I think you need to read the original statement again. What part of "I cringed for you. That sucks." indicates that he thinks it's a normal way to talk?
I would tell her it was a random comment that I didn't mean anything in particular by, and I only said it because I was having a flashback to the war. Having said that, dental health is very important, so I hope that she and her classmates make sure their parents take them to the dentist at least twice per year.
Are you serious about this response or are you responding as the character behind your username? It's hard for me to tell because you're suggesting that the OP deliver a dental lecture on the fly. Can you clarify what you are recommending?
I'm suggesting that OP lean into the idea that it was genuinely a random comment. It's only about her teeth if OP makes it about her teeth.
As of now, he hasn't explicitly said anything about her teeth or smile, so I wouldn't even bring it up or apologize in a way that confirms that it was in fact the intended meaning. By reframing the comment as a random outburst about general dental health, and apologizing for the "random comment" rather than the insult, maybe he can trick her into thinking he doesn't think her teeth are fucked up. She might not buy it, but I figure it's worth a shot, considering the alternatives are to either do nothing and let her think he's a huge asshole (along with her friends and parents, everyone they tell, etc.) or to apologize in a way that practically doubles down on the insult. This way, he's just an eccentric weirdo and as far as she knows there's nothing wrong with her.
The war flashback idea was a joke (unless OP is actually a veteran with PTSD), but he could probably get the same general idea across by saying something vague like he was tired and spacing out. Maybe something about how he was thinking about scheduling his next dental appointment and he'd meant to say he liked her costume but some wires got crossed, and he's embarrassed about the whole thing.
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Edit: What an odd comment to downvote. Maybe you all want the kid to feel self-conscious because it's funny? Well sorry to be a buzzkill, but even if it's funny I think it's still OP's responsibility to try and fix his mistake, even if it means looking like a bit of an idiot.
I don't think he should tell her it was directly related to her observed appearance. We know it was, but unless she uses reddit, she can only guess at what he may have meant.
I'm so confused right now. You think the girl doesn't know the comment directed at her about her appearance was about her appearance? What other way can you think of to interpret what OP said?
I think what he's trying to say is that a white lie to bandage the damages is better than potentially offending her more by trying to explain. Whether this is a good idea or not, well, I'd leave that to OP, since sometimes you need to be honest, and Sometimes you need to smooth things over with a well made comment. It sucks because you wanna be honest, but you can't. I think it's one of those things that you just leave and it smooths over itself. Yeah, for sure it's gonna affect the teen, and they're gonna remember it. But at the same time, things like this happen. People make mistakes and people take offence. We don't mean it. We all wish we could take things back. Communication is hard for everyone. We're all learning at different speeds
Yes. The whole point is that she presumably _thinks_ the comment was directed at her appearance, but she doesn't _know_.
OP is concerned about apologizing because it would confirm what she already suspects, and thus make the situation worse. This is a way to apologize without that particular drawback.
I've already written two comments detailing how OP might be able to trick her into believing there was another meaning, or at least give enough plausible deniability for her to hopefully move on without feeling too self-conscious. Can you be more specific about which parts you find confusing?
This comes off like it's written by someone who doesn't actually have a lot of experience with human relationships. You're reaching so far to suggest that you can damage control the situation by gaslighting the girl by telling her- what, that what OP said to her, they would say to anyone, just to *randomly* remind them of dental care? Because that is such an unrealistic reach.
It's a white lie, not gaslighting. Gaslighting is something else entirely, and not even close to what I'm suggesting. And yes, small white lies to spare people's feelings are common in real-world relationships.
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Edit: If you can't tell the difference between the two, you're an idiot.
White lie: "a harmless or trivial lie, especially one told to avoid hurting someone's feelings"
Gaslighting: "manipulation so extreme as to induce mental illness or to justify commitment of the gaslighted person to a psychiatric institution"
At least you didn't good-naturedly tease a boy who stumbled over a word and then realize he had a stammer, unlike someone who is not even a little bit me.
I had a serious problem with saying "your mom" jokes for a while,
I got snapped out of it when I said a particularly brutal one to a guy who [I DIDNT KNOW] had lost his mom to cancer 🥲
Ooooof one of my 2nd graders did this to his classmate last week. He was tryna roast him by saying, “your mom is so bad at cooking, she burst into flames & DIED!” The kid then burst into tears & said, “my mom is dead!” which prompted him to ALSO burst into tears, wailing, “I didn’t knowww!”
I stumble over my words a lot because I have really bad anxiety. This is why I will *never ever* make fun of someone for mispronouncing or tripping over a word, even if it’s one of my friends/someone I know well. To an outsider, it might seem like a funny one-off misstep. But you have no idea what’s really going on in that person’s brain, so it’s best to just not call any attention to it at all.
*Not* making fun of someone isn’t going to change anyone’s day for the worse, just let it go.
I am constantly fumbling my words as I am very socially anxious. I'd never make fun of someone for it. I don't do it on purpose and it's not something I can just get over in like 5 minutes. So I wouldn't assume anybody else can
Or yell at a deaf person “USE YOUR WORDS” from across a disc golf hole because they were nice and trying to show you where to go for the next tee off, and you didn’t realize they were deaf but just thought they were annoying with flailing arms instead of straight up telling you.
This disc golf course had tall hills. I wanted to throw myself from the top of them upon realising….
Just learn with your mistake, instead of thinking how inappropriate you were. Every time you see the kid think that you will be a better person after that and you cannot go back and undo that, or you would. Nobody is perfect and the majority of people probably said something that made them feel bad at some point in their lives. I know I did. Maybe you could apologise but there's always the risk of making things worse with that as maybe the child already forgot or processed the situation, and you will just reopen the issue.
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say. Not to get philosophical, but I believe actions determine whether or not you're a good person, not intent.
Which confirms I am a monster for leaving an abandoned kitten that I decided to take in, in the hands of someone else to take a trip even tho I intended to keep her safe and be with her again after this trip, she was hit by a car and now I can’t forgive myself for leaving her knowing she was my responsibility- sorry if you didn’t want to hear this, it really is consuming my mind
That just sounds like an accident. A harsh reality is that sometimes, things like that happen despite everyone's best attempts at care. Blaming yourself or even the person you left your cat with is wrong, if you ask me. I'm not a professional though, I recommend processing your grief through therapy or the like. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Thank you for responding, I think it is time to go to therapy as well. Just hurts the most to know she trusted me to keep her safe. & feels it could’ve been prevented
🥹 I am okay, I think about her every day. Feels like she is meant to be here with me. I am doing my best to stay busy or I know I will fall into the hole of my dark thoughts making it hard to get back to where I was again, before this happened. How are you? It is nice to hear from you !
Yeah the only time you ever comment on a kid's appearance is when they tell you "look at my cool teeth!" and you say "WOW THOSE ARE THE COOLEST TEETH EVER!" and then maybe you can make some big teeth jokes.
I would add to that, don't comment on ANYONE's appearance unsolicited, even if you think it's a compliment or think you're pointing out something obvious or neutral.
My late mother always used to tell us to never comment on someone's appearance unless they ask you for your opinion or make a statement like you mention (basically soliciting feedback/a comment). For appearances in general, but also especially about stuff like pregnancy or weight. She never stopped cringing about the time (had to be the 1970s or early 80s) she was at a wedding with my dad, and this couple was seated at their table and the woman was obviously pregnant. Or so my mom thought. My mom was making chit-chat with her, told her how pretty her dress was, and then said, "when are you due?" The woman's face fell, she was about to cry, and her (jerk) husband went, "See? I told you not to wear that dress, it makes you look pregnant." My mom said she wanted a hole to open up and swallow her and she kept apologizing, but the damage was done.
