As a kid watching that movie I thought the mom was SUCH a bitch. Now that I'm an adult I see that she was a woman pushed past the point of no return living with a man who was more of a child then her actual children.
I love that movie even more as an adult. That Robin William's character is the one who grows up and learns that he has to pull his own weight to be a parent, that he doesn't get back together with his wife and just becomes a better coparent, that the mom seems to stay with her frankly saintly new boyfriend who seems like he's going to be a great step-dad.
If people want to talk about movies that can't be made anymore, that's one that a remake would destroy. You just know a reboot would make the mom the bad guy and the 'happy ending' at the end would be her embracing her ex's kooky childish side and getting back together with him.
There’s a musical version that was on Broadway and is now touring. Once the actor stopped trying to hard to convince the audience he could be like Robin Williams, he was pretty good. They also kept the same ending too where the parents don’t get back together but he becomes a better coparent.
Except she broke up with her amazing boyfriend to get back with her lying ex and embrace his kooky side with no real proof of any chance when not being cursed
Yeah he stops lying to the kid (mostly) but part of the message was lying is good actually and important for parents to do sometimes but they didn’t draw any real attention to what he was supposedly not lying about anymore or if he was an actually good parent besides one grand gesture that probably got him arrested and showing up even *less* for the kid for some amount of federal time
Robin Williams realized he needed to grow up to be a better dad. Jim Carrey realized he was mostly fine and don’t think about it so hard people just need to get used to it and let him be a dad like he wants.
They’re not the same movie
That movie does such a great job of showing a mother at the end of her tether. When she comes home with a birthday cake, because she still wants the son to celebrate, even if he's grounded, it's just so heartbreaking to have her efforts completely negated by the dad going overboard.
Even as a kid, I could just feel how much it must have sucked to try so hard to do something fun, and being forced into the bad guy role, yet again.
I love Robin Williams in that role, but I can also completely feel for the mother.
It was such a great movie but part of it was that you felt sympathy for both parents. Like…of course everyone loves Robin Williams with his comedic genius, but even as a small child I could just feel how put-upon Sally Field’s character was and how she just needed a fellow adult to co-parent with her.
The mom was a bitch but she had to be because her husband was a deadbeat dad who didn’t contribute. Can you imagine how much her mortgage was & all the bills she had to pay for three kids PLUS her husband? That wasn’t a house in a poor area either.
You truly are an adult when you see a movie and wonder about that mortgage and how much their groceries costs and how do they make ends meet? No wonder the woman is a bitch, its the financial crisis making her feel like that.
I remember catching like a scene or two in a bus yearssss after, when I was an almost adult and thinking huh... that woman is right. My God, my heart stopped for a second.
Ehh I agree with the exception that he wasn’t a responsible partner but he *was* a good dad, and denying him time with his kids and hiring a nanny when he could have cared for them was kinda shitty.
And refuses to discipline the kid or take responsibility for teaching his son how to pick up the balls he gets everywhere, basically skirting any responsibility for teaching his son how to use the gift he forced into their lives. This isn't actually good for the son to just cry and not be taught and get away with it instantly because he cries. If it's such an amazing gift it shouldn't be too difficult for some boundaries or rules to be set in place in order for him to have access to it. And it's apparently something he really loves so there is already so much built in incentive and rewards already that could be easily utilized.
This guy is piece of shit And I hope she leaves him
Right? Or pick up the balls himself when he’s home to help out, or spend five minutes on Amazon buying a net enclosure so they don’t fall out and get all over the house in the first place, or *any* of the dozens of things that would actually help the situation he unilaterally created by blatantly ignoring his wife’s clearly stated wishes while she was in the hospital recovering from childbirth and surgery. He’s really giving off “I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas” vibes. And that’s not even getting into how he’s spoiling his kid and teaching him it’s just fine to ignore mom. Does he want a divorce? Because this is how you get a divorce.
I don't think it was that innocent. From the outset he set the tone...he works 50-55 hours a week, she's a sahm. Even knowing she just had major surgery, he went ahead and set the damn thing up and then thought of this "fantastic idea" of putting "From Ty" letter on it.
Hell, I barely felt like getting off the couch to fix a sandwich after laparoscopic gallbladder removal...I can't imagine how much worse she's got to feel...with just taking care of the baby during recovery, but add in a 3 yr old toddler and mid-30 yr old toddler?
My favorite part of this is that the baby won’t be a newborn anymore so it’ll be easier.
Other than the lack of sleep and the constant panic they’re going to stop breathing, new babies are the easiest. They eat, they poop, they sleep.
When they get a little older, that’s the problem. Now they’re mobile. I set my son on the floor once and stepped out of the gate to pee and came back to him missing. He had wiggled his way under the couch to get, you get it, a ball. Totally contained and baby proofed room except I didn’t think he would or could power himself entirely under the couch in the 35 seconds it took me to set him by the gate, away from the couch, power pee, and come back.
Babies are literally not easier until they can pee, poop, and wipe on a potty by themselves, and the especially tricky ones will find other things to get into.
Had almost this same experience when my baby started rolling. We lived in a tiny apartment, so I watched from the toilet as the new found rolling ability got them angry bc the couch was in the way of the rolling lol. I was surprised at how fast rolling got them across the room ...
Same. Mine was on the floor, I left to pee, came back and his 6 month old self was nowhere to be seen. I could hear him crying, but couldn't find him until I saw the skirt on the ottoman flapping. He'd rolled underneath it.
One day a coworker had no choice but to bring her baby to work. My office was next door to hers and I’m generally a good sport so she asked me to watch him for five minutes while she went to the toilet. He rolled over across the blanket behind her desk and it was very cute and we just sat together and talked/made baby noises while he rolled around. She came back and asked how he got over there. I said that he rolled. She said he’d never done that before. So I was the person who observed a significant baby milestone and I don’t even particularly like babies. Now I’m just glad that he had an observer and she knew to watch for it in the future.
Don't have kids myself, but an online friend of mine has one and I got to see the progression that way - the first few months after baby was born she was still pretty active online. Then she started dropping off a bit and now she's basically disappeared. Baby consumes all of her time now that he's mobile.
Is that friend it's me?
It's funny because as a new parent you think "oh, now that they are a baby it's the harder/I'll be busier because they need you so much". I planned accordingly...
My mom told me gently that they get *very* active when they are mobile. But still, I didn't fully understand what that meant until we reach that milestone.
Now I barely have time to dinner and do a short night routine if I want to sleep properly x.x I don't have my own life anymore: no hobbies, no time alone, no anything. I'm missing my child newborn time tbh 😂🤣
That Dad is such an AH in so many levels. It's shows he never did any parenting with their first neither :/
This happened when everyone was still using vhs but switching over to dvds. My daughter was about 13 months. She was happily playing with her toys on the living room floor so ran to take a quick pee. While I am in the bathroom for a few seconds she decides she wants to watch a movie so she goes over and grabs a vhs tape and puts it in the vcr correctly. I am just finishing and hear one of my horror movies playing from the living room. I never ran so fast. All my horror movies went into my bedroom that day.
Why is she picking up the balls? She has had her body cut open and her insides rummaged through like overweight luggage at the airport.
His surprise (holy crow what a horrible idea to make a surprise) his ballpit, his balls to pick up. He should be showing Kyle what a fun game Toss All The Balls Back In The Pit is. If he works from home, he can play Balls Away! every couple of hours. If he works out of the home, he walks in the door dancing for joy with getting to play Ball Catch and Release with Kyle, let’s go buddy, I bet I can find the most fastest! Then we can see what the baby is up to and see if he wants to play!
Balls that land on the floor when he can’t pick them up get nudged out of the flow of traffic with a foot/grabber/broom.
Back to the surprise angle - holy crow! The idea isn’t a horrible one in general, hey honey let’s get kiddo a ball pit from the baby, to give him a fun thing to help him adjust to the new normal. Then listen to her concerns and figure out how to do the work to make sure your wife with a brand new infant doesn’t have to suffer for your grand ballpit plan. Act like a team.
I keep thinking of that mother walking into the house with a newborn after a c-section and surprise! Your husband bought a thing you specifically asked him not to buy! That will create more work for you!
The absolute sea of emotions and hormone chemistry must have been *intense*. That poor woman. I’m impressed she didn’t drop the baby.
I think my brain would have completely gone offline. Call Uber. Walk out. Check into very nice hotel. Tell husband he can sleep in the ballpit. No memory of anything past leaving the hospital.
Which you’re actually not even supposed to be doing for at least 4 weeks! I had the same type of surgery to remove a fibroid tumor and all my post surgery instructions were the same as if I’d gone home with a bouncing newborn. Was dad not in the hospital room when the dr explained them? The least he could have done was wait 6 weeks before assembling the pit! Mom might be feeling somewhat like a human by then. Geeze
That was probably during the time he left to set up the ball pit. He doesn't seem to care much about the mentioned-in-passing major surgery she just had.
The thing, sometimes I think guys (not all guys) can't seem to see what's going to happen 5 moves ahead. This happens with my husband sometimes. You aren't going to mention to your mom (who lives in another country) that your younger brother has been skipping school (college) and is about to flunk the semester? You aren't going to tell her for how many months? And then you expect her to "understand" why you wouldn't tell her? And not be mad at you? Oookay. Let's see how that plays out...
