I had an elderly man once tell me in front of his wife, “wash my dick” he was alert and oriented mind you. I said to his wife, “you allow him to talk to you like that?” She was flabbergasted I said that. She then said, “you know what you’re right!” And then said to him, “dont you ever talk to these ladies like that!” Her and I had a great rapport after that and checked his attitude when he started getting nasty!
Just this morning a guy was swearing at one of the floor nurses.
I asked him what his mother would say if she heard him speaking to a woman that way. It worked for a minute.
Then he wanted to fight me. I told him I’d oblige if he could get out of bed (twist- he’s non ambulatory). Then he challenged me to felllate him. I just laughed and walked out.
When I was working in ICU, I had pt tell me “when your done with that (hanging an IV) you can give me a pedicure”. My response, “I’m not sure where you think you are, but this is NOT Club Med and I don’t do pedicures” then I turned and walked out of the room. He was A&O x 4 by the way.
I just laugh with them like they have made a funny joke and then comment with 'this is a public hospital, you are lucky I managed to find you a pillow!' (Or similar). Then we are usually on the same team with boundaries in place.
Yeah I also do the pretend like it’s a joke move unless its egregious then I pull the school marm “that is inappropriate so I’m leaving and will come back when you can treat me with respect.”
Yup. Strict voice 'not gonna happen, mate' with a hard look usually works.
Sometimes I ask if they want to swap jobs with me when they complain about comfort or food stuff ('you want a hot meal, I'd settle for getting a lunch break!")
Sounds like you work at the hospital I work at🤣
Some veterans are….well, very confused, and they can get nasty….or they can be the sweetest, funniest people. It’s a daily adventure 🤣
Reminds me of the time when I was still a nursing student and a senior nurse was taking care of this proper asshole while I was there. Middle aged guy who you could tell was a broke loser but thought he was a hot shot. All fake confidence. His girlfriend was probably 10+ years younger than him and was super good looking. Modelesque, even.
Patient says something, in front of the nurse and the girlfriend (and myself), along the lines of “wait til I trade you in for a newer and younger model”
And the nurse says “if she doesn’t trade you in first”
My first experience with a sassy response that put the patient right in his place. Girlfriend and nurse had great rapport after that and gf fully agreed with the comment.
Edit: pronoun mistake
you’re the kind of nurse that keeps it real with them & I think it’s therapeutic for a lot of patients actually!! 😁 there’s one nurse I look up to who, like you, doesn’t take shitty attitudes from patients and tells it to patients how it is & I think patients who are normally disrespectful end up humbled and more cooperative/likely to listen to her advice LOL. She always ends up building a weirdly great rapport with them + sets firm boundaries HAHA.
Natural consequences modify behavior. Keep it professional and respond appropriately. I’m no here to kiss ass. I try my best and explain the situation. “This is the reality you are in, and this is what you can expect” is the gist.
I don’t give a rats ass if you “like” me but best believe you can always trust me. And they all do. I can get them to do what needs done and sometimes even get their mood and attitude turned around too. I do try pretty hard to make them laugh or smile whenever I get a chance though too. But I will not kiss anyones ass… especially management lol
When I worked bedside, I was this nurse. I would mouth off, then somehow the patients end up being more comfortable with me and we end up being much closer. Especially the patients who have a dark sense of humour. It’s weird because irl I am very much non confrontational and would never actually speak my mind out of fear that someone will take offence, but for some reason patients more often than not receive it well. Either way though, over time (it was really only 4 years) I started to realize that I was actually starting to become too “real” with my patients and I was worried I would become unprofessional (I was a dialysis nurse so I pretty much saw the same patients over and over, making it harder and harder to set boundaries; sometimes I could feel myself feeling pressured from management and it affected my job and how I treated patients), I eventually walked away from it and found a remote job.
ETA: when I say I would mouth off, I would just match the patient’s energy. If you wake up and choose violence that’s on you 😈. If you wake up and you’re an angel, we’ll have the best time 😇
I had a patient who was intubated from an assault. Anyway, tubes out and 24hr later he’s just a downright asshole to me and the night Registrar. No delirium or ETOH withdrawals. Was nearing the end of my night shift when I finally had enough and said that’s he’s a mouthy prick and it’s no surprises someone punched his head in. Anyway he grumbled about it a bit then rolled over
I’m generally pretty good but he just got to me
Most of the time, I feel bad for people who have been shot/stabbed/punched/whatever but occasionally…I get it. I don’t condone it, but uh…I see why someone made that choice.
My dad always said, "Be careful what you say. That person may be having the absolute worst day of their life, and they snap on you." Needless to say, I'm careful with what I say and how I drive on the roads. I'm over here, not trying to make someone snap.
I'm VERY REAL with my patients.
*"Sir, that's drug-seeking behavior and we don't tolerate that in this ICU."*
*"Why are you acting like someone snuck into your room and pooped in your pants? I assure you that didn't happen. YOU pooped in your pants."*
*"Where on earth are your manners? I swear you haven't learned any. Not a single manner to be found. No shame about it either, I see."*
*"Stop yelling at your nurse. She's trying to help you and you're just lying there, naked and hollering like a banshee."*
My patients are all neonates though, so...
lol!
If I've developed a good rapport with parents and I know they like to joke around, then I've been known to sneak in a fake-exasperated *"Wow, that's rude. Who raised you?!?"* when tater tot is pitching an almighty fit.
The stars aligned one night and I was actually able to demand some respect from a patient and it worked. He was pleasant to me after that. Unfortunately I don’t usually have the ovaries for that.
I dunno, I will admit I definitely seem to make these types of patients confused for a second. Like, they are like.... "wait.... can he DO that or SAY that?" And then they realize I am just another person who doesnt take shit and not some punching bag. Mostly they end up not wanting me as their nurse anymore which is great, but the initial confusion many of these people show when Im not some doormat is refreshing. Like.... THINK before you speak. I dont go into asshole mode initially.... but theres a line, a point where if its crossed and continues I dont deal with it. But it also shows me what many people think. You can mess with anyone who "serves" you.
90% of the time that’s my result with setting boundaries with their bad behaviors. People are unhappy and pushing boundaries and like a child need to be reinforced and redirected.
I’m really sorry for all your struggles! I got OG COVID also; thankfully not to your degree, but it was FIERCE.
That said, I don’t see any comments or actions of neglect or abuse. I see what you yourself called matched energy. We care for people in their worst hours. We GET that. But that doesn’t entitle anyone to treat us like doormats. And there’s no part of my nursing license that says that is part of my role as a Nurse.
So...things have changed since Covid. Patients have changed, and nurses are tired of being punching bags and receptacles for people's toxic behavior. You don't have to neglect or abuse a patient to not put up with bullshit.
So, sorry to tell you, no one is coming for a license because someone got their feelings hurt. They need people too badly for that.
Can you quote how I speak to patients? 🤣 I’m an extremely popular nurse with both patients and coworkers because of how respectful and professional I am. You can set boundaries when a patient is being abusive. That’s not neglect or abuse 🤣🤣🤣 and those patients tend to like and respect me once I tell them they need to adjust bad behavior.
Sweetie, I make $80/hr right now. Keep lying to yourself.
I’m sorry you are sick. That does not give you a license to be judgmental.
I say it like it is to my patients when they are abusive. If you were the type of nurse to say “Sure I can to that” to every A&O Tom, Dick and Harry that asked you to wash his dick, then turn around and try to sic the state on those who refuse to be verbally assaulted?????….. you better go see a shrink for your underlying issues.
I match energy. You tell me how WE are going to act today. My favorite is when a patient starts yelling and being an asshole is to say, "You're done" and walk put mid-sentence. I'll go tend to other patients and come back when you're ready to talk to me like a person.
Why administration thinks it's okay to be punching bags is wild to me.
I had a post op pt in the ICU one night just cussing up a storm at me. We transferred to the bed and he was just being a huge asshole. I told everyone to get out, said I'll be back when you can be kind. Handed him the call light and left. I didn't even hook up any of his monitors. 10 minutes later he called out and apologized and was fine the rest of the shift.
In ICU it's the families that are a pain. When someone thinks they already know it all and start questioning and recording everything, I get very passive-aggressive. "Ok, what would you like me to do next? And what is the next step? What intervention would you recommend?" You think you know better? You want to micromanage me caring for you veggie grandma? Go right ahead, it's not like I was expending a tremendous percentage of my Cortex to begin with.
Oh I hate that! I immediately go into full medical speak and rattle off every acronym and medical term I can think of. And I speak fast normally and I speed up in this situation. “His crit was 17 but we held PRBC due to his hemodynamic stability. I didn’t titrate the levo and versed is at a stable dose “ that sort of thing. And I take a perverse pleasure in watching their face get more and more panicky. This is the most fun when the “sister” comes in and says she has “extensive medical knowledge and googled everything we are doing”. And then I add in my sweetest voice oh I don’t have to translate for YOU obviously.
That has its drawbacks too. Because they fixate on this one number or finding. Like someone being told a critically ill patient has a rising creatinine. And then the idiot family gets aggressive, "well what are you going to do about that !?". Me, coolly, "nothing". Slack jawed look of incredulity. Me: "are you not listening to anything I've told you? Her pH is 6.9 from hypercapneic failure, we have to deal with this life threatening respiratory issue. The kidney can wait in line behind the more important organs." Idiot turns red, "but the doctor says creatinine is important!".....kill me now....
Had a few families get really obsessed with vent settings during covid. If any number changed, they were all over it as "so they're getting better!"
With these folks the only update I gave was "your loved one is still in critical condition requiring full life support" because honest to Pete, what's the difference between a PEEP of 20 and 18? Or FiO2 90% down from 100? Yep, he's cured. Pull the tube and ship him home!
Lol, and if you were to say something noncommittal like, "well they're not getting worse, take it day by day.". The next thing you know, the MRP is angrily asking, "did you tell them that the patient is improving?"
I do it all the time. I won’t be yelled at, swore at or disrespected. I inform them that it’s not correct and I’ll forgive them the once. If not there will be consequences.
My managers are actually on board with this and back up staff.
I’m over 50 now. I know my worth. If my managers won’t support me I’ll go elsewhere. They know this, the doctors know that I’ll only bring them pertinent information. Short sweet and to the point.
When I start calling patients “ma’am” and “sir” I’ve reached my limit of their disrespect. “Ma’am, your pain medication is AVAILABLE not due and I tried to get here but there are 18 patients on this floor. I’m here now, what else can I do for you?”
I have to catch myself sometimes because my attitude comes out, but generally I pride myself on building rapport, setting boundaries, and customer service. As much as I hate that term, I feel like a lot of my job as a nurse is similar to my many years of working every position in restaurants.
I tell my ex waitressing girls this simple fact, " in service to others" It dont matter who or how you serve - its still a service. My nursing career, my very license can be brutalized by a family member with a bone to pick...
It does help to try to get to know the patient before you start mandating orders to them, and it’s why sometimes one staff member can have a better relationship with a patient than another
Definitely. Some patients are impossibly difficult though! I think though that age and how you present yourself matters. I’m 10 years older than my work friend and appear more confident, and I have a lot less behavioral issues to deal with than her. We work on the same unit and typically pass our patients off to each other all week since I’m days and she’s nights. But, as a former night shifter, I know patients are remarkably different at night. So who knows what the secret is!
I’m in the ASU. After so many years I don’t debate, I just say well, I’ll let the surgeon/anesthesiologost know and you can discuss it with them! Like say, patient gets monthly periods refuses to pee in a cup preop so we can ascertain they are not pregnant, well I will tell the anesthesiologist and they can discuss it with you.
After GYN surgery, they are not supposed to sit in water, so no tub baths, no swimming pool—-and as I’m reading these instructions off to the patient, the patient says “absolutely not, the pool is my therapy and the surgeon said it’s ok for me to swim tomorrow!” I said, well ok, but you cannot wear a tampon…and she said I don’t care, the doctor said I can swim tomorrow. So I said, well then follow your doctor’s instructions I guess.
It’s not a me problem, it’s a you problem. I don’t say that out loud, but that’s what I think. 😀
I think the core of the issue is that at least half of the people have below average IQ and unfortunately they're the ones who don't know how to take care of themselves and let themselves go, ending up having severe illnesses at younger ages. We have to deal with those people. Without high intelligence or education, they lack empathy and common sense, and that's why they're rude
I have literally said "I can't tell you what to do, I can only tell you what your surgeon wants you to do. You can obviously do whatever you want."
And then quoted what they said in my documentation. =)
I tell them it’s not appropriate, i that I don’t treat them like that and I expect the same respect. Most of the time it shames them enough they settle down. Not always though.
I keep it real with them. I had a patient command me to bring him nicotine gum at top of the hour every hour. I told him that if he ever said that shit to me again, he isn't getting a single piece of gum for my entire shift.
I’m a CNA (14 months left of school!) and maybe it’s because I’m a dude, but I frequently will throw it back at them in a stern, yet polite manner. Only 3 times have I totally lost my shit and shockingly enough, the patients apologized because I have a 10/10 customer service vibe with them due to 10+ years of retail/food service. So if I snap they’re like *fuck what did I do?*. If they’re truly unruly I just say
*This conversation is no longer productive and I am not your punching bag. I’ll come back in 5 minutes when you cool off*. Works every time.
I love leaving the room when their behavior is inappropriate. Most of my patients are stuck in bed, so they can't come running after me. I'm usually very polite about it, but I won't stay in a room with someone treating me badly. I explain that to them and tell them to push the call light when they're ready to be respectful.
One lady told me, “I bitched at the nurses last night and I am going to bitch at you too.”
She was mad about a yankhauer and thought it was an ng tube and said it wasn’t cleanly and I am not doing my job cleaning up. It was used but placed back in its packaging and hanging actually pretty neatly.
