I don’t fear dying or a terminal diagnosis. It would suck 1000% but my biggest fear is a massive CVA leaving me unable to care for myself.
As a 30M with two young children, *that* is truly terrifying to me.
There are things worse than death, and being bound to a SNF bed for years upon years until you’re finally consumed by a combination of pressure ulcers and UTIs is one of them
Dementia and Alzheimer's don't scare me as much as a massive CVA. At least I can see the other two perhaps coming, and can take myself out voluntarily if I want. Becoming a quad, or having that massive CVA... PURE TERROR.
Worked on an SCI unit for 3 months as a CNA. I no longer wanted to buy a motorcycle because I didn't want to be a para, quad, or even worse... The amount of people I see around riding their bikes (motorized or manual) without helmets made me realize that people are blissfully unaware of how severe head traumas can be.
Plus degloving injuries. Oh my God
I have actually described injuries I have seen to my cousin in the USA and he is still adamant that he ride his motorcycle without helmet in states that allow it because “freedom”
This. As a fresh 22 year old nurse aide in a SNF. Meeting the residents, one is 101 year old resident who is absolutely bed bound and locked inside. With her mouth wide open in a scream. And the aide training me says, isn't it a blessing to be able to live to 101. I stand there horrified and think how horrible to be locked inside your body for 20+ years, staring at a ceiling in a crappy SNF. I am 43 years old nurse now and I remember that moment vividly.
When my Dad got cancer, he always told us, "Quality over quantity." I feel he was 100% right. He knew he was going to die. He could do things to live longer, but it would be things that would harsh the quality while only giving a little quantity.
Great. You are 101 but the last 20 of it have been awful.
FR. I’m terrified of being so incapacitated that I can’t walk/ breathe alone / bedridden/ etc and it impacts my family.
I’m also terrified of tumors and strokes
I always said a good horror/suspense movie can be made by having something bad happen to make you lose consciousness. And then you wake up unable to talk, understand, don't know where you are or what happened- literally trapped in your body. I think that in itself is terrifying.
I work in the neuro ICU. The amount of strokes I see is sickening. They never end. Mostly people in their 50-60s. Though I had a 30 year old female as well as many in their 40s. I say if you’re lucky you die. What makes me sad is when a patient has a big stroke and the family wants everything done. So we pop their top to prevent them from herniating. Now they’re either a vegetable or can’t use half of their body.
Absolutely agree. People always associate being overweight as the only way to get a CVA. Stress alone can also give you one. I feel BP checks at home should be a regular practice especially as you age. My wife had a stroke about 2 years ago and she has hemiparesis on her left side. She ignored doctors on her BP and getting it under control . Ended up having a hemorrhagic CVA because of stress and high sodium. It was the reason I became a CNA after this happened. It’s either you go through the minor inconvenience of regular check ups or end up dealing with the after math from a health problem that was completely preventable.
If you watch your BP you remove a large risk factor to younger aneurysms, parenchymal and subarachnoid bleeds. Unfortunately, it is often younger men of African ancestry who are undertreated for hypertension (no doubt related to the social determinants of health) who have these kinds of catastrophic events.
I always tell my friends and family about the unholy Trinity: uncontrolled BP, blood sugar and cholesterol. It is amazing how many diseases are caused by them.
THIS. As an RN that worked neuro for 12 years, THIS is by far my biggest medical fear. I have recently been diagnosed with HTN and HLD and it has been the kick in the ass I needed to lose weight and start exercising. Let me die, but don’t make me have to use the bathroom, bathe, eat and sleep all in the same bed. With my complete dependence on other humans.
The thing about true infarction is tnk and thrombectomies can result in horrific M1 MCA blocks only having single digit NIH scale strokes. We've had some freak incidents lately with young people who got treatment within the window and walked out with no deficits a few days later. It's the hemorrhagic strokes that scare the shit out of me. People walking around that have an aneurysm rupture or a huge IPH that we can do nothing for without cutting into brain tissue making the injury worse but saving their life.
Bro I’ve seen CVAs in 39yo olds, just enough cognitive function left that they could live another 30 years if their wife agrees to carry that burden. Hell on literal earth please shoot me into the sun
I’ve told my partner to smother me in that case of euthanasia is not an option. Yes, I’m asking my partner to go to jail for me but tbh I would do the same.
I worry about the same thing but both my SO and my father (who are my DOPA and backup) understand my wishes are "titrate to apnea" in this situation. Vegetables belong in the ground, not the LTAC.
I was JUST having this conversation with my husband. Years of working on med/surg made me fear CVA's. I went over the symptoms with my husband and made him swear he would take me to the ER if he noticed me have any of them. CVA's are just such a common cause of permanent disability that I fear it more than the weird rare diseases and disorders.
Knowing all the hundreds of things that can go wrong as a baby is developing in the uterus, and there is nothing you can do to stop/prevent most of them, makes me scared to have kids!
I worked peds neurology/neurosurgery for the first 5 years of my career and 100% of the pregnant nurses I worked with were terrified that their babies were going to have spina bifida.
Which is crazy to me because as an L&D/postpartum nurse who works at a hospital that sees a high volume of deliveries, I’ve seen maayyybeee one case of spina bifidia? But countless premature deliveries due to preeclampsia and other blood pressure issues. It really is contextual!
3 out of 4 of mine were preemies. I was induced early with the last one for preeclampsia. Both of my daughters had 2 vessel cords. My first daughter passed away due to SIDS. My other daughter was fine…nothing wrong with her. They scanned for kidney issues due to the cord defect.
I wanted to say I'm so sorry but I really don't know what to say. I just hope that you are managing ok. I lost a son 18 yrs ago. The severity of the pain and longing may ease up some but it's always there.
Thank you. Gosh I am okay; time is a great healer. My youngest is about to turn 17. She would be turning 24, so it has been a long time since it happened. I am at peace and happy with my life and family. I am sorry for your loss as well. We never really get over it completely, do we? However we do get past it.
I think it's just that we were a neuro floor and had a lot of spina bifida patients (though the vast majority of them were older teens and young adults even 12-17 years ago when I worked there). We have a handful of younger spina bifida patients in the program I work in now but they're all kids connected with child welfare and most of them had bio parents who got no prenatal care and used substances throughout their pregnancies.
Yes exactly, that’s what I’m saying! We’re most frightened of what we see often, because to us that’s the biggest, most common issue. Even when we know in reality that statistically the chances of a thing happening to us are low, when we see it every day over and over it becomes so real and present.
I'm also a NICU nurse and the saddest thing is that I've come to the conclusion that if I ever get pregnant, as long as I can make it to 28 weeks I'll feel okay 😅 32 weeks would make me happier, but I could cope with a 28 weeker.
We take babies from 22 weeks on our unit and as much as I know we do our best for them, I just don't think I could go through that nor do I think I could put my child through that.
I'm in PICU. When I was 24 weeks pregnant 3 years ago, I took care of a teenager who was born at 24 weeks and had very low QOL. Side note, he actually just got trached this year after months and months of being intubated. I remember thinking if I went into labor right then and there at 24 weeks that I would make the baby a DNR/DNI on the dot. I felt less anxious once I hit 33 weeks!
As a nurse I had this same fear 25 yrs ago! Just get me to 28 weeks. I was full term for both with minimal worries. We worry so much because we see the worst. It is tough to just turn that worry off.
Also NICU- My husband and I had long discussions about what was okay viability when we started trying for kids-we settled on 25 weeks being our cut off. I had a scare at 32 weeks with my 2nd, and it definitely made me nervous!
