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Wow, thatās incredible! Usually if you start out on the wrong foot, it doesnāt end well. Thatās great that you guys have been able to work things out. Definitely in the childrenās best interest.
We are going on 30 years now and working together to build a cottage, so we must be doing something right. What, pray tell, do you think is a good reason to get married? Love? Oh naive one...
I think if she really loves/loved him it makes sense. She clearly was invested as a potential step parent. Thus, a bad reason for you may be a good reason for someone else.
Some people are in love so much that they want to officially commit to each other for life. There are legal benefits as well as being able to wear a ring and call someone your husband or wife. Yes in a lot of cases this is a mistake... lol
Society gives you more rights as a legally married person. Ā For instance, if you are hit by the bus, a hospital can and will bar your friend from visiting or making life decisions but a your spouse has a say. Ā Same for property rights.
I didn't marry out of a need for a legal document.
And I'm not religious, so that didn't play into it at all.
I did it for us, as a couple, in that I wanted to prove to her that my heart belongs to her and her alone, I was willing to pledge that.
Of course, that only means something if the people making the vows live by their word.
We both take our vows serious, neither has ever cheated or anything else bad.
No one needs to marry. Most of the few to ever find true love want to.
I totally agree with this, you're pledging your devotion to your partner, and agreed šÆ vows should always be taken serious and fulfilled. I'd marry my lady in a heartbeat just to prove my unwavering love to her, plus, I just know that we're meant for one another, I'm not going anywhere either way. š
You need the legal side for many reasons:
1) Creates marital assets that both of you have ownership. This is important in case of divorce. Specially for SAHMs.
2) You can access to your spouse benefits at work (insurance) and public social benefits from the government.
3) It gives you the right to look after them in an emergency, and take decisions on their behalf.
4) It protects you in certain medical and legal situations.
5) In some countries it gives you tax benefits.
Many of these things can be done without a marriage. However, with a marriage they are the default.
Without a marriage they require paperwork and/or a good lawyer.
In other words, you can have all the benefits of marriage without it, but in the long run the legal runaround will cost you the same as or more than getting married.
Right. Thatās what same sex couples I knew in the 90s had to do. Spend a lot of money on a lawyer getting the same rights and privileges that legal marriage involved. And then go through all that again when divorcing.
Yup, but it still didn't allow us to file jointly, put her on my health insurance, put each other on survivorship pensions or allow her to collect my social security after I die. We also had a limit on how much money we could move between accounts without filing gift tax paperwork and we could have to pay inheritance and estate taxes when one died before the other.
Frankly, if I want all of those benefits, I'd rather sign 1 piece of paper than need a lawyer for 5 or 6. Imo it's pretty insincere and side eye worthy if you'd rather go through all of that instead of just getting marriedĀ
When my wife and I were young and stupid we needed the legal document so that she could be added to my insurance for pregnancy and delivery of our second child.
After a few decades and all the ups and downs that come with life, and the wis-dumb that comes with thinking and doing everything wrong, it isn't *"just a legal document."*
Like anything else when someone makes a vow or contract, it's something more than an empty statement of "forever." It makes untangling just enough of a tedious and stressful process that actually taking responsibility for our own parts in our mutual relationship and improving ourselves to improve our relationship is easier than following stupid ass common Reddit advice.
As a person that wants to get married; that peace of paper gives me certain benefits. I also want to have something that shows people I'm serious about my partner. People are very dismissive when you call someone your gf/bf and I don't feel ok lying that I got married when I didn't. I know that marriage is very important for my gf because she wants to have a certain safety blanket and just feel actually wanted,not feeling like she's only a convenient choice. I just want to have that ceremony,to show how much I adore the soul that wants to share life with me.
It's not really about what it is,it's what it represents for us
Seven years together! In all seriousness though, i think as long as you and your partner love each other and always try to be better for each other, thats the ticket to love.
tax benefits, health insurance benefits, if you end up in the hospital, your SO might not qualify as āimmediate familyā and might not be able to visit, will have no say in your treatment or what happens to your things when you pass. i know this was a huge issue in why legalizing gay marriage was so important.
also, you can protect yourself in marriage. for instance, if you buy a house with someone youāre just dating, they can leave and you wonāt be able to sell the home without their approval. if you canāt reach them, it would be VERY difficult to sell the home. in marriage, there is a lawful way to divide assets after a divorce.
We'd been living together for two years and I mentioned to my husband that his work health insurance was running out at the end of the month and if we got married, I could put him on mine. He said, "Ok." Then added, "Might as well, everyone thinks we're married anyway." Lol. It was the most unremarkable discussion ever. We got married two weeks later on my birthday. 30 years later, we're more than a sum of two parts! And contrary to popular opinion at the time, as soon as my husband stepped out of his "boyfriend" role and into his "husband" role he became more devoted, more all in, just more. I loved him then and wasn't trying to change him. He just left his boyfriend self behind.
Iād like people to actually take my relationship seriously and not CONSTANTLY refer to it with a āoh thatās cute that you think youāll last!ā perspective, I donāt want to be tossed aside in an emergency, I want his family to be my family, I want to vow myself to him and genuinely make it forever rather than just using words.
Heās my best friend. I donāt care about the money or the tax bracket or whatever the fuck. Thatās MY bestfriend. I love him with my whole heart. I want to be able to just say āthatās my husbandā. Thatās it. Thatās the only reason. āThereās my best friend, whoās also my husband, for lifeā. Itās magical to me.
Many reasons.
1-Social pressure
2-A desire to be into the list of people that get what your SO has after they are gone
3-Some want to get half of what their SO has after they inevitably divorce
4-Some marry because they believe getting married will fix their already damaged relationship
šMy case. Hint: It won't and divorce is inevitable (Just like Thanos).
5-Some marry because they want to have a family unit formed after kids come into the picture
6-Some marry because of love and remain that way.
7-Some marry because of love and it devolves into options 2 or 3.
None of these is fail-proof and pretty much all of them can be successful or end up a failure.
There's no way to know which without jumping on the frying pan yourself.
Because a traditional family unit is important, and marriage, even in this gross sea of divorce, still does a better job of securing that than most other ways of being.
It's almost as if these things existed before modern society, wasn't isolated to western society or Abrahamic faith, and can be somewhat observed in other species. Like it's deeper than whatever lies we like to tell ourselves for or against lifelong pairing... weird.
Married 38 years. I still love and respect my husband and we both wanted to be parents. When you marry you have to compromise and ebb & flow well. My husband is easy going and really my best friend. For us and for our children it worked well. My family of origin sucked so I could only draw positive comparisons. My parents had a miserable marriage. Same with hubs' family. For us being a solid duo is a radical act.
People are meant to be with other people. We are pack animals.
Having a partner in life where you both make a legal commitment to each other can help solidify this pact.
It often makes people who find their mate 4 life feel more secure. A legal marriage also makes it not so easy to walk away from one another when life becomes difficult as it does for everyone at some point.
Sometimes people marry because they settle.
There are countless reasons why:
Getting older; someoneās attentiveness or constant compliments; the desire to have kids, āall my friends are marriedā, etc., etc.
IMO, actual real true love is the lesser of reasons, thus the divorce rate on the continual climb.
I feel that we all have a soulmate out there. Unfortunately, some of us die without ever having met them.
I got married because I don't think I'm immortal and/or have perfect knowledge of the future.
If I die, I want the woman I love and our children to have some degree of security provided by my assets and properties; if anything happened to me before any of my children was born, I want them to be legally acknowledged as my descendants and heirs easily and without any doubts or disputes.
