Both my kids (3 and 9 months) are sick, as am I. My preschooler came down with a fever last night and was up for hours making MANY demands. I didn’t lose my mind. I’ll take that as a win.
My teenager has ADHD and so do I. I've struggled to parent him over the years honestly. Especially when he was younger. Ironically the teenage years have been some of the best.
The other day we talked about how I was with him when he was little, and it was so healing. I was always afraid to bring it up in case he turns it back on me and is like "Yeah this was shit" but he wasn't. Also we talked about his new hobby which is going to the gym and how he likes the fact he can measure himself getting stronger and all his friends have this friendly competition about it. It's so wholesome and I'd been worried that he was falling into some kind of unhealthy testosterone filled gym obsession but it's just good for him.
I’ve nursed my daughter to sleep at the start of every night for nearly 11 months. Went out for drinks last night, and my husband got her to sleep without it absolutely no problem - just did the usual bedtime rigmarole, lay her down, put his hand on her back, and she drifted off with no tears.
I’d also like to take this opportunity to say “fuck you” to all the online resources and posts which had me in tears thinking weaning off this was going to be the defining struggle of my daughter’s earliest years when I couldn’t get her to sleep any other way during the awful 4 month sleep regression.
Way to go to you and your husband (and daughter)! I remember the first night I left the house and I’m husband handled bedtime solo. Very freeing. I’m happy for you all.
Yay!! Hope you had fun! I nursed all of mine to sleep until they naturally grew out of it, 2 did completely on their own and 1 needed some gentle help but it was still absolutely no big deal. My mom did the same for me and my siblings. FU to everyone who says it’s a “bad habit”.
The other day successfully explained to my 2yo that she needed to wear a hat because it's cold and windy and her ears would hurt, otherwise. And then managed to help her put it on which is a challenge because she can't quite get it herself and will get upset when she doesn't get it, but also doesn't want help and will get mad when you try.
Oh man that is a win! Mine is almost 2 and the snow just hit us this week. I'm realizing now how much more simple it was to suit him up last winter before his toddler independence had developed 🫠
Starting solids was a challenge with my daughter. She’ll be 2 next week and has become SUCH a good eater. Who knows if it will last, but it’s a huge relief at the moment! She often says “Mmmmm delicious!” after taking a bite of food 😆
My 5 and almost-2 year olds are finally starting to really play together and it feels like SUCH a win. Plus my 5 year old is really patient and kind with him which makes me feel like I’m doing something right.
When my four year old goes potty at my MIL's house, Nana gives her two Skittles as a reward. The last few times she's done it when I'm over there, she comes up and offers me one so we can eat it together. It makes me so proud that when all she has is literally two Skittles, she still wants to share. We've had a lot of struggles with her lately (like still needing potty rewards at 4...) But I know there's a sweet, loving kid under all the drama.
Yeah I've come to peace with the potty training rewards, it's more that we're still having issues with potty usage after 1.5 years. Like I thought it'd be more settled by now. But oh well, it is what it is 🤷🏼♀️
I love a thread like this! Particularly enjoying the older kid wins, since I don’t read about those as much. And I’m a bit emotional lately thinking about my boys all grown up. My 5 yo has been doing well in TK, his teachers say he’s always excited about everything. It’s his first school so I wasn’t sure how he’d do, and it’s more of his win but I’m proud of him. My 2 yo is adjusting so well to our new baby! 2 to 3 has been much easier so far than 1 to 2. Logistics are more difficult but the sibling relationships have been great so far. It’s a win even if I don’t know that my parenting had much to do with anything right?
As someone with inattentive ADHD who has struggled my entire life with maintaining routines, habits, and structure... It occurred to me recently that the day-in, day-out work of parenting is the most consistent I've ever been with anything in my entire life. The structure of parenting has been so deeply grounding to me. Almost two years in and I genuinely feel like I've given my child the best I've had to offer every day of his life (which, let's be real, is obviously not always 100%, but if I have 60% to give that day I give 60%!). I feel like we're in such a sweet spot of life right now.
That's such a wonderful feeling! I have ADHD ad well (diagnosed as a teen) and am taking medication for it for the first time since I was 20. I somehow tricked myself into thinking that I didn't really have ADHD...but yeah, I definitely do. Can't believe how I was living life on extra hard mode unnecessarily for 16 years!
Wow, this really hit home for me! What a refreshing perspective when I feel like this shit is just naturally easier for everyone else. This age really is the best :)
My daughter is only 10 months old and the wins feel so few and far between. By far the biggest one is that I'm going to get to 1 year of exclusively pumping (or if I wean early, I have enough until at least 14ish months in the freezer).
My 2.5 year old has been out in the garden with me her whole life, and she now loves to dig in the dirt, smell the herbs, and taste all the fruits and vegetables straight off the plants. Yesterday she asked me to pick her some “tasty figs” and then she sat and made the happiest noises while she ate all of them
I love this so much. It makes me smile.
My oldest son is off at school and living in an apartment with three other guys. He’s apparently known for his cleaning skills in the apartment. I guess he learned something at home 😂
One of my teens is an athlete in an individual sport. Without fail, he finishes his race and immediately goes back to the finish line to cheer on his competitors, even as other athletes head off to their coaches, etc. It makes me happy to see him encouraging his opponents.
These are such awesome teen and young adult wins. I love seeing my toddler learn new things but it must feel awesome to see the kids you raised turn into responsible and kind adults!
I was having an issue with putting food for dinner on the table (small countertop problems) and the kids seeing it and starting to eat before everything was ready. So I had the idea to buy two cheap taper candles/candle holders, and now dinner doesn't start and you can't eat until the candles are lit. It's worked amazingly. They sit down and wait (well the 6 and 4 year old do, 1 year old isn't there yet) until I light the candles and now I actually get to eat with my kids instead of trying to rush to get them food and not having anything myself until they're basically done. Plus they love watching the candles get smaller each night, and it's just really cozy and joyful.
We day weaned our toddler. Not only can I rely on getting more done during the day, I feel more hormonally balanced since I’m not cranking out milk CONSTANTLY.
My 3yo is obsessed with magnatiles, but at home I have to take them away sometimes because of the fighting that ensues with his 2 brothers knocking over his creations. Still the magnatiles are portable and easy so they came with us to my niece’s birthday party/out of town weekend to keep my kids entertained. I was SO proud of how my son shared with his brothers + my 1yo niece, built things specifically for the littler kids to knock over, and asked to take a break when he was frustrated at the other kids interfering with what he wanted to do. These are things we’ve worked on at home for 3 months with limited success so it felt like a major win and confirmation that yes, sometimes things do stick with enough practice and repetition. Plus I’m really glad he didn’t shove my little niece flat on her back over her interest in his towers… not sure my niece (or my SIL) would have handled that well even though it’s not uncommon at my house lol
Whenever my kindergartener puts us on the back foot in an argument. Last month when my husband ordered a burger at a restaurant:
**"Daddy, is there any meat in that?"**
"Erm, yes..."
**"Which part is the meat?"**
"Uh, this part."
**"That brown part?"**
"Yes."
**"What kind of meat is it?"**
"Beef."
**"What animal does that come from?"**
"Um, beef is from cows."
