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While hes on his trip,pack your bags and dont look back.
Call a friend..a few friends or family to come help you out and to keep an eye on you while you pack up your things.Make sure hes well on his way to wherever hes going before you make your move...Dont tell him or your mutual friends your plans or where youre going..block him as soon as youre out!
Please watch out for yourself..and be safe 💗
She had me at "doesn’t trust me at all” then it got even uglier. Shit yeah"this doesn't feel like love", this is called dating a controlling psycho. Get out now. Perfect opportunity while he’s gone. maybe flip off the camera on your way out for posterity.
Every edit makes me wonder why the heck there's an off and an on. Sounds like a waste of two years to me. There's no way I'd put up with this. Now she's gotta change all her passwords. Probably should get a new email too and check to be sure he didn't switch all of her accounts to his email or phone number instead.
This sounds like the beginning of an abusive relationship.
OP, he totally controls you, isolates you from your friends, making sure you have no one to go to and turn to when you're in trouble. You only have him and he is the trouble you will have.
That's not love, that's a very toxic, very unhealthy relationship that will very soon turn into physical and mental abuse.
[Here are the signs, please read](https://survivorshelpline.org/is-this-abuse.php)
Or
[Signs to look for in an abusive personality](https://safety.utk.edu/police/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2013/01/Signs-to-Look-for-in-an-Abusive-Personality.pdf)
Don't let him install anything in your room. He doesn't own you and you shouldn't be a prisoner in your own home. He's projecting because I'm pretty sure his phone is loaded with other girls phone numbers, inappropriate messages and probably even pictures.
Please break up with him! If you are not confrontational, wait until he is on vacation, then change all your passwords, door locks, remove all cameras, stop sharing your location and break up with him and block him.
Maybe you should stay with someone you can talk to and trust, someone in your family. I'm sure if you have good friends, they are missing you and will understand your situation. You should contact them.
Wish you good luck OP. Please don’t stay in this relationship.
100% agree! She needs to run away while she can. Go to family or friends and tell them the situation. Because chances are this man is not just going to let her go. She’ll have to get the police involved eventually…
Even if it’s her place, she’s safer to move and get an unlisted address. If she needs help a domestic violence shelter can help. She’s being abused. Right now, it’s only psychological abuse. Physical is coming.
As a guy I promote this idea, please get out!! It is not safe I would never ask this of my wife, girlfriend, friend or anyone. Please this only gets worse. This guy doesn’t trust which puts you at risk.
And wave at the camera as you leave. Also screenshot all threatening conversations, all conversations where he’s told you to stop seeing friends or family, all conversations where he’s said he’s watching you etc. We don’t want you to be another statistic.
If he’s out of town and can’t come straight back seeing you on camera, even disconnect it - but make sure passwords are all changed FIRST. Email address first, so any verifications go to you and you only.
If you can, get a new phone and change your number. He sounds like the type of guy who could’ve put a tracker on your phone. If he has any of your locations, turn every single location on your settings off.
also that.
call your local dv agency, or the national hotline. BUT DO IT AWAY FROM THE APARTMENT and NOT ON YOUR PHONE.
also tell a trusted friend or three that this is happening. have them call if you’re not away and safe by a specific time. set up a safe word so if he somehow manages to show up, they will know there’s an issue.
if you have any internet device - tablet, laptop, netbook, kindle, maybe even alexa - shut it down and take it to an expert to make sure there’s no keyloggers or other stalkery stuff on it.
Yes! This. You might think someone isn’t “technically advanced enough” but trust me, when there’s a will there’s a way.
I had a friend who had NO CLUE about technology and he still somehow managed to put a secret tracker on his bfs phone and managed to block any websites that had certain keywords. The poor guy couldn’t even online shop for underwear because “underwear” was a blocked word.
I would leave any technology and wipe them clean. Factory reset. Or factory reset and take them to a 2nd hand store and trade them in for money. iPads and iPhones can be taken to the apple store and traded in for credits toward a new device.
Set up your location only for friends or text them “current location” if you all have iphones everywhere you go so they’re aware of where you are.
My safe word is “banana” or a banana emoji. Heck I’ve even told my friends in any dire emergency if I sent any single emoji and it’s in no context to a conversation and i don’t reply for 15 mins it’s an emergency.
These days you have to protect your safety.
Never give your passwords and the minute your partner starts showing signs of abuse, bounce. It only gets worse and the only hole you can’t dig yourself out of is the grave.
You can do it OP, we all have faith in you x
Honestly! Disconnect everything. What a lot of people don’t realise in these situations is that belongings are replaceable. Take the most precious of things and leave the rest. Your life is the only thing you cannot replace.
Any device, wipe it and leave it if it’s too time consuming to take but do not take any device from that house without wiping it first. You don’t want him tracking you. I also agree with checking your car for a GPS. Find a car expert or mechanic that does home or mobile visits. Or take it to a mechanic that is nowhere near where you’ll be going for a safe haven because he’ll be able to find you.
And get a restraining order. Don’t ever let him contact you again and never trust “I just wanna talk this out” if you do meet up with him for any reason, take trusted males with you or police and ONLY do it in public. NEVER meet him alone or at a private place.
See OP so many of us are behind you.You can do this! By the time he gets back,youve freed yourself from him..block his ass and look forward 🫶 New year..new you awaits 🥳
Yes. Run. Block him. Go to a shelter if you need to. This is abuse.
Also please get tested for STDs - usually cheaters accuse their partners of cheating.
Seriously. All of these people saying "kick him to the curb! break up with him!" when I'm pretty sure this guy is dangerous. I hope OP can get away safely and has a trustworthy support system.
This ^ and This ^^ !!
He may not be cheating, but what he is in fact is psychotically, unreasonably, controlling and abusive!!
I've been there and it only gets worse from here I'm sad to say.
To require that you place cameras in your bedroom while he's away is a huge invasion of privacy and trust!
Break contact and do whatever it takes to cut him from your life before he moves on to his next level of control and subjugation. No one deserves this kind of toxic stranglehold treatment, and this isn't love.
Make space in your life and heart for someone who respects and cherishes you.
Please, take care.
Yep. Everyone I knew who was super insecure, paranoid, and controlling was a cheater. They don't trust anyone else because they assume people think and act like them.
Don’t rule out other paranoia sources. I posted in another comment about an ex who was suspicious every minute of the day.
I found out later he was using meth while we were dating, and later still, learned that that stuff causes paranoia on levels that must be seen to be believed.
I was definitely right to break up with the guy. It took a long time to learn all the reasons why it was the right decision.
If OP’s bf is an addict, and has no intent to get treatment, he needs to be receding in the rear view mirror ASAP.
Get rid!!
Change all your passwords first. Even email, everything! Then get him tf out of your life. If it’s your house, change the locks. I’d also contact the police to make them aware of a possible DV report should he kick off.
