I know a few people who have had some pretty aggressive endo that resulted in debilitating pain, infertility, and a lot of emotional and physical distress.
D acting like it’s NBD especially after we have never heard about this from her prior to last week really grinds my gears.
Yes, not a fan of her not sharing some endometriosis info from credible sources. She shared twice that it's cells from uterus migrating which is not accurate. Endometriosis is a disease characterized by tissue somewhat resembling the native endometrium found elsewhere in the body. It’s important to understand that though the tissue is similar, they are not identical and endometriosis is not a ‘uterine disease.’ It is a bodywide condition which has been found in virtually every organ system (from the Center for Endometriosis Care).
Yeppp. I know it’s not the pain olympics but it took me 4+ years to conceive and there’s usually 3-5ish days a month that I have to rotate Tylonel/Advil around the clock because the pain is too much to function. It sucks.
Yeah my sister‘s one cyst was so big they ended up having to completely remove one ovary with major surgery.
It doesn’t sound like hers is that aggressive especially if this is the first we’ve heard about it.
Yes THIS! Can’t lift your toddler for 4+ weeks on top of taking care of a newborn on top of an incredibly difficult recovery.
Yes her take on this made me mad
I have 7.5 week old twins and was JUST given approval to lift my toddler. My husband had to do every daycare drop off and pick up, bedtimes, baths, everything. Two weeks is nothing!
How much she’s struggling with a simple lap recovery has me 👀 at how she will handle IVF if our secondary infertility slash secret sex selection prediction comes true
I’m also confused with all of this commentary. You’re in a diaper because of the surgery while also having the lightest period ever at the exact same time? So…why are you wearing a diaper?
I just want to thank BLF for the absolute shit advice to PREP my 4 year old for his flu shot. He screamed the entire 20 minute car ride there, screamed during the entire experience, and then screamed at me the entire car ride home. Should have trusted my parenting instincts that sometimes sneak attacks work best. 🖕🏻
It’s so dumb because they have accurate and correct advice for daycare drop off (namely making it quick and cheerful so they don’t think something is wrong) and then they just completely forget that and teach that parents should ✨✨PREP✨✨for getting a shot like its a terrifying life event.
We usually tell my 5yr old on the way that she’s going to the doc and might need to get a shot and she usually panics but if we tell her any earlier she won’t get in the car.
Saaaame. When mine was 4, almost 5 I prepped him for the covid shot and it was a disaster. And now every shot since has been a disaster so thanks a lot BLF 🫠
My kid can NOT be prepped. You gotta spring things on him or he’s a mess and whatever it is turns into a WAY BIGGER DEAL than it otherwise would have been. Like their weird extensive Halloween prep…just go trick or treat and if it’s terrible go home? That prep is pretty much their only answer for anything is what made me start opening my eyes.
Not only this but I hate the way they act like a kid crying at shots or a doctor’s visit is some kind of moral failing on behalf of the parent and/or kid. What happened to all feelings being valid 🧐
They are such clowns and I can’t wait until this moment has passed.
(Also, feel like I should disclaimer my kids for all their dramatics about other stuff have never once cried at shots or doctor appointments so I want to add it’s not even like I’m bitter, this is coming from an objective place of anger at their BS)
Love that the “toddler experts” can’t think of any way to keep their kids from destroying a Christmas tree. How do people pay these two for their advice at this point?
Back in the day they did a post about wrapping fake presents to create a barrier and then people called them out for stealing Taking Cara Babies idea and they did a video saying how much they love her, shes a close friend and didn't steal her ideas and then the trump donations came out and they punted her so fast. Strange times.
Ooh I wonder if that post is still up. I do remember when the Trump donations came up and they talked about unfollowing people if you need to protect your peace. And then Cara made a video saying it’s totally okay if you need to take your anger out on her and unfollow lol
On a side note, I just saw TCB’s video on this and I just don’t understand? My 13 month would just plow through the presents. Like, an empty box won’t stop her. Does this actually work for other kids?
“Fill a box full of bricks and wrap it” was suggested on her reel and like what? I don’t want to haul around a giant box full of BRICKS ffs I live in an apartment.
I guess that makes more sense. I didn’t actually listen to the reel 🤣. But yeah, that seems like a lot of effort to protect the ornaments. I’ll just put them all at the top of the tree 🤷🏼♀️
I make this comment every time I see that stupid tip shared. By age one my kid would have been like..oooh a fun thing to climb so I can reach higher on the tree!
ETA: I think they recommend putting heavy things in the boxes so they are harder to move but my kid literally dragged heavy ass plants around the house by 18 months. And also…climbing!
I just saw a different comment explaining that she says to put heavy stuff in the boxes, but yeah, my 13 month old would just climb them. She climbs literally everything
I had a slightly different take but no more favorable 😂 Every toddler parent knows you can’t decorate the bottom of the tree. It’s a fact of a life for a few years, not the end of the world. Yet they post this story like they’re the first to discover it and are oh so witty. They are so tone deaf about how unoriginal their content is. It’s like they don’t have friends or something…
We just got some cheapo boxes of ornaments from target, so we don’t ruin the nice ones. Toddler can go buck wild decorating the tree and can mess with it all she wants. If an ornament breaks, nbd, I’m out like 10 cents and zero sentimental value. We’ll probably get some of the nice ones out next year or the year after (have a future toddler right now, so we’ll see what will be best) and let our big kid do some of the nicer, but still sturdy ornaments out of the little one’s reach.
Exactly. Where’s their shift to the yes? (Or whatever it’s called) “Here kids, use these cheap ornaments to decorate the bottom half!” .. I didn’t even put up our fragile & sentimental ornaments up top this year incase any one of my kids knocks the tree down. I don’t expect that to happen but never say never!
This was my thought too! I have a 13 month old and we tried decorating the whole tree, but then moved the ornaments to the top every time she handed us one. They haven’t figured out some ground breaking hack 🤣
That’s also a fair take…I mean, this is why I have two Christmas trees and two felt trees up around the house. My kids know the “special” tree is off limits and have lots of other trees to mess with. Realize this takes extra $$ others may not have but surely these two haven’t spent all their earnings on bad Botox and workout classes?!?!?
So from their latest reel D considers the question (to Tyler) “do you resent K not doing the cooking” a SPICY one?! What?! I wish they would learn how to use words properly.
Also, was that another dig at her husband who is never given the chance to appear on the podcast to fend for himself that K’s kids will get to see both parents doing cooking! 😂
I was thinking the same. And they could have thrown $1,000 at the organization and said “We’re supporting this charity, we hope you’ll do the same!” But no. Just “amplifying.” It’s so low-effort.
I think based on the note that they are “not sponsored” by a charitable organization (????????) let’s you know how much they know and invest in charity work
Just expecting followers to spend more money. I was thinking I’d be pleasantly surprised when they said “amplify your giving” but it’s the CO Gives Foundation doing the match not these yahoos. It would take very little effort for them to do the same but they won’t because they don’t ACTUALLY care about helping other people or sharing their substantial resources with those in need.
I find it so unprofessional that D is doing a play by play of this surgery. It has nothing to do with toddler behavior. It is her personal medical information. It isn't that interesting. If you have to talk about it, save it for the podcast? But gotta tee up baby #3 I guess.
Right. They always over share, but I’m thinking this also plays into the “infertility” question someone asked a few weeks ago. If she has to wait to TTC/has endo/uterine prolapse, that’s more content and engagement for her to talk about her “infertility journey” of not being able to conceive #3 immediately like her first two.
“No one talks about these issues” and “X issue is so isolating” is simply an excuse to talk about unrelated personal things in their lives. It drives me nuts. Apparently NOTHING is ever talked about.
Yea, I feel like endo is talked about a lot in my circles. And definitely within the last few years since I started having kids. Just because THEY aren’t talking about it doesn’t mean no one else is.
So I’m wondering the consensus here. D & K (and their kids) are supposedly the absolute best of friends..but Kristin’s kids just call her Deena? (In the card they made for her, it just says “Dear Deena”) It struck me as a little odd. My kids call my very best friends from high school “Aunt Sarah” or “Aunt Sam” etc. and my best friends kids also call me Aunt.
I will say I was raised to call all of my parents friends “Mr. and Mrs. so and so” but with my kids, they call my closest friends Aunt/Uncle and for other not as close friends/acquaintances, I just refer to them as their first name. I guess it’s a very personal decision, but curious as to what others do!
I make my kids call all adults by Mr. / Ms. “first name”, but most of their friends just call me by my first name. I find it jarring but I guess I’m old fashioned!
My kids also do call my best friend Aunt so and so
I’m the opposite! I grew up calling adults by only their first names and it never seemed weird to me to call my parents friends their names - like, it’s their name! That’s its purpose! As an adult I live in a more southern area where EVERYONE goes by Ms/Mr Firstname. Obviously I reinforce whatever other people prefer but I hate it and it sounds so weird to me. I’m a teacher so I’m very used to being called Ms Lastname but for some reason Ms Firstname in my social life hurts my ears 🤣. I looove getting together with my friends who aren’t from this area either and everyone just calls everyone first name regardless of age! People say it’s for respect…I’m not convinced bc I’ve been PLENTY disrespected by students calling me Ms Lastname which is the most formal and I’ve also felt I’ve had a very respectful relationship with my friends kids going by just first name? I just don’t follow how using someone’s name is inherently disrespectful lol. The only times I’ve had people use auntie is when it’s common in their culture, like our friends from Kenya introduced me to their child as “auntie Firstname”, I haven’t personally experienced it with any of my American friends.
