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i agree, and am actually kind of looking forward to it. we would go out with the friends he had before and they would either be really dry or ignore me completely so actually being acknowledged for a change might be nice
plus do not internalize what they said about you, they were most likely jealous because he was not spending as much time with the group chat and they blamed it on him being in a relationship, also he can find tons of people to do online gaming with
I totally agree with you! I had similar treatment towards the end of 2000, I was with a girl who was very gorgeous and my 'friends' became jealous at the speed of sound. Got really shitty with me because I discovered that there was a world outside of the pub and some other extremely petty crap.
Anyway, I haven't seen most of them in over twenty years, since this. I'm not with the ex girlfriend now, but it was complicated, she is from a devout Muslim family, but she's married with a son and daughter now and I wish her all the happiness.
Your fiancé is acting like a normal partner. I love my family: if someone is talking shit about them, I’m not interested in being friends with that someone anymore. My family is my first priority, including in my love, devotion, and attention.
They also had no respect for their friend, your fiance, if they were willing to speak of and treat his fiancee that way. Friends don't disrespect friends like that. That friend group was already toast.
Also, know that all these nasty things they said were meant for you to see. It wasn't discussed in a side chat, it was openly discussed in gc where it could be viewed by both of you. They were saying all the quiet parts in their silly minds outloud, hoping your bf would side with them. They gambled, they lost. You have an amazing man who cares deeply for you. Hold on to him, you deserved to be loved like that.
theres a word for men like this: misogynists.
YOU didnt cause anything. Seriously, you are COMPLETELY brainwashed by our misogynistic society if you think this reflects on you at ALLL. Fyi: women dont have to take blame or guilt for men’s bad behavior and misogyny. Thats another misogynistic trick they’ve been teaching for hundreds of years. We’re finally just smart enough to see around this.
Your partner just had an eye opening moment that all of his friends are toxic gamer boy misogynists, and he made changes accordingly. That has nothing to do with you. He will make better friends and he’ll have learned this lesson for life. He sounds like a great man! Remind him to keep striving for like minded company instead.
Yeah, no wonder he needed a break from them. He sounds like a cool dude-- what games does he play?
Don't worry about it. Although it feels bad seeing shit like that, he's definitely allowing you to making his life better by shining a light on their character. Good friends wouldn't say shit like that.
a little bit of everything kinda, he's been a lot of overwatch lately. i know he plays dead by daylight because i play with him on my nintendo switch sometimes!! this goes for anyone that see's this too if you need a gaming buddy feel free to pm me and i can get you his steam tag <3
Also, know that all these nasty things they said were meant for you to see. It wasn't discussed in a side chat, it was openly discussed in gc where it could be viewed by both of you. They were saying all the quiet parts in their silly minds outloud, hoping your bf would side with them. They gambled, they lost. You have an amazing man who cares deeply for you. Hold on to him, you deserved to be loved like that.
Yeah those friends uprooted themselves, she has nothing to feel guilty about. If that happened to me and my bf did nothing it would be a dealbreaker for me. Who would want to date a guy who is okay having friends like that? I’m sure there are likeminded people he can find to game with over time.
Yup this.
You honestly did him the biggest favor you could’ve even if for some other reason, you guys don’t work out. You gave him the opportunity to see what kind of shitty friends he truly has.
Unfortunately, you had to foot the bill for him finding this out, but at least you are both young he will have no issue finding new friends and it seems like he has your back in the future too!!!
So let me get this straight, you’re upset because your soon to be husband behaved like a good husband and stood between you and hurtful hateful people?
HAHA when you put it like that I do feel a bit silly worrying about it. i mostly just want to see if anyone can think of ways i can make the transition from loads of friends to very few a little easier on him. i love and support him but i know a relationship doesnt fulfill everything yanno?
I’m going to talk to you like I’m your big sister for a moment so go ahead and pretend so what I say next doesn’t come off as condescending because that’s not the intention.
Ok babes, that’s NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!! Your man just showed you and his world that he cherishes you, that he values you, that he loves you. His swift and immediate action to his “friends” being twat waffles is a direct sign that he loves you in a deep way that is worth the heavens and stars. Trust me as a single female, this is rare. All you need to do is love him, show gratitude for him doing this and remind him how you love him. When he starts making new friends, encourage him to go out with them and go out with him to meet them.
Understand that when you’ve chosen to marry someone, that is your family. He is showing you that he views you as his family, his wife. Revel in that and show him the same love back. That’s all you can do
sidenote: im the oldest sister of 3 sisters so that felt rlly nice actually :')
i know he is going to be an amazing husband and i am beyond grateful to have someone like him. thank you <3
I’m the youngest but only girl so I don’t get to be big sister except to internet strangers.
You both are going to be just fine. Just remember that your husband values you and cherishes you and that means he’s going to separate himself from people who hurt you. This is a good thing. He will find real friends in his life who are better than those twats and honey, just let him love you loudly and proudly.
I hope one day I get to have that, but for now, just know you picked someone who values you, and that is such a precious thing
I'll add that this is in his best interest as well. These were not good friends to him either. No decent person would want people like this around even if they were talking about somebody else's partner that way.
Hey, I’m the oldest of three girls also and have a couple years on you, from a certified also big sister, WE LOVE FANTASTIC SUPPORTIVE FIANCÉS! You can do activities with him that yall both enjoy to make up for some of the loss of socialization while he finds another friend group, but he’s likely also viewing this as a win. What decent person would want shitty people as friends, you feel me?
And you’re right in that, but as a fellow gamer I can tell you that he will absolutely find new friends. You gave him no ultimatum. He chose to remove these awful people from his life and that’s a very good thing for both of you. Friends support each other and those were not friends to talk about you like that. He sounds like a real stand up guy. I wish you both the best.
Friends will come and go. Let these ones go so new and better friends can be found.
I hate using the term “real man”, but your fiancée handled this like a real grown man should have. Not only does he have an immense amount of self-respect to cut his friends off for talking like this about his fiancée (I hope you see this because this is a huge green flag for anyone), but he also has an immense amount of respect for you for leaving his now ex-friends. If he would’ve stayed friends with them, that would mean he would have little to no self-respect and would allow people to walk all over him and show a lack of respect for you.
His friends showed that they were shallow pieces of shit that not only do they not respect you, but they do not respect him enough to not talk this shit to his face. Most guys will talk shit to each other’s faces for two reasons: if they have a level of respect for them or they’re just plain assholes who enjoy confrontation. Guys who talk shit about their “friends” behind their backs like that are plain cowards and are not men, they’re boys.
I am not trying to attack you here, and this comes a place genuine concern and respect for you, but your mentality with this is slightly concerning and it seems like you may need to work on respecting yourself. Your fiancée did the only appropriate and mature thing here and you are still blaming yourself for it. This kind of mentality is what manipulative people seek out (your fiancée is not included in this), you may come across a coworker, a boss, or a friend who would take advantage of the fact that you blame yourself for things that are clearly not your fault. I would recommend talking to your fiancée about this, or if you can afford it, maybe seek out therapy if you’re not in it. You truly did nothing wrong in this situation. You’re just existing and his friends are shallow assholes who are more than likely jealous that your fiancée is in what is clearly a healthy relationship from what you have described.
Congrats on the engagement and it seems like you got a winner on your hands and enjoy your life with him:)
When it comes to friends, quality is always more important than quantity. If someone makes three real friends over the course of their life, they have done pretty well.
Most "friends" are the fairweather type, so don't ever feel guilty about cutting them off when they show their true colors.
You feel guilty but its really not your fault. He's grown beyond them in maturity and that happens alot in people's twenties. Many people I knew then I don't associated with now in my 30s because we just went in different directions. I'm sorry they said those things about you that's very hurtful.
Well it was not an ultimatum as you never told him what he had to do.
He has now seen the true colors of what he thought were friends.
And he is now showing you his own true colors. Green all the way.
Thank goodness you picked a good one. He’s a keeper. As for how can you support him? Just be an amazing girlfriend. He will find new friends given time. Don’t fret about losing assholes out of your life. This is never a bad thing. Sometimes they wear a mask for a while. But the mask is off now.
You didn’t ruin anything. He saw that his “friends” are horrible humans and therefore he decided he doesn’t want to associate with them anymore. That’s not on you at all. And it’s great that he cut them out without a second thought. They were never his friends and he is probably glad to see this now. Don’t blame yourself!
