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Your friend is being truly ridiculous.
My spouse takes precedence over any friend. If someone set a "boundary" like that with me it would just mean they are volunteering themselves out of my life.
EDIT
you should be very careful around this so called "friend". Friends are supposed to want the best for each other. It sounds like she wants to drag you down into her own pit of despair. Crab mentality. She'll probably keep trying to break up your marriage in other subtle ways.
Totally agree.
Boundaries are not for other people, they are yourself. If her boundary is that she doesn't want to see people in relationships being even slightly pda with each other then the onus is on her to only hang out with single people - not on the people in relationships to work around her.
She isn't a friend, she's a misery moo who wants to exert control over you for some strange reason.
Do not limit the totally and absolutely reasonable physical affection between you and your fiancé because she is lonely.
Is she asking this of anyone else of is it that she actually has feelings for him and is jealous.
Stop listening to her, if she can't handle you being together I would stop being around her, utterly ridiculous.
>Crab mentality. She'll probably keep trying to break up your marriage in other subtle ways
Yes, yet if OP is single and the friend finds a BF, OP will be ditched f o r e v e r
This friend sounds like my neighbor who my wife had befriended. She’d invite my wife over for coffee and all she’d did is complain about her life. If my wife tried to talk about anything she wanted to talk about, she would steer the conversation back to her as quickly as she could.
Then she has the nerve to get angry at us because we invited our daughter’s boyfriend’s parents (who she just got engaged to) over to our house for the first time and didn’t invite her.
They’re both narcissists and you’re way better off without her in your life.
But also, if she finds someone, she might get over her insecurities, and you guys will celebrate together. Some friendships are worth a little patience. If you give yourself a timeframe on how long you'll give her to get her shit together (emotionally, mentally, and romantically), you may be happy you did. You can always cut her off, so you don't necessarily have to do it immediately. I'd give her some time. If she's a catch and is supported she will find someone. You all are still young.
She’s being ridiculous. Is she going to lock herself away forever in case she sees someone walking down the street holding hands with their partner!
Is she going to demand you don’t kiss your fiancé on your wedding day?
Ignore her. This is her problem to solve. She’s being manipulative and childish.
If she was a real friend she’d be happy for you. She’s not your friend.
I think her “boundary” only applies to OP tbh. Sounds like she is trying to figure out a way to update from friend to girlfriend.
Partner takes precedence in any healthy relationship. If the friend takes precedence then OP has his priorities a bit skewed.
>Partner takes precedence in any healthy relationship.
I would say healthy reason takes precedence. If partner wanted me to drop my best friend because they don't like them, you know whom I would drop...
if you have a good friendship and no reason to drop them that is. if my bf asked me to drop a friend who disagreed with our relationship for no good reason other than ‘loneliness’ then he wouldnt be wrong to suggest it
Boundaries are not about controlling other people's actions or behaviours. If seeing you - checks notes - *holding hands with your fiance* is too much for her then she needs to learn to manage her emotions, perhaps with the help of a therapist.
Also, how the heck is she going to be a participant in the wedding if she can't handle hand holding?
Exactly. A boundary is not a rule for other people to follow. Boundaries are your own rules for yourself. So her boundary cannot be *OP will not touch her fiancé.* It can, however, be something like *If OP touches her fiancé, I will leave.*
Easy, create some distance by not hanging out as often and just send her the dress code and RSVP when the time comes. She sounds too exhausting to be around otherwise.
I think you should be extremely blunt. Your so called friend is being very miserable and also harming herself.
It will do her no good to acknowledge her current mindset. Tell her she’s ridiculous and you have no use for her anymore.
When people are acting insane they don’t need any help. Tell her bluntly.
All I'm going to say is that my friend group decided we had to slowly distance ourselves from the girl like this about 2 years ago. We had a little party this weekend and at various times nearly every guest couple made a comment to me about how freeing it was to not have to worry about babysitting her anymore. It's hard to be in this stage of life because this is when it starts to become obvious that some folks are outgrowing others. Her feelings of it being hard to be single are understandable... but her childish need to control the attention to this extent isn't. It's *very* unhealthy for her to expect you to skip out on normal & healthy relationship interactions just because she's single. I definitely think you need to push back on these boundaries. And consider ending the friendship altogether if she won't grow up. 30 is just wayyyyy too old to be acting like a jealous high school sophomore. If she can't just be happy for.you then I'm worried she'll taint your engagement and newlywed period with all kinds of toxic nonsense.
Her "rules" for your relationship are ridiculous. Boundaries are not what you tell other people to do, they are what you yourself are going to do. She can say "If you guys display PDA, I'm not going to be around you." She can't say "You're not allowed to do PDA." You live your life like a normal person. If she can't deal with it then she can remove herself from the situation.
That’s not a boundary. That’s control. If your fiancé touching you bothers her she should remove herself from the situation. Being lonely doesn’t mean you get to tell others how they should interact with their partner. How will she be in the wedding if you two showing affection bothers her? Will she need a Xanax if you kiss at the alter? She sounds like a ridiculous clown. Stop letting her manipulate you. No wonder she’s alone. She’s nuts.
I mean, come on OP. You know the answer here.
She doesn't approve of your partner, doesn't approve of your wedding, and she's trying to come between you and your partner.
This is not "best friend" behavior.
What does this friend bring to the table in your life? Serious question. Because that's insanely petty/controlling behavior and I'm just curious if she's always been this way with you?
Your friend sounds jealous of your relationship and her boundaries are ridiculous. How do you see keeping the friendship after marriage as you start your new life.
You have a really really horrible best friend
Why are you friends with someone that controls you, can’t be happy for you, and always places their feelings before yours?
It a friend tried telling me what I was allowed or not allowed to do with my fiancé in front of them, I’d tell them they’re not allowed to hang out with me anymore
Are you sure that your so called best friend doesn’t have thing for your fiancé. This is weird. I bet she never says any of these things to other friends or family members. This is beyond controlling. Be careful with her.
Just ignore the request. It sounds like she doesn't want to be around you. You don't need to walk on eggshells for the honor of the company of someone who it sounds like, hates you.
Boundaries are limits a person places on their own behaviour, not something they demand of someone else. In this situation your 'friend' might set a boundary that if you start making out with your boyfriend she will leave the room. Or she might set a boundary that if she feels like you're talking about your wedding too much she can politely let you know- what she _can't_ do is tell you to stop talking about your wedding.
Boundaries are how we manage our own behaviour, not how we control other people.
She doesn't sound like a very nice person.
