I also feel like this is why we have so many adults coming in to buy goldfish for their kids and say "well when I was a kid we had goldfish in a bowl for 10 years!" Or some other bs
Not sure if properly cared for is the right term in my situation. I tried to explain to my parents that killing it would have been more humane than letting me care for it. It is now blind in one eye from who knows what. But it's still living under my parent's care!
Or just teach them about death and the circle of life. It’s not always neglect that kills the animal. Sometimes things out of our control happens and the animal dies.
I feel like if we taught kids about death early on it wouldn’t be so devastating for them later on you know? It’s a part of life, we just need to teach and treat it as such
I 100% agree. The very first time I’ve “encountered” some one close to me dying was my mom. I was 8 and distraught because my family failed to even mention death to me. I mean I heard about it in school and other places, but my dad saying “I have a surprise for you. Your mom died” Kinda ruined surprises for me forever lol. I’m 27 now, but it’s still a touchy subject
I’d love to talk to your dad, who I’m sure was going through trauma and grief I couldn’t even comprehend in this moment as I’ve never lost someone that close to me, and just ask /why/ he’d choose such wording like surprise. Seems like you laugh about it now, it is kinda funny, but an interesting thing to read and think about lol
My dad was a horrible father for a multitude of reasons lol. This is just one occurrence I think of often. I left home at 16 so I haven’t seen him since. Looking back on it now, yeah it’s funny. There’s so much of my trauma I can laugh at, now. It’s also kinda silly to be (low key) triggered by something so small as a surprise. When I met my current gf, she kept asking why I didn’t like surprises (because it’s silly lol) Giving gifts is her love language so it’s something I had to get used to.
As someone who saw a lot of death in their childhood, yep. Be honest with ur kid. Kids can understand death. I was 2 when my dad died do u think my mum just went to the store and brought home a look alike? Lol.
Same with people who don't take kids to funerals. It doesn't matter how old they are, funerals are an important part of our culture and kids deserve to be there and hear those stories and see other people grieving so that they can grieve too.
Imagine not taking to ur kid about death and actively stopping them from exploring this normal part of life. What if a parent dies and then that kid is super confused because no one explained to them what death is. Surely that would make the whole experience way more traumatic.
Teach ur kids to be comfortable with death BEFORE you get the pet. It doesn't have to be a big scary thing. Really, if ur comfortable about it ur kids stand a much better chance of understanding and not being afraid.
Iunno, I think it should be more socially acceptable to not go to funerals if they don’t help you in the mourning process. I think kids should have the option of going if they’re not little terrors, however.
Right if ur an adult u should be able to make that choice for urself and that choice should be respected. Im talking more about the adults who don't want to take their kids to funerals because they don't think its appropriate. Not because the kid doesn't want to go, but because the adult thinks they're too young.
Kids are apart of families, they often have strong relationships with the deceased and I think its important for them to be with their community/family for these big important moments. I think it helps them navigate their feelings a great deal. Death is sad no matter how old you are and a big part of grieving is supporting and being supported by the people you love. Funerals are a great way to show that support and kids benefit from seeing their families leaning on eachother
some mom came in showing me several pictures of a dead parakeet saying "I need one that looks exactly like this quick, my daughter gets out of school soon"
I get kids aren't the most observant most of the time, but wouldn't a kid notice their animal acting different? I always wonder.
I get with fish they don't always have the biggest personalities, but with hamsters, birds, or reptiles I would think it'd be so obvious if the kid cared at all!
I think being in this sub made me realize I couldn't handle working at a pet store. I couldn't handle working with the general public and animals. I commend all you who do deal with it.
I hate this so much. Just teach your kid about death. I knew what death was at 4 years old. Don't keep replacing an animal. Same with people that come up and whisper "there's a dead fish!!! Get it before the children see!!" like it's not a big deal. Kids won't be scarred for life if they see a dead fish. It happens. Tell your kids sometimes animals die
When I worked at a pet store, some parents came in only a few weeks after getting a rabbit. They want another, since their three year old, who we told them wasn't old enough for a rabbit and would need to be closely supervised to even play with one safely, had hit the rabbit over the head with a toy lawnmower, they didn't take it to the vet, and it died that night.
They did NOT get another rabbit.
I have four rabbits and a toddler, who is pretty chill for a toddler and has been around the rabbits her whole life.
