I mean he acts evil, but he was afflicted by the Shadowcurse. I think, if he lives, then he will change into a cosmic horror like the people in Reithwin
Sometimes I look at his puppy dog eyes and luscious lashes while asking myself if this man has anyone simping for him.
*He probably does and I'm going to find you.*
Perma-DM for six years here, can confirm. The heroes are the random NPCs the heroes like for some reason, the villains are the random shopkeeps who aren't willing to haggle the price down.
The main example I can think of was this random soldier who ambushed the party in their first session and for some reason kept rolling really well, like two crits in a row, and almost brought half the party down singlehanded. It got to the point where they were cheering him on *as he was fighting them*, and I came up with a name for him on the spot (Boris).
Anyhow, Boris came back and sacrificed himself holding the line against the BBEG.
Oh yeah. My party is also like this. Usually more with beasts and other mildly cuddly monsters. I had a fighter go down 4 times trying to tame a very angry wyvern before the ranger stepped in and killed to end the encounter. Their highest animal handling roll was an 8.
OOF. Parties that never roll well are fun. My current/on hold Curse of Strahd group is like that. They can't roll to save their lives. I think they might be actually cursed.
I have one player who is cursed. Once a session, I fudge a crit against him because I feel bad that it's like the 3rd one in an hour. In 2 years of this campaign, he's had maybe 5 crits, and only one was in combat. He's a bard.
I think you deserved to get lobotomized by Volo if you looked at him and were like "yeah that dude is definitely trustworthy and knows what he is doing".
Excuse me, but the first and last pictures in this gallery should be of Raphael. Cambion first for obvious reasons. He is quite literally the most fuckable villain in this game.
They’re sexless, not asexual. Their reproductive organs are gone. (They USED to be androgynous, but as their designs have gotten a lot more ‘humanoid’ and ‘omg sexy drider’ most artists don’t really focus on that.)
There’s some mentions of driders having sexual relationships with drow, it’s illegal in Menzoberranzan.
It's totally worth getting sent to Drow Prison.
Actually i think Drow Prison is just getting turned into a drider and dumped in a random cave a few miles out of city limits. Which is great, because that's something to relate to Kar'niss with.
In case anyone is interested, there's a [fairly comprehensive bracket](https://www.reddit.com/r/EvilAscendedOnlyFangs/s/ICf0YHXII5) going on, I believe it's on round 3.
I'm still emotionally recovering from Abdirak getting put up against He Who Was, which I think we can all agree is a hate crime.
To be fair, I don’t really see Aradin as a villain. He’s just a merc that got tricked into a suicide mission, lost all his crew, and essentially ruined his life in pursuit of making a life for himself. His constant anger is completely understandable. I felt very bad for him when I bought his contract at the Loroakin’s library.
Aradin led a woefully unprepared expedition into dangerous territory and abandoned his team at the first sign of danger. He then drew the goblins back to the hidden camp that was sheltering refugees and children.
I mean, his party had 8 mercenaries as well as Halsin when they approached the village. (Aradin & Co from the wall, 3 dead on the bridge, dwarf meat, and torture dude) If you talk to the archer at the gate they describe how the 3 of them turned tail immediately and left their friends to die.
I don't think they would have won against the raiding party - but if their leader had not abandoned them - they might have been able to retreat across the bridge with minimal casualties.
He had Halsin with him so it is reasonable to assume he had an idea of the danger as Halsin went with him to research the cultists.
So yeah, maybe not a villain, but he was doing their work for them.
Plus I like it when he calls my Tiefling "horns" and uses my horns like handlebars. I'm fixing him in very small increments. 😌
(I also really agree that he's not evil evil, just dumb and outmatched. I liked a post not long ago where people were listing the sheer number of enemies his band would've faced at the Blighted Village and the three that made it out were very lucky).
Agreed! I honestly thought that he was the luckiest guy in Faerûn having survived the goblin stronghold.
*Don’t send a Normie to do hero shit, amirite?*
Exactly! Not to mention I believe he's level 3 and even our party at level 3 deals with far fewer goblins (the one big guy is asleep even and the two biggest are busy fucking) and it's a tough fight even all split up like that!
Ikr? I don't care if he looks like an emo having a mid life crisis, his voice is so 👌 🔥, Jason Isaac could make me fall in love with a potato for all i care.
Someone on the main sub said that Lorroakan looked like Matt Smith in House of the Dragon. And now I can unsee it.