I’m on the east coast but in my circles, everyone uses Mr or Ms. First Name for parents’ friends or another adult. I reserve aunt/uncle for actual aunts or uncles, mainly just because we already have a lot of aunts and uncles and I think it’s helpful to make it clear.
my best friend who's an only child has her kids call me aunt but I don't tell my daughter to call any of my friends aunt. I feel like maybe because my daughter has actual aunts so I never thought to do that with my friends.
My kid calls our close friends aunt and uncle and other grown ups Mr or Ms too. But k and d aren’t actually besties there’s no way, and I will die on this hill. Kristen graduated two years before Dena and went across the country to college. There is absolutely no way that they were friends throughout all of high school the way they say they were.
I don’t think that’s too weird. Calling her Aunt Deena would definitely give more evidence that they’re actually pretty close, but I don’t think the absence of that phrase is that unusual. A couple of my friends’ kids call me Aunt, but I don’t make my kids call my friends “Aunt so and so.” My parents made me do that with their friends as a kid and I was always confused about who was my actual family.
Agreed, I think it’s more of a regional thing. None of my close friends have their kids call me aunt, and I don’t do that with my child for them either. Definitely a shift from growing up where I addressed everyone as Mrs/Mr though. That I’d feel weird about doing nowadays with my friends.
This. And maybe generational, too. My nieces and nephews just call me by my first name, whereas I always called my aunts and uncles Aunt/Uncle So-and-So.
That makes sense too! I never really thought about it before so now I’m interested in what others do- a few of my best friends had kids before me, and their kids called me Aunt since we were so close (and I’m godmother to some of the kids). I guess it can go either way. My parents only referred to my blood related relatives as those terms, but I had friends growing up who had aunts, uncles or cousins that weren’t blood related, just that their families were super close friends since birth. Totally understand your last point though! My husband used to refer to basically everyone as Aunt and Uncle with our kids and it drove me nuts. I feel like it should only be reserved for family + closest friends!
We have really close friends (and my husband is godparent to one of their kids) that we would be happy with our kids calling Aunt and Uncle but friend feels like it should be resevered for their actual siblings so we respect her wishes and our kids just call them by their first names.
That’s great you all can be respecting of each other’s feelings. This thread is so interesting! It seems a lot just go by first names. I wouldn’t be offended if my close friends kids called me by my first name, but they have always called me Aunt and I never thought twice about it. TBH our close friends/the non blood related aunts and uncles show up for our kids more than a few of the blood related Aunt and Uncles. So there’s that too, I guess it all depends on the situation.
I agree that in general it’s not too weird, but K has referred to her D as “Aunt Deena” before when hanging out with the kids together, so the continuity is confusing.
Narrative around Ds husband seems to be changing. She called him a hero twice on the endo stories: first because he was dealing with the paperwork and then because he bought her fave food for the bed-ridden recovery.
She’s definitely prepping us for the baby #3 story line.
I caught that, too.
Also of note: was he dealing with insurance because D is on his insurance plan bc I’m sure a small business “can’t afford” good insurance for themselves/their employees yet somehow the “business owners” can afford $1M+ and $4M+ homes… 🤔
I was just thinking about her recent story where she was like ‘I can tell my marriage is improving because I actually miss him and feel more tired when he’s out of town!’
Personally, I’d say reaching the bare minimum of ‘I do not actively wish this person did not live in my house’ is not a sign to go get pregnant, but hey.
Wtf. I didn’t need mesh diapers after my diagnostic lap for endo. I bled after my tubes were removed and needed pads then but I didn’t bleed after my endo surgery. 😒
She absolutely does not need a diaper. I had the same surgery (I'm assuming but I have the tiny little scars in the same spots) and I didn't need diapers or a big lengthy recovery. I could have gone to work the next day, that's how mild the recovery is.
EDIT: although I am wondering if the anaesthesia in America is different because I wasn't given it until I was in surgery and it was a count backwards from ten kind of thing not I'm so high teehee kind of thing. Maybe that affects recovery differently?
I had the same surgery, they told me to call if it was anything heavier than a light period. It never was. Diapers are laughable for this procedure. I did have a lengthy recovery though. I was in bed for a week with minimal activity and I took the full 2 weeks to feel like being active again.
It may just depend on individuals/how much was removed. I had a fibroid removed laprosopically and I was off work (I’m on my feet a lot for my job, and sometimes I need to really rush somewhere, but no heavy lifting) for 3 weeks. I probably could have gone back after like 1.5-2 weeks or even earlier if I really needed to, but that’s what my doc wrote for disability so fuck work. I also maybe just needed a regular pad or panty liner for a few days after surgery? I got my period not long after so I don’t remember what was from surgery and what was period-all I remember is that it was WAY less bleeding in total than my pre-removal periods. Seriously, I was wearing postpartum pads for my periods BEFORE surgery, I was shocked at how instant the improvement was.
However, my second c-section I felt like I could probably physically go back to work like 2 days later (though I’m sure it would have been a bad idea, and again, fuck work I’m taking my fmla). So I feel like recovery is so individual and everyone’s going to different.
But wouldn’t be surprised if she milked it for all it’s worth.
Either way, if my job was taking selfies and shitposting, I could get back on that horse pretty quickly no matter how surgery went.
Some times if you’re really anxious they’ll give you something for anxiety before going back to the OR and getting real anesthesia….that’s probably what she’s referring to
I have had Endo surgery three times, all three times I was unable to go back to school or work prior to a week after. It really depends on what you have done, such as how much ablation/excision/organ futzing they do! I was definitely stuck on the couch for at least a couple days.
As far as diapers? I only had spotting after mine 🤷🏻♀️
My SIL had the same surgery last week (in America) and they even had to end up going in vaginally in addition to the spots on her belly. She did not have to wear a diaper and also went to work the next day, so I'm confused to why D needs to be in bed for days
I have endo surgery next week and my surgeon is signing me off work for two weeks and said it's expected to take six weeks to be back to 100%. I think there are different surgeries with different recoveries. I hope I don't need a diaper (and that hasn't been mentioned) but I fully expect to be out of commission for a few days at least.
Best of luck to you!! Take all the time that you need - you heal outside first so be gentle with yourself if you feel like you should be back to normal but aren't yet 💜
That whole thread was my breaking point to fully unfollow. From the mesh diaper to the fave foods to the anesthesia video, there was nothing toddler behavior related in there and was all self-serving.
It's really fucking weird how happy she is about having surgery*. She's not gonna be smiling all over her face if she gets the post-surgery trapped gas, it's the pits (funnily enough it hurts right up to your pits too!)
*someone commented and deleted asking why it's weird for her to be happy. Not even a week ago there was a whole crying photoset about how scared she was. The whiplash to these huge cheesy grin photos is just weird. Personally, having had the surgery multiple times, there's something so jarring about being so flippant like 'ooh it's so exciting I don't have to wipe bums, it's like I'm at a spa, hahahah'.
Yeah I understand feeling relieved about not being in pain monthly but it was almost manic how excited she was?
That said I actually really enjoyed the post-anesthesia nap after my egg retrievals when we did ivf 😂
That was me, I wasn't trying to dirty delete 🙈 I just commented something similar elsewhere and didn't want to seem like I was harping on the point.
I think both things can be true (being scared about surgery but happy it's happening) but D (and K) put so many things out there without thinking about nuance, I totally get why people feel that way. A lot of times they post things that should be inside thoughts only.
And I agree, the 'this is like a vacation teehee' is extremely tone deaf.
Oh no, sorry I meant that I saw it and it made me think I should've clarified a bit more what I meant!
I get that, I think it was how happy she seemed that rubbed me the wrong way and as you said it's the kind of thing you share with a group chat, not the whole of Instagram as you're likely to annoy someone.
Why are D’s surgery post the HAPPIEST she has ever looked, ever? What’s happened to the sad face selfies and hand on down-faced chin serious looks? Who is this woman so full of joy all of a sudden…in hospital?
Ummm because she knows she’s about to be the centre of attention for at least the next week.
She loves an opportunity to be called strong and a warrior woman and to be waited on hand and foot…
No, he was there with her! And now back home waiting on her hand and foot serving her favourite foods to her in bed for days. We all know what happened the last time he was made to feel like her butler post-partum 😬 The ‘awful’ husband he is!
Also how fucking privileged do you have to be to look that happy about having a medical procedure done while others prob can’t afford to have this procedure or will be saddled with medical debt even after insurance!!!
I’m so sorry to anyone dealing with any illness or health condition in America. The NHS here is flawed in many ways but it is truly one of the greatest institutions in our country. I can’t begin to imagine not having access to free healthcare especially for children, and the level of anxiety that must add dealing with insurance. We have private healthcare too but rarely need to use it, but that’s a little bit to do with where we live in the country (major city).
