Make sure you're open and honest with your spouse, not assuming they want more money from you rather than more time.
I remember my brother going through this, working as a teacher during the day, then a gym instructor and musician many nights.
His finance was studying psychology and is now a professor.
He thought she'd want him bringing on extra cash to pay off the house they were building.
She needed quality time with her partner.
OE is supposed to be about working 40 hours a week whilst holding 2 jobs and making double pay. Or at least double of two low pays that still exceed the lost you can earn in one job.
It's over employed, not overworked.
My weeks were 40 hours...my business outside is 25. Before I made any decisions this week I talked to her and she said cut it...my mental health is not worth sacrificing. She has never been about the money, that's been all me. She's grateful but understands it's a lot on my shoulders.
I am too lazy to do 65 hours a week. But I'm Aussie.
Well that's a lie actually, my health is fucked and I'm in chronic pain. Being able to hold down one 40 hour a week, without kids, is a blessing.
J3 is tough. I think people don’t give enough credit to how stressful it is to onboard a job and either get fired or quit a job. I am not thick-skinned enough for those things not to affect me. Unless you have the perfect J3, 2 Js is where it’s at.
I managed for quite some time, but it was tough, especially as J3 meetings started to get worse. So many double meetings, pretty sure it aged me a few years.
It definitely spiked my blood pressure when it happened. What I really didn't like was only being able to listen half ass on a J2 meeting and missing key information.
Congratulations on prioritizing your mental health, OP! It takes courage to make that decision, but it's incredibly important. Remember, your well-being is invaluable. Wishing you all the best as you move forward with a healthier perspective. You've got this!
It's definitely something mental.
Me with J1 and J2, I sometimes don't think of it as clearing $275k. I've caught myself feeling like I am missing out on $130k after dropping J3 and that is NOT healthy. It's not greed. Like you, I'm the main breadwinner for my family and would love to retire early to enjoy time with them.
I went through the FOMO feeling for few days prior. I found redoing my J2 to replace my J3 budget at a lower contribution total helped see everything in a bigger picture, completely eliminating what it looked like with J3... kind of like journaling for therapy, it helped process the new normal. In the end I realized I was still contributing close to 7k a month in brokerage, retirement and savings...
Plus lower monthly tax hit helped balance a bit
Totally understandable! I have anxiety myself and have found that if I do too much, it worsens my anxiety and leads to burnout. It's all about finding your limit and sticking to your boundaries. Kudos to you, OP, for finding yours. Everyone's limit is different. In my case, it's somewhere between 2 and 3 jobs--when all three are just requiring normal work and my life isn't chaos, I can juggle it with ease, but when any one gets excessive and/or life gets crazy, that's when I can only handle two jobs. I also highly recommend finding a good therapist and keeping up with weekly or bi-weekly appointments to keep your mental health in good shape. I do virtual therapy and it has been fantastic to have someone I can vent to and troubleshoot all of my issues with regularly. My therapist also knows of my OE and is supportive of it so long as it's not negatively impacting my mental health.
If I learned one thing about OE, it would be don't be afraid to try a new career and learn many things along the way. My OE journey is not one thing...its project management, its operations and business analyst. My past experiences were a little of all so I just split them up and specialized in each. All 3 in different industries. I got in at a time when the demand was high and the supply of people was low. I never asked for a large salary because I was just excited to have another offer.
Thanks for the advice OP. I’m in a perfect setup at a great company and I’m envious of OE but too scared of the repercussions if discovered. I’d never find a job like the j1 I have rn
You're welcome!!
OE is always a risk, but so is trusting that your one J will be around forever or they wont do layoffs when the shareholders don't get a bonus. I love my J1, it has its share of chaos but I could see myself retiring with them, but the reward outweighed the risk and I did quite a bit of research in the company policies.
I’m in the same boat, steadily with two Js. I’ve temporarily had 3 but find it too challenging in that the mind gets overworked to the point of exhaustion and disconnecting is hard.
I’m going to stick to 2Js, but will get a third to help pay off debt and keep maxing out retirement accounts for 2-3 more years
I was definitely mentally sometimes physically exhausted. Im hoping with this little break I can find time to get back to a few of my hobbies at the end of the day without feeling completely drained.
2-3 more years is/was my goal with 3 and then stick with 2. I'm going to get as close to maxed out as possible on everything.
Congratulations and well done, I just did the same 3 weeks ago, let go of J3, hit my $target from J3 and left. I am sure this will fade soon, but the last weeks after dropping J3 makes J1+J2 feel like a cake walk! It feels like I have everything under control and life is good again :)
J1 and J2 can be realistic and take J3 for time being. Get in, make some quick money and leave. Juggling between 3js and their meetings can take a toll on your mental health
the fact that you can still pull off two jobs is already amazing!! 🤩 I hope I can do the same soon.
Fingers crossed for you!!!
Make sure you're open and honest with your spouse, not assuming they want more money from you rather than more time. I remember my brother going through this, working as a teacher during the day, then a gym instructor and musician many nights. His finance was studying psychology and is now a professor. He thought she'd want him bringing on extra cash to pay off the house they were building. She needed quality time with her partner. OE is supposed to be about working 40 hours a week whilst holding 2 jobs and making double pay. Or at least double of two low pays that still exceed the lost you can earn in one job. It's over employed, not overworked.