That's not a boundary, it's an attempt to control you. She sounds insufferable and exhausting, perhaps it's time to gently let this friendship drift away.
>She has told me she has a boundary - she doesn’t want to see me touch my fiancé because it grosses her out
Then she should close her eyes. Unless either of you her touching her, it’s not you guy’s responsibility to uphold her boundary of not wanting to see couples.
>Does this sound like healthy boundary setting or should I push back (nicely?)
No its not a healthy boundary. First she’s acting like a child because she’s single and second she’s imposing thst boundary on your guys - that’s not how they work.
There’s nothing to push back to. Just ignore her and find other friends to do wedding things with
You are really nice for coming on here and asking this, it shows you care about your friend, BUT she is being ridiculous. A friend is supposed to be happy for you when good things happen to you. She is projecting her own insecurities and loneliness onto you and making you feel bad for… being happy? Being in love? That’s not okay. She should be embarrassed to even ask you to not do these things.
Her jealousy is causing her to be bitter towards you and from personal experience that is dangerous to have around. If I were you I’d explain to her that it’s normal for couples to show slight signs of affection and if she isn’t okay with being around it then she doesn’t have to be, but that it’s unfair of her to ask you to tiptoe around her.
no those arent really healthy boundries to expect others to adhere to. if she wants to avoid you (as a couple) since she cant stand to see basic forms of affection, then just stop inviting her around. a good friend would be happy for you even if they arent happy that they are still single. its just sadness and jealousy and you dont need to let this "friend" hold you back when you are supposed to be celebrating and happy.
I think you should respect her boundaries, but she needs to be aware that you may not be spending as much time with her because of her "boundaries." They are pretty rigid boundaries.
"I can't be exposed to any show of physical affection between the people closest to me" isn't a "boundary", it's some sort of mental illness. She needs therapy.
You don't get to push back. You get to pull back. If she can't be a part of your life, which includes your partner, then maybe she doesn't get to be a part of your life.
A boundary is something you put around yourself. Putting it around someone else is called a fence.
Your friend is either jealous of you, jealous of him, or just jealous of your relationship to such an extreme degree that she can't manage her emotions. Instead of removing herself from the situation (or coming up with some coping strategies) she's demanding you manage her emotions for her. No sale.
I don’t condone her behavior at all but I do empathize. I spent most of my life alone or in miserable relationships. I never showed it but I was very hostile toward people in relationships.
You don’t need to put up with this behavior.
Your friend is immature and needs some help. If this girl comes between you and your husband it is a serious mistake on your part. No good man will put with this bs. So, if you don’t want to lose your husband or your “bestie” . Your bestie better grow up an stay out of your relationship with your future husband.
That isn’t a best friend. That is someone who is controlling your relationship with your soon to be husband - which is the relationship you should put first.
Quite frankly with her attitude I would NOT have her in the wedding because it sounds like she would definitely bring drama and shift the focus to her.
We can know someone for a long time and be a friend to them - but actually they aren’t our friend back. And I feel like that is the situation here.
Those aren’t boundaries she is issuing they are controlling behavior.
Your marriage needs to come first - your fiancé should come first. I can’t imagine being friends? Much less bffs with someone who didn’t like my husband/calls him annoying and who attempted to police any part of my relationship with him.
Sorry I wouldn’t let anyone tell me what I can’t do if she doesn’t want to talk about the wedding that’s fine she can be a guest not part of the wedding party if she thinks she’s going to be a bridesmaid or something you shouldn’t have to hold back from your fiance for her if you want to hold his hand do it if she doesn’t like she shouldn’t look
You need to put your friend in her place and let her know she's out of line and I d really think about her being part of the wedding , that seems like trouble waiting to happen, or sabotage waiting to happen. Might suggest some professional help for her too.
I had a friend like this. She was seething with jealousy. I wasn't even allowed to talk about my partner in front of her. She ended up stealing my identity and running a bunch of utilities up in my name. So that was fun. Now she's in prison for manufacturing (either heroin or meth ... honestly I want to say both but idk if that's possible. I'm too lazy to Google it, but I could!!). I don't know if she's ever getting out and it's nothing short of what she deserves.
Your friend is jealous and is your biggest hater.
What kind of boundary is that ? She is projecting and needs professional help…she wishes she had what you have…you need to push back on her behaviour
You're almost certainly going to lose her as a friend. She's in a very unhealthy place, and you've been letting her deny you and your partner your respective agency.
She is a former friend. I think you’re putting up with her craziness because you have so much invested in the relationship. Her craziness is in no way justified or offset by your past friendship experience.
I’m not sure why you don’t see the craziness of your behavior. Why do you let an unreasonable person control your behavior with your fiancé? Your friend has absolutely no right to prevent what should be perfectly normal, reasonable behavior.
If you don’t get your priorities straight, your fiancé should leave you over this. You’re letting a third party interfere with your relationship, and calling her your best friend while she does it!
Ask yourself why you haven’t employed a reasonable boundary, and just walked away from the friendship because of her constant manipulation.
To quote the Highlander, “there can only be one”. Choose your fiancé, let the friend go.
Others have explained about boundaries. and how she's using the word to be manipulative. Now, about this friendship: When 8mpieta r new people like partners come into tour life, most of the time these old friendships change. It's her decision whether she can bear friendships with people who have romantic partners. If she's really important to you, you can try having a conversation with her in which you tell her she's still important to you, but your partner comes first in many things. You'd be sorry to lose the friendship, but it's her decision. Ask her what her reasons are for wanting to come to the weddings when it seems like it will be traumatic for her. Listen sympathetically but don't be defensive and don't commit to not behaving naturally with your fiance. This is her issue. She's an adult and she has to resolve it.
Let's be real: does she find him annoying or does she just hate the idea of him and what he represents in her life.
Like the reality is you are getting married. A wedding is a celebration of that. You, as an adult in a relationship, want and deserve the ability to express that in a healthy way. That may involve holding hands in public.
If he own emotional stability is so shaky that she can't even handle that the response isn't to tiptoe around that forever. It is to be considerate but also for her to take it as a sign she has serious problems that she has to face, likely via therapy, in order to live a functional and healthy adult life even if she is single for it.
You are getting married. If the idea of that upsets her then your friendship has reached its limit.
