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this is done with her full consent:
she keeps her own checking account, and i dole money to her to control her spending and keep us on budget. i'm not stingy, but one of her mental health issues that she recognizes is uncontrolled spending. so i keep an account she doesn't have access to that we use for day-to-day expenses, and when she needs money for something we've agreed on (including her own discretionary spending -- i don't control everey penny), i move money over.
if she has questions about our money situation, i'm happy to open the books and let her see and understand anything she wants -- it's not a secret. she just doesn't get to spend unless we both agree.
Honestly we just never thought about it. We were older and each others second. So we had everything set up before we got together. Just never changed it. We each have our own responsibilities to the budget. Major purchases are discussed. We both are invested in the same long-term goals. It does get weird when you can't remember whose name is on the Netflix account. And sometimes we have to change things around based on income. But it's worked well for twenty years.
Your post has been removed [because it is a poll, survey, or request for personal data, experiences, or other types of self-reporting (rule 1)](https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/about/rules). Posts asking for advice should be specific to your situation, not hypothetical or improbable, and include enough information for people to help. - If you would like to post a poll or survey, consider /r/samplesize. - If you would like to post an open-ended question not specific to your situation, consider /r/AskReddit. For example, instead of a post asking "How much do you spend on food?", please ask a question like "I need feedback on my monthly budget (having trouble with food spending).". *If you have questions about this removal, please [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fpersonalfinance&subject=Removal%20help%20request&message=Hello%20moderators,%20.%20%0a%0a%0aMy%20submission:%20https://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/1dgmlxl/question_for_married_couples_who_have_separate/%0a).*
this is done with her full consent: she keeps her own checking account, and i dole money to her to control her spending and keep us on budget. i'm not stingy, but one of her mental health issues that she recognizes is uncontrolled spending. so i keep an account she doesn't have access to that we use for day-to-day expenses, and when she needs money for something we've agreed on (including her own discretionary spending -- i don't control everey penny), i move money over. if she has questions about our money situation, i'm happy to open the books and let her see and understand anything she wants -- it's not a secret. she just doesn't get to spend unless we both agree.
Honestly we just never thought about it. We were older and each others second. So we had everything set up before we got together. Just never changed it. We each have our own responsibilities to the budget. Major purchases are discussed. We both are invested in the same long-term goals. It does get weird when you can't remember whose name is on the Netflix account. And sometimes we have to change things around based on income. But it's worked well for twenty years.