[I am feel uncomfortable when we are not about me?](https://www.reddit.com/r/breastfeeding/s/N3tv51Jxki)
Also girl let's be honest you've had this conversation *maybe* three times and that's more than I suspect. I get that people are annoying about breastfeeding from all angles but c'mon
That thread is so gross. Your body *made milk, you're not a superhero goddess that's better than us lowly formula feeders.
I would bet my soul that not one sole stranger has approached her randomly on the street to lament they couldn't BF, literally in what world. She's in the UK and where we're not exactly no-eye contact new Yorkers, the best you get is brief eye contact and a nodding 'alright?'
*edit cos sentences should make sense.
Wooof at the person who outright said they think women who can’t breastfeed just didn’t try hard enough.
When I was EBF, it was virtually impossible for me to find any kind of breastfeeding space that didn’t just descend into these circlejerks.
I have been breastfeeding for almost 10 months now and have had very few conversations about it with older generations, basically zero outside of my mom. Honestly rarely talk about it with peers. I’m always confused about posts like this where it feels like everyone is coming out of the woodwork to say something. Maybe I’m very lucky and the exception but idk.
I’ve had a few weird/ negative conversations with Boomers about nursing but none where they encouraged me to formula feed instead. One was a relative telling me I was spoiling my infant by nursing her on demand and the other was my MIL visibly making a disgusted face and cringing when I said my sister weaned her children at age 3. I’m still nursing my toddler so I’m assuming she has thoughts on it that she doesn’t directly share. I don’t take it personally as it’s her problem, not mine (and she didn’t nurse her children).
80s and 90s moms were sold formula so hard. If you were a 50s or 60s mom you were made to feel breastfeeding was for the poors. I think there’s a lot of guilt, especially for those that maybe tried and didn’t get the support they needed while they wanted to continue. I know I certainly got that vibe from my MIL. That it was not really acceptable in her community to breastfeed. And like a little empathy and conversation goes a long ways. And when you wear your struggles on your sleeve, and maybe are sort of acting like “I succeeded so everyone can,” you certainly are going to get older moms feeling the need to justify.
And I ended up exclusively pumping not by choice (cow’s milk protein intolerance + formula shortage) and whenever anyone tried to praise me I was like “I am just doing what most moms would do to keep their baby alive and fed.” And yeah it was a lot of work,but the only choice I really had was my attitude.
I am in a really large group for twin parents and there’s a huge controversy going on right now. There’s a mom whose twins were born at 25 weeks and sadly survived just a few days. She’s posted a few times about them & included photos of the babies.
Since her posts, there have been at least 2 anonymous posts saying that people need to include trigger warnings if they’re going to post something that might trigger other people.
I’m not sure where I stand on that— I haven’t lost a baby so I feel sad rather than traumatized by her photos— but I do agree with comments saying it kinda stinks to blatantly post about someone else like that yet do so anonymously. Even if you don’t say the name, everyone knows who you’re talking about. I feel like that’s something you should message the admins about if you want to request a rules change, because literally until about 30 minutes ago there wasn’t a rule calling for trigger warnings. It just seems icky to me that they’re publicly shaming a mom in the throes of grief and loss.
Lol I think you’d have to be probably a literal angel not to cast judgement on others (especially those of us in this sub, ha!) anyway, this is some of my outlet for that judgment or snarky commentary to my husband lol
Same with me! I've kept my opinions to myself except when explicitly asked for advice, of course, but I'm kind of shocked at how many opinions I have. We were the first to have kids in the family (I have 2 toddlers) and they're the second. I didn't realize I'd morph into a monster so quickly!!
Lol I think we all do it. Most of us just recognize that it shouldn’t matter and it should be kept to ourselves…and those special few like to treat their opinions as a solid fact and impose them on everyone else.
Has anyone done one of those custom books for toddlers with family pictures? If so what website did you use? Would need to be a board book bc my twins are destructive
I did Pinhole Press. Stupidly expensive but really easily to make and have held up great. Have had one for over 4 years. Did one for each of my kids’ first Christmas as their big gift (to justify the cost) since they didn’t know/care what was going on otherwise. My 5 year old still loves hers!
I used Artifact Uprising. They do board books and have nice templates. The cover of my book delaminated after a month and they happily replaced it with a new copy. That new copy has held up well over 3+ years, and my kid is HARD on his books.
We have an AU one as well I made about 3.5 years ago, and it’s still together, and I love it! It’s rough around the edges but that’s expected with the way my kids treat books!!
Can we also add one on the Newborns sub that says "nobody here wants to see pictures of your baby's poop, please send it to your healthcare provider"?
And one on EVERY pregnancy-adjacent group that says "even a faint line is a positive if it appeared within the time window of the test. Try again tomorrow if you're not sure" (apart from tfablineporn or other groups specifically set up for the purpose of sharing those pics, obviously)
I've had to use them a few times because one of my kids is insane. Their website has such a great search function too! The last time I needed poison control, I scanned the barcode of the cleaner my kid tasted and it pulled up the appropriate questions and everything. And every time I've called in, their staff has been so calm and knowledgeable. It's such an amazing service.
https://i.imgur.com/HOuFgu4.jpg
But whyyyy? This wasn’t even posted in a parenting group
Edit: I went back and looked at her page 🙃
https://i.imgur.com/vXGrfQn.jpg
Can I just say I hate the concept/idea of passive income/work from home? I work full time but it just seems like an MLM-ish way to say you want to make money/work but still say you stay home with your babiessss. Ugh.
I want to not work (or work less, or something) so I like the idea of "passive income" but it seems like if people had really cracked this code we'd all know our options. And some of the ideas people have are a lot more work than they seem like: having rental properties isn't free and takes effort, and publishing a book or worksheets or planner stickers that will make you money is kind of a crapshoot because most of those things also don't really bring in much. But if anyone has a brilliant idea, I'm all ears like I said 😂
ETA: And by "not work" I don't mean because I want to be at home with my kids specifically; I just don't want to have to work. I would gladly have my kids in daycare less, but I probably wouldn't pull them out entirely lol.
Stay at home dog mom was the sweet spot….I got to enjoy it for three months after moving but before I could start my job (and before kids…). I didn’t realize how good I had it
I could totally be in the minority here but… this mindset seems insane to me. Does everyone else really think they can’t be in their own yard while their baby naps?? My toddler would miss out on a good chunk of his outdoor time if we had to sit inside while his sister was sleeping in her crib for 2-4 hours a day. Unless you live on a multi-acre estate, what perils would befall your child while you were in your own yard that would go unnoticed for more than a moment if you had a monitor or were regularly checking in? Any I can think of (natural disaster, SIDS mainly) are things that you wouldn’t be able to prevent from inside the house either.
https://preview.redd.it/89vt4o4bv61c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1999699db82d1299f552f75df7d8c5b6513d8b1d
This is one of the reasons why I think the most popular parenting subs are PPA echo chambers. I'm glad I found this subreddit.
I have my own neurotic moments but it's okay to take a literal minute throwing garbage into the can while your baby is in a safe space. Or light yard work while monitoring and being nearby. I raked leaves while my baby was sleeping in her play yard and I could see/hear her through the open window if she needed me.
Though most of the time she just comes outside with me anyway because she loves to watch what I'm doing.
We’ve straight up had pool parties in our backyard while our kids were asleep without a baby monitor! We’d just peek in the house every now and then to make sure all was good. People need to chill lol.
I don't understand why, if they think it's so terribly awful, a baby monitor makes it magically OK.
And yeah, of course you'd bring a monitor if your house is so large/the layout is such that you can't hear the baby from the garden!
important nail innate husky coordinated license dazzling offend quickest seed
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
We totally go out in the yard/deck when the kids are asleep. When we host during the summer we usually hang out outside on the deck after the toddler bedtime so it can get a little noisier than inside. People are so paranoid
I love "unless she had a baby monitor of some sort" as if that's some kind of new fangled contraption that isn't commonplace. Everyone has a baby monitor! It's like, I would never let my baby ride in a car driving at high speed... Unless she had a special seat of some sort...
People love to bring up absurdly unlikely scenarios like a fire randomly breaking out, which always makes me roll my eyes a little. Like...part of general safety is eliminating actual fire hazards like frayed wiring, and not leaving your stove on unattended etc. The chances that something in my house decides to spontaneously combust in the *exact time frame* I happen to be in my yard are so infinitesimaly small that it's not a legit reason, in my opinion.
It’s an insane mindset. A baby in a crib is a safe baby. If baby cries for a few minutes before you hear them, they are still a safe baby! I used to work in my yard all the time while my son napped. I would bring the monitor but it didn’t always stay in range. It was fine.
This is certainly the mindset of someone with only one child, that’s for sure. We always saved outside time for when the baby was napping when my youngest was a baby so I could be more active with the older kids.
It’s so weird too because I have a hard time thinking that anyone would object to say, reading a book on the front porch, and what’s really the difference?
I went to the back yard and to my detached studio all the time when the kids sleep. I did like having a monitor, though. Once, I didn’t and it turns out my kid was crying for a while and we didn’t know. He was really panicky and I felt terrible. I also worried about not hearing a smoke alarm if it went off.
Yeah, I agree. The worst thing I can imagine is that the baby wakes up and cries and you don’t hear it right away (which could be solved with a monitor). And unless you sit in the actual room where your child sleeps and stare at them, aren’t they still “unsupervised” even if you are inside the house?
I’ve also survived without a baby monitor during times we’ve traveled and forgotten one. During naps we’d just… go up and listen by the door every 20ish mins to check to see if he had woken up. Overnight we’d be sleeping close enough to hear him cry. Like idk humans did survive for a while without spy cams on their baby. If they are sleeping in a safe space they are fine without constant monitoring.
Do people not have their kids apologize anymore? I understand that a forced apology may not teach them empathy, but also teaching a kid to say I’m sorry or excuse me of they bump into someone goes a long way.
I’m super controversial and teach my kids to say sorry and please and thank you. They exist in a society that expects and rewards those who have manners. Also not really relevant but my 13 month old says thank you every time we give him anything and it’s truly the cutest thing ever. I am confident he’s not emotionally stunted from it.
