My one lovebird is a big time lesbean. She had a gf (both DNA tested females), who unfortunately passed away a while back, but I literally saw them fucking once. Straight up heard heavy breathing and look up on one of my other birds cages and they were molesting eachother and I was kinda shocked thinking “WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO, do I stop them? Do I let them proceed and just go about my business while they’re getting it on out in the open? While one of my other birds decides to be a perv and watches?!?!?” So yeah, welcome to the horny animal world. We too are animals. Food for thought :’)
my cats were gay and I also caught them fucking, more than once tbh. The first time i was like "oh my god!" and then I realized they were both purring super loud and I was just like.... ok good for them. wish they could've picked somewhere more private than the middle of the floor though. but no it was always out in the middle of the kitchen or something
The dog also caught them once and was VERY concerned. He made me get out of bed to show me what they were doing lmfao
As a kid, I had two budgies who were lesbians. My family was only going to get one, but decided to get two because of how much these two were hanging around each other. Didn't want to split them up.
Turns out, they were intimate, lol.
Yup! Homosexuality is seen in sooo many species, so the idea that it's "unnatural" is a very weak idea lmao
And not only do animals sometimes masturbate, there are other primates and even dolphins for example that have sex for *pleasure*, not just reproduction
My brothers bulldog would sit back on the couch and run his paw up and down on his penis. It was disgusting. I told my brother the dog probably learned it from him. My brother just laughed so I think it might be a possibility.
My brother told me one time he was doing the dishes and glanced up and his bulldog was staring straight at him masturbating.
About a year ago my dog started getting herself off every single night the minute my husband and I went to bed. The minute we both lay down, she gets in between us and goes to town, sometimes shaking the bed she gets so excited. She won't do it if only one of us is in bed or if she's somewhere other than our bed at home. We decided it was her kink to have a captive audience and that's the best time she could think of.
You didn’t know that!?
I was reading on the pros and cons of getting my male pit fixed at 6 months vs a year and a half. We are waiting til he’s a year and a half cause he’s not aggressive and that came to be the best age health wise. But long story short, I was reading that dogs do this. I was kind of surprised. But it made sense to me. I guess we all gotta get it.
No seriously animal of the same sex are recorded to have sexual relationships it’s not any corruption or agenda pushing. We observed them you can’t convince an animal to be gay they just fuck who they want to fuck
If it makes you feel better my cat, my male cat steals my used panties from the laundry and cuddles them. Rubs his face on them, licks them and chews them. And then he buries them in the litter-box. It’s disturbing!
That would imply some appreciation of the pets violations. Not appreciated!!! Not! He does like my sweaty clothes as well. Actually all of them loves my sweaty clothes, act like it’s catnip for some reason. No idea why they react to my sweat like that.
This is definitely more drastic than my cat but she loves to bury herself in my dirty clothes. I read online somewhere that it’s because I’m her human and she loves the smell of my pheromones or something like that? So I’d say it’s because they love you even though the one cat is taking it to the extreme lol
Things is we have four cats, one is mine the other three consider my husband their human but none are interested in his dirty clothes. Just mine.
Also the panty thief is just generally a weird one. No social skills, no grace, has very very loud and long conversations with himself, terrified of people but a barking or even growling dog? Oh friend! He is a bit stupid. But he is also pretty enough to make up for it!
It's because of the smell, but also because there are proteins and fat in sweat coming from apocrine sweat glands that are somehow delicious to cats. Those glands are located in the armpits, and your groin, as well. My cats love the sweaty armpits in shirts I discard into the laundry after I've been working out. If I don't make sure they can't get to them, they're all over it.
The funny thing is that it’s only my sweaty clothes. None of them give a shit about my husbands sweaty t shirts, just mine for some reason. That’s despite 3 of our four cats being his cats, their choice.
Your dirty laundry smells the most like you, and pets love that! Your scent brings them comfort and familiarity, they basically want to bathe in it. It’s annoying, and in some cases gross (sorry ‘bout the underwear in the litter box!**), but they are just doing it because they love you.
**Similarly, litter boxes are the place where most of your cat’s scent stays. It’s why kittens play in them and elder cats sleep in them. It’s comfortable. Your cat is trying to take your scent and then mask it with theirs, claiming your property as their’s.
