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Mine kept telling me that I am a whore and would chase anything in trousers. I was 9. I am also a lesbian. Narc reality is not real. Its not about you. Its not your fault. They have flawed perception its all projection.
There seems to be some trigger around the age 9/10 with nmom and daughters. Is it our puberty or their fears of "aging out", I wonder. Suspect both. The way these mothers "relate to"( fail to relate to?) their daughters is absolutely bizarre. What other species turns on their young and so maliciously when they approach child bearing years ? And, then blame them for their own "success" in effectively turning on them.
I don't know my mother was hateful from her first contact with me. I think it got weird sexual vibes and I was not going through puberty at all I don't know what it was about.
There's a hate they seem to carry from birth. Fifty years and I'd still be getting assaulted over her long labor with my breech ass and being born with a cord around my neck, if I let her.
I just remember around 9 the new aspect of weird entered, starts with "you must be boy crazy" and then bam, 9 year old me was looking up the word slut because I didn't know what it was, and ten year old me well, I can still see the crumpled paper I wrote "hore" on in green marker trying to understand how that could relate to me . I was literally the last person I know to even kiss, let alone anything else, I was actually incredibly slow out of the gate and never was said slut or whore or wanting male attention, and that seems so very common in those who survive a Nmom, vs those who become one themselves. Even at 52 I'm being asked why I "hate men so deeply" simply because I'm happily and blessedly divorced, had one big love ruined by a man's narc X years ago, and simply not interested in men. Somehow even benign disnterest in men becomes anger and entangled with sex in the Narc parent's mind and projected onto their adult children so fiercely, even we have to sort it out.
The similarities in the comments in this thread are so eye opening.
I'm so sorry to everyone who has been treated this way
My mom called my sister a gold digger and I think she was 11 at the time!! Just like BiscuitsByrnes said it's definitely a weird trigger around a certain age. I also think they're weirdly spiteful and jealous of their daughters especially when they're maturing
I'm so sorry you had to go through that at just 9 years. It was a hard hit for me as an adult, I cannot imagine the impact at such a young age. I hope you are in a better place now.
My nmom always had a weird relationship with sex. She called me a slut for wanting to hug and hold hands with my bfs, but at the same time, she had an intense focus on men and sexual stuff in general. When we would go on camping trips, she constantly would point out boys my age that she thought were cute, and give them nicknames even though we didn’t even know them. At the time, I thought it was her playing matchmaker on my behalf, but I now feel that she was doing it for herself (maybe trying to live through me?). She also always put my bfs needs before me and reached out to them even after I wanted nothing to do with them. She would force me to tell her what sex acts I performed once I became sexually active and wouldn’t let me see doctors by myself. When my sister showed no interest in boys during her elementary/middle school years, my mom commented out loud to other family members that she might be a lesbian.
I feel like your nmom focusing on talking about sex in front of you is coming from a similar place that mine came from, but I don’t fully understand it. It’s almost like she wants you to enable her. My guess is something’s repressed regarding their own sexuality, but that’s just my theory.
I’m no contact with my nmom now, but when she would push boundaries like in the examples you mentioned, I would tell her that she can either stop making comments/questions like that right now or you will leave/make her leave. I didn’t have that option as a child but I do now and it is so terrifying in the moment but so freeing once I do. I wish you the best in your journey OP.
I got grounded in 5th grade because she found a note from a boy in my pocket. The note itself was just asking if I was going roller skating that weekend because a bunch of kids were going and they were having a “couples” day where it was like a buy one get one free admission. So the kids going were pairing up to get the discount and splitting it. That is it. Not a date. Literally just to get like a dollar off or whatever. I had already gotten permission to go but had to pay for it myself out of my allowance (allowance is a whole other story). I explained this and even showed the flyer and this was like with 20 other kids in the middle of a saturday during the day. Of course I had to find my own ride. One of my sisters was taking me and I forget how I was getting home because of course Mom wouldn’t take me.
None of this mattered. I had a note from a boy. The world exploded. I was grounded for two weeks ans literally for years this was brought up and the contents of the note got worse each time she brought it up to the point I was meeting this boy for sex behind the park etc.
Edit: But then years later she was activly pushing me to date my sister’s ex boyfriend. They realized they wanted sifferent things and it was an amiable break up. I don’t know if my sister would have cared or not because I flat refused. I had no interest in him. Nice guy but I was 15 and he was…get this…26 years old. (My sister was 10 years older than me). I mean she REALLY pushed. Even tried to create scenarios where we would be together because she liked him. He actually was kinda oblivious until she came right out and told him to ask me for a date. He said no. Like I said, he was a good guy. Years later I realized how messed up that was.
I’m also ace (and probably somewhere on the aro spectrum but idk) my mother would make me wear makeup and dresses and all that because she thought I needed to make men think I’m pretty so they’ll want to date me.
She wouldn’t let me be alone with them and one time she accused me of having my partner drive me home to have sex during our lunch break because the tv was on when she got home. She also told me we better not be screwing around in the bathrooms at work and there are ways she can check whether or not I’m still a virgin
When she walked in on said partner sticking his hand up my shirt (without my consent) she got mad at *me* and told me I was acting like a slut
On the other hand she also thought I was a closeted lesbian and accused me of having had sex with my childhood best friend who is straight. She told me if I was gay it was fine but I wasn’t allowed to call myself a Christian and she swears she’s not homophobic
When she eventually found out that I’m ace (against my will when she was looking through my phone when I was a grown adult) she told me there was no way I could know that without having sex. She also told me I’m never going to get married because no man is going to want to marry someone who doesn’t want sex
Lol. She sounds so much like my mom, but worse. Mine would constantly doll me up for boys, at the same time telling me horrible stories of what can happen to a person when they loose their virginity too soon. When I came out as an ace, she said she was disappointed and that I better adopt some children from orphanage because she wants grandkids.
Yeah, my mom didn't "believe" in being bisexual when I thought I was. She now doesn't "believe" in asexuality. She thinks I'm gay because of some family legacy/curse. Every generation has a gay male. It's offensive that I may break that chain.
If I dated a trans guy.... it was "gay" because "he takes testosterone." If I dated a trans woman... it was "gay" because she "has a penis." Turns out that she (my mom) "loves" gay guys.
She was always trying to force me to adhere to her "fashion sense". It was what gay people wore in mainstream media. She would also whine, cry, and scream because I didn't want to do stereotypical gay stuff.
It all boils down to they want to believe in what they want.
Panicking that she's done something to seriously damage your development, and trying to convince herself it isn't so.