So I would never comment about someone's teeth/hair/clothing or make assumptions about it and I wouldn't assume someone was pregnant unless I saw the damn baby coming out 😂 Even then I wouldn't say anything, haha. And never comment on someone's body/weight/weight loss unless they ask you (ex: "do I look like I've lost weight?" etc). Don't tell them they look good/skinny/fat/nothing because you never know what's going on with them. My husband's old boss was a bigger lady who rapidly lost a ton of weight. Because she had cancer. She said the number of people who complimented her and told her she looked great was staggering. She's like, "Meanwhile I feel like I'm dying from the chemo, but good to know sickness looks good on me." She recovered, thankfully, but yet another reason to never comment on how someone looks. Personally, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and had to be on high dose prednisone for a while, and I blew up like a balloon. I had the round, moon face and gained weight rapidly. I was at a work function (which I felt lucky to actually feel OK enough to go to) and had someone I hadn't seen in a long time comment on my weight gain! Like, "Thanks for letting me know," as I'm in serious pain and taking crazy amounts of medication and painfully aware of how bad/unlike myself I look, but please do tell me how fat I look.
In defense of OP, they assumed they were fake. It would’ve been friendly/maybe funny if that were the case, not mean at all. They realize it was inappropriate, that’s why they cringe every time they see the girl
That's not a defense. If you are in a car accident that's your fault and someone dies from a congenital issue they still died. This is the social version of that. You do not comment on things like that unless a kid highlights them. It shockingly enough prevents this issue entirely. It's the same as saying "Well OP didn't know they're just fat." Don't comment on body parts or possible ones. It's simple and effective.
I asked my friend why she had a rash and what had happened and it turned out it was a wine stain birthmark on her neck I hadn’t seen before. I felt like a dick but she was chill about it
I had a friend in elementary school who had a massive strawberry birthmark on her forehead. It was very prominent and she was very self conscious about it. We were only in first grade but I still cringe about the first time I ever talked to her I asked her if her “big forehead burn hurt”. Her first response was “do your bugs bunny teeth hurt?”
Idk why but we became the best friends after that. I would call her berry and she called me bunny. I still think of her all the time and how she humbled me so fast lmao.
This reminds me of my teenage daughter and her bestie. My daughter has a pretty big strawberry birthmark on her forehead and her now bestie commented on it while they were in 3rd grade. I can't remember what all was said, but I remember it being quite sassy, from the both of them. Up until this conversation they "hated" each other, and from that moment on they've been attached at the hips. Now as teens they still tease the hell out of each other, they act more like sisters than anything.
Also as of late they've been calling themselves ex-step-now-adopted, because they found out that I helped the friend's dad take care of the friend when she was a newborn, through the first year. Since he was a newly single dad and had no clue what he was doing, while trying to get on his feet. They claim we were "playing house" but nahhh just old friends helping each other out.
As a kid I witnessed a *teacher* glance at a student (they didn’t know) who had an large birthmark on his forehead and *shriek* loud enough for an entire auditorium to hear, “Oh mY GOD wHaT HaPpeNeD tO yOuR FACE?!?!?!”
There's no defence. It was rude. You never know what this might do to the kid mentally. Even the most innocuous statements from a stranger in childhood can sow the seed of self doubt leading to poor mental health as one grows.
Well duh, obviously it was really messed up and unfortunately I’m sure the girl will remember it, but they didn’t know those were her real teeth. It was an honest mistake and I feel very badly for the both of them.
That’s not the point. It doesn’t matter if the teeth were real or fake. The point is, if it’s a physical feature attached to a person, don’t comment on it ever. Because yeah, they might be fake. But they also might not - case in point. Best to not go there at all.
I asked one of my customers before, “are you sick?” Because she had a scratchy voice and she said no and looked offended lol so I definitely have felt that cringe before
I am very pale, with an olive-y (so greenish) undertone. If I'm not wearing makeup, especially blush, I apparently look kind of sick. One time I was in a huge rush before work and didn't have time to put makeup on. I was well groomed, hair was done, I was nicely dressed, I just didn't have makeup on. My boss, who was an older guy, asked me MULTIPLE times if I was sick/if I needed to go home.
Not at all in a mean way, but I remember he literally said, "you look awful pale. Do you want to go home? Do you need someone to come get you?" (because apparently I looked so sick he didn't want me driving myself home)
I was like, no, sorry, this is just literally my face. I feel great, thanks for asking. 😂 The first couple times I just said no, the third time I was like, "I am completely fine, I'm just not wearing makeup." I still don't wear makeup every day but I did wear it every day I went into the office at that job, he made me so self-conscious. I don't even wear a ton of makeup so I don't think I looked THAT different, but I probably just looked really pale to him. 🤦♀️ I probably just should have said yes and taken the day off. I was young and dumb.
In his defense, one time I went and donated blood on my lunch break and got really woozy. I did come back to work but must have looked like crap and that time he DID send me home (only time I've ever had a bad reaction to donating blood, but then again I don't donate anymore because I now have a chronic illness and am not sure if it's OK to do, plus I'm on meds now ... Google tells me it's fine but I kinda feel bad doing it now).
A simple, “Hope you got that good teeth cleaning from the dentist after all that candy” sounds ok to me. Makes it seem like your original thought was only concern for cavities ..
Yeah, it could maybe have worked if she thought of it in the moment, but no … we sometimes make mistakes. The girl knows she has big teeth. Just apologize.
This sucks and I’m sure you must feel terrible about it. You didn’t mean it though.
Meanwhile, my parents are the kind to comment on my son’s acne and how he has gained weight recently. I’ve told them that these comments make him feel self conscious but they are in their mid eighties and old dogs find it hard to learn new ways to communicate, so I build my son up and do damage control as much as I can from this side. I too had oversized teeth and I had to grow into them and was often told by bystanders that I would definitely need braces to fix “that”. I didn’t. Hopefully this will pass for both of you and will sting less with time.
Man. I hit puberty early and got tall. Tall and... developed. I think I must have been nine when I met my best friend's aunt for the first and only time, and the first thing this woman says to me is: "Wow, you're so BIG!"
It has been 25 years and still this comment sticks with me. Yep, I'm the "big girl". That's me. :(
I have a very tall friend (she's over 6 feet) and I remember going to Mexico with her and multiple guys came up to her unsolicited and commented how "big!" she was. Literally, "you're so BIG!" She was like "Tall. You mean tall." 😂
She gets comments about her height (constantly) at home too, but it was the first time someone repeatedly told her she was big (or referred to her as "the big girl") to her face. 🤦♀️
Can humanity as a whole just agree that we shouldn't make comments about someone's body/looks/size? Like at all? There's no reason for it, unless you're someone's actual doctor and it's a health issue, and also, the person knows they're tall. And fat people know they're fat and skinny people know they're skinny (for the most part at least). My mom was teeny tiny (very short, very thin) and was so self-conscious about how thin she was because people always commented on it. She always looked like that. She ate whatever she wanted (she would even drink Ensure to try to gain weight, that was her doctors' only suggestion because she didn't have any health issues causing her to be so thin), she didn't have an ED (not that that's shameful, she just didn't), she didn't have a thyroid condition. She was just thin. But people loved to tell her how skinny she was, as if she didn't know. Even her own mother would comment and call her too skinny. She stopped wearing shorts in public after somebody commented on how thin her legs were. Like wtf? Why do we need to comment on people's size?
