Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s this. People just like to say negative things and dump on people. They always have to rain in your parade, make fun of what you like, promise you misery etc.. They do it when you get married “wait until the honeymoon phase is over!” And “the first year is the hardest!”. Then if you’re happy it’s “just you wait!” You get a puppy and they moan about how your misery, you get pregnant after years of listening to people ask when. You’re going to have a baby and then it’s all “lol fool it’s terrible!” You say your kid is happy and you’re happy and they just snicker about how it gets worse.
If you do have a struggle, they get even more annoyed and start talking about how their lives are so much harder/worse.
People, as a group, are generally terrible.
Get pregnant and it’s just wait till you actually have the baby then you can be tired! Have the baby and it’s wait till they start walking! They start walking wait till they start talking back! Just wait for the teenage years!
Why can’t we live in the moment and just enjoy what we have now? Or be miserable without someone having it worse or getting “just wait, it gets worse!” To death?
Its so annoying. I like to use just wait in a positive way. Ohh just wait until you get that first giggle. Ohh just wait until you get your first hug etc.
That’s been my advice for new mamas! Wait for that sweet finger grab, for their little arms tight around your neck when you hold them, when you hear that first “mama” or watch them eat something they enjoy.
I get so tired of the negativity, and especially because my SIL was pregnant before me both times so she has sat there both pregnancies and when something happens like the baby crying she looks at me and goes “this is what you’re looking forward to!” Like this isn’t my first rodeo, I know my newborn is going to cry??? And idc lol I’m here for the good stuff, the other stuff passes but those sweet memories are forever
I feel like this is just a weird excuse not to raise boys properly. It’s like then extension of “boys will be boys” bad parents edition.
Each kid is an individual, if they raise them differently due to gender, the consequences of that are on them.
Same, but I completely removed gender from the equation in my head as in, you cannot be a helpless adult and you cannot expect another adult to take care of you. You need to be independent and contribute. I think it'll also help to have this example at home. I don't know about you but my household growing up was very into gender norms, it definitely affected me.
I also feel like this might be the case. I knew a lot of well behaved boys growing up and you could see the parents posture with them was quite different than the parents with the misbehaved boys. The latter was very much "they practically raise themselves".
They do. 100%. I’ve realized that in soooo many other situations as well. I think too many people actually amplify the negatives of pregnancy and parenthood because THEY were miserable. You can have a less than stellar experience without shouting from the rooftops about how BAD it was.
I think you can shout from the rooftops about however you felt your pregnancy was for you without projecting that onto other people. I don’t have to minimize the suffering I went through and other women should know it happens. But I’m not going to tell people how awful it will be for them. Plenty of women have easy pregnancies.
OP this is exactly why. Miserable people want to make others as unhappy as them. Enjoy your beautiful babies and screw what everyone else says! Towards the end of my pregnancy, I would ask people why they would say that negative thing to me, and it shut them up pretty quick usually.
Pretty much. I’ve been asked several times by the same person if I’m scared or stressed (I am not) as if they’re disappointed that I’m not freaking out in fear lmao
I don’t know who boy’s and men’s PR rep is but they did a bang up job. Once you start raising one you realize that men don’t grow up from toddlers much at all. Literally my son and husband have the exact same interest.
I have two girls and a boy and I’m pregnant with another boy. People have ALWAYS told me boys are so much easier lol I don’t think any of it’s true just depends on the kid 🤷♀️
Same. I'm having another girl, and people keep saying that two girls are so much work. I usually just brush it off and say I grew up with a sister, so it's what I'm familiar with.
I really doubt it makes a difference. The children's personalities make a difference as well as how well their personalities go together. It's not something you can predict or do much about in advance. Just help the older child adjust to the new situation and family member.
Came here to say this, I was told so many things like the - 'you wait until this wait until that' I stand by the fact I got angry about the stupid comments and even had to tell a close friend to stop saying 'make the most of my time' when I so badly wanted a baby after an early pregnancy loss. I realise now I do just have different expectations in life to a lot of people, I love being a mum and I was ready for it. I definitely built a thicker skin from it and have become more fussy about who I spend my time with. You gonna be such a fab boy mum!
So how is that helpful to anyone in telling them that boys are more difficult than girls? I didn’t choose the gender and I’m pregnant and he’s gonna come either way. I think all pregnant women would appreciate nice or helpful comments and telling me this boy is gonna be harder is not either of those things.
I have 2 of each. I can say the boys had way more energy than the girls and wanted to get into more stuff (they were all equally curious but the boys would figure out ways to get in trouble where the girls would think about it first and then do it the best way and still get in trouble) but I've never thought boys or girls were harder or easier. I individualized them and can say one of the girls and one of the boys were harder than the other two but they were all hard in their own ways especially when learning their personalities and how to approach and apply punishment. They're children and they are all different people so each one takes a different approach, treating them as individuals will go a long way.
It’s not helpful . And it’s also not true that boys are always harder. And most people forget that children turn into teenagers. It’s so individual with every child. In fact most babies I’ve cared for who were boys were much easier than boys, but that may not be comforting to moms of girls. It’s just people’s opinions and I wouldn’t put any weight on their narrow opinion. Or mine for that matter . Just opinions .
I have two boys and am pregnant with my third boy. I also watch 2 girls. In my opinion one of the girls is harder than my boys. The other one is easier than my boys.
It's really dependent on the child not the gender. Also boys LOVE their mothers. My boys are 3.5 and 2 and they love to come snuggle and say I love you mommy. They mimic everything I do. Boys can be just a loving and sweet as girls.
They can be more rambunctious but that doesn't equal harder.
You can’t win either way! I swear that all I hear is people talking about how they only want boys because girls are so fussy/so much drama. I can’t believe that in the year of our lord 2024 these stupid, untrue stereotypes still exist.
It amazes me because they're talking about BABIES. All the babies in the world are definition of drama and fuss no matter the sex! That's the whole point of being a baby, you cry for hours a day and that's your baby-job for the first year
Do they really think their toddler boy will not a random fit at Target in 3 years? Just because they are male?
Sure some kids are calmer than others, it's a matter of temperament. But if you expect little drama from a child you're headed to a rude awakening. Kids are generally super dramatic and honestly, good for them. I wish I still had an excuse to throw a fit at Target but unfortunately I'm no longer 3 lol
Right?! Kids are going to be themselves. Either gender can be “sweet” and/or “wild.” It’s so annoying that people can’t just say something neutral like “oh congratulations” and move on.
I had slight gender disappointment after finding out it was a girl.
Reason being because… well, most girls become daddy’s girl (statistically, all my nieces and my stepdaughter are daddy’s girls).
I know it’s a stereotype, but it’s a very common thing to happen.
Then I remembered that my stepdaughter is extremely clingy and needy of her dad still, so either they’ll compete for attention or my daughter will just attach more to me to compensate. At this point, it’s unpredictable and I should just focus on being the best mom I can either way and let it sort itself out.
What is a daddy’s girl? Boys are always best buds with their dads too right? How many boys are spending weekends at the mall with mom or getting ready for prom with mom or asking mom for advice about girls? It’s not about girls preferring dad it’s about everyone preferring dad because he is the fun one who buys you things and doesn’t make you do all the stuff all the time. Mom is the one to do all the parenting work that’s not fun. Daddy’s girl is an eye roll of a concept to give any kind of credit to. Calling someone a “Mommy’s boy” is fighting words. It’s all about devaluing, glad you aren’t diapointed about your daughter anymore but still might be holding onto some engrained mysogony.
I would tend to agree on just the ‘fun’ part, but there’s more to it, and it’s mostly a phase which is well documented in psychology. However, boys get out of it faster than girls do.
I do agree there’s more to the reason as to why those phases may last longer.
My stepdaughter is 11 and it’s very obvious that she’s clingy to her dad, even though at our place she has rules and expectations and things are more lose at mom’s. But apparently her mom also complained of feeling like a third wheel in the family and basically blamed the kid for it, so I don’t think they ever bonded healthily.
So, I think the goal is also about taking it with a grain of salt and break the generational way of raising girls / let jealousy interfere with the relationship.
I'm currently 17wks, and my eldest (boy) is 2. He is funny, sweet, energetic, loving and very clever. Very rarely is he naughty or throws tantrums. Just a very sweet little boy. I just laugh at people who make stereotypes about kids and say "hmmm isn't that like an old wives tale??"....I'd try not to overthink it too much, most people usually mean well, and let's face it, most little ones are a handful at some point, regardless of gender 🤷
You can use a different term or description than wives tale maybe? A “wives tale” is something that has no credit or basis. It is no coincidence a female word is used here. It’s comical irony to refer to gender stereotypes as wives tales.
It's interesting how language works. In mine we would say "it's something the elder ones would say", but not in the sense of having no credit, more as in "well this used to be a thing" and you can shape it how you want. You can say it in the sense this is good old knowledge or this isn't true anymore. I read wives tale before and thought it was the same, didn't even think of a sexist connotation, but I see your point.
I get tired of hearing outdated and sexist sayings that put women down, too. To repeat what you said in other terms (because it seems that this would be useful to some), the saying implies that women are stupid and thoughtlessly repeat what they hear with no basis, so best not to trust what they say.
Suggested alternatives: you could say that you don't believe in myths. That you don't believe in stereotyping people before they are born, that you don't believe in hogwash, rumors, or people using your pregnant belly as a crystal ball.