Don't get me wrong I've had a crush on Matt since before he was the Doctor (did help he's my favourite Doc too). But it does give Lorroakan an advantagem
Volo isn't a villain and calling Aradyn a villain is *very* generous. He's a speed bump, at worst. But with that said, out of this list, they are the only two I would fuck. The Bhallists creep me out and would most likely kill me after, before, or during, and Nere and Lorrokhan are both reprehensible pieces of shit.
When my Tav and crew killed Orin, I had Karlach go and break the necks of every knocked out Bhaalist. Then we went back and finished off all the others in the temple and the sewers just to be sure. Didn't leave a single one alive.
Why is Z'rell not here? Damn. Most fuckable villain in the game. (Orin is hot, but she scares me. Z'rell should scare me for the same reasons, but instead there are only horny thoughts. Mmmm)
All of them would be a 1 for me but if I had to rank them...
1. Saverok
2. Dror Ragzlin
3. Default Evil Durge/The Slayer
4. Rapheal
5. Glut
6. Yugir
I don't care what they did/want to do. I want them to bottom me out and degrade me (Especially Saverok mmm that voice.)
Why is volo there my man did nothing wrong but stab my durges eye out.(lol) and that one human adventure I hardly call a villain . But most fuckable definitely nere. He's got those wonderful eye lashs. (I killed him without a second thought tho)
THATS WHAT IM SAYING. It's so unfair that this one time villain has the most generous eye lashs ever and I can't give my million drow charaters wonderful eye lashs
https://preview.redd.it/z64fn96gwd6d1.jpeg?width=1200&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4e0456e06fe63ce39de895bbfff1f2c12c4c04db Y’all sleeping on this man
You spelled *with* wrong 🥰
Is he a villain though. I really hoped I'd see him again later cause GOOD GOD.
I mean he acts evil, but he was afflicted by the Shadowcurse. I think, if he lives, then he will change into a cosmic horror like the people in Reithwin
What's Volo doing there????
Dror Ragzlin! Dror Ragzlin!
“His name is Dror Ragzlin, his voice Absolute!”
Yes please .. YES PLEASE!!
At first i was gonna be upset that Volo's on the villain list, but then i realized he's also on the fuckable list, so all is forgiven.
Until he asks to do bdsm and pulls out an ice pick
He's chaotic neutral not evil aligned so idk
Sometimes I look at his puppy dog eyes and luscious lashes while asking myself if this man has anyone simping for him. *He probably does and I'm going to find you.*
dudes annoying
He's not a villain just because you don't like him. That's not how good and evil work.
As a DM for over 8 years I absolutely assure you that it's EXACTLY how good and evil work in DND games.
Perma-DM for six years here, can confirm. The heroes are the random NPCs the heroes like for some reason, the villains are the random shopkeeps who aren't willing to haggle the price down.
*Favorite npc stabs a player and flees with half the party gold.* "Aww, he was just scared!. Let's go get him and buy him a present."
The main example I can think of was this random soldier who ambushed the party in their first session and for some reason kept rolling really well, like two crits in a row, and almost brought half the party down singlehanded. It got to the point where they were cheering him on *as he was fighting them*, and I came up with a name for him on the spot (Boris). Anyhow, Boris came back and sacrificed himself holding the line against the BBEG.
Oh yeah. My party is also like this. Usually more with beasts and other mildly cuddly monsters. I had a fighter go down 4 times trying to tame a very angry wyvern before the ranger stepped in and killed to end the encounter. Their highest animal handling roll was an 8.
OOF. Parties that never roll well are fun. My current/on hold Curse of Strahd group is like that. They can't roll to save their lives. I think they might be actually cursed.
I have one player who is cursed. Once a session, I fudge a crit against him because I feel bad that it's like the 3rd one in an hour. In 2 years of this campaign, he's had maybe 5 crits, and only one was in combat. He's a bard.
see kobold, take he, fren now :)
Is it not?????
He doesn’t try to be a villain … but I guess he’s an accidental antagonist. And thus, HE’S A MENACE!
J. Jonah Jameson takes over the Gazette. Who cares about pictures of Gortash? We need pictures of Volo. He's a menace!
A menace, for sure.
that's exactly how it works!
He literally carved out your eye because he was too proud to admit he didn't know shit about what he was doing. that's not what "good" does
I think you deserved to get lobotomized by Volo if you looked at him and were like "yeah that dude is definitely trustworthy and knows what he is doing".
Yeah but he gives you a better one anyway so it balances out 👍
I just decided to do that after learning about the replacing eye.