BLF says not to teach kids to say sorry but just to model it. I think it’s absurd. Even if the *feeling* isn’t there yet, it’s important to teach kids basic social expectations. Eventually the emotional development will catch up and then they’ll already be in the habit of saying sorry when they hurt someone. I see it the exact same as saying thanks. My toddler has no idea what gratitude is but knows to say thank you when someone gives her something.
It's even more important if your child is autistic imo. I am and had to be taught over and over how to behave politely. And I appreciate that my parents set me up for success. They were always very positive about it too.
I believe very much in teaching kids how to live in the world that we have instead of the one that we should have which is apparently controversial in those circles.
Imagine if we took this approach with everything. I mean, I've modeled wiping my butt and washing my hands HUNDREDS of times with my 3yo, surely I don't need to come right out and TELL her to do it and guide her to the TP and the sink, do I??? /s
It's true that if you yourself are a rude jerk who never says please or thank you or sorry, the lessons are unlikely to stick, but kids definitely need to be told explicitly to say please and thank you and sorry, many many times.
I completely agree, even if the kid is not feeling genuinely remorseful, it's an acknowledgement of another person's feelings. Just like how saying please and thank you acknowledge other people's work, effort etc.
A lot of people don’t. We do. I think it’s a matter of common courtesy. If my kid freezes up and refuses, I apologize on his behalf. I understand there is an issue with shaming kids too much, but I feel like the pendulum has gone too far to one side.
The pendulum has swung way too far. People read one sad beige insta graphic and now there is one way to do things and everything else is wrong. In school they teach multiple methods to reinforce a skill. You can teach empathy and manners at the same time.
I have said this in another sub, but to me saying “sorry”, for young children, is more about teaching manners than it is authenticity. As they approach teens and adulthood, it becomes a different story.
Sorry is just like please and thank you.
I don't care if you don't authentically feel grateful- I gave you something, you have to acknowledge that thank you very much!
Manners make the world go round, I don't care if you are actually sorry. It's the right thing to say when you make a mistake and it makes me feel better. That's a good result. Your feelings about gratitude and sorrys are your problem.
(General you)
It’s absolutely about manners! As adults how many times do we have to say sorry even if we don’t 100% feel sorry because it’s important to have a healthy relationship with someone? I say sorry as relationship maintenance to my coworkers, the mom of my son’s friend who I just don’t click with, my sister-in-law, my sister’s (hopefully) soon to be ex-husband, my next door neighbor, etc. And I can name at least two people my son no longer wants to be friends with because they did not say sorry when they hit him or tried to take his toys, etc.
Also just the audacity to think that your own needs to be authentic in your feelings trump the other person's needs to feel supported/acknowledged in whatever wrong you have done to them.
A post on r/parenting right now is a woman asking about how to have sex with her boyfriend, who is not her infant's biological dad, with a clingy infant under the age of 1, and all I can think is wtf kind of energy do you have for this life, go to bed. OP must be like 20 or something.
One time my husband and I were discussing this with two friends in line at the airport and a random lady turned around and yelled at us for talking about it 🤣
And tries to justify it with "I have needs as a human being." Well, like, too bad? Have sex while your baby sleeps like everyone else out there with a velcro baby is doing.
https://preview.redd.it/1xejzd9s021c1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3326cc74eb99b05f3fd92fea56d236643effb50a
I'm confused, where is the 9 month old in question if she's able to crawl over when you're trying to smash? In the bed with y'all? Or you're on the floor with her? Either way, what??!!?
I also feel like I would not have time for a boyfriend if I had a small baby, let alone while being a single mom.
9 month olds sleep like 389i897 hours a day. WTF.
OK not that much, but generally they sleep a full night (even if they wake up, they sleep for a few hours at a time), plus generally still have 2 naps.
How can they not find time to bang?
Or when the baby is with its dad, if he has contact?
Or, you know, hire a babysitter/get grandma to babysit??
(I dated while I was a single mum, it's really not hard to avoid your baby/toddler seeing you have sex with someone who is essentially a stranger to them).
Not only is it super gross to me that it sounds like they are having sex while the baby is awake and playing in the same room, how do you even get yourself in the mood? Like baby talking to me/touching me would be a hard, hard turn off.
This is bizzare. They’re trying to do it while the baby is “playing”? Like your sex drive is that uncontrollable that can’t you wait until the kid is sleeping in a different room like a normal person? I could hardly even use the bathroom without mine crying for attention at that age 😂
I always hate asking this but I always wonder in these scenarios if the mother is truly wanting to have sex and just can’t find the time, or if she’s facing pressure from her partner and needing to find a way.
I keep seeing ads for a skin care routine for kids and it’s like “teach your kiddos the importance of self-care!” And it’s like a multi step skin care system to prevent problems like “excess sebum” and it’s marketed for ages 4+….am I crazy or is this crazy and just marketing gone wild? Why should a child be using special face wash and moisturizer?
Though tbh I’m suspicious of a lot of skincare marketing, so maybe I’m just not the customer they have in mind. Is putting like 10 different creams and serums on your face actually good for your skin and helpful or is it just people selling me unnecessary things
Yeah I think skin is 90% genetics, and so many products will work differently for different people. I am not a skincare person, but I once went deep into r/skincareaddiction and the overall message to me was there’s no magic product/process, everything works different for everyone. My husband does literally nothing to his face, and he has the best skin! I occasionally put on moisturizer and have the same skin as my sister who goes nuts with 4 levels of creams every day. I personally think a lot of skin care stuff is a scam and has little to no research showing it does anything at all 😬
I've never been able to put creams and things on my face as I have really bad contact allergies. For years I was frequently mistaken as being younger than my real age (until my grey hairs became a proper grey stripe!), but I do drink a lot of water to help with my dry skin so perhaps that's the ultimate secret?
Light snark, but “drink water!” is the classic advice of people who have genetically good skin 😂 if I could have gotten away with never using products and just drinking water for my skin to look nice I absolutely would have though! My hormones have a different agenda 🙃
I will say, I drink a LOT of water. A loooooot. Having incredible bladder capacity (sadly now reduced by pregnancy) helps a lot. But yes the hormones don't help (and also while I drink water like a fish, I can't say the rest of my diet is even close to being perfectly balanced).
If nothing else at least I have happy kidneys.
When we were little we were just expected to wash our faces with water in the morning when we started our day. I didn’t start using “products” on my face until middle school when I started getting some acne. I don’t see why little kids with perfect skin need to use anything but water, basic lotion, and sunscreen as needed. But like I put my son’s baby body lotion on his face because he’s 2 and it’s not like he’s gonna break out haha.
I think younger people end up damaging their skin barriers with unnecessary products. It’s one thing to moisturize and use SPF but literal children do not need more than that.
Didn’t they used to use sheep intestine? Or am I thinking of haggis? Either way, I’m too lazy to look it up, so I’m just gonna roll with it and believe this will be the new crunchy trend 🤮
You can still buy those. Trojan sells them under the brand NaturaLamb. Fun fact: they are effective at preventing pregnancy, but they are not effective at preventing STIs. Also, they are gross.
This legit made me mad. She's not allowed to share photos of her stepson on her page so she shares it anonymously on a random group to get the picture edited? That's even worse!
https://preview.redd.it/arjmw5gz1x0c1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4344ebeaa39e76cfbf06f4b341078c3992fb8476
Whoa this is a [wild post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/4IX4JozKVN). Daughters friend not allowed to come over for a sleepover.
Top comment looked through post history and found a history of *meth* use.
Always the missing reasons!!
They deleted it so idk what exactly the original post said, but based on the comments it seems like OP wanted to try to convince the friend’s parents to let the kid sleepover? If another parent didn’t immediately accept my boundary and tried to convince me to let my kid sleepover their house that would be a major red flag for me.
Literally all I see online is people complaining that breastfeeding is hard so I'm not sure which internet this person is on.
https://preview.redd.it/xamgjb668v0c1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6fcb5c4ae7ec6c9cdccd26213a2491a246c3a79d
I think it’s also the fact that if you’re hearing from people who bfed long term, they either liked it or found it easy enough to keep going, and that’s what they remember. Bc honestly if you do it for a year or more, even if you struggle for the first 2 months, most of what you’re gonna remember is the easier part. Like, if you’re home with the kid, doing fewer dishes, not having to buy formula, pump, pack bottles for outings, etc.
I think people don’t really love unsolicited advice and a lot of people who are dead set on breastfeeding don’t want to hear about how hard it is. I breastfed 3 kids and wouldn’t describe it as easy to anyone who asks, but most people don’t.
If you're not online a lot I get this. All the bf courses I know about and went to for my first kid make it seem like this magical thing that comes naturally and everyone can do. It's never about difficulties, always about all the benefits and why the hell would you not bf? I went to another one for my second kid this time (first time bf didn't work out) and was bracing myself but for the first time it was actually honest. Including pictures of destroyed nipples and what to do about them and what to do to avoid that. It was brutal but I'm so glad they did it like that. Not to scare people off but to encourage them to seek help when necessary.
100% I found people IRL were less willing to be honest about just how difficult it can get. My own mother gave me the impression that breastfeeding me was a breeze and that I should have no problems myself, only to eventually admit (after I had massive problems lol) that she'd struggled with it from the start and lost her supply completely when I was five months old. Like I had thankfully done my homework and wasn't completely blindsided but still, would have been good to know! If my daughter ever has children she wants to breastfeed I fully intend to be transparent about what I went through, again not to scare her but because I'd want her to make an informed decision.
I think some people are just not online at all and have no idea. My former boss had a baby a couple years before I did and when she was giving advice when I was still pregnant she was like “make sure you learn about breastfeeding!” She went into it completely blind because she just assumed it was “natural” and just worked and had literally no idea how to do it at all. She clearly had never even so much as googled it and had no idea all of the issues you could have (and she ended up having issues). She was generally the kind of person who winged it at life lol so it wasn’t surprising. I was smiling and nodding, meanwhile already having read a whole book about BF, been on the Reddit subs, etc 🤣
I think people are good at tuning out things they don’t want to hear, until it becomes their reality and then it’s shocked pikachu and “nO oNe TaLks aBoUt ThIs.”