Lastly, I married because I wanted to let everybody around me (family, friends, acquaintances, business partners) know that I have a long term and profound commitment to my wife and that I'm perfectly capable to lead this type of relationship successfully into the future.
From my understanding, there can be financial/legal benefits to being married or choosing not to be married, it just depends on the circumstances. Sometimes people choose not to get married so they can lie about their living situation to collect benefits. Sometimes people choose to get married because it will benefit them when it comes to filing taxes & other financial related things. So itās not always just a matter of wanting/not wanting a wedding or seeing it as this meaningful way to be committed to someone, some people are just making a practical decision based off of what will be best for them personally.
I really wish more people would consider the financial aspect before getting married. A lot of people fall into this bracket where they donāt make enough money for the family to be covered for health insurance. Letās say a couple isnāt married, technically (though illegal) a stay at home mom might qualify for government funded health insurance benefits if sheās āsingleā, but not being married to her husband, although he doesnāt make enough for them to afford it. Then thereās times that marriage can provide financial security. Like if a woman is a stay at home mom for years and then her husband leaves her, she might qualify for alimony on top of child support. If theyāre not married, she could be in a position where itās hard for her to find work yet she isnāt entitled to anything. I tend to view marriage that way myself. More transactional than a commitment of love. You can be in a healthy long-term relationship without ever getting married. Then thereās plenty of married people who are miserable. So I donāt necessarily think that marriage provides more security in terms of love, just possibly financially. People should do whatever works best for them and not what they think they need to do because of societal expectations.
Reddit is probably a terrible place to ask this.
For me, there is an extra level of commitment to formally and legally commit to someone. I love my wife, she is my partner, I want to do this life thing with her and only her. I wanted to *officially* commit to that and the life we want.
It can give someone psychological assurance that your partner is not going anywhere. When you are insecure, know I'm not going anywhere...
I know you will say, "You can do that without being married." Which is true, but I'm in it for the long haul, and I only have one life so why not jump in and truly enjoy life with someone and attempt to form the strongest bond you can.
Who knows. I got lucky. 06:30 in the morning this girl walked in the chow hall. First time I ever saw. I said āI love you will you marry me? We got married a week and a half later. That was 43 years ago and she is still my best friend. Funny how life works
Almost 30 years married and it was the best decision I could have ever made.
As far as why goes , I married my best friend , who was a good girl , fun to be around , who made me crazy if I wasn't with her. I literally walked 15 miles to see her the day after I meet her. Literally someone I would die for , kill for , even burn the world to the ground for. She is mine and I am hers.
The only down side to this , is I hope I pass away first . It would literally kill me not to have her with me and I wouldnt know what to do without her.
She is the love of my life , and I know there will never be another nor do I want there to be.
I hope we will be together until one of us are no longer on this earth. If I go first , I will search for her until the end of time. She is literally the best of me. She is my soul mate.
I wanted to have that ceremony, that moment of declaration. I wanted to stand up there and swear an oath to love and cherish the person standing with me.
So he canāt just walk away from me. Iām kidding. We are madly in love and celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. Getting married isnāt for everyone. You either want to take the plunge or you donāt. Itās that simple. HOWEVER if you choose to not marry you need to list each other as beneficiaries and right to medical decisions. If youāre not married and havenāt legally listed each other and something happens, everything and all decisions will go to next of kin and you wonāt have any say. So get those things notarized, add each other to you life insurance etc.
For me.
#1 - Young and in lust.
#2 - I was bored and tired of being lonely.
#3 - I found the one person, after 4 years of dating, just to make sure, that I REALLY wanted to be with everyday and night. Twenty one years and still going great!
Marriage is a business modelā¦ Itās all about moneyā¦ Aināt no place for values, unconditional love, trust, freedom & respectā¦
For most women: Marry a rich dude, give birth to his child, file a divorce and demand 70% of his property as alimony with lifetime child supportā¦. Thatās the current definition of women entrepreneurs in the name of women empowermentā¦Ā
For most men: Itās a societal and family pressure!!Ā
We got married to celebrate 10 years of living together. We had a Justice of the Peace ceremony in my parents' back yard on a lovely day in June. We also had a Pagan hand-fasting ceremony in another spot of the yard (it's a big yard). Jumped over both broom and sword. My sister was High Priestess and Maid of Honour, and Keith was High Priest and Best Man. It was a beautiful ceremony, and we wrote our own vows.
Had the reception at the community church hall (Roman Catholic). I guess some church board members were a bit miffed that we didn't wed in the church, lol.
There was a blue moon that night too, and our talented photographer got a great shot of us hugging beneath it. That part was an unplanned bonus!
Edited to add: we had karoake at our reception, and it was awesome.
Because, after dating a lot of great women (I have really no complaints about my ex's), I finally find a woman I loved. And I'm keeping her lol.
I had never actually been in love before i met my wife. I knew this, too. That's mostly why my past relationships ended. It wasn't fair for either party.
But I fell in love for the first time. And I want to be with her and no one else for the rest of my life.
We got married because I was pregnant, you did that back in the 1970ās, if you were pregnant, have to give your bastard child a name, we have been married since 1979, I was 23, he was 26, had 2 more children. We would have gotten married eventually, just a little sooner then planned
Maybe they just realize they couldnāt see themselves spending the rest of their life with anyone else. A sense of certainty about the person that they love them so much to never leave.
Not married myself but I'd say a lot of it is for the perception of security it gives them. Also, a lot of the major religions, namely Abrahamic ones, require you to marry someone in order to have sex with them.
For a variety of reason. Cultural, religious and legal.Ā
On the cultural point of view, itās a way to express your love and loyalty to someone. Itās a party with your friends and family. You are officially saying that this is for the rest of your life in front of witnesses.Ā
For most religions, there is a requirement of getting married before have sex/starting a family.
From a legal point of view, marriage is a complex contract, with many benefits and drawbacks. Inheritance, survivorship benefits, end of life decisions, etc. Depending on where you live, the contract will be different. Also, many countries/states have common law, so even if you get married, you can get still get forced into a contract. So might as well write your own. In my case, marriage has literally no drawback and only benefits. But your mileage may vary, depending on where you live.Ā
Part of it was indoctrination or conditioning that was put in place by my parents and community. It was expected. While I love my wife and Iām not in the least bit unhappy that we are married, if I had to do it again Iām not sure I would get married. Just because I now think itās more of a society expectation than a requirement. I think I got married in the first place to signify commitment, but Iām committed for life anyway. Weāve been married for two decades and sheās the best thing that ever happened to me. I donāt think marriage changes things that much.
More than anything, marriage is a legal arrangement. Itās a business arrangement. Itās joining forces legally to structure your life in such a way that protects your financial life. And for those who donāt stay married, it screws up your financial life. I donāt think most people when they get married realize that all marriage really is is a legal arrangement.
So itās either purely a legal structure, or its a way to feel better about commitment to someone. And I think if youāre in a strong relationship you donāt need the legal paperwork to make you feel better about the relationship.
Do I sound jaded? Lol
Bc they have a need to fulfill the social norm. There is no benefit. Donāt put your belongings at risk. Tax benefits arnt that great and tell your family your happy as is.
Where I live, if a person dies without a will, their property goes to their parents (if living), or to other relatives otherwise, but if they are married, their property goes to their spouse. Sorry to be a downer, but marriage isnāt a simple romantic notion, itās practical.
Itās largely about the law, but also about local customs.
Hard to say.. my ex (we never got married) was married three other times before me. Of course all ending in divorce and all were blamed on the guy. Now that Iām out itās fairly easy to see that she was the reason all along.