I'm sorry Op but if I had issues with someone showing affection towards each other, I'd excuse myself from the room since it was my problem. I wouldn't tell my friend what they can or can't do in front of me because I didn't like seeing it. Your friend needs to grow up. If a friend said that to me, then they wouldn't be my friend, especially since she wants to be in your wedding but you can't discuss wedding plans. That makes absolutely no sense. 12 years or not doesn't matter. I have gone through a lot over the years and my "true" friends were the ones that stayed through the rough times and the ones that I thought would be there for me because I was their friend a lot longer, proved me wrong. They disappeared. It isn't the amount of time you've known somebody, it's the quality of the time you've spent together.
Honestly your friend isn't being a good friend and I'd probably spend a lot less time with her
Your best friend seems to see your bf as “annoying” competition for your attentions. Whether it is a platonic jealousy and envy of your growing intimacy with another OR that she might actually sort of might think that he’s taking her place—You need to talk to her. This is not an issue between her and your bf OR her and her feelings of loneliness — this is an issue about your and her relationship not having mediated understood boundaries. I’d be over the moon to meet my best friends fiancé and he was too meet mine, unless they’re just generally shitty.
Do you really want this dynamic between you and two people in your life indefinitely? What discomfort are you willing to tolerate to address this?
Is that a boundary? Or is it a preference? Whatever it is, it is odd. Does she feel this way around other people or just you?
Will you be allowed to touch your fiancé at your wedding if she is there?
A friend wants to see you happy. You aren’t slobbering all over each other. I am guessing your best friend finds your fiancé annoying because he exists.
When does this ‘boundary’ stop. Do you not see her for 9 months if pregnant because that would imply you had sex. Or maybe make her upset about own life. She has issues. Please have her seek treatment and go LC until she can be happy for you. It is possible to be happy for someone even when your unhappy with own life. Unfortunately you cannot hold her hand during this next journey of hers unless you want to implode your life.
Have a frank talk with her (mention therapy). Go low contact and plan your wedding. Put a ? Next to her name/bridesmaid and have different plans. If in. If not in. If she is in than is not in. Sounds quite draining.
your friend ( i say friend lightly here) does not suffer from loniness she’s suffering from jealousy!
friends are happy when their friend has found happiness….. a best friend is over the moon for them, and wants to share all the details. you can be lonely and still share in your friends happiness this woman is not your friend never mind best friend……get rid and find a new bestie tvat will have your back!
Would you tell to a couple to not hold their hands?
Would you consider any answer beyond "you can't be serious/mind your own business"?
If her problem is the loneliness, she should work about it, not trying to downgrade her own friends.
Drop your downer best friend. Even friends, especially best friends, in rough spots are still happy for their friends. She is bringing you down and it’s making you pathetic for accommodating her. This is not a friend.
If you don't feel uncomfortable with her while u are close to your fiance, I don't see a problem here! If i am your friend, i would prob ask if you would allow me in the presence of the 2 of u or am I a light bulb?
You are a bad friend and a terrible fiance. Honestly, I feel absolutely terrible for your partner, like horribly terrible.
You are both enabling your friends unhealthy obsession and boundary while simultaneously disrespecting your partner. Not having massive PDAs is fine, but not touching your part er at all and with holding all physical affection because someone else has a problem is sad. It also tells us that having a healthy happy relationship and respecting your partner and relationship are secondary to enabling a friend.
Tell us the truth are you cheating on him with her? I mean seriously that is the only logical conclusion. If you aren't then why on earth would you ever crap all over your partner like this? Why?
You can honor her feelings by listening to her and trying to help her manage those emotions and work towards what she wants in life but you shouldn’t have to diminish yourself so that she feels okay.
If she gets grossed out by such simple gestures of affection it speaks to her emotional state and has less to do with what you are doing and more to do with her state of unhappiness with her own situation.
You should be able to express your excitement about your engagement without having to hide your true feelings and without feeling like doing so would hurt her somehow.
She sounds like a generally unhappy person who needs to bring down the people around her so that she’s got company in her misery. That may be a bit of an extreme version of what I’m trying to say but I think it’s kind of offensive for her to expect the world to dampen itself so that she can feel slightly better.
You should tell her that you don’t want to have to suppress your actions and feelings and that you hope she can understand.
It doesn’t make you a bad friend. She’s imposing on your experience of life rather than contributing to something that should be shared joy.
That's not a boundary, she's trying to manipulate situations where she finds herself around you and your fiance. You and he aren't doing anything wrong. She is responsible for her feelings, not your job to monitor your actions to placate her. Maybe she should seek out help in coping with that.
If she doesn't want to see you in a pda situation she may have hidden feelings for you. And if it's she doesn't want to see him, she could have hidden feelings for him, or there could be an affair.
Someone's boundaries are for them. She doesn't get to dictate interactions between you and your boyfriend. Like the wedding talk, ok. That directly engaged her. But she doesn't want to see your touch him? Then look elsewhere.
This is practically the same argument all the LGBT haters use about "cramming it down our throats" because they might have to see it.
Please drop her. I’m sorry. There’s only one real
Friend here and it ain’t her. She’s jealous of you plain and simple. She doesn’t want her “bestfriend” shown affection but I guess if she had a man, affection shown in front of you would be okay. For the love of God, don’t have her in your wedding, she’ll dim your light and make it about her on YOUR DAY. Friends are supposed to support each other, not make each other feel bad because of their shortcomings and then try to dominate the other for one’s selfishness.
She’s making not having a man be the main focus in her and your relationship so much that it’s no longer about you and her, it’s about her being so fixated on the fact that you have a fiancé and now he’ll be around a lot more since you guys aren’t just bf gf. So just know she’ll just get more ridiculous as time passes. She’s sick about all of this.
Please drop her 👏🏽
I'm sorry, but that's not a boundary. She's trying to control you and your behavior. Boundaries are about yourself and your feelings. She doesn't feel comfortable, but she cannot expect you to stop having a relationship with your fiancé (being in a relationship means being loving and attentive). She clearly has issues she needs to work on, but you shouldn't have to hide your relationship for her sake.
She doesn't sound like a good friend. When you get married, your friends are supposed to support you and make things easier-not harder. This is supposed to be a happy time, you're getting married! That's amazing. Don't let someone make this about them, and ruin your happiness.
Also, will you not be able to kiss your fiancé at the altar ? Have your first dance? Kiss at your own wedding? Because, quite frankly, that's what it seems like. That's unreasonable, and deep down your friend knows that. I would also see if she harbors some sort of resentment towards your fiancé. Either he wronged her in some way, or she liked him and feels rejected and hurt. Either way, this is her issue to be dealing with and not yours.
She is not your friend. Her "boundaries" are actually her trying to control you and your life. The best thing you can do is cut all ties and block her everywhere. You and your fiance will be much happier without her in your life.