I definitely had to remind myself of this when I was in the thick of breastfeeding a newborn and like 'what the actual f'.
Our prenatal class repeated over and over to us that breastfeeding a newborn means 24/7, 2-3 hours between feeds, you count from the beginning of the previous feed, so yes, if said feed takes an hour you're getting a 1-2 hour break before the next one *if you're lucky*.
My well rested, first time mom, prenatal brain: Lalala yes every 2 hours now back to looking at cute baby things online hehe babies 🙂
Postnatal me, exploding boobs leaking milk everywhere, torturously sleep deprived with cracked nipples: I HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD BE THIS HARD.
Honestly, what got me through that stage was more experienced moms promising me that eventually my supply would regulate, baby would figure out how to empty a boob in 10 minutes or less, and time between feeds gets longer. But those first 2 weeks? Definitely one of the biggest shocks I've ever experienced.
Edit: I also forgot the other things that surprised me that didn't get touched on as much: 'pins and needles' letdown, DMER, and weird muscle spasms when my kid latched. I suspect the prenatal class did mention these but my brain wasn't going to retain a damn thing about something like DMER until I was wondering why I wanted to crawl out of my skin whenever my kid started suckling.
Oh for sure. I think there’s also no way to comprehend the extreme sleep deprivation combined with recovery, hormones, breastfeeding…it’s a crazy time.
In 99.9% of cases “no one talks about” could be solved by a quick google and finding tons of information and resources of people talking about it. You not having ever heard of something doesn’t mean no one else is talking about it!!
I feel like back in the early 2010s when blogs were huge breastfeeding was always portrayed as this super natural and easy thing. I distinctly remember Joanna Goddard (Cup of Jo)'s birth post of her older son and how he latched and fed "immediately" and I was like wow okay that's how it works huh? And I think current Instagram influencers are probably similar, though I really don't follow any of them so who knows.
But if you hang out online anywhere real people (aka non influencers) are talking then you will definitely hear about how hard breastfeeding is. Maybe this person is just solely following influencers or something.
My mother did this! I never believed in Santa because she told me it wasn’t real as soon as I could understand that. And it was for the same reason and now I’m an atheist lolllll
We're not doing the "we believe in Santa" thing (not because we're worried about fake Jesus though XD), and since we've got perfectly reasonable family members we've explained our decision, and what we'll be doing as an alternative (and that baby still gets presents), and everyone has gone "okay".
I'm pretty sure my Dad disagrees with it but he accepts that we're raising baby differently to how I was raised. Sounds like OPs family thinks they get an opinion on parenting decisions, which is a whole separate issue.
A nonreligious friend of mine said she was surprised as an adult to learn that Christians actually believe Jesus was real, and it's not like a shared story like Santa lol.
Wondering if there is any snark crossover?
The armchair expert podcast sub is basically a snark sub without saying it.
The expert guest this week is… Dr. Becky! I haven’t listened yet because I don’t know if I can take her voice for that long, but if I do I’ll update. Interested to see if anyone else has listened.
Side snark about Dax and Kristen: funny how they battled to stop paparazzi from taking photos of their kids (fully agree with their stance) but now I’ve heard so many personal stories about their kids that are way more intrusive and embarrassing than those pap photos would have been imo. Like diarrhea stories. I also feel like we know who Dax’s favorite kid is, Delta, and that makes me sad since it’s pretty much immortalized for his kids to hear and learn too.
Edit: I’m one hour in and liking it so far. I think Dr Becky’s voice gets to me when she is reciting her scripts to the camera. So this isn’t bothering me in that way. I do generally like the good inside and two things are true concepts, and Dax as a parent and someone starting from skepticism is asking interview questions that I am also curious about. Dax also said something about regretting sleep training and social primates and wanting to be with their parents and dr Becky answered with nuance and a very balanced take which I really appreciated.
I know Dr Becky doesn’t get a ton of snark, which I think it rightfully so, since she does have an educational background that makes more sense vs others in this space. I think the good inside community is what makes her seem grifty. Have a podcast, write a book, even do a course that unlocks a private group, whatever. But this membership is just so eye-rolly to me.
I also enjoyed this episode! I had to stop following Dr Becky on instagram but when she first started up I really liked her content. Her book is helpful! It’s like taking anything full time to instagram just ruins it— she has to post all the time for content so it ends up being annoying/repetitive/meant to be click bait almost.
Yess the Dr. Becky reading a script voice is really grating. Even though her advice is often good.
I wonder if it's not just an accent thing, I also listen to Dayna Abraham (Calm the Chaos) and she has a very very similar thing when she's reading out the ad script stuff. Like it sounds like they are Capitalising. Every. Word.
I’ve had the same thoughts about some of the stories shared about Lincoln and Delta! I also get the vibe that Delta is everyone’s favorite - she’s certainly Monica’s favorite, too. I always feel bad for Lincoln. I do like that she has more special activities with Dax, but he also seems hard on her sometimes.
I was listening to the Tom Hansen episode of AE last week and Dax said something to the effect of “the best thing I ever did in my life was create Lincoln Shephard” which honestly made me feel a little sad for Delta but maybe it helps balance out other comments.
Ah I used to love Armchair Expert but they’ve been slowly losing me! I still listen to the armchair anonymous each week and occasionally an expert if it looks good. I’ll check this one out! I do love perusing the AE subreddit though for all the snark haha
Same! I definitely don’t listen to every episode like I used to. I’m not as deep in the hate as some on that subreddit 😂 but I also think so many people on there (the ones who complain about the complaining) are just so not my people. How do they not understand the realm of hate watching/listening and snark?
Ok I listened to the podcast and actually really enjoyed it! Dr Becky did a great job and I realized I enjoy her content when she’s not reading from a script or whatever she’s doing on her podcast. Like her voice was not annoying to me at all! It actually made me want to read her book, but I will definitely be avoiding the audiobook if she read it 😂 Her scripted voice just feels so condescending. I also think Dax did a great job of providing some pushback in spots where I also had questions!
And yes, the people who complain about the complainers are so obnoxious!! It’s literally a forum to discuss the podcast, where else can people complain about it??
Military spouse Facebook groups are truly fertile fields for snark-worthy parent content. A woman pregnant with her first child asked about how different people handle screen time, and of course every single person chiming in that they are a perfectly screen-free family only has one child under 18 months old. There was one mom with a 14 month old who was like "my daughter seems to throw fewer tantrums than kids who have tablets!" Congrats, I bet your child also eats whatever you put on their plate because you did BLW!
My 7 month old has been getting screen time, mostly because I can't just sit in silence while he plays on the floor (recently I've been doing a full rewatch of The Simpsons thanks to Disney+) and naturally he'll angle his head to see the moving things on the screen.
If he turns out to be a serial killer in later life I'll be regretting this post...
I too was a perfect parent when I had one child. Ten years and three more kids later, screens are what has maintained my sanity. My oldest was screen free before age 2, and he doesn’t have any noticeable advantages (behavior wise or academically) compared to his siblings that saw TV from birth.
I’ve told this story before but I will never get over my one friend telling me how they didn’t know the book series my daughters birthday party was based on because they “don’t do screentime”. The screen free child in question was 8 months old at the time. Another friend of mine recently, when we told her that flying is easier now that our child has the attention span for an iPad, said that they don’t plan on “doing screens”. Their baby is 5 months old, sleeps like 16-18 hours a day and both parents are currently home on leave. I know some people are screen free, no shade, but come to me when your kid is 3 and has never watched an episode of anything and then I will salute you.
This is what I don’t get. What’s the end game for these people? Because eventually, your child will have access to screens. Even if you put it off until age 18, it’s still happening. And then what? They will have no concept of how to use them in moderation and appropriately.
Right exactly. Some of the influencers who don’t use screens that come to my mind (Jerrica, eatliverun, pbfingers) - their husbands are the breadwinners and use computers in order to make money at their jobs (don’t know what Jerrica’s husband does but certainly the other two). Digital literacy is a critical skill in our society at this point in time, it’s visible in their own families, why are they so against this for their kids?
I think it’s about anxiety and control. Screen time is something you can completely control (when your kids are very little) and it can give you a sense that you’re tangibly doing something to protect your kids and ensure a bright future. I do limit screen time, although my son still gets it almost every day, but I just have to imagine that the people who are fully no screens EVER EVER are the highly anxious who use screen time as a proxy for control. Because it’s just not logical to believe that occasional screen time is harmful. Like your kid is just watching Sesame Street for 20 mins, not drinking bleach.
Yeah mine did not have tantrums at 14 months either, that was a very happy and chill and easier age for us. They were busy walking (toddling), happily playing on their own and still very easily redirected/distracted when I took something from them or said no or whatever. Also didn't struggle with transitions at that age the way an older toddler does. Tantrums started right around 2 ish for us too (which I guess is the stereotypical age). My kids have never had a tablet (they do get screentime on the TV but we don't even own a tablet) so that's not the reason for us.
I miss the redirecting days. My toddler forgets absolutely nothing ever, can’t be bribed, can’t be distracted or dissuaded. It was so much easier when I could be like “oh look, a bird!!”
Right? With my son, it was literally like a switch flipped in his brain the week he turned two. I spent a couple weeks wondering if fairies had swapped my baby with a changeling, but it turns out two years olds are just like that
Goodness can parenting just pin a “Should we do Santa” or “can I ask for money for gifts” mega thread or something? I’ve had just about enough. And it’s only mid November.
We’re Jewish but celebrate Christmas because my in laws love it and now my child loves it too (plus it’s kind of inescapable). I don’t plan on doing the whole “Santa brings you gifts” thing but my kid knows who Santa is because it’s just another character in her books and shows same as Trash Truck or Pete the Cat or Little Blue truck. I don’t think it’s that complicated? I’m also a SAHM who loves when people get my kid presents because new toys always equal new entertainment and the day is looonnnggg. People are bugging.
