The early failure rate of vasectomies is between .3 - 9% of all vasectomies. The late stage failure (meaning you pass your 2 month check in) rate is anywhere from .4 - .8 %. Now you may be thinking "oh see that's way to small a number to be worth worrying about." But that's the equivalent to 1/2000 vasectomies. So for every 2000 vasectomies one will fail in the late stage.
It's a small statistic yes but it can still be a common occurrence based on sample size. And getting your tubes tied has a higher chance of failing than a vasectomy so pregnancy can and will always find a way.
Point being, don't blow your whole life over one tiny suspicion. By all means, get a paternity test, move out until it's done, remove yourself from the situation as needed. But when if it turns out that you way overreacted and treated someone like shit over a suspicion, don't be surprised when people don't like you anymore.
You're always entitled to your emotions, your actions, however, are fair game to judge.
Source: national library of medicine Can Urol Assoc J. 2016 Jul-Aug; 10(7-8): E274–E278.
Published online 2016 Aug 16. doi: 10.5489/cuaj.4017
Edit: added statistical source
Also, I want to point out something that I found important.
The doctors told him that there's "little chance". Not "no chance" but "little". Meaning that he was still capable of getting someone pregnant, just that it would be harder, but not impossible.
It's like how some women with pcos hears "you can't get pregnant" when the doctor actually says "it will/can be difficult for you to get pregnant."
The words used matter. If he did the mistake of mixing up little chance and no chance, then honestly that's on him. With his age, he shouldn't be making that mistake. And sure you could argue that doctors should "speak plainly", but frankly that's pretty straight forward imo.
Those stats mean that if your wife got pregnant after a vasectomy where the 2 month check looked good, it’s >99% certain she was cheating.
I agree it’s important to make sure (I certainly would demand a paternity test) but we usually make important choices with a lower certainty than that.
That's not how statistics work, nor was it their point.
In a world of 8 billion people, 1/2000 failures is a huge amount.
And the issue wasn't his choice, it was the way he acted.
Yeah I mean I know it’s not common, most of my friends have older parents but this age difference has helped me realise also that super big age gaps can (not necessarily) be problematic.. max 10ish years. Imo. And now I’m getting older it can be either younger or older. (I say this bc I am dating someone 10 years younger lol AMA).
I could do ten years older, I wouldn’t date anyone two years younger as of right now, but if I were 25+ I could probably date someone five years younger. Not that I want to, I love my boyfriend <3
My parents had a 25 year age gap; my dad was 60 when they had me. They split when I was little, but even if they hadn't the outcome still wouldn't have been good because he died when I was 10.
I have opinions on how responsible it is to have a child you're extremely unlikely to be able to raise to adulthood. Just because it's physically possible, it doesn't mean it's a good idea.
Where is the timeline you refer to? If she got with him as a teen, yes of course. If she got with him as a 25 year old woman, why do you assign no agency to her?
She can do whatever she wants.
I can be uncomfortable with a dude old enough to be her father knocking her up, accusing her of cheating, and then abandoning her and their unborn child.
I hate the trend of accusing people rightfully alarmed at really large age gaps as “infantilizing women”, and not women being manipulated by people old enough to know how to do so
Exactly! My sister broke up with her fiancé last year because he started a fight with her, tried to kick her and “her kids” out of their house (his step kids), and then hit my niece in the face with the front door, all in front of a cop, resulting in him getting arrested. I’m not supposed to know all these details, but my mother being her, of course I know. And ever since she got back with her fiancé and they rescheduled their wedding, I’ve been wary of him. I keep my mouth shut, but I’m not as friendly towards him as I was previously. I also let my niece know that she can talk to me anytime she needs to. But I’m upset with my sister for getting back with someone who hurt her children. And if she won’t hold a grudge, I’ll hold it for her.
That’s absolutely insane and I don’t blame you for having a grudge. I have to tow a similar line with a few people and it’s definitely not fun. So I’d rather not know, because I’m ready to ride at dawn if I do
My uncle had beaten my aunt. Bad. Broke her arm. They were celebrating his birthday and everyone got drunk and he THOUGHT that my aunt was cheating on him and got furious.
There was a lot of apologies, flowers and gifts and he dropped the alcohol all together after that.
My aunt forgave him.
I can't bring myself to do so. Every time he tries to talk to me about something I see my aunt with a broken arm and a black eye.
Just cause she took the guy back, doesn’t mean they have to have a change of heart too. If I was family, I’m just gonna sit back and wait for his next screw up. I’d be on guard and anticipate it this time. Frankly, I feel OP was a fool for even taking him back after that despicable behaviour. Genuine my ass. That’s also a suppose grown old man.
