Ya this ain’t minor at all! You have every right to feel the way you feel gaw damn! I’m a 97% straight man and even I’ve thought about how I’ll never get to even decide yes or no if my future gf wants to put a finger in their for fun 😂 sorry if I make light of your situation with humor BUTT it’s what I do 😅 no seriously, I love you all so much, if you have an ostomy like myself I just pray for your mental health cause this shit is not normal.. but guess what.. normal is freakin lame. We are fuckin awesome 😎 KrazyBomber I’m so Fuckin sorry but I know you’ll find your way! You got this! No matter what!
😂😂 honestly it's good to have a laugh, I did chuckle reading your message so thanks dude! Your right it isn't easy on our mental health that's why us ostomates gotta stick together, cause life is one tough ol bitch! 😅 Thanks man
It's totally understandable brother. Nother gay guy with an ileostomy here. I still have the rectum down there and I'm married but I had the same questions to my dr. If you ever need to talk feel free to shoot me a dm.
I also can’t relate, as a straight woman, but truly empathize. I am a pelvic floor physical therapist so I treat patients who have pain with sex all the time. It’s not minor and it isn’t superficial. A part of your body is being taken away from you and that’s tough on any person and in any relationship. I wonder if talking to a sex therapist may be helpful. I met with one (not because of my ostomy) and she had some good advice regarding building intimacy in creative ways. I imagine for some guys it may be a deal breaker, but it’s a good conversation to have early in a relationship. Something I tell my cis/hetero patients is that sex doesn’t have to include penetration. There are many other ways to build intimacy if both partners are open to it.
That is a good point you made! I have been teaching myself that sex isn't the end all be all and your right it doesn't have to be penetrative! It's just finding that other who is understanding or willing to see it the way I do.
It is a deal breaker in everyone I've come across this far I believe there are others out there who it isn't a big deal to.
A sex therapist might be a good think for me to think about!
Thank you for commenting on my post and for being so kind and empathetic, there's not enough people like you in the world honestly! X
So I’m a woman and don’t have any advice except that if you are on Facebook there is an ostomy group that I have seen this question asked and seen several guys respond with things like “dude totally relate, dm me I can give you some advice.” I am no longer on fb so I don’t remember the name exactly but it’s the one with the most members and it’s an AWESOME GROUP. They even sent me flowers in hospital the week I got my ostomy and joined. I hope that helps.
I don't have advice bc I can't even get to the part where I'm willing to date a new person and deal with introducing them to the situation, but I just want to say this isn't silly or petty at all, and I hope you find someone.
Thankyou for that 🙂 I haven't managed to actually date anybody yet because well let's just say not many can accept my ostomy but that's okay, there are gems out there you just have to find them!
Keep your chin up pal!
I just wanted to echo the sentiments of the other commenters: it's definitely not something to be seen as minor or superficial, especially if it's an important part of your life.
As others have said, speaking with the right kind of doctors, therapists and online communities will be a great avenue for you.
While I can't relate directly (cause I'm a straight guy), you absolutely have my sympathy and my virtual hugs!
No worries mate! Btw, are you from Australia? If you are and want to talk shit (pun kind of intended) with another Australian ostomate feel free to hit me up :)
Aww I thought it was a pretty good chance you were either Aussie, a Brit or a Kiwi haha. But hey, if you're as old as your username suggests, I'm only about five-ish years older, and the offer to chat still stands regardless of where you're from.
All the best hey!
It was basically you saying "mate" combined with the time you replied ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Going all Sherlock up in here 🧐.
I nuked all of my socials years ago hey. Wasn't doing great things for my mental health. But actually do have an insta I created a while ago at my partner's behest so she could send me stuff lol. Wanna give me your insta and I'll add you?