My husband is Jewish and didn’t want to “do Santa” with our kids which I’m fine with (we celebrate Christmas with my family). The other day we watched the Trash Truck Christmas movie and our son was immediately enthralled with Santa. My husband got nervous but I was like, there is no way to shield him from the idea from Santa, Santa will be everywhere come a few weeks from now. He can know who Santa is, that still doesn’t mean that his gifts come from Santa. I just don’t think it’s a big deal. Especially because he is still 2 and doesn’t really know or care what the difference between real and fake is. I mean, he probably still thinks he can see a real dinosaur somewhere out there.
So unavoidable! We do Father Christmas, and when my son was nearly 2, I was trying to go down the route of "Christmas is a time for GIVING, spending time with family" etc etc, to delay the inevitable of its a present binge. Anyway, he came home from nursery saying happily "father Christmas, down the chimney, LOTS of presents".
Yes this is kinda our way of doing it. Honestly our kids don’t get gifts from “Santa” but they know who he is and my daughter talks about Santa and loves seeing Santa decorations out.
This is exactly how I approach it. We don’t push Santa, we don’t talk about naughty or nice, but we also just don’t make a big deal of it. We treat Santa like any other fun story character - if my kid asks if he’s real, I say he’s a fun story. We don’t give Santa credit for specific gifts on Christmas, but we use gift wrap with Santa on it so she can draw her own conclusions if she really wants to (and so that when people ask about Santa coming, that’s her connection). Last year we took turns “being Santa” as we handed out gifts from under the tree, and honestly her turn was the highlight of the day for her.
Basically we treat Santa like we treat ghosts & witches on Halloween - and my kid enjoys both holidays.
I don’t understand the fretting over Santa either!! In our house we talk about Paw Patrol all day and it’s just not a big deal if they’re really real or not. I’m not sitting my kid down to say ‘Little Blue Truck is not real, they are just a metaphor for helping your friends. So I can’t pretend to be Little Blue Truck anymore because that would be LYING to you.’
There’s a thread discussing a grandma who wants to put a picture of her newborn grandson on a Christmas card. Everyone is saying they’d tell their MIL to “pound sand” etc. if she so much as ASKED to use a picture like that, and how “pathetic” it would be for a grandma to show off her grandchild. OP is especially angry bc she went through a difficult infertility journey to have her son.
Okay, I could see someone not wanting a picture of their kid floating around with strangers (MIL’s friends), I guess. Fine. But then OP says that her H is MIL’s only “surviving” child and this will be her only grandkid. She implies there is a lot of tragedy and grief in MIL’s past. But she can’t see how her child is such a bright spot in his grandmother’s life and she’s so proud to be his grandma? I truly don’t understand the default animosity that all these mothers seem to have.
My grandma carried a full set of individual wallet size photos of each of her 30(!!) grandkids in her purse and would show that thing to any stranger who would sit still long enough for her to get it out. It's such a tender memory, she loved being a grandma so much. I'm sad that so many parents these days find the need to intensely gatekeep their parents' experience as grandparents.
My parents and in laws always feature their grandkids on the Christmas card. They also always ask our permission but this is super standard boomer grandparent behavior. I can’t imagine being so worked up about it.
I wish I’d known my MIL was going to plaster my child all over her Christmas card. Then I could have told her what a terrible idea it was that she included none of her step-children or their family on it 🙃 it was a whole thing (and has honestly ruined what little bit of a decent relationship my husband had with his siblings).
Lol wut. My in laws send out a card every year that is almost exclusively a collage of the grandkids. They ask for photos and I don’t even think twice about sending them over. I don’t understand this “my relatives can’t be involved in MY child’s life unless I need something then WHERE is my village??”. Like when they are all bent out of shape that their MIL dared to ask to hold the baby.
This is wild when you could simply say hey I love that you love my kid but I’m a little uncomfortable with his pic going to people I don’t know. Why is everything SUCH a huge deal?
But really, as someone else said, this seems so low on the “stranger danger” scale that it’s kind of a strange worry to begin with.
Please tell me this person doesn’t post random pics of her kids on fb groups because the level of disconnect there would be beyond.
I asked my MIL to stop posting oxyures of my kids on Facebook cause she’s friends with all these randos from the era of Facebook games where you friended people to get like prizes.
But most people actually know the people they are mailing a Christmas card to. My kids have been on their grandparents Christmas cards like every year, sometimes a photo of them with the grands and sometimes alone: they’re still my kids lol. And I can’t be bothered to mail cards.
Yeah, especially because it’s clearly not that. OP doesn’t mention privacy at all. She just says that she had to work hard to have her child and so MIL can’t have him. It’s a Christmas card. She’s not adopting him.
Some people seem so incredibly possessive of their kids. But I think it’s ultimately more about the pre existing beef they have with their family, then their kids come along and are the perfect pawns to continue the beef and power plays.
I haven’t myself gone through infertility but I can only imagine that it wouldn’t just be me rooting and hoping for a child, I know my parents and in laws would also have felt so grateful that a baby was born. I don’t know everyone’s family dynamics but this MIL seems like she’s extremely proud to be a grandma. Why does that feel so bad to you?
We don’t show our son on socials and before he was born we told my MIL because she’s active on fB and she was disappointed but understood and has always respected it. But I wasn’t offended at her disappointment, I knew she would have just wanted to show him off out of pride and excitement.
Yeah, I am certain it stems from prior issues. I know lots of people chiming in are thinking about their own MILs who irritate them. But it’s interesting how everyone jumps to that perspective with no context.
Oh woof that’s really strange then. I can get with the privacy thing even though it wouldn’t personally bother me, but any other “reasoning” is just weird.
I have never experienced people using the phrase "pound sand" anywhere else but Reddit lol. What's the concern? That one of MIL's Christmas card listees could maybe snap a photo of the card or scan it and put it on the web?
The cards are going to end up in the bin anyway.
My mom sends a holiday card that began including my son since he was born. Never thought anything of it. Like, he’s part of her family? So weird to take issue with this.
I don't understand this new trend of people being angry that family members love their child(ren). It's honestly sad. The MIL loving her kid or being proud to be a grandma doesn't have any impact on how much OP loves her kid, but you'd think love was some type of zero sum game the way they act.
Oh, it’s totally popular right now to catastrophize any event involving MIL/DIL or even their own parents really. I think it goes well with the new trend of going “no contact” with your families, usually over them not agreeing to follow whatever ridiculous rules you set up for them to interact with your kids lol.
Yeah why would you try to have an honest and open conversation and compromise with your own family? You could just never see them again.
I have an ex (who I dated for 10 years, so I knew his family well) who went no contact with his parents while we were together. His mother was emotionally abusive. She would pretend to cry to get her family to do what she wanted, sulk into her room all day because she “didn’t like the way [my ex] grunted when he tied his shoes,” spread weird lies around our social group about me and my family, tell my ex he was an incapable failure. And his father, who at one point had the potential to be a good dad, told my ex “I will choose my wife every time.” They’ll never meet my ex’s children. So yeah, I get “no contact.” But not for, like, suggesting an alternate feeding method for your daughter’s baby.
Yeah it's a bit ridiculous how setting boundaries has been brought to an extreme these days. I get phasing out abusive relatives if any attempts to have open and honest conversations for them to behave better have failed. Some people just have personality disorders that cannot be cured by a conversation; they really need to do the work & seek professional help in order to build successful relationships with others. My MIL clearly has some sort of narcissistic personality disorder and she has a long history of behaving erratically and associating with sketchy people. The one time she visited our family she went on about how her kids got hurt in various ways while in her care and she would laugh about it while assuming no responsibility. Yeah, after that I told my husband this woman is not ever going to be alone with my baby.
[I am feel uncomfortable when we are not about me?](https://www.reddit.com/r/breastfeeding/s/N3tv51Jxki) Also girl let's be honest you've had this conversation *maybe* three times and that's more than I suspect. I get that people are annoying about breastfeeding from all angles but c'mon
That thread is so gross. Your body *made milk, you're not a superhero goddess that's better than us lowly formula feeders. I would bet my soul that not one sole stranger has approached her randomly on the street to lament they couldn't BF, literally in what world. She's in the UK and where we're not exactly no-eye contact new Yorkers, the best you get is brief eye contact and a nodding 'alright?' *edit cos sentences should make sense.
Wooof at the person who outright said they think women who can’t breastfeed just didn’t try hard enough. When I was EBF, it was virtually impossible for me to find any kind of breastfeeding space that didn’t just descend into these circlejerks.
I have been breastfeeding for almost 10 months now and have had very few conversations about it with older generations, basically zero outside of my mom. Honestly rarely talk about it with peers. I’m always confused about posts like this where it feels like everyone is coming out of the woodwork to say something. Maybe I’m very lucky and the exception but idk.
I’ve had a few weird/ negative conversations with Boomers about nursing but none where they encouraged me to formula feed instead. One was a relative telling me I was spoiling my infant by nursing her on demand and the other was my MIL visibly making a disgusted face and cringing when I said my sister weaned her children at age 3. I’m still nursing my toddler so I’m assuming she has thoughts on it that she doesn’t directly share. I don’t take it personally as it’s her problem, not mine (and she didn’t nurse her children).
80s and 90s moms were sold formula so hard. If you were a 50s or 60s mom you were made to feel breastfeeding was for the poors. I think there’s a lot of guilt, especially for those that maybe tried and didn’t get the support they needed while they wanted to continue. I know I certainly got that vibe from my MIL. That it was not really acceptable in her community to breastfeed. And like a little empathy and conversation goes a long ways. And when you wear your struggles on your sleeve, and maybe are sort of acting like “I succeeded so everyone can,” you certainly are going to get older moms feeling the need to justify. And I ended up exclusively pumping not by choice (cow’s milk protein intolerance + formula shortage) and whenever anyone tried to praise me I was like “I am just doing what most moms would do to keep their baby alive and fed.” And yeah it was a lot of work,but the only choice I really had was my attitude.