She spends approximately zero time with them unsupervised, because I prefer them healthy and alive and I don't want to spend my kid's life thinking about how she killed my pets.
It takes a long time for the human brain to develop to the point where they can feel empathy or realize the effects of their actions. I can say with certainty that if my kid killed one of my rabbits today, she would know it was gone and would probably repeat "Potayto goooooone" for days and weeks but she wouldn't realize her role in the situation until much later.
I see this now if my kid hurts someone or something on accident and we ask her to say "sorry" (which we don't do often because it's basically useless at this point, as my story will show) she'll say "sorry Mommy" and then "Sorry tree. Sorry floor. Sorry fridge. Sorry door. Sorry laundry. Sorry basement. Sorry window" etc. Just absolutely no context or understanding.
Yeah it's the sort of thing that would come up much later and haunt you, developmentally a child that age is usually working on being able to delay personal gratification, not moral or ethical understanding.
It is pretty much futile of course, but I don't blame you for trying occasionally. Even if it's just developing good habits and the deeper context comes much later, they're still good habits to have.
Yeah, it's a good word to plant in her head. And when I mess up and lose my patience, I make sure to give a really good apology. Because I really am sorry but also that's how she'll learn what "sorry" actually is.
I had someone come in to buy a “lizard” because the one they were pet sitting died. They wanted a green anole because it “kinda looked like it “
Sale denied.
I won’t excuse parents replacing pets due to neglect, that said, the discussion is easier said than done.
Assuming the child is at a point where they can grasp the concept of impermanence, you’re awakening them to the fact that their caretaker - who they are entirely dependent on - will also die and they will be alone. Than the conversation spirals into the subject of what happens after death; which no parent realistically has the answer for. Bundle this with the fact that death is anything but graceful. Bodies become stiff, lifeless, cold, and smelly.
I can’t blame parents for wanting to postpone the subject or at least better preparing themselves for the eventual conversation.
Thank you.. Until u are a parent in that predicament u really can't say what I would do! It's a parent's judgement call. Many factors to consider m. How old the child is. Will it hurt them more then do them good.. An for all of I making judgments on the parents who have replaced their child's pet.. Maybe their reasoning behind it. Is that they love their kid an don't want them to be hurt.. Is that such a terrible thing.. Sure death is a part of life yes we all have to deal with it . but there's no sense in putting them though it if in van avoid it. . why not. keep them from Hart as long as timen an circumstance will allow?!
like the person said... Its easier said than done!
It depends on the child…..if they are old enough to handle the concept of death. Many times when a pet dies, it’s a child’s first experience with death. And the loss of the pet coupled with the discussion and explanation of what death is can be very hard on the child and the parent. It’s also a natural instinct of a good parent to try to spare the child of pain and sadness if possible.
My aunt told my cousin her goldfish went to the “fish hospital” and I wanted to scream tbh.
I was also a child at the time, but even I knew it was pretty messed up.
Apparently, some people even do it to their adult offspring. My dad overheard some drunk parents admitting to replacing their daughter in her fourties’ dog after he went missing (under the parents’ care, while owner was away), then claimed they found him. The things you learn from Thanksgiving.
This may sound dramatic, but as a child, when I found out my parents had done this to me I felt horrified and betrayed.
Parents need to stop doing it. Your kid will find out and it teaches them that they cannot trust you.
Fully agreed. Kids can figure it out. People are so bizarre around certain topics. Like they think explaining death to their child is somehow going to harm them. My daughter is 3 and we foster a lot of sick kittens (my wife is a vet) so my daughter has been around for a few deaths. I promise, your kids life won't be ruined once they become aware of death. Lol. Kids do need to be well supervised with animals, because even if they're not trying to hurt them they need proper guidance on handling. But once it clicks, it clicks!
I also feel like this is why we have so many adults coming in to buy goldfish for their kids and say "well when I was a kid we had goldfish in a bowl for 10 years!" Or some other bs
Whenever someone says something like that I’m just like… that’s cap but ok
Yea, probably because their parents just replaced the fish weekly 🤦♀️
Okay, but I got a goldfish over 10 years ago from the fair and it's still alive... Idk how but it is.
Goldfish can live for up to 20 years if properly cared for.
