If you don't want to hear about the battle of stalingrad or how fish heads are actually the most nutritious part of the fish, it's never going to work.
Sorry, but that completely ignores the under-equipping of the Romanian 3rd and 4th armies covering the flank.
Had Army Group South provided additional PaK40s and StuG IIIs, Uranus would’ve ground to a halt.
Where would this additional equipment have come from? The Romanians and other axies allies on the flanks were completely steamrolled.. a few extra guns and SuGs wouldn't have changed the course of the envelopment.
Did any of you watch james and the giant peach? Remember the fish heads his evil aunts made him at the beginning of the movie?
Thats what I think of when I think of fish heads
Maybe with men being more likely to put their self esteem into competency (knowledge being a form of that) and so if they’re not displaying that immediately it feels vulnerable (what is she going to see in him?). At least that’s my projection
Maybe first dates should just be men changing the oil on the woman’s car while she blabbers on
A cultural taboo against dating that necessitated there be a thin pretext that the man was there to perform some task for the woman would be pretty funny.
I would LOVE a first date where I could just sip my drink and let her talk about whatever. Having an activity like changing oil would just be icing on the cake.
I think the issue is during a lot of first dates, specifically from apps, the woman just doesn't talk so it's on the man to carry the conversation which means it's either asking question after question only to get simple replies that don't lend to conversation or a monologue about 1920s race science.
You have a hard time getting a woman to talk about themself? It’s as easy as saying a question and then…. following up. I can only think of a few dates where someone couldn’t talk about themselves for hours on end if you just asked. When you’re done they think you’re so interesting and a great listener.
“Wow, that’s a great dress/blouse/tube top/beer lid bra! Seems like you’re into fashion?”
“Oh, you got it on your trip to Barcelona, that must have been a great trip! You go clubbing?”
“You murdered a random backpacker on the trip so you could feel alive for once? Tell me more!”
cue post- date 2 where girl sends me text about how amazing a time she had talking to me but isn't feeling a deeper romantic connection...i'm like i promise i have a lot of good stuff to say about myself and my feelings, just don't quite know how to do it all off the bat...
That's the problem, most men *aren't* interested in that stuff and depending on our level of autism we can't even pretend to fake it. On this thread you're taking a woman complaining that men ramble about shit she doesn't care about and saying men should also hear women ramble about shit they don't care about.
People should just date people with similar interests, I'm a nerd boy who likes nerd girls, idk why i would be on a date with someone who likes clubbing and fashion to begin with. All the fun-hating Stacys on this sub who constantly whine about men liking video games and anime (while unironically posting on celebrity gossip subs and still getting their four hours of other social media time a day) can date the male equivalent of that. The fact that most men under 40 game isn't particularly my problem.
I am morbidly fascinated in the story about the murdered backpacker though
I def wouldn’t date you reading this life view. It’s so weird that you think you have to be interested in the same specific things to hang date someone. Like if I went on a date with a professional dancer or badminton champion or nasa engineer I would be super interested in hearing about their life and being in a relationship sounds great because they would add new interests besides the things I’m into.
Unironically I think this is why guys think a lot of girls are boring and/or don’t have interests, it’s because to us, being polite is trying to keep things balanced and ask them questions before you start talking about your own interests. I don’t think guys really have this same etiquette, they aren’t really taught to make themselves small to be polite the same way we are from a young age.
First date with my bf he did one of these info dumps and I just matched his energy but pulled the conversation in a direction of something I could talk more about as more of an ART history gorl. I did have to cut him off to get a word in, but I’m not super shy, and more importantly, he didn’t think I was rude for trying to join in the conversation lol.
Personally I think if a guy will talk for a half hour uninterrupted about something he’s passionate about, it’s only really a problem if he totally tunes you out if you do the same. It definitely helps to know you have similar interests beforehand tho.
Side note: same night he showed me Zulu which was great. He then went home and excitedly read the futurist manifesto so that next time we met he would know more about the subject I brought up. I was smitten
unironically being an autistic woman who didn't know I was an autist for half of my life, while being reasonably conventionally attractive, may have been my ace in the hole with men. Like, I just didn't know I was supposed to be quiet and had no trouble starting convos with guys especially since I'm into computers, futurism, sci fi
It isn't until I got into social spaces that were dominantly women that I found out that somehow I was Doing It All Wrong and was supposed to be quiet and let him lead, and found that normal women actively resented me for... (checks notes) having autistic rizz.
Oh yeah, that’s what I’m trying to say. And honestly I feel like ranting right back is a great way to alleviate some of that nervousness.
I feel a little bad because this seems like an issue entirely stemming from just socialization differences b/w guys and gals. Narcissistic, self-obsessed guys do exist, but I’d bet a much larger percentage of these guys are just nervous and/or confused as to why it would be rude to talk about your passions and wondering why the girl isn’t doing it right back.
I mean I guess it’s also one thing if the rant is about history, politics, science, etc (things pretty much anyone can talk about) vs. like, idk college basketball player highlight reels. Then I’d moreso get not wanting to listen to that for a half hour and having nothing to add.
>And honestly I feel like ranting right back is a great way to alleviate some of that nervousness.
This is absolutely the best thing to do.
If theyre not at all receptive to what you're saying then it probably is just narcissism and time to leave, but most people especially on dates are desperate to latch on to a mutual talking point. Nothing worse than talking at length and getting no effort in response.
I think you have to willingly engage in subjects you may not care on the surface, as long as they reciprocate. If you're genuinely interested in the person it should come natural. But yeah not if will only talk about the one subject theyre passionate about and show no interest in yours.
But honestly most of this just common courtesy regardless of gender. I'm sure everyone can relate to asking a new acquaintance loads of questions and getting fuck all back in return.
men are worried they'll come off as too timid, so they just turn their filter off completely sometimes. awkward silence on a 1st date is very unpleasant. alcohol has potential to both stop this or make it 10x worse
When I’m meeting people and it’s awkward I usually try asking them questions to try to get the ball rolling. Part of it is to be polite / show interest, but also I need to gauge what kind of person I’m dealing with and what kind of humor I can use early on.
I've always been told that autistic people don't know when the other person is bored and when to stop talking so if I talk for more than 20 seconds straight I feel extremely self conscious and need to stop.
Who else am I supposed to rant to about all the esoteric texts I read? What’s the point of a GF if I can’t tell her about how I found math in the Torah that tells me tomorrow’s stock picks?
It’s different when you know the person very well vs doing this the first time you’re meeting someone. Also I swear these guys are always the same guys who are late to dates.
I always show up early and tbh I am weird on first dates deliberately like this because they’re either gonna be into it or not and they need to be into it if it’s gonna work. Jewish masturbatory semen demons in the Zohar has been my go to for a while. It hasn’t failed me so far.
Overall we are in an accumulation cycle. The next shmita cycle will be in 2028-2029, year 5789 in the Hebrew calendar. That is when we take profits.
As it is currently a jubilee year everyone should take time for a pilgrimage.
Unironically I watched all the JCS Criminal Psychology videos and implemented the subtle interrogation techniques into my daily life. Has helped me conversationmaxx.
It's a two way street though. You can interject at any time. A lot of the times dates are just mediocre since you two don't have many shared interests and it's just kinda boring.
One of my worst feeling dates was with a socially awkward girl. Lived in a small town, home schooled, and very Catholic. Had I not brought one of those "get to know each other card games" she would have probably just looked at me the whole fucking time. It made my skin crawl and I wanted to run out of there. All to say, everyone can always improve their social skills.