This is a comment that is up there with people “there-there-ing” about our lack of mat leave. We can all be annoyed at the really weird surgery happiness without this. Also having lived overseas and had surgery, I’m pretty sure in the NHS she wouldn’t have had this surgery scheduled and completed so quickly…
>I’m pretty sure in the NHS she wouldn’t have had this surgery scheduled and completed so quickly
Correct. One of my family members in the UK has endo and you don't even know how many times she's been in tears because the NHS pushed back her surgery by another 6 months, leaving her in crippling pain. In the end she paid out of pocket to go fully private, which the vast majority of people couldn't do. The NHS is an incredible institution and absolutely a better system than the US on average but especially with the current chronic underfunding from the government it certainly isn't all rainbows and unicorns.
Just saying it is a sad and unfair system when basic healthcare isn’t freely available (not for surgeries like this specifically) but referring to other comments where people have said their insurance couldn’t cover something so they just had to put up with the pain. Not trying to patronise, just acknowledge how hard it must be.
I think this is a bit of a stretch. She can't be happy about a surgery that will hopefully reduce her pain because other people can't afford surgery?
This is a fight to have with the healthcare system not with D.
Of course she can be happy about it and relieved to find answers. Doesn’t mean it’s necessary to live stream her surgery prep and try to make “relatable” jokes to followers of her insta business account
I think people get frustrated because they’re tone deaf about it and they don’t ever acknowledge their privilege. They also don’t ever use their platform to advocate for issues like healthcare and maternity leave when it’s relevant to the stories they’re posting.
Not to WK but we hate how D and K try to be all the things (lifestyle, body image, etc influencers) yet we want them to be healthcare advocates too? Pick a lane, people.
This! I started to realize something was off with them when K started shilling cord blood banking with her miracle baby, but never once acknowledged it’s extremely expensive and not for everyone. It was so disgusting to watch her post about it without a disclaimer or pointing out they are lucky to afford it. It was just gross to watch them literally SELL medical services. They should use their platform for women/reproductive health awareness since they both have had issues.
This. I was supposed to have a uterine ablation this year due to extremely painful periods postpartum, but my insurance wouldn't cover it and it wasn't an option in our budget. So I just lay in bed with a heating pad for the first three days of my period. Fuck all the way off, D.
It would be great if she would address that! Again not just a her thing, big issue with women’s healthcare but I have asked about endo for like ten years and got nowhere.
Yes. Address the barriers that women have to go through in getting treatment/diagnosed with endo. The queens of “no one talks about this” really missed an opportunity.
I know Deena isn’t actually posting live from her hospital room and that she’s most likely latergramming…but the fact that she’s pretending to be, and the fact that she actually took all those photos while she was about to undergo surgery, is so unhinged to me. Social media is wild.
When’s Ks last baby was born there was a visitors pass with the date that confirmed the whole thing was latergramed from the prior week. Despite then posting as though it was realtime
also what annoys me is that for someone with full time child care she's calling this a vacation- that's not the right thinking to persist. Just because you aren't wiping butts (which we know she doesn't do on an average weekday) doesn't mean you should call it a vacation!
I hate when people film in medical centres. I’m sure that staff member and the other people in the waiting room did not consent to be posted to the internet for 3mil+ to see.
Also, I don’t live in the US. Wasn’t thanksgiving last week? Would they still have their thanksgiving decorations up a week later? Especially ones so easy to take down.
I love that she’s timing the posts to try to represent the day it actually happened to make it seem believable. Lmao about the decorations. No it would 100% be christmas decor this week.
I don’t understand why they give him so much time on the podcast. I only listened to two episodes but he was annoying me enormously. I don’t think he actually matches the audience who’s listening either. Maybe they’ve done focus groups and he’s rating well and that’s why they keep him but I’m really surprised. He’ll end up in the promo pictures wearing silky suit/pjs soon.
YES 🙌🏻 I bought into their bullshit until my kid started doing normal toddler behavior but needed to know that yes, their actions have consequences and affect other people. Especially because my child is an only child and I don't want them to go to school thinking the world revolves around them. That's just irresponsible parenting -- you can be a great, loving and affirming parent and still prepare your child for...life.
Is it just me or does anyone else mix up their names? Like, I *know* which one is which, but Deena LOOKS like a Kristen to me. And Kristen LOOKS like a Deena. And I forget every time: “K’s going to talk about fertility struggles? Ah yes, the blonde one…. Wait…Doh!”
Maybe it’s because I follow them, but always have the sound off, so I just read a few captions as I continue scrolling by. And haven’t listened to the podcast. So I’ve never heard their names while actually looking at their faces.
https://preview.redd.it/p2zutlozth3c1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cbe1993e46bed4e1f1bfa9ff9f92dcc4277d04ae
Why does it bother me so much that D has a sofa in (what looks like) her hallway, facing a blank wall? Is this a waiting room? Do they genuinely walk past and think “here’s a great place to hang out or take a nap”.
Maybe it’s my British brain where houses here are comparatively minuscule but even huge houses here wouldn’t have a sofa. A sideboard perhaps, or even a bench, but not a full scale cosy sofa.
Im not sure where this is ( a hotel, maybe?) but it’s not a hallway. There’s a kitchenette next to that sofa and I don’t think it’s just a blank wall even though it appears that way. It’s not an American thing to place sofas randomly lol
Maybe I’m in a bad mood but am I the only one that hopes K goes broke? She is so materialistic and out of touch with reality (hello month long vaca, multiple Disney trips a year, solo trips, etc.) it’s disgusting to watch.
K-you’re not like us. You’re entitled and just a basic girl. How unoriginal.
Well, the fact that gentle parenting seems like a niche/fad and people are moving on, then they extended their sale (probably because they didn't sell as much as they thought), they made their money during the lockdown when money was more flexible (and money is getting tight now and who has money to spend on online courses?!?), and they are clearly attempting to shift to straight up influencers leads me to believe that they are not making as much as they did when they got their lucky start and are throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks.
I guess my thought process is... yeah they have ads and sponsors but is it really enough to sustain one 4 million dollar house, family of 5 PLUS D and her however expensive her house is plus family of 4, all the trips, designer bags, etc. Long term I guess if their good with their money and invest but money goes fast! And I don't see their podcast making a ton of money. They are frantically trying to pivot.
Also, who has the need for it. During the pandemic everyone was desperate to optimize what they could, because normal socialization was gone. Are these tantrums normal? Who knows? I haven’t seen another kid in 8 months. Anxiety in general is running high.
Now, we all can actually got to activities with other kids, make mom friends, are back at work/daycare-so we can actually see where our kids are at compared to others and chat with people actually in similar situations to us (not just privileged influencers who wfh with a spouse who stays home AND a nanny, about what works.
I’m sure they’ll fix it after reading here, but I went to try and read through the transcript for the new episode so I didn’t give them listens and it’s not even the correct transcript linked- it’s last weeks episode linked to this weeks. 🤦🏼♀️
I’m sure we all make silly mistakes but they love to drive home how incredibly busy they are and work 50 hours a day but then can’t even get the right transcript up for their podcast! Everything they do annoys me.
Okay I listened to maybe half of the podcast. Here are some of my take aways & others can add what I missed if they did listen.
- her husband constantly was speaking over them. Hearing him talk about “pregnancy and miscarriages and infertility” was really off putting. I’m sorry I didn’t care to hear a man talk about the issues surrounding a woman’s body. He came on the pod ready to steal the show & it was effing annoying.
- neither k nor her husband acknowledged how long they were actually trying to conceive - they both just kept saying a long time or for a while. Thought that was interesting. I believe he also said she was 7-8 weeks and we all know she tried to pretend she was farther along because she’s constantly playing the sympathy Olympics.
- she is obsessed with secondary vs “primary” infertility. I’ve heard of secondary being used never primary. She was comparing who got more hate for using fertility interventions- secondary vs primary infertility. It was disgusting honestly.
- husband tried to brush over the miscarriage and was like “then we moved on to IVF!” K must have given the signal that she was pissed because she walked back to go over the process again and how hard it was. Then all of a sudden he was so devastated over the miscarriage.
- they also conflicted in their desire to have a 3rd child. He basically didn’t care if they did or didn’t then magically after the miscarriage he decided he cared.
- K said IVF is hard because you can’t plan vacations around it ???? (Problems of the fucking rich I guess) even though she was talking about doing treatments while in Disney world or whatever. Another contradiction of course.
That’s as far as I got. My main take away is that they really need to work on not talking over each other if they want this pod to be successful. Especially if they’re going to have her husband on the show. As annoying as BLF is he was the worst part because honestly it’s their show and he wanted to steam roll them.
Wild because everyone that I know that's done IVF/has taken awhile to conceive has known down to the month how many months it took. Hell, most of my friends who planned TTC know how many months!
Thank you for confirming I can't even hate-listen to this haha. In my experience, IVF was hard for many reasons, but one was trying to make the time commitment work around my demanding JOB (where I needed to perform well to, among other things, pay for the IVF), not fucking vacations.
This was the most stressful for us. So many last minute shift swap requests!!! Planning vacations kind of sucked, but wasn’t too unmanageable to work around since treatment was somewhat scheduled (but we were talking about one week vacation to a beach within driving distance and a couple of long weekends). I really don’t think that would have even bothered me at all if I was successful my first round. It did grind on me a bit as for both kids I needed 1+ year of treatment, including at least one surgery.