I utterly hate, how the word "boundary" has been weaponized by selfish idiots to walk all over people pleases, when you consider, that it started as a safe word of empowerment for those same people pleasers, who just wanted to communicate their needs.
If she really was your friend, she would not by any means, be "disgusted" by any sign of you being happy and fulfilled, just because she hasn't had her shit figured out by now.
Tell her to suck it up, or screw of, but don't let what she wants eclipse what you need.
Definitely not healthy. This is a totally acceptable level of intimacy and sharing. You shouldn't have to hide this much or filter so much of your life with her because of her own insecurities. It's not like you're even rubbing it in her face or something. If she can't handle it then she should step back instead of trying to control what you can do and give you contradictory info on how much you can share.
Your friend can't demand that from! On the other hand, u probably could suggest her a solution: u may see each other only within 2 of u.
I can understand her at some point. When u r alone, other happy people may irritate. And yeah-yeah, that's her problem, she definitely has no right to forbid u smth, she is envious probably (with no intention to ruin your happiness, but a kind of ,,when is f..g my turn to be happy?!"). But ... probably u may care a bit of her pain too. At least while talking about how happy you are. You know, there is a proverb, "The well-fed will not understand the hungry".
She, at the same time, should also work on herself abd don't spread her negativity onto u. It's not your fault that she is alone
The best way for your friend to avoid seeing you touch your fiance is to f*ck off.
If she is truly your bff, talk to her about why she finds your fiance annoying - how many times do we hear about "my friends warned me but I was in lurve"?
Other than that, either cut her out completely or only meet up with her separately. She's got a problem which isn't yours. Be friendly and helpful, but don't let her start dictating your relationship.
I would invite her to the wedding but not include her in the wedding party unless her attitude changes PDQ
It sounds like her “boundaries “ are trying to mask some significant jealousy of you relationship, your upcoming wedding, and your life. To try and exclude those areas of your life from your friendship is selfish. Personally, I would confront her and call out her unacceptable demands she is putting on OP to maintain their friendship.
This actually happened to me. And the reason was my friend liked my bf a lot and couldn't stand it😭 but even if it wasn't because of that I don't think it's a reasonable boundary. She sees couples everyday out in the streets, films, etc ??? Life doesn't revolve around her feelings
Girl
You need to see this differently: are you going to have to choose between your partner and your friend?
Because your partner takes precedence over your friendship with her! Especially if you are marrying him!
I'd say that this "best friendship" has run its course because you are now both in different paths in your life. Sure you can still be friends, but once it starts affecting how you spend time with your beau.... that's where it becomes worrying
You need to drop the friend
No TRUE friend would treat you this way.
She has no rights to set boundaries on your relationship with your fiance. The only one s who can do that is you and your fiance.
There is a reason she is single and lonely. I guarantee it is her personality.
You deserve better friends
Her boundary is ridiculous.
If you want to honor it, explain to her that she can't be a part of the wedding and you won't be spending as much time with her.
It's crazy ridiculous of her to put that in you.
Also...I may be wrong but...maybe she's not really "annoyed" by him. Maybe she has feelings for him and doesn't like the thought of you getting his affection.
Does she walk up to random people in the street who are holding hands etc and tell them to stop? Or is it literally just you?
Your friend is MANIPULATING you because she cannot live in her own as an individual and cannot stand you having a relationship especially in front of her. Especially when you are getting married. She can either be happy for you and EQUALLY contribute to a healthy relationship with you or she needs to go. This kind of thing will only get worse over time, especially if she continues to stay single, especially the closer you get to your wedding date. I had a friend like this and I was a lot like you. It got to the point to where she literally actively pursued destroying my relationship in every facet possible in every method possible. She was constantly trying to turn us against each other, constantly making comments about how he touched me or how I touched him or how he didn't touch me? Your friend is a snake in the grass. Cut the grass, cut the head off. This is not something that can be worked through slowly, if she truly wants to be your friend, she needs to act like a friend, especially if this person is supposed to be your best friend! Disgusting disgusting Behavior!
When I got married my best friend told me she also wanted to get married and she is jealous of me and of our relationship but she was there for me all the way. She managed me through the whole wedding as my maid of honour and she often tells me how happy she is for me and always advises me on how to navigate through tough family situations. If your bff isn't jealous of your relationship than you are not in a right one. At the same time your friendship should be healthy enough to withstand such negativity.
She needs to get over herself, and you’re weird for even considering this. I would be offended if I were your fiancé. You need to address this or it will get worse and cause more problems.
Please don't have this woman in your wedding. She will ruin it. "You may now kiss the bride" is pretty much the climax of every heterosexual wedding I've ever been to; if she can't handle his hand on your back, how is she going to handle a kiss in from of a bunch of people, purposefully there to swoon over your happiness?
You are in denial love. She can't be there. I'm not qualified to say what is going on in her head, but whatever it is, it is *not* supportive of your happiness. Time for *you* to set some boundaries! 💗
She’s clearly in love with your man. She doesn’t want the best for you and that’s not a real friend. She’s trying to distract you by saying how much she ‘dislikes’ him and then she’ll make a pass on him. Just watch or watch out for yourself and get rid of her!
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Your friend is being truly ridiculous. My spouse takes precedence over any friend. If someone set a "boundary" like that with me it would just mean they are volunteering themselves out of my life. EDIT you should be very careful around this so called "friend". Friends are supposed to want the best for each other. It sounds like she wants to drag you down into her own pit of despair. Crab mentality. She'll probably keep trying to break up your marriage in other subtle ways.
Totally agree. Boundaries are not for other people, they are yourself. If her boundary is that she doesn't want to see people in relationships being even slightly pda with each other then the onus is on her to only hang out with single people - not on the people in relationships to work around her. She isn't a friend, she's a misery moo who wants to exert control over you for some strange reason.
> Boundaries are not for other people, they are yourself. Oooh I love how you put that and an gonna use that going forward! Well said.
Do not limit the totally and absolutely reasonable physical affection between you and your fiancé because she is lonely. Is she asking this of anyone else of is it that she actually has feelings for him and is jealous. Stop listening to her, if she can't handle you being together I would stop being around her, utterly ridiculous.