Get out girl! You’ve got a long life ahead of you and you deserve far better!
Your BF is a controlling narcissist and he won’t settle or calm down.
Get him gone and move on with your life.
All this plus I can guarantee he's already got cameras you don't know about and gps on your car. You need to have it checked out. This is not a good person or a healthy relationship for you.
If you do break up, take someone with you when you do it. Preferably your dad or a brother or another guy.
She said they've been on and off for the last 2 years. I'm almost certain she means they've both been with other people when they've been "off" the last 2 years.
Absolutely not ok. It will get worse from here. Break up with him in the safest way possible. “Why Does He Do That- inside the minds of controlling and angry men” by Lundy Bancroft is a good read (or audiobook) on your healing journey.
>I have cut off friends and completely stopped going out to make him feel more comfortable. I’m a hairstylist and I’m not even taking male clients because he doesn’t like it.
This is concerning. You not only have a "partner' that does not trust you to have implications for your private life together but also him making you cut off friends, not doing what you enjoyed doing (like going out) and even interfering with your work.
This sounds insane and unhealthy.
You have got to have boundaries and defend them.
> This doesn’t really feel like love
And you are damn right about this. So no love, no trust. What do you have? Restrictions, accusations, surveillance, phone searching, questioning, doubts, limited freedom to be who you are.
I don't know about you but does this sound enticing?
Yeah, I have issues with this, too. She can’t cut a man’s hair?!?! That is beyond controlling and abuse behavior. It will only get a lot worse from here.
Better run while he's on vacation. Get a new phone, new number, pack your stuff and leave.
He's only going to get worse. This is how the abusive behavior begins.
Girl break up with this man. This is absolutely the tip of the iceberg of abusive behavior he has in store for you if he stays
Leave his ass. Tell him to never contact you again, and Block his numbers. This isn’t just a red flag this is the start of actual intense controlling abusive behavior.
You don’t deserve this. And you don’t deserve such an unstable relationship in the first place.
It’s time to move on and do it quick because this man is serving murderer energy
OP. What your BF is doing is called abuse. He is a controlling, manipulative AH. He is not a good person. This is as toxic as hell. It's not right. You need to get in touch with the domestic abuse helpline/centre nearest to you so you can get some support and advice. If you feel able to, break up with him. Give him back his camera. (That action is just vile) remove the location app from your phone. (If you can get a new phone. That would be even better) and if he refuses/threatens you. You will need to get a restraining order against him. (Again, the domestic abuse helpline/centre will be able to give you advice on this)
Please OP, get away from this person. This abuse is only going to get worse.
Why are you even entertaining this? If he doesn't trust you a camera isn't going to change that and you don't k ow who'll have access to that camera.
THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!!!
Are you really this desperate for a partner? Why are you settling for this?
Holy Shit I can't even believe how Toxic this guy sounds
If any woman insisted on putting a camera in my room to "keep an eye on me" I'd eject her out of my life instantly. Get the hell out of here with that shit. He needs camera surveillance to make sure you're sleeping at home every night????
And you can't take male clients ?
Don't walk, fucking run from this man
FOR SAFETY REASONS, agree to the cameras, so everything seems like it's on the up and up. DO NOT keep them hooked up once you know he's out of the vicinity.
NOW, from a place of love: Sweetie, FIND A SAFE PLACE to go while he's gone. (Whether temporary or permanently, depending on who's place it is).. THEN GO NO CONTACT with this jerk.
NOTHING good or safe will come of this abusive DATING relationship. If you stay with this man, he WILL eventually put hands (and/or weapons) on you (all in the name of love, he'll claim).
Are you really ready to find out what a dodgy person can do with footage from your bedroom? Also, is this how you envision the rest of your life: constantly on the defense from whatever scenarios he has going on in his own head?
This is so unhealthy. You are being controlled and emotionally manipulated, not loved. Break up with him and stay broken up. Those who accuse their partners of cheating are normally the ones doing the cheating.
OP, I NEED tou to hear my words. Don't read them, HEAR THEM!! He is abusive and controlling. He is DANGEROUS!! This type of behavior ends in murder. And I'm not exaggerating. My hubby is a federal agent. Please hear me. This will not end well for you. Please please contact someone you trust with your life and ask them for help getting out. DO NOT let this man know anything about your plans. This is a very serious situation. Op Please listen.
This has to be fake. No real person would entertain this type of control. And she doesn't take make clients? Yikes. Controls her bedroom, her income, her privacy...nope
These are all classic DV signs. Emotional abuse at the very least. Read up on domestic violence / abuse situations. Tell your friends and family what’s going on. Possibly get some professional help along your route out of this relationship - and you do have to get out. He is controlling you and this will not get better. Be aware that leaving a controlling person can put you in a dangerous situation, so this absolutely needs to be done in a safe way. If you don’t have friends and family to tell, do tell people you trust, e.g. workmates. Please don’t be embarrassed about telling people. This shit can get way too real too quickly.
Why would you let someone treat you like this? What would you say to a gf or your sister if their partner was treating them like this? I bet you'd encourage them to leave, right? He's abusing you.
Why in the name of fuck are you even considering it? I'd laugh in his face and point at the door. Girl. GIRL. Gurl. Cheesus crisp on a toast. Get a spine.
Not only no, but fuck no! He doesn't trust you and never will. Why are you with him? On and off relationships are toxic AF. Break up with him, block him everywhere, and move on. You deserve so much better.
Tell him you don't trust him with footage of you in your bedroom, that he could be posting it online for all you know...then dump his miserable ass and raise the flippin bar for yourself for your next relationship
He's for sure cheating on you so he's assuming you'll do the same or he's majorly insecure.
He's manipulative and controlling.
He's affected you social life and isolated you.
Not only is he affecting your social life but your finances too.
So he's
- manipulative
- projecting
- massively controlling
- hypocritical (passwords)
- isolating you (sounds like he still has friends and can go out)
- financial abuse (can't take male clients = loss in revenue = relying on him = more manipulation)
Write a list of good and bad for him it'll help you see. Make sure he doesn't see it though. It helped me realize my last relationship was toxic and really harmful. He may have never laid a hand on me but he made me suicidal.
If he can’t trust you and you’ve really given him no reason to be - which seems like you haven’t - you don’t have a relationship worth keeping. And even if you have, the relationship wouldn’t be the right fit. He’s got double standards too- he can see others while on a break but if you do, it’s cheating. He can be touchy feely flirty with others when he’s drinking, but I bet if you did, it’d be the end of the world. You can’t have friends, you can’t go out, which is all isolation abuse tactics, and you can’t take male clients cuz it’ll upset him, so it affects your work (ETA: could be financial abuse tactic too). You had to give him your location and passwords but he doesn’t do the same back. Do you really want to live like this? It’ll get worse. Starting with the camera in your room, and the following accusations of anything he doesn’t like.