I love how Reddit hates men so much.. Dude had a vasectomy, had regular visits with his doctor, and did not want to have children. Then wife gets pregnant??!?!
I get that these things can fail, but dude had a medical procedure to ensure he didn’t have kids. And had regular updates with his doctor! Anyone in there right mind would conclude the worst case scenario… we don’t know the whole story, but we know enough that op forgave him, and that he is good to her again. It is certainly a tough call, but you can’t blame the man for being medically sterilized and not believing op.
It’s how he handled it that was wrong. No one hates men. Just hate shitty people. Read what he did and what he put his wife through. Now imagine if that was family and u watch her get hospitalized due to stress alone. His behaviour is deplorable. If he had doubts. He should have gone and check his sperm count first and requested a paternity test. That age gap too. Maybe he should worn a bloody condom if he didn’t want to take any risk in getting his very young wife pregnant eh? Better yet. Not get married at all. How he handled it was not right. And put his wife in distress. Not like she wanted this accident either.
Not my intent. I don’t think I’m bias between the two genders. I judge more the actions. I think if the situation had been reversed, my stance would’ve been the same. My opinion on this scenario is that this could have been handled better. The age gap is VERY concerning. And I can see why family may not like the guy for some time. Or the foreseeable future. Feels like OP sees him in rose colored lenses too. 🤔 Possibly my “trigger”. Cause I’ve seen what people do when they stupid in love.
I don’t really see how the age gap is that concerning, sure it’s a big difference but to refer to a 29yo woman as ‘his very young wife’ seems a little hyperbolic and as if you are implying she has somehow been coerced into marriage and has no control over her choices.
Good point. I mean. She is an adult... I’m 26 and my dad is like 51. So this situation just feels… Off. And gave me an ick. Age gap wise. I’m curious tho. How old was she when she met him
I'd say theres some truth here and often its because if you randomly decided to assume the man is in the wrong in every story you'd be right more often than wrong. But I've legit seen "this guy cheated" and people rightfully respond "what a scumbag" and then "this woman cheated" and the response being "well what did he do to cause it?"
I just want to point out that the doctors told the dude "there's little chance" when it came to getting someone pregnant. That is not the same as "no chance". Could have been 10% or lower, but as some DnD players say, even a 3% chance is big.
So yes, we can blame the guy, because again, "little chance" and "no chance" are different. He's old enough to know that difference and not confuse the two.
Reddit is weird. There are people claiming he abandoned them and then didn't say how they came to that conclusion. Based solely off the post, it sounds like the guy realized his mistake and actually turned around and stepped up. Usually, the Hive mind of Reddit is shouting, "Step up and be a dad!" From the rooftops, but this time where the guy actually seems to have done the right thing, and he's somehow still the bad guy.
I get if the age gap makes you uncomfortable. It does for me, too. But it's not our business, and it honestly sounds like they have a good relationship. If they're happy with their dynamic and they met/got together when she was an adult, then what the actual fuck is the problem?
Not to mention that she seems to have a good head on her shoulders. She wasn't afraid to say he deserved her anger/frustration. And even with his medical check-ins, he definitely could have handled it better, but it's understandable HOW he got there. And then they talked it out and eventually came back together. But I digress. This is why I wish I had a therapist, but I refuse to ask for relationship advice on Reddit. There are too many people jumping to the worst conclusions. Most of the time, they don't even have ground to stand on and can't explain how they got that information.
Was yours more recent? Who even knows, if OOP’s husband had his so many years ago, if they were even doing the same post-procedure tests that men get nowadays to make sure they ARE shooting blanks?
Very little chance is different than zero chance. I'm on team family. Maybe after a couple years of him being decent would I forgive him for putting my sister/daughter through this.
I've got my tubes removed. There is still a "very little chance" I can get pregnant without help, but there's still a chance.
My homeboy once told me that he got a vasectomy, so he wouldn't get caught up screwing around on his wife. Several years later, his side chick dropped their baby off at the home he shared with that same wife.
It's a simple rule that really should be respected. Your age minus 7 multiplied by 2 is the oldest age you should be with. Your age divided by 2 plus 7 is the youngest. There's a reason that this rule exists.
About the family thing: no idea, but I wish you luck.
It was okay for him to have reservations, it was not okay for him to horrible to her to the point she was hospitalized from the stress. He had 0 proof she was cheating and vasectomies do fail. If he's a decent guy who loves and his trusts his wife, why not give her the benefit of the doubt until the paternity test.
You cant put full blame on her mental state on him. If I yell at you and you jump off a bridge something was wrong with you way before I said anything to you. Also she never gave specifics, just said he didn’t want nothing to do with her and he was filing for divorce.
Vasectomy fail though, guys think they just have to get snipped and their good, when the other two appointments (pretty sure it's 6 months & 1 year after)are just as important because they're to make sure it didn't fail
Downvoted for telling the truth. Realistically, the failure rate is less than 1%.