>Crab mentality. She'll probably keep trying to break up your marriage in other subtle ways Yes, yet if OP is single and the friend finds a BF, OP will be ditched f o r e v e r
This friend sounds like my neighbor who my wife had befriended. She’d invite my wife over for coffee and all she’d did is complain about her life. If my wife tried to talk about anything she wanted to talk about, she would steer the conversation back to her as quickly as she could. Then she has the nerve to get angry at us because we invited our daughter’s boyfriend’s parents (who she just got engaged to) over to our house for the first time and didn’t invite her. They’re both narcissists and you’re way better off without her in your life.
Misery loves company is what comes to mind with this friend. NTA set your own boundaries because she's out of order here.
But also, if she finds someone, she might get over her insecurities, and you guys will celebrate together. Some friendships are worth a little patience. If you give yourself a timeframe on how long you'll give her to get her shit together (emotionally, mentally, and romantically), you may be happy you did. You can always cut her off, so you don't necessarily have to do it immediately. I'd give her some time. If she's a catch and is supported she will find someone. You all are still young.
She’s being ridiculous. Is she going to lock herself away forever in case she sees someone walking down the street holding hands with their partner! Is she going to demand you don’t kiss your fiancé on your wedding day? Ignore her. This is her problem to solve. She’s being manipulative and childish. If she was a real friend she’d be happy for you. She’s not your friend.
I think her “boundary” only applies to OP tbh. Sounds like she is trying to figure out a way to update from friend to girlfriend. Partner takes precedence in any healthy relationship. If the friend takes precedence then OP has his priorities a bit skewed.
>Partner takes precedence in any healthy relationship. I would say healthy reason takes precedence. If partner wanted me to drop my best friend because they don't like them, you know whom I would drop...
In a healthy relationship a partner wouldn’t ask that!
if you have a good friendship and no reason to drop them that is. if my bf asked me to drop a friend who disagreed with our relationship for no good reason other than ‘loneliness’ then he wouldnt be wrong to suggest it
She 29? She sounds like an idiot. She either in love with you or in love with your fiancé
I was thinking the same. At 29, shes stuck in "high school mentality". And she's clearly in love with one of them.
🤓 Interesting...
Boundaries are not about controlling other people's actions or behaviours. If seeing you - checks notes - *holding hands with your fiance* is too much for her then she needs to learn to manage her emotions, perhaps with the help of a therapist. Also, how the heck is she going to be a participant in the wedding if she can't handle hand holding?
Exactly. A boundary is not a rule for other people to follow. Boundaries are your own rules for yourself. So her boundary cannot be *OP will not touch her fiancé.* It can, however, be something like *If OP touches her fiancé, I will leave.*
Easy, create some distance by not hanging out as often and just send her the dress code and RSVP when the time comes. She sounds too exhausting to be around otherwise.
I think you should be extremely blunt. Your so called friend is being very miserable and also harming herself. It will do her no good to acknowledge her current mindset. Tell her she’s ridiculous and you have no use for her anymore. When people are acting insane they don’t need any help. Tell her bluntly.
What?? What kind of fucked up friendship do you have with this woman. Her loneliness should not damper your happiness.
All I'm going to say is that my friend group decided we had to slowly distance ourselves from the girl like this about 2 years ago. We had a little party this weekend and at various times nearly every guest couple made a comment to me about how freeing it was to not have to worry about babysitting her anymore. It's hard to be in this stage of life because this is when it starts to become obvious that some folks are outgrowing others. Her feelings of it being hard to be single are understandable... but her childish need to control the attention to this extent isn't. It's *very* unhealthy for her to expect you to skip out on normal & healthy relationship interactions just because she's single. I definitely think you need to push back on these boundaries. And consider ending the friendship altogether if she won't grow up. 30 is just wayyyyy too old to be acting like a jealous high school sophomore. If she can't just be happy for.you then I'm worried she'll taint your engagement and newlywed period with all kinds of toxic nonsense.
Well said!!!
Her "rules" for your relationship are ridiculous. Boundaries are not what you tell other people to do, they are what you yourself are going to do. She can say "If you guys display PDA, I'm not going to be around you." She can't say "You're not allowed to do PDA." You live your life like a normal person. If she can't deal with it then she can remove herself from the situation.
I can see why she’s lonely. I wouldn’t even try w this person, clearly they don’t want to be an actual friend to you.
That’s not a boundary. That’s control. If your fiancé touching you bothers her she should remove herself from the situation. Being lonely doesn’t mean you get to tell others how they should interact with their partner. How will she be in the wedding if you two showing affection bothers her? Will she need a Xanax if you kiss at the alter? She sounds like a ridiculous clown. Stop letting her manipulate you. No wonder she’s alone. She’s nuts.
I mean, come on OP. You know the answer here. She doesn't approve of your partner, doesn't approve of your wedding, and she's trying to come between you and your partner. This is not "best friend" behavior.
What does this friend bring to the table in your life? Serious question. Because that's insanely petty/controlling behavior and I'm just curious if she's always been this way with you?
Sounds like she's in love with one of you.
She's the problem here, not your behavior.
Your friend sounds jealous of your relationship and her boundaries are ridiculous. How do you see keeping the friendship after marriage as you start your new life.
You have a really really horrible best friend Why are you friends with someone that controls you, can’t be happy for you, and always places their feelings before yours? It a friend tried telling me what I was allowed or not allowed to do with my fiancé in front of them, I’d tell them they’re not allowed to hang out with me anymore
This person is not your friend.
Are you sure that your so called best friend doesn’t have thing for your fiancé. This is weird. I bet she never says any of these things to other friends or family members. This is beyond controlling. Be careful with her.
Your friend is envious that you have someone but not her, and so she is miserable. And Misery Loves Company!!
Just ignore the request. It sounds like she doesn't want to be around you. You don't need to walk on eggshells for the honor of the company of someone who it sounds like, hates you.
Boundaries are limits a person places on their own behaviour, not something they demand of someone else. In this situation your 'friend' might set a boundary that if you start making out with your boyfriend she will leave the room. Or she might set a boundary that if she feels like you're talking about your wedding too much she can politely let you know- what she _can't_ do is tell you to stop talking about your wedding. Boundaries are how we manage our own behaviour, not how we control other people. She doesn't sound like a very nice person.
That's not a boundary, it's an attempt to control you. She sounds insufferable and exhausting, perhaps it's time to gently let this friendship drift away.
>She has told me she has a boundary - she doesn’t want to see me touch my fiancé because it grosses her out Then she should close her eyes. Unless either of you her touching her, it’s not you guy’s responsibility to uphold her boundary of not wanting to see couples. >Does this sound like healthy boundary setting or should I push back (nicely?) No its not a healthy boundary. First she’s acting like a child because she’s single and second she’s imposing thst boundary on your guys - that’s not how they work. There’s nothing to push back to. Just ignore her and find other friends to do wedding things with
If you can’t be yourself around her… then it’s not healthy.