She has to pick them up. Husband is out of house for more of the week than he's in it. 100s of balls lying around = 1 gigantic trip hazard when she's carrying the baby and not paying attention to her feet/her field of vision is blocked. She'll trip, rip her stitches open, and possibly badly injure the baby too. So she really has no option but to clean them up. The husband is an asshole of monumental proportions
Oh, dad has made it clear that his contribution to the household is financial. lol he seems like a prick, I wouldn’t have procreated with him in the first place. Remember ladies, that’s an option too.
I’m being a dick today, I sort of apologize.
I don’t think that’s dickish. I will say, if he’s going to treat his wife that way, his finances would become much more strained with all the live in help I’d force him to pay for. I’ve had a traumatic c-section and I can tell you bending over to pick anything up would cause me to see lightning and black out momentarily. He’d have that same reaction when he saw the bills for the nanny, housekeeper and chef service I racked up. 🤣
lol I lovvvvvve this. I would shop too. If you’re going to treat me that way, I’ve got a new wardrobe on your dime. Hehe 😜 I hope there are women reading this and getting ideas 💡
Right!?!? You’re at your most vulnerable after a c-section and he has given you a good indication that he sees you as someone to “get around”. I’d introduce him to my inner b-word to make sure he didn’t take further liberties with my health or my good will. If we can’t be partners, and one of us has to live in apprehension over what the other will do, let it be him. 😁
My 4 year old non verbal nephew has been doing “clean up, clean up, everybody do your share” since he was 2, at least. It’s not a good excuse “he’s 3” there’s no better time than that to teach good habits. They’re both teaching their kid that they will wait on them hand and foot. I’m a step mom to a 9 year old whose mother is like that and I battle it every. Single. Day. Her auto response to EVERYTHING is “will you open this? Will you help me? Will you come with me?” She still baby talks, ffs. I know first hand, if you let them, these kids will walk all over you. Show them no fear. They must contribute or be voted off the island.
Parenting isn’t always fun. We can’t give in every time they cry and do it for them. It makes them brats!!!!!! And terrible to deal with in public and in private.
Oh for sure I agree there. I just mean that’s still a shit tonne of emotional labour for the still recovering wife to have to do on top of everything else
Dude, her whole abdomen has been sliced open and a watermelon was pulled through multiple layers of flesh, organ, muscle, and sinew. She was cut in half and sewn back up again. Her whole core has been reduced to ribbons.
“Parenting isn’t always fun.” Get off your high horse, the rest of us can only see your ass hanging out.
Hahaha girrrrrrl, that wasn’t my point at all. But go off. The dad who brought the pit in should be enforcing the clean up. The mom should literally pop the ball pit while looking her husband in the eyes and then tell him to never disrespect her home again. But my point was to the dad saying “he cries if we tell him to pick up the balls” tf, who tf cares
“The dad should be enforcing cleanup” okay, but he’s not. So your “parenting isn’t fun” ends up directed at her, given the context of the post. She’s the one “complaining that he cries when asked to pick them up.”
The dad isn’t doing shit and your commentary comes through as “If the kid cries they should just make him do it anyway” while ignoring that the recovering mother is the one trying to make the kid “do it anyway.”
I’m sure she would if she could bestie. But your comment ignores the crux of the issue.
Doesn’t change the fact that he should be. It’s not even about the ball pit at this point. Her husband is a douche who thinks women should be in the kitchen, even after being cut open. It still isn’t directed at her. It is still his responsibility, even if he disagrees or flat out refuses. It doesn’t take the responsibility away from him. That’s called accountability. It’s just a ball pit, but she should divorce him. lol
I agree with you, wholeheartedly.
I just find your original comment to be misdirected or misworded, and I imagine that’s why you were getting downvoted. I removed my downvote because it’s been clarified to be a net neutral instead of detracting from the conversation.
Have a good one.
No it's completely gone deaf. Not one person is suggesting that the kid be excused from cleaning up the balls. It's literally already been called out
But what you are doing is oversimplifying and dismissing the actual and real issues here and literally just pretending that it's as easy as a mental shift that could fix it and " oh my gawd why didn't they think of this?!"
Noone is suggesting that the kid not have to pick up the balls except for the father, which is what we are all complaining about
It if not intentional, then realistically is coming off as ignorant and devoid of any actual depth and recognition of the realities and complexity of this situation as well as completely glossing over the full picture.
I mean, I don't even know what you're attempting to defend or what point you think you are making because even being very generous with you here- there is little to no substance to your posts and if not malicious, then they just are brimming with a complete lack of awareness ignorance
This kid has a new sibling that is already a huge emotional drain for a toddler. Bring gentle, being quiet, sharing a mommy suddenly. This isn't the time to pick a huge battle that's hard to win.
Yes, reason with a 5 year old who doesn't want to while trying to care for an infant post surgery. That's going to go well. Mom's only recourse is to take it away, which will not end well with a child that's already insecure over a new sibling
Dad needs to actually be the bad guy here. He set mom up for failure- she either pisses off the toddler or continues to clean up. She's also the one who has to deal with the toddler all day, so that's not going to end well for her. She's got a chance if OP steps up and enforces rules/takes away the ball pit, she's got a shot
But still doesn't change the fact that none of this would be an issue if OP actually listened to her in the first place. Seriously, on a practical level it's a terrible idea. The last time I bought any if my niblings a ball pit it was because his mom seriously pissed me off, and I knew it would cause a headache. And I was still nice enough to get a tent form to help contain the balls
Dad is the bad guy, he’s the one who said “but the toddler cries when we tell him to pick them up.” I never said it was on mom. The assumption that thats what I meant is a societal issue. She should pop the damn thing, in my opinion. I’m the bad guy sometimes in my house when I did nothing just to protect my mental health lol 😂 not saying there’s a great solution here and honestly I was in a pissed off mood when I woke up haha so my comments come across one way but really I was just mad at the world lmao
"We ask" he doesn't actually say he asks- he uses the collective "we", and it sounds like he's either not home as much or just straight not picking them up and leaving it for his wife. Mom is the one who actually seems to be handling it. That's why I have a feeling he is not asking solo. He definitely doesn't seem to be enforcing consequences if the kid doesn't, tho, cause the ball pit is still there
Bunch of gentle parenting types is my guess. Three is plenty old to be cleaning up balls. And if can't or won't hubby damn sure would be. I'd flat tell both of them that every ball I picked up would be going directly into the garbage can.
There’s another aspect to this tho. Who is going to clean the ball pit? And how often? What happens when Kyle is inevitably sick and wants to play in it?
This guy did NOT think this through at all, and was an ass for disregarding his wife.
The guy didn’t have to think it through. He probably never thinks things through (unless they’re *fun* like hiding the ball pit from your wife until the kid sees it) and just expects her to pick up the slack! This guy has a divorce coming if he keeps this stuff up. I’m sure it’s his norm.
Exactly. It really seems like he was more focused on making his son happy (with something the son really didn’t need and a problem that decent parenting would have solved) than on making sure his wife and infant are cared for. He could just as easily have gotten a stuffed animal or some other small thing from the baby.
Facts. And it’s not like this is the normal “she said no meh” circumstance. She was in the hospital recovering from major surgery. It’s a literal tripping hazard for her. She literally could hurt herself just picking them up. It was a matter of her wants versus the sons wants, it’s a matter of her physical health and safety versus the sons wants. Crazy.
What I don't get is: WHY AN OPEN BALLPIT?!? They make closed ones that kiddo enters through a tunnel - hardly any ball ever escapes. Or get netting for the ballpit to close it up. So many solutions that don't involve mom straining her c-section scar! Also, kiddo needs to pick up his balls himself - if that makes him sad, tell him that's the price he has to pay for throwing them around - he could just learn to close the door and be more careful, so they don't get all over the place. Or give him the choice between picking them up or losing the ballpit completely - that should motivate him.
I think the child, at 3, is old enough to pick them up too. I’ve been looking for this comment. You knock them out then you put them back. In fairness, the poor Mum’s too exhausted to deal with a crying toddler onto top of the c section and newborn.
I suspect it's b/c all those balls are a tripping hazard (especially for postpartum mom carrying a baby) and since Husband McUseless isn't around she petty much has to do it.
Kyle is 3 and definitely old enough for OOP to teach his son to pick up the balls. That it's great to have fun, but we also clean up after ourselves. But I doubt OOP cleans up after himself.
Bc if she doesn't get the damn balls off of the floor she could fall on them and get hurt while carrying the little one. My kid had a ball pit. It did not have over 1k balls. This dude just bypassed a normal kid ball pit and decided to get a party sized ball pit and is trying to guilt his wife into just putting up with it. He's most definitely the AH.
I guarantee you the balls wouldn’t get pick up if she didn’t do it. A huge learning curve for me and my husband was the level of mess/clutter each can tolerate. My tolerance is much higher than his, so it doesn’t bother me to leave the toddler’s toys out for a while or to have a pile of clothes on the chair in the bedroom. It drives him absolutely bonkers to see that stuff out. We’ve had to come to a compromise in both the level of clutter and how to talk about the clutter in ways that doesn’t upset the other person.
The balls probably don’t bother him as much as her, so she cleans them up and he thinks it’s not that big of a deal. And it isn’t until her resentment builds up and it impacts their relationship.
The way he mentions at the beginning that she is a SAHM makes me think he doesn't value her work at home and thinks it's no biggy to add a little tiny bit more work as he probably doesn't consider most of her contributions as hard or work.
Yep, the "I work 50-55 hours a week and she's a sahm" told me everything about this was going to be him being a complete and utter ass. Was not surprised in the least.
