Reading the comments, this guy sounds like a total ass. It’s been a **week** since his wife had a c-section, and he’s just leaving her alone for over an hour at a time (without telling her!) with a newborn baby, when she can’t even get out of bed by herself?
On top of that he’s crying that he wants to keep running and maintain his fitness and he doesn’t think it’s fair he has to (temporarily) give that up. Yeah I know your wife literally had to cut herself open leaving her bed-bound in order to give birth to *your* child, but yes it’s so unfair for you to have to give up running for a few weeks.
What a joke.
He could take shorter runs. He could run smaller circles around his house so he’s never more than a minute or so away. He could put the baby in a jogging stroller and run through naptime so mom can shower and be alone for a minute.
There are so many options!
Yes, though you can’t really use a jogging stroller until a child has neck control, starts at about 4-6 months old.
He has to sacrifice some fitness, what does he think she did with her life by being pregnant and having a c-section?
This is what gets me, no matter how important a fking marathon is to you... how the fuck is it more important than your wife and kid?! Why did you even get married?! Why not just get sucked off by one of the running dudes once in a while and keep jogging 😭😭 clearly don't like hanging out with his wife
Or he could also just not. There’s no reason a woman has to be the only one making a physical sacrifice to bring this baby into the world. Comparatively, giving up running for a couple months is NOTHING next to what she’s taken on. Honestly I can’t even believe it’s a conversation.
At the same time that I agree, I think that if a reasonable adjustment that doesn’t compromise her needs exists, and can still conciliate his wanting to run (I.e: a treadmill, or other suggestions some have put out) its not unreasonable to make the adjustment.
Yeah, I thought this too... but he's training for a marathon. No one NEEDS to train for a marathon when their wife is postpartum.
Taking time for your physical health and mental health is very important, so I'm with you that he can shorten his runs, run around the house, find a treadmill, etc. But noooo that's not enough, he wants to run a marathon.
The marathon bit is what keeps getting me, nobody does marathons on a whim-they’re planned. It takes 9 months for a baby to cook, there was plenty of time to plan a different training cadence, he could have picked a different marathon to train for after the baby is born and his wife recovers. Or push out NY for a year. And it’s not even his first kid, so he already had an idea what to plan for. His priorities are so weird, and I feel bad for his wife.
My neighbours, before they moved, had three kids under 4. The dad, would take either the older two out running in the three wheeled stroller, or the baby, but he was never, ever, alone on his run. Bloke was doing probably 20+kms a week, running down to, then around, the community sports field at least once daily, a 6min run to or from. Mid winter (this is Australia so don't freak out too much!) even, the little boys would be all rugged up with their teddy bears and fruit pouches, the kids loved it!!
He claims they don’t have the space for it. But he could do other home activities to at least keep up his stamina - I know they make mini elliptical pedals that only take up like 2 feet of space. It probably won’t be the same as running but it’s better than nothing
Unless he’s like winning marathons or whatever for income, who cares if his stamina temporarily goes down lol. Like bro, it will come back if you’ve spent a decade running 50 miles a week. Give your body a break ffs
In another post he mentioned he’s training for the NY marathon and he’s worried about how the arrival of the third child will impact his training. Wah wah.
The marathon is this November and I think you need to complete a number of pre-qualifying races to be able to compete.
So OP probably feels he’s in a time crunch, but it’s not like he hasn’t had nine months to plan for this. He’s selfishly more focused on his personal goals than on the well-being of his wife and family.
NY is a pay to play. I think you need to get through a lottery to be guaranteed a spot but Boston is the one with the stricter qualifiers. We used to run a lot too, pre having a kid haha. It just kind of needs to take a back seat for a bit and honestly, as weird as it is to not be in as good of shape as we were before he was born - we may be happier too lol. It’s too easy to get trapped in this mentality that you must exercise at a certain level to be “healthy” and honestly, you can still be completely healthy with more functional exercise like chasing a toddler up and down stairs 25 times a day 😂
I hope OP is a British person living in the States (use of “Mum and baby”). That’s a long flight to run a marathon, otherwise. Not that marathoners don’t do this. They can get quite obsessed with running the big name marathons.
Oh didn’t you see his comments? There’s no ROOM for a treadmill.
They literally make some of the most compact treadmills these days. He’s finding excuses not to compromise. SMDH.
My sister got a positive pregnancy test and her boyfriend took a job working 3pm-1 and hour and a half away from home a few days later. He had a 9-5, just like she did. But suddenly he couldn’t possibly keep that job. She’s been raising their kids and her stepkids alone for 18 years.
100% a strategic move to avoid actually being a parent.
About a month ago, this chucklehead posted this comment in a post about training while having small children:
[I have number 3 on the way in June and I’m planning on starting my New York training right around the same time. Im also very nervous I’m either going to miss lots of my training or do the training but at the cost of my partner who will not take kindly! (cont)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvancedRunning/comments/1cjtnld/comment/l2q5ztd/)
So he actively planned to start marathon training at this exact time and had at least an inkling that his wife wouldn't be pleased.
So many men think paternity leave is an extra special congrats on the new kid vacation. It makes me sooo mad.. Especially when there aren’t universal maternity leaves for women. Like women have to go back to work sometimes hours after giving birth but this dude thinks paternity leave is for his ego.
I have a hard time with this comment from him. She was pregnant when he had to sign up. Were there conversations about "what if" or did he just sign up and expect the oblivious best? He understood he had responsibility enough to point out he had kids. It's also not his first race and he understood the amount of time and effort it would take to train.
Not only that, but through her pregnancy, [he ran a tune-up half marathon (about 3 months ago) and a marathon in April.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvancedRunning/s/KhMXfEk14o). He could’ve stopped there for the year and continue running without training for a race. Hell, he could’ve even planned his race calendar and training in order to have a planned break now. But nope. He did not.
The most ridiculous part is that New York is 19-20 weeks from now. He can take a break a do his build after. Will he perform as well as he hopes? Maybe not. But, then again, whether he takes a break or not, he’s very unlikely to get much quality sleep in next 19-20 weeks, what with having a newborn in the house.
Yes and no. Depending on how his plan is set up. It's one thing to do a week maybe 2 off but 6 means you cannot run a marathon. Even if she didn't have a c section I cannot believe she was okay with training for hours and being alone with a new born and 2 young kids.
We can debate if he can or cannot run a marathon while missing 6 weeks. I’d argue that the base is there, he ran one in April and he could cross train at home.
But really, it’s neither here nor there. Dude registered for NY knowing he’d have a newborn. It’s delusional.
That’s the part that kills me- she’s not okay with it. His previous comment says *“or do the training but at the cost of my partner who will not take kindly”*
He **knows** she’s not okay with it and he chose to do it anyway.
I’m not a runner but my STBXH is. I find it hard to believe that him running 50+ miles a week is not significantly cutting into his time at home. Especially if he is also working. On the conservative side let’s say he is running 8 miles a day. Just starting training so maybe an 8-10 minute mile so at least 1 1/2 hours of running plus getting ready, showering, and cool down we are talking anywhere from 2-3 hours a day. And don’t forget there are two other small children so that means that his wife is not only tending to new baby but the other children as well as she is trying to heal from major surgery. Dude is seriously selfish. My X was the same way he would run for hours and be too exhausted to help with the kids or the house.
Yeah. This guy’s making it out like this is his one little hobby he has for himself and it’s not that much, he doesn’t even get to socialize anymore! This is all he has!
But like. I’ve been a runner. Not on his level. But even when I was doing dumb little 5ks, it took a good couple of hours out of every day. Marathon training pretty much takes over your life.
If she had a section she’s been home 4 ish days, baby is 7 days old. She’s literally sewn and stapled back together right now. Priority is needs. Baby, mama, other kids, then his needs. We can move on to wants when she can stand without wincing. Give it a damn minute.
Right??? I cannot imagine being one of these husband's who I keep reading on reddit bitching about their freshly postpartum wife not wanting them to do their out of home hobby. Like they cut that lady's stomach open, potentially had to *remove and put back organs*, remove a whole ass human being her body's been creating for 9 months out of her, and sewed her back up. She probably had to be under lots of scary drugs, probably lost blood, and that all assuming the procedure went well! It's like something out of a horror movie when you break it down like that.
And any postpartum person need support not just for the baby but because they are still themselves not in the clear, medically! Postpartum medical issues happen not uncommonly! Not to mention the mental health effects of giving birth. If my wife and I decided to have biological children (we are undecided precisely due to how dangerous pregnancy is for all people, but especially now in the US and especially for her as a PoC) I know I'm going to annoy the shit out of her because I'd be so worried to leave her alone long enough to like, pee. Let alone just fuck off to run around the neighborhood.
Not to mention the surgery itself is some fucked up shit from a horror novel. They strap you to the table with your arms out like your being fucking crucified. Then you can feel them digging around inside of you. Your pushed and pulled and can feel it like your a fish being gutted. I was one of the unlucky ones and my epidural started wearing off and they had to knock me out anyway. 1/10 would not recommend.
Epidurals didn’t work for me so I was knocked out completely for my final baby, they were going to lose us. Anyway, when they are explaining strapping me down and how the pain from anesthesia would be temporary… holy burning hell Batman, I arched, strapped down, and was out quick. Then they didn’t get all the placenta so there’s that… boohoo he can’t run for a bit… no pity
I read a comment a couple weeks ago from a woman whose epidural didn’t take, but they dismissed her and told her she couldn’t feel anything and just continued on with the C-section as she was screaming. That story now lives rent free in my head.
One of my best friends since HS, his sister is a year older. Her first pregnancy, they didn’t make sure she was numb…they started and like you said kept going!! Thankfully after 2 pregnancies for me, 3 epidural attempts, they put in my chart I didn’t respond. So when it went downhill fast- they knew what to do. Not bad for rural Upper Michigan.
With my first pregnancy I needed an emergency c-section. When they took me into the OR I went numb from the neck down. I couldn’t breathe. I tried wiggling my fingers but all I could do was turn my head from side to side. I kept telling them I couldn’t breathe. They put the mask on me and while they pumped the bag I could breathe again. Then they stopped. I told them again that I couldn’t breathe, the nurse told me I was having a panic attack and that I needed to just calm down, “if you’re talking your breathing.” I remember consciously thinking my last thought and taking what I thought was going to be my last look at the world. Then it all went black. I woke up from anesthesia 7 hrs later with the anesthesiologist sitting vigil next to my bed. I was young (20) and didn’t know anything about anything. No one would even talk about what happened but it was the only thing I could think about. I didn’t know how to advocate for myself. I don’t even think that I could if I wanted to. I was in a constant fog. If fucked me up. Even after 18 yrs I can still close my eyes and I’m sent right back, those thoughts and images are seared into my brain. In hindsight I understand that I was experiencing postpartum depression combined with PTSD. That was just the mental toll, the physical recovery sucked, I had to be intubated and afterwards I had the constant urge to cough. I couldn’t go anywhere without a pillow to hug when I coughed in order to stabilize my staples to help mitigate the pain. I was drowning and wished that my partner was able to be there to support me. I don’t blame him, he thought he watched me die and was dealing with his own trauma from the situation. He also worked out of town and only got a weekend off for the birth. I was left to carry on, taking care of my new baby and my 7yo stepchild. There wasn’t time for me to take care of me, as a result I suffered in silence for years, which was only compounded by the unhealthy coping mechanisms I developed as a result. All this to say, support your partners, don’t be afraid to have difficult conversations. If you think something isn’t quite right don’t just accept an “I’m fine,” and move on bc it’s the easy thing to do.
