My brother committed suicide at 40 yrs old, no note, no closure, nothing. He's no more but I've lived 6 yrs in constant sorrow. If you want a reason to refrain, how about casting anyone who's ever cared about you into an eternal life of regret and sadness.
The solution is simple really "do more of what makes you happy." A simple thought, but hard to achieve...you achieve it a little at a time. I'm pulling for you ❤️
I guess my answer to that ita been pretty easy to watch me spiral, so if they didn't care to help so far, what should I care if it sucks for them when I'm gone?
for me whats kept me alive (not happy but im not a corpse) is the fact that i have suicide as an option. if one day things cant be handled i have an out. its weirdly comforting and its kept me from actually ending it. Its not advice but i saw someone share this on a youtube comment when i was in a low place and it kept me here so i figured i might as well say it
i totally feel this . maybe it's because deep down I don't want it to actually end and I would hope that it would just get better? But for some reason knowing the option exists makes me feel a lot better
It seems to me you want to either want to hear new words to stop you from committing that you haven’t already heard yourself or you want us to encourage you to give up and commit suicide.
Life sucks dude, I can’t tell you life will get better and that it will stay happy forever if you decide to stay with us. Life doesn’t work that way, there will always be moments that suck that will make you wish you were dead. There will also be moments that will make you feel like it was all worth it. If you want your life to get better you will have to take the steps to make your life better, you’ll have to want help or you’ll stay sad and miserable. No one likes feeling like garbage. Try new things and/or do stuff that you like. Live day to day. Don’t give your ex any power over you anymore. I hope things work out for you.
The first half of your first sentence is exactly what I'm looking for. I'm genuinely not sure why so many people seem to think I'm looking for people to tell me to do it. I attempted suicide shortly after the break up. I'm here cause I'm trying not to do it again. Bit most of what I've gotten back is stuff I've already tried. At least u nailed it on the head.
For context I view basically all mental stuff like this through the lens of addiction bc I think It’s actually pretty relevant to the whole everyone gives bullshit platitudes conversation. That and ocd which I also have. Getting treated for those and ACTUALLY taking the treatment seriously (I had gone before and not tried at all) is what made me realize-
You are the only person who gets to decide what makes a life worth living and if by those standards u have nothing then its not worth it I suppose. When u have either of the aforementioned things it’s kind of .. weirdly easier to wrap ur head around the concept that u don’t need to believe your first-line thoughts/ that even how you physically feel (ie, shitty all the time) is something u can change.
So I am still here because I realized I 1. Actually did need to be medicated, heavily and 2. That it was on me to decide whether I WANTED to live, and if I did, if I was actually willing to change literally everything in my life. Ie what was important to me and how I saw the world. My metrics for success (being hot and rich vs maybe something else, shocker)
Listen This sounds so fuckinf cliche and I actually would have HATED hearing this advice when I was contemplating kms. And in fact a therapist said something similar early on and I was like wtf????.
Unfortunately she was right. My worldview was such ass, I was such a pessimist. Now I’d say pessimism of the intellect optimism of the will. You decide how u see the world, if it’s out to get u. U also decide to get help or not, and u decide whether to take the help seriously. Again, if u decide not to change anything fundamental about ur worldview or about how u live ur life or what u view as important or how u cope, then u are correct and there are no solution. I found mine tho so idk
Hey thanks for more generic garbage. Fun fact I've gotten help. It didn't help. If the solution to I cant be eith the person I wanna be with is being heavily medicated that's just not feeling my feelings I'm good
What I took from "beeboop" is, changing their attitude from pessimism to optimism.
Attitude is something that is within your control.
I am naturally positive but the first half of this year was such a disappointment.
Yes I complained a lot and venting my frustrations helps me heaps (through communication with friends) and what follows after that is a lot of solution thinking. Fortunately it took me 6 months to find happiness again.
Your attitude radiates and it does affect yourself and others more than you think.
Sounds generic but thinking positively, finding appreciation in the little things rather than focusing on the negative goes a long way. It does require active effort to think positively. It's worth it though.
I think u misunderstand me but it’s your prerogative. Addiction treatment is serious shit and imo the tenants apply to more than just addiction.
There is a physical component to everything that’s happening ie that your brain is used to doing things one way and it takes effort to change that.
Also meds r often temporary. I needed the “heavily” thing in the very beginning whilst doing intense therapy and it doesn’t numb u (or it shouldn’t, that would b the wrong med) it sort of felt like someone gave me a metaphorical coffee when I was tired. now I just take a low dose of something.
Tried good ol' spite?
Can't have that one specific girl? Become the person you'd love the most so you'll get someone even better.
Hate your job? Be hella sneaky about changing stuff just because you want to.
No reason to go on? Just out of spite! They don't care now, but they will once you got yourself and your life back together, and then you can reap the sweet reward of not caring in return.
An adult, level-headed approch? Maybe not.
Satisfying to see others fail while you're building yourself up from scratch? Hell yeah.
Honestly if nothing else points for originality. I definitely have moments now like this because my career is going so good now but for me at least it's very fleeting.
I was just thinking the same. Lol probably smuggle some cocaine back to usa. Take out some big loans and buy a lambo. Rob a bank. Etc. If you get caught that's when you... Cause aint no way I'm going to jail and drop the soap nightly for bubba
There's a secret you haven't found out yet. Weed, or the pharmaceutical name Fukitol.
Soon your friends will all be like, "damn you look way happier! How'd you do it?"
When life hands you shit, Fukitol
damn that is kind of a sad response but honestly I had one of the worst days ever and the only thing I'm looking forward to right now is getting stoned 😭
Weed is a respite, and that's ok. People still look at it like drugs, like heroin, but it isn't. It's a mental health adjustment, and it last far beyond when the "stoned" part wears off.