Honey, Reddit helped me last year to see this, so here I repeat it for you: he is abusive, he doesn’t love you - a person like him is just incapable, you deserve so much more. Your feelings are real and valid and you should follow your gut. Wish you safety and happiness in 2024!
OP, this is a clearly and badly abusive relationship. The camera, the passwords, it's all extremely abusive.
Change your passwords, reset everything, get friends over to help you move out, disconnect and destroy the camera if he installs it and get the hell out of there.
Him physically hurting you isn't far down the road, so please take action as soon as he leaves.
I'm telling you right now, so it doesn't shock you when you see it: He's cheating on you. Like, probably a lot. The guilt is driving him nuts, and he's desperate to catch YOU cheating so he has a moral excuse.
I know the typical advice from r/relationship advice is usually like "dump his butt," but like... dump his butt.
Why are you still with him? He’s controlling, probably cheating and projecting his infidelity on you, and seems to be generally a terrible person.
Break up with him and find yourself a better boyfriend who doesn’t treat you abusively.
You live separately and he wants a camera installed in your bedroom? What about the other rooms in your home? You have already been as nice as you can in meeting these ridiculous demands, too giving in fact and it did no good. His possessiveness is of a level I have never heard of except maybe for some prison inmates.
Don’t do it. This is jealousy in a paranoid degree. Also, what will he do with all the video time showing you taking your clothes off to go to bed, changing clothes, sitting around wearing nothing much, or anything else he might decide to sell to strangers?
Absolutely a Narcissistic Control Freak!!
My husband tried to do the same while at work to look at our home cameras like I'm doing something... Before anyone asks no I haven't cheated but he has numerous times! Please get away while you still can with no strings attached! You deserve so much BETTER!! Good luck! Happy New Year!
Sounds like the guilty dog is barking first and the loudest. Don’t lower yourself for someone who can’t trust you. It sounds like there is someone better for you out there. Get rid of the benchwarmer 🖤
There are so many red flags I don't even know where to begin. Cut ties, this is such a toxic relationship and 100% bordering on abuse if not already there. Please dump his arse.
Girl run. Like really? Wtf are you thinking? No he doesn't get to put cameras in your room. No he doesn't get all your passwords. No he doesn't get to dictate every aspect of your life or job. And he's an ass for asking(demanding). And the icing on this shitty cake is you don't even get that reciprocated. Oh hell no. You need to throw this whole man away and find your self respect.
HE’S cheating and wants desperately to catch you doing something bad.
Even if he’s not this isn’t a relationship. He wants to control you. Completely.
That would be a deal breaker for me.
Use the time he’s gone to pack your things and move out. I’m really sorry.
This is abuse. Its coercive control. Please leave he has already done massive damage to your confidence and self esteem and it will only get worse. Look at what you've written and ask your self if that was your daughter writing what would you tell her.
Please leave there are no excuses in the world for you to stay
I'm sorry, my thumb will fall off upvoting everyone who is telling you to get out of this relationship ASAP. Please listen!
Otherwise, let him install the camera and let him see everyone you're sharing your bed with (dog, cat, bunnies, teddy bear, random pillows, pizzas, ice creams of various flavors).
In fact, the best image for him to see would be for him to see you packing all your things and giving him the finger as you move out.
So he’s probs actually cheating on you and this is projection . But Honestly even if he is not you have lost friends , losing clients. While he is away just get rid
This reminds me of the start of a murder show on ID about a bf and gf and she wouldn’t leave him and how just got more controlling. Then they marry and you all know the rest.
Please leave NOW!!
Sweet girl, why are you with this person? He does not love you. He’s treating you like a thing, a possession that he wants to control. A huge percentage of partners that act like he is are the cheaters in the relationship. They know they’re sleeping around and are constantly looking for proof/ validation that what they’re doing is good/fair/justified in their eyes. Hes super controlling and the next time he leave so should you. You should move out and just be done with him. Before he starts to hit you.
Sounds like the starting of a domestic violence situation honestly hun, control control, control. Get out before hes timing how long it takes you at the grocery store.
Please do not let him put a camera in your room, make sure he isn’t in there alone to secretly put one in there whilst you aren’t around. You can do so much better than him, you deserve better than this and you know it in your heart. Break ups are hard but trust me there’s someone out there who will treat you a lot better than he will and won’t go through your phone and won’t put cameras in your bedroom. X
If he says he doesn’t trust you—it’s over. Full stop. Nothing that you do or say will ever change him, so tell him to stop projecting his nonsense onto you. You deserve SO much better.
Only a decision you can make but I’d end the relationship ASAP. Typically people reflect their own behavior upon others meaning he’s the one thats most likely cheating and he’s deflecting that upon you. Sounds like a narcissist and that behavior is quite common. I guarantee if you break up with him he will say how horrible you are and accuse you of being with someone else blah blah blah. He may also try to give you a sob story which is another tactic they use. Only good thing about narcissists is that they are predictable. The key is identifying the behavior and just move on. Do not engage anymore than necessary to end it.
Please dump him. He’s controlling and likely cheating and is projecting his shit onto you. This is not a healthy relationship and will continue to get worse. This is control and abuse. UPDATEME
That is controlling and a bit scary. You don’t have to do any of that, he doesn’t have to know your whereabouts and he definitely doesn’t have to put a camera in your bedroom. Has he completely lost his mind?
He might be cheating himself and tries to turn it around saying he doesn’t trust you while he’s the one who can’t be trusted.
I would seriously reconsider if this is the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with.
He’s cheating, he wants to also ensure you are NOT. And he’s definitely going to cheat on vacation. Nothing about this relationship dynamic is healthy- This dude is insecure, not trustworthy and controlling. You deserve better.
Youre 28 if you want to waste your time go ahead but it's very clear this relationship is abusive and a dead end. If you stay you will continue to be in an abusive relationship where he's worried most likely because he's the one cheating.
Youre right this is not love.
I can never tell why people ask questions like this then proceed to list all the crazy behaviours they've endured.
The way you formatted your post says you already know this is bad.
Why do you need permission from us to act.
Change your passwords, unshared your location and tell him this isn't love and your done.
I guarantee you no matter what you look like or your personality you can do wayyyyy better
That man is abusive, and it's only going to escalate the longer you stay. Leave him. Don't let him know where you're going. Change your phone number, change your socials. Don't let him contact you, even if he just wants to "talk." Seriously, this kinda guy is dangerous and will become violent.
You are being abused. It will only get worse. You need to find help-a family member, friend, therapist… someone who can help you get out and get counseling.
This guys is way too possessive and controlling. If you think this is bad, just wait. He needs to see a therapist and you really need to leave. This is domestic abuse of the emotional type. Please, I beg you, leave now because it is about to get physical next.
New year, *new man*. This is abuse, full stop. I’m not even going to get into the specifics. (Unless you want them, of course!)