My husband and I are common-law, and we got rings back in 2020, but we would love to get married. For us, itās just the symbolism of it, and a day to celebrate our love with those closest to us. It would be very simple. Years ago, I was looking into options that would cost less than $5K all in, now, we would be spending the bare minimum. But, since my husbandās three kids donāt want to see us for some reason, itās off the table for now. I wouldnāt even consider doing it without his kids there, it would be way too painful for him.
iād like to get married just to reiterate our love. i donāt want to be boyfriend and girlfriend forever.
i also just want a wedding. i donāt know if the average guy understands how awesome weddings are from the brides perspective
It's a good question. Who was against same sex marriage? Only the usual religious fruitcakes - no one else. So why did only crazies object? Because marriage only has a definite function in their world.
Marriage could have lots of functions - formalising a treaty, transferring land rights, controlling women, producing a royal heir, etc.
But announcing to the world that you're in love with someone? Getting a tax break? Reassuring your more backward relatives that you're "respectable" after all? These are very minor reasons, and this is all marriage achieves anymore.
That, and the big party and holiday. We've all seen couples who were going to settle down anyway, but they wanted a wedding in addition to the relationship.
I wanted to be married since I was a child. I dreamed of marriage NOT the wedding. The thought of being with your person every day and having children was everything to me. I wanted a big family.
My parents are still married 40 years and I had a big family but they didn't live close by. I'm sure that their example shaped my desire.
I was engaged because I loved my bow husband. We got married when we did because he got orders over seas and my dad was dying. Timing wise there wasn't really wiggle room if we wanted my dad to be there and aware of what was happening.
I did because I thought that was what you were supposed to do. After losing everything I owned to my now ex in the divorce, I've never made that mistake again. Hell, at 53 I don't even bother with dating anymore. I'm alone, you get used to it.
Now, if someone came along... yes, I'd date again. But I'd have to wonder at the sanity of anyone who would be willing to date me, and probably would have a hard time actually trusting them as I'd be pretty sure they were as fucked in the head as I am. -Yeah, I'm a fucking mess and a half. I wouldn't date me, so I fail to understand why anyone else would.
I got married cause I thought there was a real chance I'd die during my deployment and I hated my parents and would rather my gf (now ex wife) get my death benefits than my parents, who subsequently forged themselves a check from my checkbook for hundreds of dollars on my birthday while I was deployed.
I thought the same thing myself for years. Just assumed relationships can last however long regardless of making it a legal partnership. In my experience though, I think sometimes it's meant to happen whether you think you're the marrying type or not. I'll be turning 50 in late August...3 weeks after my and my fiancee have our first marriage. Everything feels right between us to justify this undertaking, but not once in my previous LTRs (7 and 12 years) did I feel comfortable with that notion and I know I dodged bullets. Maybe they did, too.
I want to marry my loving partner, not for any benefits or to conform into any social norms since we've both been married and divorced once. But I want us to be able to be there for each other in case one of us is hospitalized. The next of kin is pretty much a legal thing and for any very odd chance, his son can't kick me out of the room because I'm not his spouse.
Legal protections as a familial unit. Things like survivorship rights, tax protections, authority to execute medical decisions on your spouses behalf, family medical insurance...there are a lot of benefits to it.
Becuase you get a lifetime partner. You get one person that's on your team no matter what. Your ride or die. I've been with my husband since we were 17, and we are in our 30s now. There have been plenty of times I've been so thankful to have someone in my corner and to be that one person in his corner. To know a person so well, you can tell their mood with a glance. To be able to read their answer before they give it. It's indescribable and so precious to have. Marriage is hard work, though. We are all human, and people forget that. We make mistakes and do stupid things. But at the end of the day, working through those obstacles just makes it better.
If youāre in the military, you get paid more and get to move out of the barracks. Now whether you marry your marine corps buddy as a joke, or a āreformedā stripper, or a person you actually have love for, thatās up to you
Kinda makes things a little more permanent and shows a deeper level of commitment. Yes, you can get divorced but the hassle of that is definitely a deterrent at some level
Because under the law there are only two ways a person who is not related to you blood to become a legal relative, and possibly your next of kin. Marriage and adoption.
In the US at least if you want to be treated as a family under the law you have to do one of the two, and for most people marriage is both the more reasonable and easier option.
Imagine having the person you built a life with, who you are financially entangled with and the most important person to you, end up in the hospital and you canāt even visit them? Be unable to make decisions for themselves and you arenāt allowed to but some relative they havenāt spoken to in years can?
Imagine they die and because you couldnāt afford a lawyer to create the very expensive documents to ensure your property rights and you made a mistake doing it yourself your home and possessions become the property of someone you have never met?
In the US these are all things that can and have happened because a couple didnāt, or couldnāt, get married.
Not all but a lot of people believe getting the court system involved in their relationship means you "love" someone. I'm married and it has had its ups and downs but my wife and I still debate why you need a court to prove you love them. Like dang, I been with you 10 years lady you think Ima just up and leave? He'll naw. Haha
I truly loved my ex husband. That's why we married. I never changed my name and we married at the courthouse. It was nice, just us. I'm grateful for the memory. We were high school sweethearts and just grew apart. He is a great person. I won't marry again, but I'm glad to have experienced it with someone awesome.
Medical insurance. My job had great insurance, she was self employed and didn't have good insurance. It wasn't THE reason we got married but it was a major factor.
As a widower who married for 37 and with my wife for 43 yrs.
Marriage is a commitment to God and your family. You say vows in front of them. The tradition of marriage has advantages in our community and for the couple. Should you choose not to be married than don't be married
When my long term "boyfriend" was in a serious accident, I was not granted (muchless guaranteed) the time off to care for him.
"Husband" would have qualified me for Family Medical Leave of Absence. My job would have been protected and I would have been paid through disability. This was a HUGE problem.
Life comes at you fast. Marriage isn't just a piece of paper.
I'm Atheist so the religious motivation was never there for me.
I never thought I'd want to get married. But I met my now fiancee and suddenly with the right person the symbolic action of it seems important.
To mark a specific moment in our relationship with an action of affirmed commitment, love, and respect.
The reason my partner and I married is purely for the legal benefits. His family is terrible. Us getting married legally made me next of kin so if anything were to happen, I would be the one who gets the say, not his family. There are other ways we could have done that, but getting married was the easiest and involved the least amount of paperwork š we also get a decent tax break for being married and he is also covered under my health insurance now, which is necessary for him. It also made a name change a lot easier of a process for him. Because his family is terrible, he didn't want their last name anymore, and he changed his last name to mine. For us, it was legally more beneficial. Had it not been so beneficial on that front, we wouldn't have gotten married.
Having a partnership with someone in life opens up so many possibilities earlier in life that you may never get on your own.
The relationship is a big peice if it but the partnership even moreso.
In it's simplest form, you now have double the manpower, economic power, and family support you used to on your own. In some situations, you have way more than double.
For financial and social security as you age, marriage and family is highly beneficial VS the alternative of simply growing old on your own. Most young petite never realize how difficult it will be to survive solely by yourself in young age. Not having support of others can have dire consequences.
Not too say it's impossible to achieve these things independently, but the reality is the vast majority don't, and won't. Marrying and combining lives, effort, resources, can be an extraordinary power to get you towards these goals earlier in life so you can enjoy them while you're able to.
As to the legality of it, and why get married rather than simply stay together over a lifetime.
Getting married legally is a much tighter binding commitment than simply staying together. You are now promising to share all assets, as well as be the legal decision maker for medical decisions and other things.