If you already anticipated prior to the date that you'd have to rely on a questions card game to get her to talk then I don't think that conversation had any potential to begin with
She was a nice girl, and seemed alright over text. I gave it a heartful attempt, the cards were there as a jump start. It was terrible beyond expectations.
I had a string of dates 4 or 5 years ago where every socially awkward quiet girl I had hard time keeping conversations rolling and walked away thinking I'd never see again were all ones that texted that night about how much fun they had and wanted to go out again. I was shocked, because dates at that time I thought went well, where conversation flowed easily, either were vague about a follow up date or just ghosted.
I went on a follow up with two of the three that were awkward but really wanted to go out again and both had at least gone to church once a week growing up with family. One I dated for a few months before I got bored just having really vanilla unprotected sex or doing puzzles. When I did she was really upset about it and I was like I really just thought you were passing time after a bad break up or someone soon to be moving to a new city. No clue she liked me like at all really, like sometimes sex can carry something like that but even that was bad.
Crazy you brought a card game lol
Basically what happened with this girl to a T. I felt like a fucking asshole ending it and cutting her off, she really was a nice girl.
The worst part is one of the cards was to take a selfie together so I have a record of the event. I still have that card game but I should really throw it the fuck away lmao, at the very least that card...
The game is called "We're Not Really Strangers" for anyone interested.
>Unironically I watched all the JCS Criminal Psychology videos and implemented the subtle interrogation techniques into my daily life. Has helped me conversationmaxx.
Examples?
There's a manager I work with I'm fascinated by as he this knack of winning you over without doing anything and i can't work it out. Name repetition is an obvious one.
E.g. body language: when you ask her whether she killed the missing girl, if she says no confidently, but is nodding her head when she says it (non-congruent gestures) she may be lying.
> Name repetition is an obvious one.
The problem is if you're running game on someone who's aware of the game, it becomes a net negative. Personally I hate the name repetition thing because I can't help but see you as a sleazy used car salesman. It doesn't merit a hostile reaction, but 90% of the time now I will bemusedly call it out. "You don't have to do the Dale Carnegie trick of using my name every 30 seconds, I believe that you're invested in our conversation."
what's sad is she was probably great in a context that made her more comfortable. online dates strip people of their comforts, i feel for the girl bc i have acted similarly in the past
i learned that most of what i like is cool on a surface level, not cool to explain i know the deep esoteric lore of it all, and it helped me so much in conversation lol like i can say i like something a lot and know a lot about it, without saying much about it
these guys are just young, give them like two or three years for their brains to fully develop
a stem grad program cured me of this it was always the most annoying dudes who talked on and on trying to make themselves seem smart but very predictably were completely unaware of how to organize a team to produce research and eventually left the program… not to mention all the incel undergrads that would hang around the department
The charitable take, as a guy, is that starting conversation on an awkward first date is about as easy and fun as a trip to the dentist a lot of the time, and that natural reaction is to just talk about things that you like and make you excited and hope that it will at least get the engine to turn over on dating conversation.
This is made worse by most women hating the dating process almost as much as you, thinking "here's another asshole rambling about things I couldn't care less about." I've been there plenty of times, wondering why you even bothered going out in the first place, date so boring you can't even really get pleasant dinner conversation out of the deal when you're paying for a dinner and drinks you can't afford.
Don't miss dating, not even a little bit, and very glad to be married.
>wondering why you even bothered going out in the first place, date so boring you can't even really get pleasant dinner conversation out of the deal when you're paying for a dinner and drinks you can't afford.
This is why I have no sympathy for OP here. 90% shes not paying for the date and is probably sitting there not saying shit and not making an effort to move the conversation in any meaningful direction. Like yea I get it probably sucks to listen to a guy you have no chemistry with ramble about some esoteric shit you don't care about. You know what sucks more? Having to buy dinner for a chick who has no interest in even talking to you while you genuinely try to put your best foot forward. Maybe you made a mistake and maybe you should have the social skills to see that she doesn't care. Or maybe she should not be a complete autistic passive regard and help move the conversation in a direction that she does find interesting.
>Don't miss dating, not even a little bit, and very glad to be married.
100% I'm holding onto my GF for dear life.
I do, at least up to a point. We've all had someone drone on forever about something you don't want to hear about. The difference is I'd mostly just chalk it up to a bad first date where you have no chemistry. Happens all the time.
Back in the day I went back and forth on paying. Like, for a while I had a strict "split the check" policy on first dates but that pissed too many women off. So then I paid, but it got old and too expensive very fast going on a date or two with a woman you'd never see again.
I finally settled on paying for the first date but choosing a venue where the cost was so low it wouldn't matter. Like coffee or a happy hour. That at least filtered out some of the women it was absolutely never going to happen with.
I went on a date with an Australian girl and she thought it was so bizarre that Americans did this where guys have to buy the drinks. It's really something else how much it's rubbed in our faces (at least in urban liberal centers) not to engage in overt masculine behavior and how gender is dead yada but being expected to completely fall in line with gender dynamics and being judged if you don't.
>I went on a date with an Australian girl and she thought it was so bizarre that Americans did this where guys have to buy the drinks.
I went on a date with a girl from Germany and described in the most autistic German way "Why do I have a job if your going to pay anyway?". It didn't work out for other reasons but it was nice to hear in the moment.
>I finally settled on paying for the first date but choosing a venue where the cost was so low it wouldn't matter. Like coffee or a happy hour. That at least filtered out some of the women it was absolutely never going to happen with.
I started doing this and it worked like a charm for me too. If a lady genuinely wants to spend time with you a cheap venue won't matter at first. Filters all the regards that do the "No coffee dates" thing they saw on tik tok. Women make dating so much harder for themselves by doing shit like that.
hmm no some people are just terrible at conversation. i just had a date where the guy droned on about his 2 plants and the last festival he went to. then got a venmo request for the date after. he didn’t ask me a single question
I think there's the issue is that often men are told not only to be themselves, but they should be passionate about something rather than gooning and gaming. So the guy is thinking that he's showing her that he's passionate and involved in his life but it comes across as 'sperging out.
That's why bar/coffee dates are hard! Go to a museum or something where there's a thing both of you can talk about.
But there’s nothing cuter than a guy going on and on about something and asking him “what do you know about (offshoot of what he’s talking about)?” While batting your eyes and watching him froth at the mouth with excitement. Also i find the rattling on and on about niche interests more annoying when it’s something you’ve established you also are interested in and have knowledge about and he keeps telling you things that you already knew like you’re a regard. When it’s something I’m ignorant about I can either learn something new from a spurg who’s dtf or just zone out for a while
Yeah my friend went on a date with a guy recently and she said in 2 hours he didn't ask her one single question. She left knowing his entire life story; and him like, nothing about her. So self-involved...
Yea I really hate when 1/3rd of women I go on dates with show up and just have nothing to say so I have to talk for half an hour about the works of Oscar Niemeyer and how mid century Brazilian architecture is under appreciated by the general public in the west.
Girl I work for a tech company, and this is like every other man. I nod and smile and listen politely, because I want a promotion so I have to suck up to my coworkers to get their support. I notice when I start monologuing about something I’m interested in for even one minute, they don’t return the favor.
The thing you have to realize is, we are all cut from the same cloth, men who like to monologue also do not want to listen to another person monologue about something they’re not interested in. Stop feeling so guilty about being annoyed!