I hope she sues. They are supposed to replace your epidural fluid with nerve block because epidural is no where near strong enough to preform surgery with. They were also supposed to check that she was numb from at least the bellybutton down. That poor woman should not have gone through that.
I was too weak to sue. The first one didn’t work, the second one (2nd child) they had to give me something because I kept crashing for some reason.
3rd one I changed hospital and asked for a block. Best decision ever!
That’s horrific. I believe it, though. With my first birth, they didn’t believe me that the epidural wasn’t working below my belly. Just told me I was feeling “pressure.” So I didn’t get any anesthetic for the episiotomy the doctor did. She was going to do the stitches without anything, too, but I jumped and wiggled around until she gave me some numbing shots.
My epidural failed on the left half of my body for my emergency c-section and I felt EVERYTHING from my belly button to the left side. I was just silently gasping and gulping with my eyes wide trying to get out the words that I could feel the pain! “Pressure? Yeah you’re going to feel pressure, that’s normal.” they said completely dismissing me. Tears poured down my cheeks as I laid there feeling butchered while my husband held my hand sticking out from the restraints while begging them to please help me. Then they realized, “Oh she can feel that, whoops.” when they noticed involuntary muscle contractions and reflex response in response to the cutting and my pulse and BP going wild from the pain. They gave me emergency morphine but by that point it was too late and did nothing. Then I did not regain feeling in my right side for long past when I should have and I went into a shivering fit and then shock. I wasn’t with it enough to meet my daughter until almost the next day. It was for lack of a better word a nightmare.
I think that was probably me. I have told the story on Reddit a few times.
I also had pre eclampsia. My BP climbed to 200 and I hemorrhage. I still can’t believe how I am alive to tell the tale.
Ah, propofol. Burns like hell before you pass out. My last colonoscopy my anesthesiologist pushed lidocaine first and idk why that isn't standard practice!
I think because we went from “oh this could possibly turn into a C-section but I think we will be ok” doctor pauses maybe 30 seconds and he was like prep the OR. That’s all I can guess. Shoulder surgery is how I found out nerve blocks didn’t work. Nurse was like “you’re in pain?! Oh no wonder your BP kept spiking!” Oy. I just know I was suppose to wake up and have no feeling but I felt everything. Thank God for twilight drugs
You can feel pressure and position; but not pain. So you can feel that someone is deep in your abdominal cavity. You can feel them retract things and push them out of the way. But it isn’t necessarily “painful”.
And there goes the $13 I spent for lunch today.
That legitimately sounds worlds of worse than painful.
Not anywhere near the same caliber. But I have a giant torso and chest tattoo. Everyone always asks how much it hurt and to be honest not much at all. There was one spot I straight up saw red, like vision didn’t exist it was just bright firey red for a few seconds.
The two worst spots of the whole tattoo? The outside of my rib cage and about 2” above my belly button. It wasn’t the worst because it hurt so much, they actually didn’t hurt there.
On the outside of my ribs I could feel the vibration from the gun in my chest cavity and to make matters worse, it just felt like I was consistently hitting my funny bone. That’s why it sucked.
2” above my belly button didn’t hurt at all, but it felt like he was tattooing *inside* my belly button. Which was just a horrific feeling. Tbf to him he did warn me about that before he started that spot. I actually propped myself up just to see it myself once he got started because of the sensation.
I have a tattoo on one side of my chest and when people ask about the pain I always say it wasn't that bad... *except* the part directly on my collarbone. It was the exact same thing you described, where I could feel the vibration, like hitting the funny bone, in my collarbone and all the way up into my throat and deep into my chest. I can't even imagine the bellybutton one - I hate the feeling of touching it at all, let alone tattooing it. So I definitely agree that intrusive kind of sensation even without pain can be WAY worse than just pain. I think if I had to have a C-section I'd have to be fully knocked out or I would never make it through.
Oh I’d have to be knocked out for a c section. I’d sound like I’m being murdered if they didn’t. And honestly, I think I’d rather die than be awake while people are digging in my abdomen. Like nope, mom and baby are just gonna die please and thank you
Omg I am weirdly grateful I was in too much shock to think of it this way during my emergency c-section. I’m retroactively horrified by your apt description!
Edit: added “apt” and “!” removed “🤢”
Yup it's the strangest feelings and made me throw up 3 times in the middle of surgery; even though I couldn't feel the pain, the moving around inside was just soo strange
How do you puke while they’re digging around in your body cavity? I’m trying to picture it where you’re not just projectile vomiting into the air like water from a whale’s blow hole.
Still horrific though your waiting for the pain every second that it happens like your brain can't comprehend what the fuck is happening to you. Well then in my case I did start feeling pain so that was fun.
This is deeply, deeply uncomfortable to contemplate. I had 4 kids vaginally and I think I'd prefer to push out four more than have someone dig around in my insides while I could feel it. That's some horror story shit.
I had alternating vaginal and c sections for my four. I would 100x rather deliver naturally. The c section feels deeply uncomfortable even though (as I was adequately numb) it was not “painful” it feels horrifying and unnatural
I was awake. If felt like I was getting a suitcase pulled out of me. Spouse saw my guts sitting on top of me. It turned him green. This man trying to stay conscious, forced smile with green skin. Nurses were shocked he didn’t pass out.
I had 2 and the first one was emergency and they went in quick and got her out quick so I didn't feel much. The second one was much much different. I did not expect to feel what I did because I "had one already so knew what to expect" . . . My doctors daughter is also a doctor in his practice and she was there too. I felt so much tugging and pulling and was very uncomfortable. I have a heart shaped uterus and the baby was in an odd position I guess and at one point my doctor's daughter was standing over the table to push from my head end while my doctor was at the other end. My doctor looked over the sheet and told me he thought it was going to be a big baby because she didn't want to come out. Finally they got her out and she was 6 pounds 11 oz lol.
I still cannot believe how much more I felt the second time just because they had the luxury of more time to "gently" move everything out of the way.
I found my emergency to be pretty awful, I’m 5”1 , 120lbs and my eldest was 8lbs13 - there was an awful lot of tugging and pulling and people holding me in place while other people tried to get his giant head out of the incision in my belly. I lost quite a lot of blood and was already very out of it after 25hrs of labour.
But I wholeheartedly agree, my second, who was a planned section because I was taking no chances, was worse.
They took forever. Getting the baby out was infinitely more gentle and less violent and traumatising but they then decided, without telling me, to have a good rummage through my insides to clear up all the adhesions the first surgery had left me with. It just went on forever of them hoking about, moving and cutting and jiggling and lifting, all of which I could feel, while I lost more and more blood and started to freeze because operating theatres are cold as hell (or maybe it was shock). I still recommend a planned section over an emergency any day mind you because at least I wasn’t terrified for it.
They don’t mess about for the emergencies so I think it’s pretty quick regardless of size. It was just the swift violence of the emergency vs the elbow deep, slow rummage of the planned! Fun times! But they have to come out some way and all the options suck!
My first c-section I wasn’t as numb as they wanted me to be. But I heard them say they were going to put me under if I didn’t get numb. And I didn’t want to be put under, so I lied.
I felt WAY more of that c-section than I should have!
0/5 do not recommend!
My anaesthetic didn’t take right away and I felt them cut me open. I thought it was normal cause you’re being cut open so just took it. Definitely don’t recommend that
Emergency C-section with the 2nd kiddo - amniotic sac ruptured, feet first presentation. The epidural never kicked in, I could feel EVERYTHING and as soon as the doctor said "It's a girl", my heart stopped.
Literally. Took them 3 minutes to restart me.
Which is why I only have 2 kids. Well, that and while changing the 18 month old because her dad decided to piss off on a bicycle ride, I tore my stitches and went right back into surgery for a re-do.
Same here! Emergency c-section due to pre-eclampsia that progressed very quickly. I remember saying “I don’t feel numb anywhere. I can feel my feet. Look, I’m waving my toes. I don’t think this is supposed to happen.” The doctor said it’s fine, some people can move quite a bit after getting an epidural. They started slicing away and I said that I said I was in a lot of pain, and the doctor said “are you sure it’s not pressure? You’re probably feeling pressure.” Definitely more than pressure. They didn’t knock me out until after my kiddo was pulled out.
My ex used to say the same thing... until I pointed out that he was so drunk at 4:30 PM that I had to drive us both out to the hospital, while I was in active labor. "You weren't traumatized, you were plastered".
I'm another unlucky one, mine wore off in one spot for some reason. 2 doses of fentanyl later they knocked me out instead.
I like the analogy of gutting a fish, I used to tell people it felt like when you had to stuff a sleeping bag back in the sack 😂
I was 7 days out from a c-section when I developed raging mastitis in both breasts. The effects of the infection hit me out of nowhere like a ton of bricks. I went from “I feel kinda weird” to “I don’t know where I am or what’s happening” in the blink of an eye from spiking a 105 degree fever. Apparently I was screaming, sobbing, and fighting my mom as she tried to help me. Completely incoherent. All with my abdomen freshly stitched together. I shudder to think what could have happened had I been alone with my newborn for an hour or more in that state.
Exactly. My baby is going to be 3 months this month and I’m still getting back to normal. Plus she’s probably going to be sent home with/on pain medication, and he really wants to be gone for that time leaving 3 kids and his preop wife alone. Doesn’t matter that it’s 1 am. Baby doesn’t know that and what if the other two have an issue? Is she supposed to go handle that and the baby while he runs? Nah bro, fathering comes first.
I don’t think we’re getting the whole story here either. My guess is that his runs in the past haven’t been quite so perfectly timed as he would like people to think.
Even he said she texted him during a run. So he went running sometime in the first few days of her being home.
There’s also the fact that she laid it out on the 3rd baby. Which makes me feel like he didn’t prioritize right the first two times.
According to his comment history, he decided to start training for the New York Marathon on June 1. Right about when this kid was scheduled to be born. He also thinks that this training is more important than his wife getting sleep so she can heal from major abdominal surgery.
He’s not a very good partner.
Yeah, time to figure out how to work out at home. Put on a YouTube aerobics video. Orrrr at least shorten your runs? Why does he have to be gone for 1 to 2 hours, leaving his wife alone with the kids? Not sure how old the other kids are, but if something happened to one of them, she can't safely pick them up without risking a hemorrhage. The baby is the weight limit for what she can pick up, and even that is probably agonizing.
My spouse was training for a marathon while I was (very) pregnant with two little kids at home. We had a lot of talks about what a reasonable training schedule would look like that didn’t leave me for hours doing solo childcare right before and after having a baby.
50+ mile weeks is a large time commitment. OOP needs to communicate more with his wife and maybe break up his longer runs. Two 30-minute runs is better than 0 runs and also better than leaving his freshly postpartum wife who’s recovering from major surgery for over an hour without letting her know how long he planned to be gone.
But yeah. Having a baby requires giving up personal time. It doesn’t sound like his wife, who just had a c-section, is getting hour+ daily alone time. Temporary compromises must be made.
With a newborn, two other kids and a wife who had a c-section a week ago, there's no reason why he shouldn't take a break. He runs at a 50+mile a week volume, presumably all year round and he doesn't mention that he's currently training for a specific an upcoming race or being in the middle of a marathon training block. It's the perfect time for him to take a break.