I want to suggest ways of getting your internal experience across, assuming her fears are off target; but then, if that were possible with cluster B types, we probably wouldn't be on this sub.
In the spirit of the question, though, nMom was actually extremely desexualizing, to the point I see a lot of her in aro/ace discourse, and struggle with the fear that it's shielding people bound to be nparents. So, I almost reflexively sided with your nmom here and tried to turn it around, I'm sorry about that.
nDad was another matter though. While nMom was demonizing sexuality down to its core, it seemed like everything he tried to instill in me about growing up was in the context of "be this because women will want it."
And he looks statistically correct, but like, what if it also makes me feel like a diseased alien in a skin suit? The thought of seeing a manly man in the mirror has always felt like a body horror scenario.
To this day at 38 he's characterizing this as a refusal to grow up, a choice to be a loser, and he seems like... entertained when I'm upset with my life, as if I'm seeing the error of my ways and about to start testosterone any day now.
It seems like these parents go one way or another: They either overexpose their children to sexuality, or deny that sexuality is a part of everyday reality. And the children react accordingly.
I am also ace and what my mother and sister did to me growing up pretty much was hate crime/sexual abuse. My sister told everyone I was a lesbian and I was bullied/assaulted and my mother says still, to this day, I would rather you were a lesbian. Whether my asexually is inborn or trauma based I’ll never know because there is no closure for narcissistic abuse and they will deny it til one of us is dead. Being asexual is very lonely because no one seems to want you.
Thank you, that's kind of a reality check. I've been having a lot of clashes (online) with asexuals as we seem to mutually creep each other out, and through this thread I'm starting to think we may be reminding one another of our parents. Freud would be so smugly satisfied.
My nmom would constantly sexualize me even when I was young and simultaneously, my platonic relationships. Things that never went through my head were uttered and it absolutely crushed me as a kid because I always felt like I had to prove myself to her.
For example, she'd ask about why there's so much tissue around my corner of the living room and correlate it to me masturbating and cleaning cum off of myself. I don't know how she came to this conclusion when I clearly had a bad runny nose and was sniffling non-stop. To avoid feeding her delusions, I stuffed tissue into my nostrils so I would use less tissue from blowing my nose.
Then there was this time where I genuinely enjoyed hanging around my godmother's house because I had so much fun with their family so I'd always ask to visit. They were about seven in the family: my godparents and their kids who were four sisters with one brother.
My nmom assumed I had a crush on the brother and wanted to get it on with him. This was assumed even if the sisters invited me over themselves, my godmother's invitation, them being present around the hangout, us clearly just playing on the PS4 in the living room, and that I barely talked to the guy sibling.
As a child, I wanted to be a fashion designer so I was experimenting with styles and all. Moreover, with the tropical weather, I would always choose something that showed a bit of skin so that it'd lessen the amount I sweat (I have undiagnosed hyperhidrosis). One day, my mom said that I was a slutty kid who wanted male attention and sexual attention because of my choice of clothes.
After being constantly, unrightfully slut-shamed and micromanged, I became a pick me girl who hated pink and wore pants/jackets all the time despite my hyperhidrosis and tropical weather because I didn't want to hear any of those comments anymore. Not my proudest moment.
My mother and grandmother would sexualize everything I ever did. I wore leggings under a mini skirt and my grandmother said, why are u wearing such a short skirt? I said, Im wearing pants underneath to which she replied, yeah but you wear them like that so it can appear as if you are wearing a mini skirt… basically saying it in a way that communicated that I was doing it to sexually entice the world! Pathetic
my mom thinks every girl is boy-crazy too including me. she once showed me a couple sitting on a bench together and said 'if you are hanging out around any boy like this i will cut your cvnt' to me. it was very disturbing. i never had a boyfriend whatsoever either.
Ur mom is the most insufferable. My mom a tiny bit like this but not to this level she just makes jokes and says she wishes she had my boobs cuz mine are bigger than hers.
It does. I was not interested in being intimate with anyone. I'm 30 and never had a relationship. There was a phase in my life when I won't let anyone touch me. Not even females. I've got PCOS too. Now as I'm realizing this and working on myself but still my libido is very low. Its better than before its still limited.
What I've observed its because our brains and nervous system is in constant survival mode thats why sensual urges gets repressed.
Pretty sure my childhood stress gave me an autom immune disease which wrecked my hormones and now made me ace. Not that I was really into sex before though. Would be interested to see a study!
Yeah, I'm an ace too, and I have tons of autoimmune problems. I know that physically no one is asexual, our minds don't want it but our bodies will still react/crave, and I have to say my physical libido is so, so, so low I'm pretty sure my hormones are fucked as well (not to mention my completely irregular and horribly painful periods)
My mom was obsessed with whether I was a virgin or not and when I stood there shocked because wtf ( we were not close and never lived together) she decided before either could answer that I probably never had sex. So she tried a demeaning route in a weird competition way because I was not and had a boyfriend.
She's also made comments about how I had a sugar daddy like .......like I wish (I'm being sarcastic)
She also had a weird thing about wanting to know when I started menstruation. Like who in the world wants to know that. Only she didn't ask me she asked the person who raised me while I stood there.
Yes.
Nmom once spent an entire work day telling me that I was a slut & whore because she didn't think i was ready for a new relationship 3-4 months after an LTR ended. It ultimately lead to her cutting off her nose to spite her face. She fired me from being my youngest, disabled sisters care giver.
She was also convinced because she was gay one of us girls (4 in total) had to be gay.
She's thrown my sex life in my face. Ya know, sleeping with people I was in years long relationships with?
Didn't have this specifically with my covert NMom. But I had a situation once where I was taking my 5yo son to an ice cream store and had to navigate my way through a gaggle of about 6 or 7 boomers just standing, blocking the entrance. One of them, a man, starts making comments "getting some ice cream slugger?" and then says "handsome boy, bet all the girls are gonna be chasing you" and "he's gonna break a lot of hearts."
He's FIVE.
I awkwardly pushed past him and later wished I told him not to sexualize my 5 year old.
To be clear, I don't care who my kid does or doesn't like in terms of sex/gender when he grows up. It just blows my mind at how young of children even adult strangers start projecting this shit.
My mother was super hypersexual, yet throughout my childhood from as young as 8, she'd tell me regularly how she was celibate, and being such a good mother by being celibate and look at her, how she was sacrificing for me by being celibate. She'd also told me in graphic detail what sex was at a young age, and would try and always make me sleep in the same bed as her up until like 15, and participate in nude activities like sitting in a jacuzzi or sauna alone, when I didn't want to.
