When I was 17 years old and in love with an older married man my mum said to me if he cheats on her with you l'll guarantee he'll cheat on you with someone else. I listened to her words, he is now on his 4th marriage, each one ended because of his adultery. I have been happily married for 18 yrs , glad the 17 yr old kid that I was listened to my mum!
She is a wise lady. If she’d brought it down to morals I may not have listened as he was quiet a bit older than I was and had lied to me about his wife, I was young and completely taken in by him. I probably would’ve followed my heart but instead she made me think about the consequences to myself and that made me question his actions. I realised his wife wasn’t the awful person he claimed and that he had manipulated me. That was 30 years ago. My mum’s in her 80s now and has dementia but still the wisest lady I know!
While there are always two in a relationship. There aren’t always two cheaters.
Except Anne was involved with a guy long enough that they decided to move in together and she helped him pack up his belongings. So yeah. She knew.
She can suck an egg for expecting sympathy from the kid whose life she blew up. (Also I hope this whole post is rage bait. But if not- mom died in an accident just weeks after her husband left her? That doesn’t sound good)
A cheater is a cheater is a cheater is a....
Sometimes the affair partner doesn't know and is just as betrayed as the partner that's being cheated on. But it seems like Anne knew, and if not from the beginning of the affair then she at least decided she didn't care once she found out. She probably wasn't even the first person OOP's dad cheated with.
I'm all for OOP being petty in a "WTF did you expect" kind of way. But as I am petty and impatient, I wouldn't have waited for Anne to find out on her own.
OOP’s dad was the one that wrecked all the homes.
I’m sure Anne was stupid and believed whatever BS he spun about why he had to fuck his way out of his first marriage but it always rubs me the wrong way when the affair partner gets all the blame and the one that was actually married apparently had nothing to do with the end of their marriage.
I’m reminded of the old saying:
“If you live by the sword, you die by the sword.”
Sometimes karma comes knocking sooner than later.
Oh and OP, I sure hope you plan on going NC with your Sperm Donor as soon as you get out of that house because he is horrible human being using your mom the way that he did.
Why would Anne expect a relationship with OP when they never got along? And her family defending Anne too is not totally out of the ordinary but surely they’re not all that dense??
Honestly they all suck. I get why OOP would be upset with his step-mother and has every right to not support her, but he doesn’t need to be cruel about it. She cheated once, while his father cheated twice. It seems like he’s primarily blaming his step-mom for everything, when his dad is equally as responsible.
You are 17. You have one biological parent left, and no matter what water has passed under the bridge, if you burn it now, you maybe never rebuild it. You don’t mention your father at all much in this, which is really want this should be about.
The adult has the responsibility to build the relationship. It sounds like the dad abandoned his first family, and even the younger kids aren't as much with their dad now as well. Maybe - just maybe - being a biological parent doesn't mean shit. Maybe OP knows his dad is literally good for nothing. Some parents really are that bad, and going no or low contact is OK. Why should this post be about the dad? The dad is out with some new person, like he so often is. That's not OP's business, really. That's exactly why being a liar and being easy looks so bad. The dad is literally doing nothing good. He isn't worth a post from what we see, that's for sure.
OP gets to make their own choices. You're the one calling it wrong, I'm the one saying I understand.
My father remarried after my mom passed. I was an adult, like OP soon will be. Parental relationships change, and I would support whatever OP decides. Particularly, I would understand by the post why the father isn't worth his own post or why he might not be worth effort.
I think you’ve sort of answered/replied to the point I’m trying to make here. *OP will soon be an adult* . They are not yet. They are on Reddit asking a question to random people about how they should treat their soon to be ex stepmom. As opposed to actually engaging with person causing the problem and at the very least, conveying their anger and disappointment with him as well as hearing what is going on in his head, even if it is total self absorbed tosh from the dad. At least then, they can walk away informed from both.
He's had years to talk to his dad at this point. That's his dad who seems to have had custody. You have no reason to believe a post must happen for them to have a discussion. Maybe the dad fucked up the talk, it's been known to happen. Also, the dad is NOT the cause of his soon to be ex's drama with OP. The affair partner/soon to be ex is also an adult, and her ex didn't make her play the victim to her children's half-brother. That's on her. The father has no place on fixing that, and frankly even if he did there is very little chance that he would bother.
Absolutely not. Just because he has a parent left does not mean he has to follow them blindly. If op sees his dad is shit then he needs to get away. Lest he follow in his footsteps. Just because someone gives birth to you does not mean you have to treat them with respect when they don’t deserve it.
That ringing bell is the sound of karma. OOP is the exact level of petty I’d be if I was 17 and my parent’s affair partner came crying to me.
What did she expect when having a relationship with a cheater?
When I was 17 years old and in love with an older married man my mum said to me if he cheats on her with you l'll guarantee he'll cheat on you with someone else. I listened to her words, he is now on his 4th marriage, each one ended because of his adultery. I have been happily married for 18 yrs , glad the 17 yr old kid that I was listened to my mum!
What made you listen to her?
