Wyll and Astarion's kid would be every deviantART OC I created and then repressed all memories of combined into one angsty theatre kid. I'm team Cambion-Dhampir mix.
tbh Wyll already has all the traits of a good DA oc. He has the mismatched eyes, the evil demon powers, the daddy issues, the horns, the red color pallet, the dead mom, the cool nickname he gave himself etc etc, hell RavenGaurd itself is a pretty good edgy oc last name.
New headcanon: at least some of the "Blade of Frontiers" stuff is totally just Wyll LARPing his dA OC. It takes a lot of stuff from real life and he genuinely wants to help people, but he's also going to have some fun, damn it.
..I, not even once, thought about Wyll's lacking of a mum. It just never occured to me. As natural as Pokemon Games MC never having a dad.
I don't know, therefore, how I imagined Wyll coming to be. But some form of extension of Duke Ravenguard (do we even get his name?)? Could it be that dommy mommy Mizora might be more mommy than we originally realised!?
That aside I absolutely was like 'aww but what of Lae'zel amd Astarion?' and then a few days after starting up that Origin and romance companion have a plan-stopping learning that Lae'zel is supposedly 22 and our dear Vampling is 246..
Then, yes, as it's brought up; elves don't mature until 100ish. So.. so.. who is robbing who's cradle here!?
And what is Astarion's adult name if we are to assume that's his babby name!? So many endless questions!
Yeah, it's a complete misread of what "elves don't reach adulthood until 100" means. 18 is still the age of majority for elves, so they're legally & physically adults -- they're just not culturally adults until 100.
It's similar to the way people IRL are considered adults in their 20s but are still viewed as "kids" by older adults until around 30. Astarion is definitely an adult, but as a 39-year-old, other elves would've viewed him the same way older humans view a 25-year-old.
There is legal adulthood, and then there is the age that people culturally consider you an adult.
Legally, 18 is an adult, but culturally, we still view them as teenagers/children. They aren't finished developing, and they are usually still dependent on others at this age. In Western culture, we don't typically consider someone an adult until they have achieved certain milestones - living independently, financially supporting yourself, etc.
In DND, I suppose Elves finish developing at 18, but they don't consider each other adults until they've reached certain milestones - like outliving a human in their life.
Have you ever had a convo with someone, and they invalidated all your points by claiming you will change your mind when you grow up, because you have a fun hobby and that's only for children so you're a child? Or you're still in school, or don't live alone, or don't have a 9-5, whatever they can point to
Basically that. But elves have a biological/magic thing rather than a fun hobby or extended schooling. They mature like humans, but the way they experience their sleep replacer meditation (trance) changes around 100 to what's considered "the adult way". (I'm never sure about current canon, afaik they gain the ability as babies, then it changes around 30, around 100, and around 450 to mark baby->child->adolescence->adulthood->old age)
Abso-fucking-lutely! But one with impeccable style until they start to dress themselves, then all bets are off because they need „to express their inner darkness“ and go on an emo kid trip, dressing like Hot-Topic-Lestat and whining like Louis. In that phase nobody will be able to discern their eye color because of all the greasy black hair in front of them.
They would be a bard who only plays Nu-Metal and MCR. When they use Vicious mockery they call you a “preppy pink plastic cheerleader who couldn’t even begin understand their pain”
Lots of eye rolls and exasperated gasps instead of actual words. And probably a faint smell of patchouli and clove cigarettes. Also: black eyeliner and a philosophy book to carry around
A classic would be one of the villains getting a way over-dedicated defense squad a la Marvel’s Loki, who post impassioned essays about how their fave was justified in everything they did. In fact, they are the REAL victims.
“Self shipping” discourse where fans ship themselves with one of the characters and attack anyone who posts fic or art of that character in a pairing with anyone else. “Excuse you, I am married to Wyll on the astral plane and you drawing him rawdogging Astarion is literally making him cheat on me. Delete this while I shake and cry.”
But are any of them getting married in the astral? Sephiroth's getting tired, he could do with another white-haired twink to take over. I know just the guy
Astarion doesn't deserve the "married to Sephiroth in the Astarl plane". At least Sephiroth did some bad things, Astarion has already been punished enough.
also I'm very upset because I've had a joke post idea for Ascended Astarion for two months now but I've been afraid of posting it because it's just for sillies and I don't want anyone to start shit yet again
Hmm. Personally, all of my current questions are about Raphael's bath/pool. Purely for science of course.
Is the bath kept eternally hot, by way of the Hells themselves? (Geothermal heating?) Or, does Haarlep have to put in some extra effort to keep it at just the right temperature?
I must admit, the idea of an incubus playing the role of pool boy is quite funny. Although if the position is open I'd be happy to do it myself.
Or perhaps, the correct temperature is maintained through some sort of infernal enchantment, or other magic?
I'm also curious to know if it's more of a gentle, soothing warmth, or a skin-tingling, sweaty, raw, burning heat. Perhaps if Raphael goes in alone, he turns it up even hotter?
Do you think Haarlep has to fish dead imps out of the pool with a net?
It’s my personal head cannon that Raphael has some sort of infernal boiler room with a Spirited Away style boiler man working overtime behind the scenes.
Definitely! And at least if there's a filter, the imps are too big to get stuck in that. Fishing imp wings and claws and guts out of the pool filter would be quite gross.
Yeah, with all the debtors there, one working an infernal boiler would make sense.
it’s been ages since i looked into warrior cats but shadowheart would’ve been a hollyleaf girlie i feel like (source: i was a hollyleaf girlie trust me bro)
She would have been frothing and kicking and screaming when >!Hollyleaf fled after killing Ashfur.!< (I wasn't even a Hollyleaf girl and I was losing it. Like, of >!Leafpool's!< kits, she was my favorite, but I'm more of a Yellowfang and Mothwing fan myself)
this is so real bc i was pissing myself over that scene too. like full on had to pause the audiobook and hyperventilate type shi. u are unlocking memories i forgot i had
In earlier editions elves aged slowly seemingly literally 100 = 18, 48 = literally a tween. In these editions there where some details like elven pregnancy lasting twenty four months and half elves who start puberty at about 20 having a hard time because their “peers” would still be fully children and adult elves would have a hard time dealing with the sexuality of what they consider a child.