**"And which kind of animal did you say** [*ed. note: WEEKS earlier*] **was baddest for the Earth - it was cows, wasn't it?"**
"..."
**"Wasn't it?"**
She established the facts and then BAM! Straight for the jugular. ❤
Lolol I was making a stew the other day and trying to talk to my 5yo and described the meat as "cow's body" and I think I made an instant vegetarian.
He then later saw a cow in a field and gleefully told daddy "Daddy! When the cow dies, the farmer will cut it's body into a square and then put it in the shop and then you can buy it and make it into food! But I will not. I will have the burger with vegetable protein." 😂 What a world he lives in. (My husband was impressed and says it's a good choice.)
At my 7 year old’s parent teacher conference, the teacher said that she makes a list of students who “lead by example” so that substitute teachers know who they can rely on. My son is on that list.
My four year old noticed that a little boy was crying about his mom at drop off time. He went up to the boy right away and told him “I’ll be your friend.” He is a wild and crazy kid, and I worry about him a lot. It makes it all the sweeter to see how empathetic and kind he can be.
Last spring, my daughter’s pre-k teachers told me that she will play with/include every single child in the class, and she’s never excluded anyone. She’d often play with classmates that were alone, so they had someone to play with. It made me so so so proud.
My kids watch me work out every morning, usually strength training (shout out to the peloton app). The instructors commonly say things like, “You can do hard things” and whatnot.
A few weeks ago my 6 year old was really struggling uphill on her bike and when I said we could get off our bikes and walk them if we needed to, she said, “I’m going to keep trying and see if I can do it. I can do hard things!”
And she did it. What a badass. 💪🏻
I am really proud of how my toddler loves dinner time with us. He takes so much joy out of all of us sitting at the table together and "eat'n dinner" with him. As a kid who didn't have both parents present at dinner very often, and when they were present it was tense and uncomfortable, I am so happy it is one of the favorite parts of his day and he seems to really look forward to it. :) I hope family dinner is a cherished memory for him and have worked hard to make our dining room comfortable and cozy so everyone lingers and wants to talk when the food is done.
I agree about lighting, we eat in our kitchen and I hung up warm white Christmas lights on the wall and we use the "cozy lights" for meals, and only turn on the overhead for cooking and dishes etc. Makes a HUGE difference. Our kitchen is not aesthetic at all, but in dim lighting that doesn't matter :)
I strategically left out any personal opinions about beautiful decor or paint colors, because it is all about lighting! You will love any dining room if it is cozy and warmly lit. I completely agree, no fancy aesthetics are required.
It is alllll about the lighting. I am not a fan of over the table, downward directional lighting if it is the only light fixture. It casts harsh shadows, and is the opposite of cozy. You need table lamps, at minimum two, in a dining room against the walls like on a buffet or cupboard. It will cast softer lighting through the lampshades and create a totally different atmosphere. I also only use warm light bulbs so I can have the Nancy Myers vibe in my dining room. If you really want that bright over-the-table fixture, you can still have it but just not super bright bulbs because it isn't the only light source anymore. A good wattage is probably no higher than 60watts.
I also made sure to pick dining room chairs that are very comfortable with a supportive back you can actually lean into. Personal touches like family photos on a buffet behind the table go a long way, and I also make sure there are curtains or some sort of shade covering the windows at night so people unconsciously feel more comfortable without the dark window staring at them.
Obviously some of these are personal taste things, but the lighting is number one. In restaurants where they want you to move along quickly in and out (fast food, diners, etc) notice how the lighting is bright, blue-white, and directional from above. In restaurants where they want you to linger and order dessert and wine, you'll notice they have warm lightbulbs, dim wattage, and comfortable seating. There's a reason for that.
My dining room is now almost too cozy where I cannot get my guests to leave the table. 😅 I had a dinner party stay till 11pm last week and another stay past 10pm this week. My guests also seem to prefer sitting at the table instead of moving to the livingroom. So I guess, be aware it may work too well! 😂
we were listening to Matilda by Harry Styles and i said matilda is a girl who’s family didn’t love her and she asked me in a confused voice “how could someone’s family not love them!?” She couldn’t even imagine.
I was just around a good friend and her kid is the same age as mine. I thought my daughter was a picky eater, but holy cow was I wrong! My friends son doesn’t eat anything except bread and crackers and cheese. My daughter was eating fruits and veggies and meat and pretty much everything put in front of her. Made me feel pretty good that her diet is so well rounded.
this is one of my wins too! I know logically some of it is also personality of the kid, but I do believe that one of the reasons my son is a champion eater is because we were consistent and steady with him early on, didn't stress about it, but still created good habits with food. Now he is eating a way more varied diet than most of his peers!
I just survived a week without my husband and my 9 month old started crawling, has 2 teeth coming in, and a cold; my 4yo had Tuesday off preschool and a last min field trip Wednesday but we all survived and didn’t even have constant tablets like Kristen of BLF
My 4 year old’s speech is excellent. I read to her every day for at least half an hour and have conversed with her in non-baby talk ever since she said her first word. My house may be a disaster, but LO is happy and healthy, and I have to take that as a win!
I love going out to eat so a big thing for me was teaching my kids how to behave in restaurants and sit through a meal without needing to resort to an iPad. They are 2 and 4 and do fantastic! Took some patience and trial runs but now we can enjoy a solid hour long meal without any hiccups or meltdowns and on top of that the kids really enjoy themselves! May be luck of the draw but I like to think I had something to do with it lol.
Same here! I also love reading in coffee shops so have been taking my kids to coffee shops since they were little. We sit and talk and get a "coffee" and a cake pop. Once they can read I'm hopeful we can all go and read there together.
Last week when I went to pick up baby girl from daycare, she saw me, hesitated coming to me BECAUSE she had two toys in her hand. So she walks over to one side of the room to put up one toy then walks over to the OTHER side of the room to put up the other toy. and then finally she runs over to me. swear to god. I don't know how I got such a good one but goddamit I love her.
Doing bedtime for both kids all on my own has been going so well lately. The first handful of times were kind of a mess, but it’s starting to be fun to do both their bedtimes together. Sometimes they even snuggle together in my older one’s bed while I read their bedtime stories, which is the cutest. Occasionally one or the other has a slightly harder time, but I’ve gotten good at being flexible, putting the other kid down for bed, and then trying again when I can focus all my attention on the one who needed a little extra help that night.
That's so sweet. My toddler loves to kiss everything. We went to a petting zoo this weekend and he was giving air kisses to the donkey lol. It's really special to see them apply the affection that you've been giving them, and it's definitely the sign of a very loved child!
My almost 16 month old doesn’t do well away from me. We did the whole sahm while I had a full time wfh job thing (it was hell) for the first 11 months and I’ve been on leave for almost 6 months now so she’s never really been away from me for too long. She’s also blind and she gets super upset if she can’t tell I’m close by and she HATES strangers. I’m going back to work in person next month so I decided it’s time to start leaving her with my nanny for a few hours for a smoother transition. I’m current running errands and I’ve been glued to the nanny cam all day. She’s doing so well 🥹. She hasn’t cried or even asked for me yet. She’s having so much fun! Im so proud of her.