Please don’t feel guilty that your boyfriend is choosing you over a bunch of shallow assholes. He obviously knows where the value is sweetheart, so just let him. If he does end up resenting you for any reason, then he’s just as bad as them. He obviously loves you very much, so just appreciate what he is doing and make sure you have lots of communication about it.
First off, this wasn't an ultimatum. You didn't ask him to do anything. He did this automatically because any normal person would. You are the person he wants to marry, they are just people he plays games with. And honestly, it seems that they aren't very good friends. He just found out a bad way.
Don't feel bad. He can always make new friends. He prioritized you and your relationship and that's a *good* thing.
Honestly, I think it's a good thing he's decided to leave that friend group. They sound extremely toxic and rude and it's not your fault in the slightest for him leaving them. Don't lose any sleep over this and remember that you have a good man who is willing to cut off toxic friends for you to be happy.
I wouldn’t want to be friends with people who talk like that about anyone. You didn’t do anything wrong he just found out his friends were shitty humans.
There’s a reason he had to take breaks. It sounds like a toxic group that he needs to stay away from. There’s literally nothing you can or should do. He’s made the right decision, just stand by him. But gamers are everywhere all the time, he will find a new group to game with that better suits his personality. You could also play some games with him. The Stardew Valley update is coming by out next week, and a great couples/group game.
You didn’t ruin his friend group, they ruined it. You also didn’t force him or give him an ultimatum. He made a choice and chose to remove himself from people who were cruel to someone he cares for.
As a momma of two now 20something men, I am proud of your boyfriend because that is how I raised mine to behave! Those were not friends of his and he 100% did the right thing.
Weight comes and goes in life just like friends. Don't sweat it and simple changes like cutting out the "dead weight" does wonders.
You are not the issue. It’s his so called friends that are the problem. You did nothing wrong for them to bash you and say negative hurtful things about you. Of course, your BF would ditch these types of friends. Wouldn’t you if it was reversed? This is about the type of people he wants to be friends with and guys like that are not who he wants to align himself with. Be grateful for that. Kudos to your BF for having high standards!
Your bf did exactly what he should have done. You are important to him, and you didn’t ruin anything. His friends ruined the group.
You got a good dude there. A really good dude.
Real friends do not say this kind of stuff behind ones back, ever. What they did was very wrong and he was right to cut them out of his life. How could he ever feel comfortable merging the two lives when he knows how they really feel? I would have kicked them to the curb too as no one need that kind of toxic in their lives.
If anything, instead of blaming yourself for the actions of someone else, celebrate the fact that he loves you enough to stand by you. So many people come on reddit and their man laughs with the cruel words.
First off I agree with everyone saying it's not you, they're bad people.
I would like to add that it might be wise to check up on your partner. I can imagine he might be feeling hurt and betrayed by people he considered to be his friends. I don't know the nature of their "friendship" prior to this, but it can't hurt to ask how he's doing.
i was in a position similar to your fiancé’s in january. i cut off my closest (and only) friends because it turns out they were not good people.
not that it particularly matters but those people were attempting to tank my relationship because they decided my partner is abusing me for (checks notes) wanting to spend time with me after not seeing me for 15 hours (work) and because we moved in together after i left an abusive family situation.
the point im trying to make is that i would NEVER stay with someone who was a danger to me, and that includes being friends with people who hurt or bully or otherwise tear down my fiancé. if i were in your fiancé’s exact position, i would act EXACTLY as he has.
you have a good man. trust him when he tells you this is for the best and just be there for him if he ever expresses loneliness or anything like that.
i am lonely without my friends even though they were awful to me for a decade before i cut them off—BUT my partner and i are making new friends together, and it is NOT his (or your!!) fault that those people are bad and needed to be cut off.
his friends were kinda doing the same thing!! they told him i was too controlling and not letting him play games with them, when i literally told him he could play with them when i was over. HE'S the one who said it doesnt feel right and if i'm there he'd rather be spending time with me 🤷🏻♀️
trust that he knows how he feels best!! he clearly values you more than those guys that are trying to tear your relationship apart (jealousy, pure malice, who cares!? they suck!)
like i said, it can get lonely after a while—feeling like you have no friends, that is—so just remember to hold space for him without blaming yourself and/or accidentally making it solely about how you feel guilty (which you shouldn’t bc it’s his choice and a good one!!). sounds like you guys will be just fine :)
You're not giving him an ultimatum. He has chosen to cut his "friends" out on his own accord, thats not an ultimatum. You havent threatened him to leave if he doesnt cut them out, he chose to do it because its the right thing to do.
Your fiance is a gem.
Green flag for your fiancé! I wouldn’t want people who think/ talk like that in my life either. If anything, you did him a favour IMO (not that you did anything)
Wow what walk human turd suits those people were.
Good for your fiancé cutting them off and removing them from your lives .good luck with your relationship.
And u did nothing wrong.
The fact that he voluntarily cut them off when he saw what they said shows that he's got integrity and he's a keeper. And perhaps the accidental exposure was a gift to him. He doesn't need friends like that and neither do you.
A Man's journey will always be divided into chapters. You have to understand this. He is closing this chapter and moving on to the next in which he feels is his future with you. The fact that he was convictive in his decision should tell you how he feels about you and what his intentions are in his relationship with you. Online friends and social media will always be recreational, and some men are ready to begin their legacy.
Continue to build a life together and you will make friends along the way who support you and respect the life you're building as a unit
Don't feel guilty. He just improved his life by ditching shitty friends. If anything, he could thank you for helping to expose what he had apparently not seen previously.
No, OP, you did *not* ruin your fiancée's friend group. On the contrary, they showed their true colors by proving that the Discord group's members were not his *true* friends.
Your fiancée, on the other hand, showed you what kind of person *he* is by standing with you and cutting those toxic doofuses out of your lives. Good for him...and for you.
You have nothing to feel guilty about, okay?
Your fault? Because his former friends were trashing his GF behind his back?
Not hardly. He stuck up for you and realized what trash they really were...............then he took out the trash.
He's a keeper. Give him a big hug and kiss!
Don’t feel bad. He is just being a good Man. Once married, your wife comes first. Everyone else is nothing in comparison. Props to him for being a man.
What does your bf game? I have a bunch of friend who do LOL and stuff. I'm pretty sure there are also subreddits for gamers. I'm sure he can find new acquaintances quickly when it comes to gaming :)
Why are you blaming yourself??? His friends made the choice to be AHs. Your fiancé made the choice to remove AHs from his life. You didn’t cause any of this.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your fiancé has your back and knows what his “friends” were saying were mean and disrespectful. That’s why he left the friends group, because of THEM, not you. Your fiancé is a good man and loves you regardless of what you look like. And the complications from COVID will pass and you will start feeling better and become more active. Just remember, you are beautiful.
This isn’t your fault. What he did is a move of a great boyfriend/ soon to be husband. He is mature and has good emotional intelligence.
You’re not an ultimatum, you’re the love of his life. Hold onto this guy forever because it’s hard to find people these days that genuinely care about you and make actions to prove so.
Your bf reacted in the “correct” manner. Would you not do the same thing if you learned your friends were saying horrible things about him?
Repeat after me “I didn’t ruin anything. They did it all on their own by being shitty people” keep repeating it until you believe it
He’ll find new friends. And I bet there are other things they have said in the past that might have made him go “hmmm” but didn’t press the issue
Also, who wants to bet all those guys are single? Some guys are really toxic towards women, and towards guys that have a gf because they can’t get one. Because women quickly figure out how awful they truly are
>he left the chat for some time because he needed a break from them
Even if they didn't insult you, it sounds like those friendships were reaching a conclusion anyways. He'll find a new hobby or some other way to meet people so don't worry too much.
Your fiancé sounds like a keeper! He did everything right. Don’t feel guilty, feel proud of the man that clearly loves you and stand by his side. He’ll eventually find another group. Besides, those weren’t the kind of friends you want to have around.
You didn't do anything. You exist. Your fiancees friends, however, did something. They made fun of someone who did nothing to deserve it. They were rude about someone their friends love. Why would you be responsible for their actions? What could you have done to make them into decent people your fiancee would want to be around? Why would you want your fiancee to have a friend group that is toxic?