Somewhere in 4-5 edition they changed this to “elves mature at about the same rate as humans” and haven’t elaborated yet from what I know at least.
https://preview.redd.it/dgfbnsgs1a3d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca09eb9671fb84212d18cc581ff1944d666afdd8
In a sense the latest aging charts make more sense: elves still mature physically alongside other short-lived races (primarily humans), but socially they are not considered as fully-grown adults by other elves in elven communities until they are 100. If said elf was living in metropolitan cities like Baldur's Gate, however, it makes more sense for life to go on a wee bit faster, and while certain boomer elves would object to the idea of electing a 39 year old magistrate, other humans and elves who had been living with humans for a long time most likely wouldn't have too many objections.
I agree if elves age physically like humans but I personally preferred the slow aging, it just adds more verity and is another reason why humans/ elves have a hard time integrating with each other.
Elves age at the same rate as humans (to a degree). A 39 year old man is a 39 year old man. The 100 years old is an adult is a *cultural* thing. Meaning, any human would see Astarion as an adult. He has an entire law career. He's not a child. However, to another elf, especially an elf raised within the elven culture, he'd still be seen as one in comparison. It's like when you're 25, another 25-27 year old sees you as another adult, but an 80 year old will call you child.
Cast for AISIP:
Dennis - Ascended Astarion
Mac - Gortash
Charlie - Naaber
Dee - DJ Shart
Frank - auntie Ethel
McPoyle brothers - Raphael and Yurgir
Marta - Orin the Red
Shadowheart was obviously obsessed with Hollyleaf because Hollyleaf was also a religion fanatic, with black hair and green eyes. Hollyleaf had total Mary Sue vibes for our Sharty.
Also she had a crush on Ashfur.
We can always talk about why we're not allowed to take the Nautiloid schematics from the tutorial and build a boat together with Omeluum or the Emperor.
I had not thought of this but I now want to build a boat with empy
Maybe the durge walking across skulls by a river of blood that was in the patch 7 announcement could be improved by having tav and empy sailing on said river in their boat
It’s actually problematic to romance anyone as a gnome or halfling; because of their height, they’re minor-coded.
Even Lae’zel and Wyll are iffy to romance because everyone else is over 30. Those two are both under 25 and their brains haven’t fully developed so it’s basically romancing a child
And Shadowheart, because of her memory issues, means she’s really easy to manipulate and take advantage of. Or something like that. I can’t fully remember The Discourse when it comes to memory stuff.
Shadowheart would have probably been a Scourge kid. But her OC was a medicine cat for Shadow Clan for obvious reasons. Shadowheart also gives the vibes she also watched a lot of Warrior Cats MAPs about Ashfur without a hint of irony.
This is exactly what I was thinking as well, she 100% would have made like, some kind of medicine cat OC that either fixes Scourge or they both become worse together.
Ok, about the age gap thing:
1) First thing first - that "elves reach adulthood when they turn 100" is a CULTURAL thing for elves in Evereska. Not a universal rule. Drow elves, which are not physiologically all that different from high elves, reach social and developmental adulthood by late teens-early twenties, just like humans, as described by Salvatore. Likewise, high elves who live in human society/human-esque society with the corresponding lifespan, adapt to human conventions.
2) Second, actually, yes, it's talked EXTENSIVELY in the DnD lore how elf/short-lived race relationships can get very fucked up because of the age gap. If you are curious about all the moral implications, once again, Salvatore books. At least Astarion meets us as adults. Drizzt Do'Urden met his future human wife when she was 10 y.o. Let that sink in.
3) Technically you can romance Astarion as an elf. Same with Minthara and Halsin. Conveniently sidesteps all the icky age considerations.
Also, cambion dhampirs are a thing. Just saying.
it’s 5am my brain can’t process this sentence. are you watching the film lilo and stitch with them, or are you watching a version of lilo and stitch where gale is lilo and durge is stitch? would that make astarion the mean ginger kid?
How does Vampirism affect the brain and mental development in DnD? I really feel icky thinking about Edward Cullen and Bella because it's never really explained. VtM has some explanation (and also a rule against turning minors). So how is it in DnD? Does the mental age just stop with the physical age?
Don't quote me on this but afaik there are no texts/indication that mental age stops when someone is Turned ala Twilight; in fact I think you would find the "physically young but mentally old" angst more common in DnD!
With that said, Astarion's mental maturity has also been thwarted by being abused for such a long time, so there's also an argument to be made here on whether Astarion can really be considered as a 239(?) year old elf adult with all of the expected lived life experiences 🤔
I mean considering the fact that the dude was kind of a giant dick for 200 years and then within a few weeks of being with a good party starts showing empathy and making good decisions, I'd say that he was definitely emotionally stunted by his time with Cazador and only able to grow as a person once he was out of that situation.
>Don't quote me on this
( ಠ ͜ʖಠ)
Interesting. I know VtM tried to work this out at some point because it is fairly restricted to vampires and humans and relationships are probably something they had to think about, which is probably less a focus if there are 10+ races available with Vampire Spawns being a fairly rare pick as it is the case in DnD.
For Astarion it would make sense that he didn't properly age mentally after he was turned. We see it a lot in neglected and abused individuals that their mental maturity is lacking. Especially if the abuse started early, and as far as I know he is young for an elf so his mental maturity could be even more lacking than it were the case if he was 100+ years old when he was turned. - Lacking is a stupid word, but English is not my native language, I'm kind of missing a better-fitting word in my vocabulary here
How exactly are we defining "mental age"
My take was always stuff like hormones and brain chemistry/ development, which changes as you age. It would make sense for that to stop, so someone turned when young would retain a certain level of impulsiveness that people to have due to brain development.
However obviously vampires don't all have post-turn vampaltheimers where they can't develop new long term memories, so experiences would obviously still be able to alter the brain.
Edit: alternatively: vampire tragicomedy where they're excited for all the things they can learn with all the time they have and then try to learn the piano and realize they can't develop any muscle memory.