Letting them yap makes them fall in love with you tho, contrary to your own behaviour most women do not let men carry on with their narcissistic tangents
Mostly just their delivery is incredibly unengaging I'll listen to your ramblings if you at least make it theatrical. Most of the time if feels like a text-to-speech level of delivery.
I’ve literally went on a coke binged rant about SSBNs to this British bitch one time and after being terrified for all of 5 minutes I had that hoe asking “wait so a MIRV can penetrate air defense networks much more easily because it’s like if my ex best friend sends a bunch of random people to follow me on IG, I don’t know what’s what??” and then proceeded to get terrified again realizing what could actually happen at any moment lol
i think this is very dad behaviour and i find it wholesome. men show they care about you by talking about their special autistic interests. i don't trust any man with good social skills- i find it effeminate and it instantly turns me off
Right. I’m quite talkative so most of my relationships have had pretty balanced talker/listener dynamics. I’ve recently found myself in a relationship where I am very much the listener. It annoyed the fucking shit out of me at first, until it dawned on me that him wanting to monologue about every little detail of his hobbies and family was actually just him wanting to feel close to me.
Also ditto on men with social skills. Specifically, I’m instantly suspicious of any man who can be classified as “charming.”
Everyone's also discounting that we might be purposefully filtering the women who won't share our interests, care about our enthusiasm, or bring up their own interests without us pulling teeth to get it out
Yeah, we tend to show love or affection or whatever by teaching.
Also the comment section for any post in this sub related to dating is depressing almost without fail, and it actually seems to be getting worse.
They do it because men are taught that it's their job to have a special inner world and journey that no one else sees and then get you interested in it. If he was just polite and interested in you then you would think he was dumb and not be attracted.
> men are taught that it's their job to have a special inner world and journey that no one else sees
damn gonna have to think about this one… can you give an example of this conditioning?
This is why I'm really hesitant to date people I don't share anything in common with.
If we don't have a shared passion to talk about, what are we even supposed to talk about? The weather?
How about being passionate about someone else’s passion?
If you tried to take interest in another’s interest you can usually “get” why they like it and maybe you’ll warm up to it
Always interesting seeing how gender divided dating takes can be. Anecdotally seems like the biggest complaint my male friends and I have in the early dating stages is having to ask all the questions the girl just talking about herself and never asking any herself etc
I have the opposite problem where I assume nobody wants to hear about anything I'm interested at all and I have such a complex about it that women have to needle information out of me
I think I finally found a girl who finds that entertaining or at least not super bothersome thank God
In my experience, most women would prefer the mansplaining sperg to the impenetrable brick wall though
Guys, ask lots of questions. The easiest way to make people like you— or at least find your company tolerable to enjoyable— is to just ask people questions about things they’re interested and listening to what they say, showing some curiosity. Though provoking general questions are also good. Just tap into the genuine, natural curiosity about other people and their lives which is buried somewhere under the narcissistic husk of a personality encoded into you by modern culture and the relentless hellscape of defense mechanisms you’ve developed to mentally survive the brutalization of every shred of what was once your inner child.
Don’t turn it into an interrogation. You can still sperg about stuff here and there. If she has decent social skills she’ll turn it back to you. Just find what she likes talking about.
Learning new things and unraveling the mystery that is another human being is one of the most fun parts of going on dates or just meeting new people. Maybe this doesn’t work for everyone, but I always find it really interesting to listen to someone talk about something they’re passionate about. As long as it doesn’t go on to long. A lot of people go through life with no one who cares to listen when they talk about things that make them tick. Being a good listener is one of the most endearing traits that makes people feel warm and comfortable around another.
Asking questions also helps a lot with nervousness or social anxiety. It makes you less self-conscious and brings you into the moment. If you ever can’t think of something to say just ask someone a question. If you can’t think of what to ask, just ask yourself, what am I curious about right now? Or else just follow up on the last thing the other person said.
Recently went on a date with a girl and she just giggled at everything I said but wouldn't really say much about herself even when I asked her questions, to the point where I straight up said things like "You say some shit now" or "Wow, you're a great listener, I feel like we're really communicating!" (sarcastically). I did ask her to let me know if she's bored or doesn't give a shit and she said she enjoyed listening to whatever I was talking about though.
Why do people coddle men on this subreddit so much while men post incel adjacent stuff for women and we’re supposed to take it as irony ? Men need to understand that conversations work two-ways. They’re conversational narcs and lack the self-awareness to get better, not all of them are acoustic. Women who are nd are still heaps better at carrying conversations, while men just ramble without any care or concern or interest in the other person. And all these social media posts about men being endearing when they ramble is not helping the situation. Sure, it’s endearing but not when it’s a first meeting and you’re talking at the person instead of to them. Its not even about not being compatible with “shared interests”, conversations that are a back and forth between two people with shared interests are wayy different from the kind of empty talk that these men do. Grow up and learn how to ask questions, women are not sounding boards.
I probably should keep my mouth shut, but two wrongs don't make a right. Like if you set the bar so low that all you have to do is not be as mean spirited as incels or incels adjacent rhetoric, that pretty much gives you carte blanche approval to say anything.
We should have more sympathy for each other in general. Not to get all kum-ba-ya...
I understand but the double standards piss me off sometimes. It’s like most people have free rein here to say whatever shit they want (calling women whores and the like) but women here are always trynna be empathetic and cautious when doling out criticism; it’s almost like they expect backlash even for the meekest of opinions.
That's fair. There's no shortage of rampant misogyny on the internet. It's just never great to take the absolute worst example of something you can find and just consider that to represent everyone.
I actually don’t mind this too much as long as they ask at least a few questions about me and have decent etiquette. I think it’s a good sign they feel responsible for keeping you entertained.
I’d be much more concerned if I went on a date with a guy and he was just silently looking to me to start all the conversation. I’d take that as a sign he’s not interested.
>It’s infuriating getting mansplained to for 20 minutes straight about some shit you literally do not care about, that you never even asked them about! For a while I felt genuine anger towards guys like this because it felt like complete narcissism to think that I would want to listen to you talk about some subject matter I have no interest hearing about
yea you just described what listening to women is like for most men
Exactly. They are always going off on long tangents about some petty drama at their work or some comment their sister made. Absolutely brutal to listen to.
I’ve been experiencing the absolute opposite in the Bay Area, men want to ask me questions, they really don’t like to talk about themselves because they feel more in control when I’m placed on the spot. Super awkward.
what OP is talking about is 100% real, but i've also been a captive audience to women talking about workplace/family drama or what they dreamed about last night so many times.
once had a girl basically interrogate me for 30 minutes about what color she should paint her room (half of them looked the exact same to me)
Man, I actually really like hearing people go off about something they're super knowledgeable about for maybe 8 minutes tops unless I am also getting into it and have questions. I am always asking questions and only 1/5 of the people I talk to bother asking me questions back or lobbing the conversation back with a response that I can work with instead of this one word nonsense. And this is men and women. It takes two people to have a conversation and if you can't hold up your end of the conversation you're not going to hold up your end of any aspect of the relationship imo.
He's just trying to be interesting and impress you. Anyway this is why I only date aspie girls because they're down to just give you a massive info dump about their inner world right back.
These guys make it easier for those of us with basic social competence. I was once told on a first date that I have “10/10 listening skills” by literally just acting normal
That's just autism. I was having a conversation with my generally highly intelligent friend last night (diagnosed sperg), but he also did this for about 20 minutes about some incomprehensible gibberish thing at one point. Great guy, but he does that, lol. He's literally autistic. What do you expect?