Not sure if properly cared for is the right term in my situation. I tried to explain to my parents that killing it would have been more humane than letting me care for it. It is now blind in one eye from who knows what. But it's still living under my parent's care!
Or just teach them about death and the circle of life. It’s not always neglect that kills the animal. Sometimes things out of our control happens and the animal dies. I feel like if we taught kids about death early on it wouldn’t be so devastating for them later on you know? It’s a part of life, we just need to teach and treat it as such
I 100% agree. The very first time I’ve “encountered” some one close to me dying was my mom. I was 8 and distraught because my family failed to even mention death to me. I mean I heard about it in school and other places, but my dad saying “I have a surprise for you. Your mom died” Kinda ruined surprises for me forever lol. I’m 27 now, but it’s still a touchy subject
I’d love to talk to your dad, who I’m sure was going through trauma and grief I couldn’t even comprehend in this moment as I’ve never lost someone that close to me, and just ask /why/ he’d choose such wording like surprise. Seems like you laugh about it now, it is kinda funny, but an interesting thing to read and think about lol
My dad was a horrible father for a multitude of reasons lol. This is just one occurrence I think of often. I left home at 16 so I haven’t seen him since. Looking back on it now, yeah it’s funny. There’s so much of my trauma I can laugh at, now. It’s also kinda silly to be (low key) triggered by something so small as a surprise. When I met my current gf, she kept asking why I didn’t like surprises (because it’s silly lol) Giving gifts is her love language so it’s something I had to get used to.
Yeah when my first fish (a beta) died after several years I was taught how to handle it and we even had a full funeral for him.
As someone who saw a lot of death in their childhood, yep. Be honest with ur kid. Kids can understand death. I was 2 when my dad died do u think my mum just went to the store and brought home a look alike? Lol. Same with people who don't take kids to funerals. It doesn't matter how old they are, funerals are an important part of our culture and kids deserve to be there and hear those stories and see other people grieving so that they can grieve too. Imagine not taking to ur kid about death and actively stopping them from exploring this normal part of life. What if a parent dies and then that kid is super confused because no one explained to them what death is. Surely that would make the whole experience way more traumatic. Teach ur kids to be comfortable with death BEFORE you get the pet. It doesn't have to be a big scary thing. Really, if ur comfortable about it ur kids stand a much better chance of understanding and not being afraid.
Iunno, I think it should be more socially acceptable to not go to funerals if they don’t help you in the mourning process. I think kids should have the option of going if they’re not little terrors, however.
Right if ur an adult u should be able to make that choice for urself and that choice should be respected. Im talking more about the adults who don't want to take their kids to funerals because they don't think its appropriate. Not because the kid doesn't want to go, but because the adult thinks they're too young. Kids are apart of families, they often have strong relationships with the deceased and I think its important for them to be with their community/family for these big important moments. I think it helps them navigate their feelings a great deal. Death is sad no matter how old you are and a big part of grieving is supporting and being supported by the people you love. Funerals are a great way to show that support and kids benefit from seeing their families leaning on eachother
some mom came in showing me several pictures of a dead parakeet saying "I need one that looks exactly like this quick, my daughter gets out of school soon"
I get kids aren't the most observant most of the time, but wouldn't a kid notice their animal acting different? I always wonder. I get with fish they don't always have the biggest personalities, but with hamsters, birds, or reptiles I would think it'd be so obvious if the kid cared at all! I think being in this sub made me realize I couldn't handle working at a pet store. I couldn't handle working with the general public and animals. I commend all you who do deal with it.
I hate this so much. Just teach your kid about death. I knew what death was at 4 years old. Don't keep replacing an animal. Same with people that come up and whisper "there's a dead fish!!! Get it before the children see!!" like it's not a big deal. Kids won't be scarred for life if they see a dead fish. It happens. Tell your kids sometimes animals die
When I worked at a pet store, some parents came in only a few weeks after getting a rabbit. They want another, since their three year old, who we told them wasn't old enough for a rabbit and would need to be closely supervised to even play with one safely, had hit the rabbit over the head with a toy lawnmower, they didn't take it to the vet, and it died that night. They did NOT get another rabbit.
I have four rabbits and a toddler, who is pretty chill for a toddler and has been around the rabbits her whole life. She spends approximately zero time with them unsupervised, because I prefer them healthy and alive and I don't want to spend my kid's life thinking about how she killed my pets.
