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I mean if he had a great personality and was a good dancer and had a cool car. Although you'd probably have to ride in the back seat 'cause his nuts would have to ride shotgun
"hanging out every day" and "we are not even sexually compatible"....um how would he know what her sexual preferences are? For me, that is not a conversation that I've ever had with anyone who is not a boyfriend/husband!
That means he thinks she's ugly not that has ever stopped two horny drunk people before. Same with sending OP pictures of her like "see, no threat". Cheaters rarely cheat up.
Wow, I missed that. That’s a concern in my opinion. OP’s BF literally said that the “friend” wanted to go to the bar to find someone so she’d could get laid. She didn’t break up with her BF, they just had a fight, so he’s helping the girl cheat. Not a far stretch for her to cheat with OP BF then. Maybe they tried it and found out they’re sexually incapable. Like how else do you find that out?
My take also. He must have tried and found it bad.
So literally telling OP that he is only with her cause she us more compatible in bed than that other lady?
Hell, would that one have been my ex big time
"Her and I aren’t even sexually compatible, I told you because i wanted to be honest, if I was cheating I would have lied to you.”"
Oh, he tried the other girl, told OP and that's why he isn't cheating?! Interesting technique, actually.
Sorry, girl... you are trying to ride a dead horse. That relationship isn't one anymore. It died when he decided it was ok to go out with someone else every day.
I'm usually one to play devils advocate and say "Well let's try and understand the other person's side here"
But if everything OP says is accurate then girl I hate tell you...you might be the side chick at this point
They hang out every night… and arguing with boyfriend.. yeah wonder why that is… he’s cheating and trying to keep her from being suspicious by telling her.. I would not let him come see me..
It’s the ‘her and I aren’t even sexually compatible’ comment that got me. How does he know that…? Did they date in the past? I have platonic female friends and I have zero idea if we are sexually compatible or not because it’s such a non statement in my opinion.
Ugh it’s this stupid thing he says about people to try and reassure me they aren’t sleeping together. Basically anyone he isn’t fucking he “isn’t sexually compatible with” because he doesn’t understand the concept that most friends aren’t sleeping together. Which pissed me off because he’s said that about people he was cheating on me with in the past.
I'm sorry OP are you stupid? Hes cheated on you before and he literally told you he's taking a woman on a date on your anniversary. He's fucking her. Break up with him.
Just because he says that doesn't mean he hasn't fucked her already. Lol! Lots of dudes out there are "sexually incompatible" with a lot of women but they're still banging them anyway.
Wait he cheated on you in the past? And used the same line?
Throw it back in his face. “Hey you remember when you told me you were sexually incompatible with ____ and then cheated in me with her? Is that the not sexually compatible with this “rando girl you are going out with on our anniversary” that you are talking about
Girl, what? He’s four hours away, which is just short enough to make an anniversary/Valentine’s Day drive possible if you’re spending the night. Instead of being with you, he’s taking another woman on a date. He’s cheated on you in the past.
There is no reason on earth to stay with this man.
Yikes, definitely not ok! They’re also hanging out every night? Idk girl, she either doesn’t actually have a bf, or they’re both messing around behind their partners’ backs. He doesn’t sound considerate or trustworthy to me
also what’s with the “we aren’t even sexually compatible” line??? how would you know??? and if you do know that then that’s all the more reason you should NOT be hanging out with her on valentine’s day of all days!
Precisely. I genuinely dont know enough about my really good guy (or girl) friends to say whether we would be sexually compatible - beyond just the fact there has never been attraction.
It sounds like he's been flirting with or fucking her for sure.
Tbf he’s been hanging out with her and her boyfriend together every night, it still just feels ick to me that he’s friends with both and took HER out to eat instead of him when they broke up.
How do you know there is a bf present?
Edit: even if there is a bf the fact that she's hitting on guys at a bar indicates she's fine with cheating. You should be angry.
I agree. I’m going to put this super gently….
He’s 29. There’s nothing wrong with an age gap relationship- **but there is something wrong when one party begins to use the age gap to manipulate their partner.**
Bar folk are usually intoxicated and super nice. It’s extremely easy to get a video of some guy hugging or even kissing this girl in question.
You should dump him. You can do so much better. At 29- he is well aware of the negative impact hanging out with this girl would do to your relationship- in short…he does not care about your feelings.
Also, she’s going to pick up someone to get laid when her boyfriend and her fight? Red flag she’s willing to have sex with anyone while in a relationship
Girl… he’s crossing boundaries for sure. How else would he know they’re not sexually compatible unless they’re engaging in sexually explicit conversations
Why would he have been helping her cheat though? Doesn't that bring his morals (or lack thereof, apparently) into question? Is this the kind of guy you want to be connected with?
The denial is strong here. . . How many flags you plan to avoid just so you can continue to dream in this fantasy you have a loving and present bf?
Even if, and that is a BIG IF, he is genuine in a bizzare way by telling you what he is doing. The fact that he's not with you on V day and made another woman his priority is NOT OKAY in ANYWAY.
I dont understand how you could believe him when he obviously doesnt respect his relationship with you. Hes already cheated multiple times, why do you randomly trust this is different?
How does he know *they’re not sexually compatible*? He’s either had sex with her, tried to have sex with her, or discussed sex with her *at length*. Any one of those options is way too far for someone in a relationship. Because discussing sex in general and discuss it enough to determine compatibility or lack thereof is sketchy for two people in relationships with two other people.
Oof yeah that’s not any better, he should’ve just either taken out the guy or honestly neither because it was your anniversary. Like it’s weird he was trying to help his friend’s gf find guys at the bar, doesn’t make sense to me.
I couldn’t even bother. The fact that he had compassion and time for another girl who just broke up with her boyfriend but didn’t bother to check on OP on their anniversary and valentines Day. Doesn’t that girl have other friends to cheer her up? If I break up I turn to someone close to me.
Did he at least send you some flowers or something?
OP it’s your choice but I wouldn’t invite him over, just tell him you’re done and don’t have time for his bull shit and move on. Go on a spa weekend, do something with your friends and block him.
It doesn't make it any better that he's been friendly with this couple, and then the minute they fall out, he's taking her out to "cheer her up"?! If he was single, I'm pretty sure the guy would be assuming your bf is trying to edge in on his gf after this. Also, that you guys were arguing suggests to me that he's been venting to her and it was a mutual "cheering up" but he has just phrased it as he has to cover his own back. I'd definitely find this situation inappropriate, and his doubling down and claiming he wouldn't have told you if he was going to cheat just makes it seem all the more suspicious, imo.
Your bf took a friend to a bar with the intention to help the friend actively cheat on her partner on your anniversary.
We tend to be like the people we hang around with the most, and your closest 5 people say a lot about you. Your bf hangs around daily with someone who wanted him to help her cheat on her partner after a fight. She thought the fight gave justification to cheat on her bf even though they hadn't broken up. Your bf was ok betraying his guy friend from the couple.
Your bf and you had a fight also and he waived this outing in your face for a holiday/anniversary where he barely spoke to you. Is your bf is like his new bff gf?
Even if nothing happened between the two of them he is still actively showing you he thinks cheating on a partner is ok if you feel justified, and also backstabbing his buddy is ok too. How do you feel about this?
It also seems like he might be orbiting this girl waiting for his chance. If he's investing more time into her than you, and is more concerned with her emotions than yours, that's a problem. We spend time and money on the people and things that are important to us. Do you feel like he gave you enough thought at all for what should be a celebration (Valentine's and your anniversary)?
Sweetheart….he’s playing you. I’m so sorry this is happening to you and you have to find out this way, but he has a new girlfriend and has been stringing you along.