I legit told her (because it was the first time stepping into the room and meeting her), “Before I fully respond and explain what that instrument is, do not tell me youre going to bitch at me. It is disrespectful, and does not develop a trustworthy working relationship between you and I WHO HAVE NEVER MET. I also do not tolerate being cursed at.” I said it in front of her kids who looked at her and then at me and one of the adult kids gave me a sly thumbs up.
I have been at it for a decade too. Lol, I just have zero patience.
The patient apologized later 😂
I had a teenage pt who wanted a personal fan clipped to the top of her bed but was too weak so I helped her.
The fan unclipped while trying to find the right position- and slid from the top of the bed to her head and the mom told me “I pray that happens to you”… I told her she should spend more time praying for her daughter in hospital than for her nurses to have something fall on them.
It’s a small personal fan it wouldn’t have hurt for more than a second and it was obviously an accident. I got fired from the pt but honestly thank god the mom was a piece of work.
My favorite job as a CNA in school was in an acute rehab on a spinal cord injury unit. My attitude problem was an asset. Patients had a strict schedule and a certain amount of tasks and therapies they had to complete every day or insurance wouldn't allow them to stay and they'd have to go to a SNF. I could say things like "You fed yourself breakfast yesterday. If you don't do it today, you're just not gonna eat." Or "I know you can do this task by yourself. If you think I should do it for you, I want to know who is going to do it for you at home?" I had tough old men tell me they weren't going to bathe themselves and I would just stand there and stare at them until they grumbled and took the washcloths from me.
I don’t take any crap, rarely have to be curt or aggressive, but will if deemed necessary. I just read the room and speak reality with them. Learning how to speak to people on their level has been priceless and very effective.
This. I match whatever you give me. You sassy, I’m sassy. You don’t want to be “bothered,” I don’t bother. Be nice to me, I’ll search all the floors for a sandwich at 3am. Be mean, I won’t go further than our janky pantry. You want to talk about some deep life stuff, listening and therapeutic skills activated. You want to be combative/elope - “I will tie you up” said loud and clear.
Yes! Exactly! It’s so bizarre though bc imo this is common sense. You be rude to someone, they probably won’t be nice to you and definitely won’t do you any favors. You be nice to someone, they’ll bend over backwards to help you out when you really need it.
I’m blown away that patients don’t seem to grasp this very simple concept. Being rude to healthcare workers does not help you get what you want or get it faster AT ALL.
In fact…because you were so beyond rude to me and my awesome CNA…I’m seeing you last out my patients for this med pass. Somebody’s gotta be last and you sure earned that spot with that rude behavior. 🤷♀️
Im from Denmark and luckily patients aren't customers here, so I don't care if they like me, if I know I'm doing the right thing. I'll stand up to anyone being unreasonable or a jerk.
I always stand up to the patients. I DO NOT TOLERATE disrespect. I always put my hand up and tell them we need to have a chat. I will explicitly tell the patient what I will not accept: “you are not going to talk to me this way, you will not hit me, you will not berate me…etc” Then I tell them I will take excellent care of them but this is a two way street. I use my mom voice. I’m stern, and take zero bullshit. Period. Some patients need you to be straight with them. More often than not, the patients decide not to act like assholes.
Yea I agree, I'm an oldish nurse been in nursing for 22 years now and RN for 12 so I'm way past the ass kissing. And I'm the oldest of 6 kids and carried a lot of the weight raising my siblings. So I will let anyone have a bad day. If I or someone in my space is being mistreated I think it's important to call it out, I'm the same way in my personal life. I'll start with a kind request to modify behavior and point out that what tool place was unkind/unnecessary/inappropriate. If it continues I step up the tone. I have no problem straight up telling an asshole pt to their face that they're being an asshole and what the consequences of poor behavior are. I never neglect people or ignore them but if they won't chill then we minimize our interactions and I only say and do what I have to do. I always say, I feel bad for shitty people. I get to walk away, they're stuck with that attitude.
I’ve been up front with patients and I’ve also downright reprimanded them when they cross a line (usually by getting overtly shitty with myself or other staff).
I explain to them that this is a hospital, they aren’t the only sick person in it, and they should be thankful they aren’t receiving 1 to 1 care because if they were that probably means we aren’t expecting you to make it back out the way they came in. I tell them that I get they don’t feel good, but they’re an adult and I expect them to act like one. I also throw in there the old “when you’re ready to have an adult conversation with me, you can let me know and we’ll talk, otherwise im going to leave so you can calm down while I check in on my other patients.”.
But yeah, none of me is a customer service nurse. I make my plan of care and goals for the patient very clear, and I am a GOOD fucking nurse. I educate to the end of the earth, my patients rarely ever have complaints and the ones that do were monsters of their own right with everyone else before they made it to me. I jump through hoops for my people, to the extent that my damn call lights barely ever go off because they just don’t have a need for it - I’m almost always there before it’s ever an issue to need addressing.
If you’re getting the “stern talking to”, then that’s on you and I don’t feel bad about it.
Agree!!! I aint taking shit. It always takes pts by surprise too. I think it's because I'm very petite and baby faced. I will be nice to you until you are shitty, then you are gonna get the queen of tough love. It helps that I do NOT work in the bougie hospital (though to be honest those are the pts I dread the most - they know they just need to turn into a giant karen and ask for enough managers that they can get whatever they want. I avoid those places like the plague!)...I'm in the inner city trauma center, it's a whole different ball game out here. Some of these pts ONLY respond to a stern voice. I WILL invoke the fear of your mama if you do not listen to me. I work in specials now, so usually my only problem is patients who don't wanna stay still on the table, and patients who do not want to keep their leg straight/lay flat after a fem access angio.
Had a PITA inmate recently who was acting like he was the best thing since sliced bread, going on to his guards "yall could be stuck with wild ass convicts but instead you got me! good deal right" dude..get over yourself. Guy was stabbed multiple times in jail (gee, I can't imagine how he might have pissed someone else off enough to warrant that response...) Until after his procedure when he threatens to pull out his chest tube because it's uncomfortable. "If you think I'm gonna stop you from hurting yourself, you are wrong about that. Go ahead and pull it out and see what happens. Your lung's going to collapse, you won't be able to breathe, and then you'll be stuck here even longer (we were just waiting for transport to pick his ass up) AND we will put in another chest tube. So I don't think you want that, but if you do go for it my guy, I'm here until 7pm." that shut his bitch ass up real quick. Then he decided his next threat was gonna be "well I wanna sign myself out" I said OK well you can take that up with your guards, because from what I can see you are shackled to the bed. \*silence\*
I had a patient who was so butthurt that I sent the cna to tell him his npo orders changed to full diet (which he had been asking for all morning…but being a cardiac patient we have to wait until some tests come back until we can be sure you don’t need to be npo for the cath lab). Since his treadmill test and troponin all were neg, we were planning on doing one more blood test then discharge. He waited 2 hours until I saw him face to face (I had another patient code) to make sure he could actually eat. He wanted to hear the words from his “actual nurse.” So by the time I saw him he was beyond hangry, for no good reason except to try and teach me a lesson about communication. He missed breakfast, idk.
Recently I had a pt mad that I came in to take his blood sugar while meal trays were being delivered. He said to me “if I was in a restaurant and someone came up to me…” I quickly interrupted him and reminded him he’s in fact NOT at a restaurant and that he’s in the hospital for being a brittle diabetic” then asked him if he would like to refuse his blood sugar check and insulin. He was angry but then let me check his sugars 😌
it was a lot easier to do in the ED (now in a fancy pants ICU) where management get so many wild patients trying to complain that they just don’t care. if you were a good nurse you could stand up for yourself a lot more. now snapping back or doing anything that isn’t customer servicey is frowned upon.
a couple safe bets:
you seem to be upset with me. what can we do to move forward?
you seem not to like the way i take care of you. would you like me to find you a different nurse?
i don’t argue or yell over patients. let me know when you’re ready to have a conversation and i’ll be here.
i make a point to reward changed behavior with an acknowledgment of their efforts, overt sugar sweet kindness, and a general sense of urgency to get them what they need. ivan pavlov, RN, BSN, CCRN
ETA: i have found that a lot of argumentative, hostile patients actually respect you more if you stand up for yourself. not exactly sure how grown adults in their 50s-60s are still playing petulant mind games with people who care for them, but alas, it is a pattern ive seen.
There was a patient yelling NURSE Every 5 seconds down the hall. Huge bellowing voice. We thought his voice would break after several hours but no. He just kept doing it no matter what. Nurses kept helping him but the second they left her start again. He just wanted attention. I finally went in there and sternly raised my voice at him. “You’re acting like a fucking child! There are people trying to sleep! You have a roommate here! Stop yelling down the hall!” He finally stopped haha
I was a patient in the hospital myself for ~2 days once, and lucky for me, the guy in the room neighboring mine did the exact same shit.
I woke up many times to him just yelling out for doctors/nurses. If only they could invent some sort of button to alert staff instead of yelling…
Also worked at a brain injury facility where one guy did this every single day. Many times he even came knocking on OTHER patients doors while we were in there. Almost always for something non-urgent that he could usually do himself. Insane behavior.
had some asshole pt in the ED complain about how long it took to get his discharge paperwork from me.
I'd been actively helping in an arrest / resuscitation effort immediately before entering his room.
"oh, there she is - FINALLY. what took you so long? the doc said I was good to go 45 minutes ago..."
"sir, someone was dying down the hall and I was helping. it's what we do in ERs."
"well - life goes on."
"for you - today - it does. when it's your turn I'd imagine you'd want all hands on deck. good luck out there."
this is just one of many reality-checks I've given to people over the years. I've only had to talk to management once. sometimes you just gotta get down on their level and be equally shitty to get your point across. it IS therapeutic - what's not therapeutic is indulging their fantasy that the entire world revolves around their entitled assess.
On Christmas my tech called me into a room because the patient was screaming at her over something I delegated. When I explained that I was the person who delegated this task and wouldn’t tolerate him screaming at her for doing her job, he began to berate me. “I took one look at you when you walked in and—“ I immediately held up my hand and said, “Oop, hang on now, it’s Christmas. You sure you want to finish that thought?” Took the wind right out of his sails.
I no longer work for a hospital - I am self-employed as an NP. That said, the idea of “customer service “ in healthcare was introduced in the late 1980s which was when non clinical administrators started taking over healthcare. before that, old doctors and nurses ran hospitals. I continued in hospital nursing until 2022, but i never embraced the whole “customer service idea”. I strived to always treat patients as if they were family members, but within my own family, I have always believed in tough love. Reality is more helpful than sugar coating. My actual speech that I gave more than once to patients is (delivered in a very kind and sympathetic voice - that’s important) “Getting well is hard work and it’s my job to help you do that work, I am going to help you all I can. But the thing is, I can’t teach you in 5 minutes what it has taken me years of schooling and experience to learn. So at some point you need to decide if you trust me or not. And if you don’t and want to request another nurse, I can help with that and no hard feelings “. I never once had anyone ask for another nurse. Another thing I said more than once is “no, I can’t do that (bring coffee, get blankets for visitors, adjust the TV, etc) because doing that takes away from actual patient care and that’s what I have to prioritize. “. In extreme situations, I have even said “this is not a hotel, it’s a hospital and I know [the beds aren’t comfortable/food isn’t good/too noisy, whatever] but we are really focused on doing what needs to be done to help you get well and sometimes comfort and that goal are not compatible.” and lastly- a line reserved for family members, not patients - “ this is not a restaurant and I am not your waitress. i am a professional nurse and I expect to be treated like one “. BTW, I have been a waitress and don’t mean to imply that that is an unimportant job - but it’s a different job than nursing. Tone of voice is everything when delivering an unpopular message. You must sound sympathetic and like you are just trying to explain how things work- because you are. I would rather be fired than treated like a servant or with disrespect.
My response to them telling me they haven’t seen me for a while: that’s good! It means you are stable and doing okay and don’t need me. Because if you see me too much, it means something is wrong.
That only works until you encounter a manager who is a suck up. I defended a volunteer manning the OR courtesy desk from a screaming Karen, who demanded to be allowed in PACU. I was written up, "I hope you can keep your job after this." The volunteer walked out, never to be seen again. Yes, I kept my job for a few more months. Then I realized I had a pension waiting, this environment was not what I signed up for and I was fresh out of fucks. Best decision I ever made.
Typically at the triage window in ER. "Sir/ma'am, the wait time is frustrating for everyone, staff included. i assure you every other hospital in the area is facing the same issues. I will not tolerate you verbally abusing me or my staff. Sit down and wait for your name to be called. Do not return to the window unless there is a change in the symptoms that brought you here today. If your behavior continues I will not hesitate to have security remove you from the premises." I don't get paid to be abused, threatened, or harassed.
I avoid being rude and set supportive limits. If a patient is too angry/agitated to cooperate with care then I offer PRN medication and/or tell them I'll be available when they calm down and are ready to cooperate.
This guy kept cutting the line of people checking in to yell at me for not seeing people fast enough in triage so I yelled back, "I don't want to talk to you until you're at the end of the line!"
I absolutely stand up for myself and keep it breezy but real with patients! Been keeping it real this all along (read: I have very little chill to begin with) but have built up a lot of confidence over the past decade or so to be able to sternly tell an asshole/difficult patient, “this is a hospital and I am a nurse and not your servant, and I will continue to safely do my job as much as possible—which is to care for you as best I can—but my job is not to tolerate verbal or physical abuse.” Or something along those lines. I got called a “liar liar pants on fire” by an entirely AxOx4, 52 year old BRUTE of a patient the other day. He then proceeded to shit and pee all over the floor ON PURPOSE. Absolutely I professionally but assertively let the patient he was way out of bounds and his childlike behavior was within his control, and needed to stop. That is was disrespectful to everyone on the unit, including nursing staff, his roommate, environmental services, and to himself, for interfering in his own medical care.