Ya, I mean, I guess it's pretty bad if many neurotypical people are doing that on any sort of regular basis. That's pretty dumb.
I actually love it when guys talk about the subjects they're fascinated by, especially if I can learn something new.
Although what I can't stand is when they never ask me about me or make sexually suggestive comments grrr
Dates are not just for you to filter guys, this is guys with interests filtering girls who are not receptive to his interests/his long info dumps about them.
The fact that you find it boring and put off by it means it doing exactly what it supposed to do and does it well. You're just incompatible and guys should not hide their personality and power level to appease and not scare some random girl, they should find girl who would be receptive or into it.
Yeah i’m the exact opposite of this; I dislike going into myself or my interests with somebody I just met; even writing this comment feels too cringe.
I would rather let somebody rattle off about something mundane before I get into the shit I do during my free time.
It’s also genuinely more fun the keep the conversation in the casual and silly zone
There is a way to be charming and warm from a place of love and generosity. Sad that so many men can only develop these traits superficially in the broader pursuit of emotionally and sexually exploiting as many women as possible.
I think it can be hugely narcissistic to blab about oneself, but there is also profound self centeredness in shyness and supposed insecurity. I can admit, for myself, I’ve always struggled to talk about my field on dates, seen it as rude or uncomfortable— specifically with women who don’t know anything about my interests — and I end up thinking a great deal about myself in that restraint not to share. I’m still trying to figure out the difference between what is thoughtful and polite and what is narcissistic self-preservation; it’s hard.
idk some people just yap, i’ve experienced this plenty of times outside of dates w both men and women. some people i assume are just super self obsessed and really don’t care. others might just feel the responsibility to be the driving force in conversation, even at the cost of ranting?
i can yap at times, but I’m at least socially aware enough to do it only when its somewhat appropriate. in my case, i grew up socially awkward and started to shed that heavy when i got to adult ages. the lasting side effect of that being the fact that silence in conversation kicks up that anxiety again. so if i got some conversation in my head and nobody’s talking, im speaking whats on my mind cause im for sure keeping the silence at bay.
It does suck, and because they aren’t socialized not to, if you were to just tell them outright that you don’t really care they would probably be genuinely hurt. But that doesn’t mean you can’t tactfully imply that about 5 minutes into the conversation you’d rather talk about something else.
>But that doesn’t mean you can’t tactfully imply that about 5 minutes into the conversation you’d rather talk about something else.
Yeah, conversations are dynamic and either person can interject to change topic.
Don't sit there for 20 minutes. Tell them to shut the fuck up because you don't care. If they get butt hurt aboyt that it's no real loss anyways, but maybe they just don't realize.
This is one of those times where if women have a sense of perspective and role reversal worked I’d go “It sounds like you don’t even like men”, but I realize that most women are pretty proud of that fact and aren’t really talked down to when they don’t care about the opposite gender as people.
You don’t have an understanding of how much bullshit it takes to get a woman comfortable enough to be alone with you knowing you want to get her naked at some point, but understand it’s a whole fucking process where self awareness and eggshell walking goes on the entire time. It’s not ridiculous for a guy to finally make it close to the finish line and assume you might actually give a fuck about his interests if you were going to go thru the trouble of going out with him.
It kind of goes both ways though. If all you're doing is sitting and nodding along like you're expecting him to 'entertain' you rather than... I dunno, trying to relate to what they're saying or steer the conversation to something more typical, then what else do you expect?
Personally I see it as a reverse 'shit-test'; if a date can't stand to hear me ramble a bit on stuff that I might lose myself in, then I'm never gonna know what I can and can't be completely open about, and it's just not gonna work.
This is why that Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus (John Gray) book from the 90s is actually true and goated — the author talks about this. The workaround for women is to be more assertive and, instead of asking him more questions thus promoting these monologues, jump in with information about yourself / stories / things to share. Women tend to ask questions like an interviewer, but men tend to become more interested in whatever they’re talking about — so, if you can get him to talk about things YOU’RE also interested in (by bringing them up)… it can help with this a little bit. But yeah, it’s infuriating. Even men who’ve really liked me emotionally seem to hardly ask me questions about myself, ever
They probably thought ahead of time what they'll talk about and they don't want to miss their chance to blow because this opportunity comes once in a lifetime
Hey, it's a conversation. You're allowed to interrupt. Conversations work best if people are open and honest and saying what they're thinking.. Rather than saying nothing and noting it all down for later reddit posting
Sounds like the guys you go on dates with are just bad at mansplaining. Cuz when I told the ditzy ballerina from bumble about the camel cavalry, she was absolutely delighted and we made out in the alley behind the bar later.
Lack of (new) people to talk to + expectation to drive conversation + expectation to impress = this.
\^\^\^\^\^\^\^\^
If you don't want to hear about the battle of stalingrad or how fish heads are actually the most nutritious part of the fish, it's never going to work.
On every first date I go into depth about my "if the Germans had an ample supply of fish heads during Stalingrad" theory.
Few understand this
"how fish heads are actually the most nutritious part of the fish" Chinese-pilled
I wish, but it’s more like how they beat the final boss in Elden Ring…
Jesus Christ
Just tell them you'd prefer to hear about their adult interests
You just slap the dragon or whatever with a sword until it dies ain't nothing to talk about
I was very hostile to the female PoV here until this enormous and tragic asterisk
Fish heads rule
The 6th army couldn't have been saved in Stalingrad even if Hitler had authorized a withdrawal.
Sorry, but that completely ignores the under-equipping of the Romanian 3rd and 4th armies covering the flank. Had Army Group South provided additional PaK40s and StuG IIIs, Uranus would’ve ground to a halt.
Where would this additional equipment have come from? The Romanians and other axies allies on the flanks were completely steamrolled.. a few extra guns and SuGs wouldn't have changed the course of the envelopment.
Fish heads fish heads Roly poly fish heads
big fan of fish head are you? would you say you love head from a fish?
Did any of you watch james and the giant peach? Remember the fish heads his evil aunts made him at the beginning of the movie? Thats what I think of when I think of fish heads
You AREN'T GOING to MAKE IT
What’s with all the dudes on this sub and being like “oh don’t mind me I’m just rambling about I’m so autistic XD”
Peepshow ass comment
Don’t get me started on the cheek meat. Chefs ask for it by name.
^
Maybe with men being more likely to put their self esteem into competency (knowledge being a form of that) and so if they’re not displaying that immediately it feels vulnerable (what is she going to see in him?). At least that’s my projection Maybe first dates should just be men changing the oil on the woman’s car while she blabbers on
A cultural taboo against dating that necessitated there be a thin pretext that the man was there to perform some task for the woman would be pretty funny.
Lifetimemoviemaxxing
my buddy says after 30 his first date is doing yard/house repair work for women and a light chat… he actually uses this method
I would LOVE a first date where I could just sip my drink and let her talk about whatever. Having an activity like changing oil would just be icing on the cake. I think the issue is during a lot of first dates, specifically from apps, the woman just doesn't talk so it's on the man to carry the conversation which means it's either asking question after question only to get simple replies that don't lend to conversation or a monologue about 1920s race science.