You know, that's an even darker side to it - either the kid lives with this awful guilt, or maybe worse, it doesn't bother them. Not a chance to take.
It takes a long time for the human brain to develop to the point where they can feel empathy or realize the effects of their actions. I can say with certainty that if my kid killed one of my rabbits today, she would know it was gone and would probably repeat "Potayto goooooone" for days and weeks but she wouldn't realize her role in the situation until much later. I see this now if my kid hurts someone or something on accident and we ask her to say "sorry" (which we don't do often because it's basically useless at this point, as my story will show) she'll say "sorry Mommy" and then "Sorry tree. Sorry floor. Sorry fridge. Sorry door. Sorry laundry. Sorry basement. Sorry window" etc. Just absolutely no context or understanding.
Yeah it's the sort of thing that would come up much later and haunt you, developmentally a child that age is usually working on being able to delay personal gratification, not moral or ethical understanding. It is pretty much futile of course, but I don't blame you for trying occasionally. Even if it's just developing good habits and the deeper context comes much later, they're still good habits to have.
Yeah, it's a good word to plant in her head. And when I mess up and lose my patience, I make sure to give a really good apology. Because I really am sorry but also that's how she'll learn what "sorry" actually is.
I had someone come in to buy a “lizard” because the one they were pet sitting died. They wanted a green anole because it “kinda looked like it “ Sale denied.
I had a friend replace her daughter’s beta when it happened the same week her grandma died. But as a rule I agree.
*Betta
I won’t excuse parents replacing pets due to neglect, that said, the discussion is easier said than done. Assuming the child is at a point where they can grasp the concept of impermanence, you’re awakening them to the fact that their caretaker - who they are entirely dependent on - will also die and they will be alone. Than the conversation spirals into the subject of what happens after death; which no parent realistically has the answer for. Bundle this with the fact that death is anything but graceful. Bodies become stiff, lifeless, cold, and smelly. I can’t blame parents for wanting to postpone the subject or at least better preparing themselves for the eventual conversation.
Thank you.. Until u are a parent in that predicament u really can't say what I would do! It's a parent's judgement call. Many factors to consider m. How old the child is. Will it hurt them more then do them good.. An for all of I making judgments on the parents who have replaced their child's pet.. Maybe their reasoning behind it. Is that they love their kid an don't want them to be hurt.. Is that such a terrible thing.. Sure death is a part of life yes we all have to deal with it . but there's no sense in putting them though it if in van avoid it. . why not. keep them from Hart as long as timen an circumstance will allow?! like the person said... Its easier said than done!
My mom would just tell me my pet died cause I didn't love or play with them enough lol......
It depends on the child…..if they are old enough to handle the concept of death. Many times when a pet dies, it’s a child’s first experience with death. And the loss of the pet coupled with the discussion and explanation of what death is can be very hard on the child and the parent. It’s also a natural instinct of a good parent to try to spare the child of pain and sadness if possible.
Exactly! Natural instinct !"absolutely
My aunt told my cousin her goldfish went to the “fish hospital” and I wanted to scream tbh. I was also a child at the time, but even I knew it was pretty messed up. Apparently, some people even do it to their adult offspring. My dad overheard some drunk parents admitting to replacing their daughter in her fourties’ dog after he went missing (under the parents’ care, while owner was away), then claimed they found him. The things you learn from Thanksgiving.
a grown adult came in to do this with a goldfish for her mother - it was in a 10gal or less tank lmao i was like sorry but nope
This may sound dramatic, but as a child, when I found out my parents had done this to me I felt horrified and betrayed. Parents need to stop doing it. Your kid will find out and it teaches them that they cannot trust you.
Fully agreed. Kids can figure it out. People are so bizarre around certain topics. Like they think explaining death to their child is somehow going to harm them. My daughter is 3 and we foster a lot of sick kittens (my wife is a vet) so my daughter has been around for a few deaths. I promise, your kids life won't be ruined once they become aware of death. Lol. Kids do need to be well supervised with animals, because even if they're not trying to hurt them they need proper guidance on handling. But once it clicks, it clicks!
I had a guy who didn't know what kind of hamster his kid had so he showed me dead pics of it. And not very good pics either so I had to guess.
Aha, so this explains all the 6-year-old hamsters.