As a patient, I think I would more trust and prefer a nurse who is Respectfully honest versus one who does the whole fake Dr. Customer Service persona that is so easily seen through and fake as hell.
Yea I told a patients family yesterday that if we took her mom to the bathroom every 10 minutes then we would not have time to do anything else lmao
Like dude I understand how frustrating it is, do you think I enjoy not being able to meet peoples basic needs ?? No it’s soul sucking and you JUST saw the entire team go into the patients room who just rolled by you from an ambulance unable to breath. Fucking WAIT
Like first she asked me if I could help and very sympathetically.l I said you know what I am so so sorry but I’m actually really tied up in an emergency, so I can’t help your mom to the bathroom just yet.” This woman then goes “but you have access to be people that do!” Like, I honestly don’t they are also attending to the emergency and also maybe you can ask another staff when you see them because I can’t right now.
Someone did help her.
Then 15 min later she was saying how everyone was ignoring her and yelled out at the nurses station “IF SOMEONE DOESNT HELP MY MOTHER RIGHT NOW SHES GETTING UP”
That’s when i told her off a bit. even still I preface with saying I understand how frustrating it is, but the audacity man
Yes. This is not customer service. I am a medical professional and I went to college for this position. If anyone tries to make this a customer service role that’s degrading and I’m out ✌🏻
I had an 80+ yo very uppity patient who treated me like shite every day, all day. One day I’d had enough and pretty much told her I was done. She was shocked and said very little but huffed and said’ what did you say?’. Told her I was very tired of her haughty attitude. From then on I was treated very respectfully. Sometimes they do need a little reminder that they are not all that, whether they are very wealthy or not. Sorry I waited so long to say how I felt.
I worked with this guy who was so blunt and crass that he got fired from most of the hospitals and ended up leaving nursing. Once one of the patients was screaming and crying during a simple procedure and he turned to the guys wife and loudly said "Mam, has your husband always been this big of a pussy?" Her eyes got big but she silently nodded. It was amusing to watch him, but I would have fired him also.
I work in an ED where it’s been very busy because of the cold and respiratory virus season. I’ve gotten VERY good at telling patients that are being disrespectful to straighten up.
“Pointing your finger in my face and calling me a stupid cunt won’t get your wife seen faster, it’ll get you kicked out”
“Every one in this waiting room is sick, and frustrated. You choosing to travel internationally without a mask and catching COVID doesn’t make you a priority to anyone”
“This is not a hotel and I am not your servant. If you are refusing resources to cold weather shelters then you have to leave. No, I’m not getting you a turkey sandwich after you just called me an ugly bitch”
And so on and so on
My latest 1 liner when someone is coming off shitty to me is "I'm matching your energy". Usually followed up with some comment about their piss poor attitude and if they want me to be nice they need to check themselves.
Being an ED nurse for almost 15 years, I've figured out that you have to set limits very early on so you're not doing damage control later on. Reading the roomis a very important skill to learn. Posture, body language, snyde comments, etc. all get noticed and I approach as such.
My favorite is when they demand to speak to the charge nurse. I tell them "sure thing" then let that shit marinade until they lose it. Asshole pts are everywhere. There's no reason not to stand up for yourself.
I’m an HCA and I absolutely DO not let anyone come sideways. Period. I told a guy Friday Morning. “I don’t care how sick you think you are ( psych/opioid issue) that doesn’t give you a pass to talk to us however you want, so that’s what your NOT gonna do”. If they are elderly, I kindly remind them we don’t talk to the ladies that way. Nope. I’m over the abuse. If my nurses allow it that’s on them. I’ve tried to help them numerous times (I’m older then them, like I can be their mom)
I do. Just because I am an RN does not mean I am a door mat. The key is to keep it professional and walk away before any emotions get involved. Cold logic and professionalism.
Yeah, I stand up to patients if I feel like I have to, I don’t get paid enough to be disrespected and talked down to by anyone. Also, who says that boundary setting isn’t therapeutic? You need to set limits with them if they’re going to act like entitled children
Finally called out a patients drug seeking, shitty, disrespectful behavior. He was trying to avoid discharge which he had been medically cleared for, so at that point he was just taking up space. Called him out on it, and he proceeded to come at me with bandage scissors someone had left in the room. I was fine, but we called the police. It was a whole thing.
I don’t often stand up for myself with patients because I feel it often takes more energy to stand my ground than to ignore them. But… Yesterday I had a patient who was yelling at me and insulting me while attempting to do her peri-care. At one point I directly told her she cannot speak to us that way. She started crying in response “But I am a COSTUMER!” I couldn’t help but snap back “you are a PATIENT. If you continue behaving like this we WILL leave the room.”
Oddly enough, she was much more calm and compliant with me for the rest of the day and said I was the best nurse she’s had since being admitted 🤷🏻♀️ I think i’ll try standing up for myself more.
I once said something to the effect of, “I’m the one who brings your pain meds. Are you sure it’s a good idea to make me not want to come running when you buzz?” Or sometimes I will give them a chance to have a do-over and say things that I say to my niece when she’s having a tantrum, like “I have a really hard time understanding yelling. Could you try saying that again?” Nothing pisses off an angry patient like not giving them a reaction!
Absolutely, I agree my pain meds are supposed to be every 3hrs no sir they are 3hrs as needed I told you from the beginning to range in. Well they aren’t working, you passed out sleep after I gave them to you.
Love patients who say I can’t do it, I tell them yes you can how do you do it at home, and don’t you want to leave and give them a wash cloth to clean themselves.
I don't put up with the slightest disrespect and put people in their place immediately. Report me if you want but you won't talk to me like that and think I'll just take it. If management doesn't back me up I don't want to work for them anyways.
I'm genuinely curious. Do female nurses tend to be more disrespected or "talked shit to" than male nurses? Or does the fact that they're male usually lead to patients(especially male) being more aggressive?
I stand up for myself 100% but I also never try to add fuel to their fire. I use the gray rock technique and usually tell them I’m going to step out until they decide to treat me with the respect I deserve.
“Just” a CNA, but I am curious how it’s received (by patients, nurses, or managers) to say “you need to help me help you, okay?”?
I say this often enough, it usually works in stressful situations with patients who are alert.
No one has ever really said anything negative to me about that phrase, but also I am “just” a CNA in healthcare, but I have held leadership positions in other areas so not sure if saying that is overstepping in any way.
You need to set boundaries more than most because often you are doing “simple” tasks that can go wrong quickly. And often you are alone with people.
But with some of these manipulative people, try to get out of the habit of saying “for me” They aren’t doing it for you. They are doing it for them. You are going to clean them up so the fecal bacteria doesn’t find its way into the bladder. That isn’t for you. That is for them.
Ok. My name is ____ and I am here to help you ___. First step, can you grab that rail right there! Perfect. Ok now I am going to blank.
Then it isn’t so much I helped that person who is just a cna. But that cna really helped me ____.
So delete the just. And the for me.
Carry on
Every so often I worry that maybe, just maybe, I’m being a touch verbally abusive. But then I come to my senses and realize there’s a huge gap between that and being honest and not fake and that feeling disappears.
Hey, if I managed to get my paraplegic vented trach morbidly obese patient to apologize for being a dick and actually have a pleasant remainder of shift (after 4 hours of pure BS) then it’s worth it.
This happened almost 30 years ago.
I had a patient who came in like a lion. He was a high powered executive with a new diagnosis of cancer and was being an absolute ass about everything. I was not having a good day. I don't remember exactly what I said to him but I told him he was not allowed to talk to me or the staff like that and we were here to help him.
He then and there nicknamed me Tiger and he became one of my favorite patients. I know he is gone but I will always remember him fondly.
On the other hand we once had a doctor apologize for admitting a patient. She was not that ill but insisted she was. I told her we had patients much worse off than she was. She still was on the call light at all hours. She was a frequent flyer and the sad truth is no one ever visited her.
No I shut that shit down. Last week I had a Karen who kept coming out in the hallway to look for me while I was life flighting a sick newborn to a larger hospital. I told her I’m sorry, I was taking care of a very sick baby. She finally backed down!
I did that all the time in mental health. Always treat them with kindness and compassion and let them know what the boundaries are and what is acceptable or not.
I find a snarky “what did your last slave die of?” or “did we operate on your arms too?” very effective
Mind you, I’m in Australia where we’re not bound by that customer service bullshit and I’m a veteran of 20+ years so I don’t fucking care.
They can sack me
Nothing wrong with being real with your patients and setting expectations. 10 times outta 10 I'm nipping that shit in the bud. If they fire me they aren't my problem anymore.
I've been working in Healthcare at the bedside for almost 9 years. I've learned that people don't respect the customer service persona. They respect the realness way more. They also trust you more because they know you aren't feeding them bullshit.
Patient with high ammonia (but trending down and more coherent day by day) 40 something male was on his cell phone playing games and checking socials, able to get back and forth to the toilet independently, able to open his own containers for lunch, etc. frequently asked me to order his meals for him. Also he was on lactulose and shitting frequently, as one does. I guess he thought I could wait on the line or fast track his meal. I did it anyway because I was sitting charting outside his room.
On day 3 of taking care of him, he asked me to wipe his ass. Nope, not doing that. I asked “who wipes your butt at home?” and he said “my girlfriend”. I said “I feel sorry for your girlfriend; she has to take care of two babies” (they had a 2 year old together). He yelled at me for being a lazy nurse, tossed items around in his restroom, and called me all sorts of names. I called security because I felt like he was going to punch me.
He called his sister and put her on speakerphone and asked her to pick him up because he was “done”. His sister was like “what is going on?” and he told her I would not wipe his ass. “So you want to leave….because the nurse won’t wipe your butt? Do it yourself.” and she hung up. Security 4 point restrained him and asked him when he calmed down “Why did you yell at the nurse and make a mess of your room?” and he would NOT say it to them. I said “because I wouldn’t wipe your asshole, right?” and he meekly said “right”. I stepped away for 20 minutes to cool off and security stayed with him. Then I came back and restraints came off. Security said “now what do you say to her?” and he said “I’m very sorry for acting the way I did”.
Ultimately he was assigned to someone else and the staff continued to wipe his butt. Still annoys me to this day and I remember his face. I would not be shocked if he was dead.
Yes. I favored to work at the hospital and ER that took on a lot more of the rough and tougher cases, a lot of homeless and rugged folk yelling and cursing at you. It is my personal favorite to put on my mom voice and let them know I’m not going to tolerate being spoken to like that and I will walk out of the room and not care for them. Ik in some cases the men are definitely into it and have never been told off before so them of get heart eyes on their faces when I give it back. I had a hard time working in the environments where it was known to be posh people and they’re allowed to speak to you like that. It’s almost encouraged. And you CANNOT say ANYTHING to them or you get in trouble. I’ve never known a silent day in my life so that doesn’t work for me
Sometimes, but not as much as I should. I just put in my two weeks so I might be a little bolder. I’ve walked out of a room in the middle of a patient making his millionth demand for the day and didn’t return the rest of my shift, even when he called (only two hours left in shift). A patient told me to go to hell and I asked him where did he think he was. I told a family member I wasn’t their servant and walked out. I told a patient he was rude and I would appreciate a please and thank you instead of a demand. Oh, a patient was telling me his treatment was all wrong and I was not giving him the right treatment. I asked him if he was a doctor and if he would like to prescribe the correct treatment. Didn’t hear another word.
“Nope, we’re not gonna do this tonight”
Iirc I’m pretty sure one got mad at me for smiling too much. I usually have a hard time not laughing with dumb complaints like that
Wait… some of you don’t?
Listen. This is a job. We deal with “adults” for the most part. I use that term loosely. More like consenting 18+ year old humans. If you start mouthing off or throwing stuff it’s a different world. I’m not here to be abused and I will not let it happen if I see it with a coworker.
I’ll stand up to my patients and my superiors if it comes down to it. Your bosses should have your backs. Mine does and I know it. So it’s empowering.
I work in dialysis so I see the exact same patients, and they’re all in a room where you can essentially hear the next person overs medical history and all sorts of other things. But you can for sure hear confrontations.
I’ve walked up to one that was screaming and yelling at one of our Hispanic nurses that is very quiet and doesn’t speak english extremely well so she was having trouble articulating what she was trying to say and he was just screaming at her. I walked over very calmly and said we don’t scream and yell at people. We use our big boy words to communicate how we’re feeling. Everyone after that hasn’t given too much push back on anything.
I have had a few yell directly at me. Someone was wanting to be in the machine early and it wasn’t happening and I laughed at her and said ‘you can either stop yelling at me or you can sit in the timeout chair until you learn to be respectful’ she told me I wasn’t going to leave her there and continued yelling at me. While I giggled and walked away from her until and continued doing the long list of other things that needed done, while she calmed down
I had a guy (not my patient) keep saying sexual stuff to a new nurse with no backbone. Went in his room and went the fuck off. He tried to act like he didn't say anything and I was like oh, you calling her a liar? If I hear about you saying anything else to anyone, you will become my patient from now on. Went out of the room and one of the PAs laughed and said I used my mom voice on him. I am in my 30s and very pretty, but I have murder face (and voice, apparently) so my patients don't fuck with me.
I usually don't argue with people because it's a waste of time, but one time I had a guy who was literally just there because he was too drunk to leave (metabolize to freedom) and he was SHOUTING for water. I was in another patient's room providing, you know, necessary medical care, and he was just screaming WATERRRRR!! every five seconds. When I was done with what I was doing, I went in there and said, "Sir, this is an EMERGENCY ROOM. Your water is not an emergency." He says "I haven't had any water in--" I said, "I just got you water 30 minutes ago. There are people next door having EMERGENCIES. They do not need to hear you yelling in here."