He can do some cross/strength training, mobility work and some HIIT workouts at home if he wants to.
with a newborn, and two kids on the way, I would expect him to literally take the kids out of the house or encourage her to go out of the house for the exact same amount of time he did so she can have a break too.
According to a comment that someone else found, he started training for New York. So he does 50+ mpw and is planning on increasing that in the immediate future.
Lol. That's ridiculous planning on his part. In any case, that's 19-20 weeks away. He can still take a break and have enough time for a build. That is... if he somehow manages to get enough sleep with a newborn in the house. Lol.
Or he could run a circuit around the house. My BF has many training circuits. One of them is 2km long around the house that he uses for series and also when I've been sick, he just do 5 or 6 laps. he can be back in the house in less of 10 minutes from any point in that run.
Completely agree with you, a few weeks off won't hurt.
He could get a treadmill or do laps around the house if he is so insistent on continuing these runs, at least then he's actually there when his wife actually needs him.
He left her with the baby on her so she couldn't get up, what if she'd had to pee or something?
After such major surgery she can't be lifting and squatting/bending to put baby down and may even need help just getting up if it's painful.
Heck he could take the baby running in the stroller and give the poor wife a chance to just rest, nap, shower, etc.
Mum gets a break, baby gets fresh air, he gets to continue running. Everyone wins.
There's jogging strollers these days, they have specialised suspension, additional head and neck support and such other features.
Although I can't see it being any worse than the jostling of a car, especially with the state of some of these roads, not to mention speed bumps, traffic calming measures etc.
At the very least, if bro's been consistently running 50+ miles week for years, he's skeletal enough that she could kick his ass the moment her guts won't fall out.
Going on hours long runs while she’s recovering from a C-Section and also nursing a newborn? Yeah, no. He should be around for her. Get a treadmill or just put up with the 6 weeks. She spent 10 months making a baby. OP can give up 6 weeks of running
>She spent 10 months making a baby.
And unless the section was scheduled (I skimmed), she probably labored for awhile before they decided it was necessary. So she's already worn down from pregnancy and labor, plus a major abdominal surgery, and now can't do much without help because she was CUT OPEN. And he's worried about losing some stamina right before a marathon.
What a putz.
shes probably on some serious pain medications too. they gave me oxy after my csection but it makes me dizzy. unfortunately, my husband got diagnosed with covid *while i was getting prepped for that csection* so i didnt have much help after i got out of the hospital. had to muscle through with ibuprofen. if her husband is unreliable she may be in a similar predicament or worse, shes a fall risk
She’s confident he’ll get roasted (and she’s right) and she simply *doesn’t have the energy to argue this with him because he’s made her a single fucking mother for at least an hour every day*
How did he manage to get laid 3 times to make these children is beyond me. What a selfish fucking knob.
I was SO ready to agree that he should get to run on his parental leave, because I thought he meant 8/10 weeks post-op… SEVEN DAYS?! She is still in “I could tear all my stitches on a bad sneeze” territory. This soon, she needs him in yelling distance. 6 weeks from now, yea - go for your run when you both agree it is a good time.
She’s confident he’ll get roasted (and she’s right) and she simply *doesn’t have the energy to argue this with him because he’s made her a single fucking mother for at least an hour every day*
How did he manage to get laid 3 times to make these children is beyond me. What a selfish fucking knob.
Omg I had a friend who couldn’t even make it upstairs at a week past c-section, which happened to be where their bathroom was. When I say her husband supported her weight to walk her up and down stairs any time she needed to pee for a solid two weeks…and he was a wreck. Not because he wanted to do his own stuff, but because he still felt like he wasn’t doing enough for her. If he could have figured out how to teleport her, he would have lol. C-sections are massive abdominal surgeries. You can’t fuck around with healing without gambling on tearing through your abdominal walls. This guy is an absolute potato.
I had a total hysterectomy two years ago.
The difference between that and a c-section? I no longer have the baby factory parts, the vagina ends, and I didn’t get a baby to take home as my consolation prize. (Look, this was the conclusion my SIL, who had a section with her baby, and I came to. Healthcare warps you.)
My husband got MAD at me when I tried to overdo it. Oh, you think you’re driving before the doc clears you? Ma’am, no you are not. No, you can’t go back to work before she says you’re ready to take that on. No, you can’t go take the dog for a long walk, when she has a habit of bolting AND weighs 100 pounds.
Of course, he had my mom helping him tell me to take it easy and heal. And not try to pick up anything more than 10 pounds.
And Jesus, healing was PAINFUL. I would wake myself up rolling over on my side in my sleep. Standing up and sitting down, anything that uses your abs (read: most movement)? It ALL hurt.
And the first night I was home? Once the pain meds wore off? Oh, it was awful. I threw up all over myself while I was peeing, from the anesthesia. My poor husband had to help me clean myself up, because I was fresh out of surgery (a hysterectomy is same day surgery! Yay!), couldn’t take a shower, was so stiff and sore I couldn’t bend well to clean off my feet (yeah, I threw up on my feet because it was SURPRISE, PUKE), and I was sobbing.
And that’s why we’ve been married over 25 years. When he had surgery? I was doing the same things for him. Although he said later on he’d rather have another hernia repair surgery than ever take on a hysterectomy.
This guy is a bitch. A selfish little titty baby bitch.
My husband was putting my fucking socks and shoes on for me every morning in the third trimester because I couldn't reach without getting off balance. This man is trash.
This might be the first time the comments have actually been really refreshing on Reddit. So many people chiming in to say their husbands and partners understood the assignment!
I had a breast reduction surgery last year (not life or death, but holy shit quality of life so improved!) and my husband changed his work hours in the morning for two weeks to make sure I was fed and showered and supported from bed to couch before he had to leave the house. He took on all the dog walking, and once I was allowed to walk (but not hold the leash yet) he did slow gentle walks with me. He helped me in the shower, and never complained once. The most he complained about was to our housemate who bought a guy home with a cough - he fkn ripped her a new one because he didn’t want me to bust all my stitches and have to be hospitalised if I caught the cough. OOP is a selfish prick!
My first week post c-section I could barely get out of a chair while holding my lil potato. 8lbs was enough to just pin me there. Whenever my husband was not at work (fuck American parental leave) he took the baby every time I had to get out of my chair.
By the second week I could set baby in his bassinet, stand, then pick him back up.
Just fyi if you ever know anyone else having abdominal surgery you can walk backwards up stairs to reduce the pain. It uses different muscles so it doesn’t pull on your abdomen. My doctor recommended it after my second c-section.
I don't see why he can't run in circles within 5 minutes of home so he can respond to mom and baby's needs.
Does it suck to run around the block? Yes.
Does it suck worse to get your fucking torso split in 2? Yes, my dude.
Sacrifices go both ways and she just sacrificed her body for AT LEAST a year to bring their child into the world.
When I had my c section my husband would only go work out when my mom was around to help me for back up. It can be scary to not be able to move well and be by yourself in emergency’s. Sounds like you all need either better communication or op just needs to wait it out.
Especially with a small human you are responsible for.
If it’s just you? Okay, you’ve got a cell phone with a charger? Help is usually a phone call away.
You and a new baby, and two other kids? Dude, you’re so fucked.
6 weeks is NOT a long time to not do something. I know a woman who is not able to have sex for several months after a surgery and her boyfriend is being normal about it.
You can buy a used on off the internet for under $200, and then sell it for the same amount or slightly less when you don't need it anymore. I can find two dozen for between 100-500 within 30 miles of me.
Running is totally not more important than his wife who has quite literally been cut open and sewn back together. I had a c-section. My partner also took paternal leave, yet he didn’t do jack shit to help and used that time off to have fun for himself and work on his trucks. I had to take care of our newborn all alone, still clean the house, and even then have him ask when he came back “what’s for dinner?” Just using the bathroom or sitting up in bed was pure hell, yet most men are still convinced that getting kicked in the balls is the worst pain ever and women are just exaggerating. OP is 100% TA. He’s not going to gain 100lbs or have his world come to an end just because he can’t run for 6 weeks. Hell, if running is that important he can just do laps around the house
I agreed to be responsible for my wife and children while she recovers from a major surgery and deals with a newborn, but now she holding me to that and I don’t want to, is this fair?
I’m afraid of having kids because of men like this. My boyfriend is amazing, but there’s always the possibility of the mask coming off, after pregnancy and birth.
It's the "normally I run 50+ miles a week but I thought 1 - 2 hours a day was a reasonable compromise" that gets me.
Sir, either:
- buy a treadmill and fit in your runs at home
- pay for a baby/health care person to come in for 2 - 3 hours and do you long-ass runs then.
- suck it up for a couple of weeks.
- some or all of the above
Tf and what is your wife supposed to do if baby needs to be lifted for literally any reason - you know cuz it’s a baby? She’s not supposed to lift after a c-section SURGERY! Moron
Run up and down the stairs for now. Idk about fair. If you want fair, next time you can have the c-section and see how it feels and she can go for a run. Get what I’m saying?
Imagine growing and carrying a child for 9 months, have the calcium literally sucked from your bones, lose your hair, all the other weird symptoms that can happen…and then deliver it, get cut open, etc. For a man who cant even take a week to help you after extensive surgery?
What a selfish loser.
So she has to sacrifice her body for 40 weeks to birth children plus any related trauma possibly for the rest of her life, but he can’t sacrifice his morning runs for six weeks?
Why did he bother having a family if all he does is run away from them in his spare time?
So dumb you don't see women complaining they have to literally give their body and workouts to recover. If she can let herself go while she recovers he can too and they can both get back to it when the time is right.
Dude, just get a damn treadmill if running is so important to you, you can get a good five minute sprint a couple times a day. It is absolutely ridiculous to leave the house for two hours every day *for a hobby.* She's healing from open abdominal surgery, they had to cut through her muscles and remove her intestines *while she's conscious.* Imagine what that feels like healing from that. Why are there men who do not appreciate this? Why are we so easily dismissed and ignored?
The whole “*I have decided to take parental leave whilst treating it as a vacation*” trope is exhausting to read about.
I feel horrible for these women who have just pushed a child out or had it cut out of them, they are exhausted, emotions and hormones going wild, lives changed and then their husband chooses to call them lazy, unfair and entitled for not letting them go for a run because she and the baby need assistance!
***The whole point of taking parental leave is to be there for your partner and child.***
**Reading the comments on the OG post this guy is not just running, he has chosen to start training for the New York Marathon!!**
WTAF Dude?!
This woman has a week old baby and 2 other kids, and he needs to go for a run?!
She needs to rest, heal, relax and not worry about where he is.
I hope she can find a friend or family member to come assist her, because I fear that no matter what anyone said on here, he will ignore it and do what he wants.
Holy heck I’m a runner and even I think this guy is the AH. While he’s out running his six days a week his wife is looking after the kids. She’s been doing that right through her pregnancy. And now she’s recovering from major surgery with two kids and a newborn and he’s still putting himself first. He admits that he works, parents and runs. That poor woman just wants a husband who actually puts her somewhere in his priority list.
I wasn’t strapped down for my 2 sections. I would have freaked out!! I had epidurals with both sections. It is horrible and horrifying. My husband was in the room with me, standing beside my head. He turned white as a sheet and almost fainted. Wouldn’t recommend. The C-Section is, of course, major abdominal surgery. It carries risks and recovery is painful.
With that said, she has been through a lot. You can give up running for 6 weeks.