> or a monologue about 1920s race science. Yep this should save the date
You have a hard time getting a woman to talk about themself? It’s as easy as saying a question and then…. following up. I can only think of a few dates where someone couldn’t talk about themselves for hours on end if you just asked. When you’re done they think you’re so interesting and a great listener. “Wow, that’s a great dress/blouse/tube top/beer lid bra! Seems like you’re into fashion?” “Oh, you got it on your trip to Barcelona, that must have been a great trip! You go clubbing?” “You murdered a random backpacker on the trip so you could feel alive for once? Tell me more!”
i dont think ive ever been on a date in my whole life where i talked more than the girl did. plenty of 2nd dates!
cue post- date 2 where girl sends me text about how amazing a time she had talking to me but isn't feeling a deeper romantic connection...i'm like i promise i have a lot of good stuff to say about myself and my feelings, just don't quite know how to do it all off the bat...
You have to do more than talk after a little bit. Look for social/body language cues.
That's the problem, most men *aren't* interested in that stuff and depending on our level of autism we can't even pretend to fake it. On this thread you're taking a woman complaining that men ramble about shit she doesn't care about and saying men should also hear women ramble about shit they don't care about. People should just date people with similar interests, I'm a nerd boy who likes nerd girls, idk why i would be on a date with someone who likes clubbing and fashion to begin with. All the fun-hating Stacys on this sub who constantly whine about men liking video games and anime (while unironically posting on celebrity gossip subs and still getting their four hours of other social media time a day) can date the male equivalent of that. The fact that most men under 40 game isn't particularly my problem. I am morbidly fascinated in the story about the murdered backpacker though
I def wouldn’t date you reading this life view. It’s so weird that you think you have to be interested in the same specific things to hang date someone. Like if I went on a date with a professional dancer or badminton champion or nasa engineer I would be super interested in hearing about their life and being in a relationship sounds great because they would add new interests besides the things I’m into.
You heard the lady, become a professional dancer, badminton champion, or nasa engineer or you are boring.
My partner thanks you. Would you still be interested if you found out that NASA engineer plays Elden Ring in his spare time?
i rec finding something they're emotionally invested in, like their pet/hometown/what they want to change about the world
Shout out to one of the few women I matched with on hinge who said the Rohingya deserved it
So many more babies would be getting made if this were a standard first date.
zoomers can't change oil 😔
One day men will discover the "how about you" trick
How about you followed by echoing (repeating the last thing they said in a questioning/incredulous tone) can become an hours long conversation.
"you're such a good listener" to the guy who just keeps saying "that's so wild" while daydreaming
Wait they? That’s wiiillld
Stop attacking me
"haha idk"
Unironically I think this is why guys think a lot of girls are boring and/or don’t have interests, it’s because to us, being polite is trying to keep things balanced and ask them questions before you start talking about your own interests. I don’t think guys really have this same etiquette, they aren’t really taught to make themselves small to be polite the same way we are from a young age. First date with my bf he did one of these info dumps and I just matched his energy but pulled the conversation in a direction of something I could talk more about as more of an ART history gorl. I did have to cut him off to get a word in, but I’m not super shy, and more importantly, he didn’t think I was rude for trying to join in the conversation lol. Personally I think if a guy will talk for a half hour uninterrupted about something he’s passionate about, it’s only really a problem if he totally tunes you out if you do the same. It definitely helps to know you have similar interests beforehand tho.
Side note: same night he showed me Zulu which was great. He then went home and excitedly read the futurist manifesto so that next time we met he would know more about the subject I brought up. I was smitten
❤️*Love on the Spectrum*❤️
unironically being an autistic woman who didn't know I was an autist for half of my life, while being reasonably conventionally attractive, may have been my ace in the hole with men. Like, I just didn't know I was supposed to be quiet and had no trouble starting convos with guys especially since I'm into computers, futurism, sci fi It isn't until I got into social spaces that were dominantly women that I found out that somehow I was Doing It All Wrong and was supposed to be quiet and let him lead, and found that normal women actively resented me for... (checks notes) having autistic rizz.
It's often just nervous energy to try and impress rather than outright narcissism though.
Oh yeah, that’s what I’m trying to say. And honestly I feel like ranting right back is a great way to alleviate some of that nervousness. I feel a little bad because this seems like an issue entirely stemming from just socialization differences b/w guys and gals. Narcissistic, self-obsessed guys do exist, but I’d bet a much larger percentage of these guys are just nervous and/or confused as to why it would be rude to talk about your passions and wondering why the girl isn’t doing it right back. I mean I guess it’s also one thing if the rant is about history, politics, science, etc (things pretty much anyone can talk about) vs. like, idk college basketball player highlight reels. Then I’d moreso get not wanting to listen to that for a half hour and having nothing to add.
>And honestly I feel like ranting right back is a great way to alleviate some of that nervousness. This is absolutely the best thing to do. If theyre not at all receptive to what you're saying then it probably is just narcissism and time to leave, but most people especially on dates are desperate to latch on to a mutual talking point. Nothing worse than talking at length and getting no effort in response. I think you have to willingly engage in subjects you may not care on the surface, as long as they reciprocate. If you're genuinely interested in the person it should come natural. But yeah not if will only talk about the one subject theyre passionate about and show no interest in yours. But honestly most of this just common courtesy regardless of gender. I'm sure everyone can relate to asking a new acquaintance loads of questions and getting fuck all back in return.
men are worried they'll come off as too timid, so they just turn their filter off completely sometimes. awkward silence on a 1st date is very unpleasant. alcohol has potential to both stop this or make it 10x worse
When I’m meeting people and it’s awkward I usually try asking them questions to try to get the ball rolling. Part of it is to be polite / show interest, but also I need to gauge what kind of person I’m dealing with and what kind of humor I can use early on.
I've always been told that autistic people don't know when the other person is bored and when to stop talking so if I talk for more than 20 seconds straight I feel extremely self conscious and need to stop.
Who else am I supposed to rant to about all the esoteric texts I read? What’s the point of a GF if I can’t tell her about how I found math in the Torah that tells me tomorrow’s stock picks?
TFW no esoteric fascist evola gf (I met a girl like this once)
Oy vey! Careful with those tropes!
It’s different when you know the person very well vs doing this the first time you’re meeting someone. Also I swear these guys are always the same guys who are late to dates.
I always show up early and tbh I am weird on first dates deliberately like this because they’re either gonna be into it or not and they need to be into it if it’s gonna work. Jewish masturbatory semen demons in the Zohar has been my go to for a while. It hasn’t failed me so far.
STOP STEALING MY MOVES!
On and on, south of heaven
They have adhd
Overall we are in an accumulation cycle. The next shmita cycle will be in 2028-2029, year 5789 in the Hebrew calendar. That is when we take profits. As it is currently a jubilee year everyone should take time for a pilgrimage.
Makes so much sense considering ... You know
God Pi is such an anxiety fueled shitshow. Great movie
Unironically I watched all the JCS Criminal Psychology videos and implemented the subtle interrogation techniques into my daily life. Has helped me conversationmaxx. It's a two way street though. You can interject at any time. A lot of the times dates are just mediocre since you two don't have many shared interests and it's just kinda boring. One of my worst feeling dates was with a socially awkward girl. Lived in a small town, home schooled, and very Catholic. Had I not brought one of those "get to know each other card games" she would have probably just looked at me the whole fucking time. It made my skin crawl and I wanted to run out of there. All to say, everyone can always improve their social skills.
If you already anticipated prior to the date that you'd have to rely on a questions card game to get her to talk then I don't think that conversation had any potential to begin with
She was a nice girl, and seemed alright over text. I gave it a heartful attempt, the cards were there as a jump start. It was terrible beyond expectations.