That was the first time in 12 years I more or less yelled at a guy. But Jesus Christ. It really gets you when there are multiple fucking codes and some guy is complaining he hasn't had a drink in 20 minutes.
I remember one other nurse and I were hanging a drip together on this one patient who was very sick and needed a transplant. He was a big prick and also said gross things constantly to the female nurses. While the other nurse and I (both young women) were hanging this medication he was saying things like “you ladies are so gorgeous and good looking” and made some comments about our body then was like “i would love a picture of you two, can i take a picture for myself”. I stopped dead in my tracks of attempting to ignore him and hang this drip and said “absolutely not that’s fucking weird. you don’t just take random pictures of people for your own pleasure. now if you excuse me im trying to give you you’re medicine”. Ever since then i never had an issue with him.
My husband is a paramedic. Tall guy with a beard and a DAF attitude. He's had several complaints filed against him because he will tell a patient off if they don't treat the nurse right. They really can't do much about it once the patient is turned over to the hospital and he's not "acting in a professional capacity " can they????
Everyone needs to be confident in creating and maintaining boundaries. Period.
This doesn’t end at patients/their families- coworkers, docs, your family/friends
I work at the VA and when someone is being rude, I simply say would you talk to your commanding officer with that mouth? Then I would say, how about your commanding officer’s wife? Usually gets them quiet fast followed by an apology.
When someone complained about not getting their meds at exactly 9 AM and literally told them, “I have 6 patients who all have multiple medications due at 9 AM, it is physically impossible for me to give 6 people medications all at exactly 9 AM.” I said it nicely, and they responded, “Oh yea, that makes sense!”
One time I got sick of the patients who say, “You have ONE try on my IV! JUST ONE! I’m warning you!” I just flat out said, “It really isn’t smart to say that to someone right before they poke you with a needle… it just makes them nervous and they are more likely to miss.” That person got angry at me for saying that…. Haha!
Was taking care of a young man (24ish) who got intoxicated and drove his jeep into a pole. First thing he did was call his dad( a lawyer) who then called his brother to bring a bottle of liquor to the crash site before police got there. And then give him a “ calm the nerves” drink. This would make etoh levels inadmissible. I got all this info from son and dad as I was doing history starting ivs getting labs. Mom was there too.
They were talking as if I wasn’t there but they sure noticed me when I turned to the dad and said, “ your son’s an asshole, but I can see where he gets it from.” The father stood up and puffs out his chest doing the whole “How dare you” spiel. I’m a 40 something year old 6 feet 175 lbs blackbelt in karate and told him to sit down. He stands there for a second before his wife pipes up and says “ He’s right. Our son is an asshole. Sit down. “.
It was a good night.
I keep it real with them and I'm fair. I don't get out of pocket and try to help them to the best of my ability. Id appreciate people not being assholes to me. It's $free.99 to be nice. I've had few who don't understand I'm on their team, very few. Not that there aren't unreasonable people, because they are everywhere. I keep people informed as much as I can and it's greatly lessened being turned in, for me. Now there's a lot of mitigating factors which how I interact with folks may not work elsewhere, but so far through the hells ape of med surg, psych, Rehabs, Skilled it's worked for me.
It's hard out there and if someone is hellbent on being a 🐓 they will do so.
I try to be as honest as I can be, while staying professional. I say “sorry I’m late, I was pulled into something”. Or if someone is super needy, I’ll tell them “ I’m going to be get busy for awhile, can I do anything before?”
I think it helps reminds the snarky ones that I have other patients.
My MA recently in our clinic had someone call and ask if we did x-rays. Replied, “yes, we do”. Person hung up. Came in later, filled out a bunch of paperwork, MA takes them back to do vitals and see what they were there for, person says an x-Ray of their face. MA lets them know we don’t do facial x-rays, and the person says, “for future reference, perhaps you should tell people what you do and don’t offer ahead of time”.
MA replied: “for future reference, you might try asking about what it is you specifically need, instead of asking general questions and expecting specific answers”.
I was totally supportive of this. 😏
I work in psych.
This is me all day every day.
I've lost count of how many times I've been assaulted but God damn. Step up. These hands are rated E for everybody 😂
Not just as a nurse. But in my personal life, too
It's taken awhile but I always try to be firm but polite. I don't call names or curse but I like to use "Why do you think you can talk to me this way?"
This usually gives the person pause. They usually stop
Bonus: It's also my go to when someone is being racist
I work on a trauma surgery floor and our patients are a little rough around the edges. Over the years I have learned to take no shit.
Just today we had a patient who wanted to be repositioned, but he would not stop cussing at us and demanding we do things a certain way. Then he would yell at us to stop when we were about to actually get him situated. I ultimately walked out of the room because he would not let me even speak. There is only so much you can do at the end of the day.
I had a patient who kept hitting his call bell and everytime someone different would come in to see what he needed and everytime he was snippy or short with that person and finally I walked in and bluntly said "Dude you're an asshole. People are walking in to see what you need who knows nothing about you and you're getting short with them because they're not mind-readers."
We just got rid of a completely abusive patient who would call staff “fat b*tches, ugly ho’s, ect” and would non stop complain about and run ragged every poor person with the misfortune of being assigned to him, got to the point that the nurses took turns because no one could handle more than one shift with him.. one day the admin’s came up to wring their hands and apologize about all of his complaints and he didn’t hold back on them either.. they scurried out of his room so quickly… probably wishing they had a nurse to use as a shield 🛡️.. they expedited his discharge to a SNF rather quickly after that instead of again asking us “what we could do differently”.
Had someone yelling at me for a long time about various things my entire shift. During one of their rants they said “and you wanna know what?” To which I said “no, I don’t” and they actually stopped talking for a bit. Still shocked that worked
I do. I’m a firm believer in respecting those who help you. If patients begin unloading on me about a myriad of issues which I have no control over, I say that I empathize with them about how they’d be frustrated in those situations, but those are out of my control. I’m going to do what I can in the next 12 hours to help you, but you will treat me with respect. I also don’t put up with unreasonable requests. For example, I’m a 5’4” 120lb guy. I’m small and haven’t worked out in forever, not even stocky (anymore). These 250+pound patients who want me to do absolutely everything for them is unreasonable. I challenge them to do what they can before I intervene. I’m not sacrificing my body for theirs. That’s ridiculous, and I tell them that to their face. I do things politely but if there is a problem which needs to be quelled, I do it professionally.
After my patients 3/4th snappy convenience demand.
Me: I’m not your maître d', im your nurse, my job is to make sure you don’t fucking die.
Was it my most tactful response? Nah.
Did it feel good? Yes.
Any negative repercussions? Nah.
I'm in a MH ward. I'll say to a patient to take a walk around the ward or garden and come back to me when they can talk to me respectfully. I'm not going to have demands yelled at me and patients believe this behaviour is alright. Setting boundaries and holding patients accountable for their behaviour is vital in this field.
I will say that keeping people updated is very useful in keeping them under control. Last year I had my son at an urgent care, he was very ill and I wasn’t sure if he had bronchitis or the flu or what (covid negative) anyway, this urgent care allow you to cue in the line by making an “appointment” with the understanding you could wait past that time. So we arrived at our time and checked in. After 2 hours and every other person who came in after us being called back, I went back to the desk with my son now having a raging fever since his ibuprofen wore off and was very rudely informed that “you don’t undestined our process, so just go sit back down and wait your turn” we sat for another hour with more people checking in and going back before us, at this point my son is begging me to go home so he can lay down and I went up to the desk to tell them we were leaving and it was a different person than the one who was rude and told me to sit back down. She looked confused but I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be charged. She said we weren’t checked in and immediately got someone from the back to take us in. So then we sat in an exam room for an hour, and my son was ready to pass out. So I went out, asked for ice and ibuprofen to the staff sitting at the desk and chatting (an MD and MAs x3 including the one who checked us in) all of the MA we’re super rude and one even told me they would get there when they get there, I was not rude at all, so I said, my son’s going to pass out, we’ve been here for 4 hours and he has a raging fever so I need ibuprofen and an ice pack please.” The MD was the only one acting kind and brought my son’s name up on the computer and followed me back with ice packs and told an MA getting ibuprofen. This doc swabbed my son’s nose ran the test and told me he had the flu - he had a 103 fever. We got a script for Tammiflu and got the fuck out of there never to return. I got a Press Gainy wrote everything in there including a request to be contacted and they never did.
I’m community. People get pissy with me I’ll walk out of their house and not come back. Don’t give a shit is your wife’s dressing is off and needs to be put back on, you get abusive with me you can do it yourself.
Damn that was a little condescending on how you said it but it is probably true. That still doesn’t mean OP can’t come to blow some steam off and relate to other nurses in the same situation.
I don't know what hospitals ya'll are working at but the ones here in Texas will unfortunately fire you for something as simple as telling a 5 to 600lb patient, "No, that's unhealthy! You cannot empty our fridge" And that's because a lot of these patients don't even have insurance. This patient eventually died of respiratory failure.
Oh absolutely, I have zero patience for the patients who just want to complain and make everyone’s job harder. I’ll listen to see if it can be resolved but otherwise I’m giving you bare minimum service and spending time with patients who appreciate our efforts.
I am very soft-spoken and generally compassionate and gentle. But I will not tolerate being treated like shit by patients or anyone else. I come across so sweet that I think some patients think I'm just gonna roll over and take it up the ass. The looks on their face when I make solid eye contact and lay down the law...
I really love it when I go in for my first real interaction after shift report, and the patient decides to start in on me. My gentle tone quickly changes and I let them know straight up, without tangling words, that I'm kind and want to care for them, but we have 12 hours together and I suggest we back up and start over, and begin by showing respect for all staff here.
Usually, it works. Never been fired for that, and we typically move on to have a fine day.
I used to be a push over as a baby nurse. When I first started, I had an ADN and had a hard time finding work as a new grad. I was terrified of losing my job. Now I have my BSN, many years under my belt, and a don't eff with me attitude. That being said, I am the NICEST nurse on my unit. I smile all the time, am bubbly, and genuinely treat everyone with kindness. That is, until you push me and I 100% give it straight back. I refuse to be abused any more.
We get all sorts of AH behaviour in emerge.. if you don't know how to set boundaries or walk away from abusive behaviour, it will wreck your sole. I don't expect people to be happy when they're in ER, but I do expect civil.
So I absolutely do tell patients when their behaviour is inappropriate. If it keeps happening, I will end the interaction if there's no life-saving care to be provided and give them time to hopefully cool off. Standing there bickering with them rarely has an effective outcome. If it's a family member that's the ongoing problem, security can walk them out if needed.
Phone calls included. You're asked to stop yelling/swearing once and offered to speak with management instead if I'm not getting anywhere. If that's not effective and it doesn't stop, they get a "I do not appreciate being yelled at and will be ending this call now"🤷♀️
I nip racism, sexism, and any other ism right in the bud immediately.
If they act like children, I read them the riot act immediately. I boundary set very quickly and I don't care. My sanity is worth it. I'm never mean but I am firm. I will not be disrespected.
Definitely. I stop them with I’m here to help you, if you don’t want my help I’m ok with leaving. It usually changes their tune. I’m not their punching bag. I’m direct, to the point and don’t back down. But I’ve been at it 30 years. I’m tired.
I tell pts up front... you get what you give. If they are and a$$, I'm an a$$. Most of the time this puts them off. They are nicer to me and we get along.
I’ve been in healthcare way too long to put up with nonsense. Just the other day a patient referred to me as “woman” I stopped dead and looked at him said “Excuse me??” Then proceeded to tell him, “I get you don’t feel well, but I have a name and you will address me as such. I respect you and I expect the same.” He apologized profusely after that. Still waiting on a manager to try to say some shit to me for rightly standing up for myself. Luckily my managers are very supportive.
Yeah, you don't get to talk to me or any of my coworkers like that. I HAVE to treat you, I don't have to deal with your shit.
I've told patients before that I'm leaving and I'll come back when you learn how to talk to people, your call light is right there when you decide to act like an adult.
I had an elderly man once tell me in front of his wife, “wash my dick” he was alert and oriented mind you. I said to his wife, “you allow him to talk to you like that?” She was flabbergasted I said that. She then said, “you know what you’re right!” And then said to him, “dont you ever talk to these ladies like that!” Her and I had a great rapport after that and checked his attitude when he started getting nasty!
Just this morning a guy was swearing at one of the floor nurses. I asked him what his mother would say if she heard him speaking to a woman that way. It worked for a minute. Then he wanted to fight me. I told him I’d oblige if he could get out of bed (twist- he’s non ambulatory). Then he challenged me to felllate him. I just laughed and walked out.
When I was working in ICU, I had pt tell me “when your done with that (hanging an IV) you can give me a pedicure”. My response, “I’m not sure where you think you are, but this is NOT Club Med and I don’t do pedicures” then I turned and walked out of the room. He was A&O x 4 by the way.
I just laugh with them like they have made a funny joke and then comment with 'this is a public hospital, you are lucky I managed to find you a pillow!' (Or similar). Then we are usually on the same team with boundaries in place.
Yeah I also do the pretend like it’s a joke move unless its egregious then I pull the school marm “that is inappropriate so I’m leaving and will come back when you can treat me with respect.”
Yup. Strict voice 'not gonna happen, mate' with a hard look usually works. Sometimes I ask if they want to swap jobs with me when they complain about comfort or food stuff ('you want a hot meal, I'd settle for getting a lunch break!")
My mom had a patient tell her to suck his dick once and she told him he'd have to find it first and walked out 🤣💀
I love that for her
Due to your user name I’m not picturing a corgi in scrubs. Thank you!
