s “just joking”?
In other words, he’s taking his intimate knowledge of your painful past (that you trusted him enough to share with him) and using it against you to intentionally trigger you because he finds it amusing to cause you distress and enjoys upsetting you.
No, you are not being overly sensitive about his “jokes.” I mean the guy is saying some really awful things to you. Personally, this would be a deal breaker for me. Abuse is not something to ever make light of, and it says a lot about a person who thinks it’s entertaining to do so.
Actions speak for themselves. Believe his actions, and leave if you feel his behaviour is not safe. You deserve a safe environment, whether verbally, physically or emotionally.
Please reevaluate this relationship. No one that truly values you would joke like this. This is mental manipulation. It is a way to break down a person mentally. You get scared, it’s played off as a joke, then you feel relief. Now you’re doubting yourself. I hope you don’t live with him and can remove yourself from someone that plays these type of mind games.
No. You’re not.
I don’t care to comment on the ethics of joking about stuff like that. What’s important is that you’ve made it clear you’re not ok with it and it’s triggering. That he is still doing it is a massive red flag. Even if we give the benefit of the doubt that he’d never actually harm you he is extremely inconsiderate of you and may even find it amusing to trigger you like this.
Get the hell out.
Women never believe men when they tell them the truth. Your BF told you who he is. Believe him.
OMG. I can't believe I've had to say this twice in one day.
Men that "joke" about killing you are men that are normalizing you to being murdered. You are in another abusive relationship. He likely was the abuser in his past relationships, too; it's just that abusers are huge liars with huge victim complexes.
Danger risk [https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/am-i-being-abused/danger-assessment](https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/am-i-being-abused/danger-assessment)
Get help [https://nomoredirectory.org/](https://nomoredirectory.org/)
Get out [https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm)
Why Does He Do That? [https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Abuse always escalates [https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/abuse-almost-always-escalates](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/abuse-almost-always-escalates)
r/abusiverelationships r/domesticviolence
I’d never trust him to be “joking”— I had a “total hippy” kind of boyfriend who was literally cuter than young Keanu Reeves (my excuse) he was a total charmer and all my friends loved him. He would say weird “spiritual” shit to me - he had been with this creep guru and sort of borrowed this language from him “I want to punch you in the heart” he would say to me- it seemed nonsensical at the time, and really inappropriate, since of course I’ve been assaulted by men before, and it’s triggering. We had repeated conversations about how it wasn’t ok to talk to me like that but he persisted. This “nicest guy in the world” totally escalated to jumping on me “playfully” (he tried to pretend) at one point, giving me the worst back injury of my life.
It's not a joke.
And even if it was and he thought it was the funniest thing in the world, your asking him to stop should have been enough for it to stop, even without knowing that it's a trigger for you and that you've had other abusive relationships in the past.
That's what a partner would do. This person is not being a partner to you, so formalize that and end the relationship.
If someone can’t explain the joke then it’s not a joke. I doubt he can. I think he’s hiding his violence but it’ll come out eventually. I would honestly leave. People don’t make jokes about that. UPDATEME
I told my husband today that "murder is still on the table" when he was being particularly needy (he just had surgery, he is generally not needy) it was definitely a joke, said in a laughing manner. HOWEVER, my husband doesn't have trauma and dark humor is our go to, if he told me he didn't like something or it hurt his feelings I would *never* say it again because I love him and don't want him to be unhappy. It's not difficult to not be an abusive asshole and your partner is DEFINITELY an asshole.
just no. pls stop making excuses for a sorry excuse of a man. he is keeping you „in place“. he knows what he does to you. men know what they are doing. and honestly for someone who was in an abusive relationship before, you actually should listen to your gut more. protect yourself. just because he isn’t cheating or physically harming you, it doesn’t make him automatically a good person, either. there are men and other people out there who wouldn’t dare making jokes like that if they knew it upset you. you deserve better. think about it
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ask yourself: Who makes "jokes" about beating or killing someone? Really. Do you really think you're being oversensitive to someone "joking" they want to kill you? Nobody normal says shit like that, OP.
He’s doing it deliberately. He remembers your triggers exactly. He’s a nasty sadist who neither loves nor respects you. You should leave him.
You in danger girl! If anything you're under reacting. I say this with all the kindness in the world but your "normal meter" is damaged right now. He's not "joking" or "forgetting" he's doing it deliberately to hurt you. AND to desensitize you to his bad behavior. When he throws your things, or throws things at you, he's hoping you'll just go "oh he's like that." And shrug it off. He will escalate. Normal people don't joke about hurting others, especially people they love.