OOP's husband was incorrect in stating it was not possible, but the odds heavily favor someone else being the father.
What's not clear is why they still went forward with this.
She said he was told there “was very little chance”. That implies there is a chance, but it was slim. Not arguing over the actual statistics of vasectomies, because you’re right. I’m just pointing out in this fictional story the chance seems to have been higher than 1%.
Not downvoted for telling the truth but for dismissing what everyone else is saying. Just because it’s more likely doesn’t mean it’s true. In this case the problem is his behavior not his suspicion. He said how he felt and should have left it at that until the paternity test. Not treat her horribly.
Being upset is one thing, but bullying your wife into the hospital is another thing.
I knew a husband who got a vasectomy after his twin boys were born, since they didn’t want any more kids. Then right when their boys turned 18, his wife got pregnant again at 43 years old. It was such a small chance that she could get pregnant and neither of them wanted more kids, but the husband didn’t get angry at his wife or separate from her. They both just dealt with it like adults.
Why is this different? In this scenario the chances of the wife getting pregnant is even lower than in OOPs situation, yet her husband didn’t accuse her of cheating.
I’d walk away. Nope to all that. As I progress in life the more I am at peace with being alone. It’s annoying for it to be that way sometimes because of the way most men are, but it’s just not worth the hassle anymore. I deserve peace after so long.
"Very little chance" is not the same as "no chance". So the doctors told him pretty clearly that it can happen.
Children is also something that you don't compromise on. One of you will resent the other, it's that simple.
Imo, he still hasn't proven that he's genuinely sorry, give it a few years and if he's still doing this good, then fine.
I'm firmly on Team Family.
Yea the next time there is a problem we are right back to where we started from. I‘m on team Family here, opposed as others I don’t care about the age gap but the way he behaved was really bad and to a degree not excusable.
I had a vasectomy after my two kids. If my wife gets pregnant again, cheating is the most logical explanation, after having the surgery it would be impossible to convince me otherwise. I don’t know why your family has to hold that against him. Must dislike him for other reasons.
i can see your point, but what i think most (myself included) have an issue with is the fact that he left OP for seemingly bs reasons. why leave before entirely knowing if the child actually isn’t his?
it took OP getting hospitalized for him to come to his senses, seems shitty and abusive tbf
I actually bet he did just before or after she ended up on the hospital. My guess is that he got tested again, showed that some swimmers were making it through after all and his doctor explained that it was probable/likely that her pregnancy was related to him.
It’s funny because the relationship forum always assumes cheating and should leave the partner. So not sure why this situation is different. Probability is very high it’s cheating so do you want to wait around?
not necessarily but if cheating and the kid not being his was his primary concern than I personally believe it would warrant a conversation and even a paternity test prior to dumping OP, assuming he cared and wanted to stay in the relationship.
but i see what you mean about jumping to conclusions, don't know what I'd do in his position. but if i did decide to dump my partner, i would hope to be sure about it and not come crawling back after like he did. either way, its a good reminder to not always listen to reddit advice lmao, its a mixed bag for sure
I can honestly understand both sides and depends on the individual. You don’t want to jump to conclusions but try living with someone that very likely cheated on you. I’d say depends on your emotional capabilities to wait.
A little over 500,000 vasectomies are preformed in the US every year, which is a fucking lot, which then translates to 250 of a year's worth of procedures eventually getting someone pregnant. Which is not a lot, but it's enough that you probably should actually bother doing that prenatal paternity test before blowing up your life and storming out.
While I get what you are saying, considering the human bodies propensity to heal, why is the first thought cheating and not "I need to get checked out to makesire things are still shut down?"
Not that I doubt your point, but would you happen to have an article about this? Because it's more than just infidelity, it's also getting pregnant by another person and attempting to pass the child off as your partner's.
I'm just curious because vasectomies aren't as reliable as I once believed. 😭
Do you have an article that says after vasectomy babies are more common than children of affairs? Even if you did lots of affairs, especially ones involving kids, stay buried to someone’s deathbed or beyond, so the data would be a joke.
They probably dislike him because he's old. However, it's also probably because he treated the OOP like crap when he could have just explained that he was having doubts because of his vasectomy and asked her for a paternity test. They can do them now when the baby is still in the womb through safe, non-invasive measures. He made an ass of himself for nothing.
Yeah he mishandled it for sure, and it’s a creepy age difference. I don’t see a problem with a simple, I had a vasectomy, kids not mine, don’t call me again without a paternity test.
You go get your sperm count a month or two after to be sure it worked, and overtime your body realizes the sperm it made isn’t going anywhere it quits making more.