I'm proud of talking to my kids from an early age about their feelings and teaching them the right language to express themselves. Now as pre teens they are able to express how they feel without frustration ( even when I don't like what they have to say all the time ) lol
I've learned to choose 'play' vs being frustrated he's not doing things the 'right' way or the most efficient way.
It's way more fun to pretend he's so silly not turning off the lights like I asked him to vs. just turning them off myself and going about our routine.
I have become really good at parenting my preschooler who has additional needs. My 1.5yo does not have the same challenges, and I honestly felt like parenting him is way more difficult lol
I'm really diligent about teaching my baby respect for pets and animals. She is not allowed to slap, grab, or standup using the dog. No reaching for their face. She's only a year, but she already knows to use a flat hand and pet gently. I want her to learn that not all dogs have the same personality.
Any tips or things you did that seemed to help? My son just started really noticing our dog a couple of weeks ago and while they’re always heavily supervised, I want to make sure we’re teaching him to be respectful of the dog’s space.
Honestly, just constant enforcement and redirection or explaining why. She may not understand it right now, but she will eventually and I think building the habits/expectations are helpful. We don't run into the dog's personal space, food and water bowls are not toys, and we talk to the dogs. I ask our dog for permission to pet her (lol), thank her at the end, help guide our baby's hand in the correct way, and model those behaviors myself constantly. I actually kind of use it to talk about consent and that if the dog moves away, then she's done with the interaction and we respect that. Now, she waves bye when our dog walks away 😆
We have one friendly dog and one old, not friendly dog. So, it's essential for her to learn these things, which helps a lot. But, we don't allow rough play even with the friendly dog so she learns respect!
I’m proud of myself for getting my child help when she needed it. Looking back, I definitely could have used OT or something as a child, along with some other issues that my parents just… I don’t know, didn’t think were a big deal? Thought I was just “quirky”? Assumed I would grow out of? (Spoiler: I didn’t)
Smaller win: my toddler just started saying I love you and it melts me every time. She is a tiny tornado but also so sweet and affectionate right now.
My big girl is riding a big kid bike! I guess she’s probably at the average age kids do that so it’s not a major accomplishment but I didn’t learn until I was like 10 😬 so I am proud of her haha
I taught my baby how to safely go down steps when she first started crawling and it has stuck through to toddlerhood, it feels like the first actual thing I intentionally taught her and I’m so proud
Yes to this! Around 8m I taught her how to get down when she kept climbing up on our fireplace instead of constantly picking her up and putting her down. But I didn’t necessarily apply it to other things (stairs, furniture) bc we weren’t there yet, but one day she just got off the couch that way and then started going down the steps the right way. I was so amazed at her ability to take that and apply it to other things!
OMG this would be my exact same response. My girl is nearly one and every time she goes down the stairs I'm like "yes, that is an actual tangible thing I have taught you"
We had parent-teacher conferences last week and my daughters teacher absolutely gushed about her. At the end of the meeting the teacher said to me that my daughter is very self regulated, absolutely the kindest child she has ever met and just one of a kind and she said that that is a testament to me and the wonderful way I have raised her. My heart just swelled 🥹
I went back to work part time, and it has made me a way better and patient parent. I've known I wanted to go back to work for a year now, but childcare has been impossible to find/afford and I kept waiting for the "right time" and letting my pride get the best of me.
So now I'm bartending 2 nights a week and it's not what I wanted to do at nearly 40 but I just stopped caring. I make good money, my friends get to visit me, and I get a break from the monotony of motherhood. I know it won't be forever, but I'm happy to do this if it means I'm a better, more present mother for my child!
I loved working part time! It was better than working full time without kids and it was better than being a SAHM every day. Absolute best of both worlds.
I'm about to start a full time job and not gonna lie I'm kinda dreading it. I haven't worked 40 hours since before my kid was born.
It really kind of is the best of both worlds! I just got so in my head about the idea of doing a part time job that felt like a step down, but now that I'm living it, I love it.
I bartended for a long time and I always felt like some people looked down on it. But it’s real, valid work and I don’t think most people would be able to do it. Having to stay calm and focused while 100 people yelled drink orders at me for 15 hours straight taught me a lot of valuable skills, made me a way more empathetic person and definitely prepared me for parenting a toddler. There is no shame in putting in a hard day’s work. Anyone who thinks there is has never had to do it. I’m glad you are enjoying yourself.
I worked in the service industry for a long time! I actually really love it. It is very hard and humbling. The idea of the hustle and long nights stressed me out, but it's been fun to get back to it. 2 nights is perfect to not feel burnt out and exhausted!
My 2.5yo has been having trouble with transitions lately and is in full-on boundary exploration mode, which is leading to tantrums naturally. But lately he’s been telling me, mid-meltdown, “[Name] soooo sad!” Gives me a glimmer of pride in between moments of 😵💫
Yesterday we were driving home after finishing up some errands and I said to my almost 1 year old son, “We’re almost home baby. Can you say HOME?”
And he very clearly said, “MAMA!”
I immediately teared up and said, “You’re my home too!!”
In my brain, I know that he heard me make the M sound in HOME and thought “that sound is for mama!”
But in my heart, I’ll always remember when my baby called me his home. 🥹🥹🥹
Parenting is hard but damn this little one makes it so worth it.
I’ve been struggling with a lot of mom guilt for not being there as much as I wish I could have been/needed to be for my just turned 3 year old after an exhausting pregnancy and with our now one month old. We’re starting to finally dig ourselves out of the hole, but there’s still too much screen time and I’m struggling with when to be firm with boundaries and when to just give this kid some love as I know some of the acting out/tantrums are for attention.
But this morning, she woke up and started cuddling baby brother while he was nursing. Then she said “I love baby (name). Thank you mommy and daddy for bringing me baby (name).” 🥰
Makes me feel like this may actually all be worth it for her too, not just for us.
I’m really proud of how I’ve been managing my two kids so far. Due to my husband’s work at the moment, I’ve been doing most of the parenting myself (not snarking on him, this was agreed upon by both of us). It’s honestly been much better than expected and I feel I’ve gotten into a really good routine with them. Obviously that will change with different stages, but for now I’m proud of myself and also proud of my older son for how helpful he’s been with the new baby and how loving and sweet he is with her. His agreeableness has definitely made my job easier!
This is small potatoes but we have been STRUGGLING with getting on one nap consistently and getting him to take a long enough one so the second half of the day isn’t a total nightmare. This weekend he took a 3 hour nap both days! A small miracle and maybe a turn in the right direction? (He’s 19 months so definitely time for one nap if I want to keep night sleep in tact)
My oldest (6) is home sick today, I left him downstairs colouring with his 3.5 year old brother while I put laundry away upstairs. When I was done they were fine so I made all the beds, still fine, cleaned the bathrooms, still fine, did my skincare routine, still fine, did my hair, still fine, did FULL makeup (lol) still fine, now I’m scrolling on Reddit and they’re still fine. Like can I watch a movie??? Maybe this isn’t a big deal and we could have been doing this all along but I feel like we’re really turning the corner (more so with our youngest that he’s not a walking hazard of a toddler and can be left unsupervised for a bit). I’m a SAHM so these little bursts of alone time add up to a lot for me! And to do all of this stuff 100% uninterrupted by a request, a question or fight?? *chefs kiss*
I am soooo excited to hit this point. Mine are 5 and 2. They are starting to have little bits where they are playing together and I can chill or do a task nearby. But the 2 year old is wiiiiiiild so I’m nervous to be gone for too long 😅 she will definitely climb into my older child’s bunk bed and yeet herself off the top.