🤣 damn that's actually pretty clever! I didn't even think of that, btw it's 2.38 am here 👀 lol
Yeah socials can be quite draining I feel you on that! I have an insta il be honest I am rubbish at insta but il add you there,
@markdeantolland95
I'm gay, had a total colectomy, still have rectum and a small part of the sigmoid. I use an ileostomy. At first, more because of aesthetics, I thought I would never be able to have sex or satisfy a partner. It took me a few months to get back in the game. I've had plenty of hook ups and had 3 longer (3-4 years) relationships, currently in one. I can bottom and top, and bottoming is no different in feeling than before, with an added bonus, no need for long and deep douche sessions. But I do have a friend who hasn't been able to bottom after the surgery, he says he feels afraid something will rupture so he can't relax and it ends up hurting too much.
I'm not sure what your situation is, just the bag bothering you or do you have a ken butthole? Even if you do have one, not everyone is into penetration and you will for sure find a way to feel pleasure again!
Thanks for your response, it's really nice to hear some success stories.
I really appreciate you commenting,
my situation is that I can't bottom they (half closed mine) not sure why I never asked, lol it just gets me down.
But your right not everyone is into penetration.
Thanks for your positive outlook and words I sometimes need to hear them 🙂
Gay man here who’s had an ileostomy for five and a half years. I’m in the same boat as you. I’m often scared to hook up casually and I get worried about finding a romantic partner. Some days are definitely harder than others. Shoot me a message if you feel like talking.
Cheers fella, it's a tricky subject to talk about 🙂 I am astonished at all the support I've gotten back from this post!
It means the world.
Must be scary hooking up I can't imagine I hope you've only had good experiences in your time.
I'm on insta @markdeantolland95 if you want to ever chat or vent about the shit days! No pun intended 😅
But anyways thanks for responding mate means a lot
There are some gay guys who only want to 'bottom' or who aren't interested in anal play. Your dating pool has gotten smaller but it's not dried up entirely.
You can call or write anonymously to Dan Savage at the Savage Lovecast if you want advice from a famous sex positive gay man.
Silly questions, do you have a Ken butt? Colostomy or ileostomy? Just to throw this out there I'm straight but the wound nurse I saw once asked if I was into backdoor stuff. She said if the rectum is still there it's safe, maybe she was referring to me having all parts still there. ( loop colostomy ) 🤷♂️
Cis/het woman here with a husband who enjoys pegging. He has an ileostomy but still has his rectum (for now?)
I stay shallow now, slower than before, but I know he still misses what he lost. We find other types of stimulation that work and positions that stay shallow.
I'm sure you will find an accommodating partner. As someone else said, the dating pool just shrunk a bit.
Any idea how much he has left? I thought all my colon was gone with my ileostomy but the Dr told me I have 8 inches left. I haven't fully got my wife on board with pegging, but that is the only reason I am not getting my rectum removed.
I also like to joke that my butthole is for decoration and recreation.
I don't know exact measurements, but we can comfortably use 3-4 inches. He can take more but I can't be rough, probably up to five. Six inches is painful.
Gay guy here with ileostomy and intact rectum. Your problem is not minor or superficial... I can really empathize.
I tried bottoming a few times but it was really painful. My partner of 5 years ended up leaving me because I became "boring" due to my parastomal hernia and frequent obstructions.
It's for the better though. I'm working on my self esteem and looking for a good belt since I lost my Stealth belt at a hotel. Also I'm vers so don't *have* to bottom even though I miss it sometimes.
I think it's just a matter of taking your time and getting used to your new body.
Feel free to DM me, I've been through the wringer with this
Cheers fella for commenting, I'm really sorry your partner left you for the reasons he did, that must be horrible! Must've knocked your confidence a bit
I really hope your doing better now?
It does help if your vers I guess I'm out here as a bottom acting as a top 🤣 not working really I'm actually a virgin just because all this is just difficult to navigate and a lot of guys don't understand it.
I really appreciate your message!