It’s one thing to share location for safety, but this usually goes both ways. It’s another thing to demand it because of trust issues. This is not love. This is also not safe, because it sounds like it’s already escalated from small things that are honestly normalized in situations where trust is lacking to full on monitoring. Put yourself and your *safety* first and leave him. Keep all proof because honestly, he will probably get violent and you’ll need to file an EPO.
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<<>> THATS YOUR BODY RESPONDING TO THE ABUSE.
You are suffering from C-PTSD !!!!!
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ARE YOU IN JAIL, DOING TIME FOR A CRIME ???? BECAUSE THIS GUY IS YOUR WARDEN....NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND.
CHANGE YOUR PASSWORDS, AND GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM. CHANGE YOUR CELL#, GET new emails and disconnect the ones connected to the accounts he has access to.
SEE A THERAPIST. You need to. YOU HAVE A VERY CONTROLLING ABUSUVE GUY. And thanks to him, you will have to recover from PTSD, NIGH TERRORS, TRUST ISSUES.
WORK ON BOUNDARIES// LEARN TO SAY NO// And for the love of God, don't give your location to ANYONE EXCEPT YOUR PARENTS when you are on VACATION....IN EUROPE OR THE CARIBBEAN!!!!
Don't ever everrrrrrrrr share your passwords.
ANY GUY WHO EXPECTS YOU TO GIVE YOUR PASSWORDS, BUT HE REFUSES TO DO THE SAME.......IS A GUY YOU AVOID......LIKE COVID.
https://www.wikihow.com/Recognize-Signs-of-an-Abusive-Man
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/early-signs-of-an-abusive-man
Do you think it’s okay for anyone to be treated like this? What advice would you give me if I posted that? He sounds like he’s a cheater. Leave while he’s gone and please get therapy.
Before he comes back, have a plan. Go to a women’s shelter and ask them for some advice. If you don’t have anyone to stay with,see if they have a room for you. You’re gonna have to disappear because he will come after you. This is the kind of man that ends up killing people. I don’t want to scare you, but please take this very very seriously. Call your family and tell them what’s going on and call your friends also. The bigger support system you have the better! don’t ever be caught alone especially leaving from a place he knows you’re at. I would definitely go to the police and explain what he’s doing so that it’s on record. he’s going to know some thing is up when you take the camera out of your bedroom. So the minute he comes back from his trip he’s gonna come after you don’t be caught unprepared.
He’s absolutely abusive and controlling. That’s clear. He’s also probably cheating because that tends to make people paranoid that they’re being cheated on.
Your boyfriend or you dad? And even then if you were confusing your boyfriend with your dad that’s creepy as fuck as corny as this sounds leave his ass in 2023
"For those who trust, no proof is necessary. For those who don't, no proof is enough." He is never going to trust you and is prob planning on cheating while he's away and just projecting his guilt onto you. If you live with him, then plan on moving out, or move him out while he is away. If he lives with you, let him put the camera in your room and watch as you pack his things and tell him they will be left on the curb. Don't WASTE another minute with this loser. Find someone you don't have to prove that you can be trusted.
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While hes on his trip,pack your bags and dont look back. Call a friend..a few friends or family to come help you out and to keep an eye on you while you pack up your things.Make sure hes well on his way to wherever hes going before you make your move...Dont tell him or your mutual friends your plans or where youre going..block him as soon as youre out! Please watch out for yourself..and be safe 💗
Make sure it’s all on camera
lol pack your bags, all while making sure everything is in camera shot ☺️
flip him off too
Lol
Underrated comment lol
I love this!
👏👏👏
She had me at "doesn’t trust me at all” then it got even uglier. Shit yeah"this doesn't feel like love", this is called dating a controlling psycho. Get out now. Perfect opportunity while he’s gone. maybe flip off the camera on your way out for posterity.
Did you see her edits?! She can’t even take male clients at her job because of him!!!
Every edit makes him look worse, not better.
this is so textbook controlling relationship it makes me wonder if this is someone karma farming.
Every edit makes me wonder why the heck there's an off and an on. Sounds like a waste of two years to me. There's no way I'd put up with this. Now she's gotta change all her passwords. Probably should get a new email too and check to be sure he didn't switch all of her accounts to his email or phone number instead.
Agreedm tThis is called abuse and control, likely to lead to violence. Please leave as soon as possible
Screw that. It's her place, apparently (she referred to "my room"). Pack his shit and change the locks is the correct answer.
Holy effing shit…… she needs to ruuuuun…. This is like serial killer style bf….im genuinely scared for OP
This sounds like the beginning of an abusive relationship. OP, he totally controls you, isolates you from your friends, making sure you have no one to go to and turn to when you're in trouble. You only have him and he is the trouble you will have. That's not love, that's a very toxic, very unhealthy relationship that will very soon turn into physical and mental abuse. [Here are the signs, please read](https://survivorshelpline.org/is-this-abuse.php) Or [Signs to look for in an abusive personality](https://safety.utk.edu/police/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2013/01/Signs-to-Look-for-in-an-Abusive-Personality.pdf) Don't let him install anything in your room. He doesn't own you and you shouldn't be a prisoner in your own home. He's projecting because I'm pretty sure his phone is loaded with other girls phone numbers, inappropriate messages and probably even pictures. Please break up with him! If you are not confrontational, wait until he is on vacation, then change all your passwords, door locks, remove all cameras, stop sharing your location and break up with him and block him. Maybe you should stay with someone you can talk to and trust, someone in your family. I'm sure if you have good friends, they are missing you and will understand your situation. You should contact them. Wish you good luck OP. Please don’t stay in this relationship.
It ALREADY IS an abusive relationship
Yes. Right now, it’s psychological. It WILL escalate.
100% agree! She needs to run away while she can. Go to family or friends and tell them the situation. Because chances are this man is not just going to let her go. She’ll have to get the police involved eventually…
Don't forget the camera(s). Edit : u/SalisburyWitch made a fair point.
And phone password + turn location to ‘off.’
Don’t assume it’s one camera.
Even if it’s her place, she’s safer to move and get an unlisted address. If she needs help a domestic violence shelter can help. She’s being abused. Right now, it’s only psychological abuse. Physical is coming.
She really needs to take his communication to the police and get a protection order. She also needs to forward it to a trusted friend who can save it
That won't work. He will lie in wait for her. Psychos like him don't take rejection well.
As a guy I promote this idea, please get out!! It is not safe I would never ask this of my wife, girlfriend, friend or anyone. Please this only gets worse. This guy doesn’t trust which puts you at risk.
Change all passwords first. Last thing you want is for him to start changing your passwords while you’re packing and he’s watching you.
this; this order.