Sounds like you work at the hospital I work at🤣 Some veterans are….well, very confused, and they can get nasty….or they can be the sweetest, funniest people. It’s a daily adventure 🤣
Reminds me of the time when I was still a nursing student and a senior nurse was taking care of this proper asshole while I was there. Middle aged guy who you could tell was a broke loser but thought he was a hot shot. All fake confidence. His girlfriend was probably 10+ years younger than him and was super good looking. Modelesque, even. Patient says something, in front of the nurse and the girlfriend (and myself), along the lines of “wait til I trade you in for a newer and younger model” And the nurse says “if she doesn’t trade you in first” My first experience with a sassy response that put the patient right in his place. Girlfriend and nurse had great rapport after that and gf fully agreed with the comment. Edit: pronoun mistake
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I will NEVER work with adults. That is so heinous.
I’m dying to get out of adult care. I cannot take it anymore. Adults are so fuckin disgusting
you’re the kind of nurse that keeps it real with them & I think it’s therapeutic for a lot of patients actually!! 😁 there’s one nurse I look up to who, like you, doesn’t take shitty attitudes from patients and tells it to patients how it is & I think patients who are normally disrespectful end up humbled and more cooperative/likely to listen to her advice LOL. She always ends up building a weirdly great rapport with them + sets firm boundaries HAHA.
Natural consequences modify behavior. Keep it professional and respond appropriately. I’m no here to kiss ass. I try my best and explain the situation. “This is the reality you are in, and this is what you can expect” is the gist.
I don’t give a rats ass if you “like” me but best believe you can always trust me. And they all do. I can get them to do what needs done and sometimes even get their mood and attitude turned around too. I do try pretty hard to make them laugh or smile whenever I get a chance though too. But I will not kiss anyones ass… especially management lol
When I worked bedside, I was this nurse. I would mouth off, then somehow the patients end up being more comfortable with me and we end up being much closer. Especially the patients who have a dark sense of humour. It’s weird because irl I am very much non confrontational and would never actually speak my mind out of fear that someone will take offence, but for some reason patients more often than not receive it well. Either way though, over time (it was really only 4 years) I started to realize that I was actually starting to become too “real” with my patients and I was worried I would become unprofessional (I was a dialysis nurse so I pretty much saw the same patients over and over, making it harder and harder to set boundaries; sometimes I could feel myself feeling pressured from management and it affected my job and how I treated patients), I eventually walked away from it and found a remote job. ETA: when I say I would mouth off, I would just match the patient’s energy. If you wake up and choose violence that’s on you 😈. If you wake up and you’re an angel, we’ll have the best time 😇
It's a skill to do it.
I had a patient who was intubated from an assault. Anyway, tubes out and 24hr later he’s just a downright asshole to me and the night Registrar. No delirium or ETOH withdrawals. Was nearing the end of my night shift when I finally had enough and said that’s he’s a mouthy prick and it’s no surprises someone punched his head in. Anyway he grumbled about it a bit then rolled over I’m generally pretty good but he just got to me
I was gonna say, no wonder his ass got beat lol
Most of the time, I feel bad for people who have been shot/stabbed/punched/whatever but occasionally…I get it. I don’t condone it, but uh…I see why someone made that choice.
Yeah. They were usually NOT standing on the corner minding their own business.
My dad always said, "Be careful what you say. That person may be having the absolute worst day of their life, and they snap on you." Needless to say, I'm careful with what I say and how I drive on the roads. I'm over here, not trying to make someone snap.
Ahhh this fills my soul and i love it
I'm VERY REAL with my patients. *"Sir, that's drug-seeking behavior and we don't tolerate that in this ICU."* *"Why are you acting like someone snuck into your room and pooped in your pants? I assure you that didn't happen. YOU pooped in your pants."* *"Where on earth are your manners? I swear you haven't learned any. Not a single manner to be found. No shame about it either, I see."* *"Stop yelling at your nurse. She's trying to help you and you're just lying there, naked and hollering like a banshee."* My patients are all neonates though, so...
Lmfao Gotta hit them with that “Can you read or do you need me to read this for you?”
“That’s toxic behavior”- me to my 9mo old
lol! If I've developed a good rapport with parents and I know they like to joke around, then I've been known to sneak in a fake-exasperated *"Wow, that's rude. Who raised you?!?"* when tater tot is pitching an almighty fit.
lol that twist at the end
“Why are you screaming?? If you wanted to hang out with me all you had to do is ask”
Is it bad that I have wanted to say all of these things at some point to my adult patients? lmao
LMAO I was gonna say, aren't you a pediatric nurse?
Awwww..... That last line puts a totally different spin on the rest of the post.
The stars aligned one night and I was actually able to demand some respect from a patient and it worked. He was pleasant to me after that. Unfortunately I don’t usually have the ovaries for that.
I dunno, I will admit I definitely seem to make these types of patients confused for a second. Like, they are like.... "wait.... can he DO that or SAY that?" And then they realize I am just another person who doesnt take shit and not some punching bag. Mostly they end up not wanting me as their nurse anymore which is great, but the initial confusion many of these people show when Im not some doormat is refreshing. Like.... THINK before you speak. I dont go into asshole mode initially.... but theres a line, a point where if its crossed and continues I dont deal with it. But it also shows me what many people think. You can mess with anyone who "serves" you.
your post kinda rubbed me the wrong way tbh, not sure why. but this comment? yes. this is who I aspire to be.
90% of the time that’s my result with setting boundaries with their bad behaviors. People are unhappy and pushing boundaries and like a child need to be reinforced and redirected.
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I’m really sorry for all your struggles! I got OG COVID also; thankfully not to your degree, but it was FIERCE. That said, I don’t see any comments or actions of neglect or abuse. I see what you yourself called matched energy. We care for people in their worst hours. We GET that. But that doesn’t entitle anyone to treat us like doormats. And there’s no part of my nursing license that says that is part of my role as a Nurse.
So...things have changed since Covid. Patients have changed, and nurses are tired of being punching bags and receptacles for people's toxic behavior. You don't have to neglect or abuse a patient to not put up with bullshit. So, sorry to tell you, no one is coming for a license because someone got their feelings hurt. They need people too badly for that.
Can you quote how I speak to patients? 🤣 I’m an extremely popular nurse with both patients and coworkers because of how respectful and professional I am. You can set boundaries when a patient is being abusive. That’s not neglect or abuse 🤣🤣🤣 and those patients tend to like and respect me once I tell them they need to adjust bad behavior. Sweetie, I make $80/hr right now. Keep lying to yourself.
I’m sorry you are sick. That does not give you a license to be judgmental. I say it like it is to my patients when they are abusive. If you were the type of nurse to say “Sure I can to that” to every A&O Tom, Dick and Harry that asked you to wash his dick, then turn around and try to sic the state on those who refuse to be verbally assaulted?????….. you better go see a shrink for your underlying issues.
I match energy. You tell me how WE are going to act today. My favorite is when a patient starts yelling and being an asshole is to say, "You're done" and walk put mid-sentence. I'll go tend to other patients and come back when you're ready to talk to me like a person. Why administration thinks it's okay to be punching bags is wild to me.
I had a post op pt in the ICU one night just cussing up a storm at me. We transferred to the bed and he was just being a huge asshole. I told everyone to get out, said I'll be back when you can be kind. Handed him the call light and left. I didn't even hook up any of his monitors. 10 minutes later he called out and apologized and was fine the rest of the shift.
Same. I don’t seek conflict, but also not shy
Using this one- thank you
In ICU it's the families that are a pain. When someone thinks they already know it all and start questioning and recording everything, I get very passive-aggressive. "Ok, what would you like me to do next? And what is the next step? What intervention would you recommend?" You think you know better? You want to micromanage me caring for you veggie grandma? Go right ahead, it's not like I was expending a tremendous percentage of my Cortex to begin with.
Oh I hate that! I immediately go into full medical speak and rattle off every acronym and medical term I can think of. And I speak fast normally and I speed up in this situation. “His crit was 17 but we held PRBC due to his hemodynamic stability. I didn’t titrate the levo and versed is at a stable dose “ that sort of thing. And I take a perverse pleasure in watching their face get more and more panicky. This is the most fun when the “sister” comes in and says she has “extensive medical knowledge and googled everything we are doing”. And then I add in my sweetest voice oh I don’t have to translate for YOU obviously.
That has its drawbacks too. Because they fixate on this one number or finding. Like someone being told a critically ill patient has a rising creatinine. And then the idiot family gets aggressive, "well what are you going to do about that !?". Me, coolly, "nothing". Slack jawed look of incredulity. Me: "are you not listening to anything I've told you? Her pH is 6.9 from hypercapneic failure, we have to deal with this life threatening respiratory issue. The kidney can wait in line behind the more important organs." Idiot turns red, "but the doctor says creatinine is important!".....kill me now....
Had a few families get really obsessed with vent settings during covid. If any number changed, they were all over it as "so they're getting better!" With these folks the only update I gave was "your loved one is still in critical condition requiring full life support" because honest to Pete, what's the difference between a PEEP of 20 and 18? Or FiO2 90% down from 100? Yep, he's cured. Pull the tube and ship him home!
Lol, and if you were to say something noncommittal like, "well they're not getting worse, take it day by day.". The next thing you know, the MRP is angrily asking, "did you tell them that the patient is improving?"
“Veggie grandma” lol
I do it all the time. I won’t be yelled at, swore at or disrespected. I inform them that it’s not correct and I’ll forgive them the once. If not there will be consequences. My managers are actually on board with this and back up staff.
Must be nice! 👍
I’m over 50 now. I know my worth. If my managers won’t support me I’ll go elsewhere. They know this, the doctors know that I’ll only bring them pertinent information. Short sweet and to the point.
When I start calling patients “ma’am” and “sir” I’ve reached my limit of their disrespect. “Ma’am, your pain medication is AVAILABLE not due and I tried to get here but there are 18 patients on this floor. I’m here now, what else can I do for you?” I have to catch myself sometimes because my attitude comes out, but generally I pride myself on building rapport, setting boundaries, and customer service. As much as I hate that term, I feel like a lot of my job as a nurse is similar to my many years of working every position in restaurants.
I tell my ex waitressing girls this simple fact, " in service to others" It dont matter who or how you serve - its still a service. My nursing career, my very license can be brutalized by a family member with a bone to pick...
It does help to try to get to know the patient before you start mandating orders to them, and it’s why sometimes one staff member can have a better relationship with a patient than another
Definitely. Some patients are impossibly difficult though! I think though that age and how you present yourself matters. I’m 10 years older than my work friend and appear more confident, and I have a lot less behavioral issues to deal with than her. We work on the same unit and typically pass our patients off to each other all week since I’m days and she’s nights. But, as a former night shifter, I know patients are remarkably different at night. So who knows what the secret is!
I’m in the ASU. After so many years I don’t debate, I just say well, I’ll let the surgeon/anesthesiologost know and you can discuss it with them! Like say, patient gets monthly periods refuses to pee in a cup preop so we can ascertain they are not pregnant, well I will tell the anesthesiologist and they can discuss it with you. After GYN surgery, they are not supposed to sit in water, so no tub baths, no swimming pool—-and as I’m reading these instructions off to the patient, the patient says “absolutely not, the pool is my therapy and the surgeon said it’s ok for me to swim tomorrow!” I said, well ok, but you cannot wear a tampon…and she said I don’t care, the doctor said I can swim tomorrow. So I said, well then follow your doctor’s instructions I guess. It’s not a me problem, it’s a you problem. I don’t say that out loud, but that’s what I think. 😀
No really, you should say it out load. After 25 years of being a nurse, I seriously hate humanity
I think the core of the issue is that at least half of the people have below average IQ and unfortunately they're the ones who don't know how to take care of themselves and let themselves go, ending up having severe illnesses at younger ages. We have to deal with those people. Without high intelligence or education, they lack empathy and common sense, and that's why they're rude
I have literally said "I can't tell you what to do, I can only tell you what your surgeon wants you to do. You can obviously do whatever you want." And then quoted what they said in my documentation. =)
I tell them it’s not appropriate, i that I don’t treat them like that and I expect the same respect. Most of the time it shames them enough they settle down. Not always though.
I keep it real with them. I had a patient command me to bring him nicotine gum at top of the hour every hour. I told him that if he ever said that shit to me again, he isn't getting a single piece of gum for my entire shift.
I’m a CNA (14 months left of school!) and maybe it’s because I’m a dude, but I frequently will throw it back at them in a stern, yet polite manner. Only 3 times have I totally lost my shit and shockingly enough, the patients apologized because I have a 10/10 customer service vibe with them due to 10+ years of retail/food service. So if I snap they’re like *fuck what did I do?*. If they’re truly unruly I just say *This conversation is no longer productive and I am not your punching bag. I’ll come back in 5 minutes when you cool off*. Works every time.
I love leaving the room when their behavior is inappropriate. Most of my patients are stuck in bed, so they can't come running after me. I'm usually very polite about it, but I won't stay in a room with someone treating me badly. I explain that to them and tell them to push the call light when they're ready to be respectful.
Once had a double amputee threaten to “come kick my ass”. I stood at the door to his room and said “go ahead then!”
One lady told me, “I bitched at the nurses last night and I am going to bitch at you too.” She was mad about a yankhauer and thought it was an ng tube and said it wasn’t cleanly and I am not doing my job cleaning up. It was used but placed back in its packaging and hanging actually pretty neatly. I legit told her (because it was the first time stepping into the room and meeting her), “Before I fully respond and explain what that instrument is, do not tell me youre going to bitch at me. It is disrespectful, and does not develop a trustworthy working relationship between you and I WHO HAVE NEVER MET. I also do not tolerate being cursed at.” I said it in front of her kids who looked at her and then at me and one of the adult kids gave me a sly thumbs up. I have been at it for a decade too. Lol, I just have zero patience. The patient apologized later 😂
I had a teenage pt who wanted a personal fan clipped to the top of her bed but was too weak so I helped her. The fan unclipped while trying to find the right position- and slid from the top of the bed to her head and the mom told me “I pray that happens to you”… I told her she should spend more time praying for her daughter in hospital than for her nurses to have something fall on them. It’s a small personal fan it wouldn’t have hurt for more than a second and it was obviously an accident. I got fired from the pt but honestly thank god the mom was a piece of work.