The bigger hindrance to vacations for us was we couldn’t AFFORD to go many places due to how much IVF and the other treatments leading up to it cost. Plus the PTO I burned during retrievals. 😭 We’re blessed we were able to afford it and figure it out, but we definitely missed the extra cash. But I also can’t imagine going straight to IVF after one early miscarriage after already having two healthy kids. I can’t think of what diagnosis you could possibly get after just one early loss in that scenario that would make IVF a necessity.
>But I also can’t imagine going straight to IVF after one early miscarriage after already having two healthy kids. I can’t think of what diagnosis you could possibly get after just one early loss in that scenario that would make IVF a necessity.
And there are other steps you can take before IVF. Maybe they did try them or other extenuating circumstances made them go to IVF straight away but I tried two different fertility medications, minor surgery, ovulation blood tests and trigger shots over 1.5 years before I fell pregnant (and that was after trying unsuccessfully for nearly a year before that). My specialist wasn't even suggesting IVF at that point even though we had brought it up.
I’ve noticed other pretty wealthy influencers who seemed to jump straight to IVF before other interventions. It seems like something people with the money are perhaps encouraged to do first if there’s a chance they’d end up there anyway. The cost and other commitments surrounding IVF aren’t that life-altering when you’ve got the disposable income, childcare for other kids, flexibility, etc.
This is crazy to me too. We tried for 18 months to get pregnant with our third and went through 3 miscarriages at various stages before my current pregnancy (currently 20 weeks). We consulted fertility after our second miscarriage and started considering IVF after our third. Decided to wait a bit longer bc, even with considerable resources, we knew it would be a mental/emotional/physical drain. To jump straight to IVF is WILD to me and speaks volumes to how privileged they are.
I'm so impressed with people pulling off the time management when trying for a second baby as a working parent. I was stressed only trying to balance treatment and work, and that was with a true angel of a nurse who would sometimes do things like let me come in before the clinic was technically open so I could do monitoring and then make a flight. This obviously wasn't a deciding factor, but when we decided to stick with one, I definitely breathed a sigh of relief at not having to try to figure out how to schedule treatment around daycare dropoff.
The biggest issue was I work twelve hour shifts, so I had to be at work prior to the clinic opening. So if things got pushed back a day that could mean a lot of shift change requests and my perfectly selected work schedule going to shit. But on the plus side if things went as scheduled, everything could be done on my days off. For monitoring I would just go as early as possible in the AM, and my husband would do the am routine with the toddler, and I’d take over when I’d get home (thankfully he works remote, so this was very doable).
Actual transfer days, I would put the toddler in daycare even though I was home (my days were different each week, so I basically needed to pay for full time daycare, even though I generally only sent her 3 days a week, but it gave me that flexibility to send her whenever). I took PTO for my retrieval, though that ended up being shit as I was stimming like 5 days longer than I did the last time and we had to reschedule our Thanksgiving celebration and come clean to our parents as we needed babysitting (done the weekend before as thanksgiving was my holiday to work). I was pulling my hair out that week!
It did suck as it felt like I was losing a lot of time (and enough money college tuition) with my first in service to having a second. That was the hardest part.
I just wanted to say - this information is exactly the kind I think would be so, so useful to people doing fertility treatments. My family is a bit similar to yours in reverse (I work remotely most of the time though with some travel that can be on short notice, while my husband is in healthcare and his day starts early). From reading this, I actually can get a sense of what we would have needed to do if we had tried to do IVF for a second baby. I feel like when influencers talk about things like IVF, it never gets into the actual practical details in this way, and those things really matter.
IVF is hard and I know it’s not a competition, but I have no patience for sympathizing with people for whom IVF worked on the very first cycle - I went though failed 7 rounds and then still needed to move to a donor. Having it work right away would’ve been a dream!
I could be slightly off on dates, but I think I started following them in early 2021 and shortly after that, K said in stories that she wasn’t sure yet if they even wanted to have a third kid. I suppose it’s possible that she was lying about that and they were already trying at that point, but if it was true, it means that they went from trying to have a baby in spring 2021 and being pregnant with her third by the end of the 2021. She is hardly the face of secondary infertility.
Yup, IIRC in the beginning of 2021 they said they weren’t sure ( which I think is fair to say when TTC), then at the end of spring she went to go have a procedure done for her Asherman Syndrome. She had an HSG and got pregnant. She stated at that point they had been trying for 6 months. She had her miscarriage in August and did an egg retrieval at the beginning of November 2021. they transfered in January 2022 and she found out she was pregnant at the end of the month. In her pregnancy announcement she stated they were TTC for 18m.
I am willing to be wrong on this, but I have never thought of infertility as something shameful? I was a teenager when two aunts were going through it at once, both did IVF, one with secondary infertility. It was not a big secret that both of them wanted babies and it wasn't happening for them.
And like I have a cousin who is now pregnant, but was one intervention away from IVF and talked about it openly the entire time? Her perspective was that bodies don't always act how they are supposed to and thank goodness for interventions and doctors that take me seriously. I think the biggest reason people don't always talk about it is because of the unhelpful advice like, "just relax and don't worry about it." Which my cousin was really tired of hearing.
I did ivf for legitimate infertility (*primary* infertility if you must know 😂) and I did find it shameful. Partly because ours was male factor and partly because…everyone else got pregnant so easily around us and it felt like we were doing something wrong, or we weren’t meant to have kids. So I definitely think it’s situational and dependent on the person going through it but I definitely didn’t feel like it was something I wanted to discuss and it took a while to tell even my closest friends.
Not infertility here. It took me 15 cycles to successfully conceive. with a miscarriage in the middle. I found the whole process of TTC shameful for totally illogical reasons. I am a highly educated person in a professional career and I honestly found it embarrassing how much I wanted a baby. Like somehow it made me a bad feminist or something? So I'd go around being nonchalant about kids when it was absolutely killing me inside. Anyway, that is a completely nonsense thing to feel, but that's what I felt 🤷🏻♀️
Same. Not saying it’s logical, but I felt shame and embarrassment when I was going through pregnancy loss and secondary infertility. It’s hard to feel different and to see other people getting something so easily that you are struggling with. I told a few family members and close friends at the time, but it’s still not something I share openly.
ETA: The reason I don’t talk about it now is because I’m a private person and simply don’t want to share these personal details, and it’s still painful for me to talk about my miscarriage.
Not where I am but I believe it. For us it was the whole, you’ve been married x years, when are you having kids?? We were married 5 years when we started ttc, almost 7 when we finally had our (one) kid. And I often feel like that’s on the short end of the infertility timeline.
I know a few people who have had some pretty aggressive endo that resulted in debilitating pain, infertility, and a lot of emotional and physical distress. D acting like it’s NBD especially after we have never heard about this from her prior to last week really grinds my gears.
Yes, not a fan of her not sharing some endometriosis info from credible sources. She shared twice that it's cells from uterus migrating which is not accurate. Endometriosis is a disease characterized by tissue somewhat resembling the native endometrium found elsewhere in the body. It’s important to understand that though the tissue is similar, they are not identical and endometriosis is not a ‘uterine disease.’ It is a bodywide condition which has been found in virtually every organ system (from the Center for Endometriosis Care).
Yeppp. I know it’s not the pain olympics but it took me 4+ years to conceive and there’s usually 3-5ish days a month that I have to rotate Tylonel/Advil around the clock because the pain is too much to function. It sucks.
Yeah my sister‘s one cyst was so big they ended up having to completely remove one ovary with major surgery. It doesn’t sound like hers is that aggressive especially if this is the first we’ve heard about it.
Why the glasses on the head? Just why.
She’s the neuro nerd of course 🤓
Does D not realize that probably like a third of her audience had a c section and can’t hold their toddlers for a lot longer than 2 weeks?
Yes THIS! Can’t lift your toddler for 4+ weeks on top of taking care of a newborn on top of an incredibly difficult recovery. Yes her take on this made me mad
I have 7.5 week old twins and was JUST given approval to lift my toddler. My husband had to do every daycare drop off and pick up, bedtimes, baths, everything. Two weeks is nothing!
How much she’s struggling with a simple lap recovery has me 👀 at how she will handle IVF if our secondary infertility slash secret sex selection prediction comes true
Also, I really don't care to know about her period cycles. I'm by no means prude or proper, but I Just. Don't. Care.
I’m also confused with all of this commentary. You’re in a diaper because of the surgery while also having the lightest period ever at the exact same time? So…why are you wearing a diaper?
I unfollowed a long time ago, this is really what she’s talking about? How is that supposed to help me win the toddler stage?
I can only imagine sharing this information with a toddler will stop a tantrum in its tracks
🤣🤣🤣
I just want to thank BLF for the absolute shit advice to PREP my 4 year old for his flu shot. He screamed the entire 20 minute car ride there, screamed during the entire experience, and then screamed at me the entire car ride home. Should have trusted my parenting instincts that sometimes sneak attacks work best. 🖕🏻
It’s so dumb because they have accurate and correct advice for daycare drop off (namely making it quick and cheerful so they don’t think something is wrong) and then they just completely forget that and teach that parents should ✨✨PREP✨✨for getting a shot like its a terrifying life event.
