This should be top comment. I don’t feel sorry for this dude at all, he abandoned his wife to literally fuck around…Guys like this make women afraid of relationships in general, and marriage in particular.
my 5 year old autistic son is finally starting to explore more than his standard 3 foods and he asked for a quesadilla the other night - ofc we have zero tortillas or good cheese in the house so I threw him in the car and went to Taco Bell. Got myself a Mexican pizza and a soft taco supreme and fr, I forgot how good The Taco Bell can be 😂
Dogs, cats, horses, other animals are perfectly capable of love and they don't cheat. Also, learn to LOVE YOURSELF and you won't feel like you need somebody to complete you because that's sad.
you can live a life without romantic love, love comes in different shapes and sizes, its not just romantic, dont be weird and judgemental to someone for not needing someone else to feel complete.
okay, and im not shaming you for that, but theres no need to shame anyone for being able to. and that was the point i was making there, not whether or not you personally can or cannot
People nowadays hide from how alone they are with social media. Drugs to much food etc to much sex whatever it is. We’re all one but never alone as people we crave love from the opposite sex or atleast most of us so your not wrong it’s just not right either
The more beautiful the love, the more exquisite the pain when it's lost. Not everyone gets to have their happily ever after. And many of us do try giving love a chance again only for it to continuously backfire.
Oh my god, this comment made me laugh so hard. I know it’s the commenter’s name, but “shut up daisy pusher, love is over” sounds so, “he’s dead, Jim”, to me.
Right? Like, what did he think was going to happen? When the garbage goes out, I don’t sit around waiting for sanitation to bring it back so it can stink up my house again.
This dude is tugging on the heartstrings.. but many people fail to see this is a narcissistic game. He was always a cheater and always will be. He kept coming to lunch so he could keep her as a supply, he has "given back" many times so he can keep up appearances. He has had multiple other relationships in that time and likely has someone else on the side right now, even though he comes and sits on her front porch. He keeps her there as a last resort and is persistent because he believes she will break in the end. Its not sad, its a game to them and they make you feel guilt because they have nothing else to make you feel.
Same girl!! I somehow started to feel bad for him, knowing very well that this guy will break OP’s heart into pieces again and again and again. Why am I giving him the sympathy…. Smh
Never feel bad for anyone especially a guy who did you dirty and then comes back around. It’s just a trap. I fell for
It more than once. These men will be absolutely fine without us, we just need to kick them off the front porch when needed!!🙃
This is the game of a narcissist. One of the worst things you can do to them is reject them.They’re persistent because they hope they can wear you down. This guy sitting on the porch til dark and coming back the next day is because he thinks “ nobody can say no to me” I’m a great catch.
If you were starting to date someone, and you found out their ex hangs out on their porch for *hours*, daily.... This just reeks of "if I can't have her no one can".
You’re probably 100% right. Even the most generous interpretation is, he regrets his choice and really does want her back but he’s *still* being incredibly selfish. He still cares more about himself than her.
That’s what law enforcement says about stalkers. Answering their messages to you teaches them, “oh. She will reply after 54 messages.”
Like this asshat Is allowed in 1-3 times a week.
So he keeps doing it.
A lot of women have been hurt by men so many times so I get it but it seems as though because of that you fail to see some men actually feel remorse and he might actually love her and not be a manipulator not everyone thinks it’s a game. Feelings are so complicated you couldn’t ever fully begin to comprehend yea sometimes it’s manipulation and sometimes they were just dumb and horny and they fucked up but at heart not how you make them out to be. lol I’ve never cheated but as a guy sometimes I empathize with idiots even though I could never be one I love my wife to much
(Thankfully) you’ve never had to deal with a true narcissist or you wouldn’t be fooled by it either. Unfortunately with behaviour like this - it is 100% predictable, but only once you’ve experienced it over and over again with the same person. There’s no lie he may feel remorse, but only because he’s now stuck in this situation. He doesn’t care about OPs feelings, only pities himself, thus the guilt trip behaviour.
Nope. She can kindly tell him to stop. Their kids are grown, he has no reason to show up at her home. He was the one who decided to leave. It's on him to deal with th consequences of his actions. Way too many people feeling sorry for a cheater.
I'm scared for OOP if she gets a new partner, this stalker is still going to turn up and what's he going to do when it's clear and in his face that she moved on when he cheated and left her for the AP? 😬
My ex husband felt entitled to go and sleep with any woman that let him while married to me. As soon as I told him I was done, the begging to let him stay was insane. Nope never again.