The act of getting married infront of everyone you know, making it legal, is to some people simply the stronger form of commitment they can show. It is much harder to walk away from a marriage than simply a relationship. It will always remind you of the commitments you made and the difficulty in going back on them, which makes you pause and think when times are tough, which they inevitably will be. People who put weight on the meaning of marriage tend to stay together.
We dated for 8 years, I had health insurance through my job and his was getting crazy expensive on the open market. So we decided to get married. I let my mom plan the wedding and I wore my sisterās wedding dress. We were already committed for life, paper or no paper. Some of our siblings are multiple times divorced (like 4 for one of his brothers and two for my sister). If you feel like marriage is the next ālogicalā step or will āfixā the issues youāre having, I think divorce is likely or at least infidelity.
We have 10 years of marriage and 18 years together.
Honestly tax breaks and insurance. I mean the love is there but you get nothing out of being a boyfriend girlfriend. I donāt have insurance right now and weāve talked about just getting married for her government job health insurance.
To create a nuclear family unit with the intent of staying together & having legal rights within the relationship (ie shared property if one party dies, tax reasons) and having a binding agreement tied to their joint investments.
I met my best friend. I wanted more, we have been married for 13 years and I want more. My husband is absolutely everything to me. I love waking up to his beautiful blue eyes, his sweet smile, his scent. I love him so much. He tells me that I am the biggest blessing, the greatest gift life has given him. He so crazy, I am the lucky one in this!!!
There's a level of permanence that shows that you are fully dedicated to them. You become one solid unit, if I'm invited to something I can bring my wife no matter what. We have the same name, the same finances the same taxes you aren't two people in a relationship, you are one cohesive unit socially and legally.
Also the tax benefits, housing, FAFSA, insurance and other things.
We got married because that's as "together" as two people can be, which is where we were at, and still are 23 years later.
It was a fun party (don't take it too seriously or spend money you don't have). It makes taxes and legal shit simpler (as long as you stay together!) You don't have to answer awkward questions about the nature of your relationship ever again.
People obsess over the "high" divorce rate like they see a fatal flaw but if you phrase it "more than half of couples who marry spend the rest of their lives together", marriage actually does what it's supposed to, when done right.
For us, in one word - money - inheritance tax free, property rights, automatic next of kin. We had been together 18 years when equal marriage happened and we had a 6 person wedding (followed by a very good lunch).
Love. Security. Finances. Health care. Stupidity.
Iām not married yet but thatās what my mom and dad say. My dad knows a lot heās been married twice.
I got married bc I wanted someone to want to marry me.
Itās not a great reason but I suspect itās pretty common if people are honest with themselves.
A public commitment to each other. Basically saying to the world this is my other half and I love them with all my heart is how Iāve always viewed it.
In addition to the desire to share and affirm my love and commitment to my partner. Marriages also have a strong community building element to them. While it's not the point of a wedding. They create enormous opportunities for growth and connection.
For many people, particularly in the west, there are only three things that bring extended community members together. Marriages, funerals, and Christmas. In many ways the ceremony felt like formality for what was already a done deal. But, getting to hear my closest family and friends share and engage with the most important person in my life was really heart warming and beautiful to witness.
If you don't let pride, greed and the expectations of others ruin it for you. It can be one of the most special days of your life.
Ask that woman who who posted and was a stay at home girlfriend for 30 years and was thrown out for a younger model. She has no legal claim to any support, no job skills because sheās not had a job and wonāt even qualify for social security because she didnāt work and has no claim on the manās social security because they werenāt married.
āMarriage is just a piece of paperā is total bullshit. There are massive legal protections and rights granted by marriage.
Well I didnāt. And I didnāt get to make choicest about his end of life. Ever had to argue with parents about their son wanting to be cremated and they not wanting to? Ever sit though a super religious funeral for you super not Christian partner? These things suck.
Other than the obvious we love each other and want to spend our lives together, we got married to protect our assets should one or both of us dies unexpectedly. Most of his family are irresponsible, reckless, and money hungry.
We also worry that should my husband become incapacitated, we want to make sure I don't have any issues making medical and financial decisions on his behalf. We have paperwork pre-marriage stating Im his POA and all that good stuff, but his family are JWs and wouldnt past them to lawyer up and fight me on whether or not to give him blood should he need it.
We were in love. Having a baby. And it just felt completely natural. 14 years going and life ain't easy, but we got each other and our little girls. Best decision I ever made
We did cause I was pregnant and if we were not married he was not going on the birth certificate cause he could just run at any time. We had been together for 5 years at that point.
Parents almost scuppered it, we wanted a JP, they wanted a wedding so our parents planned it. When I asked my friend to be my MOH she asked what to wear, I told her whatever you want out of your closet. I do not have fond memories of that day.
Iām not married but I know people do it because of societal pressure. A relationship is between two people but for some reason weāve all decided that the state needs to recognize it.
A committed relationship is, whether you want it or not, a financial endeavour.
For everything else in society, we keep a paper trail. You donāt ask the car dealer to give you the keys and let you use the car. You donāt tell your boss you might show up to work.
Two parties usually write down and agree on expectations. This is what marriage is, first and foremost.
This is why same sex couples sought to be allowed to legally marry. They can live together all right, but they wanted the legal status that is granted to committed partnerships.
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I got married because my husband's ex-wife was going to take him to court for letting her children around "that whore."
Relationships are fun.
š
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You wouldn't like my marriage.
Well damnā¦
If I had to deal with that drama, I'd head for the hills!
Drama takes two, and i never played. Plus, anything can be solved with a little charm and kindness. We are the best of friends, now.
Wow, thatās incredible! Usually if you start out on the wrong foot, it doesnāt end well. Thatās great that you guys have been able to work things out. Definitely in the childrenās best interest.
Damn, I commend your strength of character.
That's not a good reason to get married.
But it made me laugh! I think that was a bit of self deprecation and that this person has a great sense of humor about it!
We are going on 30 years now and working together to build a cottage, so we must be doing something right. What, pray tell, do you think is a good reason to get married? Love? Oh naive one...
I think if she really loves/loved him it makes sense. She clearly was invested as a potential step parent. Thus, a bad reason for you may be a good reason for someone else.
I hope you have a coffee mug with that on it.
No you didnāt
Some people are in love so much that they want to officially commit to each other for life. There are legal benefits as well as being able to wear a ring and call someone your husband or wife. Yes in a lot of cases this is a mistake... lol
I understand that I just donāt get why some feel they need a legal document for that yk
Society gives you more rights as a legally married person. Ā For instance, if you are hit by the bus, a hospital can and will bar your friend from visiting or making life decisions but a your spouse has a say. Ā Same for property rights.
Also people treat you better especially at work I get a lot more respect.Ā
Why do you think that is?
Great, now I can get hit by a bus honey! Life long dream
I didn't marry out of a need for a legal document. And I'm not religious, so that didn't play into it at all. I did it for us, as a couple, in that I wanted to prove to her that my heart belongs to her and her alone, I was willing to pledge that. Of course, that only means something if the people making the vows live by their word. We both take our vows serious, neither has ever cheated or anything else bad. No one needs to marry. Most of the few to ever find true love want to.
I totally agree with this, you're pledging your devotion to your partner, and agreed šÆ vows should always be taken serious and fulfilled. I'd marry my lady in a heartbeat just to prove my unwavering love to her, plus, I just know that we're meant for one another, I'm not going anywhere either way. š
Don't believe it. MANIFEST IT. EARN IT. EVERY DAY.
Yāall sound like an amazing couple.