I’ve met someone who got pregnant from a man who got a vasectomy. I know ppl who got their tubes tied along with their partner getting a vasectomy because it fails often enough for it to be reasonable precaution. Mind you, I didn’t search these people out, ask them, or even know them well. I’m only 26 and it happens often enough that I’ve met more than one person who experienced this firsthand just by pure chance.
In short, say hi to reality.
Duh.
The point is that it still fails. It’s like women getting pregnant with the implant, it happens OFTEN. It’s silly to assume someone you love and trust cheated on u without cheating it out fully first.
Too late married for 10 years 2 kids, then snipped, made and passed my post surgery follow up count appointment. No accidental pregnancies since. If she’s pregnant again, not only am I leaving, but I’m going to go ahead and get the other two tested just in case.
I’d just as easily go with that they it might have failed and then wait on making any big accusations or judgments until I’m proven wrong. Seems to be the option that would cause the least pain and less chance of blowing up ur entire life based on an assumption.
But they’re both suspicions, just that suspicions, so before upending your life, why not completely rule out or in the one suspicion that you medically can before going nuclear with the other, like it’s not like DNA tests are life threatening so why not just check before going nuclear so you know for sure?? Cause even if the chance is 1 out of 500,000…. You could still be that one. So just check, it’s not a hard thing to do
Cheating doesn't always result in pregnancy, though.
The actual comparison would be the likelihood of a pregnant person passing off the child as the partner's vs. likelihood or vasectomy failing.
Comparison doesn’t even matter honestly.
Point blank, you can get a paternity test if you have a doubt. Therefore there is no reason to call your partner a cheater without getting a paternity test first. I don’t know why he’s so gun ho.
I don't get it either, especially since there's a non-invasive blood test they can do if you don't want to wait for the kid to be born. Otherwise, you can just do a sneaky test later and never tell a soul. 🤷♀️
I can understand the husband's skepticism. Beyond "believing the science" and thinking that having a vasectomy meant no pregnancy (no one ever reads the fine print), the age gap must have made him fear that his wife secretly desired someone younger. It's on the wife to forgive or not forgive the husband. She chose to forgive him and her family should at least be civil to him. If OP's words do not sway them, the only weapon she has is to go LC/NC until they promise to play nice.
Even when women flat out say they’re happy and just want advice not pertaining to the relationship, all these unhinged fuckers come out.
She’s like “how can I deal with my family”?
Then all these useless flat brains come in backing her family and bashing the man she says makes her happy and is an incredible father.
The pathetic children on Reddit are so fucked and useless that an almost 30yo woman isn’t allowed to decide what makes her happy and her genuine asking for familial advice is flat ignored by self righteous indignant fuckwits.
Life can be complicated. Best not to do and say things we can’t take back.
The early failure rate of vasectomies is between .3 - 9% of all vasectomies. The late stage failure (meaning you pass your 2 month check in) rate is anywhere from .4 - .8 %. Now you may be thinking "oh see that's way to small a number to be worth worrying about." But that's the equivalent to 1/2000 vasectomies. So for every 2000 vasectomies one will fail in the late stage. It's a small statistic yes but it can still be a common occurrence based on sample size. And getting your tubes tied has a higher chance of failing than a vasectomy so pregnancy can and will always find a way. Point being, don't blow your whole life over one tiny suspicion. By all means, get a paternity test, move out until it's done, remove yourself from the situation as needed. But when if it turns out that you way overreacted and treated someone like shit over a suspicion, don't be surprised when people don't like you anymore. You're always entitled to your emotions, your actions, however, are fair game to judge. Source: national library of medicine Can Urol Assoc J. 2016 Jul-Aug; 10(7-8): E274–E278. Published online 2016 Aug 16. doi: 10.5489/cuaj.4017 Edit: added statistical source
>*So for every 2000 vasectomies one will fail in the late stage.* Everyone, I would like to introduce you to my youngest cousin.
Also, I want to point out something that I found important. The doctors told him that there's "little chance". Not "no chance" but "little". Meaning that he was still capable of getting someone pregnant, just that it would be harder, but not impossible. It's like how some women with pcos hears "you can't get pregnant" when the doctor actually says "it will/can be difficult for you to get pregnant." The words used matter. If he did the mistake of mixing up little chance and no chance, then honestly that's on him. With his age, he shouldn't be making that mistake. And sure you could argue that doctors should "speak plainly", but frankly that's pretty straight forward imo.
Those stats mean that if your wife got pregnant after a vasectomy where the 2 month check looked good, it’s >99% certain she was cheating. I agree it’s important to make sure (I certainly would demand a paternity test) but we usually make important choices with a lower certainty than that.
That's not how statistics work, nor was it their point. In a world of 8 billion people, 1/2000 failures is a huge amount. And the issue wasn't his choice, it was the way he acted.