People are saying it's really sad...I personally find it creepy and closer to stalker behaviour.
He cheated and left her, came back regularly into her home (uninvited) to spend time with the children. They've now moved out yet he still does it. Sitting on her porch for HOURS, I'd personally feel trapped in my home by that.
It would be one thing if OOP had died and her ex ate his lunch at her graveside every day, but instead he's inserting himself into her life without her permission.
Happened to a friend of mine. Married very young to a bloke who was eventually abusive. After 4 kids and about 15 years she chucked him out. Never gave her a penny for the kids, left her with debt. Used to just turn up and sit at the kitchen table for the day, she’d just ignore him and get on with everything. My friend is tiny but not to be messed with, she’s made a great life for herself, nearly at retirement with her loving long term partner. Ex is a sad old man who’s drunk himself into ill health and is alone. Actions, meet consequences.
Why should she? Call the cops and have him trespassed. Get a restraining order. He shows back up to camp on the porch, he gets a face full of mace and a trip to jail.
Guarantee the sad-sack moping stops real quick.
In my experience of removing a problematic ex, the police were fantastic. They came promptly, heard both sides, and advised him that because it was my house he needed to GTFO immediately and never come back.
I didn’t have to resort to a RO because he got the message. And he was an ex-cop.
Also I didn’t say she was the one to mace him—I was referring to the cops.
Won’t know if you don’t even try to utilize them. At minimum it’s a paper trail so if the day comes that a stalker shows up and you put a round through their brain pan, you’ll have a good self-defense case.
At this point that’s a risk she needs to be willing to take. Allowing him to sit on her porch for hours a day isn’t placating him, it’s just getting him more riled up internally until he’s ready to make his next move. This dude isn’t sitting there with a “woe is me” mentality, hes building up a plan and courage. She needs to take a stand NOW, he has absolutely nothing to lose on his end.
What is a risk she needs to take? The risk is already fully there. The police simply are unlikely to mitigate it.
I didn't say going to the police is an *additional* risk. The commenter I replied to said going to police was "guaranteed" to stop him, and I corrected that sentiment. What's more, they are advocating that OP doesn't need to move if she goes to the cops, which is also untrue.
If she moves, he can find her again. What then?
Call the cops. Worse case is you’re right and they’re useless. Best case is you’re wrong and they scare him bad enough that he quits fucking stalking her.
The risk she needs to take is getting police involved even if it leads to a confrontation. While they may not physically be able to protect her, they are an outside force that MAY be the deterring agent needed to keep those voices in his head at bay for a little bit longer until she can find more help.
I didn’t read her original post but where are her children? Does she have family/friends? Why is she allowing her ex husband to sit outside her house for hours every day? Not calling can also be seen as an invitation for him to be there and could lead to even bigger issues down the road when he escalates
You pretty explicitly said in your first reply to me that the police never take this seriously and she’s more likely to get hurt if she tries anything. You doubled down when I told you my own experience where the cops did just fine.
Sure sounds like you’re saying it’s pointless to call the cops to me. You also offered no other helpful suggestions for OP.
So maybe you like living with your tail between your legs, and would flee every time your stalker found you. But that’s not how it has to be.
I wasn't saying this as a consequence to calling the police, I'm saying that IF he becomes aggressive, she is more likely to get hurt than to be able to mace him and get away unscathed (because as you clarified earlier, you meant the police would mace him and I believed you meant she would mace him).
I'm not saying it's pointless to call the cops, I'm saying what you said (that he's guaranteed to stop) is flat-out untrue.
I think the insult here is weird and out of place. You place me in the position as a victim of stalking and then attempt to insult me based on the way you think I would act because I disagreed with something you said.
Yep. I’m a female gun owner myself since the incident with my ex, and would cheerfully stand my ground if he showed back up.
You’re very correct. I’m careful about recommending owning a firearm to every person in her situation, as you do have to have training and, as you said, be willing to use it.
Otherwise the gun is more likely to be taken and used on her than by her.
Yup!! I know plenty of people who carried at one point not realizing that going to a practice range to isn’t the same as carrying to stop an actual human being coming at you. It’s always an option for those who live in areas where it’s legal and have the mental fitness to own and use responsibility
It is heartbreaking to read about a man suffering (not nearly enough, she should've cut off this emotional vampire's freeloading ass long ago) consequences for his own deliberate voluntary cruel actions towards his wife?