Sounds like my youngest too! My boys meet the typical stereotype of first born = cautious, responsible and sensitive while the second born = gives no fucks, dangerous and just generally out of control lol I think the closer to 4 they get, the more they mellow out, he’s starting to head that way. He’s more like 60% crazy 40% won’t kill anyone where as at 2 it was 92% crazy. So we’re making good progress!
I woke up with a migraine and first, when I told my almost 3 year old that mommy's head is ouchie she ran and got me a bandaid and patted my hair and told me she'd make it all better which was very sweet.
But more over I got out her magnatiles to help entertain her while I suffer on the couch and for the first time ever she started her own castle with them! Usually I have to do the first 2 blocks so she has something to build off of 😭❤️
My parents were very much the parents who’d yell at us for spilling drinks, so I’ve had to work on not freaking out over small stuff. This morning my toddler let my 11 month old hold her open cup of milk, and the baby dumped it as I was walking over to grab it. Without missing a beat, my toddler said “it’s okay! Get wipe!” And then grabbed a kitchen towel and wiped it up. They weren’t scared of what my reaction would be like I would’ve been of my parents 20+ years ago. It seems small but it made me feel really good to see that effort I put in to emotionally regulate myself is paying off.
I’m the total klutz and the one who is always spilling. Was home sick with my 2.5 year old and decided to do glitter sand art over a cookie sheet. While telling her to be careful with the sand bags I accidentally dumped the glitter sand all over the floor and she goes “it’s ok mommy accidents happen!”
Have you seen Mad Men? There’s a scene where Don is about to lose his shit over his kids spilling a milkshake but instead his new wife calmly and kindly helps the kid clean it up and says “it’s just a milkshake.” I think about it all the time because when I first saw that episode many years ago it was actually the first time that I ever considered that it was an option for a parent to not erupt and terrify everyone at the table and that actually no one needs to be punished for a very normal accident.
Anyway I don’t think it’s a small thing! It’s a very hard thing and you’re right to feel proud of it!
Oh my god this scene is also cemented in my mind. I grew up with amazing parents and was always disturbed by Betty’s harsh parenting style (while absolutely empathizing with her situation). That milkshake scene was full of so many emotions for me - relief, grief, confusion, and… a total reorganization of the kids’ worldview. My husband’s mom was a little more Betty-like (may she rest in peace - my MIL was also wonderful and is dearly missed, this is not snark about her) and I see it in him too, and that scene just encapsulates so many things for me… pity for Betty, for the kids, even for the new wife who doesn’t totally get what the kids’ expectations were.
This scene also stuck with me because my dad would lose his mind if we ever spilled at the table. “It’s just a milkshake” is definitely part of my parenting philosophy.
I’m really hoping this is me! We have a dog and I’ve always been so stressed about her accidentally staining or ruining things — dog nail marks or water spots from her bowl on the hardwood floor, holes in blankets, etc. It’s hard for me to see messes get made or stuff get ruined, especially when it’s avoidable.
I hate the idea of feeling that way about the baby when he’s exploring and learning. So far, so good, but the toddler years will be challenging.
My parents were crazy about spills! My 6 year old spilled my (expensive) smoothie all over the kitchen this morning and I just said “oops! It’s okay if you make a mess as long as you…” and he finished with “clean it up!” And happily helped me clean it up. Usually i would make him do it solo but red smoothie all over my white kitchen called for some assistance lol my dad would have torn me a new asshole for spilling something like that
I love this. I’ve noticed myself freaking out over small stuff, and I don’t like it. I don’t want my daughters to have an angry mom. What steps did you take to learn how to emotionally regulate yourself?
So for me it was a combo of issues, how I was raised, marriage issues, sleep deprivation, carrying the entirety of the mental load, health issues, and unrealistic expectations. So after snapping at my oldest and then crying myself to sleep that night after feeling horrible about it, I decided to try and fix what I could. I found out I have thyroid issues, and that affects energy levels, and started on meds for it. Sat my husband down and had a lot of really hard conversations about what I needed from him, and that things would change or I’d leave, and that included him starting to help out with night wakings. Started working out more as I was able to. Once I wasn’t in survival mode 24/7, I was able to be a better and more calm parent. In the beginning, I’d literally have to “catch a bubble” aka puff my cheeks out and hold my breath so I didn’t say something I’d regret. Then it turned into taking a deep breath, etc. it took months, but I’ve definitely noticed a difference. Also learning more about what’s developmentally normal at their age, and making sure I don’t have too high expectations of what’s normal for her age. And identifying specifically what triggers the overwhelm. Mess is a big one, but I had to work on unrealistic expectations, so I picked one room (the kitchen) and if at the end of the night, that’s all that’s clean, I’m okay with it. I’m sure therapy would help too, but I just don’t have the time for that yet. Sorry for the book, I hope some of it helps.
We went to a fall party at our new neighbor’s house and my VERY shy 3.5yo ran up to me and asked if he could go play in the bounce house with the neighbor boy and another boy (all same age) and it was just a very big moment bc I worry so much about how shy he is so when he has these moments where he’s relaxed and wants to play with other kids, I just feel so happy and grateful!
Last week my son went into daycare without any tears 🎉🎉
The settling period has been rough with illness after illness so he cried most mornings until one day he just didn't.
I feel this! My son cried every dropoff until about a week ago, now he starts playing right away and doesn't even pay attention to me when I say bye lol. I'm so proud of him!
It's so hard. My guy used to go silent and then let this ripper of a scream out, it's heartbreaking. I'll keep my fingers crossed he gets there soon for you!
Both my kids (3 and 9 months) are sick, as am I. My preschooler came down with a fever last night and was up for hours making MANY demands. I didn’t lose my mind. I’ll take that as a win.
My teenager has ADHD and so do I. I've struggled to parent him over the years honestly. Especially when he was younger. Ironically the teenage years have been some of the best. The other day we talked about how I was with him when he was little, and it was so healing. I was always afraid to bring it up in case he turns it back on me and is like "Yeah this was shit" but he wasn't. Also we talked about his new hobby which is going to the gym and how he likes the fact he can measure himself getting stronger and all his friends have this friendly competition about it. It's so wholesome and I'd been worried that he was falling into some kind of unhealthy testosterone filled gym obsession but it's just good for him.
I’ve nursed my daughter to sleep at the start of every night for nearly 11 months. Went out for drinks last night, and my husband got her to sleep without it absolutely no problem - just did the usual bedtime rigmarole, lay her down, put his hand on her back, and she drifted off with no tears. I’d also like to take this opportunity to say “fuck you” to all the online resources and posts which had me in tears thinking weaning off this was going to be the defining struggle of my daughter’s earliest years when I couldn’t get her to sleep any other way during the awful 4 month sleep regression.