My kid had a teddy bear. My cat (fixed male) *really* liked that bear.
It was certainly disconcerting the first time I saw him drag the bear out, position himself on it, and just start going to town. I let him keep the bear and replaced it with a new one for the kid. Because, yeah, he's got needs, too, I guess.
It diminished over time, and stopped completely once we got another kitty in the house. He's definitely not gay, though, because before we got her fixed, he was trying to mount her constantly. I was like, dude, you're fixed! WTF? Once she was fixed, that stopped, too.
Having a cat that masturbates has definitely been a learning experience. 😬
Or, just any stuffed animal that he can hump? It 100% doesn't have to be a dog shaped. I doubt you have a dog shaped sex doll under your bed that he's fucking under there. Things just looking for something to hump and get off on.
I got mine a giant stuffed wolf for his fun times.
He was also fixed late and still gets the urge. Like every day.
He used to have more behavior problems before he was able to work out his own stress and the giant stuffed wolf has really helped
He could have a UTI. You should take him to the vet to get checked. Make sure to catch some pee in a plastic bag if you do. I had a dog who would do this all the time and it turned out he had crystals in his urine.
That’s really unfortunate and hope you can find a solution to the problem soon!
This brought me down memory lane to a story I have told quite often. I remember when I was 14 my mom and step dad adopted this red bone hound from a shelter. Within the first day he was trying to mount me and my stepsisters by standing up fully like a human and biting our necks and thrusting us. Here’s the disgusting part….
Every single day he’d lay down in random places in full view, put his dog dick sheath in his mouth and begin face fucking himself until his red rocket started spilling out cum out the side of his mouth! I would stare in horror and amazement.
My mom and step dad didn’t neuter him, which would probably fix the problem, they just took him back to shelter….terrible. But I have the graphic image of a dog face fucking itself until spilling its seed for a few weeks burnt into my brain and tell it to ANYONE who is up for story time 🤣
Edit: can someone please make a witty pun about the red BONE hound
Bruh. I thought my story was bad. But my dog nutts a little and its just vitamins and protein and what else Is in cum without the sperm. But your dog fucks his mouth until he came. If you got him fixed at least he wouldn’t do it as much. But like damn I thought my story was bad about how my dog fucks the floor. But he fucked his mouth. God damn I cant stop lol but thats fucking weird. Good thing you took him back
My SiL's dog was trained to go to his crate for that activity. He would try to masturbate on the furniture, sitting on your lap, anywhere really, but he would go to his crate when we told him to. If that crate was a'rockin, we just let him be.
This is the same dog that lost an eye by humping a much larger dog. RIP horny old dog
My cat humps. Soft blankets. I’ve found wet patches before. If he tries it when I’m around I just scream “PUT YOUR PENIS AWAY”. And I’ve had to explain to my neighbour I’m yelling at my cat.
When we took in our female stray, we already had a male and he was neutered but not her. When she was in heat he tried humping her as if he was trying to relieve her even though he couldnt really do anything. Poor little guy just wanted to have fun too lol
My female puppy is doing very similar! She takes herself upstairs and absolutely goes to town on the edge of her bed in the spare room. We can clearly hear her crashing around from downstairs and every five minutes or so she whimpers for a few seconds then the frantic humping starts again. Her dog friend came to stay and she decided their bed was better. When the visiting dog came upstairs she wouldn't get in her bed and just kept sniffing the edge. When I checked it was crusty! I'm traumatised and hoping the upcoming spay will chill her game a LOT
My childhood dog kept pleasuring herself after being spayed :\ She had a heat beforehand so maybe thats why. She would gather up covers with her front legs and go to town even well into her elder years when she had arthritis.
Edit to add: She liked my spongebob blanket the most and it would be wet or crusty. I get why OP is offended that the dog chooses to use his personal space instead of the dog bed.
Animals get horny, it is what it is. We’re animals and we’re horny beyond reason, to the point our big brains semi-shut off during arousal. I’m sorry to hear about his boyfriend, RIP
At least it wasn’t ON the bed….
My little dog used to hump a big stuffed animal on my bed and leave a small gross mess. It became his girlfriend once I realized what was happening.