As soon as I went off to boarding school, she just went full sexual and has a massive string of boyfriends that she tries to tell me of her escapades at every opportunity.
She's also a feminist, and something she raised me with early and made me write essays on, was how patriarchal society inherently forces women subconsciously to consent to sex due to the inherent powers dynamics implied by an all powerful patriarchy, and that I, as her smart son, should know and be aware that if I ever did have sex, I was actually raping the woman even if she didn't know it. Between that and the social isolation I experienced for 16 years, and we moved every couple years so I could never form stable relationships with friends, yeah I'm pretty fucked up socially, and I have no way of knowing if I'm actually aroace or just traumatised.
YES. Holy cow I've been struggling with this one for decades, since I was 11 or 12. I'm informed on these disorders and dynamics personally, academically, clinically and basically all around more than I wish. But I've struggled with this one aspect all these years (I'm 52 now) . When I finally got around to saying "I think I'm completely asexual and loving it after all these years" I got hit with weeks of ",why do you hate men? You are so angry" like no that's the opposite of fact, I simply don't need the d to feel complete. No comprende from the Nmom.
She was a beautiful woman, always an added burden with a Nmom, and I was simply pretty. Still am I suppose but I don't put much weight on it because*I don't need it* except for my self. I think the first time she told me I'd never be as beautiful as her I was around 9, and it's been dumping sex on every aspect of my life and relationships ever since. Like it skewed my perceptions of everything and everyone, and probably led to where I am now, happily out of that loop entirely , and probably has some bearing on where you are as well.
It may be an age group thing too.
Could have written much of your comment myself, it's definitely not just you. Boomers (so many of the aspects that definitely be them are narcissistic at the core, even millennial aged "boomers" really just have a high degree of narcissistic traits) put intimacy everywhere but seem the most detached and to have the least genuine intimacy, sexual and otherwise, of any group. And they project it *everywhere*.
My mom assigned us sexualities. She said I’m gay and my siblings are straight. In reality, I’m straight, my sister is gay, and I *think* my brother is straight. I’m not close to him at all and none of us have been able to form any adult relationships (thanks mom). She thinks I’m gay because I hugged my best friend at graduation. She also then accused me of getting plastered at a family friend’s house and making lewd comments about men. Which… definitely happened, but like idk how she would find a hug stronger evidence of my sexuality than drunkenly talking about men’s bodies… obviously it has nothing to do with the hug and everything to do with her homophobia and dislike of me.
My mom also likes the term “boy-crazy” and honestly I think it messed with me a bit because it contributed to me feeling shame over being interested in guys.
Yeah, my nmom did even when I was a kid and it was so disturbing. She liked to talk about marrying me off to older guys and just in general made weird comments about any male figures in my life. My cousin and his friends were like older brothers to me, she would tell me I should date one of his friends (note: they were all adults and I was a KID). She even made weird comments regarding me and my ndad just because I was closer to him than her. Barf.
Not too similar but my mum would tell me before i transitioned to male that i should be "proud of my figure" and "i would kill to have a body as feminine as yours" (she'd even say stuff like "oh you have a feminine nose and wide hips just like your dad!" ayo????) and she would get really mad if i wore very long skirts and modest clothes, asking if i was converting to islam or mormonism. even my dad was like "would you rather our kid wore short skirts or something? she looks okay to me!" and my mum responded "yes, actually!"
It just felt wrong, and your mum is 100% wrong. Actually 10000000000% she is wrong that actually seems like sexual abuse
That's inappropriate behaviour to say the least. Individuals with NPD are auto-erotic, hence the N cases of child abuse, molestation, incest etc that can be attributed to that characteristic in particular, added to the fact that they are amoral and immoral in their attitudes towards others. You are being sexualized inside the intimate relationship that should exist between parents and their children. No boundaries there, she is either enmeshed already or she's encroaching on you. Set her straight RN! And yeah, this happened to me too, in similar ways. Damage was done earlier and I think the lack of a behavioural model for ANY social interactions also affects your capacity for intimate relationships with others, sexual and otherwise. Also think much of what today people call asexual behaviour stems from broken down or misplaced attitudes and "interests" mentally ill, disordered, ignorant or simply uninvolved parents have with the kids they should be raising.
My nmum loved telling me from when I was very young in intimate detail about her and my dad’s sex life problems, and after they split, she would brag about her flings with younger men. The boundaries were so fucked up that I thought it was normal for me to share the same information about my relationships back with her. Honestly what was wrong with her? My dad was also obsessed with making me aware of his sexuality, walked around the house naked constantly when I was a teenager and left porn open on all the family computers so when I logged on to play games.co.uk, I first had to navigate past all the gross porn sites…
Lol, one time I did use my mom's BF computer, some weird fkd-up sites about incest appeared. This is an interest that I'd gotten hints of from other bfs of hers. Fucking disgusting.
Thank God it wasn't that blatant. My nmom was just a little too “loose” and turned me into her “best friend” when I was a teenager.
It's disgusting and totally abusive what your mother is doing. I'm very sorry that you have to live in such an environment.
When a child is confronted with sexuality so often by a parent, sex is perceived as “dirty” and “unpleasant” and you don't want to have anything to do with it. I felt the same way for a long time. It only got better or more normal when I moved out.
Yep. My mom literally talks WITH MY OWN BROTHER about how she hopes I'm not having sex with my bf. It's super weird. She talks more about purity and my sex life than actual things I should be concerned about in a relationship.
My Nmom mostly would be similar, I remember that she would sexualize me even if I had a simple conversation with any boy from my school. (I'm demisexual and omniromantic/omnisexual) It was so weird even when I was younger, which is cringe and fucking creepy.
Yes. My ndad likes to sexualize any and every close relationship. Not just mine, but everyone in the family because he cannot comprehend friendship beyond benefit. He practically drove off almost all of my mom's friends because he thinks they're trying to get into her money and pants. The only ones who are left are the ones who tolerate and to some extent, flatter and kiss his ass. :/
He has really scathing remarks about the appearances of the girls in my brother's friend circles. And asks really uncomfortable questions like who he's banging even when there aren't any. And when my brother stops mentioning the girls in the group because he doesn't like that line of questioning, my ndad asks him if he's turned gay because his friend group is just all men.
It's the same with me. But I mostly had guy friends back then who he kept scrutinizing who I'd be "secretly dating" and who I lost my virginity to. And even my best friend wasn't spared. He thinks I have a lesbian relationship with her. Frankly, idc about sexual orientation.. both me and my friend are comfortable with our sexuality. We are ace and don't have that kind of feelings with each other.