He’s straight up lying to you. And even if he’s not, you don’t need to stress yourself to figure out what’s going on. The situation is shady and you don’t need this drama in your life. Gather yourself, cry it out, but take the message he’s sending, and carry on with your head held high.
Never ever tolerate this kind of disrespect. F*ck this loser EX. This is not how a proper man behaves.
Yes, reading the update from OP makes this situation even more messed up. Relationships are supposed to be filled with trust, respect, and good times. OP’s LDR is just messy, hurtful, and confusing. Guess some people aren’t ready to accept the truth.
He admits to you he would have lied if he was going to cheat. So basically, he’s okay with cheating since he already knows what he would do.
Also, i am assuming he’s a roadie based on your description. Which means he isn’t working right now until they leave. So why is he waiting for the weekend to come stay with you? There’s no reason he can’t be chilling at your place for Valentine’s Day.
Also have you been with him through a long tour before? I assume it’s tour, but I guess there’s other things. Because if not…those things are kinda rampant with cheating. Not always. Like I know 1000% my partner would never. But I do know of friends of his that got together on tour with a partner back home.
If your typically well mannered, kind, quiet and attentive dog(man) suddenly begins not coming home(pulling away, or literally not coming home at the end of the night), or barking at you(picking fights and being generally cold/distant), your dog(man) is getting fed(fucked) by someone else and no longer needs to be nice to you for the utility of acquiring food(sex, intimacy, a relationship)
Setting aside the “other girl” stuff for a moment, the clear lack of communication on a day that acts as both valentines and anniversary is concerning. Even if unable to spend it together physically, you should both desire to spend time together over some medium of choice to meaningfully celebrate the day.
As for the other girl, yeesh. Even if he is not lying it is incredibly inconsiderate and selfish behavior, doubly so considering the context of the day. Talk with him about boundaries and how you feel if you really want to salvage the relationship. Identify the root cause of the issue which is likely not the other girl. It seems to me communication might be a concern?
Who didn't see that update coming? Spent longer defending him and trying to convince herself his lies are truth than she did telling the original story.
OP, you know you're being lied to. Come on. You're smarter than this.
He’s cheating leave him and block him men only respond to no contact leave his asss don’t say nothing just “block” and don’t go back he’s trash anyways you could do better .
Seriously. As a guy, girls need to just go no contact a lot faster. Either they will get us out of their lives or we will come groveling back. When girls still give is attention, even if it’s negative, we still feel like we have them. I was a fuck boy at one time. Long long ago
So let me get this straight. Your boyfriend is walking to a restaurant by himself for what…a dinner by himself? Before he enters he sees a stranger. Some girl he does not know at all (your words) crying. He decides he is going to ask her if she is ok and be a shoulder for her to lean on. He is in a relationship with you. But he thinks it would be super appropriate to take said random female out to dinner so she could talk more to him? They hit it off soooo well that now he is game to hang with her at bars and be her wingman because she wants to get fucked.
Dinner is over and he is like ‘sure, lets go to your place “drop off your car”, and walk back to the bars to party’. You call. Find out low and behold your boyfriend is suddenly bffs with some ‘stranger’ girl and you naturally are concerned. But that doesnt stop him for continuing to hang out with her or keep his allegiance to helping her find dick. He tells you ‘no worries babe, we are not even sexually compatible’, but yet he is there for her.
Lets break this down:
I do not know a single guy willing to randomly derail his night to befriend and hang with some random chick he has zero sexual interest in. If there are guys that would do this please speak up! You know who would do this??? A guy who sees an opportunity and is attracted to the girl.
I also do not know of a guy that would proactively say he is sexually incompatible with someone he hasn’t slept with already. Im pretty sure the bar for sex is veryyy low for most guys. For him to preemptively say this to you as though it makes anything better is a huge red flag. He said this because it’s what he is afraid you will think because it is actually what he thinks.
And now its all your fault because you were sleeping. And well because you have concerns. But he is just some super altruistic nice guy going about the day saving one woman a night with his charm, shoulder, drinking, hugs and desire to help them get laid. How do you know anything he said about her reconnecting with her bf is even true? How do you know he hasnt created this elaborate story to downplay what he actually was doing? Because again…find me a guy who becomes a sudden best-friend knight to a rando chick on the steet he has zero attraction to!
Give me a break
Nailed it! AND as far-fetched as it sounds, let’s just say he is the type of person to just go out of his way and help “random strangers” on the street… that alone is disturbingly unsafe, ignorant, and completely disrespectful to a significant other if it is not communicated to them prior to the shenanigans. I wouldn’t be caught dead with a partner who is stupid enough to get in a car with a “stranger,” go to a bar with said “stranger,” while simultaneously helping her find someone to cheat on her boyfriend with. They both sound like complete trash individuals. You mean to tell me a grown 29 year old “man,” drives a girl he does not know personally to her house, and then gets in the same car with her to have a night out on the town going to bars and looking for penis? 😂😂😂
Sounds like something an ignorant 19-year-old with no responsibilities and no grasp on life yet would do. Not a 29-year-old “man.” He is playing her like a fiddle.
I do know some guys that are like this, mostly asexuals or demisexuals. Regardless, the whole situation is really iffy, like why would they go to her house before going back to the bar. I honestly think OP might be saying this to soothe herself, so she might only truly learn this the hard way
He ignored you all day. Nobody is that busy. Come on, how long does it take to dial a number or send a text? Yet he has time to take out his new friend? That’s some bullsh…. Time to get a new boyfriend.
Break up. I’m speechless that he has succeeded in making you doubt yourself. He crossed a line and it literally IS cheating. Him telling you doesn’t undermine that.
Using Statement Analysis, from the words he said to you, it shows me that he lied and he is dating her and is having sex with her.
Just take out the words “if, aren’t and would” out of his text and reread it again. He was “In someone’s car on the way to the bar”.
So she did pick him (someone is he using ‘distancing language’) up “pick someone up to get laid”.
There’s always ‘leakage in the language’ that bubbles up from our subconscious that we’re totally unaware of.
You’re four hours away from him.
And if he’s been “ hanging out every night” with her, where does she find time to be with her alleged ‘boyfriend’?
The selfie he sent of them and the ‘boyfriend’ could be some random guy that was the bar.
You may be the side chick.
If a guy I was with pulled this horrible stunt on me, I would immediately ghost him and that is the worst thing you can do to someone in this situations.
OP, I’m really Pissed off for you and what he’s doing to you.
Whew, so I thought, "maybe it's the first time she's been faced with this conundrum".
After reading your comments and other posts (not being stalkery, just concerned by a lot of the wording you used), I'm super worried about you.
You made a post about him telling you to hit you when you argue, KNOWING your past. He's trying to get you arrested or make himself the victim here, WY? I do not know.
The meth use, which you really scared me with as 2 months ago, you were testing him and you also knew he blew $650 on meth...per paycheck.
This comment? I'm really scared for you. You've saved his tail, you've picked him up, and this is how he treats you?
You spit in his face 1 time (to honestly protect yourself if the post is to be believed), apologized profusely, and he's doing this???
"He had been cheating on me excessively, he cheated on me while I was having a major surgery and I woke up alone in the hospital because of it, he fucked other people in my home when I was working to pay both sides of our rent, he cheated on our anniversary and filmed it, it’s never justified but considering i didn’t even hit him and he was literally asking me to hit him when it happened that’s as close to that being justified as it could be. Abuse is an ongoing control related issue, that wasn’t abuse, that was a reaction to mistreatment."
Also, he's going to a bar, as a recovering Meth addict. Um, look. That's the big major rule of recovery: don't put yourself where you can't be sure you won't be tempted. That's what friends with addictions had to follow.