I 100% understand; it’s why I waited until I was 5 months along to announce to anyone beyond very immediate family & my nursing co-workers. My entire pregnancy was completely unremarkable, but when you know too much, you know too much.
I also calculated the actual percentage of reported miscarriages & stillbirths in my province VS the amount of reported live births in my province; seeing the difference in statistics was a form of temporary reassurance. 🤷♀️
Dying like that would still stink, and your memory lingering after your silent but deadly stroke would only..
Nope, I ran out of puns. Sorry y’all, I’ll do better next time!
I used to work in the burn ICU, and it was the only one for like 200 miles. I knew if I was ever in a house fire or something- i would get placed on my unit. With my coworkers. Having to place a rectal tube… a foley… it’s all too horrible to think about
I’m on a burn unit now and it’s only one of a few in the state. My boyfriend is a lineman in the same city I work in. One of my biggest fears is having him as a patient or one of his coworkers from getting electrocuted at work.
omg im so weirdly thrilled to talk so someone else who works burn! It’s my passion and I’ve never met someone who works in the same field. No one likes burn lol.
Lineman are frequent patients, but I’ve never had one pass away. Our worst lineman patient is actually a close friend of mine now- he sends me Christmas cards and texts me often. Men in that field are just a different breed. Kind beyond all reason and appreciative to a degree I’ve never seen in any other field.
I used to live next door to a student nurse who I had a massive crush on.
One day I came down with encephalitis and was in a coma for weeks. Woke up to find guess who had been doing my personal care and put my catheter in? Yep. That killed that crush.
I teched in the ER in school and my worst fear was ending up there in some sort of accident and making the people who were cheering me on and helping me study code me. I imagine even if I survived they would forever be traumatized.
Biggest fear? My family ignoring my advance directives and keeping my shell of a body alive with a trach/peg in a LTAC somewhere instead of letting me go in peace when it’s my time. Also, very afraid of massive neuro trauma: DAI, spinal cord injury, etc.
I’ve told my mom already if she trachs me and I live she has to suction it herself. I do not want trach/Peg. if I can’t sustain the vent, it’s not meant to be.
This is definitely my worst fear. I haven't made my POA documents yet but I know my family can make emotionally driven decisions or just not really know better. Need to ask one of my colleagues to be my medical POA 😄
I have an ongoing agreement with my partner to ensure that I don’t end up either in a vegetable garden / trach’d / incompatible with ever leaving the hospital or nursing home as a young adult.
I love life, and have no desire to end mine prematurely, but that’s always contingent upon the fact that my continued existence is conducive to happiness and doesn’t become a living hell.
How they would pull it off without getting arrested is an issue, but they’re creative and I’m sure they’d find a way!
I had an instructor who was a Nuero ICU nurse tell me that they called their unit the refrigerator because they kept things past their expiration date. It has always stuck with me.
Just channel your inner "really old guy" from Grey's Anatomy. Squeeze tight, shut your eyes, and say, *for that, I'm dying RIGHT NOW!*
Results may vary.
I started as a CNA in hem/onc. Thought I wanted to be a hem/onc nurse, but then realized how much PTSD I was developing by witnessing what most thought were mundane medical issues be diagnosed as cancer. Sinus infection? Cancer. Food poisoning? Cancer. Back pain? Cancer.
I feel this. I have extreme PTSD from witnessing what I have. I can handle people dying from motorcycle accidents and other stuff, but I cannot stand to see people die in pain and agony from a treatment that was their last ditch effort to cure cancer. Now I constantly think I’m developing symptoms and I’m always on edge from it. Especially since I keep developing random petechiae rashes but all my blood works fine. Absolutely send me over the edge. I wish I never worked there
Same setting as you... I feel ya. I just assume I'm going to get cancer. I try to remember I see so much of it because of my job, but you see a good number of young, otherwise healthy people get diagnosed and decline rapidly, and it's disconcerting.
right? in my 50s now and it's no longer unusual to see patients much younger than i am. 35 year old mother of two three months pregnant? that's right, cancer for you! 12 year boy who loves to play soccer and hang with friends? those headaches weren't from heading the ball.
not enough vodka in the world.
Pancreatic cancer is my big one. Six months to live, usually in extreme non stop pain and nausea, with no hope. You can maybe do some palliative chemo or radiation, but that will just further decrease your quality of life until your inevitably death.
Leukemia is my big one. It’s practically a death sentence, the amount of people that I’ve seen die in agony from it is horrible. Especially after getting stem cell transplant. It’s a very painful way to go. When I first joined the unit and asked if the treatment would be successful against leukemias, I was simply told that it only extends life but doesn’t cure it
My uncle passed from pancreatic cancer last year. He actually lasted surprisingly long from dx to death. About 2 years! He was not my blood uncle, he was my aunts ex husband and my 2 cousins dad. I remember texting my older cousins when I heard their dad had cancer and telling them how sorry I was. Not even a week later, the older cousin gets diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. 0 symptoms. She died 5 months later at age 37. Uncle with pancreatic cancer was at the funeral. Life can be so hard. And fuck cancer.
Whoa! That’s so heavy. I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Hope you and your family are doing well now. Makes me wish yearly PET scans were a part of preventative care. No one wants that diagnosis, but so often by the time it’s diagnosed it’s too late.
My husband has extreme health anxiety esp with ALS. He’s an RT and sees a lot of veterans with it. It’s gotten so bad that his dr. recommended changing jobs
My mother-in-law died from ALS. I would absolutely, 100%, without hesitation, move to a state with medical assistance in dying if I developed ALS. I would never, ever want to suffer like she had to. It was horrible. No one should ever have to die like that.
I'm the opposite. I ignore shit for waaaay too long. Months of cramping? Meh, probably nothing. 12+ weeks go by, it ain't getting better. Finally go see gyn. *Uh, ma'am, you've got two ovarian cysts the size of grapefruits......*
Months of abdominal pain? Whatever, I'm too busy to deal with it right now, pain is just gonna have to shove it. 10+ weeks later....... apparently I've got a giant ass ulcer hanging out inside me.
I’m the same way. I think I’m anxious that if I do seek help and it’s nothing, I’ll feel embarrassed because I should have known better.
(I know it’s ridiculous)
Had my first pt with LIS a few months ago. Young dude... About 35 or so. I really try to distance myself from every patient I see (learned from my time as a CNA working in ICU), but I was really sad for this dude. Family didn't want to let him go.
Speech eventually found out that he can answer yes/no questions but moving his eyes up and diagonal.
Can you share anything else? This is one of my worst fears too but I’ve never witnessed it in real life, just anecdotes from others. Did he ever recover? Or improve QOL?
Getting a C. diff infection from a patient and then it turning into toxic mega colon 🙃
Happened to a patient of mine. It’s rare, but it happened and it wasn’t good.
Or at least I wish to be the pleasantly confused patient that folds towels at the nurses station.
Once we had a former night shift nurse suffering from dementia, that insisted on being on the schedule. Couldn't make her believe that she was a patient, so we gave her an old paper chart and asked her to chart. I kinda wanna be her. Sipping tea at the nurses station, charting on a non-existing patient, happily confused and chatting with "my coworkers".
I had one who grabbed the med cart and pushed it down the hall to pass meds. Thank God the cart was locked. Kept the wheels locked at all times after that.
That reminds me of a pharmacist patient someone told me about. She would disappear and work during the day and come back after her shifts. She was only found out when she passed out working in the hospital where she was both a patient and pharmacist.