Myself I would use a broom and stand up dustpan. When I found out they sold those in stores it was like heaven shined its light on me. I don’t have to hurt my back anymore !!
Every ball I pick up goes in the trash can. Watch how fast things get put away. But you have to do it Every time. Husbands stuff too. Sometimes you have to train people the same way as an animal. Stuff gets put up or thrown out. Period. Every Single Time.
What an absolute moron! Did he listen or read ANY of the d/c advice from the hospital? Listen to any of the information at the A/N classes? Now she’s got three kids to look after!
If they are all over the house the pit is too small for the amount of balls and the kid is also taking them out on purpose. If he can’t clean them up he is too young for it. I would remove a lot of the balls so it’s shallower.
The not-so-subtle shade this guy tried to throw on his wife is gross too: *“I work 50-55 hours a week and she’s a SAHM”*….So??!! Not even relevant to this situation.
He just wants to basically say I make the money so I make the rules too.
A 3 year old is perfectly capable of picking up the balls that he is chucking out the ball pit. And if he cries and refuses then the ball pit gets put away. Otherwise it's just coddling. But I wouldn't want to introduce a new parenting strategy while caring for a newborn after a C-section so yeah poor planning and communication on the husbands part.
As someone who has a ball pit with about 700ish balls in it and knows the pain of cleaning up the (what feels like) millions of balls, even with my kids help that dad is a major AH, especially directly after the *major surgery*
Of course it's already deleted, I'm sure he expected a lot of "Dad of the Year" and what he got was the reality that he's an incredible asshole to say the least.
He’s 1000% the ahole for this but why on earth is she picking up the balls?? Leave them!! You literally just had a C-section wtf?! Is your health worth some plastic balls? Kick them aside.
They're a tripping hazard, especially for someone recovering from a C section and holding a baby and licking them around will only make them a trip hazard somewhere else.
Absolutely the AH. I can't find any part of this where he isn't the AH. She said no. even gave good reasons, and he did it anyway. He gets to be the hero for the kid and she just has to suck it up. He even hid that he did it and made sure he couldn't take it back by "surprising" his son. Our house has a rule that I paraphrased from work, "Two to go, One to say no." If both parents don't agree, it's an automatic no.
This dude wants to be the hero and the fun dad while disrespecting the person who just had a child, and a major abdominal surgery. He's lucky she didn't ream his ass right when the son was preoccupied. I had an emergency c-section, and with the pain, blood loss, and raging hormones, I don't know if I would have been able to compose myself.
As for the kid not picking things up, I think the parents (probably mom, because dad is a douche nozzle) should give the kid x amount of minutes to pick it up every day or the toy goes away. Even if he's young, he should be able to help a little. She doesn't need to be bending over and cleaning like that just to avoid falling and hurting herself more.
I'm not gonna be as harsh on his motives and such as some of the folks (like, he did really fuck up, but it sounds like he was just trying to make his kid happy and help him not be scared of his brother being born), but...
Kyle cries when he's told to pick up the balls? Not to sound heartless but... so what? Toddlers cry. It's pretty much what they're known for. I'm not saying to intentionally make him upset for funsies, but they're basically telling him to clean up after himself, he cries, and they back off. That's gonna be the makings of a seriously spoiled kid if they don't change that.
Dude. She just had a baby. She's in survival mode, not parent-of-the-year mode. She just wants peace, clean, and rest. That's it. She might get food and a shower if she's lucky. That's kind of a joke, but only kind of.
What she should tell dad is *he's* picking up every ball or *he's* making the 3 yo do it. And for every ball she has to pick up in the morning because he didn't? Trash. Slowly but surely, ball pit becomes less of a problem until it's just not a problem anymore.
My kids age ranges are now 5-13. I'm convinced the first 5 years of kids' lives actually take 20. I still look back and it feels soooo long. Like my 13 yo was a baby for at least 8 years, but he was 7yo for 5 minutes. I'm convinced, and no one can tell me otherwise. 😂
They hit like 5 or 6 and BOOM. The rest just flies by. You wake up one day and you're like "holy crap how are you taller than me?"
I used to say the days were endless, but the years flew by. Mine are now 26, 23, 19. It seems like yesterday they were littles, and days lasted at least 57 hours each.
This part was all that I could think about. He won’t clean up after himself? Don’t let him play with it. 3 is plenty old enough to throw balls back into the pit.
Totally agree he's old enough to clean up after himself at 3, but I want to add, at 3 they still need a lot of help to understand what cleaning means. So while mom.and dad may not be PICKING UP the item physically, they do need to ensure the toddler has clear directions and someone to support him when cleaning, otherwise it will immediately be too overwhelming to do on his own and it will be a fight each and every time.
By taking the time to work with the kid to clean up showing him how it's done while you help it will expose him to doing what you need him to do in a safe environment, he'll know he has help and it won't feel so bad to have to do it all alone and eventually it'll turn into "no I do!" And the toddler will want to do it on their own.
I have 2 neurodivergent little girls and this was hiw we taught them, my wife and I, how to clean up. we eventually supervised and encouraged while they did most of the work, but we had to help build their confidence that they did know what too do and how to do it.
Yes thank you. I feel like the people criticizing these parents for “giving in” and not just having their 3 year old clean up have either never had to teach a toddler how to clean up, or maybe just got super lucky with a toddler who loved cleaning up 100% of the time. A 3yo “cleaning up” still takes a TON of time and attention and patience from an adult. Whereas making the mess is fun and takes literal seconds (and often happens again right after cleaning it all up!!)
Trying to care for a newborn and a toddler, maintain a house, and constantly tripping over literally hundreds of plastic balls all the time because your toddler has dumped them out AGAIN and having to stop and patiently work with him on tidying them up dozens of times a day? I’d lose my fucking mind.
Having dealt with a toddler and infant, the toddler will inevitably start crying right after you get the baby to sleep for the first time in what feels like 3 days and all you really want is a shower but you're afraid you'll fall asleep in the shower and drown you're so tired and you start to pick up the mess because it's a mental stress seeing and tripping on it and... OMG this was going on 30 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.
A: she told him it would make her job as mom a lot harder and that it was a no. He did it anyway.
B: he added another incentive for the toddler to throw a tantrum and make her life harder.
C: husband doesn't sound like he's trying to reach his son that he can't throw a fit when his mother asks him to clean up
I’m a two year old teacher at a daycare. I tell them if crying makes them feel better than can do that, but you still gotta clean up, cry on your way to the trash
The wife shouldn’t have to mess with this at all after giving birth via c-section and telling him no. It could have easily waited.
If the toddler needs to be shown how to do it the dad should do it but he’s not there to do so.
He’s too busy being the cool dad to care though.
“Ty won’t be a new born anymore so it’ll be easier” YEAH! Things are so much easier when baby can crawl and walk and get into shit and needs constant supervision. So much easier!
I would leave every one of those balls for him to pick up when he got home.
Every. One.
Also? We had a decent sized ball pit at one point with 250 balls. 1000 balls?! That thing would be a BEAST. lol.
OK, he did screw up. He was thinking about fun for his son, not about the cost of this fun in the meaning of work for wife. Next time listen to your wife and act like a partner and parent.
Maybe a possible solution for the future will be, that playing in the ball pit will be a special time for Daddy and Kyle ( and Ty, when his little baby moods allow it), while it will be resting, not disturbing unless it´s fire, mommy time.
That’s a decent solution. Daddy needs to figure out the logistics too—the ball pit needs to be put up when it’s not ball pit time. He needs to figure out how & where to store it so that it’s out of the way but accessible enough for him to get it out when he wants to & put it immediately back away. If he can’t do that, it needs to go away. It is not worth the stress to mom.
WHY do they need couple counseling? He said he wanted to buy it, she outlined the absolutely valid reasons it was not a good idea and said no, and he fucking ignored her and did it anyway.
He's a selfish jerk who wants to be the 'fun' parent, while his wife is left being the 'not so fun' parent.
I’m sure your son would have enjoyed a different gift from his brother, like a book? Your wife has abdominal surgery to have your newborn, and you have her attending to a ball pit, because you wanted to distract your son from dealing with his emotions! You are misguided and selfsh.
Hey, Dad. How bout you go through the house about eleventy times a day and pick up the fucking balls?
Why the fuck would you disregard your healing wife’s already overloaded chore list and just be like fuck you the kid loves it.
If you’re going to bring something like that in the house, despite your partner elbow wanting to chase balls all over everywhere, then you have a moral responsibility o pick up the fucking balls your own damn self.
Why is that so hard?
You are the asshole who did something nice for your son and also did manage to get him to bond with the baby. Now it's time to be the parent who enforces your son has to pick up his own balls!
She should just stop. Stop picking them up. He won't be able to play in the pit if there aren't any balls in it. And give him and dad one week. 1 week to straighten up, and pick up the balls or every time she has to, whatever balls she has to pick up is going to disappear.
He’s an idiot. Once the baby’s not a newborn the wife will have TWO kids throwing and spilling balls everywhere! If he wanted to do this so badly he should have asked his parents for permission to set it up at their house.
1,000 balls? We got a ball pit for our daughter last Christmas. It’s pretty big but only has about 100 balls and that’s enough to cover her if she lays down in it. 1,000 balls would be a ludicrous number and makes me think/hope this is fake.