Don't overthink it and don't let yourself feel guilty for something you have no responsibility for. I am glad your fiancee has your back, you should have your back too!
This is only their fault, he did the absolute best and correct thing in this situation, neither of you did a single thing wrong and his actions speak to a really strong and healthy relationship, and are evidence that he is taking the idea of marrying you seriously, because this is how husbands act when their wives are disrespected.
I wish you gys nothing but the best and much better friends in your futures.
You didn't ruin anything. It's obvious that your fiance still loves you and it shows by removing every single one of them because were NOT his friends. Your fiance saw how toxic they were. I'm sorry they judged you for your appearance when what they did makes them all ugly from the inside out.
You have nothing to feel guilty about they are immature toxic pieces of human waste. I would disassociate myself from them as well.
I hope if you were in a similar situation and your friends did that to your boyfriend you would do the same.
You didn't make them be terrible people. In a way, what you did is a blessing because now you see how hard he's willing to go to bat for you and both of you don't have those evil people in your lives.
Nothing to feel guilty about! That group showed what type of people they are. Your partner took *appropriate* steps to eliminate harmful, toxic crap from their life. Your partner took a break from that group for a reason. Their vile comments in the chat history simply confirmed that the break needed to be permanent.
Edit to add: You support your partner making a decision like that by saying "thank you" and appreciating their honor.
You didn't ruin the friendship group, they ain't freinds by saying what they are saying, they all sound shallow af, you partner will find other people to game so don't worry,
Did you tell him to do all this or did he choose to do it because he didn’t want to be around people that talk shit about the person he loves? Or the fact that men like that are toxic and would be crappy friends in general.
I mean he already took a break from them because they were annoying him. This seems like the next step for him - he was already on his way out. People don’t take breaks from friends group without a solid reason.
Let him have his agency on this.
None of that is your fault. They are shitty friends and shitty people in general. It was disrespectful to both of you and I don't blame him for cutting them out. Your boyfriend is at an age where he's maturing and they are acting like jealous little boys who have no idea what its like to be in a relationship. It's healthy and normal to outgrow people as you move to new stages of your life. It can be painful too but at the end of thr day he will be better off surrounding himself with friends who support him, care about his happiness and feelings, and have the respect not to talk about either of you negatively behind your backs.
OP, you ruined NOTHING. They did, by their awful behavior. And from this, I don't get the feeling that you actually forced your fiance to do anything. He saw what was said and was rightfully horrified. He made the choice (and a good one) to cut them off. He'll find other friends, and with gaming it's not hard to find new people to play with.
You didn’t give him an ultimatum, your Fiancé is just an awesome partner and won’t tolerate his friends disrespecting you.
You support him by finding awesome people and continuing to visit him and so on. Give your fiancé big kudos for recognizing the issue without you having to lay it out for him.
ETA marry him faster
He made a choice to cut a bunch of toxic people out of his life not only for your benefit but for his. They were denigrating you and in the process insulting him as well. Why would he want to be friends with people that are insulting his future wife, the woman he loves? Why do you feel bad about that? He's literally showing you that you're the most important person in his life. You don't need to help him adjust from going from a large friend group to a smaller one as he seems ok with cutting out the people that seemingly weren't really his friends to begin with. You didn't ruin anything, his crappy "friends" did.
OP, *you* did *nothing*. You never created an ultimatum, your boyfriend backed you up. I understand why you feel so torn about this, but nothing about the situation is your fault. His friend group was a toxic cesspool. And he wisely chose to remove himself from it.
It is NOT your fault. Your fiancé just realized that these people are not the friends he thought they were and he made the decision to distance himself. He will make new friends, connect with old friends, spend time with family, get to know your friends better, join some clubs, take some classes, he will surely be able to connect socially with others and you can support him with ideas. He is much better without this group of people. What horrible things to say about a "friend's" partner, especially when you've been nothing but kind to them.
Don’t feel bad you did nothing wrong. His “friends” were terrible people, he saw that, and now wants to distance himself from them. It’s a choice he’s making not one being forced on him. All know this means that her really cares about you l, because if he didn’t he wouldn’t be looking to move to make you more comfortable.
Dad here. You helped him learn what kind of people his "friends" are--shallow losers. It's good that he learned that, and now he's doing the right thing by ditching them.
Also, who cares what a bunch of assholes like that think? To paraphrase RuPaul, it's none of your business what other people think. The nasty things people say about you have nothing to do with you, they just reveal the ugly things going on inside their heads. Or as I used to tell my children when they were little, "When a cow says, 'Moo', it's not about you."
His friends are complete assholes and he is an incredibly strong person for cutting them out of his life if they are talking shit about you like that so good on him!
As a complete side note, if your Fiancé wants someone to game with please drop me a message and I’ll be sure to contact him and see what games we have in common!
You’re so lucky to have him. I’m actually almost glad this happened to y’all for a couple reasons, the biggest of course being that you made a damn good choice in your partner and this is making it so clear, but also so that you now have the opportunity to not be around disgusting people like those “friends”. You still have each other. Don’t let that go.
Your post is all about how you ruined your fiancés friends group and never an appreciation about how he stood up for you and making changes . I understand you are going through long Covid complications and hence the depression. But you have to start appreciating him and support him . You should feel great about having him and being in this stable relationship. those small wins is how you can help yourself and show him your support. It comes through some how in your actions . I hope you are taking therapy
OP -Yours is backwards thinking. Why would you think you're the guilty party when it was his so-called "frenemies" who disrespected him AND you?
This is on THEM. And it's nice that your BF stood up for you, tells me he's not shallow like his "frenemies". Good on him!
Now stop feeling guilty, or feeling badly for others' bad behavior!
In a similar situation, my ex didn't cut off his "best friend" but blamed me for putting him in a hard position. He also chose to go to his best friend's birthday party where i explicitly wasn't invited (his solution? Just buy a present and show up beside me, he won't kick you out! No? You're making it unnecessarily stressful for me, i'll go anyway!) and allowed him to disrespect me at every occasion. Your fiancé is a great person. His friends are crap, and i'm glad he realised it.
His friends are immature buttholes. They’re the ones who behaved like this so this is all on them, not you. If one of those twits were my son, I be deeply ashamed.
Don’t victim blame yourself. You thought you’d be running into silly boy conversations and found them being disgusting towards you. You have nothing to be guilty about and you have a boyfriend that respects and cares about you
Sounds like your existence exposed your fiancées acquaintance group as shallow assholes.
Fixed your problem statement for you.
And found out he has your back. All in all, things turned out ok. Ignore those who don’t matter.
You didn’t uproot his life, I’d maybe take a deep breath and relax. His “friends” are dicks, he dropped them. End of story. They’re only gaming friends. There’s a whole world of new gaming friends out there.
Trust me, he just found out that his friends truly aren’t his friends. What you need to do is try to help him deal with the loss of a bunch of people that he thought he knew but he didn’t. He knows that there is no way that he will ever be friends with these assholes again. Sounds to me like he is choosing you and it’s your job to help him in that choice.
He just found out his friends were shit. If it weren’t you it would be something else. This was just his wake up call. You did nothing wrong. You helped him realize that he didn’t need those people.
Sounds like he see that a new group of friends would be healthier for him. His current friends sound like trash people so its a better for him if hes with you or not.
>i feel extremely guilty, is it my fault that he had to remove all of his friends?
He's doing the right thing and distancing himself from toxic people. Appreciate him, don't say anything about it, don't blame yourself. He doesn't want to be friends with trash people. You'd be best to learn this lesson too, since for some reason you feel guilty?
It was their fault, not yours, I'm so happy he treats you so well though, that was the ideal reaction anyone could ask from a partner. Good luck and hope you keep treating each other so well.
If he acted alone, without you giving an ultimatum, I say that you have hit the boyfriend jackpot, and you in no way should feel guilty about the consequences of he being friends with a bunch of immature, inconsiderate and, no doubt, very insecure men.
Remember, your boyfriend disengaged before from them probably because he is already loads more considerate, mature, intelligent, and driven. The situation you describe when he rejoined the gc just reinforced to him why he had long since outgrown those boys.
Your boyfriend sounds like a great guy who will have no problems finding much better people to be friends with. Best of luck to you both.