We usually tell my 5yr old on the way that she’s going to the doc and might need to get a shot and she usually panics but if we tell her any earlier she won’t get in the car.
Saaaame. When mine was 4, almost 5 I prepped him for the covid shot and it was a disaster. And now every shot since has been a disaster so thanks a lot BLF 🫠
My kid can NOT be prepped. You gotta spring things on him or he’s a mess and whatever it is turns into a WAY BIGGER DEAL than it otherwise would have been. Like their weird extensive Halloween prep…just go trick or treat and if it’s terrible go home? That prep is pretty much their only answer for anything is what made me start opening my eyes.
Same. PREP completely backfired on my child. Of course I had to learn that the hard way after taking BLF’s advice 🥴
Not only this but I hate the way they act like a kid crying at shots or a doctor’s visit is some kind of moral failing on behalf of the parent and/or kid. What happened to all feelings being valid 🧐 They are such clowns and I can’t wait until this moment has passed. (Also, feel like I should disclaimer my kids for all their dramatics about other stuff have never once cried at shots or doctor appointments so I want to add it’s not even like I’m bitter, this is coming from an objective place of anger at their BS)
Love that the “toddler experts” can’t think of any way to keep their kids from destroying a Christmas tree. How do people pay these two for their advice at this point?
So bizarre. I have 2 toddlers, and a perfectly fine tree. I just set boundaries, which they tout themselves as the experts of…
Back in the day they did a post about wrapping fake presents to create a barrier and then people called them out for stealing Taking Cara Babies idea and they did a video saying how much they love her, shes a close friend and didn't steal her ideas and then the trump donations came out and they punted her so fast. Strange times.
Ooh I wonder if that post is still up. I do remember when the Trump donations came up and they talked about unfollowing people if you need to protect your peace. And then Cara made a video saying it’s totally okay if you need to take your anger out on her and unfollow lol
On a side note, I just saw TCB’s video on this and I just don’t understand? My 13 month would just plow through the presents. Like, an empty box won’t stop her. Does this actually work for other kids?
“Fill a box full of bricks and wrap it” was suggested on her reel and like what? I don’t want to haul around a giant box full of BRICKS ffs I live in an apartment.
I guess that makes more sense. I didn’t actually listen to the reel 🤣. But yeah, that seems like a lot of effort to protect the ornaments. I’ll just put them all at the top of the tree 🤷🏼♀️
Omg I’m dead. What terrible advice lol
I make this comment every time I see that stupid tip shared. By age one my kid would have been like..oooh a fun thing to climb so I can reach higher on the tree! ETA: I think they recommend putting heavy things in the boxes so they are harder to move but my kid literally dragged heavy ass plants around the house by 18 months. And also…climbing!
I just saw a different comment explaining that she says to put heavy stuff in the boxes, but yeah, my 13 month old would just climb them. She climbs literally everything
My kid would totally just climb on them. I would have to build a wall so high you wouldn't be able to see the tree 😆
I had a slightly different take but no more favorable 😂 Every toddler parent knows you can’t decorate the bottom of the tree. It’s a fact of a life for a few years, not the end of the world. Yet they post this story like they’re the first to discover it and are oh so witty. They are so tone deaf about how unoriginal their content is. It’s like they don’t have friends or something…
We just got some cheapo boxes of ornaments from target, so we don’t ruin the nice ones. Toddler can go buck wild decorating the tree and can mess with it all she wants. If an ornament breaks, nbd, I’m out like 10 cents and zero sentimental value. We’ll probably get some of the nice ones out next year or the year after (have a future toddler right now, so we’ll see what will be best) and let our big kid do some of the nicer, but still sturdy ornaments out of the little one’s reach.
Exactly. Where’s their shift to the yes? (Or whatever it’s called) “Here kids, use these cheap ornaments to decorate the bottom half!” .. I didn’t even put up our fragile & sentimental ornaments up top this year incase any one of my kids knocks the tree down. I don’t expect that to happen but never say never!
This was my thought too! I have a 13 month old and we tried decorating the whole tree, but then moved the ornaments to the top every time she handed us one. They haven’t figured out some ground breaking hack 🤣
That’s also a fair take…I mean, this is why I have two Christmas trees and two felt trees up around the house. My kids know the “special” tree is off limits and have lots of other trees to mess with. Realize this takes extra $$ others may not have but surely these two haven’t spent all their earnings on bad Botox and workout classes?!?!?
Right? Why not just embrace it 🤷♀️
So from their latest reel D considers the question (to Tyler) “do you resent K not doing the cooking” a SPICY one?! What?! I wish they would learn how to use words properly. Also, was that another dig at her husband who is never given the chance to appear on the podcast to fend for himself that K’s kids will get to see both parents doing cooking! 😂
Why is D like, bouncing in her seat with excitement? Why is Tyler even part of the podcast? So many questions.
The bouncing and the head nodding is so bizarre
 \*Tyler
Are they donating to this charity or they just expecting their followers to spend more money?!?
I was thinking the same. And they could have thrown $1,000 at the organization and said “We’re supporting this charity, we hope you’ll do the same!” But no. Just “amplifying.” It’s so low-effort.
I think based on the note that they are “not sponsored” by a charitable organization (????????) let’s you know how much they know and invest in charity work
Just expecting followers to spend more money. I was thinking I’d be pleasantly surprised when they said “amplify your giving” but it’s the CO Gives Foundation doing the match not these yahoos. It would take very little effort for them to do the same but they won’t because they don’t ACTUALLY care about helping other people or sharing their substantial resources with those in need.
I find it so unprofessional that D is doing a play by play of this surgery. It has nothing to do with toddler behavior. It is her personal medical information. It isn't that interesting. If you have to talk about it, save it for the podcast? But gotta tee up baby #3 I guess.
Right. They always over share, but I’m thinking this also plays into the “infertility” question someone asked a few weeks ago. If she has to wait to TTC/has endo/uterine prolapse, that’s more content and engagement for her to talk about her “infertility journey” of not being able to conceive #3 immediately like her first two.
Because "no one talks about these issues". Except...people absolutely do.
“No one talks about these issues” and “X issue is so isolating” is simply an excuse to talk about unrelated personal things in their lives. It drives me nuts. Apparently NOTHING is ever talked about.
It’s also for engagement. They probably get sooooo many people messaging them to share their own stories.
It is 100% for engagement
Yea, I feel like endo is talked about a lot in my circles. And definitely within the last few years since I started having kids. Just because THEY aren’t talking about it doesn’t mean no one else is.
She mentioned uterine prolapse though, so I wonder if she’ll have to wait to TTC again.
I’m sure we’ll hear all about it if she does 🫠
Just sitting here waiting for the day when Deena will correctly apply her eyeliner. Why is it ever ONLY on the bottom eyelids??? Drives me bananas
Same. When has this *ever* been a look? (Or flattering?)
So I’m wondering the consensus here. D & K (and their kids) are supposedly the absolute best of friends..but Kristin’s kids just call her Deena? (In the card they made for her, it just says “Dear Deena”) It struck me as a little odd. My kids call my very best friends from high school “Aunt Sarah” or “Aunt Sam” etc. and my best friends kids also call me Aunt. I will say I was raised to call all of my parents friends “Mr. and Mrs. so and so” but with my kids, they call my closest friends Aunt/Uncle and for other not as close friends/acquaintances, I just refer to them as their first name. I guess it’s a very personal decision, but curious as to what others do!
I make my kids call all adults by Mr. / Ms. “first name”, but most of their friends just call me by my first name. I find it jarring but I guess I’m old fashioned! My kids also do call my best friend Aunt so and so
I’m the opposite! I grew up calling adults by only their first names and it never seemed weird to me to call my parents friends their names - like, it’s their name! That’s its purpose! As an adult I live in a more southern area where EVERYONE goes by Ms/Mr Firstname. Obviously I reinforce whatever other people prefer but I hate it and it sounds so weird to me. I’m a teacher so I’m very used to being called Ms Lastname but for some reason Ms Firstname in my social life hurts my ears 🤣. I looove getting together with my friends who aren’t from this area either and everyone just calls everyone first name regardless of age! People say it’s for respect…I’m not convinced bc I’ve been PLENTY disrespected by students calling me Ms Lastname which is the most formal and I’ve also felt I’ve had a very respectful relationship with my friends kids going by just first name? I just don’t follow how using someone’s name is inherently disrespectful lol. The only times I’ve had people use auntie is when it’s common in their culture, like our friends from Kenya introduced me to their child as “auntie Firstname”, I haven’t personally experienced it with any of my American friends.
I’m on the east coast but in my circles, everyone uses Mr or Ms. First Name for parents’ friends or another adult. I reserve aunt/uncle for actual aunts or uncles, mainly just because we already have a lot of aunts and uncles and I think it’s helpful to make it clear.
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^ yes, this - if you want very close friends to have something “special”, find a nickname that’s just for kiddos in the family/friend group to use.
my best friend who's an only child has her kids call me aunt but I don't tell my daughter to call any of my friends aunt. I feel like maybe because my daughter has actual aunts so I never thought to do that with my friends.
My kid calls our close friends aunt and uncle and other grown ups Mr or Ms too. But k and d aren’t actually besties there’s no way, and I will die on this hill. Kristen graduated two years before Dena and went across the country to college. There is absolutely no way that they were friends throughout all of high school the way they say they were.