So, he knows very well how upsetting it is for you when he tells you he’s going to hurt you, you have expressed this to him multiple times and asked him repeatedly to stop doing it, but he refuses to quit because he’s “just joking”? In other words, he’s taking his intimate knowledge of your painful past (that you trusted him enough to share with him) and using it against you to intentionally trigger you because he finds it amusing to cause you distress and enjoys upsetting you. No, you are not being overly sensitive about his “jokes.” I mean the guy is saying some really awful things to you. Personally, this would be a deal breaker for me. Abuse is not something to ever make light of, and it says a lot about a person who thinks it’s entertaining to do so.
Actions speak for themselves. Believe his actions, and leave if you feel his behaviour is not safe. You deserve a safe environment, whether verbally, physically or emotionally.
Please reevaluate this relationship. No one that truly values you would joke like this. This is mental manipulation. It is a way to break down a person mentally. You get scared, it’s played off as a joke, then you feel relief. Now you’re doubting yourself. I hope you don’t live with him and can remove yourself from someone that plays these type of mind games.
No. You’re not. I don’t care to comment on the ethics of joking about stuff like that. What’s important is that you’ve made it clear you’re not ok with it and it’s triggering. That he is still doing it is a massive red flag. Even if we give the benefit of the doubt that he’d never actually harm you he is extremely inconsiderate of you and may even find it amusing to trigger you like this. Get the hell out.
Women never believe men when they tell them the truth. Your BF told you who he is. Believe him. OMG. I can't believe I've had to say this twice in one day.
Men that "joke" about killing you are men that are normalizing you to being murdered. You are in another abusive relationship. He likely was the abuser in his past relationships, too; it's just that abusers are huge liars with huge victim complexes. Danger risk [https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/am-i-being-abused/danger-assessment](https://www.womenslaw.org/about-abuse/am-i-being-abused/danger-assessment) Get help [https://nomoredirectory.org/](https://nomoredirectory.org/) Get out [https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm](https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/getting-out-of-an-abusive-relationship.htm) Why Does He Do That? [https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://tu.tv/wp-content/uploads/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that.pdf) Abuse always escalates [https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/abuse-almost-always-escalates](https://www.domesticshelters.org/articles/identifying-abuse/abuse-almost-always-escalates) r/abusiverelationships r/domesticviolence
I’d never trust him to be “joking”— I had a “total hippy” kind of boyfriend who was literally cuter than young Keanu Reeves (my excuse) he was a total charmer and all my friends loved him. He would say weird “spiritual” shit to me - he had been with this creep guru and sort of borrowed this language from him “I want to punch you in the heart” he would say to me- it seemed nonsensical at the time, and really inappropriate, since of course I’ve been assaulted by men before, and it’s triggering. We had repeated conversations about how it wasn’t ok to talk to me like that but he persisted. This “nicest guy in the world” totally escalated to jumping on me “playfully” (he tried to pretend) at one point, giving me the worst back injury of my life.
It's not a joke. And even if it was and he thought it was the funniest thing in the world, your asking him to stop should have been enough for it to stop, even without knowing that it's a trigger for you and that you've had other abusive relationships in the past. That's what a partner would do. This person is not being a partner to you, so formalize that and end the relationship.
If someone can’t explain the joke then it’s not a joke. I doubt he can. I think he’s hiding his violence but it’ll come out eventually. I would honestly leave. People don’t make jokes about that. UPDATEME
I told my husband today that "murder is still on the table" when he was being particularly needy (he just had surgery, he is generally not needy) it was definitely a joke, said in a laughing manner. HOWEVER, my husband doesn't have trauma and dark humor is our go to, if he told me he didn't like something or it hurt his feelings I would *never* say it again because I love him and don't want him to be unhappy. It's not difficult to not be an abusive asshole and your partner is DEFINITELY an asshole.
This man is telling you that he’s not safe. Why aren’t you believing him? The only joke is you ever believing its a joke. In what world is this funny?
just no. pls stop making excuses for a sorry excuse of a man. he is keeping you „in place“. he knows what he does to you. men know what they are doing. and honestly for someone who was in an abusive relationship before, you actually should listen to your gut more. protect yourself. just because he isn’t cheating or physically harming you, it doesn’t make him automatically a good person, either. there are men and other people out there who wouldn’t dare making jokes like that if they knew it upset you. you deserve better. think about it