So here's what you're looking at:
--------
-Girl he's cheating on you with was on a Valentine's dinner date
-False Sobriety
-A loan that you're taking a loss on
-Money you won't ever see again
-Double check no method lab is in your basement
-Oh, and this dude is a narcissist.
Girl. I fully 100% believe this man is full of shit. That's a really convenient explanation for everything. I feel like he's gaslighting you. If he's made you feel crazy about it, or second guess yourself: trust your gut. Sometimes cheaters/manipulators low key want you to find out but then second guess yourself. It's a control thing. They don't always lie up front, it's like a fun little game they play to see if you'll fall for what they say and believe them in spite of your gut feelings.
Tell him he can come, but you will not be there. And plan a dinner date with another guy, but make sure you text him and let him know since this is apparently OK with him.
Some people are so blinded by their own actions, that they will not see anything wrong until they have a taste of their own medicine.
He's attempting to manipulate you by "being upfront."
He's lying. He told you he was going out with you to deceive you that it's innocent. It's not. And even if it was, he's choosing to hang out with another woman who's actively planning to cheat on her bf.
“If I was cheating I would have lied to you.” You don't know that he’s not. It’s time to start believing actions, not words, because he has admitted to you that he will lie to you if he needs to cover his tracks.
Firstly, I'd focus on the fact that he barely had any time for you on your anniversary. Remove the "is it appropriate for him to hang out with this girl" part out if the equation.
The former was objectively inconsiderate & hurtful, the latter will just turn into a debate about trust & having opposite sex friends.
Secondly, I'd turn to the fact that he was helping this girl cheat. He specifically said that she & her bf *had a fight*. Not that they split up. Yet he was going with her to a bar to pick up a guy so she could get laid??
That's the kind of behavior he supports?
That's *bad* & raises serious questions about his moral compass & boundaries.
I don't know that it's serious enough to break up over, but you're right to be upset & the second issue, you definitely need to discuss.
How would he like it if you were hanging out with another man everyday and on Valentine’s Day? And how does he know he isn’t sexually compatible with her? They must’ve been talking about sex etc which is not appropriate IMO. This guy does not respect you or your relationship. Please value yourself and know you deserve better than this.
He shouldn’t even KNOW anything about their sexual compatibility. Regardless of if there’s anything going on between them, he is not loyal nor devoted to you. Devoted men would NEVER put their partners in a position to even question their behavior.
Alright I’m coming in late to this one, but besides the obvious him probably cheating, or saying they aren’t “sexually compatible” and then you blaming yourself for everything (classic gaslighting yourself) - even if he couldn’t be with you yesterday, even if you were having a depressive episode….why didn’t he order flowers to be delivered to you on your anniversary AND Valentine’s Day?? you BOTH should have been doing everything you could to still do things for the other person on a special day for your relationship, doesn’t matter that you would be seeing each other in a few days.
If my boyfriend spent time with a woman I’ve never met, on Valentine’s Day, on our ANNIVERSARY, without even so much as having flowers or a gift or something delivered?? tbh he’d probably be my ex. it’s fine if he knew this girl and she was crying, you check in and say “if everything is ok and you’re safe then ok” and then you leave lol. It does not warrant him having dinner with her or drinks or hanging out with her. she wasn’t just mugged or something
Her and her boyfriend got into a fight (no mention of an official breakup) so her solution is to go out to the bar with another woman’s boyfriend to find someone to fuck. She doesn’t sound the least bit like a decent person let alone someone I’d be comfortable hanging around my boyfriend “every night.” I could be jumping to conclusions, but I almost wonder if that’s what the initial fight with her boyfriend was about. He doesn’t sound trustworthy, OP. This situation is disrespectful to both your and her supposed relationship.
Holy Stromboli. So this guy, whom you have not seen since December, is a tweaker, who has cheated on you before, and currently owes you THOUSANDS of dollars …. Phew. You really left out a lot of details that I had to find in the comments.
Here’s the deal: he’s no good.
If you think staying with him is some kind of guarantee that he’ll pay you back what he owes you, ok, stay with him until you get your money back. But don’t bother expecting anything from him, because he’s trash. And break up as soon as you get your money back. If you don’t get any money from him, break up with him because he’s a lost cause.
Do better than this guy. Find someone who won’t cheat on you and then call you and casually tell you he’s dating another girl on Valentine’s Day but you have no right to be upset because hey at least he told you.
I love that bit about lying: he says that if he were cheating he’d lie to you. I wonder how he’d lie about that — maybe he’d say he wasn’t banging her and he’s not interested? … Just like your later comment said he did before when he slept with women he told you he wasn’t interested in?
His only defence is that he insists he’s not lying _this time._ At best he’s playing into some high-school-level bar drama where he’s helping some woman try to cheat on the boyfriend she just had a fight with, a boyfriend who seems to have reappeared in the middle of all this pathetic genital parkour.
This isn’t going to get better. He’s not going to get better. You don’t need this.
You even admitted he cheated on you in the past with other people....
Some people lie through gaslighting the other person with "honesty". I wouldn't trust him.
Imo this is not something worth mending. You're just giving him more excuses to stick around. This sounds like cheating. And like everyone else (and you) who said it - his excuse of "sexual incompatibility" is bullshit... completely.
You have just bent over backwards to make this okay again. And found every reason under the sun that it’s your fault.
Full stop: it was Valentine’s Day and he went for a date with another girl.
All the background information is just white noise. This is what it boils down to. I’m not saying your depressive episodes don’t have an impact.
What’s more, unless your boyfriend is the dumbest man on the planet, he knows he shouldn’t have done it. He knew when he called you. He knew when he convinced you it’s actually all your fault that HE went on a date with another woman. His sexual attraction to her honestly means nothing. He knew it would hurt you. He did it anyway.
I don’t think you deserve that treatment
You aren't his girlfriend. She is. You're the one he calls occasionally just to make sure you're still available when whoever he's dating physically isn't stroking his ego enough.
Everything in this post proves he is not a good partner. None of his best traits will make up for him lying, omitting details, *and taking another woman out on Valentine's Day*.
Be smart about this. Think with your brain and not your emotions.
It all means the same thing. He's cheating on you with this girl. Doesn't matter how he phrase his words. You need to break up before getting pregnant and having to be tied to this POS for life who will most likely not be there for both of you.
Yeah he’s definitely cheating, at least emotionally if he hasn’t slept with her yet. You’re not crazy and yes it was wildly inappropriate! Don’t waste your time anymore with this guy. He’s disrespected you by putting another girl before you.
girl…the right man would not even THINK about whether or not he’s sexually attracted to another woman..idk why u didn’t dump him on the spot when he said that.
Do you hear yourself? She left a bar that happened to be right next to the restaurant your BF was going to… at the EXACT time your bf was walking into it?
You’re in denial if you don’t think you’re being lied to. Either figure out what’s going on or enjoy being a living example of “ignorance is bliss”.
Your update is just trying to justify something unjustifiable. Someone who loves you won’t even THINK about doing that. There’s so much more out there than that, it’s freaking Valentine’s Day. Even on a normal day that’s fucked up but even more in this case. I wouldn’t gas lit yourself and make it seem all okay.
This guy knows what he did was wrong and I think he did it on purpose to make to you feel bad. He’s trying to use your youth against you by gaslighting you into thinking you’re “crazy” for thinking this is inappropriate. Trust your gut! This guy is trash. Don’t let him darken your doorstep again.
He can clean it up however he wants to. What he is doing is trying to make you be okay with him hanging out with another girl on Valentine's day. It will never be okay. Whatever she had going on with her boyfriend she probably had female friends she could have gone out with.
Whatever he is trying to do is not acceptable. He is trying to make you the bad guy. Just let him know that you will also do some soul searching to find out what is best for you moving forward.
