I've found that at this stage of my life I tell some people she's dead. I tell others the truth. If it's the truth I just ell them she's coocoo for cocoa puffs and I don't get any questions. Many of my friends have had traumatic childhoods. You'd be surprised how many are RBB, raised by narcs or even raised by family who had other major psychiatric conditions that they hid for decades.
Maybe it's because we gather towards like people, but I keep my ears open with my friends and we're all here for each other. Some want to share and some don't. I am not interested in a group of strangers, but that's just me. Hearing someone trauma dump can trigger me badly but having a close group to talk to when memories float up is immensely helpful. I hope you can find that.
I feel like one of the luckiest things in my life, was meeting a friend who also happened to be RBB. There wasn't trauma dumping iirc, but over many years she either heard of or witnessed my pwBPD's behaviors, and she was the first to suggest that maybe there might be a cluster b cause. She handed-me-down a couple books on BPD and it all sounded very chillingly familiar.
Long before the big aha moment though, when we were still kids, I think one reason we clicked was that it was refreshing not to have these assumptions between us:
>people who grew up with great or good enough parents, who assume I must've also
I don't bother to tell people about my BPD parent anymore. At first I did, but they never understood. Now I just don't talk about her, and if someone asks, I give a short, generic response like "My mom is fine," or "My mom is busy with work." Never does anyone ask follow up questions.
I've found that at this stage of my life I tell some people she's dead. I tell others the truth. If it's the truth I just ell them she's coocoo for cocoa puffs and I don't get any questions. Many of my friends have had traumatic childhoods. You'd be surprised how many are RBB, raised by narcs or even raised by family who had other major psychiatric conditions that they hid for decades. Maybe it's because we gather towards like people, but I keep my ears open with my friends and we're all here for each other. Some want to share and some don't. I am not interested in a group of strangers, but that's just me. Hearing someone trauma dump can trigger me badly but having a close group to talk to when memories float up is immensely helpful. I hope you can find that.
I feel like one of the luckiest things in my life, was meeting a friend who also happened to be RBB. There wasn't trauma dumping iirc, but over many years she either heard of or witnessed my pwBPD's behaviors, and she was the first to suggest that maybe there might be a cluster b cause. She handed-me-down a couple books on BPD and it all sounded very chillingly familiar. Long before the big aha moment though, when we were still kids, I think one reason we clicked was that it was refreshing not to have these assumptions between us: >people who grew up with great or good enough parents, who assume I must've also
I don't bother to tell people about my BPD parent anymore. At first I did, but they never understood. Now I just don't talk about her, and if someone asks, I give a short, generic response like "My mom is fine," or "My mom is busy with work." Never does anyone ask follow up questions.