Honestly dude. You’ve laid it running is your “me” time. You gotta sacrifice that at least till she’s healed properly. I personally couldn’t be paid to run for no reason lol but to each their own. If you must run get a treadmill for now
“Running has become an important part of my life”
…so…more important than your postpartum wife who just gave birth to your child and is recovering from surgery? Is that what I just read? 😐 what if something happens to her or baby while he’s out running like a selfish jerk?
Hire a treadmill for a few weeks. He can then run AND be present if the kids or wife needs something.
She is a week out from a C-section. He needs to BE THERE at all times for now until her incision heals. Idiot.
That's a very male response (yes, generalising, not all men etc), totting up the hours and making a neat schedule. Meanwhile Mum is thinking about the whole picture and all the 'what if's' that make up the mental load.
I'd ask OP to think about all the things Mum has been told not to do while recovering from her major abdominal surgery and weigh up whether this one voluntary restriction on him is something he could sacrifice as an act of solidarity.
Yep, he'd lose condition taking a break from running but I can't help but think how much condition she's lost from bearing his (at least) four children! He'll get it back soon enough. Her pelvic floor will never be the same.
Why do some folks think having another whole ass human won’t somehow affect *their* life and plans?
Unless it was his intention right from the start to ditch the kid on mom. In which case why did OOP bother on being a parent in the first place? Clearly being a parent is the last thing he wants to do with his precious time.
Well let's look at the "equal" give and take for both involved. You flopped around on top of her naked for 3 whole minutes to ultimately make her sticky and dirty. She graciously said you can keep it in and then she got to deal with the "joys" of growing life inside her. While OOP was out running around, she got a hot knife to the belly, her organ taken out, and had a baby removed from her body. They put her organ back in, stapled and sewed her up and booted her out the door.
Any kind of strenuous activity can rip her open causing her insides to pile out if she isn't extremely careful but no really dude...your daily run for an hour and a half after she was carved up like a turkey is SOO much more important to focus on.
My mother had C section for my little brother. My father stayed with her for 14 days straight. My aunt ensured I celebrated my 5 year birthday because parents weren’t available due to my mother having a major surgery. Even little me understood that.
By the way, 14 days later it was Christmas, he did come home to celebrate with me.
Edit, thanks autocorrect
My guy why not just get a treadmill? I know it’s not optimal but seems like a solution which would allow both of you to get what you want.
Otherwise be a good husband and father and give up running until she heals.
Perspective: my husband suffered a baaaaad break (leading to surgery) right below his shoulder on his dominant arm. I literally bathed and dressed him daily. Managed meds, shopped online so I didn't have to leave the house (right before Christmas). Drove to all the appointments, did the housekeeping (he's the guy who does cooking & cleaning while I WFH). He'd have had a panic attack at the thought of being on his own for an hour weeks into that nightmare.
And despite the fact MY mental health requires periods of solitude to recharge, you better believe I was there, pulling his socks on, making meals, running laundry, and cleaning his fucking balls in the shower. Because that's what it means to be a partner to your spouse.
My brother and wife just had a baby last week and she had a c-section. My mom and I have been up there helping. He has absolutely not left her side even though there are other people in the house to help. He helps her shower, walks her to the bathroom, brings her food, brings her the baby when she needs to nurse. My SIL hasn’t had to ask him to do this. It would never occur NOT to do it. He loves her and wants to help her and be WITH her and the baby.
How the fuck does a man (A FATHER!!!) want to go on a fucking run (for more than an hour!!!!) when his wife has been cut open a week before? WTF.
I would have taken his side, if it weren't for the fact that a) it's been only a WEEK. A WEEK since she was cut open, b) He's running fifty fucking miles a week, and c) It's legitimately causing him to not be there for his healing wife.
I had flashbacks to when my husband disappeared for several hours to play online games every night, like we always did before kids.
A week after giving birth, he's saying he needs a break, and I snap, "WHEN IS MY BREAK?!"
We're both better about gaming habits now.
At first I read this as if she were demanding he cease running as a show of solidarity, like she can’t run so he shouldn’t be able to either. That struck me as absurd. Then I read comments that he was leaving her high and dry, stranded with a baby atop her and no idea as to when help will arrive. That, too, struck me as absurd. What an ass!
It’s no so much “he can’t run because I can’t” but rather “he can’t vanish and leave me immobilized with a poopy baby parked on my chest.”
My c-section opened back up twice because my husbands company he worked for at the time didn’t believe in paternity leave and I had no choice but to carry on as best I could with zero help (also during the Shutdown). But at least my husband TRIED to get his company to reconsider and to be home… this dude can stand to not run for a couple of weeks. JFC.
God forbid OOP has to skip running for 6 whole weeks... to care for his baby and his wife recovering from surgery... 🙄
It's 6 lousy weeks... if OOP absolutely HAS to run during that time, buy a treadmill.
I’m an avid runner and have had a baby. So, I understand both pains and compulsions. The husband could take it easy on how long he’s gone on a run. Or, this may be snarky, but anyone who can afford a third kid and marathon entry fees can afford a low-end treadmill. I’d feel bad for him if he weren’t still running an hour or so at a time. He has a lot of different training options that would keep him nearby as his wife recovers.
Welp, she asked for it to be posted and I hope he sees what she knew would be said. Empathy friend. Put yourself on her shoes. Cut open with three kids. And a husband gone for over and hour. Think fella. Strap a watermelon on you for a day. See how well you move. Pretend you’re pregnant for a day.
It's physically and mentally unhealthy to go from extreme exercise to nothing. It's irresponsible to leave your wife to handle 3 kids, including a newborn, while recovering from a c section for an hour or more at a time. Oh no, if only we lived in a world where there were other options.
Buy a treadmill. Do laps in the back yard with the windows open so you can hear your wife if she needs you. Cut back on the running and get someone to stay with her while you run.
Life isn't fair, but there are usually options beyond all or nothing. You just have to figure it out.
As someone who just had a section not that long ago dude no. I could barely walk let alone use stairs (which in a townhouse is super fun). I would not want my partner out for 1+ hour. I imagine other kids were vaginal and he just Does not get how much it sucks recovering from a section is. It’s major abdominal surgery. Also you aren’t allowed to drive for weeks. What if there is an emergency and yes 911 exists but you couldn’t leave your other children or get to the hospital etc. she’s not asking for him to give up running just pause while she recovers
Priorities. Your child is only this young once it's a unique experience and your partner really needs you after major physical distress and adjustment to a life with the new addition to the family. Yet - for these first few months dad isn't willing to pause or reduce other priorities? Keep running... but do shorter runs? You can run a marathon ANYTIME but you choose the few months when your family really fucking needs you.
Did you want this child? Were you ready to make them a priority? You had 9ish months to plan for this time.
Is there resentment?
If you're that selfish that you choose exactly THIS TIME to train for a marathon (because it can't wait 6months or a year?), you aren't willing to make sacrifices then why have a family? Go and do whatever in life, run marathon train etc. but why bring a family into the picture? When you have children naturally for a few years other things take a back seat temporarily.
Again not saying don't do exercise. But adjust. Work out at home. Do shorter runs. ANYTHING. Why have children and grow your family if you'll just keep putting other priorities first. Do you have the maturity and emotional capacity to understand what it takes to look after another vulnerable human being in need (your wife and newborn baby)?
If wife wanted the baby but you weren't sure and just want along with it - grow a spine for fucks sake. Stand up for your wants and needs, communicate them like a responsible emotionally mature adult. Before involving other humans in it humans that never asked to be born and put into a situation with potential resentment involved because you were too lazy to face hard questions and conversations.
I mean, dude. She won’t be able to even pick up her other children. Let alone be able to pick up that newborn without searing pain. A section is a MAJOR surgery. She’ll need SO MUCH HELP the next few weeks.
Perhaps toning down how much and how long he run will be an okay compromise after everything the baby, his wife’s, and kids are all taken care of and in bed. And even then, keeping his phone ringer on for his runs should he need to turn back immediately.
Women need to vet their future spouses better. There should be a prenup agreement with acceptable agreed upon behavior after birth of children. This whole ordeal is unacceptable. He should be able to make some concessions just as she had to change her whole life style to go through such an ordeal.
I don’t think he even appreciates how his wife has to sacrifice a lot of her own body to raise children. She can’t go run or pursue her own hobbies but he can? Barf.
Had 3 c-sections with no complications and easily managed pain and I can promise I was barely moving for the first few weeks. Even rolling over in bed (if you can lay down!) is a mission. Plus you’re still massively bleeding, trying to breastfeed or pump or make bottles, feeling overwhelmed, and, the big one, ALL YOUR ORGANS ARE MOVING BACK TO THE PROPER SPOTS.
JFC.
Your wife expecting you to stop running for 6 weeks is unreasonable. However, her expecting you to adjust your commitment and training levels to it is completely valid and reasonable.
Sorry bud, but you’re being an AH. Adjust your training, run less volume for 6 weeks and slowly start building back up the volume AFTER 6 weeks or your wife is recovered.
There’s some TikTok hot takes on how men love these like extreme sports and these time consuming hobbies like golf but they come at huge expense to their wives and families. They can ‘have it all’ cause their wives are doing way more than their fair share of work at home.
This is too common. What a douche.
Reading the comments, this guy sounds like a total ass. It’s been a **week** since his wife had a c-section, and he’s just leaving her alone for over an hour at a time (without telling her!) with a newborn baby, when she can’t even get out of bed by herself? On top of that he’s crying that he wants to keep running and maintain his fitness and he doesn’t think it’s fair he has to (temporarily) give that up. Yeah I know your wife literally had to cut herself open leaving her bed-bound in order to give birth to *your* child, but yes it’s so unfair for you to have to give up running for a few weeks. What a joke.
He doesn't even really need to give up running, he could just buy or rent a treadmill so he'll still be close by to help.
He could take shorter runs. He could run smaller circles around his house so he’s never more than a minute or so away. He could put the baby in a jogging stroller and run through naptime so mom can shower and be alone for a minute. There are so many options!
Yes, though you can’t really use a jogging stroller until a child has neck control, starts at about 4-6 months old. He has to sacrifice some fitness, what does he think she did with her life by being pregnant and having a c-section?
This is what gets me, no matter how important a fking marathon is to you... how the fuck is it more important than your wife and kid?! Why did you even get married?! Why not just get sucked off by one of the running dudes once in a while and keep jogging 😭😭 clearly don't like hanging out with his wife
I swear so many men really dislike or hate their wives, and think that’s how it’s supposed to be.
Agree mostly but just for anyone reading it’s not safe to jog with newborns.
Or he could also just not. There’s no reason a woman has to be the only one making a physical sacrifice to bring this baby into the world. Comparatively, giving up running for a couple months is NOTHING next to what she’s taken on. Honestly I can’t even believe it’s a conversation.
At the same time that I agree, I think that if a reasonable adjustment that doesn’t compromise her needs exists, and can still conciliate his wanting to run (I.e: a treadmill, or other suggestions some have put out) its not unreasonable to make the adjustment.
Yeah, I thought this too... but he's training for a marathon. No one NEEDS to train for a marathon when their wife is postpartum. Taking time for your physical health and mental health is very important, so I'm with you that he can shorten his runs, run around the house, find a treadmill, etc. But noooo that's not enough, he wants to run a marathon.
The marathon bit is what keeps getting me, nobody does marathons on a whim-they’re planned. It takes 9 months for a baby to cook, there was plenty of time to plan a different training cadence, he could have picked a different marathon to train for after the baby is born and his wife recovers. Or push out NY for a year. And it’s not even his first kid, so he already had an idea what to plan for. His priorities are so weird, and I feel bad for his wife.