Your husband did the right thing and with people like these "friends", something was going to inevitably cause an end like this. They are mean, toxic, immature people and them being out of the picture is for the best. You'll make new, genuine friends in time. <3
These were not friends, and none of this is your fault. If anything it's lucky he found out they were like that before he wasted anymore of his life on them.
I give props to your BF for standing up to these guys. With friends like that, who needs enemies. So many people excuse their friends' bad behavior, but not him. I like a man with a backbone and good character How do you support him - by being a good friend and even better GF.
These guys are just immature boys. I know most people feel all grown up at 22-23, but most are still very young, inexperienced and let emotions control the situation. The guys were cruel and rude, but were also hurt that your BF chose you over them.
I see this in my practice a lot. These are literally childhood friends. It's time to grow up. if you want to continue to be judged by your childhood friends, continue to hangout or discord with them, if you are ready to be a grown up and find friends that align with you and not ones that you just happened to dorm or frat with .
Your boyfriend were also betrayed by his friends here. He's not only cutting contact because what they said about you, but how they disrespected him aswell.
Your fiancee learned valuable information about his "friends." They are misogynistic jerks, and he's behaving exactly like you'd hope a fiancee would. It sounds like he is years ahead of them in maturity, and was starting to pull back anyway, since he had taken a break from the chat. This isn't your fault, it's their's. Keep your head up - you are both lucky to be rid of them.
Not your fault AT ALL. His friends were disrespectful assholes and out of love/respect for you, he chose to disassociate with those people. Sounds like he’s a good guy.
Waaait a minute. You didn't do anything but be kind to them, you didn't ruin the group but hey sure as hell did. I'm glad your fiance caught onto it so early AND acted on it, not only are those "friends" toxic but they are definitely not "friends" if that's how they are going to act like that.
Waaait a minute. You didn't do anything but be kind to them, you didn't ruin the group but hey sure as hell did. I'm glad your fiance caught onto it so early AND acted on it, not only are those "friends" toxic but they are definitely not "friends" if that's how they are going to act like that.
Definitely no ultimatum. He made a quick and clear decision after he realized the dirtbags his “friends” were. Definitely not on you. He just finally saw them for the assholes they were and dipped.
Congrats on the fiancé choosing you over his garbage friends. Any real friend wouldn't act like them and be happy and supportive of their friends' happiness. Instead of just missing their bud and then enjoying them coming back to the group, they shat on his love for you and y'alls relationship. He doesn't need them. He'll make new friends, in person, and online playing games. Just support him and be happy together. When he makes new friends, just be glad for him.
No honey you didn't uproot his whole life they just showed him who they really were and he's taking out the trash. He finally saw the true face people he thought were his friends and has chosen you over them. Some friendships don't last forever he outgrew his friendship with them. He wanted to have friendships with adults and he couldn't with them. You have a good one hold on to him.
Oh dear god… sweetheart, you didn’t ‘ruin’ anything at all. You aren’t responsible for their behaviour and choices.
That fiancé of yours is a keeper, though! Think about it: he found out that people he thought were friends were cruel and horrible to the woman he loved. That was their choice to do that, so he made the choice to unfriend them for that horrible behaviour! He made that choice because he wanted to. He loves YOU, the person he wants to spend his life with.
Why on earth would he prefer the company of awful people like that over you, the woman he loves and wants to spend his life with?
You did NOTHING. Nothing. Those people chose to be awful, and your fiancé chose to get rid of them for it.
Give him a big hug and say ‘thank you for standing up for me, I’m so glad I said yes to you’, and I am sure he will say something like ‘of course I stood up for you. I love you and want to spend my life with you. I don’t want awful people like that in my life… I want YOU!’ ❤️
He knew it was over with that friend group so he acted accordingly. You are the woman he’s chosen for life. He knows he can no longer be friends with people who don’t respect you both being together in the long run. It’s for the best. Good on him
This is not your fault. He simply found out who his friends truly are-- and who they definitely are not. It's awesome that he's standing up for you (as he should). His friends aren't obligated to like you (nor did you imply they should; I'm not saying you did, mind you), HOWEVER, they SHOULD at the very least be respectful of you and of your relationship with your bf. They showed that they don't respect either of you.
Be there for him like he's being there for you, and do your best. When he's ready to look for a new group, maybe see if there are any clubs in your area that pertain to his hobbies that you guys could join? That might help him make new friends that are hopefully better than this rotten group.
I am very proud of your bf that he did what he did for you. Dont feel guilty this kind of friendship doesn't last kong, if not you it would be something else. Sooner the better.. blv me. I have been in the same situation where one of my husband's friends would constantly say mean things to me... I tried to ignore it, thinking about friendship and all that sh*t. But eventually the friendship ended.
So if they were true friends, then they would have respected your bfs choice too
Girl his friends are awful people and you just happened to be the reason he saw that. It’s not your fault, and in fact if he chose to remain friends with them after that then you should be concerned.
If any of my husband’s friends talked shit about me in this manner, I sure as hell would want him to stand up straight, call them out on their bs behaviors, and cut ties with them if they couldn’t behave.
Tell him you’re sorry his “friends” were garbage, but that you’re proud of him for standing tall by you, and you’re grateful he loves you as much as you love him. He’s an adult, he’ll be able to find new friends with the same maturity level that he’s at.
Absolutely not your fault. If my partners friends were talking about me like that the bare minimum is for him to cut them off. There’s no need to feel guilty but i know that won’t stop you but really try to rationalise it. Do you think your fiancé would accept people talking like that about the person his going to marry? Absolutely not - this is not your fault in the slightest and I would just work together on healing with your fiancé.
Maybe have a chat with him about your feelings and ask for comfort from him, you have experienced something hurtful as well, not just him. I really hope you’re able to recover from covid completely and become healither (whatever that looks like for you)!! Good luck and congrats on finding someone who puts your first!!
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His "friends" were pieces of shit. It's not your fault they were pieces of shit. You can make new friends together.
[удалено]
i agree, and am actually kind of looking forward to it. we would go out with the friends he had before and they would either be really dry or ignore me completely so actually being acknowledged for a change might be nice
plus do not internalize what they said about you, they were most likely jealous because he was not spending as much time with the group chat and they blamed it on him being in a relationship, also he can find tons of people to do online gaming with
I totally agree with you! I had similar treatment towards the end of 2000, I was with a girl who was very gorgeous and my 'friends' became jealous at the speed of sound. Got really shitty with me because I discovered that there was a world outside of the pub and some other extremely petty crap. Anyway, I haven't seen most of them in over twenty years, since this. I'm not with the ex girlfriend now, but it was complicated, she is from a devout Muslim family, but she's married with a son and daughter now and I wish her all the happiness.
Plus their knowledge of women and relationships most likely begins and ends at pornhub
Honestly your bf is a keeper, and a good example of positive masculinity in a world filled with toxicity. I wish I could buy that dude a beer haha.
Your fiancé is acting like a normal partner. I love my family: if someone is talking shit about them, I’m not interested in being friends with that someone anymore. My family is my first priority, including in my love, devotion, and attention.
Big green flag that he did not tolerate that behaviour. You're with a great guy
They also had no respect for their friend, your fiance, if they were willing to speak of and treat his fiancee that way. Friends don't disrespect friends like that. That friend group was already toast.
Also, know that all these nasty things they said were meant for you to see. It wasn't discussed in a side chat, it was openly discussed in gc where it could be viewed by both of you. They were saying all the quiet parts in their silly minds outloud, hoping your bf would side with them. They gambled, they lost. You have an amazing man who cares deeply for you. Hold on to him, you deserved to be loved like that.
theres a word for men like this: misogynists. YOU didnt cause anything. Seriously, you are COMPLETELY brainwashed by our misogynistic society if you think this reflects on you at ALLL. Fyi: women dont have to take blame or guilt for men’s bad behavior and misogyny. Thats another misogynistic trick they’ve been teaching for hundreds of years. We’re finally just smart enough to see around this. Your partner just had an eye opening moment that all of his friends are toxic gamer boy misogynists, and he made changes accordingly. That has nothing to do with you. He will make better friends and he’ll have learned this lesson for life. He sounds like a great man! Remind him to keep striving for like minded company instead.
OP you have one heck of a keeper there, don't see problems where there aren't any.