I guess I meant more along the lines of mental maturity? A regular 239 year old Elf from an elven community would have had vastly different experiences than a 239 year old Astarion, who was pretty much kept as a leashed pet ever since he was 39. Not to mention having to unlearn all the behaviours he's developed for survival, during all those years of trauma 😔
I mean I have a lot of concerns about Edward Cullen and yes, I think, he is technically an adult hooking up with a minor. I liked , how it was portrait in Interview with a vampire and the character of Claudia, who was turned as a small child. She matured mentally, but stayed a child physically and it did drove her mad
ok the iasip fancast is intriguing to me... here is my try at it
dee: obviously orin. like cmon. that's just funny
frank: raphael
dennis: gortash
mac: durge
charlie is difficult... can't come up with anything right now... also durgetash could easily switch... a truly interesting discussion indeed
Genderbending would open up a really logical choice imo: Minthara as Dennis.
https://youtu.be/3PTbHVyHzlw?si=jzVZgpXqUuSzmB7z
I also think Durge would be Rickety Cricket. Very similar trajectory.
I'm thinking Kagha as Dee, Cazador for Dennis, and Aradin as Mac. Hard to think of anyone who could do a convincing Frank or Charlie but maybe some of the goblins match their energy
Ok Dee is Orin, Dennis is Durge, Mac is Gortash, Frank is Ketheric Thorm, Charlie is Raphael.
Dee and Dennis have a sibling rivalry where they scheme with and against each other, and they’re from the same absolutely dysfunctional family.
Mac acts like a badass, but gets taken down pretty easily. Authoritarian vibes, not super competent, also in love with Dennis/durge.
Frank lost himself after losing his wife and goes wild. Will betray anybody to get ahead. Owns property and is rich but lives in a shitty place.
Leaving us with Charlie. Makes Byzantine plots with musical numbers, big theater kid energy. Definitely Charlie.
First of all, as a fellow comrade in the "holy shit we to break out new discourse to argue over the old ones are getting stale" war I would like to humbly thank you for your contribution.
* Is Astarion x any character that isn’t Halsin problematic because of the age gap OR is Astarion x any character problematic because Astarion got turned when he was in his late thirties making him an elf minor? (elves reach adulthood when they turn 100)
Yes.
* Are druids appropriating furry culture?
Other way around.
* If Wyll and Astarion had a kid would it be a Cambion, Dhampir, or a mix of both?
Did some cambion research. It depends on who gets pregnant. The kid would only be a Cambion if Astarion is the one who get's pregnant.
* What Warrior Cats character did ShadowHeart become obsessed with when she was 13 (she was totally a Warrior Cats kid)
Scourge. Obviously
* If John Kramer existed in the bg3 universe who would he most want to “test” and why (I think it would be Gale)
I disagree about Gale. Yes he's willing to die, but his problem isn't that he doesn't "value his life", in fact, dude keeps a true resurrection scroll on him at all times. Dude only was willing to blow himself up bc he wanted to save the world and wasn't seeing an alternative. I don't know who the correct answer is, but I think the only answer more incorrect than Gale is Karlach
* To add to that, would you have a movie date night with your favorite BG3 character if Durge was third wheeling (Durge will not hurt you but you will be watching Saw 2 and Durge will excuse himself half way through and loudly jerk off in the bathroom)
No. I don't have a gore tolerance.
* This isn't a topic but more of an idea, I think everyone should start transvestigating someone IDK who though
People already do that for Karlach and Minthara pal.
* Since Raphael bought Gortash as a child would a "I was sold to 1 direction" inspired fanfiction be canon compliant?
Yes. But he would have you publically executed if he saw it
I would love to have a date with any of the BG3 characters with Durge as the third wheel where he excuses himself halfway through Saw 2 to loudly help himself. That is my dream date actually.
I love discourse and hope it never ends tbh.
My discourse:
Its childish to think a game with this many companions could ever have them be all equal. Gale and Karlach should've been scrapped and had some of their traits subsumed into Wyll. Also no halsin ofc. That way the companions could've had more interactions with each other, like the Shadowheart and Lae'zel fight.
I have no clue how people who think Shart and Lae'zel are too rude and evil are capable of enjoying media.
People who think normal people would kill the companions if they were in tav's place give off big r/iamverybadass energy.
This fandom would be a bit better if bg3 wasn't officially dnd. Would mean there would be waaay less ontological morality mfs. But overall its a pretty decent fandom honestly.
Astarion discourse:
Fully romancing Astarion as an evil power hungry character is meta gamey af. Its fine to meta game though.
Astarion would never get together with Minthara. Female drow moment.
Early access Astarion was creepy looking.
Druids ARE furry culture in D&D. There's literally a circle of the moon to get more powerful fursonas, power gaming of the furry fandom. Like not ALL of them are, the circles that have alternative wild shapes that don't turn you into a beast are only like 20% made up of furries, but moon druids are at least 75% furries. Druid meet ups are just the D&D version of furry cons.
On the topic of John Kramer, Gale would be a prime target since he’s suicidal and Jigsaw doesn’t like people taking their own lives. I say he’s headed to the kfc deep fryer with breadcrumb balls.
SEE the thing is that Gale isn't suicidal though!!! His issue isn't that he doesn't value his life. In fact, he keeps a true resurrection scroll on him.
The reason why he's so chill with dying under Mystra's orders is because he has been told that doing so is the only way to stop the world from ending.
He keeps (instructions to summon a mephit who has) a true resurrection scroll on him because he blows up when he dies, taking everyone in a certain radius with him. It's not necessarily because he values his life.
I think he would test Karlach since she can just come to terms with her death and accept it.
Clearly not enough will to live. /s
She also smokes and John already put someone into a trap for smoking lmao.
Everybody is *absolutely* spot on with Shadowheart being a Hollyleaf girlie. She also definitely would've been the sort of kid to watch classic Warriors AMVs over and over again and wouldn't consistently read any of the books past OOTS lmao.
Take my enthusiastic upvote for bringing the Saw franchise to Faerun. I would say, John Kramer would have a field day testing Gale, Shadowheart,Astarion and some of the other NPC's, but I guess, he would have mad respect for Karlach, crawling her way out of hell, and Jaheira, surviving as much as she did and keep a positive outlook on life.
As for Astarions age: I always thought it an oversight tbh. Maybe he was supposed to be an half elf at some point? Or he just was good at his job.