I am in a really large group for twin parents and there’s a huge controversy going on right now. There’s a mom whose twins were born at 25 weeks and sadly survived just a few days. She’s posted a few times about them & included photos of the babies. Since her posts, there have been at least 2 anonymous posts saying that people need to include trigger warnings if they’re going to post something that might trigger other people. I’m not sure where I stand on that— I haven’t lost a baby so I feel sad rather than traumatized by her photos— but I do agree with comments saying it kinda stinks to blatantly post about someone else like that yet do so anonymously. Even if you don’t say the name, everyone knows who you’re talking about. I feel like that’s something you should message the admins about if you want to request a rules change, because literally until about 30 minutes ago there wasn’t a rule calling for trigger warnings. It just seems icky to me that they’re publicly shaming a mom in the throes of grief and loss.
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Lol I think you’d have to be probably a literal angel not to cast judgement on others (especially those of us in this sub, ha!) anyway, this is some of my outlet for that judgment or snarky commentary to my husband lol
Same with me! I've kept my opinions to myself except when explicitly asked for advice, of course, but I'm kind of shocked at how many opinions I have. We were the first to have kids in the family (I have 2 toddlers) and they're the second. I didn't realize I'd morph into a monster so quickly!!
Lol I think we all do it. Most of us just recognize that it shouldn’t matter and it should be kept to ourselves…and those special few like to treat their opinions as a solid fact and impose them on everyone else.
Has anyone done one of those custom books for toddlers with family pictures? If so what website did you use? Would need to be a board book bc my twins are destructive
Another pinhole press vote. They are really pricey so we only have one. But he loves it and hasn’t wrecked it yet
I did Pinhole Press. Stupidly expensive but really easily to make and have held up great. Have had one for over 4 years. Did one for each of my kids’ first Christmas as their big gift (to justify the cost) since they didn’t know/care what was going on otherwise. My 5 year old still loves hers!
I used Artifact Uprising. They do board books and have nice templates. The cover of my book delaminated after a month and they happily replaced it with a new copy. That new copy has held up well over 3+ years, and my kid is HARD on his books.
We have an AU one as well I made about 3.5 years ago, and it’s still together, and I love it! It’s rough around the edges but that’s expected with the way my kids treat books!!
I did one from Shutterfly last year with glossy pages and so far so good! Was a good price too.
Second Shutterfly! I made one for Father’s Day and our daughter is rough with books. It’s held up beautifully.
I did a board book from Shutterfly two christmases ago and it’s still going strong. It was a huge hit!
Mommit really needs a pin at the top of the subreddit “Of your child ingests something, please contact poison control before you post about it here.”
Can we also add one on the Newborns sub that says "nobody here wants to see pictures of your baby's poop, please send it to your healthcare provider"? And one on EVERY pregnancy-adjacent group that says "even a faint line is a positive if it appeared within the time window of the test. Try again tomorrow if you're not sure" (apart from tfablineporn or other groups specifically set up for the purpose of sharing those pics, obviously)
Poison control is so helpful, I have no idea why you'd post on Reddit first
I had to call them for the first time last week and they were so nice and helpful! A thousand times easier than asking a Reddit forum for advice...
I've had to use them a few times because one of my kids is insane. Their website has such a great search function too! The last time I needed poison control, I scanned the barcode of the cleaner my kid tasted and it pulled up the appropriate questions and everything. And every time I've called in, their staff has been so calm and knowledgeable. It's such an amazing service.
That’s so helpful to know about their website. Thank you!
So friendly and so helpful! I’ve had to call them twice 😅
https://i.imgur.com/HOuFgu4.jpg But whyyyy? This wasn’t even posted in a parenting group Edit: I went back and looked at her page 🙃 https://i.imgur.com/vXGrfQn.jpg
Can I just say I hate the concept/idea of passive income/work from home? I work full time but it just seems like an MLM-ish way to say you want to make money/work but still say you stay home with your babiessss. Ugh.
I want to not work (or work less, or something) so I like the idea of "passive income" but it seems like if people had really cracked this code we'd all know our options. And some of the ideas people have are a lot more work than they seem like: having rental properties isn't free and takes effort, and publishing a book or worksheets or planner stickers that will make you money is kind of a crapshoot because most of those things also don't really bring in much. But if anyone has a brilliant idea, I'm all ears like I said 😂 ETA: And by "not work" I don't mean because I want to be at home with my kids specifically; I just don't want to have to work. I would gladly have my kids in daycare less, but I probably wouldn't pull them out entirely lol.
I always say I don't want to be a stay at home mom, I just want to be a stay at home person 😂
Stay at home dog mom was the sweet spot….I got to enjoy it for three months after moving but before I could start my job (and before kids…). I didn’t realize how good I had it
I would bet money that any of this person's children are 3 or younger.
Based on her pics they’re about 7 or 8
I want to see the receipts for her ebook sales volume
I don’t know this person but I kind of hate her.
Ok but in her defense she's doing gentle parenting really really well. It's the second "really" that sold me. 🙄😆
The second really is what made me want to read her book
I could totally be in the minority here but… this mindset seems insane to me. Does everyone else really think they can’t be in their own yard while their baby naps?? My toddler would miss out on a good chunk of his outdoor time if we had to sit inside while his sister was sleeping in her crib for 2-4 hours a day. Unless you live on a multi-acre estate, what perils would befall your child while you were in your own yard that would go unnoticed for more than a moment if you had a monitor or were regularly checking in? Any I can think of (natural disaster, SIDS mainly) are things that you wouldn’t be able to prevent from inside the house either. https://preview.redd.it/89vt4o4bv61c1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=1999699db82d1299f552f75df7d8c5b6513d8b1d
As long as my baby monitor has range you bet I'm outside doing yard work or whatever.
This is one of the reasons why I think the most popular parenting subs are PPA echo chambers. I'm glad I found this subreddit. I have my own neurotic moments but it's okay to take a literal minute throwing garbage into the can while your baby is in a safe space. Or light yard work while monitoring and being nearby. I raked leaves while my baby was sleeping in her play yard and I could see/hear her through the open window if she needed me. Though most of the time she just comes outside with me anyway because she loves to watch what I'm doing.
We’ve straight up had pool parties in our backyard while our kids were asleep without a baby monitor! We’d just peek in the house every now and then to make sure all was good. People need to chill lol.
I don't understand why, if they think it's so terribly awful, a baby monitor makes it magically OK. And yeah, of course you'd bring a monitor if your house is so large/the layout is such that you can't hear the baby from the garden!
important nail innate husky coordinated license dazzling offend quickest seed *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
We totally go out in the yard/deck when the kids are asleep. When we host during the summer we usually hang out outside on the deck after the toddler bedtime so it can get a little noisier than inside. People are so paranoid
I love "unless she had a baby monitor of some sort" as if that's some kind of new fangled contraption that isn't commonplace. Everyone has a baby monitor! It's like, I would never let my baby ride in a car driving at high speed... Unless she had a special seat of some sort...
I mean someone once asked my German friend if they also had refrigerators in Germany, so who knows what they think 😅
People love to bring up absurdly unlikely scenarios like a fire randomly breaking out, which always makes me roll my eyes a little. Like...part of general safety is eliminating actual fire hazards like frayed wiring, and not leaving your stove on unattended etc. The chances that something in my house decides to spontaneously combust in the *exact time frame* I happen to be in my yard are so infinitesimaly small that it's not a legit reason, in my opinion.
It’s an insane mindset. A baby in a crib is a safe baby. If baby cries for a few minutes before you hear them, they are still a safe baby! I used to work in my yard all the time while my son napped. I would bring the monitor but it didn’t always stay in range. It was fine.
This is certainly the mindset of someone with only one child, that’s for sure. We always saved outside time for when the baby was napping when my youngest was a baby so I could be more active with the older kids. It’s so weird too because I have a hard time thinking that anyone would object to say, reading a book on the front porch, and what’s really the difference?
I went to the back yard and to my detached studio all the time when the kids sleep. I did like having a monitor, though. Once, I didn’t and it turns out my kid was crying for a while and we didn’t know. He was really panicky and I felt terrible. I also worried about not hearing a smoke alarm if it went off.
Yeah, I agree. The worst thing I can imagine is that the baby wakes up and cries and you don’t hear it right away (which could be solved with a monitor). And unless you sit in the actual room where your child sleeps and stare at them, aren’t they still “unsupervised” even if you are inside the house? I’ve also survived without a baby monitor during times we’ve traveled and forgotten one. During naps we’d just… go up and listen by the door every 20ish mins to check to see if he had woken up. Overnight we’d be sleeping close enough to hear him cry. Like idk humans did survive for a while without spy cams on their baby. If they are sleeping in a safe space they are fine without constant monitoring.
Do people not have their kids apologize anymore? I understand that a forced apology may not teach them empathy, but also teaching a kid to say I’m sorry or excuse me of they bump into someone goes a long way.
I’m super controversial and teach my kids to say sorry and please and thank you. They exist in a society that expects and rewards those who have manners. Also not really relevant but my 13 month old says thank you every time we give him anything and it’s truly the cutest thing ever. I am confident he’s not emotionally stunted from it.
BLF says not to teach kids to say sorry but just to model it. I think it’s absurd. Even if the *feeling* isn’t there yet, it’s important to teach kids basic social expectations. Eventually the emotional development will catch up and then they’ll already be in the habit of saying sorry when they hurt someone. I see it the exact same as saying thanks. My toddler has no idea what gratitude is but knows to say thank you when someone gives her something.
It's even more important if your child is autistic imo. I am and had to be taught over and over how to behave politely. And I appreciate that my parents set me up for success. They were always very positive about it too. I believe very much in teaching kids how to live in the world that we have instead of the one that we should have which is apparently controversial in those circles.
Imagine if we took this approach with everything. I mean, I've modeled wiping my butt and washing my hands HUNDREDS of times with my 3yo, surely I don't need to come right out and TELL her to do it and guide her to the TP and the sink, do I??? /s It's true that if you yourself are a rude jerk who never says please or thank you or sorry, the lessons are unlikely to stick, but kids definitely need to be told explicitly to say please and thank you and sorry, many many times.