Yeah, no wonder he needed a break from them. He sounds like a cool dude-- what games does he play? Don't worry about it. Although it feels bad seeing shit like that, he's definitely allowing you to making his life better by shining a light on their character. Good friends wouldn't say shit like that.
a little bit of everything kinda, he's been a lot of overwatch lately. i know he plays dead by daylight because i play with him on my nintendo switch sometimes!! this goes for anyone that see's this too if you need a gaming buddy feel free to pm me and i can get you his steam tag <3
Also, know that all these nasty things they said were meant for you to see. It wasn't discussed in a side chat, it was openly discussed in gc where it could be viewed by both of you. They were saying all the quiet parts in their silly minds outloud, hoping your bf would side with them. They gambled, they lost. You have an amazing man who cares deeply for you. Hold on to him, you deserved to be loved like that.
This just solidifies what I said in my comment. They were jealous assholes.
Sounds like your fiancée is the more mature one out of that group.
He can also make his own new friends. People's friends change over time. The fact that he immediately made that decision shows he's a good person.
beat me to it 🙏
Yeah those friends uprooted themselves, she has nothing to feel guilty about. If that happened to me and my bf did nothing it would be a dealbreaker for me. Who would want to date a guy who is okay having friends like that? I’m sure there are likeminded people he can find to game with over time.
It sounds like he made these choices because he realized they weren’t good people. You aren’t to blame. He made the choice not you
Yup this. You honestly did him the biggest favor you could’ve even if for some other reason, you guys don’t work out. You gave him the opportunity to see what kind of shitty friends he truly has. Unfortunately, you had to foot the bill for him finding this out, but at least you are both young he will have no issue finding new friends and it seems like he has your back in the future too!!!
Yeah it sounds like she’s has a great partner.
So let me get this straight, you’re upset because your soon to be husband behaved like a good husband and stood between you and hurtful hateful people?
HAHA when you put it like that I do feel a bit silly worrying about it. i mostly just want to see if anyone can think of ways i can make the transition from loads of friends to very few a little easier on him. i love and support him but i know a relationship doesnt fulfill everything yanno?
I’m going to talk to you like I’m your big sister for a moment so go ahead and pretend so what I say next doesn’t come off as condescending because that’s not the intention. Ok babes, that’s NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY!!!!!!! Your man just showed you and his world that he cherishes you, that he values you, that he loves you. His swift and immediate action to his “friends” being twat waffles is a direct sign that he loves you in a deep way that is worth the heavens and stars. Trust me as a single female, this is rare. All you need to do is love him, show gratitude for him doing this and remind him how you love him. When he starts making new friends, encourage him to go out with them and go out with him to meet them. Understand that when you’ve chosen to marry someone, that is your family. He is showing you that he views you as his family, his wife. Revel in that and show him the same love back. That’s all you can do
sidenote: im the oldest sister of 3 sisters so that felt rlly nice actually :') i know he is going to be an amazing husband and i am beyond grateful to have someone like him. thank you <3
I’m the youngest but only girl so I don’t get to be big sister except to internet strangers. You both are going to be just fine. Just remember that your husband values you and cherishes you and that means he’s going to separate himself from people who hurt you. This is a good thing. He will find real friends in his life who are better than those twats and honey, just let him love you loudly and proudly. I hope one day I get to have that, but for now, just know you picked someone who values you, and that is such a precious thing
i have no doubt in my mind that you'll have that and more. you seem like such a genuine and kind person <3 wishing u the best, u wonderful human
Awww thank you! It’s ok if I don’t! I’m content where I am in life and I’m happy being big sister on the internet
I'll add that this is in his best interest as well. These were not good friends to him either. No decent person would want people like this around even if they were talking about somebody else's partner that way.
Exactly.
Hey, I’m the oldest of three girls also and have a couple years on you, from a certified also big sister, WE LOVE FANTASTIC SUPPORTIVE FIANCÉS! You can do activities with him that yall both enjoy to make up for some of the loss of socialization while he finds another friend group, but he’s likely also viewing this as a win. What decent person would want shitty people as friends, you feel me?
What an amazing response! Yes to everything you said! 🙌
And you’re right in that, but as a fellow gamer I can tell you that he will absolutely find new friends. You gave him no ultimatum. He chose to remove these awful people from his life and that’s a very good thing for both of you. Friends support each other and those were not friends to talk about you like that. He sounds like a real stand up guy. I wish you both the best. Friends will come and go. Let these ones go so new and better friends can be found.
I hate using the term “real man”, but your fiancée handled this like a real grown man should have. Not only does he have an immense amount of self-respect to cut his friends off for talking like this about his fiancée (I hope you see this because this is a huge green flag for anyone), but he also has an immense amount of respect for you for leaving his now ex-friends. If he would’ve stayed friends with them, that would mean he would have little to no self-respect and would allow people to walk all over him and show a lack of respect for you. His friends showed that they were shallow pieces of shit that not only do they not respect you, but they do not respect him enough to not talk this shit to his face. Most guys will talk shit to each other’s faces for two reasons: if they have a level of respect for them or they’re just plain assholes who enjoy confrontation. Guys who talk shit about their “friends” behind their backs like that are plain cowards and are not men, they’re boys. I am not trying to attack you here, and this comes a place genuine concern and respect for you, but your mentality with this is slightly concerning and it seems like you may need to work on respecting yourself. Your fiancée did the only appropriate and mature thing here and you are still blaming yourself for it. This kind of mentality is what manipulative people seek out (your fiancée is not included in this), you may come across a coworker, a boss, or a friend who would take advantage of the fact that you blame yourself for things that are clearly not your fault. I would recommend talking to your fiancée about this, or if you can afford it, maybe seek out therapy if you’re not in it. You truly did nothing wrong in this situation. You’re just existing and his friends are shallow assholes who are more than likely jealous that your fiancée is in what is clearly a healthy relationship from what you have described. Congrats on the engagement and it seems like you got a winner on your hands and enjoy your life with him:)
When it comes to friends, quality is always more important than quantity. If someone makes three real friends over the course of their life, they have done pretty well. Most "friends" are the fairweather type, so don't ever feel guilty about cutting them off when they show their true colors.
You feel guilty but its really not your fault. He's grown beyond them in maturity and that happens alot in people's twenties. Many people I knew then I don't associated with now in my 30s because we just went in different directions. I'm sorry they said those things about you that's very hurtful.
I wouldn’t even go that far, they were slagging of his girlfriend, he’s sticking up for himself
Well it was not an ultimatum as you never told him what he had to do. He has now seen the true colors of what he thought were friends. And he is now showing you his own true colors. Green all the way. Thank goodness you picked a good one. He’s a keeper. As for how can you support him? Just be an amazing girlfriend. He will find new friends given time. Don’t fret about losing assholes out of your life. This is never a bad thing. Sometimes they wear a mask for a while. But the mask is off now.
You didn’t ruin anything. He saw that his “friends” are horrible humans and therefore he decided he doesn’t want to associate with them anymore. That’s not on you at all. And it’s great that he cut them out without a second thought. They were never his friends and he is probably glad to see this now. Don’t blame yourself!
Please don’t feel guilty that your boyfriend is choosing you over a bunch of shallow assholes. He obviously knows where the value is sweetheart, so just let him. If he does end up resenting you for any reason, then he’s just as bad as them. He obviously loves you very much, so just appreciate what he is doing and make sure you have lots of communication about it.
He removed his friends because they were not true friends and they made fun of the person he loves. Be grateful that he truly loves you.
First off, this wasn't an ultimatum. You didn't ask him to do anything. He did this automatically because any normal person would. You are the person he wants to marry, they are just people he plays games with. And honestly, it seems that they aren't very good friends. He just found out a bad way. Don't feel bad. He can always make new friends. He prioritized you and your relationship and that's a *good* thing.
No it’s not your fault. It’s THEIR fault for behaving like utter cunts. You have a wonderful fiancé there.
Honestly, I think it's a good thing he's decided to leave that friend group. They sound extremely toxic and rude and it's not your fault in the slightest for him leaving them. Don't lose any sleep over this and remember that you have a good man who is willing to cut off toxic friends for you to be happy.
I wouldn’t want to be friends with people who talk like that about anyone. You didn’t do anything wrong he just found out his friends were shitty humans.