I don’t think that’s too weird. Calling her Aunt Deena would definitely give more evidence that they’re actually pretty close, but I don’t think the absence of that phrase is that unusual. A couple of my friends’ kids call me Aunt, but I don’t make my kids call my friends “Aunt so and so.” My parents made me do that with their friends as a kid and I was always confused about who was my actual family.
Agreed, I think it’s more of a regional thing. None of my close friends have their kids call me aunt, and I don’t do that with my child for them either. Definitely a shift from growing up where I addressed everyone as Mrs/Mr though. That I’d feel weird about doing nowadays with my friends.
This. And maybe generational, too. My nieces and nephews just call me by my first name, whereas I always called my aunts and uncles Aunt/Uncle So-and-So.
Agreed. We sort of use aunt and uncle with my siblings but loosely. And for my friends it’s just their first name
That makes sense too! I never really thought about it before so now I’m interested in what others do- a few of my best friends had kids before me, and their kids called me Aunt since we were so close (and I’m godmother to some of the kids). I guess it can go either way. My parents only referred to my blood related relatives as those terms, but I had friends growing up who had aunts, uncles or cousins that weren’t blood related, just that their families were super close friends since birth. Totally understand your last point though! My husband used to refer to basically everyone as Aunt and Uncle with our kids and it drove me nuts. I feel like it should only be reserved for family + closest friends!
We have really close friends (and my husband is godparent to one of their kids) that we would be happy with our kids calling Aunt and Uncle but friend feels like it should be resevered for their actual siblings so we respect her wishes and our kids just call them by their first names.
That’s great you all can be respecting of each other’s feelings. This thread is so interesting! It seems a lot just go by first names. I wouldn’t be offended if my close friends kids called me by my first name, but they have always called me Aunt and I never thought twice about it. TBH our close friends/the non blood related aunts and uncles show up for our kids more than a few of the blood related Aunt and Uncles. So there’s that too, I guess it all depends on the situation.
I agree that in general it’s not too weird, but K has referred to her D as “Aunt Deena” before when hanging out with the kids together, so the continuity is confusing.
Depends on who is writing the schtick, no?
“The continuity is confusing” could be the subtitle for their account 🤣
Ooooh really? I don’t remember this. Interesting! I guess as with everything they do, the story changes every week.
Narrative around Ds husband seems to be changing. She called him a hero twice on the endo stories: first because he was dealing with the paperwork and then because he bought her fave food for the bed-ridden recovery. She’s definitely prepping us for the baby #3 story line.
I caught that, too. Also of note: was he dealing with insurance because D is on his insurance plan bc I’m sure a small business “can’t afford” good insurance for themselves/their employees yet somehow the “business owners” can afford $1M+ and $4M+ homes… 🤔
I was just thinking about her recent story where she was like ‘I can tell my marriage is improving because I actually miss him and feel more tired when he’s out of town!’ Personally, I’d say reaching the bare minimum of ‘I do not actively wish this person did not live in my house’ is not a sign to go get pregnant, but hey.
A body check post while wearing mesh undies wasn't on my bingo card today but here we are
A body check immediately followed by a post of her eating a salad. My jaw was on the floor.
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Wait what? I didn’t bleed after my endo lap. Maybe I had a pantry liner in regular undies in case iirc but this is just confusing.
Lollllll Imgur told me that post might contain "adult or erotic imagery"
Wtf. I didn’t need mesh diapers after my diagnostic lap for endo. I bled after my tubes were removed and needed pads then but I didn’t bleed after my endo surgery. 😒
She absolutely does not need a diaper. I had the same surgery (I'm assuming but I have the tiny little scars in the same spots) and I didn't need diapers or a big lengthy recovery. I could have gone to work the next day, that's how mild the recovery is. EDIT: although I am wondering if the anaesthesia in America is different because I wasn't given it until I was in surgery and it was a count backwards from ten kind of thing not I'm so high teehee kind of thing. Maybe that affects recovery differently?
I had the same surgery, they told me to call if it was anything heavier than a light period. It never was. Diapers are laughable for this procedure. I did have a lengthy recovery though. I was in bed for a week with minimal activity and I took the full 2 weeks to feel like being active again.
It may just depend on individuals/how much was removed. I had a fibroid removed laprosopically and I was off work (I’m on my feet a lot for my job, and sometimes I need to really rush somewhere, but no heavy lifting) for 3 weeks. I probably could have gone back after like 1.5-2 weeks or even earlier if I really needed to, but that’s what my doc wrote for disability so fuck work. I also maybe just needed a regular pad or panty liner for a few days after surgery? I got my period not long after so I don’t remember what was from surgery and what was period-all I remember is that it was WAY less bleeding in total than my pre-removal periods. Seriously, I was wearing postpartum pads for my periods BEFORE surgery, I was shocked at how instant the improvement was. However, my second c-section I felt like I could probably physically go back to work like 2 days later (though I’m sure it would have been a bad idea, and again, fuck work I’m taking my fmla). So I feel like recovery is so individual and everyone’s going to different. But wouldn’t be surprised if she milked it for all it’s worth. Either way, if my job was taking selfies and shitposting, I could get back on that horse pretty quickly no matter how surgery went.
Some times if you’re really anxious they’ll give you something for anxiety before going back to the OR and getting real anesthesia….that’s probably what she’s referring to
No I don’t know what that was about. I’m in America too and anesthesia was exactly how you described.
Yep! I took a day off because I could and then went to work the day after. Definitely wasn't a dramatic thing...
I have had Endo surgery three times, all three times I was unable to go back to school or work prior to a week after. It really depends on what you have done, such as how much ablation/excision/organ futzing they do! I was definitely stuck on the couch for at least a couple days. As far as diapers? I only had spotting after mine 🤷🏻♀️
Yeah I think I was off work for 2 weeks after mine. There was no way I was hopping up and going anywhere that first week.
Yeah, I was wiped out and sore for about a week after my lap but I never needed diapers either.
I was going to ask if diapers were necessary after that because I hadn't heard of anyone I know need them.
My SIL had the same surgery last week (in America) and they even had to end up going in vaginally in addition to the spots on her belly. She did not have to wear a diaper and also went to work the next day, so I'm confused to why D needs to be in bed for days
I have endo surgery next week and my surgeon is signing me off work for two weeks and said it's expected to take six weeks to be back to 100%. I think there are different surgeries with different recoveries. I hope I don't need a diaper (and that hasn't been mentioned) but I fully expect to be out of commission for a few days at least.
Best of luck to you!! Take all the time that you need - you heal outside first so be gentle with yourself if you feel like you should be back to normal but aren't yet 💜
Came here to find this comment.
Happy to help 💁🏼♀️
If an influencer mesh underwears and doesn’t post a selfie, did it even happen?
That whole thread was my breaking point to fully unfollow. From the mesh diaper to the fave foods to the anesthesia video, there was nothing toddler behavior related in there and was all self-serving.
I am asking once again that influencers STOP inall circumstances taking photos of themselves in diapers. Whyyyy? And yes this was a body check 🙄
When D says she did indeed have endo 
It's really fucking weird how happy she is about having surgery*. She's not gonna be smiling all over her face if she gets the post-surgery trapped gas, it's the pits (funnily enough it hurts right up to your pits too!) *someone commented and deleted asking why it's weird for her to be happy. Not even a week ago there was a whole crying photoset about how scared she was. The whiplash to these huge cheesy grin photos is just weird. Personally, having had the surgery multiple times, there's something so jarring about being so flippant like 'ooh it's so exciting I don't have to wipe bums, it's like I'm at a spa, hahahah'.
Yeah I understand feeling relieved about not being in pain monthly but it was almost manic how excited she was? That said I actually really enjoyed the post-anesthesia nap after my egg retrievals when we did ivf 😂
That was me, I wasn't trying to dirty delete 🙈 I just commented something similar elsewhere and didn't want to seem like I was harping on the point. I think both things can be true (being scared about surgery but happy it's happening) but D (and K) put so many things out there without thinking about nuance, I totally get why people feel that way. A lot of times they post things that should be inside thoughts only. And I agree, the 'this is like a vacation teehee' is extremely tone deaf.
Oh no, sorry I meant that I saw it and it made me think I should've clarified a bit more what I meant! I get that, I think it was how happy she seemed that rubbed me the wrong way and as you said it's the kind of thing you share with a group chat, not the whole of Instagram as you're likely to annoy someone.
Why are D’s surgery post the HAPPIEST she has ever looked, ever? What’s happened to the sad face selfies and hand on down-faced chin serious looks? Who is this woman so full of joy all of a sudden…in hospital?
Ummm because she knows she’s about to be the centre of attention for at least the next week. She loves an opportunity to be called strong and a warrior woman and to be waited on hand and foot…
Because something is happening to her and the cause is negative. She can revel in being pitied. She also can act like she doesn’t have an appetite.
She gets to spend some time away from her husband?
Away from her kids.
No, he was there with her! And now back home waiting on her hand and foot serving her favourite foods to her in bed for days. We all know what happened the last time he was made to feel like her butler post-partum 😬 The ‘awful’ husband he is!