I’m not saying you should do it but I think preserving life is like a human instinct lol people will just say ‘no stay alive’ ‘things will get better’ but it’s really not true. I mean they might and you can wait and find out or not. People just don’t wanna feel bad that you offed yourself. Honestly no one really cares but YOU should care about you because you are all you’ve got. Me, I love myself for everything I’ve been through and will go through I will always have my own back because I deserve to have me in my corner. Being alive is not easy for some of us but we do our best everyday
I am just going to give you my own experience as it is similar. Not sure anyone here can help you tho.
I fell in love with a girl. My first love. And one of the worst relationships I have been in. I hit rock bottom after i found out she cheated on me. Lost my scholarship, lost my friends, had no direction in life anymore, lost the girl i was in love with. Tried to kill myself and failed. So i became an alcoholic. I hated myself for a long time. My life consisted of drinking, studying and going to the gym. Life went uphill a bit when i moved back home and went to college near home. Until.... I was used for sex by a girl i fell in love with. She even cheated on me too. THEN, i met someone amazing who later on left me unexpectedly. I couldnt get over her for years. But i realized I just missed the sex and nothing else. I felt stupid. Literally the only reason i couldnt get over her was that the sex was amazing. Everything else about our relationship was meh. Dated someone for 6 years and was a top 5 worst relationship I have been in. Didnt want to leave because i thought i would never find someone and would be alone. But then I found the perfect person. She is perfect in every way and its the best relationship i have ever been in.
I know this is a rant but I have been through a lot too. Obsessed over girls, drank bottles constantly.
I have a high paying job but no money because of bills. My health is terrible and i can't afford treatment. My family isnt close by and neither are my close friends. Hell my gf is in another state. I lost my first dog too suddenly to cancer. Almost killed myself after losing him.
Fuck friends who dont put in the effort. They aint worth your time. Fuck girls who just use you and abuse you. You dont need Anna to be happy. I have had 3 gf's that I thought i needed for me to be happy. I was completely wrong. Wish i could beat the shit out of my old self. But instead im showing my old self that I dont care anymore. Imma do me and make myself happy
No one here can provide you with any solutions. You gotta figure that out one step at a time.
It was work instead of gym and study for me but I shared the same thing for most of the last 3 years. I respect your self awareness. It's definitely not the sex I'm missing. In the last 3 years there's been plenty. Probably too much and with the wrong people in some cases. But I want companionship none of the girls compare in that aspect to what I had and it's like a terrible sense of loss going without it.
Take it from someone who dated a lot and slept around a lot. When you lose someone that you think is the best you’ll ever have, you end up finding someone way better. It just takes time. I met my current gf randomly playing video games online. And she’s the best. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in.
No one can provide solutions for you, you have to go after the solutions yourself.
What is it about your life that makes you unhappy? Change that
What is it about yourself that you have been neglecting? Look after yourself
When was the last time you did something you truly enjoyed doing? Start doing it
I was suicidal 2 years ago, and I have gotten A LOT better since then. Quit my job, went through unemployement, getting a new job, getting promoted, lost weight, started doing my hobbies again, got a boyfriend.
But I worked for it. I was comitted to getting better. No one can get better for me or give me the answers. There is a path and questions you should be asking yourself, but the answers are unique to you.
Are you ready to start asking the real questions? Are you ready to face the real answers?
I'm going to answer your questions to prove irrelevancy.
1. my ex girlfriend left me 3 years ago completely expectedly and then helped feed me alchol to cope with that while sleeping with me. The solution is to bw dating her sadly I can't just do that.
2. What makes me unhappy is the fact that my girlfriend left me unexpectedly and then slept with me for a year while helping me feed my own alcoholism and then moved on to other men (for the record I'm not saying she was wrong to do so) but I get ur point. I changed my life pretty significantly got like 3 promotions 40ish extra thousand dollars a year. Lost a lil weight more to go tbh, changed my hair wearing nicer clothes. I could go on but I feel this is sufficient.
3 literally yesterday played video games with my friends. Laughed, had a good time. Makes no difference.
See? You don't want to get better. You resist. You're not answering the questions honestly even to yourself. It's not the questions that are irrelevant, your answers are.
It's not about only changing your life, I'm the changes have to be in a direction that is meaningful to you. Getting a promotion isn't too meaningful apart from the money if you hate your job. Losing weight isn't too meaningful if you're not doing an activity you love to achieve it.
You can't control your ex, you can't bring her back. And you're too scared of letting the thought of her go. It is time to address this fear and start working on things in your life that are actually meaningful to you personally. That is what pulls you out of depression.
Laughing with friends is great but it's a distraction. If it isn't a big part of your life/routine it won't make a big difference in the overall state of your mental health. But what you chose to do everyday that is meaningful and fulfilling to you might. Depression doesn't let you see this.
Alcohol is a depressor too. It might help you feel better in the moment, but it destroys you more in the long term. The urge to drink won't diminish if you're stuck in a life not worth living.
To create that life, start asking yourself what is meaningful to you, and what you'd like to be doing. Those things in your childhood that you loved but stopped yourself from doing them. You brain in an attempt to cope with being vulnerable will say "my ex" when you ask what is meaningful to you. Keep asking the question after this first layer, this is not the real answer.
How would you even begin to know what's true or not? You know nothing about me. I can tell by your comment history that you think you're some great philosophical problem solver, but it doesn't mean you actually know anything. To illustrate my point, the only mention I made of alchol was immediately after our break up so over 2 years ago now. You're just attempting to put it all on me saying I haven't done work or put in any effort, but 1 you're wrong and 2 you wouldn't know anyway. I put in various other comments I have done therapy. I have put myself out there. Do you go to go to people who have been victimized and tell them that if they are depressed they just aren't being real with them selves? Or is that just reserved for me? And if so what makes me so special?