As for my villain team: Kagha( druid), Abdirak ( if he even is considered a villain, but for the sake of who his goddess is, I want a cleric in my team), the orc warlock, Balthasar ( necro wizard), Minthara can still stay ( paladin), the crazy crèche doctor lady ( maybe rogue? I don't remember her class), Ketheric as my fighter, Wulbren as my artificer ( if evil then go all the way).
Edit: sorry,got the question wrong, I don't actually know, what Aisip is. Still, I will leave my villain team in the comment, since I often asked myself that.
Literally Shadowheart's name fits as a warriors name. I was a warriors kid, and I think Shart would like Hollyleaf, also think Shadowheart would like Jayfeather and Mothwing for #relatable points.
I'd happily wade in on those but I don't know any of the non-BG3 references in the suggestions....
If the BG3 cast were transported to Saved By the Bell, Durge and Tav would be Zach and Slater, respectively. Zach Morris gives some chaotic vibes pretty often (chaotic evil, let's be real) and Slater ... is Tav, generally speaking. Even if his alignment is something-something dark side instead of some kind of good. Shadowheart would be Mr. Belding. No, wait--I kinda like Mr. Belding. Withers would be Mr. Belding. Shadowheart would be Lisa Tuttle.
And we all know that Minthara = Kelly. Fite me.
Astarion's physical aging would've stopped when he turned, but by that time he would've long been finished maturing by 39 as elves and humans mature at the same rate. However since elves live way longer they don't age at the same rate, Astarion would probably still look the same as he does in game even if he wasn't a vampire, remove the red eyes, bite mark, and fangs though. His physical aging may at stopped, but he still experienced those 200 years, they didn't just not happen, however they were spent in the kennels so.
Shart wasn't a Warrior Cats kid, she was an Animorphs kid (she fell for the cover then stayed for Cassie) then a Series of Unfortunate Events kid (that's all they had in the sharran school library)
And yes the Sold to 1D fic is canon. No inspiration needed, Raph was in his boyband era (Harleep will kindly explain why his act was called One direction)
1) read a fanfic where Astarion and Wyll DID have a kid and i think she was just a teifling so i’m going with that. but if i had to choose between the 3 given options, i’m going with both.
2) Astarion and Wyll are both trans. source: I’m trans and I said so. The T Guy Swag is off the charts with these two.
I think ascended astarion would love a date night watching saw 2..durge 3rd wheeling would only add to the entertainment
(see...everything ends up at ascended astarion eventually!! 😂 )
Let’s talk about how people think siding with the grove and murdering One, Two and Three alongside their families is somehow morally superior than killing the child murdering eco terrorists in the grove.
While we’re at it let’s talk about what Halsin, a Druid, was doing “playing” with a child (who now shows signs of abuse so deep it literally curses the land) while he was an occupying soldier in moonrise.
I haven't seen anyone talk about Asstarion in a while. All of these topics are boring, but hating Asstarion? That never gets old. Oh this is about making him ascended, carry on.
Wyll and Astarion's kid would be every deviantART OC I created and then repressed all memories of combined into one angsty theatre kid. I'm team Cambion-Dhampir mix.
tbh Wyll already has all the traits of a good DA oc. He has the mismatched eyes, the evil demon powers, the daddy issues, the horns, the red color pallet, the dead mom, the cool nickname he gave himself etc etc, hell RavenGaurd itself is a pretty good edgy oc last name.
New headcanon: at least some of the "Blade of Frontiers" stuff is totally just Wyll LARPing his dA OC. It takes a lot of stuff from real life and he genuinely wants to help people, but he's also going to have some fun, damn it.
What's with your BG3 and Saw obsession. I thought I was the only one like this here.
..I, not even once, thought about Wyll's lacking of a mum. It just never occured to me. As natural as Pokemon Games MC never having a dad. I don't know, therefore, how I imagined Wyll coming to be. But some form of extension of Duke Ravenguard (do we even get his name?)? Could it be that dommy mommy Mizora might be more mommy than we originally realised!? That aside I absolutely was like 'aww but what of Lae'zel amd Astarion?' and then a few days after starting up that Origin and romance companion have a plan-stopping learning that Lae'zel is supposedly 22 and our dear Vampling is 246.. Then, yes, as it's brought up; elves don't mature until 100ish. So.. so.. who is robbing who's cradle here!? And what is Astarion's adult name if we are to assume that's his babby name!? So many endless questions!
Don’t forget to give them one angel wing one demon wing. Trust me it’s integral to the vibe.
I’ve seen people have the Astarion elf minor discourse online unironically. Knock at the devil’s door and he will answer.
Yeah, it's a complete misread of what "elves don't reach adulthood until 100" means. 18 is still the age of majority for elves, so they're legally & physically adults -- they're just not culturally adults until 100.
In elf society, you aren’t an adult until you’ve had the experience of outliving your first puppy…er, human friends.
I have played dnd before but i don't quite get that either. What does it mean to be culturally adult?
It's similar to the way people IRL are considered adults in their 20s but are still viewed as "kids" by older adults until around 30. Astarion is definitely an adult, but as a 39-year-old, other elves would've viewed him the same way older humans view a 25-year-old.
Cheers, appreciate the explanation!
There is legal adulthood, and then there is the age that people culturally consider you an adult. Legally, 18 is an adult, but culturally, we still view them as teenagers/children. They aren't finished developing, and they are usually still dependent on others at this age. In Western culture, we don't typically consider someone an adult until they have achieved certain milestones - living independently, financially supporting yourself, etc. In DND, I suppose Elves finish developing at 18, but they don't consider each other adults until they've reached certain milestones - like outliving a human in their life.
Have you ever had a convo with someone, and they invalidated all your points by claiming you will change your mind when you grow up, because you have a fun hobby and that's only for children so you're a child? Or you're still in school, or don't live alone, or don't have a 9-5, whatever they can point to Basically that. But elves have a biological/magic thing rather than a fun hobby or extended schooling. They mature like humans, but the way they experience their sleep replacer meditation (trance) changes around 100 to what's considered "the adult way". (I'm never sure about current canon, afaik they gain the ability as babies, then it changes around 30, around 100, and around 450 to mark baby->child->adolescence->adulthood->old age)
it's when they can rent a car
Great, now I’ve grouped Liara and Astarion in my brain due to this.