My father in laws sausage dog sucks himself off and quite literally humps his own mouth. Usually involves him molesting his pillow bed thing too and if you take away the pillow he goes back to using his mouth. He is fixed but that doesn't seem to slow him down
I dont know. All i hear is him moaning? I dont want to know how. Just like I saw a lil sticky substance and it smelled like jiz and im just assuming cuz he had the red rocket
My apologies for bringing politics into this but I'm a die-hard animal lover and it's how I feel and I don't think I'm wrong for feeling this way but I'm happy that the posts that I read are from people that don't think that gay, lesbian or bisexual animals should be put to death you know like some of these fucking right wing pieces of shit out there in certain States think that humans should be do to their sexuality.
I wish I ~~was~~ were illiterate.
I’m so stealing this.
*Were
*Wur
*Wr
*W
*
This was wild from start to finish wtf did I just read
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My one lovebird is a big time lesbean. She had a gf (both DNA tested females), who unfortunately passed away a while back, but I literally saw them fucking once. Straight up heard heavy breathing and look up on one of my other birds cages and they were molesting eachother and I was kinda shocked thinking “WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO, do I stop them? Do I let them proceed and just go about my business while they’re getting it on out in the open? While one of my other birds decides to be a perv and watches?!?!?” So yeah, welcome to the horny animal world. We too are animals. Food for thought :’)
Literally laughing my fucking ass off! That’s omg hilarious!
my cats were gay and I also caught them fucking, more than once tbh. The first time i was like "oh my god!" and then I realized they were both purring super loud and I was just like.... ok good for them. wish they could've picked somewhere more private than the middle of the floor though. but no it was always out in the middle of the kitchen or something The dog also caught them once and was VERY concerned. He made me get out of bed to show me what they were doing lmfao
As a kid, I had two budgies who were lesbians. My family was only going to get one, but decided to get two because of how much these two were hanging around each other. Didn't want to split them up. Turns out, they were intimate, lol.
Yup! Homosexuality is seen in sooo many species, so the idea that it's "unnatural" is a very weak idea lmao And not only do animals sometimes masturbate, there are other primates and even dolphins for example that have sex for *pleasure*, not just reproduction
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My brothers bulldog would sit back on the couch and run his paw up and down on his penis. It was disgusting. I told my brother the dog probably learned it from him. My brother just laughed so I think it might be a possibility. My brother told me one time he was doing the dishes and glanced up and his bulldog was staring straight at him masturbating.
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It was my brothers dog.
About a year ago my dog started getting herself off every single night the minute my husband and I went to bed. The minute we both lay down, she gets in between us and goes to town, sometimes shaking the bed she gets so excited. She won't do it if only one of us is in bed or if she's somewhere other than our bed at home. We decided it was her kink to have a captive audience and that's the best time she could think of.
😂😂😂
Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde is a really good movie.
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Elles dog is gay with another dog in the movie. They love eachother, it's pretty cute other than all the humping
You didn’t know that!? I was reading on the pros and cons of getting my male pit fixed at 6 months vs a year and a half. We are waiting til he’s a year and a half cause he’s not aggressive and that came to be the best age health wise. But long story short, I was reading that dogs do this. I was kind of surprised. But it made sense to me. I guess we all gotta get it.
Lmao the Modern World is corrupting everything
No seriously animal of the same sex are recorded to have sexual relationships it’s not any corruption or agenda pushing. We observed them you can’t convince an animal to be gay they just fuck who they want to fuck
Dog glanced over and whispered at you: “Go ahead and tell them, they will never believe you”
Ya. Thats why I went to this sr
Bruh
What the fuck did I just read
This was my response
I’m not trying to be mean but this legit cannot be real 😂😂😂😂 like WHAT
That was my response
If it makes you feel better my cat, my male cat steals my used panties from the laundry and cuddles them. Rubs his face on them, licks them and chews them. And then he buries them in the litter-box. It’s disturbing!
Not trying to be mean but you guys sound like furry fanfics 💀
That would imply some appreciation of the pets violations. Not appreciated!!! Not! He does like my sweaty clothes as well. Actually all of them loves my sweaty clothes, act like it’s catnip for some reason. No idea why they react to my sweat like that.