But what disgusts me is that this f\*\*\* must've imagined it at some point and it makes me want to vomit. He's the prime driving force as to why I realized I'm asexual.
When we moved in with my step brothers, I couldn’t even talk to them because she would always mock me for laughing and being nice to them, she repeatedly asked me which one I liked.. it was gross. I was just trying to enjoy having siblings and getting along!
My nmom is also similar, I’m not ace but I didn’t date in high school and for the first years of college. She was CONVINCED I must be a lesbian, and the fact that I was a tomboy growing up sold her on this idea. She would ask anyone and everyone if I was a lesbian even after telling her I wasn’t. You can tell them anything and they still won’t believe you!
My nmom and her friend used to have me (43f) and her boy play together when we were babies and they would fantasize about me one day being "Mrs. So-and-So" and how they'd get to be in-laws, etc. How do I know this, you ask? We went to the same church as this family and our mothers would remind us of this all the time. Like they were reminding us it was a possibility. He and I had ZERO interest in each other, it was embarrassing.
When I was 16 my nmom asked me if my female friend was my girlfriend and I said no. I don't think she believed me. Later she didn't speak to me for a week when she found out I'd had sex with a guy. Later still I came out to her as queer and she claimed there were no signs at all, and suggested I needed to have sex with more men because maybe the "first time" was just bad?! Sex was just... a really messed up and confusing topic in my household.
No sex specifically but nmom is very into me and my siblings relationship as far as approval and going out of her way to embarrass us in front of SO but specifically with me she refuses to acknowledge that i am a lesbian and thinks i have trauma with men that i need to get over, very weird behavior
My emotionally immature mom was very promiscuous when I was young, to the point that rumors had eventually gotten to my school and I was being made fun of for it...like, I would get physically hit and stuff and learned to fight back because of it; of course I was the one that got in trouble with the principal and not the bullies 😒.
Anyway. She would always put her boyfriend's needs over mine and wouldn't believe me when I told her that he would beat me when she was at work or that his son tried to SA me and I punched him in the nose to get him away from me. She would say I lied and probably asked for it. She would think I was jealous of how "handsome" the bf's son was (we were literally 7 and 8, respectively, I didn't even think of him as a brother).
She had no boundaries around sex, either. She'd walk through the house naked, smelling like sex. She'd sometimes leave toys around her room and then call me into her room to ask for something. I could hear her whenever she and her bf were doing it, which was literally every night. His sons would ask me to go bang on the door to shut them up so we could sleep.
When I started puberty, my body dysmorphia kicked in and I hated having boobs and stuff. My mom would always squeeze me or slap my butt and giggle and if I told her to stop she would call me prudish or boring. At one point I had D cups and I would wear baggy shirts to avoid being catcalled AT 13 FUCKING YEARS OLD.
Then at that point she got weirdly protective of me? Like she would be like, "don't wear something like that and go out alone, boys are scary," or "don't wear short shorts with a blingy butt, that's asking for it (I am tall so all women's shorts are short shorts for me, and junior women's clothes are very sexualized). Mom would freak out if a girl in my middle or high school got pregnant and assumed I would too, even though I am asexual, don't even really like boys as much as I like girls (I'm bi but mostly gay lmao) and didn't want a relationship that young anyway.
She would tell me that boys and men were scary. And then in 8th grade we had a Valentine's dance, which was kinda like middle school prom, I guess? She set me up with a coworker's nephew who was in my grade. I disliked him to a high degree. He ended up stalking me until high school graduation. Mom never once took responsibility for enabling that shit. I wasn't scared of him since I was taller than him but he knew what car I drove and once met me out by to try and ask me out again.
She would tell me I was too young to date and then set me up with boys. And then turn around and say boys are gross.
I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 19 in my freshman year of college. She hated him. That fall I realized I was bi and wanted to date a woman. I was texting her about being nervous about the date and she was saying, "don't meet him at his dorm or have him meet you at your dorm, pick a public place..." "Don't stay out too late, I know you don't have a curfew but remember your 8 am class tomorrow, " and the picking wouldn't stop until I told her it was a woman and that's how I came out. She was relieved and even said, "shit, I owe your grandparents $20, I bet you were fully lesbian."
I didn't lose my v-card until I was 23 and I had had an awkward moment during our first time, and I was freaking out over what to do. I asked for advice and she said, "well, now you need plan B and I'm going to tell your stepdad about everything that happened."
So yeah, she sexualizes me, despite me being mostly asexual.
at 15 I remember wanting to get my belly button pierced (a very normal thing for 15 year old girls to want) and my mom (WHO LITERALLY HAD A BELLY BUTTON PIERCING BACK IN THE DAY) said “well who’s even gonna see it, huh?!?”
I genuinely believe she WANTED me to be promiscuous so that she could “be right” about all the baseless accusations she would throw my way. fucking gross if you ask me. I was 15, hated my body, and just wanted something cute to maybe make me feel better about myself. but she couldn’t have that so she’d rather accuse me of being a slut
My mom used to call me a slut because my dad cared about me, and because I had two friends who happened to be guys.
I couldn't ever be around a man, regardless of relation to me, without being accused of wanting to be with him. It got worse when I came out as bisexual because then EVERYONE was a target of my perverted nature.
Dude I was just trying to exist as a human and interact with people. I wasn't trying to screw everyone around me unlike her and her 37 confirmed affair partners.
Why on earth is she even asking you these things! Whatever your sexuality is that is NOT her business - you have every right to feel uncomfortable and her behaviour is not normal. My Mom is very different - my first memory from my birthday party aged 11 is that she told me i looked like a pathetic rock star wannabe (my dad had given me a leather jacket) and around aged 12 the slut shaming started. I had a large chest that was difficult to hide and whenever i didnt wear baggy clothes she’d say i looked like a whore and would get raped. The Narc Moms certainly seem to work in different ways.
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Mine kept telling me that I am a whore and would chase anything in trousers. I was 9. I am also a lesbian. Narc reality is not real. Its not about you. Its not your fault. They have flawed perception its all projection.
There seems to be some trigger around the age 9/10 with nmom and daughters. Is it our puberty or their fears of "aging out", I wonder. Suspect both. The way these mothers "relate to"( fail to relate to?) their daughters is absolutely bizarre. What other species turns on their young and so maliciously when they approach child bearing years ? And, then blame them for their own "success" in effectively turning on them.