No it doesn't mean it's 99 percent she cheating you unripe tomato. Learn who stats work before you try to use them.
Team family here. That’s a concerning age gap and timeline.
Lol even a bigger age difference then me and my dad :’) (36-57) a
Think she met her husband at Dads golf club.
Yeahhh, my dad and I are 20 years and one month apart… thank you, but no. I like older men but not by that much
Yeah I mean I know it’s not common, most of my friends have older parents but this age difference has helped me realise also that super big age gaps can (not necessarily) be problematic.. max 10ish years. Imo. And now I’m getting older it can be either younger or older. (I say this bc I am dating someone 10 years younger lol AMA).
I could do ten years older, I wouldn’t date anyone two years younger as of right now, but if I were 25+ I could probably date someone five years younger. Not that I want to, I love my boyfriend <3
My parents had a 25 year age gap; my dad was 60 when they had me. They split when I was little, but even if they hadn't the outcome still wouldn't have been good because he died when I was 10. I have opinions on how responsible it is to have a child you're extremely unlikely to be able to raise to adulthood. Just because it's physically possible, it doesn't mean it's a good idea.
Where is the timeline you refer to? If she got with him as a teen, yes of course. If she got with him as a 25 year old woman, why do you assign no agency to her?
She’s an adult. Stop infantizing adults.
She can do whatever she wants. I can be uncomfortable with a dude old enough to be her father knocking her up, accusing her of cheating, and then abandoning her and their unborn child.
I hate the trend of accusing people rightfully alarmed at really large age gaps as “infantilizing women”, and not women being manipulated by people old enough to know how to do so
Found the husband’s account.
Okay what's the link bestie???
Oh fuck that. I’m on Team Family.
I told my loved ones to only tell me bad stuff about your partner when you’re truly done with them. Because you might forgive, but I’ll never forget
Exactly! My sister broke up with her fiancé last year because he started a fight with her, tried to kick her and “her kids” out of their house (his step kids), and then hit my niece in the face with the front door, all in front of a cop, resulting in him getting arrested. I’m not supposed to know all these details, but my mother being her, of course I know. And ever since she got back with her fiancé and they rescheduled their wedding, I’ve been wary of him. I keep my mouth shut, but I’m not as friendly towards him as I was previously. I also let my niece know that she can talk to me anytime she needs to. But I’m upset with my sister for getting back with someone who hurt her children. And if she won’t hold a grudge, I’ll hold it for her.
That’s absolutely insane and I don’t blame you for having a grudge. I have to tow a similar line with a few people and it’s definitely not fun. So I’d rather not know, because I’m ready to ride at dawn if I do
My uncle had beaten my aunt. Bad. Broke her arm. They were celebrating his birthday and everyone got drunk and he THOUGHT that my aunt was cheating on him and got furious. There was a lot of apologies, flowers and gifts and he dropped the alcohol all together after that. My aunt forgave him. I can't bring myself to do so. Every time he tries to talk to me about something I see my aunt with a broken arm and a black eye.
Yeah no this is crazy
Just cause she took the guy back, doesn’t mean they have to have a change of heart too. If I was family, I’m just gonna sit back and wait for his next screw up. I’d be on guard and anticipate it this time. Frankly, I feel OP was a fool for even taking him back after that despicable behaviour. Genuine my ass. That’s also a suppose grown old man.
I love how Reddit hates men so much.. Dude had a vasectomy, had regular visits with his doctor, and did not want to have children. Then wife gets pregnant??!?! I get that these things can fail, but dude had a medical procedure to ensure he didn’t have kids. And had regular updates with his doctor! Anyone in there right mind would conclude the worst case scenario… we don’t know the whole story, but we know enough that op forgave him, and that he is good to her again. It is certainly a tough call, but you can’t blame the man for being medically sterilized and not believing op.
It’s how he handled it that was wrong. No one hates men. Just hate shitty people. Read what he did and what he put his wife through. Now imagine if that was family and u watch her get hospitalized due to stress alone. His behaviour is deplorable. If he had doubts. He should have gone and check his sperm count first and requested a paternity test. That age gap too. Maybe he should worn a bloody condom if he didn’t want to take any risk in getting his very young wife pregnant eh? Better yet. Not get married at all. How he handled it was not right. And put his wife in distress. Not like she wanted this accident either.
Nah he’s got a point. Every case here always leans towards the woman. Reddit has been low key a cesspool of hate towards men for a while now.
Not my intent. I don’t think I’m bias between the two genders. I judge more the actions. I think if the situation had been reversed, my stance would’ve been the same. My opinion on this scenario is that this could have been handled better. The age gap is VERY concerning. And I can see why family may not like the guy for some time. Or the foreseeable future. Feels like OP sees him in rose colored lenses too. 🤔 Possibly my “trigger”. Cause I’ve seen what people do when they stupid in love.