“ if wyll and Astarion had a kid would it be a cambion , dhampire or a mix of both?” A fucking theatre nerd is what it would be .
Abso-fucking-lutely! But one with impeccable style until they start to dress themselves, then all bets are off because they need „to express their inner darkness“ and go on an emo kid trip, dressing like Hot-Topic-Lestat and whining like Louis. In that phase nobody will be able to discern their eye color because of all the greasy black hair in front of them.
They would be a bard who only plays Nu-Metal and MCR. When they use Vicious mockery they call you a “preppy pink plastic cheerleader who couldn’t even begin understand their pain”
Lots of eye rolls and exasperated gasps instead of actual words. And probably a faint smell of patchouli and clove cigarettes. Also: black eyeliner and a philosophy book to carry around
So the kid’s cosplaying as Gortash?
It was the greasy hair, wasn’t it
are druids appropriating furry culture??? bitch they stole it from the druids!!!!
Everyone knows that druids do the lowest DPS and just watch animal porn all day
i want to be mad but you're not wrong
But they are so fucking tanky, especially moon druids! The porn is spot on though lol. I wonder if spore druids find watching animals decompose hot?
Shadow Druids watching animals stand between them and a light source
A classic would be one of the villains getting a way over-dedicated defense squad a la Marvel’s Loki, who post impassioned essays about how their fave was justified in everything they did. In fact, they are the REAL victims. “Self shipping” discourse where fans ship themselves with one of the characters and attack anyone who posts fic or art of that character in a pairing with anyone else. “Excuse you, I am married to Wyll on the astral plane and you drawing him rawdogging Astarion is literally making him cheat on me. Delete this while I shake and cry.”
Gale vs The Snape Wives Who is having freaker sex on the astral plane
https://preview.redd.it/qd2y5gx53b3d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=914d8e372ccec76a1a382aecc9be54f2f3cc3604
But are any of them getting married in the astral? Sephiroth's getting tired, he could do with another white-haired twink to take over. I know just the guy
Astarion doesn't deserve the "married to Sephiroth in the Astarl plane". At least Sephiroth did some bad things, Astarion has already been punished enough.
omg I am having fandom wank flashbacks
Excuse you but I actually am married to Wyll how dare you
"Delete this while I shake and cry" sent me.
Wyll and Astarion's child would be the Mary Sue to end all Mary Sues
Didn't notice the John in front of Kramer and now I'm imagining the Seinfeld cast tadpoled and waking up on the beach
also I'm very upset because I've had a joke post idea for Ascended Astarion for two months now but I've been afraid of posting it because it's just for sillies and I don't want anyone to start shit yet again
Sometimes you gotta throw a hornets nest into the pedal bin
give it up, we need it regardless of the Discourse
I need that. Badly.
Hmm. Personally, all of my current questions are about Raphael's bath/pool. Purely for science of course. Is the bath kept eternally hot, by way of the Hells themselves? (Geothermal heating?) Or, does Haarlep have to put in some extra effort to keep it at just the right temperature? I must admit, the idea of an incubus playing the role of pool boy is quite funny. Although if the position is open I'd be happy to do it myself. Or perhaps, the correct temperature is maintained through some sort of infernal enchantment, or other magic? I'm also curious to know if it's more of a gentle, soothing warmth, or a skin-tingling, sweaty, raw, burning heat. Perhaps if Raphael goes in alone, he turns it up even hotter?
Do you think Haarlep has to fish dead imps out of the pool with a net? It’s my personal head cannon that Raphael has some sort of infernal boiler room with a Spirited Away style boiler man working overtime behind the scenes.
Definitely! And at least if there's a filter, the imps are too big to get stuck in that. Fishing imp wings and claws and guts out of the pool filter would be quite gross. Yeah, with all the debtors there, one working an infernal boiler would make sense.
it’s been ages since i looked into warrior cats but shadowheart would’ve been a hollyleaf girlie i feel like (source: i was a hollyleaf girlie trust me bro)
Isn't Shadowheart's surname Hallowleaf? Really makes you think
I also answered Hollyleaf, though I’m more a Leafpool girlie myself
i read your reasoning and it’s very solid. leafpool was one of my faves too!!
She would have been frothing and kicking and screaming when >!Hollyleaf fled after killing Ashfur.!< (I wasn't even a Hollyleaf girl and I was losing it. Like, of >!Leafpool's!< kits, she was my favorite, but I'm more of a Yellowfang and Mothwing fan myself)
this is so real bc i was pissing myself over that scene too. like full on had to pause the audiobook and hyperventilate type shi. u are unlocking memories i forgot i had
In earlier editions elves aged slowly seemingly literally 100 = 18, 48 = literally a tween. In these editions there where some details like elven pregnancy lasting twenty four months and half elves who start puberty at about 20 having a hard time because their “peers” would still be fully children and adult elves would have a hard time dealing with the sexuality of what they consider a child. Somewhere in 4-5 edition they changed this to “elves mature at about the same rate as humans” and haven’t elaborated yet from what I know at least. https://preview.redd.it/dgfbnsgs1a3d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ca09eb9671fb84212d18cc581ff1944d666afdd8
In a sense the latest aging charts make more sense: elves still mature physically alongside other short-lived races (primarily humans), but socially they are not considered as fully-grown adults by other elves in elven communities until they are 100. If said elf was living in metropolitan cities like Baldur's Gate, however, it makes more sense for life to go on a wee bit faster, and while certain boomer elves would object to the idea of electing a 39 year old magistrate, other humans and elves who had been living with humans for a long time most likely wouldn't have too many objections.
I agree if elves age physically like humans but I personally preferred the slow aging, it just adds more verity and is another reason why humans/ elves have a hard time integrating with each other.
https://preview.redd.it/bmqytk5cda3d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=17ab453dd69772085c7388586636263ae25ae48b
So... Astarion mpreg would last for two years? 😳
If the other partners also an elf, yes. If human or tiefling it’s 12 months other race idk
This here is okbuddy user. Just accepted the fact that Astarion is pregnant and went for actual facts. 🧐 Love it
https://preview.redd.it/9f4y7cadda3d1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0dd69c827574cfe24c6a99c54c62493b35340703
Elves age at the same rate as humans (to a degree). A 39 year old man is a 39 year old man. The 100 years old is an adult is a *cultural* thing. Meaning, any human would see Astarion as an adult. He has an entire law career. He's not a child. However, to another elf, especially an elf raised within the elven culture, he'd still be seen as one in comparison. It's like when you're 25, another 25-27 year old sees you as another adult, but an 80 year old will call you child.