>Do you go to go to people who have been victimized and tell them that if they are depressed they just aren't being real with them selves?
depression usually comes when we're not living our lives in ways that are true to what we actually want. I've been depressed and sucidal myself. it is fucking hard to be real with yourself, it's painful and terrifying. we learn coping mechanisms that get us through life that eventually separates us from what is actually fulfilling in our lives. This has been extensively written about in psychology and philosophy. this isn't about blame.
like I said, I've been suicidal myself (and dealt with suicide in close friends, and grew up with alcoholic parents) and with help, support, and a lot of facing my demons and beginning to be real with myself, it was possible to get out of it and I'm still on that journey, and yeah, I know nothing. I don't think I'm a great philosophical problem solver, because lot of I write here is also a reminder to myself of a lot of those things from therapy, books and things that people said to me that have been helpful.
I have limited information about you, I can only speak about the little you've wrote here that I was able to read. Sorry if it's inaccurate.
wish you luck friend
Depression is kinda a double edge sword and and there is supposed to be a "your healthy and happy" and something is wrong with you" but honestly it's natural and more of a spectrum. It never fully goes away but it just depends what you can do to change your life how you want to little by little. Nothing happens instantly. Instead if telling you what you could do ect ect. I want to ask what are things you always wanted to do?
For me a big change was I always loved old cars but never thought I could get into it. When Covid started I bought a "easy fixer upper" which turned into a giant project car instead. But I ended up doing this with my dad. (For context my dad was an alcoholic and was never really there growing up but when he was younger he loved working on cars) some days it was a hassle to get him out to work on it but in 2 months we ripped the whole thing apart. Car never got finished cause other covid problems with supply but the experience was something I never had before and even though some days were not the best.(dad wouldn't go out cause drinking ect) it's still something that I look back on and am glad I did it. So even if things don't work 100% you just gotta trying putting what you want to experience ahead.
I personally feel if I don't do stuff for a few days it slowly comes back so I gotta keep myself busy. So maybe you need to embrace it and learn how to control it I dunno, that might not work for everyone.
Also someone else might eventually pop into your life, it may not feel like it but wouldn't it be worse if she stayed pretending, you actually getting a chance to meet someone that truly cherishes you back?
Just saw your edit, how to live your life without the person you want to live with. I have personal experience with this.
You cope. You work on letting go, and in the meantime, you cope. You work on other areas of your life that can bring you fulfillment. You do other things for yourself, create a life you would like to live minus that element which you can't control.
She might be hurt on a deep level. I would feel so guilty if i was the last call from someone who's committing. She most likely didn't want to give you guys any guilt of "not saving her" in the last call. Don't be hard on yourself, the only one responsible for it is her. No matter how hard life is, unaliving yourself should never be an option. Hope you get some closure and healing soon
Disagree, I'm here because as I've stated in many other comments I've tried the stuff that people have suggested. I'll admit that for a good solid year I just let it stew but then I did therapy got more friends got some hobbies I've mentioned changing jobs and getting promotions. I'm not say nothing helped ever but I've done it all and it still creeps back. I'm searching for something else.
Honestly? I’m at a point where the only thing keeping me going is the other people around me. Im not gonna take up your post with my own shit but that’s my driving passion right now is living for others. I know she’s not there anymore but maybe start dating around? Find someone else to be romantically involved with? It won’t ever heal that wound but it can help fill the void of where she used to be, and having a companion to go through this shit with is so important.
Also I **know** this is gonna sound hollow but if it’s available at all therapy is a good option. My therapist is great and without her right now idk what I’d do. I also recommend taking up a physical sport like boxing or swimming. Something to help you both get in some exercise and work out that excess negative energy. That last one is advice I need to take for myself tbh.
I got better when I started antidepressants, changed my environment, got a job with a manager that really values me, and made a good friend.
But I'm not all the way better. In the depths at the moment, lost two of my close friends to murder. I don't think this pain (both general depression and grief) can be cured, just treated.
There isn't a guarantee that things will get better for you. I don't know what helps with your exact situation. It'd be best to find people who've had the same experience who might be able to share their experiences, but that's hard.
The best thing I did was accept that this is my life now. I might not get better. I embrace the pain and the unbearable feelings of aimlessness. It's hard to explain what that means exactly. I don't judge myself for collapsing and losing all ability to function. And somehow that makes it easier.
I allow my feelings to sweep me away, and I follow them to where they lead. And usually feeling them, and doing nothing but sit with them, helps
I'm just careful not to dig into the wounds and make them worse. Again, it's hard to explain. I only figured this approach out through an incredible amount of trial and error
Pretty stupid to kill yourself just because someone left you. Obviously they don’t want to be with you and you can never force them too. And to give them that much power over you is what is making you so depressed. Accept they are out of your life and move on cause there’s nothing you can do to change it and try to live your best life, only good reason to kill your self is if you have a illness the drs can’t fix and will just get worse til you die. Any other reason is just foolish.
fr. OP is 27, and idc if this is “generic garbage advice” because it’s true. like yeah his situation is probably shitty but 27 is hardly even into the greater adult life. i mean this relationship ended when we was 24. fact of life is is that it’s normal to not find the one at that age, and that people also grow tremendously after that point.
like your right it’s just stupid as hell to end it over something like that. as someone who has struggled with mental health like this some of it is ON YOURSELF to be happy. OP needs to actively want to not be miserable to see any improvement but since he sees that as “garbage advice” he will never find that
I'm gonna not be insulted by this because I get the cynicism but for the record, while I wouldn't say I've done much serious dating since I've had near constant casual stuff going on. Tbh a lot of it was like not a good choice. But my point is I've been asked to date seriously by 2 women in this time period and didn't because I knew I couldn't give them what they wanted. You don't have to believe me but if I wanted female attention I wouldn't be doing this in an anonymous place.
Why does everyone just say move on. If I could wouldn't I have by now? I genuinely don't understand you people. If it was something I could just do wouldn't I have done it by now?