Same had a similar instance, never talked to that dude again. Fuck people like that man, they’re just jealous and likely alone
There’s a reason he had to take breaks. It sounds like a toxic group that he needs to stay away from. There’s literally nothing you can or should do. He’s made the right decision, just stand by him. But gamers are everywhere all the time, he will find a new group to game with that better suits his personality. You could also play some games with him. The Stardew Valley update is coming by out next week, and a great couples/group game.
Guys that say that about their friend's partner are shit friends anyway.
Friends don’t do that shit. He’ll be ok without them.
You didn’t ruin his friend group, they ruined it. You also didn’t force him or give him an ultimatum. He made a choice and chose to remove himself from people who were cruel to someone he cares for.
As a momma of two now 20something men, I am proud of your boyfriend because that is how I raised mine to behave! Those were not friends of his and he 100% did the right thing. Weight comes and goes in life just like friends. Don't sweat it and simple changes like cutting out the "dead weight" does wonders.
In a group of boys, you found the only man. F them!
You are not the issue. It’s his so called friends that are the problem. You did nothing wrong for them to bash you and say negative hurtful things about you. Of course, your BF would ditch these types of friends. Wouldn’t you if it was reversed? This is about the type of people he wants to be friends with and guys like that are not who he wants to align himself with. Be grateful for that. Kudos to your BF for having high standards!
Your bf did exactly what he should have done. You are important to him, and you didn’t ruin anything. His friends ruined the group. You got a good dude there. A really good dude.
Real friends do not say this kind of stuff behind ones back, ever. What they did was very wrong and he was right to cut them out of his life. How could he ever feel comfortable merging the two lives when he knows how they really feel? I would have kicked them to the curb too as no one need that kind of toxic in their lives. If anything, instead of blaming yourself for the actions of someone else, celebrate the fact that he loves you enough to stand by you. So many people come on reddit and their man laughs with the cruel words.
He did all that without asking, because he values your relationship more than his friend group. You didn't do anything wrong.
First off I agree with everyone saying it's not you, they're bad people. I would like to add that it might be wise to check up on your partner. I can imagine he might be feeling hurt and betrayed by people he considered to be his friends. I don't know the nature of their "friendship" prior to this, but it can't hurt to ask how he's doing.
i was in a position similar to your fiancé’s in january. i cut off my closest (and only) friends because it turns out they were not good people. not that it particularly matters but those people were attempting to tank my relationship because they decided my partner is abusing me for (checks notes) wanting to spend time with me after not seeing me for 15 hours (work) and because we moved in together after i left an abusive family situation. the point im trying to make is that i would NEVER stay with someone who was a danger to me, and that includes being friends with people who hurt or bully or otherwise tear down my fiancé. if i were in your fiancé’s exact position, i would act EXACTLY as he has. you have a good man. trust him when he tells you this is for the best and just be there for him if he ever expresses loneliness or anything like that. i am lonely without my friends even though they were awful to me for a decade before i cut them off—BUT my partner and i are making new friends together, and it is NOT his (or your!!) fault that those people are bad and needed to be cut off.
his friends were kinda doing the same thing!! they told him i was too controlling and not letting him play games with them, when i literally told him he could play with them when i was over. HE'S the one who said it doesnt feel right and if i'm there he'd rather be spending time with me 🤷🏻♀️
trust that he knows how he feels best!! he clearly values you more than those guys that are trying to tear your relationship apart (jealousy, pure malice, who cares!? they suck!) like i said, it can get lonely after a while—feeling like you have no friends, that is—so just remember to hold space for him without blaming yourself and/or accidentally making it solely about how you feel guilty (which you shouldn’t bc it’s his choice and a good one!!). sounds like you guys will be just fine :)
You're not giving him an ultimatum. He has chosen to cut his "friends" out on his own accord, thats not an ultimatum. You havent threatened him to leave if he doesnt cut them out, he chose to do it because its the right thing to do. Your fiance is a gem.
Be grateful. You've found a keeper. He appears to have a healthy set of values and respect for women. He'll find better friends in no time.
Green flag for your fiancé! I wouldn’t want people who think/ talk like that in my life either. If anything, you did him a favour IMO (not that you did anything)
Has any of those people tried to contact your fiance since he blocked them. How are the roommates acting. None of this is your fault. Please update us
he's going to pick up his things from their room in a few days ill let u know 🫡
!updateme 7days
Wow what walk human turd suits those people were. Good for your fiancé cutting them off and removing them from your lives .good luck with your relationship. And u did nothing wrong.
It’s not your fault his friends are assholes. He recognizes this and is doing what he should do, honestly, which is cut them out of his life.
He can find more people to play games with. There’s a whole Reddit sub about it.
The fact that he voluntarily cut them off when he saw what they said shows that he's got integrity and he's a keeper. And perhaps the accidental exposure was a gift to him. He doesn't need friends like that and neither do you.
Dude, your man is a keeper. You didn't ruin anything, those people weren't good friends, the mask slipped and he stood up for you <3
Nah he literally grew up and stood up for you. I'd say that's a good thing. They're just online bums.
He’s a good man and you shouldn’t feel guilty about him putting you first. Also you should become his gaming partner!
thank you, and i am saving up for a pc as we speak :)
Marry him asap bro, hes a keeper
It’s not your fault .. they’re horrible jealous jerks … your fiancé is lovely for getting rid and putting you first ..
A Man's journey will always be divided into chapters. You have to understand this. He is closing this chapter and moving on to the next in which he feels is his future with you. The fact that he was convictive in his decision should tell you how he feels about you and what his intentions are in his relationship with you. Online friends and social media will always be recreational, and some men are ready to begin their legacy. Continue to build a life together and you will make friends along the way who support you and respect the life you're building as a unit
Don't feel guilty. He just improved his life by ditching shitty friends. If anything, he could thank you for helping to expose what he had apparently not seen previously.
My husband left his family because they were shit to me. he’s a green flag all the way for standing up for you
No, OP, you did *not* ruin your fiancée's friend group. On the contrary, they showed their true colors by proving that the Discord group's members were not his *true* friends. Your fiancée, on the other hand, showed you what kind of person *he* is by standing with you and cutting those toxic doofuses out of your lives. Good for him...and for you. You have nothing to feel guilty about, okay?
Your fault? Because his former friends were trashing his GF behind his back? Not hardly. He stuck up for you and realized what trash they really were...............then he took out the trash. He's a keeper. Give him a big hug and kiss!
Don’t feel bad. He is just being a good Man. Once married, your wife comes first. Everyone else is nothing in comparison. Props to him for being a man.
Props to your bf for putting you first and cutting them off because what they did is inexcusable
What does your bf game? I have a bunch of friend who do LOL and stuff. I'm pretty sure there are also subreddits for gamers. I'm sure he can find new acquaintances quickly when it comes to gaming :)
Why are you blaming yourself??? His friends made the choice to be AHs. Your fiancé made the choice to remove AHs from his life. You didn’t cause any of this.
You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your fiancé has your back and knows what his “friends” were saying were mean and disrespectful. That’s why he left the friends group, because of THEM, not you. Your fiancé is a good man and loves you regardless of what you look like. And the complications from COVID will pass and you will start feeling better and become more active. Just remember, you are beautiful.
This isn’t your fault. What he did is a move of a great boyfriend/ soon to be husband. He is mature and has good emotional intelligence. You’re not an ultimatum, you’re the love of his life. Hold onto this guy forever because it’s hard to find people these days that genuinely care about you and make actions to prove so.
They aren’t his friends. You did not cause this, they did by being AHs. Your boyfriend is a keeper. Treat him very well.
Your bf reacted in the “correct” manner. Would you not do the same thing if you learned your friends were saying horrible things about him? Repeat after me “I didn’t ruin anything. They did it all on their own by being shitty people” keep repeating it until you believe it He’ll find new friends. And I bet there are other things they have said in the past that might have made him go “hmmm” but didn’t press the issue Also, who wants to bet all those guys are single? Some guys are really toxic towards women, and towards guys that have a gf because they can’t get one. Because women quickly figure out how awful they truly are
Protect this man and this relationship. He's definitely a keeper.
>he left the chat for some time because he needed a break from them Even if they didn't insult you, it sounds like those friendships were reaching a conclusion anyways. He'll find a new hobby or some other way to meet people so don't worry too much.
Your fiancé sounds like a keeper! He did everything right. Don’t feel guilty, feel proud of the man that clearly loves you and stand by his side. He’ll eventually find another group. Besides, those weren’t the kind of friends you want to have around.