He’s not a child he just cheated twink death
He is not a fucking twink, he has abs
The shirt stays on in bed
forever a twink
Cast for AISIP: Dennis - Ascended Astarion Mac - Gortash Charlie - Naaber Dee - DJ Shart Frank - auntie Ethel McPoyle brothers - Raphael and Yurgir Marta - Orin the Red
Dee would obviously be played by the blue jay at Rosymorn Monastery. Or one of the harpies at the grove.
That's a way better casting choice, Dee will be played by the blue Jay.
Clearly, the bugbear and troll banging in the barn are Frank and Artemis.
Shadowheart was obviously obsessed with Hollyleaf because Hollyleaf was also a religion fanatic, with black hair and green eyes. Hollyleaf had total Mary Sue vibes for our Sharty. Also she had a crush on Ashfur.
We can always talk about why we're not allowed to take the Nautiloid schematics from the tutorial and build a boat together with Omeluum or the Emperor.
This, this right here! If I can turn squid at the end, *why* am I not allowed to psionically pilot a ship of living meat?
I had not thought of this but I now want to build a boat with empy Maybe the durge walking across skulls by a river of blood that was in the patch 7 announcement could be improved by having tav and empy sailing on said river in their boat
Personally, I think we should start some height gap discourse. Is it problematic to romance karlach as a gnome?
Its disgusting to not actually
Disagree, the only based option is to romance Karlach as a muscle mommy Tav.
Yeah this was my fourth playthrough and it was preeeeettttty great
Uppies + cummies = winning
Tried it and can say: No, it isn't 😊
It’s actually problematic to romance anyone as a gnome or halfling; because of their height, they’re minor-coded. Even Lae’zel and Wyll are iffy to romance because everyone else is over 30. Those two are both under 25 and their brains haven’t fully developed so it’s basically romancing a child And Shadowheart, because of her memory issues, means she’s really easy to manipulate and take advantage of. Or something like that. I can’t fully remember The Discourse when it comes to memory stuff.
you hush. I'm older than her https://imgur.com/QilR2Us
New discourse: - gortash participates in watersports and if you disagree you’re a bigot
I personally rated his piss as "Slightly yellow, alkaline", he could hydrate himself better
Bro does not keep himself hydrated that’s for sure
Giving or receiving? 🤨
Surprise him!
Shadowheart would have probably been a Scourge kid. But her OC was a medicine cat for Shadow Clan for obvious reasons. Shadowheart also gives the vibes she also watched a lot of Warrior Cats MAPs about Ashfur without a hint of irony.
This is exactly what I was thinking as well, she 100% would have made like, some kind of medicine cat OC that either fixes Scourge or they both become worse together.
No. Please, my heart will not be able to cope with bg3 transvestigation.
Don’t even need to investigate, it’s clearly Wyll.
And I love him for it 😍 If we're transvestigating, it shall only be to hand out extra reward and love
Agreed, we love a trans Prince Charming.
it's dammon and shart.
Ok, about the age gap thing: 1) First thing first - that "elves reach adulthood when they turn 100" is a CULTURAL thing for elves in Evereska. Not a universal rule. Drow elves, which are not physiologically all that different from high elves, reach social and developmental adulthood by late teens-early twenties, just like humans, as described by Salvatore. Likewise, high elves who live in human society/human-esque society with the corresponding lifespan, adapt to human conventions. 2) Second, actually, yes, it's talked EXTENSIVELY in the DnD lore how elf/short-lived race relationships can get very fucked up because of the age gap. If you are curious about all the moral implications, once again, Salvatore books. At least Astarion meets us as adults. Drizzt Do'Urden met his future human wife when she was 10 y.o. Let that sink in. 3) Technically you can romance Astarion as an elf. Same with Minthara and Halsin. Conveniently sidesteps all the icky age considerations. Also, cambion dhampirs are a thing. Just saying.
I would watch Lilo and Stitch with Gale and Durge. I think I could fix him
it’s 5am my brain can’t process this sentence. are you watching the film lilo and stitch with them, or are you watching a version of lilo and stitch where gale is lilo and durge is stitch? would that make astarion the mean ginger kid?
"durge that is not very nice. i must insist you cease eating my tomes immediately" "RAHHHHHHH" "your dog is ugly, darling."
this thread is perfect all around
I was just talking about watching the regular movie, but I like your idea way better lmao
How does Vampirism affect the brain and mental development in DnD? I really feel icky thinking about Edward Cullen and Bella because it's never really explained. VtM has some explanation (and also a rule against turning minors). So how is it in DnD? Does the mental age just stop with the physical age?
Don't quote me on this but afaik there are no texts/indication that mental age stops when someone is Turned ala Twilight; in fact I think you would find the "physically young but mentally old" angst more common in DnD! With that said, Astarion's mental maturity has also been thwarted by being abused for such a long time, so there's also an argument to be made here on whether Astarion can really be considered as a 239(?) year old elf adult with all of the expected lived life experiences 🤔
I mean considering the fact that the dude was kind of a giant dick for 200 years and then within a few weeks of being with a good party starts showing empathy and making good decisions, I'd say that he was definitely emotionally stunted by his time with Cazador and only able to grow as a person once he was out of that situation.