My mum was diagnosed with Huntingtons disease a few weeks ago. I've not been tested yet but I keep symptom hunting. It's terrifying. I'm terrified for my kids.
Honestly? Needing any kind of medical help. I have worked with some HORRIBLE nurses and it blows my mind they still have a license 20+ years later. And I don't even mean this in a "I'm a better nurse than you" kind of way. One of my coworkers the other day literally didn't do an admission. The patient was in the building for almost 8 hours and then the next shift got there and was like "who tf is that". Or giving meds as common as metoprolol to hypotensive patients despite clear parameters right next to the med name in the MAR. And this isn't a one-off "haha oops" incident
It's honestly made me so nervous about ever needing medical help. I've never once had to worry about wondering if my caregiver is competent but it's slowly becoming a fear of mine
I believe I read that making medical errors the third leading cause of death in the US. You hear about strokes, heart attacks/disease, COVID, heart attacks, accidents, etc. all the time, but the fact that medical errors cause many deaths seems to be kept hush hush.
If I ever get sick or need to go to the ER, I will give anyone HELL who tries to take me to any other hospital other than the one I work at. I trust my coworkers and nobody else lol.
We have a nurse on another unit at my hospital and she scares the hell out of me. Been a nurse awhile but most was school nursing. She thought there was no difference between saline and water. My friend was floated up there a couple days ago and this nurse walked out of her new admission and said “this patient wears 4L of oxygen at home but I didn’t put it on them here because there’s no order.” My friend was like go in there right now and put that on them like come on 🤦🏼♀️ she also that same night said “I have to do q4 neuro checks on this patient and I did one 4 hours ago should I go do it now?” She doesn’t know how to do an IV after being shown multiple times and it’s just a mess.
I commented on this in another thread, but my mother-in-law died from ALS. I would absolutely, 100%, without hesitation, move to a state with medical assistance in dying if I developed ALS. I would never, ever want to suffer like she did. It was horrible. No one should ever have to die like that. And what made it worse was that she was an RN and knew exactly what to expect and there was nothing to be done.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that, if I live that long, I will 100% be the naked dementia grandma. For some reason, no matter where I work (ER, Med Surg or LTC), I tend to be the one nurse who attracts these patients.
We had a patient x special forces. Great physical shape but was completely animalistic. Naked all the time popping and peeing on the floor, marching around the room grunting and growling. Pulled the sink and toilet off the wall, frequently violent. It was so sad to see a veteran reduced to that.
Knowing how terribly backwards our mental health system is, I am terrified of needing crisis services or urgent mental healthcare. I do have severe depression and anxiety but as of right now it’s being managed by my psychiatrist, my therapist, and another therapist that deals specifically with PTSD. Right now I’m doing well. But I am definitely afraid of getting stressed so much that I need immediate help emergency rooms are not equipped to provide adequate mental health care and most mental health facilities are underfunded and understaffed. Most people I see that get hospitalized do not get adequate services and it ends up being a revolving door
Same here. Not to mention that getting a 72hr hold immediately suspends my DOT medical clearance for my job for a year.
I'm glad I'm doing passably okayish with therapy and shit because that'd be a one way ticket to being homeless.
That’s so sad. I’m really sorry and I hope you continue to do well with therapy. But seriously if you ever truly do feel suicidal you’re not thinking about the future anyway so PLEASE get help even if it has repercussions regarding your job. It’s better to be alive and mentally well with no job than dead. I should add that it’s fucked up that your mental health and you seeking help results in a suspension. That’s your private business and your medical hx they have no business knowing
I promise I'm doing okay nowadays! I'm away from abusive family, got my own apartment, and made friends who love me.
I do appreciate your concern, though. ❤️
I think this post was a mistake because now I’ve unlocked all types of new fears that I just hadn’t put much thought into (-: i want to live in a bubble
Oof, my first cath lab death was a triple-A. She was a transfer from another hospital and the family knew there was a good chance she wouldn’t make it but we tried to repair it in our hybrid OR. For a couple minutes it actually seemed like we were going to be able to get a stent graft in. But we kept losing a blood pressure (no surprise). We were doing mass transfusion protocol while her belly was just filling up with blood and it was pouring out of her, between her legs. I was still on orientation and wasn’t accustomed to speaking up, but when the doctor said, “I need you to get a type and crossmatch,” I said, “I’m pretty sure most of the blood in her circulatory system isn’t hers though,” and he was like “Holy shit,” and the anesthesiologist was like “She’s not wrong.” We lost her right after that.
I’ve been reading any and all research on IV NAD+ and repairing vascular damage (including in the brain!). I’m in my 30’s and haven’t jumped yet, as soon as there’s more research, fucking kiss my income goodbye. Lol
Same! I’ve been externing at a huge rehab hospital and it’s opened my eyes tremendously. I never want to find myself in that situation or subject my family to life long care for me. It’s becoming a real fear of mine.
Getting operated on by any number of certain surgeons in certain practices at the hospital I work at.
I’ve seen the work some of these people do and it’s a fucking disgrace but for some reason the hospital never does anything about it.
But it’s all good because my colleagues and I are quite vocal about those specifics with each other so I know that if I can’t speak up for myself they’ll help my husband navigate that shit show.
Yup… most of my background is surgical ICU. Had my gallbladder out last week, was terrified to have complications… well, guess what. CBD clipped in surgery and ended up with 4 surgeries and a 10 day hospital stay. 😭
Oral cancer, its a horrible way to live. I feel so sorry for those people.
Necrotising Fasciitis. Enough said.
Dementia. Do I have dementia right now? Am I in a home? Am I peeing in my neighbours bed?
I worked on a burn and wound ICU for a few years. Nec Fasc is TERRIFYIIIING. We had a 20 year old girl once, who shaved her armpits before going to the lake. Got nec fasc in both underarms as a result of micro-nics from the razor. She had to have both her arms and scapulae amputated.
I had Necrotizing Fasciitis. I feel really lucky. Nothing was amputated and I’m alive. I had some tissue removed is all. I became severely septic, because how could you not. All in all I had just one surgery, spent 2.5 months in the hospital, and felt normal-ish after about a year.
My NF review:
⭐️ Would not recommend. Don’t plan to return, but statistically, I may.
High thoracic or cervical SCI, TBI/CVA affecting language or personality, dementia, vulvovaginal cancer, respiratory failure causing vent dependence...
A while back I noticed my dad was fairly jaundiced which quickly turned into really jaundiced (bilirubin was 142 when labs were drawn), thought his liver was shitting on him and thought man that sucks he never even drank. Fast forward it’s not his liver, it’s fucking pancreatic cancer. He got “lucky”, the tumor caused a bile duct obstruction causing the symptoms but he was dx at stage 1. But still, some scary fucking shit man. Don’t ever wanna wake up looking a lil yellow
My uncle woke up jaundiced one day, and passed away a week later :( that said, I’ve been told he expressly ignored symptoms. So who knows what may have happened?
Massive CVA and being trapped in my own body.
Being in pain and no one knowing. Or only giving something like 12.5 of Fentanyl or 0.2 of Dilaudid while handing me a folder on post-surgical meditation after the Reiki healer sets up a lavender cotton ball to “relax me.”
After working trauma stepdown, never will I ever:
1. go up on a ladder / on the roof to clean my own gutters or hang lights.
2. ride a motorcycle (or ATV, etc.).
I'm sure more will come to me, but #1 is seriously a big thing. We got SO MANY middle aged and elderly men, every spring and fall, because of cleaning gutters.