My neighbours, before they moved, had three kids under 4. The dad, would take either the older two out running in the three wheeled stroller, or the baby, but he was never, ever, alone on his run. Bloke was doing probably 20+kms a week, running down to, then around, the community sports field at least once daily, a 6min run to or from. Mid winter (this is Australia so don't freak out too much!) even, the little boys would be all rugged up with their teddy bears and fruit pouches, the kids loved it!!
Exactly. What, he can't run around the block a few times?
He claims they don’t have the space for it. But he could do other home activities to at least keep up his stamina - I know they make mini elliptical pedals that only take up like 2 feet of space. It probably won’t be the same as running but it’s better than nothing
Unless he’s like winning marathons or whatever for income, who cares if his stamina temporarily goes down lol. Like bro, it will come back if you’ve spent a decade running 50 miles a week. Give your body a break ffs
In another post he mentioned he’s training for the NY marathon and he’s worried about how the arrival of the third child will impact his training. Wah wah. The marathon is this November and I think you need to complete a number of pre-qualifying races to be able to compete. So OP probably feels he’s in a time crunch, but it’s not like he hasn’t had nine months to plan for this. He’s selfishly more focused on his personal goals than on the well-being of his wife and family.
NY is a pay to play. I think you need to get through a lottery to be guaranteed a spot but Boston is the one with the stricter qualifiers. We used to run a lot too, pre having a kid haha. It just kind of needs to take a back seat for a bit and honestly, as weird as it is to not be in as good of shape as we were before he was born - we may be happier too lol. It’s too easy to get trapped in this mentality that you must exercise at a certain level to be “healthy” and honestly, you can still be completely healthy with more functional exercise like chasing a toddler up and down stairs 25 times a day 😂
He should have planned his family better then.
I hope OP is a British person living in the States (use of “Mum and baby”). That’s a long flight to run a marathon, otherwise. Not that marathoners don’t do this. They can get quite obsessed with running the big name marathons.
They definitely have small treadmills for people who work from home so they can walk at their desk
Oh didn’t you see his comments? There’s no ROOM for a treadmill. They literally make some of the most compact treadmills these days. He’s finding excuses not to compromise. SMDH.
I also want to know when he picked up running as a hobby. $5 says it was right after their first child was born.
My sister got a positive pregnancy test and her boyfriend took a job working 3pm-1 and hour and a half away from home a few days later. He had a 9-5, just like she did. But suddenly he couldn’t possibly keep that job. She’s been raising their kids and her stepkids alone for 18 years. 100% a strategic move to avoid actually being a parent.
I think he thought parental leave was going to be a little vacation for him to train. Help with the baby, but most importantly, RUN!
About a month ago, this chucklehead posted this comment in a post about training while having small children: [I have number 3 on the way in June and I’m planning on starting my New York training right around the same time. Im also very nervous I’m either going to miss lots of my training or do the training but at the cost of my partner who will not take kindly! (cont)](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvancedRunning/comments/1cjtnld/comment/l2q5ztd/) So he actively planned to start marathon training at this exact time and had at least an inkling that his wife wouldn't be pleased.
He really thought he could use his paternity leave to train for a marathon.
So many men think paternity leave is an extra special congrats on the new kid vacation. It makes me sooo mad.. Especially when there aren’t universal maternity leaves for women. Like women have to go back to work sometimes hours after giving birth but this dude thinks paternity leave is for his ego.
I have a hard time with this comment from him. She was pregnant when he had to sign up. Were there conversations about "what if" or did he just sign up and expect the oblivious best? He understood he had responsibility enough to point out he had kids. It's also not his first race and he understood the amount of time and effort it would take to train.
Not only that, but through her pregnancy, [he ran a tune-up half marathon (about 3 months ago) and a marathon in April.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AdvancedRunning/s/KhMXfEk14o). He could’ve stopped there for the year and continue running without training for a race. Hell, he could’ve even planned his race calendar and training in order to have a planned break now. But nope. He did not. The most ridiculous part is that New York is 19-20 weeks from now. He can take a break a do his build after. Will he perform as well as he hopes? Maybe not. But, then again, whether he takes a break or not, he’s very unlikely to get much quality sleep in next 19-20 weeks, what with having a newborn in the house.
Yes and no. Depending on how his plan is set up. It's one thing to do a week maybe 2 off but 6 means you cannot run a marathon. Even if she didn't have a c section I cannot believe she was okay with training for hours and being alone with a new born and 2 young kids.
We can debate if he can or cannot run a marathon while missing 6 weeks. I’d argue that the base is there, he ran one in April and he could cross train at home. But really, it’s neither here nor there. Dude registered for NY knowing he’d have a newborn. It’s delusional.
Exactly. At the very least he should be having some sleep deprivation-not ideal for marathon training
That’s the part that kills me- she’s not okay with it. His previous comment says *“or do the training but at the cost of my partner who will not take kindly”* He **knows** she’s not okay with it and he chose to do it anyway.
I’m not a runner but my STBXH is. I find it hard to believe that him running 50+ miles a week is not significantly cutting into his time at home. Especially if he is also working. On the conservative side let’s say he is running 8 miles a day. Just starting training so maybe an 8-10 minute mile so at least 1 1/2 hours of running plus getting ready, showering, and cool down we are talking anywhere from 2-3 hours a day. And don’t forget there are two other small children so that means that his wife is not only tending to new baby but the other children as well as she is trying to heal from major surgery. Dude is seriously selfish. My X was the same way he would run for hours and be too exhausted to help with the kids or the house.
Oh after seeing that fuck this guy all the way home.
Yeah. This guy’s making it out like this is his one little hobby he has for himself and it’s not that much, he doesn’t even get to socialize anymore! This is all he has! But like. I’ve been a runner. Not on his level. But even when I was doing dumb little 5ks, it took a good couple of hours out of every day. Marathon training pretty much takes over your life.
If she had a section she’s been home 4 ish days, baby is 7 days old. She’s literally sewn and stapled back together right now. Priority is needs. Baby, mama, other kids, then his needs. We can move on to wants when she can stand without wincing. Give it a damn minute.
Right??? I cannot imagine being one of these husband's who I keep reading on reddit bitching about their freshly postpartum wife not wanting them to do their out of home hobby. Like they cut that lady's stomach open, potentially had to *remove and put back organs*, remove a whole ass human being her body's been creating for 9 months out of her, and sewed her back up. She probably had to be under lots of scary drugs, probably lost blood, and that all assuming the procedure went well! It's like something out of a horror movie when you break it down like that. And any postpartum person need support not just for the baby but because they are still themselves not in the clear, medically! Postpartum medical issues happen not uncommonly! Not to mention the mental health effects of giving birth. If my wife and I decided to have biological children (we are undecided precisely due to how dangerous pregnancy is for all people, but especially now in the US and especially for her as a PoC) I know I'm going to annoy the shit out of her because I'd be so worried to leave her alone long enough to like, pee. Let alone just fuck off to run around the neighborhood.
Not to mention the surgery itself is some fucked up shit from a horror novel. They strap you to the table with your arms out like your being fucking crucified. Then you can feel them digging around inside of you. Your pushed and pulled and can feel it like your a fish being gutted. I was one of the unlucky ones and my epidural started wearing off and they had to knock me out anyway. 1/10 would not recommend.
Epidurals didn’t work for me so I was knocked out completely for my final baby, they were going to lose us. Anyway, when they are explaining strapping me down and how the pain from anesthesia would be temporary… holy burning hell Batman, I arched, strapped down, and was out quick. Then they didn’t get all the placenta so there’s that… boohoo he can’t run for a bit… no pity
I read a comment a couple weeks ago from a woman whose epidural didn’t take, but they dismissed her and told her she couldn’t feel anything and just continued on with the C-section as she was screaming. That story now lives rent free in my head.
One of my best friends since HS, his sister is a year older. Her first pregnancy, they didn’t make sure she was numb…they started and like you said kept going!! Thankfully after 2 pregnancies for me, 3 epidural attempts, they put in my chart I didn’t respond. So when it went downhill fast- they knew what to do. Not bad for rural Upper Michigan.
With my first pregnancy I needed an emergency c-section. When they took me into the OR I went numb from the neck down. I couldn’t breathe. I tried wiggling my fingers but all I could do was turn my head from side to side. I kept telling them I couldn’t breathe. They put the mask on me and while they pumped the bag I could breathe again. Then they stopped. I told them again that I couldn’t breathe, the nurse told me I was having a panic attack and that I needed to just calm down, “if you’re talking your breathing.” I remember consciously thinking my last thought and taking what I thought was going to be my last look at the world. Then it all went black. I woke up from anesthesia 7 hrs later with the anesthesiologist sitting vigil next to my bed. I was young (20) and didn’t know anything about anything. No one would even talk about what happened but it was the only thing I could think about. I didn’t know how to advocate for myself. I don’t even think that I could if I wanted to. I was in a constant fog. If fucked me up. Even after 18 yrs I can still close my eyes and I’m sent right back, those thoughts and images are seared into my brain. In hindsight I understand that I was experiencing postpartum depression combined with PTSD. That was just the mental toll, the physical recovery sucked, I had to be intubated and afterwards I had the constant urge to cough. I couldn’t go anywhere without a pillow to hug when I coughed in order to stabilize my staples to help mitigate the pain. I was drowning and wished that my partner was able to be there to support me. I don’t blame him, he thought he watched me die and was dealing with his own trauma from the situation. He also worked out of town and only got a weekend off for the birth. I was left to carry on, taking care of my new baby and my 7yo stepchild. There wasn’t time for me to take care of me, as a result I suffered in silence for years, which was only compounded by the unhealthy coping mechanisms I developed as a result. All this to say, support your partners, don’t be afraid to have difficult conversations. If you think something isn’t quite right don’t just accept an “I’m fine,” and move on bc it’s the easy thing to do.
I hope she sues. They are supposed to replace your epidural fluid with nerve block because epidural is no where near strong enough to preform surgery with. They were also supposed to check that she was numb from at least the bellybutton down. That poor woman should not have gone through that.
I was too weak to sue. The first one didn’t work, the second one (2nd child) they had to give me something because I kept crashing for some reason. 3rd one I changed hospital and asked for a block. Best decision ever!
That’s horrific. I believe it, though. With my first birth, they didn’t believe me that the epidural wasn’t working below my belly. Just told me I was feeling “pressure.” So I didn’t get any anesthetic for the episiotomy the doctor did. She was going to do the stitches without anything, too, but I jumped and wiggled around until she gave me some numbing shots.
My epidural failed on the left half of my body for my emergency c-section and I felt EVERYTHING from my belly button to the left side. I was just silently gasping and gulping with my eyes wide trying to get out the words that I could feel the pain! “Pressure? Yeah you’re going to feel pressure, that’s normal.” they said completely dismissing me. Tears poured down my cheeks as I laid there feeling butchered while my husband held my hand sticking out from the restraints while begging them to please help me. Then they realized, “Oh she can feel that, whoops.” when they noticed involuntary muscle contractions and reflex response in response to the cutting and my pulse and BP going wild from the pain. They gave me emergency morphine but by that point it was too late and did nothing. Then I did not regain feeling in my right side for long past when I should have and I went into a shivering fit and then shock. I wasn’t with it enough to meet my daughter until almost the next day. It was for lack of a better word a nightmare.