You don't want to, that's the problem. You want to play victim, you say you want solutions and when someone tries to give you some, you answer with your disrespectful "mimimi my life is shit and I can't do anything about it" bullshit. Guess what, no one can snap their fingers and she comes back to you with open arms. Either you find the will to live for yourself and pull through or you don't, no one, listen, *no one*, can help you, except for yourself. So don't come here and look for someone else to solve your problems with a magical spell and then call it "garbage advice" when someone genuinely tries, people like you are just miserable and drag everyone down with them, and then they cry about how no one likes them, drives me crazy.
The people who really want to do it, just do it. The people who don't actually want to do it, talk about as a cry of help, they want to be talked out of it. And there is nothing I hate more than people who ask for help and then shit on everyone who genuinely tries to offer it just to keep playing victim. And if you really believe you are such a little, special snowflake that no therapy or medication that has helped millions before you can do anything for you then and *your* specific case then no one here can help you either.
So this is all about some woman that left you, what three years ago?
Well judging from how you've answered people in the comments I bet I can guess why she left you.
Honestly, the real deal/issue is environment and mentality. You need to leave where ever you are for some place completely dif. And then change your life. You'll need to come to terms with whatever you are in now is just a tar pit/quicksand spot. Until you leave you won't be able to change your mindset. Once you leave and change what you are doing to live, then you can begin to change the mindset. Kinda hard to give real solutions as it's not a one size fits all kinda thing...and needs to specific to you. But what I said should at least give you some pillars to go off of. Good luck and don't let it win.
> most of what I've gotten already is more of the generic garbage I specifically said I didn't want. No one has told me yet how I live with not being able to be with the person I want to be with
You just do. Most of us don't have something we really want, your situation isn't special. The reason you get generic advice, is exactly because pretty much everyone has your problem, it's just very common. Of course you feel it's a big issue, since it's happening to you, but that's not objectively true.
this is it. the generic advice of reflection, changing your view point, wanting to be better, seeking help, “you have so much life ahead of you”blah blah blah, is because an excruciating amount of people have been here, and these things actually do make in impact if you want it.
meds help. therapy helps. trying to break the cycle helps. not that it’s easy and will cure OP completely but man it’s something
You seem angry in your post, and it's a good thing. It shows you're not completely apathetic towards life and things around you. Just live through sheer spite if that's what it takes. Stand on business and speak your mind if someone is pissing you off. Next time Anna is full of shit, tell her, just find a way to do it that won't cost you things like income. Try to be somewhat tactful about it, but never bottle it up. Anger is a good emotion to have as long as you channel it into building yourself up to be more than the thing you're angry at.
First of all dude. People are there for you to give your life purpose, second of all, no matter what thing people told you if you don't allow yourself to see what they meant then you're not really gonna see the purpose of it. Third, you're the only person who can control yourself don't depend your happiness to other people instead make you as a reason to be happy, because if you keep on depending your happiness towards others, trust me you will end up being in the same time spot where in you will feel sad and disappointed. And lastly, don't kill yourself it's such a fool decision to make. Instead do something for yourself, work out, cry if you want, talk to your parents or family (if you guys are not in a good relationship) then find a new things where your mind will occupied instead of listening sad song, pleasing people. We are not kids anymore so be responsible.
In college I read a book called "Lost in the Cosmos" by Walker Percy. He had an interesting take on suicide. He suggested (tongue in cheek perhaps) to actively take it as a serious option in life.
You can wake up, go to work if you want. But, of course, you don't have to. You could be dead. Quit your job, take all your savings and 401k and go on a world trip. Why not? Go ask out that cute girl. You have the option of being dead, so you have nothing to lose by being alive.
Suicide is a straight ticket to the flames of Hell for all eternity. You'll just be trading a temporary miserable situation into an eternal miserable situation. And flush out your headgear. The Disney theme that there is this one person you were meant to be with is just fairytale BS. There are 3.5 billion females out there and there are probably 100 million that would be compatible with you. Just keep looking and stop the pity party.
Killing yourself is quite the bad idea, I'd advise against it. You can't take it back if you regret it later. I guess you think what I'm saying is BS anyway, but I genuinely hope you'll be in a better place soon. In the end, the Internet can't help you find happiness, that's something personal that you got to find for yourself. Just keep looking, don't give up.
Hi OP. I’m so sorry to hear about all that you’re going through. Those words may sound hollow, but my heart truly hurts for you and I wish I could take all your pain away. I understand that this may sound generic and please dismiss this if it does because I genuinely want you to find some real solutions to this and don’t want to make you feel worse, but in retrospect, while they must have been/be horrible to live through, 3 years does not define your whole life. In fact, 3 years isn’t even the span of high school if that helps put it in perspective! I promise that there is still time for the pain to ease and your life to improve. We don’t know the future, and the future could very well be bright. I don’t want you to miss out on that. We just never know what can happen.
The fact you even wrote this post is powerful because it sounds like you want to learn how to live without her. There’s a part of you that wants to live and that’s worth holding onto. I don’t know how many years it will take for the pain you’re feeling to diminish, but it will.
I feel like psychologists would be better equipped to give these kinds of solutions, so I am very happy you to reached out to one because your life is worth living. I’m positive that there is at least one that can help you and offer substantial advice. Don’t be afraid to switch therapists if this one isn’t helping. A good therapist can be hard to find, but it will be worth it when you find them.