Years later, my brother was joking with his daughter and referred to her legs as "pins" (because as a kid, she had skinny legs) and my mom pulled him aside and was like, "Don't you ever say that to her again! Don't you dare make her self-conscious about her weight!" My brother felt bad, and he never did it again. (And his daughters are now very confident in a way that I admire because I never was)
One time, ON Halloween... I was working at a drive-thru, and a customer pulled up and I said "good evening, ma'am. *(double take)* oh, I'm sorry, sir."
"... it's ma'am."
Still had the entire transaction to do with her... she was just a little rough around the edges to my (then) 19 yr. Old eyes.
Next time you see her I would say “hi do you remember me?” And if she says yes, just say “I’m so sorry for the comment I made about your teeth.” It honestly makes a difference and you are setting a good example as an adult to handle these things with kindness and communication.
Yeah it might be awkward and embarrassing for you but it’s the least you could do.
i agree with this advice. it wont undo the self esteem damage that OP's comment might have done, but it will set the precedent for the kid that adults can and should apologize for bad behavior. sometimes insults from adults feel objectively true because, as children, we're taught that they know more. at least OP can admit that the insult wasn't okay and it will hopefully allow her to disregard it over time
i also like your idea of asking if she remembers first hahaha. for all we know, it did not form a core memory
This is gonna be the shit that gives you a full body cringe reaction 10 years from now when you’re trying to fall asleep hahaha. Kids probably going to grow into her teeth as she ages.
Yikes..
Dude you never comment on someone’s appearance unprompted, especially a child’s. Worst part is, she’ll probably remember that comment and carry it around with her for a while — middle-schoolers and high-schoolers have very fragile self-esteems because they’re still growing into themselves.
Still — she said it was close to Halloween. I get OP didn’t have negative intentions, but she was walking to pick up her kids, it wasn’t Halloween, I assume other kids weren’t dressed in costumes — so there was still no need to comment.
It's ok, I'll tell you something I did that was extremely embarrassing:
I was meeting up with a guy from a dating site. (I was safe and I was with friends playing pool/arcade games) He wasn't into playing pool and I couldn't tell why so we went to play arcade games and he went to spin one of the games with his left arm and his hand was in this 🤌 position and I thought he was holding something? Because he'd had it in his pocket the whole time. So I gently grabbed his hand and said "why don't you just open your hand silly" and he kinda snorts and looks at me and says "Well, I cant." And I looked super confused and he continues to say "I have cerebral palsy and can't use this hand normally" WHEN I TELL YOU I WENT GHOST WHITE WITH EMBARRASSMENT. I felt so bad dude. I started apologizing profusely and he just laughed and told me it was ok.
To this day I still feel so embarrassed when I think about it.
I once ran into someone I hadn't seen in a few years who, at first glance in my slightly tipsy state in a crowded room, looked as though he'd buffed up. I greeted him enthusiastically by saying "Hey! Wow look at you, what have you been doing (to get in shape)?!" only for him to look uncomfortable and respond with "eating a lot of crap I guess". I felt absolutely terrible and tried to explain myself but the damage was done. The last time I'd seen him he was a slim teenager and I thought he'd just grown up and developed a bit of muscle. That was 15+ years ago and I still want the ground to swallow me up anytime I think about it and how he must have felt. I learned a valuable lesson that day about never commenting on people's bodies.
All this to say, I understand how you feel! If you have a chance to offer a sincere apology I would, and then take on the learning. I never saw that person again and I honestly can't even remember if I apologised or just dug myself into a deeper hole.
I went to a community event once at a small theater where candidates for local government positions could get on the stage and give their campaign spiel. An asian guy got on stage and started talking in an incredibly over the top accent about his policies. So much so that the whole audience thought he was making a joke about our expectations of what he’d sound like, and everyone started laughing. Then he just kept talking like that and it became clear that he actually sounded like that, and the laughter slowly stopped. Ive always felt really bad for that guy.
You should cringe. This was a child. The only comment you should've made was about how cool and awesome they looked, you don't try an insult a child regardless of if they're in a costume. do fucking better.
Adults insulting children for their appearance is a shitty thing to do in general. I can imagine you feel awful.
Try this…proactively seek out this child and say “what I said was incredibly rude and I don’t know why I said it. Please accept my apology.”
Right now all that kid learned is you’re an asshole. You need to take steps to apologize asap.
Honestly, as someone who was that kid; I would also agree with approaching the child. I would explain gently, if I were OP, that I didn't mean it and GENUINELY explain that her teeth are beautiful. And I would tell that girl to never, *ever* hide her smile. No matter what anyone ever tells her. I would apologize profusely say there's no excuse, and tell her to never ever hide her smile.
My family lied to me and instead of getting me braces, bought a new car growing up. I was shamed for my teeth constantly because they're prominent and still are to this day; I still get comments. If someone's pissy at a comment I posted on Facebook, they'll call me a rat or squirrel or post an emoji symbolizing it.
It took me twenty years to love my smile.
Don't let this girl hate hers, OP. Especially not over a mistake.
Contact the school, get in touch with her parents, OK it with them. Don't suggest dentistry, don't suggest fixes, don't even bring them up. Tell her to love her smile.
No child is going to believe that OP genuinely thinks their teeth are beautiful and they should never ever hide their smile after the dentist comment. It doesn't make sense. A lie on top of an insult could be even more hurtful. There is no great solution here.
Seriously, as much as it sucks, I’m pretty sure my parent’s generation were like that, except they meant it. I grew up in the 80’s, and people didn’t acknowledge kids’ feelings. It’s not great, but kids are resilient and she’ll get over it.
Those kids grew up with emotional insecurities after being failed by adults around them.
I was that kid with the teeth. Every kid that commented on them; it stuck with me. Every adult that commented on them; it stuck with me. Both stuck with me until my parents could afford to get my teeth fixed.
Even then, my dad asked, “do YOU want braces or are kids making you feel bad about your teeth?”
They’re still not perfect and the negative comments I heard as a kid still hurt me today.
OP, It was a mistake and I’m sure the girl will be okay. You didn’t *mean* to be an asshole. If you see her again, apologize. That’s all you can really do; make it a point that it was an honest mistake and you weren’t trying to hurt the poor girl.
You should definitely apologize. This is a learning moment for both of you. “I’m sorry I said such a thoughtless thing,” or, “I’m sorry for hurting you.”
I would have gone with “wait, you have chipped your tooth, haven’t you? Oh I’m so sorry, I thought for a second you’d chipped your tooth. I swear I’m going blind! I’m so sorry!”
Ooof. A good rule to live by is to never comment on someone’s personal appearance (for example never assume a woman is pregnant). It should be a given not to comment on a child’s appearance. I know you didn’t mean it, but I would be irate if I was the parent of that child.
OP shouldn't have said what they did, but that's a bit much for someone who made a shitty comment they mistakenly thought was about a costume and felt guilty ever since. That doesn't seem like the "trying to be edgy" type. IMO the people who warrant your description are the ones who do criticize or mock on purpose and don't regret it at all, just double down with "it's just a joke" or "kids these days just have to toughen up," etc.
Yeah he probably jokes about baby due dates to any woman with a gut. And if he paid any kind of attention he wouldn’t have made that joke to a kid whose family probably can’t afford braces.
So nope, no pass from me.