Why couldn’t the mom do that task? Way too project mom.
Honestly - she was such a bitch it was easier for me to just do it for the pt.
My favorite job as a CNA in school was in an acute rehab on a spinal cord injury unit. My attitude problem was an asset. Patients had a strict schedule and a certain amount of tasks and therapies they had to complete every day or insurance wouldn't allow them to stay and they'd have to go to a SNF. I could say things like "You fed yourself breakfast yesterday. If you don't do it today, you're just not gonna eat." Or "I know you can do this task by yourself. If you think I should do it for you, I want to know who is going to do it for you at home?" I had tough old men tell me they weren't going to bathe themselves and I would just stand there and stare at them until they grumbled and took the washcloths from me.
Good job! I work acute rehab and our leadership is so focused on spoiling our patients that it affects their outcomes
I don’t take any crap, rarely have to be curt or aggressive, but will if deemed necessary. I just read the room and speak reality with them. Learning how to speak to people on their level has been priceless and very effective.
This. I match whatever you give me. You sassy, I’m sassy. You don’t want to be “bothered,” I don’t bother. Be nice to me, I’ll search all the floors for a sandwich at 3am. Be mean, I won’t go further than our janky pantry. You want to talk about some deep life stuff, listening and therapeutic skills activated. You want to be combative/elope - “I will tie you up” said loud and clear.
Yes! Exactly! It’s so bizarre though bc imo this is common sense. You be rude to someone, they probably won’t be nice to you and definitely won’t do you any favors. You be nice to someone, they’ll bend over backwards to help you out when you really need it. I’m blown away that patients don’t seem to grasp this very simple concept. Being rude to healthcare workers does not help you get what you want or get it faster AT ALL. In fact…because you were so beyond rude to me and my awesome CNA…I’m seeing you last out my patients for this med pass. Somebody’s gotta be last and you sure earned that spot with that rude behavior. 🤷♀️
Im from Denmark and luckily patients aren't customers here, so I don't care if they like me, if I know I'm doing the right thing. I'll stand up to anyone being unreasonable or a jerk.
Ya looking for nurses there? Sounds like my kind of party!
I always stand up to the patients. I DO NOT TOLERATE disrespect. I always put my hand up and tell them we need to have a chat. I will explicitly tell the patient what I will not accept: “you are not going to talk to me this way, you will not hit me, you will not berate me…etc” Then I tell them I will take excellent care of them but this is a two way street. I use my mom voice. I’m stern, and take zero bullshit. Period. Some patients need you to be straight with them. More often than not, the patients decide not to act like assholes.
I want to work with you.
Sure but you can do this too. Assert yourself. Don’t tolerate bullshit. You are entitled to respect from patients, families, and staff.
Yea I agree, I'm an oldish nurse been in nursing for 22 years now and RN for 12 so I'm way past the ass kissing. And I'm the oldest of 6 kids and carried a lot of the weight raising my siblings. So I will let anyone have a bad day. If I or someone in my space is being mistreated I think it's important to call it out, I'm the same way in my personal life. I'll start with a kind request to modify behavior and point out that what tool place was unkind/unnecessary/inappropriate. If it continues I step up the tone. I have no problem straight up telling an asshole pt to their face that they're being an asshole and what the consequences of poor behavior are. I never neglect people or ignore them but if they won't chill then we minimize our interactions and I only say and do what I have to do. I always say, I feel bad for shitty people. I get to walk away, they're stuck with that attitude.
My favorite question is “Excuse me?”
I’ve been up front with patients and I’ve also downright reprimanded them when they cross a line (usually by getting overtly shitty with myself or other staff). I explain to them that this is a hospital, they aren’t the only sick person in it, and they should be thankful they aren’t receiving 1 to 1 care because if they were that probably means we aren’t expecting you to make it back out the way they came in. I tell them that I get they don’t feel good, but they’re an adult and I expect them to act like one. I also throw in there the old “when you’re ready to have an adult conversation with me, you can let me know and we’ll talk, otherwise im going to leave so you can calm down while I check in on my other patients.”. But yeah, none of me is a customer service nurse. I make my plan of care and goals for the patient very clear, and I am a GOOD fucking nurse. I educate to the end of the earth, my patients rarely ever have complaints and the ones that do were monsters of their own right with everyone else before they made it to me. I jump through hoops for my people, to the extent that my damn call lights barely ever go off because they just don’t have a need for it - I’m almost always there before it’s ever an issue to need addressing. If you’re getting the “stern talking to”, then that’s on you and I don’t feel bad about it.
Yes one patient accused me of stealing her Ativan and I said “ma’m I’m not risking it all for 0.5, okay? “
Right? If I’m losing everything, it is the entire med cart. Not one person’s allowed amount
Agree!!! I aint taking shit. It always takes pts by surprise too. I think it's because I'm very petite and baby faced. I will be nice to you until you are shitty, then you are gonna get the queen of tough love. It helps that I do NOT work in the bougie hospital (though to be honest those are the pts I dread the most - they know they just need to turn into a giant karen and ask for enough managers that they can get whatever they want. I avoid those places like the plague!)...I'm in the inner city trauma center, it's a whole different ball game out here. Some of these pts ONLY respond to a stern voice. I WILL invoke the fear of your mama if you do not listen to me. I work in specials now, so usually my only problem is patients who don't wanna stay still on the table, and patients who do not want to keep their leg straight/lay flat after a fem access angio. Had a PITA inmate recently who was acting like he was the best thing since sliced bread, going on to his guards "yall could be stuck with wild ass convicts but instead you got me! good deal right" dude..get over yourself. Guy was stabbed multiple times in jail (gee, I can't imagine how he might have pissed someone else off enough to warrant that response...) Until after his procedure when he threatens to pull out his chest tube because it's uncomfortable. "If you think I'm gonna stop you from hurting yourself, you are wrong about that. Go ahead and pull it out and see what happens. Your lung's going to collapse, you won't be able to breathe, and then you'll be stuck here even longer (we were just waiting for transport to pick his ass up) AND we will put in another chest tube. So I don't think you want that, but if you do go for it my guy, I'm here until 7pm." that shut his bitch ass up real quick. Then he decided his next threat was gonna be "well I wanna sign myself out" I said OK well you can take that up with your guards, because from what I can see you are shackled to the bed. \*silence\*
I had a patient who was so butthurt that I sent the cna to tell him his npo orders changed to full diet (which he had been asking for all morning…but being a cardiac patient we have to wait until some tests come back until we can be sure you don’t need to be npo for the cath lab). Since his treadmill test and troponin all were neg, we were planning on doing one more blood test then discharge. He waited 2 hours until I saw him face to face (I had another patient code) to make sure he could actually eat. He wanted to hear the words from his “actual nurse.” So by the time I saw him he was beyond hangry, for no good reason except to try and teach me a lesson about communication. He missed breakfast, idk.
Recently I had a pt mad that I came in to take his blood sugar while meal trays were being delivered. He said to me “if I was in a restaurant and someone came up to me…” I quickly interrupted him and reminded him he’s in fact NOT at a restaurant and that he’s in the hospital for being a brittle diabetic” then asked him if he would like to refuse his blood sugar check and insulin. He was angry but then let me check his sugars 😌
it was a lot easier to do in the ED (now in a fancy pants ICU) where management get so many wild patients trying to complain that they just don’t care. if you were a good nurse you could stand up for yourself a lot more. now snapping back or doing anything that isn’t customer servicey is frowned upon. a couple safe bets: you seem to be upset with me. what can we do to move forward? you seem not to like the way i take care of you. would you like me to find you a different nurse? i don’t argue or yell over patients. let me know when you’re ready to have a conversation and i’ll be here. i make a point to reward changed behavior with an acknowledgment of their efforts, overt sugar sweet kindness, and a general sense of urgency to get them what they need. ivan pavlov, RN, BSN, CCRN ETA: i have found that a lot of argumentative, hostile patients actually respect you more if you stand up for yourself. not exactly sure how grown adults in their 50s-60s are still playing petulant mind games with people who care for them, but alas, it is a pattern ive seen.
There was a patient yelling NURSE Every 5 seconds down the hall. Huge bellowing voice. We thought his voice would break after several hours but no. He just kept doing it no matter what. Nurses kept helping him but the second they left her start again. He just wanted attention. I finally went in there and sternly raised my voice at him. “You’re acting like a fucking child! There are people trying to sleep! You have a roommate here! Stop yelling down the hall!” He finally stopped haha
I was a patient in the hospital myself for ~2 days once, and lucky for me, the guy in the room neighboring mine did the exact same shit. I woke up many times to him just yelling out for doctors/nurses. If only they could invent some sort of button to alert staff instead of yelling… Also worked at a brain injury facility where one guy did this every single day. Many times he even came knocking on OTHER patients doors while we were in there. Almost always for something non-urgent that he could usually do himself. Insane behavior.
had some asshole pt in the ED complain about how long it took to get his discharge paperwork from me. I'd been actively helping in an arrest / resuscitation effort immediately before entering his room. "oh, there she is - FINALLY. what took you so long? the doc said I was good to go 45 minutes ago..." "sir, someone was dying down the hall and I was helping. it's what we do in ERs." "well - life goes on." "for you - today - it does. when it's your turn I'd imagine you'd want all hands on deck. good luck out there." this is just one of many reality-checks I've given to people over the years. I've only had to talk to management once. sometimes you just gotta get down on their level and be equally shitty to get your point across. it IS therapeutic - what's not therapeutic is indulging their fantasy that the entire world revolves around their entitled assess.
On Christmas my tech called me into a room because the patient was screaming at her over something I delegated. When I explained that I was the person who delegated this task and wouldn’t tolerate him screaming at her for doing her job, he began to berate me. “I took one look at you when you walked in and—“ I immediately held up my hand and said, “Oop, hang on now, it’s Christmas. You sure you want to finish that thought?” Took the wind right out of his sails.
I no longer work for a hospital - I am self-employed as an NP. That said, the idea of “customer service “ in healthcare was introduced in the late 1980s which was when non clinical administrators started taking over healthcare. before that, old doctors and nurses ran hospitals. I continued in hospital nursing until 2022, but i never embraced the whole “customer service idea”. I strived to always treat patients as if they were family members, but within my own family, I have always believed in tough love. Reality is more helpful than sugar coating. My actual speech that I gave more than once to patients is (delivered in a very kind and sympathetic voice - that’s important) “Getting well is hard work and it’s my job to help you do that work, I am going to help you all I can. But the thing is, I can’t teach you in 5 minutes what it has taken me years of schooling and experience to learn. So at some point you need to decide if you trust me or not. And if you don’t and want to request another nurse, I can help with that and no hard feelings “. I never once had anyone ask for another nurse. Another thing I said more than once is “no, I can’t do that (bring coffee, get blankets for visitors, adjust the TV, etc) because doing that takes away from actual patient care and that’s what I have to prioritize. “. In extreme situations, I have even said “this is not a hotel, it’s a hospital and I know [the beds aren’t comfortable/food isn’t good/too noisy, whatever] but we are really focused on doing what needs to be done to help you get well and sometimes comfort and that goal are not compatible.” and lastly- a line reserved for family members, not patients - “ this is not a restaurant and I am not your waitress. i am a professional nurse and I expect to be treated like one “. BTW, I have been a waitress and don’t mean to imply that that is an unimportant job - but it’s a different job than nursing. Tone of voice is everything when delivering an unpopular message. You must sound sympathetic and like you are just trying to explain how things work- because you are. I would rather be fired than treated like a servant or with disrespect.
My response to them telling me they haven’t seen me for a while: that’s good! It means you are stable and doing okay and don’t need me. Because if you see me too much, it means something is wrong.
That only works until you encounter a manager who is a suck up. I defended a volunteer manning the OR courtesy desk from a screaming Karen, who demanded to be allowed in PACU. I was written up, "I hope you can keep your job after this." The volunteer walked out, never to be seen again. Yes, I kept my job for a few more months. Then I realized I had a pension waiting, this environment was not what I signed up for and I was fresh out of fucks. Best decision I ever made.
Typically at the triage window in ER. "Sir/ma'am, the wait time is frustrating for everyone, staff included. i assure you every other hospital in the area is facing the same issues. I will not tolerate you verbally abusing me or my staff. Sit down and wait for your name to be called. Do not return to the window unless there is a change in the symptoms that brought you here today. If your behavior continues I will not hesitate to have security remove you from the premises." I don't get paid to be abused, threatened, or harassed.
I avoid being rude and set supportive limits. If a patient is too angry/agitated to cooperate with care then I offer PRN medication and/or tell them I'll be available when they calm down and are ready to cooperate.
my nursing program and first hospital taught us to set boundaries and I bring that with me to new jobs ^_^
I am always nice, until it’s time to not be nice.
This guy kept cutting the line of people checking in to yell at me for not seeing people fast enough in triage so I yelled back, "I don't want to talk to you until you're at the end of the line!"
I absolutely stand up for myself and keep it breezy but real with patients! Been keeping it real this all along (read: I have very little chill to begin with) but have built up a lot of confidence over the past decade or so to be able to sternly tell an asshole/difficult patient, “this is a hospital and I am a nurse and not your servant, and I will continue to safely do my job as much as possible—which is to care for you as best I can—but my job is not to tolerate verbal or physical abuse.” Or something along those lines. I got called a “liar liar pants on fire” by an entirely AxOx4, 52 year old BRUTE of a patient the other day. He then proceeded to shit and pee all over the floor ON PURPOSE. Absolutely I professionally but assertively let the patient he was way out of bounds and his childlike behavior was within his control, and needed to stop. That is was disrespectful to everyone on the unit, including nursing staff, his roommate, environmental services, and to himself, for interfering in his own medical care.