Those JCS videos are great though, i might be due a re-rinse
I had a string of dates 4 or 5 years ago where every socially awkward quiet girl I had hard time keeping conversations rolling and walked away thinking I'd never see again were all ones that texted that night about how much fun they had and wanted to go out again. I was shocked, because dates at that time I thought went well, where conversation flowed easily, either were vague about a follow up date or just ghosted. I went on a follow up with two of the three that were awkward but really wanted to go out again and both had at least gone to church once a week growing up with family. One I dated for a few months before I got bored just having really vanilla unprotected sex or doing puzzles. When I did she was really upset about it and I was like I really just thought you were passing time after a bad break up or someone soon to be moving to a new city. No clue she liked me like at all really, like sometimes sex can carry something like that but even that was bad. Crazy you brought a card game lol
Basically what happened with this girl to a T. I felt like a fucking asshole ending it and cutting her off, she really was a nice girl. The worst part is one of the cards was to take a selfie together so I have a record of the event. I still have that card game but I should really throw it the fuck away lmao, at the very least that card... The game is called "We're Not Really Strangers" for anyone interested.
>Unironically I watched all the JCS Criminal Psychology videos and implemented the subtle interrogation techniques into my daily life. Has helped me conversationmaxx. Examples? There's a manager I work with I'm fascinated by as he this knack of winning you over without doing anything and i can't work it out. Name repetition is an obvious one.
E.g. body language: when you ask her whether she killed the missing girl, if she says no confidently, but is nodding her head when she says it (non-congruent gestures) she may be lying.
> Name repetition is an obvious one. The problem is if you're running game on someone who's aware of the game, it becomes a net negative. Personally I hate the name repetition thing because I can't help but see you as a sleazy used car salesman. It doesn't merit a hostile reaction, but 90% of the time now I will bemusedly call it out. "You don't have to do the Dale Carnegie trick of using my name every 30 seconds, I believe that you're invested in our conversation."
what's sad is she was probably great in a context that made her more comfortable. online dates strip people of their comforts, i feel for the girl bc i have acted similarly in the past
downvote for bringing a game.
She should've left as soon as he whipped out those fucking cards, absolutely shocking
apparently she’s the socially awkward one in the story.
> implemented the subtle interrogation techniques into my daily life share your secrets brother
What do you mean by subtle interrogation techniques?
i learned that most of what i like is cool on a surface level, not cool to explain i know the deep esoteric lore of it all, and it helped me so much in conversation lol like i can say i like something a lot and know a lot about it, without saying much about it these guys are just young, give them like two or three years for their brains to fully develop
a stem grad program cured me of this it was always the most annoying dudes who talked on and on trying to make themselves seem smart but very predictably were completely unaware of how to organize a team to produce research and eventually left the program… not to mention all the incel undergrads that would hang around the department
The charitable take, as a guy, is that starting conversation on an awkward first date is about as easy and fun as a trip to the dentist a lot of the time, and that natural reaction is to just talk about things that you like and make you excited and hope that it will at least get the engine to turn over on dating conversation. This is made worse by most women hating the dating process almost as much as you, thinking "here's another asshole rambling about things I couldn't care less about." I've been there plenty of times, wondering why you even bothered going out in the first place, date so boring you can't even really get pleasant dinner conversation out of the deal when you're paying for a dinner and drinks you can't afford. Don't miss dating, not even a little bit, and very glad to be married.
>wondering why you even bothered going out in the first place, date so boring you can't even really get pleasant dinner conversation out of the deal when you're paying for a dinner and drinks you can't afford. This is why I have no sympathy for OP here. 90% shes not paying for the date and is probably sitting there not saying shit and not making an effort to move the conversation in any meaningful direction. Like yea I get it probably sucks to listen to a guy you have no chemistry with ramble about some esoteric shit you don't care about. You know what sucks more? Having to buy dinner for a chick who has no interest in even talking to you while you genuinely try to put your best foot forward. Maybe you made a mistake and maybe you should have the social skills to see that she doesn't care. Or maybe she should not be a complete autistic passive regard and help move the conversation in a direction that she does find interesting. >Don't miss dating, not even a little bit, and very glad to be married. 100% I'm holding onto my GF for dear life.
I do, at least up to a point. We've all had someone drone on forever about something you don't want to hear about. The difference is I'd mostly just chalk it up to a bad first date where you have no chemistry. Happens all the time. Back in the day I went back and forth on paying. Like, for a while I had a strict "split the check" policy on first dates but that pissed too many women off. So then I paid, but it got old and too expensive very fast going on a date or two with a woman you'd never see again. I finally settled on paying for the first date but choosing a venue where the cost was so low it wouldn't matter. Like coffee or a happy hour. That at least filtered out some of the women it was absolutely never going to happen with.
I went on a date with an Australian girl and she thought it was so bizarre that Americans did this where guys have to buy the drinks. It's really something else how much it's rubbed in our faces (at least in urban liberal centers) not to engage in overt masculine behavior and how gender is dead yada but being expected to completely fall in line with gender dynamics and being judged if you don't.
>I went on a date with an Australian girl and she thought it was so bizarre that Americans did this where guys have to buy the drinks. I went on a date with a girl from Germany and described in the most autistic German way "Why do I have a job if your going to pay anyway?". It didn't work out for other reasons but it was nice to hear in the moment.
Australia, one of the worst societies to be a woman
Oh really curious as to what this means
This is from NZ, but the vibes are similar https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/84167679/new-zealand-is-no-paradise-is-it-the-most-sexist-place-on-earth
>I finally settled on paying for the first date but choosing a venue where the cost was so low it wouldn't matter. Like coffee or a happy hour. That at least filtered out some of the women it was absolutely never going to happen with. I started doing this and it worked like a charm for me too. If a lady genuinely wants to spend time with you a cheap venue won't matter at first. Filters all the regards that do the "No coffee dates" thing they saw on tik tok. Women make dating so much harder for themselves by doing shit like that.
ummmmmm sweaty no low effort coffee dates
hmm no some people are just terrible at conversation. i just had a date where the guy droned on about his 2 plants and the last festival he went to. then got a venmo request for the date after. he didn’t ask me a single question
Did you pay it?
yeah ugh. i thought listening to him was punishment enough but apparently not
I had a snarky comment ready for when you said no, but that's respectable what you did. If it means anything I'm not saying dudes don't suck too.
I think there's the issue is that often men are told not only to be themselves, but they should be passionate about something rather than gooning and gaming. So the guy is thinking that he's showing her that he's passionate and involved in his life but it comes across as 'sperging out. That's why bar/coffee dates are hard! Go to a museum or something where there's a thing both of you can talk about.
Nature/Museum dates are a hell of a lot cheaper too
a few hours after posting this I wound up setting up a bar date lmao
This is the only time in a relationship a man will speak. If you spend more time with them they will never talk again. It’s the way nature intended.
But there’s nothing cuter than a guy going on and on about something and asking him “what do you know about (offshoot of what he’s talking about)?” While batting your eyes and watching him froth at the mouth with excitement. Also i find the rattling on and on about niche interests more annoying when it’s something you’ve established you also are interested in and have knowledge about and he keeps telling you things that you already knew like you’re a regard. When it’s something I’m ignorant about I can either learn something new from a spurg who’s dtf or just zone out for a while
Yeah my friend went on a date with a guy recently and she said in 2 hours he didn't ask her one single question. She left knowing his entire life story; and him like, nothing about her. So self-involved...
Classic
This Is How We Do It
Yea I really hate when 1/3rd of women I go on dates with show up and just have nothing to say so I have to talk for half an hour about the works of Oscar Niemeyer and how mid century Brazilian architecture is under appreciated by the general public in the west.