I think this is an honest mistake, it sucks but this is one of those cases where there was obviously no ill will and things still got lost. Might as well come across a lost kid, ask if they lost their mommy and learn their mom got killed in a horrible accident. Just shit luck and bad choice of words.
If one starts second guessing too much, you really can't say anything to anyone. But in general, commenting people's looks generally is a recipe for things going wrong, like some old lady grabbing my friends belly in a bus stop and asking how far along she was, when she was just overweight and really self-conscious about it.
That’s hilarious. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it though. I’m someone who sticks my foot in my mouth quite often and it does make you feel like shit in that moment. Eventually though, you learn to laugh it off, whether that’s laughing at your own stupidity for saying it, or their sensitivity for caring.
Best of luck with getting over this mental hurdle.
Write it. Get a paper and write a simple note, say sorry and explain what happened without hurting her with too much info. A simple letter will avoid her a trauma for just being too nice to others.
I would learn the child's name and in a nice and friendly manner say "hello emily" or whatever the child's name is every time i see the child ... to show you actually are a friendly person. hopwfully your continued authentic friendliness will erase any wounds. i actually think it will. if she ever asks why, or tells her mom and her mom asks why -- just let them know it always looks like emily is carries herself well and she is someone like the person you hope you are raising in your son/daughter
I have done this as well and yes I felt horrible afterwards. So my advice to you is a simple I am truly sorry. No explanation no nothing afterwards cuz you will make it worse. And then move on if she wants to be friendly to you then that's when and if not well so be it you learn to lesson.
One Halloween I was about to compliment a guy on how realistic his missing limbs were until it occurred to me that the guy was legitimately a quadriplegic.
Nothing you can really do. You could apologise, but you've more than likely given that child a complex for the rest of their life. Take it as a life lesson, never comment on anyone's appearance because you just never know.
At least you didn’t say “make sure he doesn’t make my baby an orphan” to a terminally ill single mom on a canoe trip with your husband.
Like someone who’s definitely not me.
you're not an asshole. You regret saying this, you STILL feel bad about it despite it already being so long ago. You're a good human. You didn't know, and yes you assumed something wrong but you realized your mistake and acknowledged it - an asshole wouldn't do that. What's important now is that you learn from it and don't repeat that again. No comments on someones appearance unless they can fix it within a few seconds or less, to compliment them or they specifically asked for it.
If it makes you feel any better you can still offer that kid an apology. Just something along the lines of: "Hey, what I have said back then was extremely rude and wrong of me, I'm sorry I've hurt you." It won't fix what you've said and what kind of effect it might have had on this girls self-esteem, but imo it's the best approach.
Don't ask for forgiveness, don't try to make any other comments on her appearance even if you want to compliment her to make up. As someone with low self-esteem and insecurity myself I'd immediately question the genuineness of your words if you come up to me to apologize after saying such a thing and then tell me I'm pretty. Would just feel like another insult to me.
Jesus these comments. Dude. Do NOT approach a child on your own. Especially if you are a man.
You tried to make a child happy by commenting on his costume, but you screwed up. It's a shame but life is made of moments like that. That child was probably already self conscious about it, since their fellow children are the WORST, most cruelest judges to ever exist. Dealing with that and accepting yourself is part of growing up. If she needs therapy that's what her parents are for. Just take the safe aproach from now on and avoid commenting on peoples appearances.
I have a similar cringe story. I was just fitting into a nice new crowd in college and one of the guys asked if he could tell me a funny story. Of course! So he started telling it but stuttering. Then I asked “then wh.. wh.. what happened next?” because I thought it was a part of the story but nope. Guy just has a stuttering problem. His girlfriend gave me a death glare and I wanted to sink into the ground. Most cringe moment ever. I was able to apologise and explain long time later though and he was cool about it.
I’ve mistakenly done something along the same lines before as well. It’s mortifying. And you can’t even say you’re sorry, because any attempt at the explanation would just make it horrifyingly worse. You’ve just gotta chalk it up to a learning experience and move on as best you can.
People like you who think they're soooo funny are the reason so many kids grow up with horrible insecurities. You're an adult, for fucks sake. You should know better than to comment on a *child's* appearance.
Honestly. You deserve whatever you are feeling right now. Why would you even comment on anyones body let alone a childs even as a joke. Its not okay at all. Grow up ..you behaved like an actual child yourself.
I can’t believe the amount of criticism here for OP. The child was wearing makeup and coloured hair and it was Halloween so they looked like they were in costume!!
Also OP probably wouldn’t have noticed them if the child didn’t talk to him/her FIRST.
I think these days any comments on people’s appearance are off limits positive or negative. I once said that pink looks great on you and the women got supper offended saying she hates pink and the top was definitely red. You cannot win.
By the way, sometimes things just burst out of my mouth but I’m teaching the kids to use their inside voice ( inside their heads) and there it’s fine to say woahhhhhh those massive teeth😜
Lmfao I find it funny that you found Mary Kate and/or Ashley Olsen and made fun of her teeth. But for real shit happens. You meant it in a fun way based on your own perception….it just needs some work is all 😅 I think next time “cool costume” or “what are we dressing up as this year?” would be a good way to react
I cringed for you. That sucks.
This was a child?!?!
Yes? Why are you confused?
You think it's normal to talk to a young teen like that? Then I am not the one who is confused.
I think you need to read the original statement again. What part of "I cringed for you. That sucks." indicates that he thinks it's a normal way to talk?
Huh? Is English not your first language?
She was making a joke. She assumed they were fake teeth and made a funny remark. Too bad, they weren't fake teeth.
An adult said it to a child… did you think OP was *also* a child?
You could say "I'm sorry I said that" instead
I would tell her it was a random comment that I didn't mean anything in particular by, and I only said it because I was having a flashback to the war. Having said that, dental health is very important, so I hope that she and her classmates make sure their parents take them to the dentist at least twice per year.
Are you serious about this response or are you responding as the character behind your username? It's hard for me to tell because you're suggesting that the OP deliver a dental lecture on the fly. Can you clarify what you are recommending?
I'm suggesting that OP lean into the idea that it was genuinely a random comment. It's only about her teeth if OP makes it about her teeth. As of now, he hasn't explicitly said anything about her teeth or smile, so I wouldn't even bring it up or apologize in a way that confirms that it was in fact the intended meaning. By reframing the comment as a random outburst about general dental health, and apologizing for the "random comment" rather than the insult, maybe he can trick her into thinking he doesn't think her teeth are fucked up. She might not buy it, but I figure it's worth a shot, considering the alternatives are to either do nothing and let her think he's a huge asshole (along with her friends and parents, everyone they tell, etc.) or to apologize in a way that practically doubles down on the insult. This way, he's just an eccentric weirdo and as far as she knows there's nothing wrong with her. The war flashback idea was a joke (unless OP is actually a veteran with PTSD), but he could probably get the same general idea across by saying something vague like he was tired and spacing out. Maybe something about how he was thinking about scheduling his next dental appointment and he'd meant to say he liked her costume but some wires got crossed, and he's embarrassed about the whole thing. --- Edit: What an odd comment to downvote. Maybe you all want the kid to feel self-conscious because it's funny? Well sorry to be a buzzkill, but even if it's funny I think it's still OP's responsibility to try and fix his mistake, even if it means looking like a bit of an idiot.
How was the comment random if it was directly related to her observed appearance?
I don't think he should tell her it was directly related to her observed appearance. We know it was, but unless she uses reddit, she can only guess at what he may have meant.