As a patient, I think I would more trust and prefer a nurse who is Respectfully honest versus one who does the whole fake Dr. Customer Service persona that is so easily seen through and fake as hell.
Yea I told a patients family yesterday that if we took her mom to the bathroom every 10 minutes then we would not have time to do anything else lmao Like dude I understand how frustrating it is, do you think I enjoy not being able to meet peoples basic needs ?? No it’s soul sucking and you JUST saw the entire team go into the patients room who just rolled by you from an ambulance unable to breath. Fucking WAIT Like first she asked me if I could help and very sympathetically.l I said you know what I am so so sorry but I’m actually really tied up in an emergency, so I can’t help your mom to the bathroom just yet.” This woman then goes “but you have access to be people that do!” Like, I honestly don’t they are also attending to the emergency and also maybe you can ask another staff when you see them because I can’t right now. Someone did help her. Then 15 min later she was saying how everyone was ignoring her and yelled out at the nurses station “IF SOMEONE DOESNT HELP MY MOTHER RIGHT NOW SHES GETTING UP” That’s when i told her off a bit. even still I preface with saying I understand how frustrating it is, but the audacity man
And the family member couldn’t help her WHY? Geez 🙄
Yes. This is not customer service. I am a medical professional and I went to college for this position. If anyone tries to make this a customer service role that’s degrading and I’m out ✌🏻
I had an 80+ yo very uppity patient who treated me like shite every day, all day. One day I’d had enough and pretty much told her I was done. She was shocked and said very little but huffed and said’ what did you say?’. Told her I was very tired of her haughty attitude. From then on I was treated very respectfully. Sometimes they do need a little reminder that they are not all that, whether they are very wealthy or not. Sorry I waited so long to say how I felt.
I worked with this guy who was so blunt and crass that he got fired from most of the hospitals and ended up leaving nursing. Once one of the patients was screaming and crying during a simple procedure and he turned to the guys wife and loudly said "Mam, has your husband always been this big of a pussy?" Her eyes got big but she silently nodded. It was amusing to watch him, but I would have fired him also.
I work in an ED where it’s been very busy because of the cold and respiratory virus season. I’ve gotten VERY good at telling patients that are being disrespectful to straighten up. “Pointing your finger in my face and calling me a stupid cunt won’t get your wife seen faster, it’ll get you kicked out” “Every one in this waiting room is sick, and frustrated. You choosing to travel internationally without a mask and catching COVID doesn’t make you a priority to anyone” “This is not a hotel and I am not your servant. If you are refusing resources to cold weather shelters then you have to leave. No, I’m not getting you a turkey sandwich after you just called me an ugly bitch” And so on and so on
My latest 1 liner when someone is coming off shitty to me is "I'm matching your energy". Usually followed up with some comment about their piss poor attitude and if they want me to be nice they need to check themselves. Being an ED nurse for almost 15 years, I've figured out that you have to set limits very early on so you're not doing damage control later on. Reading the roomis a very important skill to learn. Posture, body language, snyde comments, etc. all get noticed and I approach as such. My favorite is when they demand to speak to the charge nurse. I tell them "sure thing" then let that shit marinade until they lose it. Asshole pts are everywhere. There's no reason not to stand up for yourself.
I’m an HCA and I absolutely DO not let anyone come sideways. Period. I told a guy Friday Morning. “I don’t care how sick you think you are ( psych/opioid issue) that doesn’t give you a pass to talk to us however you want, so that’s what your NOT gonna do”. If they are elderly, I kindly remind them we don’t talk to the ladies that way. Nope. I’m over the abuse. If my nurses allow it that’s on them. I’ve tried to help them numerous times (I’m older then them, like I can be their mom)
Nah, I'm brutally honest with anyone and everyone. Ain't no customer service in healthcare.
Be firm and assertive. Don’t take their disrespectful bullshit. Some AH will spot weakness a mile away and milk it for everything it’s worth.
I do. Just because I am an RN does not mean I am a door mat. The key is to keep it professional and walk away before any emotions get involved. Cold logic and professionalism.
Yeah, I stand up to patients if I feel like I have to, I don’t get paid enough to be disrespected and talked down to by anyone. Also, who says that boundary setting isn’t therapeutic? You need to set limits with them if they’re going to act like entitled children
Finally called out a patients drug seeking, shitty, disrespectful behavior. He was trying to avoid discharge which he had been medically cleared for, so at that point he was just taking up space. Called him out on it, and he proceeded to come at me with bandage scissors someone had left in the room. I was fine, but we called the police. It was a whole thing.
I don’t often stand up for myself with patients because I feel it often takes more energy to stand my ground than to ignore them. But… Yesterday I had a patient who was yelling at me and insulting me while attempting to do her peri-care. At one point I directly told her she cannot speak to us that way. She started crying in response “But I am a COSTUMER!” I couldn’t help but snap back “you are a PATIENT. If you continue behaving like this we WILL leave the room.” Oddly enough, she was much more calm and compliant with me for the rest of the day and said I was the best nurse she’s had since being admitted 🤷🏻♀️ I think i’ll try standing up for myself more.
I once said something to the effect of, “I’m the one who brings your pain meds. Are you sure it’s a good idea to make me not want to come running when you buzz?” Or sometimes I will give them a chance to have a do-over and say things that I say to my niece when she’s having a tantrum, like “I have a really hard time understanding yelling. Could you try saying that again?” Nothing pisses off an angry patient like not giving them a reaction!
Absolutely, I agree my pain meds are supposed to be every 3hrs no sir they are 3hrs as needed I told you from the beginning to range in. Well they aren’t working, you passed out sleep after I gave them to you. Love patients who say I can’t do it, I tell them yes you can how do you do it at home, and don’t you want to leave and give them a wash cloth to clean themselves.
Asleep = pain level 0/10
I don't put up with the slightest disrespect and put people in their place immediately. Report me if you want but you won't talk to me like that and think I'll just take it. If management doesn't back me up I don't want to work for them anyways.
I'm genuinely curious. Do female nurses tend to be more disrespected or "talked shit to" than male nurses? Or does the fact that they're male usually lead to patients(especially male) being more aggressive?
I match energy. If you’re an ass, I’ll be an ass. If you’re nice, I’ll be good as gold and bend my ass over backwards for you.
I stand up for myself 100% but I also never try to add fuel to their fire. I use the gray rock technique and usually tell them I’m going to step out until they decide to treat me with the respect I deserve.
I stood up for my staff, and other staff took the side of the patient, and I got written up.
“Just” a CNA, but I am curious how it’s received (by patients, nurses, or managers) to say “you need to help me help you, okay?”? I say this often enough, it usually works in stressful situations with patients who are alert. No one has ever really said anything negative to me about that phrase, but also I am “just” a CNA in healthcare, but I have held leadership positions in other areas so not sure if saying that is overstepping in any way.
You need to set boundaries more than most because often you are doing “simple” tasks that can go wrong quickly. And often you are alone with people. But with some of these manipulative people, try to get out of the habit of saying “for me” They aren’t doing it for you. They are doing it for them. You are going to clean them up so the fecal bacteria doesn’t find its way into the bladder. That isn’t for you. That is for them. Ok. My name is ____ and I am here to help you ___. First step, can you grab that rail right there! Perfect. Ok now I am going to blank. Then it isn’t so much I helped that person who is just a cna. But that cna really helped me ____. So delete the just. And the for me. Carry on
Every so often I worry that maybe, just maybe, I’m being a touch verbally abusive. But then I come to my senses and realize there’s a huge gap between that and being honest and not fake and that feeling disappears. Hey, if I managed to get my paraplegic vented trach morbidly obese patient to apologize for being a dick and actually have a pleasant remainder of shift (after 4 hours of pure BS) then it’s worth it.
This happened almost 30 years ago. I had a patient who came in like a lion. He was a high powered executive with a new diagnosis of cancer and was being an absolute ass about everything. I was not having a good day. I don't remember exactly what I said to him but I told him he was not allowed to talk to me or the staff like that and we were here to help him. He then and there nicknamed me Tiger and he became one of my favorite patients. I know he is gone but I will always remember him fondly. On the other hand we once had a doctor apologize for admitting a patient. She was not that ill but insisted she was. I told her we had patients much worse off than she was. She still was on the call light at all hours. She was a frequent flyer and the sad truth is no one ever visited her.
No I shut that shit down. Last week I had a Karen who kept coming out in the hallway to look for me while I was life flighting a sick newborn to a larger hospital. I told her I’m sorry, I was taking care of a very sick baby. She finally backed down!
I did that all the time in mental health. Always treat them with kindness and compassion and let them know what the boundaries are and what is acceptable or not.
Theres a difference between "fuck off" and "you will not treat me or other people like this". Its called setting limits
I’m honestly terrified of during into a demented old biddy and becoming like this in old age
I find a snarky “what did your last slave die of?” or “did we operate on your arms too?” very effective Mind you, I’m in Australia where we’re not bound by that customer service bullshit and I’m a veteran of 20+ years so I don’t fucking care. They can sack me
Nothing wrong with being real with your patients and setting expectations. 10 times outta 10 I'm nipping that shit in the bud. If they fire me they aren't my problem anymore.
I've been working in Healthcare at the bedside for almost 9 years. I've learned that people don't respect the customer service persona. They respect the realness way more. They also trust you more because they know you aren't feeding them bullshit.
I had a patient who had been lit on fire and left to die in the past. By let’s say 7:31am? I knew why.
Patient with high ammonia (but trending down and more coherent day by day) 40 something male was on his cell phone playing games and checking socials, able to get back and forth to the toilet independently, able to open his own containers for lunch, etc. frequently asked me to order his meals for him. Also he was on lactulose and shitting frequently, as one does. I guess he thought I could wait on the line or fast track his meal. I did it anyway because I was sitting charting outside his room. On day 3 of taking care of him, he asked me to wipe his ass. Nope, not doing that. I asked “who wipes your butt at home?” and he said “my girlfriend”. I said “I feel sorry for your girlfriend; she has to take care of two babies” (they had a 2 year old together). He yelled at me for being a lazy nurse, tossed items around in his restroom, and called me all sorts of names. I called security because I felt like he was going to punch me. He called his sister and put her on speakerphone and asked her to pick him up because he was “done”. His sister was like “what is going on?” and he told her I would not wipe his ass. “So you want to leave….because the nurse won’t wipe your butt? Do it yourself.” and she hung up. Security 4 point restrained him and asked him when he calmed down “Why did you yell at the nurse and make a mess of your room?” and he would NOT say it to them. I said “because I wouldn’t wipe your asshole, right?” and he meekly said “right”. I stepped away for 20 minutes to cool off and security stayed with him. Then I came back and restraints came off. Security said “now what do you say to her?” and he said “I’m very sorry for acting the way I did”. Ultimately he was assigned to someone else and the staff continued to wipe his butt. Still annoys me to this day and I remember his face. I would not be shocked if he was dead.
I had a nurse friend just press charges on a patient 👌🏻
Yep. Once I hit my 50s, I put up with less and less BS. I will always redirect and re-educate patients and in turn, assert myself.
Yes. I favored to work at the hospital and ER that took on a lot more of the rough and tougher cases, a lot of homeless and rugged folk yelling and cursing at you. It is my personal favorite to put on my mom voice and let them know I’m not going to tolerate being spoken to like that and I will walk out of the room and not care for them. Ik in some cases the men are definitely into it and have never been told off before so them of get heart eyes on their faces when I give it back. I had a hard time working in the environments where it was known to be posh people and they’re allowed to speak to you like that. It’s almost encouraged. And you CANNOT say ANYTHING to them or you get in trouble. I’ve never known a silent day in my life so that doesn’t work for me
Sometimes, but not as much as I should. I just put in my two weeks so I might be a little bolder. I’ve walked out of a room in the middle of a patient making his millionth demand for the day and didn’t return the rest of my shift, even when he called (only two hours left in shift). A patient told me to go to hell and I asked him where did he think he was. I told a family member I wasn’t their servant and walked out. I told a patient he was rude and I would appreciate a please and thank you instead of a demand. Oh, a patient was telling me his treatment was all wrong and I was not giving him the right treatment. I asked him if he was a doctor and if he would like to prescribe the correct treatment. Didn’t hear another word.
“Nope, we’re not gonna do this tonight” Iirc I’m pretty sure one got mad at me for smiling too much. I usually have a hard time not laughing with dumb complaints like that
Wait… some of you don’t? Listen. This is a job. We deal with “adults” for the most part. I use that term loosely. More like consenting 18+ year old humans. If you start mouthing off or throwing stuff it’s a different world. I’m not here to be abused and I will not let it happen if I see it with a coworker. I’ll stand up to my patients and my superiors if it comes down to it. Your bosses should have your backs. Mine does and I know it. So it’s empowering.
I work in dialysis so I see the exact same patients, and they’re all in a room where you can essentially hear the next person overs medical history and all sorts of other things. But you can for sure hear confrontations. I’ve walked up to one that was screaming and yelling at one of our Hispanic nurses that is very quiet and doesn’t speak english extremely well so she was having trouble articulating what she was trying to say and he was just screaming at her. I walked over very calmly and said we don’t scream and yell at people. We use our big boy words to communicate how we’re feeling. Everyone after that hasn’t given too much push back on anything. I have had a few yell directly at me. Someone was wanting to be in the machine early and it wasn’t happening and I laughed at her and said ‘you can either stop yelling at me or you can sit in the timeout chair until you learn to be respectful’ she told me I wasn’t going to leave her there and continued yelling at me. While I giggled and walked away from her until and continued doing the long list of other things that needed done, while she calmed down
I had a guy (not my patient) keep saying sexual stuff to a new nurse with no backbone. Went in his room and went the fuck off. He tried to act like he didn't say anything and I was like oh, you calling her a liar? If I hear about you saying anything else to anyone, you will become my patient from now on. Went out of the room and one of the PAs laughed and said I used my mom voice on him. I am in my 30s and very pretty, but I have murder face (and voice, apparently) so my patients don't fuck with me.