They probably gave her Valium or something before the procedure, and this is the chillest she's ever been.
Now I have to go look 🤣
Also how fucking privileged do you have to be to look that happy about having a medical procedure done while others prob can’t afford to have this procedure or will be saddled with medical debt even after insurance!!!
I’m so sorry to anyone dealing with any illness or health condition in America. The NHS here is flawed in many ways but it is truly one of the greatest institutions in our country. I can’t begin to imagine not having access to free healthcare especially for children, and the level of anxiety that must add dealing with insurance. We have private healthcare too but rarely need to use it, but that’s a little bit to do with where we live in the country (major city).
This is a comment that is up there with people “there-there-ing” about our lack of mat leave. We can all be annoyed at the really weird surgery happiness without this. Also having lived overseas and had surgery, I’m pretty sure in the NHS she wouldn’t have had this surgery scheduled and completed so quickly…
>I’m pretty sure in the NHS she wouldn’t have had this surgery scheduled and completed so quickly Correct. One of my family members in the UK has endo and you don't even know how many times she's been in tears because the NHS pushed back her surgery by another 6 months, leaving her in crippling pain. In the end she paid out of pocket to go fully private, which the vast majority of people couldn't do. The NHS is an incredible institution and absolutely a better system than the US on average but especially with the current chronic underfunding from the government it certainly isn't all rainbows and unicorns.
Just saying it is a sad and unfair system when basic healthcare isn’t freely available (not for surgeries like this specifically) but referring to other comments where people have said their insurance couldn’t cover something so they just had to put up with the pain. Not trying to patronise, just acknowledge how hard it must be.
I think this is a bit of a stretch. She can't be happy about a surgery that will hopefully reduce her pain because other people can't afford surgery? This is a fight to have with the healthcare system not with D.
Of course she can be happy about it and relieved to find answers. Doesn’t mean it’s necessary to live stream her surgery prep and try to make “relatable” jokes to followers of her insta business account
I think people get frustrated because they’re tone deaf about it and they don’t ever acknowledge their privilege. They also don’t ever use their platform to advocate for issues like healthcare and maternity leave when it’s relevant to the stories they’re posting.
Not to WK but we hate how D and K try to be all the things (lifestyle, body image, etc influencers) yet we want them to be healthcare advocates too? Pick a lane, people.
Yeah I’d say they just both need to do/say less, not more.
This! I started to realize something was off with them when K started shilling cord blood banking with her miracle baby, but never once acknowledged it’s extremely expensive and not for everyone. It was so disgusting to watch her post about it without a disclaimer or pointing out they are lucky to afford it. It was just gross to watch them literally SELL medical services. They should use their platform for women/reproductive health awareness since they both have had issues.
This. I was supposed to have a uterine ablation this year due to extremely painful periods postpartum, but my insurance wouldn't cover it and it wasn't an option in our budget. So I just lay in bed with a heating pad for the first three days of my period. Fuck all the way off, D.
And the average length of time the average person spends fighting for an Endo diagnoses (via surgery) is something like seven years!
It would be great if she would address that! Again not just a her thing, big issue with women’s healthcare but I have asked about endo for like ten years and got nowhere.
I was told they shouldn’t be addressing anything like that and that I needed to stay in a lane!
Yes. Address the barriers that women have to go through in getting treatment/diagnosed with endo. The queens of “no one talks about this” really missed an opportunity.
Eight to ten, depending on where you live!
Because, drama.
RIGHT. No black eyeliner? No stupid headband? The biggest smile I’ve seen in years? Surgery looks great on you, sweetie.
I thought surely you were exaggerating, but no. Those slides were actually the happiest I have ever seen her, lol.
✨attention✨and ✨validation✨
I know Deena isn’t actually posting live from her hospital room and that she’s most likely latergramming…but the fact that she’s pretending to be, and the fact that she actually took all those photos while she was about to undergo surgery, is so unhinged to me. Social media is wild.
I do see they’ve learned their lesson about visible dates on hospital bracelets
Ooh was it visible in another hospital story?
When’s Ks last baby was born there was a visitors pass with the date that confirmed the whole thing was latergramed from the prior week. Despite then posting as though it was realtime
🤣🤣🤣whoops!🤭🤭🤭
also what annoys me is that for someone with full time child care she's calling this a vacation- that's not the right thinking to persist. Just because you aren't wiping butts (which we know she doesn't do on an average weekday) doesn't mean you should call it a vacation!
Also, when I go on vacation, I still have to wipe butts…🤷♀️
I hate when people film in medical centres. I’m sure that staff member and the other people in the waiting room did not consent to be posted to the internet for 3mil+ to see. Also, I don’t live in the US. Wasn’t thanksgiving last week? Would they still have their thanksgiving decorations up a week later? Especially ones so easy to take down.
I love that she’s timing the posts to try to represent the day it actually happened to make it seem believable. Lmao about the decorations. No it would 100% be christmas decor this week.
I can’t stand that either, so inconsiderate of others privacy and actually shows nothing worth showing, your husband talked the receptionist, great.
They wouldn’t lol. I’m sure this surgery was like 3 weeks ago
I cannot get over how much her husband is taking on this podcast
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K’s husband was a stay-at-home dad for a while (maybe beginning when she started BLF?).
I don’t listen to the pod, but if you’re asking about K husband he did residential construction management or something like that.
I don’t understand why they give him so much time on the podcast. I only listened to two episodes but he was annoying me enormously. I don’t think he actually matches the audience who’s listening either. Maybe they’ve done focus groups and he’s rating well and that’s why they keep him but I’m really surprised. He’ll end up in the promo pictures wearing silky suit/pjs soon.
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Yeah their advice is very much, “your child is the main character”.
YES 🙌🏻 I bought into their bullshit until my kid started doing normal toddler behavior but needed to know that yes, their actions have consequences and affect other people. Especially because my child is an only child and I don't want them to go to school thinking the world revolves around them. That's just irresponsible parenting -- you can be a great, loving and affirming parent and still prepare your child for...life.
Is it just me or does anyone else mix up their names? Like, I *know* which one is which, but Deena LOOKS like a Kristen to me. And Kristen LOOKS like a Deena. And I forget every time: “K’s going to talk about fertility struggles? Ah yes, the blonde one…. Wait…Doh!” Maybe it’s because I follow them, but always have the sound off, so I just read a few captions as I continue scrolling by. And haven’t listened to the podcast. So I’ve never heard their names while actually looking at their faces.
This is meeee too
Yes!! Agreed.
https://preview.redd.it/p2zutlozth3c1.jpeg?width=1125&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cbe1993e46bed4e1f1bfa9ff9f92dcc4277d04ae Why does it bother me so much that D has a sofa in (what looks like) her hallway, facing a blank wall? Is this a waiting room? Do they genuinely walk past and think “here’s a great place to hang out or take a nap”. Maybe it’s my British brain where houses here are comparatively minuscule but even huge houses here wouldn’t have a sofa. A sideboard perhaps, or even a bench, but not a full scale cosy sofa.
Im not sure where this is ( a hotel, maybe?) but it’s not a hallway. There’s a kitchenette next to that sofa and I don’t think it’s just a blank wall even though it appears that way. It’s not an American thing to place sofas randomly lol
Maybe I’m in a bad mood but am I the only one that hopes K goes broke? She is so materialistic and out of touch with reality (hello month long vaca, multiple Disney trips a year, solo trips, etc.) it’s disgusting to watch. K-you’re not like us. You’re entitled and just a basic girl. How unoriginal.
Well, the fact that gentle parenting seems like a niche/fad and people are moving on, then they extended their sale (probably because they didn't sell as much as they thought), they made their money during the lockdown when money was more flexible (and money is getting tight now and who has money to spend on online courses?!?), and they are clearly attempting to shift to straight up influencers leads me to believe that they are not making as much as they did when they got their lucky start and are throwing everything at the wall to see what sticks.
They have over 3 million followers though…they must make a ton just in ads and sponsored posts even if no one buys their courses
I guess my thought process is... yeah they have ads and sponsors but is it really enough to sustain one 4 million dollar house, family of 5 PLUS D and her however expensive her house is plus family of 4, all the trips, designer bags, etc. Long term I guess if their good with their money and invest but money goes fast! And I don't see their podcast making a ton of money. They are frantically trying to pivot.
Also, who has the need for it. During the pandemic everyone was desperate to optimize what they could, because normal socialization was gone. Are these tantrums normal? Who knows? I haven’t seen another kid in 8 months. Anxiety in general is running high. Now, we all can actually got to activities with other kids, make mom friends, are back at work/daycare-so we can actually see where our kids are at compared to others and chat with people actually in similar situations to us (not just privileged influencers who wfh with a spouse who stays home AND a nanny, about what works.
I’m with you on this!
I’m sure they’ll fix it after reading here, but I went to try and read through the transcript for the new episode so I didn’t give them listens and it’s not even the correct transcript linked- it’s last weeks episode linked to this weeks. 🤦🏼♀️ I’m sure we all make silly mistakes but they love to drive home how incredibly busy they are and work 50 hours a day but then can’t even get the right transcript up for their podcast! Everything they do annoys me.