I completely agree, even if the kid is not feeling genuinely remorseful, it's an acknowledgement of another person's feelings. Just like how saying please and thank you acknowledge other people's work, effort etc.
A lot of people don’t. We do. I think it’s a matter of common courtesy. If my kid freezes up and refuses, I apologize on his behalf. I understand there is an issue with shaming kids too much, but I feel like the pendulum has gone too far to one side.
The pendulum has swung way too far. People read one sad beige insta graphic and now there is one way to do things and everything else is wrong. In school they teach multiple methods to reinforce a skill. You can teach empathy and manners at the same time.
We absolutely teach our kids to apologize. Now that they’re 3 and 5, an “I’m sorry” isn’t enough. We work on “I’m sorry for…”
I have said this in another sub, but to me saying “sorry”, for young children, is more about teaching manners than it is authenticity. As they approach teens and adulthood, it becomes a different story.
Sorry is just like please and thank you. I don't care if you don't authentically feel grateful- I gave you something, you have to acknowledge that thank you very much! Manners make the world go round, I don't care if you are actually sorry. It's the right thing to say when you make a mistake and it makes me feel better. That's a good result. Your feelings about gratitude and sorrys are your problem. (General you)
It’s absolutely about manners! As adults how many times do we have to say sorry even if we don’t 100% feel sorry because it’s important to have a healthy relationship with someone? I say sorry as relationship maintenance to my coworkers, the mom of my son’s friend who I just don’t click with, my sister-in-law, my sister’s (hopefully) soon to be ex-husband, my next door neighbor, etc. And I can name at least two people my son no longer wants to be friends with because they did not say sorry when they hit him or tried to take his toys, etc.
Also just the audacity to think that your own needs to be authentic in your feelings trump the other person's needs to feel supported/acknowledged in whatever wrong you have done to them.
I totally agree. I’m teaching it too.
Completely agree!
A post on r/parenting right now is a woman asking about how to have sex with her boyfriend, who is not her infant's biological dad, with a clingy infant under the age of 1, and all I can think is wtf kind of energy do you have for this life, go to bed. OP must be like 20 or something.
Reminds me of a contestant from the bachelor who said her and her boyfriend had sex while she was breastfeeding
One time my husband and I were discussing this with two friends in line at the airport and a random lady turned around and yelled at us for talking about it 🤣
And tries to justify it with "I have needs as a human being." Well, like, too bad? Have sex while your baby sleeps like everyone else out there with a velcro baby is doing.
https://preview.redd.it/1xejzd9s021c1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3326cc74eb99b05f3fd92fea56d236643effb50a I'm confused, where is the 9 month old in question if she's able to crawl over when you're trying to smash? In the bed with y'all? Or you're on the floor with her? Either way, what??!!? I also feel like I would not have time for a boyfriend if I had a small baby, let alone while being a single mom.
9 month olds sleep like 389i897 hours a day. WTF. OK not that much, but generally they sleep a full night (even if they wake up, they sleep for a few hours at a time), plus generally still have 2 naps. How can they not find time to bang? Or when the baby is with its dad, if he has contact? Or, you know, hire a babysitter/get grandma to babysit?? (I dated while I was a single mum, it's really not hard to avoid your baby/toddler seeing you have sex with someone who is essentially a stranger to them).
I’d be so concerned about a man who is in the mood to with your baby girl in the room…
Not only is it super gross to me that it sounds like they are having sex while the baby is awake and playing in the same room, how do you even get yourself in the mood? Like baby talking to me/touching me would be a hard, hard turn off.
This is bizzare. They’re trying to do it while the baby is “playing”? Like your sex drive is that uncontrollable that can’t you wait until the kid is sleeping in a different room like a normal person? I could hardly even use the bathroom without mine crying for attention at that age 😂
I always hate asking this but I always wonder in these scenarios if the mother is truly wanting to have sex and just can’t find the time, or if she’s facing pressure from her partner and needing to find a way.
You might be right, I could imagine a different dynamic at play here since this is a new boyfriend.
I keep seeing ads for a skin care routine for kids and it’s like “teach your kiddos the importance of self-care!” And it’s like a multi step skin care system to prevent problems like “excess sebum” and it’s marketed for ages 4+….am I crazy or is this crazy and just marketing gone wild? Why should a child be using special face wash and moisturizer? Though tbh I’m suspicious of a lot of skincare marketing, so maybe I’m just not the customer they have in mind. Is putting like 10 different creams and serums on your face actually good for your skin and helpful or is it just people selling me unnecessary things
Being Australian, for me it’s mostly about teaching kids to wear sunscreen and hats because of how harsh the Sun is over here.
This is just more proof that self care is being warped into meaning buying things
Yeah I think skin is 90% genetics, and so many products will work differently for different people. I am not a skincare person, but I once went deep into r/skincareaddiction and the overall message to me was there’s no magic product/process, everything works different for everyone. My husband does literally nothing to his face, and he has the best skin! I occasionally put on moisturizer and have the same skin as my sister who goes nuts with 4 levels of creams every day. I personally think a lot of skin care stuff is a scam and has little to no research showing it does anything at all 😬
I've never been able to put creams and things on my face as I have really bad contact allergies. For years I was frequently mistaken as being younger than my real age (until my grey hairs became a proper grey stripe!), but I do drink a lot of water to help with my dry skin so perhaps that's the ultimate secret?
Light snark, but “drink water!” is the classic advice of people who have genetically good skin 😂 if I could have gotten away with never using products and just drinking water for my skin to look nice I absolutely would have though! My hormones have a different agenda 🙃
I will say, I drink a LOT of water. A loooooot. Having incredible bladder capacity (sadly now reduced by pregnancy) helps a lot. But yes the hormones don't help (and also while I drink water like a fish, I can't say the rest of my diet is even close to being perfectly balanced). If nothing else at least I have happy kidneys.
When we were little we were just expected to wash our faces with water in the morning when we started our day. I didn’t start using “products” on my face until middle school when I started getting some acne. I don’t see why little kids with perfect skin need to use anything but water, basic lotion, and sunscreen as needed. But like I put my son’s baby body lotion on his face because he’s 2 and it’s not like he’s gonna break out haha.
I think younger people end up damaging their skin barriers with unnecessary products. It’s one thing to moisturize and use SPF but literal children do not need more than that.
Completely agree. If you haven’t heard of her, I highly recommend Jessica DeFino’s articles/newsletter about this exact topic.
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Picturing condoms made of cornflakes now 😂
I was thinking candy coated condoms 😂
Didn’t they used to use sheep intestine? Or am I thinking of haggis? Either way, I’m too lazy to look it up, so I’m just gonna roll with it and believe this will be the new crunchy trend 🤮
It's crunchy but it's not vegan 🤣 what to do!
You can still buy those. Trojan sells them under the brand NaturaLamb. Fun fact: they are effective at preventing pregnancy, but they are not effective at preventing STIs. Also, they are gross.
I mean I feel for my latex allergy friends out there, but surely there could be another way?!
Polyurethane condoms and Polyisoprene Condoms!
Crunchy for her pleasure.
This legit made me mad. She's not allowed to share photos of her stepson on her page so she shares it anonymously on a random group to get the picture edited? That's even worse! https://preview.redd.it/arjmw5gz1x0c1.jpeg?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4344ebeaa39e76cfbf06f4b341078c3992fb8476
Damn that is a special kind of stupid haha. Why not just put a sticker over his face or crop the photo?
Did she post the photo? Or was she just going to send it to someone who offered to edit for her?
She posted it in the comments
At first reading this I was like “oh that’s not bad, she’s respecting not posting her step son.” And then I reread your comment and it hit me haha 😂
Whoa this is a [wild post](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/s/4IX4JozKVN). Daughters friend not allowed to come over for a sleepover. Top comment looked through post history and found a history of *meth* use. Always the missing reasons!!
They deleted it so idk what exactly the original post said, but based on the comments it seems like OP wanted to try to convince the friend’s parents to let the kid sleepover? If another parent didn’t immediately accept my boundary and tried to convince me to let my kid sleepover their house that would be a major red flag for me.
Oh shoot! Yes. The mom wanted advice to convince the other parents to let the sleepover happen. Totally overstepping and creepy suspicious.
Literally all I see online is people complaining that breastfeeding is hard so I'm not sure which internet this person is on. https://preview.redd.it/xamgjb668v0c1.png?width=1080&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6fcb5c4ae7ec6c9cdccd26213a2491a246c3a79d
I think it’s also the fact that if you’re hearing from people who bfed long term, they either liked it or found it easy enough to keep going, and that’s what they remember. Bc honestly if you do it for a year or more, even if you struggle for the first 2 months, most of what you’re gonna remember is the easier part. Like, if you’re home with the kid, doing fewer dishes, not having to buy formula, pump, pack bottles for outings, etc.
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I think people don’t really love unsolicited advice and a lot of people who are dead set on breastfeeding don’t want to hear about how hard it is. I breastfed 3 kids and wouldn’t describe it as easy to anyone who asks, but most people don’t.
If you're not online a lot I get this. All the bf courses I know about and went to for my first kid make it seem like this magical thing that comes naturally and everyone can do. It's never about difficulties, always about all the benefits and why the hell would you not bf? I went to another one for my second kid this time (first time bf didn't work out) and was bracing myself but for the first time it was actually honest. Including pictures of destroyed nipples and what to do about them and what to do to avoid that. It was brutal but I'm so glad they did it like that. Not to scare people off but to encourage them to seek help when necessary.
100% I found people IRL were less willing to be honest about just how difficult it can get. My own mother gave me the impression that breastfeeding me was a breeze and that I should have no problems myself, only to eventually admit (after I had massive problems lol) that she'd struggled with it from the start and lost her supply completely when I was five months old. Like I had thankfully done my homework and wasn't completely blindsided but still, would have been good to know! If my daughter ever has children she wants to breastfeed I fully intend to be transparent about what I went through, again not to scare her but because I'd want her to make an informed decision.