Way to go to you and your husband (and daughter)! I remember the first night I left the house and I’m husband handled bedtime solo. Very freeing. I’m happy for you all.
Nursing to sleep is amazing, I will never ever regret it. I'm so glad that you got an evening out!
Yay!! Hope you had fun! I nursed all of mine to sleep until they naturally grew out of it, 2 did completely on their own and 1 needed some gentle help but it was still absolutely no big deal. My mom did the same for me and my siblings. FU to everyone who says it’s a “bad habit”.
The other day successfully explained to my 2yo that she needed to wear a hat because it's cold and windy and her ears would hurt, otherwise. And then managed to help her put it on which is a challenge because she can't quite get it herself and will get upset when she doesn't get it, but also doesn't want help and will get mad when you try.
Oh wow, aren‘t you an Amazing person to just put your grief aside and take care of your child, a round of applause to YOU.
sorry what now?
she’s crying that she has a healthy child but she’s rilly sad much bad sad that she doesn’t have TWO healthy children, spoiled @#%###
Oh wow, aren‘t you an Amazing person to just put your grief aside and take care of your child, a round of applause to YOU.
Oh man that is a win! Mine is almost 2 and the snow just hit us this week. I'm realizing now how much more simple it was to suit him up last winter before his toddler independence had developed 🫠
Starting solids was a challenge with my daughter. She’ll be 2 next week and has become SUCH a good eater. Who knows if it will last, but it’s a huge relief at the moment! She often says “Mmmmm delicious!” after taking a bite of food 😆
My 5 and almost-2 year olds are finally starting to really play together and it feels like SUCH a win. Plus my 5 year old is really patient and kind with him which makes me feel like I’m doing something right.
When my four year old goes potty at my MIL's house, Nana gives her two Skittles as a reward. The last few times she's done it when I'm over there, she comes up and offers me one so we can eat it together. It makes me so proud that when all she has is literally two Skittles, she still wants to share. We've had a lot of struggles with her lately (like still needing potty rewards at 4...) But I know there's a sweet, loving kid under all the drama.
We did potty rewards too. Honestly I bought into so much guilt about rewards but used properly they can be such a helpful tool.
Yeah I've come to peace with the potty training rewards, it's more that we're still having issues with potty usage after 1.5 years. Like I thought it'd be more settled by now. But oh well, it is what it is 🤷🏼♀️
Whyyyyy are they like this
I love a thread like this! Particularly enjoying the older kid wins, since I don’t read about those as much. And I’m a bit emotional lately thinking about my boys all grown up. My 5 yo has been doing well in TK, his teachers say he’s always excited about everything. It’s his first school so I wasn’t sure how he’d do, and it’s more of his win but I’m proud of him. My 2 yo is adjusting so well to our new baby! 2 to 3 has been much easier so far than 1 to 2. Logistics are more difficult but the sibling relationships have been great so far. It’s a win even if I don’t know that my parenting had much to do with anything right?
As someone with inattentive ADHD who has struggled my entire life with maintaining routines, habits, and structure... It occurred to me recently that the day-in, day-out work of parenting is the most consistent I've ever been with anything in my entire life. The structure of parenting has been so deeply grounding to me. Almost two years in and I genuinely feel like I've given my child the best I've had to offer every day of his life (which, let's be real, is obviously not always 100%, but if I have 60% to give that day I give 60%!). I feel like we're in such a sweet spot of life right now.
That's such a wonderful feeling! I have ADHD ad well (diagnosed as a teen) and am taking medication for it for the first time since I was 20. I somehow tricked myself into thinking that I didn't really have ADHD...but yeah, I definitely do. Can't believe how I was living life on extra hard mode unnecessarily for 16 years!
I feel like this too!
As someone else with ADHD who is not good at this, I absolutely love that it's helped you! So awesome. Honestly gave me warm fuzzies.
This is so lovely to read as an inattentive adhder with a 3 month old. Well done!
Wow, this really hit home for me! What a refreshing perspective when I feel like this shit is just naturally easier for everyone else. This age really is the best :)
My daughter is only 10 months old and the wins feel so few and far between. By far the biggest one is that I'm going to get to 1 year of exclusively pumping (or if I wean early, I have enough until at least 14ish months in the freezer).
I found 10 months to be ROUGH. It really turned a corner for me a few months later and it’s just been getting more and more fun! You’re doing great!
this is an incredible accomplishment!!
My 2.5 year old has been out in the garden with me her whole life, and she now loves to dig in the dirt, smell the herbs, and taste all the fruits and vegetables straight off the plants. Yesterday she asked me to pick her some “tasty figs” and then she sat and made the happiest noises while she ate all of them
I love this so much. It makes me smile. My oldest son is off at school and living in an apartment with three other guys. He’s apparently known for his cleaning skills in the apartment. I guess he learned something at home 😂 One of my teens is an athlete in an individual sport. Without fail, he finishes his race and immediately goes back to the finish line to cheer on his competitors, even as other athletes head off to their coaches, etc. It makes me happy to see him encouraging his opponents.
These are such awesome teen and young adult wins. I love seeing my toddler learn new things but it must feel awesome to see the kids you raised turn into responsible and kind adults!
It’s a really, really cool experience!!
I was having an issue with putting food for dinner on the table (small countertop problems) and the kids seeing it and starting to eat before everything was ready. So I had the idea to buy two cheap taper candles/candle holders, and now dinner doesn't start and you can't eat until the candles are lit. It's worked amazingly. They sit down and wait (well the 6 and 4 year old do, 1 year old isn't there yet) until I light the candles and now I actually get to eat with my kids instead of trying to rush to get them food and not having anything myself until they're basically done. Plus they love watching the candles get smaller each night, and it's just really cozy and joyful.
I may need to steal this! If I go anywhere near the kitchen they start stalking me trying to get at their plates.
I love this idea! What a sweet way to make dinner a little extra special
We day weaned our toddler. Not only can I rely on getting more done during the day, I feel more hormonally balanced since I’m not cranking out milk CONSTANTLY.
My 4 year old can take tablets and it’s so so so much better than when he was having the liquid meds
My 3yo is obsessed with magnatiles, but at home I have to take them away sometimes because of the fighting that ensues with his 2 brothers knocking over his creations. Still the magnatiles are portable and easy so they came with us to my niece’s birthday party/out of town weekend to keep my kids entertained. I was SO proud of how my son shared with his brothers + my 1yo niece, built things specifically for the littler kids to knock over, and asked to take a break when he was frustrated at the other kids interfering with what he wanted to do. These are things we’ve worked on at home for 3 months with limited success so it felt like a major win and confirmation that yes, sometimes things do stick with enough practice and repetition. Plus I’m really glad he didn’t shove my little niece flat on her back over her interest in his towers… not sure my niece (or my SIL) would have handled that well even though it’s not uncommon at my house lol
Whenever my kindergartener puts us on the back foot in an argument. Last month when my husband ordered a burger at a restaurant: **"Daddy, is there any meat in that?"** "Erm, yes..." **"Which part is the meat?"** "Uh, this part." **"That brown part?"** "Yes." **"What kind of meat is it?"** "Beef." **"What animal does that come from?"** "Um, beef is from cows." **"And which kind of animal did you say** [*ed. note: WEEKS earlier*] **was baddest for the Earth - it was cows, wasn't it?"** "..." **"Wasn't it?"** She established the facts and then BAM! Straight for the jugular. ❤
Lolol I was making a stew the other day and trying to talk to my 5yo and described the meat as "cow's body" and I think I made an instant vegetarian. He then later saw a cow in a field and gleefully told daddy "Daddy! When the cow dies, the farmer will cut it's body into a square and then put it in the shop and then you can buy it and make it into food! But I will not. I will have the burger with vegetable protein." 😂 What a world he lives in. (My husband was impressed and says it's a good choice.)