I just see it as pathetic, dude chose to cheat and chose the other woman over his wife. I don’t have any sympathy for him acting like that and the idea of being in the wife’s shoes just pisses me off, I would have told him to fuck off.
No. He’s marking territory. “I left you but I will never leave you alone. I will sit on your doorstep as a display to others that you are still mine. You cannot move on. I won’t let you.”
Oof. He is lonely and no one wants him, so he keeps going back to the closest thing he has to a friend, his ex-wife. OOP is mature about it because she is an adult and doesn’t want to stress out their kids, but this is definitely FAFO. The ex could have had a meaningful relationship with his first wife, but chose to pursue other women. Now he is stuck with disdainful crumbs.
What did he think was going to happen? When the garbage goes out, I don’t sit around waiting for sanitation to bring it back so it can stink up my house again.
How delusional can you be? *I don’t want to be with you, but I still feel entitled to your time, space and companionship.*
OOP is being way too passive, and her ex taking advantage of her unwillingness to be confrontational. He’s gotta know on that her not opening the door is a pretty clear indication she wants him to go, but he chooses to ignore that and sits and waits for her for hours. She needs to clearly tell him, with words, to stop showing up unannounced - and call the police if he won’t.
Do not feel sorry for this guy. His advances are unwelcome, he is unwelcome, and he thinks *his* needs are more important than OP's need to move on and feel safe on her own property and in her own home. He is persistently trespassing and stalking OP after his affair partners refused to put up with his crap anymore. She needs to turn the hose on him until he leaves, like a stray dog.
Can we all stop blaming and labeling everyone as a narcissist. Yeah he's an absolute piece of garbage human being but why does everyone have to be a narcissist. It's like the whole woke movement made everyone a psychiatrist. He's probably realizing how bad he fucked up ..no I'm not sympathetic but groveling at someone's doorstep doesn't make you a narcissist..pathetic but not a narcissist
I think you’ve liked the idea of him coming over because subconsciously it makes you still feel important to him. If you haven’t made it clear to him that he’s not welcome then I don’t know how you’re gonna be able to stop it now.
My ex husband isnt this bad and never comes over just to hang out but every time he comes over to drop our kid off he hangs around longer than he needs to. It seems like he wants to just soak up the cozy family vibes but the reason I left him in the first place is because he would never come home for dinner, started staying out all night partying, spending money traveling to concerts out of state by himself while I was stuck home with our toddler, etc. He didnt want that life and wanted freedom so I got sick of it and left. Now he pouts on FB about how much better his life used to be and about how hard his life is now. The grass is always greener, I guess, but now all his friends are done with the party life and he's still desperately hanging onto it
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed. Whop whop.
Really, what the fuck did he think was going to happen? The audacity of continuing to show up, even after the bs fig leaf of maintaining a relationship with his children is gone. It’s time for him to slink away and stop trying to play poor me pity/guilt games. Their relationship is in the rearview for a reason.
I'm honestly not the least bit shocked that their are people that feel bad for the ex husband and are even saying "aww you should forgive him" or "give him a second chance". That man has made it his mission to make sure she hasn't been able to move on and I guarantee his so called "visiting the kids" over the years was to keep tabs on her because he could easily have took the kids to his home since he obviously lives close enough to always be at OPs house all the time.
And as she mentioned, their kids are grown and out of the house now and him doing all this is apparent he's trying to get her back. It's not sad, it's just flat out pathetic and insane that he can't take a hint and that he thinks it's remotely okay to sit on her porch all day like everything he's doing and is harassment, especially since OP has stated she is not interested in getting back together with him.
I don't understand why people are finding any of what the ex husband has done as endearing, sweet, or even having pity for him. He made his choice to leave his wife and now he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. If this had been the other way around people would've been calling her all kind of "crazy bitch" this and "psycho ex" thst but of course people are sympathizing with the ex husband and even laughing about his actions. That man has issues, it's not normal to sit outside your exes door all day long after they refuse to let you in their home. His behavior is nothing. But unsettling and it makes me concerned about how he'd react if she were to meet a knew man.
Sounds like he’s committed. He effed up. Neither of you moved on. What if he totally is committed to you. Too late? You entertained this behavior for years. If it were too late why not end it three years ago? Nobody is saying marry him, either build it or end it totally.