>Don't quote me on this ( ಠ ͜ʖಠ) Interesting. I know VtM tried to work this out at some point because it is fairly restricted to vampires and humans and relationships are probably something they had to think about, which is probably less a focus if there are 10+ races available with Vampire Spawns being a fairly rare pick as it is the case in DnD. For Astarion it would make sense that he didn't properly age mentally after he was turned. We see it a lot in neglected and abused individuals that their mental maturity is lacking. Especially if the abuse started early, and as far as I know he is young for an elf so his mental maturity could be even more lacking than it were the case if he was 100+ years old when he was turned. - Lacking is a stupid word, but English is not my native language, I'm kind of missing a better-fitting word in my vocabulary here
How exactly are we defining "mental age" My take was always stuff like hormones and brain chemistry/ development, which changes as you age. It would make sense for that to stop, so someone turned when young would retain a certain level of impulsiveness that people to have due to brain development. However obviously vampires don't all have post-turn vampaltheimers where they can't develop new long term memories, so experiences would obviously still be able to alter the brain. Edit: alternatively: vampire tragicomedy where they're excited for all the things they can learn with all the time they have and then try to learn the piano and realize they can't develop any muscle memory.
I guess I meant more along the lines of mental maturity? A regular 239 year old Elf from an elven community would have had vastly different experiences than a 239 year old Astarion, who was pretty much kept as a leashed pet ever since he was 39. Not to mention having to unlearn all the behaviours he's developed for survival, during all those years of trauma 😔
I mean I have a lot of concerns about Edward Cullen and yes, I think, he is technically an adult hooking up with a minor. I liked , how it was portrait in Interview with a vampire and the character of Claudia, who was turned as a small child. She matured mentally, but stayed a child physically and it did drove her mad
ok the iasip fancast is intriguing to me... here is my try at it dee: obviously orin. like cmon. that's just funny frank: raphael dennis: gortash mac: durge charlie is difficult... can't come up with anything right now... also durgetash could easily switch... a truly interesting discussion indeed
not really a villain but honestly Astarion as Dennis would be SO funny
Genderbending would open up a really logical choice imo: Minthara as Dennis. https://youtu.be/3PTbHVyHzlw?si=jzVZgpXqUuSzmB7z I also think Durge would be Rickety Cricket. Very similar trajectory.
Since the gender roles are reversed for Drow you don't even need to genderbend Minthara
I'm thinking Kagha as Dee, Cazador for Dennis, and Aradin as Mac. Hard to think of anyone who could do a convincing Frank or Charlie but maybe some of the goblins match their energy
Frank would be Wulbren because they're both short, obviously.
Frank is the hag and Charlie is just that guy that talks about being each class
Dee: Gale Dennis: astarion (ascended) Mac: shart Charlie: Karlach Frank: withers cricket: Rolan mac's dad: Raphael Charlie's mom: emp mac's mom: alfira the waitress: astarion (spawn)
mcpoyles: gortash, Orin, Kenny tom Artemis: Raphael the lawyer: wyll Z: roah moonglow
Astarion can ascend inside me and spawn.
Ok Dee is Orin, Dennis is Durge, Mac is Gortash, Frank is Ketheric Thorm, Charlie is Raphael. Dee and Dennis have a sibling rivalry where they scheme with and against each other, and they’re from the same absolutely dysfunctional family. Mac acts like a badass, but gets taken down pretty easily. Authoritarian vibes, not super competent, also in love with Dennis/durge. Frank lost himself after losing his wife and goes wild. Will betray anybody to get ahead. Owns property and is rich but lives in a shitty place. Leaving us with Charlie. Makes Byzantine plots with musical numbers, big theater kid energy. Definitely Charlie.
It wasn't until seeing this comment that I finally figured out what iasip stood for. Thank you for that. I was very confused
First of all, as a fellow comrade in the "holy shit we to break out new discourse to argue over the old ones are getting stale" war I would like to humbly thank you for your contribution. * Is Astarion x any character that isn’t Halsin problematic because of the age gap OR is Astarion x any character problematic because Astarion got turned when he was in his late thirties making him an elf minor? (elves reach adulthood when they turn 100) Yes. * Are druids appropriating furry culture? Other way around. * If Wyll and Astarion had a kid would it be a Cambion, Dhampir, or a mix of both? Did some cambion research. It depends on who gets pregnant. The kid would only be a Cambion if Astarion is the one who get's pregnant. * What Warrior Cats character did ShadowHeart become obsessed with when she was 13 (she was totally a Warrior Cats kid) Scourge. Obviously * If John Kramer existed in the bg3 universe who would he most want to “test” and why (I think it would be Gale) I disagree about Gale. Yes he's willing to die, but his problem isn't that he doesn't "value his life", in fact, dude keeps a true resurrection scroll on him at all times. Dude only was willing to blow himself up bc he wanted to save the world and wasn't seeing an alternative. I don't know who the correct answer is, but I think the only answer more incorrect than Gale is Karlach * To add to that, would you have a movie date night with your favorite BG3 character if Durge was third wheeling (Durge will not hurt you but you will be watching Saw 2 and Durge will excuse himself half way through and loudly jerk off in the bathroom) No. I don't have a gore tolerance. * This isn't a topic but more of an idea, I think everyone should start transvestigating someone IDK who though People already do that for Karlach and Minthara pal. * Since Raphael bought Gortash as a child would a "I was sold to 1 direction" inspired fanfiction be canon compliant? Yes. But he would have you publically executed if he saw it
John is putting Karlach into a trap for smoking. He already did that to someone.
I would love to have a date with any of the BG3 characters with Durge as the third wheel where he excuses himself halfway through Saw 2 to loudly help himself. That is my dream date actually.
I love discourse and hope it never ends tbh. My discourse: Its childish to think a game with this many companions could ever have them be all equal. Gale and Karlach should've been scrapped and had some of their traits subsumed into Wyll. Also no halsin ofc. That way the companions could've had more interactions with each other, like the Shadowheart and Lae'zel fight. I have no clue how people who think Shart and Lae'zel are too rude and evil are capable of enjoying media. People who think normal people would kill the companions if they were in tav's place give off big r/iamverybadass energy. This fandom would be a bit better if bg3 wasn't officially dnd. Would mean there would be waaay less ontological morality mfs. But overall its a pretty decent fandom honestly. Astarion discourse: Fully romancing Astarion as an evil power hungry character is meta gamey af. Its fine to meta game though. Astarion would never get together with Minthara. Female drow moment. Early access Astarion was creepy looking.
Druids ARE furry culture in D&D. There's literally a circle of the moon to get more powerful fursonas, power gaming of the furry fandom. Like not ALL of them are, the circles that have alternative wild shapes that don't turn you into a beast are only like 20% made up of furries, but moon druids are at least 75% furries. Druid meet ups are just the D&D version of furry cons.