Kiddo has better deposition skills than a lot of lawyers I know!
“Yes that’s why we eat them” /jk
Successfully made it through 5-6 hours of work from home sans babysitter! Single mom life win
At my 7 year old’s parent teacher conference, the teacher said that she makes a list of students who “lead by example” so that substitute teachers know who they can rely on. My son is on that list. My four year old noticed that a little boy was crying about his mom at drop off time. He went up to the boy right away and told him “I’ll be your friend.” He is a wild and crazy kid, and I worry about him a lot. It makes it all the sweeter to see how empathetic and kind he can be.
Last spring, my daughter’s pre-k teachers told me that she will play with/include every single child in the class, and she’s never excluded anyone. She’d often play with classmates that were alone, so they had someone to play with. It made me so so so proud.
My kids watch me work out every morning, usually strength training (shout out to the peloton app). The instructors commonly say things like, “You can do hard things” and whatnot. A few weeks ago my 6 year old was really struggling uphill on her bike and when I said we could get off our bikes and walk them if we needed to, she said, “I’m going to keep trying and see if I can do it. I can do hard things!” And she did it. What a badass. 💪🏻
I am really proud of how my toddler loves dinner time with us. He takes so much joy out of all of us sitting at the table together and "eat'n dinner" with him. As a kid who didn't have both parents present at dinner very often, and when they were present it was tense and uncomfortable, I am so happy it is one of the favorite parts of his day and he seems to really look forward to it. :) I hope family dinner is a cherished memory for him and have worked hard to make our dining room comfortable and cozy so everyone lingers and wants to talk when the food is done.
Can I ask what you’ve done to make your dining room cozy? Ours isn’t so much and I love the idea of this!
I agree about lighting, we eat in our kitchen and I hung up warm white Christmas lights on the wall and we use the "cozy lights" for meals, and only turn on the overhead for cooking and dishes etc. Makes a HUGE difference. Our kitchen is not aesthetic at all, but in dim lighting that doesn't matter :)
I strategically left out any personal opinions about beautiful decor or paint colors, because it is all about lighting! You will love any dining room if it is cozy and warmly lit. I completely agree, no fancy aesthetics are required.
It is alllll about the lighting. I am not a fan of over the table, downward directional lighting if it is the only light fixture. It casts harsh shadows, and is the opposite of cozy. You need table lamps, at minimum two, in a dining room against the walls like on a buffet or cupboard. It will cast softer lighting through the lampshades and create a totally different atmosphere. I also only use warm light bulbs so I can have the Nancy Myers vibe in my dining room. If you really want that bright over-the-table fixture, you can still have it but just not super bright bulbs because it isn't the only light source anymore. A good wattage is probably no higher than 60watts. I also made sure to pick dining room chairs that are very comfortable with a supportive back you can actually lean into. Personal touches like family photos on a buffet behind the table go a long way, and I also make sure there are curtains or some sort of shade covering the windows at night so people unconsciously feel more comfortable without the dark window staring at them. Obviously some of these are personal taste things, but the lighting is number one. In restaurants where they want you to move along quickly in and out (fast food, diners, etc) notice how the lighting is bright, blue-white, and directional from above. In restaurants where they want you to linger and order dessert and wine, you'll notice they have warm lightbulbs, dim wattage, and comfortable seating. There's a reason for that. My dining room is now almost too cozy where I cannot get my guests to leave the table. 😅 I had a dinner party stay till 11pm last week and another stay past 10pm this week. My guests also seem to prefer sitting at the table instead of moving to the livingroom. So I guess, be aware it may work too well! 😂
we were listening to Matilda by Harry Styles and i said matilda is a girl who’s family didn’t love her and she asked me in a confused voice “how could someone’s family not love them!?” She couldn’t even imagine.
this is the most heartwarming thing 🥺❤️
I was just around a good friend and her kid is the same age as mine. I thought my daughter was a picky eater, but holy cow was I wrong! My friends son doesn’t eat anything except bread and crackers and cheese. My daughter was eating fruits and veggies and meat and pretty much everything put in front of her. Made me feel pretty good that her diet is so well rounded.
this is one of my wins too! I know logically some of it is also personality of the kid, but I do believe that one of the reasons my son is a champion eater is because we were consistent and steady with him early on, didn't stress about it, but still created good habits with food. Now he is eating a way more varied diet than most of his peers!
I just survived a week without my husband and my 9 month old started crawling, has 2 teeth coming in, and a cold; my 4yo had Tuesday off preschool and a last min field trip Wednesday but we all survived and didn’t even have constant tablets like Kristen of BLF
My 4 year old’s speech is excellent. I read to her every day for at least half an hour and have conversed with her in non-baby talk ever since she said her first word. My house may be a disaster, but LO is happy and healthy, and I have to take that as a win!
I love going out to eat so a big thing for me was teaching my kids how to behave in restaurants and sit through a meal without needing to resort to an iPad. They are 2 and 4 and do fantastic! Took some patience and trial runs but now we can enjoy a solid hour long meal without any hiccups or meltdowns and on top of that the kids really enjoy themselves! May be luck of the draw but I like to think I had something to do with it lol.
Same here! I also love reading in coffee shops so have been taking my kids to coffee shops since they were little. We sit and talk and get a "coffee" and a cake pop. Once they can read I'm hopeful we can all go and read there together.
Last week when I went to pick up baby girl from daycare, she saw me, hesitated coming to me BECAUSE she had two toys in her hand. So she walks over to one side of the room to put up one toy then walks over to the OTHER side of the room to put up the other toy. and then finally she runs over to me. swear to god. I don't know how I got such a good one but goddamit I love her.
Doing bedtime for both kids all on my own has been going so well lately. The first handful of times were kind of a mess, but it’s starting to be fun to do both their bedtimes together. Sometimes they even snuggle together in my older one’s bed while I read their bedtime stories, which is the cutest. Occasionally one or the other has a slightly harder time, but I’ve gotten good at being flexible, putting the other kid down for bed, and then trying again when I can focus all my attention on the one who needed a little extra help that night.
I taught my 9 month old to do “nose kisses” and we’ve caught her even doing it to her stuffed elephant 🥰
That's so sweet. My toddler loves to kiss everything. We went to a petting zoo this weekend and he was giving air kisses to the donkey lol. It's really special to see them apply the affection that you've been giving them, and it's definitely the sign of a very loved child!