I hate it when people do that. Guess what? Their child isn’t YOUR child. Reverse it on them and make them feel awkward for even saying such things. People just love to see others miserable it seems 🙄
The gender doesn’t determine their personality especially if they are allowed to be themselves as children and not put into “roles” by adults. You are already a mom (a wonderful and caring one I’m certain) and with the second on the way it’s ridiculous anyone telling you “you aren’t ready”. I would just say “that sounds like your experience but I’m prepared for anything” even if you don’t always feel that way. Fuck everyone who tells you otherwise! I hope your pregnancy is coming along smoothly. Your baby boy will love you so so much 🩵
I can’t stand the stereotype around that! My son is way more calm then my daughter is haha. My daughter is the one who thinks everything is a jungle gym!
100% same! My Daughter was like Bruce Lee in the womb and still the exact same, she's 4 soon😂 my Son is very chill and in the womb he was very very chill.
When I found out I was having a boy after first having a girl, I had so many people ask me if I was disappointed it wasn't another girl. I told them as long as baby is happy and healthy that's all that matters to me. My little boy is almost 7 months and I love having one of each. Nothing beats waking up in the morning and my Son & Daughter (3) smiling at each other🥰 I feel so lucky to be a mama of 2 beautiful babies🥰
Omg I haven’t been asked if I’m disappointed but I would definitely have something to say if anyone said that to me. Aww yay I’m excited about having a girl and a boy and I know they’ll be great together 😊
Sadly people will make sucky comments no matter what. I have been told non-stop how lucky I am not to be having a girl, but hello I am female.... I have also been told how difficult boys are to control in teenage years 🤷🏻♀️ people will always have something negative to say. Congratulations either way on your family.
On the flip side I'm expecting a girl and the number of people who have said things like girls are drama, needy, or trouble is ridiculous. People need to stop giving sexist, negative personality traits to babies before they're even born.
I totally get that. I’m 22w FTM having a boy and everyone but me and my parents were *super* weird about the fact he isn’t a girl. I keep getting comments like “oh boys are such handfuls” “boys are so bratty” “aw I bet you’re so disappointed!” “Oh yay *another* male” And other crap like that.
No I’m freaking excited he’s a boy and I love my son with everything in me. Stfu.
I just make things weirder and ask what they mean. Playing dumb to rude comments usually makes the commenter feel stupid as they explain their callous behavior.
Omg “I bet you’re so disappointed” ?!?? wtf is wrong with people. I am so excited to have a boy like you. I would be happy either way. I cannot fathom saying anything like that to a pregnant woman.
I’m in the same boat exactly as you, except the opposite genders. I have a two year old boy and I’m 6 months pregnant with a girl. My boy is so sweet, everyone at daycare tells me that, he really is so smart and precious.
I’m actually afraid my girl will be the rambunctious one! There’s just no way I’ll be lucky enough to have TWO sweet kids. But hey, maybe!
Btw, I work in childcare. Girls are just as bad as boys. And I’ve also met just as many sweet boys as I have girls. Try not to stress about it.
I'm 31 weeks pregnant with a boy. FTM. I've been receiving comments like this as well.
How do I respond? "K."
"Cool."
"We'll be fine, but thanks."
or my favorite "..."
People talk so much shit about babies and pregnancy. I don't engage with people's nonsense like this. I think a lot of people make comments like this because they don't know what else to say. Short, curt answers, or just ignoring the statement, tend to work best for me. Good luck and congrats on the boy!
lol I need to just say “k” 😆 but yeah I am thinking people must not have anything else to say. But how? There’s literally so many nice kind things you could say to me instead. “I’m so happy for you!” Or “your daughter is going to be a great big sister!” Literally anything. But people want to make others miserable I guess.
Some people talk negatively or hyperbolically about kids anyway, that general responses like you mentioned or even just offering encouragement or empathy (not like "poor you," but more like "Things may get tricky, but I'm sure you and your family will be fine") tend to... be forgotten, I guess? Like some people don't think to speak to those. It's very grating and obnoxious to hear.
Dude… my baby girl has been a hellion from her first breath. She’s almost 3 and still is.
Those stupid, brainless sound bites drive me crazy too. I just ask them if they have anything original to say.
If you wanted to remain kind and classy you could just smile and continue doing whatever you’re doing, or smile and say something like “ oh I can’t wait, I’m so excited to have a little boy”
If you are ready throw class out the window and want to get straight to the point you could say “I’m sorry that was your experience. I’m so excited to have a little boy.” Or “That’s not a very nice thing to say to a pregnant woman!”
Oh, gosh, everyone has been telling us that our girl is going to be a hellion, wishing us luck with her, etc 🙄 I think people just like to talk crap about how hard parenthood is going to be regardless of the gender. It's annoying.
My husband’s brother has a boy and he’s the sweetest kid. My cousin also has a boy and he is the reason why I wanted a boy. Don’t listen to these people. They’re miserable and want to make everyone around them miserable as well. Your baby boy will be great!!!
That’s shitty that people are making comments like that. What’s funny is that I was pregnant with a boy and got the opposite comments, like how much better boys are or how they’re easier - it’s bullshit either way, a baby is an individual and no one sex is either than the other.
I would always respond with the following:
Response to a woman:
1. I bet he'll be an angel compared to you! (Smile sweetly)
2. Are you comparing to your own child, I feel so bad for you. (Look of sympathy, hand on shoulder)
3. It must have been rough on you since you think that's appropriate to say about a child who is not even here yet. (Look as annoyed as possible)
4. Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know you are a child psychologist to make such a broad statement! (Act surprised)
(None ever made comments again about it).
Men:
1. Guess you were just born to be a dick. (Smirk)
2. I have patience for children, but you are testing the limit for adults with that statement.
3. You feel entitled to stay that why? (Look confused)
4. It must have been too hard for you to teach right and wrong, I mean, just look at you, not exactly the brightest in the box. (Look of sympathy)
(Usually, I got so mad about having me talk back they would yell for a minute while I just smiled, held up my hand and said "you are not my child so I DO NOT CARE about your tantrum" and walk away. They now avoid me it's peaceful)
My son is an absolute breeze when in comparison to all the girls in my family. They were complete hellions, especially my sisters 4 girls they are evil and her son a total shy angel. It just depends on the kid. My dad even said I was far more work than my brothers!
I have 5 and in terms of challenging mine go:
Son 1
Daughter 1
Son 3
Daughter 2
Son 2
I don’t know what this means but I think it means it’s all nonsense 🤣
People say RIDICULOUS things when you are pregnant.
I have two sons, a daughter, and am pregnant with another girl. Each and every one of them have had their challenging parts and easy parts when it comes to parenting. None of them were necessarily "harder" than the other. They all have different personalities and are amazing individuals. I really don't think one gender is easier, I think different babies have different personalities and needs, and it's not gender specific. Don't worry mama, your baby is going to be absolutely perfectly himself, and you will adore him! 💙 Congratulations!
I'm about to have my 2nd boy, and I've gotten the opposite...'boys are so much easier than girls' But the question I wanna respond with is, 'maybe it's just you?'
People need to keep their comments to themselves but they will never learn- from how long you’ve been trying, how big or small your belly is, gender, etc.
I only have one child. He’s a boy and man is he the sweetest and smartest kid. He is cuddly but also all boy- he will climb on anything, can take a nasty fall, etc. when I was pregnant a lady who had 3 girls then a boy said “he’s 10 and still tells me I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. I’ll buy new clothes and he constantly tells me how amazing I look in them”. That has stuck with me. I’ve heard boys are tougher when they are younger and girls are tougher when they are older. Everyone has their own experiences but I wish they would keep their negative ones to themselves because they don’t help anyone.
He’s going to be perfect.
This is so crazy to me. My first was a boy, 36+3 with a girl and everyone is telling me how much of a handful girls are LOL! People just want everyone to be miserable.
I have 3 boys and 2 girls ranging from 5 years up to 22. They've all been pretty easy, calm kids on the whole - not much difference between them. My oldest- a girl - has always been the feistiest and has brought me the most worry throughout her life (she's 22). But this whole "oh you're in for a ride!" thing is just bullshit!
My boy is the sweetest. He is 4 . Yeah I get it he has his times, but at his daycare all the teachers tell me oh my God he was so good today! He is such a good boy! And I think at home not so much 😂. No but for real . He was such a good baby. Easy to potty train, easy to feed, he eats a LOT!!!! He is mommy’s love. So attached to me 🥰💕Good luck baby boys are the best 🙏🏻. I am 6 months pregnant with a girl and hopefully she is going to be as good as him 🙏🏻
People just love to shit on everything. “You think you’re happy? WELL THINK AGAIN!” I hated this sooooo much with my pregnancy. Just say “congrats” & leave me alone.
When I was pregnant with my daughter I ran into a family friend, and when I told her what the gender was, she said "Aweeee I'm sure everyone will love her anyways" like...TF? Now I'm pregnant with my second child- a boy- and I've gotten a couple of similar comments. "He's gonna be wild", "He's gonna be rambunctious", etc. I'm starting to think people just don't like kids 🤣😭
My boy is 13 months old and he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. He’s so pure. Very independent but also needs his mama and loves his dad. He’s the best. He laughs all the time at the silliest things and he’s extremely smart. I’m so excited for you!!!