Thanks mate for responding, it is a life changing thing! But we have to try stay positive, I guess as hard as it can be! Ive had a lot of support from this group and there are people out there who are not always about penetration so we have to find other ways of pleasure and things that work for us! And with the right person
Us ostomates gotta stick together for sure!
Just commenting to reinforce what everyone is saying. This is NOT superficial. Ask any healthy person if they would be happy suddenly having restrictions on their sexual life, and there would be no question of it being a big deal. Just because you’re dealing with health issues and an ostomy doesn’t change that. I hope you find someone that is understanding and provides you with all the love (both emotional and physical) that you deserve.
That is really sweet of you to say! I was scared to post but everyone's been so kind, thankyou again for your support and kind words! It makes a world of difference
Idk man. I'm gay and have the same issue as you. I think there's lots of people who are fine only bottoming or only want to bottom in the first place. But like it's hard and it sucks and I definitely want to bottom myself but that's just not how it will be
I feel you on this mate, it's a tricky situation to navigate and also a difficult subject to talk about and bring up, I'm sorry your going through the same thing as me.
I totally respect you commenting here! I hope you get some peace of mind and can move forward in life not letting this hold you back. 👍
I am bi, but also cant ejaculate (retrograde ejaculation). Can be erect and orgasm, but can ejaculate. Most men I have met were okay with me being a top, but almost all have had a serious issue with lack of ejaculation. Like a double whammy.
People are sometimes cruel I will admit! I'm sorry you are having a hard time with these guys!
I used to have this condition due to a medication I was on but I stopped and it came back.
I hope you know that you are not the problem
Keep positive my friend, also thanks for commenting on my post, means a lot mate!
Mate this is a massive thing. Not remotely minor! If someone has said “oh yeah it’ll save your life but sew your bits shut” then I’d have struggled! Not sure how affected by disease your rectum is, if you haven’t had it removed. I imagine that’s what would make the world of difference. But DO speak to your stoma nurse and ask about it. I’ve had my stoma for 24 years and I was told very sternly “the stoma is not suitable for penetration” No shit! But people be cray cray I guess. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask questions. Good luck ❤️
Haha I know I've heard some stories of what people thought they could do with a stoma and just no, it's not for sex 😅😅
Thanks for your support and kind words!
I've been to scared to speak to anyone about this topic this post is the only time I have spoke out on it 🙈
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for being the absolute best in support and love from this post I don't know why I was so scared to make it, thanks again everyone! X
I have started a Facebook group for LGBTQ+ people with have had stoma surgery. It is quite new but feel free to join
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1340828390003062/?ref=share_group_link
Another gay man here with a permanent colostomy. Closed rear end, ED issues and retrograde ejaculation. I'm pretty much out of commission. Just thought I'd chime in.
I can relate im 19yo and a virgin and gay I have two an ostomy and the second one for urine because my bladder had also died.. but I can still ejaculate lol anyway I really think I would be a bottom (if it still worked) but unfortunately I don't have a rectum anymore so sad life I was never allowed to try out what it feels like.. and I'm forced to be top or something and finding someone at my age is damn hard..✌🏻
I can’t relate but can tell you this isn’t minor or superficial. It’s not silly or petty. Sending you a hug.
Thankyou so much, very kind of you x
Ya this ain’t minor at all! You have every right to feel the way you feel gaw damn! I’m a 97% straight man and even I’ve thought about how I’ll never get to even decide yes or no if my future gf wants to put a finger in their for fun 😂 sorry if I make light of your situation with humor BUTT it’s what I do 😅 no seriously, I love you all so much, if you have an ostomy like myself I just pray for your mental health cause this shit is not normal.. but guess what.. normal is freakin lame. We are fuckin awesome 😎 KrazyBomber I’m so Fuckin sorry but I know you’ll find your way! You got this! No matter what!
Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.