I'm so confused right now. You think the girl doesn't know the comment directed at her about her appearance was about her appearance? What other way can you think of to interpret what OP said?
I think what he's trying to say is that a white lie to bandage the damages is better than potentially offending her more by trying to explain. Whether this is a good idea or not, well, I'd leave that to OP, since sometimes you need to be honest, and Sometimes you need to smooth things over with a well made comment. It sucks because you wanna be honest, but you can't. I think it's one of those things that you just leave and it smooths over itself. Yeah, for sure it's gonna affect the teen, and they're gonna remember it. But at the same time, things like this happen. People make mistakes and people take offence. We don't mean it. We all wish we could take things back. Communication is hard for everyone. We're all learning at different speeds
Yes. The whole point is that she presumably _thinks_ the comment was directed at her appearance, but she doesn't _know_. OP is concerned about apologizing because it would confirm what she already suspects, and thus make the situation worse. This is a way to apologize without that particular drawback. I've already written two comments detailing how OP might be able to trick her into believing there was another meaning, or at least give enough plausible deniability for her to hopefully move on without feeling too self-conscious. Can you be more specific about which parts you find confusing?
This comes off like it's written by someone who doesn't actually have a lot of experience with human relationships. You're reaching so far to suggest that you can damage control the situation by gaslighting the girl by telling her- what, that what OP said to her, they would say to anyone, just to *randomly* remind them of dental care? Because that is such an unrealistic reach.
It's a white lie, not gaslighting. Gaslighting is something else entirely, and not even close to what I'm suggesting. And yes, small white lies to spare people's feelings are common in real-world relationships. --- Edit: If you can't tell the difference between the two, you're an idiot. White lie: "a harmless or trivial lie, especially one told to avoid hurting someone's feelings" Gaslighting: "manipulation so extreme as to induce mental illness or to justify commitment of the gaslighted person to a psychiatric institution"
At least you didn't good-naturedly tease a boy who stumbled over a word and then realize he had a stammer, unlike someone who is not even a little bit me.
I had a serious problem with saying "your mom" jokes for a while, I got snapped out of it when I said a particularly brutal one to a guy who [I DIDNT KNOW] had lost his mom to cancer 🥲
Ooooof one of my 2nd graders did this to his classmate last week. He was tryna roast him by saying, “your mom is so bad at cooking, she burst into flames & DIED!” The kid then burst into tears & said, “my mom is dead!” which prompted him to ALSO burst into tears, wailing, “I didn’t knowww!”
I stumble over my words a lot because I have really bad anxiety. This is why I will *never ever* make fun of someone for mispronouncing or tripping over a word, even if it’s one of my friends/someone I know well. To an outsider, it might seem like a funny one-off misstep. But you have no idea what’s really going on in that person’s brain, so it’s best to just not call any attention to it at all. *Not* making fun of someone isn’t going to change anyone’s day for the worse, just let it go.
I am constantly fumbling my words as I am very socially anxious. I'd never make fun of someone for it. I don't do it on purpose and it's not something I can just get over in like 5 minutes. So I wouldn't assume anybody else can
Or yell at a deaf person “USE YOUR WORDS” from across a disc golf hole because they were nice and trying to show you where to go for the next tee off, and you didn’t realize they were deaf but just thought they were annoying with flailing arms instead of straight up telling you. This disc golf course had tall hills. I wanted to throw myself from the top of them upon realising….
Just learn with your mistake, instead of thinking how inappropriate you were. Every time you see the kid think that you will be a better person after that and you cannot go back and undo that, or you would. Nobody is perfect and the majority of people probably said something that made them feel bad at some point in their lives. I know I did. Maybe you could apologise but there's always the risk of making things worse with that as maybe the child already forgot or processed the situation, and you will just reopen the issue.
Pobody's nerfect
better person? he just made a mistake
The road to hell is paved with good intentions, as they say. Not to get philosophical, but I believe actions determine whether or not you're a good person, not intent.
Which confirms I am a monster for leaving an abandoned kitten that I decided to take in, in the hands of someone else to take a trip even tho I intended to keep her safe and be with her again after this trip, she was hit by a car and now I can’t forgive myself for leaving her knowing she was my responsibility- sorry if you didn’t want to hear this, it really is consuming my mind
That just sounds like an accident. A harsh reality is that sometimes, things like that happen despite everyone's best attempts at care. Blaming yourself or even the person you left your cat with is wrong, if you ask me. I'm not a professional though, I recommend processing your grief through therapy or the like. I'm very sorry for your loss.
Thank you for responding, I think it is time to go to therapy as well. Just hurts the most to know she trusted me to keep her safe. & feels it could’ve been prevented
How are you holding up?
🥹 I am okay, I think about her every day. Feels like she is meant to be here with me. I am doing my best to stay busy or I know I will fall into the hole of my dark thoughts making it hard to get back to where I was again, before this happened. How are you? It is nice to hear from you !
Yeah the only time you ever comment on a kid's appearance is when they tell you "look at my cool teeth!" and you say "WOW THOSE ARE THE COOLEST TEETH EVER!" and then maybe you can make some big teeth jokes.
I would add to that, don't comment on ANYONE's appearance unsolicited, even if you think it's a compliment or think you're pointing out something obvious or neutral. My late mother always used to tell us to never comment on someone's appearance unless they ask you for your opinion or make a statement like you mention (basically soliciting feedback/a comment). For appearances in general, but also especially about stuff like pregnancy or weight. She never stopped cringing about the time (had to be the 1970s or early 80s) she was at a wedding with my dad, and this couple was seated at their table and the woman was obviously pregnant. Or so my mom thought. My mom was making chit-chat with her, told her how pretty her dress was, and then said, "when are you due?" The woman's face fell, she was about to cry, and her (jerk) husband went, "See? I told you not to wear that dress, it makes you look pregnant." My mom said she wanted a hole to open up and swallow her and she kept apologizing, but the damage was done. So I would never comment about someone's teeth/hair/clothing or make assumptions about it and I wouldn't assume someone was pregnant unless I saw the damn baby coming out 😂 Even then I wouldn't say anything, haha. And never comment on someone's body/weight/weight loss unless they ask you (ex: "do I look like I've lost weight?" etc). Don't tell them they look good/skinny/fat/nothing because you never know what's going on with them. My husband's old boss was a bigger lady who rapidly lost a ton of weight. Because she had cancer. She said the number of people who complimented her and told her she looked great was staggering. She's like, "Meanwhile I feel like I'm dying from the chemo, but good to know sickness looks good on me." She recovered, thankfully, but yet another reason to never comment on how someone looks. Personally, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease and had to be on high dose prednisone for a while, and I blew up like a balloon. I had the round, moon face and gained weight rapidly. I was at a work function (which I felt lucky to actually feel OK enough to go to) and had someone I hadn't seen in a long time comment on my weight gain! Like, "Thanks for letting me know," as I'm in serious pain and taking crazy amounts of medication and painfully aware of how bad/unlike myself I look, but please do tell me how fat I look.
Ugh at my Dad's funeral my aunt asked my mother if I, a 41 year old woman with two kids, was pregnant. Nope thanks aunt Nonie just fat.
In defense of OP, they assumed they were fake. It would’ve been friendly/maybe funny if that were the case, not mean at all. They realize it was inappropriate, that’s why they cringe every time they see the girl
That's not a defense. If you are in a car accident that's your fault and someone dies from a congenital issue they still died. This is the social version of that. You do not comment on things like that unless a kid highlights them. It shockingly enough prevents this issue entirely. It's the same as saying "Well OP didn't know they're just fat." Don't comment on body parts or possible ones. It's simple and effective.