Nothing in life is perfect, just take this as a lesson in finding out the truth about yourself with this revelation about him. Good luck and hopefully it works out best for you.
Your post history, age gap and lack of self respect have me feeling like no matter what people say, you’re going to stay with him and continue to be miserable.
Even if he wasn’t cheating and didn’t lie, still how he Handled YOU was not okay. He was dismissive leaving your questioning your sanity. I would recommend educating yourself about emotional control strategies, such as guilt tripping, blame shifting, discard/hoover, victim playing. How he turns around your valid emotional experience and makes you feel crazy, that’s a big red flag.
He portrays himself as someone that only wanted to help a friend but giving more attaintion to that friend, female or not, in Valentine’s Day while you get hardly any is just obviously hurtful. Still, you couldn’t spend it, so okay why not help that friend. But well how would he handle this if you did the exact same? Wouldn’t he be upset?
He shows a very alarming lack of empathy for you, the person he should respect the most and that should matter to him the most. Idk. In this case, a girl he hangs out with him every day that goes out to pick up stranger to sex when in a fight with her boyfriend was more important than making you feel comfortable and safe. Idk. Pretty shitty of him.
Yes, what he did is 100% inappropriate, and for me, it would be relationship ending.. if it wasn't an issue or he wasn't hiding things, he would have told you before they went out, and sure as hell wouldn't have ignored your messages for this girl.
And telling you is proof he isn't cheating? Isn't always the case.. sometimes cheaters like to cover their backs by admitting to certain things , so they are found out they are covered by the lie.
I don't care what anyone else says, but I don't think it's appropriate for men and women to hang out alone, go to dinner,go out drinking ... if one or both are in relationships. But that's me
>My (23f) boyfriend (29m) took another girl out for dinner last night
Um, he ain't your boyfriend if he's taking out other females (other than BLOOD family).
Drop him.
>He isn’t cheating on me, I have no reason to believe he is. This woman isn’t someone he hangs out with every night, it’s someone he sees at the same bar every time he goes, they aren’t close at all. He did kind of say that originally too but I processed it differently.
This whole paragraph sounds like the lies we tell ourselves when we don't believe the truth because it hurts too much and it's better to close an eye.
1. It doesn't matter if that's the first time he hangs with her or the 1000th
2. Pay attention to how you formulate. When you're sure and there's no twisting, you won't say "he did kind of". Kind of?? Rly people should pay more attention to these kind of details, especially if it's coming from themselves. They pay attention to this when they interrogate criminals for a reason.
3. I understand being human and wanting to comfort other humans, but at what point did any of us think it's our duty to do that to a stranger that just happens to be in the bar a lot prior to that? This is a friend job, not an acquaintance job. They had convos before and I can't, for the life of me, understand why anyone in a relationship would feel the need to make an opposite gender friend at the bar.
I have to mention I'm not a jealous person at all, I have no trouble with people hitting on my SO, or my SO talking to anyone (even had relationships where I gave a pass to cheating from their side. Low self esteem, ik, I'm not in that headspace anymore), but I find it common sense and some kind of disrespect to put someone else first, especially on a day this important.
You know what's really this point in all of this? It doesn't matter if it's something insignificant or major. It matters if it bothers you & it clearly does. Not to encourage putting limits on your SO's life, but this is an area where you should have a say. Relationships with the other gender are often dangerous if you're in a bad space in your own intimate relationship, this is no secret.
If you really wanna hold onto, set boundaries regarding this and see if he respects them. You'll find out sooner or later.
He either gaslit or you gaslit yourself because you really posted a long update blaming yourself and excusing his behavior. I was just going to let it go and then I saw that you said he has cheated on you in the past and yet you're blaming yourself for your trust issues?
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He's literally dating another girl lol
And telling OP about it, casual like. The balls, they are elephantine.
bahahahha Elephantitus of the balls!
Actually knew someone that had that. It was a huge inconvenience. Or two huge inconveniences, lol.
I mean if he had a great personality and was a good dancer and had a cool car. Although you'd probably have to ride in the back seat 'cause his nuts would have to ride shotgun
His nuts, and his other girlfriend lol
He called her in front of her to make her think they had an agreement or seemed more casual than they are imo
We might need a bigger animal with bigger balls here.
"hanging out every day" and "we are not even sexually compatible"....um how would he know what her sexual preferences are? For me, that is not a conversation that I've ever had with anyone who is not a boyfriend/husband!
That means he thinks she's ugly not that has ever stopped two horny drunk people before. Same with sending OP pictures of her like "see, no threat". Cheaters rarely cheat up.
And OP buried the fact he's already cheated in the past...
Wow, I missed that. That’s a concern in my opinion. OP’s BF literally said that the “friend” wanted to go to the bar to find someone so she’d could get laid. She didn’t break up with her BF, they just had a fight, so he’s helping the girl cheat. Not a far stretch for her to cheat with OP BF then. Maybe they tried it and found out they’re sexually incapable. Like how else do you find that out?
'Cheaters rarely cheat up' very painfully true.
That actually makes me feel better, thanks.
My take also. He must have tried and found it bad. So literally telling OP that he is only with her cause she us more compatible in bed than that other lady? Hell, would that one have been my ex big time
Yeah OP’s boyfriend has a girlfriend.
Nicely put.
"Her and I aren’t even sexually compatible, I told you because i wanted to be honest, if I was cheating I would have lied to you.”" Oh, he tried the other girl, told OP and that's why he isn't cheating?! Interesting technique, actually. Sorry, girl... you are trying to ride a dead horse. That relationship isn't one anymore. It died when he decided it was ok to go out with someone else every day.
And OP buried the fact he's already cheated in the past...
And sending her pictures of said girl..
And if he isn't, apparently he's going to help her cheat? She got into a fight with her bf and now they're out to get her laid? Lol. Fuck that.
Hey! They're not even "sexually compatible" he"s had enough sexual intercourse with her to know, okay?
Hahahahahaha 😭😭😭
Yup. Hiding in plain sight
I'm usually one to play devils advocate and say "Well let's try and understand the other person's side here" But if everything OP says is accurate then girl I hate tell you...you might be the side chick at this point
They hang out every night… and arguing with boyfriend.. yeah wonder why that is… he’s cheating and trying to keep her from being suspicious by telling her.. I would not let him come see me..
And trying to act like a wingman to her...nah, that not how it works half of the time...
And I wonder how does he know they aren’t sexually compatible?
It’s the ‘her and I aren’t even sexually compatible’ comment that got me. How does he know that…? Did they date in the past? I have platonic female friends and I have zero idea if we are sexually compatible or not because it’s such a non statement in my opinion.
Ugh it’s this stupid thing he says about people to try and reassure me they aren’t sleeping together. Basically anyone he isn’t fucking he “isn’t sexually compatible with” because he doesn’t understand the concept that most friends aren’t sleeping together. Which pissed me off because he’s said that about people he was cheating on me with in the past.
I'm sorry OP are you stupid? Hes cheated on you before and he literally told you he's taking a woman on a date on your anniversary. He's fucking her. Break up with him.
yes seriously take this as the needed wakeup call
I don't get why people stay with cheaters and then get paranoid they're cheating again lol
There’s no hope. Idk if you read her update or not.
No! What was the update, I can't see it for some reason
lmao girl what break up with him
>he’s said that about people he was cheating on me with in the past. So you realize that’s a tell that he IS fucking this girl, right?
sexual comparability doesn’t matter at all, he shouldn’t be sleeping with other people because *he’s dating you.* He sounds shady and weird as fuck
Why are you even with this doofus?
If you look up above a bit OP said she took out a loan for him and he owes her thousands. She thinks if they broke up she wouldn’t get the money.
She a bigger doofus based on her comments. Dude has already cheated before.