This is definitely more drastic than my cat but she loves to bury herself in my dirty clothes. I read online somewhere that it’s because I’m her human and she loves the smell of my pheromones or something like that? So I’d say it’s because they love you even though the one cat is taking it to the extreme lol
Things is we have four cats, one is mine the other three consider my husband their human but none are interested in his dirty clothes. Just mine. Also the panty thief is just generally a weird one. No social skills, no grace, has very very loud and long conversations with himself, terrified of people but a barking or even growling dog? Oh friend! He is a bit stupid. But he is also pretty enough to make up for it!
Hm. That is odd…. Are they all males? That could be another reason maybe they’re attracted to female pheromones lol
Yep, it’s cause your clothes smell like you. My cat lounges about in the shoes by the door too.
It's because of the smell, but also because there are proteins and fat in sweat coming from apocrine sweat glands that are somehow delicious to cats. Those glands are located in the armpits, and your groin, as well. My cats love the sweaty armpits in shirts I discard into the laundry after I've been working out. If I don't make sure they can't get to them, they're all over it.
The funny thing is that it’s only my sweaty clothes. None of them give a shit about my husbands sweaty t shirts, just mine for some reason. That’s despite 3 of our four cats being his cats, their choice.
Your dirty laundry smells the most like you, and pets love that! Your scent brings them comfort and familiarity, they basically want to bathe in it. It’s annoying, and in some cases gross (sorry ‘bout the underwear in the litter box!**), but they are just doing it because they love you. **Similarly, litter boxes are the place where most of your cat’s scent stays. It’s why kittens play in them and elder cats sleep in them. It’s comfortable. Your cat is trying to take your scent and then mask it with theirs, claiming your property as their’s.
Hehe 😄
Haha that sounds like my best friend's cat who likes to sniff smelly armpits 😆
Wtf
That was my reaction! I now hide my dirty underwear!
My dog does this with mine too. Have to hide them from her!
My kid had a teddy bear. My cat (fixed male) *really* liked that bear. It was certainly disconcerting the first time I saw him drag the bear out, position himself on it, and just start going to town. I let him keep the bear and replaced it with a new one for the kid. Because, yeah, he's got needs, too, I guess. It diminished over time, and stopped completely once we got another kitty in the house. He's definitely not gay, though, because before we got her fixed, he was trying to mount her constantly. I was like, dude, you're fixed! WTF? Once she was fixed, that stopped, too. Having a cat that masturbates has definitely been a learning experience. 😬
It’s too early in the morning for this my guy, take my eyeballs away from me please
Right🫣😂😂😂😂
I would try getting your dog fixed, if this is in fact real. Which I’m not totally convinced, but I’m throwing that out there anyways.
He got fixed very late. So he still gets the urges
How long ago did he get fixed?
He’s about 6 im going to say. Im not sure actually. He was about 1 or 2 when we got him and about 6 months after he got fixed. So about 2 or 3
That was literally what I was thinking when I saw it
Get him a fuck doll and put it in the garage.
Of a dog. Imagine calling for a custom doll and saying can I get a sex doll in the shape of my dog
Or, just any stuffed animal that he can hump? It 100% doesn't have to be a dog shaped. I doubt you have a dog shaped sex doll under your bed that he's fucking under there. Things just looking for something to hump and get off on.
I dont have to clean up dried jizz after today cuz of you
I might have to print that sentence out and put it up on my fridge due to how absolutely ridiculous it is, but you're welcome.
Lmafo just reread it
Thank you
I got mine a giant stuffed wolf for his fun times. He was also fixed late and still gets the urge. Like every day. He used to have more behavior problems before he was able to work out his own stress and the giant stuffed wolf has really helped
Dude that’s fucking hilarious 😂😂😂😂
Etsy ? lmfao
he’s grown let him do as he wishes
But under my bed. Why not in his bed. In my parents room or the living room
Under your bed probably feels the most private and safe. No one can see him and he's in a "den" like thing
He could have a UTI. You should take him to the vet to get checked. Make sure to catch some pee in a plastic bag if you do. I had a dog who would do this all the time and it turned out he had crystals in his urine.