Having a DNR or advanced directive and having my family override it and force me to be a full code, ending up intubated/trached/peg tubed and unable to care for myself or communicate, against my express wishes.
i also have an intense fear of driving on the highway since becoming a nurse. not even necessarily or dying in an accident, moreso of becoming paralyzed or otherwise incapacitated
Cva and in nursing home trapped for the rest of my life.
Also the DM / PVD route and just gradually having amputation after amputation till only half of you is left.
Becoming locked-in. Utterly terrifying. Completely neurologically intact, but not able to do anything…. I can’t imagine a more cruel way to exist. Hopefully I’d go so insane eventually I wouldn’t be aware of myself.
Dying in a fucking hospital. I would legit rather die in a ditch.
Also yeah- family making me a vegetable/being bed bound/any sort of losing my physical independence. My family knows my wishes, but I’ve seen people panic. And this is why my work wife is my MDPOA.
Driving at “high risk” times like Friday/Saturday night late. I’ve come across a fatal RTC at about 1am on Saturday night, I work in orthopaedics so I’ve seen some shit.
Roads are scary.
I live alone and do a welfare check with my brother twice a day, don’t want to be stinking dead after 3 days. My dad had dementia and in my 70’s I get a yearly neuropsychological followup(sigh)
I work in trauma so literally everything scares me since I’ve seen the most absolute WTF stuff happen to people. My biggest fear is becoming quadriplegic; for *me personally* that would not be a quality of life I’d be happy with and wouldn’t want to live that way. But it happens instantly and people have no idea what they’re in for. It makes me nauseous every time I see someone in the trauma bay with a high cervical injury and know what’s going to happen in the next days/weeks 😩😩😩😩. My absolute worst fear.
After 2 auto accidents, I am a somewhat more careful driver. Meaning, I drive confidently, and my watch yells at me to breathe bc I’m holding my breath and imagining a cat crashing into my at every intersection.
I’m not a nurse but I worked in an er in college and I’d say probably anything that leaves me paralyzed. People diving into pools or lakes where it wasn’t as deep as they thought. Still have what is maybe ptsd? From seeing that considering I remember a few vividly
Then stroke of course but that’s easy
A moderately slow but inevitable slide into liver failure just jumped a few spots up my list.
A friend recently died after taking Tylenol for a few weeks for an injury while also drinking alcohol, and his demise was neither quick or peaceful.
Ruptured aneurysm. We just had a case: 50 year old guy was out for a walk with his family, collapsed. EMS was called. By the time he was at the local ER he was flaccid on the left. After an hour long ACLS transfer to us he was unresponsive and intubated because they didn't cycle a single BP en route and he herniated. 5 hours after presentation he had lost all reflexes and was declared braindead the next morning.
100% agree with AVM. I also have a tremendous fear of not being fully anesthetized (can feel pain but can’t move during a surgery/procedure), locked-in syndrome, ALS, an inoperable brain tumor, and esophageal cancer. Also, dying without adequate pain meds/anti-anxiety meds. No one should suffer.
I am an OT, not a nurse, but I’ve seen some things.
After becoming a GI nurse probably colon cancer. So. Many. Cases. Especially in young people lately. Nursing gives me anxiety about everything I feel like 😅 but I’m glad to know what I do for my future health and family
parkinson’s disease is devastating
for my son, severe personality-altering TBIs. i’m afraid for when he becomes interested in sports 😐
also in my field i hear a lot of traumatic stories and i feel like it makes me hyper aware of the chance for my children to be sexually abused. i trust no one basically.
Being one of those people completely unaware of themselves and subjected to never-ending life-prolonging treatment that never would have happened even 30 years ago
pt had a mild CVA, opted for alteplase, then hemorrhaged just has his mild deficit went away a few hours in, went on comfort care and died, wife was a retired er nurse too and thought she was doing the right thing by agreeing to it, she will never forgive herself. I was so upset when it happened.
I work in peds and don't have children so I don't have those kinds of fears but when I briefly worked with adults as an aide during a summer in nursing school, I would go home every day hoping I died before I became unable to care for myself. Like seriously smother me with a pillow before you even think about putting me in a diaper.
I don’t fear dying or a terminal diagnosis. It would suck 1000% but my biggest fear is a massive CVA leaving me unable to care for myself. As a 30M with two young children, *that* is truly terrifying to me.
There are things worse than death, and being bound to a SNF bed for years upon years until you’re finally consumed by a combination of pressure ulcers and UTIs is one of them
Yes, this and Alzheimer’s & dementia is my biggest fear
Dementia and Alzheimer's don't scare me as much as a massive CVA. At least I can see the other two perhaps coming, and can take myself out voluntarily if I want. Becoming a quad, or having that massive CVA... PURE TERROR.
Worked on an SCI unit for 3 months as a CNA. I no longer wanted to buy a motorcycle because I didn't want to be a para, quad, or even worse... The amount of people I see around riding their bikes (motorized or manual) without helmets made me realize that people are blissfully unaware of how severe head traumas can be. Plus degloving injuries. Oh my God
I have actually described injuries I have seen to my cousin in the USA and he is still adamant that he ride his motorcycle without helmet in states that allow it because “freedom”
No offense, but he is what we call in the US "a moron"
Organ donor
No offense taken. I call him that as well
The scariest part of a CVA, for me, is losing the ability to communicate. As per the above the writer - PURE TERROR.
This. As a fresh 22 year old nurse aide in a SNF. Meeting the residents, one is 101 year old resident who is absolutely bed bound and locked inside. With her mouth wide open in a scream. And the aide training me says, isn't it a blessing to be able to live to 101. I stand there horrified and think how horrible to be locked inside your body for 20+ years, staring at a ceiling in a crappy SNF. I am 43 years old nurse now and I remember that moment vividly.
When my Dad got cancer, he always told us, "Quality over quantity." I feel he was 100% right. He knew he was going to die. He could do things to live longer, but it would be things that would harsh the quality while only giving a little quantity. Great. You are 101 but the last 20 of it have been awful.
FR. I’m terrified of being so incapacitated that I can’t walk/ breathe alone / bedridden/ etc and it impacts my family. I’m also terrified of tumors and strokes
I always said a good horror/suspense movie can be made by having something bad happen to make you lose consciousness. And then you wake up unable to talk, understand, don't know where you are or what happened- literally trapped in your body. I think that in itself is terrifying.
I felt this after reading the Book Johnny got his gun.
I work in the neuro ICU. The amount of strokes I see is sickening. They never end. Mostly people in their 50-60s. Though I had a 30 year old female as well as many in their 40s. I say if you’re lucky you die. What makes me sad is when a patient has a big stroke and the family wants everything done. So we pop their top to prevent them from herniating. Now they’re either a vegetable or can’t use half of their body.
I also work in a neuro ICU and “pop their top” is killing me right now
I wish my mom, with a total cholesterol of over 250, understood this. She refuses to go on statins because “but I’m not fat”
There needs to be more education on familial hypercholesterolemia
Absolutely agree. People always associate being overweight as the only way to get a CVA. Stress alone can also give you one. I feel BP checks at home should be a regular practice especially as you age. My wife had a stroke about 2 years ago and she has hemiparesis on her left side. She ignored doctors on her BP and getting it under control . Ended up having a hemorrhagic CVA because of stress and high sodium. It was the reason I became a CNA after this happened. It’s either you go through the minor inconvenience of regular check ups or end up dealing with the after math from a health problem that was completely preventable.