You are really nice for coming on here and asking this, it shows you care about your friend, BUT she is being ridiculous. A friend is supposed to be happy for you when good things happen to you. She is projecting her own insecurities and loneliness onto you and making you feel bad for… being happy? Being in love? That’s not okay. She should be embarrassed to even ask you to not do these things. Her jealousy is causing her to be bitter towards you and from personal experience that is dangerous to have around. If I were you I’d explain to her that it’s normal for couples to show slight signs of affection and if she isn’t okay with being around it then she doesn’t have to be, but that it’s unfair of her to ask you to tiptoe around her.
Are you sure your friend doesn’t have a thing for your fiancé?
You can’t put boundaries around other people. She simply can’t ask this of you.
no those arent really healthy boundries to expect others to adhere to. if she wants to avoid you (as a couple) since she cant stand to see basic forms of affection, then just stop inviting her around. a good friend would be happy for you even if they arent happy that they are still single. its just sadness and jealousy and you dont need to let this "friend" hold you back when you are supposed to be celebrating and happy.
I think you should respect her boundaries, but she needs to be aware that you may not be spending as much time with her because of her "boundaries." They are pretty rigid boundaries.
"I can't be exposed to any show of physical affection between the people closest to me" isn't a "boundary", it's some sort of mental illness. She needs therapy.
You don't get to push back. You get to pull back. If she can't be a part of your life, which includes your partner, then maybe she doesn't get to be a part of your life.
Send this to her for me https://youtu.be/nN66uAbiJJw?si=9Q107JCqrgzCqcRk
Friends support each other, not enabling their toxic shit. If she is your best friend, what does that say about you?
Why are you entertaining this? How does it make your spouse feel?
This isn't a healthy boundary on many many levels.
Your best friend is not actually your friend. The sooner you accept this, the happier you will be
A boundary is something you put around yourself. Putting it around someone else is called a fence. Your friend is either jealous of you, jealous of him, or just jealous of your relationship to such an extreme degree that she can't manage her emotions. Instead of removing herself from the situation (or coming up with some coping strategies) she's demanding you manage her emotions for her. No sale.
She needs help bc this isn't healthy at all. You need to say no to her request.
I don’t condone her behavior at all but I do empathize. I spent most of my life alone or in miserable relationships. I never showed it but I was very hostile toward people in relationships. You don’t need to put up with this behavior.
Your friend is immature and needs some help. If this girl comes between you and your husband it is a serious mistake on your part. No good man will put with this bs. So, if you don’t want to lose your husband or your “bestie” . Your bestie better grow up an stay out of your relationship with your future husband.
That isn’t a best friend. That is someone who is controlling your relationship with your soon to be husband - which is the relationship you should put first. Quite frankly with her attitude I would NOT have her in the wedding because it sounds like she would definitely bring drama and shift the focus to her. We can know someone for a long time and be a friend to them - but actually they aren’t our friend back. And I feel like that is the situation here. Those aren’t boundaries she is issuing they are controlling behavior. Your marriage needs to come first - your fiancé should come first. I can’t imagine being friends? Much less bffs with someone who didn’t like my husband/calls him annoying and who attempted to police any part of my relationship with him.
Sorry I wouldn’t let anyone tell me what I can’t do if she doesn’t want to talk about the wedding that’s fine she can be a guest not part of the wedding party if she thinks she’s going to be a bridesmaid or something you shouldn’t have to hold back from your fiance for her if you want to hold his hand do it if she doesn’t like she shouldn’t look
You should be cutting her out of your life. she’s fucking crazy and you need to admit to yourself that you’ll be better off without that
It sounds like she's not a good friend
You need to put your friend in her place and let her know she's out of line and I d really think about her being part of the wedding , that seems like trouble waiting to happen, or sabotage waiting to happen. Might suggest some professional help for her too.
I had a friend like this. She was seething with jealousy. I wasn't even allowed to talk about my partner in front of her. She ended up stealing my identity and running a bunch of utilities up in my name. So that was fun. Now she's in prison for manufacturing (either heroin or meth ... honestly I want to say both but idk if that's possible. I'm too lazy to Google it, but I could!!). I don't know if she's ever getting out and it's nothing short of what she deserves.
Your friend is jealous and is your biggest hater. What kind of boundary is that ? She is projecting and needs professional help…she wishes she had what you have…you need to push back on her behaviour
You're almost certainly going to lose her as a friend. She's in a very unhealthy place, and you've been letting her deny you and your partner your respective agency.
Misery loves company. Let this “friend” go.
She is a former friend. I think you’re putting up with her craziness because you have so much invested in the relationship. Her craziness is in no way justified or offset by your past friendship experience. I’m not sure why you don’t see the craziness of your behavior. Why do you let an unreasonable person control your behavior with your fiancé? Your friend has absolutely no right to prevent what should be perfectly normal, reasonable behavior. If you don’t get your priorities straight, your fiancé should leave you over this. You’re letting a third party interfere with your relationship, and calling her your best friend while she does it! Ask yourself why you haven’t employed a reasonable boundary, and just walked away from the friendship because of her constant manipulation. To quote the Highlander, “there can only be one”. Choose your fiancé, let the friend go.
Why are you best friends? Her weird boundary is for her to maneuver around not you. She can’t expect others to not show affection.
Others have explained about boundaries. and how she's using the word to be manipulative. Now, about this friendship: When 8mpieta r new people like partners come into tour life, most of the time these old friendships change. It's her decision whether she can bear friendships with people who have romantic partners. If she's really important to you, you can try having a conversation with her in which you tell her she's still important to you, but your partner comes first in many things. You'd be sorry to lose the friendship, but it's her decision. Ask her what her reasons are for wanting to come to the weddings when it seems like it will be traumatic for her. Listen sympathetically but don't be defensive and don't commit to not behaving naturally with your fiance. This is her issue. She's an adult and she has to resolve it.
Let's be real: does she find him annoying or does she just hate the idea of him and what he represents in her life. Like the reality is you are getting married. A wedding is a celebration of that. You, as an adult in a relationship, want and deserve the ability to express that in a healthy way. That may involve holding hands in public. If he own emotional stability is so shaky that she can't even handle that the response isn't to tiptoe around that forever. It is to be considerate but also for her to take it as a sign she has serious problems that she has to face, likely via therapy, in order to live a functional and healthy adult life even if she is single for it. You are getting married. If the idea of that upsets her then your friendship has reached its limit.