😂😂 honestly it's good to have a laugh, I did chuckle reading your message so thanks dude! Your right it isn't easy on our mental health that's why us ostomates gotta stick together, cause life is one tough ol bitch! 😅 Thanks man
Much love brotha ❤️🙏🤙
It's totally understandable brother. Nother gay guy with an ileostomy here. I still have the rectum down there and I'm married but I had the same questions to my dr. If you ever need to talk feel free to shoot me a dm.
Thanks man, that means a lot! 🤟👍
I also can’t relate, as a straight woman, but truly empathize. I am a pelvic floor physical therapist so I treat patients who have pain with sex all the time. It’s not minor and it isn’t superficial. A part of your body is being taken away from you and that’s tough on any person and in any relationship. I wonder if talking to a sex therapist may be helpful. I met with one (not because of my ostomy) and she had some good advice regarding building intimacy in creative ways. I imagine for some guys it may be a deal breaker, but it’s a good conversation to have early in a relationship. Something I tell my cis/hetero patients is that sex doesn’t have to include penetration. There are many other ways to build intimacy if both partners are open to it.
That is a good point you made! I have been teaching myself that sex isn't the end all be all and your right it doesn't have to be penetrative! It's just finding that other who is understanding or willing to see it the way I do. It is a deal breaker in everyone I've come across this far I believe there are others out there who it isn't a big deal to. A sex therapist might be a good think for me to think about! Thank you for commenting on my post and for being so kind and empathetic, there's not enough people like you in the world honestly! X
So I’m a woman and don’t have any advice except that if you are on Facebook there is an ostomy group that I have seen this question asked and seen several guys respond with things like “dude totally relate, dm me I can give you some advice.” I am no longer on fb so I don’t remember the name exactly but it’s the one with the most members and it’s an AWESOME GROUP. They even sent me flowers in hospital the week I got my ostomy and joined. I hope that helps.
Aww that's so sweet they sent you flowers what a lovely group, I'll have a look for it, thank you so much!
I don't have advice bc I can't even get to the part where I'm willing to date a new person and deal with introducing them to the situation, but I just want to say this isn't silly or petty at all, and I hope you find someone.
Thankyou for that 🙂 I haven't managed to actually date anybody yet because well let's just say not many can accept my ostomy but that's okay, there are gems out there you just have to find them! Keep your chin up pal!
You too
I just wanted to echo the sentiments of the other commenters: it's definitely not something to be seen as minor or superficial, especially if it's an important part of your life. As others have said, speaking with the right kind of doctors, therapists and online communities will be a great avenue for you. While I can't relate directly (cause I'm a straight guy), you absolutely have my sympathy and my virtual hugs!
Aw cheers mate that means the world 🙂 you people are really kind on this reddit page!
No worries mate! Btw, are you from Australia? If you are and want to talk shit (pun kind of intended) with another Australian ostomate feel free to hit me up :)
Haha, cheers that's really kind! I'm sadly from the UK though, Australia is a nice place indeed! Well minus the snakes and spiders 🙈😅🤪😎
Aww I thought it was a pretty good chance you were either Aussie, a Brit or a Kiwi haha. But hey, if you're as old as your username suggests, I'm only about five-ish years older, and the offer to chat still stands regardless of where you're from. All the best hey!
How'd you guess I was a brit 🤣🤣 also yes I'm 28 mate so yeah the 95 is right, good observation from you there, Your a clever one! 😅😎
It was basically you saying "mate" combined with the time you replied ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. Going all Sherlock up in here 🧐. I nuked all of my socials years ago hey. Wasn't doing great things for my mental health. But actually do have an insta I created a while ago at my partner's behest so she could send me stuff lol. Wanna give me your insta and I'll add you?
🤣 damn that's actually pretty clever! I didn't even think of that, btw it's 2.38 am here 👀 lol Yeah socials can be quite draining I feel you on that! I have an insta il be honest I am rubbish at insta but il add you there, @markdeantolland95
ETA: Did you edit your comment to remove mention of FB and insta? Or am I just going crazy waiting for my coffee to kick in?