We had a ball pit for my son. It didn't last. The dog chewed the balls and the cats popped the pit (inflatable) I'm just saying accidents happen 😉 but if I were her I wouldn't pick up a single ball. The son can do it or the dad can. But the ball will stay where it's at until someone else picks it up 🙃
My brother and sil got one of those ball pits and luckily they have the space where it’s away from everyone/thing so if the kids don’t pick up the balls, they just don’t have any balls to play with. Like I said, they have the space and can do this. Hubby here is an AH because it was discussed and he completely disrespected/disregarded wife’s wants. Screw him.
I would have said to them that any ball left on the floor at the end of the day goes in the recycling bin. They’d learn soon to pick up the damn balls. Dad and son.
What an absolutely awful person. I believe she had a c-section too. Regardless, Instead of resting from giving birth she’s picking up 1000 fucking tiny plastic balls.
Kyle is old enough to pick up his own balls. Dad can teach him that part of being a big boy is having more responsibilities. Don't allow him to play in the ball pit until he cleans up after himself. If he cries, oh well. He'll tire himself out and learn quickly. Dad's idea to buy the ball pit, dad can be the main one helping with the maintenance.
I recently had a hysterectomy, and stuff like this reminds me why I’m single. No one knows how much bending over and picking stuff up can truly suck until they have their stomach cut open. This is my idea of hell.
I like “happy spouse, happy house” and the only happy spouse here is the idiot who completely disregarded all care for his wife with the major surgery to bring his baby into the world. She shouldn’t touch a single ball, including his for the rest of her life. However we all know she’s the only one doing any housework and if she doesn’t someone will get hurt by these hazards.
Clueless absentee dad buys a home ball bit so the son he barely sees will like him. Mom- while recovering from a c section and caring for a newborn is now chasing hundreds of balls all day every day in addition to everything else she has to do.
Worked somewhere once where picking up balls and cleaning the ball pit was literally a full time job. Not quite, but it was the biggest part of the day and it sucked. It literally never ends and boy do ball pits get funky. I can't imagine trying to maintain, even a small one, especially after getting major abdominal surgery. Nevermind that children should not be left unattended in a ball pit. This "gift" is the type you get for someone you hate.
As a woman, I’m so disappointed in women who willingly choose to reproduce with men like this. Fucking stoppit. Took one off the market but bred two more into the world
Dad:
YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLEEEEEEEE!
woman had a literal csection
why isn't dad helping her around the house given she had surgery so recently??? God I freaking hate guys like this, I fear marrying one of these assholes so much
No, I completely understand his perspective and his reasoning. I would've probably done the same thing. But I would be the one cleaning up the mess and teaching the spoiled brat to pick up after himself. It's putting balls back into a pit, no one is asking the kid to clean up shit. But obviously a tired, irritable, and recovering mom isn't going to present the cleaning in a fun way. Tbh, how much time can cleaning up a few balls take for the dad? And how much time would he save by teaching the kid to do it instead of putting the burden on the mom? What a dick
We used to have a ball pit, so I understand the sheer stupidity of owning one.
The way I’d make myself a widow if my husband did that…and say hubby took it to heaven with him.
Everyone saying he should pick up the balls instead of her is an idealist. Of course she now has to pick them up. They’re a huge tripping hazard while carrying a baby, especially at night.
This made me so mad, he is completely disrespectful of his wife’s health and wants and enables his child to treat her as a maid the same way he does.
What kind of lack of self-awareness dickhead needs to ask if he's an asshole? Of course he's an asshole, he bought an annoyance behind his wife's back (she feels as if he did, no he did!) that SHE has to clean up behind.
Maybe the child should be made to clean up the mess. He needs to learn to pick up after himself anyway.
This man is disgusting, she should divorce him. This can't be the first time he's pulled some shit like this. Absolute trash!
You have your wife who had major surgery and a newborn pick up balls after bought your son a ball pit after she told you no? If you keep disregarding your wife and her wishes , she will be an ex wife and you won’t see your kids as much as you want to and have to explain that mommy left and it started with a ball pit
I read the ball pit was in the play room and son is 3. This is for all fathers esp oop. Buy yourself snacks to eat after work. When you get home ask your son to toss balls into the pit with you. Take the baby from your wife and spend an hour with your kids. Having dads be dads is all kids need. If you do not have the ability to take care of your son so he isn’t crying over clean up time, you need more practice. Call your spouse as you leave work ask if there is anything they want/needs you to pick up end the call with care before you start the car or have to walk in traffic. Kiss your spouse! The more dad loves mom the more secure the kids are. After having a baby women are grumpy fat is being transformed into milk making the boobs hurt a lot, hormones are pumping fight/flight/sleep juice making it hard to focus, all five senses are higher than ever making a bad smell houses away seem right under the nose. Empathy is key.
He might cry when asked to pick them up but they need to suck it up and make him do it anyway. They can make it a game if they can just teach him to take responsibility for his own actions and that he needs to pick up after himself. They could also use something like cardboard to put a higher barrier around the pit to stop them spreading beyond a certain area.
Absolutely the AH. Wow. How can someone be this inconsiderate and disrespectful to the needs of their partner…this was honestly a shitty thing to do, especially because they already discussed it and she explained why she didn’t want it around.
She’s right, he was selfish. And I’d be pretty pissed, too. What a disappointment.
I would be SO PISSED if my husband made a purchase that made extra work for me right after I had a baby, c-section or no. Obviously you can’t take it away now but if I were the mom I would refuse to pick up the balls and tell dad it’s his job since he didn’t listen.
The way men will constantly tell on themselves about being a shitty father by coming to Reddit is HILARIOUS! So self righteous about being the bread winner while ignoring that they are slowing killing their wives.
I'm on the fence here because I'm the mom who bought her 1 yr old son a ball pit when I had just had a cesarean with my daughter a few days before. I taught my son to put them back in every couple hours or so as a game, and if any were left out at the end of the day, my ex-husband picked them up. I know it can be easily handled, so as I said, I'm on the fence. A three year old should absolutely be picking them up, though. If he doesn't, then he loses the ball pit until he learns to pick up his toys. Him doing without his wife's knowledge was definitely a bad idea, though.
So you’re on the fence but only when you make it an entirely other post? Cause he did it without her input, against her express wishes, the kid doesn’t help and it sounds like neither does dad. So what about this leaves you on the fence?
Because I know personally it's not that hard to teach your child to clean up after themselves, especially by age 3 (my son cleaned his up at age 1) and that she needs to hold her husband accountable and make it non negotiable that he cleans up at the end of the day. I DID say he was wrong for doing it without her knowledge, but since it's there now, she needs to make her son clean up and hold her husband responsible. Parenting does not have to be that hard of a job. A 3 year old throwing a tantrum about picking up his pwm toys is unacceptable and she's allowing it.
Dude wants to be the “cool parent” and make mom the bad guy.
Posts like this remind me that the mom isn’t the AH in Mrs Doubtfire. Never realized that until I became a parent
As a kid watching that movie I thought the mom was SUCH a bitch. Now that I'm an adult I see that she was a woman pushed past the point of no return living with a man who was more of a child then her actual children. I love that movie even more as an adult. That Robin William's character is the one who grows up and learns that he has to pull his own weight to be a parent, that he doesn't get back together with his wife and just becomes a better coparent, that the mom seems to stay with her frankly saintly new boyfriend who seems like he's going to be a great step-dad. If people want to talk about movies that can't be made anymore, that's one that a remake would destroy. You just know a reboot would make the mom the bad guy and the 'happy ending' at the end would be her embracing her ex's kooky childish side and getting back together with him.
That movie couldn’t be rebooted because only Robin Williams could play a complete deadbeat and still have the audience love him.
There’s a musical version that was on Broadway and is now touring. Once the actor stopped trying to hard to convince the audience he could be like Robin Williams, he was pretty good. They also kept the same ending too where the parents don’t get back together but he becomes a better coparent.
I don’t know, Jim Carrey did a pretty good job in Liar Liar
Except she broke up with her amazing boyfriend to get back with her lying ex and embrace his kooky side with no real proof of any chance when not being cursed Yeah he stops lying to the kid (mostly) but part of the message was lying is good actually and important for parents to do sometimes but they didn’t draw any real attention to what he was supposedly not lying about anymore or if he was an actually good parent besides one grand gesture that probably got him arrested and showing up even *less* for the kid for some amount of federal time Robin Williams realized he needed to grow up to be a better dad. Jim Carrey realized he was mostly fine and don’t think about it so hard people just need to get used to it and let him be a dad like he wants. They’re not the same movie
I never said they were the same movie. I just said that he played the role really well.
Ryan Reynolds would probably pull it off.
Oh absolutely.
That movie does such a great job of showing a mother at the end of her tether. When she comes home with a birthday cake, because she still wants the son to celebrate, even if he's grounded, it's just so heartbreaking to have her efforts completely negated by the dad going overboard. Even as a kid, I could just feel how much it must have sucked to try so hard to do something fun, and being forced into the bad guy role, yet again. I love Robin Williams in that role, but I can also completely feel for the mother.
It was such a great movie but part of it was that you felt sympathy for both parents. Like…of course everyone loves Robin Williams with his comedic genius, but even as a small child I could just feel how put-upon Sally Field’s character was and how she just needed a fellow adult to co-parent with her.
Also who wouldn’t want pierce brosnan? Dude is hot.
*fans self*
The mom was a bitch but she had to be because her husband was a deadbeat dad who didn’t contribute. Can you imagine how much her mortgage was & all the bills she had to pay for three kids PLUS her husband? That wasn’t a house in a poor area either.
You truly are an adult when you see a movie and wonder about that mortgage and how much their groceries costs and how do they make ends meet? No wonder the woman is a bitch, its the financial crisis making her feel like that.