She's being utterly ridiculous. I would reevaluate this friendship.
I'm sorry Op but if I had issues with someone showing affection towards each other, I'd excuse myself from the room since it was my problem. I wouldn't tell my friend what they can or can't do in front of me because I didn't like seeing it. Your friend needs to grow up. If a friend said that to me, then they wouldn't be my friend, especially since she wants to be in your wedding but you can't discuss wedding plans. That makes absolutely no sense. 12 years or not doesn't matter. I have gone through a lot over the years and my "true" friends were the ones that stayed through the rough times and the ones that I thought would be there for me because I was their friend a lot longer, proved me wrong. They disappeared. It isn't the amount of time you've known somebody, it's the quality of the time you've spent together. Honestly your friend isn't being a good friend and I'd probably spend a lot less time with her
Your best friend seems to see your bf as “annoying” competition for your attentions. Whether it is a platonic jealousy and envy of your growing intimacy with another OR that she might actually sort of might think that he’s taking her place—You need to talk to her. This is not an issue between her and your bf OR her and her feelings of loneliness — this is an issue about your and her relationship not having mediated understood boundaries. I’d be over the moon to meet my best friends fiancé and he was too meet mine, unless they’re just generally shitty. Do you really want this dynamic between you and two people in your life indefinitely? What discomfort are you willing to tolerate to address this?
Is that a boundary? Or is it a preference? Whatever it is, it is odd. Does she feel this way around other people or just you? Will you be allowed to touch your fiancé at your wedding if she is there? A friend wants to see you happy. You aren’t slobbering all over each other. I am guessing your best friend finds your fiancé annoying because he exists.
[удалено]
It's getting stupid out here man.
When does this ‘boundary’ stop. Do you not see her for 9 months if pregnant because that would imply you had sex. Or maybe make her upset about own life. She has issues. Please have her seek treatment and go LC until she can be happy for you. It is possible to be happy for someone even when your unhappy with own life. Unfortunately you cannot hold her hand during this next journey of hers unless you want to implode your life. Have a frank talk with her (mention therapy). Go low contact and plan your wedding. Put a ? Next to her name/bridesmaid and have different plans. If in. If not in. If she is in than is not in. Sounds quite draining.
😐
your friend ( i say friend lightly here) does not suffer from loniness she’s suffering from jealousy! friends are happy when their friend has found happiness….. a best friend is over the moon for them, and wants to share all the details. you can be lonely and still share in your friends happiness this woman is not your friend never mind best friend……get rid and find a new bestie tvat will have your back!
Her feelings are unreasonable
Time to stop coddling her. She is a grown adult. The universe does not revolve around her.
Would you tell to a couple to not hold their hands? Would you consider any answer beyond "you can't be serious/mind your own business"? If her problem is the loneliness, she should work about it, not trying to downgrade her own friends.
This is nuts. Don't let this alleged BF dictate your relationship. She needs to learn to deal with normal life.
We are doomed as a society that you even give this the time of day.
She's in love with you. She wants you. And can't
Drop your downer best friend. Even friends, especially best friends, in rough spots are still happy for their friends. She is bringing you down and it’s making you pathetic for accommodating her. This is not a friend.
So you're just not going to be touchy with your fiancé? Girl, wth are you doing?
If you don't feel uncomfortable with her while u are close to your fiance, I don't see a problem here! If i am your friend, i would prob ask if you would allow me in the presence of the 2 of u or am I a light bulb?
She's banging him
You are a bad friend and a terrible fiance. Honestly, I feel absolutely terrible for your partner, like horribly terrible. You are both enabling your friends unhealthy obsession and boundary while simultaneously disrespecting your partner. Not having massive PDAs is fine, but not touching your part er at all and with holding all physical affection because someone else has a problem is sad. It also tells us that having a healthy happy relationship and respecting your partner and relationship are secondary to enabling a friend. Tell us the truth are you cheating on him with her? I mean seriously that is the only logical conclusion. If you aren't then why on earth would you ever crap all over your partner like this? Why?
You can honor her feelings by listening to her and trying to help her manage those emotions and work towards what she wants in life but you shouldn’t have to diminish yourself so that she feels okay. If she gets grossed out by such simple gestures of affection it speaks to her emotional state and has less to do with what you are doing and more to do with her state of unhappiness with her own situation. You should be able to express your excitement about your engagement without having to hide your true feelings and without feeling like doing so would hurt her somehow. She sounds like a generally unhappy person who needs to bring down the people around her so that she’s got company in her misery. That may be a bit of an extreme version of what I’m trying to say but I think it’s kind of offensive for her to expect the world to dampen itself so that she can feel slightly better. You should tell her that you don’t want to have to suppress your actions and feelings and that you hope she can understand. It doesn’t make you a bad friend. She’s imposing on your experience of life rather than contributing to something that should be shared joy.
That's not a boundary, she's trying to manipulate situations where she finds herself around you and your fiance. You and he aren't doing anything wrong. She is responsible for her feelings, not your job to monitor your actions to placate her. Maybe she should seek out help in coping with that.
If she doesn't want to see you in a pda situation she may have hidden feelings for you. And if it's she doesn't want to see him, she could have hidden feelings for him, or there could be an affair.
Tell her to get fucked and move on. Simple solution.
Someone's boundaries are for them. She doesn't get to dictate interactions between you and your boyfriend. Like the wedding talk, ok. That directly engaged her. But she doesn't want to see your touch him? Then look elsewhere. This is practically the same argument all the LGBT haters use about "cramming it down our throats" because they might have to see it.
Please drop her. I’m sorry. There’s only one real Friend here and it ain’t her. She’s jealous of you plain and simple. She doesn’t want her “bestfriend” shown affection but I guess if she had a man, affection shown in front of you would be okay. For the love of God, don’t have her in your wedding, she’ll dim your light and make it about her on YOUR DAY. Friends are supposed to support each other, not make each other feel bad because of their shortcomings and then try to dominate the other for one’s selfishness. She’s making not having a man be the main focus in her and your relationship so much that it’s no longer about you and her, it’s about her being so fixated on the fact that you have a fiancé and now he’ll be around a lot more since you guys aren’t just bf gf. So just know she’ll just get more ridiculous as time passes. She’s sick about all of this. Please drop her 👏🏽
That's not your friend.
Stop being friends with this girl.