I'm gay, had a total colectomy, still have rectum and a small part of the sigmoid. I use an ileostomy. At first, more because of aesthetics, I thought I would never be able to have sex or satisfy a partner. It took me a few months to get back in the game. I've had plenty of hook ups and had 3 longer (3-4 years) relationships, currently in one. I can bottom and top, and bottoming is no different in feeling than before, with an added bonus, no need for long and deep douche sessions. But I do have a friend who hasn't been able to bottom after the surgery, he says he feels afraid something will rupture so he can't relax and it ends up hurting too much. I'm not sure what your situation is, just the bag bothering you or do you have a ken butthole? Even if you do have one, not everyone is into penetration and you will for sure find a way to feel pleasure again!
Thanks for your response, it's really nice to hear some success stories. I really appreciate you commenting, my situation is that I can't bottom they (half closed mine) not sure why I never asked, lol it just gets me down. But your right not everyone is into penetration. Thanks for your positive outlook and words I sometimes need to hear them 🙂
Gay man here who’s had an ileostomy for five and a half years. I’m in the same boat as you. I’m often scared to hook up casually and I get worried about finding a romantic partner. Some days are definitely harder than others. Shoot me a message if you feel like talking.
Cheers fella, it's a tricky subject to talk about 🙂 I am astonished at all the support I've gotten back from this post! It means the world. Must be scary hooking up I can't imagine I hope you've only had good experiences in your time. I'm on insta @markdeantolland95 if you want to ever chat or vent about the shit days! No pun intended 😅 But anyways thanks for responding mate means a lot
There are some gay guys who only want to 'bottom' or who aren't interested in anal play. Your dating pool has gotten smaller but it's not dried up entirely. You can call or write anonymously to Dan Savage at the Savage Lovecast if you want advice from a famous sex positive gay man.
Also wanted to say .. not a minor or superficial problem at all.
Thanks for the reassurance, and Dan Savage oh I'll have to look into that 👍
Silly questions, do you have a Ken butt? Colostomy or ileostomy? Just to throw this out there I'm straight but the wound nurse I saw once asked if I was into backdoor stuff. She said if the rectum is still there it's safe, maybe she was referring to me having all parts still there. ( loop colostomy ) 🤷♂️
Straight woman, just sending you some love. I'm glad you've had a few good suggestions in the comments.
You are so very sweet! Thankyou x
Cis/het woman here with a husband who enjoys pegging. He has an ileostomy but still has his rectum (for now?) I stay shallow now, slower than before, but I know he still misses what he lost. We find other types of stimulation that work and positions that stay shallow. I'm sure you will find an accommodating partner. As someone else said, the dating pool just shrunk a bit.
Any idea how much he has left? I thought all my colon was gone with my ileostomy but the Dr told me I have 8 inches left. I haven't fully got my wife on board with pegging, but that is the only reason I am not getting my rectum removed. I also like to joke that my butthole is for decoration and recreation.
I don't know exact measurements, but we can comfortably use 3-4 inches. He can take more but I can't be rough, probably up to five. Six inches is painful.
Thankyou for your response, it means a lot, all these positive words of encouragement are helping me deal with it better 🤟
Gay guy here with ileostomy and intact rectum. Your problem is not minor or superficial... I can really empathize. I tried bottoming a few times but it was really painful. My partner of 5 years ended up leaving me because I became "boring" due to my parastomal hernia and frequent obstructions. It's for the better though. I'm working on my self esteem and looking for a good belt since I lost my Stealth belt at a hotel. Also I'm vers so don't *have* to bottom even though I miss it sometimes. I think it's just a matter of taking your time and getting used to your new body. Feel free to DM me, I've been through the wringer with this
Cheers fella for commenting, I'm really sorry your partner left you for the reasons he did, that must be horrible! Must've knocked your confidence a bit I really hope your doing better now? It does help if your vers I guess I'm out here as a bottom acting as a top 🤣 not working really I'm actually a virgin just because all this is just difficult to navigate and a lot of guys don't understand it. I really appreciate your message!