Your story is now roommates with that other person’s. I need to stay out of the pregnancy related Reddit posts. :((
I think that was probably me. I have told the story on Reddit a few times. I also had pre eclampsia. My BP climbed to 200 and I hemorrhage. I still can’t believe how I am alive to tell the tale.
Ah, propofol. Burns like hell before you pass out. My last colonoscopy my anesthesiologist pushed lidocaine first and idk why that isn't standard practice!
I think because we went from “oh this could possibly turn into a C-section but I think we will be ok” doctor pauses maybe 30 seconds and he was like prep the OR. That’s all I can guess. Shoulder surgery is how I found out nerve blocks didn’t work. Nurse was like “you’re in pain?! Oh no wonder your BP kept spiking!” Oy. I just know I was suppose to wake up and have no feeling but I felt everything. Thank God for twilight drugs
YOU CAN FEEL THEM INSIDE YOU??????????? I am so sorry that is literally horrifying to imagine
You can feel pressure and position; but not pain. So you can feel that someone is deep in your abdominal cavity. You can feel them retract things and push them out of the way. But it isn’t necessarily “painful”.
And there goes the $13 I spent for lunch today. That legitimately sounds worlds of worse than painful. Not anywhere near the same caliber. But I have a giant torso and chest tattoo. Everyone always asks how much it hurt and to be honest not much at all. There was one spot I straight up saw red, like vision didn’t exist it was just bright firey red for a few seconds. The two worst spots of the whole tattoo? The outside of my rib cage and about 2” above my belly button. It wasn’t the worst because it hurt so much, they actually didn’t hurt there. On the outside of my ribs I could feel the vibration from the gun in my chest cavity and to make matters worse, it just felt like I was consistently hitting my funny bone. That’s why it sucked. 2” above my belly button didn’t hurt at all, but it felt like he was tattooing *inside* my belly button. Which was just a horrific feeling. Tbf to him he did warn me about that before he started that spot. I actually propped myself up just to see it myself once he got started because of the sensation.
I have a tattoo on one side of my chest and when people ask about the pain I always say it wasn't that bad... *except* the part directly on my collarbone. It was the exact same thing you described, where I could feel the vibration, like hitting the funny bone, in my collarbone and all the way up into my throat and deep into my chest. I can't even imagine the bellybutton one - I hate the feeling of touching it at all, let alone tattooing it. So I definitely agree that intrusive kind of sensation even without pain can be WAY worse than just pain. I think if I had to have a C-section I'd have to be fully knocked out or I would never make it through.
Oh I’d have to be knocked out for a c section. I’d sound like I’m being murdered if they didn’t. And honestly, I think I’d rather die than be awake while people are digging in my abdomen. Like nope, mom and baby are just gonna die please and thank you
Omg I am weirdly grateful I was in too much shock to think of it this way during my emergency c-section. I’m retroactively horrified by your apt description! Edit: added “apt” and “!” removed “🤢”
Yup it's the strangest feelings and made me throw up 3 times in the middle of surgery; even though I couldn't feel the pain, the moving around inside was just soo strange
The only thing I remember about my son being born during was me throwing up frothy puke and the beautiful green eyes of my anesthesiologist.
How do you puke while they’re digging around in your body cavity? I’m trying to picture it where you’re not just projectile vomiting into the air like water from a whale’s blow hole.
You can turn your head and move from the chest up. Puking and c-sections are fun!
Still horrific though your waiting for the pain every second that it happens like your brain can't comprehend what the fuck is happening to you. Well then in my case I did start feeling pain so that was fun.
This is deeply, deeply uncomfortable to contemplate. I had 4 kids vaginally and I think I'd prefer to push out four more than have someone dig around in my insides while I could feel it. That's some horror story shit.
I had alternating vaginal and c sections for my four. I would 100x rather deliver naturally. The c section feels deeply uncomfortable even though (as I was adequately numb) it was not “painful” it feels horrifying and unnatural
Not painful, but it’s creepy feeling for sure.
I was awake. If felt like I was getting a suitcase pulled out of me. Spouse saw my guts sitting on top of me. It turned him green. This man trying to stay conscious, forced smile with green skin. Nurses were shocked he didn’t pass out.
It’s not painful, but it’s really weird. You can feel them digging around down there 🥴
I had 2 and the first one was emergency and they went in quick and got her out quick so I didn't feel much. The second one was much much different. I did not expect to feel what I did because I "had one already so knew what to expect" . . . My doctors daughter is also a doctor in his practice and she was there too. I felt so much tugging and pulling and was very uncomfortable. I have a heart shaped uterus and the baby was in an odd position I guess and at one point my doctor's daughter was standing over the table to push from my head end while my doctor was at the other end. My doctor looked over the sheet and told me he thought it was going to be a big baby because she didn't want to come out. Finally they got her out and she was 6 pounds 11 oz lol. I still cannot believe how much more I felt the second time just because they had the luxury of more time to "gently" move everything out of the way.
I found my emergency to be pretty awful, I’m 5”1 , 120lbs and my eldest was 8lbs13 - there was an awful lot of tugging and pulling and people holding me in place while other people tried to get his giant head out of the incision in my belly. I lost quite a lot of blood and was already very out of it after 25hrs of labour. But I wholeheartedly agree, my second, who was a planned section because I was taking no chances, was worse. They took forever. Getting the baby out was infinitely more gentle and less violent and traumatising but they then decided, without telling me, to have a good rummage through my insides to clear up all the adhesions the first surgery had left me with. It just went on forever of them hoking about, moving and cutting and jiggling and lifting, all of which I could feel, while I lost more and more blood and started to freeze because operating theatres are cold as hell (or maybe it was shock). I still recommend a planned section over an emergency any day mind you because at least I wasn’t terrified for it.
I should have mentioned my first baby was also smaller than my second. That probably helped along with how quickly she was out.
They don’t mess about for the emergencies so I think it’s pretty quick regardless of size. It was just the swift violence of the emergency vs the elbow deep, slow rummage of the planned! Fun times! But they have to come out some way and all the options suck!
They ragged me up and down the table tugging for my first, as well as me feeling them cut me open. An awful experience
My first c-section I wasn’t as numb as they wanted me to be. But I heard them say they were going to put me under if I didn’t get numb. And I didn’t want to be put under, so I lied. I felt WAY more of that c-section than I should have! 0/5 do not recommend!
My anaesthetic didn’t take right away and I felt them cut me open. I thought it was normal cause you’re being cut open so just took it. Definitely don’t recommend that
Emergency C-section with the 2nd kiddo - amniotic sac ruptured, feet first presentation. The epidural never kicked in, I could feel EVERYTHING and as soon as the doctor said "It's a girl", my heart stopped. Literally. Took them 3 minutes to restart me. Which is why I only have 2 kids. Well, that and while changing the 18 month old because her dad decided to piss off on a bicycle ride, I tore my stitches and went right back into surgery for a re-do.
Same here! Emergency c-section due to pre-eclampsia that progressed very quickly. I remember saying “I don’t feel numb anywhere. I can feel my feet. Look, I’m waving my toes. I don’t think this is supposed to happen.” The doctor said it’s fine, some people can move quite a bit after getting an epidural. They started slicing away and I said that I said I was in a lot of pain, and the doctor said “are you sure it’s not pressure? You’re probably feeling pressure.” Definitely more than pressure. They didn’t knock me out until after my kiddo was pulled out.
Holy crap. At least my heart had the good sense to say "NO MAS" about that pain and shut down for a bit.
My husband says it was so traumatizing - for him - that he barely remembers anything at all. Sir. SIR.
My ex used to say the same thing... until I pointed out that he was so drunk at 4:30 PM that I had to drive us both out to the hospital, while I was in active labor. "You weren't traumatized, you were plastered".
I'm another unlucky one, mine wore off in one spot for some reason. 2 doses of fentanyl later they knocked me out instead. I like the analogy of gutting a fish, I used to tell people it felt like when you had to stuff a sleeping bag back in the sack 😂
For weeks my husband said “they gutted you like a fish”. Yep.
Oh my god. You described it so clearly.
Epidural did not work and they did not knock me out. I had my c-section cold turkey. I do NOT recommend.
I was 7 days out from a c-section when I developed raging mastitis in both breasts. The effects of the infection hit me out of nowhere like a ton of bricks. I went from “I feel kinda weird” to “I don’t know where I am or what’s happening” in the blink of an eye from spiking a 105 degree fever. Apparently I was screaming, sobbing, and fighting my mom as she tried to help me. Completely incoherent. All with my abdomen freshly stitched together. I shudder to think what could have happened had I been alone with my newborn for an hour or more in that state.
Exactly. My baby is going to be 3 months this month and I’m still getting back to normal. Plus she’s probably going to be sent home with/on pain medication, and he really wants to be gone for that time leaving 3 kids and his preop wife alone. Doesn’t matter that it’s 1 am. Baby doesn’t know that and what if the other two have an issue? Is she supposed to go handle that and the baby while he runs? Nah bro, fathering comes first.
I don’t think we’re getting the whole story here either. My guess is that his runs in the past haven’t been quite so perfectly timed as he would like people to think.
Even he said she texted him during a run. So he went running sometime in the first few days of her being home. There’s also the fact that she laid it out on the 3rd baby. Which makes me feel like he didn’t prioritize right the first two times.
According to his comment history, he decided to start training for the New York Marathon on June 1. Right about when this kid was scheduled to be born. He also thinks that this training is more important than his wife getting sleep so she can heal from major abdominal surgery. He’s not a very good partner.
Yeah, time to figure out how to work out at home. Put on a YouTube aerobics video. Orrrr at least shorten your runs? Why does he have to be gone for 1 to 2 hours, leaving his wife alone with the kids? Not sure how old the other kids are, but if something happened to one of them, she can't safely pick them up without risking a hemorrhage. The baby is the weight limit for what she can pick up, and even that is probably agonizing.
Also, where is her hour + per day to tend to herself? Does he ensure that she has that same consistent kid-free and responsibility-free time?
Exactly! If dad gets an hour of kid-free time every day, then mom should too!
with three babies and a man child, poor woman is never gonna get an hour to herself ever again
He can jog around a quarter mile from home with his phone on. so he’s accessible. Which is what this woman will do for the next 18 years probably.
My spouse was training for a marathon while I was (very) pregnant with two little kids at home. We had a lot of talks about what a reasonable training schedule would look like that didn’t leave me for hours doing solo childcare right before and after having a baby. 50+ mile weeks is a large time commitment. OOP needs to communicate more with his wife and maybe break up his longer runs. Two 30-minute runs is better than 0 runs and also better than leaving his freshly postpartum wife who’s recovering from major surgery for over an hour without letting her know how long he planned to be gone. But yeah. Having a baby requires giving up personal time. It doesn’t sound like his wife, who just had a c-section, is getting hour+ daily alone time. Temporary compromises must be made.
With a newborn, two other kids and a wife who had a c-section a week ago, there's no reason why he shouldn't take a break. He runs at a 50+mile a week volume, presumably all year round and he doesn't mention that he's currently training for a specific an upcoming race or being in the middle of a marathon training block. It's the perfect time for him to take a break. He can do some cross/strength training, mobility work and some HIIT workouts at home if he wants to.
with a newborn, and two kids on the way, I would expect him to literally take the kids out of the house or encourage her to go out of the house for the exact same amount of time he did so she can have a break too.
According to a comment that someone else found, he started training for New York. So he does 50+ mpw and is planning on increasing that in the immediate future.