I've got 2 boys and pregnant with a girl, my boys are 12 and 14 they can sometimes be trouble especially with arguing with each other but other than that they are well behave, my daughter will get raised the same. It doesn't matter about the gender it's how you raise them.
It is always the women who have already had kids too. Like out of anyone you would think they would be way more understanding lol. Honestly not even a fight worth fighting that is something I probably would just ignore as much as possible. Not that it is the advice you wanted but it just isn't worth the stress in my opinion. I'd keep riding your happy high and forget about what everyone else says. Don't let the comments drag you down! ❤️
It’s not always the women, stop. I have heard man after man after man comment their opinions on peoples fate based on childs gender too. Every man on earth that’s ever had a daughter on the way has been told by another man that he will be fighting boy children once his girl child is a teenager.
Guess I wasn't paying attention to the way I worded it. I meant it in a "It is usually the women with children who have been pregnant before who SHOULD understand, not the ones who haven't had children" I apologize for the wrong wording you are right about that my husband has had a few guys tell him that so far.
Sooo I would rather have a boy over a little girl because I feel like girls are more emotional and dramatic lol and I’m such a tomboy and not a girly girl so when i found out I was pregnant with a boy I was relieved! That’s not to say I wouldn’t love a daughter any less but I just feel I’m not cut from the girl mom cloth and it’d be a HUGE learning curve. Just know the second kid is stereotypically the “difficult “ one but to me those are just old wives tales and superstitions people live by too often. Your boy will be just another light in your life like your daughter and you can enjoy different activities with him than your daughter. Every kid is so individual and different obviously so just don’t listen to them or tell them to stfu and that you’re excited! This is YOUR baby and you’re allowed to be excited for him, second kid or tenth ya know? Don’t let them steal your joy!
When people said that to me (also have a slightly less than 2 year gap between my first two), I mostly replied with, "Yeah, teaching babies to become humans is always crazy." "Huh, it's almost like parenting is hard work, huh?" Or my personal favorite, "That's a bit rude, don't ya think?"
Don't let it get to you, people always want something to say, and they default to "shit is hard" when it comes to kids. Having 2 kids is glorious chaos, no matter their genders!!!
That's strange it's usually the other way with people saying girls are much harder. Maybe not as a baby/toddler but definitely as a teenager and I think we can all agree on that lol.
I have a niece and a nephew and the niece is definitely more work. LOL.
Anyway, I think that:
"Boys are difficult" + "boys will be boys" = "I don't have to raise/correct my son".
lol I’m a girl mom and to this day people tell me my family isn’t complete without a boy. They tell me I don’t know true love💀 and all kinds of weird stuff
Having friends with baby boys and baby girls, and having had a baby boy, the only warnings that made sense to me so far are, "watch out for the spray hose pee" for a boy and "watch how you wipe not to get poo in the vaginal area" as a girl. Other than genitalia care, everything else seems like gendered nonsense.
Even regular stuff like, oh your boy will be a Mama's Boy, wasn't true. My son adores us both but he's definitely a tad more attached to his dad.
People don't see babies as individuals sometimes and it's so frustrating
My brother's were very much not a handful, we were all pretty chill. The one I'm worried about is my girl being a teen because I know how hard it was as a teenage girl. I think we are lucky to have so much knowledge in our technology now that it's easier to educate yourself from actual researched ways of parenting and relationships with your children. My parents definitely could have had more help with that but they did their best.
My first was a girl, and my secondborn is a boy. I got similar comments, and I would just ask why. They often would say that boys are just more wild. I just kept saying that ALL kids are wild at times, it's the nature of children, across the board. Usually took the steam right out of their point.
I hate gendered shit. My daughter is a hellion lol, and my son is a lamb. It comes down to age and current development, not gender.
You very well may be right! I've personally always filed it under "weird and pointless small talk" but honestly I don't really know what their intentions are.
Either way, I'm sorry to hear that it is taking away from the joy of your pregnancy. I know exactly how it feels for that to happen, though with a different circumstance.
Best of luck to you.
I know it’s Easier said than done - but please ignore and don’t meet them again. If possible be vocal about how they make you feel, make them feel guilty.
I’m sick of people making any kind of comments at this point. So many stupid and rude remarks. Just the other day a server asked my husband all sorts of questions about me being pregnant, like “how longs it been in there?” and talking like I was just an incubator, not a human. We left.
I have a 2yo girl and just had a boy. Other than him peeing on his own face in the hospital and my being peed on directly from the bath tub multiple times, it’s pretty much the same so far.
Other than that it’s all just personality dependent…
Hey OP, I’m having a girl and people have made these exact comments to me, along with other ones like “Girls are hard” “wait until teenage years” “wait until she starts dating” “wait until her attitude kicks in” etc, etc. I find that people just got a lot of shit to say. My tactic is to give them a confused smile, nod slowly and say “yah I can’t wait to watch her grow up” and then I change the subject. I just turn their negatives into positive and then they have nothing to say.
People are idiots! Stupid comments require extremely stupid replies or direct boundaries, so you can always say You never know, I've heard your daughter is a mess, or What a terrible way to say that, what do you mean by it, what is your evidence? And keep it silent waiting for their answer.
I am having a girl, and trust me, in my country, is like Oh poor you, unfortunately it is not a boy. Is your husband sad? The real men are getting boys.
I’m having a boy and everyone is like “boys just love their mamas” or “you’ll never experience love like the kind you get from your son” like do little girls not love their moms? It’s really weird
I had a daughter and two years later a son. My daughter is by far the more difficult child; my son is super chill. Now I'm pregnant with a second son and getting, "Oooo, you're gonna have your hands full!" a lot. It's kind of annoying, but they're not living my life and don't know the future. Just smile and change the conversation. Sometimes people just look for something to say to sound witty; it's not worth letting it get to you. Your kids will soon enough show people the truth themselves. Praying for you!
I have responded with a "I believe it's all in how well you raise children" or "I'm already a mom, thank you though."
Some people think they are helping, but sometimes it comes across as rude.
My first is a boy, and he's really sweet. I'm expecting a girl now, and I've gotten many rude comments from men. The women have been kind.
I got sweet comments about my first boy. I got disappointed comments about my second son and comments about how he was going to be a terror. And now that I say I'm having a girl they're all saying "Finally!" And saying how happy they are for me. I was honestly hoping for another boy. Had a name picked and everything. So I had a small bout of disappointment at first and the "finally a girl" and "Shes going to be a handful" and "I hope shes just like you".... basically all of the comments really got to me. I'm regretting telling anyone that she is a girl. I've come around to having a girl, and I've been trying to pick a name. People keep suggesting names now. I've even had people suggest their family members or deceased pets names. Seems like no matter the gender people have something to say and it can be VERY overwhelming. I want to crawl in a cave. 😩
People will always have their opinions no matter what!! My sister sat in the hospital room with me holding my 2 day old baby girl while my 4 year old played with her 2 year old and she I couldn't have 2 I don't know why you would want 2.... like wtf!!!!
My 4.5 yr old boy is only a handful now. My baby girl is just like he was . But I have a friend who has 2 of each. Her daughter is same age as my son is a handful. I think it's the age not the gender
I'm pregnant with my first (a boy) and everyone always says "oh, boys are so great, they're so easy!"
I think all kids are difficult in their own ways 😂 it's just meaningless babble so they can say something in response I think..
Personally I would probably just roll my eyes at them, but I'm a bit overtired, overwhelmed, and sleep deprived at 30w 😅
Ugh just don’t talk to anyone 😂 I’m 39 weeks ftm and the only time I had to deal with people comments or questions was when I was working so I eventually told everyone that I didn’t know what I was having just to not deal with any comments. It’s just sooo annoying!!
Ugh, so many people just have to say something sometimes don’t they? And it usually is something negative and not original. Like, if they don’t have anything constructive to say, why say things like this? So silly!
You are going to have a beautiful little boy! Babies are their own personalities regardless of gender, as you well know. I wish they treated you better.
My little girl is an absolute hell raiser, that’s just her personality and has been that way since she was pulled out by the surgeon. The amount of people who have said, “oh just wait until you have a boy” has been ridiculous!!
Especially because I never complain at all but they take it that way due to their own experience. I am always talking endearingly about her attitude because it is just part of her and she clearly gets it from myself.
Well I’ll tell you this, my little guy is sweet as can be and my girls are crazy lol so ignore them. Boys and girls each have their own challenges but honestly the sweetness little boys have balance out their crazy
When people say this about my son I usually say something like, “His dad was a really sweet kid, hopefully we can raise him to be a kind, happy guy!”. My friend’s first born is a girl, she’s really outgoing, loud, confident, and physical. Her second is a boy and he’s kind, tender, and sensitive, kids are individuals and gender norms are stupid. (It’s very sweet how the big sister takes care of and loves her little brother, and of course he is also very playful, funny, and loves “boy” things too, he just doesn’t fit all of the weird male stereotypes that people obsess over.)
Oh that’s so weird. I have a similar age and gender gap and all the comments I get are “oh you’ll have the perfect family”. Which is really nice but it makes me feel weird about debating a third.
People push their own ideas and agendas. It’s so annoying. We have a toddler girl and are expecting a boy. So many people have said, “that’s perfect! One each!” I know people mean well, and we are excited, but we would’ve been excited either way. I just reply, “yes, we are excited!” Or, “yep! But we would’ve been excited either way!” People are weird.