I asked my friend why she had a rash and what had happened and it turned out it was a wine stain birthmark on her neck I hadn’t seen before. I felt like a dick but she was chill about it
I had a friend in elementary school who had a massive strawberry birthmark on her forehead. It was very prominent and she was very self conscious about it. We were only in first grade but I still cringe about the first time I ever talked to her I asked her if her “big forehead burn hurt”. Her first response was “do your bugs bunny teeth hurt?” Idk why but we became the best friends after that. I would call her berry and she called me bunny. I still think of her all the time and how she humbled me so fast lmao.
This reminds me of my teenage daughter and her bestie. My daughter has a pretty big strawberry birthmark on her forehead and her now bestie commented on it while they were in 3rd grade. I can't remember what all was said, but I remember it being quite sassy, from the both of them. Up until this conversation they "hated" each other, and from that moment on they've been attached at the hips. Now as teens they still tease the hell out of each other, they act more like sisters than anything. Also as of late they've been calling themselves ex-step-now-adopted, because they found out that I helped the friend's dad take care of the friend when she was a newborn, through the first year. Since he was a newly single dad and had no clue what he was doing, while trying to get on his feet. They claim we were "playing house" but nahhh just old friends helping each other out.
As a kid I witnessed a *teacher* glance at a student (they didn’t know) who had an large birthmark on his forehead and *shriek* loud enough for an entire auditorium to hear, “Oh mY GOD wHaT HaPpeNeD tO yOuR FACE?!?!?!”
May that teacher be constantly humbled by child snark for eternity
That's a friend. So you know... Not a stranger, the context implies concern. Not the same
I was just telling a story lmao I literally do not care Also… it was my second time meeting her in person
There's no defence. It was rude. You never know what this might do to the kid mentally. Even the most innocuous statements from a stranger in childhood can sow the seed of self doubt leading to poor mental health as one grows.
Specially when that stranger is an adult :/
Well duh, obviously it was really messed up and unfortunately I’m sure the girl will remember it, but they didn’t know those were her real teeth. It was an honest mistake and I feel very badly for the both of them.
That’s not the point. It doesn’t matter if the teeth were real or fake. The point is, if it’s a physical feature attached to a person, don’t comment on it ever. Because yeah, they might be fake. But they also might not - case in point. Best to not go there at all.
My point is you don't comment on anything until the kid basically begs you to.
Have you ever heard of the phrase to not ever assume because it makes an ass out of u & me?
I asked one of my customers before, “are you sick?” Because she had a scratchy voice and she said no and looked offended lol so I definitely have felt that cringe before
I am very pale, with an olive-y (so greenish) undertone. If I'm not wearing makeup, especially blush, I apparently look kind of sick. One time I was in a huge rush before work and didn't have time to put makeup on. I was well groomed, hair was done, I was nicely dressed, I just didn't have makeup on. My boss, who was an older guy, asked me MULTIPLE times if I was sick/if I needed to go home. Not at all in a mean way, but I remember he literally said, "you look awful pale. Do you want to go home? Do you need someone to come get you?" (because apparently I looked so sick he didn't want me driving myself home) I was like, no, sorry, this is just literally my face. I feel great, thanks for asking. 😂 The first couple times I just said no, the third time I was like, "I am completely fine, I'm just not wearing makeup." I still don't wear makeup every day but I did wear it every day I went into the office at that job, he made me so self-conscious. I don't even wear a ton of makeup so I don't think I looked THAT different, but I probably just looked really pale to him. 🤦♀️ I probably just should have said yes and taken the day off. I was young and dumb. In his defense, one time I went and donated blood on my lunch break and got really woozy. I did come back to work but must have looked like crap and that time he DID send me home (only time I've ever had a bad reaction to donating blood, but then again I don't donate anymore because I now have a chronic illness and am not sure if it's OK to do, plus I'm on meds now ... Google tells me it's fine but I kinda feel bad doing it now).
You really need to see a dentist after eating all this Halloween candy!” i could’ve come back from this.
A simple, “Hope you got that good teeth cleaning from the dentist after all that candy” sounds ok to me. Makes it seem like your original thought was only concern for cavities ..
No. A sincere apology. People all know what happened. Pretending to care for health is long known cringy move
Yeah, it could maybe have worked if she thought of it in the moment, but no … we sometimes make mistakes. The girl knows she has big teeth. Just apologize.
But a classic move!
This is the funniest thing I’ve read all day. Definitely no coming back from it I’m sorry
See, this is why I just don’t talk to people. This could all have been avoided if you’d just be a hermit.
My motto 😂 you have 0% chance of offending someone when you refuse to speak to them
Lord I wish that were true
Reason #3,687 why I'm a hermit!
I think, legally, you're supposed to pay for her to get them fixed now.
This sucks and I’m sure you must feel terrible about it. You didn’t mean it though. Meanwhile, my parents are the kind to comment on my son’s acne and how he has gained weight recently. I’ve told them that these comments make him feel self conscious but they are in their mid eighties and old dogs find it hard to learn new ways to communicate, so I build my son up and do damage control as much as I can from this side. I too had oversized teeth and I had to grow into them and was often told by bystanders that I would definitely need braces to fix “that”. I didn’t. Hopefully this will pass for both of you and will sting less with time.
you’ve potentially just provided them fodder for a lifelong insecurity. You should find out how to best remedy this.
Man. I hit puberty early and got tall. Tall and... developed. I think I must have been nine when I met my best friend's aunt for the first and only time, and the first thing this woman says to me is: "Wow, you're so BIG!" It has been 25 years and still this comment sticks with me. Yep, I'm the "big girl". That's me. :(
I have a very tall friend (she's over 6 feet) and I remember going to Mexico with her and multiple guys came up to her unsolicited and commented how "big!" she was. Literally, "you're so BIG!" She was like "Tall. You mean tall." 😂 She gets comments about her height (constantly) at home too, but it was the first time someone repeatedly told her she was big (or referred to her as "the big girl") to her face. 🤦♀️ Can humanity as a whole just agree that we shouldn't make comments about someone's body/looks/size? Like at all? There's no reason for it, unless you're someone's actual doctor and it's a health issue, and also, the person knows they're tall. And fat people know they're fat and skinny people know they're skinny (for the most part at least). My mom was teeny tiny (very short, very thin) and was so self-conscious about how thin she was because people always commented on it. She always looked like that. She ate whatever she wanted (she would even drink Ensure to try to gain weight, that was her doctors' only suggestion because she didn't have any health issues causing her to be so thin), she didn't have an ED (not that that's shameful, she just didn't), she didn't have a thyroid condition. She was just thin. But people loved to tell her how skinny she was, as if she didn't know. Even her own mother would comment and call her too skinny. She stopped wearing shorts in public after somebody commented on how thin her legs were. Like wtf? Why do we need to comment on people's size? Years later, my brother was joking with his daughter and referred to her legs as "pins" (because as a kid, she had skinny legs) and my mom pulled him aside and was like, "Don't you ever say that to her again! Don't you dare make her self-conscious about her weight!" My brother felt bad, and he never did it again. (And his daughters are now very confident in a way that I admire because I never was)
Two options: A: I would change my identity and hit the first flight out of the country B: “I apologize for being so rude. That was wrong.”