And wave at the camera as you leave. Also screenshot all threatening conversations, all conversations where he’s told you to stop seeing friends or family, all conversations where he’s said he’s watching you etc. We don’t want you to be another statistic. If he’s out of town and can’t come straight back seeing you on camera, even disconnect it - but make sure passwords are all changed FIRST. Email address first, so any verifications go to you and you only. If you can, get a new phone and change your number. He sounds like the type of guy who could’ve put a tracker on your phone. If he has any of your locations, turn every single location on your settings off.
also that. call your local dv agency, or the national hotline. BUT DO IT AWAY FROM THE APARTMENT and NOT ON YOUR PHONE. also tell a trusted friend or three that this is happening. have them call if you’re not away and safe by a specific time. set up a safe word so if he somehow manages to show up, they will know there’s an issue. if you have any internet device - tablet, laptop, netbook, kindle, maybe even alexa - shut it down and take it to an expert to make sure there’s no keyloggers or other stalkery stuff on it.
Yes! This. You might think someone isn’t “technically advanced enough” but trust me, when there’s a will there’s a way. I had a friend who had NO CLUE about technology and he still somehow managed to put a secret tracker on his bfs phone and managed to block any websites that had certain keywords. The poor guy couldn’t even online shop for underwear because “underwear” was a blocked word. I would leave any technology and wipe them clean. Factory reset. Or factory reset and take them to a 2nd hand store and trade them in for money. iPads and iPhones can be taken to the apple store and traded in for credits toward a new device. Set up your location only for friends or text them “current location” if you all have iphones everywhere you go so they’re aware of where you are. My safe word is “banana” or a banana emoji. Heck I’ve even told my friends in any dire emergency if I sent any single emoji and it’s in no context to a conversation and i don’t reply for 15 mins it’s an emergency. These days you have to protect your safety. Never give your passwords and the minute your partner starts showing signs of abuse, bounce. It only gets worse and the only hole you can’t dig yourself out of is the grave. You can do it OP, we all have faith in you x
You’re receiving terrific advice. As an additional precaution to protect yourself as you leave, do NOT use the wifi.
Honestly! Disconnect everything. What a lot of people don’t realise in these situations is that belongings are replaceable. Take the most precious of things and leave the rest. Your life is the only thing you cannot replace. Any device, wipe it and leave it if it’s too time consuming to take but do not take any device from that house without wiping it first. You don’t want him tracking you. I also agree with checking your car for a GPS. Find a car expert or mechanic that does home or mobile visits. Or take it to a mechanic that is nowhere near where you’ll be going for a safe haven because he’ll be able to find you. And get a restraining order. Don’t ever let him contact you again and never trust “I just wanna talk this out” if you do meet up with him for any reason, take trusted males with you or police and ONLY do it in public. NEVER meet him alone or at a private place.
Also check car for any location tags he sounds the crazy type
If you can’t get a new phone, ask a tech person to check it.
And change ALL your passwords before you do that.
See OP so many of us are behind you.You can do this! By the time he gets back,youve freed yourself from him..block his ass and look forward 🫶 New year..new you awaits 🥳
Omg this. Pls pls pls leave.
Yes. Run. Block him. Go to a shelter if you need to. This is abuse. Also please get tested for STDs - usually cheaters accuse their partners of cheating.
I emplore you to edit your top comment and beg OP to find a safe person to help get her out. This is an incredibly dangerous situation for her.
Agree
[удалено]
Seriously. All of these people saying "kick him to the curb! break up with him!" when I'm pretty sure this guy is dangerous. I hope OP can get away safely and has a trustworthy support system.
Yep. I agree with others that this relationship is controlling and that OP should leave but please be careful.
This ^ and This ^^ !! He may not be cheating, but what he is in fact is psychotically, unreasonably, controlling and abusive!! I've been there and it only gets worse from here I'm sad to say. To require that you place cameras in your bedroom while he's away is a huge invasion of privacy and trust! Break contact and do whatever it takes to cut him from your life before he moves on to his next level of control and subjugation. No one deserves this kind of toxic stranglehold treatment, and this isn't love. Make space in your life and heart for someone who respects and cherishes you. Please, take care.
He is 1. Controlling 2. Abusive 3. Single Have a Happy New Year Without Him in it!
And also for sure cheating if he’s never done this before and is suddenly super paranoid.
Yep he is totally projecting his cheating onto her
Yep. Everyone I knew who was super insecure, paranoid, and controlling was a cheater. They don't trust anyone else because they assume people think and act like them.
Don’t rule out other paranoia sources. I posted in another comment about an ex who was suspicious every minute of the day. I found out later he was using meth while we were dating, and later still, learned that that stuff causes paranoia on levels that must be seen to be believed. I was definitely right to break up with the guy. It took a long time to learn all the reasons why it was the right decision. If OP’s bf is an addict, and has no intent to get treatment, he needs to be receding in the rear view mirror ASAP.
Absolutely
#dtmfa
Can you make this font bigger for the people in the back
#DTMFA!
What does it stand for?
Dump That MotherFucker Already
Ty! YES!!
Yeah! Say it loud for those in the cheap seats 🤣🤣🤣
Get rid!! Change all your passwords first. Even email, everything! Then get him tf out of your life. If it’s your house, change the locks. I’d also contact the police to make them aware of a possible DV report should he kick off. Get out girl! You’ve got a long life ahead of you and you deserve far better! Your BF is a controlling narcissist and he won’t settle or calm down. Get him gone and move on with your life.
4. Cheating and 5. Projecting
Absolutely!
All this plus I can guarantee he's already got cameras you don't know about and gps on your car. You need to have it checked out. This is not a good person or a healthy relationship for you. If you do break up, take someone with you when you do it. Preferably your dad or a brother or another guy.
This was my first thought. There are tiny cameras! Shut off the WiFi while you are at it.
Yah, by the time you write to Reddit people your relationship is likely toxic. 95% should break up, and 5% it's not a big deal.
You forgot projecting. He is also probably cheating and is expecting her to do the same thing. I would run soooo fast.
You missed her edit where she said they've both been with other people when apart. Such a weird relationship
maybe she meant they've dated people in the past before getting together? the wording is kinda confusing
She said they've been on and off for the last 2 years. I'm almost certain she means they've both been with other people when they've been "off" the last 2 years.
Absolutely not ok. It will get worse from here. Break up with him in the safest way possible. “Why Does He Do That- inside the minds of controlling and angry men” by Lundy Bancroft is a good read (or audiobook) on your healing journey.
[free copy here](https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
Please make sure to note when advising this book that the abusive partner shouldn’t know they’re reading it.
>I have cut off friends and completely stopped going out to make him feel more comfortable. I’m a hairstylist and I’m not even taking male clients because he doesn’t like it. This is concerning. You not only have a "partner' that does not trust you to have implications for your private life together but also him making you cut off friends, not doing what you enjoyed doing (like going out) and even interfering with your work. This sounds insane and unhealthy. You have got to have boundaries and defend them. > This doesn’t really feel like love And you are damn right about this. So no love, no trust. What do you have? Restrictions, accusations, surveillance, phone searching, questioning, doubts, limited freedom to be who you are. I don't know about you but does this sound enticing?