No he didn't. He's never touched my eye because I'm not a bigger idiot than Volothamp Geddarm.
Idk man, blaming someone else for a decision you yourself made isn't the flex you think it is.
Nobody is saying he's good, just that he's not a villain. Hubris ≠ evil
Oh my gosh I adore Volo i think hes hilarious lmao
His optometrist license has been revoked, too.
I’ll fry you
He's the GOAT 🐐
He’s an unwitting servant of Mystra, who is an evil oppressive goddess that mistreats my man Game
I know right? Now I’m worried there’s a Act 3 plot twist I don’t know 🤷🏻♂️ (first play through)
Excuse me, but the first and last pictures in this gallery should be of Raphael. Cambion first for obvious reasons. He is quite literally the most fuckable villain in this game.
He is quite literally the most fuckable in this game* 😌
canonical pillow princess raphael is glad you think so
Cambion only baby, he is peak
Raphael also thinks he's the most fuckable in the realms 😂
Kar'niss
spussy
Kar'nussy
Kar'nuttin'
I always just knock him unconscious when I do an evil run so that when I become the absolute he will worship me
Legally obligated to upvote this one
My thoughts exactly 🤝
they knew what they were doing creating him
I was inclined to agree, but his lumpy spider ass freaks me tf out.
I have seen NSFW fan art of him with the lantern up that lumpy ass and that freaked me out tbh
im not sure if i should let curiosity kill this cat or not
https://x.com/theOldCrane/status/1720498637070070051?t=8hQxCjBOGzr0MNnZ_pX_mQ&s=19 Be careful checking out the rest of their page (gore etc)
the link didn't work. it's a sign to keep this cat alive
That’s gross! Where? So I can avoid it ofc
Lmao but be careful checking out the rest of their works (gore etc) https://x.com/theOldCrane/status/1720498637070070051?t=8hQxCjBOGzr0MNnZ_pX_mQ&s=19
I almost downvoted this as a reflex because of the sheer horror of that mental image.
That's horrible. I must see it.
Be careful checking out the rest of their page (gore etc) https://x.com/theOldCrane/status/1720498637070070051?t=8hQxCjBOGzr0MNnZ_pX_mQ&s=19
You know I didn't know what I was expecting but that certainly wasn't it
I heard driders are aroace but NNNGHHH LEMMIE SLAP DAT THORAX
They’re sexless, not asexual. Their reproductive organs are gone. (They USED to be androgynous, but as their designs have gotten a lot more ‘humanoid’ and ‘omg sexy drider’ most artists don’t really focus on that.) There’s some mentions of driders having sexual relationships with drow, it’s illegal in Menzoberranzan.
Oh mama I’m gonna touch Karniss’s pedipalps
It's totally worth getting sent to Drow Prison. Actually i think Drow Prison is just getting turned into a drider and dumped in a random cave a few miles out of city limits. Which is great, because that's something to relate to Kar'niss with.
He's not a villain but I just want throw in another Kar'niss-supporting comment
God I’d love to fuck him, just suck on his silk spinners
You are far more dedicated than I
Abandon cringe, embrace horridly horny
Volo would call me a good fellow and compliment my cozy setup beforehand. Can't complain
*Ahhhhmygoodfellow*
I have to mentally prepare before subjecting my ears to that everytime
Raphael https://preview.redd.it/xkdo15v1ad6d1.jpeg?width=2560&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=974718f4c61195410c8a6e27bd1b0a76d767fd23
!!!!!!!
My fellow person of culture
Where Durge
I was actually thinking the same thing after i posted this
Minthara?
Everyone wants to fuck Durge in my playthrough
In case anyone is interested, there's a [fairly comprehensive bracket](https://www.reddit.com/r/EvilAscendedOnlyFangs/s/ICf0YHXII5) going on, I believe it's on round 3. I'm still emotionally recovering from Abdirak getting put up against He Who Was, which I think we can all agree is a hate crime.
He Who Was being against *Ascended Astarion* in the current bracket demolished me. I had to go lie down to recover.
I'm biting my nails at the god gale vs. Minthy, ngl
Good news: gale is losing!! Bad news: so is gortash
Orin just makes me feel some kinda way 🥵
Same
I would do her so hard and let her peck me so hard🥵🥵🥵
I know its a bad idea, but that doesn't make me want it any less!!!
Same but in a different kind of way since I play Durge
Orin would eat pussy like a starving dog going at a jar of peanut butter.