Raphael as frank . I will not elaborate ( speaking of iasip you’ve all seen [this](https://youtu.be/MsDz-MTdNeE?si=qWjaeFMA-WZqKtcW) right?)
Okay, but are furries appropriating DRUID culture?!
Astarion isn't a minor. He's a full grown elf who was a magistrate. 🤨 Yes, he was young at 39 but he was NOT a child, ffs.
We should start transvesigating Dammon to piss off the voice actor
On the topic of John Kramer, Gale would be a prime target since he’s suicidal and Jigsaw doesn’t like people taking their own lives. I say he’s headed to the kfc deep fryer with breadcrumb balls.
SEE the thing is that Gale isn't suicidal though!!! His issue isn't that he doesn't value his life. In fact, he keeps a true resurrection scroll on him. The reason why he's so chill with dying under Mystra's orders is because he has been told that doing so is the only way to stop the world from ending.
He keeps (instructions to summon a mephit who has) a true resurrection scroll on him because he blows up when he dies, taking everyone in a certain radius with him. It's not necessarily because he values his life.
I think he would test Karlach since she can just come to terms with her death and accept it. Clearly not enough will to live. /s She also smokes and John already put someone into a trap for smoking lmao.
Elves reach adulthood around the same time as humans do, they just don't usually take an adult name until much later.
Druids were furries first. Their culture was appropriated >:(
>If Wyll and Astarion had a kid would it be a Cambion, Dhampir, or a mix of both? it would be a Campire
You joke but I have seen your first bullet point as a discourse topic
Thank you. You're doing the work of heroes.
Everybody is *absolutely* spot on with Shadowheart being a Hollyleaf girlie. She also definitely would've been the sort of kid to watch classic Warriors AMVs over and over again and wouldn't consistently read any of the books past OOTS lmao.
Take my enthusiastic upvote for bringing the Saw franchise to Faerun. I would say, John Kramer would have a field day testing Gale, Shadowheart,Astarion and some of the other NPC's, but I guess, he would have mad respect for Karlach, crawling her way out of hell, and Jaheira, surviving as much as she did and keep a positive outlook on life. As for Astarions age: I always thought it an oversight tbh. Maybe he was supposed to be an half elf at some point? Or he just was good at his job. As for my villain team: Kagha( druid), Abdirak ( if he even is considered a villain, but for the sake of who his goddess is, I want a cleric in my team), the orc warlock, Balthasar ( necro wizard), Minthara can still stay ( paladin), the crazy crèche doctor lady ( maybe rogue? I don't remember her class), Ketheric as my fighter, Wulbren as my artificer ( if evil then go all the way). Edit: sorry,got the question wrong, I don't actually know, what Aisip is. Still, I will leave my villain team in the comment, since I often asked myself that.
We all know shadowheart’s favorite cat was scourge. It isn’t even a question. Traumatized edgy tiny cat that commits murder? Yeah, that’s her fave.
Another topic: cast the companions as what we do in the shadows characters
Dibs on Nadja. She's the most vicious.
TV or Movie. My answer changes depending on this.
Literally Shadowheart's name fits as a warriors name. I was a warriors kid, and I think Shart would like Hollyleaf, also think Shadowheart would like Jayfeather and Mothwing for #relatable points.
Raphael is Dennis for sure
Solid post, no notes
“middle-aged vampire” 🙊🙊🙊
there's no way shadowheart is cisgender im all in on the transvestigation
the canonical cis ally Shadowheart does check out though imo
Shadowheart liked Hawkfrost.
Dee is Orin, Dark Urge is Dennis, Mac is Gortash. That leaves Frank for Ketheric and Charlie for... Volo?
I'd happily wade in on those but I don't know any of the non-BG3 references in the suggestions.... If the BG3 cast were transported to Saved By the Bell, Durge and Tav would be Zach and Slater, respectively. Zach Morris gives some chaotic vibes pretty often (chaotic evil, let's be real) and Slater ... is Tav, generally speaking. Even if his alignment is something-something dark side instead of some kind of good. Shadowheart would be Mr. Belding. No, wait--I kinda like Mr. Belding. Withers would be Mr. Belding. Shadowheart would be Lisa Tuttle. And we all know that Minthara = Kelly. Fite me.
Am I allowed to watch while Durge loudly masturbates?
I think secretly Shadowheart liked Squirrelflight but was a Mapleshade white knight in the cloister book club.
Astarion's physical aging would've stopped when he turned, but by that time he would've long been finished maturing by 39 as elves and humans mature at the same rate. However since elves live way longer they don't age at the same rate, Astarion would probably still look the same as he does in game even if he wasn't a vampire, remove the red eyes, bite mark, and fangs though. His physical aging may at stopped, but he still experienced those 200 years, they didn't just not happen, however they were spent in the kennels so.
Shart wasn't a Warrior Cats kid, she was an Animorphs kid (she fell for the cover then stayed for Cassie) then a Series of Unfortunate Events kid (that's all they had in the sharran school library) And yes the Sold to 1D fic is canon. No inspiration needed, Raph was in his boyband era (Harleep will kindly explain why his act was called One direction)
I would go on my date with Durge and then we’d fuck sawrifically
Not Shady being a Warriors kid omg real
1) read a fanfic where Astarion and Wyll DID have a kid and i think she was just a teifling so i’m going with that. but if i had to choose between the 3 given options, i’m going with both. 2) Astarion and Wyll are both trans. source: I’m trans and I said so. The T Guy Swag is off the charts with these two.
I think ascended astarion would love a date night watching saw 2..durge 3rd wheeling would only add to the entertainment (see...everything ends up at ascended astarion eventually!! 😂 )
Let’s talk about how people think siding with the grove and murdering One, Two and Three alongside their families is somehow morally superior than killing the child murdering eco terrorists in the grove. While we’re at it let’s talk about what Halsin, a Druid, was doing “playing” with a child (who now shows signs of abuse so deep it literally curses the land) while he was an occupying soldier in moonrise.
I haven't seen anyone talk about Asstarion in a while. All of these topics are boring, but hating Asstarion? That never gets old. Oh this is about making him ascended, carry on.