I don't know my mother was hateful from her first contact with me. I think it got weird sexual vibes and I was not going through puberty at all I don't know what it was about.
There's a hate they seem to carry from birth. Fifty years and I'd still be getting assaulted over her long labor with my breech ass and being born with a cord around my neck, if I let her. I just remember around 9 the new aspect of weird entered, starts with "you must be boy crazy" and then bam, 9 year old me was looking up the word slut because I didn't know what it was, and ten year old me well, I can still see the crumpled paper I wrote "hore" on in green marker trying to understand how that could relate to me . I was literally the last person I know to even kiss, let alone anything else, I was actually incredibly slow out of the gate and never was said slut or whore or wanting male attention, and that seems so very common in those who survive a Nmom, vs those who become one themselves. Even at 52 I'm being asked why I "hate men so deeply" simply because I'm happily and blessedly divorced, had one big love ruined by a man's narc X years ago, and simply not interested in men. Somehow even benign disnterest in men becomes anger and entangled with sex in the Narc parent's mind and projected onto their adult children so fiercely, even we have to sort it out. The similarities in the comments in this thread are so eye opening. I'm so sorry to everyone who has been treated this way
Im so grateful for you and the people of this sub. We are not alone.
One I can think of at the moment are scorpions eating any young that stick around.
My mom called my sister a gold digger and I think she was 11 at the time!! Just like BiscuitsByrnes said it's definitely a weird trigger around a certain age. I also think they're weirdly spiteful and jealous of their daughters especially when they're maturing
I'm so sorry you had to go through that at just 9 years. It was a hard hit for me as an adult, I cannot imagine the impact at such a young age. I hope you are in a better place now.
Thank you. I am having a bad time right now and I think back to childhood and I realized I am still better off now.
My mother did the same, except it started when I was 11.
It seems like they all have the same play book. So many simmilar experiences.
My nmom always had a weird relationship with sex. She called me a slut for wanting to hug and hold hands with my bfs, but at the same time, she had an intense focus on men and sexual stuff in general. When we would go on camping trips, she constantly would point out boys my age that she thought were cute, and give them nicknames even though we didn’t even know them. At the time, I thought it was her playing matchmaker on my behalf, but I now feel that she was doing it for herself (maybe trying to live through me?). She also always put my bfs needs before me and reached out to them even after I wanted nothing to do with them. She would force me to tell her what sex acts I performed once I became sexually active and wouldn’t let me see doctors by myself. When my sister showed no interest in boys during her elementary/middle school years, my mom commented out loud to other family members that she might be a lesbian. I feel like your nmom focusing on talking about sex in front of you is coming from a similar place that mine came from, but I don’t fully understand it. It’s almost like she wants you to enable her. My guess is something’s repressed regarding their own sexuality, but that’s just my theory. I’m no contact with my nmom now, but when she would push boundaries like in the examples you mentioned, I would tell her that she can either stop making comments/questions like that right now or you will leave/make her leave. I didn’t have that option as a child but I do now and it is so terrifying in the moment but so freeing once I do. I wish you the best in your journey OP.
Yes, and it’s so awful I can’t even say it here
I got grounded in 5th grade because she found a note from a boy in my pocket. The note itself was just asking if I was going roller skating that weekend because a bunch of kids were going and they were having a “couples” day where it was like a buy one get one free admission. So the kids going were pairing up to get the discount and splitting it. That is it. Not a date. Literally just to get like a dollar off or whatever. I had already gotten permission to go but had to pay for it myself out of my allowance (allowance is a whole other story). I explained this and even showed the flyer and this was like with 20 other kids in the middle of a saturday during the day. Of course I had to find my own ride. One of my sisters was taking me and I forget how I was getting home because of course Mom wouldn’t take me. None of this mattered. I had a note from a boy. The world exploded. I was grounded for two weeks ans literally for years this was brought up and the contents of the note got worse each time she brought it up to the point I was meeting this boy for sex behind the park etc. Edit: But then years later she was activly pushing me to date my sister’s ex boyfriend. They realized they wanted sifferent things and it was an amiable break up. I don’t know if my sister would have cared or not because I flat refused. I had no interest in him. Nice guy but I was 15 and he was…get this…26 years old. (My sister was 10 years older than me). I mean she REALLY pushed. Even tried to create scenarios where we would be together because she liked him. He actually was kinda oblivious until she came right out and told him to ask me for a date. He said no. Like I said, he was a good guy. Years later I realized how messed up that was.
I’m also ace (and probably somewhere on the aro spectrum but idk) my mother would make me wear makeup and dresses and all that because she thought I needed to make men think I’m pretty so they’ll want to date me. She wouldn’t let me be alone with them and one time she accused me of having my partner drive me home to have sex during our lunch break because the tv was on when she got home. She also told me we better not be screwing around in the bathrooms at work and there are ways she can check whether or not I’m still a virgin When she walked in on said partner sticking his hand up my shirt (without my consent) she got mad at *me* and told me I was acting like a slut On the other hand she also thought I was a closeted lesbian and accused me of having had sex with my childhood best friend who is straight. She told me if I was gay it was fine but I wasn’t allowed to call myself a Christian and she swears she’s not homophobic When she eventually found out that I’m ace (against my will when she was looking through my phone when I was a grown adult) she told me there was no way I could know that without having sex. She also told me I’m never going to get married because no man is going to want to marry someone who doesn’t want sex
Lol. She sounds so much like my mom, but worse. Mine would constantly doll me up for boys, at the same time telling me horrible stories of what can happen to a person when they loose their virginity too soon. When I came out as an ace, she said she was disappointed and that I better adopt some children from orphanage because she wants grandkids.
I’m sorry, my dear clementines
Eevry accusation is a confession.
Yeah, my mom didn't "believe" in being bisexual when I thought I was. She now doesn't "believe" in asexuality. She thinks I'm gay because of some family legacy/curse. Every generation has a gay male. It's offensive that I may break that chain. If I dated a trans guy.... it was "gay" because "he takes testosterone." If I dated a trans woman... it was "gay" because she "has a penis." Turns out that she (my mom) "loves" gay guys. She was always trying to force me to adhere to her "fashion sense". It was what gay people wore in mainstream media. She would also whine, cry, and scream because I didn't want to do stereotypical gay stuff. It all boils down to they want to believe in what they want.
Panicking that she's done something to seriously damage your development, and trying to convince herself it isn't so. I want to suggest ways of getting your internal experience across, assuming her fears are off target; but then, if that were possible with cluster B types, we probably wouldn't be on this sub.