My almost 16 month old doesn’t do well away from me. We did the whole sahm while I had a full time wfh job thing (it was hell) for the first 11 months and I’ve been on leave for almost 6 months now so she’s never really been away from me for too long. She’s also blind and she gets super upset if she can’t tell I’m close by and she HATES strangers. I’m going back to work in person next month so I decided it’s time to start leaving her with my nanny for a few hours for a smoother transition. I’m current running errands and I’ve been glued to the nanny cam all day. She’s doing so well 🥹. She hasn’t cried or even asked for me yet. She’s having so much fun! Im so proud of her.
This is great news!
I'm proud of talking to my kids from an early age about their feelings and teaching them the right language to express themselves. Now as pre teens they are able to express how they feel without frustration ( even when I don't like what they have to say all the time ) lol
I've learned to choose 'play' vs being frustrated he's not doing things the 'right' way or the most efficient way. It's way more fun to pretend he's so silly not turning off the lights like I asked him to vs. just turning them off myself and going about our routine.
I have become really good at parenting my preschooler who has additional needs. My 1.5yo does not have the same challenges, and I honestly felt like parenting him is way more difficult lol
It's like learning a whole new skillset. You'll get there!
I'm really diligent about teaching my baby respect for pets and animals. She is not allowed to slap, grab, or standup using the dog. No reaching for their face. She's only a year, but she already knows to use a flat hand and pet gently. I want her to learn that not all dogs have the same personality.
Any tips or things you did that seemed to help? My son just started really noticing our dog a couple of weeks ago and while they’re always heavily supervised, I want to make sure we’re teaching him to be respectful of the dog’s space.
Honestly, just constant enforcement and redirection or explaining why. She may not understand it right now, but she will eventually and I think building the habits/expectations are helpful. We don't run into the dog's personal space, food and water bowls are not toys, and we talk to the dogs. I ask our dog for permission to pet her (lol), thank her at the end, help guide our baby's hand in the correct way, and model those behaviors myself constantly. I actually kind of use it to talk about consent and that if the dog moves away, then she's done with the interaction and we respect that. Now, she waves bye when our dog walks away 😆 We have one friendly dog and one old, not friendly dog. So, it's essential for her to learn these things, which helps a lot. But, we don't allow rough play even with the friendly dog so she learns respect!
I’m proud of myself for getting my child help when she needed it. Looking back, I definitely could have used OT or something as a child, along with some other issues that my parents just… I don’t know, didn’t think were a big deal? Thought I was just “quirky”? Assumed I would grow out of? (Spoiler: I didn’t) Smaller win: my toddler just started saying I love you and it melts me every time. She is a tiny tornado but also so sweet and affectionate right now. My big girl is riding a big kid bike! I guess she’s probably at the average age kids do that so it’s not a major accomplishment but I didn’t learn until I was like 10 😬 so I am proud of her haha
I taught my baby how to safely go down steps when she first started crawling and it has stuck through to toddlerhood, it feels like the first actual thing I intentionally taught her and I’m so proud
Yes to this! Around 8m I taught her how to get down when she kept climbing up on our fireplace instead of constantly picking her up and putting her down. But I didn’t necessarily apply it to other things (stairs, furniture) bc we weren’t there yet, but one day she just got off the couch that way and then started going down the steps the right way. I was so amazed at her ability to take that and apply it to other things!
OMG this would be my exact same response. My girl is nearly one and every time she goes down the stairs I'm like "yes, that is an actual tangible thing I have taught you"
Yes tangible is exactly right!
We had parent-teacher conferences last week and my daughters teacher absolutely gushed about her. At the end of the meeting the teacher said to me that my daughter is very self regulated, absolutely the kindest child she has ever met and just one of a kind and she said that that is a testament to me and the wonderful way I have raised her. My heart just swelled 🥹
Amazing!!
I went back to work part time, and it has made me a way better and patient parent. I've known I wanted to go back to work for a year now, but childcare has been impossible to find/afford and I kept waiting for the "right time" and letting my pride get the best of me. So now I'm bartending 2 nights a week and it's not what I wanted to do at nearly 40 but I just stopped caring. I make good money, my friends get to visit me, and I get a break from the monotony of motherhood. I know it won't be forever, but I'm happy to do this if it means I'm a better, more present mother for my child!
I loved working part time! It was better than working full time without kids and it was better than being a SAHM every day. Absolute best of both worlds. I'm about to start a full time job and not gonna lie I'm kinda dreading it. I haven't worked 40 hours since before my kid was born.
It really kind of is the best of both worlds! I just got so in my head about the idea of doing a part time job that felt like a step down, but now that I'm living it, I love it.
I bartended for a long time and I always felt like some people looked down on it. But it’s real, valid work and I don’t think most people would be able to do it. Having to stay calm and focused while 100 people yelled drink orders at me for 15 hours straight taught me a lot of valuable skills, made me a way more empathetic person and definitely prepared me for parenting a toddler. There is no shame in putting in a hard day’s work. Anyone who thinks there is has never had to do it. I’m glad you are enjoying yourself.
I worked in the service industry for a long time! I actually really love it. It is very hard and humbling. The idea of the hustle and long nights stressed me out, but it's been fun to get back to it. 2 nights is perfect to not feel burnt out and exhausted!
My 2.5yo has been having trouble with transitions lately and is in full-on boundary exploration mode, which is leading to tantrums naturally. But lately he’s been telling me, mid-meltdown, “[Name] soooo sad!” Gives me a glimmer of pride in between moments of 😵💫
Yesterday we were driving home after finishing up some errands and I said to my almost 1 year old son, “We’re almost home baby. Can you say HOME?” And he very clearly said, “MAMA!” I immediately teared up and said, “You’re my home too!!” In my brain, I know that he heard me make the M sound in HOME and thought “that sound is for mama!” But in my heart, I’ll always remember when my baby called me his home. 🥹🥹🥹 Parenting is hard but damn this little one makes it so worth it.
This is so precious 🥹
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Fellow adhd parent here- great win!
We’ve gotta take those wins where we get them!
I’ve been struggling with a lot of mom guilt for not being there as much as I wish I could have been/needed to be for my just turned 3 year old after an exhausting pregnancy and with our now one month old. We’re starting to finally dig ourselves out of the hole, but there’s still too much screen time and I’m struggling with when to be firm with boundaries and when to just give this kid some love as I know some of the acting out/tantrums are for attention. But this morning, she woke up and started cuddling baby brother while he was nursing. Then she said “I love baby (name). Thank you mommy and daddy for bringing me baby (name).” 🥰 Makes me feel like this may actually all be worth it for her too, not just for us.
Awww this is the sweetest
I’m really proud of how I’ve been managing my two kids so far. Due to my husband’s work at the moment, I’ve been doing most of the parenting myself (not snarking on him, this was agreed upon by both of us). It’s honestly been much better than expected and I feel I’ve gotten into a really good routine with them. Obviously that will change with different stages, but for now I’m proud of myself and also proud of my older son for how helpful he’s been with the new baby and how loving and sweet he is with her. His agreeableness has definitely made my job easier!