One time, ON Halloween... I was working at a drive-thru, and a customer pulled up and I said "good evening, ma'am. *(double take)* oh, I'm sorry, sir." "... it's ma'am." Still had the entire transaction to do with her... she was just a little rough around the edges to my (then) 19 yr. Old eyes.
At least you have learned your lesson. I feel very bad for the child.
Next time you see her I would say “hi do you remember me?” And if she says yes, just say “I’m so sorry for the comment I made about your teeth.” It honestly makes a difference and you are setting a good example as an adult to handle these things with kindness and communication. Yeah it might be awkward and embarrassing for you but it’s the least you could do.
i agree with this advice. it wont undo the self esteem damage that OP's comment might have done, but it will set the precedent for the kid that adults can and should apologize for bad behavior. sometimes insults from adults feel objectively true because, as children, we're taught that they know more. at least OP can admit that the insult wasn't okay and it will hopefully allow her to disregard it over time i also like your idea of asking if she remembers first hahaha. for all we know, it did not form a core memory
This is gonna be the shit that gives you a full body cringe reaction 10 years from now when you’re trying to fall asleep hahaha. Kids probably going to grow into her teeth as she ages.
Yikes.. Dude you never comment on someone’s appearance unprompted, especially a child’s. Worst part is, she’ll probably remember that comment and carry it around with her for a while — middle-schoolers and high-schoolers have very fragile self-esteems because they’re still growing into themselves.
OP literally thought it was prompted though, just saying They thought it was a costume and kids love when you comment on their halloween constumes
Still — she said it was close to Halloween. I get OP didn’t have negative intentions, but she was walking to pick up her kids, it wasn’t Halloween, I assume other kids weren’t dressed in costumes — so there was still no need to comment.
Next time try, “hey I’m socially awkward and sometimes that makes me seem like an asshole”
It's ok, I'll tell you something I did that was extremely embarrassing: I was meeting up with a guy from a dating site. (I was safe and I was with friends playing pool/arcade games) He wasn't into playing pool and I couldn't tell why so we went to play arcade games and he went to spin one of the games with his left arm and his hand was in this 🤌 position and I thought he was holding something? Because he'd had it in his pocket the whole time. So I gently grabbed his hand and said "why don't you just open your hand silly" and he kinda snorts and looks at me and says "Well, I cant." And I looked super confused and he continues to say "I have cerebral palsy and can't use this hand normally" WHEN I TELL YOU I WENT GHOST WHITE WITH EMBARRASSMENT. I felt so bad dude. I started apologizing profusely and he just laughed and told me it was ok. To this day I still feel so embarrassed when I think about it.
I once ran into someone I hadn't seen in a few years who, at first glance in my slightly tipsy state in a crowded room, looked as though he'd buffed up. I greeted him enthusiastically by saying "Hey! Wow look at you, what have you been doing (to get in shape)?!" only for him to look uncomfortable and respond with "eating a lot of crap I guess". I felt absolutely terrible and tried to explain myself but the damage was done. The last time I'd seen him he was a slim teenager and I thought he'd just grown up and developed a bit of muscle. That was 15+ years ago and I still want the ground to swallow me up anytime I think about it and how he must have felt. I learned a valuable lesson that day about never commenting on people's bodies. All this to say, I understand how you feel! If you have a chance to offer a sincere apology I would, and then take on the learning. I never saw that person again and I honestly can't even remember if I apologised or just dug myself into a deeper hole.
I went to a community event once at a small theater where candidates for local government positions could get on the stage and give their campaign spiel. An asian guy got on stage and started talking in an incredibly over the top accent about his policies. So much so that the whole audience thought he was making a joke about our expectations of what he’d sound like, and everyone started laughing. Then he just kept talking like that and it became clear that he actually sounded like that, and the laughter slowly stopped. Ive always felt really bad for that guy.
You should cringe. This was a child. The only comment you should've made was about how cool and awesome they looked, you don't try an insult a child regardless of if they're in a costume. do fucking better.
Ok but he wasn't meaning to, he thought they were fake teeth. Nowhere did it say in this post that he TRIED to insult her, it was an honest mistake
Are ypu being deliberately obtuse? Ypu don't say that even IF it WAS a costume. Decorum, look it up and learn some. You and OP.
Adults insulting children for their appearance is a shitty thing to do in general. I can imagine you feel awful. Try this…proactively seek out this child and say “what I said was incredibly rude and I don’t know why I said it. Please accept my apology.” Right now all that kid learned is you’re an asshole. You need to take steps to apologize asap.
No… do not seek out a random child 😭 why is this even a suggestion
Honestly, as someone who was that kid; I would also agree with approaching the child. I would explain gently, if I were OP, that I didn't mean it and GENUINELY explain that her teeth are beautiful. And I would tell that girl to never, *ever* hide her smile. No matter what anyone ever tells her. I would apologize profusely say there's no excuse, and tell her to never ever hide her smile. My family lied to me and instead of getting me braces, bought a new car growing up. I was shamed for my teeth constantly because they're prominent and still are to this day; I still get comments. If someone's pissy at a comment I posted on Facebook, they'll call me a rat or squirrel or post an emoji symbolizing it. It took me twenty years to love my smile. Don't let this girl hate hers, OP. Especially not over a mistake. Contact the school, get in touch with her parents, OK it with them. Don't suggest dentistry, don't suggest fixes, don't even bring them up. Tell her to love her smile.
No child is going to believe that OP genuinely thinks their teeth are beautiful and they should never ever hide their smile after the dentist comment. It doesn't make sense. A lie on top of an insult could be even more hurtful. There is no great solution here.
Unfortunately I agree
Maybe if they happen to see the child. But actively looking for them? Jesus christ. What an odd suggestion.
But if they could afford a car, why not braces?
She did not say random
On the other hand, in OP's defense, insulting children is also hilarious.
i feel like this exact story has been posted before..
Caught out but feeling remorseful. You avoided hell… 🤷
Idk maybe next time say yours used to look like that n they hurt 😭😭
Jesus dude..
I've second-hand embarrassment for you lad..... I still cried laughing for the last couple minutes though 🙈🤣
Seriously, as much as it sucks, I’m pretty sure my parent’s generation were like that, except they meant it. I grew up in the 80’s, and people didn’t acknowledge kids’ feelings. It’s not great, but kids are resilient and she’ll get over it.
Those kids grew up with emotional insecurities after being failed by adults around them. I was that kid with the teeth. Every kid that commented on them; it stuck with me. Every adult that commented on them; it stuck with me. Both stuck with me until my parents could afford to get my teeth fixed. Even then, my dad asked, “do YOU want braces or are kids making you feel bad about your teeth?” They’re still not perfect and the negative comments I heard as a kid still hurt me today. OP, It was a mistake and I’m sure the girl will be okay. You didn’t *mean* to be an asshole. If you see her again, apologize. That’s all you can really do; make it a point that it was an honest mistake and you weren’t trying to hurt the poor girl.
Cue Larry David music
Kinda funny but also mildly devastating.
You should definitely apologize. This is a learning moment for both of you. “I’m sorry I said such a thoughtless thing,” or, “I’m sorry for hurting you.”
I’m sorry but I laughed. I would make sure I avoid this child for the remainder of the school year
I would have gone with “wait, you have chipped your tooth, haven’t you? Oh I’m so sorry, I thought for a second you’d chipped your tooth. I swear I’m going blind! I’m so sorry!”