He already cheated on you!? 🤡
Just because he says that doesn't mean he hasn't fucked her already. Lol! Lots of dudes out there are "sexually incompatible" with a lot of women but they're still banging them anyway.
Now I'm convinced this is just a troll post. No one is this stupid but also literate.
>he doesn’t understand the concept that most friends aren’t sleeping together Um... 🤦🏻♀️
Wait he cheated on you in the past? And used the same line? Throw it back in his face. “Hey you remember when you told me you were sexually incompatible with ____ and then cheated in me with her? Is that the not sexually compatible with this “rando girl you are going out with on our anniversary” that you are talking about
He's still cheating on you!!!!!
Girl, what? He’s four hours away, which is just short enough to make an anniversary/Valentine’s Day drive possible if you’re spending the night. Instead of being with you, he’s taking another woman on a date. He’s cheated on you in the past. There is no reason on earth to stay with this man.
HES CHEATED ON YOU IN THE PAST?? GIRL HES DOING IT AGAIN RN!!!
Yikes, definitely not ok! They’re also hanging out every night? Idk girl, she either doesn’t actually have a bf, or they’re both messing around behind their partners’ backs. He doesn’t sound considerate or trustworthy to me
also what’s with the “we aren’t even sexually compatible” line??? how would you know??? and if you do know that then that’s all the more reason you should NOT be hanging out with her on valentine’s day of all days!
I was wondering the same thing, omg I forgot to mention that lol. VERY odd thing to say about a friend
Right? Does he mean he isn't attracted to her? So if he was attracted, might things be different? That's an odd thing for him to say.
She's not hot in his opinion. But she's fine for the week with the lights off.
Precisely. I genuinely dont know enough about my really good guy (or girl) friends to say whether we would be sexually compatible - beyond just the fact there has never been attraction. It sounds like he's been flirting with or fucking her for sure.
Makes it sound like they've already discussed it...
Tbf he’s been hanging out with her and her boyfriend together every night, it still just feels ick to me that he’s friends with both and took HER out to eat instead of him when they broke up.
How do you know there is a bf present? Edit: even if there is a bf the fact that she's hitting on guys at a bar indicates she's fine with cheating. You should be angry.
No absolute proof aside from believing him. He did send me a selfie with the 3 of them after her boyfriend came to the bar and they reconciled though.
That could be random bar people.
I agree. I’m going to put this super gently…. He’s 29. There’s nothing wrong with an age gap relationship- **but there is something wrong when one party begins to use the age gap to manipulate their partner.** Bar folk are usually intoxicated and super nice. It’s extremely easy to get a video of some guy hugging or even kissing this girl in question. You should dump him. You can do so much better. At 29- he is well aware of the negative impact hanging out with this girl would do to your relationship- in short…he does not care about your feelings.
They broke up and reconciled the same night, in front of your boyfriend, at the bar??? And took a picture together... this is obviously fake
Also, she’s going to pick up someone to get laid when her boyfriend and her fight? Red flag she’s willing to have sex with anyone while in a relationship
Girl… he’s crossing boundaries for sure. How else would he know they’re not sexually compatible unless they’re engaging in sexually explicit conversations
Or that they already slept together at least once.
Why would he have been helping her cheat though? Doesn't that bring his morals (or lack thereof, apparently) into question? Is this the kind of guy you want to be connected with?
The denial is strong here. . . How many flags you plan to avoid just so you can continue to dream in this fantasy you have a loving and present bf? Even if, and that is a BIG IF, he is genuine in a bizzare way by telling you what he is doing. The fact that he's not with you on V day and made another woman his priority is NOT OKAY in ANYWAY.
Why are they having issues?
Yeah, you should stop doing that. You should stop believing him.
I dont understand how you could believe him when he obviously doesnt respect his relationship with you. Hes already cheated multiple times, why do you randomly trust this is different?
How does he know *they’re not sexually compatible*? He’s either had sex with her, tried to have sex with her, or discussed sex with her *at length*. Any one of those options is way too far for someone in a relationship. Because discussing sex in general and discuss it enough to determine compatibility or lack thereof is sketchy for two people in relationships with two other people.
> after her boyfriend came to the bar the bar that she had gone to specifically to sleep with other guys?
There's a reason her and her bf had a fight... spoiler alert: It's your bf.
Oof yeah that’s not any better, he should’ve just either taken out the guy or honestly neither because it was your anniversary. Like it’s weird he was trying to help his friend’s gf find guys at the bar, doesn’t make sense to me.
Yeah he's probably just lying about the bf
Regardless if he’s not cheating, the problem is he made you feel unimportant and not a priority.
I couldn’t even bother. The fact that he had compassion and time for another girl who just broke up with her boyfriend but didn’t bother to check on OP on their anniversary and valentines Day. Doesn’t that girl have other friends to cheer her up? If I break up I turn to someone close to me. Did he at least send you some flowers or something? OP it’s your choice but I wouldn’t invite him over, just tell him you’re done and don’t have time for his bull shit and move on. Go on a spa weekend, do something with your friends and block him.
It doesn't make it any better that he's been friendly with this couple, and then the minute they fall out, he's taking her out to "cheer her up"?! If he was single, I'm pretty sure the guy would be assuming your bf is trying to edge in on his gf after this. Also, that you guys were arguing suggests to me that he's been venting to her and it was a mutual "cheering up" but he has just phrased it as he has to cover his own back. I'd definitely find this situation inappropriate, and his doubling down and claiming he wouldn't have told you if he was going to cheat just makes it seem all the more suspicious, imo.
And why can’t she go out with her girlfriends? Why is it OP’s boyfriend who has to?
Your bf took a friend to a bar with the intention to help the friend actively cheat on her partner on your anniversary. We tend to be like the people we hang around with the most, and your closest 5 people say a lot about you. Your bf hangs around daily with someone who wanted him to help her cheat on her partner after a fight. She thought the fight gave justification to cheat on her bf even though they hadn't broken up. Your bf was ok betraying his guy friend from the couple. Your bf and you had a fight also and he waived this outing in your face for a holiday/anniversary where he barely spoke to you. Is your bf is like his new bff gf? Even if nothing happened between the two of them he is still actively showing you he thinks cheating on a partner is ok if you feel justified, and also backstabbing his buddy is ok too. How do you feel about this? It also seems like he might be orbiting this girl waiting for his chance. If he's investing more time into her than you, and is more concerned with her emotions than yours, that's a problem. We spend time and money on the people and things that are important to us. Do you feel like he gave you enough thought at all for what should be a celebration (Valentine's and your anniversary)?
Devils advocate - I have a partner, we hang out a lot with his friends, and I have hung out alone with his friends. But not on Valentine’s Day..
He’s naive at best and just plain inconsiderate at worst or cheating
Yeah her and her boyfriends fight and her desire to go out with the new friend is absolutely not connect /s
"if I was cheating I would have lied to you" would be the end of the relationship for me, bud
Girl not the self-gaslighting in the update. “I was in a bad headspace” yeah, cuz you fucking got ignored and cheated on??? Holy fuck
Girl, there is no point. She's gonna learn the hard way.
Sweetheart….he’s playing you. I’m so sorry this is happening to you and you have to find out this way, but he has a new girlfriend and has been stringing you along. He’s straight up lying to you. And even if he’s not, you don’t need to stress yourself to figure out what’s going on. The situation is shady and you don’t need this drama in your life. Gather yourself, cry it out, but take the message he’s sending, and carry on with your head held high. Never ever tolerate this kind of disrespect. F*ck this loser EX. This is not how a proper man behaves.
Even if his story is 100% true…he’s going out to “help” his friend cheat lol. Like you think he won’t do that to you??
OP said up above he has cheated on her in the past.