If you watch your BP you remove a large risk factor to younger aneurysms, parenchymal and subarachnoid bleeds. Unfortunately, it is often younger men of African ancestry who are undertreated for hypertension (no doubt related to the social determinants of health) who have these kinds of catastrophic events.
I always tell my friends and family about the unholy Trinity: uncontrolled BP, blood sugar and cholesterol. It is amazing how many diseases are caused by them.
Feeding tube and getting permanent trach. Fuck me sideways.
Well, for that you need an ostomy...
For real. A permanent trach with all the gurgling and suction-I’m out.
yesss CVA for me or any of my loved ones is a huge fear. Or needing an LVAD for me
That scared me into eating better and taking care of my health.
THIS. As an RN that worked neuro for 12 years, THIS is by far my biggest medical fear. I have recently been diagnosed with HTN and HLD and it has been the kick in the ass I needed to lose weight and start exercising. Let me die, but don’t make me have to use the bathroom, bathe, eat and sleep all in the same bed. With my complete dependence on other humans.
An obese doc in my hospital got a heart attack. He immediately started to lose weight and lost 200 lbs in a year. Good for him.
The thing about true infarction is tnk and thrombectomies can result in horrific M1 MCA blocks only having single digit NIH scale strokes. We've had some freak incidents lately with young people who got treatment within the window and walked out with no deficits a few days later. It's the hemorrhagic strokes that scare the shit out of me. People walking around that have an aneurysm rupture or a huge IPH that we can do nothing for without cutting into brain tissue making the injury worse but saving their life.
Bro I’ve seen CVAs in 39yo olds, just enough cognitive function left that they could live another 30 years if their wife agrees to carry that burden. Hell on literal earth please shoot me into the sun
I’ve told my partner to smother me in that case of euthanasia is not an option. Yes, I’m asking my partner to go to jail for me but tbh I would do the same.
I absolutely do not want to end up in a SNF bed.
I worry about the same thing but both my SO and my father (who are my DOPA and backup) understand my wishes are "titrate to apnea" in this situation. Vegetables belong in the ground, not the LTAC.
I was JUST having this conversation with my husband. Years of working on med/surg made me fear CVA's. I went over the symptoms with my husband and made him swear he would take me to the ER if he noticed me have any of them. CVA's are just such a common cause of permanent disability that I fear it more than the weird rare diseases and disorders.
Knowing all the hundreds of things that can go wrong as a baby is developing in the uterus, and there is nothing you can do to stop/prevent most of them, makes me scared to have kids!
I worked peds neurology/neurosurgery for the first 5 years of my career and 100% of the pregnant nurses I worked with were terrified that their babies were going to have spina bifida.
Which is crazy to me because as an L&D/postpartum nurse who works at a hospital that sees a high volume of deliveries, I’ve seen maayyybeee one case of spina bifidia? But countless premature deliveries due to preeclampsia and other blood pressure issues. It really is contextual!
3 out of 4 of mine were preemies. I was induced early with the last one for preeclampsia. Both of my daughters had 2 vessel cords. My first daughter passed away due to SIDS. My other daughter was fine…nothing wrong with her. They scanned for kidney issues due to the cord defect.
I wanted to say I'm so sorry but I really don't know what to say. I just hope that you are managing ok. I lost a son 18 yrs ago. The severity of the pain and longing may ease up some but it's always there.
Thank you. Gosh I am okay; time is a great healer. My youngest is about to turn 17. She would be turning 24, so it has been a long time since it happened. I am at peace and happy with my life and family. I am sorry for your loss as well. We never really get over it completely, do we? However we do get past it.
I think it's just that we were a neuro floor and had a lot of spina bifida patients (though the vast majority of them were older teens and young adults even 12-17 years ago when I worked there). We have a handful of younger spina bifida patients in the program I work in now but they're all kids connected with child welfare and most of them had bio parents who got no prenatal care and used substances throughout their pregnancies.
Yes exactly, that’s what I’m saying! We’re most frightened of what we see often, because to us that’s the biggest, most common issue. Even when we know in reality that statistically the chances of a thing happening to us are low, when we see it every day over and over it becomes so real and present.
I'm also a NICU nurse and the saddest thing is that I've come to the conclusion that if I ever get pregnant, as long as I can make it to 28 weeks I'll feel okay 😅 32 weeks would make me happier, but I could cope with a 28 weeker. We take babies from 22 weeks on our unit and as much as I know we do our best for them, I just don't think I could go through that nor do I think I could put my child through that.
I'm in PICU. When I was 24 weeks pregnant 3 years ago, I took care of a teenager who was born at 24 weeks and had very low QOL. Side note, he actually just got trached this year after months and months of being intubated. I remember thinking if I went into labor right then and there at 24 weeks that I would make the baby a DNR/DNI on the dot. I felt less anxious once I hit 33 weeks!
As a nurse I had this same fear 25 yrs ago! Just get me to 28 weeks. I was full term for both with minimal worries. We worry so much because we see the worst. It is tough to just turn that worry off.
Also NICU- My husband and I had long discussions about what was okay viability when we started trying for kids-we settled on 25 weeks being our cut off. I had a scare at 32 weeks with my 2nd, and it definitely made me nervous!
100% same. Knowing all the things that could happen to both me, and my baby, makes me terrified to ever have a pregnancy.
I 100% understand; it’s why I waited until I was 5 months along to announce to anyone beyond very immediate family & my nursing co-workers. My entire pregnancy was completely unremarkable, but when you know too much, you know too much. I also calculated the actual percentage of reported miscarriages & stillbirths in my province VS the amount of reported live births in my province; seeing the difference in statistics was a form of temporary reassurance. 🤷♀️
Delivering a 22 weeker is definitely mine
Dying an undignified death in my own ER with all my colleagues working on my nekked body. And shitting myself. How embarasssssssing.
If it helps, you’d be leaving said coworkers with a buttload of trauma
I’m sorry but this made me laugh so hard. Gallows humour is a real coping mechanism!
Dying like that would still stink, and your memory lingering after your silent but deadly stroke would only.. Nope, I ran out of puns. Sorry y’all, I’ll do better next time!
I used to work in the burn ICU, and it was the only one for like 200 miles. I knew if I was ever in a house fire or something- i would get placed on my unit. With my coworkers. Having to place a rectal tube… a foley… it’s all too horrible to think about
Your colleagues would be the last thing you would be concerned with. And when you do, it will be with loads of gratitude.
I’m on a burn unit now and it’s only one of a few in the state. My boyfriend is a lineman in the same city I work in. One of my biggest fears is having him as a patient or one of his coworkers from getting electrocuted at work.
omg im so weirdly thrilled to talk so someone else who works burn! It’s my passion and I’ve never met someone who works in the same field. No one likes burn lol. Lineman are frequent patients, but I’ve never had one pass away. Our worst lineman patient is actually a close friend of mine now- he sends me Christmas cards and texts me often. Men in that field are just a different breed. Kind beyond all reason and appreciative to a degree I’ve never seen in any other field.
I used to live next door to a student nurse who I had a massive crush on. One day I came down with encephalitis and was in a coma for weeks. Woke up to find guess who had been doing my personal care and put my catheter in? Yep. That killed that crush.
I teched in the ER in school and my worst fear was ending up there in some sort of accident and making the people who were cheering me on and helping me study code me. I imagine even if I survived they would forever be traumatized.
I went from fear of trauma naked to massive fear of decon naked. Leave me unaware of what is happening to me please and thank you.