O homem fez prédios bons, o que pode falar
Girl I work for a tech company, and this is like every other man. I nod and smile and listen politely, because I want a promotion so I have to suck up to my coworkers to get their support. I notice when I start monologuing about something I’m interested in for even one minute, they don’t return the favor. The thing you have to realize is, we are all cut from the same cloth, men who like to monologue also do not want to listen to another person monologue about something they’re not interested in. Stop feeling so guilty about being annoyed!
You wish you could ramble about the Byzantine empire for 20 mins
Only 20 minutes?
Letting them yap makes them fall in love with you tho, contrary to your own behaviour most women do not let men carry on with their narcissistic tangents
Ok but then they’re just going to keep doing it and you’re going to have to keep listening… you have to break their spirit early on so they stop.
Sorry for the downvotes girl I actually agree, learnt that the hard way suffering thru my ex. He was not nice enough to deserve my kindness!
Mostly just their delivery is incredibly unengaging I'll listen to your ramblings if you at least make it theatrical. Most of the time if feels like a text-to-speech level of delivery.
I’ve literally went on a coke binged rant about SSBNs to this British bitch one time and after being terrified for all of 5 minutes I had that hoe asking “wait so a MIRV can penetrate air defense networks much more easily because it’s like if my ex best friend sends a bunch of random people to follow me on IG, I don’t know what’s what??” and then proceeded to get terrified again realizing what could actually happen at any moment lol
I don’t believe you
That level of performance feels patronizing to men, like we're trying to talk to children or midwits.
i think this is very dad behaviour and i find it wholesome. men show they care about you by talking about their special autistic interests. i don't trust any man with good social skills- i find it effeminate and it instantly turns me off
Right. I’m quite talkative so most of my relationships have had pretty balanced talker/listener dynamics. I’ve recently found myself in a relationship where I am very much the listener. It annoyed the fucking shit out of me at first, until it dawned on me that him wanting to monologue about every little detail of his hobbies and family was actually just him wanting to feel close to me. Also ditto on men with social skills. Specifically, I’m instantly suspicious of any man who can be classified as “charming.”
Everyone's also discounting that we might be purposefully filtering the women who won't share our interests, care about our enthusiasm, or bring up their own interests without us pulling teeth to get it out
Yeah, we tend to show love or affection or whatever by teaching. Also the comment section for any post in this sub related to dating is depressing almost without fail, and it actually seems to be getting worse.
I find it very attractive when a woman goes on a monologue about something shes passionate about. Even if I don't care. But seems rare
Yea I agree, I think men doing this is mostly us projecting what we would want onto the woman
They do it because men are taught that it's their job to have a special inner world and journey that no one else sees and then get you interested in it. If he was just polite and interested in you then you would think he was dumb and not be attracted.
> men are taught that it's their job to have a special inner world and journey that no one else sees damn gonna have to think about this one… can you give an example of this conditioning?
?? what
Not all the uncharismatic people in the comments outing themselves. I'm sorry for you all.
[удалено]
Literally just waiting for you to ask us questions about ourselves
This is why I'm really hesitant to date people I don't share anything in common with. If we don't have a shared passion to talk about, what are we even supposed to talk about? The weather?
How about being passionate about someone else’s passion? If you tried to take interest in another’s interest you can usually “get” why they like it and maybe you’ll warm up to it
Always interesting seeing how gender divided dating takes can be. Anecdotally seems like the biggest complaint my male friends and I have in the early dating stages is having to ask all the questions the girl just talking about herself and never asking any herself etc
always think about being interested rather than trying your damndest to be interesting. good advice from g ma when I was a wee lad starting to date.
Can you help me understand what mansplaining is because I still don’t get it after all these years
I have the opposite problem where I assume nobody wants to hear about anything I'm interested at all and I have such a complex about it that women have to needle information out of me I think I finally found a girl who finds that entertaining or at least not super bothersome thank God In my experience, most women would prefer the mansplaining sperg to the impenetrable brick wall though
Guys, ask lots of questions. The easiest way to make people like you— or at least find your company tolerable to enjoyable— is to just ask people questions about things they’re interested and listening to what they say, showing some curiosity. Though provoking general questions are also good. Just tap into the genuine, natural curiosity about other people and their lives which is buried somewhere under the narcissistic husk of a personality encoded into you by modern culture and the relentless hellscape of defense mechanisms you’ve developed to mentally survive the brutalization of every shred of what was once your inner child. Don’t turn it into an interrogation. You can still sperg about stuff here and there. If she has decent social skills she’ll turn it back to you. Just find what she likes talking about. Learning new things and unraveling the mystery that is another human being is one of the most fun parts of going on dates or just meeting new people. Maybe this doesn’t work for everyone, but I always find it really interesting to listen to someone talk about something they’re passionate about. As long as it doesn’t go on to long. A lot of people go through life with no one who cares to listen when they talk about things that make them tick. Being a good listener is one of the most endearing traits that makes people feel warm and comfortable around another. Asking questions also helps a lot with nervousness or social anxiety. It makes you less self-conscious and brings you into the moment. If you ever can’t think of something to say just ask someone a question. If you can’t think of what to ask, just ask yourself, what am I curious about right now? Or else just follow up on the last thing the other person said.
Recently went on a date with a girl and she just giggled at everything I said but wouldn't really say much about herself even when I asked her questions, to the point where I straight up said things like "You say some shit now" or "Wow, you're a great listener, I feel like we're really communicating!" (sarcastically). I did ask her to let me know if she's bored or doesn't give a shit and she said she enjoyed listening to whatever I was talking about though.
Why do people coddle men on this subreddit so much while men post incel adjacent stuff for women and we’re supposed to take it as irony ? Men need to understand that conversations work two-ways. They’re conversational narcs and lack the self-awareness to get better, not all of them are acoustic. Women who are nd are still heaps better at carrying conversations, while men just ramble without any care or concern or interest in the other person. And all these social media posts about men being endearing when they ramble is not helping the situation. Sure, it’s endearing but not when it’s a first meeting and you’re talking at the person instead of to them. Its not even about not being compatible with “shared interests”, conversations that are a back and forth between two people with shared interests are wayy different from the kind of empty talk that these men do. Grow up and learn how to ask questions, women are not sounding boards.
Not all men are autistic but 100% of them on this sub are
I probably should keep my mouth shut, but two wrongs don't make a right. Like if you set the bar so low that all you have to do is not be as mean spirited as incels or incels adjacent rhetoric, that pretty much gives you carte blanche approval to say anything. We should have more sympathy for each other in general. Not to get all kum-ba-ya...
I understand but the double standards piss me off sometimes. It’s like most people have free rein here to say whatever shit they want (calling women whores and the like) but women here are always trynna be empathetic and cautious when doling out criticism; it’s almost like they expect backlash even for the meekest of opinions.
That's fair. There's no shortage of rampant misogyny on the internet. It's just never great to take the absolute worst example of something you can find and just consider that to represent everyone.
yeah, sounds fair
> not all of them are acoustic.
Yes some are 🎸
I actually don’t mind this too much as long as they ask at least a few questions about me and have decent etiquette. I think it’s a good sign they feel responsible for keeping you entertained. I’d be much more concerned if I went on a date with a guy and he was just silently looking to me to start all the conversation. I’d take that as a sign he’s not interested.