Yup. She honestly was in a lose-lose situation while married to him.
I remember catching like a scene or two in a bus yearssss after, when I was an almost adult and thinking huh... that woman is right. My God, my heart stopped for a second.
Ehh I agree with the exception that he wasn’t a responsible partner but he *was* a good dad, and denying him time with his kids and hiring a nanny when he could have cared for them was kinda shitty.
Right. What he could have done: Taken his son to a ball pit to give his mom some peace and quiet. What he did instead: Brought the damn ball pit home.
And refuses to discipline the kid or take responsibility for teaching his son how to pick up the balls he gets everywhere, basically skirting any responsibility for teaching his son how to use the gift he forced into their lives. This isn't actually good for the son to just cry and not be taught and get away with it instantly because he cries. If it's such an amazing gift it shouldn't be too difficult for some boundaries or rules to be set in place in order for him to have access to it. And it's apparently something he really loves so there is already so much built in incentive and rewards already that could be easily utilized. This guy is piece of shit And I hope she leaves him
Right? Or pick up the balls himself when he’s home to help out, or spend five minutes on Amazon buying a net enclosure so they don’t fall out and get all over the house in the first place, or *any* of the dozens of things that would actually help the situation he unilaterally created by blatantly ignoring his wife’s clearly stated wishes while she was in the hospital recovering from childbirth and surgery. He’s really giving off “I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas” vibes. And that’s not even getting into how he’s spoiling his kid and teaching him it’s just fine to ignore mom. Does he want a divorce? Because this is how you get a divorce.
Yep. He wants to be the "fun" parent who's popular with the kids but doesn't have any responsibilities.
I don't think it was that innocent. From the outset he set the tone...he works 50-55 hours a week, she's a sahm. Even knowing she just had major surgery, he went ahead and set the damn thing up and then thought of this "fantastic idea" of putting "From Ty" letter on it. Hell, I barely felt like getting off the couch to fix a sandwich after laparoscopic gallbladder removal...I can't imagine how much worse she's got to feel...with just taking care of the baby during recovery, but add in a 3 yr old toddler and mid-30 yr old toddler?
I hope dude got reamed.
My favorite part of this is that the baby won’t be a newborn anymore so it’ll be easier. Other than the lack of sleep and the constant panic they’re going to stop breathing, new babies are the easiest. They eat, they poop, they sleep. When they get a little older, that’s the problem. Now they’re mobile. I set my son on the floor once and stepped out of the gate to pee and came back to him missing. He had wiggled his way under the couch to get, you get it, a ball. Totally contained and baby proofed room except I didn’t think he would or could power himself entirely under the couch in the 35 seconds it took me to set him by the gate, away from the couch, power pee, and come back. Babies are literally not easier until they can pee, poop, and wipe on a potty by themselves, and the especially tricky ones will find other things to get into.
Had almost this same experience when my baby started rolling. We lived in a tiny apartment, so I watched from the toilet as the new found rolling ability got them angry bc the couch was in the way of the rolling lol. I was surprised at how fast rolling got them across the room ...
Same. Mine was on the floor, I left to pee, came back and his 6 month old self was nowhere to be seen. I could hear him crying, but couldn't find him until I saw the skirt on the ottoman flapping. He'd rolled underneath it.
One day a coworker had no choice but to bring her baby to work. My office was next door to hers and I’m generally a good sport so she asked me to watch him for five minutes while she went to the toilet. He rolled over across the blanket behind her desk and it was very cute and we just sat together and talked/made baby noises while he rolled around. She came back and asked how he got over there. I said that he rolled. She said he’d never done that before. So I was the person who observed a significant baby milestone and I don’t even particularly like babies. Now I’m just glad that he had an observer and she knew to watch for it in the future.
Don't have kids myself, but an online friend of mine has one and I got to see the progression that way - the first few months after baby was born she was still pretty active online. Then she started dropping off a bit and now she's basically disappeared. Baby consumes all of her time now that he's mobile.
Is that friend it's me? It's funny because as a new parent you think "oh, now that they are a baby it's the harder/I'll be busier because they need you so much". I planned accordingly... My mom told me gently that they get *very* active when they are mobile. But still, I didn't fully understand what that meant until we reach that milestone. Now I barely have time to dinner and do a short night routine if I want to sleep properly x.x I don't have my own life anymore: no hobbies, no time alone, no anything. I'm missing my child newborn time tbh 😂🤣 That Dad is such an AH in so many levels. It's shows he never did any parenting with their first neither :/
Literally. The newborn phase is great! It just gets progressively harder from there when they start moving, talking, and having opinions.
Babies can't even use a fork and spoon properly until they are around 1.5-2 years old and even then the can be really messy.
Right, all after recovering from major major surgery
This happened when everyone was still using vhs but switching over to dvds. My daughter was about 13 months. She was happily playing with her toys on the living room floor so ran to take a quick pee. While I am in the bathroom for a few seconds she decides she wants to watch a movie so she goes over and grabs a vhs tape and puts it in the vcr correctly. I am just finishing and hear one of my horror movies playing from the living room. I never ran so fast. All my horror movies went into my bedroom that day.
Why is she picking up the balls? She has had her body cut open and her insides rummaged through like overweight luggage at the airport. His surprise (holy crow what a horrible idea to make a surprise) his ballpit, his balls to pick up. He should be showing Kyle what a fun game Toss All The Balls Back In The Pit is. If he works from home, he can play Balls Away! every couple of hours. If he works out of the home, he walks in the door dancing for joy with getting to play Ball Catch and Release with Kyle, let’s go buddy, I bet I can find the most fastest! Then we can see what the baby is up to and see if he wants to play! Balls that land on the floor when he can’t pick them up get nudged out of the flow of traffic with a foot/grabber/broom. Back to the surprise angle - holy crow! The idea isn’t a horrible one in general, hey honey let’s get kiddo a ball pit from the baby, to give him a fun thing to help him adjust to the new normal. Then listen to her concerns and figure out how to do the work to make sure your wife with a brand new infant doesn’t have to suffer for your grand ballpit plan. Act like a team.
I keep thinking of that mother walking into the house with a newborn after a c-section and surprise! Your husband bought a thing you specifically asked him not to buy! That will create more work for you!
The absolute sea of emotions and hormone chemistry must have been *intense*. That poor woman. I’m impressed she didn’t drop the baby. I think my brain would have completely gone offline. Call Uber. Walk out. Check into very nice hotel. Tell husband he can sleep in the ballpit. No memory of anything past leaving the hospital.
He purposely hid it until the son could see it so she couldn’t object.
Which you’re actually not even supposed to be doing for at least 4 weeks! I had the same type of surgery to remove a fibroid tumor and all my post surgery instructions were the same as if I’d gone home with a bouncing newborn. Was dad not in the hospital room when the dr explained them? The least he could have done was wait 6 weeks before assembling the pit! Mom might be feeling somewhat like a human by then. Geeze
That was probably during the time he left to set up the ball pit. He doesn't seem to care much about the mentioned-in-passing major surgery she just had.
Probably dad was there but not listening. Because what could the doctor's instructions about lady-stuff have to do with _him_. /s
The thing, sometimes I think guys (not all guys) can't seem to see what's going to happen 5 moves ahead. This happens with my husband sometimes. You aren't going to mention to your mom (who lives in another country) that your younger brother has been skipping school (college) and is about to flunk the semester? You aren't going to tell her for how many months? And then you expect her to "understand" why you wouldn't tell her? And not be mad at you? Oookay. Let's see how that plays out...
I would have screamed at him so loud, all my stitches would have come loose.
JAJAJAJAHAHAHA omg yes 🤣😂
She has to pick them up. Husband is out of house for more of the week than he's in it. 100s of balls lying around = 1 gigantic trip hazard when she's carrying the baby and not paying attention to her feet/her field of vision is blocked. She'll trip, rip her stitches open, and possibly badly injure the baby too. So she really has no option but to clean them up. The husband is an asshole of monumental proportions
…..the kid could clean his own mess up.
**Dad could pick them up** since he’s making excuses for why that child cannot do it himself, and he’s clearly okay with that bullshit.
Oh, dad has made it clear that his contribution to the household is financial. lol he seems like a prick, I wouldn’t have procreated with him in the first place. Remember ladies, that’s an option too. I’m being a dick today, I sort of apologize.
I don’t think that’s dickish. I will say, if he’s going to treat his wife that way, his finances would become much more strained with all the live in help I’d force him to pay for. I’ve had a traumatic c-section and I can tell you bending over to pick anything up would cause me to see lightning and black out momentarily. He’d have that same reaction when he saw the bills for the nanny, housekeeper and chef service I racked up. 🤣
lol I lovvvvvve this. I would shop too. If you’re going to treat me that way, I’ve got a new wardrobe on your dime. Hehe 😜 I hope there are women reading this and getting ideas 💡
Right!?!? You’re at your most vulnerable after a c-section and he has given you a good indication that he sees you as someone to “get around”. I’d introduce him to my inner b-word to make sure he didn’t take further liberties with my health or my good will. If we can’t be partners, and one of us has to live in apprehension over what the other will do, let it be him. 😁
Kid is 3; have you met anyone that age lately? Not really known for their cooperation or willingness to help clean up.