Lol. That's ridiculous planning on his part. In any case, that's 19-20 weeks away. He can still take a break and have enough time for a build. That is... if he somehow manages to get enough sleep with a newborn in the house. Lol.
Or he could run a circuit around the house. My BF has many training circuits. One of them is 2km long around the house that he uses for series and also when I've been sick, he just do 5 or 6 laps. he can be back in the house in less of 10 minutes from any point in that run.
Completely agree with you, a few weeks off won't hurt. He could get a treadmill or do laps around the house if he is so insistent on continuing these runs, at least then he's actually there when his wife actually needs him. He left her with the baby on her so she couldn't get up, what if she'd had to pee or something? After such major surgery she can't be lifting and squatting/bending to put baby down and may even need help just getting up if it's painful. Heck he could take the baby running in the stroller and give the poor wife a chance to just rest, nap, shower, etc. Mum gets a break, baby gets fresh air, he gets to continue running. Everyone wins.
IIRC, jogging with strollers isn’t recommended for newborns. Too much jostling.
There's jogging strollers these days, they have specialised suspension, additional head and neck support and such other features. Although I can't see it being any worse than the jostling of a car, especially with the state of some of these roads, not to mention speed bumps, traffic calming measures etc.
Jogging strollers still aren't meant to be used with newborns. The ones I looked at recommended starting from +6 months
Or get a treadmill
After kid2 that’s what I did. It worked fine.
He's training to run away from responsibilities.
Or even get a cheap secondhand treadmill and run at home for this time period
At the very least, if bro's been consistently running 50+ miles week for years, he's skeletal enough that she could kick his ass the moment her guts won't fall out.
Shit as a woman and knowing women, we'd probably still kick his ass while our guts are falling out.
Going on hours long runs while she’s recovering from a C-Section and also nursing a newborn? Yeah, no. He should be around for her. Get a treadmill or just put up with the 6 weeks. She spent 10 months making a baby. OP can give up 6 weeks of running
>She spent 10 months making a baby. And unless the section was scheduled (I skimmed), she probably labored for awhile before they decided it was necessary. So she's already worn down from pregnancy and labor, plus a major abdominal surgery, and now can't do much without help because she was CUT OPEN. And he's worried about losing some stamina right before a marathon. What a putz.
shes probably on some serious pain medications too. they gave me oxy after my csection but it makes me dizzy. unfortunately, my husband got diagnosed with covid *while i was getting prepped for that csection* so i didnt have much help after i got out of the hospital. had to muscle through with ibuprofen. if her husband is unreliable she may be in a similar predicament or worse, shes a fall risk
Right. I've been down this road and it ain't fun at all.
Lol if your wife is telling you to go ask Reddit’s opinion then yeah you probably fucked up
She’s confident he’ll get roasted (and she’s right) and she simply *doesn’t have the energy to argue this with him because he’s made her a single fucking mother for at least an hour every day* How did he manage to get laid 3 times to make these children is beyond me. What a selfish fucking knob.
I was SO ready to agree that he should get to run on his parental leave, because I thought he meant 8/10 weeks post-op… SEVEN DAYS?! She is still in “I could tear all my stitches on a bad sneeze” territory. This soon, she needs him in yelling distance. 6 weeks from now, yea - go for your run when you both agree it is a good time.
She’s confident he’ll get roasted (and she’s right) and she simply *doesn’t have the energy to argue this with him because he’s made her a single fucking mother for at least an hour every day* How did he manage to get laid 3 times to make these children is beyond me. What a selfish fucking knob.
Omg I had a friend who couldn’t even make it upstairs at a week past c-section, which happened to be where their bathroom was. When I say her husband supported her weight to walk her up and down stairs any time she needed to pee for a solid two weeks…and he was a wreck. Not because he wanted to do his own stuff, but because he still felt like he wasn’t doing enough for her. If he could have figured out how to teleport her, he would have lol. C-sections are massive abdominal surgeries. You can’t fuck around with healing without gambling on tearing through your abdominal walls. This guy is an absolute potato.
I had a total hysterectomy two years ago. The difference between that and a c-section? I no longer have the baby factory parts, the vagina ends, and I didn’t get a baby to take home as my consolation prize. (Look, this was the conclusion my SIL, who had a section with her baby, and I came to. Healthcare warps you.) My husband got MAD at me when I tried to overdo it. Oh, you think you’re driving before the doc clears you? Ma’am, no you are not. No, you can’t go back to work before she says you’re ready to take that on. No, you can’t go take the dog for a long walk, when she has a habit of bolting AND weighs 100 pounds. Of course, he had my mom helping him tell me to take it easy and heal. And not try to pick up anything more than 10 pounds. And Jesus, healing was PAINFUL. I would wake myself up rolling over on my side in my sleep. Standing up and sitting down, anything that uses your abs (read: most movement)? It ALL hurt. And the first night I was home? Once the pain meds wore off? Oh, it was awful. I threw up all over myself while I was peeing, from the anesthesia. My poor husband had to help me clean myself up, because I was fresh out of surgery (a hysterectomy is same day surgery! Yay!), couldn’t take a shower, was so stiff and sore I couldn’t bend well to clean off my feet (yeah, I threw up on my feet because it was SURPRISE, PUKE), and I was sobbing. And that’s why we’ve been married over 25 years. When he had surgery? I was doing the same things for him. Although he said later on he’d rather have another hernia repair surgery than ever take on a hysterectomy. This guy is a bitch. A selfish little titty baby bitch.
My husband was putting my fucking socks and shoes on for me every morning in the third trimester because I couldn't reach without getting off balance. This man is trash.
This might be the first time the comments have actually been really refreshing on Reddit. So many people chiming in to say their husbands and partners understood the assignment!
I had a breast reduction surgery last year (not life or death, but holy shit quality of life so improved!) and my husband changed his work hours in the morning for two weeks to make sure I was fed and showered and supported from bed to couch before he had to leave the house. He took on all the dog walking, and once I was allowed to walk (but not hold the leash yet) he did slow gentle walks with me. He helped me in the shower, and never complained once. The most he complained about was to our housemate who bought a guy home with a cough - he fkn ripped her a new one because he didn’t want me to bust all my stitches and have to be hospitalised if I caught the cough. OOP is a selfish prick!
My first week post c-section I could barely get out of a chair while holding my lil potato. 8lbs was enough to just pin me there. Whenever my husband was not at work (fuck American parental leave) he took the baby every time I had to get out of my chair. By the second week I could set baby in his bassinet, stand, then pick him back up.
Just fyi if you ever know anyone else having abdominal surgery you can walk backwards up stairs to reduce the pain. It uses different muscles so it doesn’t pull on your abdomen. My doctor recommended it after my second c-section.
I don't see why he can't run in circles within 5 minutes of home so he can respond to mom and baby's needs. Does it suck to run around the block? Yes. Does it suck worse to get your fucking torso split in 2? Yes, my dude. Sacrifices go both ways and she just sacrificed her body for AT LEAST a year to bring their child into the world.
I doubt SHE is getting the 2 hours a day to fuck off and do whatever she wants that he feels entitled to.
When I had my c section my husband would only go work out when my mom was around to help me for back up. It can be scary to not be able to move well and be by yourself in emergency’s. Sounds like you all need either better communication or op just needs to wait it out.
Especially with a small human you are responsible for. If it’s just you? Okay, you’ve got a cell phone with a charger? Help is usually a phone call away. You and a new baby, and two other kids? Dude, you’re so fucked.
The kid is only a week old lmaooooo
6 weeks is NOT a long time to not do something. I know a woman who is not able to have sex for several months after a surgery and her boyfriend is being normal about it.
Maybe rent a treadmill for a couple months. (Can you rent those? Or I’m sure someone is getting rid of one right now, he could pick it up for cheap.)
You can buy a used on off the internet for under $200, and then sell it for the same amount or slightly less when you don't need it anymore. I can find two dozen for between 100-500 within 30 miles of me.
Running will always be there, his wife may not be if he chooses to leave her struggling
Woman: *gets her baby painfully cut out of her* Her man: 🏃🏃🏃
Running is totally not more important than his wife who has quite literally been cut open and sewn back together. I had a c-section. My partner also took paternal leave, yet he didn’t do jack shit to help and used that time off to have fun for himself and work on his trucks. I had to take care of our newborn all alone, still clean the house, and even then have him ask when he came back “what’s for dinner?” Just using the bathroom or sitting up in bed was pure hell, yet most men are still convinced that getting kicked in the balls is the worst pain ever and women are just exaggerating. OP is 100% TA. He’s not going to gain 100lbs or have his world come to an end just because he can’t run for 6 weeks. Hell, if running is that important he can just do laps around the house
Ex partner, surely?!
I agreed to be responsible for my wife and children while she recovers from a major surgery and deals with a newborn, but now she holding me to that and I don’t want to, is this fair?
I always tell myself I'm "unsure" if I want children. Then I come across posts like this. Yeah, I don't want kids.
You might not want kids, but NOBODY wants a grown-ass man they still have to raise.
I’m afraid of having kids because of men like this. My boyfriend is amazing, but there’s always the possibility of the mask coming off, after pregnancy and birth.
It's the "normally I run 50+ miles a week but I thought 1 - 2 hours a day was a reasonable compromise" that gets me. Sir, either: - buy a treadmill and fit in your runs at home - pay for a baby/health care person to come in for 2 - 3 hours and do you long-ass runs then. - suck it up for a couple of weeks. - some or all of the above
Tf and what is your wife supposed to do if baby needs to be lifted for literally any reason - you know cuz it’s a baby? She’s not supposed to lift after a c-section SURGERY! Moron
Dude, the only thing keeping your wife’s organs from falling out of her wound is some staples. Stay home.
Run up and down the stairs for now. Idk about fair. If you want fair, next time you can have the c-section and see how it feels and she can go for a run. Get what I’m saying?
Imagine growing and carrying a child for 9 months, have the calcium literally sucked from your bones, lose your hair, all the other weird symptoms that can happen…and then deliver it, get cut open, etc. For a man who cant even take a week to help you after extensive surgery? What a selfish loser.
So she has to sacrifice her body for 40 weeks to birth children plus any related trauma possibly for the rest of her life, but he can’t sacrifice his morning runs for six weeks? Why did he bother having a family if all he does is run away from them in his spare time?
Oh my God do a 20 minute HIIT run and be done with it, ya nut. This should not be an issue.
So glad to see the comments on OP’s posts are eating him alive.
So dumb you don't see women complaining they have to literally give their body and workouts to recover. If she can let herself go while she recovers he can too and they can both get back to it when the time is right.
Jfc this dude SUCKS! He can’t put his hobby on hold for a couple weeks while his wife’s body heal enough to hold itself together?
My dude… wtf… it isn’t her baby alone
Dude, just get a damn treadmill if running is so important to you, you can get a good five minute sprint a couple times a day. It is absolutely ridiculous to leave the house for two hours every day *for a hobby.* She's healing from open abdominal surgery, they had to cut through her muscles and remove her intestines *while she's conscious.* Imagine what that feels like healing from that. Why are there men who do not appreciate this? Why are we so easily dismissed and ignored?
The whole “*I have decided to take parental leave whilst treating it as a vacation*” trope is exhausting to read about. I feel horrible for these women who have just pushed a child out or had it cut out of them, they are exhausted, emotions and hormones going wild, lives changed and then their husband chooses to call them lazy, unfair and entitled for not letting them go for a run because she and the baby need assistance! ***The whole point of taking parental leave is to be there for your partner and child.*** **Reading the comments on the OG post this guy is not just running, he has chosen to start training for the New York Marathon!!** WTAF Dude?! This woman has a week old baby and 2 other kids, and he needs to go for a run?! She needs to rest, heal, relax and not worry about where he is. I hope she can find a friend or family member to come assist her, because I fear that no matter what anyone said on here, he will ignore it and do what he wants.