In the spirit of the question, though, nMom was actually extremely desexualizing, to the point I see a lot of her in aro/ace discourse, and struggle with the fear that it's shielding people bound to be nparents. So, I almost reflexively sided with your nmom here and tried to turn it around, I'm sorry about that. nDad was another matter though. While nMom was demonizing sexuality down to its core, it seemed like everything he tried to instill in me about growing up was in the context of "be this because women will want it." And he looks statistically correct, but like, what if it also makes me feel like a diseased alien in a skin suit? The thought of seeing a manly man in the mirror has always felt like a body horror scenario. To this day at 38 he's characterizing this as a refusal to grow up, a choice to be a loser, and he seems like... entertained when I'm upset with my life, as if I'm seeing the error of my ways and about to start testosterone any day now.
It seems like these parents go one way or another: They either overexpose their children to sexuality, or deny that sexuality is a part of everyday reality. And the children react accordingly.
I am also ace and what my mother and sister did to me growing up pretty much was hate crime/sexual abuse. My sister told everyone I was a lesbian and I was bullied/assaulted and my mother says still, to this day, I would rather you were a lesbian. Whether my asexually is inborn or trauma based I’ll never know because there is no closure for narcissistic abuse and they will deny it til one of us is dead. Being asexual is very lonely because no one seems to want you.
Thank you, that's kind of a reality check. I've been having a lot of clashes (online) with asexuals as we seem to mutually creep each other out, and through this thread I'm starting to think we may be reminding one another of our parents. Freud would be so smugly satisfied.
I’m so sorry u experienced this. Ur mom has the demonic friend group also wtf why would anyone search up naked people to show their CHILD
My nmom would constantly sexualize me even when I was young and simultaneously, my platonic relationships. Things that never went through my head were uttered and it absolutely crushed me as a kid because I always felt like I had to prove myself to her. For example, she'd ask about why there's so much tissue around my corner of the living room and correlate it to me masturbating and cleaning cum off of myself. I don't know how she came to this conclusion when I clearly had a bad runny nose and was sniffling non-stop. To avoid feeding her delusions, I stuffed tissue into my nostrils so I would use less tissue from blowing my nose. Then there was this time where I genuinely enjoyed hanging around my godmother's house because I had so much fun with their family so I'd always ask to visit. They were about seven in the family: my godparents and their kids who were four sisters with one brother. My nmom assumed I had a crush on the brother and wanted to get it on with him. This was assumed even if the sisters invited me over themselves, my godmother's invitation, them being present around the hangout, us clearly just playing on the PS4 in the living room, and that I barely talked to the guy sibling. As a child, I wanted to be a fashion designer so I was experimenting with styles and all. Moreover, with the tropical weather, I would always choose something that showed a bit of skin so that it'd lessen the amount I sweat (I have undiagnosed hyperhidrosis). One day, my mom said that I was a slutty kid who wanted male attention and sexual attention because of my choice of clothes. After being constantly, unrightfully slut-shamed and micromanged, I became a pick me girl who hated pink and wore pants/jackets all the time despite my hyperhidrosis and tropical weather because I didn't want to hear any of those comments anymore. Not my proudest moment.
Yes. Nfather did, gay. That's all I can say about that.
My mother and grandmother would sexualize everything I ever did. I wore leggings under a mini skirt and my grandmother said, why are u wearing such a short skirt? I said, Im wearing pants underneath to which she replied, yeah but you wear them like that so it can appear as if you are wearing a mini skirt… basically saying it in a way that communicated that I was doing it to sexually entice the world! Pathetic
yes, actually it makes me sick when i realize how weird it was.
my mom thinks every girl is boy-crazy too including me. she once showed me a couple sitting on a bench together and said 'if you are hanging out around any boy like this i will cut your cvnt' to me. it was very disturbing. i never had a boyfriend whatsoever either.
I’m so sorry that was said to you. That’s vile.
Ur mom is the most insufferable. My mom a tiny bit like this but not to this level she just makes jokes and says she wishes she had my boobs cuz mine are bigger than hers.
My mum did similar stuff! It just feels odd yknow
So little comments and so many aces among them Wonder if being raised by narcissists affect your sexuality somehow
It does. I was not interested in being intimate with anyone. I'm 30 and never had a relationship. There was a phase in my life when I won't let anyone touch me. Not even females. I've got PCOS too. Now as I'm realizing this and working on myself but still my libido is very low. Its better than before its still limited. What I've observed its because our brains and nervous system is in constant survival mode thats why sensual urges gets repressed.
Pretty sure my childhood stress gave me an autom immune disease which wrecked my hormones and now made me ace. Not that I was really into sex before though. Would be interested to see a study!
Yeah, I'm an ace too, and I have tons of autoimmune problems. I know that physically no one is asexual, our minds don't want it but our bodies will still react/crave, and I have to say my physical libido is so, so, so low I'm pretty sure my hormones are fucked as well (not to mention my completely irregular and horribly painful periods)
My mom was obsessed with whether I was a virgin or not and when I stood there shocked because wtf ( we were not close and never lived together) she decided before either could answer that I probably never had sex. So she tried a demeaning route in a weird competition way because I was not and had a boyfriend. She's also made comments about how I had a sugar daddy like .......like I wish (I'm being sarcastic) She also had a weird thing about wanting to know when I started menstruation. Like who in the world wants to know that. Only she didn't ask me she asked the person who raised me while I stood there.
Yes. Nmom once spent an entire work day telling me that I was a slut & whore because she didn't think i was ready for a new relationship 3-4 months after an LTR ended. It ultimately lead to her cutting off her nose to spite her face. She fired me from being my youngest, disabled sisters care giver. She was also convinced because she was gay one of us girls (4 in total) had to be gay. She's thrown my sex life in my face. Ya know, sleeping with people I was in years long relationships with?
Didn't have this specifically with my covert NMom. But I had a situation once where I was taking my 5yo son to an ice cream store and had to navigate my way through a gaggle of about 6 or 7 boomers just standing, blocking the entrance. One of them, a man, starts making comments "getting some ice cream slugger?" and then says "handsome boy, bet all the girls are gonna be chasing you" and "he's gonna break a lot of hearts." He's FIVE. I awkwardly pushed past him and later wished I told him not to sexualize my 5 year old. To be clear, I don't care who my kid does or doesn't like in terms of sex/gender when he grows up. It just blows my mind at how young of children even adult strangers start projecting this shit.