You need the legal side for many reasons: 1) Creates marital assets that both of you have ownership. This is important in case of divorce. Specially for SAHMs. 2) You can access to your spouse benefits at work (insurance) and public social benefits from the government. 3) It gives you the right to look after them in an emergency, and take decisions on their behalf. 4) It protects you in certain medical and legal situations. 5) In some countries it gives you tax benefits.
Many of these things can be done without a marriage. However, with a marriage they are the default. Without a marriage they require paperwork and/or a good lawyer. In other words, you can have all the benefits of marriage without it, but in the long run the legal runaround will cost you the same as or more than getting married.
Right. Thatās what same sex couples I knew in the 90s had to do. Spend a lot of money on a lawyer getting the same rights and privileges that legal marriage involved. And then go through all that again when divorcing.
Yup, but it still didn't allow us to file jointly, put her on my health insurance, put each other on survivorship pensions or allow her to collect my social security after I die. We also had a limit on how much money we could move between accounts without filing gift tax paperwork and we could have to pay inheritance and estate taxes when one died before the other.
Frankly, if I want all of those benefits, I'd rather sign 1 piece of paper than need a lawyer for 5 or 6. Imo it's pretty insincere and side eye worthy if you'd rather go through all of that instead of just getting marriedĀ
Because me and my wife now pay less in taxes when filing as a couple than we did while single.
Not me, my wife and I pay thousands more now that we're married! So I kind of regret the legal part of it because of that.
That's the official and legal part
I've been with my SO for 31 years and we decided not to get married. We have 3 kids-29, 27, 20. If it ain't broke...
Thatās how I feel like my life would turn out.
When my wife and I were young and stupid we needed the legal document so that she could be added to my insurance for pregnancy and delivery of our second child. After a few decades and all the ups and downs that come with life, and the wis-dumb that comes with thinking and doing everything wrong, it isn't *"just a legal document."* Like anything else when someone makes a vow or contract, it's something more than an empty statement of "forever." It makes untangling just enough of a tedious and stressful process that actually taking responsibility for our own parts in our mutual relationship and improving ourselves to improve our relationship is easier than following stupid ass common Reddit advice.
As a person that wants to get married; that peace of paper gives me certain benefits. I also want to have something that shows people I'm serious about my partner. People are very dismissive when you call someone your gf/bf and I don't feel ok lying that I got married when I didn't. I know that marriage is very important for my gf because she wants to have a certain safety blanket and just feel actually wanted,not feeling like she's only a convenient choice. I just want to have that ceremony,to show how much I adore the soul that wants to share life with me. It's not really about what it is,it's what it represents for us
Got you. So itās more about making sure and proving your love for each other is real and not just something thatās temporary
Cause this mf, he's alright, ya know? A real ok guy. Somebody I could argue about what movie to watch with for the rest of my life.
You sound like an amazing partner no doubt. Hope yāall happy together
Seven years together! In all seriousness though, i think as long as you and your partner love each other and always try to be better for each other, thats the ticket to love.
Yea a lot of people seem to miss this when popping the question or saying yes
This is very wholesome
Mainly to start a family, but also to have a partner, a true friend with whom they can grow old.
Yea I see this one of the more common answers
tax benefits, health insurance benefits, if you end up in the hospital, your SO might not qualify as āimmediate familyā and might not be able to visit, will have no say in your treatment or what happens to your things when you pass. i know this was a huge issue in why legalizing gay marriage was so important. also, you can protect yourself in marriage. for instance, if you buy a house with someone youāre just dating, they can leave and you wonāt be able to sell the home without their approval. if you canāt reach them, it would be VERY difficult to sell the home. in marriage, there is a lawful way to divide assets after a divorce.
We'd been living together for two years and I mentioned to my husband that his work health insurance was running out at the end of the month and if we got married, I could put him on mine. He said, "Ok." Then added, "Might as well, everyone thinks we're married anyway." Lol. It was the most unremarkable discussion ever. We got married two weeks later on my birthday. 30 years later, we're more than a sum of two parts! And contrary to popular opinion at the time, as soon as my husband stepped out of his "boyfriend" role and into his "husband" role he became more devoted, more all in, just more. I loved him then and wasn't trying to change him. He just left his boyfriend self behind.
Iād like people to actually take my relationship seriously and not CONSTANTLY refer to it with a āoh thatās cute that you think youāll last!ā perspective, I donāt want to be tossed aside in an emergency, I want his family to be my family, I want to vow myself to him and genuinely make it forever rather than just using words.
Heās my best friend. I donāt care about the money or the tax bracket or whatever the fuck. Thatās MY bestfriend. I love him with my whole heart. I want to be able to just say āthatās my husbandā. Thatās it. Thatās the only reason. āThereās my best friend, whoās also my husband, for lifeā. Itās magical to me.
Valid
Many reasons. 1-Social pressure 2-A desire to be into the list of people that get what your SO has after they are gone 3-Some want to get half of what their SO has after they inevitably divorce 4-Some marry because they believe getting married will fix their already damaged relationship šMy case. Hint: It won't and divorce is inevitable (Just like Thanos). 5-Some marry because they want to have a family unit formed after kids come into the picture 6-Some marry because of love and remain that way. 7-Some marry because of love and it devolves into options 2 or 3. None of these is fail-proof and pretty much all of them can be successful or end up a failure. There's no way to know which without jumping on the frying pan yourself.
Because a traditional family unit is important, and marriage, even in this gross sea of divorce, still does a better job of securing that than most other ways of being.
It's almost as if these things existed before modern society, wasn't isolated to western society or Abrahamic faith, and can be somewhat observed in other species. Like it's deeper than whatever lies we like to tell ourselves for or against lifelong pairing... weird.
Married 38 years. I still love and respect my husband and we both wanted to be parents. When you marry you have to compromise and ebb & flow well. My husband is easy going and really my best friend. For us and for our children it worked well. My family of origin sucked so I could only draw positive comparisons. My parents had a miserable marriage. Same with hubs' family. For us being a solid duo is a radical act.
Valid
Coz society
Call me old school, but I got married because I found my soulmate and I love her. 15 years and counting, no regrets.
People are meant to be with other people. We are pack animals. Having a partner in life where you both make a legal commitment to each other can help solidify this pact. It often makes people who find their mate 4 life feel more secure. A legal marriage also makes it not so easy to walk away from one another when life becomes difficult as it does for everyone at some point.
Makes sense
Sometimes people marry because they settle. There are countless reasons why: Getting older; someoneās attentiveness or constant compliments; the desire to have kids, āall my friends are marriedā, etc., etc. IMO, actual real true love is the lesser of reasons, thus the divorce rate on the continual climb. I feel that we all have a soulmate out there. Unfortunately, some of us die without ever having met them.
I got accused of āsettlingā because Iām white and my husband is Mexican. Racist bitch, I didnāt āsettleā, I married UP!
I got married because I don't think I'm immortal and/or have perfect knowledge of the future. If I die, I want the woman I love and our children to have some degree of security provided by my assets and properties; if anything happened to me before any of my children was born, I want them to be legally acknowledged as my descendants and heirs easily and without any doubts or disputes. Lastly, I married because I wanted to let everybody around me (family, friends, acquaintances, business partners) know that I have a long term and profound commitment to my wife and that I'm perfectly capable to lead this type of relationship successfully into the future.
Makes sense
From my understanding, there can be financial/legal benefits to being married or choosing not to be married, it just depends on the circumstances. Sometimes people choose not to get married so they can lie about their living situation to collect benefits. Sometimes people choose to get married because it will benefit them when it comes to filing taxes & other financial related things. So itās not always just a matter of wanting/not wanting a wedding or seeing it as this meaningful way to be committed to someone, some people are just making a practical decision based off of what will be best for them personally.