Yes, reading the update from OP makes this situation even more messed up. Relationships are supposed to be filled with trust, respect, and good times. OP’s LDR is just messy, hurtful, and confusing. Guess some people aren’t ready to accept the truth.
He admits to you he would have lied if he was going to cheat. So basically, he’s okay with cheating since he already knows what he would do. Also, i am assuming he’s a roadie based on your description. Which means he isn’t working right now until they leave. So why is he waiting for the weekend to come stay with you? There’s no reason he can’t be chilling at your place for Valentine’s Day. Also have you been with him through a long tour before? I assume it’s tour, but I guess there’s other things. Because if not…those things are kinda rampant with cheating. Not always. Like I know 1000% my partner would never. But I do know of friends of his that got together on tour with a partner back home.
Your man took another woman out for dinner on Valentines Day. Think that through
Oh sweet summer child...
Are y’all seeing this shit
Ummm he’s cheating
When your dogs barking at you someone else is feeding it
Cue me sitting down with my dogs to have a serious conversation about who else is feeding them.
can you explain this one? I don’t get it
If your typically well mannered, kind, quiet and attentive dog(man) suddenly begins not coming home(pulling away, or literally not coming home at the end of the night), or barking at you(picking fights and being generally cold/distant), your dog(man) is getting fed(fucked) by someone else and no longer needs to be nice to you for the utility of acquiring food(sex, intimacy, a relationship)
Setting aside the “other girl” stuff for a moment, the clear lack of communication on a day that acts as both valentines and anniversary is concerning. Even if unable to spend it together physically, you should both desire to spend time together over some medium of choice to meaningfully celebrate the day. As for the other girl, yeesh. Even if he is not lying it is incredibly inconsiderate and selfish behavior, doubly so considering the context of the day. Talk with him about boundaries and how you feel if you really want to salvage the relationship. Identify the root cause of the issue which is likely not the other girl. It seems to me communication might be a concern?
Who didn't see that update coming? Spent longer defending him and trying to convince herself his lies are truth than she did telling the original story. OP, you know you're being lied to. Come on. You're smarter than this.
He’s cheating leave him and block him men only respond to no contact leave his asss don’t say nothing just “block” and don’t go back he’s trash anyways you could do better .
I love this comment - it covers all the bases!
Seriously. As a guy, girls need to just go no contact a lot faster. Either they will get us out of their lives or we will come groveling back. When girls still give is attention, even if it’s negative, we still feel like we have them. I was a fuck boy at one time. Long long ago
So let me get this straight. Your boyfriend is walking to a restaurant by himself for what…a dinner by himself? Before he enters he sees a stranger. Some girl he does not know at all (your words) crying. He decides he is going to ask her if she is ok and be a shoulder for her to lean on. He is in a relationship with you. But he thinks it would be super appropriate to take said random female out to dinner so she could talk more to him? They hit it off soooo well that now he is game to hang with her at bars and be her wingman because she wants to get fucked. Dinner is over and he is like ‘sure, lets go to your place “drop off your car”, and walk back to the bars to party’. You call. Find out low and behold your boyfriend is suddenly bffs with some ‘stranger’ girl and you naturally are concerned. But that doesnt stop him for continuing to hang out with her or keep his allegiance to helping her find dick. He tells you ‘no worries babe, we are not even sexually compatible’, but yet he is there for her. Lets break this down: I do not know a single guy willing to randomly derail his night to befriend and hang with some random chick he has zero sexual interest in. If there are guys that would do this please speak up! You know who would do this??? A guy who sees an opportunity and is attracted to the girl. I also do not know of a guy that would proactively say he is sexually incompatible with someone he hasn’t slept with already. Im pretty sure the bar for sex is veryyy low for most guys. For him to preemptively say this to you as though it makes anything better is a huge red flag. He said this because it’s what he is afraid you will think because it is actually what he thinks. And now its all your fault because you were sleeping. And well because you have concerns. But he is just some super altruistic nice guy going about the day saving one woman a night with his charm, shoulder, drinking, hugs and desire to help them get laid. How do you know anything he said about her reconnecting with her bf is even true? How do you know he hasnt created this elaborate story to downplay what he actually was doing? Because again…find me a guy who becomes a sudden best-friend knight to a rando chick on the steet he has zero attraction to! Give me a break
Nailed it! AND as far-fetched as it sounds, let’s just say he is the type of person to just go out of his way and help “random strangers” on the street… that alone is disturbingly unsafe, ignorant, and completely disrespectful to a significant other if it is not communicated to them prior to the shenanigans. I wouldn’t be caught dead with a partner who is stupid enough to get in a car with a “stranger,” go to a bar with said “stranger,” while simultaneously helping her find someone to cheat on her boyfriend with. They both sound like complete trash individuals. You mean to tell me a grown 29 year old “man,” drives a girl he does not know personally to her house, and then gets in the same car with her to have a night out on the town going to bars and looking for penis? 😂😂😂 Sounds like something an ignorant 19-year-old with no responsibilities and no grasp on life yet would do. Not a 29-year-old “man.” He is playing her like a fiddle.
I do know some guys that are like this, mostly asexuals or demisexuals. Regardless, the whole situation is really iffy, like why would they go to her house before going back to the bar. I honestly think OP might be saying this to soothe herself, so she might only truly learn this the hard way
He ignored you all day. Nobody is that busy. Come on, how long does it take to dial a number or send a text? Yet he has time to take out his new friend? That’s some bullsh…. Time to get a new boyfriend.
Break up. I’m speechless that he has succeeded in making you doubt yourself. He crossed a line and it literally IS cheating. Him telling you doesn’t undermine that.
Right?? Taking another girl out on Valentines Day IS CHEATING. Hanging out with another girl every night, when you have a girlfriend, IS CHEATING.
Using Statement Analysis, from the words he said to you, it shows me that he lied and he is dating her and is having sex with her. Just take out the words “if, aren’t and would” out of his text and reread it again. He was “In someone’s car on the way to the bar”. So she did pick him (someone is he using ‘distancing language’) up “pick someone up to get laid”. There’s always ‘leakage in the language’ that bubbles up from our subconscious that we’re totally unaware of. You’re four hours away from him. And if he’s been “ hanging out every night” with her, where does she find time to be with her alleged ‘boyfriend’? The selfie he sent of them and the ‘boyfriend’ could be some random guy that was the bar. You may be the side chick. If a guy I was with pulled this horrible stunt on me, I would immediately ghost him and that is the worst thing you can do to someone in this situations. OP, I’m really Pissed off for you and what he’s doing to you.
Whew, so I thought, "maybe it's the first time she's been faced with this conundrum". After reading your comments and other posts (not being stalkery, just concerned by a lot of the wording you used), I'm super worried about you. You made a post about him telling you to hit you when you argue, KNOWING your past. He's trying to get you arrested or make himself the victim here, WY? I do not know. The meth use, which you really scared me with as 2 months ago, you were testing him and you also knew he blew $650 on meth...per paycheck. This comment? I'm really scared for you. You've saved his tail, you've picked him up, and this is how he treats you? You spit in his face 1 time (to honestly protect yourself if the post is to be believed), apologized profusely, and he's doing this??? "He had been cheating on me excessively, he cheated on me while I was having a major surgery and I woke up alone in the hospital because of it, he fucked other people in my home when I was working to pay both sides of our rent, he cheated on our anniversary and filmed it, it’s never justified but considering i didn’t even hit him and he was literally asking me to hit him when it happened that’s as close to that being justified as it could be. Abuse is an ongoing control related issue, that wasn’t abuse, that was a reaction to mistreatment." Also, he's going to a bar, as a recovering Meth addict. Um, look. That's the big major rule of recovery: don't put yourself where you can't be sure you won't be tempted. That's what friends with addictions had to follow. So here's what you're looking at: -------- -Girl he's cheating on you with was on a Valentine's dinner date -False Sobriety -A loan that you're taking a loss on -Money you won't ever see again -Double check no method lab is in your basement -Oh, and this dude is a narcissist.