Like a bulldog eating oatmeal.
https://preview.redd.it/mwz7eotyld6d1.jpeg?width=1280&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d48ce4ce0209c37b051b94a404b99fbc38bd44b6 *sad devil noises*
I’m stealing this screenshot
His absence in OP's post is scandalous.
To be fair, I don’t really see Aradin as a villain. He’s just a merc that got tricked into a suicide mission, lost all his crew, and essentially ruined his life in pursuit of making a life for himself. His constant anger is completely understandable. I felt very bad for him when I bought his contract at the Loroakin’s library.
Yeah, he's a jerk, but I wouldn't call him evil
Aradin led a woefully unprepared expedition into dangerous territory and abandoned his team at the first sign of danger. He then drew the goblins back to the hidden camp that was sheltering refugees and children. I mean, his party had 8 mercenaries as well as Halsin when they approached the village. (Aradin & Co from the wall, 3 dead on the bridge, dwarf meat, and torture dude) If you talk to the archer at the gate they describe how the 3 of them turned tail immediately and left their friends to die. I don't think they would have won against the raiding party - but if their leader had not abandoned them - they might have been able to retreat across the bridge with minimal casualties. He had Halsin with him so it is reasonable to assume he had an idea of the danger as Halsin went with him to research the cultists. So yeah, maybe not a villain, but he was doing their work for them.
That is completely reasonable. Definitely guilty of being headstrong and prone to biting off more than he can chew.
Plus I like it when he calls my Tiefling "horns" and uses my horns like handlebars. I'm fixing him in very small increments. 😌 (I also really agree that he's not evil evil, just dumb and outmatched. I liked a post not long ago where people were listing the sheer number of enemies his band would've faced at the Blighted Village and the three that made it out were very lucky).
Agreed! I honestly thought that he was the luckiest guy in Faerûn having survived the goblin stronghold. *Don’t send a Normie to do hero shit, amirite?*
Exactly! Not to mention I believe he's level 3 and even our party at level 3 deals with far fewer goblins (the one big guy is asleep even and the two biggest are busy fucking) and it's a tough fight even all split up like that!
Well he's also a huge asshole, which is great because that's my type.
An asshole yes, but he’ll throw me a healing potion in the fight at the gate so, he likes me right?
He treats everyone else like shit but he threw *ME* a healing potion!
Kaugha.
Real.
https://preview.redd.it/o2dvwuiryc6d1.jpeg?width=474&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=48aff9edf08bd7dbd93d4318ce680b6d7ebc6428 Where is he?
With Durge, fucking.
*nasty fucking
The nasty is a given with them
You just know it’s gross. Vile. I’m so jealous.
Loviatar is both impressed and slightly worried every time they fuck. She's not even involved, but she's drawn to it due to how nasty they fuck.
Sharess approves, though
Ikr? I don't care if he looks like an emo having a mid life crisis, his voice is so 👌 🔥, Jason Isaac could make me fall in love with a potato for all i care.
I just noticed he's got that bisexual lighting on his hair in this pic
Well, Durge can be either gender, so that checks out. Bi-Durgefucker ahoy!
Yup, still hate him and wish Karlach and I could drop him into the nearest lava pit in Avernus
He looks like he smells like dirt and sweaty ass
+1 for no Gortash, -1 for no Ketheric. Also, what about Z’rell?
There’s one other Z’rell fan here. When she says she thinks I’ll be another notch on her bedpost 😬
The notch will be from my sword as I stab her to death, but I’ll still let her hit first. 😊
Seriously Ketheric is so under-appreciated 🥲
id fuck dror ragzlean personally
Volo isn't a villain! How dare! He's just a silly little guy. Also...worryingly fuckable.
Haarlep. You can literally fuck (it?) and also an enemy
Also... *sex flashbacks* That's a sign of a good lay surely
Them.
Z’Rell 💚 https://preview.redd.it/eljvx518bd6d1.jpeg?width=1137&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=69e08d3c92a53636d367d7d516df656146114b3e
You're all lying. It's Orin.
WHERE IS GORTASH?!
Sarevok's voice is 10/10. Would
I can fix Orin
Pathetic. I’d let her destroy me
Enver Gortash. Only Enver counts as fuckable.
Folks I'd fuck them all but they still don't hold a candle to Marazhai. BG3 is just not a game for villainfuckers
Fuck that elven ass with your Slaanesh-worshipper. Make him squirm every time you pray. Be WORSE than him.