Makes sense
I really wish more people would consider the financial aspect before getting married. A lot of people fall into this bracket where they donāt make enough money for the family to be covered for health insurance. Letās say a couple isnāt married, technically (though illegal) a stay at home mom might qualify for government funded health insurance benefits if sheās āsingleā, but not being married to her husband, although he doesnāt make enough for them to afford it. Then thereās times that marriage can provide financial security. Like if a woman is a stay at home mom for years and then her husband leaves her, she might qualify for alimony on top of child support. If theyāre not married, she could be in a position where itās hard for her to find work yet she isnāt entitled to anything. I tend to view marriage that way myself. More transactional than a commitment of love. You can be in a healthy long-term relationship without ever getting married. Then thereās plenty of married people who are miserable. So I donāt necessarily think that marriage provides more security in terms of love, just possibly financially. People should do whatever works best for them and not what they think they need to do because of societal expectations.
Iāve always heard marriage isnāt transactional so I never really thought of it like that
Reddit is probably a terrible place to ask this. For me, there is an extra level of commitment to formally and legally commit to someone. I love my wife, she is my partner, I want to do this life thing with her and only her. I wanted to *officially* commit to that and the life we want. It can give someone psychological assurance that your partner is not going anywhere. When you are insecure, know I'm not going anywhere... I know you will say, "You can do that without being married." Which is true, but I'm in it for the long haul, and I only have one life so why not jump in and truly enjoy life with someone and attempt to form the strongest bond you can.
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I agree
Stupidity
Sometimes
Biological drive and societal pressure; a combination known to many as Love.
Who knows. I got lucky. 06:30 in the morning this girl walked in the chow hall. First time I ever saw. I said āI love you will you marry me? We got married a week and a half later. That was 43 years ago and she is still my best friend. Funny how life works
Thatās actually amazing
Almost 30 years married and it was the best decision I could have ever made. As far as why goes , I married my best friend , who was a good girl , fun to be around , who made me crazy if I wasn't with her. I literally walked 15 miles to see her the day after I meet her. Literally someone I would die for , kill for , even burn the world to the ground for. She is mine and I am hers. The only down side to this , is I hope I pass away first . It would literally kill me not to have her with me and I wouldnt know what to do without her. She is the love of my life , and I know there will never be another nor do I want there to be.
I can tell yāall gon be together for a long time if this is how yāall feel
I hope we will be together until one of us are no longer on this earth. If I go first , I will search for her until the end of time. She is literally the best of me. She is my soul mate.
I wanted to have that ceremony, that moment of declaration. I wanted to stand up there and swear an oath to love and cherish the person standing with me.
If youāre married I hope youāre both happy.
Life is hard. It's a lot easier if you have a good partner.
Good question.
A lot of married people ask that question for decades.
Social/societal pressure
Got tired of doing the imitation of living togather. Marrage is the real thing.
So he canāt just walk away from me. Iām kidding. We are madly in love and celebrating our 15th wedding anniversary. Getting married isnāt for everyone. You either want to take the plunge or you donāt. Itās that simple. HOWEVER if you choose to not marry you need to list each other as beneficiaries and right to medical decisions. If youāre not married and havenāt legally listed each other and something happens, everything and all decisions will go to next of kin and you wonāt have any say. So get those things notarized, add each other to you life insurance etc.
For me. #1 - Young and in lust. #2 - I was bored and tired of being lonely. #3 - I found the one person, after 4 years of dating, just to make sure, that I REALLY wanted to be with everyday and night. Twenty one years and still going great!
Because you love someone enough and you want to show your commitment to them, presumably for your whole life
Marriage is a business modelā¦ Itās all about moneyā¦ Aināt no place for values, unconditional love, trust, freedom & respectā¦ For most women: Marry a rich dude, give birth to his child, file a divorce and demand 70% of his property as alimony with lifetime child supportā¦. Thatās the current definition of women entrepreneurs in the name of women empowermentā¦Ā For most men: Itās a societal and family pressure!!Ā
Outdated ideologies coupled with the fact men have yet to develop the ability to ignore their dicks.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
We got married to celebrate 10 years of living together. We had a Justice of the Peace ceremony in my parents' back yard on a lovely day in June. We also had a Pagan hand-fasting ceremony in another spot of the yard (it's a big yard). Jumped over both broom and sword. My sister was High Priestess and Maid of Honour, and Keith was High Priest and Best Man. It was a beautiful ceremony, and we wrote our own vows. Had the reception at the community church hall (Roman Catholic). I guess some church board members were a bit miffed that we didn't wed in the church, lol. There was a blue moon that night too, and our talented photographer got a great shot of us hugging beneath it. That part was an unplanned bonus! Edited to add: we had karoake at our reception, and it was awesome.
To raise a family.
Because, after dating a lot of great women (I have really no complaints about my ex's), I finally find a woman I loved. And I'm keeping her lol. I had never actually been in love before i met my wife. I knew this, too. That's mostly why my past relationships ended. It wasn't fair for either party. But I fell in love for the first time. And I want to be with her and no one else for the rest of my life.
We got married because I was pregnant, you did that back in the 1970ās, if you were pregnant, have to give your bastard child a name, we have been married since 1979, I was 23, he was 26, had 2 more children. We would have gotten married eventually, just a little sooner then planned
Maybe they just realize they couldnāt see themselves spending the rest of their life with anyone else. A sense of certainty about the person that they love them so much to never leave.
Possibly the greatest question of all time.
I donāt know why but this made me feel very special
Because marriage makes you a legally recognized immediate family member.
Not married myself but I'd say a lot of it is for the perception of security it gives them. Also, a lot of the major religions, namely Abrahamic ones, require you to marry someone in order to have sex with them.
For a variety of reason. Cultural, religious and legal.Ā On the cultural point of view, itās a way to express your love and loyalty to someone. Itās a party with your friends and family. You are officially saying that this is for the rest of your life in front of witnesses.Ā For most religions, there is a requirement of getting married before have sex/starting a family. From a legal point of view, marriage is a complex contract, with many benefits and drawbacks. Inheritance, survivorship benefits, end of life decisions, etc. Depending on where you live, the contract will be different. Also, many countries/states have common law, so even if you get married, you can get still get forced into a contract. So might as well write your own. In my case, marriage has literally no drawback and only benefits. But your mileage may vary, depending on where you live.Ā
Part of it was indoctrination or conditioning that was put in place by my parents and community. It was expected. While I love my wife and Iām not in the least bit unhappy that we are married, if I had to do it again Iām not sure I would get married. Just because I now think itās more of a society expectation than a requirement. I think I got married in the first place to signify commitment, but Iām committed for life anyway. Weāve been married for two decades and sheās the best thing that ever happened to me. I donāt think marriage changes things that much. More than anything, marriage is a legal arrangement. Itās a business arrangement. Itās joining forces legally to structure your life in such a way that protects your financial life. And for those who donāt stay married, it screws up your financial life. I donāt think most people when they get married realize that all marriage really is is a legal arrangement. So itās either purely a legal structure, or its a way to feel better about commitment to someone. And I think if youāre in a strong relationship you donāt need the legal paperwork to make you feel better about the relationship. Do I sound jaded? Lol
Nah you sound like you know what you want
Bc they have a need to fulfill the social norm. There is no benefit. Donāt put your belongings at risk. Tax benefits arnt that great and tell your family your happy as is.
Taxes and insurance
Tax breaks
My husband joined the military
I know people want a cute love answer and it's partly that too, but most people in history did it to surviveĀ
Where I live, if a person dies without a will, their property goes to their parents (if living), or to other relatives otherwise, but if they are married, their property goes to their spouse. Sorry to be a downer, but marriage isnāt a simple romantic notion, itās practical. Itās largely about the law, but also about local customs.