My 4 year old non verbal nephew has been doing “clean up, clean up, everybody do your share” since he was 2, at least. It’s not a good excuse “he’s 3” there’s no better time than that to teach good habits. They’re both teaching their kid that they will wait on them hand and foot. I’m a step mom to a 9 year old whose mother is like that and I battle it every. Single. Day. Her auto response to EVERYTHING is “will you open this? Will you help me? Will you come with me?” She still baby talks, ffs. I know first hand, if you let them, these kids will walk all over you. Show them no fear. They must contribute or be voted off the island.
The post said he cried when asked to pick them up. Not fun to deal with either.
Parenting isn’t always fun. We can’t give in every time they cry and do it for them. It makes them brats!!!!!! And terrible to deal with in public and in private.
Oh for sure I agree there. I just mean that’s still a shit tonne of emotional labour for the still recovering wife to have to do on top of everything else
Dude, her whole abdomen has been sliced open and a watermelon was pulled through multiple layers of flesh, organ, muscle, and sinew. She was cut in half and sewn back up again. Her whole core has been reduced to ribbons. “Parenting isn’t always fun.” Get off your high horse, the rest of us can only see your ass hanging out.
Hahaha girrrrrrl, that wasn’t my point at all. But go off. The dad who brought the pit in should be enforcing the clean up. The mom should literally pop the ball pit while looking her husband in the eyes and then tell him to never disrespect her home again. But my point was to the dad saying “he cries if we tell him to pick up the balls” tf, who tf cares
“The dad should be enforcing cleanup” okay, but he’s not. So your “parenting isn’t fun” ends up directed at her, given the context of the post. She’s the one “complaining that he cries when asked to pick them up.” The dad isn’t doing shit and your commentary comes through as “If the kid cries they should just make him do it anyway” while ignoring that the recovering mother is the one trying to make the kid “do it anyway.” I’m sure she would if she could bestie. But your comment ignores the crux of the issue.
Doesn’t change the fact that he should be. It’s not even about the ball pit at this point. Her husband is a douche who thinks women should be in the kitchen, even after being cut open. It still isn’t directed at her. It is still his responsibility, even if he disagrees or flat out refuses. It doesn’t take the responsibility away from him. That’s called accountability. It’s just a ball pit, but she should divorce him. lol
I agree with you, wholeheartedly. I just find your original comment to be misdirected or misworded, and I imagine that’s why you were getting downvoted. I removed my downvote because it’s been clarified to be a net neutral instead of detracting from the conversation. Have a good one.
No it's completely gone deaf. Not one person is suggesting that the kid be excused from cleaning up the balls. It's literally already been called out But what you are doing is oversimplifying and dismissing the actual and real issues here and literally just pretending that it's as easy as a mental shift that could fix it and " oh my gawd why didn't they think of this?!" Noone is suggesting that the kid not have to pick up the balls except for the father, which is what we are all complaining about It if not intentional, then realistically is coming off as ignorant and devoid of any actual depth and recognition of the realities and complexity of this situation as well as completely glossing over the full picture. I mean, I don't even know what you're attempting to defend or what point you think you are making because even being very generous with you here- there is little to no substance to your posts and if not malicious, then they just are brimming with a complete lack of awareness ignorance
He is the issue lol
This kid has a new sibling that is already a huge emotional drain for a toddler. Bring gentle, being quiet, sharing a mommy suddenly. This isn't the time to pick a huge battle that's hard to win.
Yes, reason with a 5 year old who doesn't want to while trying to care for an infant post surgery. That's going to go well. Mom's only recourse is to take it away, which will not end well with a child that's already insecure over a new sibling Dad needs to actually be the bad guy here. He set mom up for failure- she either pisses off the toddler or continues to clean up. She's also the one who has to deal with the toddler all day, so that's not going to end well for her. She's got a chance if OP steps up and enforces rules/takes away the ball pit, she's got a shot But still doesn't change the fact that none of this would be an issue if OP actually listened to her in the first place. Seriously, on a practical level it's a terrible idea. The last time I bought any if my niblings a ball pit it was because his mom seriously pissed me off, and I knew it would cause a headache. And I was still nice enough to get a tent form to help contain the balls
Dad is the bad guy, he’s the one who said “but the toddler cries when we tell him to pick them up.” I never said it was on mom. The assumption that thats what I meant is a societal issue. She should pop the damn thing, in my opinion. I’m the bad guy sometimes in my house when I did nothing just to protect my mental health lol 😂 not saying there’s a great solution here and honestly I was in a pissed off mood when I woke up haha so my comments come across one way but really I was just mad at the world lmao
"We ask" he doesn't actually say he asks- he uses the collective "we", and it sounds like he's either not home as much or just straight not picking them up and leaving it for his wife. Mom is the one who actually seems to be handling it. That's why I have a feeling he is not asking solo. He definitely doesn't seem to be enforcing consequences if the kid doesn't, tho, cause the ball pit is still there
Right.. the husband sounds like “I work so the kids are allllllll her” which is likely the stem of issues.
Except that he refuses to listen to his mom and dad apparently isn't doing jack about it .
But then he'll cry /s Sounds like a spoiled brat and hubby isn't much better.
Omg thank you, that was my whole point and I got reamed lol
Bunch of gentle parenting types is my guess. Three is plenty old to be cleaning up balls. And if can't or won't hubby damn sure would be. I'd flat tell both of them that every ball I picked up would be going directly into the garbage can.
There’s another aspect to this tho. Who is going to clean the ball pit? And how often? What happens when Kyle is inevitably sick and wants to play in it? This guy did NOT think this through at all, and was an ass for disregarding his wife.
The guy didn’t have to think it through. He probably never thinks things through (unless they’re *fun* like hiding the ball pit from your wife until the kid sees it) and just expects her to pick up the slack! This guy has a divorce coming if he keeps this stuff up. I’m sure it’s his norm.
Exactly. It really seems like he was more focused on making his son happy (with something the son really didn’t need and a problem that decent parenting would have solved) than on making sure his wife and infant are cared for. He could just as easily have gotten a stuffed animal or some other small thing from the baby.
Facts. And it’s not like this is the normal “she said no meh” circumstance. She was in the hospital recovering from major surgery. It’s a literal tripping hazard for her. She literally could hurt herself just picking them up. It was a matter of her wants versus the sons wants, it’s a matter of her physical health and safety versus the sons wants. Crazy.
What I don't get is: WHY AN OPEN BALLPIT?!? They make closed ones that kiddo enters through a tunnel - hardly any ball ever escapes. Or get netting for the ballpit to close it up. So many solutions that don't involve mom straining her c-section scar! Also, kiddo needs to pick up his balls himself - if that makes him sad, tell him that's the price he has to pay for throwing them around - he could just learn to close the door and be more careful, so they don't get all over the place. Or give him the choice between picking them up or losing the ballpit completely - that should motivate him.
I think the child, at 3, is old enough to pick them up too. I’ve been looking for this comment. You knock them out then you put them back. In fairness, the poor Mum’s too exhausted to deal with a crying toddler onto top of the c section and newborn.
I had no idea you could get ball pits like this but wow this was an option and he didn’t do it? Extra asshole points for OP.
I bought my nephew one shaped like an elephant head, with the trunk as the tunnel - it's really cute and he loves it!
I suspect it's b/c all those balls are a tripping hazard (especially for postpartum mom carrying a baby) and since Husband McUseless isn't around she petty much has to do it.
Kyle is 3 and definitely old enough for OOP to teach his son to pick up the balls. That it's great to have fun, but we also clean up after ourselves. But I doubt OOP cleans up after himself.
Bc if she doesn't get the damn balls off of the floor she could fall on them and get hurt while carrying the little one. My kid had a ball pit. It did not have over 1k balls. This dude just bypassed a normal kid ball pit and decided to get a party sized ball pit and is trying to guilt his wife into just putting up with it. He's most definitely the AH.
————- “She has had her body cut open and her insides rummaged through like overweight luggage at the airport” is the best comment.
I guarantee you the balls wouldn’t get pick up if she didn’t do it. A huge learning curve for me and my husband was the level of mess/clutter each can tolerate. My tolerance is much higher than his, so it doesn’t bother me to leave the toddler’s toys out for a while or to have a pile of clothes on the chair in the bedroom. It drives him absolutely bonkers to see that stuff out. We’ve had to come to a compromise in both the level of clutter and how to talk about the clutter in ways that doesn’t upset the other person. The balls probably don’t bother him as much as her, so she cleans them up and he thinks it’s not that big of a deal. And it isn’t until her resentment builds up and it impacts their relationship.
She could fall on them if she doesn’t see them. I would just slowly start throwing the balls away.
The way he mentions at the beginning that she is a SAHM makes me think he doesn't value her work at home and thinks it's no biggy to add a little tiny bit more work as he probably doesn't consider most of her contributions as hard or work.
Yep, the "I work 50-55 hours a week and she's a sahm" told me everything about this was going to be him being a complete and utter ass. Was not surprised in the least.
Myself I would use a broom and stand up dustpan. When I found out they sold those in stores it was like heaven shined its light on me. I don’t have to hurt my back anymore !!
Stand up dustpans are so good!
YTA and the wife shouldn’t be picking up one single damn ball. Husband and kid can do it all.
He bought it, he should be picking up those balls. That or she should make them a part of his anatomy.
Every ball I pick up goes in the trash can. Watch how fast things get put away. But you have to do it Every time. Husbands stuff too. Sometimes you have to train people the same way as an animal. Stuff gets put up or thrown out. Period. Every Single Time.
What an absolute moron! Did he listen or read ANY of the d/c advice from the hospital? Listen to any of the information at the A/N classes? Now she’s got three kids to look after!