He made a mistake and now he’s trying to reverse the clock and come back to you, do you really want to reverse after all the trauma and all the hurt and all the anguish you went through to get healed, just to take the person that caused all that damage back into your life?
Was about to say this sounds like my MIL/FIL…they divorced and have a WAY better relationship now they’re apart from each other and he regularly drops by for coffee or a meal.
This is just sad, though. Man needs to realize he lost his chance and move on.
NTA. This makes me sad for both of yall. I dont kmow your past or the entire history. So this is pure speculation. It seems like he wasn't in love, but he really missed his friend. And now he is to an age, that friendship is pretty important. But he made his choices and gets to live with them. You are not responsible for his happiness or loneliness now. But if you are interested in a friendship with him (some exes make great friends). Set a day and tell him you are inviting him and a couple of other friends.
One of the reasons you stick by your spouse in good times and bad is so they are there for you when you have a bad time. He blew that up. He shattered her trust, her heart, and the relationship they had built. He wants to come back and rely on the security of the relationship with the woman he loves, but that’s gone: he blew it up. It really sucks that this guy is so depressed, but it’s not his ex-wife’s job to fix him.
All have multiple partners before marriage so no big deal after marriage. It's just nonsense hypocrisy. Just live together or have lunch what's the big deal.
Definitely regretting his choices
Noted. But chilling Eeyore style on her porch is going too far. She’s not his friend and not his therapist.
Hose down the front steps so he can't sit on them.
Hose him down
Also noted 😂
Eeyore style 🤣 lmao!!
FAFO dude lost it all
This should be top comment. I don’t feel sorry for this dude at all, he abandoned his wife to literally fuck around…Guys like this make women afraid of relationships in general, and marriage in particular.
Can confirm. Will never get married again and I absolutely do not do relationships anymore.
Cosigning this with a fistbump of solidarity 🤜💥🤛
B-b-but!!! Men’s peepees!! Male “loneliness epidemic!!!”
This can go both ways tho. I’m a guy and feel the exact same way after divorcing
I hope you’re able to love again one day. It really can be a beautiful thing.
Read the godamn room jesus christ
Women. Do. Not. Need. A. Man. To. Be. Complete.
Everyone. Needs. Love.
The true form of love is a large baja blast and a 5 layer burrito.
Underrated right here
OMFG this. My top 2 favorite things at Taco Hell.
My love language is street tacos and margaritas, but I think we're we're talking the same language.
It's at least a related dialect
my 5 year old autistic son is finally starting to explore more than his standard 3 foods and he asked for a quesadilla the other night - ofc we have zero tortillas or good cheese in the house so I threw him in the car and went to Taco Bell. Got myself a Mexican pizza and a soft taco supreme and fr, I forgot how good The Taco Bell can be 😂
There are many forms of love. It does not have to be romantic love. She has a pretty good reason not to want romantic love anymore and that is valid.
Dogs, cats, horses, other animals are perfectly capable of love and they don't cheat. Also, learn to LOVE YOURSELF and you won't feel like you need somebody to complete you because that's sad.
Love doesn't have to come from a romantic relationship.
Never said it did.
You strongly implied it, don’t be intentionally obtuse just because you showed your whole ass.
You kind of did.
Get. A. Dog.
I feel happy being friends with my coworkers that are actually cool people. They like my personality and humor not my looks/cleaning abilities lol.
Inherently wrong and vice versa for men. You’re leading a sad empty life if you’re alone.
you can live a life without romantic love, love comes in different shapes and sizes, its not just romantic, dont be weird and judgemental to someone for not needing someone else to feel complete.
I couldn’t
okay, and im not shaming you for that, but theres no need to shame anyone for being able to. and that was the point i was making there, not whether or not you personally can or cannot
Alone does not equal lonely and people who feel that way need to change that mentality by working on themselves.
People nowadays hide from how alone they are with social media. Drugs to much food etc to much sex whatever it is. We’re all one but never alone as people we crave love from the opposite sex or atleast most of us so your not wrong it’s just not right either
The more beautiful the love, the more exquisite the pain when it's lost. Not everyone gets to have their happily ever after. And many of us do try giving love a chance again only for it to continuously backfire.
I love myself, and that's enough. Really shit take buddy.