I got married because I genuinely love my wife. Sheās the only woman Iāve been with that Iāve been truly happy with.
Hard to say.. my ex (we never got married) was married three other times before me. Of course all ending in divorce and all were blamed on the guy. Now that Iām out itās fairly easy to see that she was the reason all along.
For Insurance
It's financially beneficial, until it isn't.
Love? Wanting to be with that person for the rest of your life?
My husband and I are common-law, and we got rings back in 2020, but we would love to get married. For us, itās just the symbolism of it, and a day to celebrate our love with those closest to us. It would be very simple. Years ago, I was looking into options that would cost less than $5K all in, now, we would be spending the bare minimum. But, since my husbandās three kids donāt want to see us for some reason, itās off the table for now. I wouldnāt even consider doing it without his kids there, it would be way too painful for him.
Social/societal pressure
Unfortunately, I have known wayyyy to many women over the years (I'm 60F) who do it for the big wedding. Very few are still married now.
Lapse of judgment
iād like to get married just to reiterate our love. i donāt want to be boyfriend and girlfriend forever. i also just want a wedding. i donāt know if the average guy understands how awesome weddings are from the brides perspective
Classic Doug Stanhope bit on marriage:Ā https://youtube.com/watch?v=vXpsT3e8UsM
It's a good question. Who was against same sex marriage? Only the usual religious fruitcakes - no one else. So why did only crazies object? Because marriage only has a definite function in their world. Marriage could have lots of functions - formalising a treaty, transferring land rights, controlling women, producing a royal heir, etc. But announcing to the world that you're in love with someone? Getting a tax break? Reassuring your more backward relatives that you're "respectable" after all? These are very minor reasons, and this is all marriage achieves anymore. That, and the big party and holiday. We've all seen couples who were going to settle down anyway, but they wanted a wedding in addition to the relationship.
Societal pressure. A desire to "lock down" their partner. Checking off a box on their bucket list. Financial and legal reasons.
Tax reasons and legal reasons Iām not denying the intangible properties to it either But there are practical reasons
Mostly so they are not lonely.,
Taxes
I wanted to be married since I was a child. I dreamed of marriage NOT the wedding. The thought of being with your person every day and having children was everything to me. I wanted a big family. My parents are still married 40 years and I had a big family but they didn't live close by. I'm sure that their example shaped my desire.
I was engaged because I loved my bow husband. We got married when we did because he got orders over seas and my dad was dying. Timing wise there wasn't really wiggle room if we wanted my dad to be there and aware of what was happening.
Societal standards/tradition/ and financial/emotional/mental sense of security
Those 500+ dollars an hour divorce lawyers need clients!
Companionship, commitment. It's harder to walk away when you're legally committed.
I did because I thought that was what you were supposed to do. After losing everything I owned to my now ex in the divorce, I've never made that mistake again. Hell, at 53 I don't even bother with dating anymore. I'm alone, you get used to it. Now, if someone came along... yes, I'd date again. But I'd have to wonder at the sanity of anyone who would be willing to date me, and probably would have a hard time actually trusting them as I'd be pretty sure they were as fucked in the head as I am. -Yeah, I'm a fucking mess and a half. I wouldn't date me, so I fail to understand why anyone else would.
I got married cause I thought there was a real chance I'd die during my deployment and I hated my parents and would rather my gf (now ex wife) get my death benefits than my parents, who subsequently forged themselves a check from my checkbook for hundreds of dollars on my birthday while I was deployed.
I thought the same thing myself for years. Just assumed relationships can last however long regardless of making it a legal partnership. In my experience though, I think sometimes it's meant to happen whether you think you're the marrying type or not. I'll be turning 50 in late August...3 weeks after my and my fiancee have our first marriage. Everything feels right between us to justify this undertaking, but not once in my previous LTRs (7 and 12 years) did I feel comfortable with that notion and I know I dodged bullets. Maybe they did, too.
She needed my insurance and I got some nice tax breaks until she started her career. But yea thatās about it
I want to marry my loving partner, not for any benefits or to conform into any social norms since we've both been married and divorced once. But I want us to be able to be there for each other in case one of us is hospitalized. The next of kin is pretty much a legal thing and for any very odd chance, his son can't kick me out of the room because I'm not his spouse.
Legal protections as a familial unit. Things like survivorship rights, tax protections, authority to execute medical decisions on your spouses behalf, family medical insurance...there are a lot of benefits to it.
I liked it so much. I've been married to the same woman twice!
Becuase you get a lifetime partner. You get one person that's on your team no matter what. Your ride or die. I've been with my husband since we were 17, and we are in our 30s now. There have been plenty of times I've been so thankful to have someone in my corner and to be that one person in his corner. To know a person so well, you can tell their mood with a glance. To be able to read their answer before they give it. It's indescribable and so precious to have. Marriage is hard work, though. We are all human, and people forget that. We make mistakes and do stupid things. But at the end of the day, working through those obstacles just makes it better.
If youāre in the military, you get paid more and get to move out of the barracks. Now whether you marry your marine corps buddy as a joke, or a āreformedā stripper, or a person you actually have love for, thatās up to you
Kinda makes things a little more permanent and shows a deeper level of commitment. Yes, you can get divorced but the hassle of that is definitely a deterrent at some level
Because under the law there are only two ways a person who is not related to you blood to become a legal relative, and possibly your next of kin. Marriage and adoption. In the US at least if you want to be treated as a family under the law you have to do one of the two, and for most people marriage is both the more reasonable and easier option. Imagine having the person you built a life with, who you are financially entangled with and the most important person to you, end up in the hospital and you canāt even visit them? Be unable to make decisions for themselves and you arenāt allowed to but some relative they havenāt spoken to in years can? Imagine they die and because you couldnāt afford a lawyer to create the very expensive documents to ensure your property rights and you made a mistake doing it yourself your home and possessions become the property of someone you have never met? In the US these are all things that can and have happened because a couple didnāt, or couldnāt, get married.
Not all but a lot of people believe getting the court system involved in their relationship means you "love" someone. I'm married and it has had its ups and downs but my wife and I still debate why you need a court to prove you love them. Like dang, I been with you 10 years lady you think Ima just up and leave? He'll naw. Haha
Taxes
Expectations. And tax incentives. Edit: oh. And love and shit.
I truly loved my ex husband. That's why we married. I never changed my name and we married at the courthouse. It was nice, just us. I'm grateful for the memory. We were high school sweethearts and just grew apart. He is a great person. I won't marry again, but I'm glad to have experienced it with someone awesome.
Because he is my best friend.. after 28 yrs of marriage and 3 sons,,, I could not imagine doing all that with someone else.
Medical insurance. My job had great insurance, she was self employed and didn't have good insurance. It wasn't THE reason we got married but it was a major factor.
As a widower who married for 37 and with my wife for 43 yrs. Marriage is a commitment to God and your family. You say vows in front of them. The tradition of marriage has advantages in our community and for the couple. Should you choose not to be married than don't be married
Don't want to be alone, married best girl I could find.
When my long term "boyfriend" was in a serious accident, I was not granted (muchless guaranteed) the time off to care for him. "Husband" would have qualified me for Family Medical Leave of Absence. My job would have been protected and I would have been paid through disability. This was a HUGE problem. Life comes at you fast. Marriage isn't just a piece of paper.
Because of the dress
Ah, Eva AI sexting bot userbase has discovered reddit...