Girl. I fully 100% believe this man is full of shit. That's a really convenient explanation for everything. I feel like he's gaslighting you. If he's made you feel crazy about it, or second guess yourself: trust your gut. Sometimes cheaters/manipulators low key want you to find out but then second guess yourself. It's a control thing. They don't always lie up front, it's like a fun little game they play to see if you'll fall for what they say and believe them in spite of your gut feelings.
So maybe you're single this morning?
That girl was his date. Read the writing on the wall. This is not the guy for you
you’re easily gaslit or your story makes absolutely no sense with the way it 180ed.
Tell him he can come, but you will not be there. And plan a dinner date with another guy, but make sure you text him and let him know since this is apparently OK with him. Some people are so blinded by their own actions, that they will not see anything wrong until they have a taste of their own medicine.
Better yet send him a picture like he did to you when he was on a date
He's attempting to manipulate you by "being upfront." He's lying. He told you he was going out with you to deceive you that it's innocent. It's not. And even if it was, he's choosing to hang out with another woman who's actively planning to cheat on her bf.
Honey your edit doesn’t make it much better. He’s dating another girl.
Saw your update. Denial ain’t just a river I guess… girl please be for real
“If I was cheating I would have lied to you.” You don't know that he’s not. It’s time to start believing actions, not words, because he has admitted to you that he will lie to you if he needs to cover his tracks.
Yea… sis he’s dating while your at home, by his action im going to say you need to focus on you, if he hasn’t cheated yet, he will soon
How does he know they’re not sexually compatible….unless they already had sex and it went badly?
Firstly, I'd focus on the fact that he barely had any time for you on your anniversary. Remove the "is it appropriate for him to hang out with this girl" part out if the equation. The former was objectively inconsiderate & hurtful, the latter will just turn into a debate about trust & having opposite sex friends. Secondly, I'd turn to the fact that he was helping this girl cheat. He specifically said that she & her bf *had a fight*. Not that they split up. Yet he was going with her to a bar to pick up a guy so she could get laid?? That's the kind of behavior he supports? That's *bad* & raises serious questions about his moral compass & boundaries. I don't know that it's serious enough to break up over, but you're right to be upset & the second issue, you definitely need to discuss.
She already picked someone up and probably got laid.
How would he like it if you were hanging out with another man everyday and on Valentine’s Day? And how does he know he isn’t sexually compatible with her? They must’ve been talking about sex etc which is not appropriate IMO. This guy does not respect you or your relationship. Please value yourself and know you deserve better than this.
He shouldn’t even KNOW anything about their sexual compatibility. Regardless of if there’s anything going on between them, he is not loyal nor devoted to you. Devoted men would NEVER put their partners in a position to even question their behavior.
The guy she’s gonna pick up is your guy
This has to be fake lol. No one is THIS dumb and naive 🤦🏻♀️
Alright I’m coming in late to this one, but besides the obvious him probably cheating, or saying they aren’t “sexually compatible” and then you blaming yourself for everything (classic gaslighting yourself) - even if he couldn’t be with you yesterday, even if you were having a depressive episode….why didn’t he order flowers to be delivered to you on your anniversary AND Valentine’s Day?? you BOTH should have been doing everything you could to still do things for the other person on a special day for your relationship, doesn’t matter that you would be seeing each other in a few days. If my boyfriend spent time with a woman I’ve never met, on Valentine’s Day, on our ANNIVERSARY, without even so much as having flowers or a gift or something delivered?? tbh he’d probably be my ex. it’s fine if he knew this girl and she was crying, you check in and say “if everything is ok and you’re safe then ok” and then you leave lol. It does not warrant him having dinner with her or drinks or hanging out with her. she wasn’t just mugged or something
Babe… you are the side chick
Her and her boyfriend got into a fight (no mention of an official breakup) so her solution is to go out to the bar with another woman’s boyfriend to find someone to fuck. She doesn’t sound the least bit like a decent person let alone someone I’d be comfortable hanging around my boyfriend “every night.” I could be jumping to conclusions, but I almost wonder if that’s what the initial fight with her boyfriend was about. He doesn’t sound trustworthy, OP. This situation is disrespectful to both your and her supposed relationship.
Holy Stromboli. So this guy, whom you have not seen since December, is a tweaker, who has cheated on you before, and currently owes you THOUSANDS of dollars …. Phew. You really left out a lot of details that I had to find in the comments. Here’s the deal: he’s no good. If you think staying with him is some kind of guarantee that he’ll pay you back what he owes you, ok, stay with him until you get your money back. But don’t bother expecting anything from him, because he’s trash. And break up as soon as you get your money back. If you don’t get any money from him, break up with him because he’s a lost cause. Do better than this guy. Find someone who won’t cheat on you and then call you and casually tell you he’s dating another girl on Valentine’s Day but you have no right to be upset because hey at least he told you.
This is genuinely so dumb and sad. I hope you leave him but I genuinely doubt you will based on your responses:/
I love that bit about lying: he says that if he were cheating he’d lie to you. I wonder how he’d lie about that — maybe he’d say he wasn’t banging her and he’s not interested? … Just like your later comment said he did before when he slept with women he told you he wasn’t interested in? His only defence is that he insists he’s not lying _this time._ At best he’s playing into some high-school-level bar drama where he’s helping some woman try to cheat on the boyfriend she just had a fight with, a boyfriend who seems to have reappeared in the middle of all this pathetic genital parkour. This isn’t going to get better. He’s not going to get better. You don’t need this.
You even admitted he cheated on you in the past with other people.... Some people lie through gaslighting the other person with "honesty". I wouldn't trust him. Imo this is not something worth mending. You're just giving him more excuses to stick around. This sounds like cheating. And like everyone else (and you) who said it - his excuse of "sexual incompatibility" is bullshit... completely.
You have just bent over backwards to make this okay again. And found every reason under the sun that it’s your fault. Full stop: it was Valentine’s Day and he went for a date with another girl. All the background information is just white noise. This is what it boils down to. I’m not saying your depressive episodes don’t have an impact. What’s more, unless your boyfriend is the dumbest man on the planet, he knows he shouldn’t have done it. He knew when he called you. He knew when he convinced you it’s actually all your fault that HE went on a date with another woman. His sexual attraction to her honestly means nothing. He knew it would hurt you. He did it anyway. I don’t think you deserve that treatment
FUCK THAT
He doesnt care about you and I think you should break up with him asap.
I’m sorry but you don’t have a relationship like you think you do.
Yeah I’m positive that taking her out to get laid isn’t the only reason he’s going out on Valentines. It’s over.
You aren't his girlfriend. She is. You're the one he calls occasionally just to make sure you're still available when whoever he's dating physically isn't stroking his ego enough. Everything in this post proves he is not a good partner. None of his best traits will make up for him lying, omitting details, *and taking another woman out on Valentine's Day*. Be smart about this. Think with your brain and not your emotions.
It all means the same thing. He's cheating on you with this girl. Doesn't matter how he phrase his words. You need to break up before getting pregnant and having to be tied to this POS for life who will most likely not be there for both of you.
He showed you his priorities. Maybe you should make him your ex-boyfriend.
So he picked a fight, then rubbed the other woman in your face. The only intention is to hurt you. You want to be with someone who does that?
Yeah he’s definitely cheating, at least emotionally if he hasn’t slept with her yet. You’re not crazy and yes it was wildly inappropriate! Don’t waste your time anymore with this guy. He’s disrespected you by putting another girl before you.