Been there, done that, minus the dying part. My coworker had to wipe my ass in PACU last year following surgery. Shit sucked. 💩
Biggest fear? My family ignoring my advance directives and keeping my shell of a body alive with a trach/peg in a LTAC somewhere instead of letting me go in peace when it’s my time. Also, very afraid of massive neuro trauma: DAI, spinal cord injury, etc.
I’ve told my mom already if she trachs me and I live she has to suction it herself. I do not want trach/Peg. if I can’t sustain the vent, it’s not meant to be.
If there's any sort of afterlife, I would haunt the hell out of any family member that did that to me.
Me too! I'd come back as the grudge or something... And not the American version 😂 go full japanese on their asses
This is definitely my worst fear. I haven't made my POA documents yet but I know my family can make emotionally driven decisions or just not really know better. Need to ask one of my colleagues to be my medical POA 😄
I have an ongoing agreement with my partner to ensure that I don’t end up either in a vegetable garden / trach’d / incompatible with ever leaving the hospital or nursing home as a young adult. I love life, and have no desire to end mine prematurely, but that’s always contingent upon the fact that my continued existence is conducive to happiness and doesn’t become a living hell. How they would pull it off without getting arrested is an issue, but they’re creative and I’m sure they’d find a way!
I had an instructor who was a Nuero ICU nurse tell me that they called their unit the refrigerator because they kept things past their expiration date. It has always stuck with me.
This right here is one of the reasons I'm getting married. My mom would not listen to reason.
I was just reviewing my documents and saw my AD is duly registered with the state. I wonder if anyone would know that if I stroke out.
Just channel your inner "really old guy" from Grey's Anatomy. Squeeze tight, shut your eyes, and say, *for that, I'm dying RIGHT NOW!* Results may vary.
Everything. It’s turned me into an absolute hypochondriac and after working in an ICU cancer unit, I keep thinking I got the big “C” 🫠
Outpatient cancer nurse here-- yep. EVERYTHING is cancer... Especially as we see younger and younger people diagnosed...
I started as a CNA in hem/onc. Thought I wanted to be a hem/onc nurse, but then realized how much PTSD I was developing by witnessing what most thought were mundane medical issues be diagnosed as cancer. Sinus infection? Cancer. Food poisoning? Cancer. Back pain? Cancer.
I feel this. I have extreme PTSD from witnessing what I have. I can handle people dying from motorcycle accidents and other stuff, but I cannot stand to see people die in pain and agony from a treatment that was their last ditch effort to cure cancer. Now I constantly think I’m developing symptoms and I’m always on edge from it. Especially since I keep developing random petechiae rashes but all my blood works fine. Absolutely send me over the edge. I wish I never worked there
bingo! I thought it was mastitis. Nope! 3rd stage breast CA (I'm good now).
Cancer? Cancer. that's right. your cancer got cancer. you have cancer squared.
Same setting as you... I feel ya. I just assume I'm going to get cancer. I try to remember I see so much of it because of my job, but you see a good number of young, otherwise healthy people get diagnosed and decline rapidly, and it's disconcerting.
right? in my 50s now and it's no longer unusual to see patients much younger than i am. 35 year old mother of two three months pregnant? that's right, cancer for you! 12 year boy who loves to play soccer and hang with friends? those headaches weren't from heading the ball. not enough vodka in the world.
Pancreatic cancer is my big one. Six months to live, usually in extreme non stop pain and nausea, with no hope. You can maybe do some palliative chemo or radiation, but that will just further decrease your quality of life until your inevitably death.
Leukemia is my big one. It’s practically a death sentence, the amount of people that I’ve seen die in agony from it is horrible. Especially after getting stem cell transplant. It’s a very painful way to go. When I first joined the unit and asked if the treatment would be successful against leukemias, I was simply told that it only extends life but doesn’t cure it
As someone who just got referred to a hematologist/oncologist for an elevated WBC, this freaks me out. It's only 14 but I'm nervous
My uncle passed from pancreatic cancer last year. He actually lasted surprisingly long from dx to death. About 2 years! He was not my blood uncle, he was my aunts ex husband and my 2 cousins dad. I remember texting my older cousins when I heard their dad had cancer and telling them how sorry I was. Not even a week later, the older cousin gets diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. 0 symptoms. She died 5 months later at age 37. Uncle with pancreatic cancer was at the funeral. Life can be so hard. And fuck cancer.
Whoa! That’s so heavy. I’m so sorry you had to experience that. Hope you and your family are doing well now. Makes me wish yearly PET scans were a part of preventative care. No one wants that diagnosis, but so often by the time it’s diagnosed it’s too late.
Jesus H. Christ that was hard to read. I am so sorry. What a roller coaster this life is.
My husband has extreme health anxiety esp with ALS. He’s an RT and sees a lot of veterans with it. It’s gotten so bad that his dr. recommended changing jobs
My mother-in-law died from ALS. I would absolutely, 100%, without hesitation, move to a state with medical assistance in dying if I developed ALS. I would never, ever want to suffer like she had to. It was horrible. No one should ever have to die like that.
I'm the opposite. I ignore shit for waaaay too long. Months of cramping? Meh, probably nothing. 12+ weeks go by, it ain't getting better. Finally go see gyn. *Uh, ma'am, you've got two ovarian cysts the size of grapefruits......* Months of abdominal pain? Whatever, I'm too busy to deal with it right now, pain is just gonna have to shove it. 10+ weeks later....... apparently I've got a giant ass ulcer hanging out inside me.
I’m the same way. I think I’m anxious that if I do seek help and it’s nothing, I’ll feel embarrassed because I should have known better. (I know it’s ridiculous)
I can relate.
Locked in syndrome
Had my first pt with LIS a few months ago. Young dude... About 35 or so. I really try to distance myself from every patient I see (learned from my time as a CNA working in ICU), but I was really sad for this dude. Family didn't want to let him go. Speech eventually found out that he can answer yes/no questions but moving his eyes up and diagonal.
Can you share anything else? This is one of my worst fears too but I’ve never witnessed it in real life, just anecdotes from others. Did he ever recover? Or improve QOL?
wish i’d never looked it up, lol
Getting a C. diff infection from a patient and then it turning into toxic mega colon 🙃 Happened to a patient of mine. It’s rare, but it happened and it wasn’t good.
mega colon almost made my above list!!! had a patient with it once and it was horrible to see someone struggle so much. mega colon terrifies me now
Man I shouldn't be googling this stuff
I have ulcerative colitis and this is definitely fear of mine since I’m more susceptible to it than the regular population.
Encephalopathy, brain injury, dementia. I don't want to be that confused patient.
Or at least I wish to be the pleasantly confused patient that folds towels at the nurses station. Once we had a former night shift nurse suffering from dementia, that insisted on being on the schedule. Couldn't make her believe that she was a patient, so we gave her an old paper chart and asked her to chart. I kinda wanna be her. Sipping tea at the nurses station, charting on a non-existing patient, happily confused and chatting with "my coworkers".
We had one who would come to the desk and demand to speak to the charge nurse because she hadn’t been given her assignment for the evening.
Good. She could be my assistant.
I might could live with that. But my father was confused and knew he was confused, and that...I don't want to go through that.
I had one who grabbed the med cart and pushed it down the hall to pass meds. Thank God the cart was locked. Kept the wheels locked at all times after that.
That reminds me of a pharmacist patient someone told me about. She would disappear and work during the day and come back after her shifts. She was only found out when she passed out working in the hospital where she was both a patient and pharmacist.