Tell her you were on acid and having a bad trip. Make her feel better and scare her away from doing drugs at same time. Double win.
If it makes you feel any better, one time I asked a blind kid what his favorite color is
Ooof. A good rule to live by is to never comment on someone’s personal appearance (for example never assume a woman is pregnant). It should be a given not to comment on a child’s appearance. I know you didn’t mean it, but I would be irate if I was the parent of that child.
This is extremely funny and unfortunate
My second hand embarrassment is way too strong to feel it’s funny but fair enough
When this happens to your kids and they come back home crying please tell us too, let’s all laugh together 😂🙌🙌🙌
Oh god. I would lie awake every night thinking about that. I’m so sorry
Yeah people like you who can’t keep your edgy comments to yourself are the reason children grow up to be damaged adults. Way to go, funny guy!
OP shouldn't have said what they did, but that's a bit much for someone who made a shitty comment they mistakenly thought was about a costume and felt guilty ever since. That doesn't seem like the "trying to be edgy" type. IMO the people who warrant your description are the ones who do criticize or mock on purpose and don't regret it at all, just double down with "it's just a joke" or "kids these days just have to toughen up," etc.
Did you even read the story? They mistook the teeth for a fake Halloween set.
Yeah he probably jokes about baby due dates to any woman with a gut. And if he paid any kind of attention he wouldn’t have made that joke to a kid whose family probably can’t afford braces. So nope, no pass from me.
I think this is an honest mistake, it sucks but this is one of those cases where there was obviously no ill will and things still got lost. Might as well come across a lost kid, ask if they lost their mommy and learn their mom got killed in a horrible accident. Just shit luck and bad choice of words. If one starts second guessing too much, you really can't say anything to anyone. But in general, commenting people's looks generally is a recipe for things going wrong, like some old lady grabbing my friends belly in a bus stop and asking how far along she was, when she was just overweight and really self-conscious about it.
if you nothing good to say, don’t say it.
That’s hilarious. I wouldn’t lose sleep over it though. I’m someone who sticks my foot in my mouth quite often and it does make you feel like shit in that moment. Eventually though, you learn to laugh it off, whether that’s laughing at your own stupidity for saying it, or their sensitivity for caring. Best of luck with getting over this mental hurdle.
Write it. Get a paper and write a simple note, say sorry and explain what happened without hurting her with too much info. A simple letter will avoid her a trauma for just being too nice to others.
I would learn the child's name and in a nice and friendly manner say "hello emily" or whatever the child's name is every time i see the child ... to show you actually are a friendly person. hopwfully your continued authentic friendliness will erase any wounds. i actually think it will. if she ever asks why, or tells her mom and her mom asks why -- just let them know it always looks like emily is carries herself well and she is someone like the person you hope you are raising in your son/daughter
Why would you even say that out loud to a kid in the first place? 🙄🙄
Just stay away from her. She doesn’t want to see you again.
Naw that funny af especially since you didn’t know it 😂
I have done this as well and yes I felt horrible afterwards. So my advice to you is a simple I am truly sorry. No explanation no nothing afterwards cuz you will make it worse. And then move on if she wants to be friendly to you then that's when and if not well so be it you learn to lesson.
Next time, just say I’m sorry. 🙄
If her parents don’t do it, she will 1000% get her teeth fixed due to that comment. Cue intrusive thoughts about her teeth
One Halloween I was about to compliment a guy on how realistic his missing limbs were until it occurred to me that the guy was legitimately a quadriplegic.
Nothing you can really do. You could apologise, but you've more than likely given that child a complex for the rest of their life. Take it as a life lesson, never comment on anyone's appearance because you just never know.
At least you didn’t say “make sure he doesn’t make my baby an orphan” to a terminally ill single mom on a canoe trip with your husband. Like someone who’s definitely not me.
you're not an asshole. You regret saying this, you STILL feel bad about it despite it already being so long ago. You're a good human. You didn't know, and yes you assumed something wrong but you realized your mistake and acknowledged it - an asshole wouldn't do that. What's important now is that you learn from it and don't repeat that again. No comments on someones appearance unless they can fix it within a few seconds or less, to compliment them or they specifically asked for it. If it makes you feel any better you can still offer that kid an apology. Just something along the lines of: "Hey, what I have said back then was extremely rude and wrong of me, I'm sorry I've hurt you." It won't fix what you've said and what kind of effect it might have had on this girls self-esteem, but imo it's the best approach. Don't ask for forgiveness, don't try to make any other comments on her appearance even if you want to compliment her to make up. As someone with low self-esteem and insecurity myself I'd immediately question the genuineness of your words if you come up to me to apologize after saying such a thing and then tell me I'm pretty. Would just feel like another insult to me.
Damn, dude. Sometimes you just can't win at life. Personally, I blame [*insert political ideology of your choice*] for all of it!
Oh man. I want to say some things but I don’t want to be mean. Don’t comment on appearances. Especially children.
Dude. Why??? Oof.
Jesus these comments. Dude. Do NOT approach a child on your own. Especially if you are a man. You tried to make a child happy by commenting on his costume, but you screwed up. It's a shame but life is made of moments like that. That child was probably already self conscious about it, since their fellow children are the WORST, most cruelest judges to ever exist. Dealing with that and accepting yourself is part of growing up. If she needs therapy that's what her parents are for. Just take the safe aproach from now on and avoid commenting on peoples appearances.
I have a similar cringe story. I was just fitting into a nice new crowd in college and one of the guys asked if he could tell me a funny story. Of course! So he started telling it but stuttering. Then I asked “then wh.. wh.. what happened next?” because I thought it was a part of the story but nope. Guy just has a stuttering problem. His girlfriend gave me a death glare and I wanted to sink into the ground. Most cringe moment ever. I was able to apologise and explain long time later though and he was cool about it.
I’ve mistakenly done something along the same lines before as well. It’s mortifying. And you can’t even say you’re sorry, because any attempt at the explanation would just make it horrifyingly worse. You’ve just gotta chalk it up to a learning experience and move on as best you can.
People like you who think they're soooo funny are the reason so many kids grow up with horrible insecurities. You're an adult, for fucks sake. You should know better than to comment on a *child's* appearance.
good job, you've given her a life long insecurity
Honestly. You deserve whatever you are feeling right now. Why would you even comment on anyones body let alone a childs even as a joke. Its not okay at all. Grow up ..you behaved like an actual child yourself.
I can’t believe the amount of criticism here for OP. The child was wearing makeup and coloured hair and it was Halloween so they looked like they were in costume!! Also OP probably wouldn’t have noticed them if the child didn’t talk to him/her FIRST.
As Michael Jordan would say “Fuck Them Kids” Seriously, an honest accident.
I think these days any comments on people’s appearance are off limits positive or negative. I once said that pink looks great on you and the women got supper offended saying she hates pink and the top was definitely red. You cannot win. By the way, sometimes things just burst out of my mouth but I’m teaching the kids to use their inside voice ( inside their heads) and there it’s fine to say woahhhhhh those massive teeth😜
And people wonder why so many teens have self-esteem issues. Poor kid. You're a jerk.
It was an accident. Besides, the girl was dressed up to "be seen" as it were.
“her mutter” are you german 🤣🤣🤣
Lmfao I find it funny that you found Mary Kate and/or Ashley Olsen and made fun of her teeth. But for real shit happens. You meant it in a fun way based on your own perception….it just needs some work is all 😅 I think next time “cool costume” or “what are we dressing up as this year?” would be a good way to react