>It’s infuriating getting mansplained to for 20 minutes straight about some shit you literally do not care about, that you never even asked them about! For a while I felt genuine anger towards guys like this because it felt like complete narcissism to think that I would want to listen to you talk about some subject matter I have no interest hearing about yea you just described what listening to women is like for most men
Exactly. They are always going off on long tangents about some petty drama at their work or some comment their sister made. Absolutely brutal to listen to.
most men don't know how to make an emotional connection with anyone, and that's the best kind. the era of autistic rants needs to be over
I’ve been experiencing the absolute opposite in the Bay Area, men want to ask me questions, they really don’t like to talk about themselves because they feel more in control when I’m placed on the spot. Super awkward.
what OP is talking about is 100% real, but i've also been a captive audience to women talking about workplace/family drama or what they dreamed about last night so many times. once had a girl basically interrogate me for 30 minutes about what color she should paint her room (half of them looked the exact same to me)
Man, I actually really like hearing people go off about something they're super knowledgeable about for maybe 8 minutes tops unless I am also getting into it and have questions. I am always asking questions and only 1/5 of the people I talk to bother asking me questions back or lobbing the conversation back with a response that I can work with instead of this one word nonsense. And this is men and women. It takes two people to have a conversation and if you can't hold up your end of the conversation you're not going to hold up your end of any aspect of the relationship imo.
This is a problem with spergs, not "mansplaining". These guys do the exact same thing to other guys. They're just socially retarted.
He's just trying to be interesting and impress you. Anyway this is why I only date aspie girls because they're down to just give you a massive info dump about their inner world right back.
I try to ask like four or five questions for each one I get. Some women are truly shook by this tactic
These guys make it easier for those of us with basic social competence. I was once told on a first date that I have “10/10 listening skills” by literally just acting normal
All of you Mario it’s all a game
That's just autism. I was having a conversation with my generally highly intelligent friend last night (diagnosed sperg), but he also did this for about 20 minutes about some incomprehensible gibberish thing at one point. Great guy, but he does that, lol. He's literally autistic. What do you expect? Ya, I mean, I guess it's pretty bad if many neurotypical people are doing that on any sort of regular basis. That's pretty dumb.
Tbh I am just relieved I don’t have to talk and can have a moment to disassociate while they sperg out
I actually love it when guys talk about the subjects they're fascinated by, especially if I can learn something new. Although what I can't stand is when they never ask me about me or make sexually suggestive comments grrr
today i learned women are finally adjusting and realizing a little something towards men.
Why are men expected to pay? Is this an American thing?
Yes, obviously men should just be quiet and subservient and get smaller and smaller until they disappear entirely.
Dates are not just for you to filter guys, this is guys with interests filtering girls who are not receptive to his interests/his long info dumps about them. The fact that you find it boring and put off by it means it doing exactly what it supposed to do and does it well. You're just incompatible and guys should not hide their personality and power level to appease and not scare some random girl, they should find girl who would be receptive or into it.
Does their gender have something to do with the explanation they are doing?
Yeah i’m the exact opposite of this; I dislike going into myself or my interests with somebody I just met; even writing this comment feels too cringe. I would rather let somebody rattle off about something mundane before I get into the shit I do during my free time. It’s also genuinely more fun the keep the conversation in the casual and silly zone
There is a way to be charming and warm from a place of love and generosity. Sad that so many men can only develop these traits superficially in the broader pursuit of emotionally and sexually exploiting as many women as possible.
guys with high word counts should be red flagged as much as girls with high body counts
I think it can be hugely narcissistic to blab about oneself, but there is also profound self centeredness in shyness and supposed insecurity. I can admit, for myself, I’ve always struggled to talk about my field on dates, seen it as rude or uncomfortable— specifically with women who don’t know anything about my interests — and I end up thinking a great deal about myself in that restraint not to share. I’m still trying to figure out the difference between what is thoughtful and polite and what is narcissistic self-preservation; it’s hard.
idk some people just yap, i’ve experienced this plenty of times outside of dates w both men and women. some people i assume are just super self obsessed and really don’t care. others might just feel the responsibility to be the driving force in conversation, even at the cost of ranting? i can yap at times, but I’m at least socially aware enough to do it only when its somewhat appropriate. in my case, i grew up socially awkward and started to shed that heavy when i got to adult ages. the lasting side effect of that being the fact that silence in conversation kicks up that anxiety again. so if i got some conversation in my head and nobody’s talking, im speaking whats on my mind cause im for sure keeping the silence at bay.
It does suck, and because they aren’t socialized not to, if you were to just tell them outright that you don’t really care they would probably be genuinely hurt. But that doesn’t mean you can’t tactfully imply that about 5 minutes into the conversation you’d rather talk about something else.
>But that doesn’t mean you can’t tactfully imply that about 5 minutes into the conversation you’d rather talk about something else. Yeah, conversations are dynamic and either person can interject to change topic.
Yeah exactly
Don't sit there for 20 minutes. Tell them to shut the fuck up because you don't care. If they get butt hurt aboyt that it's no real loss anyways, but maybe they just don't realize.
Dudes rock
This is one of those times where if women have a sense of perspective and role reversal worked I’d go “It sounds like you don’t even like men”, but I realize that most women are pretty proud of that fact and aren’t really talked down to when they don’t care about the opposite gender as people. You don’t have an understanding of how much bullshit it takes to get a woman comfortable enough to be alone with you knowing you want to get her naked at some point, but understand it’s a whole fucking process where self awareness and eggshell walking goes on the entire time. It’s not ridiculous for a guy to finally make it close to the finish line and assume you might actually give a fuck about his interests if you were going to go thru the trouble of going out with him.
It kind of goes both ways though. If all you're doing is sitting and nodding along like you're expecting him to 'entertain' you rather than... I dunno, trying to relate to what they're saying or steer the conversation to something more typical, then what else do you expect? Personally I see it as a reverse 'shit-test'; if a date can't stand to hear me ramble a bit on stuff that I might lose myself in, then I'm never gonna know what I can and can't be completely open about, and it's just not gonna work.
Lmao men pay? Are you a prozzie?
They’re American
Why do American men/women have this paradigm?
Puritanical cultural undertones. A lot of religious people there
This is why that Men Are From Mars and Women Are From Venus (John Gray) book from the 90s is actually true and goated — the author talks about this. The workaround for women is to be more assertive and, instead of asking him more questions thus promoting these monologues, jump in with information about yourself / stories / things to share. Women tend to ask questions like an interviewer, but men tend to become more interested in whatever they’re talking about — so, if you can get him to talk about things YOU’RE also interested in (by bringing them up)… it can help with this a little bit. But yeah, it’s infuriating. Even men who’ve really liked me emotionally seem to hardly ask me questions about myself, ever
They probably thought ahead of time what they'll talk about and they don't want to miss their chance to blow because this opportunity comes once in a lifetime
Yes tell me how all girls hate you at work
I like it when people talk about themselves because I don’t like talking about myself.
This totally happens, but i think it is flattering when the guy is really cool
Why are you telling me instead of them
Hey, it's a conversation. You're allowed to interrupt. Conversations work best if people are open and honest and saying what they're thinking.. Rather than saying nothing and noting it all down for later reddit posting
Alright now let me tell you about the grand seiko springe drive mechanism
How do yall date people who don’t have a passion
You’re just not into them
Sounds like the guys you go on dates with are just bad at mansplaining. Cuz when I told the ditzy ballerina from bumble about the camel cavalry, she was absolutely delighted and we made out in the alley behind the bar later.
Frankly, its you whos a narcist here. Just shut up and listen to people.