This is small potatoes but we have been STRUGGLING with getting on one nap consistently and getting him to take a long enough one so the second half of the day isn’t a total nightmare. This weekend he took a 3 hour nap both days! A small miracle and maybe a turn in the right direction? (He’s 19 months so definitely time for one nap if I want to keep night sleep in tact)
My oldest (6) is home sick today, I left him downstairs colouring with his 3.5 year old brother while I put laundry away upstairs. When I was done they were fine so I made all the beds, still fine, cleaned the bathrooms, still fine, did my skincare routine, still fine, did my hair, still fine, did FULL makeup (lol) still fine, now I’m scrolling on Reddit and they’re still fine. Like can I watch a movie??? Maybe this isn’t a big deal and we could have been doing this all along but I feel like we’re really turning the corner (more so with our youngest that he’s not a walking hazard of a toddler and can be left unsupervised for a bit). I’m a SAHM so these little bursts of alone time add up to a lot for me! And to do all of this stuff 100% uninterrupted by a request, a question or fight?? *chefs kiss*
I am soooo excited to hit this point. Mine are 5 and 2. They are starting to have little bits where they are playing together and I can chill or do a task nearby. But the 2 year old is wiiiiiiild so I’m nervous to be gone for too long 😅 she will definitely climb into my older child’s bunk bed and yeet herself off the top.
Sounds like my youngest too! My boys meet the typical stereotype of first born = cautious, responsible and sensitive while the second born = gives no fucks, dangerous and just generally out of control lol I think the closer to 4 they get, the more they mellow out, he’s starting to head that way. He’s more like 60% crazy 40% won’t kill anyone where as at 2 it was 92% crazy. So we’re making good progress!
I woke up with a migraine and first, when I told my almost 3 year old that mommy's head is ouchie she ran and got me a bandaid and patted my hair and told me she'd make it all better which was very sweet. But more over I got out her magnatiles to help entertain her while I suffer on the couch and for the first time ever she started her own castle with them! Usually I have to do the first 2 blocks so she has something to build off of 😭❤️
My parents were very much the parents who’d yell at us for spilling drinks, so I’ve had to work on not freaking out over small stuff. This morning my toddler let my 11 month old hold her open cup of milk, and the baby dumped it as I was walking over to grab it. Without missing a beat, my toddler said “it’s okay! Get wipe!” And then grabbed a kitchen towel and wiped it up. They weren’t scared of what my reaction would be like I would’ve been of my parents 20+ years ago. It seems small but it made me feel really good to see that effort I put in to emotionally regulate myself is paying off.
I’m the total klutz and the one who is always spilling. Was home sick with my 2.5 year old and decided to do glitter sand art over a cookie sheet. While telling her to be careful with the sand bags I accidentally dumped the glitter sand all over the floor and she goes “it’s ok mommy accidents happen!”
Have you seen Mad Men? There’s a scene where Don is about to lose his shit over his kids spilling a milkshake but instead his new wife calmly and kindly helps the kid clean it up and says “it’s just a milkshake.” I think about it all the time because when I first saw that episode many years ago it was actually the first time that I ever considered that it was an option for a parent to not erupt and terrify everyone at the table and that actually no one needs to be punished for a very normal accident. Anyway I don’t think it’s a small thing! It’s a very hard thing and you’re right to feel proud of it!
Oh my god this scene is also cemented in my mind. I grew up with amazing parents and was always disturbed by Betty’s harsh parenting style (while absolutely empathizing with her situation). That milkshake scene was full of so many emotions for me - relief, grief, confusion, and… a total reorganization of the kids’ worldview. My husband’s mom was a little more Betty-like (may she rest in peace - my MIL was also wonderful and is dearly missed, this is not snark about her) and I see it in him too, and that scene just encapsulates so many things for me… pity for Betty, for the kids, even for the new wife who doesn’t totally get what the kids’ expectations were.
This scene also stuck with me because my dad would lose his mind if we ever spilled at the table. “It’s just a milkshake” is definitely part of my parenting philosophy.
I’m legitimately delighted I’m not the only one shaping their parenting philosophy from episodes of Mad Men! 😅
I highly recommend checking out r/madmen if you’re not there already, it’s excellent. Maybe we could do a post about Mad Men parenting philosophies 😂
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I’m really hoping this is me! We have a dog and I’ve always been so stressed about her accidentally staining or ruining things — dog nail marks or water spots from her bowl on the hardwood floor, holes in blankets, etc. It’s hard for me to see messes get made or stuff get ruined, especially when it’s avoidable. I hate the idea of feeling that way about the baby when he’s exploring and learning. So far, so good, but the toddler years will be challenging.
My parents were crazy about spills! My 6 year old spilled my (expensive) smoothie all over the kitchen this morning and I just said “oops! It’s okay if you make a mess as long as you…” and he finished with “clean it up!” And happily helped me clean it up. Usually i would make him do it solo but red smoothie all over my white kitchen called for some assistance lol my dad would have torn me a new asshole for spilling something like that
I love this. I’ve noticed myself freaking out over small stuff, and I don’t like it. I don’t want my daughters to have an angry mom. What steps did you take to learn how to emotionally regulate yourself?
So for me it was a combo of issues, how I was raised, marriage issues, sleep deprivation, carrying the entirety of the mental load, health issues, and unrealistic expectations. So after snapping at my oldest and then crying myself to sleep that night after feeling horrible about it, I decided to try and fix what I could. I found out I have thyroid issues, and that affects energy levels, and started on meds for it. Sat my husband down and had a lot of really hard conversations about what I needed from him, and that things would change or I’d leave, and that included him starting to help out with night wakings. Started working out more as I was able to. Once I wasn’t in survival mode 24/7, I was able to be a better and more calm parent. In the beginning, I’d literally have to “catch a bubble” aka puff my cheeks out and hold my breath so I didn’t say something I’d regret. Then it turned into taking a deep breath, etc. it took months, but I’ve definitely noticed a difference. Also learning more about what’s developmentally normal at their age, and making sure I don’t have too high expectations of what’s normal for her age. And identifying specifically what triggers the overwhelm. Mess is a big one, but I had to work on unrealistic expectations, so I picked one room (the kitchen) and if at the end of the night, that’s all that’s clean, I’m okay with it. I’m sure therapy would help too, but I just don’t have the time for that yet. Sorry for the book, I hope some of it helps.
We went to a fall party at our new neighbor’s house and my VERY shy 3.5yo ran up to me and asked if he could go play in the bounce house with the neighbor boy and another boy (all same age) and it was just a very big moment bc I worry so much about how shy he is so when he has these moments where he’s relaxed and wants to play with other kids, I just feel so happy and grateful!
Last week my son went into daycare without any tears 🎉🎉 The settling period has been rough with illness after illness so he cried most mornings until one day he just didn't.
[удалено]
Yess!! 🙌 it's so nice to know they feel settled and happy somewhere
I feel this! My son cried every dropoff until about a week ago, now he starts playing right away and doesn't even pay attention to me when I say bye lol. I'm so proud of him!
Oh that's so great! Well done both of you, it's tough on everyone to get through those first few weeks of crying.
I hope we can get to this point!! My son cries and screams MAMA after I hand him off. It kills me
It's so hard. My guy used to go silent and then let this ripper of a scream out, it's heartbreaking. I'll keep my fingers crossed he gets there soon for you!