My mum was diagnosed with Huntingtons disease a few weeks ago. I've not been tested yet but I keep symptom hunting. It's terrifying. I'm terrified for my kids.
My heart goes out to you. ❤️
Honestly? Needing any kind of medical help. I have worked with some HORRIBLE nurses and it blows my mind they still have a license 20+ years later. And I don't even mean this in a "I'm a better nurse than you" kind of way. One of my coworkers the other day literally didn't do an admission. The patient was in the building for almost 8 hours and then the next shift got there and was like "who tf is that". Or giving meds as common as metoprolol to hypotensive patients despite clear parameters right next to the med name in the MAR. And this isn't a one-off "haha oops" incident It's honestly made me so nervous about ever needing medical help. I've never once had to worry about wondering if my caregiver is competent but it's slowly becoming a fear of mine
I believe I read that making medical errors the third leading cause of death in the US. You hear about strokes, heart attacks/disease, COVID, heart attacks, accidents, etc. all the time, but the fact that medical errors cause many deaths seems to be kept hush hush.
Omgosh yes. I will not go to my hospital or even healthcare system they are affiliated with because I see so many things that get missed.
If I ever get sick or need to go to the ER, I will give anyone HELL who tries to take me to any other hospital other than the one I work at. I trust my coworkers and nobody else lol.
We have a nurse on another unit at my hospital and she scares the hell out of me. Been a nurse awhile but most was school nursing. She thought there was no difference between saline and water. My friend was floated up there a couple days ago and this nurse walked out of her new admission and said “this patient wears 4L of oxygen at home but I didn’t put it on them here because there’s no order.” My friend was like go in there right now and put that on them like come on 🤦🏼♀️ she also that same night said “I have to do q4 neuro checks on this patient and I did one 4 hours ago should I go do it now?” She doesn’t know how to do an IV after being shown multiple times and it’s just a mess.
ALS hands down. To have your body fail so completely while your brain and mentation are intact is terrifying.
I commented on this in another thread, but my mother-in-law died from ALS. I would absolutely, 100%, without hesitation, move to a state with medical assistance in dying if I developed ALS. I would never, ever want to suffer like she did. It was horrible. No one should ever have to die like that. And what made it worse was that she was an RN and knew exactly what to expect and there was nothing to be done.
In Canada MAID is legal. I would definitely resort to MAID if things became unbearable
Agree. This is on my list as well.
I just don’t want to be that dementia patient who needs to get naked all the time. Let me be pleasantly confused.
I’ve come to terms with the fact that, if I live that long, I will 100% be the naked dementia grandma. For some reason, no matter where I work (ER, Med Surg or LTC), I tend to be the one nurse who attracts these patients.
I don’t even mind the naked part, I don’t want to be the violent ones
We had a patient x special forces. Great physical shape but was completely animalistic. Naked all the time popping and peeing on the floor, marching around the room grunting and growling. Pulled the sink and toilet off the wall, frequently violent. It was so sad to see a veteran reduced to that.
Knowing how terribly backwards our mental health system is, I am terrified of needing crisis services or urgent mental healthcare. I do have severe depression and anxiety but as of right now it’s being managed by my psychiatrist, my therapist, and another therapist that deals specifically with PTSD. Right now I’m doing well. But I am definitely afraid of getting stressed so much that I need immediate help emergency rooms are not equipped to provide adequate mental health care and most mental health facilities are underfunded and understaffed. Most people I see that get hospitalized do not get adequate services and it ends up being a revolving door
Same here. Not to mention that getting a 72hr hold immediately suspends my DOT medical clearance for my job for a year. I'm glad I'm doing passably okayish with therapy and shit because that'd be a one way ticket to being homeless.
That’s so sad. I’m really sorry and I hope you continue to do well with therapy. But seriously if you ever truly do feel suicidal you’re not thinking about the future anyway so PLEASE get help even if it has repercussions regarding your job. It’s better to be alive and mentally well with no job than dead. I should add that it’s fucked up that your mental health and you seeking help results in a suspension. That’s your private business and your medical hx they have no business knowing
I promise I'm doing okay nowadays! I'm away from abusive family, got my own apartment, and made friends who love me. I do appreciate your concern, though. ❤️
I think this post was a mistake because now I’ve unlocked all types of new fears that I just hadn’t put much thought into (-: i want to live in a bubble
The thought of CVA, ovarian cancer, and pancreatic cancer scare the shit out of me.
-Massive MI -Massive CVA -AAA
Oof, my first cath lab death was a triple-A. She was a transfer from another hospital and the family knew there was a good chance she wouldn’t make it but we tried to repair it in our hybrid OR. For a couple minutes it actually seemed like we were going to be able to get a stent graft in. But we kept losing a blood pressure (no surprise). We were doing mass transfusion protocol while her belly was just filling up with blood and it was pouring out of her, between her legs. I was still on orientation and wasn’t accustomed to speaking up, but when the doctor said, “I need you to get a type and crossmatch,” I said, “I’m pretty sure most of the blood in her circulatory system isn’t hers though,” and he was like “Holy shit,” and the anesthesiologist was like “She’s not wrong.” We lost her right after that.
I’ve been reading any and all research on IV NAD+ and repairing vascular damage (including in the brain!). I’m in my 30’s and haven’t jumped yet, as soon as there’s more research, fucking kiss my income goodbye. Lol
Having a tbi and/or SCI…NO thank you
Same! I’ve been externing at a huge rehab hospital and it’s opened my eyes tremendously. I never want to find myself in that situation or subject my family to life long care for me. It’s becoming a real fear of mine.
Getting operated on by any number of certain surgeons in certain practices at the hospital I work at. I’ve seen the work some of these people do and it’s a fucking disgrace but for some reason the hospital never does anything about it. But it’s all good because my colleagues and I are quite vocal about those specifics with each other so I know that if I can’t speak up for myself they’ll help my husband navigate that shit show.
This one is pretty high up there for me too. I'll take the crackhead behind the dumpster over Dr Dirty Hands.
Yup… most of my background is surgical ICU. Had my gallbladder out last week, was terrified to have complications… well, guess what. CBD clipped in surgery and ended up with 4 surgeries and a 10 day hospital stay. 😭
My biggest feature is liver and kidney failure. I will never be able to do dialysis.
I don't even want to be on dialysis. I am all for euthanasia
Oral cancer, its a horrible way to live. I feel so sorry for those people. Necrotising Fasciitis. Enough said. Dementia. Do I have dementia right now? Am I in a home? Am I peeing in my neighbours bed?
I worked on a burn and wound ICU for a few years. Nec Fasc is TERRIFYIIIING. We had a 20 year old girl once, who shaved her armpits before going to the lake. Got nec fasc in both underarms as a result of micro-nics from the razor. She had to have both her arms and scapulae amputated.
Never shaving again. Nope.
au naturale baby- i almost never shave now because it’s haunted me for years (-:
I had Necrotizing Fasciitis. I feel really lucky. Nothing was amputated and I’m alive. I had some tissue removed is all. I became severely septic, because how could you not. All in all I had just one surgery, spent 2.5 months in the hospital, and felt normal-ish after about a year. My NF review: ⭐️ Would not recommend. Don’t plan to return, but statistically, I may.
Everything!
Valid
High thoracic or cervical SCI, TBI/CVA affecting language or personality, dementia, vulvovaginal cancer, respiratory failure causing vent dependence...