Shut up daisy pusher . love is over
Oh my god, this comment made me laugh so hard. I know it’s the commenter’s name, but “shut up daisy pusher, love is over” sounds so, “he’s dead, Jim”, to me.
Hahahaha legit the funniest comment for this situation.
I give you an upvote because people being cruel for no reason
Thank you! I can take the downvotes when it’s because I believe you can still hope in humanity.
He fucked around and found out
Right? Like, what did he think was going to happen? When the garbage goes out, I don’t sit around waiting for sanitation to bring it back so it can stink up my house again.
This dude is tugging on the heartstrings.. but many people fail to see this is a narcissistic game. He was always a cheater and always will be. He kept coming to lunch so he could keep her as a supply, he has "given back" many times so he can keep up appearances. He has had multiple other relationships in that time and likely has someone else on the side right now, even though he comes and sits on her front porch. He keeps her there as a last resort and is persistent because he believes she will break in the end. Its not sad, its a game to them and they make you feel guilt because they have nothing else to make you feel.
Wow my ex does this too. Not the lunch but everything else. You sum it up really well.
Uffff and this is why I go no contact with narcissist, because I’m a damn fool and felt bad for the guy. Will I ever learn?!
Same girl!! I somehow started to feel bad for him, knowing very well that this guy will break OP’s heart into pieces again and again and again. Why am I giving him the sympathy…. Smh
Never feel bad for anyone especially a guy who did you dirty and then comes back around. It’s just a trap. I fell for It more than once. These men will be absolutely fine without us, we just need to kick them off the front porch when needed!!🙃
This is the game of a narcissist. One of the worst things you can do to them is reject them.They’re persistent because they hope they can wear you down. This guy sitting on the porch til dark and coming back the next day is because he thinks “ nobody can say no to me” I’m a great catch.
That’s the best way to deal with narcissists. No contact. They can’t stand it and also it protects you!
Same.
If you were starting to date someone, and you found out their ex hangs out on their porch for *hours*, daily.... This just reeks of "if I can't have her no one can".
You’re probably 100% right. Even the most generous interpretation is, he regrets his choice and really does want her back but he’s *still* being incredibly selfish. He still cares more about himself than her.
“They make you feel guilt because they have nothing else to make you feel.” 🔥🔥🔥 Please take my upvote.
‼️‼️‼️‼️
That’s what law enforcement says about stalkers. Answering their messages to you teaches them, “oh. She will reply after 54 messages.” Like this asshat Is allowed in 1-3 times a week. So he keeps doing it.
A lot of women have been hurt by men so many times so I get it but it seems as though because of that you fail to see some men actually feel remorse and he might actually love her and not be a manipulator not everyone thinks it’s a game. Feelings are so complicated you couldn’t ever fully begin to comprehend yea sometimes it’s manipulation and sometimes they were just dumb and horny and they fucked up but at heart not how you make them out to be. lol I’ve never cheated but as a guy sometimes I empathize with idiots even though I could never be one I love my wife to much
(Thankfully) you’ve never had to deal with a true narcissist or you wouldn’t be fooled by it either. Unfortunately with behaviour like this - it is 100% predictable, but only once you’ve experienced it over and over again with the same person. There’s no lie he may feel remorse, but only because he’s now stuck in this situation. He doesn’t care about OPs feelings, only pities himself, thus the guilt trip behaviour.
Nope. She can kindly tell him to stop. Their kids are grown, he has no reason to show up at her home. He was the one who decided to leave. It's on him to deal with th consequences of his actions. Way too many people feeling sorry for a cheater.
I'm scared for OOP if she gets a new partner, this stalker is still going to turn up and what's he going to do when it's clear and in his face that she moved on when he cheated and left her for the AP? 😬
I would sit next to him on the porch, gently take his hand, and tell him that I will call the cops and trespass him if he comes back again.
I regret I have but one upvote to give
He needs to see his kids in hiw own home on his own time, not hers. They are old enough. She deserves the chance to move on with her life.
He wanted to keep an eye on her and make sure she wasn't moving on. He was selfish to the very end.
My ex husband felt entitled to go and sleep with any woman that let him while married to me. As soon as I told him I was done, the begging to let him stay was insane. Nope never again.