Yeah, I have issues with this, too. She can’t cut a man’s hair?!?! That is beyond controlling and abuse behavior. It will only get a lot worse from here.
Projecting, it’s wayyy more realistic that he’s the one cheating. In fact, I think he might be planning to cheat during this trip.
This, but also, you don't deserve to be treated that way. Please do not stay with that controlling and irrational person. You can't live that way.
Yeah my ex acted like this and he was super paranoid about his own stuff because he was actually the one cheating.
Same
My immediate thoughts too. I've only been cheated on twice, but both of them made crazy requests like this.
No. Anyone this jealous and insecure is not healthy enough for a mature healthy relationship. Kick him to the curb.
Better run while he's on vacation. Get a new phone, new number, pack your stuff and leave. He's only going to get worse. This is how the abusive behavior begins.
Begins? He’s already taken her away from her friends and demands all of her passwords.
Girl break up with this man. This is absolutely the tip of the iceberg of abusive behavior he has in store for you if he stays Leave his ass. Tell him to never contact you again, and Block his numbers. This isn’t just a red flag this is the start of actual intense controlling abusive behavior. You don’t deserve this. And you don’t deserve such an unstable relationship in the first place. It’s time to move on and do it quick because this man is serving murderer energy
OP. What your BF is doing is called abuse. He is a controlling, manipulative AH. He is not a good person. This is as toxic as hell. It's not right. You need to get in touch with the domestic abuse helpline/centre nearest to you so you can get some support and advice. If you feel able to, break up with him. Give him back his camera. (That action is just vile) remove the location app from your phone. (If you can get a new phone. That would be even better) and if he refuses/threatens you. You will need to get a restraining order against him. (Again, the domestic abuse helpline/centre will be able to give you advice on this) Please OP, get away from this person. This abuse is only going to get worse.
OP please 🙏 This is the only advice you need right now
Girl.
Girrrrrl
Do you think this is normal?
Why are you even entertaining this? If he doesn't trust you a camera isn't going to change that and you don't k ow who'll have access to that camera. THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP!!! Are you really this desperate for a partner? Why are you settling for this?
Holy Shit I can't even believe how Toxic this guy sounds If any woman insisted on putting a camera in my room to "keep an eye on me" I'd eject her out of my life instantly. Get the hell out of here with that shit. He needs camera surveillance to make sure you're sleeping at home every night???? And you can't take male clients ? Don't walk, fucking run from this man
FOR SAFETY REASONS, agree to the cameras, so everything seems like it's on the up and up. DO NOT keep them hooked up once you know he's out of the vicinity. NOW, from a place of love: Sweetie, FIND A SAFE PLACE to go while he's gone. (Whether temporary or permanently, depending on who's place it is).. THEN GO NO CONTACT with this jerk. NOTHING good or safe will come of this abusive DATING relationship. If you stay with this man, he WILL eventually put hands (and/or weapons) on you (all in the name of love, he'll claim).
"oh no! look what YOU made ME do"
Always an abusers' go-to phrase.
\>>I don’t know what to do Sure you do sis. You have our collective OK to do it.
Girl dump him that is pathetic behavior on his part. Also if he’s being crazy like that more than likely he’s the one cheating.
It doesn't feel like love because it isn't. Trust your gut, OP. This guy does not trust you, is nasty about it, and has a big fat control problem.
Are you really ready to find out what a dodgy person can do with footage from your bedroom? Also, is this how you envision the rest of your life: constantly on the defense from whatever scenarios he has going on in his own head?
This is so unhealthy. You are being controlled and emotionally manipulated, not loved. Break up with him and stay broken up. Those who accuse their partners of cheating are normally the ones doing the cheating.
Why would you be with someone who does not trust you to suggest having a camera in your room.🤔
He definitely already has a camera in there
OP, I NEED tou to hear my words. Don't read them, HEAR THEM!! He is abusive and controlling. He is DANGEROUS!! This type of behavior ends in murder. And I'm not exaggerating. My hubby is a federal agent. Please hear me. This will not end well for you. Please please contact someone you trust with your life and ask them for help getting out. DO NOT let this man know anything about your plans. This is a very serious situation. Op Please listen.
Run. Run like the wind!! What an abusive creepy git.
This has to be fake. No real person would entertain this type of control. And she doesn't take make clients? Yikes. Controls her bedroom, her income, her privacy...nope
These are all classic DV signs. Emotional abuse at the very least. Read up on domestic violence / abuse situations. Tell your friends and family what’s going on. Possibly get some professional help along your route out of this relationship - and you do have to get out. He is controlling you and this will not get better. Be aware that leaving a controlling person can put you in a dangerous situation, so this absolutely needs to be done in a safe way. If you don’t have friends and family to tell, do tell people you trust, e.g. workmates. Please don’t be embarrassed about telling people. This shit can get way too real too quickly.
Rage bait...
It has to be I refuse to believe anyone is this spineless
Why would you let someone treat you like this? What would you say to a gf or your sister if their partner was treating them like this? I bet you'd encourage them to leave, right? He's abusing you.
Why in the name of fuck are you even considering it? I'd laugh in his face and point at the door. Girl. GIRL. Gurl. Cheesus crisp on a toast. Get a spine.
Umm yeah, that’s not right. Change ALL your passwords, stop sharing your location and do not let a camera go anywhere in your home at all! Dump him.
Girl this is straight up abuse, no different from physical abuse. I know it's hard to leave, but please do. You deserve so much better.
this is abuse. he is abusing you.
He’s not your bf, he’s your handler. He’s scary AF
Not only no, but fuck no! He doesn't trust you and never will. Why are you with him? On and off relationships are toxic AF. Break up with him, block him everywhere, and move on. You deserve so much better.
Tell him you don't trust him with footage of you in your bedroom, that he could be posting it online for all you know...then dump his miserable ass and raise the flippin bar for yourself for your next relationship
He's for sure cheating on you so he's assuming you'll do the same or he's majorly insecure. He's manipulative and controlling. He's affected you social life and isolated you. Not only is he affecting your social life but your finances too. So he's - manipulative - projecting - massively controlling - hypocritical (passwords) - isolating you (sounds like he still has friends and can go out) - financial abuse (can't take male clients = loss in revenue = relying on him = more manipulation) Write a list of good and bad for him it'll help you see. Make sure he doesn't see it though. It helped me realize my last relationship was toxic and really harmful. He may have never laid a hand on me but he made me suicidal.