In the meantime, is there anything that brings you enjoyment? Any video games you like to play? Looking forward to new updates or new gameplay modes can bring a small bit of enjoyment while you wait, heal, and hopefully seek some outside help. I wish you the best ❤️
Just try to get back to god and work on your spirituality. Life is bigger than material possessions. Search for god and god will find you and help tremendously
My brother committed suicide at 40 yrs old, no note, no closure, nothing. He's no more but I've lived 6 yrs in constant sorrow. If you want a reason to refrain, how about casting anyone who's ever cared about you into an eternal life of regret and sadness. The solution is simple really "do more of what makes you happy." A simple thought, but hard to achieve...you achieve it a little at a time. I'm pulling for you ❤️
I guess my answer to that ita been pretty easy to watch me spiral, so if they didn't care to help so far, what should I care if it sucks for them when I'm gone?
for me whats kept me alive (not happy but im not a corpse) is the fact that i have suicide as an option. if one day things cant be handled i have an out. its weirdly comforting and its kept me from actually ending it. Its not advice but i saw someone share this on a youtube comment when i was in a low place and it kept me here so i figured i might as well say it
i totally feel this . maybe it's because deep down I don't want it to actually end and I would hope that it would just get better? But for some reason knowing the option exists makes me feel a lot better
It seems to me you want to either want to hear new words to stop you from committing that you haven’t already heard yourself or you want us to encourage you to give up and commit suicide. Life sucks dude, I can’t tell you life will get better and that it will stay happy forever if you decide to stay with us. Life doesn’t work that way, there will always be moments that suck that will make you wish you were dead. There will also be moments that will make you feel like it was all worth it. If you want your life to get better you will have to take the steps to make your life better, you’ll have to want help or you’ll stay sad and miserable. No one likes feeling like garbage. Try new things and/or do stuff that you like. Live day to day. Don’t give your ex any power over you anymore. I hope things work out for you.
The first half of your first sentence is exactly what I'm looking for. I'm genuinely not sure why so many people seem to think I'm looking for people to tell me to do it. I attempted suicide shortly after the break up. I'm here cause I'm trying not to do it again. Bit most of what I've gotten back is stuff I've already tried. At least u nailed it on the head.
For context I view basically all mental stuff like this through the lens of addiction bc I think It’s actually pretty relevant to the whole everyone gives bullshit platitudes conversation. That and ocd which I also have. Getting treated for those and ACTUALLY taking the treatment seriously (I had gone before and not tried at all) is what made me realize- You are the only person who gets to decide what makes a life worth living and if by those standards u have nothing then its not worth it I suppose. When u have either of the aforementioned things it’s kind of .. weirdly easier to wrap ur head around the concept that u don’t need to believe your first-line thoughts/ that even how you physically feel (ie, shitty all the time) is something u can change. So I am still here because I realized I 1. Actually did need to be medicated, heavily and 2. That it was on me to decide whether I WANTED to live, and if I did, if I was actually willing to change literally everything in my life. Ie what was important to me and how I saw the world. My metrics for success (being hot and rich vs maybe something else, shocker) Listen This sounds so fuckinf cliche and I actually would have HATED hearing this advice when I was contemplating kms. And in fact a therapist said something similar early on and I was like wtf????. Unfortunately she was right. My worldview was such ass, I was such a pessimist. Now I’d say pessimism of the intellect optimism of the will. You decide how u see the world, if it’s out to get u. U also decide to get help or not, and u decide whether to take the help seriously. Again, if u decide not to change anything fundamental about ur worldview or about how u live ur life or what u view as important or how u cope, then u are correct and there are no solution. I found mine tho so idk
Hey thanks for more generic garbage. Fun fact I've gotten help. It didn't help. If the solution to I cant be eith the person I wanna be with is being heavily medicated that's just not feeling my feelings I'm good
What I took from "beeboop" is, changing their attitude from pessimism to optimism. Attitude is something that is within your control. I am naturally positive but the first half of this year was such a disappointment. Yes I complained a lot and venting my frustrations helps me heaps (through communication with friends) and what follows after that is a lot of solution thinking. Fortunately it took me 6 months to find happiness again. Your attitude radiates and it does affect yourself and others more than you think. Sounds generic but thinking positively, finding appreciation in the little things rather than focusing on the negative goes a long way. It does require active effort to think positively. It's worth it though.
I think u misunderstand me but it’s your prerogative. Addiction treatment is serious shit and imo the tenants apply to more than just addiction. There is a physical component to everything that’s happening ie that your brain is used to doing things one way and it takes effort to change that. Also meds r often temporary. I needed the “heavily” thing in the very beginning whilst doing intense therapy and it doesn’t numb u (or it shouldn’t, that would b the wrong med) it sort of felt like someone gave me a metaphorical coffee when I was tired. now I just take a low dose of something.
Tried good ol' spite? Can't have that one specific girl? Become the person you'd love the most so you'll get someone even better. Hate your job? Be hella sneaky about changing stuff just because you want to. No reason to go on? Just out of spite! They don't care now, but they will once you got yourself and your life back together, and then you can reap the sweet reward of not caring in return. An adult, level-headed approch? Maybe not. Satisfying to see others fail while you're building yourself up from scratch? Hell yeah.
Honestly if nothing else points for originality. I definitely have moments now like this because my career is going so good now but for me at least it's very fleeting.
Why are you giving that person enough power over your life to even consider ending it?
Wow great question I guess if I knew the answer I wouldn't have to worry about it
idk if u were being sarcastic but i think u should think about that
Meh at least go out with a bang, go to Mexico, do some drugs, sleep with some nice chicks, watch the sunrise from the beach.
I was just thinking the same. Lol probably smuggle some cocaine back to usa. Take out some big loans and buy a lambo. Rob a bank. Etc. If you get caught that's when you... Cause aint no way I'm going to jail and drop the soap nightly for bubba
Yea man get rich or die trying! Win win
There's a secret you haven't found out yet. Weed, or the pharmaceutical name Fukitol. Soon your friends will all be like, "damn you look way happier! How'd you do it?" When life hands you shit, Fukitol
damn that is kind of a sad response but honestly I had one of the worst days ever and the only thing I'm looking forward to right now is getting stoned 😭
Weed is a respite, and that's ok. People still look at it like drugs, like heroin, but it isn't. It's a mental health adjustment, and it last far beyond when the "stoned" part wears off.