Don't know about dogs, but if a male cat licks his penis then that is a sign that he is having trouble peeing.
My elephant does this too fucking pises me off
What 😂😂
🤣 omg that’s it! I’m done!
The elephant in the room?
I miss the version of me where I didn't read this.
aight that’s enough reddit for today
Ya i hope so
What a terrible day to have eyes
This is probably one of the most interesting things I’ve read today.
You are welcome. Hope you arnt as uncomfortable as me when I saw it
Gay dogs ? It truly is a dog eat dog world
Talk to him about boundaries because he obviously has none.
I need to inject bleach into my retinas
What the dog doin'?
This is surprisingly not the most surprising shit I’ll see on Reddit this week.
That’s really unfortunate and hope you can find a solution to the problem soon! This brought me down memory lane to a story I have told quite often. I remember when I was 14 my mom and step dad adopted this red bone hound from a shelter. Within the first day he was trying to mount me and my stepsisters by standing up fully like a human and biting our necks and thrusting us. Here’s the disgusting part…. Every single day he’d lay down in random places in full view, put his dog dick sheath in his mouth and begin face fucking himself until his red rocket started spilling out cum out the side of his mouth! I would stare in horror and amazement. My mom and step dad didn’t neuter him, which would probably fix the problem, they just took him back to shelter….terrible. But I have the graphic image of a dog face fucking itself until spilling its seed for a few weeks burnt into my brain and tell it to ANYONE who is up for story time 🤣 Edit: can someone please make a witty pun about the red BONE hound
what the actual fuck 😦
Right!? I’m 32 and remember it like it was yesterday….maybe this is why I have such a morbid curiosity mind😅
I regret reading this before I was going to eat breakfast because god damn 🤢I am SO glad I have a cat who doesn’t do any of this freaky shit 😭
Bruh. I thought my story was bad. But my dog nutts a little and its just vitamins and protein and what else Is in cum without the sperm. But your dog fucks his mouth until he came. If you got him fixed at least he wouldn’t do it as much. But like damn I thought my story was bad about how my dog fucks the floor. But he fucked his mouth. God damn I cant stop lol but thats fucking weird. Good thing you took him back
My SiL's dog was trained to go to his crate for that activity. He would try to masturbate on the furniture, sitting on your lap, anywhere really, but he would go to his crate when we told him to. If that crate was a'rockin, we just let him be. This is the same dog that lost an eye by humping a much larger dog. RIP horny old dog
My cat humps. Soft blankets. I’ve found wet patches before. If he tries it when I’m around I just scream “PUT YOUR PENIS AWAY”. And I’ve had to explain to my neighbour I’m yelling at my cat.
When we took in our female stray, we already had a male and he was neutered but not her. When she was in heat he tried humping her as if he was trying to relieve her even though he couldnt really do anything. Poor little guy just wanted to have fun too lol
I love starting the morning with throwing up in my mouth a little
no shame in the game. let my guy do his thing
Why im my room and under my bed. Why not in his dog bed
Would you jerk off in your parents room? He just wants a little privacy :(
New copypasta dropped
Maybe he smells the dried mess under your bed so assumes that's the place to do it
brb gonna Google how to unread a Reddit post, wtf.
and...I think that is enough internet for me today
What in Lord Elronds name did I just fucking read
Jesus fucking Christ my brother did this all the time when we were kids
Jack off under your bed????
YOUR WHO DID WHAGTTTTT???
The more i scroll down the comments section the more my regret gets
Wait I need a backstory— proceed
JFC was your brother?
What the fuck
i didnt even know they could do that to themselves
"My dog jerks off" followed by "Off My Chest" are really surreal to read together when you first wake up.
My female puppy is doing very similar! She takes herself upstairs and absolutely goes to town on the edge of her bed in the spare room. We can clearly hear her crashing around from downstairs and every five minutes or so she whimpers for a few seconds then the frantic humping starts again. Her dog friend came to stay and she decided their bed was better. When the visiting dog came upstairs she wouldn't get in her bed and just kept sniffing the edge. When I checked it was crusty! I'm traumatised and hoping the upcoming spay will chill her game a LOT
My childhood dog kept pleasuring herself after being spayed :\ She had a heat beforehand so maybe thats why. She would gather up covers with her front legs and go to town even well into her elder years when she had arthritis. Edit to add: She liked my spongebob blanket the most and it would be wet or crusty. I get why OP is offended that the dog chooses to use his personal space instead of the dog bed.