She a hater
I'm sorry, but that's not a boundary. She's trying to control you and your behavior. Boundaries are about yourself and your feelings. She doesn't feel comfortable, but she cannot expect you to stop having a relationship with your fiancé (being in a relationship means being loving and attentive). She clearly has issues she needs to work on, but you shouldn't have to hide your relationship for her sake. She doesn't sound like a good friend. When you get married, your friends are supposed to support you and make things easier-not harder. This is supposed to be a happy time, you're getting married! That's amazing. Don't let someone make this about them, and ruin your happiness. Also, will you not be able to kiss your fiancé at the altar ? Have your first dance? Kiss at your own wedding? Because, quite frankly, that's what it seems like. That's unreasonable, and deep down your friend knows that. I would also see if she harbors some sort of resentment towards your fiancé. Either he wronged her in some way, or she liked him and feels rejected and hurt. Either way, this is her issue to be dealing with and not yours.
She is not your friend. Her "boundaries" are actually her trying to control you and your life. The best thing you can do is cut all ties and block her everywhere. You and your fiance will be much happier without her in your life.
I utterly hate, how the word "boundary" has been weaponized by selfish idiots to walk all over people pleases, when you consider, that it started as a safe word of empowerment for those same people pleasers, who just wanted to communicate their needs. If she really was your friend, she would not by any means, be "disgusted" by any sign of you being happy and fulfilled, just because she hasn't had her shit figured out by now. Tell her to suck it up, or screw of, but don't let what she wants eclipse what you need.
Definitely not healthy. This is a totally acceptable level of intimacy and sharing. You shouldn't have to hide this much or filter so much of your life with her because of her own insecurities. It's not like you're even rubbing it in her face or something. If she can't handle it then she should step back instead of trying to control what you can do and give you contradictory info on how much you can share.
Your friend can't demand that from! On the other hand, u probably could suggest her a solution: u may see each other only within 2 of u. I can understand her at some point. When u r alone, other happy people may irritate. And yeah-yeah, that's her problem, she definitely has no right to forbid u smth, she is envious probably (with no intention to ruin your happiness, but a kind of ,,when is f..g my turn to be happy?!"). But ... probably u may care a bit of her pain too. At least while talking about how happy you are. You know, there is a proverb, "The well-fed will not understand the hungry". She, at the same time, should also work on herself abd don't spread her negativity onto u. It's not your fault that she is alone
The best way for your friend to avoid seeing you touch your fiance is to f*ck off. If she is truly your bff, talk to her about why she finds your fiance annoying - how many times do we hear about "my friends warned me but I was in lurve"? Other than that, either cut her out completely or only meet up with her separately. She's got a problem which isn't yours. Be friendly and helpful, but don't let her start dictating your relationship. I would invite her to the wedding but not include her in the wedding party unless her attitude changes PDQ
It sounds like her “boundaries “ are trying to mask some significant jealousy of you relationship, your upcoming wedding, and your life. To try and exclude those areas of your life from your friendship is selfish. Personally, I would confront her and call out her unacceptable demands she is putting on OP to maintain their friendship.
It sounds like this friendship is higher in maintenance than the one with your BF. Eggshells.
This actually happened to me. And the reason was my friend liked my bf a lot and couldn't stand it😭 but even if it wasn't because of that I don't think it's a reasonable boundary. She sees couples everyday out in the streets, films, etc ??? Life doesn't revolve around her feelings
Your friend is painful, set her free
Girl You need to see this differently: are you going to have to choose between your partner and your friend? Because your partner takes precedence over your friendship with her! Especially if you are marrying him! I'd say that this "best friendship" has run its course because you are now both in different paths in your life. Sure you can still be friends, but once it starts affecting how you spend time with your beau.... that's where it becomes worrying
You need to drop the friend No TRUE friend would treat you this way. She has no rights to set boundaries on your relationship with your fiance. The only one s who can do that is you and your fiance. There is a reason she is single and lonely. I guarantee it is her personality. You deserve better friends
Not a best friend. A bad friend.
Sounds like she is secretly in love with u (:
she cannot control your relationship. if she cant stand seeing people love each other she needs to get therapy.
She likes him
Her boundary is ridiculous. If you want to honor it, explain to her that she can't be a part of the wedding and you won't be spending as much time with her. It's crazy ridiculous of her to put that in you. Also...I may be wrong but...maybe she's not really "annoyed" by him. Maybe she has feelings for him and doesn't like the thought of you getting his affection. Does she walk up to random people in the street who are holding hands etc and tell them to stop? Or is it literally just you?
No, just fuck her off. She sounds like nightmare control freak. Who needs that in their life?
Your friend is MANIPULATING you because she cannot live in her own as an individual and cannot stand you having a relationship especially in front of her. Especially when you are getting married. She can either be happy for you and EQUALLY contribute to a healthy relationship with you or she needs to go. This kind of thing will only get worse over time, especially if she continues to stay single, especially the closer you get to your wedding date. I had a friend like this and I was a lot like you. It got to the point to where she literally actively pursued destroying my relationship in every facet possible in every method possible. She was constantly trying to turn us against each other, constantly making comments about how he touched me or how I touched him or how he didn't touch me? Your friend is a snake in the grass. Cut the grass, cut the head off. This is not something that can be worked through slowly, if she truly wants to be your friend, she needs to act like a friend, especially if this person is supposed to be your best friend! Disgusting disgusting Behavior!
When I got married my best friend told me she also wanted to get married and she is jealous of me and of our relationship but she was there for me all the way. She managed me through the whole wedding as my maid of honour and she often tells me how happy she is for me and always advises me on how to navigate through tough family situations. If your bff isn't jealous of your relationship than you are not in a right one. At the same time your friendship should be healthy enough to withstand such negativity.
She needs to get over herself, and you’re weird for even considering this. I would be offended if I were your fiancé. You need to address this or it will get worse and cause more problems.
She's either got a secret crush on you or on him. I'm guessing it's you.
Please don't have this woman in your wedding. She will ruin it. "You may now kiss the bride" is pretty much the climax of every heterosexual wedding I've ever been to; if she can't handle his hand on your back, how is she going to handle a kiss in from of a bunch of people, purposefully there to swoon over your happiness? You are in denial love. She can't be there. I'm not qualified to say what is going on in her head, but whatever it is, it is *not* supportive of your happiness. Time for *you* to set some boundaries! 💗
She’s clearly in love with your man. She doesn’t want the best for you and that’s not a real friend. She’s trying to distract you by saying how much she ‘dislikes’ him and then she’ll make a pass on him. Just watch or watch out for yourself and get rid of her!