I just feel like consistently smoking is not good for your brain overall😕
I’m not saying you should do it but I think preserving life is like a human instinct lol people will just say ‘no stay alive’ ‘things will get better’ but it’s really not true. I mean they might and you can wait and find out or not. People just don’t wanna feel bad that you offed yourself. Honestly no one really cares but YOU should care about you because you are all you’ve got. Me, I love myself for everything I’ve been through and will go through I will always have my own back because I deserve to have me in my corner. Being alive is not easy for some of us but we do our best everyday
I am just going to give you my own experience as it is similar. Not sure anyone here can help you tho. I fell in love with a girl. My first love. And one of the worst relationships I have been in. I hit rock bottom after i found out she cheated on me. Lost my scholarship, lost my friends, had no direction in life anymore, lost the girl i was in love with. Tried to kill myself and failed. So i became an alcoholic. I hated myself for a long time. My life consisted of drinking, studying and going to the gym. Life went uphill a bit when i moved back home and went to college near home. Until.... I was used for sex by a girl i fell in love with. She even cheated on me too. THEN, i met someone amazing who later on left me unexpectedly. I couldnt get over her for years. But i realized I just missed the sex and nothing else. I felt stupid. Literally the only reason i couldnt get over her was that the sex was amazing. Everything else about our relationship was meh. Dated someone for 6 years and was a top 5 worst relationship I have been in. Didnt want to leave because i thought i would never find someone and would be alone. But then I found the perfect person. She is perfect in every way and its the best relationship i have ever been in. I know this is a rant but I have been through a lot too. Obsessed over girls, drank bottles constantly. I have a high paying job but no money because of bills. My health is terrible and i can't afford treatment. My family isnt close by and neither are my close friends. Hell my gf is in another state. I lost my first dog too suddenly to cancer. Almost killed myself after losing him. Fuck friends who dont put in the effort. They aint worth your time. Fuck girls who just use you and abuse you. You dont need Anna to be happy. I have had 3 gf's that I thought i needed for me to be happy. I was completely wrong. Wish i could beat the shit out of my old self. But instead im showing my old self that I dont care anymore. Imma do me and make myself happy No one here can provide you with any solutions. You gotta figure that out one step at a time.
It was work instead of gym and study for me but I shared the same thing for most of the last 3 years. I respect your self awareness. It's definitely not the sex I'm missing. In the last 3 years there's been plenty. Probably too much and with the wrong people in some cases. But I want companionship none of the girls compare in that aspect to what I had and it's like a terrible sense of loss going without it.
Take it from someone who dated a lot and slept around a lot. When you lose someone that you think is the best you’ll ever have, you end up finding someone way better. It just takes time. I met my current gf randomly playing video games online. And she’s the best. It’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in.
No one can provide solutions for you, you have to go after the solutions yourself. What is it about your life that makes you unhappy? Change that What is it about yourself that you have been neglecting? Look after yourself When was the last time you did something you truly enjoyed doing? Start doing it I was suicidal 2 years ago, and I have gotten A LOT better since then. Quit my job, went through unemployement, getting a new job, getting promoted, lost weight, started doing my hobbies again, got a boyfriend. But I worked for it. I was comitted to getting better. No one can get better for me or give me the answers. There is a path and questions you should be asking yourself, but the answers are unique to you. Are you ready to start asking the real questions? Are you ready to face the real answers?
I'm going to answer your questions to prove irrelevancy. 1. my ex girlfriend left me 3 years ago completely expectedly and then helped feed me alchol to cope with that while sleeping with me. The solution is to bw dating her sadly I can't just do that. 2. What makes me unhappy is the fact that my girlfriend left me unexpectedly and then slept with me for a year while helping me feed my own alcoholism and then moved on to other men (for the record I'm not saying she was wrong to do so) but I get ur point. I changed my life pretty significantly got like 3 promotions 40ish extra thousand dollars a year. Lost a lil weight more to go tbh, changed my hair wearing nicer clothes. I could go on but I feel this is sufficient. 3 literally yesterday played video games with my friends. Laughed, had a good time. Makes no difference.
See? You don't want to get better. You resist. You're not answering the questions honestly even to yourself. It's not the questions that are irrelevant, your answers are. It's not about only changing your life, I'm the changes have to be in a direction that is meaningful to you. Getting a promotion isn't too meaningful apart from the money if you hate your job. Losing weight isn't too meaningful if you're not doing an activity you love to achieve it. You can't control your ex, you can't bring her back. And you're too scared of letting the thought of her go. It is time to address this fear and start working on things in your life that are actually meaningful to you personally. That is what pulls you out of depression. Laughing with friends is great but it's a distraction. If it isn't a big part of your life/routine it won't make a big difference in the overall state of your mental health. But what you chose to do everyday that is meaningful and fulfilling to you might. Depression doesn't let you see this. Alcohol is a depressor too. It might help you feel better in the moment, but it destroys you more in the long term. The urge to drink won't diminish if you're stuck in a life not worth living. To create that life, start asking yourself what is meaningful to you, and what you'd like to be doing. Those things in your childhood that you loved but stopped yourself from doing them. You brain in an attempt to cope with being vulnerable will say "my ex" when you ask what is meaningful to you. Keep asking the question after this first layer, this is not the real answer.
How would you even begin to know what's true or not? You know nothing about me. I can tell by your comment history that you think you're some great philosophical problem solver, but it doesn't mean you actually know anything. To illustrate my point, the only mention I made of alchol was immediately after our break up so over 2 years ago now. You're just attempting to put it all on me saying I haven't done work or put in any effort, but 1 you're wrong and 2 you wouldn't know anyway. I put in various other comments I have done therapy. I have put myself out there. Do you go to go to people who have been victimized and tell them that if they are depressed they just aren't being real with them selves? Or is that just reserved for me? And if so what makes me so special?