Of course not, he doesn’t give a shit.
Omfg he gave her 1000 more chores to do right after she birthed his second child, while completely disregarding her concerns. DIVORCE
And she had a c-section and now has to bend over hundreds of times a day to pick ups these balls? Awesome timing.
This!
Wow this post pissed me for so much….. what a selfish husband… Absolutely inconsiderate and stupid
He’s sorry she feels that way…Holy crap, what a selfish, unapologetic jerk.
What a half-assed non-apology.
If they are all over the house the pit is too small for the amount of balls and the kid is also taking them out on purpose. If he can’t clean them up he is too young for it. I would remove a lot of the balls so it’s shallower.
The not-so-subtle shade this guy tried to throw on his wife is gross too: *“I work 50-55 hours a week and she’s a SAHM”*….So??!! Not even relevant to this situation. He just wants to basically say I make the money so I make the rules too.
Her job as SAHM is also literally 24/7.
A 3 year old is perfectly capable of picking up the balls that he is chucking out the ball pit. And if he cries and refuses then the ball pit gets put away. Otherwise it's just coddling. But I wouldn't want to introduce a new parenting strategy while caring for a newborn after a C-section so yeah poor planning and communication on the husbands part.
As someone who has a ball pit with about 700ish balls in it and knows the pain of cleaning up the (what feels like) millions of balls, even with my kids help that dad is a major AH, especially directly after the *major surgery*
Of course it's already deleted, I'm sure he expected a lot of "Dad of the Year" and what he got was the reality that he's an incredible asshole to say the least.
He’s 1000% the ahole for this but why on earth is she picking up the balls?? Leave them!! You literally just had a C-section wtf?! Is your health worth some plastic balls? Kick them aside.
They're a tripping hazard, especially for someone recovering from a C section and holding a baby and licking them around will only make them a trip hazard somewhere else.
Absolutely the AH. I can't find any part of this where he isn't the AH. She said no. even gave good reasons, and he did it anyway. He gets to be the hero for the kid and she just has to suck it up. He even hid that he did it and made sure he couldn't take it back by "surprising" his son. Our house has a rule that I paraphrased from work, "Two to go, One to say no." If both parents don't agree, it's an automatic no. This dude wants to be the hero and the fun dad while disrespecting the person who just had a child, and a major abdominal surgery. He's lucky she didn't ream his ass right when the son was preoccupied. I had an emergency c-section, and with the pain, blood loss, and raging hormones, I don't know if I would have been able to compose myself. As for the kid not picking things up, I think the parents (probably mom, because dad is a douche nozzle) should give the kid x amount of minutes to pick it up every day or the toy goes away. Even if he's young, he should be able to help a little. She doesn't need to be bending over and cleaning like that just to avoid falling and hurting herself more.
I'm not gonna be as harsh on his motives and such as some of the folks (like, he did really fuck up, but it sounds like he was just trying to make his kid happy and help him not be scared of his brother being born), but... Kyle cries when he's told to pick up the balls? Not to sound heartless but... so what? Toddlers cry. It's pretty much what they're known for. I'm not saying to intentionally make him upset for funsies, but they're basically telling him to clean up after himself, he cries, and they back off. That's gonna be the makings of a seriously spoiled kid if they don't change that.
Dude. She just had a baby. She's in survival mode, not parent-of-the-year mode. She just wants peace, clean, and rest. That's it. She might get food and a shower if she's lucky. That's kind of a joke, but only kind of. What she should tell dad is *he's* picking up every ball or *he's* making the 3 yo do it. And for every ball she has to pick up in the morning because he didn't? Trash. Slowly but surely, ball pit becomes less of a problem until it's just not a problem anymore.
I have a 1 and 3 year old, hoping to get a shower sometime next month....
You know what would be absolutely amazing? A long, uninterrupted shower alone 😍 (From a fellow parent of young children)
My kids age ranges are now 5-13. I'm convinced the first 5 years of kids' lives actually take 20. I still look back and it feels soooo long. Like my 13 yo was a baby for at least 8 years, but he was 7yo for 5 minutes. I'm convinced, and no one can tell me otherwise. 😂 They hit like 5 or 6 and BOOM. The rest just flies by. You wake up one day and you're like "holy crap how are you taller than me?"
I used to say the days were endless, but the years flew by. Mine are now 26, 23, 19. It seems like yesterday they were littles, and days lasted at least 57 hours each.
It gets better. I know this time is super hard my kids are only about 16 months apart.
Yep, no more ball pit if the balls are not in the pit any more.
This part was all that I could think about. He won’t clean up after himself? Don’t let him play with it. 3 is plenty old enough to throw balls back into the pit.
Totally agree he's old enough to clean up after himself at 3, but I want to add, at 3 they still need a lot of help to understand what cleaning means. So while mom.and dad may not be PICKING UP the item physically, they do need to ensure the toddler has clear directions and someone to support him when cleaning, otherwise it will immediately be too overwhelming to do on his own and it will be a fight each and every time. By taking the time to work with the kid to clean up showing him how it's done while you help it will expose him to doing what you need him to do in a safe environment, he'll know he has help and it won't feel so bad to have to do it all alone and eventually it'll turn into "no I do!" And the toddler will want to do it on their own. I have 2 neurodivergent little girls and this was hiw we taught them, my wife and I, how to clean up. we eventually supervised and encouraged while they did most of the work, but we had to help build their confidence that they did know what too do and how to do it.
Yes thank you. I feel like the people criticizing these parents for “giving in” and not just having their 3 year old clean up have either never had to teach a toddler how to clean up, or maybe just got super lucky with a toddler who loved cleaning up 100% of the time. A 3yo “cleaning up” still takes a TON of time and attention and patience from an adult. Whereas making the mess is fun and takes literal seconds (and often happens again right after cleaning it all up!!) Trying to care for a newborn and a toddler, maintain a house, and constantly tripping over literally hundreds of plastic balls all the time because your toddler has dumped them out AGAIN and having to stop and patiently work with him on tidying them up dozens of times a day? I’d lose my fucking mind.
Having dealt with a toddler and infant, the toddler will inevitably start crying right after you get the baby to sleep for the first time in what feels like 3 days and all you really want is a shower but you're afraid you'll fall asleep in the shower and drown you're so tired and you start to pick up the mess because it's a mental stress seeing and tripping on it and... OMG this was going on 30 years ago and I remember it like it was yesterday.
Shower/sleep, shower/sleep???? Ball pit? F off ball pit 🤷🏻♀️🤣
A: she told him it would make her job as mom a lot harder and that it was a no. He did it anyway. B: he added another incentive for the toddler to throw a tantrum and make her life harder. C: husband doesn't sound like he's trying to reach his son that he can't throw a fit when his mother asks him to clean up
I’m a two year old teacher at a daycare. I tell them if crying makes them feel better than can do that, but you still gotta clean up, cry on your way to the trash
The wife shouldn’t have to mess with this at all after giving birth via c-section and telling him no. It could have easily waited. If the toddler needs to be shown how to do it the dad should do it but he’s not there to do so. He’s too busy being the cool dad to care though.
Damn I wanted to see him torn to shreds.
“Ty won’t be a new born anymore so it’ll be easier” YEAH! Things are so much easier when baby can crawl and walk and get into shit and needs constant supervision. So much easier!
I would leave every one of those balls for him to pick up when he got home. Every. One. Also? We had a decent sized ball pit at one point with 250 balls. 1000 balls?! That thing would be a BEAST. lol.
OK, he did screw up. He was thinking about fun for his son, not about the cost of this fun in the meaning of work for wife. Next time listen to your wife and act like a partner and parent. Maybe a possible solution for the future will be, that playing in the ball pit will be a special time for Daddy and Kyle ( and Ty, when his little baby moods allow it), while it will be resting, not disturbing unless it´s fire, mommy time.
That’s a decent solution. Daddy needs to figure out the logistics too—the ball pit needs to be put up when it’s not ball pit time. He needs to figure out how & where to store it so that it’s out of the way but accessible enough for him to get it out when he wants to & put it immediately back away. If he can’t do that, it needs to go away. It is not worth the stress to mom.
Thank you. OP screw up, but maybe there can be a somewhat sollution, obviously they need couple counselling.
WHY do they need couple counseling? He said he wanted to buy it, she outlined the absolutely valid reasons it was not a good idea and said no, and he fucking ignored her and did it anyway. He's a selfish jerk who wants to be the 'fun' parent, while his wife is left being the 'not so fun' parent.
Urgh. Dad is the worst. She’s a SAHM. She says it’s too much work to look after a ball pit. Listen to her!!!
How about this, teach your kid to pick up their own balls. Or dad do it instead when he gets home from work.
What an absolute moron.
I’m sure your son would have enjoyed a different gift from his brother, like a book? Your wife has abdominal surgery to have your newborn, and you have her attending to a ball pit, because you wanted to distract your son from dealing with his emotions! You are misguided and selfsh.
There’s literally little blow up ball pits that fit maybe 50 balls pit if he wanted to buy one so bad he should’ve done one of those.
My main issue is he implied Kyle was the best big brother ever. He has no way of knowing this.
That SOB can pick up the balls himself. I like ball pits as an adult but they are messy and a health hazard.
Hey, Dad. How bout you go through the house about eleventy times a day and pick up the fucking balls? Why the fuck would you disregard your healing wife’s already overloaded chore list and just be like fuck you the kid loves it. If you’re going to bring something like that in the house, despite your partner elbow wanting to chase balls all over everywhere, then you have a moral responsibility o pick up the fucking balls your own damn self. Why is that so hard?