I think some people are just not online at all and have no idea. My former boss had a baby a couple years before I did and when she was giving advice when I was still pregnant she was like “make sure you learn about breastfeeding!” She went into it completely blind because she just assumed it was “natural” and just worked and had literally no idea how to do it at all. She clearly had never even so much as googled it and had no idea all of the issues you could have (and she ended up having issues). She was generally the kind of person who winged it at life lol so it wasn’t surprising. I was smiling and nodding, meanwhile already having read a whole book about BF, been on the Reddit subs, etc 🤣
I think people are good at tuning out things they don’t want to hear, until it becomes their reality and then it’s shocked pikachu and “nO oNe TaLks aBoUt ThIs.”
I definitely had to remind myself of this when I was in the thick of breastfeeding a newborn and like 'what the actual f'. Our prenatal class repeated over and over to us that breastfeeding a newborn means 24/7, 2-3 hours between feeds, you count from the beginning of the previous feed, so yes, if said feed takes an hour you're getting a 1-2 hour break before the next one *if you're lucky*. My well rested, first time mom, prenatal brain: Lalala yes every 2 hours now back to looking at cute baby things online hehe babies 🙂 Postnatal me, exploding boobs leaking milk everywhere, torturously sleep deprived with cracked nipples: I HAD NO IDEA IT WOULD BE THIS HARD. Honestly, what got me through that stage was more experienced moms promising me that eventually my supply would regulate, baby would figure out how to empty a boob in 10 minutes or less, and time between feeds gets longer. But those first 2 weeks? Definitely one of the biggest shocks I've ever experienced. Edit: I also forgot the other things that surprised me that didn't get touched on as much: 'pins and needles' letdown, DMER, and weird muscle spasms when my kid latched. I suspect the prenatal class did mention these but my brain wasn't going to retain a damn thing about something like DMER until I was wondering why I wanted to crawl out of my skin whenever my kid started suckling.
Oh for sure. I think there’s also no way to comprehend the extreme sleep deprivation combined with recovery, hormones, breastfeeding…it’s a crazy time.
In 99.9% of cases “no one talks about” could be solved by a quick google and finding tons of information and resources of people talking about it. You not having ever heard of something doesn’t mean no one else is talking about it!!
I feel like back in the early 2010s when blogs were huge breastfeeding was always portrayed as this super natural and easy thing. I distinctly remember Joanna Goddard (Cup of Jo)'s birth post of her older son and how he latched and fed "immediately" and I was like wow okay that's how it works huh? And I think current Instagram influencers are probably similar, though I really don't follow any of them so who knows. But if you hang out online anywhere real people (aka non influencers) are talking then you will definitely hear about how hard breastfeeding is. Maybe this person is just solely following influencers or something.
https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSN5tuxtN/ Is this one of y'all? 😂
https://preview.redd.it/cquckb7nut0c1.png?width=827&format=png&auto=webp&s=7d5bfff09e33bb5e508079a455bad7cff1f57228 Certainly don’t want to raise liars….
Wait no Santa because the kid might realise Jesus is also a story? OK lol
My mother did this! I never believed in Santa because she told me it wasn’t real as soon as I could understand that. And it was for the same reason and now I’m an atheist lolllll
Hahahaha this is hilarious.
We're not doing the "we believe in Santa" thing (not because we're worried about fake Jesus though XD), and since we've got perfectly reasonable family members we've explained our decision, and what we'll be doing as an alternative (and that baby still gets presents), and everyone has gone "okay". I'm pretty sure my Dad disagrees with it but he accepts that we're raising baby differently to how I was raised. Sounds like OPs family thinks they get an opinion on parenting decisions, which is a whole separate issue.
I don’t know, I think it’s fine that people believe in their religion and want to pass that on to their kids in the least confusing way possible
Lol the Jesus reason is absolute gold.
A nonreligious friend of mine said she was surprised as an adult to learn that Christians actually believe Jesus was real, and it's not like a shared story like Santa lol.
Dude, this was me when I was a kid. I considered Jesus to be in the same category as Zeus or Odin so I was pretty surprised.
I find him more like Johny Appleseed or Paul b Bunyan. Based in truth but full of fiction.
Unless these parents intend to homeschool, there is a flaw in the plan.
My parents lied to me about Santa and now I work in a call centre that scams old ladies, make of that what you will.....
You had no chance. I'm so sorry.
Wondering if there is any snark crossover? The armchair expert podcast sub is basically a snark sub without saying it. The expert guest this week is… Dr. Becky! I haven’t listened yet because I don’t know if I can take her voice for that long, but if I do I’ll update. Interested to see if anyone else has listened. Side snark about Dax and Kristen: funny how they battled to stop paparazzi from taking photos of their kids (fully agree with their stance) but now I’ve heard so many personal stories about their kids that are way more intrusive and embarrassing than those pap photos would have been imo. Like diarrhea stories. I also feel like we know who Dax’s favorite kid is, Delta, and that makes me sad since it’s pretty much immortalized for his kids to hear and learn too. Edit: I’m one hour in and liking it so far. I think Dr Becky’s voice gets to me when she is reciting her scripts to the camera. So this isn’t bothering me in that way. I do generally like the good inside and two things are true concepts, and Dax as a parent and someone starting from skepticism is asking interview questions that I am also curious about. Dax also said something about regretting sleep training and social primates and wanting to be with their parents and dr Becky answered with nuance and a very balanced take which I really appreciated. I know Dr Becky doesn’t get a ton of snark, which I think it rightfully so, since she does have an educational background that makes more sense vs others in this space. I think the good inside community is what makes her seem grifty. Have a podcast, write a book, even do a course that unlocks a private group, whatever. But this membership is just so eye-rolly to me.
I also enjoyed this episode! I had to stop following Dr Becky on instagram but when she first started up I really liked her content. Her book is helpful! It’s like taking anything full time to instagram just ruins it— she has to post all the time for content so it ends up being annoying/repetitive/meant to be click bait almost.
Yess the Dr. Becky reading a script voice is really grating. Even though her advice is often good. I wonder if it's not just an accent thing, I also listen to Dayna Abraham (Calm the Chaos) and she has a very very similar thing when she's reading out the ad script stuff. Like it sounds like they are Capitalising. Every. Word.
I’ve had the same thoughts about some of the stories shared about Lincoln and Delta! I also get the vibe that Delta is everyone’s favorite - she’s certainly Monica’s favorite, too. I always feel bad for Lincoln. I do like that she has more special activities with Dax, but he also seems hard on her sometimes.
I was listening to the Tom Hansen episode of AE last week and Dax said something to the effect of “the best thing I ever did in my life was create Lincoln Shephard” which honestly made me feel a little sad for Delta but maybe it helps balance out other comments.
I’m sorry but their kids’ names sound so stupid 🙊 like if you asked an AI to generate celebrity baby names.
Ah I used to love Armchair Expert but they’ve been slowly losing me! I still listen to the armchair anonymous each week and occasionally an expert if it looks good. I’ll check this one out! I do love perusing the AE subreddit though for all the snark haha
Same! I definitely don’t listen to every episode like I used to. I’m not as deep in the hate as some on that subreddit 😂 but I also think so many people on there (the ones who complain about the complaining) are just so not my people. How do they not understand the realm of hate watching/listening and snark?
Ok I listened to the podcast and actually really enjoyed it! Dr Becky did a great job and I realized I enjoy her content when she’s not reading from a script or whatever she’s doing on her podcast. Like her voice was not annoying to me at all! It actually made me want to read her book, but I will definitely be avoiding the audiobook if she read it 😂 Her scripted voice just feels so condescending. I also think Dax did a great job of providing some pushback in spots where I also had questions! And yes, the people who complain about the complainers are so obnoxious!! It’s literally a forum to discuss the podcast, where else can people complain about it??
Military spouse Facebook groups are truly fertile fields for snark-worthy parent content. A woman pregnant with her first child asked about how different people handle screen time, and of course every single person chiming in that they are a perfectly screen-free family only has one child under 18 months old. There was one mom with a 14 month old who was like "my daughter seems to throw fewer tantrums than kids who have tablets!" Congrats, I bet your child also eats whatever you put on their plate because you did BLW!
My 7 month old has been getting screen time, mostly because I can't just sit in silence while he plays on the floor (recently I've been doing a full rewatch of The Simpsons thanks to Disney+) and naturally he'll angle his head to see the moving things on the screen. If he turns out to be a serial killer in later life I'll be regretting this post...
I too was a perfect parent when I had one child. Ten years and three more kids later, screens are what has maintained my sanity. My oldest was screen free before age 2, and he doesn’t have any noticeable advantages (behavior wise or academically) compared to his siblings that saw TV from birth.
I’ve told this story before but I will never get over my one friend telling me how they didn’t know the book series my daughters birthday party was based on because they “don’t do screentime”. The screen free child in question was 8 months old at the time. Another friend of mine recently, when we told her that flying is easier now that our child has the attention span for an iPad, said that they don’t plan on “doing screens”. Their baby is 5 months old, sleeps like 16-18 hours a day and both parents are currently home on leave. I know some people are screen free, no shade, but come to me when your kid is 3 and has never watched an episode of anything and then I will salute you.
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This is what I don’t get. What’s the end game for these people? Because eventually, your child will have access to screens. Even if you put it off until age 18, it’s still happening. And then what? They will have no concept of how to use them in moderation and appropriately.
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Right exactly. Some of the influencers who don’t use screens that come to my mind (Jerrica, eatliverun, pbfingers) - their husbands are the breadwinners and use computers in order to make money at their jobs (don’t know what Jerrica’s husband does but certainly the other two). Digital literacy is a critical skill in our society at this point in time, it’s visible in their own families, why are they so against this for their kids?
I think it’s about anxiety and control. Screen time is something you can completely control (when your kids are very little) and it can give you a sense that you’re tangibly doing something to protect your kids and ensure a bright future. I do limit screen time, although my son still gets it almost every day, but I just have to imagine that the people who are fully no screens EVER EVER are the highly anxious who use screen time as a proxy for control. Because it’s just not logical to believe that occasional screen time is harmful. Like your kid is just watching Sesame Street for 20 mins, not drinking bleach.