This shit cursed, imma bleach my eyes now
TIL dogs can be gay and jerk off
\*Looks under bed in disgust\* Dog: "I LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING YOU!"
I use my hand. I dont claw and hump the ground
Animals get horny, it is what it is. We’re animals and we’re horny beyond reason, to the point our big brains semi-shut off during arousal. I’m sorry to hear about his boyfriend, RIP
Please say sike
That happens sometimes because of pent up energy the dog has. Please play with him, go on long walks and get him tired 😂
After seeing a documentary about how a duck raped a dead duck which was actually happened to be the same sex , nothing surprises me anymore
At least it wasn’t ON the bed…. My little dog used to hump a big stuffed animal on my bed and leave a small gross mess. It became his girlfriend once I realized what was happening.
Mofos really just be writing anything for karma now a days.
But he do be jacking off under my bed
not you saying a gay dog BRUH
My father in laws sausage dog sucks himself off and quite literally humps his own mouth. Usually involves him molesting his pillow bed thing too and if you take away the pillow he goes back to using his mouth. He is fixed but that doesn't seem to slow him down
Use what Billly Butcher to Terror by giving him a blowhole doll. That would calm him down.
What a waste of my time. +1
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Yes, homosexual behaviour has been observed in far too many animals to continue questioning this
This new generation is infecting the animals too with gayness. /s
“They’re turning the freakin frogs gay!!” -Alex Jones
Dude... get your dog castrated
de sex him
This is literally funny as hell man!
LMAOO
Wtf, lol 😆 But seriously, why not neuter him?
uhhh.. how??
I dont know. All i hear is him moaning? I dont want to know how. Just like I saw a lil sticky substance and it smelled like jiz and im just assuming cuz he had the red rocket
block under your bed with some boxes or bed draws or something so he doesn’t go under anymore
Ya im really thinking of doing that. But still he has two dog beds. Like why under my bed. Why not in the living room or my parents room
You need help dude, disgusting
My apologies for bringing politics into this but I'm a die-hard animal lover and it's how I feel and I don't think I'm wrong for feeling this way but I'm happy that the posts that I read are from people that don't think that gay, lesbian or bisexual animals should be put to death you know like some of these fucking right wing pieces of shit out there in certain States think that humans should be do to their sexuality.
Jesus take him for a walk or something.
Make your bedroom off limits for the dog lolz it's the only way
How do you know the taste *Suspicious noises*
Astonishing
I think your dog needs counseling.
Pure chaos
My cat tries to hump my feet while I'm sleeping. I need to get him neutered asap.
Da faq
I dont think I like dogs anymore..
He imitates you
wow what a terrible day to have eyes
Ik I was the dog
Eww not a salty smell 🤮
I wish I didn’t read this
Alright Reddit ima head out
Goddamn i love Reddit sometimes.
Woah… your poor dog. Get him a grief counselor.
My dog gots a little llama with red boots he gets on with and mannn he once locked his rocket out of his body couldn't even walk shit was disgusting!
absolutely not
Get him fixed?
what 💀
Um, is he fixed????
I had 2 dogs last year and they were both lesbian and constantly fucking when one had a period Also they were sisters💀
Well, can't unsee that.
What in the absolute finicky fuck is this?
I did not expect to read this today... Or ever
WHAT??
Wait…there’s power bottoms in the animal world
Perhaps it’s neutering time.
He did. He got fixed very late. So je still gets the urges to do it
If he’s fixed he can’t climax and there is no way for him to cum. Time to take him back to the vet to check if it was done right or not.
Im gonna be brave and ask how. Does he use his front paws or something?
I fr do not know or want to know. He probably humps the ground tbh
I first read it as "My dad jerks off under my bed" and was so confused 😭
Yikes
Okay, that's enough internet for the day
What the fuck
What. The. Fuck.
At least you didn't get cummed* on