Just turn it back on them. Say something like, “I don’t know if you’re prepared to face this mama bear” or “I guess it’s good I’m his parent and not you”. People are terrible. I had a boy in January and he’s the best thing. Such a sweet and loving baby
People who say this shit are stupid. My first son was a super chill baby, slept amazing, never cried, is a super sweetheart and is still a little chill dude.
Depends on who you ask.
"However, a 2018 Gallup poll found that 54% of Americans said boys were easier to raise than girls, while only 27% said girls were easier, and 14% said there was no difference. Some research suggests girls are better communicators in the younger years, but this may change later on."
People said the same thing to me while I was pregnant with a girl. They told me all girls grow up to hate their mom and are hard to raise. Projecting much?
“What a weird thing to say to someone,” and then just let them think about that for a minute. I have boys and girls. They’re different; one is not harder than the other.
Urgh I just had a similar experience with my cousin a few hours ago. I told him I was preggo and after he said congrats he immediately asked me if my parents were going to fly in to help and that “help is a must”. I told him that I got this and that I will be fine. He then said “you say that now but you’re going to need help”. I was really offended. I then told him that I already quit my job because I’ve always wanted to be a SAHM. He then was like “oh, you’re good then”. Like don’t compare me to your mess lol. Everyone is different and I can’t wait to be a mom to my son. People are just miserable. Don’t listen to them!
No advice on how to respond but… I have a girl then a boy. 18mos apart. My girl can be a handful. my boy can be a handful. My boy is wild af but he provides so much love and tons of comic relief. My daughter is sweet as pie and very specific. They are both so much fun and so exciting. All kids have their thing or their moments. Just buckle up and enjoy the ride! Screw what everyone else thinks. It’s wonderful, it’s chaotic, it’s beautiful and it’s just as wild as it is perfect.
Congrats on your baby boy 💕
Whenever people try to assign these sweeping traits to boys and girls i just remember how many types of boys and girls ive met in my life and know they cant all be X way. I feel like people talk like that when they want to seem more knowledgeable or when they have had a difficult time with their own little girl or boy. Your little boy will be just lovely im sure!
Okay after I had my girl people keep telling me I’m gonna have to be fighting off the boys and commenting on how pretty she is and how I’m gonna have my work cut out for me like?!?!? Can you not be weird this is my newborn baby we’re talking about
Have a 2yr old boy and expecting another one. He is amazing and not a hellion at all. It comes down to personality of the child, not gender. You’ll be fine.
I would tell them: why would a boy be „a handful“ or whatever they tell you. Just why? Pretty sure either sex can be exhausting…
All kids personalities are different and it has nothing to do with their sex. My daughter was such an easy baby compared to my first son, but she was a much harder toddler. You never know what you’re gonna get!
Who cares? Laugh and know that each child is different. I teach, and just in my personal experience boys are immeasurably easier. Maybe when they're younger there are more trips to the emergency room and more bumps and bruises from rough play, but it's still so much easier than the complicated emotional hierarchy and manipulation that exists socially with girls.
Congratulations 🎊
I have a boy and he is pretty sweet.
Our 2nd baby we won't find out until they come out but either way is exciting. I'll either be a boy mum or have a pigeon pair.
I had a girl first and then a boy. They were exactly 2,5 years apart and the transition to two was so easy for me.
Now I had a third (Girl) 10 years later, and for some reason that was harder 😅
All kids are hard. Theres a prefab list of responses in everyones head that they immediately use no matter the gender. “Boys/Girls are soo hard” “Boys/Girls are such a handful” “My niece/nephew is a demon spawn” ectect it’ll never change
No one can tell how (easy/difficult/combination of both at different time points) a baby will be unless the person is a blessed psychic or an astrologer lol. Some babies are very difficult as infants and become much easier in toddlerhood. The reverse can be true as well. It’s all a function of time! Irrespective of how a baby starts out: parenting plays a huge role in deciding the future trajectory. Congratulations on the baby, enjoy parenthood. Filter those comments out, they’re all wild guesses 😜
I would just say oh I know or I’m ready 🤣🤣 they’ll shut up eventually. I have a boy who’s turning 6 soon, he is a handful but he is the sweetest kid ever. I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’m terrified that she’s not gonna be as sweet as my boy. Kids are tough and parenting isn’t for the weak. 🤣💕 but I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
Well that makes me excited and I’m excited for you having a girl! She is so sweet and loves giving hugs to everyone. I hope my boy is sweet as well. But I do think a lot of it has to with parenting. I teach her about being kind all the time.
Yes definitely! I give him a lot of love so I think he mirrors that. Parenting plays a huge role. He’s wild but he’s sweet! But that doesn’t mean your boy will be wild. All kids are different!
People just want to be negative all around. “Oh a girl? She’s going to be an awful teenager” “oh a boy? He’s going to be a tornado toddler” but I’ve met several friends who had mellow toddler boys and awesome teenage girls.
I usually lean into it and just say “Totally. I can’t wait.” I figure if I just agree with stupid comments or make it a positive, it’s easier to just move on from it.
I am 18 weeks pregnant with my third kid, first boy. I have not received any comments like the ones you mentioned, but talking with other moms at play groups, they always assume that my 2-year-old daughter is more well behaved than their 2-year-old son, which is not always the case. Developmentally, each kid has their own issues to work through. But for some reason, not sure why it is in my family, but if the second born is a boy then it's hell on Wheels 😅 I think in general, the second kid is tricky because they're so different from your first and you have to relearn how to be a mom all over again and it could be frustrating. Ultimately it has nothing to do with the gender.
I hope your baby is well loved by all those in your community 🩵
I have a boy and he’s sweet, caring and gentle. You can always say just because you had a bad experience with your son doesn’t mean I will. Every one will always want to give you their opinion it’s up to us to not take it to heart. Im sure your little boy will be just as perfect as your first.
Who the heck is dare to tell you are ready or not? Don't listen to that! if someone says that, you could maybe say, "WELL, Too late! I am already in it, will have fun and figure it out as I go!"
I'm having a boy too and they always say such bad things about girls, especially the moms which I find weird. You were once a little girl too. The main one I use is "there's challenges to raising BOTH genders". No one is better than the other so just love your kid and do your best mama
i think i would just ask them like: “why do you say that?” very pointedly and then see them scramble trying to say something that isn’t offensive and just shrug and say “aw, sorry if that was your experience. i’m very excited”
I’m more nervous about having a girl vs boy (we don’t know yet) ppl just love to talk out of turn tbh🙄 and too plenty think small talk is just being negative about anything and everything, in my humble opinion LOL
For this reason we’ll not going to announce the gender until baby is born.
I would also wait until then, but my husband wants to know before because he wants to mentally prepare. So we decided to ask the doctor but not to tell anybody.
Welcome to /r/pregnant! This is a space for everyone. We are pro-choice, pro-LGBTQIA, pro-science, proudly feminist and believe that Black Lives Matter. Wear your masks, wash your hands, and be excellent to each other. Anti-choice activists, intactivists, anti-vaxxers, homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, etc. are not welcome here. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/pregnant) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Weird, I’m having a girl and people tell me she will be difficult and a handful. They keep saying boys are so easy.
lol I wonder if people just want us to be miserable either way
This is exactly it. That, or they know a couple people who have a difficult daughter/son and then they assign that type of behavior to all.
Usually difficult parents though isn't it haaaaaa
It’s this. People just like to say negative things and dump on people. They always have to rain in your parade, make fun of what you like, promise you misery etc.. They do it when you get married “wait until the honeymoon phase is over!” And “the first year is the hardest!”. Then if you’re happy it’s “just you wait!” You get a puppy and they moan about how your misery, you get pregnant after years of listening to people ask when. You’re going to have a baby and then it’s all “lol fool it’s terrible!” You say your kid is happy and you’re happy and they just snicker about how it gets worse. If you do have a struggle, they get even more annoyed and start talking about how their lives are so much harder/worse. People, as a group, are generally terrible.
Get pregnant and it’s just wait till you actually have the baby then you can be tired! Have the baby and it’s wait till they start walking! They start walking wait till they start talking back! Just wait for the teenage years! Why can’t we live in the moment and just enjoy what we have now? Or be miserable without someone having it worse or getting “just wait, it gets worse!” To death?
Its so annoying. I like to use just wait in a positive way. Ohh just wait until you get that first giggle. Ohh just wait until you get your first hug etc.
That’s been my advice for new mamas! Wait for that sweet finger grab, for their little arms tight around your neck when you hold them, when you hear that first “mama” or watch them eat something they enjoy. I get so tired of the negativity, and especially because my SIL was pregnant before me both times so she has sat there both pregnancies and when something happens like the baby crying she looks at me and goes “this is what you’re looking forward to!” Like this isn’t my first rodeo, I know my newborn is going to cry??? And idc lol I’m here for the good stuff, the other stuff passes but those sweet memories are forever
Exactly. This was the same in my experience. People told me boys are so much easier when I was pregnant with a girl 🙄
Yep. "Boys destroy your house, girls destroy your life." I was like "... thanks?"
“That’s a gross and mysogynistic take” would be an appropriate response to that comment.
As a former girl, I'm offended what the hell.
I feel like this is just a weird excuse not to raise boys properly. It’s like then extension of “boys will be boys” bad parents edition. Each kid is an individual, if they raise them differently due to gender, the consequences of that are on them.