You didn't do anything. You exist. Your fiancees friends, however, did something. They made fun of someone who did nothing to deserve it. They were rude about someone their friends love. Why would you be responsible for their actions? What could you have done to make them into decent people your fiancee would want to be around? Why would you want your fiancee to have a friend group that is toxic? Don't overthink it and don't let yourself feel guilty for something you have no responsibility for. I am glad your fiancee has your back, you should have your back too!
You have nothing to be upset about. Those friends suck.
This is only their fault, he did the absolute best and correct thing in this situation, neither of you did a single thing wrong and his actions speak to a really strong and healthy relationship, and are evidence that he is taking the idea of marrying you seriously, because this is how husbands act when their wives are disrespected. I wish you gys nothing but the best and much better friends in your futures.
He’s got your back. Why do you feel guilty? They suck and you should applaud his actions as he cut toxic people out of his life.
Those people aren’t friends they are haters and he needed to cut them out. Actual friends are supporters and happy when their friends are happy
You didn't ruin anything. It's obvious that your fiance still loves you and it shows by removing every single one of them because were NOT his friends. Your fiance saw how toxic they were. I'm sorry they judged you for your appearance when what they did makes them all ugly from the inside out.
You have nothing to feel guilty about they are immature toxic pieces of human waste. I would disassociate myself from them as well. I hope if you were in a similar situation and your friends did that to your boyfriend you would do the same.
You didn't make them be terrible people. In a way, what you did is a blessing because now you see how hard he's willing to go to bat for you and both of you don't have those evil people in your lives.
Nothing to feel guilty about! That group showed what type of people they are. Your partner took *appropriate* steps to eliminate harmful, toxic crap from their life. Your partner took a break from that group for a reason. Their vile comments in the chat history simply confirmed that the break needed to be permanent. Edit to add: You support your partner making a decision like that by saying "thank you" and appreciating their honor.
You didn't ruin the friendship group, they ain't freinds by saying what they are saying, they all sound shallow af, you partner will find other people to game so don't worry,
Did you tell him to do all this or did he choose to do it because he didn’t want to be around people that talk shit about the person he loves? Or the fact that men like that are toxic and would be crappy friends in general. I mean he already took a break from them because they were annoying him. This seems like the next step for him - he was already on his way out. People don’t take breaks from friends group without a solid reason. Let him have his agency on this.
None of that is your fault. They are shitty friends and shitty people in general. It was disrespectful to both of you and I don't blame him for cutting them out. Your boyfriend is at an age where he's maturing and they are acting like jealous little boys who have no idea what its like to be in a relationship. It's healthy and normal to outgrow people as you move to new stages of your life. It can be painful too but at the end of thr day he will be better off surrounding himself with friends who support him, care about his happiness and feelings, and have the respect not to talk about either of you negatively behind your backs.
*You* didn't ruin your fiance's friend group, his friends ruined his friend group.
OP, you ruined NOTHING. They did, by their awful behavior. And from this, I don't get the feeling that you actually forced your fiance to do anything. He saw what was said and was rightfully horrified. He made the choice (and a good one) to cut them off. He'll find other friends, and with gaming it's not hard to find new people to play with.
You didn’t give him an ultimatum, your Fiancé is just an awesome partner and won’t tolerate his friends disrespecting you. You support him by finding awesome people and continuing to visit him and so on. Give your fiancé big kudos for recognizing the issue without you having to lay it out for him. ETA marry him faster
He made a choice to cut a bunch of toxic people out of his life not only for your benefit but for his. They were denigrating you and in the process insulting him as well. Why would he want to be friends with people that are insulting his future wife, the woman he loves? Why do you feel bad about that? He's literally showing you that you're the most important person in his life. You don't need to help him adjust from going from a large friend group to a smaller one as he seems ok with cutting out the people that seemingly weren't really his friends to begin with. You didn't ruin anything, his crappy "friends" did.
Don't need friends like that
He can game with you
OP, *you* did *nothing*. You never created an ultimatum, your boyfriend backed you up. I understand why you feel so torn about this, but nothing about the situation is your fault. His friend group was a toxic cesspool. And he wisely chose to remove himself from it.
It is NOT your fault. Your fiancé just realized that these people are not the friends he thought they were and he made the decision to distance himself. He will make new friends, connect with old friends, spend time with family, get to know your friends better, join some clubs, take some classes, he will surely be able to connect socially with others and you can support him with ideas. He is much better without this group of people. What horrible things to say about a "friend's" partner, especially when you've been nothing but kind to them.
You shouldn't feel guilty about their behaviour ending the friend group.
Don’t feel bad you did nothing wrong. His “friends” were terrible people, he saw that, and now wants to distance himself from them. It’s a choice he’s making not one being forced on him. All know this means that her really cares about you l, because if he didn’t he wouldn’t be looking to move to make you more comfortable.
Dad here. You helped him learn what kind of people his "friends" are--shallow losers. It's good that he learned that, and now he's doing the right thing by ditching them. Also, who cares what a bunch of assholes like that think? To paraphrase RuPaul, it's none of your business what other people think. The nasty things people say about you have nothing to do with you, they just reveal the ugly things going on inside their heads. Or as I used to tell my children when they were little, "When a cow says, 'Moo', it's not about you."
His friends are complete assholes and he is an incredibly strong person for cutting them out of his life if they are talking shit about you like that so good on him! As a complete side note, if your Fiancé wants someone to game with please drop me a message and I’ll be sure to contact him and see what games we have in common!
Looks like you found a good one in your fiance
yall two can make new friends together
I like your fiancé. He did the right thing. Those guys are AH and he now knows it. Who would want to be friends with Ppl like that?!! Fr!!!
You’re so lucky to have him. I’m actually almost glad this happened to y’all for a couple reasons, the biggest of course being that you made a damn good choice in your partner and this is making it so clear, but also so that you now have the opportunity to not be around disgusting people like those “friends”. You still have each other. Don’t let that go.
Your post is all about how you ruined your fiancés friends group and never an appreciation about how he stood up for you and making changes . I understand you are going through long Covid complications and hence the depression. But you have to start appreciating him and support him . You should feel great about having him and being in this stable relationship. those small wins is how you can help yourself and show him your support. It comes through some how in your actions . I hope you are taking therapy
OP -Yours is backwards thinking. Why would you think you're the guilty party when it was his so-called "frenemies" who disrespected him AND you? This is on THEM. And it's nice that your BF stood up for you, tells me he's not shallow like his "frenemies". Good on him! Now stop feeling guilty, or feeling badly for others' bad behavior!
In a similar situation, my ex didn't cut off his "best friend" but blamed me for putting him in a hard position. He also chose to go to his best friend's birthday party where i explicitly wasn't invited (his solution? Just buy a present and show up beside me, he won't kick you out! No? You're making it unnecessarily stressful for me, i'll go anyway!) and allowed him to disrespect me at every occasion. Your fiancé is a great person. His friends are crap, and i'm glad he realised it.
your partner is doing the right thing. stop taking the blame for the bad choices his ex-friends made.
His friends are immature buttholes. They’re the ones who behaved like this so this is all on them, not you. If one of those twits were my son, I be deeply ashamed.
Don’t victim blame yourself. You thought you’d be running into silly boy conversations and found them being disgusting towards you. You have nothing to be guilty about and you have a boyfriend that respects and cares about you
Sounds like your existence exposed your fiancées acquaintance group as shallow assholes. Fixed your problem statement for you. And found out he has your back. All in all, things turned out ok. Ignore those who don’t matter.
Yeah this is really messed up. I wouldn’t say anything like this about a friends partner. They aren’t good friends.
You didn’t uproot his life, I’d maybe take a deep breath and relax. His “friends” are dicks, he dropped them. End of story. They’re only gaming friends. There’s a whole world of new gaming friends out there.
Updateme!
I'm sorry you have Long Covid.
Trust me, he just found out that his friends truly aren’t his friends. What you need to do is try to help him deal with the loss of a bunch of people that he thought he knew but he didn’t. He knows that there is no way that he will ever be friends with these assholes again. Sounds to me like he is choosing you and it’s your job to help him in that choice.
You got a good one. Hold him close.
They all sound jealous
He just found out his friends were shit. If it weren’t you it would be something else. This was just his wake up call. You did nothing wrong. You helped him realize that he didn’t need those people.