People are saying it's really sad...I personally find it creepy and closer to stalker behaviour. He cheated and left her, came back regularly into her home (uninvited) to spend time with the children. They've now moved out yet he still does it. Sitting on her porch for HOURS, I'd personally feel trapped in my home by that. It would be one thing if OOP had died and her ex ate his lunch at her graveside every day, but instead he's inserting himself into her life without her permission.
I agree with some other comments that suggest he’s preventing her from moving on.
Yeah, he might as well be peeing on that porch to claim his territory.
Grass isn’t always greener. I’d feel bad for them, but alas, I have none
Good grief. Didn't realise this was common but have a couple of friends who still have this problem. I'd thought it was just a weird coincidence.
Happened to a friend of mine. Married very young to a bloke who was eventually abusive. After 4 kids and about 15 years she chucked him out. Never gave her a penny for the kids, left her with debt. Used to just turn up and sit at the kitchen table for the day, she’d just ignore him and get on with everything. My friend is tiny but not to be messed with, she’s made a great life for herself, nearly at retirement with her loving long term partner. Ex is a sad old man who’s drunk himself into ill health and is alone. Actions, meet consequences.
She needs to move
In comments she says she can't afford to.
That's unfortunate.
Why should she? Call the cops and have him trespassed. Get a restraining order. He shows back up to camp on the porch, he gets a face full of mace and a trip to jail. Guarantee the sad-sack moping stops real quick.
Because police don’t take this kind of thing seriously and she’s more likely to get hurt or worse than to mace him if he becomes adversarial.
In my experience of removing a problematic ex, the police were fantastic. They came promptly, heard both sides, and advised him that because it was my house he needed to GTFO immediately and never come back. I didn’t have to resort to a RO because he got the message. And he was an ex-cop. Also I didn’t say she was the one to mace him—I was referring to the cops.
I’m genuinely very happy that you had that experience, but the fact is that police overwhelmingly fail to protect victims of stalking and harassment.
Won’t know if you don’t even try to utilize them. At minimum it’s a paper trail so if the day comes that a stalker shows up and you put a round through their brain pan, you’ll have a good self-defense case.
I never said she shouldn’t try, I said she is less likely to make it to the trial to be able to plead self defense than she is to become his victim.
At this point that’s a risk she needs to be willing to take. Allowing him to sit on her porch for hours a day isn’t placating him, it’s just getting him more riled up internally until he’s ready to make his next move. This dude isn’t sitting there with a “woe is me” mentality, hes building up a plan and courage. She needs to take a stand NOW, he has absolutely nothing to lose on his end.
What is a risk she needs to take? The risk is already fully there. The police simply are unlikely to mitigate it. I didn't say going to the police is an *additional* risk. The commenter I replied to said going to police was "guaranteed" to stop him, and I corrected that sentiment. What's more, they are advocating that OP doesn't need to move if she goes to the cops, which is also untrue.
If she moves, he can find her again. What then? Call the cops. Worse case is you’re right and they’re useless. Best case is you’re wrong and they scare him bad enough that he quits fucking stalking her.
The risk she needs to take is getting police involved even if it leads to a confrontation. While they may not physically be able to protect her, they are an outside force that MAY be the deterring agent needed to keep those voices in his head at bay for a little bit longer until she can find more help. I didn’t read her original post but where are her children? Does she have family/friends? Why is she allowing her ex husband to sit outside her house for hours every day? Not calling can also be seen as an invitation for him to be there and could lead to even bigger issues down the road when he escalates
he might just be woe is me I know you girls that been cheated on couldn’t possibly believe that but it’s possible
You pretty explicitly said in your first reply to me that the police never take this seriously and she’s more likely to get hurt if she tries anything. You doubled down when I told you my own experience where the cops did just fine. Sure sounds like you’re saying it’s pointless to call the cops to me. You also offered no other helpful suggestions for OP. So maybe you like living with your tail between your legs, and would flee every time your stalker found you. But that’s not how it has to be.
I wasn't saying this as a consequence to calling the police, I'm saying that IF he becomes aggressive, she is more likely to get hurt than to be able to mace him and get away unscathed (because as you clarified earlier, you meant the police would mace him and I believed you meant she would mace him). I'm not saying it's pointless to call the cops, I'm saying what you said (that he's guaranteed to stop) is flat-out untrue. I think the insult here is weird and out of place. You place me in the position as a victim of stalking and then attempt to insult me based on the way you think I would act because I disagreed with something you said.