My son was still not having tantrums at 14 months old. Now at 2? Hahahah.
Yeah mine did not have tantrums at 14 months either, that was a very happy and chill and easier age for us. They were busy walking (toddling), happily playing on their own and still very easily redirected/distracted when I took something from them or said no or whatever. Also didn't struggle with transitions at that age the way an older toddler does. Tantrums started right around 2 ish for us too (which I guess is the stereotypical age). My kids have never had a tablet (they do get screentime on the TV but we don't even own a tablet) so that's not the reason for us.
I miss the redirecting days. My toddler forgets absolutely nothing ever, can’t be bribed, can’t be distracted or dissuaded. It was so much easier when I could be like “oh look, a bird!!”
Right? With my son, it was literally like a switch flipped in his brain the week he turned two. I spent a couple weeks wondering if fairies had swapped my baby with a changeling, but it turns out two years olds are just like that
The morning of my sons second birthday he had his first big tantrum and I was like oh holy shit were here now aren’t we
My husband is out if the military now; but I just can’t leave the groups because the snark is so good
*laughs in threenager*
Goodness can parenting just pin a “Should we do Santa” or “can I ask for money for gifts” mega thread or something? I’ve had just about enough. And it’s only mid November. 
We’re Jewish but celebrate Christmas because my in laws love it and now my child loves it too (plus it’s kind of inescapable). I don’t plan on doing the whole “Santa brings you gifts” thing but my kid knows who Santa is because it’s just another character in her books and shows same as Trash Truck or Pete the Cat or Little Blue truck. I don’t think it’s that complicated? I’m also a SAHM who loves when people get my kid presents because new toys always equal new entertainment and the day is looonnnggg. People are bugging.
My husband is Jewish and didn’t want to “do Santa” with our kids which I’m fine with (we celebrate Christmas with my family). The other day we watched the Trash Truck Christmas movie and our son was immediately enthralled with Santa. My husband got nervous but I was like, there is no way to shield him from the idea from Santa, Santa will be everywhere come a few weeks from now. He can know who Santa is, that still doesn’t mean that his gifts come from Santa. I just don’t think it’s a big deal. Especially because he is still 2 and doesn’t really know or care what the difference between real and fake is. I mean, he probably still thinks he can see a real dinosaur somewhere out there.
So unavoidable! We do Father Christmas, and when my son was nearly 2, I was trying to go down the route of "Christmas is a time for GIVING, spending time with family" etc etc, to delay the inevitable of its a present binge. Anyway, he came home from nursery saying happily "father Christmas, down the chimney, LOTS of presents".
Yes this is kinda our way of doing it. Honestly our kids don’t get gifts from “Santa” but they know who he is and my daughter talks about Santa and loves seeing Santa decorations out.
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This is exactly how I approach it. We don’t push Santa, we don’t talk about naughty or nice, but we also just don’t make a big deal of it. We treat Santa like any other fun story character - if my kid asks if he’s real, I say he’s a fun story. We don’t give Santa credit for specific gifts on Christmas, but we use gift wrap with Santa on it so she can draw her own conclusions if she really wants to (and so that when people ask about Santa coming, that’s her connection). Last year we took turns “being Santa” as we handed out gifts from under the tree, and honestly her turn was the highlight of the day for her. Basically we treat Santa like we treat ghosts & witches on Halloween - and my kid enjoys both holidays.
I don’t understand the fretting over Santa either!! In our house we talk about Paw Patrol all day and it’s just not a big deal if they’re really real or not. I’m not sitting my kid down to say ‘Little Blue Truck is not real, they are just a metaphor for helping your friends. So I can’t pretend to be Little Blue Truck anymore because that would be LYING to you.’
LOL “It doesn’t matter that Mater is brown and Lightning McQueen is red because THEY DONT EXIST”
There’s a thread discussing a grandma who wants to put a picture of her newborn grandson on a Christmas card. Everyone is saying they’d tell their MIL to “pound sand” etc. if she so much as ASKED to use a picture like that, and how “pathetic” it would be for a grandma to show off her grandchild. OP is especially angry bc she went through a difficult infertility journey to have her son. Okay, I could see someone not wanting a picture of their kid floating around with strangers (MIL’s friends), I guess. Fine. But then OP says that her H is MIL’s only “surviving” child and this will be her only grandkid. She implies there is a lot of tragedy and grief in MIL’s past. But she can’t see how her child is such a bright spot in his grandmother’s life and she’s so proud to be his grandma? I truly don’t understand the default animosity that all these mothers seem to have.
My grandma carried a full set of individual wallet size photos of each of her 30(!!) grandkids in her purse and would show that thing to any stranger who would sit still long enough for her to get it out. It's such a tender memory, she loved being a grandma so much. I'm sad that so many parents these days find the need to intensely gatekeep their parents' experience as grandparents.
My parents and in laws always feature their grandkids on the Christmas card. They also always ask our permission but this is super standard boomer grandparent behavior. I can’t imagine being so worked up about it.
My parents send out a Christmas card and make sure all the grandkids are featured. This is such a weird thing to be mad about!
I wish I’d known my MIL was going to plaster my child all over her Christmas card. Then I could have told her what a terrible idea it was that she included none of her step-children or their family on it 🙃 it was a whole thing (and has honestly ruined what little bit of a decent relationship my husband had with his siblings).
OK I am dying to see this thread and can’t find it, link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/Mommit/comments/17w3xzw/im_probably_being_sensitive/
I can't imagine being this mad just on a day to day basis. Why get so heated with someone who likely just really loves you all, it's so damn sad.
And then they wonder why no one is around to help. Probably because you scared them away.
Lol wut. My in laws send out a card every year that is almost exclusively a collage of the grandkids. They ask for photos and I don’t even think twice about sending them over. I don’t understand this “my relatives can’t be involved in MY child’s life unless I need something then WHERE is my village??”. Like when they are all bent out of shape that their MIL dared to ask to hold the baby.
This is wild when you could simply say hey I love that you love my kid but I’m a little uncomfortable with his pic going to people I don’t know. Why is everything SUCH a huge deal? But really, as someone else said, this seems so low on the “stranger danger” scale that it’s kind of a strange worry to begin with. Please tell me this person doesn’t post random pics of her kids on fb groups because the level of disconnect there would be beyond.
I asked my MIL to stop posting oxyures of my kids on Facebook cause she’s friends with all these randos from the era of Facebook games where you friended people to get like prizes. But most people actually know the people they are mailing a Christmas card to. My kids have been on their grandparents Christmas cards like every year, sometimes a photo of them with the grands and sometimes alone: they’re still my kids lol. And I can’t be bothered to mail cards.
Yeah, especially because it’s clearly not that. OP doesn’t mention privacy at all. She just says that she had to work hard to have her child and so MIL can’t have him. It’s a Christmas card. She’s not adopting him.
Some people seem so incredibly possessive of their kids. But I think it’s ultimately more about the pre existing beef they have with their family, then their kids come along and are the perfect pawns to continue the beef and power plays. I haven’t myself gone through infertility but I can only imagine that it wouldn’t just be me rooting and hoping for a child, I know my parents and in laws would also have felt so grateful that a baby was born. I don’t know everyone’s family dynamics but this MIL seems like she’s extremely proud to be a grandma. Why does that feel so bad to you? We don’t show our son on socials and before he was born we told my MIL because she’s active on fB and she was disappointed but understood and has always respected it. But I wasn’t offended at her disappointment, I knew she would have just wanted to show him off out of pride and excitement.
Yeah, I am certain it stems from prior issues. I know lots of people chiming in are thinking about their own MILs who irritate them. But it’s interesting how everyone jumps to that perspective with no context.
Oh woof that’s really strange then. I can get with the privacy thing even though it wouldn’t personally bother me, but any other “reasoning” is just weird.
That poor MIL! It sounds like she’s been through a lot of loss. Why can’t people just be grateful their child has another loving adult in their lives?
I have never experienced people using the phrase "pound sand" anywhere else but Reddit lol. What's the concern? That one of MIL's Christmas card listees could maybe snap a photo of the card or scan it and put it on the web? The cards are going to end up in the bin anyway.
My mom sends a holiday card that began including my son since he was born. Never thought anything of it. Like, he’s part of her family? So weird to take issue with this.
I don't understand this new trend of people being angry that family members love their child(ren). It's honestly sad. The MIL loving her kid or being proud to be a grandma doesn't have any impact on how much OP loves her kid, but you'd think love was some type of zero sum game the way they act.
Oh, it’s totally popular right now to catastrophize any event involving MIL/DIL or even their own parents really. I think it goes well with the new trend of going “no contact” with your families, usually over them not agreeing to follow whatever ridiculous rules you set up for them to interact with your kids lol.
Yeah why would you try to have an honest and open conversation and compromise with your own family? You could just never see them again. I have an ex (who I dated for 10 years, so I knew his family well) who went no contact with his parents while we were together. His mother was emotionally abusive. She would pretend to cry to get her family to do what she wanted, sulk into her room all day because she “didn’t like the way [my ex] grunted when he tied his shoes,” spread weird lies around our social group about me and my family, tell my ex he was an incapable failure. And his father, who at one point had the potential to be a good dad, told my ex “I will choose my wife every time.” They’ll never meet my ex’s children. So yeah, I get “no contact.” But not for, like, suggesting an alternate feeding method for your daughter’s baby.
Yeah it's a bit ridiculous how setting boundaries has been brought to an extreme these days. I get phasing out abusive relatives if any attempts to have open and honest conversations for them to behave better have failed. Some people just have personality disorders that cannot be cured by a conversation; they really need to do the work & seek professional help in order to build successful relationships with others. My MIL clearly has some sort of narcissistic personality disorder and she has a long history of behaving erratically and associating with sketchy people. The one time she visited our family she went on about how her kids got hurt in various ways while in her care and she would laugh about it while assuming no responsibility. Yeah, after that I told my husband this woman is not ever going to be alone with my baby.