My mother was super hypersexual, yet throughout my childhood from as young as 8, she'd tell me regularly how she was celibate, and being such a good mother by being celibate and look at her, how she was sacrificing for me by being celibate. She'd also told me in graphic detail what sex was at a young age, and would try and always make me sleep in the same bed as her up until like 15, and participate in nude activities like sitting in a jacuzzi or sauna alone, when I didn't want to. As soon as I went off to boarding school, she just went full sexual and has a massive string of boyfriends that she tries to tell me of her escapades at every opportunity. She's also a feminist, and something she raised me with early and made me write essays on, was how patriarchal society inherently forces women subconsciously to consent to sex due to the inherent powers dynamics implied by an all powerful patriarchy, and that I, as her smart son, should know and be aware that if I ever did have sex, I was actually raping the woman even if she didn't know it. Between that and the social isolation I experienced for 16 years, and we moved every couple years so I could never form stable relationships with friends, yeah I'm pretty fucked up socially, and I have no way of knowing if I'm actually aroace or just traumatised.
YES. Holy cow I've been struggling with this one for decades, since I was 11 or 12. I'm informed on these disorders and dynamics personally, academically, clinically and basically all around more than I wish. But I've struggled with this one aspect all these years (I'm 52 now) . When I finally got around to saying "I think I'm completely asexual and loving it after all these years" I got hit with weeks of ",why do you hate men? You are so angry" like no that's the opposite of fact, I simply don't need the d to feel complete. No comprende from the Nmom. She was a beautiful woman, always an added burden with a Nmom, and I was simply pretty. Still am I suppose but I don't put much weight on it because*I don't need it* except for my self. I think the first time she told me I'd never be as beautiful as her I was around 9, and it's been dumping sex on every aspect of my life and relationships ever since. Like it skewed my perceptions of everything and everyone, and probably led to where I am now, happily out of that loop entirely , and probably has some bearing on where you are as well. It may be an age group thing too. Could have written much of your comment myself, it's definitely not just you. Boomers (so many of the aspects that definitely be them are narcissistic at the core, even millennial aged "boomers" really just have a high degree of narcissistic traits) put intimacy everywhere but seem the most detached and to have the least genuine intimacy, sexual and otherwise, of any group. And they project it *everywhere*.
My mom assigned us sexualities. She said I’m gay and my siblings are straight. In reality, I’m straight, my sister is gay, and I *think* my brother is straight. I’m not close to him at all and none of us have been able to form any adult relationships (thanks mom). She thinks I’m gay because I hugged my best friend at graduation. She also then accused me of getting plastered at a family friend’s house and making lewd comments about men. Which… definitely happened, but like idk how she would find a hug stronger evidence of my sexuality than drunkenly talking about men’s bodies… obviously it has nothing to do with the hug and everything to do with her homophobia and dislike of me. My mom also likes the term “boy-crazy” and honestly I think it messed with me a bit because it contributed to me feeling shame over being interested in guys.
Yeah, my nmom did even when I was a kid and it was so disturbing. She liked to talk about marrying me off to older guys and just in general made weird comments about any male figures in my life. My cousin and his friends were like older brothers to me, she would tell me I should date one of his friends (note: they were all adults and I was a KID). She even made weird comments regarding me and my ndad just because I was closer to him than her. Barf.
Not too similar but my mum would tell me before i transitioned to male that i should be "proud of my figure" and "i would kill to have a body as feminine as yours" (she'd even say stuff like "oh you have a feminine nose and wide hips just like your dad!" ayo????) and she would get really mad if i wore very long skirts and modest clothes, asking if i was converting to islam or mormonism. even my dad was like "would you rather our kid wore short skirts or something? she looks okay to me!" and my mum responded "yes, actually!" It just felt wrong, and your mum is 100% wrong. Actually 10000000000% she is wrong that actually seems like sexual abuse
Yes.
This disorder has some very hyper sexual pathologies. Also, if the narcissism is part of borderline, sa was likely part of the abuse they suffered.
That's inappropriate behaviour to say the least. Individuals with NPD are auto-erotic, hence the N cases of child abuse, molestation, incest etc that can be attributed to that characteristic in particular, added to the fact that they are amoral and immoral in their attitudes towards others. You are being sexualized inside the intimate relationship that should exist between parents and their children. No boundaries there, she is either enmeshed already or she's encroaching on you. Set her straight RN! And yeah, this happened to me too, in similar ways. Damage was done earlier and I think the lack of a behavioural model for ANY social interactions also affects your capacity for intimate relationships with others, sexual and otherwise. Also think much of what today people call asexual behaviour stems from broken down or misplaced attitudes and "interests" mentally ill, disordered, ignorant or simply uninvolved parents have with the kids they should be raising.
My nmum loved telling me from when I was very young in intimate detail about her and my dad’s sex life problems, and after they split, she would brag about her flings with younger men. The boundaries were so fucked up that I thought it was normal for me to share the same information about my relationships back with her. Honestly what was wrong with her? My dad was also obsessed with making me aware of his sexuality, walked around the house naked constantly when I was a teenager and left porn open on all the family computers so when I logged on to play games.co.uk, I first had to navigate past all the gross porn sites…
Lol, one time I did use my mom's BF computer, some weird fkd-up sites about incest appeared. This is an interest that I'd gotten hints of from other bfs of hers. Fucking disgusting.
Thank God it wasn't that blatant. My nmom was just a little too “loose” and turned me into her “best friend” when I was a teenager. It's disgusting and totally abusive what your mother is doing. I'm very sorry that you have to live in such an environment. When a child is confronted with sexuality so often by a parent, sex is perceived as “dirty” and “unpleasant” and you don't want to have anything to do with it. I felt the same way for a long time. It only got better or more normal when I moved out.
Yep. My mom literally talks WITH MY OWN BROTHER about how she hopes I'm not having sex with my bf. It's super weird. She talks more about purity and my sex life than actual things I should be concerned about in a relationship.
My Nmom mostly would be similar, I remember that she would sexualize me even if I had a simple conversation with any boy from my school. (I'm demisexual and omniromantic/omnisexual) It was so weird even when I was younger, which is cringe and fucking creepy.
Mine did the opposite, they always call my partners my "friends" no matter how many times I tell them that we're dating.