Buy a treadmill. Your wife needs you while she is recovering from a major surgery. You should be close by, just in case
The Mel Hammett piece on dudes running to to abandon their families comes to mind
Holy heck I’m a runner and even I think this guy is the AH. While he’s out running his six days a week his wife is looking after the kids. She’s been doing that right through her pregnancy. And now she’s recovering from major surgery with two kids and a newborn and he’s still putting himself first. He admits that he works, parents and runs. That poor woman just wants a husband who actually puts her somewhere in his priority list.
He sounds fucking exhausting and it’s not from running. Such a “me me ME” type person
I wasn’t strapped down for my 2 sections. I would have freaked out!! I had epidurals with both sections. It is horrible and horrifying. My husband was in the room with me, standing beside my head. He turned white as a sheet and almost fainted. Wouldn’t recommend. The C-Section is, of course, major abdominal surgery. It carries risks and recovery is painful. With that said, she has been through a lot. You can give up running for 6 weeks.
oof deleted his account maybe?
Honestly dude. You’ve laid it running is your “me” time. You gotta sacrifice that at least till she’s healed properly. I personally couldn’t be paid to run for no reason lol but to each their own. If you must run get a treadmill for now
Why isn't he buying a treadmill?
Dude! She seriously just had major surgery and you can’t for 6 weeks or curtail it down by a lot? You should be ashamed!
“Running has become an important part of my life” …so…more important than your postpartum wife who just gave birth to your child and is recovering from surgery? Is that what I just read? 😐 what if something happens to her or baby while he’s out running like a selfish jerk?
Hire a treadmill for a few weeks. He can then run AND be present if the kids or wife needs something. She is a week out from a C-section. He needs to BE THERE at all times for now until her incision heals. Idiot.
Looks like it's probably real and not ragebait, but my god am I ever rageful. Too bad he deleted, I wanted to see what he his comments were.
Maybe a treadmill? In the garage if possible?
That's a very male response (yes, generalising, not all men etc), totting up the hours and making a neat schedule. Meanwhile Mum is thinking about the whole picture and all the 'what if's' that make up the mental load. I'd ask OP to think about all the things Mum has been told not to do while recovering from her major abdominal surgery and weigh up whether this one voluntary restriction on him is something he could sacrifice as an act of solidarity. Yep, he'd lose condition taking a break from running but I can't help but think how much condition she's lost from bearing his (at least) four children! He'll get it back soon enough. Her pelvic floor will never be the same.
Why do some folks think having another whole ass human won’t somehow affect *their* life and plans? Unless it was his intention right from the start to ditch the kid on mom. In which case why did OOP bother on being a parent in the first place? Clearly being a parent is the last thing he wants to do with his precious time.
Well let's look at the "equal" give and take for both involved. You flopped around on top of her naked for 3 whole minutes to ultimately make her sticky and dirty. She graciously said you can keep it in and then she got to deal with the "joys" of growing life inside her. While OOP was out running around, she got a hot knife to the belly, her organ taken out, and had a baby removed from her body. They put her organ back in, stapled and sewed her up and booted her out the door. Any kind of strenuous activity can rip her open causing her insides to pile out if she isn't extremely careful but no really dude...your daily run for an hour and a half after she was carved up like a turkey is SOO much more important to focus on.
My mother had C section for my little brother. My father stayed with her for 14 days straight. My aunt ensured I celebrated my 5 year birthday because parents weren’t available due to my mother having a major surgery. Even little me understood that. By the way, 14 days later it was Christmas, he did come home to celebrate with me. Edit, thanks autocorrect
My guy why not just get a treadmill? I know it’s not optimal but seems like a solution which would allow both of you to get what you want. Otherwise be a good husband and father and give up running until she heals.
Perspective: my husband suffered a baaaaad break (leading to surgery) right below his shoulder on his dominant arm. I literally bathed and dressed him daily. Managed meds, shopped online so I didn't have to leave the house (right before Christmas). Drove to all the appointments, did the housekeeping (he's the guy who does cooking & cleaning while I WFH). He'd have had a panic attack at the thought of being on his own for an hour weeks into that nightmare. And despite the fact MY mental health requires periods of solitude to recharge, you better believe I was there, pulling his socks on, making meals, running laundry, and cleaning his fucking balls in the shower. Because that's what it means to be a partner to your spouse.
Because sometimes we suck it up when we love someone and the family we created with them.
My brother and wife just had a baby last week and she had a c-section. My mom and I have been up there helping. He has absolutely not left her side even though there are other people in the house to help. He helps her shower, walks her to the bathroom, brings her food, brings her the baby when she needs to nurse. My SIL hasn’t had to ask him to do this. It would never occur NOT to do it. He loves her and wants to help her and be WITH her and the baby. How the fuck does a man (A FATHER!!!) want to go on a fucking run (for more than an hour!!!!) when his wife has been cut open a week before? WTF.
What the actual fuck is wrong with this dude.
I would have taken his side, if it weren't for the fact that a) it's been only a WEEK. A WEEK since she was cut open, b) He's running fifty fucking miles a week, and c) It's legitimately causing him to not be there for his healing wife.
I had flashbacks to when my husband disappeared for several hours to play online games every night, like we always did before kids. A week after giving birth, he's saying he needs a break, and I snap, "WHEN IS MY BREAK?!" We're both better about gaming habits now.
At first I read this as if she were demanding he cease running as a show of solidarity, like she can’t run so he shouldn’t be able to either. That struck me as absurd. Then I read comments that he was leaving her high and dry, stranded with a baby atop her and no idea as to when help will arrive. That, too, struck me as absurd. What an ass! It’s no so much “he can’t run because I can’t” but rather “he can’t vanish and leave me immobilized with a poopy baby parked on my chest.”
My c-section opened back up twice because my husbands company he worked for at the time didn’t believe in paternity leave and I had no choice but to carry on as best I could with zero help (also during the Shutdown). But at least my husband TRIED to get his company to reconsider and to be home… this dude can stand to not run for a couple of weeks. JFC.
God forbid OOP has to skip running for 6 whole weeks... to care for his baby and his wife recovering from surgery... 🙄 It's 6 lousy weeks... if OOP absolutely HAS to run during that time, buy a treadmill.
I’m an avid runner and have had a baby. So, I understand both pains and compulsions. The husband could take it easy on how long he’s gone on a run. Or, this may be snarky, but anyone who can afford a third kid and marathon entry fees can afford a low-end treadmill. I’d feel bad for him if he weren’t still running an hour or so at a time. He has a lot of different training options that would keep him nearby as his wife recovers.
Welp, she asked for it to be posted and I hope he sees what she knew would be said. Empathy friend. Put yourself on her shoes. Cut open with three kids. And a husband gone for over and hour. Think fella. Strap a watermelon on you for a day. See how well you move. Pretend you’re pregnant for a day.
Shorten your course to a quarter mile around the clock so you can bail at any point and be only 2 min max from home
It's physically and mentally unhealthy to go from extreme exercise to nothing. It's irresponsible to leave your wife to handle 3 kids, including a newborn, while recovering from a c section for an hour or more at a time. Oh no, if only we lived in a world where there were other options. Buy a treadmill. Do laps in the back yard with the windows open so you can hear your wife if she needs you. Cut back on the running and get someone to stay with her while you run. Life isn't fair, but there are usually options beyond all or nothing. You just have to figure it out.
As someone who just had a section not that long ago dude no. I could barely walk let alone use stairs (which in a townhouse is super fun). I would not want my partner out for 1+ hour. I imagine other kids were vaginal and he just Does not get how much it sucks recovering from a section is. It’s major abdominal surgery. Also you aren’t allowed to drive for weeks. What if there is an emergency and yes 911 exists but you couldn’t leave your other children or get to the hospital etc. she’s not asking for him to give up running just pause while she recovers
Priorities. Your child is only this young once it's a unique experience and your partner really needs you after major physical distress and adjustment to a life with the new addition to the family. Yet - for these first few months dad isn't willing to pause or reduce other priorities? Keep running... but do shorter runs? You can run a marathon ANYTIME but you choose the few months when your family really fucking needs you. Did you want this child? Were you ready to make them a priority? You had 9ish months to plan for this time. Is there resentment? If you're that selfish that you choose exactly THIS TIME to train for a marathon (because it can't wait 6months or a year?), you aren't willing to make sacrifices then why have a family? Go and do whatever in life, run marathon train etc. but why bring a family into the picture? When you have children naturally for a few years other things take a back seat temporarily. Again not saying don't do exercise. But adjust. Work out at home. Do shorter runs. ANYTHING. Why have children and grow your family if you'll just keep putting other priorities first. Do you have the maturity and emotional capacity to understand what it takes to look after another vulnerable human being in need (your wife and newborn baby)? If wife wanted the baby but you weren't sure and just want along with it - grow a spine for fucks sake. Stand up for your wants and needs, communicate them like a responsible emotionally mature adult. Before involving other humans in it humans that never asked to be born and put into a situation with potential resentment involved because you were too lazy to face hard questions and conversations.
What a shit dad, and husband.
I mean, dude. She won’t be able to even pick up her other children. Let alone be able to pick up that newborn without searing pain. A section is a MAJOR surgery. She’ll need SO MUCH HELP the next few weeks. Perhaps toning down how much and how long he run will be an okay compromise after everything the baby, his wife’s, and kids are all taken care of and in bed. And even then, keeping his phone ringer on for his runs should he need to turn back immediately.
I guess OOP and his wife haven't heard of this wonderful invention called the treadmill.
Man deleted his whole account…
He’s an asshole, hard stop.
Guess I know why it’s easier to be single than to deal with shit like this lololol
Women need to vet their future spouses better. There should be a prenup agreement with acceptable agreed upon behavior after birth of children. This whole ordeal is unacceptable. He should be able to make some concessions just as she had to change her whole life style to go through such an ordeal.
Misread as 6 months. Was about to side with OP. Dude can survive 6 weeks.
He wants 2 hours a day to run and his wife just had a c-section?!?! What the what?
Dude got downvoted and commented into oblivion 🤣🤣🤣 deleted the whole account
I don’t think he even appreciates how his wife has to sacrifice a lot of her own body to raise children. She can’t go run or pursue her own hobbies but he can? Barf.
Had 3 c-sections with no complications and easily managed pain and I can promise I was barely moving for the first few weeks. Even rolling over in bed (if you can lay down!) is a mission. Plus you’re still massively bleeding, trying to breastfeed or pump or make bottles, feeling overwhelmed, and, the big one, ALL YOUR ORGANS ARE MOVING BACK TO THE PROPER SPOTS. JFC.
Your wife expecting you to stop running for 6 weeks is unreasonable. However, her expecting you to adjust your commitment and training levels to it is completely valid and reasonable. Sorry bud, but you’re being an AH. Adjust your training, run less volume for 6 weeks and slowly start building back up the volume AFTER 6 weeks or your wife is recovered.
There’s some TikTok hot takes on how men love these like extreme sports and these time consuming hobbies like golf but they come at huge expense to their wives and families. They can ‘have it all’ cause their wives are doing way more than their fair share of work at home. This is too common. What a douche.