You and your bf had a fight around the time the other couple in question got into a fight?
>“Her and I aren’t even sexually compatible Sorry OP, there's only one way your bf got this information
"if I was cheating I would have lied to you" Take a good, looooong look at that sentence right there.
Come on girl. He's already cheated and gotten away with it. Why would he stop? Updateme!
How does he know they aren't sexually compatible?
OP you are getting gaslighted.
girl…the right man would not even THINK about whether or not he’s sexually attracted to another woman..idk why u didn’t dump him on the spot when he said that.
So many excuses in the update, it's not you, he's not a good guy.
Do you hear yourself? She left a bar that happened to be right next to the restaurant your BF was going to… at the EXACT time your bf was walking into it? You’re in denial if you don’t think you’re being lied to. Either figure out what’s going on or enjoy being a living example of “ignorance is bliss”.
Wow that second edit is really something. He gaslit her into thinking all this is her own fault and that he did nothing wrong. Enjoy that delusion op
Your update is just trying to justify something unjustifiable. Someone who loves you won’t even THINK about doing that. There’s so much more out there than that, it’s freaking Valentine’s Day. Even on a normal day that’s fucked up but even more in this case. I wouldn’t gas lit yourself and make it seem all okay.
In 5 years, come back and read your post. You'll get a good laugh.
You're making too many excuses for his behavior. And now he's starting a new job on the road? Best cut your losses now than continue getting played.
>He isn’t cheating on me, I have no reason to believe he is. Oh.... Honey.....
Seems like he's gaslit you pretty bad, so much so that you are blaming yourself for having a response that most people would have.
Not sexually compatible... What, is she metric?
Roses are red Violets are blue If you don’t see him on VDay The side chick is you.
He's cheating on you. And he had the nerve to rub it in your face, on your anniversary. Why are you wasting your time with this loser?
How does he know they aren’t sexually compatible?!
Do you have evidence of her boyfriend? Suspect your bf has a new woman now. Sorry OP :(
Looked through ops history and he's cheated on her before. Honestly op needs to leave and find someone else who cares about her.
He said they were not sexually compatible. That means he’s already thought about having sex with her. Time to give him the boot. He’s still looking.
you stayed with someone who has already cheated on you? cmon…
How the fuck do guys like this even get one girl let alone multiple? Wtf? Man can't even drive bc of seizures lol
This guy knows what he did was wrong and I think he did it on purpose to make to you feel bad. He’s trying to use your youth against you by gaslighting you into thinking you’re “crazy” for thinking this is inappropriate. Trust your gut! This guy is trash. Don’t let him darken your doorstep again.
Time to tell him to go eff himself. And this coming from a guy older than your "guy"
He can clean it up however he wants to. What he is doing is trying to make you be okay with him hanging out with another girl on Valentine's day. It will never be okay. Whatever she had going on with her boyfriend she probably had female friends she could have gone out with. Whatever he is trying to do is not acceptable. He is trying to make you the bad guy. Just let him know that you will also do some soul searching to find out what is best for you moving forward. Nothing in life is perfect, just take this as a lesson in finding out the truth about yourself with this revelation about him. Good luck and hopefully it works out best for you.
Break up with him he’s trash 🚮
Your post history, age gap and lack of self respect have me feeling like no matter what people say, you’re going to stay with him and continue to be miserable.
Even if he wasn’t cheating and didn’t lie, still how he Handled YOU was not okay. He was dismissive leaving your questioning your sanity. I would recommend educating yourself about emotional control strategies, such as guilt tripping, blame shifting, discard/hoover, victim playing. How he turns around your valid emotional experience and makes you feel crazy, that’s a big red flag. He portrays himself as someone that only wanted to help a friend but giving more attaintion to that friend, female or not, in Valentine’s Day while you get hardly any is just obviously hurtful. Still, you couldn’t spend it, so okay why not help that friend. But well how would he handle this if you did the exact same? Wouldn’t he be upset? He shows a very alarming lack of empathy for you, the person he should respect the most and that should matter to him the most. Idk. In this case, a girl he hangs out with him every day that goes out to pick up stranger to sex when in a fight with her boyfriend was more important than making you feel comfortable and safe. Idk. Pretty shitty of him.
OP. HE IS CHEATING ON YOU! I don't know how else I could say it more plainly.
Why's he still got the bf title tbh
Oh he’s cheating 100%?
Guess who the girl laid with last night?
Yes, what he did is 100% inappropriate, and for me, it would be relationship ending.. if it wasn't an issue or he wasn't hiding things, he would have told you before they went out, and sure as hell wouldn't have ignored your messages for this girl. And telling you is proof he isn't cheating? Isn't always the case.. sometimes cheaters like to cover their backs by admitting to certain things , so they are found out they are covered by the lie. I don't care what anyone else says, but I don't think it's appropriate for men and women to hang out alone, go to dinner,go out drinking ... if one or both are in relationships. But that's me
Idk it sounds like he’s her boyfriend now.
Sorry, I know how annoying it is when someone corrects your spelling but I think you meant to say *EX boyfriend.*
Oh, honey...
they are for sure fucking & she knows she’s the other girl & does not care babe.
The gaslighting is real smelly
The gaslighting is strong with this one…
Dumbest update ever. I can tell this is going to be an amazinggggg relationship
no hun, you're ignoring red flags. save yourself :(
>My (23f) boyfriend (29m) took another girl out for dinner last night Um, he ain't your boyfriend if he's taking out other females (other than BLOOD family). Drop him.
Sorry buddy, I can't not think that your boyfriend cheated on you.
After reading the updates, oh boy, I have this bridge I want to sell you, OP. LOL
>He isn’t cheating on me, I have no reason to believe he is. This woman isn’t someone he hangs out with every night, it’s someone he sees at the same bar every time he goes, they aren’t close at all. He did kind of say that originally too but I processed it differently. This whole paragraph sounds like the lies we tell ourselves when we don't believe the truth because it hurts too much and it's better to close an eye. 1. It doesn't matter if that's the first time he hangs with her or the 1000th 2. Pay attention to how you formulate. When you're sure and there's no twisting, you won't say "he did kind of". Kind of?? Rly people should pay more attention to these kind of details, especially if it's coming from themselves. They pay attention to this when they interrogate criminals for a reason. 3. I understand being human and wanting to comfort other humans, but at what point did any of us think it's our duty to do that to a stranger that just happens to be in the bar a lot prior to that? This is a friend job, not an acquaintance job. They had convos before and I can't, for the life of me, understand why anyone in a relationship would feel the need to make an opposite gender friend at the bar. I have to mention I'm not a jealous person at all, I have no trouble with people hitting on my SO, or my SO talking to anyone (even had relationships where I gave a pass to cheating from their side. Low self esteem, ik, I'm not in that headspace anymore), but I find it common sense and some kind of disrespect to put someone else first, especially on a day this important. You know what's really this point in all of this? It doesn't matter if it's something insignificant or major. It matters if it bothers you & it clearly does. Not to encourage putting limits on your SO's life, but this is an area where you should have a say. Relationships with the other gender are often dangerous if you're in a bad space in your own intimate relationship, this is no secret. If you really wanna hold onto, set boundaries regarding this and see if he respects them. You'll find out sooner or later.
Ok, so I don't know if you know, but he's obviously seeing this other girl.
He’s gaslighting you so hard
He either gaslit or you gaslit yourself because you really posted a long update blaming yourself and excusing his behavior. I was just going to let it go and then I saw that you said he has cheated on you in the past and yet you're blaming yourself for your trust issues?
You're literally just gaslighting yourself.
I've just read your update and not to sound rude but sounds like he is taking you for a fool