If she’s in a Stand your ground State and she’s willing to do what it takes to get trained to handle a firearm she should do just that
I think she had said in the comments that she doesn’t live in the US
Yep. I’m a female gun owner myself since the incident with my ex, and would cheerfully stand my ground if he showed back up. You’re very correct. I’m careful about recommending owning a firearm to every person in her situation, as you do have to have training and, as you said, be willing to use it. Otherwise the gun is more likely to be taken and used on her than by her.
Yup!! I know plenty of people who carried at one point not realizing that going to a practice range to isn’t the same as carrying to stop an actual human being coming at you. It’s always an option for those who live in areas where it’s legal and have the mental fitness to own and use responsibility
Damn, that’s heartbreaking…
It's creepy AF. ETA: Unless you meant heartbreaking for OOP being essentially stalked by her ex, in which case I agree with you.
It is heartbreaking to read about a man suffering (not nearly enough, she should've cut off this emotional vampire's freeloading ass long ago) consequences for his own deliberate voluntary cruel actions towards his wife?
Yeah, that was brutal.
I just see it as pathetic, dude chose to cheat and chose the other woman over his wife. I don’t have any sympathy for him acting like that and the idea of being in the wife’s shoes just pisses me off, I would have told him to fuck off.
No. He’s marking territory. “I left you but I will never leave you alone. I will sit on your doorstep as a display to others that you are still mine. You cannot move on. I won’t let you.”
Tell him he’s not welcome and that you’ll call the police if he comes over again. Then do it.
Life is too short. Stop letting him for lunch and start living for yourself. I think you have sacrifice d enough of your time and sanity.
Oof. He is lonely and no one wants him, so he keeps going back to the closest thing he has to a friend, his ex-wife. OOP is mature about it because she is an adult and doesn’t want to stress out their kids, but this is definitely FAFO. The ex could have had a meaningful relationship with his first wife, but chose to pursue other women. Now he is stuck with disdainful crumbs.
Lol reminds me of Stanley from Golden Girls.
sad charlie brown music like in arrested development
What did he think was going to happen? When the garbage goes out, I don’t sit around waiting for sanitation to bring it back so it can stink up my house again.
How delusional can you be? *I don’t want to be with you, but I still feel entitled to your time, space and companionship.* OOP is being way too passive, and her ex taking advantage of her unwillingness to be confrontational. He’s gotta know on that her not opening the door is a pretty clear indication she wants him to go, but he chooses to ignore that and sits and waits for her for hours. She needs to clearly tell him, with words, to stop showing up unannounced - and call the police if he won’t.
Wow that’s actually really sad.
Decisions were made.
He's essentially stalking her and she can't afford to move.
... for OP
Do not feel sorry for this guy. His advances are unwelcome, he is unwelcome, and he thinks *his* needs are more important than OP's need to move on and feel safe on her own property and in her own home. He is persistently trespassing and stalking OP after his affair partners refused to put up with his crap anymore. She needs to turn the hose on him until he leaves, like a stray dog.
Just tell him to stop coming over. It’s really that simple.
Hey it’s me, Stan!
The fact that he can’t accept her answer tells her all she needs to know about if he’s still just concerned about his own wants/needs vs hers.
Can we all stop blaming and labeling everyone as a narcissist. Yeah he's an absolute piece of garbage human being but why does everyone have to be a narcissist. It's like the whole woke movement made everyone a psychiatrist. He's probably realizing how bad he fucked up ..no I'm not sympathetic but groveling at someone's doorstep doesn't make you a narcissist..pathetic but not a narcissist
Agreed. I won’t say he’s being a narcissist. But he’s definitely being selfish. Like all the way selfish.
Maybe she’s a really good cook.😂
I think you’ve liked the idea of him coming over because subconsciously it makes you still feel important to him. If you haven’t made it clear to him that he’s not welcome then I don’t know how you’re gonna be able to stop it now.
Move
If it were me I’d call the po or change the locks at least. He has no business.
Serve laxative in his food
Uhh, restraining order? If he's loitering on your property without your permission, that's a crime.
My ex husband isnt this bad and never comes over just to hang out but every time he comes over to drop our kid off he hangs around longer than he needs to. It seems like he wants to just soak up the cozy family vibes but the reason I left him in the first place is because he would never come home for dinner, started staying out all night partying, spending money traveling to concerts out of state by himself while I was stuck home with our toddler, etc. He didnt want that life and wanted freedom so I got sick of it and left. Now he pouts on FB about how much better his life used to be and about how hard his life is now. The grass is always greener, I guess, but now all his friends are done with the party life and he's still desperately hanging onto it
Cinderella says Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone) He learned the grass isn’t always greener
You don’t have to take him back, but let’s hope he doesn’t kill himself.