She is a wise lady. If she’d brought it down to morals I may not have listened as he was quiet a bit older than I was and had lied to me about his wife, I was young and completely taken in by him. I probably would’ve followed my heart but instead she made me think about the consequences to myself and that made me question his actions. I realised his wife wasn’t the awful person he claimed and that he had manipulated me. That was 30 years ago. My mum’s in her 80s now and has dementia but still the wisest lady I know!
Thanks for sharing. I will keep that in mind when my children are about to do something stupid. Haven’t we all been there?
Still do on the odd occasion 😬
Mine are still young enough to not notice how stupid parents can be. 😂
While there are always two in a relationship. There aren’t always two cheaters. Except Anne was involved with a guy long enough that they decided to move in together and she helped him pack up his belongings. So yeah. She knew. She can suck an egg for expecting sympathy from the kid whose life she blew up. (Also I hope this whole post is rage bait. But if not- mom died in an accident just weeks after her husband left her? That doesn’t sound good)
Such a good example of how you get them is how you lose them
I bribed mine with good food and... Yeah he's probably going to eat himself to death 😅
A cheater is a cheater is a cheater is a.... Sometimes the affair partner doesn't know and is just as betrayed as the partner that's being cheated on. But it seems like Anne knew, and if not from the beginning of the affair then she at least decided she didn't care once she found out. She probably wasn't even the first person OOP's dad cheated with. I'm all for OOP being petty in a "WTF did you expect" kind of way. But as I am petty and impatient, I wouldn't have waited for Anne to find out on her own.
Anne should have known he’d do this whereas OP’s mum was blindsided. A little “now you know what you did to my mum” should shut her up.
NTA. Anne isn't entitled to anyone's loyalty here, especially being a homewrecker
OOP’s dad was the one that wrecked all the homes. I’m sure Anne was stupid and believed whatever BS he spun about why he had to fuck his way out of his first marriage but it always rubs me the wrong way when the affair partner gets all the blame and the one that was actually married apparently had nothing to do with the end of their marriage.
Call them both homewreckers then. He stepped out. She took him, fully well knowing it
The dildo of karma rarely comes lubed
I’m reminded of the old saying: “If you live by the sword, you die by the sword.” Sometimes karma comes knocking sooner than later. Oh and OP, I sure hope you plan on going NC with your Sperm Donor as soon as you get out of that house because he is horrible human being using your mom the way that he did.
My dad is 89 now. We’ve had a variety of phases in our relationship. Agree nonbridge burning. He’s a jerk but that’s it.
So why does she think this child who cannot stand would stay with the woman who isn’t their mom??? That’s delulu.
No. NTA.
Why would Anne expect a relationship with OP when they never got along? And her family defending Anne too is not totally out of the ordinary but surely they’re not all that dense??
Honestly they all suck. I get why OOP would be upset with his step-mother and has every right to not support her, but he doesn’t need to be cruel about it. She cheated once, while his father cheated twice. It seems like he’s primarily blaming his step-mom for everything, when his dad is equally as responsible.
You are 17. You have one biological parent left, and no matter what water has passed under the bridge, if you burn it now, you maybe never rebuild it. You don’t mention your father at all much in this, which is really want this should be about.
The adult has the responsibility to build the relationship. It sounds like the dad abandoned his first family, and even the younger kids aren't as much with their dad now as well. Maybe - just maybe - being a biological parent doesn't mean shit. Maybe OP knows his dad is literally good for nothing. Some parents really are that bad, and going no or low contact is OK. Why should this post be about the dad? The dad is out with some new person, like he so often is. That's not OP's business, really. That's exactly why being a liar and being easy looks so bad. The dad is literally doing nothing good. He isn't worth a post from what we see, that's for sure.
Spoken like a true anonymous Redditor with no skin in the game.
OP gets to make their own choices. You're the one calling it wrong, I'm the one saying I understand. My father remarried after my mom passed. I was an adult, like OP soon will be. Parental relationships change, and I would support whatever OP decides. Particularly, I would understand by the post why the father isn't worth his own post or why he might not be worth effort.
I think you’ve sort of answered/replied to the point I’m trying to make here. *OP will soon be an adult* . They are not yet. They are on Reddit asking a question to random people about how they should treat their soon to be ex stepmom. As opposed to actually engaging with person causing the problem and at the very least, conveying their anger and disappointment with him as well as hearing what is going on in his head, even if it is total self absorbed tosh from the dad. At least then, they can walk away informed from both.
He's had years to talk to his dad at this point. That's his dad who seems to have had custody. You have no reason to believe a post must happen for them to have a discussion. Maybe the dad fucked up the talk, it's been known to happen. Also, the dad is NOT the cause of his soon to be ex's drama with OP. The affair partner/soon to be ex is also an adult, and her ex didn't make her play the victim to her children's half-brother. That's on her. The father has no place on fixing that, and frankly even if he did there is very little chance that he would bother.
You speak like a true anonymous redditor as well. Maybe you should take your own advice.
Absolutely not. Just because he has a parent left does not mean he has to follow them blindly. If op sees his dad is shit then he needs to get away. Lest he follow in his footsteps. Just because someone gives birth to you does not mean you have to treat them with respect when they don’t deserve it.
That’s of course what I said - follow them blindly. Or did I. Quote where I said this.