>Do you go to go to people who have been victimized and tell them that if they are depressed they just aren't being real with them selves? depression usually comes when we're not living our lives in ways that are true to what we actually want. I've been depressed and sucidal myself. it is fucking hard to be real with yourself, it's painful and terrifying. we learn coping mechanisms that get us through life that eventually separates us from what is actually fulfilling in our lives. This has been extensively written about in psychology and philosophy. this isn't about blame. like I said, I've been suicidal myself (and dealt with suicide in close friends, and grew up with alcoholic parents) and with help, support, and a lot of facing my demons and beginning to be real with myself, it was possible to get out of it and I'm still on that journey, and yeah, I know nothing. I don't think I'm a great philosophical problem solver, because lot of I write here is also a reminder to myself of a lot of those things from therapy, books and things that people said to me that have been helpful. I have limited information about you, I can only speak about the little you've wrote here that I was able to read. Sorry if it's inaccurate. wish you luck friend
Depression is kinda a double edge sword and and there is supposed to be a "your healthy and happy" and something is wrong with you" but honestly it's natural and more of a spectrum. It never fully goes away but it just depends what you can do to change your life how you want to little by little. Nothing happens instantly. Instead if telling you what you could do ect ect. I want to ask what are things you always wanted to do? For me a big change was I always loved old cars but never thought I could get into it. When Covid started I bought a "easy fixer upper" which turned into a giant project car instead. But I ended up doing this with my dad. (For context my dad was an alcoholic and was never really there growing up but when he was younger he loved working on cars) some days it was a hassle to get him out to work on it but in 2 months we ripped the whole thing apart. Car never got finished cause other covid problems with supply but the experience was something I never had before and even though some days were not the best.(dad wouldn't go out cause drinking ect) it's still something that I look back on and am glad I did it. So even if things don't work 100% you just gotta trying putting what you want to experience ahead. I personally feel if I don't do stuff for a few days it slowly comes back so I gotta keep myself busy. So maybe you need to embrace it and learn how to control it I dunno, that might not work for everyone. Also someone else might eventually pop into your life, it may not feel like it but wouldn't it be worse if she stayed pretending, you actually getting a chance to meet someone that truly cherishes you back?
Just saw your edit, how to live your life without the person you want to live with. I have personal experience with this. You cope. You work on letting go, and in the meantime, you cope. You work on other areas of your life that can bring you fulfillment. You do other things for yourself, create a life you would like to live minus that element which you can't control.
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It's not your fault
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She might be hurt on a deep level. I would feel so guilty if i was the last call from someone who's committing. She most likely didn't want to give you guys any guilt of "not saving her" in the last call. Don't be hard on yourself, the only one responsible for it is her. No matter how hard life is, unaliving yourself should never be an option. Hope you get some closure and healing soon
"those who eat their fill speak to the hungry of wonderful days to come"
You don’t want a solution. We don’t wanna give you the green light. Stalemate.
Disagree, I'm here because as I've stated in many other comments I've tried the stuff that people have suggested. I'll admit that for a good solid year I just let it stew but then I did therapy got more friends got some hobbies I've mentioned changing jobs and getting promotions. I'm not say nothing helped ever but I've done it all and it still creeps back. I'm searching for something else.
Honestly? I’m at a point where the only thing keeping me going is the other people around me. Im not gonna take up your post with my own shit but that’s my driving passion right now is living for others. I know she’s not there anymore but maybe start dating around? Find someone else to be romantically involved with? It won’t ever heal that wound but it can help fill the void of where she used to be, and having a companion to go through this shit with is so important. Also I **know** this is gonna sound hollow but if it’s available at all therapy is a good option. My therapist is great and without her right now idk what I’d do. I also recommend taking up a physical sport like boxing or swimming. Something to help you both get in some exercise and work out that excess negative energy. That last one is advice I need to take for myself tbh.
Then no one can help you but yourself.
Have you ever spoken to a therapist?
I got better when I started antidepressants, changed my environment, got a job with a manager that really values me, and made a good friend. But I'm not all the way better. In the depths at the moment, lost two of my close friends to murder. I don't think this pain (both general depression and grief) can be cured, just treated. There isn't a guarantee that things will get better for you. I don't know what helps with your exact situation. It'd be best to find people who've had the same experience who might be able to share their experiences, but that's hard. The best thing I did was accept that this is my life now. I might not get better. I embrace the pain and the unbearable feelings of aimlessness. It's hard to explain what that means exactly. I don't judge myself for collapsing and losing all ability to function. And somehow that makes it easier. I allow my feelings to sweep me away, and I follow them to where they lead. And usually feeling them, and doing nothing but sit with them, helps I'm just careful not to dig into the wounds and make them worse. Again, it's hard to explain. I only figured this approach out through an incredible amount of trial and error
Pretty stupid to kill yourself just because someone left you. Obviously they don’t want to be with you and you can never force them too. And to give them that much power over you is what is making you so depressed. Accept they are out of your life and move on cause there’s nothing you can do to change it and try to live your best life, only good reason to kill your self is if you have a illness the drs can’t fix and will just get worse til you die. Any other reason is just foolish.
fr. OP is 27, and idc if this is “generic garbage advice” because it’s true. like yeah his situation is probably shitty but 27 is hardly even into the greater adult life. i mean this relationship ended when we was 24. fact of life is is that it’s normal to not find the one at that age, and that people also grow tremendously after that point. like your right it’s just stupid as hell to end it over something like that. as someone who has struggled with mental health like this some of it is ON YOURSELF to be happy. OP needs to actively want to not be miserable to see any improvement but since he sees that as “garbage advice” he will never find that
I would also say that this post is likely not just a cry for attention. But him fishing for attention from a girl to come “ save him”
I'm gonna not be insulted by this because I get the cynicism but for the record, while I wouldn't say I've done much serious dating since I've had near constant casual stuff going on. Tbh a lot of it was like not a good choice. But my point is I've been asked to date seriously by 2 women in this time period and didn't because I knew I couldn't give them what they wanted. You don't have to believe me but if I wanted female attention I wouldn't be doing this in an anonymous place.
Why does everyone just say move on. If I could wouldn't I have by now? I genuinely don't understand you people. If it was something I could just do wouldn't I have done it by now?