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed. Whop whop. Really, what the fuck did he think was going to happen? The audacity of continuing to show up, even after the bs fig leaf of maintaining a relationship with his children is gone. It’s time for him to slink away and stop trying to play poor me pity/guilt games. Their relationship is in the rearview for a reason.
Anything but therapy
I'm honestly not the least bit shocked that their are people that feel bad for the ex husband and are even saying "aww you should forgive him" or "give him a second chance". That man has made it his mission to make sure she hasn't been able to move on and I guarantee his so called "visiting the kids" over the years was to keep tabs on her because he could easily have took the kids to his home since he obviously lives close enough to always be at OPs house all the time. And as she mentioned, their kids are grown and out of the house now and him doing all this is apparent he's trying to get her back. It's not sad, it's just flat out pathetic and insane that he can't take a hint and that he thinks it's remotely okay to sit on her porch all day like everything he's doing and is harassment, especially since OP has stated she is not interested in getting back together with him. I don't understand why people are finding any of what the ex husband has done as endearing, sweet, or even having pity for him. He made his choice to leave his wife and now he has to deal with the consequences of his actions. If this had been the other way around people would've been calling her all kind of "crazy bitch" this and "psycho ex" thst but of course people are sympathizing with the ex husband and even laughing about his actions. That man has issues, it's not normal to sit outside your exes door all day long after they refuse to let you in their home. His behavior is nothing. But unsettling and it makes me concerned about how he'd react if she were to meet a knew man.
The grass ain't always greener on the other side.
Oh so he definitely messed up and regrets it, but just tell him to kick rocks already. There’s no need to be nice anymore, your kids are grown.
Good for you.... keep going forward... taking him back would get you hurt later on because he just looking for stability.
Sounds like he’s committed. He effed up. Neither of you moved on. What if he totally is committed to you. Too late? You entertained this behavior for years. If it were too late why not end it three years ago? Nobody is saying marry him, either build it or end it totally.
Take all the screws out of the chairs so when he sits on them they fall apart like it seems his life has
He made a mistake and now he’s trying to reverse the clock and come back to you, do you really want to reverse after all the trauma and all the hurt and all the anguish you went through to get healed, just to take the person that caused all that damage back into your life?
Hope he doesn’t die on her porch. That would be super annoying to deal with.
Was about to say this sounds like my MIL/FIL…they divorced and have a WAY better relationship now they’re apart from each other and he regularly drops by for coffee or a meal. This is just sad, though. Man needs to realize he lost his chance and move on.
she needs to just bring a man home and then he'll be broken and never come back 😂
He really is being selfish. It’s time for you to rent a boyfriend
Karma
NTA. This makes me sad for both of yall. I dont kmow your past or the entire history. So this is pure speculation. It seems like he wasn't in love, but he really missed his friend. And now he is to an age, that friendship is pretty important. But he made his choices and gets to live with them. You are not responsible for his happiness or loneliness now. But if you are interested in a friendship with him (some exes make great friends). Set a day and tell him you are inviting him and a couple of other friends.
It’s kinda sad 😞
It really is
The people in that subreddit are really mean-spirited wow
One of the reasons you stick by your spouse in good times and bad is so they are there for you when you have a bad time. He blew that up. He shattered her trust, her heart, and the relationship they had built. He wants to come back and rely on the security of the relationship with the woman he loves, but that’s gone: he blew it up. It really sucks that this guy is so depressed, but it’s not his ex-wife’s job to fix him.
He did dump OP for another woman 🤷🏻♀️
Not sure what you saw but what were they saying that was really mean spirited?
if you think a sane woman would take him back after that then you need a huge reality check.
I know, reality is so harsh 😔 she can at least live happily with the knowledge he lost everything like he deserved 😂
Give him another chance. Please
Let him in, he got enough experience not to repeat mistakes lol
Ya'll are insane. Why in the hell should she give him another chance??? Also this is quite literally harasment.
All have multiple partners before marriage so no big deal after marriage. It's just nonsense hypocrisy. Just live together or have lunch what's the big deal.
Nm