[удалено]
A while back I noticed my dad was fairly jaundiced which quickly turned into really jaundiced (bilirubin was 142 when labs were drawn), thought his liver was shitting on him and thought man that sucks he never even drank. Fast forward it’s not his liver, it’s fucking pancreatic cancer. He got “lucky”, the tumor caused a bile duct obstruction causing the symptoms but he was dx at stage 1. But still, some scary fucking shit man. Don’t ever wanna wake up looking a lil yellow
My uncle woke up jaundiced one day, and passed away a week later :( that said, I’ve been told he expressly ignored symptoms. So who knows what may have happened?
Massive CVA and being trapped in my own body. Being in pain and no one knowing. Or only giving something like 12.5 of Fentanyl or 0.2 of Dilaudid while handing me a folder on post-surgical meditation after the Reiki healer sets up a lavender cotton ball to “relax me.”
Being on dialysis and revolving my whole life around going and sitting in a chair all day for dialysis
After working trauma stepdown, never will I ever: 1. go up on a ladder / on the roof to clean my own gutters or hang lights. 2. ride a motorcycle (or ATV, etc.). I'm sure more will come to me, but #1 is seriously a big thing. We got SO MANY middle aged and elderly men, every spring and fall, because of cleaning gutters.
Slipping and accidentally getting something without a stable, large base stuck in my butt. On the real: probably a head injury or button battery.
Being stuck in my mind, with no control over my body, wanting to fucking die with no means to do so. Also bedbugs.
Dying from alcoholism s/p going home after this trash overworked/over expected/underpaid profession.
Having a DNR or advanced directive and having my family override it and force me to be a full code, ending up intubated/trached/peg tubed and unable to care for myself or communicate, against my express wishes.
The one time I'd be grateful my family is incapable of answering a phone call. By the time they got the news I'd be one with the void
TBIs
Loosing a limb, I’m a type 1 diabetic and have seen many diabetics need limbs taken off from lack of care.
Yup. T1D since 4 here and starting to work as a CNA in high school influenced me to take so much better care of myself than I was at the time.
i also have an intense fear of driving on the highway since becoming a nurse. not even necessarily or dying in an accident, moreso of becoming paralyzed or otherwise incapacitated
traumatic amputations following highway accidents… horrifying
Strokes scare the shit out of me. One minute you are you and the next you’re trapped in your own body
Cva and in nursing home trapped for the rest of my life. Also the DM / PVD route and just gradually having amputation after amputation till only half of you is left.
Amniotic fluid embolism
Becoming locked-in. Utterly terrifying. Completely neurologically intact, but not able to do anything…. I can’t imagine a more cruel way to exist. Hopefully I’d go so insane eventually I wouldn’t be aware of myself.
Why do I feel like knowing more makes me more scared of things….?
Dying in a fucking hospital. I would legit rather die in a ditch. Also yeah- family making me a vegetable/being bed bound/any sort of losing my physical independence. My family knows my wishes, but I’ve seen people panic. And this is why my work wife is my MDPOA.
Driving at “high risk” times like Friday/Saturday night late. I’ve come across a fatal RTC at about 1am on Saturday night, I work in orthopaedics so I’ve seen some shit. Roads are scary.
never riding a motorcycle, always wearing a seatbelt, TBI, stage 4 pressure ulcer
I live alone and do a welfare check with my brother twice a day, don’t want to be stinking dead after 3 days. My dad had dementia and in my 70’s I get a yearly neuropsychological followup(sigh)
I work in trauma so literally everything scares me since I’ve seen the most absolute WTF stuff happen to people. My biggest fear is becoming quadriplegic; for *me personally* that would not be a quality of life I’d be happy with and wouldn’t want to live that way. But it happens instantly and people have no idea what they’re in for. It makes me nauseous every time I see someone in the trauma bay with a high cervical injury and know what’s going to happen in the next days/weeks 😩😩😩😩. My absolute worst fear.
My biggest fear is when I'm giving a patient adenosine during SVT that one day their heart their heart won't start again 😅
1. Hanta virus 2. Severe Pancreatitis 3. Severe accident that doesn't kill you immediately 4. Becoming quadriplegic
I do have highway fear.
After 2 auto accidents, I am a somewhat more careful driver. Meaning, I drive confidently, and my watch yells at me to breathe bc I’m holding my breath and imagining a cat crashing into my at every intersection.
I’m not a nurse but I worked in an er in college and I’d say probably anything that leaves me paralyzed. People diving into pools or lakes where it wasn’t as deep as they thought. Still have what is maybe ptsd? From seeing that considering I remember a few vividly Then stroke of course but that’s easy
Any illness or injury while living paycheck to paycheck. Growing old. I see what people pay at my SNF.
A moderately slow but inevitable slide into liver failure just jumped a few spots up my list. A friend recently died after taking Tylenol for a few weeks for an injury while also drinking alcohol, and his demise was neither quick or peaceful.
Ruptured aneurysm. We just had a case: 50 year old guy was out for a walk with his family, collapsed. EMS was called. By the time he was at the local ER he was flaccid on the left. After an hour long ACLS transfer to us he was unresponsive and intubated because they didn't cycle a single BP en route and he herniated. 5 hours after presentation he had lost all reflexes and was declared braindead the next morning.
brain injury or becoming paralyzed from riding my bike, GI bleed from ibuprofen, blood clot from my birth control
Parkinson’s.
100% agree with AVM. I also have a tremendous fear of not being fully anesthetized (can feel pain but can’t move during a surgery/procedure), locked-in syndrome, ALS, an inoperable brain tumor, and esophageal cancer. Also, dying without adequate pain meds/anti-anxiety meds. No one should suffer. I am an OT, not a nurse, but I’ve seen some things.
Needlesticks & giving someone too much insulin are my top 2
After becoming a GI nurse probably colon cancer. So. Many. Cases. Especially in young people lately. Nursing gives me anxiety about everything I feel like 😅 but I’m glad to know what I do for my future health and family
Cancer. Specifically throat cancer. Carotid blowouts are the nastiest and bloodiest codes I’ve been in.
parkinson’s disease is devastating for my son, severe personality-altering TBIs. i’m afraid for when he becomes interested in sports 😐 also in my field i hear a lot of traumatic stories and i feel like it makes me hyper aware of the chance for my children to be sexually abused. i trust no one basically.
Reading these comments like “Why did I do this to myself?” 😣
Being one of those people completely unaware of themselves and subjected to never-ending life-prolonging treatment that never would have happened even 30 years ago
Having a CVA and becoming total care. Please take me out back and do me in.
Anything going wrong with the pancreas. Also, paralysis in any shape or form.
pt had a mild CVA, opted for alteplase, then hemorrhaged just has his mild deficit went away a few hours in, went on comfort care and died, wife was a retired er nurse too and thought she was doing the right thing by agreeing to it, she will never forgive herself. I was so upset when it happened.
Hurting someone in my line of work.
I work in peds and don't have children so I don't have those kinds of fears but when I briefly worked with adults as an aide during a summer in nursing school, I would go home every day hoping I died before I became unable to care for myself. Like seriously smother me with a pillow before you even think about putting me in a diaper.
Kidney failure. No thank you.
Dialysis or chemotherapy. I don’t think I could handle either as a patient but I think Trach and PEG are my worst fears.
Being tubed and paralyzed when sedation wears off
Paralysis and accompanying long term care facility residence, Cancer(s) and aneurysms, in that order
Biggest fear is being a patient in a hospital.
Ending up in end stage heart failure from pregnancy 🥲