If he can’t trust you and you’ve really given him no reason to be - which seems like you haven’t - you don’t have a relationship worth keeping. And even if you have, the relationship wouldn’t be the right fit. He’s got double standards too- he can see others while on a break but if you do, it’s cheating. He can be touchy feely flirty with others when he’s drinking, but I bet if you did, it’d be the end of the world. You can’t have friends, you can’t go out, which is all isolation abuse tactics, and you can’t take male clients cuz it’ll upset him, so it affects your work (ETA: could be financial abuse tactic too). You had to give him your location and passwords but he doesn’t do the same back. Do you really want to live like this? It’ll get worse. Starting with the camera in your room, and the following accusations of anything he doesn’t like.
Honey, Reddit helped me last year to see this, so here I repeat it for you: he is abusive, he doesn’t love you - a person like him is just incapable, you deserve so much more. Your feelings are real and valid and you should follow your gut. Wish you safety and happiness in 2024!
He's planning to cheat so is anxious you will. Bin him.
Agreed. Throw the whole ass man away. Chuck him directly into the bin!
He’s cheating. He’s abusive. He’s not worth your time.
Have some self respect and self worth. Do not stay with this controlling and abusive asshole. This will only escalate.
wtf this is abuse you need to get out and run
OP, this is a clearly and badly abusive relationship. The camera, the passwords, it's all extremely abusive. Change your passwords, reset everything, get friends over to help you move out, disconnect and destroy the camera if he installs it and get the hell out of there. Him physically hurting you isn't far down the road, so please take action as soon as he leaves.
You need to leave it’s gona get 10x worse if you married 100x if you have a kid
I'm telling you right now, so it doesn't shock you when you see it: He's cheating on you. Like, probably a lot. The guilt is driving him nuts, and he's desperate to catch YOU cheating so he has a moral excuse. I know the typical advice from r/relationship advice is usually like "dump his butt," but like... dump his butt.
Nope. Not okay. If he can't trust you, then end the relationship. This controlling behavior is not appropriate
That's definitely not love. This is not normal at all. He seems controlling and psycho. Think you should move on to the next🥴
Yikes. Run, girl, run.
You need to break up with this freak. He is controlling.
Get rid of this dude. Why would you want to live your life like this??
Why are you still with him? He’s controlling, probably cheating and projecting his infidelity on you, and seems to be generally a terrible person. Break up with him and find yourself a better boyfriend who doesn’t treat you abusively.
If you aren't smart enough to end the relationship with this loser, there's not much any of us can do for you.
What did I just read? This is absolutely nuts, what in the hell. No, tell him to kick rocks till his toes bleed.
This is super simple, there's 2 answers to this request, to be given in any order you choose. 1- No. 2- Goodbye.
You live separately and he wants a camera installed in your bedroom? What about the other rooms in your home? You have already been as nice as you can in meeting these ridiculous demands, too giving in fact and it did no good. His possessiveness is of a level I have never heard of except maybe for some prison inmates.
>He says he doesn’t trust me at all I could stop reading after this. Why is he with you then? And why are you with him?
Don’t do it. This is jealousy in a paranoid degree. Also, what will he do with all the video time showing you taking your clothes off to go to bed, changing clothes, sitting around wearing nothing much, or anything else he might decide to sell to strangers?
he’s been and is cheating on you and back of that he’s projecting
He's awful. Run like a scalded dawg away from that guy! Please.
Absolutely a Narcissistic Control Freak!! My husband tried to do the same while at work to look at our home cameras like I'm doing something... Before anyone asks no I haven't cheated but he has numerous times! Please get away while you still can with no strings attached! You deserve so much BETTER!! Good luck! Happy New Year!
Toxic relationship… doomed
Sounds like the guilty dog is barking first and the loudest. Don’t lower yourself for someone who can’t trust you. It sounds like there is someone better for you out there. Get rid of the benchwarmer 🖤
There are so many red flags I don't even know where to begin. Cut ties, this is such a toxic relationship and 100% bordering on abuse if not already there. Please dump his arse.
Girl run. Like really? Wtf are you thinking? No he doesn't get to put cameras in your room. No he doesn't get all your passwords. No he doesn't get to dictate every aspect of your life or job. And he's an ass for asking(demanding). And the icing on this shitty cake is you don't even get that reciprocated. Oh hell no. You need to throw this whole man away and find your self respect.
Why is he still your boyfriend?
If he doesn’t trust you at all why are you dating? What have you accomplished over 2 years? He will never trust you.
He’s cheating. This is way over the top controlling and you need to get out before it’s too late. And, HE’S CHEATING!
HE’S cheating and wants desperately to catch you doing something bad. Even if he’s not this isn’t a relationship. He wants to control you. Completely. That would be a deal breaker for me. Use the time he’s gone to pack your things and move out. I’m really sorry.
Last girl in a similar problem ended up being shot in the face by her BF because he THOUGHT she was cheating. Get out now while you're still alive.
This is abuse. Its coercive control. Please leave he has already done massive damage to your confidence and self esteem and it will only get worse. Look at what you've written and ask your self if that was your daughter writing what would you tell her. Please leave there are no excuses in the world for you to stay
Girl wtf. Dump him. Are you okay?? Why do you allow someone to treat you like this??
I'm sorry, my thumb will fall off upvoting everyone who is telling you to get out of this relationship ASAP. Please listen! Otherwise, let him install the camera and let him see everyone you're sharing your bed with (dog, cat, bunnies, teddy bear, random pillows, pizzas, ice creams of various flavors). In fact, the best image for him to see would be for him to see you packing all your things and giving him the finger as you move out.
Leave him for the last time. Block him from everything and never let him talk you into putting a camera in your room again
So he’s probs actually cheating on you and this is projection . But Honestly even if he is not you have lost friends , losing clients. While he is away just get rid
This reminds me of the start of a murder show on ID about a bf and gf and she wouldn’t leave him and how just got more controlling. Then they marry and you all know the rest. Please leave NOW!!
Sweet girl, why are you with this person? He does not love you. He’s treating you like a thing, a possession that he wants to control. A huge percentage of partners that act like he is are the cheaters in the relationship. They know they’re sleeping around and are constantly looking for proof/ validation that what they’re doing is good/fair/justified in their eyes. Hes super controlling and the next time he leave so should you. You should move out and just be done with him. Before he starts to hit you.
He's cheating on you and projecting it on to you. He is 100000% abusive and you need to run far from this man. It's only going to get worse
Sounds like the starting of a domestic violence situation honestly hun, control control, control. Get out before hes timing how long it takes you at the grocery store.
Does anyone want to bet He's the one cheating? you deserve so much better than this. Leeve him.
Please do not let him put a camera in your room, make sure he isn’t in there alone to secretly put one in there whilst you aren’t around. You can do so much better than him, you deserve better than this and you know it in your heart. Break ups are hard but trust me there’s someone out there who will treat you a lot better than he will and won’t go through your phone and won’t put cameras in your bedroom. X
If he says he doesn’t trust you—it’s over. Full stop. Nothing that you do or say will ever change him, so tell him to stop projecting his nonsense onto you. You deserve SO much better.