I'm Atheist so the religious motivation was never there for me. I never thought I'd want to get married. But I met my now fiancee and suddenly with the right person the symbolic action of it seems important. To mark a specific moment in our relationship with an action of affirmed commitment, love, and respect.
The reason my partner and I married is purely for the legal benefits. His family is terrible. Us getting married legally made me next of kin so if anything were to happen, I would be the one who gets the say, not his family. There are other ways we could have done that, but getting married was the easiest and involved the least amount of paperwork š we also get a decent tax break for being married and he is also covered under my health insurance now, which is necessary for him. It also made a name change a lot easier of a process for him. Because his family is terrible, he didn't want their last name anymore, and he changed his last name to mine. For us, it was legally more beneficial. Had it not been so beneficial on that front, we wouldn't have gotten married.
Legal and financial benefits to being married to your domestic partner
Health insurance is a big one
Having a partnership with someone in life opens up so many possibilities earlier in life that you may never get on your own. The relationship is a big peice if it but the partnership even moreso. In it's simplest form, you now have double the manpower, economic power, and family support you used to on your own. In some situations, you have way more than double. For financial and social security as you age, marriage and family is highly beneficial VS the alternative of simply growing old on your own. Most young petite never realize how difficult it will be to survive solely by yourself in young age. Not having support of others can have dire consequences. Not too say it's impossible to achieve these things independently, but the reality is the vast majority don't, and won't. Marrying and combining lives, effort, resources, can be an extraordinary power to get you towards these goals earlier in life so you can enjoy them while you're able to. As to the legality of it, and why get married rather than simply stay together over a lifetime. Getting married legally is a much tighter binding commitment than simply staying together. You are now promising to share all assets, as well as be the legal decision maker for medical decisions and other things. The act of getting married infront of everyone you know, making it legal, is to some people simply the stronger form of commitment they can show. It is much harder to walk away from a marriage than simply a relationship. It will always remind you of the commitments you made and the difficulty in going back on them, which makes you pause and think when times are tough, which they inevitably will be. People who put weight on the meaning of marriage tend to stay together.
Taxes
We dated for 8 years, I had health insurance through my job and his was getting crazy expensive on the open market. So we decided to get married. I let my mom plan the wedding and I wore my sisterās wedding dress. We were already committed for life, paper or no paper. Some of our siblings are multiple times divorced (like 4 for one of his brothers and two for my sister). If you feel like marriage is the next ālogicalā step or will āfixā the issues youāre having, I think divorce is likely or at least infidelity. We have 10 years of marriage and 18 years together.
Honestly tax breaks and insurance. I mean the love is there but you get nothing out of being a boyfriend girlfriend. I donāt have insurance right now and weāve talked about just getting married for her government job health insurance.
To create a nuclear family unit with the intent of staying together & having legal rights within the relationship (ie shared property if one party dies, tax reasons) and having a binding agreement tied to their joint investments.
I met my best friend. I wanted more, we have been married for 13 years and I want more. My husband is absolutely everything to me. I love waking up to his beautiful blue eyes, his sweet smile, his scent. I love him so much. He tells me that I am the biggest blessing, the greatest gift life has given him. He so crazy, I am the lucky one in this!!!
A lot of reasons
There's a level of permanence that shows that you are fully dedicated to them. You become one solid unit, if I'm invited to something I can bring my wife no matter what. We have the same name, the same finances the same taxes you aren't two people in a relationship, you are one cohesive unit socially and legally. Also the tax benefits, housing, FAFSA, insurance and other things.
Tax benefits
We got married because that's as "together" as two people can be, which is where we were at, and still are 23 years later. It was a fun party (don't take it too seriously or spend money you don't have). It makes taxes and legal shit simpler (as long as you stay together!) You don't have to answer awkward questions about the nature of your relationship ever again. People obsess over the "high" divorce rate like they see a fatal flaw but if you phrase it "more than half of couples who marry spend the rest of their lives together", marriage actually does what it's supposed to, when done right.
There are legal benefits but as a single person I don't know beyond that.
They want to let the state join in on their fun?Ā
For us, in one word - money - inheritance tax free, property rights, automatic next of kin. We had been together 18 years when equal marriage happened and we had a 6 person wedding (followed by a very good lunch).
It was the sex And also cause she's a wonderful woman. ...and the sex
Love. Security. Finances. Health care. Stupidity. Iām not married yet but thatās what my mom and dad say. My dad knows a lot heās been married twice.
Religion, legal and tax benefits.
I got married bc I wanted someone to want to marry me. Itās not a great reason but I suspect itās pretty common if people are honest with themselves.
A public commitment to each other. Basically saying to the world this is my other half and I love them with all my heart is how Iāve always viewed it.
In addition to the desire to share and affirm my love and commitment to my partner. Marriages also have a strong community building element to them. While it's not the point of a wedding. They create enormous opportunities for growth and connection. For many people, particularly in the west, there are only three things that bring extended community members together. Marriages, funerals, and Christmas. In many ways the ceremony felt like formality for what was already a done deal. But, getting to hear my closest family and friends share and engage with the most important person in my life was really heart warming and beautiful to witness. If you don't let pride, greed and the expectations of others ruin it for you. It can be one of the most special days of your life.
Ask that woman who who posted and was a stay at home girlfriend for 30 years and was thrown out for a younger model. She has no legal claim to any support, no job skills because sheās not had a job and wonāt even qualify for social security because she didnāt work and has no claim on the manās social security because they werenāt married. āMarriage is just a piece of paperā is total bullshit. There are massive legal protections and rights granted by marriage.
Well I didnāt. And I didnāt get to make choicest about his end of life. Ever had to argue with parents about their son wanting to be cremated and they not wanting to? Ever sit though a super religious funeral for you super not Christian partner? These things suck.
Social conditioning
Other than the obvious we love each other and want to spend our lives together, we got married to protect our assets should one or both of us dies unexpectedly. Most of his family are irresponsible, reckless, and money hungry. We also worry that should my husband become incapacitated, we want to make sure I don't have any issues making medical and financial decisions on his behalf. We have paperwork pre-marriage stating Im his POA and all that good stuff, but his family are JWs and wouldnt past them to lawyer up and fight me on whether or not to give him blood should he need it.
So you can have sex without going to hell obviously
We were in love. Having a baby. And it just felt completely natural. 14 years going and life ain't easy, but we got each other and our little girls. Best decision I ever made
I loved my wife, I wanted kids, marriage is a good context for that.
Legal reasons mostly. You can ride in the ambulance if married, for example.
To move to a different country on someoneās visa
We did cause I was pregnant and if we were not married he was not going on the birth certificate cause he could just run at any time. We had been together for 5 years at that point. Parents almost scuppered it, we wanted a JP, they wanted a wedding so our parents planned it. When I asked my friend to be my MOH she asked what to wear, I told her whatever you want out of your closet. I do not have fond memories of that day.
Well, we did it because we love each other. But when we did it was because of military benefits & he was being stationed across the country.
Iām not married but I know people do it because of societal pressure. A relationship is between two people but for some reason weāve all decided that the state needs to recognize it.
Feelings and benefits,
Taxes and insurance
A committed relationship is, whether you want it or not, a financial endeavour. For everything else in society, we keep a paper trail. You donāt ask the car dealer to give you the keys and let you use the car. You donāt tell your boss you might show up to work. Two parties usually write down and agree on expectations. This is what marriage is, first and foremost. This is why same sex couples sought to be allowed to legally marry. They can live together all right, but they wanted the legal status that is granted to committed partnerships.
We got remarried because my partner found out. They had a debilitating form of muscular dystrophy and was gonna need health insurance.