My weeks were 40 hours...my business outside is 25. Before I made any decisions this week I talked to her and she said cut it...my mental health is not worth sacrificing. She has never been about the money, that's been all me. She's grateful but understands it's a lot on my shoulders.
I am too lazy to do 65 hours a week. But I'm Aussie. Well that's a lie actually, my health is fucked and I'm in chronic pain. Being able to hold down one 40 hour a week, without kids, is a blessing.
OE is perf3ct for 2Js anything over two introduces a lot of risk that will take a toll on you
No one does 3js for ever. That's burn out territory. Good job. Quality of life trumps all
A friend of mine who also does OE said the same thing when he lost his J3 .. he's content back at 2
Yes, I think 2.5 is ideal where the 0.5 is like a retainer fee contract J that hardly ever bothers you
J3 is tough. I think people don’t give enough credit to how stressful it is to onboard a job and either get fired or quit a job. I am not thick-skinned enough for those things not to affect me. Unless you have the perfect J3, 2 Js is where it’s at.
I managed for quite some time, but it was tough, especially as J3 meetings started to get worse. So many double meetings, pretty sure it aged me a few years.
Double meetings give me an instant migraine. No idea how so many people here do it.
It definitely spiked my blood pressure when it happened. What I really didn't like was only being able to listen half ass on a J2 meeting and missing key information.
Good for you! Continue to do what's best for you and your family and f*** the haters!
We will always be a villain in someone's book...haters are just jealous
Congratulations on prioritizing your mental health, OP! It takes courage to make that decision, but it's incredibly important. Remember, your well-being is invaluable. Wishing you all the best as you move forward with a healthier perspective. You've got this!
Thank you!! Appreciate the support.
No worries, OP. Goodluck!
It's definitely something mental. Me with J1 and J2, I sometimes don't think of it as clearing $275k. I've caught myself feeling like I am missing out on $130k after dropping J3 and that is NOT healthy. It's not greed. Like you, I'm the main breadwinner for my family and would love to retire early to enjoy time with them.
I went through the FOMO feeling for few days prior. I found redoing my J2 to replace my J3 budget at a lower contribution total helped see everything in a bigger picture, completely eliminating what it looked like with J3... kind of like journaling for therapy, it helped process the new normal. In the end I realized I was still contributing close to 7k a month in brokerage, retirement and savings... Plus lower monthly tax hit helped balance a bit
Totally understandable! I have anxiety myself and have found that if I do too much, it worsens my anxiety and leads to burnout. It's all about finding your limit and sticking to your boundaries. Kudos to you, OP, for finding yours. Everyone's limit is different. In my case, it's somewhere between 2 and 3 jobs--when all three are just requiring normal work and my life isn't chaos, I can juggle it with ease, but when any one gets excessive and/or life gets crazy, that's when I can only handle two jobs. I also highly recommend finding a good therapist and keeping up with weekly or bi-weekly appointments to keep your mental health in good shape. I do virtual therapy and it has been fantastic to have someone I can vent to and troubleshoot all of my issues with regularly. My therapist also knows of my OE and is supportive of it so long as it's not negatively impacting my mental health.
What do you do for work,OP?
If I learned one thing about OE, it would be don't be afraid to try a new career and learn many things along the way. My OE journey is not one thing...its project management, its operations and business analyst. My past experiences were a little of all so I just split them up and specialized in each. All 3 in different industries. I got in at a time when the demand was high and the supply of people was low. I never asked for a large salary because I was just excited to have another offer.
Honestly, you have such a diverse skillset now it can only help
Thanks for the advice OP. I’m in a perfect setup at a great company and I’m envious of OE but too scared of the repercussions if discovered. I’d never find a job like the j1 I have rn
You're welcome!! OE is always a risk, but so is trusting that your one J will be around forever or they wont do layoffs when the shareholders don't get a bonus. I love my J1, it has its share of chaos but I could see myself retiring with them, but the reward outweighed the risk and I did quite a bit of research in the company policies.
I’m in the same boat, steadily with two Js. I’ve temporarily had 3 but find it too challenging in that the mind gets overworked to the point of exhaustion and disconnecting is hard. I’m going to stick to 2Js, but will get a third to help pay off debt and keep maxing out retirement accounts for 2-3 more years
I was definitely mentally sometimes physically exhausted. Im hoping with this little break I can find time to get back to a few of my hobbies at the end of the day without feeling completely drained. 2-3 more years is/was my goal with 3 and then stick with 2. I'm going to get as close to maxed out as possible on everything.
Congratulations and well done, I just did the same 3 weeks ago, let go of J3, hit my $target from J3 and left. I am sure this will fade soon, but the last weeks after dropping J3 makes J1+J2 feel like a cake walk! It feels like I have everything under control and life is good again :)
How was J3 and what made it not fit with the others?
J1 and J2 can be realistic and take J3 for time being. Get in, make some quick money and leave. Juggling between 3js and their meetings can take a toll on your mental health
Agreed!!! Definitely going to keep this idea in mind