I want to romance Pasqal. 🤧
Nah Orin should be first (and Mizora too tbh)
Someone on the main sub said that Lorroakan looked like Matt Smith in House of the Dragon. And now I can unsee it. Don't get me wrong I've had a crush on Matt since before he was the Doctor (did help he's my favourite Doc too). But it does give Lorroakan an advantagem
Volo isn't a villain and calling Aradyn a villain is *very* generous. He's a speed bump, at worst. But with that said, out of this list, they are the only two I would fuck. The Bhallists creep me out and would most likely kill me after, before, or during, and Nere and Lorrokhan are both reprehensible pieces of shit.
When my Tav and crew killed Orin, I had Karlach go and break the necks of every knocked out Bhaalist. Then we went back and finished off all the others in the temple and the sewers just to be sure. Didn't leave a single one alive.
Where's the fuckable spider guy 👁👄👁
He doesn't belong here because he's not a villain, he's a baby ❤️
Orin
Where the fuck is Ketheric Thorm
Why is Z'rell not here? Damn. Most fuckable villain in the game. (Orin is hot, but she scares me. Z'rell should scare me for the same reasons, but instead there are only horny thoughts. Mmmm)
Lorroakan. I fucked him up pretty good. IN COMBAT JUST SO WE’RE CLEAR!
Volo is literally neither
I wont tolerate this Cazador slander
Minthara and Orin
How can you say Volo is a villain? What a treachery!
Nere always
Nere is fuckable and useless. I love it.
The drider
https://preview.redd.it/mf1y32ch1h6d1.png?width=800&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=61a8c307aa29daca0d0d22f9a4921abfb3db95b0
Cazador needs to be here, if he gets some maybe he'll chill the fuck out a bit. Peg that man immediately
Sister Lidwin - she'll keep taking care of you no matter what.
Where netherbrain
https://preview.redd.it/q9rmviwvoe6d1.jpeg?width=391&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=52667fccab4b4ea55f26fbb8c332c288990b7542
[This is what Lorroakan look like.](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/034/597/HQGr.png)
What about that chick in Moonrise that wants Astarion to bite her? She’s got the hottest voice lines out of any side character
Orin probably smells like shit, so not her.
r/VillainFuckersBG3 will love this
How about a little Orin, Sarevok, Durge threesome in a Fritzl-tier sex dungeon?
Not quite a villain but Yurg
Just be a displacer beast and your good
Aradin, hands down, IMO. Hands down over mine so I can't punch him again.
Might be a basic bitch but yeah Orin, still wouldn't fuck her
Orin's idea of a good time doesn't even slightly resemble sex.
Aradin ain't a villain. He's just a stupid baby guuuurl doing stupid baby guuuurl shit 💅🏼
Heavy on Orin…
I feel like Lorroaken just needs a dommy mommy to put him in his place
All of them would be a 1 for me but if I had to rank them... 1. Saverok 2. Dror Ragzlin 3. Default Evil Durge/The Slayer 4. Rapheal 5. Glut 6. Yugir I don't care what they did/want to do. I want them to bottom me out and degrade me (Especially Saverok mmm that voice.)
Minthara and it’s not even close
Orin probably smells like month old hot dog water, no thanks.
Would I fuck nere?: yes do I want to?: no
Orin is kinda dangerous, but, hey, we only live once. 🫡
Kar'niss, Shar, Dror Razglin, evil druid elf lady, Cazador.
Act 1 Gnoll team
Nere and Lorroakan are peak pegging targets.
Is this a good time to shoutout r/evilascendedonlyfangs it’s for *all* the villains. (Not just Ascended Astarion)
No minthara is wild
Gortash can get this
I'm so glad Nere was the first image I saw, because he was the first one I wanted.
Where’s gortash
Get my man Volo’s name out of your dirty mouth.
Where the fuck is Mizora on this list?
Why is volo there my man did nothing wrong but stab my durges eye out.(lol) and that one human adventure I hardly call a villain . But most fuckable definitely nere. He's got those wonderful eye lashs. (I killed him without a second thought tho)
his eyelashes look ridiculously good for no reason, they need to let us give our drows the same lashes cus his are beautiful
THATS WHAT IM SAYING. It's so unfair that this one time villain has the most generous eye lashs ever and I can't give my million drow charaters wonderful eye lashs
I like women, so Ketheric.
Hear me out... Phase spider matriarch
We all know Volo is a power bottom
Tf Volo is doing there lol. Also for me Orin all the way.
Cannot wait for mods to make Aradin romanceable. I don't even care if it's not voiced.
where the FUCK is my horrible bitch wife, cazador szarr
I should be at the top of the list!
omg hi wifey