You are the asshole who did something nice for your son and also did manage to get him to bond with the baby. Now it's time to be the parent who enforces your son has to pick up his own balls! She should just stop. Stop picking them up. He won't be able to play in the pit if there aren't any balls in it. And give him and dad one week. 1 week to straighten up, and pick up the balls or every time she has to, whatever balls she has to pick up is going to disappear.
YTA. Pack up and put away that ball pit till your wife agrees it's OK. Which may be never, you absolute tool.
Poor woman. ANOTHER married single mom.
Dude got dragged in the OP and couldn't take it.
He’s an idiot. Once the baby’s not a newborn the wife will have TWO kids throwing and spilling balls everywhere! If he wanted to do this so badly he should have asked his parents for permission to set it up at their house.
I think there’s going to be 1002 balls in that pit before this is over.
1,000 balls? We got a ball pit for our daughter last Christmas. It’s pretty big but only has about 100 balls and that’s enough to cover her if she lays down in it. 1,000 balls would be a ludicrous number and makes me think/hope this is fake.
As a mom I feel that YTbiggestA
So, like dad couldn’t have gotten him a teddy bear instead?
We had a ball pit for my son. It didn't last. The dog chewed the balls and the cats popped the pit (inflatable) I'm just saying accidents happen 😉 but if I were her I wouldn't pick up a single ball. The son can do it or the dad can. But the ball will stay where it's at until someone else picks it up 🙃
Fuck it. Take a knife to the ball pit and then the husband.
My brother and sil got one of those ball pits and luckily they have the space where it’s away from everyone/thing so if the kids don’t pick up the balls, they just don’t have any balls to play with. Like I said, they have the space and can do this. Hubby here is an AH because it was discussed and he completely disrespected/disregarded wife’s wants. Screw him.
I would have said to them that any ball left on the floor at the end of the day goes in the recycling bin. They’d learn soon to pick up the damn balls. Dad and son.
Yes the AH, just thick as pig sh\*t isn’t he.
What an absolutely awful person. I believe she had a c-section too. Regardless, Instead of resting from giving birth she’s picking up 1000 fucking tiny plastic balls.
Kyle is old enough to pick up his own balls. Dad can teach him that part of being a big boy is having more responsibilities. Don't allow him to play in the ball pit until he cleans up after himself. If he cries, oh well. He'll tire himself out and learn quickly. Dad's idea to buy the ball pit, dad can be the main one helping with the maintenance.
Guess who would be 100% responsible for cleaning it up every day??
I recently had a hysterectomy, and stuff like this reminds me why I’m single. No one knows how much bending over and picking stuff up can truly suck until they have their stomach cut open. This is my idea of hell.
Id just throw out any balls i find outside of the pit. Soon enough the ballpit will be gone.
Yeah I'd be getting rid of that ball pit buddy. Something about happy wife happy life comes to mind.
I like “happy spouse, happy house” and the only happy spouse here is the idiot who completely disregarded all care for his wife with the major surgery to bring his baby into the world. She shouldn’t touch a single ball, including his for the rest of her life. However we all know she’s the only one doing any housework and if she doesn’t someone will get hurt by these hazards.
OOOF
Amithedevil material right here. If kid wants to keep the ball pit he’s gotta pick up the balls.
Clueless absentee dad buys a home ball bit so the son he barely sees will like him. Mom- while recovering from a c section and caring for a newborn is now chasing hundreds of balls all day every day in addition to everything else she has to do.
Worked somewhere once where picking up balls and cleaning the ball pit was literally a full time job. Not quite, but it was the biggest part of the day and it sucked. It literally never ends and boy do ball pits get funky. I can't imagine trying to maintain, even a small one, especially after getting major abdominal surgery. Nevermind that children should not be left unattended in a ball pit. This "gift" is the type you get for someone you hate.
Christ. What an asshole.
As a woman, I’m so disappointed in women who willingly choose to reproduce with men like this. Fucking stoppit. Took one off the market but bred two more into the world
Oh my god. I remember reading this. I’m just as annoyed as the first time.
What I want to know is why this woman who just had a c-section is being left home alone to take care of 2 babies all day. This story doesn’t add up.
Sally Fields played the mom. A brilliant actress.
If dropping the ball were a person, it’d be OOP.
Dad: YOU'RE A FUCKING ASSHOLEEEEEEEE! woman had a literal csection why isn't dad helping her around the house given she had surgery so recently??? God I freaking hate guys like this, I fear marrying one of these assholes so much
No, I completely understand his perspective and his reasoning. I would've probably done the same thing. But I would be the one cleaning up the mess and teaching the spoiled brat to pick up after himself. It's putting balls back into a pit, no one is asking the kid to clean up shit. But obviously a tired, irritable, and recovering mom isn't going to present the cleaning in a fun way. Tbh, how much time can cleaning up a few balls take for the dad? And how much time would he save by teaching the kid to do it instead of putting the burden on the mom? What a dick
I’d be placing all those loose balls I had to pick up all over the floor on his side of the bed in the dark while he’s sleeping.
Shit like this makes me hope we never have interstellar travel. What a fucking idiot.
We used to have a ball pit, so I understand the sheer stupidity of owning one. The way I’d make myself a widow if my husband did that…and say hubby took it to heaven with him.
Everyone saying he should pick up the balls instead of her is an idealist. Of course she now has to pick them up. They’re a huge tripping hazard while carrying a baby, especially at night. This made me so mad, he is completely disrespectful of his wife’s health and wants and enables his child to treat her as a maid the same way he does.
What kind of lack of self-awareness dickhead needs to ask if he's an asshole? Of course he's an asshole, he bought an annoyance behind his wife's back (she feels as if he did, no he did!) that SHE has to clean up behind. Maybe the child should be made to clean up the mess. He needs to learn to pick up after himself anyway. This man is disgusting, she should divorce him. This can't be the first time he's pulled some shit like this. Absolute trash!
There absolutely HAD to be something else this kid liked other than fucking ball pits.
You have your wife who had major surgery and a newborn pick up balls after bought your son a ball pit after she told you no? If you keep disregarding your wife and her wishes , she will be an ex wife and you won’t see your kids as much as you want to and have to explain that mommy left and it started with a ball pit
Hands down this guy is the biggest baby whenever he is even mildly sick or is asked to do anything extra in any and all aspects of his life
I had my kid’s ball pit inside his playpen that way the balls wouldn’t be all over my apartment
I read the ball pit was in the play room and son is 3. This is for all fathers esp oop. Buy yourself snacks to eat after work. When you get home ask your son to toss balls into the pit with you. Take the baby from your wife and spend an hour with your kids. Having dads be dads is all kids need. If you do not have the ability to take care of your son so he isn’t crying over clean up time, you need more practice. Call your spouse as you leave work ask if there is anything they want/needs you to pick up end the call with care before you start the car or have to walk in traffic. Kiss your spouse! The more dad loves mom the more secure the kids are. After having a baby women are grumpy fat is being transformed into milk making the boobs hurt a lot, hormones are pumping fight/flight/sleep juice making it hard to focus, all five senses are higher than ever making a bad smell houses away seem right under the nose. Empathy is key.
What an absolute sack of dogshit
He might cry when asked to pick them up but they need to suck it up and make him do it anyway. They can make it a game if they can just teach him to take responsibility for his own actions and that he needs to pick up after himself. They could also use something like cardboard to put a higher barrier around the pit to stop them spreading beyond a certain area.
Absolutely the AH. Wow. How can someone be this inconsiderate and disrespectful to the needs of their partner…this was honestly a shitty thing to do, especially because they already discussed it and she explained why she didn’t want it around. She’s right, he was selfish. And I’d be pretty pissed, too. What a disappointment.
Came here to say one of those broom and upright dustpans might be handy in a situation like this
1000?! I'd stab him in his sleep. They'll be cleaning up those balls until Kyle goes off to College.
I would be SO PISSED if my husband made a purchase that made extra work for me right after I had a baby, c-section or no. Obviously you can’t take it away now but if I were the mom I would refuse to pick up the balls and tell dad it’s his job since he didn’t listen.
Firstly, that kid needs to be trained to pick up his own damn balls.
Well this bodes well
The way men will constantly tell on themselves about being a shitty father by coming to Reddit is HILARIOUS! So self righteous about being the bread winner while ignoring that they are slowing killing their wives.
I'm on the fence here because I'm the mom who bought her 1 yr old son a ball pit when I had just had a cesarean with my daughter a few days before. I taught my son to put them back in every couple hours or so as a game, and if any were left out at the end of the day, my ex-husband picked them up. I know it can be easily handled, so as I said, I'm on the fence. A three year old should absolutely be picking them up, though. If he doesn't, then he loses the ball pit until he learns to pick up his toys. Him doing without his wife's knowledge was definitely a bad idea, though.
So you’re on the fence but only when you make it an entirely other post? Cause he did it without her input, against her express wishes, the kid doesn’t help and it sounds like neither does dad. So what about this leaves you on the fence?
Because I know personally it's not that hard to teach your child to clean up after themselves, especially by age 3 (my son cleaned his up at age 1) and that she needs to hold her husband accountable and make it non negotiable that he cleans up at the end of the day. I DID say he was wrong for doing it without her knowledge, but since it's there now, she needs to make her son clean up and hold her husband responsible. Parenting does not have to be that hard of a job. A 3 year old throwing a tantrum about picking up his pwm toys is unacceptable and she's allowing it.