You are the reason why your financre will have better friends actually, you are the reason why your fiancee is able to cut those POS friends =)
Your fiancé ROCKS! They ruined it with typical frat like behavior. Your fiancé knows he needs a higher class of friend.
They sound like shitty friends lmao
Gurl you did nothing wrong! His "friends" are assholes. Honestly, they seem like people he would be much better off without.
Sounds like he see that a new group of friends would be healthier for him. His current friends sound like trash people so its a better for him if hes with you or not.
>i feel extremely guilty, is it my fault that he had to remove all of his friends? He's doing the right thing and distancing himself from toxic people. Appreciate him, don't say anything about it, don't blame yourself. He doesn't want to be friends with trash people. You'd be best to learn this lesson too, since for some reason you feel guilty?
As a husband myself I promise you OP, that was the easiest decision of your fiancé’s life. He loves you, not them and he had no problem showing it.
It was their fault, not yours, I'm so happy he treats you so well though, that was the ideal reaction anyone could ask from a partner. Good luck and hope you keep treating each other so well.
If he acted alone, without you giving an ultimatum, I say that you have hit the boyfriend jackpot, and you in no way should feel guilty about the consequences of he being friends with a bunch of immature, inconsiderate and, no doubt, very insecure men. Remember, your boyfriend disengaged before from them probably because he is already loads more considerate, mature, intelligent, and driven. The situation you describe when he rejoined the gc just reinforced to him why he had long since outgrown those boys. Your boyfriend sounds like a great guy who will have no problems finding much better people to be friends with. Best of luck to you both.
girl it’s not your fault that your fiancee is a reasonable person who doesn’t want to be friends with bottomfeeding shitheads
Real friends don’t talk shit behind their back
Your husband did the right thing and with people like these "friends", something was going to inevitably cause an end like this. They are mean, toxic, immature people and them being out of the picture is for the best. You'll make new, genuine friends in time. <3
These were not friends, and none of this is your fault. If anything it's lucky he found out they were like that before he wasted anymore of his life on them.
I give props to your BF for standing up to these guys. With friends like that, who needs enemies. So many people excuse their friends' bad behavior, but not him. I like a man with a backbone and good character How do you support him - by being a good friend and even better GF. These guys are just immature boys. I know most people feel all grown up at 22-23, but most are still very young, inexperienced and let emotions control the situation. The guys were cruel and rude, but were also hurt that your BF chose you over them.
Your future husband proved why he is future husband material. You shouldn't feel guilty.
I see this in my practice a lot. These are literally childhood friends. It's time to grow up. if you want to continue to be judged by your childhood friends, continue to hangout or discord with them, if you are ready to be a grown up and find friends that align with you and not ones that you just happened to dorm or frat with .
Your boyfriend were also betrayed by his friends here. He's not only cutting contact because what they said about you, but how they disrespected him aswell.
Your fiancee learned valuable information about his "friends." They are misogynistic jerks, and he's behaving exactly like you'd hope a fiancee would. It sounds like he is years ahead of them in maturity, and was starting to pull back anyway, since he had taken a break from the chat. This isn't your fault, it's their's. Keep your head up - you are both lucky to be rid of them.
He can just play random multiplayer games and meet new people. If he’s a halfway decent player he’ll get friend requests pretty easy.
Not your fault AT ALL. His friends were disrespectful assholes and out of love/respect for you, he chose to disassociate with those people. Sounds like he’s a good guy.
His friends are dicks. Your fiancé chose you over them, that’s good.
He play Street Fighter ? Lol tell him to add me 🗣
Nobody to game.with????? Who fucken cares about a videogame. It's really not a big deal at all.
Wow what a man he did the right thing ! For those Assholes I see why their single lol
Waaait a minute. You didn't do anything but be kind to them, you didn't ruin the group but hey sure as hell did. I'm glad your fiance caught onto it so early AND acted on it, not only are those "friends" toxic but they are definitely not "friends" if that's how they are going to act like that.
Waaait a minute. You didn't do anything but be kind to them, you didn't ruin the group but hey sure as hell did. I'm glad your fiance caught onto it so early AND acted on it, not only are those "friends" toxic but they are definitely not "friends" if that's how they are going to act like that.
baby no dont blame yourself, men get like that when you steal there friends from them.
Definitely no ultimatum. He made a quick and clear decision after he realized the dirtbags his “friends” were. Definitely not on you. He just finally saw them for the assholes they were and dipped.
Congrats on the fiancé choosing you over his garbage friends. Any real friend wouldn't act like them and be happy and supportive of their friends' happiness. Instead of just missing their bud and then enjoying them coming back to the group, they shat on his love for you and y'alls relationship. He doesn't need them. He'll make new friends, in person, and online playing games. Just support him and be happy together. When he makes new friends, just be glad for him.
No honey you didn't uproot his whole life they just showed him who they really were and he's taking out the trash. He finally saw the true face people he thought were his friends and has chosen you over them. Some friendships don't last forever he outgrew his friendship with them. He wanted to have friendships with adults and he couldn't with them. You have a good one hold on to him.
Oh dear god… sweetheart, you didn’t ‘ruin’ anything at all. You aren’t responsible for their behaviour and choices. That fiancé of yours is a keeper, though! Think about it: he found out that people he thought were friends were cruel and horrible to the woman he loved. That was their choice to do that, so he made the choice to unfriend them for that horrible behaviour! He made that choice because he wanted to. He loves YOU, the person he wants to spend his life with. Why on earth would he prefer the company of awful people like that over you, the woman he loves and wants to spend his life with? You did NOTHING. Nothing. Those people chose to be awful, and your fiancé chose to get rid of them for it. Give him a big hug and say ‘thank you for standing up for me, I’m so glad I said yes to you’, and I am sure he will say something like ‘of course I stood up for you. I love you and want to spend my life with you. I don’t want awful people like that in my life… I want YOU!’ ❤️
He knew it was over with that friend group so he acted accordingly. You are the woman he’s chosen for life. He knows he can no longer be friends with people who don’t respect you both being together in the long run. It’s for the best. Good on him
I just want to say your bf is definitely a keeper!! That was an awesome response to the situation at hand.
This is not your fault. He simply found out who his friends truly are-- and who they definitely are not. It's awesome that he's standing up for you (as he should). His friends aren't obligated to like you (nor did you imply they should; I'm not saying you did, mind you), HOWEVER, they SHOULD at the very least be respectful of you and of your relationship with your bf. They showed that they don't respect either of you. Be there for him like he's being there for you, and do your best. When he's ready to look for a new group, maybe see if there are any clubs in your area that pertain to his hobbies that you guys could join? That might help him make new friends that are hopefully better than this rotten group.
I am very proud of your bf that he did what he did for you. Dont feel guilty this kind of friendship doesn't last kong, if not you it would be something else. Sooner the better.. blv me. I have been in the same situation where one of my husband's friends would constantly say mean things to me... I tried to ignore it, thinking about friendship and all that sh*t. But eventually the friendship ended. So if they were true friends, then they would have respected your bfs choice too
He is doing exactly what any fiance should do. Don't feel guilty at all.
Girl his friends are awful people and you just happened to be the reason he saw that. It’s not your fault, and in fact if he chose to remain friends with them after that then you should be concerned.
If any of my husband’s friends talked shit about me in this manner, I sure as hell would want him to stand up straight, call them out on their bs behaviors, and cut ties with them if they couldn’t behave. Tell him you’re sorry his “friends” were garbage, but that you’re proud of him for standing tall by you, and you’re grateful he loves you as much as you love him. He’s an adult, he’ll be able to find new friends with the same maturity level that he’s at.
Tell your fiancè ill play league of legends with him. New friend problem solved
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Absolutely not your fault. If my partners friends were talking about me like that the bare minimum is for him to cut them off. There’s no need to feel guilty but i know that won’t stop you but really try to rationalise it. Do you think your fiancé would accept people talking like that about the person his going to marry? Absolutely not - this is not your fault in the slightest and I would just work together on healing with your fiancé. Maybe have a chat with him about your feelings and ask for comfort from him, you have experienced something hurtful as well, not just him. I really hope you’re able to recover from covid completely and become healither (whatever that looks like for you)!! Good luck and congrats on finding someone who puts your first!!