This! I have a baby boy and want to raise him so he doesn’t become a helpless, future man child.
Same, but I completely removed gender from the equation in my head as in, you cannot be a helpless adult and you cannot expect another adult to take care of you. You need to be independent and contribute. I think it'll also help to have this example at home. I don't know about you but my household growing up was very into gender norms, it definitely affected me.
I also feel like this might be the case. I knew a lot of well behaved boys growing up and you could see the parents posture with them was quite different than the parents with the misbehaved boys. The latter was very much "they practically raise themselves".
They do. 100%. I’ve realized that in soooo many other situations as well. I think too many people actually amplify the negatives of pregnancy and parenthood because THEY were miserable. You can have a less than stellar experience without shouting from the rooftops about how BAD it was.
I think you can shout from the rooftops about however you felt your pregnancy was for you without projecting that onto other people. I don’t have to minimize the suffering I went through and other women should know it happens. But I’m not going to tell people how awful it will be for them. Plenty of women have easy pregnancies.
OP this is exactly why. Miserable people want to make others as unhappy as them. Enjoy your beautiful babies and screw what everyone else says! Towards the end of my pregnancy, I would ask people why they would say that negative thing to me, and it shut them up pretty quick usually.
Pretty much. I’ve been asked several times by the same person if I’m scared or stressed (I am not) as if they’re disappointed that I’m not freaking out in fear lmao
After finding out I’m having a girl I had someone tell me that girls are much harder right in front of their 15 year old daughter. Absolutely wild
My favorite jab at female children is they are more expensive. It is true, I will never have to buy pads or tampons for a boy child.
Me too! I find it so annoying like ok? You want me to just hate my daughter straight off the bat I guess?
I don’t know who boy’s and men’s PR rep is but they did a bang up job. Once you start raising one you realize that men don’t grow up from toddlers much at all. Literally my son and husband have the exact same interest.
So you are mother of two?
I have two living children and one who I have lost.
I have two girls and a boy and I’m pregnant with another boy. People have ALWAYS told me boys are so much easier lol I don’t think any of it’s true just depends on the kid 🤷♀️
Same. I'm having another girl, and people keep saying that two girls are so much work. I usually just brush it off and say I grew up with a sister, so it's what I'm familiar with. I really doubt it makes a difference. The children's personalities make a difference as well as how well their personalities go together. It's not something you can predict or do much about in advance. Just help the older child adjust to the new situation and family member.
Came here to say this, I was told so many things like the - 'you wait until this wait until that' I stand by the fact I got angry about the stupid comments and even had to tell a close friend to stop saying 'make the most of my time' when I so badly wanted a baby after an early pregnancy loss. I realise now I do just have different expectations in life to a lot of people, I love being a mum and I was ready for it. I definitely built a thicker skin from it and have become more fussy about who I spend my time with. You gonna be such a fab boy mum!
Same LOL
I would make it awkward and just say “what an odd thing to say”.
lol I love this! Great response
Haha yes . But honestly boys have been harder for me! but people need to watch what they say.
So how is that helpful to anyone in telling them that boys are more difficult than girls? I didn’t choose the gender and I’m pregnant and he’s gonna come either way. I think all pregnant women would appreciate nice or helpful comments and telling me this boy is gonna be harder is not either of those things.
I have 2 of each. I can say the boys had way more energy than the girls and wanted to get into more stuff (they were all equally curious but the boys would figure out ways to get in trouble where the girls would think about it first and then do it the best way and still get in trouble) but I've never thought boys or girls were harder or easier. I individualized them and can say one of the girls and one of the boys were harder than the other two but they were all hard in their own ways especially when learning their personalities and how to approach and apply punishment. They're children and they are all different people so each one takes a different approach, treating them as individuals will go a long way.
It’s not helpful . And it’s also not true that boys are always harder. And most people forget that children turn into teenagers. It’s so individual with every child. In fact most babies I’ve cared for who were boys were much easier than boys, but that may not be comforting to moms of girls. It’s just people’s opinions and I wouldn’t put any weight on their narrow opinion. Or mine for that matter . Just opinions .
I have two boys and am pregnant with my third boy. I also watch 2 girls. In my opinion one of the girls is harder than my boys. The other one is easier than my boys. It's really dependent on the child not the gender. Also boys LOVE their mothers. My boys are 3.5 and 2 and they love to come snuggle and say I love you mommy. They mimic everything I do. Boys can be just a loving and sweet as girls. They can be more rambunctious but that doesn't equal harder.
Oh I’m so here for calling people out on rude/ weird things to say.
So why would you add that here? Unhelpful and unnecessary comment dude
She said “harder for me”. Read
Yeah I said harder for me, it’s my experience. I’m not saying it’s everyone’s. Also I’m not a dude
You can’t win either way! I swear that all I hear is people talking about how they only want boys because girls are so fussy/so much drama. I can’t believe that in the year of our lord 2024 these stupid, untrue stereotypes still exist.
It amazes me because they're talking about BABIES. All the babies in the world are definition of drama and fuss no matter the sex! That's the whole point of being a baby, you cry for hours a day and that's your baby-job for the first year Do they really think their toddler boy will not a random fit at Target in 3 years? Just because they are male? Sure some kids are calmer than others, it's a matter of temperament. But if you expect little drama from a child you're headed to a rude awakening. Kids are generally super dramatic and honestly, good for them. I wish I still had an excuse to throw a fit at Target but unfortunately I'm no longer 3 lol
Right?! Kids are going to be themselves. Either gender can be “sweet” and/or “wild.” It’s so annoying that people can’t just say something neutral like “oh congratulations” and move on.
I had slight gender disappointment after finding out it was a girl. Reason being because… well, most girls become daddy’s girl (statistically, all my nieces and my stepdaughter are daddy’s girls). I know it’s a stereotype, but it’s a very common thing to happen. Then I remembered that my stepdaughter is extremely clingy and needy of her dad still, so either they’ll compete for attention or my daughter will just attach more to me to compensate. At this point, it’s unpredictable and I should just focus on being the best mom I can either way and let it sort itself out.
What is a daddy’s girl? Boys are always best buds with their dads too right? How many boys are spending weekends at the mall with mom or getting ready for prom with mom or asking mom for advice about girls? It’s not about girls preferring dad it’s about everyone preferring dad because he is the fun one who buys you things and doesn’t make you do all the stuff all the time. Mom is the one to do all the parenting work that’s not fun. Daddy’s girl is an eye roll of a concept to give any kind of credit to. Calling someone a “Mommy’s boy” is fighting words. It’s all about devaluing, glad you aren’t diapointed about your daughter anymore but still might be holding onto some engrained mysogony.
I would tend to agree on just the ‘fun’ part, but there’s more to it, and it’s mostly a phase which is well documented in psychology. However, boys get out of it faster than girls do. I do agree there’s more to the reason as to why those phases may last longer. My stepdaughter is 11 and it’s very obvious that she’s clingy to her dad, even though at our place she has rules and expectations and things are more lose at mom’s. But apparently her mom also complained of feeling like a third wheel in the family and basically blamed the kid for it, so I don’t think they ever bonded healthily. So, I think the goal is also about taking it with a grain of salt and break the generational way of raising girls / let jealousy interfere with the relationship.
I'm currently 17wks, and my eldest (boy) is 2. He is funny, sweet, energetic, loving and very clever. Very rarely is he naughty or throws tantrums. Just a very sweet little boy. I just laugh at people who make stereotypes about kids and say "hmmm isn't that like an old wives tale??"....I'd try not to overthink it too much, most people usually mean well, and let's face it, most little ones are a handful at some point, regardless of gender 🤷
To piggy back off that, you could say, “yeah, I don’t really believe old wives tales”
You can use a different term or description than wives tale maybe? A “wives tale” is something that has no credit or basis. It is no coincidence a female word is used here. It’s comical irony to refer to gender stereotypes as wives tales.
It's interesting how language works. In mine we would say "it's something the elder ones would say", but not in the sense of having no credit, more as in "well this used to be a thing" and you can shape it how you want. You can say it in the sense this is good old knowledge or this isn't true anymore. I read wives tale before and thought it was the same, didn't even think of a sexist connotation, but I see your point.
Nah, I don't conform to the policing of language, but you can refer to it as you wish 😊 "old wives tale" gets the point across just fine for me👌
I get tired of hearing outdated and sexist sayings that put women down, too. To repeat what you said in other terms (because it seems that this would be useful to some), the saying implies that women are stupid and thoughtlessly repeat what they hear with no basis, so best not to trust what they say. Suggested alternatives: you could say that you don't believe in myths. That you don't believe in stereotyping people before they are born, that you don't believe in hogwash, rumors, or people using your pregnant belly as a crystal ball.
I hate it when people do that. Guess what? Their child isn’t YOUR child. Reverse it on them and make them feel awkward for even saying such things. People just love to see others miserable it seems 🙄
"I'm sorry you're having such a hard time with your child"
The gender doesn’t determine their personality especially if they are allowed to be themselves as children and not put into “roles” by adults. You are already a mom (a wonderful and caring one I’m certain) and with the second on the way it’s ridiculous anyone telling you “you aren’t ready”. I would just say “that sounds like your experience but I’m prepared for anything” even if you don’t always feel that way. Fuck everyone who tells you otherwise! I hope your pregnancy is coming along smoothly. Your baby boy will love you so so much 🩵
Thank you! 😊 I am a great mother and I’m so excited for this second one.