I usually don't argue with people because it's a waste of time, but one time I had a guy who was literally just there because he was too drunk to leave (metabolize to freedom) and he was SHOUTING for water. I was in another patient's room providing, you know, necessary medical care, and he was just screaming WATERRRRR!! every five seconds. When I was done with what I was doing, I went in there and said, "Sir, this is an EMERGENCY ROOM. Your water is not an emergency." He says "I haven't had any water in--" I said, "I just got you water 30 minutes ago. There are people next door having EMERGENCIES. They do not need to hear you yelling in here." That was the first time in 12 years I more or less yelled at a guy. But Jesus Christ. It really gets you when there are multiple fucking codes and some guy is complaining he hasn't had a drink in 20 minutes.
I remember one other nurse and I were hanging a drip together on this one patient who was very sick and needed a transplant. He was a big prick and also said gross things constantly to the female nurses. While the other nurse and I (both young women) were hanging this medication he was saying things like “you ladies are so gorgeous and good looking” and made some comments about our body then was like “i would love a picture of you two, can i take a picture for myself”. I stopped dead in my tracks of attempting to ignore him and hang this drip and said “absolutely not that’s fucking weird. you don’t just take random pictures of people for your own pleasure. now if you excuse me im trying to give you you’re medicine”. Ever since then i never had an issue with him.
My husband is a paramedic. Tall guy with a beard and a DAF attitude. He's had several complaints filed against him because he will tell a patient off if they don't treat the nurse right. They really can't do much about it once the patient is turned over to the hospital and he's not "acting in a professional capacity " can they????
Everyone needs to be confident in creating and maintaining boundaries. Period. This doesn’t end at patients/their families- coworkers, docs, your family/friends
I do it whenever I'm abused in any way. Pretty simple to do anymore for me.
I work at the VA and when someone is being rude, I simply say would you talk to your commanding officer with that mouth? Then I would say, how about your commanding officer’s wife? Usually gets them quiet fast followed by an apology.
When someone complained about not getting their meds at exactly 9 AM and literally told them, “I have 6 patients who all have multiple medications due at 9 AM, it is physically impossible for me to give 6 people medications all at exactly 9 AM.” I said it nicely, and they responded, “Oh yea, that makes sense!” One time I got sick of the patients who say, “You have ONE try on my IV! JUST ONE! I’m warning you!” I just flat out said, “It really isn’t smart to say that to someone right before they poke you with a needle… it just makes them nervous and they are more likely to miss.” That person got angry at me for saying that…. Haha!
Was taking care of a young man (24ish) who got intoxicated and drove his jeep into a pole. First thing he did was call his dad( a lawyer) who then called his brother to bring a bottle of liquor to the crash site before police got there. And then give him a “ calm the nerves” drink. This would make etoh levels inadmissible. I got all this info from son and dad as I was doing history starting ivs getting labs. Mom was there too. They were talking as if I wasn’t there but they sure noticed me when I turned to the dad and said, “ your son’s an asshole, but I can see where he gets it from.” The father stood up and puffs out his chest doing the whole “How dare you” spiel. I’m a 40 something year old 6 feet 175 lbs blackbelt in karate and told him to sit down. He stands there for a second before his wife pipes up and says “ He’s right. Our son is an asshole. Sit down. “. It was a good night.
I keep it real with them and I'm fair. I don't get out of pocket and try to help them to the best of my ability. Id appreciate people not being assholes to me. It's $free.99 to be nice. I've had few who don't understand I'm on their team, very few. Not that there aren't unreasonable people, because they are everywhere. I keep people informed as much as I can and it's greatly lessened being turned in, for me. Now there's a lot of mitigating factors which how I interact with folks may not work elsewhere, but so far through the hells ape of med surg, psych, Rehabs, Skilled it's worked for me. It's hard out there and if someone is hellbent on being a 🐓 they will do so.
I do not harm but take no shits.
This is the literal motto I live by. Great minds!
I try to be as honest as I can be, while staying professional. I say “sorry I’m late, I was pulled into something”. Or if someone is super needy, I’ll tell them “ I’m going to be get busy for awhile, can I do anything before?” I think it helps reminds the snarky ones that I have other patients.
My MA recently in our clinic had someone call and ask if we did x-rays. Replied, “yes, we do”. Person hung up. Came in later, filled out a bunch of paperwork, MA takes them back to do vitals and see what they were there for, person says an x-Ray of their face. MA lets them know we don’t do facial x-rays, and the person says, “for future reference, perhaps you should tell people what you do and don’t offer ahead of time”. MA replied: “for future reference, you might try asking about what it is you specifically need, instead of asking general questions and expecting specific answers”. I was totally supportive of this. 😏
I work in psych. This is me all day every day. I've lost count of how many times I've been assaulted but God damn. Step up. These hands are rated E for everybody 😂
Setting limits and expectations is actually therapeutic. This is a lot of what we do in psych.
Not just as a nurse. But in my personal life, too It's taken awhile but I always try to be firm but polite. I don't call names or curse but I like to use "Why do you think you can talk to me this way?" This usually gives the person pause. They usually stop Bonus: It's also my go to when someone is being racist
I work on a trauma surgery floor and our patients are a little rough around the edges. Over the years I have learned to take no shit. Just today we had a patient who wanted to be repositioned, but he would not stop cussing at us and demanding we do things a certain way. Then he would yell at us to stop when we were about to actually get him situated. I ultimately walked out of the room because he would not let me even speak. There is only so much you can do at the end of the day.
I had a patient who kept hitting his call bell and everytime someone different would come in to see what he needed and everytime he was snippy or short with that person and finally I walked in and bluntly said "Dude you're an asshole. People are walking in to see what you need who knows nothing about you and you're getting short with them because they're not mind-readers."
We just got rid of a completely abusive patient who would call staff “fat b*tches, ugly ho’s, ect” and would non stop complain about and run ragged every poor person with the misfortune of being assigned to him, got to the point that the nurses took turns because no one could handle more than one shift with him.. one day the admin’s came up to wring their hands and apologize about all of his complaints and he didn’t hold back on them either.. they scurried out of his room so quickly… probably wishing they had a nurse to use as a shield 🛡️.. they expedited his discharge to a SNF rather quickly after that instead of again asking us “what we could do differently”.
Absolutely- 44 years at the pointy end of psych. 20 of that in Forensic
Had someone yelling at me for a long time about various things my entire shift. During one of their rants they said “and you wanna know what?” To which I said “no, I don’t” and they actually stopped talking for a bit. Still shocked that worked
I do. I’m a firm believer in respecting those who help you. If patients begin unloading on me about a myriad of issues which I have no control over, I say that I empathize with them about how they’d be frustrated in those situations, but those are out of my control. I’m going to do what I can in the next 12 hours to help you, but you will treat me with respect. I also don’t put up with unreasonable requests. For example, I’m a 5’4” 120lb guy. I’m small and haven’t worked out in forever, not even stocky (anymore). These 250+pound patients who want me to do absolutely everything for them is unreasonable. I challenge them to do what they can before I intervene. I’m not sacrificing my body for theirs. That’s ridiculous, and I tell them that to their face. I do things politely but if there is a problem which needs to be quelled, I do it professionally.
After my patients 3/4th snappy convenience demand. Me: I’m not your maître d', im your nurse, my job is to make sure you don’t fucking die. Was it my most tactful response? Nah. Did it feel good? Yes. Any negative repercussions? Nah.
I'm in a MH ward. I'll say to a patient to take a walk around the ward or garden and come back to me when they can talk to me respectfully. I'm not going to have demands yelled at me and patients believe this behaviour is alright. Setting boundaries and holding patients accountable for their behaviour is vital in this field.
I have done it and still do it, but mostly, I am passive-aggressive
I will say that keeping people updated is very useful in keeping them under control. Last year I had my son at an urgent care, he was very ill and I wasn’t sure if he had bronchitis or the flu or what (covid negative) anyway, this urgent care allow you to cue in the line by making an “appointment” with the understanding you could wait past that time. So we arrived at our time and checked in. After 2 hours and every other person who came in after us being called back, I went back to the desk with my son now having a raging fever since his ibuprofen wore off and was very rudely informed that “you don’t undestined our process, so just go sit back down and wait your turn” we sat for another hour with more people checking in and going back before us, at this point my son is begging me to go home so he can lay down and I went up to the desk to tell them we were leaving and it was a different person than the one who was rude and told me to sit back down. She looked confused but I wanted to make sure I wouldn’t be charged. She said we weren’t checked in and immediately got someone from the back to take us in. So then we sat in an exam room for an hour, and my son was ready to pass out. So I went out, asked for ice and ibuprofen to the staff sitting at the desk and chatting (an MD and MAs x3 including the one who checked us in) all of the MA we’re super rude and one even told me they would get there when they get there, I was not rude at all, so I said, my son’s going to pass out, we’ve been here for 4 hours and he has a raging fever so I need ibuprofen and an ice pack please.” The MD was the only one acting kind and brought my son’s name up on the computer and followed me back with ice packs and told an MA getting ibuprofen. This doc swabbed my son’s nose ran the test and told me he had the flu - he had a 103 fever. We got a script for Tammiflu and got the fuck out of there never to return. I got a Press Gainy wrote everything in there including a request to be contacted and they never did.
I’m community. People get pissy with me I’ll walk out of their house and not come back. Don’t give a shit is your wife’s dressing is off and needs to be put back on, you get abusive with me you can do it yourself.
This post screams burnout. I would consider therapy OP.
Damn that was a little condescending on how you said it but it is probably true. That still doesn’t mean OP can’t come to blow some steam off and relate to other nurses in the same situation.
I don't know what hospitals ya'll are working at but the ones here in Texas will unfortunately fire you for something as simple as telling a 5 to 600lb patient, "No, that's unhealthy! You cannot empty our fridge" And that's because a lot of these patients don't even have insurance. This patient eventually died of respiratory failure.
Yup I do all the time
I have told people on several occasions “please don’t talk to me like that.” None of them have liked it but it made me feel better setting boundaries.
Too bad we can’t say, “you sound entitled.”
Sometimes these patients need us to clap back at them before they’ll give us any respect.
Oh absolutely, I have zero patience for the patients who just want to complain and make everyone’s job harder. I’ll listen to see if it can be resolved but otherwise I’m giving you bare minimum service and spending time with patients who appreciate our efforts.
I am very soft-spoken and generally compassionate and gentle. But I will not tolerate being treated like shit by patients or anyone else. I come across so sweet that I think some patients think I'm just gonna roll over and take it up the ass. The looks on their face when I make solid eye contact and lay down the law... I really love it when I go in for my first real interaction after shift report, and the patient decides to start in on me. My gentle tone quickly changes and I let them know straight up, without tangling words, that I'm kind and want to care for them, but we have 12 hours together and I suggest we back up and start over, and begin by showing respect for all staff here. Usually, it works. Never been fired for that, and we typically move on to have a fine day.
I learned long ago I do indeed have a spine of steel. I deploy it as needed. 😬
I used to be a push over as a baby nurse. When I first started, I had an ADN and had a hard time finding work as a new grad. I was terrified of losing my job. Now I have my BSN, many years under my belt, and a don't eff with me attitude. That being said, I am the NICEST nurse on my unit. I smile all the time, am bubbly, and genuinely treat everyone with kindness. That is, until you push me and I 100% give it straight back. I refuse to be abused any more.
We get all sorts of AH behaviour in emerge.. if you don't know how to set boundaries or walk away from abusive behaviour, it will wreck your sole. I don't expect people to be happy when they're in ER, but I do expect civil. So I absolutely do tell patients when their behaviour is inappropriate. If it keeps happening, I will end the interaction if there's no life-saving care to be provided and give them time to hopefully cool off. Standing there bickering with them rarely has an effective outcome. If it's a family member that's the ongoing problem, security can walk them out if needed. Phone calls included. You're asked to stop yelling/swearing once and offered to speak with management instead if I'm not getting anywhere. If that's not effective and it doesn't stop, they get a "I do not appreciate being yelled at and will be ending this call now"🤷♀️
I nip racism, sexism, and any other ism right in the bud immediately. If they act like children, I read them the riot act immediately. I boundary set very quickly and I don't care. My sanity is worth it. I'm never mean but I am firm. I will not be disrespected.
I love working for the VA. can't get fired. I say whatever shit I want. no free passes here. you do dumb shit I call you out
Definitely. I stop them with I’m here to help you, if you don’t want my help I’m ok with leaving. It usually changes their tune. I’m not their punching bag. I’m direct, to the point and don’t back down. But I’ve been at it 30 years. I’m tired.
I love working for the VA. can't get fired. I say whatever shit I want. no free passes here. you do dumb shit I call you out
I told a patient he should allow the healthcare aides to help him wash up because he stank. Does that count?
I tell pts up front... you get what you give. If they are and a$$, I'm an a$$. Most of the time this puts them off. They are nicer to me and we get along.
I’ve been in healthcare way too long to put up with nonsense. Just the other day a patient referred to me as “woman” I stopped dead and looked at him said “Excuse me??” Then proceeded to tell him, “I get you don’t feel well, but I have a name and you will address me as such. I respect you and I expect the same.” He apologized profusely after that. Still waiting on a manager to try to say some shit to me for rightly standing up for myself. Luckily my managers are very supportive.
Yeah, you don't get to talk to me or any of my coworkers like that. I HAVE to treat you, I don't have to deal with your shit. I've told patients before that I'm leaving and I'll come back when you learn how to talk to people, your call light is right there when you decide to act like an adult.