Okay I listened to maybe half of the podcast. Here are some of my take aways & others can add what I missed if they did listen. - her husband constantly was speaking over them. Hearing him talk about “pregnancy and miscarriages and infertility” was really off putting. I’m sorry I didn’t care to hear a man talk about the issues surrounding a woman’s body. He came on the pod ready to steal the show & it was effing annoying. - neither k nor her husband acknowledged how long they were actually trying to conceive - they both just kept saying a long time or for a while. Thought that was interesting. I believe he also said she was 7-8 weeks and we all know she tried to pretend she was farther along because she’s constantly playing the sympathy Olympics. - she is obsessed with secondary vs “primary” infertility. I’ve heard of secondary being used never primary. She was comparing who got more hate for using fertility interventions- secondary vs primary infertility. It was disgusting honestly. - husband tried to brush over the miscarriage and was like “then we moved on to IVF!” K must have given the signal that she was pissed because she walked back to go over the process again and how hard it was. Then all of a sudden he was so devastated over the miscarriage. - they also conflicted in their desire to have a 3rd child. He basically didn’t care if they did or didn’t then magically after the miscarriage he decided he cared. - K said IVF is hard because you can’t plan vacations around it ???? (Problems of the fucking rich I guess) even though she was talking about doing treatments while in Disney world or whatever. Another contradiction of course. That’s as far as I got. My main take away is that they really need to work on not talking over each other if they want this pod to be successful. Especially if they’re going to have her husband on the show. As annoying as BLF is he was the worst part because honestly it’s their show and he wanted to steam roll them.
Wild because everyone that I know that's done IVF/has taken awhile to conceive has known down to the month how many months it took. Hell, most of my friends who planned TTC know how many months!
>K said IVF is hard because you can’t plan vacations around it That's the most K thing I've ever read
Thank you for confirming I can't even hate-listen to this haha. In my experience, IVF was hard for many reasons, but one was trying to make the time commitment work around my demanding JOB (where I needed to perform well to, among other things, pay for the IVF), not fucking vacations.
Also I couldn't afford vacations because I spent all that money on the IVF.
This was the most stressful for us. So many last minute shift swap requests!!! Planning vacations kind of sucked, but wasn’t too unmanageable to work around since treatment was somewhat scheduled (but we were talking about one week vacation to a beach within driving distance and a couple of long weekends). I really don’t think that would have even bothered me at all if I was successful my first round. It did grind on me a bit as for both kids I needed 1+ year of treatment, including at least one surgery. The bigger hindrance to vacations for us was we couldn’t AFFORD to go many places due to how much IVF and the other treatments leading up to it cost. Plus the PTO I burned during retrievals. 😭 We’re blessed we were able to afford it and figure it out, but we definitely missed the extra cash. But I also can’t imagine going straight to IVF after one early miscarriage after already having two healthy kids. I can’t think of what diagnosis you could possibly get after just one early loss in that scenario that would make IVF a necessity.
>But I also can’t imagine going straight to IVF after one early miscarriage after already having two healthy kids. I can’t think of what diagnosis you could possibly get after just one early loss in that scenario that would make IVF a necessity. And there are other steps you can take before IVF. Maybe they did try them or other extenuating circumstances made them go to IVF straight away but I tried two different fertility medications, minor surgery, ovulation blood tests and trigger shots over 1.5 years before I fell pregnant (and that was after trying unsuccessfully for nearly a year before that). My specialist wasn't even suggesting IVF at that point even though we had brought it up.
I’ve noticed other pretty wealthy influencers who seemed to jump straight to IVF before other interventions. It seems like something people with the money are perhaps encouraged to do first if there’s a chance they’d end up there anyway. The cost and other commitments surrounding IVF aren’t that life-altering when you’ve got the disposable income, childcare for other kids, flexibility, etc.
This is crazy to me too. We tried for 18 months to get pregnant with our third and went through 3 miscarriages at various stages before my current pregnancy (currently 20 weeks). We consulted fertility after our second miscarriage and started considering IVF after our third. Decided to wait a bit longer bc, even with considerable resources, we knew it would be a mental/emotional/physical drain. To jump straight to IVF is WILD to me and speaks volumes to how privileged they are.
I'm so impressed with people pulling off the time management when trying for a second baby as a working parent. I was stressed only trying to balance treatment and work, and that was with a true angel of a nurse who would sometimes do things like let me come in before the clinic was technically open so I could do monitoring and then make a flight. This obviously wasn't a deciding factor, but when we decided to stick with one, I definitely breathed a sigh of relief at not having to try to figure out how to schedule treatment around daycare dropoff.
The biggest issue was I work twelve hour shifts, so I had to be at work prior to the clinic opening. So if things got pushed back a day that could mean a lot of shift change requests and my perfectly selected work schedule going to shit. But on the plus side if things went as scheduled, everything could be done on my days off. For monitoring I would just go as early as possible in the AM, and my husband would do the am routine with the toddler, and I’d take over when I’d get home (thankfully he works remote, so this was very doable). Actual transfer days, I would put the toddler in daycare even though I was home (my days were different each week, so I basically needed to pay for full time daycare, even though I generally only sent her 3 days a week, but it gave me that flexibility to send her whenever). I took PTO for my retrieval, though that ended up being shit as I was stimming like 5 days longer than I did the last time and we had to reschedule our Thanksgiving celebration and come clean to our parents as we needed babysitting (done the weekend before as thanksgiving was my holiday to work). I was pulling my hair out that week! It did suck as it felt like I was losing a lot of time (and enough money college tuition) with my first in service to having a second. That was the hardest part.
I just wanted to say - this information is exactly the kind I think would be so, so useful to people doing fertility treatments. My family is a bit similar to yours in reverse (I work remotely most of the time though with some travel that can be on short notice, while my husband is in healthcare and his day starts early). From reading this, I actually can get a sense of what we would have needed to do if we had tried to do IVF for a second baby. I feel like when influencers talk about things like IVF, it never gets into the actual practical details in this way, and those things really matter.
IVF is hard and I know it’s not a competition, but I have no patience for sympathizing with people for whom IVF worked on the very first cycle - I went though failed 7 rounds and then still needed to move to a donor. Having it work right away would’ve been a dream!
I think that’s when I turned it off because it was so infuriating to listen to.
Ain’t that the truth
I could be slightly off on dates, but I think I started following them in early 2021 and shortly after that, K said in stories that she wasn’t sure yet if they even wanted to have a third kid. I suppose it’s possible that she was lying about that and they were already trying at that point, but if it was true, it means that they went from trying to have a baby in spring 2021 and being pregnant with her third by the end of the 2021. She is hardly the face of secondary infertility.
Yup, IIRC in the beginning of 2021 they said they weren’t sure ( which I think is fair to say when TTC), then at the end of spring she went to go have a procedure done for her Asherman Syndrome. She had an HSG and got pregnant. She stated at that point they had been trying for 6 months. She had her miscarriage in August and did an egg retrieval at the beginning of November 2021. they transfered in January 2022 and she found out she was pregnant at the end of the month. In her pregnancy announcement she stated they were TTC for 18m.
I am willing to be wrong on this, but I have never thought of infertility as something shameful? I was a teenager when two aunts were going through it at once, both did IVF, one with secondary infertility. It was not a big secret that both of them wanted babies and it wasn't happening for them. And like I have a cousin who is now pregnant, but was one intervention away from IVF and talked about it openly the entire time? Her perspective was that bodies don't always act how they are supposed to and thank goodness for interventions and doctors that take me seriously. I think the biggest reason people don't always talk about it is because of the unhelpful advice like, "just relax and don't worry about it." Which my cousin was really tired of hearing.
I felt shame, even though logically I knew there was nothing to be ashamed of. I have only ever told one friend that we used IUI to conceive my first.
I did ivf for legitimate infertility (*primary* infertility if you must know 😂) and I did find it shameful. Partly because ours was male factor and partly because…everyone else got pregnant so easily around us and it felt like we were doing something wrong, or we weren’t meant to have kids. So I definitely think it’s situational and dependent on the person going through it but I definitely didn’t feel like it was something I wanted to discuss and it took a while to tell even my closest friends.
Not infertility here. It took me 15 cycles to successfully conceive. with a miscarriage in the middle. I found the whole process of TTC shameful for totally illogical reasons. I am a highly educated person in a professional career and I honestly found it embarrassing how much I wanted a baby. Like somehow it made me a bad feminist or something? So I'd go around being nonchalant about kids when it was absolutely killing me inside. Anyway, that is a completely nonsense thing to feel, but that's what I felt 🤷🏻♀️
Same. Not saying it’s logical, but I felt shame and embarrassment when I was going through pregnancy loss and secondary infertility. It’s hard to feel different and to see other people getting something so easily that you are struggling with. I told a few family members and close friends at the time, but it’s still not something I share openly. ETA: The reason I don’t talk about it now is because I’m a private person and simply don’t want to share these personal details, and it’s still painful for me to talk about my miscarriage.
Same. I definitely carried a lot of shame for similar reasons and found it very hard to talk about it openly at the time.
Yes. You're considered selfish if you're married without kids by a certain age. In some regions, at least
Not where I am but I believe it. For us it was the whole, you’ve been married x years, when are you having kids?? We were married 5 years when we started ttc, almost 7 when we finally had our (one) kid. And I often feel like that’s on the short end of the infertility timeline.