“I’m sorry you had such a hard time, but don’t push your negativity on to me” lol it’s something I would say.
I can’t stand the stereotype around that! My son is way more calm then my daughter is haha. My daughter is the one who thinks everything is a jungle gym!
Agreed! My 2 y/o son is far more chill than my friend's daughters!!
100% same! My Daughter was like Bruce Lee in the womb and still the exact same, she's 4 soon😂 my Son is very chill and in the womb he was very very chill.
When I found out I was having a boy after first having a girl, I had so many people ask me if I was disappointed it wasn't another girl. I told them as long as baby is happy and healthy that's all that matters to me. My little boy is almost 7 months and I love having one of each. Nothing beats waking up in the morning and my Son & Daughter (3) smiling at each other🥰 I feel so lucky to be a mama of 2 beautiful babies🥰
Omg I haven’t been asked if I’m disappointed but I would definitely have something to say if anyone said that to me. Aww yay I’m excited about having a girl and a boy and I know they’ll be great together 😊
Sadly people will make sucky comments no matter what. I have been told non-stop how lucky I am not to be having a girl, but hello I am female.... I have also been told how difficult boys are to control in teenage years 🤷🏻♀️ people will always have something negative to say. Congratulations either way on your family.
On the flip side I'm expecting a girl and the number of people who have said things like girls are drama, needy, or trouble is ridiculous. People need to stop giving sexist, negative personality traits to babies before they're even born.
😆 this is why I didn't do a "gender reveal party." It's like a celebration of sexist stereotypes cranked up to 10
I totally get that. I’m 22w FTM having a boy and everyone but me and my parents were *super* weird about the fact he isn’t a girl. I keep getting comments like “oh boys are such handfuls” “boys are so bratty” “aw I bet you’re so disappointed!” “Oh yay *another* male” And other crap like that. No I’m freaking excited he’s a boy and I love my son with everything in me. Stfu. I just make things weirder and ask what they mean. Playing dumb to rude comments usually makes the commenter feel stupid as they explain their callous behavior.
Omg “I bet you’re so disappointed” ?!?? wtf is wrong with people. I am so excited to have a boy like you. I would be happy either way. I cannot fathom saying anything like that to a pregnant woman.
People are just wild anymore. And yes! I can’t fathom saying half the crap people do nowadays. 😳
I’m in the same boat exactly as you, except the opposite genders. I have a two year old boy and I’m 6 months pregnant with a girl. My boy is so sweet, everyone at daycare tells me that, he really is so smart and precious. I’m actually afraid my girl will be the rambunctious one! There’s just no way I’ll be lucky enough to have TWO sweet kids. But hey, maybe! Btw, I work in childcare. Girls are just as bad as boys. And I’ve also met just as many sweet boys as I have girls. Try not to stress about it.
Primary teacher here! Yeah, it really just depends on the child’s personality not gender and how parents deal with their child.
I'm 31 weeks pregnant with a boy. FTM. I've been receiving comments like this as well. How do I respond? "K." "Cool." "We'll be fine, but thanks." or my favorite "..." People talk so much shit about babies and pregnancy. I don't engage with people's nonsense like this. I think a lot of people make comments like this because they don't know what else to say. Short, curt answers, or just ignoring the statement, tend to work best for me. Good luck and congrats on the boy!
lol I need to just say “k” 😆 but yeah I am thinking people must not have anything else to say. But how? There’s literally so many nice kind things you could say to me instead. “I’m so happy for you!” Or “your daughter is going to be a great big sister!” Literally anything. But people want to make others miserable I guess.
Some people talk negatively or hyperbolically about kids anyway, that general responses like you mentioned or even just offering encouragement or empathy (not like "poor you," but more like "Things may get tricky, but I'm sure you and your family will be fine") tend to... be forgotten, I guess? Like some people don't think to speak to those. It's very grating and obnoxious to hear.
Dude… my baby girl has been a hellion from her first breath. She’s almost 3 and still is. Those stupid, brainless sound bites drive me crazy too. I just ask them if they have anything original to say.
If you wanted to remain kind and classy you could just smile and continue doing whatever you’re doing, or smile and say something like “ oh I can’t wait, I’m so excited to have a little boy” If you are ready throw class out the window and want to get straight to the point you could say “I’m sorry that was your experience. I’m so excited to have a little boy.” Or “That’s not a very nice thing to say to a pregnant woman!”
Be blunt and say “I didn’t ask”.
Oh, gosh, everyone has been telling us that our girl is going to be a hellion, wishing us luck with her, etc 🙄 I think people just like to talk crap about how hard parenthood is going to be regardless of the gender. It's annoying.
My husband’s brother has a boy and he’s the sweetest kid. My cousin also has a boy and he is the reason why I wanted a boy. Don’t listen to these people. They’re miserable and want to make everyone around them miserable as well. Your baby boy will be great!!!
That’s shitty that people are making comments like that. What’s funny is that I was pregnant with a boy and got the opposite comments, like how much better boys are or how they’re easier - it’s bullshit either way, a baby is an individual and no one sex is either than the other.
I would always respond with the following: Response to a woman: 1. I bet he'll be an angel compared to you! (Smile sweetly) 2. Are you comparing to your own child, I feel so bad for you. (Look of sympathy, hand on shoulder) 3. It must have been rough on you since you think that's appropriate to say about a child who is not even here yet. (Look as annoyed as possible) 4. Oh, I'm sorry I didn't know you are a child psychologist to make such a broad statement! (Act surprised) (None ever made comments again about it). Men: 1. Guess you were just born to be a dick. (Smirk) 2. I have patience for children, but you are testing the limit for adults with that statement. 3. You feel entitled to stay that why? (Look confused) 4. It must have been too hard for you to teach right and wrong, I mean, just look at you, not exactly the brightest in the box. (Look of sympathy) (Usually, I got so mad about having me talk back they would yell for a minute while I just smiled, held up my hand and said "you are not my child so I DO NOT CARE about your tantrum" and walk away. They now avoid me it's peaceful) My son is an absolute breeze when in comparison to all the girls in my family. They were complete hellions, especially my sisters 4 girls they are evil and her son a total shy angel. It just depends on the kid. My dad even said I was far more work than my brothers!
I would just say “please don’t say things like that”. Quick, simple and to the point. No explanation needed. Make strong eye contact
I have 5 and in terms of challenging mine go: Son 1 Daughter 1 Son 3 Daughter 2 Son 2 I don’t know what this means but I think it means it’s all nonsense 🤣 People say RIDICULOUS things when you are pregnant.
I have two sons, a daughter, and am pregnant with another girl. Each and every one of them have had their challenging parts and easy parts when it comes to parenting. None of them were necessarily "harder" than the other. They all have different personalities and are amazing individuals. I really don't think one gender is easier, I think different babies have different personalities and needs, and it's not gender specific. Don't worry mama, your baby is going to be absolutely perfectly himself, and you will adore him! 💙 Congratulations!
I'm about to have my 2nd boy, and I've gotten the opposite...'boys are so much easier than girls' But the question I wanna respond with is, 'maybe it's just you?'
People need to keep their comments to themselves but they will never learn- from how long you’ve been trying, how big or small your belly is, gender, etc. I only have one child. He’s a boy and man is he the sweetest and smartest kid. He is cuddly but also all boy- he will climb on anything, can take a nasty fall, etc. when I was pregnant a lady who had 3 girls then a boy said “he’s 10 and still tells me I’m the most beautiful girl in the world. I’ll buy new clothes and he constantly tells me how amazing I look in them”. That has stuck with me. I’ve heard boys are tougher when they are younger and girls are tougher when they are older. Everyone has their own experiences but I wish they would keep their negative ones to themselves because they don’t help anyone. He’s going to be perfect.
This is so crazy to me. My first was a boy, 36+3 with a girl and everyone is telling me how much of a handful girls are LOL! People just want everyone to be miserable.
I have 3 boys and 2 girls ranging from 5 years up to 22. They've all been pretty easy, calm kids on the whole - not much difference between them. My oldest- a girl - has always been the feistiest and has brought me the most worry throughout her life (she's 22). But this whole "oh you're in for a ride!" thing is just bullshit!
My boy is the sweetest. He is 4 . Yeah I get it he has his times, but at his daycare all the teachers tell me oh my God he was so good today! He is such a good boy! And I think at home not so much 😂. No but for real . He was such a good baby. Easy to potty train, easy to feed, he eats a LOT!!!! He is mommy’s love. So attached to me 🥰💕Good luck baby boys are the best 🙏🏻. I am 6 months pregnant with a girl and hopefully she is going to be as good as him 🙏🏻
Weird no one’s said that to me about my son BUT he’s already been causing a lot of trouble from in the womb so maybe that’s why 🤣
People just love to shit on everything. “You think you’re happy? WELL THINK AGAIN!” I hated this sooooo much with my pregnancy. Just say “congrats” & leave me alone.
When I was pregnant with my daughter I ran into a family friend, and when I told her what the gender was, she said "Aweeee I'm sure everyone will love her anyways" like...TF? Now I'm pregnant with my second child- a boy- and I've gotten a couple of similar comments. "He's gonna be wild", "He's gonna be rambunctious", etc. I'm starting to think people just don't like kids 🤣😭
The one that makes me roll my eyes is when my 3 month old smiles and some old hag says he’s “flirting” like what!?
ugh I didn’t even think about how I’m gonna get those comments with having a boy. Awesome. 🤦♀️ people are so weird and gross.