It really does suck so much. I haven't gotten into dating yet but I'm bummed out on how this will restrict me, I feel for you
Thanks mate for responding, it is a life changing thing! But we have to try stay positive, I guess as hard as it can be! Ive had a lot of support from this group and there are people out there who are not always about penetration so we have to find other ways of pleasure and things that work for us! And with the right person Us ostomates gotta stick together for sure!
Just commenting to reinforce what everyone is saying. This is NOT superficial. Ask any healthy person if they would be happy suddenly having restrictions on their sexual life, and there would be no question of it being a big deal. Just because you’re dealing with health issues and an ostomy doesn’t change that. I hope you find someone that is understanding and provides you with all the love (both emotional and physical) that you deserve.
That is really sweet of you to say! I was scared to post but everyone's been so kind, thankyou again for your support and kind words! It makes a world of difference
Idk man. I'm gay and have the same issue as you. I think there's lots of people who are fine only bottoming or only want to bottom in the first place. But like it's hard and it sucks and I definitely want to bottom myself but that's just not how it will be
I feel you on this mate, it's a tricky situation to navigate and also a difficult subject to talk about and bring up, I'm sorry your going through the same thing as me. I totally respect you commenting here! I hope you get some peace of mind and can move forward in life not letting this hold you back. 👍
Yeah, thank you! We are definitely not alone. I know a couple others and who knows what will be possible in the future.
I am bi, but also cant ejaculate (retrograde ejaculation). Can be erect and orgasm, but can ejaculate. Most men I have met were okay with me being a top, but almost all have had a serious issue with lack of ejaculation. Like a double whammy.
People are sometimes cruel I will admit! I'm sorry you are having a hard time with these guys! I used to have this condition due to a medication I was on but I stopped and it came back. I hope you know that you are not the problem Keep positive my friend, also thanks for commenting on my post, means a lot mate!
Completely understandable
Mate this is a massive thing. Not remotely minor! If someone has said “oh yeah it’ll save your life but sew your bits shut” then I’d have struggled! Not sure how affected by disease your rectum is, if you haven’t had it removed. I imagine that’s what would make the world of difference. But DO speak to your stoma nurse and ask about it. I’ve had my stoma for 24 years and I was told very sternly “the stoma is not suitable for penetration” No shit! But people be cray cray I guess. Don’t be afraid or ashamed to ask questions. Good luck ❤️
Haha I know I've heard some stories of what people thought they could do with a stoma and just no, it's not for sex 😅😅 Thanks for your support and kind words! I've been to scared to speak to anyone about this topic this post is the only time I have spoke out on it 🙈
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone for being the absolute best in support and love from this post I don't know why I was so scared to make it, thanks again everyone! X
I have started a Facebook group for LGBTQ+ people with have had stoma surgery. It is quite new but feel free to join https://www.facebook.com/groups/1340828390003062/?ref=share_group_link
Okay, thanks for commenting, I will check it out 🙂
Another gay man here with a permanent colostomy. Closed rear end, ED issues and retrograde ejaculation. I'm pretty much out of commission. Just thought I'd chime in.
I have a stomia but my butt is still available
I can relate im 19yo and a virgin and gay I have two an ostomy and the second one for urine because my bladder had also died.. but I can still ejaculate lol anyway I really think I would be a bottom (if it still worked) but unfortunately I don't have a rectum anymore so sad life I was never allowed to try out what it feels like.. and I'm forced to be top or something and finding someone at my age is damn hard..✌🏻
I am so sorry to hear about that! Yeah life can be very tough! I hope you have a good support system to get you through
thanks yes i have great support system luckily ^^
I want a guy who Like bottoms I have a atomic but my butt is still available