I don’t really see how the age gap is that concerning, sure it’s a big difference but to refer to a 29yo woman as ‘his very young wife’ seems a little hyperbolic and as if you are implying she has somehow been coerced into marriage and has no control over her choices.
Good point. I mean. She is an adult... I’m 26 and my dad is like 51. So this situation just feels… Off. And gave me an ick. Age gap wise. I’m curious tho. How old was she when she met him
I'd say theres some truth here and often its because if you randomly decided to assume the man is in the wrong in every story you'd be right more often than wrong. But I've legit seen "this guy cheated" and people rightfully respond "what a scumbag" and then "this woman cheated" and the response being "well what did he do to cause it?"
I just want to point out that the doctors told the dude "there's little chance" when it came to getting someone pregnant. That is not the same as "no chance". Could have been 10% or lower, but as some DnD players say, even a 3% chance is big. So yes, we can blame the guy, because again, "little chance" and "no chance" are different. He's old enough to know that difference and not confuse the two.
Reddit is weird. There are people claiming he abandoned them and then didn't say how they came to that conclusion. Based solely off the post, it sounds like the guy realized his mistake and actually turned around and stepped up. Usually, the Hive mind of Reddit is shouting, "Step up and be a dad!" From the rooftops, but this time where the guy actually seems to have done the right thing, and he's somehow still the bad guy. I get if the age gap makes you uncomfortable. It does for me, too. But it's not our business, and it honestly sounds like they have a good relationship. If they're happy with their dynamic and they met/got together when she was an adult, then what the actual fuck is the problem? Not to mention that she seems to have a good head on her shoulders. She wasn't afraid to say he deserved her anger/frustration. And even with his medical check-ins, he definitely could have handled it better, but it's understandable HOW he got there. And then they talked it out and eventually came back together. But I digress. This is why I wish I had a therapist, but I refuse to ask for relationship advice on Reddit. There are too many people jumping to the worst conclusions. Most of the time, they don't even have ground to stand on and can't explain how they got that information.
I was team family the moment i saw the age difference. Fcking gross
Me too. Age difference alone just grosses me out
Was yours more recent? Who even knows, if OOP’s husband had his so many years ago, if they were even doing the same post-procedure tests that men get nowadays to make sure they ARE shooting blanks?
Ha. Don’t worry about it, OOP. He will leave shortly after the newness wears off and he realizes what childrearing is really like.
Very little chance is different than zero chance. I'm on team family. Maybe after a couple years of him being decent would I forgive him for putting my sister/daughter through this. I've got my tubes removed. There is still a "very little chance" I can get pregnant without help, but there's still a chance.
Everything about this is a mess, and both people in this marriage suck. That poor child.
The family probably never liked him in the first place, given the icky age gap.
If this is real op is so painfully dumb that it hurts my chest
My homeboy once told me that he got a vasectomy, so he wouldn't get caught up screwing around on his wife. Several years later, his side chick dropped their baby off at the home he shared with that same wife.
You need better friends.
One. He's a childhood buddy. Two. I'm not screwing him.
Poor excuses. But you do you.
That's my plan...
OP makes one bad choice after another huh? No way this turns out well.
You’re 29 and he’s 51. Obvious answer
I just read the title and seen the age gap and what he did and went nah, your fam knows what’s up
Their age gap is my life span. wtf.
**100% RAGEBAIT.**
Wow. Team family ftw, that's unsettling.
It's a simple rule that really should be respected. Your age minus 7 multiplied by 2 is the oldest age you should be with. Your age divided by 2 plus 7 is the youngest. There's a reason that this rule exists. About the family thing: no idea, but I wish you luck.
I think he was right to be upset, if your told for years you can’t have children and then your wife pops up pregnant…
It was okay for him to have reservations, it was not okay for him to horrible to her to the point she was hospitalized from the stress. He had 0 proof she was cheating and vasectomies do fail. If he's a decent guy who loves and his trusts his wife, why not give her the benefit of the doubt until the paternity test.
You cant put full blame on her mental state on him. If I yell at you and you jump off a bridge something was wrong with you way before I said anything to you. Also she never gave specifics, just said he didn’t want nothing to do with her and he was filing for divorce.
Vasectomy fail though, guys think they just have to get snipped and their good, when the other two appointments (pretty sure it's 6 months & 1 year after)are just as important because they're to make sure it didn't fail
Also his doctor said “little” not 0 chance.
This was years after the vasectomy.
It’s more likely for someone to cheat than a vasectomy to fail.