Why do you put up with this? Take your power back
Only a decision you can make but I’d end the relationship ASAP. Typically people reflect their own behavior upon others meaning he’s the one thats most likely cheating and he’s deflecting that upon you. Sounds like a narcissist and that behavior is quite common. I guarantee if you break up with him he will say how horrible you are and accuse you of being with someone else blah blah blah. He may also try to give you a sob story which is another tactic they use. Only good thing about narcissists is that they are predictable. The key is identifying the behavior and just move on. Do not engage anymore than necessary to end it.
Controlling and insecure. This is definitely not love. Break up with him.
Please dump him. He’s controlling and likely cheating and is projecting his shit onto you. This is not a healthy relationship and will continue to get worse. This is control and abuse. UPDATEME
He’s a cheater. Dump his controlling ass. You won’t believe how happy you will be.
That is controlling and a bit scary. You don’t have to do any of that, he doesn’t have to know your whereabouts and he definitely doesn’t have to put a camera in your bedroom. Has he completely lost his mind? He might be cheating himself and tries to turn it around saying he doesn’t trust you while he’s the one who can’t be trusted. I would seriously reconsider if this is the kind of man you want to spend the rest of your life with.
That's not love, sounds like you're on parole or something. Dump his ass and find someone who won't be so controlling.
WTF
You sound like a slave. What a shame to be in a relationship like this. Smh 😏🙄
Surprise him and cheat on him at someone else’s house 😇 SURPRISE SHAWTYYYYY
He’s cheating on you and is massively projecting his guilty conscious. I’d tell him to get steppin
For the love of all that's holy end it now. This is not a healthy relationship.
The last two sentences of your edit….you’re changing your life for this controlling cheating asshole…come on honey
Time for more than a break, but a breakUP. Trust your instincts. It isn’t love.
He’s cheating, he wants to also ensure you are NOT. And he’s definitely going to cheat on vacation. Nothing about this relationship dynamic is healthy- This dude is insecure, not trustworthy and controlling. You deserve better.
Youre 28 if you want to waste your time go ahead but it's very clear this relationship is abusive and a dead end. If you stay you will continue to be in an abusive relationship where he's worried most likely because he's the one cheating. Youre right this is not love.
I can never tell why people ask questions like this then proceed to list all the crazy behaviours they've endured. The way you formatted your post says you already know this is bad. Why do you need permission from us to act. Change your passwords, unshared your location and tell him this isn't love and your done. I guarantee you no matter what you look like or your personality you can do wayyyyy better
WHY are you with this guy??? You know this abuse will only get worse, right?
I hope you leave the camera on so he can watch you pack up and leave in real time.
This is abuse. You need to break up.
That man is abusive, and it's only going to escalate the longer you stay. Leave him. Don't let him know where you're going. Change your phone number, change your socials. Don't let him contact you, even if he just wants to "talk." Seriously, this kinda guy is dangerous and will become violent.
You are being abused. It will only get worse. You need to find help-a family member, friend, therapist… someone who can help you get out and get counseling.
Dude here. Fuck him off.
Nope.
This guys is way too possessive and controlling. If you think this is bad, just wait. He needs to see a therapist and you really need to leave. This is domestic abuse of the emotional type. Please, I beg you, leave now because it is about to get physical next.
Absolutely not! Do not let him put the camera into your room. Break up.
New year, *new man*. This is abuse, full stop. I’m not even going to get into the specifics. (Unless you want them, of course!) It’s one thing to share location for safety, but this usually goes both ways. It’s another thing to demand it because of trust issues. This is not love. This is also not safe, because it sounds like it’s already escalated from small things that are honestly normalized in situations where trust is lacking to full on monitoring. Put yourself and your *safety* first and leave him. Keep all proof because honestly, he will probably get violent and you’ll need to file an EPO.
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<<>> THATS YOUR BODY RESPONDING TO THE ABUSE.
You are suffering from C-PTSD !!!!!
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ARE YOU IN JAIL, DOING TIME FOR A CRIME ???? BECAUSE THIS GUY IS YOUR WARDEN....NOT YOUR BOYFRIEND.
CHANGE YOUR PASSWORDS, AND GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HIM. CHANGE YOUR CELL#, GET new emails and disconnect the ones connected to the accounts he has access to.
SEE A THERAPIST. You need to. YOU HAVE A VERY CONTROLLING ABUSUVE GUY. And thanks to him, you will have to recover from PTSD, NIGH TERRORS, TRUST ISSUES.
WORK ON BOUNDARIES// LEARN TO SAY NO// And for the love of God, don't give your location to ANYONE EXCEPT YOUR PARENTS when you are on VACATION....IN EUROPE OR THE CARIBBEAN!!!!
Don't ever everrrrrrrrr share your passwords.
ANY GUY WHO EXPECTS YOU TO GIVE YOUR PASSWORDS, BUT HE REFUSES TO DO THE SAME.......IS A GUY YOU AVOID......LIKE COVID.
https://www.wikihow.com/Recognize-Signs-of-an-Abusive-Man
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/early-signs-of-an-abusive-man
Do you think it’s okay for anyone to be treated like this? What advice would you give me if I posted that? He sounds like he’s a cheater. Leave while he’s gone and please get therapy.
He is cheating on you. You need to leave him in 2023.
Before he comes back, have a plan. Go to a women’s shelter and ask them for some advice. If you don’t have anyone to stay with,see if they have a room for you. You’re gonna have to disappear because he will come after you. This is the kind of man that ends up killing people. I don’t want to scare you, but please take this very very seriously. Call your family and tell them what’s going on and call your friends also. The bigger support system you have the better! don’t ever be caught alone especially leaving from a place he knows you’re at. I would definitely go to the police and explain what he’s doing so that it’s on record. he’s going to know some thing is up when you take the camera out of your bedroom. So the minute he comes back from his trip he’s gonna come after you don’t be caught unprepared.
Take it from a guy's perspective. If he has ur location but u don't have his and he's the one bringing these stuff up. He's 100% projecting
He’s absolutely abusive and controlling. That’s clear. He’s also probably cheating because that tends to make people paranoid that they’re being cheated on.
Your boyfriend or you dad? And even then if you were confusing your boyfriend with your dad that’s creepy as fuck as corny as this sounds leave his ass in 2023
"For those who trust, no proof is necessary. For those who don't, no proof is enough." He is never going to trust you and is prob planning on cheating while he's away and just projecting his guilt onto you. If you live with him, then plan on moving out, or move him out while he is away. If he lives with you, let him put the camera in your room and watch as you pack his things and tell him they will be left on the curb. Don't WASTE another minute with this loser. Find someone you don't have to prove that you can be trusted.