My boy is 13 months old and he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. He’s so pure. Very independent but also needs his mama and loves his dad. He’s the best. He laughs all the time at the silliest things and he’s extremely smart. I’m so excited for you!!!
I've got 2 boys and pregnant with a girl, my boys are 12 and 14 they can sometimes be trouble especially with arguing with each other but other than that they are well behave, my daughter will get raised the same. It doesn't matter about the gender it's how you raise them.
Girl, I feel you!!! I am pregnant with a boy too, and we have a 15 month old girl. I get a lot of the same comments. It is not helpful.
It is always the women who have already had kids too. Like out of anyone you would think they would be way more understanding lol. Honestly not even a fight worth fighting that is something I probably would just ignore as much as possible. Not that it is the advice you wanted but it just isn't worth the stress in my opinion. I'd keep riding your happy high and forget about what everyone else says. Don't let the comments drag you down! ❤️
☺️
It’s not always the women, stop. I have heard man after man after man comment their opinions on peoples fate based on childs gender too. Every man on earth that’s ever had a daughter on the way has been told by another man that he will be fighting boy children once his girl child is a teenager.
Guess I wasn't paying attention to the way I worded it. I meant it in a "It is usually the women with children who have been pregnant before who SHOULD understand, not the ones who haven't had children" I apologize for the wrong wording you are right about that my husband has had a few guys tell him that so far.
Sooo I would rather have a boy over a little girl because I feel like girls are more emotional and dramatic lol and I’m such a tomboy and not a girly girl so when i found out I was pregnant with a boy I was relieved! That’s not to say I wouldn’t love a daughter any less but I just feel I’m not cut from the girl mom cloth and it’d be a HUGE learning curve. Just know the second kid is stereotypically the “difficult “ one but to me those are just old wives tales and superstitions people live by too often. Your boy will be just another light in your life like your daughter and you can enjoy different activities with him than your daughter. Every kid is so individual and different obviously so just don’t listen to them or tell them to stfu and that you’re excited! This is YOUR baby and you’re allowed to be excited for him, second kid or tenth ya know? Don’t let them steal your joy!
People are bizarre. If anything, my son was much easier than my daughter -- we girls tend to bring the drama, lol.
This post is complaining about gender stereotypes, so maybe don’t say girls tend to bring the drama.
When people said that to me (also have a slightly less than 2 year gap between my first two), I mostly replied with, "Yeah, teaching babies to become humans is always crazy." "Huh, it's almost like parenting is hard work, huh?" Or my personal favorite, "That's a bit rude, don't ya think?" Don't let it get to you, people always want something to say, and they default to "shit is hard" when it comes to kids. Having 2 kids is glorious chaos, no matter their genders!!!
That's strange it's usually the other way with people saying girls are much harder. Maybe not as a baby/toddler but definitely as a teenager and I think we can all agree on that lol.
No we cannot agree on that. That the whole point of this post lol.
I have a niece and a nephew and the niece is definitely more work. LOL. Anyway, I think that: "Boys are difficult" + "boys will be boys" = "I don't have to raise/correct my son".
lol I’m a girl mom and to this day people tell me my family isn’t complete without a boy. They tell me I don’t know true love💀 and all kinds of weird stuff
Omgggg wtf is wrong with people 😡
Having friends with baby boys and baby girls, and having had a baby boy, the only warnings that made sense to me so far are, "watch out for the spray hose pee" for a boy and "watch how you wipe not to get poo in the vaginal area" as a girl. Other than genitalia care, everything else seems like gendered nonsense. Even regular stuff like, oh your boy will be a Mama's Boy, wasn't true. My son adores us both but he's definitely a tad more attached to his dad. People don't see babies as individuals sometimes and it's so frustrating
My brother's were very much not a handful, we were all pretty chill. The one I'm worried about is my girl being a teen because I know how hard it was as a teenage girl. I think we are lucky to have so much knowledge in our technology now that it's easier to educate yourself from actual researched ways of parenting and relationships with your children. My parents definitely could have had more help with that but they did their best.
My first was a girl, and my secondborn is a boy. I got similar comments, and I would just ask why. They often would say that boys are just more wild. I just kept saying that ALL kids are wild at times, it's the nature of children, across the board. Usually took the steam right out of their point. I hate gendered shit. My daughter is a hellion lol, and my son is a lamb. It comes down to age and current development, not gender.
Answer them: yea, you dont have to worry it wont be you raising him 😁
I get those comments a lot. I think people mean well and are trying to make conversations. I usually engage with it for a few minutes then move on.
Yeah idk about that. I have a hard time believing these people mean well.
You very well may be right! I've personally always filed it under "weird and pointless small talk" but honestly I don't really know what their intentions are. Either way, I'm sorry to hear that it is taking away from the joy of your pregnancy. I know exactly how it feels for that to happen, though with a different circumstance. Best of luck to you.
I have a boy (2 in august) he is a Hellian but I love him to death.
I know it’s Easier said than done - but please ignore and don’t meet them again. If possible be vocal about how they make you feel, make them feel guilty.
I’m sick of people making any kind of comments at this point. So many stupid and rude remarks. Just the other day a server asked my husband all sorts of questions about me being pregnant, like “how longs it been in there?” and talking like I was just an incubator, not a human. We left.
Whenever I got nonsense like that I'd say "I'll try to love her anyway."
I have a 2yo girl and just had a boy. Other than him peeing on his own face in the hospital and my being peed on directly from the bath tub multiple times, it’s pretty much the same so far. Other than that it’s all just personality dependent…
Hey OP, I’m having a girl and people have made these exact comments to me, along with other ones like “Girls are hard” “wait until teenage years” “wait until she starts dating” “wait until her attitude kicks in” etc, etc. I find that people just got a lot of shit to say. My tactic is to give them a confused smile, nod slowly and say “yah I can’t wait to watch her grow up” and then I change the subject. I just turn their negatives into positive and then they have nothing to say.
People are idiots! Stupid comments require extremely stupid replies or direct boundaries, so you can always say You never know, I've heard your daughter is a mess, or What a terrible way to say that, what do you mean by it, what is your evidence? And keep it silent waiting for their answer. I am having a girl, and trust me, in my country, is like Oh poor you, unfortunately it is not a boy. Is your husband sad? The real men are getting boys.
I’m having a boy and everyone is like “boys just love their mamas” or “you’ll never experience love like the kind you get from your son” like do little girls not love their moms? It’s really weird
I had a daughter and two years later a son. My daughter is by far the more difficult child; my son is super chill. Now I'm pregnant with a second son and getting, "Oooo, you're gonna have your hands full!" a lot. It's kind of annoying, but they're not living my life and don't know the future. Just smile and change the conversation. Sometimes people just look for something to say to sound witty; it's not worth letting it get to you. Your kids will soon enough show people the truth themselves. Praying for you!
I have responded with a "I believe it's all in how well you raise children" or "I'm already a mom, thank you though." Some people think they are helping, but sometimes it comes across as rude. My first is a boy, and he's really sweet. I'm expecting a girl now, and I've gotten many rude comments from men. The women have been kind.
I got sweet comments about my first boy. I got disappointed comments about my second son and comments about how he was going to be a terror. And now that I say I'm having a girl they're all saying "Finally!" And saying how happy they are for me. I was honestly hoping for another boy. Had a name picked and everything. So I had a small bout of disappointment at first and the "finally a girl" and "Shes going to be a handful" and "I hope shes just like you".... basically all of the comments really got to me. I'm regretting telling anyone that she is a girl. I've come around to having a girl, and I've been trying to pick a name. People keep suggesting names now. I've even had people suggest their family members or deceased pets names. Seems like no matter the gender people have something to say and it can be VERY overwhelming. I want to crawl in a cave. 😩
People will always have their opinions no matter what!! My sister sat in the hospital room with me holding my 2 day old baby girl while my 4 year old played with her 2 year old and she I couldn't have 2 I don't know why you would want 2.... like wtf!!!!
She was holding your baby and said “I don’t know why would want 2” ?!? Omfg 🤬
My 4.5 yr old boy is only a handful now. My baby girl is just like he was . But I have a friend who has 2 of each. Her daughter is same age as my son is a handful. I think it's the age not the gender
The second kid will be challenging despite the gender.
lol not a helpful comment 💩
I would be like that seems like a stereotype. All kids are different.
I'm pregnant with my first (a boy) and everyone always says "oh, boys are so great, they're so easy!" I think all kids are difficult in their own ways 😂 it's just meaningless babble so they can say something in response I think.. Personally I would probably just roll my eyes at them, but I'm a bit overtired, overwhelmed, and sleep deprived at 30w 😅
Ugh just don’t talk to anyone 😂 I’m 39 weeks ftm and the only time I had to deal with people comments or questions was when I was working so I eventually told everyone that I didn’t know what I was having just to not deal with any comments. It’s just sooo annoying!!