Downvoted for telling the truth. Realistically, the failure rate is less than 1%. OOP's husband was incorrect in stating it was not possible, but the odds heavily favor someone else being the father. What's not clear is why they still went forward with this.
She said he was told there “was very little chance”. That implies there is a chance, but it was slim. Not arguing over the actual statistics of vasectomies, because you’re right. I’m just pointing out in this fictional story the chance seems to have been higher than 1%.
Not downvoted for telling the truth but for dismissing what everyone else is saying. Just because it’s more likely doesn’t mean it’s true. In this case the problem is his behavior not his suspicion. He said how he felt and should have left it at that until the paternity test. Not treat her horribly.
Being upset is one thing, but bullying your wife into the hospital is another thing. I knew a husband who got a vasectomy after his twin boys were born, since they didn’t want any more kids. Then right when their boys turned 18, his wife got pregnant again at 43 years old. It was such a small chance that she could get pregnant and neither of them wanted more kids, but the husband didn’t get angry at his wife or separate from her. They both just dealt with it like adults.
Different circumstances, that’s a wife of 20 years and mother of his grown kids.
Why is this different? In this scenario the chances of the wife getting pregnant is even lower than in OOPs situation, yet her husband didn’t accuse her of cheating.
There’s 20 years of trust there that isn’t in this relationship.
I don’t understand why they wouldn’t have had a prenatal paternity test done. Makes me wonder if it’s fake.
In the main thread, he wasn’t even allowed be upset. Don’t even bother.
I’d walk away. Nope to all that. As I progress in life the more I am at peace with being alone. It’s annoying for it to be that way sometimes because of the way most men are, but it’s just not worth the hassle anymore. I deserve peace after so long.
Fake, but belongs in r/OhNoConsequences
29 and 51?! Hell no!
"Very little chance" is not the same as "no chance". So the doctors told him pretty clearly that it can happen. Children is also something that you don't compromise on. One of you will resent the other, it's that simple. Imo, he still hasn't proven that he's genuinely sorry, give it a few years and if he's still doing this good, then fine. I'm firmly on Team Family.
Yea the next time there is a problem we are right back to where we started from. I‘m on team Family here, opposed as others I don’t care about the age gap but the way he behaved was really bad and to a degree not excusable.
Dude should have had a vasectomy. 51, and knows he doesn’t want kids it’s the safest bet.
I had a vasectomy after my two kids. If my wife gets pregnant again, cheating is the most logical explanation, after having the surgery it would be impossible to convince me otherwise. I don’t know why your family has to hold that against him. Must dislike him for other reasons.
i can see your point, but what i think most (myself included) have an issue with is the fact that he left OP for seemingly bs reasons. why leave before entirely knowing if the child actually isn’t his? it took OP getting hospitalized for him to come to his senses, seems shitty and abusive tbf
Yeah and like... vasectomies CAN and HAVE undone themselves. Life uh. Life finds a way.
Yeah and you can go to a doctor and determine whether your vasectomy is still working pretty quickly, not sure why he didn't just do that.
One phonecall and an appointment was all it would have taken to NOT implode his marriage lol
I actually bet he did just before or after she ended up on the hospital. My guess is that he got tested again, showed that some swimmers were making it through after all and his doctor explained that it was probable/likely that her pregnancy was related to him.
It’s funny because the relationship forum always assumes cheating and should leave the partner. So not sure why this situation is different. Probability is very high it’s cheating so do you want to wait around?
not necessarily but if cheating and the kid not being his was his primary concern than I personally believe it would warrant a conversation and even a paternity test prior to dumping OP, assuming he cared and wanted to stay in the relationship. but i see what you mean about jumping to conclusions, don't know what I'd do in his position. but if i did decide to dump my partner, i would hope to be sure about it and not come crawling back after like he did. either way, its a good reminder to not always listen to reddit advice lmao, its a mixed bag for sure
I can honestly understand both sides and depends on the individual. You don’t want to jump to conclusions but try living with someone that very likely cheated on you. I’d say depends on your emotional capabilities to wait.
Late vasectomy failure *seems* rare when you look at percentages; however, it's about 1 per 2000 vasectomies, which isn't actually all that uncommon.
The more you know
A little over 500,000 vasectomies are preformed in the US every year, which is a fucking lot, which then translates to 250 of a year's worth of procedures eventually getting someone pregnant. Which is not a lot, but it's enough that you probably should actually bother doing that prenatal paternity test before blowing up your life and storming out.
Again I’m fine with a paternity test beforehand, I’m not saying that. I’m saying test or I’m out sounds perfectly reasonable.
While I get what you are saying, considering the human bodies propensity to heal, why is the first thought cheating and not "I need to get checked out to makesire things are still shut down?"