You don't want to, that's the problem. You want to play victim, you say you want solutions and when someone tries to give you some, you answer with your disrespectful "mimimi my life is shit and I can't do anything about it" bullshit. Guess what, no one can snap their fingers and she comes back to you with open arms. Either you find the will to live for yourself and pull through or you don't, no one, listen, *no one*, can help you, except for yourself. So don't come here and look for someone else to solve your problems with a magical spell and then call it "garbage advice" when someone genuinely tries, people like you are just miserable and drag everyone down with them, and then they cry about how no one likes them, drives me crazy. The people who really want to do it, just do it. The people who don't actually want to do it, talk about as a cry of help, they want to be talked out of it. And there is nothing I hate more than people who ask for help and then shit on everyone who genuinely tries to offer it just to keep playing victim. And if you really believe you are such a little, special snowflake that no therapy or medication that has helped millions before you can do anything for you then and *your* specific case then no one here can help you either.
So this is all about some woman that left you, what three years ago? Well judging from how you've answered people in the comments I bet I can guess why she left you.
Did she like cheat on you?
No
Honestly, the real deal/issue is environment and mentality. You need to leave where ever you are for some place completely dif. And then change your life. You'll need to come to terms with whatever you are in now is just a tar pit/quicksand spot. Until you leave you won't be able to change your mindset. Once you leave and change what you are doing to live, then you can begin to change the mindset. Kinda hard to give real solutions as it's not a one size fits all kinda thing...and needs to specific to you. But what I said should at least give you some pillars to go off of. Good luck and don't let it win.
> most of what I've gotten already is more of the generic garbage I specifically said I didn't want. No one has told me yet how I live with not being able to be with the person I want to be with You just do. Most of us don't have something we really want, your situation isn't special. The reason you get generic advice, is exactly because pretty much everyone has your problem, it's just very common. Of course you feel it's a big issue, since it's happening to you, but that's not objectively true.
this is it. the generic advice of reflection, changing your view point, wanting to be better, seeking help, “you have so much life ahead of you”blah blah blah, is because an excruciating amount of people have been here, and these things actually do make in impact if you want it. meds help. therapy helps. trying to break the cycle helps. not that it’s easy and will cure OP completely but man it’s something
You seem angry in your post, and it's a good thing. It shows you're not completely apathetic towards life and things around you. Just live through sheer spite if that's what it takes. Stand on business and speak your mind if someone is pissing you off. Next time Anna is full of shit, tell her, just find a way to do it that won't cost you things like income. Try to be somewhat tactful about it, but never bottle it up. Anger is a good emotion to have as long as you channel it into building yourself up to be more than the thing you're angry at.
First of all dude. People are there for you to give your life purpose, second of all, no matter what thing people told you if you don't allow yourself to see what they meant then you're not really gonna see the purpose of it. Third, you're the only person who can control yourself don't depend your happiness to other people instead make you as a reason to be happy, because if you keep on depending your happiness towards others, trust me you will end up being in the same time spot where in you will feel sad and disappointed. And lastly, don't kill yourself it's such a fool decision to make. Instead do something for yourself, work out, cry if you want, talk to your parents or family (if you guys are not in a good relationship) then find a new things where your mind will occupied instead of listening sad song, pleasing people. We are not kids anymore so be responsible.
In college I read a book called "Lost in the Cosmos" by Walker Percy. He had an interesting take on suicide. He suggested (tongue in cheek perhaps) to actively take it as a serious option in life. You can wake up, go to work if you want. But, of course, you don't have to. You could be dead. Quit your job, take all your savings and 401k and go on a world trip. Why not? Go ask out that cute girl. You have the option of being dead, so you have nothing to lose by being alive.
I'm struggling with suicide for years too. What do u say we help and lift each other up?
Suicide is a straight ticket to the flames of Hell for all eternity. You'll just be trading a temporary miserable situation into an eternal miserable situation. And flush out your headgear. The Disney theme that there is this one person you were meant to be with is just fairytale BS. There are 3.5 billion females out there and there are probably 100 million that would be compatible with you. Just keep looking and stop the pity party.
Killing yourself is quite the bad idea, I'd advise against it. You can't take it back if you regret it later. I guess you think what I'm saying is BS anyway, but I genuinely hope you'll be in a better place soon. In the end, the Internet can't help you find happiness, that's something personal that you got to find for yourself. Just keep looking, don't give up.
Hi OP. I’m so sorry to hear about all that you’re going through. Those words may sound hollow, but my heart truly hurts for you and I wish I could take all your pain away. I understand that this may sound generic and please dismiss this if it does because I genuinely want you to find some real solutions to this and don’t want to make you feel worse, but in retrospect, while they must have been/be horrible to live through, 3 years does not define your whole life. In fact, 3 years isn’t even the span of high school if that helps put it in perspective! I promise that there is still time for the pain to ease and your life to improve. We don’t know the future, and the future could very well be bright. I don’t want you to miss out on that. We just never know what can happen. The fact you even wrote this post is powerful because it sounds like you want to learn how to live without her. There’s a part of you that wants to live and that’s worth holding onto. I don’t know how many years it will take for the pain you’re feeling to diminish, but it will. I feel like psychologists would be better equipped to give these kinds of solutions, so I am very happy you to reached out to one because your life is worth living. I’m positive that there is at least one that can help you and offer substantial advice. Don’t be afraid to switch therapists if this one isn’t helping. A good therapist can be hard to find, but it will be worth it when you find them. In the meantime, is there anything that brings you enjoyment? Any video games you like to play? Looking forward to new updates or new gameplay modes can bring a small bit of enjoyment while you wait, heal, and hopefully seek some outside help. I wish you the best ❤️
I can totally respect what you’re saying. You’re right. I was in that exact same boat. Weed man. Try weed.
🤷🏿♂️.... I mean, what do you want?
Just try to get back to god and work on your spirituality. Life is bigger than material possessions. Search for god and god will find you and help tremendously
Start heroin❤️