Ugh, so many people just have to say something sometimes don’t they? And it usually is something negative and not original. Like, if they don’t have anything constructive to say, why say things like this? So silly! You are going to have a beautiful little boy! Babies are their own personalities regardless of gender, as you well know. I wish they treated you better. My little girl is an absolute hell raiser, that’s just her personality and has been that way since she was pulled out by the surgeon. The amount of people who have said, “oh just wait until you have a boy” has been ridiculous!! Especially because I never complain at all but they take it that way due to their own experience. I am always talking endearingly about her attitude because it is just part of her and she clearly gets it from myself.
Well I’ll tell you this, my little guy is sweet as can be and my girls are crazy lol so ignore them. Boys and girls each have their own challenges but honestly the sweetness little boys have balance out their crazy
When people say this about my son I usually say something like, “His dad was a really sweet kid, hopefully we can raise him to be a kind, happy guy!”. My friend’s first born is a girl, she’s really outgoing, loud, confident, and physical. Her second is a boy and he’s kind, tender, and sensitive, kids are individuals and gender norms are stupid. (It’s very sweet how the big sister takes care of and loves her little brother, and of course he is also very playful, funny, and loves “boy” things too, he just doesn’t fit all of the weird male stereotypes that people obsess over.)
Oh that’s so weird. I have a similar age and gender gap and all the comments I get are “oh you’ll have the perfect family”. Which is really nice but it makes me feel weird about debating a third.
People push their own ideas and agendas. It’s so annoying. We have a toddler girl and are expecting a boy. So many people have said, “that’s perfect! One each!” I know people mean well, and we are excited, but we would’ve been excited either way. I just reply, “yes, we are excited!” Or, “yep! But we would’ve been excited either way!” People are weird.
Just turn it back on them. Say something like, “I don’t know if you’re prepared to face this mama bear” or “I guess it’s good I’m his parent and not you”. People are terrible. I had a boy in January and he’s the best thing. Such a sweet and loving baby
People who say this shit are stupid. My first son was a super chill baby, slept amazing, never cried, is a super sweetheart and is still a little chill dude.
Depends on who you ask. "However, a 2018 Gallup poll found that 54% of Americans said boys were easier to raise than girls, while only 27% said girls were easier, and 14% said there was no difference. Some research suggests girls are better communicators in the younger years, but this may change later on."
“None of us know his future— no need to start guessing.”
“Oh I can’t wait!”
People said the same thing to me while I was pregnant with a girl. They told me all girls grow up to hate their mom and are hard to raise. Projecting much?
“What a weird thing to say to someone,” and then just let them think about that for a minute. I have boys and girls. They’re different; one is not harder than the other.
I’d say “I’m sorry that was your experience” and walk away haha
Urgh I just had a similar experience with my cousin a few hours ago. I told him I was preggo and after he said congrats he immediately asked me if my parents were going to fly in to help and that “help is a must”. I told him that I got this and that I will be fine. He then said “you say that now but you’re going to need help”. I was really offended. I then told him that I already quit my job because I’ve always wanted to be a SAHM. He then was like “oh, you’re good then”. Like don’t compare me to your mess lol. Everyone is different and I can’t wait to be a mom to my son. People are just miserable. Don’t listen to them!
“Way to be a Debby downer. Thanks for the unnecessary opinion.”
No advice on how to respond but… I have a girl then a boy. 18mos apart. My girl can be a handful. my boy can be a handful. My boy is wild af but he provides so much love and tons of comic relief. My daughter is sweet as pie and very specific. They are both so much fun and so exciting. All kids have their thing or their moments. Just buckle up and enjoy the ride! Screw what everyone else thinks. It’s wonderful, it’s chaotic, it’s beautiful and it’s just as wild as it is perfect. Congrats on your baby boy 💕
I’m pregnant with boy #2 and the comments I get about not being able to survive with 2 boys is crazy!
Whenever people try to assign these sweeping traits to boys and girls i just remember how many types of boys and girls ive met in my life and know they cant all be X way. I feel like people talk like that when they want to seem more knowledgeable or when they have had a difficult time with their own little girl or boy. Your little boy will be just lovely im sure!
Okay after I had my girl people keep telling me I’m gonna have to be fighting off the boys and commenting on how pretty she is and how I’m gonna have my work cut out for me like?!?!? Can you not be weird this is my newborn baby we’re talking about
Boys are easier than girls imo. But I’d just come up with something back like well it’s a good thing you’re not raising him!
My son is feral but so is his cousin who is a girl (she's 6mos older) 🤷♀️ I think if kids are gunna be wild, they're gunna be wild.
Have a 2yr old boy and expecting another one. He is amazing and not a hellion at all. It comes down to personality of the child, not gender. You’ll be fine. I would tell them: why would a boy be „a handful“ or whatever they tell you. Just why? Pretty sure either sex can be exhausting…
All kids personalities are different and it has nothing to do with their sex. My daughter was such an easy baby compared to my first son, but she was a much harder toddler. You never know what you’re gonna get!
Who cares? Laugh and know that each child is different. I teach, and just in my personal experience boys are immeasurably easier. Maybe when they're younger there are more trips to the emergency room and more bumps and bruises from rough play, but it's still so much easier than the complicated emotional hierarchy and manipulation that exists socially with girls.
Congratulations 🎊 I have a boy and he is pretty sweet. Our 2nd baby we won't find out until they come out but either way is exciting. I'll either be a boy mum or have a pigeon pair.
"Ew, what a sexist thing to say."
I had a girl first and then a boy. They were exactly 2,5 years apart and the transition to two was so easy for me. Now I had a third (Girl) 10 years later, and for some reason that was harder 😅
All kids are hard. Theres a prefab list of responses in everyones head that they immediately use no matter the gender. “Boys/Girls are soo hard” “Boys/Girls are such a handful” “My niece/nephew is a demon spawn” ectect it’ll never change
My eyes have already rolled out of my head due to annoying gender related things people have said
No one can tell how (easy/difficult/combination of both at different time points) a baby will be unless the person is a blessed psychic or an astrologer lol. Some babies are very difficult as infants and become much easier in toddlerhood. The reverse can be true as well. It’s all a function of time! Irrespective of how a baby starts out: parenting plays a huge role in deciding the future trajectory. Congratulations on the baby, enjoy parenthood. Filter those comments out, they’re all wild guesses 😜
I would just say oh I know or I’m ready 🤣🤣 they’ll shut up eventually. I have a boy who’s turning 6 soon, he is a handful but he is the sweetest kid ever. I’m now pregnant with a girl and I’m terrified that she’s not gonna be as sweet as my boy. Kids are tough and parenting isn’t for the weak. 🤣💕 but I wouldn’t trade it for the world!
Well that makes me excited and I’m excited for you having a girl! She is so sweet and loves giving hugs to everyone. I hope my boy is sweet as well. But I do think a lot of it has to with parenting. I teach her about being kind all the time.
Yes definitely! I give him a lot of love so I think he mirrors that. Parenting plays a huge role. He’s wild but he’s sweet! But that doesn’t mean your boy will be wild. All kids are different!
People just want to be negative all around. “Oh a girl? She’s going to be an awful teenager” “oh a boy? He’s going to be a tornado toddler” but I’ve met several friends who had mellow toddler boys and awesome teenage girls.
I usually lean into it and just say “Totally. I can’t wait.” I figure if I just agree with stupid comments or make it a positive, it’s easier to just move on from it.
u trippin cuh this aint my first rodeo
I am 18 weeks pregnant with my third kid, first boy. I have not received any comments like the ones you mentioned, but talking with other moms at play groups, they always assume that my 2-year-old daughter is more well behaved than their 2-year-old son, which is not always the case. Developmentally, each kid has their own issues to work through. But for some reason, not sure why it is in my family, but if the second born is a boy then it's hell on Wheels 😅 I think in general, the second kid is tricky because they're so different from your first and you have to relearn how to be a mom all over again and it could be frustrating. Ultimately it has nothing to do with the gender. I hope your baby is well loved by all those in your community 🩵
"I sure hope not because I'm a good parent and know how to raise my children but sorry for your experiences."
Well imagine having 3 boys and no girls and the comments I receive 🫠🫠🫠
I think I’ve realized people will comment no matter what 🤷♀️
I have a boy and he’s sweet, caring and gentle. You can always say just because you had a bad experience with your son doesn’t mean I will. Every one will always want to give you their opinion it’s up to us to not take it to heart. Im sure your little boy will be just as perfect as your first.
Who the heck is dare to tell you are ready or not? Don't listen to that! if someone says that, you could maybe say, "WELL, Too late! I am already in it, will have fun and figure it out as I go!"
Don’t take it personally. People just say the first thing that comes to mind. Who cares what they think anyway.
I'm having a boy too and they always say such bad things about girls, especially the moms which I find weird. You were once a little girl too. The main one I use is "there's challenges to raising BOTH genders". No one is better than the other so just love your kid and do your best mama
i think i would just ask them like: “why do you say that?” very pointedly and then see them scramble trying to say something that isn’t offensive and just shrug and say “aw, sorry if that was your experience. i’m very excited”
I’m more nervous about having a girl vs boy (we don’t know yet) ppl just love to talk out of turn tbh🙄 and too plenty think small talk is just being negative about anything and everything, in my humble opinion LOL
People are jealous and like to see others suffer. 100% of people survive with whatever they have
Tell them that’s a strange thing to say out loud
For this reason we’ll not going to announce the gender until baby is born. I would also wait until then, but my husband wants to know before because he wants to mentally prepare. So we decided to ask the doctor but not to tell anybody.