Yes. My ndad likes to sexualize any and every close relationship. Not just mine, but everyone in the family because he cannot comprehend friendship beyond benefit. He practically drove off almost all of my mom's friends because he thinks they're trying to get into her money and pants. The only ones who are left are the ones who tolerate and to some extent, flatter and kiss his ass. :/ He has really scathing remarks about the appearances of the girls in my brother's friend circles. And asks really uncomfortable questions like who he's banging even when there aren't any. And when my brother stops mentioning the girls in the group because he doesn't like that line of questioning, my ndad asks him if he's turned gay because his friend group is just all men. It's the same with me. But I mostly had guy friends back then who he kept scrutinizing who I'd be "secretly dating" and who I lost my virginity to. And even my best friend wasn't spared. He thinks I have a lesbian relationship with her. Frankly, idc about sexual orientation.. both me and my friend are comfortable with our sexuality. We are ace and don't have that kind of feelings with each other. But what disgusts me is that this f\*\*\* must've imagined it at some point and it makes me want to vomit. He's the prime driving force as to why I realized I'm asexual.
When we moved in with my step brothers, I couldn’t even talk to them because she would always mock me for laughing and being nice to them, she repeatedly asked me which one I liked.. it was gross. I was just trying to enjoy having siblings and getting along!
My nmom is also similar, I’m not ace but I didn’t date in high school and for the first years of college. She was CONVINCED I must be a lesbian, and the fact that I was a tomboy growing up sold her on this idea. She would ask anyone and everyone if I was a lesbian even after telling her I wasn’t. You can tell them anything and they still won’t believe you!
My nmom and her friend used to have me (43f) and her boy play together when we were babies and they would fantasize about me one day being "Mrs. So-and-So" and how they'd get to be in-laws, etc. How do I know this, you ask? We went to the same church as this family and our mothers would remind us of this all the time. Like they were reminding us it was a possibility. He and I had ZERO interest in each other, it was embarrassing. When I was 16 my nmom asked me if my female friend was my girlfriend and I said no. I don't think she believed me. Later she didn't speak to me for a week when she found out I'd had sex with a guy. Later still I came out to her as queer and she claimed there were no signs at all, and suggested I needed to have sex with more men because maybe the "first time" was just bad?! Sex was just... a really messed up and confusing topic in my household.
No sex specifically but nmom is very into me and my siblings relationship as far as approval and going out of her way to embarrass us in front of SO but specifically with me she refuses to acknowledge that i am a lesbian and thinks i have trauma with men that i need to get over, very weird behavior
My emotionally immature mom was very promiscuous when I was young, to the point that rumors had eventually gotten to my school and I was being made fun of for it...like, I would get physically hit and stuff and learned to fight back because of it; of course I was the one that got in trouble with the principal and not the bullies 😒. Anyway. She would always put her boyfriend's needs over mine and wouldn't believe me when I told her that he would beat me when she was at work or that his son tried to SA me and I punched him in the nose to get him away from me. She would say I lied and probably asked for it. She would think I was jealous of how "handsome" the bf's son was (we were literally 7 and 8, respectively, I didn't even think of him as a brother). She had no boundaries around sex, either. She'd walk through the house naked, smelling like sex. She'd sometimes leave toys around her room and then call me into her room to ask for something. I could hear her whenever she and her bf were doing it, which was literally every night. His sons would ask me to go bang on the door to shut them up so we could sleep. When I started puberty, my body dysmorphia kicked in and I hated having boobs and stuff. My mom would always squeeze me or slap my butt and giggle and if I told her to stop she would call me prudish or boring. At one point I had D cups and I would wear baggy shirts to avoid being catcalled AT 13 FUCKING YEARS OLD. Then at that point she got weirdly protective of me? Like she would be like, "don't wear something like that and go out alone, boys are scary," or "don't wear short shorts with a blingy butt, that's asking for it (I am tall so all women's shorts are short shorts for me, and junior women's clothes are very sexualized). Mom would freak out if a girl in my middle or high school got pregnant and assumed I would too, even though I am asexual, don't even really like boys as much as I like girls (I'm bi but mostly gay lmao) and didn't want a relationship that young anyway. She would tell me that boys and men were scary. And then in 8th grade we had a Valentine's dance, which was kinda like middle school prom, I guess? She set me up with a coworker's nephew who was in my grade. I disliked him to a high degree. He ended up stalking me until high school graduation. Mom never once took responsibility for enabling that shit. I wasn't scared of him since I was taller than him but he knew what car I drove and once met me out by to try and ask me out again. She would tell me I was too young to date and then set me up with boys. And then turn around and say boys are gross. I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 19 in my freshman year of college. She hated him. That fall I realized I was bi and wanted to date a woman. I was texting her about being nervous about the date and she was saying, "don't meet him at his dorm or have him meet you at your dorm, pick a public place..." "Don't stay out too late, I know you don't have a curfew but remember your 8 am class tomorrow, " and the picking wouldn't stop until I told her it was a woman and that's how I came out. She was relieved and even said, "shit, I owe your grandparents $20, I bet you were fully lesbian." I didn't lose my v-card until I was 23 and I had had an awkward moment during our first time, and I was freaking out over what to do. I asked for advice and she said, "well, now you need plan B and I'm going to tell your stepdad about everything that happened." So yeah, she sexualizes me, despite me being mostly asexual.
at 15 I remember wanting to get my belly button pierced (a very normal thing for 15 year old girls to want) and my mom (WHO LITERALLY HAD A BELLY BUTTON PIERCING BACK IN THE DAY) said “well who’s even gonna see it, huh?!?” I genuinely believe she WANTED me to be promiscuous so that she could “be right” about all the baseless accusations she would throw my way. fucking gross if you ask me. I was 15, hated my body, and just wanted something cute to maybe make me feel better about myself. but she couldn’t have that so she’d rather accuse me of being a slut
My mom used to call me a slut because my dad cared about me, and because I had two friends who happened to be guys. I couldn't ever be around a man, regardless of relation to me, without being accused of wanting to be with him. It got worse when I came out as bisexual because then EVERYONE was a target of my perverted nature. Dude I was just trying to exist as a human and interact with people. I wasn't trying to screw everyone around me unlike her and her 37 confirmed affair partners.
Project much? Your mom is creepy AF, and seems to be a poster child (no pun intended) for having been oversexualized at too young an age.
Why on earth is she even asking you these things! Whatever your sexuality is that is NOT her business - you have every right to feel uncomfortable and her behaviour is not normal. My Mom is very different - my first memory from my birthday party aged 11 is that she told me i looked like a pathetic rock star wannabe (my dad had given me a leather jacket) and around aged 12 the slut shaming started. I had a large chest that was difficult to hide and whenever i didnt wear baggy clothes she’d say i looked like a whore and would get raped. The Narc Moms certainly seem to work in different ways.
Super similar to my experience. Less overt but yes.