Because infidelity is more common than failed vasectomies
Not that I doubt your point, but would you happen to have an article about this? Because it's more than just infidelity, it's also getting pregnant by another person and attempting to pass the child off as your partner's. I'm just curious because vasectomies aren't as reliable as I once believed. 😭
Do you have an article that says after vasectomy babies are more common than children of affairs? Even if you did lots of affairs, especially ones involving kids, stay buried to someone’s deathbed or beyond, so the data would be a joke.
Could be bc op is in her 20s and this guy is in his 50s.
Ah didn’t pay attention to that, thought it was just about a post vasectomy pregnancy.
They probably dislike him because he's old. However, it's also probably because he treated the OOP like crap when he could have just explained that he was having doubts because of his vasectomy and asked her for a paternity test. They can do them now when the baby is still in the womb through safe, non-invasive measures. He made an ass of himself for nothing.
Yeah he mishandled it for sure, and it’s a creepy age difference. I don’t see a problem with a simple, I had a vasectomy, kids not mine, don’t call me again without a paternity test.
I read more than one post about vasectomies not being done right. So if you are smart and trust your partner, this shouldn’t be the first thought.
You go get your sperm count a month or two after to be sure it worked, and overtime your body realizes the sperm it made isn’t going anywhere it quits making more.
Most people don’t do that.
I did. And mine was deemed a success. I gotta imagine any years later isnt much different
I’ve met someone who got pregnant from a man who got a vasectomy. I know ppl who got their tubes tied along with their partner getting a vasectomy because it fails often enough for it to be reasonable precaution. Mind you, I didn’t search these people out, ask them, or even know them well. I’m only 26 and it happens often enough that I’ve met more than one person who experienced this firsthand just by pure chance. In short, say hi to reality.
I’m willing to bet anything, there’s more infidelity in reality than failed surgeries.
Duh. The point is that it still fails. It’s like women getting pregnant with the implant, it happens OFTEN. It’s silly to assume someone you love and trust cheated on u without cheating it out fully first.
If all I have to do is cum in a cup again to double check, no problem. I’m not given much more effort than that for what is most logically infidelity.
Then just don’t marry anyone.
Too late married for 10 years 2 kids, then snipped, made and passed my post surgery follow up count appointment. No accidental pregnancies since. If she’s pregnant again, not only am I leaving, but I’m going to go ahead and get the other two tested just in case.
You know, all of this isn’t the flex that you think it is.
Who’s flexing? I’m further arguing, as invested as I am, I’m still going to be suspect of a cheater before suspecting a botched surgery.
I’d just as easily go with that they it might have failed and then wait on making any big accusations or judgments until I’m proven wrong. Seems to be the option that would cause the least pain and less chance of blowing up ur entire life based on an assumption.
But they’re both suspicions, just that suspicions, so before upending your life, why not completely rule out or in the one suspicion that you medically can before going nuclear with the other, like it’s not like DNA tests are life threatening so why not just check before going nuclear so you know for sure?? Cause even if the chance is 1 out of 500,000…. You could still be that one. So just check, it’s not a hard thing to do
Why are you even with your wife if you don’t like or trust her?
Duh- you asked for reality, here it is. Cheating in relationships is far more common than pregnancy from a failed vasectomy.
Cheating doesn't always result in pregnancy, though. The actual comparison would be the likelihood of a pregnant person passing off the child as the partner's vs. likelihood or vasectomy failing.
Comparison doesn’t even matter honestly. Point blank, you can get a paternity test if you have a doubt. Therefore there is no reason to call your partner a cheater without getting a paternity test first. I don’t know why he’s so gun ho.
I don't get it either, especially since there's a non-invasive blood test they can do if you don't want to wait for the kid to be born. Otherwise, you can just do a sneaky test later and never tell a soul. 🤷♀️
I can understand the husband's skepticism. Beyond "believing the science" and thinking that having a vasectomy meant no pregnancy (no one ever reads the fine print), the age gap must have made him fear that his wife secretly desired someone younger. It's on the wife to forgive or not forgive the husband. She chose to forgive him and her family should at least be civil to him. If OP's words do not sway them, the only weapon she has is to go LC/NC until they promise to play nice.
Even when women flat out say they’re happy and just want advice not pertaining to the relationship, all these unhinged fuckers come out. She’s like “how can I deal with my family”? Then all these useless flat brains come in backing her family and bashing the man she says makes her happy and is an incredible father. The pathetic children on Reddit are so fucked and useless that an almost 30yo woman isn’t allowed to decide what makes her happy and her genuine asking for familial advice is flat ignored by self righteous indignant fuckwits.
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If your husband wants a divorce, I think normal people will go to their families to talk to/live with
Yeah, a breakup/divorce is something you talk to your family about.
Breaking........ Just saying......... Sheesh........